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Advice/opinions appreciated

(91 Posts)
NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 16:21:51

Here are so facts so not too drip feed, but protect identity...

Been dating a guy for almost a year who is significantly younger than me.

I have DC's he does not, however, he says he does not want any of his own.

Relationship fantastic in most ways; he's honest, caring, good with children, good to me etc.

Problem is: After almost a year, I've not been introduced to any family or friends. I've confronted him several times (checked if his family are unhappy with age gap etc) he says everything is fine. Is this normal? I'm starting to think he's embarrassed or something.

He stays at my house almost every night so really don't think he's involved in any other relationship, never found any evidence of this.

So what's the problem?

Dryjuice25 Sun 31-Mar-13 16:29:36

I'd have a "serious" talk with him and find out what the problem is?

Does it matter to you what his family think? And so what if they don't like it?

HeySoulSister Sun 31-Mar-13 16:30:14

It might be they don't fully approve?

What's the gap?

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 16:31:02

It doesn't matter what his family think as such, it's the fact that it's looking more and more like there's a problem he isn't telling me about iyswim?

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 16:31:58

16 year gap. I've told him I could fully understand if they don't approve.

HeySoulSister Sun 31-Mar-13 16:38:20

You've been together a while now. I'd talk to him, he clearly wants to be with you

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 16:43:27

HeySoulSister

He has told me over and over that he does want to be with me, however, the problem is that I have talked him and get no clear answers. Maybe it's just me, but I think that if you want to be with somebody, why not make them a part of your life? The way it is at the moment, I feel really cut off from his life.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 17:53:51

How did you meet this bloke?

I don't think I'd be able to say I really 'knew' a bloke if I hadn't met his family or his friends.

Have you been to his house or his workplace?

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 17:59:40

That's what I think I'm trying so say badinage I don't feel like I really 'know' him. He now knows all of my family, friends etc, and yet, I know nothing of his.

Been outside his house in the car, quite a few times, workplace, no.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 18:00:33

Forgot to say, I met him locally, spoken to him a couple of times, he asked for my number, then asked me out on a date.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 18:07:13

Right so you haven't been inside his house, or his workplace and nor have you met his family or friends. So you only 'know' what he wants you to see.

Have you googled him or looked him up on social networks?

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 18:09:32

Yes and yes, nothing on google and he's not on any social networks, he doesn't like the whole facebook thing etc, and he's not very technically minded.

Any thoughts?

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 18:15:11

Done a 192 check on his house? Checked the voters register? Double-checked he works where he says he does?

My thoughts are that he's got another life somewhere.

But I'm going to be honest here, sorry. I just can't imagine having a relationship for this long and exposing a bloke to my kids without knowing much more about him.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 18:18:35

I completely agree with you, kids are much older, 2 grown up, never been alone with him. Not making excuses but would have been a totally different story if they had been younger.

I appreciate your opinion, and I'm thinking either another life or some other reason, but it really does not seem normal to me.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 18:23:13

One of the reasons some people stay off social networks and erase all online traces is because they don't want people to find them. Sometimes this is for sound reasons (e.g to prevent stalking, dislike of technology) but often it's to stop people finding out about the double lives they are leading.

This might sound ridiculous, but have you even verified that he's given you the correct name? If you've never seen any post addressed to him or heard anyone call him by his name, how do you know he's not given you a false identity and that's why you can find 'no trace' of him?

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 18:30:32

I know for 100% fact that he has given me his correct identity information, seen his drivers licence, been to hospital appointments where his details have been verified, and 'bumped' into the odd person he know while out and about who have called him by his name.

I really don't know what to think anymore, I'm getting to the point of seriously considering ending the relationship, which seems a shame as it's so good in every other way.

Toasttoppers Sun 31-Mar-13 18:35:40

I would be mighty peeved if I hadn't been introduced after a year. My nephew is married but he has a FB account under a fake name, his DW is friends with his fake name. I am off FB now but if he is under 30 I would be very surprised if he was off FB.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 18:40:14

Have you been on any holidays with him where you've spent a week or fortnight with him?

How was he when you bumped into someone he knew? Did he introduce you and refer to you as his partner?

You didn't say whether you've made any of the other checks I suggested?

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 18:40:44

Thank you so much for your advice/opinions. You are basically all saying what I'm thinking. Up to this point I didn't want to be 'bunny boiler,' but glad you are all confirming it's not just me.

Agree about the fake Facebook, I have two accounts, think a lot of people do, and yes I thought it very odd as he is under 30.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 31-Mar-13 18:42:09

I think you would do well to end the relationship. It is not normal or healthy not to have met any of his family or friends or been inside his house in a year. There is something majorly wrong here and if he wont discuss it then get out. The bits of him you are getting be lovely - but you are not 'getting' all of him & that's concerning - both from the fact that fuck knows what he's hiding, but also that he wont talk to you about it. That's no basis for a relationship.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 18:43:55

Not checked the electoral roll. Been away for a weekend, he's keen to go away for two weeks this year.

He did introduce me as his 'girlfriend,' if I'm honest he has seemed a little embarrassed when he did, so much so, if he sees anybody he know now while we're out, I make myself busy elsewhere and walk away.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 31-Mar-13 18:44:06

The thing is - you could spend time (even more than you have already) trying to 'find him on line' or going to his house unexpectedly or his place of work - but really, why bother? He wants to hide part of his life from you, tell him to go and hide it all from you - it's too weird and life's too short to be with someone who isn't prepared to give you their all.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 18:45:14

Thanks chipping you're bang on and looking like what I'm going to have to do.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 31-Mar-13 18:45:20

Why?

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 31-Mar-13 18:47:30

I meant - why were you 'letting him off' like that, not why do you do it.

It's crap though I know x

Still, try to look on the brightside - you will then be free to meet someone else and have a much healthier relationship!

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 18:50:33

I'm not going to bother finding out why, like you say, he's clearly hiding something, let him hide it all. Nobody needs this in their life.

Rulesgirl Sun 31-Mar-13 18:54:01

I think its as simple as he is a bit embarresed by the age difference. You said as much when he introduced you as his girlfriend. But, he did introduce you as his girlfriend so maybe he can get over it. Its not that he doesn't want to be with you as he obviously does and he is quite happy to be seen with you in public so don't think hes hiding anything, but hes worried how others will judge him. Maybe hes insecure and wants to keep the relationship special and separate so to not spoil it.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 31-Mar-13 18:57:04

Chipping is right. This seems very very iffy to me. But the bottom line is, life is far too short to waste energy being made to feel like this.

Sounds to me that you are at a point where he either fully commits or you end it.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 19:00:13

A man's allegedly empty house can't 'judge' him for having an older partner.

The occupants might have something to say about it though. They are either his parents or his partner/kids I'd say.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 19:02:29

He lives with his parents.

On balance, I think the bottom line is he either does reveal his life or leave mine. If I'm honest it is making me feel horrible and I don't need that.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 19:05:27

I think all you can say is that he allegedly lives with his parents. You don't know that as fact.

Good call on what to do about this, though. Don't get fobbed off with some 'date in the future' where you get to meet the rest of his life.

Rulesgirl Sun 31-Mar-13 19:09:20

Has this man actually done anything wrong, hurt you, been horrible to your children or cruel in any way? If he hasn't then why must he be hiding something. He is seen out with you and introduces you so he is not hiding anything at all. Hes just insecure in himself and therefore scared to go public with an older woman.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 19:12:22

I hear what you are saying rulesgirl but in all honesty if that is the case then I think he needs to find a partner who is not embarrassed to be with. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but in the long run, he may well decide this for himself.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 19:29:12

It's not a woman's job to pander to an 'insecure' man who is willing to sleep in a woman's house, eat her food and make use of the resources on offer, but who doesn't think she merits meeting the other significant people in his life. Mind you, as ever this site is an eye opener that some women really do manage to convince themselves that men who do this are only motivated by insecurity, or a desire to keep a relationship special and separate [shocked]

I hope you're not too much out of pocket OP.

BumgrapesofWrath Sun 31-Mar-13 19:30:54

I was in a LTR with someone where I hadn't met his family and friends.

Turned out I was the OW. Despite him being round my house most nights, weekends away, holidays, he still had another life. I was shocked, how he justified his time with me I'll never know

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 19:32:50

Not out of pocket thankfully, he's very generous, like I said in every other way it's a very good relationship, but not prepared to be kept as a separate part of somebody's life.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 19:35:39

shock bumgrapes like you I would be astounded if this were the case as he spends the vast majority of his time with me. Again, unless he reveals his life, it can't carry on, and it's things like this that make me realise that more and more.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 19:37:43

I confess I hear and read about women who find out sometimes years down the track that their partner is married - and think 'oh come on! The signs must have been all there!'

Is it really the case that some women have absolutely no suspicions or niggles about why they've never been to his house, met his family and friends?

Or is it a form of denial in the face of overwhelming evidence? I.e. if I'm not told about it, I'm in no way responsible?

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 19:40:14

I had a friend who claimed this, and in her situ, I'm sorry but there was no way she could not have known. She let it carry on for 6 years! This is why after this long, I'm not prepared to carry on without knowing, it's too risky.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 31-Mar-13 20:04:33

Thing is, when he doesn't let you meet the relatives, go to family events etc...it's the automatic thing to assume, isn't it??

He probably is just a bit embarrassed but the doubt will always be lingering there, eating away.

That's no basis for a relationship (especially for your kids) however nice he is generally

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 20:13:34

I'm 99.9% sure that he is not involved with anybody else. He speaks to parents/friends on the phone while with me and will say he's with me.

It's more than likely he is embarrassed by me in some way, which to me is unacceptable, in fact, it makes me feel quite sick. I don't understand why you would want to be with somebody you are embarrassed about.

Whatever the reason is, he knows it's bothering me and has not rectified it. To be honest, I was annoyed I even had to raise the issue to begin with.

I am upset, we've grown really really close and talk of the future on a daily basis. Guess I will have to chalk this one up to experience!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 31-Mar-13 20:16:14

smile

Always treat yourself with respect and expect the same from others xx

It's a tough call if he is otherwise lovely sad

Rulesgirl Sun 31-Mar-13 20:18:12

Badinage. It was just a suggestion as the OP seems to imply in every other way he is a good man who treats her well. We don't have to write all men off in the same way surely. Men are people too with problems and insecurities etc and not all monsters whatever your experience might be. To be honest, the op has been with him for a year, if it were me I think I would have had this out with him after the first month not let it ride for nearly a year. But I would have talked to him and explained how I felt and if he didn't change then I would have ended the relationship long before now.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 20:23:27

Rulesgirl I said I had confronted him on several occasions. You say you would had have ended it, but advised me not too on the basis of him being a nice guy but insecure.

Nobody said he was a monster, but every person, man or woman deserves to be treated with respect. The guy I'm with is without a doubt the loveliest guy I've ever met, but that does not excuse his treating me disrespectfully by being embarrassed to introduce me to his life.

Rulesgirl Sun 31-Mar-13 20:33:30

That is actually not what I said Nuther. I said that if it had been me I would have had it out with him after the first month and not let it ride for nearly a year and if he didn't change then I would have ended it long before a year had past.
People are implying that he is either married or leading a double life and that it is strange that he doesn't have a facebook account etc and other ways of saying that he is dodgy when it is probably just that its the age thing. You said you confronted him on several occasions but you let it continue.
I was just trying to show that as you have said he is a good man maybe its something that he could change if you gave him an ultimatum. As you seem to love him I just thought that maybe there was a way to sort it out. Always seems so much man bashing on these threads. Sorry if you were offended in any way. Hope you can find a way forward.

Fluer Sun 31-Mar-13 20:37:02

Sorry, got to agree with Rulesgirl on this. And with the man bashing too !!

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 20:38:59

Thank you Rulesgirl and yes you're right I do love him, very much so, which is why I have tried my hardest to give him time to put this right. I asked for advice and opinions as I wanted to be sure I wasn't being paranoid.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 20:42:30

I think the man bashing is a matter of opinion. I know the difference between a good guy and a b@*t4r*, I was single for a number of years after being abused in the most disgusting way. This guy is a good guy, however, the time I spent on my own enabled me to see that life is better as a single woman, than in a relationship that makes you unhappy in any way.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 31-Mar-13 20:57:47

There's a good guy and there's a right guy.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 31-Mar-13 20:59:27

He can be a lovely as anything but to leave op feeling as she does...well she has said herself that this isn't right for her.

AutumnDreams Sun 31-Mar-13 21:10:00

Nuther, is it possible that far from being embarrassed by you, he is possibly ashamed/embarrassed of/by his family for some reason? Don`t bin what sounds like an otherwise good relationship until you explore every possible avenue. Most importantly though, don`t allow any of this to damage your self confidence, which seems to be happening. Be firm, get some answers, then take the necessary action.

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Mar-13 21:23:17

How old is he, OP? He lives at home and yet you have grown up children. What do you think about that?

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 31-Mar-13 21:36:27

Not looking forward to the war years sad

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 31-Mar-13 21:36:59

Dam...wrong thread blush

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 21:42:54

Imperial I don't think anything odd about it, I'd have to give out far too many personal details to explain, there is a 16 year age gap, I had my DC young, they are now grown, he's older than some to be living at home, but not old enough for it to be alarming.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 21:44:37

Just to add, I appreciate all the feedback that I've had, it's good to hear a variety of opinions to enable me to see this from different angles.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 21:50:11

Men are people too with problems and insecurities etc and not all monsters whatever your experience might be.

I know. I've been married for oodles of years now to a very nice man and also have equally lovely sons and son-in-law designates. Plus a load of fantastic male friends. I have absolutely no personal experience of bad treatment from the men in my life and if any bloke has tried to undermine me either at work or before I met my husband and was dating, they got short shrift from me.

It's precisely because I've seen better behaviour in men that I rail against the many excuses that are made for their fellow men's shitty behaviour when it happens. It infantilises men and yet again props up this myth that women should put up with any old rubbish because a man is insecure, or embarrassed or because he's a fully functioning human being in some areas, if not all.

The OP (though I agree rather belatedly) has got her head screwed on about this. She knows that it's not enough for a bloke to meet minimum expectations of kindness, generosity and companionship. If a bloke's hiding a major part of his life from you and you sense is so embarrassed meeting people he knows when he's with you that it's better to make yourself scarce, then it's not bloody good enough.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 31-Mar-13 21:53:47

Nuther - in light of your post at 20.42 I think it's even more vital for you to get out of this relationship. Although you have spent time on your own (& quite possibly had other relationships?) the fact that you were in a seriously bad relationship isn't good - you might be seeing 'A Good Guy' when in fact some of the rest of us would see A Better Than The Other Guy But Not Good Guy.

If it were his family he was embarrassed about a) he'd have introduced you to his friends, b) by the time you've been together a year you should have established your committment to each other 'despite' pretty much any family behaviour (other than criminal I guess) and he should have told you that.

I don't buy the 'he's insecure crap' but even if it were true - this relationship is not nurturing you - it's making you feel totally crap about yourself and as you have said yourself - no one needs that in their life sad

Brave up to it and do what you know you need to do
x

DistanceCall Sun 31-Mar-13 21:56:18

I think you should at least tell him about this. Then see what he says. There's always time to drop him (you do say you love him, after all).

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 22:04:57

I probably should clarify that I have talked to him about this and explained how it is making me feel, and made clear that the situation was making me question whether the relationship is right for me. He was shocked and upset and made clear that he wanted the relationship to work, and assured me that he does want me to meet his family and friends, however, this hasn't happened, which is why I find myself again considering what to do.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 31-Mar-13 22:11:06

Has he ever given reasons??

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 22:16:21

Shipwrecked not really. He cited the illness of one of his parents, but it still would not explain his friends. To be fair, he doesn't see his friends often, but does keep regular contact.

I also do not see my closest friend often, but keep regular contact, I told her about the relationship, and she was keen for me to arrange a meeting, which I did.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 22:26:42

Do you have any actual evidence that he's told his parents and friends about you? Or that you're 16 years older and have children?

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 22:30:52

I don't know about actual evidence he's told his parents, he calls them in front of me and refers to me by name, they also sent me a gift at Christmas (strange I know as I've never met them!). As for evidence that they know about the age gap and the fact I'm divorced with children the age mine are, no, I have no evidence of that.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 22:34:29

I have done the 192 check this evening too, all present and correct.

Like I said I have 'bumped' into people he knows and he has introduced me. I have no idea if those people would have known how old I was as quite often I'm told I look much younger than I am.

Rulesgirl Sun 31-Mar-13 23:13:00

Fair enough *badinage" . I do see your point. smile

CandyCrushed Sun 31-Mar-13 23:25:07

My bet is that he is embarrassed of the age gap or of his parents.
Do you know how old they are? They could be almost the same age as you, which could be a little awkward.

NutherChange Sun 31-Mar-13 23:28:34

I checked their age before I got involved Candy and thankfully they are a lot older than me!

Have thought about him being embarrassed of them, but still would not explain the friends. I guess only he really knows the answer. So annoying.

NutherChange Mon 01-Apr-13 12:21:08

I have made the decision to end the relationship. After listening to all of your points of view and advice, I have decided that this is the best course of action for me.

I will be doing this at the weekend as he has a very serious situation going on this week (which I do have proof of) and feel that it would be inappropriate. I had already asked for time apart this week anyway due to things that I have going on.

I came to the conclusion that, as nice as the relationship has been, it has nonetheless resulted in making me feel worthless, something which my previous abusive marriage had done, just in a more obvious and abusive way.

In a way, it's harder to walk away from this relationship as in every other way it's been really good, and I do love the guy. Walking away from my marriage was a no-brainer and a relief as my EXH had been so abusive.

I have figured that, if he valued our relationship in the way that he claims he does, he would have dealt with this situation, as I had made him aware of the way it was affecting me. I'm sure when I come to have 'the talk' he will have seen it coming anyway.

I once again want to thank everybody who has helped me. I hope that anybody who reads this thread is made aware that even 'good relationships' with 'good guys' can result in damaging your self-esteem, and and as one poster quite rightly pointed out, anybody in any relationship should not just 'accept' things because the rest of the relationship is meeting minimum standards.

Rulesgirl Mon 01-Apr-13 17:10:18

Im glad you have made a decision you are happy with Nuther. Im sure its a very tough one from all that you have said. Your obviously a very strong woman now given your past experiences and are putting your own needs and emotional happiness first, as it should be. I really wish you well and good luck,peacefulness and happiness with everything.flowers

ChippingInIsEggceptional Mon 01-Apr-13 19:53:02

I'm glad you have made that decision, but sorry that you have to do it & that he didn't deal with the situation when you told him how you felt. Big hugs. Let us know how it goes OK x

ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 01-Apr-13 20:04:06

Sorry to hear of the end of a relationship but I am also glad you have made this decision, it sounds like it is the best one for you and I totally agree with your reasons for doing so.

Good luck and look after yourself xx

NutherChange Mon 01-Apr-13 20:37:33

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. Will update to let you all know how it went x

Redflagcatcher Mon 01-Apr-13 20:51:07

Good luck nuther, I went through a surprisingly similar experience last year. Now with someone who is an open book and I realise how scary and damaging my relationship with "lovely but closed" man was.

Quicknamechange2012 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:03:33

It sounds like you really value your own self-worth Nuther which is a great strength to have.

Not going to give too many details as it'll out me but my sister was in a similar relationship which ended recently aft TEN years and she still hadn't met his friends or family by then (they lived about 30mins drive away!) So now she's ten years older, none the wiser about him and feels that she's just wasted some of the best years of her life.

So it's great that you can see the need to finish this now, good luck to you.

NutherChange Mon 01-Apr-13 21:53:28

Thank you for continuing to share your experiences.

I had been single for 5 years due to previous relationship. Think I was so busy congratulating myself on choosing somebody totally non-abusive that I did not consider this! He has been my first relationship since the end of my marriage.

cjel Mon 01-Apr-13 22:34:12

Hope you have a good week, If he really wants you he will change and suddenly the invites will come, but at least you are not settling for less than you deserve.

NutherChange Tue 02-Apr-13 13:10:57

More advice needed from you wonderful people....

Ok, so I ended it. He was extremely upset and claims he is willing to put this right, but..

1. I'm not sure I want him to, as I've had to 'force' him
2. Despite asking several times, he can give me no clear answer as to why things have had to come to this, he says 'it's because I've been stupid' and 'I really don't know."
3. I've had to point out to him that he is only willing to put this right because he doesn't want to 'lose' me.

What would you do in this situation?

StillSeekingSpike Tue 02-Apr-13 13:21:06

Oh dear. I'm a bit like this bloke blush. I am estranged from my family due to many reasons- but because of basically emotional abuse. And I don't want them to know where I am. And I do compartmentalise my life because of this- I never introduced my ex to my current friends. I am trying to stop doing this as much because I recognise it isn't exactly healthy-- but ulness you have been in an abusive and intrusive family it's hard to explain.
I have been friends with my utter BFF for over 2 years now- and we have never been in each other's houses! because we have similar families she completely understands.

ThingummyBob Tue 02-Apr-13 13:21:15

I'd move on. You are right about him only addressing it as you've forced his hand by ending the relationship.

CartedOff Tue 02-Apr-13 13:41:24

I would still end it. I don't think it's worth it and the fact that this relationship has made you feel worthless is a really bad sign. I don't think it would be good for your self-esteem to stick with him after you've been made to feel this way.

cjel Tue 02-Apr-13 14:06:01

Has he arranged for you to meet them now or is he just saying that at some distant point in the future he will?

NutherChange Tue 02-Apr-13 14:10:25

He is wanting to make arrangements to meet the parents and to go out to dinner with a couple of his closet friends.

NutherChange Tue 02-Apr-13 14:18:02

That should read 'closest' friends not 'closet' friends smile

ChippingInIsEggceptional Tue 02-Apr-13 18:46:16

Fraudian slip grin

If it were me now that I've wised up A LOT I'd still end it. As you say, he's only doing it because you've forced him into it and he still wont talk to you and tell you why - his answers are those of a teenager, not a grown man (and although he's younger than you, I suspect he's not that young!!).

Spike at least you realise it's not healthy, you have good reasons for it and you have discussed it with your friend. I hope things get better for you, it's no way to live really x

cjel Tue 02-Apr-13 18:55:33

Love closet friends!! I know its wrong but I'd be tempted to go and meet them just to see what all the fuss was about!!!

NutherChange Tue 02-Apr-13 19:34:58

Thanks again guys.

Yes it definitely is the fact that I had to 'force' him, and I've told him this. This is the minus point.

On the plus side, he has accepted full responsibility and has pleaded for a chance to change.

As it stands currently, it's over. I have asked for breathing/thinking space.

All your input has been helpful x

NutherChange Tue 02-Apr-13 19:36:46

cjel I see your point grin I am just really paranoid as to why though, so have no idea if I should be be worried!

cjel Tue 02-Apr-13 20:15:48

Yes thats the bit that would freak me!!

badinage Tue 02-Apr-13 21:46:59

I thought this is what would happen.

It's why I said days ago not to get sucked in by vague promises about introducing you to the rest of his life.

I think of you accept this, you may see a pattern developing in your relationship involving procrastination about important things that will only ever get done when he's got a gun to his head.

NutherChange Thu 04-Apr-13 10:24:10

You are absolutely right, of course you are, I'm not accepting this. I could not be in a relationship like this. Single life is far better; I learned that the hard way.

The crucial point for me really was that it's gone too far for me now, I don't even want him to put it right anymore.

I don't need a relationship, if a good one came my way, fine, but as it stands, I value what I've got in my life far too much.

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