Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Holiday disagreement(55 Posts)
We are heading off on a family holiday with our 2 kids in a few months, it's my dh sisters wedding abroad, there's alot of family friends going but were the only ones who have kids, they are all talking about how it's gonna be great partying etc, my dh just agrees but I keep saying it won't be for us as we have 2 kids under 5 to look after, me and dh agreed before booking hol that it would be a family hol and we'd attend wedding whilst there, but all the rest of the family think wel be taking nights each to party with one of us watching kids at a time, I feel ill at the thought of having to sit in a hotel room on my own with kids whilst my dh is out, when I speak to him we end up arguing, I think he wants to party and doesn't like me saying otherwise, I really don't want this kind of holiday and don't know what to do about it, it's me that's done all the saving up and I'm really not looking forward to it, he is a good guy who works provides, supports but is also a crabbit shit! , we have been having some problems lately and I feel like iv had enough, feel like cancelling it! Help!!
What part of the world are you going to and for how long?
Just make it clear that that won't be happening.
What makes you feel ill about him going out?? Could you agree one night out each but strict family time all other nights?
Why can't you all go out to the parties? Your DC are young enough to pop into a buggy to sleep if they get tired and then you and your DH will get to enjoy yourselves.
Do you think he will insist on going out and you won't get to? Or does going out really not appeal at all? I would try and work on an agreement where you each get say 2 nights out on the holiday and spend the others together. You should make sure you actually take yours, though, even if it's only to sit quietly somewhere with a book and a glass of wine, 'accidentally' not managing to catch up with the family group...
Do what the Cypriots do and take the dc out with you at night - they'll be welcome everywhere and they might serve to save both you and dh a hangover or
If it's a family group of all ages travelling for a week some won't want, or won't be able, to get bladdered every night and may be happy to babysit on occasion.
If most of the partying is done in the hotel in which you're staying, check to see if there's a baby listening service or book a babysitter for a couple of evenings so that you and dh can join in the festivities or slope off for a romantic meal/drink on your own somewhere.
It's a HOLIDAY - hurrah for them! Don't sweat the small stuff and have FUN.
All the family holidays I've been on have involved the whole family taking shifts to look after the kids - grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. I would be very surprised and arsed off if no one offered to help to give you a break. Could you ask your DH to start putting out feelers to test the waters?
I think you are blowing this out of proportion to be honest but suspect there is a lot more to "we have been having some problems lately" which may explain it.
I agree with others - there will be plenty of family to help with childcare and if yours are the only children they will get loads of attention.
I sense that you don't like the way they will be partying am I right? In that case try to link up with people you get on well with and are a bit more solid that way you can have a good time without things getting out of hand.
Don't get too dependent on DH, he is his own man and assuming him to be with you all the time will not be good for either of you. I think you are a bit nervous more than anything, that you don't know what to expect.
It also sounds like my idea of hell OP. What kind of problems have you been.having recently?
Thanks for replies, not major problems with dh, just with being busy with the kids we don't have much time together as a couple, we work opposite shifts and feels like passing ships, I have lost my feelings towards him a bit,
There are no grandparents/ older relatives going, I am nervous about the holiday, I get a bit homesick and feel quite insecure away from home, I hoped my husband would accommodate this haha!
I will take kids out in buggies at night when we can, I do like a night out . But it's always me who gets left to deal with the kids in the morning, I know I am blowing this out of proportion, I think if it was just us I would be looking forward to it but because other people are telling us what's happening and I know my husband would go with the flow and party all week and not take responsibility for the kids if I let him, I hate having to tell him what I expect him to do. Feel like such a party pooper
Ask him to limit how often he goes out, for how long and how much he drinks - so he can also be helpful with dc. tbh sitting around a pool/hotel room is probably your limit with young dc anyway. Enjoy the wedding and disappear for the rest of the week.
So there's 6/7 night? One will be the wedding, he can go out on e and do can you if you choose to and rest together.
I understand op. dh sis is yet to announce her destination but has made it clear she will get married abroad which will probably mean out family Holiday budget will be spent on that. For that reason if like it to still be some time together with the children and each other and not be dictated to by others.
We are very sociable but do like to get dds to bed fairly reasonably or they will be vile the next day.
If play it by ear tbh. It's only a week so play the game.
I intend to make it clear we will be having a few days to ourselves but it might not happen.
If he refuses to get up with dc leave them with him and go sit by the pool with a book and a vodka.
A book and vodka sounds good I go through phases of thinking it's just a week it'll go so fast , to thinking oh no I can't cope with a week with the inlaws, its a dear holiday to be wishing away.
when we booked the holiday we made a deal it would be a family holiday with a wedding in the middle, that I wouldn't be sitting in a hotel room on my own with kids at any time, now things are seeming a bit different in dh head, I'm not interested in having a girls night out clubbing then have 2 dc to deal with next day, I want to give my dc a great hol not be hungover and feel they are inconvenience, i want my dh to agree to have a holiday with us, i feel we need time together for me to connect with him, maybe even fall in love with him again, not be passing ships on holiday, me look like the party pooping wife anyway, thanks for letting me offload.
No I do see where you are coming from I really do.
We are going on enforced weekend away with pil dil and bil and partners.
We are the only ones with kids and already they are planning stuff we can't do like ski ing lol.
I'm just going to take the opportunity to spend time with my girls and swim and walk and play games etc.
To be fair we go on holiday every year for two to three weeks and trust me when I say sharing a bathroom, hot sweaty nights in a hotel room shared with dc, tiredness, schedules, day trips and chasing kids around is not a recipe for romance ha ha
Why was it you that had to do all the saving for the holiday?
OP I think you have every right to worry about this holiday. It does sound like your DH wants to party with the rest of the family and with your children being the only kids there, the rest of the family may not understand. I think you are being very responsible about this and it is not fair if you are left with childcare duties while you DH gets to recover in bed from a hangover. I would however be preparing for this and planning for things to do with the children so that you have a good time and not expecting much from him as otherwise you are going to be disappointed and may end up in arguments. I don't agree when people say just put the kids in a buggy and let them sleep while you party. I think this is disgusting as you wouldn't do this when not on holiday, put the kids in a buggy and let them fall asleep in a club or at a party while you and DH get sloshed would you??? You would have SS on your back before you knew it so why is it acceptable when you go to another country?? Kids should be tucked up in bed asleep. This is not directed at you OP, I just find this sort of behaviour very irresponsible and a bad example. Well done to you for thinking in advance about this.
Dh is not very good at saving,(although he isn't overspending majorly either) I do shopping etc and have been cutting back, working a little extra etc, feel I have put in extra effort to make it happen, which makes me annoyed at myself.
Yes it's not really going to be fun or recipe for romance haha! Sooner I get my head round it the better .
I won't be clubbing with kids in buggies, to me it isn't acceptable, we have paid extra for a room with balcony and partition so we can sit in our room/ balcony, the wedding reception we will take buggies and stay as long as is possible. Thanks strongerandstronger I do think I'm the only one thinking of the responsibility of it and I think dh will find it easier to agree with the family re drinking/partying then make it look like it's me who's boring / telling him what to do on holiday . Id much rather he'd tell them now it's not going to be like that for us unfortunately, I have been looking at things to do there and day trips etc to keep us busy and want to give dc the best hol ever. I just feel I'm at such a hard place in our relationship and I think if this holiday goes tits up it could be the end for our marriage, as he knows how I am feeling.
Are you sure he's not just agreeing with them to keep the peace for now but will honour what he's said to you about your famiy time
when you are there?
He might be (hopefully) but it's stressing me out, if he just told me what was happening without it turning into an argument, it would put my mind at ease .
Join the discussion
Please login first.