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Hmmm. I don't like this fancying someone business.(74 Posts)
Broke up with my DD's dad 3 years ago and hadn't fancied anyone since then. Plus 3 + years of our relationship plus when I had started like him few month before = 7 years out of the game. Now I like someone and it's getting stressful already.
I feel like an idiot. Was terribly disappointed earlier on that he's not coming to this evening's drinks . Then I feel crap because he doesn't probably fancy me in spite me fancying him only for a week or 10 days after knowing him for 2 years. And he just broke up with a girlfriend he didn't get along with for a while. How do I keep my cool? I'm 30!
Oh I am rubbish at this. I don't understand why some people seem to think this bit is fun. I used to get impossibly invested and upset within days of meeting someone I liked (not in a "big white dress" way, just in a "why isn't he talking to MEEEEEE, he must HAAAAATE me, it's all hopeless!" way, and I'd just want it all to be over one way or another).
Lots of people will now tell you to not worry because you don't really have any way of knowing whether he fancies you or not. They will probably use phrases like "go with the flow, have a flirt when you next see him, see what happens". And you should probably go to the drinks anyway and "just have a fun time and forget about him for a bit, maybe try and meet someone else!"
They will be totally right, but this advice makes me about as relaxed as a sergeant-major, so I usually just wait till I'm in the vicinity of the
victim target subject man, get drunk and trust to luck. Which is I guess what you were planning to do as well, hence the disappointment.
Hi MadBraLady. I'm saying 'yes!' to all the points you made.
Yes, I was hoping to have some drinks and flirt ever so slightly... The thing is we had some drinks a week ago or so and I wasn't sure he was flirting with me or not. I won't quote all the conversation but I was wondering. It was after that night I started to fancy him.
I'm coming to the drinks anyway but won't even change . Had a prepared perfect understated, elegant, demure top that is silk so my boobs would look great in it. And fancy (but in an elegant way) shoes, because by accident the venue is not far from my place. A family member is staying with me, so no, I did not have any bad intentions!
You see, already given it way too much thought whereas men would be like;" a bird I like might be there later. if she's not the beer will still be there. shrug.'
Ha ha ha - oh I so relate to what you have both written.
Take heart that even if you become tense and obsessive about potential love interests, you are both very witty women? I love the thread title, and "about as relaxed as a sergeant-major"
OP, try -- and I know how hard this is -- to force yourself to think about something present and real and concrete (like work or chores or just the smell of daffodils or whatever) whenever obsessive and panicky thoughts about love interest crop up. Those thoughts lead nowhere good.
My apologies for poor quality of the grammar. I should be doing something else right now but I'm writing crap here and I bet he's working hard. .
God I fancied someone recently and I found it hellish. Feel much better now it's worn off a bit and I feel back to normal. And I hardly ever see him so that's good. I'm obviously not very good at all that sort of stuff.
Hi HotDAMN and Running. I once thought that I could potentially fancy him but I am busy with work trying to get a living out of it for me and my DD (self-employed) and obviously DD is still a toddler so she's with me when I don't work so I technically don't have time for dating. So then I didn't think about it anymore. And now it just hit me. ANd I see him pretty much once a week. Well, going by today I just look at everyone apart from him and then my eyes go above his head or below his feet... You see - a twat! Me that is.
I understand you completely. I'm the same. I'll be going about my life in a productive, well-rounded fashion and then BAM, suddenly I like someone and they're consuming all of my thoughts. I'm there kicking myself for falling hard and fast again and rethinking everything I wear and planning to casually run into them at social occasions.
It doesn't happen often, but when it does...ugh.
You just want to know if they feel the same or not. It's the waiting around to find out that's torture. Ask him out for another drink and flirt some more
That's it CartedOff. I could swear just few weeks ago that now I have a child and I'm a grown up businesswoman, I would take any fancying in my stride. Well, that's bollocks. Off to do some work before I lose any left over respect. Will be back later.
I do still fancy him...but I've got no time for anyone else, and it'll probably all end in tears anyway so what's the point, and I'm scared of being hurt again etc, etc. I've got it under control now, but when it first happened, I was really scared by how out of control I felt, and how much I couldn't stop thinking about him, and that was just because I wanted to shag him basically. I can't begin to imagine how I'd cope if I fell in love with someone again.
My plan now is just to repress all feelings of fancying anyone and get on with my life. Only my son and friends are important to me now, maybe that's a bit depressing, but it's the only sensible way for me to be.
It took me about 3 months to feel normal again, Drink. Hope you get over it quickly, if that's what you want of course...
Hmmm. Well, I'd like to see first if it can lead to a date. Not ready to give up just yet. I spent 3 years thinking exactly the same that I need to focus on my DD and work and friends. I'm very happy with the way my life is or at least with the direction it is going towards. But it would be nice to shag someone nice that I know is a decent bloke. Which this one is. Hmmm.
Hope you'll meet someone nice though Running, who will do all the running for you!
Thanks Drink, I doubt I will though <disillusioned, bitter>
I do like the idea of shagging someone nice though! Hope you get there. I think niceness is very underrated sometimes.
Oh dear. Fellow saddos . Come let's cheer up a bit. Hmm, but if I flirt with him and he'll run for the hills iy might be a bit embarrassing week in, week out. Need to send him an email re work and I'm giddy thinking about it.
Yep, it's all crap.
Oh yes, the clothes planning! Just the right neckline for, you know, the bloody morning meeting or whatever. And the correct wording of emails that he will read in TEN SECONDS FLAT and then never look at again.
Thank you though HotDAMN
Put those boob enhancing glad rags on, gal.
You never know who may be raising a glass
to with you and it'd be sod's law if, despite any report you've had to the contrary, the object of your lust puts in an appearance.
Not in this place in life at the moment, but from past experience, you always end up seeing them when you haven't shaved your legs, done your hair or worn decent underwear
Just phone him and ask him out. Snimps.
Hmmm. Did go out last night. It was fun. One of the guys was paying me lots of compliments but he has a girlfriend . Even if he didn't I wouldn't be interested.
That's the second guy in a week showing interest but the one that I fancy and is single... Humph.
I'll be going about my life in a productive, well-rounded fashion and then BAM, suddenly I like someone and they're consuming all of my thoughts. I'm there kicking myself for falling hard and fast again and rethinking everything I wear and planning to casually run into them at social occasions.
Ha ha ha - oh lord, that is me too, exactly.
I was really scared by how out of control I felt, and how much I couldn't stop thinking about him, and that was just because I wanted to shag him basically.
That too. I wonder: wouldn't it be better to just shag them already? Not that I have the courage to - oh lord! But, isn't that better than the plan to repress those feelings? I mean, repression is my approach too at the moment. But hypotheticlaly speaking: we should be shagging these men, right?
They say the quickest way to get over someone is to get under them and all that. It's too difficult though! How do you get from the standing awkwardly at the bar avoiding their eye bit to the humping bit?
Actually thinking about it I DID do this once, just walked up to someone and asked them bold as brass
and three sheets to the wind. And it worked! Admittedly it was crap because we were both wasted, but still. Got me over them!
Hmmm. But I would like him to make the first step. Not because I'm a twee ladylike flower but because I've always done it -- the hunting--. And I had a horrible dream when he introduced to me his tall, willowy, rather Posh English fiancée, while I'm neither...
Yeah, same. That's probably because we're intimidatingly gorgeous and fabulous though so nobody believes they can approach us. <nods>
Of course. Well, I can be a little scary but apprently he thinks I'm very nice, which he had told me before but apparently I don't listen.
Jeez, good job I haven't said it outloud to anyone in RL, because they would be .
It was meant to show up a a nodding off smiley face, zzzzzzz.
apprently he thinks I'm very nice, which he had told me before but apparently I don't listen
Oh, do you also do that thing where you're oblivious to the fact that somebody likes you, even when he says such obvious things as "I think that you're amazing", and it takes you, like, a month to twig that when he asked you out, he was asking you out, and the correct response was NOT to cheerfully say, "Oh, that sounds nice! I'll see who else wants to come along with us."
Cause that's me. And I deserve the kicking I am currently giving myself.
Oh hooray! The agony is nearly over then hopefully?
Well, he said it that night after I first thought I fancied him. 10 days ago. He didn't cone to the second outing because he had 'dinner', which made me go . Seen him once 2 days ago in the work setting. If I flirt, everyone will see and will have a good old laugh.
My company is doing some work for his next week so hopefully I will see him for 5 seconds... Pathetic.
If I flirt, everyone will see and will have a good old laugh.
Ah, this sounds like the other familiar thing I do: "If I behave like anything other than a nun with an iced-up fanjo EVERYONE WILL KNOW I AM SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE. AND IT WILL BE AWFUL."
Can I join in, please?
I don't like this fancying someone business either.
I really like someone. He's perfect for me - ticks loads of my boxes, physical and otherwise. I've known him for 4 years.
Since my husband and I separated last year, I've got to know him better, he's been lovely, kind and supportive when I've spoken to him (which isn't often tbf). But I get ridiculously giddy whenever I'm anywhere near him. I say stupid things, blush, fall over my words and all I want to do is tell him how I feel so that I can get all the "does/might/could/would he...?" out of the way. Because deep down, I know that he doesn't but at least it would explain why I behave like such an idiot around him. I see him about once a week.
I recognise so much of all this. Part of me thinks that if I told him then the worst that could happen is that he'd let me down gently and sensitively (because I have no doubt that he would) and then he would feel a bit flattered that I feel the way I do.
But I'd be mortified!
I can't even flirt with him, because I'm crap at flirting.
I'd be quite happy to make the first step. I'm not embarrassed about it, like I would have been when I was a teenager. But I just know he's not interested.
Running's plan is pretty much the plan I'd come up with too. And if it weren't for this one man, it would be going pretty well. I have no interest in anyone else at all and can't imagine being interested in anyone else, simply because I don't ever see anyone else I'm remotely attracted to. It's just that this one man is so right for me. Would be nice if he thought the same!
Oh, FolkGirl . Why are you so sure he doesn't dig ya?
I just don't see any of the 'signs'.
I have been out with him socially for a night out and dropped a few hints that I 'like' him, but he didn't pick up on them and just laughed in a nice way. I think he thought I was just being a bit cheeky and friendly The worst thing is that everyone - my friends, my son, even my ex thought it was a date and it wasn't.
He's quite outgoing and very confident, I'm quieter and less outgoing.
We're the same age, but he's very 'youthful'. I think I am too, but I suspect he's looking for someone younger, less married and more child free than me. Not because he's an arse who hates children, but because he works with children (including mine) every day and I suspect that he just doesn't want a relationship that involved someone else's children.
He's very conservative in his lifestyle/appearance. I'm not and whilst it doesn't bother me that we are different, I suspect it might be an issue for him because he's so conservative.
I have a friend who says she thinks he 'would' and my ex said he'd have to be stupid to not be interested in me. But I just don't think he'd ever see me in that way.
Maybe you need to stop seeing him then?
Oh thank goodness isn't just me. I wasted all of last year hopelessly lusting after my 50 something crush. So being pragmatic I told myself off as even a man doesn't take a year to build himself up to telling me he might
wish to jump my bones please God ask me out. So I refused to allow ANY thoughts of him sigh to enter my head.
For him then to ask me how my dating was going and to end his texts with "xx's". Damn man has taken over my thoughts, to the sad sad degree I go to bed early just to dream of him. I'm too old for this!
I feel your pain OP!
My problem is I'm bi and currently fancy a straight co-worker! : I'm too scared to even ask her to be friends in case she guesses how I feel and gets freaked out!! Even worse I sometimes think she may already have guessed!
I got her number months ago but have only text her 3 times and it takes her forever to reply! What shall I do? I've tried getting over her but I can't! Even worse I'm married!
OP let's hope you have a chance with your crush!
(ok smiley overload!)
Stern words with yourself Major and refuse to fancy her...
Yes I should do that!
Doesn't help when DH encourages me though!
Ah, this sounds like the other familiar thing I do: "If I behave like anything other than a nun with an iced-up fanjo EVERYONE WILL KNOW I AM SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE. AND IT WILL BE AWFUL."
Oh Madbralady this made me cry with laughter. Thank you so much for that. I really didn't suspect there was anyone as silly as me out there.
My latest thing is that there's this bloke I see every morning
and really fancy and some evenings on the train to and from work. We both have to wait for this one train for about 20 mins in the morning and he goes to buy coffee and I strategically place myself in the waiting room so I can ogle him discretely glance over every now and then. It's kind of fun but also excruciating. I have no idea who he is, he could be married with 16 kids for all I know
There's no way on earth I'd ever have the courage to walk up to him and start a conversation but I have thought about walking past him on the train and casually passing him a note with my phone number. Then I stop and think, really? Really? What am I, 13? I may as well ask one of the other passengers to tell him I like him and will he go out with me?!
Ha ha Shiny at asking another passenger to ask him out for you!
I think someone might fancy me judging by some hints our mutual friends keep dropping. The trouble is I'm a complete flirting retard after being so long in a relationship so I'll probably cock things up if I even attempt to talk to her now. Kind of wish I was still in blissful ignorance!
Hey Mature, what do you reckon? Worth a try?
I love this thread. It's amazing the species survives.
I just made complete and utter tit of myself. (Sorry for the overload of smileys; I do love them). Went to pick up something from his office and first breezily smiled into the open space, saw a dog, patted the dog, made a gesture with head, kind of pointed at him and then his colleague, as if (clearly only in my mind) asking who do I take the thing I came for from. Patted the dig vigorously again. The other guy gave me the keys, my
guy came over to the photocopier (it's like Lady's Chaterley's lover, isn't it) said: 'Hi, Drink. You're alright?', I smiled inanely, muttered sth, he repeated: ' how are you?', as in, come on, cat caught your tongue. U said, yes and you?'. Mumbling tumbleweed of nerves. And then breezily started to exchange jokes with the other guy, plus a laugh and a smile. The run off, busy busy busy.
Ahhh, the rule here is you are never as much of a trembling, red-faced nitwit as you think. I know this empirically because a friend and I observe each other closely for the signs, and afterwards compare, and we always think we are being red-faced, incoherent, twattish or slutty when in fact our behaviour is within a normal range.
He faaaaaaancies you.
I dropped off the thing later on and behaved much better. Had a little chat with him and the other guy and he was doing a lot of smiling and eye contact... Trying not to read too much into it, ekhem but I think it would be a shame (and his loss!) if we didn't at least go for a or a .
Ooooh ooooh can I join please??
I'm so out of practice is sad- split up a year ago from EXP after 15 years- he buggered off with OW - cue year from hell him begging to come back... told him to bugger off- usual story- seem to be getting myself of my feet now- feeling almost back to 'normal' when ............
Colleague who I am working very closely on a project with, starts flirting, hes eight years younger than me.....normally shy but we have a spark, lots in common. laugh loads (which i love) serious flirting going on ,winking, smiling, looking into my eyes while talking, laughing ,brushing my arm ,wanting to have lunch with me (talking work of course )- asking my opnion on things, cracking 'cheeky jokes', leaning up against me .... he even stroke my hair this afternoon......serious serious flirting and im not discouraging him- we are both normally quite 'cool' reserved people and so this is unsual for both of us!!
Problem is i fancy him......rotten...... and this week at least i cant stop thinking about it...... ive only had sex with one guy since Ex left and no realtionship- i havent wanted one....... but today while we were talking it was all i could do not to snog his face off!! I feel like a teenager im so bloody horny for him its unbelievable!!
Thing is he is normally quite a shy geeky guy and i am normally very professional at work ( i have never done anything like this at work before ever) so its new for both of us- i dont think either of us know what to do!! But colleagues are noticing now- the in jokes between us, the smiles, the winks, sitting close to each other its becoming stupid- one of my friends at work said yesterday - 'oh get a room, the sexual tension is this office is off the charts!!
WTF do i do???
Well, it seems like you have been given a go-ahead!
I agree. I stayed single for 6 years for this reason. Simply could not be bothered with that whole "will he, won't he" and "getting to know you" business. As a result, in the relationship I'm in now I have no patience for the whole "dating game" and am probably forthright to a fault. Fortunately, my now DP seems to like that. Says it's refreshingly honest and he knows where he is.
Father Jack -Ha i know but i dont know what to do about it!!- Hes my colleague, ive never dated (or shagged ) a colleague before- i dont want it to become difficult.....
Dahlen, Its such a shame because i like you, i dont really do dating, i never have.... so meeting him like this is perfect, we were 'friends' first....
Problem is i dont know whether its because he is the first guy i have really clicked with after my ex left or because I really like him- is all so confusing im not good at this stuff really...
But god i fancy him like mad, he really has gotten to me-i cant remember wanting someone so much- im like a madwoman............ in many ways i wish i hadnt met him!
I'd just go with the flow. Remember that if it's just hormones, they'll fade after about 6 months, so go for it but don't commit to anything and you can have a lot of fun but still extricate yourself if it proves to be purely physical ultimately.
I know starting, mine is a colleague of sorts too. Let us know when you
rip his clothes off have a coffee with him outside work.
we are going for drinks this week! At how ling it took!
I can see no one cares about my flash like way of flirting!
Ah, that's very exciting. Congrats. Now, for outfit planning... Oh, this dating lark isn't easy at all.
The wirst thing is that I'm coming down with something I caught from DD! I feel I should be considerable and let him know in case he'd prefer to cancel.
How did the drinks plan come about? Did he do the asking?
I'm not going to give any advice because I hate it when I really fancy a woman. Just like every cliché in every love song I can't function normally at all, she's on my mind all the time. I just end up over-analysing everything she says and does, until I figure out a good time to ask for a date or a phone number, but to be honest there never is an ideal time to make a move on someone; it always feels bloody awkward.
It's annoying because I can flirt and chat up women I don't fancy fairly easily, but if I suddenly get a crush on someone then all my superpowers are completely taken away; including my ability to fly.
I think we should all chat up and ask out the people we don't fancy, then we won't care if they say "no" and if they say "yes" then we might end up fancying them after a while anyway.
Yes, come on, Drink, we need details.
I've just read all this thread and it really resonates with me. I'm in the midst of it currently and seem to have lost the ability to think normally. It's brain chemicals, right?
@ Pearls of wisdom from the male perspective corner! I sure bloody hope he felt stupid starting to fancy me as I did when I started to fancy him!
Re drinks plan, it was when I reminded him I owed him a small prize for a work related comp. i asked whether he'd like some beers or an hour if my time! He said he'd always live an hour of my time and that in that case he'd be more than happy to buy me a drink. Then some heavy flirting ensued, till I reminded him
i'm NOW a lady that we haven't had that drink yet, nevermind me staying
Over! cue profuse apologies and now we're exchanging vefy friendly but very appropriate email. I'm that it makes me !
Just ask him out. Then you can move on depending on what he says!
Btw the hour of me time was work related! I'm a consultant of sorts!
the flirting included hints about you staying over?! My my.
I like your flirty opener about whether he would like beers or an hour of your time. His response showed definite interest too. Well done.
I just hope that the 3 months of faffing to get to this stage don't indicate a Mr Unavailable. A woman so witty and awesome as you come across really deserves a man to ask her out in less time than that!
Thank you HotDAMN! Well, I don't know if he'a been interested for as long as I have. I'm hoping to find out when I see him. I think he had stuff going in re health and work and it got sorted recently. But that's only my impression.
Oh gosh, do I kiss him or not? I'd like him to come back for more!
Again, no advice as such, although I hope it all works out for you Drink and anyone else here in a similar position.
I do think though that everyone, men and women alike (despite how we behave), will feel and act like how we've been discussing in this thread when they have a serious crush.
Nobody wants to make a move first, because it would be a bit like showing everyone your cards in a game of poker and then pretending you haven't got the hand that they've all just seen. Once our crush knows we like them, we can't then pretend that we don't. They hold all the power against us and we are at their mercy emotionally; or at least that's what we fear.
Good luck Drink - hope it goes brilliantly.
MadeMan - your first post made me chuckle. That's so true about losing the ability to think rationally/behave normally when you're interested.
It's easy to forget that men find the whole thing anxiety inducing as well, especially since custom still tends to dictate that they make the first move.
MadeMan So good to read this from a man's perspective!
Hope he doesn't piss me off! As Chris Rock says: A woman knows within 5 minutes if she's going to fuck a man. Just as long he doesn't say anything stupid...
Love this thread, just read through it all! I became infatuated on Saturday for the 1st time in years! Just starting to recover tonight as I'm not getting flirty texts, well tonight I'm not getting any texts. At least I know that part of me still exists however annoying it is when it happens!!!
Better air out those cobwebs on your dried up cooch!
Oh gosh, that's another thing. I know even 7 years ago and before that, the fashion was to take it all off. And I preferred it that way. Now I don't fancy that short of general tidy up. Don't want to do something I, well, din't want to do but I'd like to warm his ears up at some point and in order to do that not scare him off beforehand.
What is EXCITE!!! Woodepeg?
I can see I scared people away with my very personal concern! And I was hoping for some male perspective too!
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