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Dating thread no 49

(1000 Posts)

All daters welcome here.

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 15:18:56

I am the recipient of a bank holiday cock shot, the protocol appears to be to soften one up with a 'gift' - in this case a teddy ( because I'm a girly and must wuv a cuddly toy ) and then what at first appeared to be a sepia toned vegetable still life but on closer inspection is a long thin penis, helpfully pictured in profile.

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Apr-13 15:24:25

Oh yuk, Nora. A skinny one as well. Eww.

Thread 49 already! Just realised that 48 had great stuff happening on thread 48. Might change my name to 49 and see if it works for me too!

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 15:25:18

Just read what you said about the tosser you encountered Juliette he sounds really rather pathetic, can you imagine the ishoos he must have ? Worra wanka.

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 15:26:52

OWW it's also throwing a moody shadow on his mustard yellow curtain backdrop. I have rarely been more aroused.

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 15:28:40

Makes you wonder why they bother to send pics of pencil dicks, couldn't they scour the internet for ones of a decent size and pretend it's theirs, tut, tut.

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 15:36:33

Absolutely Scrazy - picture a leek that's been grown in sub-optimal lighting conditions.

KirstyWirsty Mon 01-Apr-13 15:39:01

Hi everyone .. Well had date 2 with MrFixit .. He did indeed have the anorak and oil under his nails ( and an unironed fleece on) but he was more attractive than I'd remembered so decided to stay .. A few glasses of wine and a couple of gin and slims later and I invited him to come home with me after spending some time snogging in a bar

Got him home and apparently he doesn't do condoms ( note to self have this discussion earlier rather when getting naked) .. Instant deflation at the mere discussion and turns out he has ishoooos ..ED ones.. No PIV for me then!! He told me it wasn't an issue without them ( eh right .. No chance!).. I told him he'd be better dealing with the issues and wasn't really in a place to be dating someone new .. He got all a bit huffy about being rejected so I placated him a bit and even went to the Falkirk wheel and to lunch before I dropped him off at the train station .. I am not planning on seeing him again .. I'm looking for someone firing on all cylinders not a fixer upper

I miss MrCheeky .. Was v tempted to call him up to come and relieve my frustrations .. But I won't !!

Hello all!

I do not understand why men send dick pictures. They are not at all attractive.

I did receive a picture of a man in a leotard (hot pink of Corse) with a lively bra underneath. He cupped his penis so it looked like a mangina. The caption was 'Are you open minded'

The image has been burned into my brain.

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 15:43:52

Kirsty, sounds a bit grim, are you OK?

I doubt any of these guys on OD could match up to one or two of my previous partners, would take a lot to impress me. I know size isn't everything but still....

KirstyWirsty Mon 01-Apr-13 15:57:02

scrazy I am ok .. He has just emailed me and has invited me over for dinner (and overnight stay!!) tomorrow night.. He has mentioned our discussion in the email .. I am heading to the gym and will consider how to say thanks but no thanks in a kind but firm way

Bant Mon 01-Apr-13 16:01:48

SPS - I've never heard the term 'mangina' before. Don't think I need to look it up though.

Kirsty - sorry mate. Was he called Mr FixIt because you thought he needed fixing?

Bant If google clear your search history grin You can imagine what it is though

VelvetSpoon Mon 01-Apr-13 16:05:28

Gosh, just caught up from the last thread! Can't believe it is no 49 already...

I think sending of cock pics, just like asking for naked pics of us (especially when you've never even met them) all down to a sense of entitlement. I suspect the cock pics senders (because they clearly want to see naked pics of women) think that by sending a photo of their often fairly undersized member we will a) be impressed/aroused and b) reciprocate with a naked shot ourselves. It's the 21st century version of I'll show you mine, you show me yours, but without asking first hmm

MsC I must apologise for not responding to your post on the last thread, I did intend to (you said something v kind about me and C which I agree with, and I meant to thank you for it). What you said about whitevan man is something I've found, men who seem keen to meet, then at the 11th hour ask for a naked photo or (as has also happened to me) try and get a guarantee of sex...a refusal to either or both tends to result in them flaking. Pathetic but true! what ever happened to the guy you rescued from the snow (I dont think that was mr CM was it?) did you ever see him again?

KirstyWirsty Mon 01-Apr-13 16:12:47

bant no he repairs computers .. Ho hum

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 16:14:52

we all have our theories about why men send pictures of their genitalia, but has anyone ever asked a bloke why he did it?

Snapespeare Mon 01-Apr-13 16:15:29

I am wearing hold ups. This is a new development. Off to the station, I shall report in every so often <Disney bluebirds whirling around my head>

Never asked but I will if I am ever honoured with another grin

Bant Mon 01-Apr-13 16:18:56

Mercury - do you think you'd really get a rational, reasoned response? Anything more than 'Cos I thought you'd like it?' or 'I wanted to show you what you're missing?' I don't think generally the type of bloke who does it out of the blue is going to understand the psychology behind it.

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 16:19:45

Like I've said I've only had one of a very young guy. I expect that if you have an IE profile then you would be more likely to receive them as they think the've found a goer grin.

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 16:20:36

I hope you didn't put body lotion on beforehand Snape - causes hold up droopage. Have a wonderful time.

Thread, would you like me to ask Leek Dick why he's sent the picture ?

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 16:22:11

Nora, yes!

They also seem obsessed by 50 shades. I keep getting messages saying 'can fulfill your wishes Mr Grey style' and 'Im your Mr Grey' etc.

That's the last thing I want!

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 16:24:49

I've done it, let's see what smashing rationale he proffers.

VelvetSpoon Mon 01-Apr-13 16:31:31

I even got a cock shot from a bloke off Match, so it's not just the free sites!

Kin, I'm intrigued to hear his justification for it....

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 16:32:54

Ok, the answer was 'amusement, possibly ?' which is better than I was expecting, I thought I was inviting some kind of deeply unpleasant, pornographic and misogynistic answer.

Snapespeare Mon 01-Apr-13 16:33:29

uh-oh on the body lotion front. this could be interesting.... <runs down platform into arms of nameless, nora batty legs>

grin at leek-dick.

Snapespeare Mon 01-Apr-13 16:35:25

nora 'well it certainly made me laugh. must be very difficult for you to keep a straoght face at funerals or at sober moments, knowing you have a hilarious penis' grin grin grin

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 16:52:06

Snape - clench your thighs together, love, it keeps them up until such time as it's better to unclench. grin

Further to the great cock shot conundrum, I thanked him for answering my question and then asked him if he'd ever considered whether such a photograph might be considered intrusive, considering he was sending it to someone he'd never met. He sent a really rather intelligent, seemingly thoughtful and sensitive reply and apologised 'sincerely'. Hmmm.

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 16:52:44

Bant, I thought perhaps if we routinely asked the senders of anatomical pictures we might be able to infer something from their answers which would serve to further illuminate one or other of the currently held theories?

I think they think we will be impressed by it. Skinny cock pics make me shudder.

I seem to attract OD men who want to be dominated hmm.

Snape pace yourself, you want Nameless in one piece grin

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 16:56:04

I have found Kin that blokes will offer a (seemingly) sincere apology if I give the impression that I am put out by the sending of trouser snake pictures.

kirsty how disappointing, these men who droop at the first sigh of a condom, it's like the condom has magic powers of Droopdome or something. It's very common sadly and you get it falling off so it's game over by that time as nothing less sexy than trying to force the marshmallow back in.

That's back into a condom grin

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:02:56

Nora, too late for him to come over all sincere and intelligent.

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:06:04

Juliette grin

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 17:06:18

Yes, Mercury, loath as I am to be cynical, I felt the need to include the word 'seemingly' in my description of his explanation.

Juliette do you not fancy spanking some weedy little bloke off t'internet then ? grin

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 17:08:44

'Pushing a marshmallow back into a condom' Juliette that made me laugh out loud in my parents' living room, my mum wants to know what I'm laughing at

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:14:36

I suppose really the apology is a further testament to his lack of insight hmm

he ought to know that any bridge is well and truly burnt, and should respond in some kind of 'ok, I'll get me coat then' manner

VelvetSpoon Mon 01-Apr-13 17:14:39

Please spare me from competitive present giving. I thought people just did this with their children?!!

2 people I know who split up some time ago but clearly are not at all over each other , now with new 'partners' (of a matter of weeks) one has plastered all over their FB the ridiculous Easter gifts received from new 'partner', whilst the other has done exactly the same with Easter gifts purchased for new 'partner'.

Honestly I think all concerned are about 5 hmm. Was talking to The Builder yesterday about FB he said he can't understand people putting the minutiae of their lives on there, hates all chain posts about benefit cheats/illegal immigrants etc (and deletes anyone who posts that stuff immediately), likewise people who use the C word, which he considers only to be used in extremis at football matches!

Had he actually used the words minutiae and in extremis I would have forced my number onto him grin

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:22:18

the fact that a person uses facebook to score points pretty much says it all.

Where is your compassion?
can you not find it in your heart to feel sorry for these people Velvet wink

I just got depressed reading about other people's orgasms on another thread. The mind blowing, squirting, pic, the clitoral, oral. Probably because my very last sexual encounter had something of the marshmallow about it. I don't usually feel jealous but envyenvyenvy.

Some man is going to get very lucky at this rate.

VelvetSpoon Mon 01-Apr-13 17:25:16

grin Mercury I should, but they are such a pair of narcissistic idiots they just irritate me beyond any compassion!

Do feel slightly sorry for the 2 new 'partners' who I suspect have no idea that they are basically being used for point scoring...

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:27:56

Velvet, don't tell me the split couple in question are still friends with each other on fb hmm.

VelvetSpoon Mon 01-Apr-13 17:29:19

Not quite that bad - mutual friends only, but excessively low privacy settings so both can easily see what the other writes!

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:29:23

Juliette, which thread, seem to have missed it.

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:40:39

Julliette, dont post the link! I dont want to read it envy

sure a few people have consistently amazing sex lives, but probably for most of us, the really good bits are occasional oases in a dessert of disappointment
oops! getting a bit carried away with the old alliteration theregrin

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 17:45:02

It's not someone we know boasting about their amazing sex life is it ? No handstands ?

I can post about my sex life if you like, that'll make you all feel better ...

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:49:16

Which thread? You can usually tell.

It's just one of this regular threads about someone not having piv that's V iPhone not pic orgasms, cue other regulars piling in to talk about their amazing orgasms. I have to say, if I were back on track then I wouldn't feel the need to over share on a thread like that, it's Here it's a bit different as its often the joy after the drought soon get that. No suspicious talk of handstands to facilitate deep anything yet I'm now in the gym cafe, that says it all grin

KirstyWirsty Mon 01-Apr-13 18:23:17

I've thankfully never had a cock shot

If I get one I will ask why ..

I think I will abandon OKC and reset my POF account when I get back from my holiday . Slim pickings on there in my neck of the woods .. In fact MrFixit was the only one I considered as as he has ishoooos ( and wiped his face on the bedding and was a bit huffy ) the rest aren't looking that great

Wine Doritos and hummus for dinner (standard when I'm down in the dumps )

Btw the sex thread .. I remember watch saying that she had 20 orgasms in one session once .. Made me feel v inadequate .. Think I'll avoid that one for now

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 18:31:35

Do people count hmm

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 18:36:00

20 orgasms ? You'd be desperate for a cup of tea and The Antiques Roadshow after that.

KirstyWirsty Mon 01-Apr-13 18:37:28

gringringrin at antiques roadshow

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:38:57

surely you'd be in such a state of bliss and ecstasy that you'd be unable to count confused...or would the bloke be putting tic's on a piece of paper?

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 18:40:29

Sorry you're down in the dumps Kirsty, I reckon bank holidays can have a kind of enhanced Sunday Sadness effect, not helped by the disappointment of Mr Fixit, of course.

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 18:44:45

Kirsty Sorry but grin at fixer upper.

MirandaWest Mon 01-Apr-13 18:45:11

I had a cock picture once. He asked for a picture of my pussy. So I sent one of the cat grin

KirstyWirsty Mon 01-Apr-13 18:46:33

You know what Nora I was reflecting on last night while I was on the treadmill this afternoon .. My stbxh flopped at the sight of a condom, wiped his face on the bedding and was a bit huffy ( this increased to moody bastard) .. MrFixit did all that too

He also kept saying 'blah blah ..that's your fault' e.g. I've got a carpet burn, I'm tired etc .. I think I have had a lucky escape really now I've got the wisdom of mumsnet

MirandaWest Mon 01-Apr-13 18:46:55

I don't understand why people want to go on about the small details of their sex life hmm

I also don't know people got Easter presents - I got an egg for Mr Nice and he gave me one. Didn't post about it in Facebook grin

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 18:48:16

Miranda Would loved to have been a fly on the wall, when he recieved a pic of your feline friend grin

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 18:55:24

Miranda I think it shows the paucity of his imagination that he wouldn't expect to get a photo of someone's cat if he asked for a picture of a pussy.

Ooh that's weird Kirsty, like they're crappy twins. Also whereabouts in the Karma Sutra does it recommend complaining about carpet burn and 'being tired' as gambits to inflame your lover's passions ?

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:56:43

I think I'd feel hurt if I found out that someone I liked had shared details of what we did in bed...I'd like to think that he'd feel it was 'special' enough to keep it private rather than brag about it

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Apr-13 19:07:10

Kirsty lucky escape there I think, although it can leave you feeling a bit let down and flat after something like that. Sometimes it all feels a bit hopeless but it isn't really. I think it's all the Mr Cheeky stuff not helping either. We will get there, though, don't despair.

I don't like all the detailed sex life stuff either. I've never really talked to anyone like that not even my closest friends. Some things are best private.

An Easter egg is as far as "Easter presents" go here, although the children did get some cheques this year, which surprised me. What sort of thing is one supposed to bestow on one's inamorata for Easter? Please tell me it's not a bunny outfit.

while its lovely you are all still talking about me months after i have left the thread, i will ask you to please refain.

Ive had a ton of stuff laid down at my door which has, in fact, had nothing to do with me.

I have seen many detailed posts about sex lives on here over the years, and i can only conclude the need to bring mine up, as some sort of either jealously or mocking ( for some strange reason) Neither are nice things to do.

I would suggest maybe thinking why there is a constant need to drag my name through the mud........... especially so as im not about to defend myself.

As you were.

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 19:14:54

You wont catch me in a bunny outfit. Grim!

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:16:04

I did give my kids some money for easter, but I've never done easter presents for partners

KirstyWirsty Mon 01-Apr-13 19:16:31

OWW I didn't get one egg .. I bought DD a monster high doll instead of an egg

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:16:55

I take it you prefer the easter chick outfit 48 wink

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 19:17:17

I don't even do valentines.

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 19:18:00

I bought all 3 teenagers a little chocolate chick and a bunny each, all were surprisingly chuffed.

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:18:40

I remember a husband once being miffed because I didnt get him a christmas card..I was genuinely bemused that he'd even expect one when we lived in the same house!

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 19:18:57

At 48 mercury I am laughing out loud grin

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 19:20:58

You don't do Valentine's yet 48 - any money, next year you'll be buying R&R a 3 foot card with ' To My Ickle Fluffy Bunny' on the front and a lilac Care Bear holding a satin heart grin

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 19:23:30

He would be wondering if I had been hit on the head with a very heavy object, or if I needed to be.

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 19:27:05

Come on LILAC.

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 19:31:38

And here's me picturing you as a big lilac fan, 48 ...


( I can't think of many people less pastel than you, I imagine you as some kind of kick ass action woman )

MirandaWest Mon 01-Apr-13 19:41:09

I do little bits of stuff like valentines and Christmas cards.

When is nameless arriving I womder? Will snapes hold ups fall down?

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 19:46:35

I think the last time she posted she was heading off to pick him up from the station, wasn't she ?

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 19:51:48

Thats me Kin blush wink

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 20:11:36

Poor Mr R&R thinks I am sweet grin

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 20:18:41

Awwww, that's he luffs you ( isn't he back tonight ?)

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 20:19:52

That's because he luffs you. I was too busy laughing at 'luffs' to notice my mistake.

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 20:21:52

I'd take luuurve over luff grin

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 20:26:28

..or is luuurve somehow 'not nice' hmm

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 20:35:36

About 9-9.30. <taps foot>

MirandaWest Mon 01-Apr-13 20:49:16

Not long then grin

EternalRose Mon 01-Apr-13 20:50:48

[Steps back onto thread to live vacriously through others]

Work is taking over my life right now, but bank account is going to look nicer for it.

Hope you have all had a lovely Easter

x

Back from the gym, went in the sauna, glasses steamed up, so I sat down in on the nearest bench. Mist cleared and I realised was sitting between the legs of a very large, hairy man sitting one level up blush

Lilac, peach, apricot, baby blue, baby pink, primrose. Have I missed any?

48howdidthathappen Mon 01-Apr-13 20:58:15

Mint anyone grin

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 20:59:04

thats why i never go in the sauna!

Mercury I knew it would be busy on a holiday weekend, at least it wasn't the steam room which can be real gorillas in the mist stuff grin

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:09:47

actually I'd always be a bit worried that there'd be some sort of orgy going on and, in my shortsighted-ness, I'd not realise until I'd plonked myself in the middle of it
blush

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:10:54

I'm even more reluctant to penetrate the steam room!

EternalRose Mon 01-Apr-13 21:14:41

grin grin grin At Juliette in steam room with hairy man!

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 21:31:40

Didn't Chandler sit on his father in law's lap in the sauna in Friends once ?

Miranda I must say that I prefer 'luuuuuurvvvve' too, there's something of the Barry White about it but 'luffs' seemed more amusingly incongruous.

Hello Rose hope you had a lovely Easter too

Rose how are you doing?

I have seen worse, most saunas in Austria are mixed. And naked.

The hint was when I looked for the Ladies changing rooms and realised there was one changing room. The give away was when I opened one of the sauna doors.

This one was an amazing place, everything from a regular sauna room, infra red light saunas and the best one that one that started off warm and they increased the temperature in to seriously hot and then you could rest on sunbeds in the snow. All next door to a swimming pool.

Bant Mon 01-Apr-13 21:44:45

Apparently the baths In Budapest are world famous. I've yet to try them though.

Are they outside Bant?

Bant Mon 01-Apr-13 22:15:46

Both in and out.

I did a Bad Thing. Buffy is great but leaving soon, so I looked on OKC for my perfect match in the world, given that buffy was 92% and great. And there's one a few miles away from me in England at 95%. The only one in England. So I mailed and said hello, we chatted, she was in Budapest last week and used to live a couple of streets away from me in cambridge. Now she wants to meet..

EternalRose Mon 01-Apr-13 22:20:39

I am ok thanks ladies, just counting down the days till I leave. OWW I think you asked if I am safe before, and never managed to come back on and reply. Yes, I am safe I am just at the stage where I am more angry at myself for putting up with this for so long..

Snape - All I can say is envy envy envy

Bant, I say go for it!

ALittleStranger Mon 01-Apr-13 22:22:47

Bant would Buffy be surprised if she knew you'd done this?

Ethical dating.com is a way of life, not just a URL.

Bant could you be up front with her and tell it how it is? ie you have been seeing someone, it was unexpected. She is also leaving soon when it will definitely end. You were just browsing, passing the time and... even though you and Buffy don't have future plans you want to do the honerable thing etc. The thing is, you will really mess things up with everyone if it turns out she really is great, and mess things up a bit in terms of having to be careful what you say if she isn't. Fwiw, I have had high matches on okc that just weren't, it depends entirely on the number and range of questions they have anwered. I've answered over 500 I think so can get matched with someone who has answered 50 who is a moron. The algorithm used to take more variables into account and they've not changed it so its much more hit and miss.

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Apr-13 22:24:00

Bant in the circumstances, I don't think this is classified as a Bad Thing. Are you going to meet? Actually, that should be when are you going to meet?

Rose glad that the Great Escape is going to be soon. Not long to go now.

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 22:24:24

do sauna's have any actual health benefits??
I can help thinking it's a bit stressful getting all heated up like that confused...I've not been in one since my late teens

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Apr-13 22:26:37

I've never been in one Merc and reading this thread hasn't tempted me.

Where's Ike btw?

My view is that wandering into the online sweet shop whilst involved with someone is a bad thing as it is disrespectful (I know you didn't expect to see anyone but you opened the door, then went in the room). Seeing if you can taste the sweets, bad thing. No one who has feelings for someone else would be happy with that. Sleeping with one person and being genuinely intimate (which you and Buffy are) whilst meeting up with others, bad thing for all concerned. If you would not be prepared to tell Buffy about it, or call it off then it really is a bad thing.

Said with love obvs smile

Saunas are meant to have benefits to the circulation (don't know why), they do help prepare the skin for exfoliation, and they do make me feel good and relaxed but I don't know if that is a health thing.

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 22:40:35

Bant, I agree it's not on really. I would wait until Buffy has left and you know that things are over or finish it sooner if you want to see the local woman more than once.

ike1 Mon 01-Apr-13 22:42:40

HereI am obsessing over daniel craig...been to see skyfall

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 22:43:21

Maybe I posted before I engaged my brain. As I know some of the posters on here advocate having more than one on the go. It's not something I would do if I had any feelings for someone.

mercury7 Mon 01-Apr-13 22:44:09

I remember that sauna's made me feel very relaxed, but really I'm dozy enough as it is grin

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 22:48:21

Ike I saw a Skyfall train today, with a giant Daniel Craig on the side.

ike1 Mon 01-Apr-13 22:49:52

Oooooh never realised I fancied him until today!!!

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 22:52:00

I haven't seen Skyfall, I rarely go to the cinema but will get it on DVD.

Bant Mon 01-Apr-13 22:52:00

The problem is that buffy is, while great, fantastic in bed, funny, smart, sarcastic and attractive, only a friend with benefits. If she was in the same country for 3,4 12 or 24 months then maybe I could think of it as more. She's told me she has a Friend wherever she goes. I'm her current FWB. I'm okay with that.

But fuck, I want more. Not every weekend or every night, my life doesn't lend itself to that. But something where I can think 'oh, they're making a new star wars film, I want to go see it with X, not 'oh, there's a special offer on condoms this week, I wonder if we'll get to finish the pack'

I'll be honest with buffy. But I kind of want to meet CootGirl first, once. Is that horrible?

antonym Mon 01-Apr-13 22:52:59

Bant surely too spooky a coincidence - honeytrap by Buffy?

ALittleStranger Mon 01-Apr-13 22:53:34

Scrazy, more regular posters can give their POV, but to me having more than one on the go refers to the early stages of messaging and first dates. I will happily have a series of first dates planned and mix it up with some second dates, but I don't think I'd feel comfortable sleeping with someone and continuing to look for others.

Having more than one of the go is absolutely fine if that is what everyone is signed up for but when you are truly intimate and you both believe you have a connection with someone then the game changes, otherwise it makes a mockery of the level of intimacy you think you have. I'm not equatiing intimacy with sex, it's far more, sharing, trust, and an understanding.

Scrazy Mon 01-Apr-13 22:54:37

Well it sounds mutual then Bant, if she sees it that way.

Bant if you think Buffy would not be hurt and you have both agreed you are fwb then its ok, if there is doubt about it, then no. Of course you want more, you want the whole thing and no its not horrible to want that but if you're going to do it, just think through how this is likely to go.

Why is important to meet coolgirl first? what if you do like her, do you keep her waiting in the wings until Buffy goes or juggle both or finish with Buffy. On a practical level, how exactly would you have a relationship with Coolgirl when she lives in the UK and your spare time is in Hungaria?

EternalRose Mon 01-Apr-13 23:03:17

Bant you mentioned before she has commitment issues and runs away everytime a man proposes, added to the fact she is leaving in a few weeks I would meet the other woman really...

KinNora Mon 01-Apr-13 23:05:04

Ike you mean to say that you didn't fancy him when you saw him walk out of the sea in his trunks ? You're a tough cookie and no mistake.

Bant I would simply say treat Buffy the way you'd like to be treated if the situation was reversed.

SweetSeraphim Mon 01-Apr-13 23:06:47

Bant, I thought you said you couldn't date in the UK because that's when you have your dc?

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 01:35:20

Hello all... not been around today due to internet issues... arrgghhh

Sorted now though. Lots to catch up on.

48howdidthathappen Tue 02-Apr-13 07:21:17

Mr R&R has left for work.

We did the 'I love you thing' face to face. Its feels different. It feels real smile

I am knackered. No work today. I need sleep.

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 08:25:46

That is lovely 48 smile Things being real is very good smile

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 09:20:18

Morning everyone, 48 absolutely chuffed to bits for you grin grin grin

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 09:43:28

48 so chuffed it's all come right.

Have swapped numbers with Cakey, hoping he will text soon ...

Off to have our photo taken this morning, competition prize or I'd never be doing it! Why do I always look older and fatter than I am in my head?

TigsytheTiger Tue 02-Apr-13 09:57:59

Morning all,

48 so pleased for you and Mr R&R, it sounds fab and lovely, awwwwww

ditto Snape and nameless, I have been reading the thread over the Easter Break, no posting, but snorted out loud several times at references to cock pics - Mr Leek and stuffing marshmallows back in - eurgh, don't think I will ever put one in my mouth again without that visual image haunting me a marshmallow that is grin

OWW cakey sounds fun, hope he texts and the date get sorted. btw 1986, I was 21 and I definitely look better now than then, frazzled perm, white stilletoes and frosted pink lipstick, nuff said.

MrsC, just to echo everyone else here, no ignoring, there is just so much to read, i think we have all posted at some stage and not got a response. I think a general 'Oi' is acceptable.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 10:00:07

Hope you have had a lovely weekend too with Mr EA Tigsy

TigsytheTiger Tue 02-Apr-13 10:04:05

grin grin oh yes!

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 10:09:50

MsC everyone has posts overlooked sometimes. Sometimes a few. Loads of mine were on the last thread - meh, it happens. Don't let it give you the 'noia! And if you really need an answer about something feel free to yell and wave and generally direct us where needed. It's what I do anyway.

Snapespeare Tue 02-Apr-13 10:40:29

i'm on my way to work, nameless is tucked up in my bed. grin i'm nipping in to wrote and submit a job application & then i'm going back to bed. for the rest of the week. he's just lovely & gentle of soul & i'm really happy. everyone on the train is being treated to a dazzling smile. grin almost blurted out that i love him at one point, but i'm putting it down to sex-hormones hmm i am not saying 'it' first.

he's told his family about me. blush

bant i'd see cootgirl. buffy is a temporary thing. you both know that. when is buffy due to fly out of your life

48 envy . i might need to dredge up an old flame for dinner ... except the only people who spring to mind either wish to engage in dubious foot-related practises by way of recompense, or aren't worthy of being scraped off of shoe.

grin grin though
HUGE BIG grin grin

ohmyrainydays Tue 02-Apr-13 10:52:00

48 I'm so pleased for you i had a big grin on my face ready your post.

The nice one stopped the sex questions when i asked him to then apologised. I'm stillgoing to meet him but i am being careful.

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 11:09:00

Snapr that is an excellent post grin.

Am mystery shopping (who else said they mystery shop too?) sadly no one has ever spoken to my breasts as they would have to find them first. Although I have been told they are lovely.

I have XHs crap car. It goes at 60 going down hill with a following wind hmm

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 11:10:23

I need to give a false name for the next one. I think I may use Miranda West grin

ike1 Tue 02-Apr-13 11:12:56

an people remind me not to overdo wine again?! Been very good revently and have felt positive. Now eyebags are back and the winedoom....

Scrazy Tue 02-Apr-13 11:24:22

Oh there are some loved up people on this thread recently. Snape and 48, very pleased for you both, long may the happiness last.

I am really not looking forward to a date tomorrow. I will go as it really isn't out of my way but....

Good morning all! huge grin grin for Snape and 48, very happy for you. It's lovely to be reminded of how it can be!

Opened my mail this morning to a message from a 61 yr old man who referenced my profile and wanted to know if I preferred the slipper or the hand <shudder>. I do hope this isn't a new phase.

Western enjoy your photoshoot, it sounds rather exciting.

Rainy they generally do stop right away and are very apologetic when told, but they have already shown who they are. Enjoy your date, just keep your ears open

Yes, it's a phase. Not had this on okc before, although it seems we're back to domination. I haven't even had my coffee yet ffs

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 11:38:54

It's all so lovely on here today, Snape if I were woo, I'd say that this is the universe recompensing you for the ginormous wankery of Mr Micropizzle, as I'm not, I will say that I wish you every moment of sheer, fabulous joy that you deserve.

Rainy yes, do be careful and treat everything that comes out of his mouth with massive scepticism.

Lubey have you got any gentleman callers lined up at the moment ?

Tigsy Mr Leek sent me a photo of his face, you know ...... cough...Rob Brydon lookylikey, I'm happy to forward them to you......What d'ya mean, no ?

Miranda have fun, was it Rainy who mystery shops ?

Ike sorry about the winedoom, what's happening with Mr Herbalist ?

I've just found this dress in the wardrobe ASOS - would it be really bad to wear it to meet Mr Showbiz ? ( actually, I seem to remember that suitable knickers are an ishoo with it, so I may well have answered my own question )

Kin fabulous dress, wear it! Although if you're just meeting in Starbucks it might cause a stir grin

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 11:41:59

Juliette Christ on a bike at your last link ! Almost enough to put one right off one's cup of PG

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 11:44:30

Juliette - it needs no knickers and the neckline is down to my navel, I think it might kill poor beardy Mr Showbiz ( might wear it for Software )

VelvetSpoon Tue 02-Apr-13 11:56:54

Morning all, nice to hear lots of happy news smile

I am hoping something nice might happen to me sooner or later to make up for 4 years of OD hell, but I won't be holding my breath (possibly C is it?...in which case things had better progress at some point!)

Finished a huge report at work on thurs and now literally have nothing to do. Sat here twiddling my thumbs. Have made 3 coffees and been to the loo twice to kill time. Need to think of something to occupy myself with this afternoon, doesn't help I have v limited internet access!

Juliette Its now going to say I viewed his profile! If I get a dodgy message I'm blaming you!

I know, it was just sitting there. My first thought was that someone had been kidnapped grin

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 12:25:25

Kin nope no gentleman lined up for me at the moment. Been so busy with work all my child free time over Easter was taken up with that.

Mr Flirt didn't make it over to mine on Saturday (gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah) but is still flirting and we have another chance to meet in May. (distance probs otherwise)

Other than him I have #1fwb who is currently away working in India so god knows when I'll see him...

My libido is still through the roof and I'm going insane again.

I can't see any opportunity to meet anyone at the moment though really... daughter has her bf staying over and the work madness continues

I'll just have to keep climbing the walls. If anyone wants me I'll be on the roof, probably.

spenceuk Tue 02-Apr-13 12:38:55

hi all hope everyone is well and had a nice weekend?

I felt a bit crap the last couple of days things have really started to get to me. The future ex mrs spence has found a rental property and will be moving out sometime next week.

Lubey I think I'm joining you, I haven't felt like this since I was pregnant.

Spence all normal, once she's moved out and things are more stable you will be able to start establishing yourself again. As she is still around, it does make it a lot more difficult to move on on your own terms. Never easy but you will get there in time. We are always here.

spenceuk Tue 02-Apr-13 12:49:08

juliette thats why you ladies are amazing.

im trying to look at it in a positive light i think my libido is coming back so thats all good

Yes, we are all fabulous! grin

TigsytheTiger Tue 02-Apr-13 13:01:56

oops Kin I think I got Mr Leek confused with the cock pic, but for clarification please don't forward either to me grin. The dress is stunning, I love ASOS dresses, definitely save it for whoever you want to have most impact with!

Juliette dying to click on the link, but at work, and not entirely sure who can see my screen, best I wait till i get home?

Lubey be careful on that roof, hope you find something to tempt you down soon!

Spence it's a roller coaster of emotions going through a break up and at the same time thinking about planning a new solo future. We all get highs and lows it is completely normal and you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel this way. Almost everyone on here has been through something similar and sometimes it just helps to share how you feel and realise you aren't alone.

48howdidthathappen Tue 02-Apr-13 13:16:52

Snape I said it first blush Never done that in my life. Felt right. Felt fucking amazing to have it out there grin

Probably would of cocked it all up without you lot. So massive thankyou flowers

Juliette I had to look. Just NO!

Kin Haven't the cleavage for that dress. As I said before "If you've got it" grin

Yes Rainy Guard UP!

Has Cakey texted? OWW

Spence It will get easier. Promise.

Lubey Lucky me this week. DD staying with BF all week. Even took Dawg.
Whole house to shag in. Covered most of it last night grin grin

spenceuk Tue 02-Apr-13 13:17:11

i havent caught up with the thread recently so are you all being sent cock pics? lol

Snapespeare Tue 02-Apr-13 13:18:02

spence you're bound to feel a bit crappy because it's the end of something that meant a lot to you. At the risk of sounding a bit trite, endings also mean beginnings. it's a new stage and that is terrifying exciting. Anyone on this board who has faced the end of a relationship can tell you that there are necessary steps to recovery. You cant just turn off the emotional aspect of this, but it's a step. Ask anyone who is currently happy and they will tell you that they have felt like day old shit on numerous occasions - and it's possible that they will feel crappy again at some point <shrugs> life, without it's ups and downs would be a flat line and that's no use to anyone. ( i do appreciate that I am saying this from my gloriously happy perspective of the day...do feel free to ignore me)

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 13:23:06

Lubey that's a bit shite then, isn't there a quote from someone who compares their libido to being 'chained to a madman' ? ( I may well have just invented that ). It sounds like you need a more convenient fwb although I've no idea how you get one of those, having never had one - <deprived face>.

That's good news Spence hopefully things will start to get easier from here on.

Tigsy nah, that's him, Mr Leek sent the leek-like cock shot, then apologised, then sent a picture of his face - as if looking like a Welsh comic actor made up for him dangling his genitalia in my face .

I actually have 2 colours of that dress, one a dark orange and one cobalt blue, it's the blue one I have here, I seem to think I bought both in the sale - I bloody love ASOS.

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 13:28:01

Spence - Snape knows , everything she said up there is very true.

48 happier for you than Mr Happy on a night out in The Hacienda in the late eighties. grin

Snapespeare Tue 02-Apr-13 13:28:59

'as if looking like a Welsh comic actor made up for him dangling his genitalia in my face'

you always make me smile Kin. You have a smashing turn of phrase... you should write. smile

48howdidthathappen Tue 02-Apr-13 13:32:35

Agreed Snape You are bloody fab Kin smile

TigsytheTiger Tue 02-Apr-13 13:33:26

agreed snape, Kin has a way with words, mind you these threads could be a book in themselves .... they certainly tell a story or two wink

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 13:55:29

Oh don't be nice to me, you'll make me cry.

Funnily enough, Snape I was going to ask you earlier on if you'd ever written anything, ( warning - ponce alert ) I've found a lot of your posts to be really quite beautifully lyrical ( not necessarily the ones about cocks ).

I think the standard of writing on this thread is very high generally, as is the standard of person, basically you're all the kind of people I'd like to neck a shedload of cocktails with.

Tigsy there is a massive cock in my link, but no penis. Depends if your colleagues have a sense of humour.

Spence if you can bear it help yourself to that link. I promise it will take your mind of things. You asked why we're single? That, for starters.

Kin grin

Snapespeare Tue 02-Apr-13 14:08:56

I've got a couple of fairy stories under my belt and a childrens story about a little girl who refuses to walk, because she can float so her parents have to take her for walks with a bit of string tied around her ankle or insist that she wears really heavy boots... this all stops just as suddenly as it started with the arrival of her baby brother who breathes fire I once started a chick-lit-with-a-twist about a bridget jones type who found a deep south fairy godmother who turned her raucous tomcat into a man who still had the ability to lick his own balls 'hilarity ensued' hmm

but nothing published. blush these are mainly to amuse myself or get rid of accumulated angst... (thank you, sweet of you to say, although I'm sure I can be quite lyrical about cocks if asked nicely)

Kin I'll second that!

I once made a Valentines card which consisted entirely of random words that told my bf what I loved about his him. I may have mentioned his cock once or twice in large font (not a stealth boast, the large font was for emphasis) grin.

spenceuk Tue 02-Apr-13 14:27:03

i dont think i will be clicking on that link at work lol

hopefully it doesnt put me to shame

i cant say ive ever sent cock pics to a woman is that the norm now adays lol?

ike1 Tue 02-Apr-13 14:44:25

The 'erbalist and I, Kin, were supposed to meet on Sat. He called it off, was very apologetic and polite, due to illness. We have been chatting regularly since...but he is as much of a flaky nut cluster as I am....and not sure that is a good thing...however we do seem to get o well and have lts in common. We shall see eh???

ike1 Tue 02-Apr-13 14:45:16

get on well....lots in common

EternalRose Tue 02-Apr-13 14:59:33

Did someone say cocktails????????????

grin

Movingforward123 Tue 02-Apr-13 15:21:13

I have a confession to make! You arnt going to believe this!! I slept with dds dad last night blush after two and a half years of not being together! He knows we arnt getting back together and we have been texting today!

I'm glad I had some action after 6 weeks sad obviously it wasn't the best idea!

Snapespeare Tue 02-Apr-13 15:30:45

shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock shock

does this complicate things or end unfinished business?!

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 15:33:55

Oh Moving , you daft apeth, never mind, we've all done silly things.

Snape I would buy your books, and I'm a right fussy cah.

Ike that is bobbins, are you re-arranging your date ?

Juliette arf at the large font cock adjectives

Spence no, I don't think cock shots are de rigeur, I doubt very much if Bant, Voice and Bill have ever indulged.

Rose I'm getting cocktails on Friday and possibly some geek luuuurrrvvve

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 15:39:18

My last post was very northern, I apologise. It's the air here, I come over all Bet Lynch.

Possibly not the first time that latter phrase has ever been used.

Movingforward123 Tue 02-Apr-13 15:45:54

Snape I'm not sure! I know he wants to get back with me, he was going to propose a couple of weeks ago! confusedconfusedconfused

I don't want to get back with him! But if he wasn't dds dad I would want to see him again and be 'seeing' him but as he's dds dad it is too complicated! And I know he's not the one for me long term

Snapespeare Tue 02-Apr-13 15:53:32

wait! if you didnt have DD you'd want to see him, but because he is, you dont? confused

what are the reasons why he isnt a long term prospect?

also, although this shouldnt cloud your judgement, was the sex good? i'm just a bit nosey

Movingforward123 Tue 02-Apr-13 16:00:54

Because I know I don't want to be with him long term I can't just have my fun with him like I could with a guy that I have no strings to! So if he wasn't dds dad we could sleep together and go out etc and I wouldn't have to worry about it affecting my dd as he would be a random! Does that make sense? confusedconfusedconfused

And the sex wasn't that greatest it has ever been but it was good hmm he has always had a lot of stamminia, a sexy body, he is well endowed smile and most importantly he wants to please me so much sexually! So yes it was good, but if say we met up again I'm sure it would be even better wink

But I'm not planning on doing that! confused

Movingforward123 Tue 02-Apr-13 16:06:46

Oh and he's not long term for many reasons! I just don't think he is ambitious enough and he annoys me as he's not very efficient!

Also he has cheated in the past and was always chatting to other girls behind my back as he gets insecure when we are in a relationship!! And last time we for back together he had a secret phone to speak to girls on hmm so it would never work!

But apart from those things mentioned above there are many good points to him and we do have a connection Espically sexually! confused

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 16:09:51

Kin, I nearly snorted my coffee everywhere at "being chained to a madman" YES!! haha... especially with what I've just done too - I've booked DD and her bf into hotel on Friday night. So they can have some privacy and I can maybe work on finding myself one of those nice gentleman callers.

Something had to be done, people. I'll hit PoF later. Haven't been on there for ages but before life took over I had changed it to 'dating' but with intent as 'no commitment' and there were a couple of possibles. So I'll have a look later..

Mr Flirt might be a possibility too, I recall him saying about being free this weekend. I suspect he meant Saturday rather than Friday night but we'll see...

and and yay for your Friday too with cocktails and possible geek luuurrve

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 16:36:52

Bloody hell, I've just googled that Lubey and it appears I was quoting Socrates - get me (worra ponce I am).

I really admire your whole approach Lubey, you know what you want and go out to get it, your daughter's very lucky to have you as a role model.

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 16:46:03

Aww Kin, thanks. flowers However the resident madman (madwoman?) leaves me absolutely no choice but to get what I want wink

I do wish I could be satisfied with a battery operated device, but they only serve to make it worse. I need the maleness of an actual human male. Grrrowl.

Oh. I appear to have changed my profile to IE again. Eeeek <remembers tearing hair out last time with the crappy locals>

VelvetSpoon Tue 02-Apr-13 16:59:02

Lubey, hope POF throws someone decent your way! Isn't there normally a surge of new people on OD sites (was going to say members but possibly unfortunate turn of phrase!) Post bank hols? Fingers crossed smile

Twinkly manager at client firm was back in today and v happy and smily with me. I'm noticing even more how he isn't like that with almost anyone else...am developing a bit of a soft spot for him I think blush which is bad for many reasons!

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 17:05:52

Velvet why's that bad ? Because he's a colleague ? go for it

lubey grin

Velvet never mind the protocol, sounds like a slow burner heating up to me

Spence do not, under any circumstances unless invited and you know you are talking to a real life woman who hasn't got her mates round for a laugh send a cock shot. You're welcome smile

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 17:42:01

Velvet thanks - and I agree with Juliette and Kin about the colleague grin

PoF not going well so far. Nice enough blokes (makes a change for locals) but they are all just a bit yawnworthy. No one grabbing my attention. It's not been long though so far so fingers crossed.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 17:43:21

Need some tips on getting out of dinner-party-conversation territory into a-bit-flirtatious-and-mildly-saucy without encouraging downright lewdness and the cockshot mentality. I've dropped what I think are quite broad hints, but no response.

And it's not just one - I have a few like this! It must be me.

Cakey chatting about work but hasn't said yet if Thursday or Friday will suit - possibly shy, possibly back tracking!

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 17:49:38

Ooh I don't know OWW I'm usually rubbish at that, I reckon Lubey will have some ideas. I'd probably mention something I'm planning to wear somewhere but I'm not sure if it's a bit tight/seethrough/short, could he possibly give me a male viewpoint ? I am about as subtle as a brick though.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 17:52:15

Oh I would just blush! Honestly I am crap at this. Great at talking dirty, great at polite friendly chit chat and banter, but the bit in between is just beyond me.

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 17:54:21

I'm glad it's not just me, I'm exactly the same - fine with matey chat, topnotch with filth, useless at flirty, slightly cheeky stuff.

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 17:55:23

OWW I would need to know the actual text exchanged so far in order to come up with a way out of the text doldrums for you. Feel free to PM if you care to reveal? I understand if not though.

KIn, haha at subtle as a brick. I tend to move from subtle to brick territory quite quickly if they aren't getting it

As if by magic, having moaned that they were all yawnworthy, a brilliant message from a chap with a great profile appeared in my PoF inbox.

Now then... let's hope he's available Friday for some cursory polite but flirty date and then hopefully letting the madwoman loose (yes I do know already he is meetworthy... blimey)

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 17:57:03

Atta girl Lubey ! 'Brilliant message' sounds vair promising.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 17:58:46

Oh Cakey has been back at work today so just a couple about first day back being the worst, lots of work to catch up on etc etc. Might do one about me lying in bed whilst he's hard at it ...

But I have another one who wants to talk about primary schools, another one about camping, another one about building yawn yawn yawn.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 17:59:37

Ooh Lubey that is fast work! Tell all now!!

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 18:02:40

OWW I did once eat a Cornetto in a provocative fashion in an attempt to inflame the desires of a young man I'd set my cap at.

You could try that ...

spenceuk Tue 02-Apr-13 18:08:03

ha ha im pretty positive i wont be sending anything like that anytime soon.

I probably shouldnt but im tempted to sign upto a site tonight

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 18:08:07

Oh once I have the bugger in sight there won't be a problem - its just the remote stuff.

Works well with a Fab lolly too (or so I'm told) ...

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 18:11:57

Sorry too many posts but I'm out with him on Thursday ...

Spence it can be quite reassuring (that there are other people out there who like you) to have a look round online. Looking and maybe a bit of chatting can't do any harm, but it might be early days for actual dating.

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 18:13:14

Chatting with him now... he's just my cuppa tbh and absolutely understands my profile too which makes a change. Oooh.

I've asked if he is available Friday....

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 18:14:20

Ooh get in there Lubey!

OWW I get this as well. As for starting the flirty stuff, I wouldn't have a clue. Again not exactly subtle.

Lubey what is a fab lolly, are we all doing it these days? grin

Would someone mind sending me a message on pof, so I can send a test reply. I have a feeling that when I quick reply it's not been sending (nothing shows as sent). PM me if you're up for it and I can give you my profile name.

spenceuk Tue 02-Apr-13 18:19:54

I agree OWW but it would just be nice to have a bit of a flirt get my confidence up. Obvioulsy i wont lead anyone on or anything

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 18:22:43

OWW the Fab lolly comment made me laugh a lot, are we all at it ? I was pretending to be reading a book at the same time so 'didn't notice' how I was eating it or indeed the effect it was having on him - mwahahahahaha

Lubey geddin !

Spence do it ! do it ! do it !

Juliette the ones with lots of tiny coloured balls on the end

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 18:23:43

Juliette it was OWW that mentioned the fab lolly... in reference to provocative cornetto eating, I believe grin

Come on bloke... be available Friday be available Friday be available Friday be available Friday be available Friday be available Friday be available Friday be available Friday be available Friday be available Friday

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 18:24:51

Oh and Juliette I'll send you a message... PM me your profile..

KirstyWirsty Tue 02-Apr-13 18:25:39

What is the youngest you would consider shagging? I have been messaged by a cute 22 year old and a really quite attractive 33 year old (I am 45)

I am in the same state as lubey and juliet .. Am I just getting a bit carried away?

spenceuk Tue 02-Apr-13 18:27:04

kirtsy my advice would be to go with the guy in his 30's at least he will know what hes doing

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 18:28:10

I'm 46 Kirsty and if I liked them, I probably wouldn't say no. Go for it, I say.

Disclaimer - the proximity of some action may well be making me a bit giddy.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 18:29:37

I'll message you Juliette but won't be til half eight/nineish if that's alright ...

Go for it, Spence!

So I need to tell Cakey to forget the pub, we'll meet in an ice-cream parlour?

He's out on the town in Mcr on Friday Nora, so if a bloke offers to buy you a lolly you'll know who it is!

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 18:42:36

I like Fab Lollies <possibly slightly irrelevant>

Is it bad that I am slightly glad that XH is having DC tonight as well so I get to finish my mystery shopping reports in peace and then slob around the place and get the bed to myself? Definitely nowhere near ready to do living with anyone other than DC although the thought is somewhere on a distant horizon...

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 18:44:16

Oh I've quite got used to having the house/big bed to myself too Miranda.

Kirsty not much point in asking me with my track record but my last casual was a holiday romance and he was 31 although I did think he was about 40 when I met him.

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 18:49:25

Ahh, I'd look out for him OWW but I'll be in that there Brizzle drinking cocktails and behaving like a trollop

Kin the ones with lots of tiny coloured balls on the end. Good job I googled Fab lolly in the end, could have been awkward smile

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 18:52:52

Bed is mine alone more often than it isn't but I suppose it is the feeling of house completley to myself tonight (which happens rather less often).

VelvetSpoon Tue 02-Apr-13 18:54:55

I sleep far better when I'm sharing a bed than I do on my own. I blame 4 or so years of co-sleeping, having a bed to myself feels strange!

Lubey any reply from Friday's potential yet?!

Re Twinkly man, it's a whole combination of things, not just some misplaced sense of loyalty to C but also the work aspect, plus I am not entirely sure he is single, and also he is a LOT older than me. So, it's nice being liked (if that's what it is) but it won't be going any further!

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 18:57:31

Juliette < innocent face >

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 18:58:33

Velvet he asked if I was serious with a bit of a shocked face (in a good way I think!) but also in that message he said he was just going out and would be back to chat later if I was around.

So I'm guessing it's a possibility for him but I won't find out for sure til later

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 19:35:47

Right, flutters, he's just texted he's out walking and is a bit out of breath ... Must be an opening here!

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 19:37:16

Flirters not flutters!

KinNora Tue 02-Apr-13 20:01:36

'You'd be more out of breath if I was doing you standing up in the freezer aisle in Tesco ' ?

<helpful>

Thanks for the offer of messaging OWW. I was indeed doing it wrong [shame], have now learnt how to do it properly.

See this is where flirting just does not come naturally fnarr, the only things I can think of would not really set the right tone

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 20:05:30

Nora I have just sent him that exact message. Genius.

(Not really. We are talking about hill walking).

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:05:38

I'd say something like the flushed out of breath look being very attractive

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:06:23

suspect the moment has been missed though!

'you're out of breath from walking? not much good to me then' <unhelpful>

oh he's up a hill
still no good <helpful>

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:09:55

about* not like.

Ok, my exact text would have been something along the lines of finding the flushed out of breath look attractive and looking forward to seeing it in person

then if questioned I'd have claimed innocence and that I merely meant going walking together, or something.

depending on what type of texter he is and how sharp witted (or not) I may have added a wink

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 20:15:55

Oh I am not even going to try to do it! It's just not me. Will chat about hypnotism and football instead in a normal fashion.

Winefiend Tue 02-Apr-13 20:21:10

OWW I'd have asked him if he tires easily/to remember to save some energy for me grin

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:24:59

Oooh good ones winefiend grin

Winefiend Tue 02-Apr-13 20:25:47

I am a professional grin

Winefiend Tue 02-Apr-13 20:26:18

Not in a paid for sex kinda way btw hmm

Aw bless, I added a line to my POF profile earlier saying that a sentence is preferred if anyone would like me to reply. I just got an entire sentence in txt spk.

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:34:37

Am texting Mr B. <just named him>

He still hasn't confirmed or denied Friday... gah. having a good chat though. I'll nudge him for an answer in a bit.

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 20:40:34

Am watching Brief Encounter and looking forward to crying over it in a bit. Told Mr Nice who replied saying he would never understand why women like crying at films grin

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 20:40:58

Come on Mr B. It will be worth your while...

Winefiend Tue 02-Apr-13 20:47:37

He's probably working out if you're gonna eat him alive lubey (the answer to this is 'yes, of course)

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:49:54

Friday is on! Woop! grin

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 20:50:10

I think you need a certain panache to be able to do the flirty thing and I've just never had it. Having a lovely chat with him, he's funny. Promising ....

How come you get to this stage in ooh four hours Lubey when it's taken me over a week??

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:50:56

winefiend, you know me too well.

KirstyWirsty Tue 02-Apr-13 20:51:24

spence the 22 year old is very clever and funny .. The 33 year old hasn't much to say for himself apart from telling me I'm 'hot' hmm

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 20:54:11

The 22 year old then!!

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 20:55:21

Hooray for Friday lubey grin

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:55:24

<points at insane libido currently clawing and chewing at the door>

Probably something to do with that nutter ^ OWW

Oh and an IE profile and a trigger happy block button.

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:57:40

Kirsty... definitely the 22 year old then grin

Miranda yes hooray for Friday grin

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 20:58:52

Oh... and the luck that an interesting one happened to spot me and message me. I think luck is a huge factor seeing as last time I looked locally on PoF I decided sticking rusty pins in my eyes would be preferable.

ChooChooLaverne Tue 02-Apr-13 21:09:07

You've all been very busy since I was last on.

Yay for all the loving 48 and Snape - am very pleased for you both.

Velvet - sounds like you quite rightly have lots of admirers, not surprisingly as you sound completely lovely. Shame C can't up his game a bit to give you what you deserve <am hoping that he will soon>.

OWW sorry to hear MrV wasn't what you wanted but exciting that you've already got more lined up.

<Waves at everyone else>

Well, my big build up to a weekend of lurving was a bit premature. Had a lovely time of it with MrNP who is completely lovely and funny and all that. And he's a fantastic kisser who makes me go weak at the knees. And I really like him. BUT, he got willy wilt as soon as the condoms came out. Gah. Is this something that can get better? Could he just have been really nervous because he likes me or is that just wishful thinking? We managed to do everything else but PIV sex, which was all pretty good. But... it's so frustrating. confused

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 21:14:03

Oh ChooChoo that us a bit of a let down. I think it's just probably down to all the pressure and expectation and nerves, could well work out in the future. Did he say anything about it at all?

lubeybooby Tue 02-Apr-13 21:16:20

Oh no choochoo my worst nightmare. I was saying this might happen to someone on the thread last year who had been seeing someone brilliant for about 8 weeks and was all loved up but hadn't slept with him yet.

I completely act as though it isn't a problem though and tend to get very naughty in an effort to help things along... if that doesn't work though then there's nothing you can do but hope it's down to nerves and if you seem unfazed will right itself next time.

Or, if you are 1) confirmed as in a relationship and monogamous and 2) on other contraception and 3) it's purely the condoms causing the prob then you could both get tested and get your certs asap and ditch the condoms.

ChooChooLaverne Tue 02-Apr-13 21:22:54

He said he'd put too much pressure on himself. So I (somewhat desperately) suggested ditching the condoms and just doing anything but PIV sex, which seemed to work well. But now am scared that mentioning condoms may set it off again.

Guess we will have to have another conversation about it next time it rears (or not) its head!

Yes, I guess if it was just the condoms I would be happy to follow your 3 point plan lubey.

ChooChooLaverne Tue 02-Apr-13 21:23:47

Could also be that I scared him by showing him my giant box of condoms that I'd lined up for the weekend. I didn't mention the other box as there was a special offer on

BillMasen Tue 02-Apr-13 21:29:24

Did someone mention cocktails a few pages back? smile

And no, whoever asked, never sent a cock shot, ever!!

Winefiend Tue 02-Apr-13 21:37:15

lubey excellent work! grin

Kirsty Definitely the 22 year old! I jad a very fun evening with a 21 year old. Out of all of the recents, he was the most respectful, fun and straightfoward of them all. Not to mention gorgeous grin

we'll cast aside the part where I didn't get to shag him as his twatty little mates got in a fight and he had to go back to his hotel to stop them killing each other

Winefiend Tue 02-Apr-13 21:39:01

ChooChoo that's a real shame, but it could just be nerves. I'd be inclined to go with lubey's plan.

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 21:40:44

Choochoo I've been through something similar with Mr Nice - was frustrating but helped that he did and does a lot of other excellent things. And meant for me that when sex worked really well for the first time that it was more special somehow. But I think I had rather fallen for him before the first attempts at sex (and we didn't wait that long at all) - I probably wouldn't have taken so much time on someone I didn't care about iyswim.

ChooChooLaverne Tue 02-Apr-13 21:49:32

Miranda I have fallen for him just a bit quite a lot already. And I really want it to work. In your case did it just get better on its own and was it to do with nerves?

ChooChoo sad. This is the second condom shy penis this week, on the plus side it seems he was open about what the problem was and you both got around it well. If he said it was nerves then it probably was.

MirandaWest Tue 02-Apr-13 22:17:56

It got better basically on its own although I think my being understanding did help. Things improved in little bits if that makes any sense until I realised there wasn't an issue any more. Thinking about it, there was probably about a month or so of frustrating stuff although also lovely stuff iyswim.

Mr Nice is I think always going to be suspectable to a floppy willy at times of stress (happened about 6 weeks ago with combination of his XW moving back up here, him getting a new job and something else I think) but I know it's just something that happens and doesn't change "us". Or something like that. Doesn't stop the odd bit of frustration though although the most recent problem was sorted out with sex on his sofa which was very pleasurable

<waves at Bill and simultaneously musses his hair>

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 22:19:45

Spence are you busy fishing?

KirstyWirsty Tue 02-Apr-13 22:42:45

juliet I had the other WW (tm) .. I just got the impression he wanted to go bareback .. As he said it wouldnt be a problem without the condoms Who was it who said 'no glove no love' ??

BillMasen Tue 02-Apr-13 22:44:57

Oh, and hi spence. Nice to have another bloke around. I can really sympathise with what you're going through and they're a good bunch on here (mostly smile ). You'll get good advice and good support in equal measure.

Kirsty I remember now, he was rather transparent about it too.

BillMasen Tue 02-Apr-13 22:47:01

juliette smile

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Apr-13 22:49:26

Are you still seeing Geek Girl Bill?

BillMasen Tue 02-Apr-13 22:59:54

Hi oww. Yeah although it's the same issue of diary problems on both sides that mean finding time with no kids is really hard. Not sure where it can go really, which is a bit of a shame. All nice enough at the moment though.

Just keeping a lurking presence on here, seeing how you're all doing. Daft really but you feel like you get to know people a bit through their posts and stories, and really want things to go well for them.

Bill maybe that's just enough for now, you still have someone but it's relaxed. Did you get some child free time like you wanted to?

BillMasen Tue 02-Apr-13 23:13:44

Yes a few days away just to be a grown up on my own, which was very nice. I think I'll have a testing month or so coming up (selling the marital home, trying to change access a bit to get a small social life, work stuff) so glad my batteries are recharged ready!

Bought a new car and pick that up tomorrow so, like all small boys with a new toy, a little bit excited.

VelvetSpoon Wed 03-Apr-13 01:25:52

Bill sounds like the break away was much needed! Enjoy the new carsmile

I fell asleep before 9 tonight (was obviously more tired than I realised, I blame the fact I had to sit at work with nothing to do all day!), DS1 woke me up about an hour ago...and am now wide awake confused. Will have to try and sleep in a bit!

Lubey well done re Friday, hope it all goes to plan! Am somewhat in awe smile

ChooChoo I dated a bloke once years ago who had this issue with condoms...from memory it did improve over time, so as you like this one, see how it goes. I think for some men if they've had issues with condoms in the past, then been in a long relationship where they haven't used them, it's a psychological thing, but one which I'm sure can be overcome smile

Ok, off to attempt some sleep...

mercury7 Wed 03-Apr-13 01:41:58

hope you get plenty z's Velvet, I'm on the late shift as usualgrin

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 02:31:39

Thanks I am chuffed about Friday. Had a good chat with Mr B via text this evening. Managed to discuss sexual likes and dislikes without it turning into complete porn. I don't usually do that but I'm still on the roof eager for the deed to not only be done, but be done right and he seems to score full marks on compatibility in theory with me there... so fingers crossed.

The rest of the night should be good also, my usual preferred format of drinks and dinner with suitable opportunity to do a runner if need be, and with my free house handily round the corner if not. Yeehaw grin

Kirsty it's me with the no glove no love thing, or at least I recall saying it anyway about that one that had a vasectomy and seemed to think that meant no rubber required... wrong!

KirstyWirsty Wed 03-Apr-13 08:57:11

lubey I got the same from TheAuditor re the vasectomy

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 09:13:22

Mornin' all

ChooChooLaverne Wed 03-Apr-13 09:24:34

Morning!

Sorry didn't reply to everyone last night as I fell asleep, but thanks for all the stories/advice. Will just carry on and see if things improve on their own or else will try lubey's plan.

Velvet hope you managed to get some sleep.

lubey sounds like your Friday plan is working out grin

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 09:38:44

Lubey, glad you will have the opportunity to run if needs be. Trust you are meeting him in a neutral place first? Say yes mummy (you know me, always worry about safety. grin

Not sure if my first coffee date is going ahead today, still waiting to hear.

MirandaWest Wed 03-Apr-13 09:40:02

Hello smile

I have some children back here. Luckily they are mine grin

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 10:10:58

Scrazy hope it all works out for your date.

Lubey and for yours too!

Feeling vaguely encouraged about meeting Cakey tomorrow.

Been thinking about LM and in a bad way - keep getting crappy things he did popping into my head. Can't believe I put up with some of this shit. Never again. I think he is deeply fucked up.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 10:12:17

Scrazy yes!

Miranda grin

Choochoo good luck, I'm sure it will be fine one way or another in the end

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 10:16:08

Oh yes and scrazy good luck for your date

and you OWW with cakey tomorrow

Don't fret too much about LM... he served a purpose as experience of what you don't want at least, and you're well rid now smile not long til he's a distant and vague 'ugh' memory

Velvet I reckon you're on to something there with your early condom theory <strokes chin> That would explain why the genuine one's get past it once they relax a bit.

OWW maybe you need to go through the process of remembering his more fucked up moments so that you never go there again. He served his purpose, a crash course in 'Managing Difficult People: assertiveness with dummies'. You would wipe the floor with him now.

mercury7 Wed 03-Apr-13 11:41:02

I can appreciate why men might genuinely have issues with condoms, and if that combines with 'first time performance anxiety' (which I think is also understandable) then it could make things especially difficult.

but they surely appreciate the need to practise safe sex and realise that it is not on to expect women to overlook this important thing!

As far as I know women are a bit more at risk from std's (?) so really it shows that he's putting his short term sexual pleasure above her long term health!

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 11:56:45

My ex has a problem maintaining an erection with condoms. He now thinks because he's had the snip he doesn't need to use them. This means at the moment he's having unprotected sex with his unsuspecting new girlfriend, the woman in an open relationship who's also sleeping with several men unprotected and at least another one woman who's sexual habits i don't know about. It makes me feel really sick to think of what nasty diseases could be being passed around that lot!

So for me it's no glove no love too. They can profess to be only sleeping with you but in my ex's case i know it's easily lied about.

mercury7 Wed 03-Apr-13 12:44:53

Rainy, he surely must be aware of the risk of std's, he's just choosing to delude himself?

ALittleStranger Wed 03-Apr-13 12:51:09

I had an ex with persistent willy wilt with condoms. Took years to get over it and it was always an anxious moment for both of us if we needed to use one. He was an arse about it unfortunately so be supportive but do maintain safe boundaries.

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 03-Apr-13 13:00:49

Hey.

Dates in the pipeline.

Have been following thread, but lurking due to exhaustion, someone will need to take the baton...[weak smile]

WFF x

KirstyWirsty Wed 03-Apr-13 13:02:20

I think that for my age group (40s) I was only ever really concerned about preventing pregnancy rather than avoiding stds .. I find it quite hard to enforce the safe sex thing myself ( I hate condoms) and was always in long term relationships and did end up going on the pill but I just went for a STD check (all clear thankfully) and am going to try and take more care going forward (thus poor MrFixit having the wilt with the condom and not getting any further)

Bant Wed 03-Apr-13 13:12:51

I'm not a big fan of the condom myself but just think it makes sense till you're exclusive and checked.

I've never used one myself (or should I say I've never been with anyone that has) but would a femidom be a solution to the wilting? Not that you should need to, the bloke should be responsible and able in my opinion, but it could help with the problem

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 13:13:32

I'm 32 and had it endlessly drummed into me when I was growing up... sex ed at school, every teens and women's magazine (some I shouldn't have been reading at a young age) it was all condoms condoms condoms, carry then yourself, yes even if you are female, don't rely on him having one, HIV growing among heterosexual women, respect yourself etc etc

It seems to have worked!

MY DD says it hasn't been the same for her and there isn't this pressure and drumming in coming from everywhere (apart from from me!) I guess we're a bit further away from the major scares about HIV now and the drumming in about it has lessened.

I dislike them myself but accept that I'm stuck with them until what I want changes or I can be in a casual-ish but still monogamous relationship like with BC.

ChooChooLaverne Wed 03-Apr-13 13:24:43

Do Femidoms even still exist?

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 13:26:25

I think they do choochoo confused

48howdidthathappen Wed 03-Apr-13 13:32:11

Kirsty Same here, it was all about preventing babies, so just went on the pill. Job done blush

Another who finds 'safe sex' hard to enforce.

48howdidthathappen Wed 03-Apr-13 13:37:55

Moving How are things going with your ex, have you sorted it?

I think I'm the last generation that was able to shag with abandon without worry about HIV. On the pill, you could have anyone, anywhere without even thinking about it. Seemed to alway turn into a relationship. Luckily for me there was a previous big scare about Herpes just before HIV which meant it was always wrap up from then on.

Thinking about it, that is when more sensual sex as the default seemed to go out of the window, the kind where you just cuddle up and drift into it when PIV could just be uber closeness. <more chin stroking>

Bant have you met up with Cootgirl yet? Spill grin

48howdidthathappen Wed 03-Apr-13 13:57:51

Juliette Agree 100%

I have never had safe sex with Mr R&R blush shock

48howdidthathappen Wed 03-Apr-13 13:59:33

Rushes off back to work.

Bant Wed 03-Apr-13 14:10:56

Haven't met with CootGirl yet, I've tentatively arranged one for this weekend, will possibly be seeing Buffy first and talking rather than jumping straight into bed. Possibly.

CootGirl has a busy life, I do too, we'll have to see if there's a spark and if things could work long distance some of the time. Partly I just want to see how well OKC scores match up to reality. I recognise someone who's been looking at me on there who, even though it's a very high score, we probably really wouldn't get on well in real life.

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 14:19:39

I'm sure he's well aware of the risks and i do tell him he's being really reckless.

Maybe it is an age thing because I'm 31 and i had the safe sex message well drummed in to me when i was young. He's 47 so there may be something in that.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 14:23:03

I'd say that was true rainy as that age group is apparently the one where STI's are spreading fastest now. I saw an article about it somewhere not long ago.

You're close to the same age as me where it was constantly drummed into me at every turn

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 14:26:31

I agree with comments about condoms being a generational thing. Back in the day they were used if you weren't on the pill. I guess old habits die hard.

Seems like my date has bottled out. This is why I don't normally OD and I was fairly sure that if it had gone ahead I wouldn't have fancied him anyway.

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 14:30:39

Well if my ex's stories are true i can see where that's coming from.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 14:42:13

<laughs hysterically at the thought of condom use being promoted in school>

I'm another condom disliker but there's no way I will be having sex with someone new without one. Recently I've had dealings at work with patients with syphillis for the first time in my career, never really known it to occur before, that kind of thing makes you a little , ya know, wary because I'm not sure I could work the 'no nose' look.

On willy wilt, it used to happen on a semi ( geddit) regular basis with Spud but that's because he'd fret it was going to happen, thus causing it to happen.
He also didn't like being put in a position where he was suddenly 'expected' to perform, as I found to my cost when he came home for lunch and I went all fellatrix on his ass.

( I love the word 'fellatrix' , fact I was going to call myself Fellatrix Potter on here but decided to rein myself in )

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 14:46:29

Kin that's something I liked about BC so much. Always ready... only had to look at him a certain way and ping! ready. Hahaa <suddenly misses BC again>

and sad at the syphilis patients

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 14:51:30

I don't like condoms either but would use them unless i was in an established relationship.

I'm getting a bit excited about my date tomorrow. He's more nervous than i am, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I'm really hoping he is nice because i may be a bit emotionally involved already.

ChooChooLaverne Wed 03-Apr-13 15:03:02

Those of you who are au fait with the safe sex message, do you always use condoms for oral sex too? blush

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 15:04:41

Rainy I know it's easier said than done but remember the Rules.

Lubey sorry to make you remember BC.

(I'm hoping for a 'pinger' next time.)

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 15:05:34

That would be a no for me. It's been a long time since i was last single though so i haven't done that for a long time. I know you should really.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 15:07:08

Kin it's ok I am remembering it fondly... siiigh... seeing him in June, I can wait... tis worth it!

Choochoo no I have to say I'm not that much of a safe sex person that I would use them or dental dams for oral. Just PIV.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 15:08:54

Actually Rainy that sounded a bit harsh when I didn't mean it to sound that way at all, what I meant (and this is because I'm prone to ridiculous 'happy ever after' thoughts before I meet someone) is don't like him too much beforehand, that way you've less chance of disappointment.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 15:10:58

Oooh we haven't put those rules on this thread yet have we. brb

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 15:11:21

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. If it is not fun, stop.

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 15:11:56

That's ok kin i knew what you meant.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 15:15:19

Nah, '*Choochoo' I wouldn't use condoms for oral sex either, imagine that taste - ewwww (also not keen on the aesthetics of a penis looking like a cheap, shiny sausage).

I might make different choices if I had a compromised immune system or had open wounds in my mouth or if the man in question had health issues.

MirandaWest Wed 03-Apr-13 15:17:18

I do not exactly practise safe sex blush. Although Mr Nice and I between us in total have had sex with three people (ie our respective exes and each other) and we are both fine in an STD way.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 15:17:55

Thanks Lubey
I've actually saved the Rules onto my phone, and read them when I'm getting a bit daft.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 15:19:10

I was just thinking about what Kin said. The circumstances in which I would that is (use protection for oral)

MirandaWest Wed 03-Apr-13 15:19:11

I haven't ever used a condom for oral sex. Would feel strange.

MirandaWest Wed 03-Apr-13 15:20:09

I probably just wouldn't have it if either of us had open wounds I suppose.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 15:22:27

I have them saved too Kin. I think I have all the rules totally nailed apart from maybe 3, as I do tend to believe things are actually happening (like the Scottish guy who was going to come down to local hotel)

ChooChooLaverne Wed 03-Apr-13 15:23:54

I haven't used condoms for oral sex either and agree the thought of it is pretty revolting.

But thinking about it, it's not very safe is it? I read something recently about cancers (other than cervical cancer) caused by HPV and think oral and throat cancers are on the rise because of HPV passed on by oral sex.

rainy is your date with the man who's been pushing your boundaries? Please be careful if so.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 15:29:13

Yeah choochoo... I suppose I figure as a smoker I'm putting my mouth at all kinds of risk anyway so sod it. I also keep an eye on my mouth and throat a bit more because of the smoking.

Ah who am I kidding? (myself, duh) there's no excuse really I just suppose we all do our own version of a risk assessment and decide from there... there is an inbuilt thing I just can't get past with PIV and condoms though. It just isn't an option to not use one at first at least.

A friend of mine has had chlamydia twelve times in ten years and that makes me feel a bit ill. (and judgey, sorry)

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 15:30:37

Yes it is and i will. He's been perfectly polite since i told him. to stop. I'm hoping he just got a bit over excited. He's not annoying me anymore either.

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 15:37:48

Agree with number 3, as has been proved today with my non confirmer. Honestly how rude, why they cannot just make up and excuse like they were ill I really don't know.

It would have been an hours drive for him for a quick coffee at a place near where I work! I don't blame him but just have some manners.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 15:42:47

It is really rude scrazy, what an arse.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 15:58:08

ChooChoo I once wrote a document for my colleagues, a kind of guide to cancers and researching it meant I read a fair bit around the subject, the list of substances and behaviours that can be carcinogenic was so enormously long that I made a conscious decision to ignore any ' eating tomatoes causes/cures cancer' type scares in the future.

That's a shame about the date Scrazy

Lubey I'm rubbish on the Rules as I'm an appalling soft touch, I'm working on it though.

mercury7 Wed 03-Apr-13 16:07:33

I guess really it's just the fact of having replicating cells that makes us prone to cancer (not that I'm suggesting there isnt a good case for reducing the risk )

it sounds as if your friend is very susceptible to chlamydia Lubey!

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 16:15:20

She's a one woman epidemic mercury... keeps giving it out and getting it back... bleugh.

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 16:17:43

I'm ashamed to say that I'm a bit of a soft touch too, too inclined to believe what people say and to look for the good in them. I am training myself to be more cynical and less trusting but I'm not sure if it's working.

I am usually quite good at having a thick skin, but today I do feel a bit low and maudlin and am wondering what's wrong with me that I can't find a decent bloke. Even the one I thought was okay was actually an arse - so clear with hindsight but not at the time. Seriously doubting my own judgement. In fact, I don't think I should be let out on my own.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 16:26:03

But OWW you DID know really deep down something or many things weren't right. So don't run yourself down on that one. That's a very promising twat radar you have there that will be even more finely honed next time.

And I am shock at you wondering what's wrong with you that you can't find a decent bloke!! Don't be daft it's only been five minutes... relax... and you've had lots of interest and a couple of dates lined up. You're gonna be fine.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 16:31:02

OWW your judgement is excellent, don't doubt yourself - look at the amazing people on here who are still looking for someone who deserves to be with them. It's just a low day, it'll get better.

Mercury yes, there are some risk factors that I deliberately avoid, I pick and choose - I won't be ditching smoked salmon etc any time soon, for example. I seem to remember reading that risk as a subject isn't generally understood very well by the non-specialist population, I've had experience of trying to explain the risks from radiation exposure to people - it's very tricky.

I have tried condoms with oral sex and yuk. Not as yuk as HIV though so I know I shouldn't. Regarding HPV I am working up to telling DS he is going to should have the Gardasil vaccine which protects against all the types (the one they provide in the UK to girls, only deals with 2 strains). Should have done it a couple of years ago when I could have insisted.

Condom slackness, fnarr, is an age thing, HIV infection is rising fastest amongst the 45 plus group apparently. Lots of people out of ltr who don't even think about it.

Bant that algorithm isn't perfect but it is something I pay attention to as a guide and the only man that I matched 98% with I would have happily gone off into the sunset with had he wanted a second date. If Cootgirl is one of those, it will be hats all round grin.

Scazy how rude of him.

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 03-Apr-13 16:37:18

'They're not rules as such, more way of guidelines' - Pirates of the Caribbean paraphrase.

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 16:43:15

Well, my ex was a twat and LM was a twat and that basically takes care of the last twenty years! No, to be fair the ex only got really bad after we had the children, so that's around eleven years. It feels like forever and I feel very impatient and fed up with waiting. But there's nothing else to do, just keep on keeping on.

All will be well. It will.

That woman with the chlamydia isn't learning the lesson, is she?

OWW ahem. There are lots of us here who haven't found a decent man. Lots of us here who have met several decent men but there is no spark. Then there are the loved up ones who had to wait a while to find a decent man but it was worth it, several who irritatingly found one on the first date and those who trip over a decent man and have to be dragged kicking and screaming to admit it <gives 48 a look> grin

OD is not easy, every time I start to get down about it I remember Bants stats about x number messages, results in y replies, turning into small number of actual dates, only a fraction of which are 'right' on both sides. Nothing wrong with you at all.

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 16:49:42

Received and apology and a 'can we rearrange'. Think I will ignore.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 16:51:35

No OWW she isn't. She think it isn't much of a problem as antibiotics cure it. Only a matter of time before she gets something more serious. I do worry about her.

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 16:52:15

You're right, Juliette thank you.

I need to get a bit more active messaging people but that will wait until I see what happens tomorrow with Cakey. Who knows, it could be him ...

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 16:52:59

I would ignore it scrazy

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 17:06:26

Scrazy did he offer an explanation? If he had a good reason I might meet him, but it would have to be exceptionally good and explain why he didn't let you know in advance ... Bit crap.

incomprehensible Wed 03-Apr-13 17:08:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KirstyWirsty Wed 03-Apr-13 17:15:29

OWW you had doubts and because you liked him you made allowances but when it didn't work out you ended it .. Sounds like good judgement to me {hug}

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 17:25:25

incomprehensible... are you sure it was an accident and that he didn't take it off?

presuming his innocence and also that you both now won't be having sex with other people I suppose you may as well just carry on without BUT both get tested in case there are any lurking nasties just to make sure.

MirandaWest Wed 03-Apr-13 17:26:01

incomprehensible are you using any other birth control?

MirandaWest Wed 03-Apr-13 17:27:07

Also I don't know about how exactly STDs are transmitted but not sure that they definitely are iyswim so still could be on another occasion?

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 17:28:10

Oh thank you Kirsty! Everyone on here could see it coming long before I could, though. I will listen properly next time!

I'm no use in answering that question Incomprehensible but I'd think it's still as well to get tested before you go unprotected. It is possible to have sex with an infected person and not get infected, but each time you have sex of course it'll increase that risk. I think.

VelvetSpoon Wed 03-Apr-13 17:28:55

Western, as Kirsty says - I don't think there's anything wrong with your judgment smile and some of us me in particular have been OD for a long time without much, if any, success! (That wasn't intended as some sort of competitive misery btw, hope that's not how it came across)

ike1 Wed 03-Apr-13 17:33:52

Continuing to have lovely lively chats with Mr H ...really need to meet now...but he is still feeling unwell and I am mega busy ... I just dont want a Mountain Man scenario that's all. POF pen pals are normally dangerous territory...

Snapespeare Wed 03-Apr-13 17:42:41

Nameless is in the bath, so I'm popping on to wave at you all.

Sainsburys has a special on condoms at the mo. 2 x12 packs of fancy schmancy bought-condoms for £12. I'm telling myself these are delux durex and 'nicer' than the standard clinic freebies. I know how to treat a man, rrrrr. smile

incomprehensible. No no no no no no. Tests first, then unsafe if sensibilities allow.

incomprehensible Wed 03-Apr-13 17:44:22

Thanks for replies.
Sorry should have clarified, no risk of pregnancy, both 45+ and I have been sterilised.
DEFINITELY an accident.
I was tested 2 years and 18 months ago, all clear, after scumbag ex was caught cheating!
Have had protected sex since with one person.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 17:48:48

Waves at Snape ( why aren't you in the bath with him ? Slacker grin )

Ike what's up with him ? Can he not just steel himself for a brief coffee ? ( get Dr AD to write him a script)

Incomprehensibile oooh, thank you blush ( I may go a bit diva ) personally I don't think it's worth running the risk with no condoms and no STD test but I ain't no authority.

MirandaWest Wed 03-Apr-13 17:49:26

How many condoms have you been through Snape wink?

ike1 Wed 03-Apr-13 17:51:43

Yeah I will make hin next week Kin when the kids are back in jail...

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 17:54:22

you'll still need testing though incomprehensible as you don't know what he might have

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 17:55:28

You will 'make' him Ike ? Was that a tad Freudian ?

ike1 Wed 03-Apr-13 17:56:29

All this talk about foof and cock lurgy reminds me ...I still havent had that smear yet they may as well have a good old scrape around while down there aswell...just to be on the safe side...

ike1 Wed 03-Apr-13 17:58:24

Ha ha ...well...he might get lucky one day...even my sluggish libido appears to be making a long dormant resurgence. Dreamed I was shagging my first ever bf last night and his MOTHER and MY KIDS were there??????

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 18:01:55

Hey everyone

Well I've just popped in to say that after sleeping with exp a couple of days ago I now want some more action!!! Where on earth will I get it? That's the problem confused

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 18:08:31

There was a lame explanation but I carn't be arsed to rearrange. Trouble is that he is the only person I was talking to as I am not on any sites. Oh well, leave it to fate and RL.

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 18:14:53

Are you mobile yet Moving? It's got to be soon! How about getting online and sorting out a date for next week?

Scrazy load of old bollicks.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 18:28:40

<tells Ike to lie down on the couch and talk us all through that one>

Scrazy what an arse ! I

Moving what about using Lubey and WFF's tactics ?

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 18:34:07

He probably changed his mind, as they do, doesn't necessarily make someone an arse, at least he text. I wasn't going out of my way in the least to meet him, as it was on my way home from work and he had a distance to come.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 18:42:50

He text really late though didn't he? After the date was meant to have happened... that is arse behaviour.

incomprehensible I don't think it works like that. HIV for example has a transmission rate approx 1 in 1230 times. So it is unlikely that HIV is transmitted from one occasion, but you just don't know if you're going to be lucky or unlucky on any given occasion. There are also a lot of other factors that affect transmission rates.

As for other things, I have no idea but generally some things are very infectious some are harder to pick up. So if you want to go without condoms and stay safe, best to both get tested.

I looked this up (again) and I'm horrifed to see that the fellatio rate is as high as unprotected vaginal sex page down to table

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 19:12:57

Lubey, it was before we were meant to meet that he text. I don't think of people are arses if they decide not to go on a blind date or something comes up. It doesn't bother me as I never go out of my way to meet someone initially. I let them do the travelling etc, plus I wasn't that bothered.

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 19:16:22

First date tonight with a new man! Incredibly nervous!!

Why does make up never go right on these occasions!! I look like lily bloody savage!!!

Sorry for selfish post - my nerves are in overdrive and can't think straight!!

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 19:20:17

pomegranate I'm sure you don't look like Lily Savage, take a couple of deep breaths and have a good time, good luck

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 19:24:20

Really dont know what to talk about! Been texting constantly every night for a week and now I have hit a wall of nerves!!! Streeeeesssssssssss

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 19:24:54

Have a few good date Pome, you will be OK when you get there.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 19:26:55

Ah you'll be fine, get in there and get flirty !

48howdidthathappen Wed 03-Apr-13 19:27:54

Pome Relax. You will be fine smile

Mr R&R over again tonight. The power of the 'L' word grin

Pom remember the mantra, can't remember who said it you are the prize, you are going to see if he's good enough for you. You'll be fine.

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 19:31:01

Meant have a good date, but have a few too!

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 19:32:33

Have a great time Pom and I bet you look stunning. Don't forget the loo update!

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 19:34:31

Skinnies, blazer and heels - not too much for midweek??!!!

My pre date glass of wine hasn't kicked in yet

Pom that sounds perfect to me, I'm sure you look great.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 19:48:22

That sounds perfect Pom -have a lovely time.

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 19:49:16

Ooh, spooky

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 19:54:28

In taxi now!! Shaking and hot - not in the sexy way either!!! Really scared and cringey. Whhhhyyyyyyyy am I doing this xxx

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 19:55:05

Apols for the kisses - so uncool!!

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 19:56:39

He probably feels exactly the same way, deep breath Pom

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 20:06:38

Hope it goes well Pom.

48howdidthathappen Wed 03-Apr-13 20:17:37

And breathe. pom smile

48howdidthathappen Wed 03-Apr-13 20:23:10

Mr R&R just asked if I wanted anything from the shop?

I replied 'cock for me'

No. I don't do subtle either blush

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 20:48:46

Western - I can now walk a tiny bit without crutches or funny boot! I can walk with the boot and no crutches or without the boot and one crutch grin so I'm on the mend now!

I've been on Pof alot recently and started speaking with two guys! One I Gavey number to and starting talking on whatsapp and we were talking about meeting up now he's gone all quiet hmm

Kin - are they set to IE? I never want to do that as I don't want to feel like I'm being used for sex even though I'm desperate for some shock

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 20:59:29

My bloody stupid ex just set the side of my house on fire! He chucked a fag butt in my recycling bag and it obviously wasn't out properly. It took a while to go up because when I went outside for a cig about an hour later I thought someone was having a bonfire the smoke was so thick. I looked round the corner and all the black bags, bins etc were on fire. I got the kid's out and dialled 999 then my ex then went back with saucepans of water. I managed to get it out before the fire brigade got here. I'm shaking like a leaf now though, what a bloody idiot!

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 21:01:05

Moving grin

But surely... well... this is how it is for me anyway

I want sex

He wants sex

I like a bit of a date first, so does he

we have the date

we have sex sex sex sex and sex

simples

there is no using really, it's a mutual thing

Being VERY clear on what I want helps I suppose. there is no clouding of the edges with wanting a proper relationship... I know that isn't for me right now.

A regular arrangement though yep I'm up for that.

Lubey is this one works out, it'll be great as he's local so it can be a regular, regular thing. Great.

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 21:25:07

Lubey - the thing is I do want a relationship but only if I meet the right guy!

Now exp is texting me asking if we can do it again as he felt like he was just warming up! Errrrr I would love to say yes hmm

Is there any way a fwb type thing could work with my dds dad? I'm sure that's a very stupid question hmm but why does the sex happen to be good with him? And no one else confused

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 21:28:39

I'm glad you're feeling better Moving.

On the subject of IE I'm going to speak from a personal perspective here as I can't make great, sweeping statements on behalf of anyone else (well, I could, but that would make me a complete knobber)

I was brought up to believe that men spent their entire lives attempting to 'use' women for sex and that it was the job of a 'nice' girl to fend them off. At no point was there the faintest hint of a suggestion that I might want sex just as much as a man.
The net result of this is that I have not had enough sex which is just bastarding bastarding unfair.
If you want sex, then as long as you are safe, you should feel free to go out and have sex, no question of a man 'using' you - it's a mutual thing.

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 21:28:54

It's probably good because he knows how to push your buttons. I think it could work as long as the boundaries were in place and neither of you wanted more than that.

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 21:29:11

Just had old Cakey checking I'm still on for tomorrow. He is very polite. He said thank you when I said I'd go out with him, and he volunteered to drive over to my town. Manners are good. And he's funny, and thinks I'm funny (or has the good manners to pretend). So we are off to a reasonable start.

Oh I hope he doesn't have a squeaky voice. I can't be doing with that! Lots of other stuff I can work around, but how can you talk dirty with someone with a daft squeaky voice? Or a bad accent, but I know he's local so that should be alright. People don't usually mention voices, accent sometimes, but not general timbre, pitch and tone, but they're really important in determining overall attractiveness.

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 21:30:39

Rainy just seen the post about the fire!! Omg. Are you okay?

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 21:34:07

I'm ok thanks OWW apart from shaking like a leaf and coughing my guts up. I'm just glad I wasn't out at the time or the whole house would have gone up.

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 21:35:31

Not for me at all. Exit strategy helpppppppp please

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 21:38:25

Oh no Pom what's wrong? Can you fake a call?

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 21:39:24

Just say you need to get going for the babysitter ...

TweedWasSoLastYear Wed 03-Apr-13 21:43:43

Pomme

Pm anyone your mobile no. QUICK

They can text you . You make up excuse about DS9 being ill and run to the hills

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 21:44:04

Rainy - stupid exes wink yes lucky you were home!

Well the problem is he was going to propose recently and after we has sex told me he loves me, so unfortunately he wants more! I don't want more as I know he's not the man for me! But sexually is defiantly is!!!

ohmyrainydays Wed 03-Apr-13 21:45:39

I'd steer well clear then in that case. You don't want to give him false hope.

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 21:46:00

Kin - I have got a fwb guy and I do sometimes feel used after! But also sometimes feel fine after! I just don't Like the fact of someone only wanting me for sex! I want a relationship if I meet someone I feel that way about !

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 21:47:08

Western - gringringrin at the squeaky voice, that would never even enter my head! grin

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 21:51:19

Oh no Pom, you're not obliged stay for more than one drink, so just say thanks for meeting me I need to go now.

On the subject of sex. I've never been of the idea that good girls don't, far from it blush. But I dp think that meeting men from an IE profile is more likely to lead to a serious of ONS rather than a regular arrangement as even a fwb situation needs some kind of connection above and beyond the sex.

I would love to be proved wrong though, so watch with interest.

Mr cancel from today isn't giving up. He still wants to meet so I've been soft and said OK for this weekend. I won't bother getting ready until I know he has arrived locally. It will be for one coffee only.

SweetSeraphim Wed 03-Apr-13 21:52:39

Pom if you need a quick call or text for an 'emergency', PM me your number, I will call you shock

Pom 'well I have to be getting back, it's been lovely to meet you'. Then either call a cab yourself or ask the bar staff to do it. Nod, smile, yes lets meet up again blah. Taxi!

Rainy are you ok? that's awful, what is the point of him if he could do that angry

Moving, what Kin said. I was brought up the same way, although according to that book women who wanted sex were unnatural somehow hmm. That never really sat right with me, the result of which is that I decided to do what I wanted and still will.

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Apr-13 22:02:57

I was brought up like that too, you had to sit properly and everything was about fending off the hordes of sex-crazed youths who were poised to descend on you as soon as you set foot out of the door.

I love sex now, but I've done my ONSs in my teens and twenties and I wouldn't want to go back there. Sex and love, that's what I want, or at least sex and affection.

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 22:05:09

Moving, I am the same re fwb. I can only handle it if I don't have feelings for the guy and if that's the case I soon lose interest in the benefits part. I hate the rollercoaster ride of feeling OK one time and the next suspecting that he is out there looking for someone he really likes sad.

I know other people are braver than me, though.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 22:08:22

I don't do sex without affection really... that's why I like the date first to make sure there's something about them I really like, spark there and that we get on enough for me to want to express affection...

Same as* Lubey*, it wouldn't matter if George Clooney turned up, if I didn't feel a little something, no George!

Scrazy Wed 03-Apr-13 22:16:36

OWW, same here. I do think it depends on where you are on 'the journey' through life and singledom.

lubeybooby Wed 03-Apr-13 22:28:23

Jeez. Mr B sends the longest texts on earth. Filled my (crappy) phone memory within 40 texts when it normally can store about 200!

He seems a bit hard work now tbh, going all intellectual on me. Yes, thats lovely and I appreciate he has a brain but I think he's taking trying to impress me too far, really no need. I'm already sooo up for it. wink

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 22:58:43

I'm home. He wasn't awful but he couldn't be further away from what I want in a man if he tried. Already had 2 texts asking for a second date! Why have I got involved in this!!!

Thanks for your help. Got my brother to pick me up - quickly!!! Sat at home with a take away curry so it's not all bad!!

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 23:05:01

Is he attempting to impress you, Lubey ? It's either that or he's a bit of a show off.

Glad you're home safe and sound Pom although you have just made me crave curry.

Never done fwb or ons so my contribution at this point is limited to telling you that I really, really want a curry.

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 23:16:15

Curry was amazing! Wish I could say the same about the date. Think I got asked 6 times for a 2nd date, he said I am way prettier in real life and he likes me a lot - he said it in a weird Mexican style voice that made vomit come into my throat. He couldn't be further removed from what I want in a man if he tried.

Will listen to my instinct next time - too much texting, was waaaaay too full on and loads of other stuff. At least I have learnt another od lesson! Just feel bad about leaving early and not wanting to see him again.

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 23:23:10

Pom - glad you got out quickly! What do you want in a guy? And what was he lacking? Did he have a squeaky voice?? grin

Well I've just been on the phone with exp who wants to continue sleeping together! Surprise surprise! He also wants to marry me! He has offered to take me and dd on holiday which I would love to do but I know it's not a good idea! Even though I can't afford to go away myself anytime soon and dd would love a holiday hmm

And I would love to meet up for sex with him!!!

KinNora Wed 03-Apr-13 23:24:01

I'll forgive you giving me the curry craving for this - he said it in a weird Mexican style voice that made vomit come into my throat - that made me laugh my arse off.

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 23:32:43

I second what Kim said! That was the funniest thing I've heard all night!! Lol

Movingforward123 Wed 03-Apr-13 23:33:05

Sorry I meant Kin not Kim confused

EternalRose Wed 03-Apr-13 23:39:17

I think this is what worries me about friends with benefits, knowing that anytime they could say." Right, met the woman of my dreams, thanks and have a nice life sort of thing. confused I think I would feel so demoralised if that happened to me, although I do admire women that can pull it off and enjoy themselves, it's just not me I dont think.

It's a relationship or nothing for me. Or my rabbit

EternalRose Wed 03-Apr-13 23:40:13

ha, and Mexicana also made me laugh! grin

Pomegranatenoir Wed 03-Apr-13 23:51:05

Imagine being on the receiving end ladies!! Awful. Just awful. Haven't even mentioned his laugh yet. Oh god. Makes me cringe inside. Awful!!

Sorry for being mean. I'm not heartless but it was painful how he misread every signal I gave out.

Bant Thu 04-Apr-13 00:00:46

Pom. No one thInks you're heartless. Most of us have been there, the huge build up, the excitement, the let down, the disappointment and guilt when the other is obviously into us.

You're unique with the Mexican accent though. What did it sound like?

(I'd kill for a curry, just had a bland tuna baguette & bad coffee at 30000 ft above Germany)

Pomegranatenoir Thu 04-Apr-13 00:01:14

Moving - every date I go on makes me realise more what I am looking for in a man. I want a mans man. Not a wuss, a cheat or a liar. I want someone who has got taste in clothes, lifestyle, loves same holidays as me and good friends. Want them to have a direction career wise and drive to enhance their life. with morals that they live by and makes me laugh. Reasonably good looking with a normalish body that I feel comfortable with. Into their kids or understands what having a family means. Someone with principles, values and boundaries. And no criminal record, dodgy past or weirdo exes. Someone who doesn't tell lies.and that doesn't say I like in a weird Mexican accent

Should be easy -right...?!

MirandaWest Thu 04-Apr-13 00:02:47

I'm marking fairly poor quality accountancy exam papers. Such a fun way to spend the evening....

Pomegranatenoir Thu 04-Apr-13 00:09:19

bant I didn't even feel excited about meeting him. It was more a kind of dread. Like when you are goings to have a root canal or something. You know it has to be done but you can't wait for it to be over! I knew how it would end and I should have listened to my instinct. At least it is getting more finely tuned as I go further along the od road!

I don't feel sad about the build up and let down because I never really felt the build up. He just wasn't my type. Had I have met him at work or in a bar I would have wrote him off within milliseconds. With od I went along with it for a lot longer than I should have.

Think there is someone else on here having doubts about someone they are texting. Sorry I am mid message and can't scroll back far enough. I would be tempted to tell you to follow your instinct. If things are putting you on edge a bit then it is probably because they do not sit right with you, not on text and not in real life. Just my opinion though!!

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 02:40:53

Lord just finished chatting to Mr H ...this is getting ridiculous...

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 08:33:53

Oh-oh Ike you're starting to like him in that 'special' way, aren't you ? ... grin

Miranda marking accountancy exam papers - I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like, blimey, I hope they pay well.

Pom I think Lubey said most recently that Mr B was sending her very long involved texts.

Today is the day I'm meeting Showbiz for lunch, he's very excited, apparently. I'm not that at all excited but hopeful of spending a couple of hours laughing my arse off in the company of a gifted raconteur and man-about-town. He's another one bringing me a present, in his case I think it might be a book about Schrödinger's Cat (welcome) rather than the 'homemade' present ( arranging my 'ooh lovely' face already) that Software has for me.

( All my friends are on tenterhooks to see what Software's painting will be, there are a lot of votes for a nude of some description - I can't think about it too much because it makes me a touch panicky )

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Apr-13 08:43:38

rainy thank goodness you got it under control .. Scary though!

pom next!!!

I've got a coffee date with theBoy (22) at lunchtime &#128516; we ended up texting and talking on the phone till after 1 .. I have learned from the mistake on Sunday and have already had the condom chat xx

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 08:46:24

Nora get you with all these admirers bearing gifts! I am all agog to see what Software's painting is like. Will you put a photo up on your profile, pleeeeease?

Hope the lunch goes well and, like you say, it will fun if nothing else. But hopefully it will be a bit "something else" as well.

I am getting a bit excited and a bit nervous about meeting Cakey tonight.

ChooChooLaverne Thu 04-Apr-13 08:52:41

Nora when are you seeing Software? I can't wait to hear what the painting is like.

Kirsty have fun with theBoy.

OWW good luck with meeting Cakey tonight. Fingers crossed it goes well.

I'm going away for a few days and won't have internet access <shudder> so will have to catch up with you all next week.

Happy dating everyone.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 08:55:36

I'm vicariously excited for you both, OWW and Kirsty, it's all go round here at the moment, must be Spring.

OWW I've had presents from a few of my dates, from the traditional, flowers, from El Fetish, to a 1976 Shoot magazine special edition - I can't say I don't get variety.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 08:57:32

Oh no ChooChoo ! Meeting Software tomorrow for The Great Unveiling, might put a photo on my profile briefly (if it's not of me in the buff)

ChooChooLaverne Thu 04-Apr-13 08:59:51

Nora I'll have to see if I can find a spot somewhere tomorrow where I have internet access on my phone so I can have a look! Good luck with both your meetings.

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 09:03:08

We are all at it today, aren't we! Good luck, Kirsty. Ooh, I've not had a 22 year old since I was 21! Always went for the older man . . . Have got a reply from one I winked at last night and he says "You do realise I'm 51" - yep, I can read . . . It's right on my upper age limit but so long as everything is working it's okay with me.

None of mine have brought me presents on a date. What am I doing wrong here?

MirandaWest Thu 04-Apr-13 09:06:51

Accountancy exam papers very dull. These ones don't pay all that much tbh but helps put something in the holiday fund smile

Going to see Cats in Manchester today. XH is tagging along hmm - was meant to come by train with us but after I had bought the tickets found he was seeing friends in Manchester last night so meeting him there which is a good thing tbh. Feel he is lying about something - behaviours recently remind me of when he was pissing about pretending he wasn't having an affair although he was, but not sure exactly what he has to lie about hmm. Having a meal with him afterwards (am prepared with 20% off pizza express voucher) and then well all come back by train.

Feel I may need some sort of distraction during the day...

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 09:10:47

Kirsty and western good luck today grin I want a date hmm I'm wondering if I should message that guy that I was talking to last week that i let on my Facebook? I get annoyed with them easily but I guess it's like until you have met up your not really a person! Just an Internet person looking for a date hmm

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 09:12:49

Western - you seem to be very good at getting dates! What site are you on? And are you messaging a lot of people first? I need tips grin

ohmyrainydays Thu 04-Apr-13 09:15:05

I've got about just under 3hrs until my date. My phone battery died so my alarm didn't in off and we've only just got up! I'm really nervous and excited at the same time.

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 09:19:24

Good luck oww, and Kirsty...

x

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 09:20:49

Ohmyrainydays - Which date are you going on? Is this the one that was texting a lot or someone new?

x

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 09:22:02

I am on Match (joined up a couple of weeks ago when they tempted me in with a special offer) and PoF. I don't know, I thought I wasn't doing very well compared to a lot of people as I don't get 63 messages in one night or whatever someone was talking about on another thread!

I don't reply to most of the messages I get (which is bad, I know, but I used to write a nice reply even if I didn't like them and it got me into some awkward situations so now I tend to just ignore) as they are too young, too far away, not my type at all or don't come across as educated/intelligent. I am quite picky with who I message too, but I had a bit of a mad moment last night and messaged five or so new ones - got one thanks but no thanks, one offer of a coffee and three potential new chatters . . . The coffee one didn't have a photo up and hasn't sent one, so will need to ask him about that first!

I think messaging them first can work well and all you lose is five minutes of your time if they don't reply or they don't sound any good when they do.

But I am a bit crap at all this and I'm sure there will be much better advice coming along soon.

ohmyrainydays Thu 04-Apr-13 09:28:13

Rose it's the same one. I really like him now though.

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 09:28:46

Rainy - good luck grin

Western - you seem to be doing well to me wink do the men seem any better on match? I wonder if I should try match! But then I'm hoping to be working at speed dating events soon, so hopefully I won't need to online date wink

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 09:34:00

Hmmm what I think it is Kin is that he is strategically keeping me sleep deprived ..thereby lowering my defences...possibly seeing him sunday...appears to be a v busy chap...hmmm......good luck all todays daters!!!!

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 09:37:23

I think Match and PoF are about on a par if you are very selective with the PoF guys. There are quite a few who are on both sites. I do get more messages on PoF, and this time round have had one PoF date (groper) and one Match date (Cakey, hopefully not a groper). You can have a look at who's around in your area on Match before you sign up, so it's probably worth having a quick scout around.

I know lots of people don't like PoF but I've got on alright with it, not had any problems with lewd messages or photos or anything.

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 09:39:01

Oh Rainy have just seen your message! Date today for you as well! Something is in the air today . . . Please just be careful with this guy. I know that you are quite keen on him, but just take it with a pinch of salt at first as some of the things he's said are a bit hmm Hope it all goes well!

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 09:40:21

Ohhhh rainy, I really hope you have a good date but be cautious. Is this the same man that said he was going to change his relationship status on facebook if the date was good? I hope you don't take this the wrong way I am certainly no expert but be guarded.

And thanks to lubey I have finished reading 'Women who love too much' by Robin Norwood, lets just say it has been an eye opener!

The ex admitted that he is emotionally unavailable, and I tend to go for those types, not anymore though! Thank God for Robin Norwood!

And I am shattered, working so much at the minute, sitting in bed on my laptop drinking tea with my (nearly 3 year old) catching up on all of your good news.

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 09:57:09

Rose - that book sounds interesting! I seem to go for men with serious emotional problems and tough childhoods, do you think this book might be useful for me?

ohmyrainydays Thu 04-Apr-13 10:18:45

Yes it's the same one. I will be careful but i do really like him already.

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 10:21:42

Rainy I agree with OWW about your date today... hope you have a good time and all is ok though.

Pom - laughing so much at the mexican accent, omg. Oh dear.

Kin and Pom It is indeed me with the one sending long texts... I don't have a bad feeling about him though or anything like that, just his texts are novel like in length. A great read though. Refreshing that he has a very good grasp of English!

I'd prefer it if he sent those long ones as emails though as it would be easier to follow, I have the crappiest phone in the world with a tiny screen and it is difficult to follow.

If anything, my concern about him is that he may want more than fwb. He does seem to be going all out to impress me and some things he says are quite wistful and romantic. I'd LOVE that if I wanted a relationship, but as things are at the moment, I look at them and think... DUDE! I just want a date and a shag... you're onto a winner already... you don't have to impress me this much! I suppose it's kind of nice that he's wooing me a bit anyway though.

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 10:27:02

Ohhhh movingforward123, I can't tell you how much that book was written for you, and pretty much every women who has a history of going for men, with substance abuse problems, is emotional unavailable, angry and has commitment issues.

It all stems from the fact that we ourselves get our excitement from 'helping', which is why Robin strongly suggests going for the 'boring' man. The 'boring' man is usually without drama, chaos, or any such issues, he is usually very kind and dependable, whereas the bad boy who brings 'uncertainty, usually brings 'excitement' but is normally carefree and irresponsible. She explains that the excitement comes from there constantly being chaos, or a problem with something and for women who love too much, this just sends us on heat! (subconsciously). Women like this always want to 'help'.

Oh, I cant thank this woman enough, really I cant. It's a bestseller, and it really resonated with me. She does talk a lot about women who have come from homes that have been toxic in all senses of the word, and that our relationships with our parents has led to the reason why women act out their relationships in this way. Our childhoods doesn't necessarily need to of had physical, or verbal abuse but it could be the dynamic that occured during your childhood. For example, you may of had a dad that would have preferred a son over a daughter, so you tried your hardest to get his attention etc etc. Or you may of had a mum/dad that was an alchoholic. She explains it all really well.

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 10:30:17

Oh and I bought it off Amazon for about £6

x

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 10:37:25

It defiantly sounds like something I need to read! The only bit I'm not sure about is if I love too much? But all the rest of it sounds relevant! Especially the bit about the 'boring' man, as I always associate nice with boring! And I seem very turned on by assholes! I think I will order it wink

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 10:40:35

I read Women Who Love Too Much too, after seeing it frequently recommended on the Relationships board. Parts of it certainly resonated with me, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool rescuer, helper, whatever you want to call it and find it very hard to keep my urge to always make things better for others under control. Parts of the book irritated me but then I'm not an enormous fan of navel-gazing, American therapist speak. Overall I think it's worth looking at if you think you have a pattern of seeking men who 'need' you.

Lubey what would you say if he wants to see you on a regular basis ?

Scrazy Thu 04-Apr-13 10:45:18

Lubey maybe he wants to make a connection first, but he did read your profile where you have explained your circs so that carn't be right. You will find out more when you meet, as the guidelines say no. 3.

Pom, the mexican accent made me lol.

Hope the dates go great today and I'm looking forward to hearing all about them.

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 10:47:07

I was a bit unsure about the title as well, but it becomes clear once you read it, yep me too about the nice and boring thing. When I do eventually start dating again, I am looking for a very nice, dependable man with no drama.

Kin - You got it spot on, before, I felt the need to make other people's problems better. I am a BIG helper and I am going into a helping profession as well hmm She also mentions that social workers, nurses, psychologists etc are full of women from toxic homes! I just don't want to help anymore men who have 'issues' anymore...

And lubey hun, I hope you don't mind me asking. How comes you dont want a relationship? Are you just too busy for that right now?

x

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 10:56:58

Rose - yep with me, helping profession, difficult (in parts) upbringing, with a great deal of it centred on keeping a volatile father happy, she got me bang to rights, although I married exh who certainly wasn't at all needy, pretty much as a reaction against Yorkshire Pudding who was as needy as Needy McNeedy from Needsville USA and who I loved to bits - look how well that all worked out !

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Apr-13 10:59:21

Boo .. TheBoy has had to cancel has a dissertation meeting with his tutor .. Will need to wait till I get back from holidays (off to tenerife tomorrow with DD) grin

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 11:03:10

Ok I've juat ordered it on eBay for £2.99 on a buy it now grin looking forward to getting it

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 11:07:09

Kirsty that's a shame, enjoy your holiday though.

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 11:08:38

ha, I shouldn't laugh but Needy McNeedy from Needsville...grin

Moving, bargain!

x

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 11:09:54

Maybe scrazy

Kin if I was in a different time and space I'd adore it... but not now. Regularly as a fwb yes but not anything more. Annoying really as a couple of years ago I'd have killed for messages like his.

I text him asking him to email if he wanted to send in depth messages rather than texts. he text straight back asking if I was free for a phone call. He's overthinking this so much!

I simply do not have the space in my head to overthink or have long intellectual conversations.

Well, over dinner I can, when I've set time aside for the date and can relax a bit... but beforehand I just want to keep it to what time we are meeting and where!

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 11:11:14

and that ^ is why I can't have a relationship. There just isn't room in my life apart from a pre planned night here and there and a text or two in the week.

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 11:20:01

Ahhh I see now..

He has probably got worried now that you said to email, but I can see why you said it, having to scroll down lengths and lengths of writing when you are just on the phone! It will make you cross-eyed! ha.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 11:22:35

Lubey - Sod's Law, innit ? I suppose in a way that kind of behaviour can be comparable to the man who keeps making inappropriate comments when asked not to, it's a case of either not listening to or disregarding what you've said you want. I hope he gets the message.

Time to put my foxy date clothes on, going with my black dominatrix-esque boots and a cleavage-neutral dress. I feel a tad nervous.

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 11:22:52

Yeah my phone has a really tiny screen too. My poor old brain is frazzled enough thanks without reading war and peace in an inch square box! grin

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 11:24:49

Kin I don't think he's like that... hmm could be wrong I suppose but I don't think so. I'll send him a pof message later and then we'll see what happens after that.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 11:29:05

Lubey perhaps he's just terribly enthusiastic about you and can't quite believe his luck. I think you probably have an extremely impressive Twat Radar.

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 11:33:53

Yeah he isn't setting the twat radar off. (yet) I just think he's keen to impress and be seen to not just after one thing because he knows I don't just want to immediately shag. I'll clear this up for definite though later with him. Just to make sure.

Scrazy Thu 04-Apr-13 11:42:21

Lubey, I get you not wanting a full blown relationship. I'm not sure I do either, it can get lonely when DD is away but then again it's nice having no-one making demands on my time. But there are many uni holidays and I'm always busy socialising during them, together with working full-time. I just want someone to meet once a week.

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 11:46:04

In other news, I have managed to get my website to be the top google hit for ALL relevant search terms grin

Fuck me that was hard work. Celebrating tonight! grin

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 12:06:05

I quite agree, I'm another one who doesn't actually want a relationship, just someone who will sex me up and make me laugh, not necessarily at the same time but I do like a certain amount of humour in the bedroom.

And for those of you who remember The Young Ones, in my best Vyvyan impression - 'I'm going to be violently and copiously sick' - I'm on way to meet Showbiz, wish me luck, I'm going in.

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 12:14:58

Congrats lubey, that's great news.

And good luck lubey, lots to read this evening then.

Right, I am off to soft play. Wish me luck. Last time I went, I got my heel stuck in the frame, must remember to go on the frame barefoot this time

EternalRose Thu 04-Apr-13 12:16:03

Oh that was meant to be Good Luck Kin.

x

Scrazy Thu 04-Apr-13 12:16:19

Good luck Nora!

Snapespeare Thu 04-Apr-13 12:40:42

Happy date-day daters! Hope you all have fun. :-). Nameless still here and still very lovely. It will be weird when the DCs are back and he's not here hmm

Almost blurted out the 'L' word last night, but as it would have been in the context the following sentence, 'wait. You're telling me you've got a vibrating cock ring? Oh, I love you.' Then I think it would have been forgivable. But I didn't. smile

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Apr-13 12:42:12

Good luck Nora and well done lubey

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 12:49:00

Hmmmmm not turned up yet. If he stands me up, I will track him down and dye his beard electric blue.

Yours, Grumpy of The North.

48howdidthathappen Thu 04-Apr-13 13:06:32

I do hope he has turned up Kin

Good luck tonight OWW and Rainy

Enjoy the sun Kirsty

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 13:11:29

Am feeling reassured that due to your lack of follow up Kin...sir has arrived! I had better fancy Mr H or I will be very annoyed...so annoyed that I will get back on the sofa....have had fun chatting but I am sooo waiting for it not to translate.

VelvetSpoon Thu 04-Apr-13 13:11:41

Hope all those with dates today have fun (and Kin I hope in the time it's taken to type this showbiz has turned up!)

The helping people thing I do all the time. C is probably the first man I've met since I can remember who I am not conscious of being able to help/thinking of ways I can actively improve his life. Interesting...

Have been thinking about money too, and how there is a real imbalance between me and practically every man I've met. It doesn't bother me but I do feel it bothers them...nothing I can do about it of course, but it is tricky - in all my dating endeavours I've not met one guy who owns their own house (I do). A couple who have flats, some who rent, and most who are back living with parents.

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 13:12:56

There is a local who dyes his beard electric blue Kin...he calls himself The Bard...wonder if it is him???

mercury7 Thu 04-Apr-13 13:23:33

Velvet, does income discrepancy have to be an issue?
I've never actually discussed income with a bloke, I never tell anyone how much I earn, also I let people assume I have a mortgage when in reality I own my place outright

VelvetSpoon Thu 04-Apr-13 13:32:29

Mercury, as I said it doesn't bother me, but it very much does seem to bother men (or at least those I encounter) hence I can't help but be conscious of it. My last 3 exs had a lot of difficulty with me earning more than them - and whilst I don't tend to discuss income with men outside of a relationship, as soon as they know what I do they have a fair idea of what I earn, or at least a ball-park figure...

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 13:33:55

I like helping people, but I also like people to help me - dunno what that means. I have had enough of men with issues though - I actually thought LM was quite staid and steady when I first met him which I liked but I was oh so wrong. I think I am quite boring, actually, and I don't have a problem with boring in the sense of no wild ups and downs, everything going along on an even keel. (I do have a problem with boring in terms of wanting to tell me about the workings of the diesel engine or new trends in accountancy). I even wear cardigans and go to garden centres!

Nora I'm assuming you've put the dye back in your handbag.

I am bricking it about tonight! Calm me down, please. Have got a huge number of butterflies doing their thing and I've got to go and chair a big meeting in half an hour, feeling very distracted.

Bant Thu 04-Apr-13 13:37:53

Come on Kin, where's the loo update?

Going back to the topic you lot were discussing the other night, this might help.

Not sure if it's appropriate for vegetarians though. Sorry OWW

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 13:55:29

Quick question - could/would you date someone with the same name as your ex? Have spotted someone nice on PoF but he gives his name in his profile and it's the same as foul ex. I just don't think I could do it.

Bant excellent. That gives a whole new meaning to pork sword.

OWW yes if things worked out and the name was too much of a reminder maybe you could just stick to a nickname. Good luck for later to you and all those with dates today including those who are so occupied with beardy men they haven't taken their phone to the loo.

Need help with ny profile it seems as I'm only attracting nutters. I don't know what it is about me that married men, men with weird fetishes (had someone ask if I would send him pictures of me smoking, yes a smoking fetish confused, someone wanting me to join him and his wife and then the usual dickheads who tell how they can be my Mr Grey)

So any suggestions on how to attract a normal or normalish man would be great

OWW I have dated someone who has the same name as my sons dad. He turned out to be a knob too but doubt it was because of the name grin I have turned down a person who has the same first and last name as my bio dad though! That was too weird

Sp I am avoiding clearing up at the moment, feel free to PM me your link if you would like sometime to take a look (no pressure, only if you want to). Sometimes it's just how it goes, who knows what sets them off grin.

Scrazy Thu 04-Apr-13 14:52:54

Names don't bother me neither do incomes, unless they are really poor and /or feckless. I'm not a high earner, I have a small mortgage so am not destitute. As long as they have a reasonable job, if they are able to, then it's fine with me. My recent ex was better off than me financially, that worked quite nicely. I don't have any tendencies to rescue people.

Velvet, I would see it as a plus point being a high flyer, not something that would put anyone off as if they got into a relationship with you it would mean you wouldn't struggle. I have had relationships where the guy was earning less than me and renting, it might have put me off slightly but then again I've been put off by men who were wealthy grin.

I'm on windows phone app which is really simple and shit so cant do much or link.

I basically just mention I have a child, it says what I'm looking for etc. Short but too the point.

If i write 'not looking for married men, smoking fetishistic, Mr Grey etc' will that deter them grin

My pictures are one dressed up on night out and two of me day to day.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 15:39:26

Soz, slightly tipsy and still in the pub.

Interim verdict - entertained, amused, reasonably charmed. He smells nice. Not convinced by beard.

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 15:42:46

What colour is the beard?

Kin Would a blue beard improve his look? grin

I've been asked out on a date for tomorrow afternoon.

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 16:01:48

SP who's asked you out and are you going?

Sp It's weird. I don't get cock shots from my current profiles, I do get men who want to be dominated. I think they see and hear what they want to.

Kin are we talking long beard or close cropped here? If long, you could re-create the scenes from a Joy of Sex [first edition] <helpful>

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 16:10:20

Oh the guy that I was speaking to on Sunday has messaged me to ask how's my leg! I wonder if he wants a date now or if he's just here to chat rubbish!

Someone I've been talking to for a couple of days. I'm not sure yet. It might sound bad but hes in the army. I had a bad experience with an army lad before so that's making me judge.

He seems nice enough, get on well through messaging and that but I think I'm expecting him to be another married nutter.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 16:28:25

Snigger, just read Joy of Sex comment. Think he's probably filthy also that he's gone to the bar. Again. Oh dear.

TigsytheTiger Thu 04-Apr-13 16:54:28

just popping in too!

Kin grin to 'joy of sex circa 1976', waiting for the next update ......

OWW good luck with Cakey tonight, he sounds promising!

with regards to having the names of an ex - I will admit that I have been married 3 times blush and they all had the same christian name blush blush. Luckily Mr EA does NOT have the same name and I am taking that as a very very good sign.

Ike think you may just like the sound of MrH, just a little bit?

Think I jinxed myself. Been talking to someone and he has told me his name. Yes its the same as my sons dad and he lives near me. Like a 2 minute walk! Whats the odds on that grin

I'm now thinking I have seen before.

TigsytheTiger Thu 04-Apr-13 16:59:12

sp from my personal experience of one, the Army is not a red flag, I have bagged myself a very nice ex soldier, so I wouldn't let that as a single factor put you off smile

Tigsy He also has the same first name as the original nutter grin Think Ill take the plunge. Dont have to see him again if not keen

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 17:08:11

My two main exes had the same name (DD's dad, and then my now exdh)

Kin hope things are continuing to go well (if a bit tipsy grin )

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 18:13:40

Well he's just cancelled, says he's stuck at work, lots of apologising, but still ... No idea if it's an excuse or not sad hmm

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 18:27:37

That's very disappointing OWW any mention of him re-arranging ?

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 18:29:42

He says he hopes we can rearrange .... What happened to you then missis?

ohmyrainydays Thu 04-Apr-13 18:35:31

My date was amazing. I have a massive smile on my face. It was so relaxed and we didn't stop talking. I was almost sick with nerves before and i was shaking like a leaf but that soon went. Date number two will hopefully be very soon. Sod the rules I'm already smitten.

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 19:09:55

A cautious and hopeful yay from me rainy! Glad it was good grin

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 19:10:24

Kin... update? woss ocuurin' ?

ohmyrainydays Thu 04-Apr-13 19:13:54

Thanks lubey.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 19:15:56

Rainy that sounds good, fingers crossed for date two, eh ?

OWW he's been very keen thus far,hasn't he ? Hopefully he'll get his arse in gear.

Date Report ( needs some kind of duh-de-duh-de-duh-duh theme tune )

You know when I was moaning about him being late ? He was actually already in there, we'd just not spotted each other. Gave me a belated birthday card and 3 gift wrapped blocks of my favourite chocolate ( tick for attention to detail ).

Not really my type physically, not quite as tall as I like and did I mention the beard at all ? ( for all you pognophiles out there - close cropped, salt and pepper ) attractive twinkly eyes, smelled fabulous. He's very interesting, very, I dunno, old school charmer, excellent manners.

Deffo, deffo, deffo a right perv. Made a 'joke' about dropping his napkin on the floor as an excuse to check out my heels, actually sniffed me at the train station, slightly in the style of Hannibal Lecter smelling Jodie Foster. Kissed me on each cheek and then a quick kiss on the lips as we said goodbye. Wanted to see me again on Sunday but obviously I'll be on my way back from seeing Software at that point (not that he knows that) so tentatively arranged for next Friday.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 19:18:39

(I'm sobering up now - 2 plum wines and 3 Southern Comforts)

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:20:02

He sounds like a right character Kin...I like it!

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:20:39

Oh god ....I love a plum wine!

pognophiles Whats one of those?! Daren't google grin

He sounds good Kin Not keen in the hair sniffing but that's probably because my hair constantly smells like smoke grin

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:22:13

Are you sure he wasnt bending down to check out your knick knacks?

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:23:37

Can you envisage soing 'the beast' with him Kin??

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:23:46

doing

ohmyrainydays Thu 04-Apr-13 19:27:15

Are you looking forward to seeing him again Kin? He sounds fun and interesting.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 19:27:46

ike I've never had plum wine before, it grew on me. He's definitely a character that's for sure and I'm glad I made a last minute decision not to wear stockings - I think that would have sent him over the edge.
When are you seeing your blerk ?

SP I'm hoping it means 'beard lover' but as I didn't check before I typed, it might not. He sniffed my neck, Software wants to sniff my hair - I seem to be attracting men who want to smell me.

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:29:21

Oh well maybe sunday Kin....for someone who seems so incredibly keen...he is mighty difficult to pin down...

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:30:07

I usually drink plum wine with Japanese food...

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 19:30:32

Rainy I think he's definitely fun and interesting, obviously I'm rubbish at all this dating malarkey because I'm feeling slightly two-timey about seeing Software tomorrow.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 19:32:39

Oh I do hope so Ike it's about time you had some fun.

(Yeah, it was a noodle place, his choice rather than mine)

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:35:57

Dont worry about multi dating at this point Kin...I would if there was more choice. Yes I am very much enjoying my conversations with Mr H but I know from previous experience it really is not a good idea to go too full pelt without meeting first and I am afraid that is what is happening now. 3 hour convos for the last 3 nights.

Kin interesting... grin I've lost track of your itinerary, are they in different towns and you're in a hotel right now? seem to remember you were on an early train several days ago.

OWW hmmph lets hope he re-arranges

Rainy glad it all went ok, date 2 soon then.

Ike when is your date with Mr H?

I am meant to be having date 2 with Musician Man tomorrow, he is a bit shy on the contact front though. When I asked him about it he said he didn't want to appear pushy but a bit of interest would be helpful.

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:38:24

Anyway Kin...you didnt answer the question....can you see yourself doing 'the beast' with Mr Showbiz?

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:40:20

Hey Jules remind me with Musician Man...been a bit distracted ...were you keen? Got to sort out these warring kids...will be back in a bit....its been a long, long holiday....

Bant Thu 04-Apr-13 19:44:50

Well buffy is sick. I'm back in Budapest for a couple of days and she's said she's down with the lurgey, doesn't want me to come over in case I catch it. Normally I'd be all gallant and head over anyway to give her the creme eggs I brought back for her, but I've got a trip to the states on Monday and really don't want to catch what she's got then have a week feeling shitty at a conference..

So, I might get to see her tomorrow night. In the meantime, I'd suggested Saturday night to CootGirl back in the uk, she'd gone quiet for several days, then came back and said yes, along with some funny, quirky, sweet lines which made me grin. Guiltily.

This is shit. I wouldn't even think of meeting CootGirl if buffy wasn't leaving the country in a month. But she is. And attractive funny intelligent women don't come along all that often, at least not that want to date me.

But Coot is in England, buffy will be in the US. I think I will be single for some time to come..

(nice one kin and rainy)

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 19:49:36

Ha Ike cut to the chase! He sounds interesting Nora but I think the beard would be scratchy.

Will wait and see if Cakey rearranges - think its a genuine excuse but we'll see. Bit of a let down though.

Rainy - steady. Glad it went well, but keep your head, stay calm, reserve judgement.

Ike he is the man who I went on a date with about 6 weeks ago, then he went on holiday for two weeks, suggested date 2 but never actually came up with an actual date until last week. I can't remember what I called him before, its been so long. He's ok, very nice good looking man but not sure if he would light my fire but pleasant enough.

Bant don't feel guilty, absolutely no point in that. You have a strong moral compass, but there is no bad intent and just because it's not ideal it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it if that is ultimately what is best for you. Anyway, by the time you meet up with either of them the chances are that the timing will be in your favour so any crossover will be minimal non existent.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 19:56:50

Ike - 3 hour conversations for the last 3 nights, bloody hell, you definitely need to meet him asap.

Not entirely sure that I see myself making the beast with two backs with Showbiz, the undercurrent of filth bubbling through him might make me more inclined to do so.

It's vair complicated Juliette I'm staying at my parents' oop north for two weeks, Mr Showbiz, lives over t'other side of the Pennines and travelled here to take me out today, Software lives in Bristol and I'm getting the train down there tomorrow, where I will staying in a fancy pants hotel.

Kin got it! <updates spreadsheet>

ohmyrainydays Thu 04-Apr-13 19:59:15

I'm trying OWW but it's really hard. We're trying to sort out date number two.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 20:00:46

OWW I imagine the beard would be less scratchy if it were brushing against areas other than my face. Cough.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 20:05:13

Bant you've never struck me as an unkind or thoughtless man, I hope Cootgirl turns out to be really lovely.

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 20:05:28

Yes ...just dont think about him sniffing at the same time kin....

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 20:07:06

Jules...good looking though....a major bonus in Online Dating....major bonus...

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 20:08:46

Yes even I am beginning to get a bit 'frustrated' and that is a very strange sensation Kin ...let me tell you...

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 20:09:50

God yes Juliette - attractive and pleasant ? Have him washed and brought to your tent pronto.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 20:11:55

Ike I had a little frisson when he kissed me ( and sniffed me, it was a bit, you know, animalistic ) - I think this goes to show how much I need a shag.

Ike and Kin I would. I'm not sure if he is a bit limp, figuratively speaking. Good looking and limp is not necessarily attractive a such, we'll see.

Scrazy Thu 04-Apr-13 20:21:02

OWW, I got the work excuse yesterday. It must have been genuine as he is so keen to rearrange, so wait and see.

Sounds like some interesting successful dates today grin.

Bant Thu 04-Apr-13 20:22:31

Nora, seeing as you keep commenting on how good he smelled, maybe you were doing as much sniffing as he was?

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 20:25:59

Jules ...you know there is an anitdote for limp...(someone had to say it...sorry!)

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 20:33:53

Could you not stiffen him up a little, Juliette ?

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Apr-13 20:34:17

I've just been 'chosen' by naughtyandhorny38 .. Do you think I should go for it??? If he's 38 I'm 21 as well!!

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 20:34:58

Ahahahaha, look at the two puerile minds posting the same thing.

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 20:51:45

I know Kin obvs we just couldnt resist....lol

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 20:51:55

Have just had a rather fervently apologetic text from Cakey assuring me of his good intentions and giving details of his diary for the next week ... Should I rearrange with him, boys and girls?

One of the very many offputting things about beards is that they tend to trap the smell of wherever they've been busy burrowing around ...

Much interest off engineers (of various disciplines) at the moment. I quite like engineers and seem to spend a lot of time with them at work. Much more fun than QSs, architects are either brilliant fun or pretentious twats extraordinaires.

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 20:52:19

I do have a weakness for men who smell fabulous Bant but I wasn't such a brazen hussy as to say 'excuse me, I simply have to smell you again', press my nose up against his neck and inhale, I just appreciated the occasional wafts.

(This is going to completely out me to to people who know me)
In my professional life, I once worked in a place where we'd have what we called ' The Ball Clinic' on a Friday afternoon, monitoring the chests of young men who'd had testicular cancers (it spreads to the lungs) - it was great, mainly because they were all really healthy but also because they'd spruced themselves up for the hospital and used their best fragrances, I used to follow them down the corridor, sniffing like a Bisto kid. I'd go home and say to exh how much I liked Fridays because I loved the smell.

Fast forward ten or so years and a conversation about why exh never used smelly stuff, he claimed not to know that I liked male fragrances, I said 'you must have done, remember when I used to tell you about the Ball Clinic' . It turns out that he thought I'd been examining their scrotums and then coming home and telling him how much I liked the smell .

Marvel at how the relationship lasted as long as it did.

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 20:59:40

Ha ha Nora that's the funniest thing I've read for ages. You have really perked me up.

Flipper924 Thu 04-Apr-13 21:02:35

Just nipped in to snigger at Nora's XH.

Glad dating seems to be going well for everyone.

ike1 Thu 04-Apr-13 21:09:06

Oh God Kin SOME men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I mean really what did you ever see (or smell) in the ex....he just sounds like a total numb nut..(unless of course you were constantly sniffing his scrot)

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 21:13:56

Yes, Ike, I have finally outed myself as The Phantom Scrotum Sniffer of Old London Town.

OWW glad to be of help, chuck

Flipper how are you ? I was only wondering this morning how you were getting on and how I'd not seen you for ages.

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 21:21:44

Western - I say yes one more chance grin he seems interested

Kin - glad it went well grin he sounds nice although smelling on a first date is very forward shock

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 21:22:46

Exp smells me all the time and has always said he loves my smell! He even loves smelling my hair when it's very greasy confused

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 21:28:36

Sorry, OWW yes, I think you should give Cakey another chance but any more flakiness and he's for the old heave ho.

Moving I was a little taken aback at the sniffing.

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 21:32:21

I've given him another chance - he's out tomorrow on a works do, unwell on Saturday so I will see him Sunday or Monday ... He's really nice, actually. Very apologetic and it wasn't even his fault - such a contrast to LM. Actually I like him more for how he's handled this ...

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 21:33:26

I don't think Cakey is flaky ...

Ike and Kin it's his backbone I have doubts about.

There is a certain smell some men have, tends to only be revealed when they are nekkid but if they have it, they have me.

OWW yes to Cakey, what Kin said. Was it a quick coffee or bigger evening thing, I would be a bit miffed if it was an evening thing and he cancelled because of work as that smacks of not being very organised, a bit self important or inconsiderate. no one is going to say Flakey Cakey

OWW you got there first grin

SweetSeraphim Thu 04-Apr-13 21:49:19

Erm... am I being a bit thick?? How does Cakey know he will be unwell on Saturday?

KinNora Thu 04-Apr-13 21:52:19

Hangover.

( or he's psychic )

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Apr-13 21:53:18

SS I'm taking the mickey as he's out on the town on Friday ...

They have had a major crisis at work, production line stopped and all, so I can see why he had to stay and couldn't go rushing off to meet a bird.

SweetSeraphim Thu 04-Apr-13 21:56:00

Ohhhh grin I see!

lubeybooby Thu 04-Apr-13 22:02:17

SS I just very nearly said the same thing til I saw you had already grin

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Apr-13 22:04:33

Not flakey cakey grin

And why is he named cakey??

I have just been on the shortest and worst date in my life. The lad who lived near me said we should meet up so I said ok. He took me to a fucking park! Expected me to get out and play on it with him.

Kept pulling a weird sad face and telling me hes not my friend. Then drove around saying what do you want to do? Not listening to what I was saying about myself either. Then pulled up in a estate and tried putting arms round and me and asking for hugs. When he realised he wasn't getting anywhere he said oh I'm tired. Ill take you home.

We weren't even out an hour. Oh the pictures he sent me and the ones he had on his profile were of him. When he was half a fucking ton lighter!

I'm meant to be meeting army lad but I think Ill just get 100 cats and be done with it grin

VelvetSpoon Thu 04-Apr-13 23:47:21

SP I'm sorry but I am grin at him wanting you to play in the park with him! Has he not had a date since primary school?!!

You MUST go on the other date. Firstly, he can't be any worse (if he suggests meeting you at the park, you are however permitted to cancel!) and he might be a whole lot better.

We have all been on terrible dates, tbh most of mine have been pretty bad one way or another! the worst one ever, a completely blind date (way before OD, a friend said she thought we'd get on...the bitch!) nice enough bloke but a foot shorter than I am in heels and built like a jockey. I could not get away fast enough!

Hes now messaging me saying you not talking? I could tell you weren't interested sad sad!

He is not my type at all, he had pictures up from years ago and he talks in a weird baby voice. It was pitch black and he thought I was stupid enough to walk up to a park in the middle of a field with a man 3x bigger then me who I didn't know.

I was in a dress and heels too!

SP I'm also sorry but grin at taking you to the park, what exactly did he expect you to play on? Do meet the other date, as Velvet says it has to be better.

If it makes you feel better, you may remember I mentioned my date last week had a very old photo. The part I left out because it felt mean to say it was that he was at least 30kg heavier. Lovely man, would have suffocated me. I didn't mention the Tourettes either, did I.

The second part didn't bother me tbh, very subtle anyway. It was just the weight.

grin I feel slightly better now. It was been with a toddler that could drive. I have a 3 year old already!

No clue but there was a couple of cars pulled up with steamy windows! I'm just ignoring him. I don't know what to say. He keeps sending messages with sad faces. He a few year older then me too!

Juliette It might sound shallow but its the weight for me. I'm only 4 foot 11 and weigh barely 8 stone. Hes have killed me! Not a chance.

Off to rehome 100 cats tomorrow!

SP I got your man mixed up, I thought he was the 21yr old and that was his style. I can't believe a grown up took you to the park, in heels grin

21year old fucked off few week ago.

A grown up, who had his own car and house, took me to a park at night. Not just any park though. The park which has a well known dogging car park! Very romantic!

This was a random lets meet moment. Thinking been spontaneous is a good thing. No it was not!

Army guy wants to meet me tomorrow. I swear if he takes me to a wacky warehouse I'm giving up grin

ike1 Fri 05-Apr-13 02:15:32

Honestly I REALLY have heared it ALL now! Sps

KirstyWirsty Fri 05-Apr-13 06:00:27

SPs that all sounds very dodgy .. If you ignore him he'll go away .. Eventually!!

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 06:19:18

So let's get this straight, SP, he wanted to take you dogging on a first date ? He's no stranger to the art of romance and that's for sure. As for the 'little baby voice' you want to send him on a date with Pom's 'weird Mexican voice' man - imagine the conversation between those two.

Pomegranatenoir Fri 05-Apr-13 06:41:11

Morning everyone,

Felt awful yesterday. Really flat. Rubbish day at work and had to send the thanks but no thanks text and didn't want to hurt his feelings. Had 4 texts off him before I sent it. He was suffocating!! He still text back asking to be friends but I haven't replied. Would rather live on my own and never speak to another human again than go anywhere with him! Naus!

It has out me off od though. How do you pick yourself up?

It has changed what I want now though. Nothing serious, just someone to have fun with. Go for drinks and the odd day out, maybe some nice meals but nothing heavy. I am happy with my life at the mo - not even really missing a man anymore but I would like some male company.

Sp- your date sounds awful. How do you feel?? It isn't any reflection in you. He is just a weirdo. Block and move on!!

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 06:50:57

Morning Pom the 'thanks but no thanks' text is always slightly difficult. I reckon that the best way to see unsatisfactory dates is to think of each one as refining what you do actually want from a relationship, that way you can take something positive out of a negative experience otherwise it's too easy to fall into the whole ' I'll never find anyone, it's all crap, I should just give up ' mindset.

Bant Fri 05-Apr-13 08:15:50

So are you saying I shouldn't take CootGirl to funky funhouse? But.. There's a trampoline!

ohmyrainydays Fri 05-Apr-13 08:26:30

I'm sorry SP but the thought of a grown man thinking that taking someone on a date to the park is hilarious. How did he ever think that would be a good idea?

Hopefully date number 2 for me will be tonight. I really want to see him again soon.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 08:39:24

What is going on with the silly voices?

SP sorry to sound like your mum here, but please be careful, don't get into cars with men you don't know. Best thing is to arrange to meet them somewhere public and get there under your own steam, then no risk of being taken dogging shock That is blooming awful, hope you're feeling alright.

Pom I felt quite low after my bad date last week - it can knock you back a bit. I think what you're doing using it in a positive way is great - this has helped you with deciding what you do and don't want from a relationship. I just carry on regardless, on to the next one! I have no chance to meet anyone irl because of the children and my work commitments, so it's OD or nothing, I don't want nothing, so on I go. If you're quite happy with not having a man around, then think about giving it a break for a while until you feel a bit better about it.

sp how do you feel this morning? I hope you have wiped Rûyy

SP Went to soon, not had first coffee here. Meant to say wiped it from your memory

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 08:56:46

Just in case anyone is very childish and needs a laugh, I saw this on another thread That's my Christmas Sorted

SP and to follow up what OWW said its also best to meet somewhere else away from your home, we never know who these men are and don't want them turning up either making a fuss or worse, especially with DC in the house.

Scrazy Fri 05-Apr-13 10:14:29

SP, just caught up and I was about to wade in and say what are you doing getting into someones car on a first date, can see OWW beat me to it. Also I guess he picked you up from your home, it's a no no. Meet in a neutral place, get the bus or drive yourself if you do, next time. Then you can make a quick gettaway when you realise you have had the misfortune to meet a weirdo.

I got sucked into contact for about a year with a guy who lived abroad once. I had exchanged a few messages and photo's and he looked OK etc and had my email address. Kept plugging away at it, sending happy Christmas emails and updating me on his life etc. All quite pleasant. Anyway he was back in the UK and wanted to meet up, so I agreed. He had made all these plans about taking me to his home town etc so I told him to hold off on the plans before we met. He got lost trying to find the meeting place and phoned me once I'd given up so I arranged to walk somewhere and meet him. I had to get in his car and as soon as I saw him I felt like throwing myself out onto the pavement. I just didn't fancy him one bit, but besides that he gave me the creeps. Never again!

Pomegranatenoir Fri 05-Apr-13 10:17:28

Still feeling a bit flat. Went back on pof and match last night and didn't get much interest. All the men that wink or message me seem to be a lot older or very boring and geeky.

How do I attract some cooler looking men. Might need to rewrite my profile. I am currently a geek magnet!!!

Scrazy Fri 05-Apr-13 10:23:47

Pome, bad dates always make me feel like never going on a blind date again. Are you on POF? I think the best thing to do is just keep your profile on, forget about it and see a nice message with a decent photo as a bonus. Only reply to men you really like the look off and if you are really bored one night, do a search and send messages to a few hotties. Don't expect a reply and if you get one then great.

Try and get out and about doing other things in RL.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 10:31:39

Pom if you're looking for a particular type, then maybe you'll have to do a search, look for ones you think are okay or better and message them. Some will reply, some won't but I'm sure you'll get some replies back if you message half a dozen or so.

I like geeks, though. The conversation yesterday about "boring" was really good - "boring" as an alternative to chaotic and flaky and being on an emotional rollercoaster is good. There are some truly boring men, but it can be difficult to separate this from someone who has a stable and regular life, no hang ups or issues, as there aren't necessarily the emotional highs and lows, adrenaline rushes and addictive games there with it all. If that's what you're used to (in the sense of you generally, not you in particular Pom) then it can be easy to mistake something calm and normal for something boring, but it's not.

Pomegranatenoir Fri 05-Apr-13 10:38:14

I think i like geeks too and would prefer a man with an emotional side but my date the other night was everything I don't want in a man and completely turned me off geeks. He thought he was cool and a bit rebellious as well which made it even worse. He just made me cringe.

I don't think I want danger or bad boy I want someone with a bit of fire in their belly and who makes me laugh and wants to try new places and things. I want them to be a proper man too. My exh was a outwardly very weak passive aggressive type and I don't want that again. You never know where you are with them.

Profiles are live on pof and match. Will have to see what turns up...

Suppose you just know when it's right and when it isn't. Would love to fancy a man though. Been ages since I fancied someone!!

EternalRose Fri 05-Apr-13 10:44:46

I wholeheartedly agree OWW...

I mean, someone talking about the intricate mechanics of a software installation all day would most likely bore me to tears. We dont have to be interested in everything someone has to say.

However, that is not the same as thinking someone is 'boring' because they dont set your world on fire (even if they may have similar interests) In my experience with 'messed up' men, excitement with usually involves some form of drama, chaos, and other kinds of uncertainty. Believe me when I say it becomes draining after a while.

When I eventually date, I will be going for someone who does NOT do that, because in my prior experience the whole thing has been so damaging to me. I will literally run the other way, if I feel that familiar sensation of excitement I want nice, dependable, and someone who doesn't need drugs to make him feel connected with me.

EternalRose Fri 05-Apr-13 10:46:57

Excuse all the typos!

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 11:30:01

Exactly Rose. My ex was so fucked up in so many ways, very unpredictable, abusive, lots of drama and crises and dangerous situations, getting into debt, bailiffs, suicide attempts, disappearances, affairs, (all him not me grin ) all sorts of nonsense and it felt like we lurched from one crisis to the next. It was horrible and trying to keep the children out of all this and with a normal, calm life was horrendously difficult.

I thought LM was quite geeky and "boring" - he came across as grown-up and responsible when I first met him - but lo and behold he was another of the same! This is why I worry about my judgement sometimes.

I am looking for someone very steady and reliable and if the other side of that coin is being a little predictable, maybe, then I am more than happy to live with that. Don't mind a little bit older, either. Just normal, calm and good.

Rearranged with Cakey for Sunday or Monday depending on my babysitter. I do quite like this bloke - not getting emotionally invested at all, oh no.

ohmyrainydays Fri 05-Apr-13 11:54:07

I'm hoping for a bit of nice this time. I can't be going with the whole bad boy thing anymore. Hopefully date number 2 with the nice one is tonight. I can't help with the not getting emotionally involved OWW because its too late fo me.

BillMasen Fri 05-Apr-13 12:05:33

You all say that about "nice" and "normal" being what you really want but in my experience as a man who falls firmly into the "nice" category, a lot of you don't actually mean that. How do you know you won't go all of a flutter the next time someone "exciting" comes along?

lubeybooby Fri 05-Apr-13 12:11:39

Bill I like nice and stable but also confident and passionate... tricky to find!

I have a male friend in the nice category, he's also a virgin at 28 and can't make a decision to save his life

There's a difference between 'nice' and 'completely wet walkover'

Also Bill, have you thought maybe you are eternally attracted to the wrong women who treat nice men like crap or just aren't interested at all rather than all women being like that?

Pomegranatenoir Fri 05-Apr-13 12:15:50

Think it is all to do with the spark bill - without the spark or mutual attraction being nice or naughty is irrelevant.

Well that is my take on it. I want nice and normal but I also want to feel an attraction. Mr Geek from this week was ridiculously over the top. He sent me a stupid number of texts every day, told me repeatedly that I was beautiful or gorgeous (or whatever words he could find to complement me) but all he did was turn me off. Both over text and in person.

I defo want nice. I am not attracted to exciting but I am attracted to fun. And I want someone who can make me laugh, smile and feel comfortable.

Bant Fri 05-Apr-13 12:16:02

So is this nice vs exciting thing similar to some of the questions asked on dating sites etc for men - do we prefer slutty/exotic or wholesome? Personally I prefer a bit of both.

We've got that old expression 'chef in the kitchen, lady in the parlour, harlot in the bedroom'. Is there a male alternative?

ohmyrainydays Fri 05-Apr-13 12:16:15

In my experience Bill I don't cheat, I never have done so I won't need to worry about that. Hopefully I've learnt enough to stay away from the wrong ones to know that it's never worth it. Anyway so far my nice guy is providing plenty of excitement and heart fluttering.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 12:18:04

Yes, "nice" doesn't mean a blooming wet lettuce! A huge part of being nice is being able to have and sustain an equal partnership/relationship where neither person is the one in charge or dominating things. For someone to be very passive and indecisive and expect someone else to take all responsibility for them, well that isn't stable and reliable and adult, in my view.

Bill you have a lovely gf now, and I think you got with her pretty quickly so obviously your niceness is working for someone!

ohmyrainydays Fri 05-Apr-13 12:18:36

I think the male equivalent Bant would be someone who would shag you senseless and then look after you when you're ill. That sort of thing.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 12:19:45

Pom - you have got it spot on. Fun as opposed to the unhealthy rollercoaster excitement.

EternalRose Fri 05-Apr-13 12:21:25

Bill, I definitely mean it when I say I want a nice, normal man! smile

For me, I used to go for men that were a bit different, didin't follow conventions (now I know why) and were a bit alternative in their outlook. Does sort of things endeared me to these men, as I thought they really were unique..Now with a bit more maturity and wisdom on my side I now realise that can be a load of old rubbish.

Call it a load of hot air, but not enough substance to back it up.

When I found out that here is a category of emotionally abusive men who like banging on about conspiracies, like drugs, and would quite happily spend the whole day pontificating about life, and how men get a raw deal....made me feel (oddly) somewhat bummed that my unique ex was not so unique after all hmm

And so I realise I have been missing a trick all along. I guess looking back at it all now, these men have emotional unavailablity issues and present a challenge. Nice, dependable men get lumped into the boring cateogry because there is no challenge (and long may that continue!!!).

Pomegranatenoir Fri 05-Apr-13 12:26:07

Changed my profile on pof. Could anyone give it a gander and tell me where I'm going wrong.... PM me for details

Bant Fri 05-Apr-13 12:49:40

what kind of 'going wrong' Pom? I've looked and can make a few suggestions, but what are you trying to avoid/achieve by it?

Scrazy Fri 05-Apr-13 13:10:41

I like a guy to have confidence in themselves too, it's very attractive.

I could do with some advice. I am going on a OD date tomorrow but am not on any sites as I really am OK about not having -sex-- a man, if I meet someone who blows me away then maybe. I do get out and about so it's not impossible to meet someone that way.

Most of us agree that we aren't necessarily looking for a live in, full blown relationship and would like someone for dating, intimacy, someone who makes you laugh etc and that is what I had with the ex. I got upset huffy (not in a crying my eyes out way) but realised I needed to take a step back as I was obviously more invested than he, as he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship, I know that now. He's the sort of man who isn't short of female company. I also know now that he wasn't 'going out' with any of them behind my back, which is what I got into my head, and is obviously still available.

Time has passed, I posted about the negative side, done the no contact and gotten over it in the meantime. Now he is asking to meet up again. I'm guessing he would be happy to pick up where we left off but says he just wants a catch up. I'm not sure what I want, I feel reasonably detached and it's nice to be back in touch and if I didn't miss him it would be a definite no, but it's not. Will add we have history rather than started off with expectations of a relationship, we drifted from a casual now and again catch up, into a more regular and quite intimate 'thing' which kind of took us both by surprise. What to do?

Bant, Bill, Voice, be nice to hear from some men on this as well......

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 13:14:43

I started to write a list of things I'd want in a man and then got a bit bored, feel free to pass the geeks on to me Pom, I love a nerdy man and have never fancied bad boys, always found them and their posturing a bit dull.

On the train to Software, bracing myself for the unveiling. Bobbins wifi.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 13:19:53

Nora I can't wait - go to the loo as soon as the denouement has taken place and tell all! I bet it's you in the style of ze Fallen Madonna . . .

Scrazy well, my gut instinct is to say no, you've gone through all the pain, things obviously weren't right and you would just be going back to more of the same. What would you want from him if you did get back in touch? I think that's the question to answer, really.

Bant Fri 05-Apr-13 13:20:55

Scrazy - I'd love to be able to give advice but.. sounds like you don't know what you want. From the sound of 'just meeting up' and your history, either he wants to end up back in bed with you, or he's going to tell you he's engaged to someone and wants to do it face to face. But I'd guess at the former.

You could go with FWB if you wanted, or just say no to meeting up and forget about him.

I have a similar situation. An ex of mine wants to come stay in Budapest for the weekend in a couple of weeks. We have a history of on again/off again, haven't seen her in a year and before that for several years (when I was married) but we'll probably end up in bed if she comes over.

Buffy has gone silent. She still has my keys. No response in 24 hours and I was supposed to see her tonight, I'm away for the next week and a half..

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 13:24:48

That is very strange about Buffy, Bant. Perhaps she's really ill and just sleeping - would it be worth popping round to check on her, or wouldn't that feel right?

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 13:27:08

Scrazy I wouldn't meet him but that's because I'm an impulsive soft touch, if you think you can meet him without it stirring up old feelings and there's no risk of it upsetting you then I'd go for it.

OWW -what on earth am I going to do if it makes me want to laugh ? I'm truly dreadful in that kind of situation. <frets>

48howdidthathappen Fri 05-Apr-13 13:27:14

Loads of dates going on. The good and the bad.

I am still hoping Software has a name change Kin Hope the unveiling goes well.

lubeybooby Fri 05-Apr-13 13:28:13

Scrazy, you've got to ignore him. You do know what you want really as you were very resolute about it back in Dec/Jan.

Don't compromise on your standards!

Going no contact means no contact... EVER! not just no contact for a few months then going back on everything you said and becoming embroiled again in something that will hurt you (again)

Please don't decide his crumbs are better than nothing, they're not, you deserve more.

48howdidthathappen Fri 05-Apr-13 13:31:30

Scrazy What Lubey said. I don't think anything good will come out of it.

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 13:34:09

48 he says it will be 'wonderful' to see me again, not if I'm sniggering at his daubing it won't be. Showbiz is apparently 'very perky' today - hmmmmm.

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 13:35:47

And Scrazy it appears that I've missed out on loads of background stuff so in that case, what Lubes and 48 say.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 13:38:59

You will have to think very serious, grave thoughts as the moment approaches, Nora - Greyfriars Bobby can be good - and have a drink on the go so you have something to put up to your face to hide any smirking that may inadvertently occur. If the worst happens, run to the loo - you can always say you were overcome. I have years of practice at this from the dcs and can now do stealth laughing in total silence. My shoulders still shake a bit but I'm working on that.

Scrazy Fri 05-Apr-13 13:42:07

Thanks all, I am taking it in.

Bant, sounds like you are thinking the same as me about your ex, would you have to end up in bed or could it be nice showing an old friend around the city.

Still mulling it over. But definitely don't think anything is better than nothing as I'm happy with nothing iyswim. It would be a nice treat to get taken out and spoilt. I'm curious to see if I still have feelings, I suppose. I won't allow anything physical to take place. No way!

Pomegranatenoir Fri 05-Apr-13 13:50:36

bant thanks for the suggestions. I will change accordingly!!

I wanted to make changes because I was attracting the wrong type of men. I like men that are nice, got bit about them, reasonably good looking (not gorgeous but a twinkle in their eye) and who likes to wear nice clothes and up to date with current fashions. My level of pull has been somewhat different. Get a lot of overweight (massive) chavs and complete squares. Not the type of men I want but maybe the men I want are looking for little young blond, glamour pusses!!

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 13:53:34

Scrazy I think it would be very easy to get carried away and end up back exactly where you were. Stay NC. See, one message has almost led to a meeting already, which will lead to something else, and there you will be, back in the middle of the whole situation again. Don't go stirring up your feelings when you are nearly out the other side!

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 13:58:19

I am better than I used to be OWW, work has helped in that I have to attempt to look professional rather than a giggling fool. It's good news about Cakey re-arranging.

Bant Fri 05-Apr-13 13:59:17

Scrazy - it would be lovely showing her round the city. We'd have a great time, I've found some interesting places she'd like to see, it would be fun.

The problem is, she's beautiful and fantastic in bed. Probably the best sex I ever had (although to be honest Buffy might well edge her out if I ever see her again) And she's funny and smart and I'm really kind of still in love with her.

Hmm..

Pom - I don't think the words you write in your profile will stop you from attracting the massive chavs and squares. They will like your picture and send you an email no matter what you say. There's no way to stop someone from liking the look of your profile, all you can do is block them.

You could put something in there about what you're looking for in a bloke other than theme parks smile You know, been to college, can quote shakespeare, plays footie every week, whatever. That might weed some of them out, but just writing about yourself isn't going to put anyone off, I don't think

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 14:02:43

I have a great of sympathy with you Scrazy , not least because I have a fairly strong suspicion that I would find it almost impossible to turn down a meeting with Spud, but I think you'd be taking a step, or several, back (as I would be if I did it ) make sure that whatever you do is the best for you, it doesn't matter what he wants.

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 14:04:34

Is that French Girl, Bant ? Is there a good reason you're not able to be together ?

Bant Fri 05-Apr-13 14:07:17

I realised she was French smile

lubeybooby Fri 05-Apr-13 14:09:07

Scrazy take it from me it's a bad idea... your brain is doing that trick thing it likes to do in no contact circumstances. It's making up excuses and justifications to see him, but really they are BS.

Remember what i said about asking yourself what the point is and what outcome you want... Looking at it from the outside there really is no positive point here at all. You will most likely still have feelings and what then? Back to square one, either accepting him seeing other women or... healing all over again. It wasn't easy... do you really want to have to go through all that again?

The chances of you looking at him and thinking meh after being spoiled as you put it are pretty much zero - it's a road to more heartbreak, virtually guaranteed.

<shrugs>

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 14:13:57

Bant -<sceptical face>. Mind you, you have just reminded me of some of the very rude French phrases I know. grin

Scazy no, just no. This man did your head when you were seeing him and for some time after. Why would you want to do that to yourself? No contact.

Bant Fri 05-Apr-13 14:20:46

I think French girl wants to be F with the occasional B, I'm trying to find someone who is better than her so I can put her permanently in the past. That's tough though.

Buffy just told me she's still sick, we could watch a movie or something tonight but she's suffering. I dunno. I don't want to get sick and she's snotty and miserable but otherwise I won't get to see her for ages

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 14:28:12

Yes it is tough, especially when you still have feelings for her. With Buffy, depends how good your immune system is - I'd risk it for a cold, not for c diff. Shudder.

Scrazy Fri 05-Apr-13 14:38:36

Bant, good to know that men are not always up for the B, when it's offered.

It's not just one message, we've been back in touch for a while but I've been busy.

I still have tomorrows guy to meet so hey he might clinch it, pigs might fly grin.

BillMasen Fri 05-Apr-13 14:45:21

pom I'd ask for a date looking at that profile smile

I might be "nice" but I'm no doormat. I'm confident, know what I want and a bit laid back. And yes, it's worked at the moment (kind of...) but that doesn't mean that in the past I've just had the feeling that (some) women just don't like "nice".

I'm the sort that all your friends approve of, your mum likes and your grandma thinks is lovely smile.

BillMasen Fri 05-Apr-13 14:53:54

scrazy I think I agree with most saying its a bad idea. We all have someone who we struggle to let go of (mine being moon girl at work who goes silent for ages, then wants to meet). We know that meeting is bad because nothing will have changed, it's just the start of the cycle again. Unless you can be sure that either he's changed or you're totally immune to it, then don't do it.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 14:54:14

I think some men don't like "nice" either. So many of them seem to go for the high-maintenance bitch queen from hell type - probably the nice men end up with the HMBQFH and the nice women end up with the screwed-up bad boys.

BillMasen Fri 05-Apr-13 15:04:18

But I might be a bit ditzy!! Just taken rubbish out to the bin and to get something from the car. Managed to throw my car key into the bin so spent 5 mins crawling into a wheely bin to fish them out! Classy smile

BillMasen Fri 05-Apr-13 15:07:05

Good point oww. I don't like "bad" girls, however not actually managing to delete moon girls number despite her being a shit to me means perhaps I'm as guilty of it I suppose.

BillMasen Fri 05-Apr-13 15:07:41

I've just deleted it now! Strike while the iron is hot.

Bad seems exciting because of the highs and lows, it's so easy to mistake that adrenaline rush or feelings of relief for feelings for the man himself.

I find some of the men on the sites quite boring, I'm sure they are perfectly nice. They are boring to me because they don't have much interest in what is going on in the world, or don't read, or have no curiosity about life and nothing to say.

It is possible to mistake nice for boring, in fact I once mistook boring for nice* hmm, but nice, kind, loving, available, stable and for me personally, a little bit slutty in bed from time to time is where it's at. Give me butterflies because I'm looking forward to seeing him rather than the angst of wondering why he's late/I've not heard from him.

*I also thought he was easy going when he just had no interest or passion in him. Classic case of seeing what I wanted to see.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Apr-13 15:10:39

Good one Bill - nearly said "Nice one" but thought better of it!

Bill ditzy doesn't cover it! Everyone knows keys belong in the fridge grin

BillMasen Fri 05-Apr-13 15:13:53

I'm going through a phase of being massively decisive at the moment. smile. Accepted a severance package at work that means I leave in 3 weeks (scary). No rush to find something else so need to decide on what to do with my time off...

Bill that's great news, how exciting. Any ideas what you'll do apart from Geeky Girl?

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 15:23:39

I also thought he was easy going when he just had no interest or passion in him - that, Juliette is an excellent summary of my exh.

BillMasen Fri 05-Apr-13 15:25:17

Not sure yet. I could choose to not work for a year or so, but that's a bit too long, even for me! Will probably have 3-6 months though. Can't really do the travelling thing because of kids but could have some extended holidays perhaps. Will definitely see more of kids during the week, and also considering volunteering if I can find the right charity. Oh and lots of rock and roll (going out on a school night, having the odd drink!)

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 05-Apr-13 15:34:07

I also thought he was easy going when he just had no interest or passion in him - that, Juliette is an excellent summary of my exh.

And a pretty good description of my ex, too!

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 15:36:49

There must be a plague of them, Libby, running around the country, being all meh.

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 05-Apr-13 15:39:24

Running? That would be far too much effort for my ex... (though to be be fair, I'm not a runner either!)

What time are you meeting Software? I don't post much, but read obsessively every day, and can't wait to hear how it goes with him.

lubeybooby Fri 05-Apr-13 15:41:59

That sounds brilliant Bill!

So, my date later. I'm undecided now whether I want to or not. Been tidying and generally getting ready just in case but I'm feeling the cold feet here I think.

There's no reason either really apart from 'not sure if I can be arsed'

I'm just fed up of dating really I think and would rather skip to the part where I have a lovely regular thang goin' on.

I suspect the madwoman libido may take over shortly though.

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 05-Apr-13 15:43:52

Could this become a regular thing, do you think, Lubey?

Kin it took we a while, severe depression, an additional 24kg of weight, quite a chunk of self confidence and feeling like I didn't exist before I realised what was really going on.

No sex, I could have stood in front of the tv dancing naked. No conversation, I mean none at all. Food was just fuel, when he finished the dinner I'd cooked he would actually get up from the table leaving me there to go and watch tv. He didn't like anything he considered different where I had insisted suggested we do something because he was out of his depth, a particularly romantic wild park on a summers evening had 'too many flies', he didn't like 'foreigh' and had to lie down for a good part of any weekend away (I saw Venice and Barcelona alone), even when we went camping in England he had to rest in the car whilst I put up the tent along with toddler DS. Paris on NYE had to be left at 11.40 because it was 'late' being one hour ahead.

Worst thing was that he was Mr Nice Accountant, everyone questioned why I wasn't happy. When he was out he made an effort. When I finally asked him to leave, people thought it was because I was depressed. I was, that is what being negated every day does to you.

Bant Fri 05-Apr-13 15:46:22

I also thought (s)he was easy going when (s)he just had no interest or passion in her

Also my ExW.

Lubey you have to chat and share a drink with him so he'll put out grin

KinNora Fri 05-Apr-13 15:48:21

Libby Software is meeting me in the hotel reception at 6, thereby giving me enough time to lie about and tart myself up before he takes me out for dinner and cocktails. I'm cacking it ( worra lady ).

Lubey think how much it'll be worth the effort if he turns out to be a sex machine and entertaining out of the bedroom.

lubeybooby Fri 05-Apr-13 15:49:51

Hahahaa grin

It's ok.