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I need a rant. So pissed off

(72 Posts)
parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 10:19:22

Hi i need to vent, so I'm using this. Friends are useless and family live miles away.

My useless cocklodger bf has been out of work for the past 3 months. Every day he sits on the play station, eating all the food I've put in the cupboards and fridge and he doesn't lift a finger. He leaves all his dirty plates lying around (im in the living room just now and i can see 4) and as soon as he feels like it hes off to the pub. With my money.

I'm 6 months pregnant, work 45 hours a week and we have a 4 year old. He refuses to look after the little one whilst I work forcing me to use family members when I can and a very expensive nursery most of the time. To be honest, I don't really trust him to look after her anyway because he is too selfish. I'm on supermarket wages so im not left with a lot. I pay all the rent, council tax and bills and he contributes nothing at all. Never has done. This morning he has an appointment with the job centre. I got up really early to start the housework before work (12pm start) and he kicked off saying I was making too much noise. I decided to have a bath (showers broken he won't fix it) and again he kicked off because I was using the hot water and he needed it (I pay for it). I gave up and had a wash (I'll shower at work later) and left him to it. He got out the bath and kicked off because he couldn't find a pair of jeans that he had given to me 3 weeks ago (it was 3 days ago) to wash. I can't find them and they must be in a pile of washing somewhere. This resulted in me being told how awful I am and how lazy I am. Every other woman manages to have all the washing, ironing and drying done and I can't keep on top or it. I tried explaining that I'm 6 months pregnant, tired and exhausted from working 6 days a week and trying to look after a 4 year old too. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't do any housework at all and never helps with the washing. He doesn't even know how to use the washing machine and when I offer to show him he says no that's woman's work.

I got some money today (im entitled to a small amount of tax credit) and hes now just went off on one saying he's due his friend £400 and he needs all the money out the bank. I've said no and now he's threatening to kill himself unless I give it to him.

Over the past few weeks I've given him nearly £2000 and never even got help in return. He just expects it.

I've managed to get a lease that's just in my name so I've got the rights to the house.

I'm working all the hours I can to please him. I've had enough.

How do you kick someone out if they refuse to leave?

So bloody angry

Sorry it's so long

I'm 25, he's 37.

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 10:21:05

If it's your house on all the paperwork, etc, you phone the police and have him removed.

Simple as.

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 10:21:59

And I sincerely hope you do. He sounds utterly vile

NatashaBee Thu 28-Mar-13 10:22:40

What Squitten said.

Hassled Thu 28-Mar-13 10:23:49

What Squitten said. Bloody hell - he sounds awful. Call the non-emergency police number and see what they say.

Cakethrow Thu 28-Mar-13 10:24:50

You have the lease in just your name? Get some legal advice, I'm sure you must be able to have him removed.

Good luck, I know how tough being pregnant with DC and a useless arse of a 'D'P is. Things will get so much better when he's gone.

And don't give him a penny or do a single other thing for him. He should be worshipping at your feet.
As said above, he sounds vile.

Hopasholic Thu 28-Mar-13 10:28:37

You will be financially and emotionally better off without him.
Does he bring anything to this relationship?
The suicide treats are ridiculous! He can't withhold/ threaten you with anything else as he doesn't actually do or contribute anything so he has to go straight for the suicide option.
Get rid and start living your life.

NinaHeart Thu 28-Mar-13 10:29:46

He does sound like a total waste opf space - and he's going for emotional blackmail.
Please OP, send him packing right now. Your life will be a whole lot better for not having this drain on all your resources leeching off you.

SanctuaryMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 10:35:53

I'm sorry you are in this position, definitely get rid of him. Have you told him you want him gone?

LessMissAbs Thu 28-Mar-13 10:38:43

Cocklodger of the Year award to him I think!

Get rid of him asap, tell him hes getting thrown out, and if he refuses to go, phone the police and they will throw him out for you. Be assertive.

If you are single, you are giving yourself the chance to meet a nice man.

You're 12 years younger than him too!

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 10:39:11

I don't know how to make someone leave but yes probably police.
Has he got keys?
Good luck.getting rid of this shitbag. Maybe sell his playstation etc try and get back some of your hard earned cash.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 28-Mar-13 10:40:20

Is he likely to get violent or aggressive? I think you'd have to approach it slightly differently if you are afraid he'll threaten to hurt you rather than himself.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 10:40:52

If he threatens suicide tell him he's already a deadweight anyway. And then call the police.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 28-Mar-13 10:50:06

The house is just in your name. It's very simple. As others have said. You get the police to remove him.

He is not on the tenancy - there's info here

pinkje Thu 28-Mar-13 10:50:11

Sounds like he has depression but I guess he won't go to the doctors will he?

You need a well thought out plan - can you confide in any of his or your family members - he is your children's father so you can't exactly get rid of him can you.

Hope you get some support, you'll be in a harder place emotionally when the baby arrives.

Good luck.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 10:53:56

She can get him out of her house. It sounds like a case of being a selfish prick rather than depression. He can get off his arse to go to the pub but not help with his own kids? Wanker.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 10:56:32

And he can't clean up but he can make a mess. And shout at her for not being his slave.
If anyone should be depressed it's the OP but luckily she sounds angry, which is more useful.

Mumsyblouse Thu 28-Mar-13 10:58:48

Depression? I don't think he's depressed he's a nasty piece of work if he's shouting at you over his washing when you are 6 months pregnant, working and won't even do childcare.

You absolutely have to get rid, this is ridiculous. You can have him removed, but it might be easier to wait til he's out, pack his bags, put them outside and call the police if he kicks off when he returns.

parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 10:58:55

Thanks everyone. Hes away to his appointment now so I've got half an hour to myself before work. He just makes me feel useless and im not. I'm doing my best but i just need support and help with stuff round the house because I'm exhausted all the time.

Hes not violent at all, in fact he sometimes pushes me so much that I hit out but I've got it under control.

My best isn't good enough for him he cheats, lies and takes all my money as well as my self esteem. My family hate him with a passion and my dad is first in the queue to remove him from the house. Hes 6'4 and a big guy who would have no issues shifting my partner out but I wanted him to go and keep things amicable.

Generally the relationship is not too bad we get on well when he's in a good mood but it's so bad sometimes I don't know why I bother. I've taken all the money out the bank and put it in my savings but that will be there for a couple of days before he starts shouting about needing it again

I give up.

parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 11:03:19

Also, I've struggled with depression for years as a result of bullying throughout my school years. I've always been made to feel inferior and that i should be grateful I've even got friends etc. I'm a bit more confident now but i have no self esteem at all and this is why I've stayed in a shitty relationship so long. Hes made me feel that I should be lucky to have anyone at all and thats not the case. Yeah I'm a bit overweight and im ugly but im a nice person and my problem is I care too much. I'd give someone my last pound to help them out but I get nothing in return. I just need to get the confidence to do this alone.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 11:04:30

Please please get rid. Don't give him any more money. He's 37 ffs he shouldn't be living off you!
You are worth so much more than this abusive turd and as soon as he's gone you will feel better. Get your dad to help, he can support you and see your partner for the sponging arse that he is.
Good luck.

Machli Thu 28-Mar-13 11:04:47

He hasn't got depression, he's a selfish cock lodging pig of a Man. I had one very similar. He always worked though, just kept it all for himself.

OP you are way ahead of where I was in that he's not on the tenancy. Get him the f*ck out! Put his stuff in the garden and call the police if when he kicks off. He won't kick off for long, he's whine and scream and stamp his feet for a couple of days and then he will find someone else to pick up the tab. You have got to be made of steel though. Do not give an inch. He's such a lazy twat he will give up sooner rather than later I am sure. The initial tantrum will probably be epic though soake sure you're protected.

What do your family think of him? Could any of them come and help you stand your ground?

MoodyDidIt Thu 28-Mar-13 11:05:43

jeez shock

get this twat out of your life and house

what is WRONG with some men??

your P sounds like one of my friend's P's. get rid.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 11:06:11

You aren't ugly either but it suits your partner to make you feel this way because then you won't have the confidence to move on.

Machli Thu 28-Mar-13 11:08:59

Ok cross posted. Phone your Big Dad and get him round then take the afternoon off work to put his belonging out.

I PROMISE you this is what I would do because I DID but I didn't have family help and had to call the police in the end.

In your position I wouldn't hesitate a moment longer.

Oh and do NOT call yourself fat and ugly! Don't you dare! I bet you're not and there's plenty (including him no doubt) that will talk crap about you, you don't need to do it to yourself. You sound lovely. Where are you? If you're near me I will come round and help you, I am experienced in putting useless, abusive men out where they belong wink.

EggyFucker Thu 28-Mar-13 11:09:46

Ring in sick at work today.

Put all his stuff out of the house.

Get your dad round and tell him together that he no longer lives with you, as of now.

Take his keys off him. Ring the non emergency police number and inform them so they will react more quickly if he kicks off. Then if he tries to enter your house again, call the police

Desperate times, desperate measures because this cocklodger won't leave quietly of his own accord.

delilahlilah Thu 28-Mar-13 11:15:06

What Eggy said. She has saved me some keystrokes. You are worth far more, and he will only continue to drag you down in order to maintain the status quo. Remember you owe him nothing, he brings nothing to the table, and none of this is of benefit to your or your DC.

delilahlilah Thu 28-Mar-13 11:16:00

Oh, and it is not a girlfirend he wants / needs it is a Mum.... to clean up after him and provide endlessly for him.....

Teeb Thu 28-Mar-13 11:25:33

Please remove this man from your home, and change the locks after. He sounds horribly abusive and a complete waste of space.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 28-Mar-13 11:38:17

He verbally abuses you, cheats, lies and takes all your money. He doesn't lift a finger and you say that generally the relationship is not too bad?

I feel really sorry for you. Your self esteem must be in your boots if you genuinely think that being treated like that could ever happen in a relationship that 'wasn't too bad'.

Please enlist the help of your family to get him out.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 28-Mar-13 11:57:13

Definitely no time like the present. Take advantage of him being out of the house, get Dad round to help you fit a few security bolts and sling his stuff. £2000? shock You're just a cash machine to him aren't you?

parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:18

Thanks everyone. I'm back from work and hes been told to stay away for a couple of days so I can only hope he does. I've left my keys in the door so he can't use the lock later on if he comes back drunk.

I am pretty much a cashpoint and slave to him and ive had enough. Spent the day at work worrying about everything and it's not good for me.

ErikNorseman Thu 28-Mar-13 20:45:47

Generally the relationship is not too bad

Are you fucking kidding? This relationship is completely horrendous.

number41 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:55:52

Why are you with him?

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 21:00:37

So what are you going to do if he does come back?

You don't seem very enthusiastic about getting this hideous person out of your life

parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 21:03:11

I just keep thinking 'better the devil you know' and that things will get better. I've stuck it out for years and it's never really changed. I'm by no way a gold digger but im sick of paying for everything and it feels like I'm looking after another child.

Walking away from the father of your kids is a very hard thing to do and with my pregnancy at the moment I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it sad

I need to man up a bit i think for the sake of my kids.

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 21:11:59

Well your two first sentences immediately contradict each other, don't they? You're hoping for changes that you can see are not happening. You are absolutely correct - he is like another child and you don't want that in your partner. Your partner is supposed to be your support and your companion, not a burden around your neck.

I think you do need to do this for the sake of your kids if you can't do it for yourself. Imagine them learning how to behave from him?! Imagine this being their role model for future relationships. Would you want your DD to grow up to live with someone like this?

You CAN do this and I guarantee your life will immediately get better without this leech draining it out of you. Let's face it, you alreay do EVERYTHING on your own - you are ALREADY alone. What's to fear?

tiredlady Thu 28-Mar-13 21:24:09

You really need to tell him to fuck off.

What kind of example is he setting to your dd?

Do you want her growing up thinking this is an acceptable relationship for a woman to be in?

You may not think it, but you really would be better on your own.

something2say Thu 28-Mar-13 21:45:40

Well done Paris, good job.

Listen, we all have to leave useless men sometimes. It will be ,ich easier when he is gone xx. Well done love xxxx

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 21:52:18

Been like this for years? You are only 25 you don't deserve to feel like this.
You don't feel strong because he has ground you down. You hold the strong hand here, you have the tenancy turf him out.
I guarantee when he is not there all the time draining you things will be so much better.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 21:56:11

And he's not much of a father if you have to put the kids in nursery and don't trust him to look after them on his own.
Sometimes it's hard to admit you have made a mistake/tied yourself to the wrong person but you should feel supported and loved not like a skivvy.

Helltotheno Thu 28-Mar-13 22:41:15

Yeah I'm a bit overweight and im ugly
Listen honey, never say that about yourself again. You are a great person with a huge amount to offer. Your family loves you, that's why they despise him, because they know you can do so much better.

Get Dad over to rough him up kick his sorry ass out and then take stock of your life. You have unresolved issues about your self-worth from the bullying you had when younger and you really need to get counselling to work through that. Stay away from men for a long while because while you're feeling that negative about yourself, you'll only attract arses.

Remember you came into this world equal to everyone else, you are just as good as everyone else and you do not have to take crap from people. Get rid of this sorry, pathetic excuse for a man and start living on your own terms.

lovesherdogstoomuch Fri 29-Mar-13 01:12:27

get. the. pig. out. of. your. house. end of. good luck. Oh and get your dad round. he's right.

Beckamaw Fri 29-Mar-13 01:18:52

Listen to me, I know about nob heads.
My ex H was a nob head. His nob-headedness is no longer my problem. My children are quite happy that I no longer live with that nob head.
Any nob head who tells you to stay with a nob head, can be safely ignored.

You are NOT a nob head.
Life is a lot better after you have got rid of a nob head.

When I read your OP, the resonating thought was that his threatened suicide sounds like a decent scenario for you.
That's bloody sad really, isn't it?

Please leave the nob head.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Fri 29-Mar-13 01:33:19

he's threatening to kill himself unless I give it to him

Keep refusing then!

He is a cocklodger
He doesn't contribute financially
He doesn't look after his own child while you work
He doesn't do anything around the house
He treats you like shit
He's living in the 1950's
He's abusive (emotionally)

What exactly is it that you can't do (easier) on your own???

It will be a walk in the park bringing up your kids on your own compared to living with this man-child-leech.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Fri 29-Mar-13 01:35:45

I like your Dad smile I'm surprised he hasn't already done this without your say so mind you!

imaginethat Fri 29-Mar-13 04:27:01

Wow you must have zero self esteem to put up with this crap.

You will be infinitely better off without him.

Please let your dad remove him and transfer your energy to building your confidence. Overweight and ugly indeed. You are a much loved mum and daughter, and obviously you are an excellent worker. What you need is to look after yourself better which can do once you are rid of that resident waste of space.

NeedlesCuties Fri 29-Mar-13 08:23:33

Get him out, then when he goes RUN FOR THE HILLS.

He brings nothing to your life apart from grief, and that isn't good for you or the DC.

I second all the advice given here - get your dad round and change the locks.

You're very wise to have the house in your name.

Ruprekt Fri 29-Mar-13 08:33:31

Come on Paris...... Don't be like those posters who come on and moan, look at the advice and then keep putting up with all the crap.

He is of NO use to you at all.

You can raise these children alone with the help of your family.

He is sucking the life out of you and you are only 25!!

You will be so much better off without him and richer too.

Shame on him for not being able to support his family. I could not respect such a man.

Pack a bag for him now and say he can collect the rest of his stuff next week.

Kick him out.

Do it NOW!!smile

Ruprekt Fri 29-Mar-13 08:56:38

Bump for Paris smilesmile

badtime Fri 29-Mar-13 09:31:02

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
-Roald Dahl, The Twits

He is ugly, and you are lovely. He does not deserve you in any way.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 29-Mar-13 10:18:27

Gold digger? Who on earth would ever be able to accuse you of being a gold digger? Your useless soon-to-be-ex P is one. Someone who wants someone else to pay all the bills in exchange for - well, for what? Wanting the person you live with to pull their weight - whether financially, practically or even just emotionally - is not gold digging. It's a reasonable expectation from a partnership. I'd go so far as to say it's the bare minimum anyone should expect.

Jux Fri 29-Mar-13 11:02:07

Listen to your family. Do not let the vile bastard abuser back in your home.

Live a lovely life without him, showing your dcs that women are not slaves to men and that men should be respectful towards women.

parisfernandez Fri 29-Mar-13 13:27:37

Hes gone smile

My lovely dad and his friends only had to show up and he was out the house quicker than I've ever seen him move before. I'm currently packing his stuff up for him and he sent me several texts telling me he's got a rope and hes away to hang himself. I know 99% that he hasn't got the guts to do it but there is a part of me that hopes he doesn't go through with it.

Hes put me through far too much and im not going to put up with it. I'd rather have all the nasty comments under the sun about being a single parent than putting up with him. Younger people who are single parents are generally looked down on but people can think what they want. I've done what's best for myself and my kids and im so proud of myself. Thanks everyone.

TheVermiciousKnid Fri 29-Mar-13 13:31:24

Well done! smile Reading your last post has really cheered me up. You should be proud of yourself!

NeedlesCuties Fri 29-Mar-13 13:33:28

You've done a great thing, OP.

Am sending you a brew and an Easter egg grin

Your children will be much better off without that freeloader weighing you down

ChippingInIsEggceptional Fri 29-Mar-13 13:37:47

Well done!!

Are you in any danger of caving in and letting him come back or are you totally over the bell end behaviour?

Who gives a flying fuck what strangers think? You have done what was best for you and your kids nothing else matters.

Keep your Dad on speed dial!

If the stupid fucking twat wants any 'contact time' with the kids, REFUSE. Tell him he will have to take you to court. Otherwise I can see him threatening to keep the kids or worse sad

IF and it's a bloody big IF he were to actually go through with the rope (and I seriously doubt there's any chance of it) it would NOT be your fault. He's an adult, it's his life and his responsiblity.

Meluna Fri 29-Mar-13 13:41:23

That's great - you can have a really Good Friday grin. He sounded a really horrible,lazy old bastard, you're well rid.

Sunshinewithshowers Fri 29-Mar-13 13:55:36

Well done OP, good for you.

Did you get the key back?

Keep strong, it gets easier every single day.

My ex has been gone 8 weeks now & Im due in less than 4.

Its bloody lovely without him, you keep going, you are more than worth it.


God I would be so tempted to say 'well, kill yourself then. You do fuck-all around here anyway so you wouldn't be missed'.

I realise that it not a helpful answer. I agree with PP - ring the police and have him removed.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 29-Mar-13 14:06:54

just read this thread.. yay!! good for you smile

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Fri 29-Mar-13 14:08:56

Yay!! Well done you.
The fact all it took was your dad speaks volumes rather then'i love your daughter' he just scarpered

Yay - excellent news!

Oh, and you are NOT UGLY! You are brave, strong, a hard worker, and a wonderful mother.

Ruprekt Fri 29-Mar-13 15:19:27

Oh wow!! Good for you!

Have a fab hassle free, relaxing weekend. smilesmile

Helltotheno Fri 29-Mar-13 15:25:36

Good for you! smile

And as for this, Younger people who are single parents are generally looked down on, hold your head up high. Only seriously narrow-minded judgers would look down on a mum looking after her kids and doing something with her life. You can see how the judgers are getting on when you get to the finish line wink

Ignore his messages. Don't open them if possible. I think there's a very small risk because usually the people who shout about stuff like that and use it as emotional blackmail wouldn't have the courage to go through with it. And you know what, even if he did, it would still be nothing to do with anything you did....

Jux Fri 29-Mar-13 16:10:19

Hooray!!!! Well done you!

Block him on every technical thing you've got. Change your sim and don't give him the new number. Block him on fb, twitter, whatever. Mark any emails as Trash.

You are now looking at a happier, richer life - psychologically and materially. Have a great Easter [happy]

NinaHeart Fri 29-Mar-13 16:34:26

Well done Paris. I am so pleased for you. Now, onwards and upwards. Life's getting better every minute.
Happy Easter (the season of new life)

Squitten Fri 29-Mar-13 20:16:10

Very glad to hear it OP!

Block his phone number so you don't have to listen to his melodrama. If he really wanted to kill himself, he'd have done it already instead of telling you about it endlessly instead. What a tool!

FarBetterNow Fri 29-Mar-13 20:37:08

You are NOT ugly.
You are beautiful.
You are a beautiful person.

Please, do NOT have that nob back in your life.
Please, do not ever feel sorry for him whatever sob story he comes out with.

Well done you.

Best wishes for your new wonderful nob free life.

lemonstartree Fri 29-Mar-13 21:07:03

what a total waste of space he is.

well done for getting rid. please do not ever have him back. Your life just got one whole lot easier !

I bet you are lovely, kind, generous and hardworking. You are a prize for a nice man... please believe that :-)

dopeysheep Fri 29-Mar-13 21:19:40

That's fantastic I'm so chuffed for you!
I would actually keep the suicide threat texts because when he starts to think about controlling you via the children you will have a good case that a suicidal man who has threatened to hang themselves should never be left unsupervised with children.

Good on you and your family hope you have a happy future :-)

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