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I don't know what to do about my boyfriend lie. WWYD?

(69 Posts)
Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 22:51:00

This is long but I will try to make it as brief as possible.

My husband passed 2 years ago, and for a year I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend who I will call here F. I have know F for over 20 years, we were in a relationship when we were 16/17 and he was the best boyfriend I ever had (and I had loads, in fact I am divorced from my 1st husband). We had (and still have) a great deep connection, very supportive relationship and lots of interests in common. We understand each other very well and have a great deal of admiration and respect for each other. Sex is amazing.
The reasons why we ended our relationship 20 years ago were:

1st- my mum and therefore all my family didn't approve of him even tough she never ever tried to get to know him properly and decided to judge him on his looks (tattoos, skateboard, rock and roll style) - and his mum didn't like me and never wanted to meet me either (not sure why). This made very difficult and tiresome for us to be together since we were not allowed in each others house properly and had to meet on the streets or other peoples house all the time. But it wasn't a secret to anyone we were in a relationship (small city in other country, everyone knew)

2nd- He cheated on me. We were on summer holidays in other city, he was at friends house and I was in my uncle's house. I was allowed to go out during the day but never during the night. One day there was this really cool party at the house and I promised I was going to go and had to call during the party saying that I was all dress up and ready but couldn't convince my uncle and decided not to go. Following day we met in the morning and he confessed he slept with one girl, he was ashamed and sorry and angry with himself and had no feelings for her (he knew this girl for a long time, even before me and never had anything to do with her so apparently this was a thingy of the moment). He said he loved me and would like to carry on with our relationship if I could truly forgive him even though he couldn't forgive himself, but he also would understand if I wanted to end and wouldn't give a hard time. So his last line made me end the relationship. However, I was ok, a bit shocked because I never expected that from him, but there were no anger, we remained great friends and kept supporting each other (we and specially him, had lots of family problems).
Ah I need to add that at that point we haven't had any sex ever, as we wanted it to be special and never had the opportunity for a perfect moment.

A year afterwards I moved city and he moved country so we lost contact. Than I moved to another country and than came to London where I met him totally out of the blue in the streets (this was about 8 years ago). We were both in a rush but exchanged phone numbers and started communicating, however he was moving countries again and we did not have a chance to meet up properly (I was very depressed, dealing with my divorce and was always either working very hard all hours I could and sleeping on the free time)

So he moved out of England and we lost contact again.

After my 2nd husband passed away, I decided to open a FB acc to track down people from my past. I tracked him down and we started to talk again, he started coming to London to visit me and I started to go where he lives too. We started a relationship again and so far it has been perfect in every single way. And I finally feel loved and in love the proper way. (my late H was a great guy buts was not 'the one' iyswim).

However...

After 1 year together he revealed he has been lying all along. He (who was very poor 20 years ago) is now a millionaire. He won the lottery few years back and even though he has a normal (but very nice lifestyle), he has all this money invested and he doesn't really know what to do with this all (he says he helps a lot of people). He wants to help me, give everything I need and I want and wants to stay with me forever. He says he can't stop thinking about proposing but doesn't know how/when to do it since he knows I am divorced and also a widow and knows how much I suffered in the past.

Anyway, this took my breath away and I was really confused as to why he lied all this time (not many people know about it, people think he is very successful in his business).
I asked for a break to think about what to do.
What would you do?

SundaysGirl Sun 07-Apr-13 22:58:58

Did you ask why he didn't tell you sooner? What did he say his reasons were for concealing this money from you?

McBalls Sun 07-Apr-13 23:01:45

Sure he's not just a fantasist?

SueFawley Sun 07-Apr-13 23:03:42

What McBalls said. This all sounds a bit odd.

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Apr-13 23:04:34

So his lie was a lie of omission, rather than of commission?

RatPants Sun 07-Apr-13 23:11:39

Sorry but this is a problem why?! grin

He obviously feels awkward about it, as he doesn't tell many people and has perhaps had bad experiences in the past, maybe he wanted to make sure the relationship was going somewhere on it's own merit before he disclosed this.

Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 23:11:40

Yes. Omission.
Not sure why he lied, he says he feels uncomfortable with all this money, he doesn't know what to do with it and the money scares him but at the same time it is nice to know he has it.
He had his business before the money and was already successful in what he does with a good living but not such a nice lifestyle he says. He carried on working normally, and he works really hard still (well less now as he travels a lot to come and see me).

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Sun 07-Apr-13 23:12:47

It is possible that he has had people want to be with him just for the money, (burned maybe by a golddigger?) and now he's certain that you want him for 'him' so feels able to be upfront?

Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 23:13:29

And it is not that he is hiding the money, he always pay a lot for me as he has more than me. And this feels normal to us because when he was very poor and I had my pocket money I paid lots for him.

What Ratpants and Couthy said. ^^

skyebluesapphire Sun 07-Apr-13 23:16:00

Supposing this is true, then the reason I would think for concealing it would be to make sure that somebody loves him for him, rather than loving him for the money. It sounds awful, but in that position, you would always wonder I would think.

Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 23:21:34

I can understand that specially since he is not a amazingly good looking guy with a normal/conventional style (well at least for the majority of women out there I was loved him and the way he is)
But I am feeling hurt that even after all those years and all the connection that we have, he could not trust me earlier.

ohtobecleo Sun 07-Apr-13 23:22:22

You know him best but assuming he's not the compulsive liar or fantasist type it sounds to me like he wanted to be sure where your relationship stood before making, what will undoubtedly be, a life-changing declaration.

Now you know do you feel any different about him? IMO this isn't a lie as much as an omission for valid reasons.

Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 23:22:39

always loved his style and looks
that is what I meant

TrippleBerryFairy Sun 07-Apr-13 23:23:01

I would give it a go. Not because he has money but because of all other things that are good between you. I would actually be more suspicious if he told you about the money straight after meeting again.

Having said that, proceed with caution. Money can mess with people's minds esp when they are not used to being rich

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Apr-13 23:25:48

I think he's done absolutely the right thing. The fact he's told you now shows you that he's trusting you with a secret that not many people know about.

A lot has happened since you two were last together. He's being mature waiting until he feels he knows you properly before he trusts you.

It would be awful if you'd struggled throughout the last year and he hadn't given you some money to help you out, but that didn't happen, did it?

madonnawhore Sun 07-Apr-13 23:28:38

How do you know he's telling the truth now?

Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 23:33:50

TBH, I feel now the same way I did when he confessed he cheated on me. It is a shock, when you don't expect it.
I didn't expect him to cheat (even though he was young and I went on to cheat on boyfriends afterwards, and I was much older and mature than and knew better)
And i didn't expect him to be hiding such a huge part of who he is for such a long time into the relationship
Maybe comes to show that I don't know him as well as I think I do.

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Apr-13 23:33:58

I wondered that!

Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 23:34:05

It is more like a disappointment feeling.

Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 23:49:16

Well, how do i know if he is telling the thruth? I just don't.
I don't have any idea how much he should be making with his business (he says he could have a living but not such a nice lifestyle just with the business money), but I have been to see his business and it is very busy and got a good reputation.

He never helped me out in a sense of giving me cash or paying my bills, but wen he comes to visit, we do lots of nice things and he pays for it and when I went to visit, he paid for tickets and everything else out there.

Maravilha Sun 07-Apr-13 23:52:48

He always have been a decent guy. The most gentle, sensitive and respectful boyfriend I ever had.
Which is kind of ironic because from the outside he has a kind of 'scary' 'tough' look (to some people, specially 20 years ago), while the more conventional guys turned out to be selfish / abusive and so on...

deliasmithy Mon 08-Apr-13 00:05:11

In the early stages it would be hard not to omit everything wouldn't it? You build trust with time, so maybe he needed to be sure he trusted you.

The way youve described it though, I think id want to see proof.

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 00:08:43

But the relationship is going well and he has his own business.
Why would he lie?

BicBiro Mon 08-Apr-13 00:31:44

my folks have always said if they win the lottery they wouldn't even tell their kids!! I think I would be pretty circumspect about it too tbh. its life changing and must take some adjustment.

IfYouCanMoveItItsNotBroken Mon 08-Apr-13 11:01:07

Hi, I understand it pisses you off to be lied to about something so big BUT when I was 19 I made good friends with a guy. His folks lived in a big house in a nice area, drove nice cars etc and he was always really cagey about them. I knew they had worked as a cleaner and janitor but retired in their mid 40s and I honestly thought they were doing something illegal for money. After several months of friendship we were due to go round to see his parents but I felt uncomfortable, as at this stage I had convinced myself they were part of organised crime. I think he knew I was suspicious and sat me down and explained that they had won the lottery several years ago. Aunts, cousins, siblings had came out of the woodwork in dire financial straits. Their church had requested a percentage of their winnings, and they were made to feel unwelcome when they said they had intended to donate a lump sum but not the amount church expected. Friends expected to be taken on expensive holidays. They were left with all the money but no friends or family. They bought their kids nice cars and put the rest away to live on quite frugally. I can see your boyfriends point, don't be too hard on him.

IfYouCanMoveItItsNotBroken Mon 08-Apr-13 11:02:25

Ps apologies for lack of paragraphs, I'm on phone. And also, I saw immediately how ridiculous my organised crime fears were!

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 11:22:35

But how could he think so little of me, knowing me for such a long time? I was there for him when he had no money and just problems. I wasn't rich either but my parents would give me money to enjoy myself and compensatew for their lack of attention/affection and I would spend it on us or even buy him things he needed. Also he was the one who cheated on me, so I shoud be having trusts issues not him. Well, as someone said upthread, yes, money really change people.

bleedingheart Mon 08-Apr-13 12:27:32

To be fair to him, he might be worried that as you have been married twice before that you see him as a consolation prize and he didn't want you to think he'd changed or be with him because of the money.

If he'd told you immediately YOU might have thought he was trying to buy your affection.

Lemonylemon Mon 08-Apr-13 12:49:07

People change over the years and not always in the best way.... I would be more circumspect now than I would have been in my youth.

Can I ask how old both of you are now? How old were you both when you first dated?

I realise that at first glance that may not have anything to do with anything, but it might......

HairyGrotter Mon 08-Apr-13 13:04:00

I think you're being too harsh on him. He has every right not to 'expose' everything about himself, as do you. Trust takes time, it's been a long gap from when you first met. Give the poor guy a break.

I'd look to why you feel so aggrieved at this pretty non-plus omission, if I'm honest. It's obviously related to the past mishap where he cheated.

Also, stop thinking about yourself, I note you keep saying 'how could he think so little of ME', maybe he was protecting himself, have a bit of empathy.

I don't think that this is about the money at all. I think that it's because something very major, and life-changing happened to him, and he didn't tell you about it. The fact that he cheated on you once before, and now has concealed a major part of his life from you, means that you feel you can't trust him and are wondering what else you don't know about. It's made you insecure about him.

Only two things can cure it, if at all: a good honest chat, and time.

ladyjadie Mon 08-Apr-13 13:16:34

I don't think he thinks so little of you at all. He probably has had a few assholes use him or suddenly want to become 'besties' with him since he won. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. Maybe explain to him that from now on you want everything laid out on the table, total honesty. Try to understand him and his reasons for not telling you. If you must, try counselling to help with your trust issues from before. I don't think he is a born liar like some of the boyfriends and husbands talked about on Mumsnet. He came and told you he'd cheated on you (not excusing him but some men will go to any lengths to hide horrible things) all those years ago.

In short, if he really makes you truly happy, don't let this get in the way. Have a true, honest heart-to-heart with him about how this made you feel, and ask him why he didn't tell you. keep talking until you know all you want to know and he understands why you feel this way. Then, if you feel you can and want to, go forward, together, from there.

Good luck to you!

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 14:34:29

We first met when we were just 16 and ended when we were nearly 18. Same birth year and month, different days.

We managed to be incredibly mature in our relationship which always made feel he was the right guy for me. He never used any excuse to justify his cheating, he didn't blame his penis, the girl, the alcohol, friend's pressure...I suspect he was suffering a lot of teasing from his friends since he was free to enjoy a wild summer and I had a curfew.
It would be very difficult to me to forgive his cheating, specially because all his friends knew and saw him with the girl. Even though they were not my friends as such, they were the people I hanged out with sometimes and the girl was part of the circle. It was embarrassing enough not to be as free as they were as a teen, taking him back would make me look like a complete fool. However, what made me take the decision was the fact that he was not prepared to fight for me to forgive him and have him at all costs. he said he would understand and let me go. I think I read it as lack of love. Specially since he had sex with the girl but NOT with me...I wasn't a virgin nor was he, but we were saving ourselves for our special moment and he ruined it.

I remember being sad and upset being cheated on, but not angry. He dealt with it they way everyone should.
I knew I lost a boyfriend but not a friend and we would be always there for each other.
If anything I felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders, as I became free to find a conventional looking boyfriends whose my family and society would approve easily and I found them. Just turned out they looked ok on the outside but were ugly in the inside. (My ex nearly drove me to suicide and my late H was a good guy but had his niggles too that I honestly put up for the sake of our daughter).

I am in a very difficult position now as I was taking each day as it came and as much as I love him and I am enjoying our relationship, I am not in a rush to live together and had no idea he was thinking about proposing. He is great with children and have none of his own. I have my daughter and would love to have another one if happened, but it is not a big deal and I am not planning this right now.

Also, DD and I are enjoying a little bit of his money and this has made a difference in our lives as we are doing things that otherwise we wouldn't be able to. If we carry on together I believe this will increase and we will get used to a life style that is beyond my own means. If the relationship ends, we will be 'poor' again, unless I get married, which I don't think I am ready yet.

Lemonylemon Mon 08-Apr-13 14:42:19

So, OP, how old are you both now?

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 14:44:31

38

Lemonylemon Mon 08-Apr-13 14:54:14

OK, so now we have a bit of a time frame. I'm just going to gently say that 20 years is a long, long time. People change from the time they're teens to their late 30's. I've met people who I was at school with and have been a bit surprised at how they've turned out 20 odd years later.

My DS has inherited a lot of money and I have encouraged him to be a little bit circumspect when getting involved with people. Like posters have said above, sometimes people just like you for your money. I wouldn't be shouting about how much money I have, either.

He sounds like he's one of the good ones. Talk to him, get it out in the open. If your relationship with him is as good as you say, he would understand why you feel a bit odd, but then, you might want to think about why you're so upset about the late revelation.

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 15:05:17

I am upset because i think I was getting into something and now after 1 year I find out I am getting into something else. As I said, being with him now will change everything as I understand he made this disclosure because he wants us to enjoy more of his money, and he wants things to get serious. If I don't give him the commitment that he wants but carry on living the lifestyle he wants to provide, when and if it all ends, me and my daughter will have a hard time adjusting back to our old lifestyle. As marriage was not in my plans, I don't know what to do. He is talking about proposing, I can't tell him I am ok with it if I am not, but than there is a possibility I might lose him.

And who the hell talks about proposing anyway?
He should have proposed, take me by surprise, wait for my answer and take it from there...who knows I might have said yes, or asked for thinking time.

And is his cheating not a red flag? He did it once, who knows he will do it again.
I had my fare share of relationships and heart breaking, I need time.

Lemonylemon Mon 08-Apr-13 15:28:24

"If I don't give him the commitment that he wants but carry on living the lifestyle he wants to provide, when and if it all ends, me and my daughter will have a hard time adjusting back to our old lifestyle."

Well, sometimes that happens in life. It throws you a curve ball that you just have to run with. {Apols for the revolting cliche}. OK, think about this - you could carry on dating him on the footing that you are for a couple of years and then he drops dead. What then? You and your daughter will have to readjust anyway.

I'm not advocating that you marry him either. But the thing is, you could tell him that you've already been married and don't feel that you could get married again.

As for him talking about proposing marriage, well, that's a matter of personal opinion - some people like a bit of notice, some like the surprise.

I think that the issues are yours, not his. Yes, he cheated once but that was 20 years ago when he was a hormonal teenager...... Does it stand that he will do it again?

If your relationship with him is as good as you say, then I think that if you tell him you need time, then he will respect that.

Teeb Mon 08-Apr-13 15:30:22

Have you considered counselling? It sounds to me as if you have a lot of issues from past relationships that you are putting onto this man. That or you just aren't into him.

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 15:51:57

I am very much into him. But with my relationship luggage and 1 child, I'm much more careful now. If I ever live with a man again, I want it to be just right. Right now we are living in different countries and see each other once/twice a month. We need more time together, more day to day life before I make any big decision. But I agree, counselling always helps since I had so many issues with my own father and many of the men in my life.

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 16:36:19

Maybe I should let him go and find a woman who will give him a marriage and a child. Writing the whole story down just made me revisit feelings of betrayal, shame...he was sorry he cheated but he would understand if I ended whithout putting up a fight? Gave up too easily after everything we gone through. Maybe his feelings for me weren't as strong as my feelings for him. Perhaps if we were meant to be together we would never had split in the 1st place.

But then why did you meet again in the street, in another country? Stop over-thinking it!

Tell him everything you've told us, and see what he says.

BicBiro Mon 08-Apr-13 17:03:10

it seems like now you know he is thinking of proposing it has rather become a different ball game. you were taking it slowly, feeling your way into the relationship gradually at your own pace. now you know this its line a big jump forward and that's why all your fears are now coming to the fore

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 17:27:49

But than when I met him by chance, I didn't make any effort to meet him properly, sometimes I would rather go to sleep during my time off than meet him. Even though I knew he was moving out of England I didn't care. Than after years, I go make a fb acc just to track him down...is it possible he was thinking I found out he had won or was successful in his business and wanted his money? But than he should know me better as when we were in a relationship I didn't care for his -lack- of money. So that is why I can't believe it even crossed his mind that his money would make me love him more. I didn't track him down to have a relationship with him, just to reconnect since he is one of my favourite people in the whole wild word.

BicBiro Mon 08-Apr-13 17:36:33

it seems like now you know he is thinking of proposing it has rather become a different ball game. you were taking it slowly, feeling your way into the relationship gradually at your own pace. now you know this its line a big jump forward and that's why all your fears are now coming to the fore

BicBiro Mon 08-Apr-13 17:37:24

oops sorry for the double post

tomverlaine Mon 08-Apr-13 17:38:52

I think he did the right thing TBH. At 16-17 how you act in respect of money is different to how you would act now- also your relationship is different - it may have been that you what was a deep connection at 16 wasn't the same 20 years later either because you both have changed/circumsatnces have changed - you have emotional baggage and obligations/childrene tc plus your relationship is now sexual
you admit that times have been tough - if you knew he was a millionaire it might make you more tempted to stick with something that wasn't working or even the reverse - think things are too imbalanced so not give it a try. Give him a chance- but tell him that lying again is not on

MushroomSoup Mon 08-Apr-13 17:42:51

I think you need to stop thinking that this is about YOU. It's not.

What happened 20 years ago means nothing now. Either be with him, or don't, but IMO you're just putting ridiculous arguments in the way of what could be a great relationship.

AThingInYourLife Mon 08-Apr-13 17:46:08

He didn't lie to you.

Cheating when you are a teenager isn't a red flag.

You are seriously overthinking everything OP.

His money doesn't change anything, or at least it shouldn't.

He sounds like he did the right thing, why should his money make a difference to you? Why should he have to tell you about it all until he feels secure and ready to?

And lots of couples talk about proposals and mariage before the man actually gets down on one knee!

Don't keep judging him by what he did when he was just a teenager. He is a man now and probably much more mature.

I think you are overthinking the whole thing.

aufaniae Mon 08-Apr-13 18:05:23

I agree you're overthinking things.

It's not fair to judge him on what he did as a teenager. I did terribly irresponsible, stupid things as a teen (including cheating), looking back it seems like they were done by a different person, and that's because in a way they were! We all change hugely from our teenage years to 38 (which I will be next month btw!), hopefully most of us for the better, morals wise.

It's strange he kept it from you, but it's such an unusual thing! There is no rule of etiquette on how you should behave if you win the lottery! I can understand totally keeping it from people in general. Try not to take it too personally he's kept it from you; he's told you now. If these two things are genuinely all you have to make you cautious about him, I'd say you're in danger of losing a really good thing because of a lack of perspective on your part.

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 18:09:47

Please don't say it is ridiculous arguments, I have been through a lot of shit because of wrong choice of men and sticking to bad relationships plus I have a daughter to think about. Also, now it is not a matter of dating for few days twice a month. It is serious business. I'm not rushing into a another serious relationship for no money in the world. I was rushed into my relationships and always got it wrong. Maybe if we were having sex 20 years ago than he wouldn't have gone and shagged the other girl but who knows? After we finished I started shagging a lot, different guys and all. I'm clearly messed up.

aufaniae Mon 08-Apr-13 18:30:49

Maravilha, I mean this gently. You need to be a little more gentle on yourself and him.

Forgetting about the money for a second (if possible!) how do you feel about him saying he wants to propose? Do you feel it's taking things too quickly anyway?

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 19:19:40

yes, far to quickly for me, because I have a colourful past.

ladyjadie Mon 08-Apr-13 20:36:35

Mara, it sounds like you are trying to talk yourself of this because you are scared. But you also say he is one of your favourite people in the world. Your imagination and fears are running high and no wonder if you've had shit in the past. But this guy sounds like he is serious about you (and your dd), more than he could have ever been when you were both 17. But if it's not there for you, split up with him. For everyone's sake.

Lueji Mon 08-Apr-13 21:23:11

Right.
Him hiding the money until now wouldn't worry me.
I'm not sure I'd believe him, though, and I wonder why he told you this now.
You are in different countries. Does he want you to move there?
Does he want to move to your country?
Importantly, would you become financially dependent on him?

Personally, I'd thread carefully there. Even if he is now a very nice guy.

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 22:22:20

He would move here. He would expand his business opening a branch here and he lived here in the past so he knows what he is doing. His work would be based on the other side of the city but he knows I'm definitely not living London or even the area where I live and he would be fine with this I think. He would still have to travel back to where he is now but he can delegate to a team. And he has been talking about this before the money/proposal revelations. We are both from the samew country in south ameria but we don't want to go back and live there so this isn't a issue. I wouldn't necessarily become finacially dependent on him, only if I wanted to.

Maravilha Mon 08-Apr-13 22:23:40

leaving London.

Pilgit Mon 08-Apr-13 22:44:28

It may not have been intentional. It's not the sort of thing that's particularly easy to drop into conversation 'by the way, I'm a millionaire.' He may have held back so as not to spoil things or taint it with the suspicion (however unreasonable and silly because of history) of you being in it for the money as no matter how much you trust someone if you've been burned it's still difficult to open up. As time goes by it becomes harder to bring it up. The fact that he has done it shows his trust in you. Your feelings and fears are totally justified and completely understandable. Maybe ask for you both to have a full and frank disclosure of anything you might be worried about (either of you). You asked WWYD - I would rant, cry, complain, spit (probably throw a few things) at the lack of trust, see how he reacted to all that and then if the reaction was 'right' would start on the road to forgiveness and (dare I say it) a happily ever after....

ImperialBlether Mon 08-Apr-13 23:03:17

You sound really hard work, OP, to be honest.

Dozer Mon 08-Apr-13 23:10:25

It's like a novel!

Am not usually forgiving of infedelity, but if he was v young when he did the dirty, think is less of a big deal!

Especially given that he is now rich grin

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 09-Apr-13 00:51:56

Give the guy a break

He cheated 20yrs ago when tbh his dick probably did the talking - he was a teenager

I'm assuming you forgave him for that now or else why have you been with him a year

Sorry to hear about dh2 - being a widow in your 30's sucks - as I know sad and I understand you have to think about your child - how old are they?

I don't blame the man for not revealing he is a millionaire

He has admitted he wants more - as in marriage - and sometimes you have to take a risk in a relationship - though tbh he doesn't sound a risk - more of a sure thing

He didn't lie - he just didn't tell you something

YoniShapedLoveBox Fri 12-Apr-13 14:58:45

You ask WWYD. Well, if it is such a good relationship as you say I would give it a go. I suppose money just make things easier and faster and you are both not teenagers anymore so why waste time? And if he is such a caring guy who loves you and your child, he probably won't leave you dry, it seems he has been thinking about this situation for a long time. Also you can save your own money for the future since he is happy to provide for you. However if I were you, I would probably get married again, why not if there is love from both parties? It must be such fun planning a wedding when money is not a problem....

Well, judging by just your reaction, are you surprised he didn't tell you about the money?
I'm guessing this is exactly what he was expecting and has been trying to put it off.
As others have said, stop being so hard on him and on yourself.
If you like him then I don't understand why you can't be with him.
You've been seeing him for a year now so should be thinking about the future.
It's hardly 'rushing' into things.
Have a chat with him about how you feel and see where it goes.
Good luck and I hope you can enjoy your time with him.

LoopaDaLoopa Fri 12-Apr-13 16:40:29

I'd be worried that it wasn't actually a lottery win.

YoniShapedLoveBox Fri 12-Apr-13 18:58:12

So what else could it be?

LoopaDaLoopa Sat 13-Apr-13 08:42:52

Could be anything. Could well be a lottery win, but I'm quickly suspicious, and would want a lot of details. He's been off the scene for a long time and old have been doing all kinds of things.

LoopaDaLoopa Sat 13-Apr-13 08:43:25

*could, not old

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