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Dating thread number 48 :-)

(1000 Posts)
MirandaWest Mon 25-Mar-13 23:36:21

Here's the latest thread for everything dating related. All welcome smile

lubeybooby Mon 25-Mar-13 23:47:34

woop! well done Miranda!

Here be the dating commandments as posted by the lovely WFF

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. If it is not fun, stop.

lubeybooby Mon 25-Mar-13 23:48:30

...and referring back to the other thread... yes. My libido. For goodness sake I wish it would give me a rest tbh, but no... no chance! grin

MirandaWest Mon 25-Mar-13 23:50:50

Mr Nice has boarded his plane smile Was iMessaging me until just before they got on smile

This futon mattress is not the worlds comfiest thing.

mercury7 Tue 26-Mar-13 00:45:48

hello dating thread 48!!

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 07:23:17

Good morning everyone! Looking forward to a happy new thread smile

yellowpostit Tue 26-Mar-13 07:35:36

I have a first date on Thursday, I need advice, I am not sure how it is going to go. We have been chatting for a week and have lots of things in common, especially more unusual aspects of our lifestyles, so its going to be really nice to meet and chat on that basis alone. But he has said in some of his OKcupid questions that he is turned off by overweight people and im overweight. I have told him this and have sent a picture and he has said I Look lovely.
Its making me a little unsure if I should actually go or not.

KirstyWirsty Tue 26-Mar-13 07:38:12

Morning .. Marking my spot ..

Got a 2nd date (dinner) on Sunday with MrFixit .. Not sure I fancy him .. i will decide after Sunday .. He had sent me a ranting email about a committee he volunteers for (red flag?) and then finished off with 'but I'm really looking forward to Sunday ..

There is hee haw else on okcupid .. I think I'll need to set up a profile on POF again

KirstyWirsty Tue 26-Mar-13 07:39:16

yellow don't worry .. He knows what you look like and likes it!!

MirandaWest Tue 26-Mar-13 07:44:16

Morning everyone smile

Need to get up and get DC up and hope the house copes with an extra two people in the morning...

Mr Nice currently just past Greenland smile

KirstyWirsty Tue 26-Mar-13 07:48:50

miranda I am feeling butterflies on your behalf .. It's a wonderful feeling when you know you are going to see someone you've been missing

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 07:53:45

me too OWW

I have some major flirtation going on out of the blue with a friend who handily is staying over at my house this weekend with some other visitors. Things sort of happened with us before but not the whole way too drunk ... anyway I thought he didn't want to bother again but seems I was wrong. Weirdly he started it too despite my current libido levels.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 07:54:29

Oooh Miranda not long now!

Flipper924 Tue 26-Mar-13 08:04:42

Hello, new thread!

Hope you have a lovely reunion, Miranda.

I'm off out tonight to a regular Tuesday night thing, and will be flirting with my married friend who says lovely things (and also plays rugby). It's usually me and 5 or 6 blokes, so it's kind of my job to do flirting. Keeps my hand in, I think.

ike1 Tue 26-Mar-13 08:14:30

Enjoy the reunion Miranda!

ike1 Tue 26-Mar-13 08:15:33

Lubes ...the itch might get scratched then, eh?

VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Mar-13 08:17:48

Ooh new thread! Happy tuesday everyone smile

I went to sleep before 12 last night (first time in forever) and feel in particularly good spirits today as a result.

Hoping today will be a good day for us all!

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 08:22:43

Yeah ike... I'll try and hang on til then rather than exploring PoF again... <ties knees together>

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 08:23:40

<bites fist>

MirandaWest Tue 26-Mar-13 08:27:10

He has to change planes in London (pity the current plane couldn't divert here but isn't too long really). Should see him in about 7 hours I think grin And despite his 18 year old DS being there, we will do snogging with tongues and everything gringrin

ike1 Tue 26-Mar-13 08:27:34

Its a good feeling isnt it Velv! Yeah leave POF for those desperate moments Lubes....

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Mar-13 08:28:27

Morning all, well, well, well, a new thread lovely jubbly.

Lubey, get organised, you know how to put together some sweet plans woman...grin, although OWW may take your crown of being super organised soon, the best way to get over a fella is to get under a fella.

Miranda envy my first one of this thread envy

I need to get laid, a week is a long time in my books.

'Three, is the magic number' sings WFF...(you all know what I mean?smile)

Lurkers, come out, come out, wherever you are...give us a twirl, tell us your news.

Hesistant new comers, come on, post, you know you want to.

Yeah, still a little high spirited over in WFF's world...grin

ike1 Tue 26-Mar-13 08:28:32

To the sound of exaggerated retching noises Miranda hahahah...

ike1 Tue 26-Mar-13 08:30:04

We dont do twirling Miranda ...tut tut ...waggy finger....that nonsense is for middle aged men...

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 08:41:35

WFF I am organised... apart from how to work out how to put me and him in my bedroom alone without raising eyebrows and causing much nudging and winking... when I've already said it's the biggest room so a couple of air beds can go in there to avoid squashing everyone into my daughters room and on the sofas.


Maybe I should give up my room totally and formulate a sofa sex plan... which could backfire if anyone wants to stay up later than us.

Oh, arsebiscuits. Heeeelp.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 08:43:32

and one of the people staying over is my best friend who is in love with me and clearly still hoping things will happen so it will be awful for him if he twigs on...


WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Mar-13 09:01:57

Sounds like one of those farces that was on in the late 70's Lube lots of bed hopping and misunderstanding, to use the tabloid speak 'Three In A Bed Romp' wink

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 09:08:46

Nooo there'll be none of that malarkey!

I think I have a plan. A cunning one. It's ok, as you were.

MirandaWest Tue 26-Mar-13 09:11:33

Is snowing. Only gently so far but I think it might do it more in Leeds

Am clearing out car which is A Tip

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 09:15:13

Snowing here too... ffs, saw mention of it being like last week again on one of OYBBK's weather threads <shivers>

StellaBrillante Tue 26-Mar-13 09:16:09

WFF you must be kidding, right? Over three years for me...yep, I am truly a desperate woman now!

Miranda that's so lovely, have a wonderful time!

I need to fully focus on my assignments as I'm thinking too much about the lecturer situation, trying to half-guess...he's done and said lovely things but still comes down to the fact that I don't know the guy so for now I just want a snog, really! grin

Have a fab week everyone! smile smile smile

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 09:34:44

very quick placemark. <waves>

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 09:40:51

WFF yep, that's kind of the idea, although might just stick with getting next to rather than under for the moment. Doesn't have quite the same ring to it though, does it?

I have a little smidgen of excitement about Mr Veggie! It is lovely to have someone that actually actively wants to see me, although I know it might not last once we've actually met. I quite like the look of him and his profile and messages are nice, not earth-shattering, but nice and normal and pleasant. Which I think it what I need at the moment.

He's actually someone I almost arranged to meet a good while ago, then I did the disappearing act on him blush when the other stuff started, but I got in contact again and said I'd quite understand if he didn't want to bother, but he is still keen. We will see!

Scrazy Tue 26-Mar-13 09:50:28

Hello, place marking. Lubey, hope you can sort it out this weekend, sound exciting.

Looking forward to hearing how the date goes OWW and Ike, get yours sorted. It's time I got out on one so might suggest a time and place.

MsCellophane Tue 26-Mar-13 10:09:29

Hello new thread

I am supposed to have a date tonight with white van man, spoke last night all good, just text to say started a cold - typical dating behaviour

I am little bit excited with myself though. I am a 30-40 a day smoker and have been since I was 13. I have never managed to quit, even in pregnancy. I have tried patches, gum, inhalers, hypnosis, accupuncture, tablets from the dr

So I bought an ecig - I am trying to go 2 hours between real fags and am doing it!!!! 200 fags last me 5 days usually - I have only used 100 since last thurs but didn't start ecig til saturday, I opened a pack on sunday night and still have 3 left!! I am so proud of myself. Early days but I am hopeful I can ditch the marlboro and gradually reduce the strength of nicotine

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 10:23:33

Lubey your weekend sounds fun but with a lot of possible pitfalls! Hope you have a cunning plan.

MsC - brilliant, well done with the ecigs. Do you think White Van Man is going to cancel? Hope it all works out okay.

MirandaWest Tue 26-Mar-13 10:32:07

Flight appears to have landed at Heathrow smile

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 10:37:02

Ooooh not long to go Miranda!

lulubellaboozle Tue 26-Mar-13 10:42:46

place marking and <<waves>>

Lubey sounds fun and confusing! hope you get what you want pretty certain you will grin

Miranda not long now, enjoy the romantic reunion try to block out 18 year old DS rolling his eyes

OWW Mr Veggie sounds promising, even if it comes to nothing it is a good distraction and something to look forward to, good for you. If it does come to something, can he be renamed please? Mr Veggie conjurs up images of weirdly and rudely shaped vegetables in a sort of Esther Rantzen way lulu shows her age now

Scrazy Tue 26-Mar-13 10:47:13

Mrs C, well done on starting to address the smoking. I don't know how people manage to smoke so many in a day when you have to smoke outside. I gave up then stupidly started again. I go to the door as I don't want to smoke inside and this cold weather is helping me cut down.

pixiebelle123 Tue 26-Mar-13 10:54:39

Hello new thread!

Miranda - have fun at the reunion!

OWW - Well done for setting up a date so quickly! I think it's great that you're getting back out there on the dating scene, fingers crossed you'll have lots of fun with Mr Veggie.

I am very confused by my pof man, I'm not sure if we're breaking up or not. He says he misses me when we're not together but when he's here it's like he can't be bothered with me at all and doesn't seem excited to see me. He has a very stressful job which he hates and takes up a lot of his time, but I'd really like the time we have together to be more special. He is also quite screwed up with guilt over his DCs, he misses them a lot as he only gets to see them once a fortnight. I think being around my DCs makes the guilt worse.

We are going away for Easter weekend, I think it's going to be make or break. I really like this guy but there are quite a few red flags now and I'm wondering if I'm sticking with it because I don't want to be alone. Big sigh!

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 10:55:28

Lulu - hope he has some rudely- (but not weirdly-) shaped somethings, but vegetables were not quite what I had in mind . . . Will think of a new name if he lasts for more than one date.

Just had some great advice from a male friend which I will pass on as I think it's good.

There are two difficult things about making a decision - 1) making the decision and 2) stopping making the decision once it's made.

Quite right. It serves me right for saying his relationship advice was on a par with my ten year old dd's (who actually told me on Sunday that there were plenty more fish in the sea. How little she knows . . .).

lulubellaboozle Tue 26-Mar-13 11:05:19

Pixie, I think the question I would ask yourself, and it goes back to WFF's rules - If it's not fun, stop. Regardless of whether he says he misses you when you are not together. Do YOU enjoy being with him, is it fun? you can't fix his problems, guilt, stress etc, you can only fix/change what does or doesn't work for you.

KirstyWirsty Tue 26-Mar-13 11:10:09

Looking for your advice dear hive

I bumped into a guy from work (MrHungarian) this morning .. I find him REALLY attractive .. And I think he likes me too .. However he works in MrCheeky's team (although he is still suspended /off sick )

At the department Night out ( the one in January where MrCheeky's buggered off and left me) I was dancing with MrHungarian after MrCheeky had left and he said 'the boss isn't going to like this' and then pretty much stayed away

Should I pursue or leave it? The frisson I got this morning indeed confirms that I did not fancy MrFixit

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 11:25:33

Oh Pixie I don't want to put a downer on things and be the voice of doom, but there are some things that are really resonating with me because of the nonsense I've been through recently with LM. If he's not treating you right, then I think the thing to do is first of all talk to him about it and say clearly what you want from the relationship and see what he says. And if he says the right things, put a time limit on it in your mind for this to translate into action. If he doesn't say the right things, or subsequently actually do them, you know what you need to do.

What you are wanting (someone who is really into you and actively wants to spend time with you) is nothing unusual or outrageous. Don't be like me and settle for the crumbs!

It's not up to you to sort out his guilt issues about his children or his problems with work. You can be supportive but he is the one that has to take the action to sort his own life out. He sounds very like LM in that he needs to get his life in order and resolve his issues before he's ready for a proper, adult (emotionally adult as well as sexually!) relationship with someone like you. This is a hard thing to realise but it is better than wasting your time on someone who is emotionally unavailable and won't give you what you want and need.

I don't like being alone either, but it is better than turning yourself inside out with stress about a relationship that is not right and is also giving you mixed messages. This all sounds so familiar and I know how awful it is to go through and how bad it can make you feel.

If you want to PM me about any of this then please do if you think I can help at all.

Kirsty is Mr Cheeky his boss? And how likely is it that Mr Cheeky will be back at work? It could be a bit awkward, but there's no harm in having a coffee/drink with him and seeing what happens!

smoothieooo Tue 26-Mar-13 11:27:09

Morning all.

Just de-lurking briefly to wave. I may have a 3rd date lined up. Nice guy, a weird combination of geeky/cool. Complicated home situation (separated for a year but has only just moved out of family home). Apparently.

So why is it that after months of being fairly indifferent, I'm missing my STBexH terribly? Just bloody ridiculous. I know the answer is to lay off the dating altogether until I'm completely ready. Pah.

KirstyWirsty Tue 26-Mar-13 11:29:19

OWW yes MrCheeky is his boss .. I have no idea if he will be returning to work .. Probably best waiting to see what happens there first I suppose .. I actually feel all quite shaken up after this morning though .. Guess the rabbit isn't really doing the trick and I'm I. The same boat as lubey

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 11:44:50

Yep Kirsty could be a bit awkward if Mr Cheeky does come back, but on the other hand there is no reason you should put your life on hold in case it hurts his feelings.

Smoothie I think these feelings can pop up unexpectedly every now and again for a long, long time. If you are indifferent to him most of the time, that's great, and I think that this is probably just a temporary blip and will go away again soon.

48howdidthathappen Tue 26-Mar-13 11:59:21

I am back. Got what I expected grin Hope you all gets yours soon.

OWW You are brilliant! Pixie Listen. She knows.

Kirsty Hmm. Think I would wait.

Bit odd over Mr R&Rs last night. His house is normally a bit of a health hazard.
It was clean and tidy shock

Also think he was trying to tell me loved me in a round the houses way. Honestly not bothered if he does or not. It is good.

48howdidthathappen Tue 26-Mar-13 12:05:51

Well done mrs c I got an ecig weeks ago. Gonna give it a go.

pixiebelle123 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:09:42

I think I know deep down that this relationship is doomed! Thank you OWW and Lulu, very wise words indeed! I don't think I can even talk to him about how I feel without him getting irritated, which in itself is a huge problem. The trouble is I really do like this guy and think it could be fabulous but I think we are both a bit screwed up still from our previous relationships. I feel like I am settling for crumbs at the moment - why has my self respect abandoned me?! I am going to have this weekend away with him and then talk to him next week.

Kirsty - it sounds complicated! However, if Mr Hungarian doesn't mind taking on the boss then go for it - life goes on and all that!

Smoothie - I still miss my STBexH at times but I know there's no going back. I think it's normal to feel this way after spending so long with someone even if he was a total fuckwit

48howdidthathappen Tue 26-Mar-13 12:11:57

Smooth I think that if a decent man comes into the picture, it can feel like you are on another step of the moving on process. It can cause a wobble. Go on the date smile

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 12:15:07

48 Mr R&R is really out to impress at the moment isn't he? Think he is feeling a bit worried sad Glad you had a good night, still green! Never mind, that will be me soon - well not actually with Mr R&R, you understand, but with an R&Ralike of my own.

lulubellaboozle Tue 26-Mar-13 12:18:11

have decided I am going to name change, when I can work out how to do it. slight possibility someone in RL may recognise me from my not so subtle name. Be nice to me when I post in my new guise!!

smoothieooo Tue 26-Mar-13 12:20:08

Thanks OWW Pixie and 48

I too would like an R&Ralike - no major ishoos, big laughs and good sex - what's not to like? In fact I'd like to add my envy if I may!

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 12:25:39

I have en e-cig but can't use it - it makes me cough like I've been on 100 woodbines a day, not 20 sterling! sad it would be effing amazing if it wasn't for that.

what brands of them have you got MsC and 48?

OWW and all I do indeed have a cunning plan! I am fretting no more, over the details.

smoothieooo Tue 26-Mar-13 12:25:56

... and I forgot to say that I had coffee with my first ever boyfriend (was with him for 3 years and lived together briefly) whom I hadn't seen for 25 years. Was really nice to catch up and he's one of life's really good guys. He hasn't aged well though (he hits 50 this year and looks every one of those years and more).

I had a text a few days later along the lines of 'I can't stop thinking about you, can we try again, I'd be prepared to do all the travelling... etc' - after 25 years of no contact followed by a half hour coffee!!! hmm

mercury7 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:30:44

smoothieooo that sounds very flattering, but also a little alarming, poor chap, you might be wondering if it was wise to stir up an old love like that?

ike1 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:35:46

Christ if I was starting to wondering like that about any of my exs I would be booking myself in for a check up from the neck up (not that you are like any of my ex's smoothieoooo)

ike1 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:36:07


48howdidthathappen Tue 26-Mar-13 12:37:39

Lubey I have 'cigirex' I have had a puff, a small puff. I was warned they take your throat out.

Smooth Agree with Mercury Nice. Maybe a little too nice.

OWW Mr R&R hasn't said a word about Mr OZ. I can't imagine my life without him. OMG I have got it bad.

48howdidthathappen Tue 26-Mar-13 12:50:34

Anyone Yorkshire way? Is the snow bad?

Mr R&R is due to drive up for Easter to see his sister and her DCs. I so want him to able to go. He hasn't any kids, told me over the weekend about failed IVF treatments with his ex. It was heart breaking to listen to, I had my two so easily.

MsCellophane Tue 26-Mar-13 13:02:02

lubey - I went through these people

and then bought jacvapour kit using their discount.

I got prefilled cartomisers (where do these words come from) and they gave me a bit of a sore throat but also bought blanks and VG liquid in tobacco flavour - and that doesn't give me sore throat. Am waiting on cherry and vanilla liquid to arrive smile

Had 3 real cigs today and no real cravings other than feeling like I need to light up. I have to be honest, the feeling after having a real one is no different to after the ecig. But my smoking is so ingrained in my life I am still needing to smoke proper. But today is easier than yesterday and yesterday was easier than sunday

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 13:18:26

Just found LM (I think) on Match. No photos up and a different name from before but I'm sure it's him. Personality type reliable! My arse. I would have avoided him if he'd had a photo, was just surfing a bit in my lunch hour. Have a feeling he's been on all along. Still he will see me out and about looking as well seeing as I've clicked on his profile.

This is the man who a couple of days ago was spinning me a load of guff about how all his time is taken up with work and family and he just can't give me what I need.

Now I really do feel like a fool.

Let it go, Western, let it go.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 13:21:33

OWW got to refer you back to your 12.30 post on the other thread again... hang on to that, it will help

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 13:32:32

I think he has another profile on there too for the town he works in - very similar user name. I've not clicked on it though. Would someone have a look for me please and tell me what the profile says?

These keep coming up in my searches - can I hide him if he's not messages me?

He has well and truly played me.

Pomegranatenoir Tue 26-Mar-13 13:38:37

*Oww *- I can look pm me the details. If you've got an iPhone I will screen shot and send you the photos

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 13:39:41

OWW - you're giving him too much head space hon.

You don't need any more validation or confirmation that you were right, seriously.

I would leave match altogether for a while rather than hiding him etc.

TigsytheTiger Tue 26-Mar-13 13:42:17

OWW personally I wouldn't look, whether it is him or not, you are the one who decided it was over and that HE couldn't give YOU what you want.

FWIW, I don't think he has played you, you certainly are not a fool. A more likely scenario is that if it is him, he has just got straight back on Match to have a look around in the last day or so.

Concentrate on your future, your happiness, you are the important one and YOU are the prize, not LM

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 13:52:05

Thanks Tigsy but I found him on Match, full profile with photo and all, and active in last 48 hours, earlier this month - he explained it away but I think he just went and set up some different profiles when he was rumbled.

I am really fed up as it is just another example of me falling for his crap, both about the profile and about why he couldn't give me what I need, but he's there advertising himself as reliable and all that for another poor sucker.

Lubey I know, I am just a bit pissed off as I was having a happy half hour checking out blokes on Match and there the bugger is. It is these things popping up out of the blue that is a bit of a shock. I really don't want to have to worry about seeing his profile when I am on there so if anyone knows how I can hide it then that would be good. If I can hide him, will he still be able to see me? Again, I'd rather he couldn't, no reason but I would rather just have him not know anything more about what I am doing even if it's knowing when I am online.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 13:55:50

I have never used match properly so no idea about hiding etc. Hence it seems easier to just leave match... there's plenty of other sites. It does make sense i suppose to block him if you know how though.

TigsytheTiger Tue 26-Mar-13 13:57:21

I know OWW wink wink, I think the explanation then was genuine and these are possibly new profiles in the last day or so. IF it is him, and if he has had them up all the time, then more fool him, for risking and losing lovely you!

I think, if I recall on Match, if you view a profile you can then hide it, but not sure if they can still see you. You may just have to bite the bullet and accept he may know you are online. But ultimately it is his loss and all it will prove is that you are out there, getting on with your life.

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 14:07:22

Thanks, Tigsy, it doesn't really matter if he knows when I'm online, but I really don't want to see his profile(s) popping up at me, especially if he gets his act together and puts a photo up. I will have a look on someone else's profile to see if you can hide it, and will just do that.

Lubey unfortunately I've been suckered in to Match by a (very good) special offer and have sprung for some cash to be on there, otherwise I would just abandon it!

Right, wobble over, it just took me by surprise, that's all. So, if I can get rid of traces of him from my house, work PC and Match I think I should have it just about covered!

MirandaWest Tue 26-Mar-13 14:14:41

Which bit of Yorkshire is he coming to 48? York has no snow, this Leeds Bradford Airport has had some (snow piled up by sides of roads etc) but there is quite a lot of Yorkshire grin

Might be a little excited grin

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 14:21:18

Are you waiting at the airport Miranda?

MirandaWest Tue 26-Mar-13 14:43:07

Am sitting v near international arrivals smile not sure why Heathrow is international grin.
Would it be wrong to do a Martine Thingy in Love Actually when Hugh Grant appears and she jumps onto him? grin.

The board says it is Due Now. Wonder when it will actually get here and how long it takes to get suitcases.....

Not sure I am good for much at the moment but am reading what everyone else is writing

MirandaWest Tue 26-Mar-13 14:53:29

A hand luggage person got off. I should have made a dippy sign I think grin

ohmyrainydays Tue 26-Mar-13 15:13:43

Can I have some advice on composing a message to someone I've been talking to on POF and by phone and text for a few weeks please? We were supposed to meet last week but he cancelled and now he's pushing for another date. He's very pushy and keeps going on about getting the 1st date out of the way so we can go to his house on the 2nd date for sex! He keeps asking where I live, what my last name is, what my business is called etc. He's freaking me out a bit and when I say no he keeps pushing. I need to ditch him quickly. he just rang then but I didn't answer. I need to send a message that is direct and i'm not very good at that. I've been talking to someone else who is the polar opposite to this guy and I would much rather meet him.

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 15:23:41

Rain, tell him straight that you are not interested and that you don't want him to contact you again. Block him on PoF. If he keeps calling or texting after you've told him it's unwelcome, then tell him you will call the police on him as it is harrassment. No need to put up with this type of horrible behaviour.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 15:24:08


I would send

"your recent pushy behaviour means I am no longer comfortable meeting you, please do not contact me again"

wait five minutes so he sees the message (don't refresh though so you don't see his inevitably abusive or blackmailing reply) and then block.

Ignore the phone if he calls...

my worst stalker gave up ringing and texting after two days ignoring so just wait it out and he'll go away.

ohmyrainydays Tue 26-Mar-13 15:49:27

Thanks, I just text him and I was nice about it, said I'm not ready for dating, too much going on etc. If he gets nasty i'll tell him he's too pushy and not to contact me again.

As I was typing he replied "ok".

Well that was easy.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 15:55:56


Scrazy Tue 26-Mar-13 16:05:52

Honestly the cheek of these men, who the f--k do they think they are that they can ask for sex on a second date with someone that might not fancy them on the first one.

ohmyrainydays Tue 26-Mar-13 16:06:11

I feel so relieved. He was constantly texting and ringing me, it'll be nice to have a bit of peace and quiet. The other one I've been talking to is really nice and sweet and hasn't mentioned sex at all.

ohmyrainydays Tue 26-Mar-13 16:12:09

I know exactly.

48howdidthathappen Tue 26-Mar-13 16:24:03

Miranda All smiley for you smile No idea what part of Yorkshire. Will keep my fingers crossed no snow.

OWW Know nothing about Match. Hope you figure out how to block.
Mr FU disappeared of POF after his encounter with me grin

Ohmy Good luck with the ditching. Hope guy No2 works out better.

Bant Tue 26-Mar-13 16:38:35

OWW - if I were you, apart from you not wanting to see him anymore, I wouldn't worry about blocking him or whether he sees you've looked. Really. I mean, he's proved himself to be a fool, possibly planning to cheat if he'd set up those profiles before, and obviously not willing to step up to the plate and do what he'd said he would when you made your position clear. Plus the whole situation with the Little friend sounded very off to me.

If he sees you're on there, so what? Feck him.

Just block if you don't want him to come up in searches or 'daily 6' again. Don't worry about whether he knows you've seen him or not. His opinion doesn't matter anymore.

rainy - that sounds horrible. What a knob. Glad he's seen the light now.

Miranda - try not to knock him over when you jump on him. Armed police with big guns. Nuff said.

MirandaWest Tue 26-Mar-13 16:59:19

I was somewhat controlled grinAm back at their house now and need some sex a very big kiss before going back home <wonders how to make 18 year olds temporarily disappear> grin

Is good to have him back in the same place as me I have to say smile

Movingforward123 Tue 26-Mar-13 17:08:17

Well I've starting chatting to a couple of guys on Pof today. One seems like he is very high on energy, he's in sales and seems abit extreme! The other seems quite nice and calmer, but he only sent me a couple of messages! I'm going to need to get some action going on soon!

Western - sorry to hear about LM being online hmm they are so crap! How are you finding match other then that? I've never been on there.

Winefiend Tue 26-Mar-13 17:14:36

Faaaackin hell you lot can gab. I've spent yesterday and today trying to catch up.

Oww I think you've handled this thing with incredible dignity, esp finding him on Match. I'd probably have driven over and twatted the prick.

I am absolutely buggered. Have spent the weekend behaving like a completely reckless teenager, complete with bollocking from my parents and younger brother. I am 31.

This involved a 3am meeting with Pof man. 26 years old, gorgeous, very funny. Very very unexpected. Sneaking me into his room (lives with mum as moving soon), lots of booze, lots of filth, a hotel room and lota of laughs.

I think I might like him though. Fuuuuuuuuuck.

mercury7 Tue 26-Mar-13 17:59:20

today's stupid conversation:

him:Hows your stranger x x x

me:hows my stranger?
what stranger?

him:well not seen you on line for a while as i have been to the states with work x x x
so you hooked up with any guys yett x x x

me:no I haven't, have you hooked up with any girls yet?
him:a couple of women a gone to swinger club fancy joining me x x

his profile pic has him wearing shades and looking at least 10 years older than he says he is, obvs bullshitting about the swinging and very much doubt he's managed to pull at all.

what has it come to that I'm at such a loose end as to consider this entertainingblush

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Mar-13 18:00:18

Glad you had fun, and have moved on from brother's friend but OMG*Winefiend*! Be careful.

Winefiend Tue 26-Mar-13 18:06:22

Wff haha I think you're thinking of moving (I think!). My brother would absolutely throttle me if I went near his mates - I have noticed since becoming single he has kept em away from me grin

But yeah I know, risky. I'd text my mate and let her know what i was up to. I now have delayed winedoom though

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 18:18:17

miranda yay!

I stopped smoking in November last year with champix. Occasionally have one if I'm drinking, but they now taste vile. smile of course, have put on about a stone, but that'll come off once weather improves and I start running again . Am not running in this weather oh no!

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Mar-13 18:29:09


Pomegranatenoir Tue 26-Mar-13 19:04:10

Evening all,

Doing well oww I like your new attitude. Keep it up!!!

I am back on pof. Have been asked on 2 dates and I really cba with either. That's not a good sign is it!? The one is very keen. 4 messages today and I have only just replied. He seems lovely and tells me that we have lots in common but then he mentioned his fave item of clothing was some fleecy top/jumper thingI could never ever ever accept a man wearing. I like my clothes and prob sound a bit shallow now but what he mentioned is a complete no go area for me. I am cringing at the thought of it. I should just end it here shouldn't I??? I'm just sooooooo tired that all I want to do is sleep and not worry about men. I have found od interesting but it is exhausting always having to have your guard up. I just don't trust anyone and feel very cynical about it all.

Anyone else had a similar experience?

Scrazy Tue 26-Mar-13 19:12:49

Pome, remember fleecegate grin. Seriously, it wouldn't bother me too much what a guy wore. I like to look nice on a date but don't notice that much what they wear. I'm more concerned if there is chemistry and I can imagine kissing him.

I am cynical about it all though, you don't have to do it if you don't want to.

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 19:16:30

I wouldn't worry about his top either - it comes off. Actually I quite like jumpers/woollies especially in this sort of weather. If he's good in other ways, I'd meet him. But I am not at all fashionable or clothes conscious myself so I might not be the right person to advise!

VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Mar-13 19:35:04

Am in tears sad Have been out of the house for nearly 12 hours, come home and my house is even more of a fucking hovel than when I left (if possible). I told the DSs last night I was sick of the state of their rooms - which are full of dirty plates, glasses, empty food wrappers, drinks bottles, dirty washing everywhere, mixed with clean washing (which they never put away), Cds and Xbox games all over the floor - and told them to tidy up and hoover them before I came in. I have been asking for weeks, they do one or two things but never properly, so I really laid down the law last night about it - and this morning. I spoke to DS1 at 4 and he promised me they were doing it. and they've done fuck all, just like always. They've sat on their arses for 4 hours. I am so sick of living like this, sick of how they treat me, and how little respect they have for anything. I just can't bear it any more. I have nothing nice in my house, it's all been broken or damaged by them (or by the Ex when he was here). I work so bloody hard, I wish I had a nice home to come back to instead of this, but I don't feel like I'm ever going to.

Sorry, I probably should have started another thread blush Am sure you could all do without hearing my woes.

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 19:38:43

Thanks Bant - I don't want him to know I've looked at his profile in case he thinks I'm still interested in him and desperately stalking him around the Internet. I don't care if he knows I'm on there, in fact I hope he sees and realises that I'm moving on, but I just don't want him to get any satisfaction from thinking I'm still after him.

Velvet that's horrible. I have a similar war of attrition going on here over the same things. Had a huge row last week and he tidies up for one evening then straight back. Then more on Sunday and yesterday all day. It's soul destroying, you work you try to keep it nice and there seems to be no respect for you or anything you value. I have nothing to offer on this one, except you are right, they are wrong, and it doesn't matter if they get it they just have to do it <that line didn't work either> ((((hug))))

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 19:43:09

Velvet you have all my sympathy. I just close the door on my children's rooms and leave them to it if they want to live in a foul pigsty and be ashamed to have friends round. It's crap, but it's their crap and they can live in it. The "public" rooms downstairs I stand over them and make them tidy up. It's bloody depressing though.

Oh Velvet I feel for you. I get back from work and all my kids have been home for 3 hours at least and done nothing but create more mess. It makes me feel like walking back put the door and not coming back...

VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Mar-13 19:53:58

Thank you. It makes me feel a little better to know I am not the only one like this.

It really upsets me though. After all the crap I went through with the Ex, putting up with YEARS of his shit so I didn't have to sell this house, it's still horrible, unfinished and (thanks to the DSs) filthy. I went to my friends at the weekend and her house is so beautiful, I can't see mine ever being a tiny bit as nice.

mercury7 Tue 26-Mar-13 19:54:19

my son was the same..he's left home (yeeehaaarr) his flat looks like a tramp broke in and made himself at home while he was out.

I couldnt give a stuff!

ohmyrainydays Tue 26-Mar-13 20:18:30

Velvet my teen is the same. I went out earlier and asked him to wash up and he didn't until after I'd got home homeand nagged. Then i wanted us all to spend just ten minutes cleaning up the living room and he buggered off upstairs. He won't be getting a lift from me tomorrow now.

The bloke who i was talking about earlier has just phoned me! I didn't answer but i thought getting rid was too easy earlier.

pixiebelle123 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:43:15

Velvet - my house is a pigsty. My DCs are only little (7 and 5) but I am exhausted from constantly tidying up after them, it's depressing!

OWW - My advice is to make sure you have the most sensational photo of yourself on match and let him wallow in what a twat he is.

Can I ask for a bit of perspective from you lovely people? It's about pof man (again). We are going away this weekend and I was supposed to be staying over at his house tomorrow eve so we can shoot off in the morning together. However, he is now looking after his DCs first thing Thurs morning and taking them to school so I can't stay over. This annoyed me a little but he said he'd stay over tonight instead. He's just telephoned to say he's not staying over as he's too busy with work.

I just feel like he always gets to decide when we see each other and I'm really fed up of it! When he says he'll come over and then changes his mind it feels like a rejection which I find very upsetting. Am I being overly emotional about it? I feel quite down in the dumps in general at the moment so don't know whether I can trust my own judgement in these matters of the heart!

Pomegranatenoir Tue 26-Mar-13 20:45:02

I think fleece man is winning me round. He is very charming. Said he wears a suit for work so he isn't constantly in a fleece!!!

I can vaguely remember fleecegate but can someone fill me in...?

Whilst we are on the subject of messy houses - my two are under 5 and constantly messing up the house!!!

48howdidthathappen Tue 26-Mar-13 20:50:07

Pixie Short answer. I like a man to ask when I am free.

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 20:53:13


They're big enough to do their own cooking and laundry yes? I'd stop providing room service. If plates and cups grow mould in their room, then fine. Let them.. I'd keep communal areas reasonably tidy by collecting their stuff and putting it in their rooms. Any complaints can be treated to reciprocal selective deafness.

This is a phase. It'll be fine.

VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Mar-13 21:00:29

It just makes me think I will be single forever, what man would ever bear to live in a tip? The Ex would have hit the roof if he ever saw the house a tenth as messy as it is now, it was never tidy enough for him, and certainly wouldn't be now. It just makes me so sad. I was brought up in a house that was spotless, I don't want to live like this.

They are tidying halfheartedly but I know it will be disgusting inside 48 hours. I have friends staying in DS2s room at the weekend (because my spare room has holes in the floor, and is full of wood, and tiles, and paint hmm) and I wouldn't put a dog I didn't like in there the way it is at the moment.

I may have to break my rule about not drinking indoors alone.

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 21:05:12

Pixie I am fucking stunning. Men see me and weep. (Not really, laugh probably). He will be looking at my photos and regretting his crapness every single day . . .

And talking of crapness, that's what you're getting at the moment, sweetheart. All this stuff is the same as the LM stuff, where he'd say he could see me, then it would all evaporate - with very good family - or work-based excuses -and I'd be left feeling like I was chasing after him, trying to get him to see me. It's a horrible feeling. This happened to me the last two weekends, and I just felt like I was being messed about by him all the time. What I knew deep down, and what I think you know too, is that if they want to see you, they will find the time somehow. Your bloke isn't even trying. Really sorry, but this just sounds so, so familiar and my heart goes out to you because it's so awful. Do yourself a favour, honestly and truly you will feel better without him. (((((Hugs))))).

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 21:08:40

Oh Velvet I think I am just about to drink indoors alone - join me in one. I have no carpets, a rotten floor in the room of doom, a late 60s stone fireplace and now bloody ants. Home sweet home.

Actually, I love it (although it depresses the hell out of me sometimes). It's mine all mine, no man can tell me what to do with it or in it and it is up to me what happens here. Best thing.

pixiebelle123 Tue 26-Mar-13 21:12:31

I don't like being messed around and I deserve better, grrr. Now if I could just get someone to look after the DCs while I nip to the local shop then I would be joining you OWW and Velvet in drinking alone tonight!

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 21:13:59

If we're all drinking, then we're not drinking alone, right?

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 21:15:35

'What man could ever bear to live in a tip?' HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahaHAHAHhahahahHhAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHHH!!!!!

velvet this is nameless, nameless, velvet (you may kiss chastely on the cheek) . I have learned to ignore plates and cups. They're not an issue compared to that smile and those eyelashes. If someone likes you they really won't give a damn about messy teenagers. I get a bit anal (usually) about untidiness because it does stress me out when things aren't ordered... And there a things I can't hope to control, but I do like to think if I work a stssul job to pay a fuck-ton of rent and cook and clean and all that stuff, then the small folk can do their bit to make our home life less stssful by picking up after themselves.

'I may have to break my rule about not drinking alone indoors' sweetie, if I lived by that rule, I'd never get drunk. wine

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 21:17:05

^^ above typoes suggest the may have been an element of 'drinking alone' wine

wine wine wine

Velvet every single day, sometime several times a day, DS comes home and dumps not just his bag, but his coat, jumper, jeans hmm and whatever sports equipment he has onto my precious rug in the kitchen room. Every day. Last Friday I had a friend coming around and by 2 in the afternoon there were 6 items on the floor. He then steps over it and goes upstairs to his room. I am now going to put up a picture on my profile that I took to remind myself that IANBU when I loose it.

VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Mar-13 21:32:32

I am still so indoctrinated into the Evil Ex's way of thinking that I cannot imagine any man putting up with this mess. He used go off like a rocket if there was so much as a crumb on the floor. Probably doesn't help that the lovely Ex had cleaning OCD and used to fold/hang up his clothes before bed.

Every time C comes here I spend HOURS cleaning beforehand, despite which I live in horror of him finding any mess anywhere, and it putting him off me completely.

Ok, am cracking open the alcohol! As Western said, if we're all drinking we're not alone smile

btw it took me 6 long years of bum cleavage, ebay and brick dust to turn this wreck of a house into a home, I am allowed to be precious about it grin

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 21:35:33

Any man worth his salt will barely notice a dirty plate and just want to dive into your fabulous cleavage velv ...

...but I'd help any fucker who thinks I'll pick his socks up unless they really annoy me, but then I'd probably put them in the microwave

Velvet really, have a small unsmoked kipper for 'I cannot imagine any man putting up with this mess'. The man worthy of you won't give a toss and if he does, he can do more than his share or get a cleaner grin

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 21:39:18

I like to think of velvet reclining on a satin bedspread, reading a jackie Collins and being too cleavage, hair and eyelashes to pick up after anyone.

Dock their allowance to pay for a cleaner. Little buggers!!!

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 21:41:49

Juliette I never had you down for a woman with (horror) bum cleavage!!! You can wear trousers that fit, you know, even if you're doing DIY.

OWW grin actually I have been known to accidentally flash the neighbours in the garden

lubeybooby Tue 26-Mar-13 21:47:37

Velv, while I agree a bit of mess isn't going to put anyone off, it can't be good for you having the house thing with the ex hanging over you, and not being able to spend any money on the house in the meantime (saw the other thread) - is there anything you can do to get things moving in that area? That would drive me batshit mental it really would. It's just emotional baggage you don't need and would be so good to know you were free of it, all loose ends tied up.

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 21:53:00

juliette 'accidentally' hmm

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 21:53:25


VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Mar-13 21:55:19

lubey the house thingy is a tricky one. I can take him to court but chances are I'll end up paying him more (possibly a lot more) than I've offered. My best hope is negotiation but he's such a total prick that could take years. It's been nearly 5 years so far though...

other thread has cheered me up and distracted me from the house mess though. am always happiest when thinking of ways to waste moneysmile the wine has also helped!

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 22:10:05

Juliette you are just digging yourself deeper . . .

Match is much better than PoF tonight. Not a lot of interesting ones at all on PoF but Match has given me a senior manager for a - get this - cake and chocolate company! That's my man. Sorry Mr Veggie, sling your hook.

Snape ok I just don't care grin

Velvet that sounds like an awful situation to be in. Is there any way you could afford to pay him enough to get rid and be free?

VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Mar-13 22:23:53

Juliette he wants £50k, I've offered him £35k. I can pay him more, but as I've already given up on ever seeing any money from the DSs from him, and he spent £40k of our money in the 18 months between us splitting up and me cutting off his access to the joint account, I am reluctant to give him any more of my money. Which probably is cutting my nose off to spite my face a bit I know.

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Mar-13 22:29:16

Velvet The way to think of it is to ask yourself it's worth £15k to you to have the situation over and done with. Only you will know that. Haven't seen your other thread - whereabouts is it?

Snapespeare Tue 26-Mar-13 22:41:44

I'd be inclined to drop the offer by £1k a week. Just to underline what is at stake here.

Velvet what OWW said. I took the pay off route once to the lying money grabbing cunt someone who threatened me with court which would have cost me more even if I won and I couldn't take the risk. No more letters on the doormat was worth every penny.

omg I appear to be chatting to a really hot guy on okc shock

VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Mar-13 22:51:41

Snape if I'd done that when I first made him an offer 3 years ago he'd be owing me money now grin In addition to the £500 a month he should have given me for the DSs during that time of course...

Western and Juliette I should be pragmatic, I know my dad would tell me to give him the £50k, and to tell him to stick it up his arse grin, but I just can't quite bring myself to. He has pissed so much of my money away I begrudge much more. Although tbh if he says he'll take £40k, then I would probably go to that.

My little other thread is here a bit of light relief from the earlier untidy house rage...on which note they have tidied and it is almost acceptable. It won't stay like it long but I have calmed down smile

ohmyrainydays Tue 26-Mar-13 23:24:07

Aww the nice bloke just sent me this

"Im just letting u know on my part that id like to meet this girl who has me smiling alot again, the girl who i cant wait to talk to every day, the girl who has me intriged and excited. Lol sorry not meaning to be to full on in ur face. But u get the point "

I'm really trying not to get emotionaly involved before i meet him but it's not working.

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 00:36:57

Someone wet fish me please!

Pof 'date'. Spent the majority of Sun/Mon together. Texting Mon. I was due to head up Mon eve as I left my charger up there. It got to about 10 and I hadn't heard anything so thought 'oh well, fallen asleep or not arsed'. Checked mail on Pof and he'd sent a message to say his phone has frozen and he can't fix it but will 'text when it's sorted to arrange getting the charger to me'. So, I decided to be straightfoward (and i had major winedoom) and just asked if this was definitely the case and not him trying to get out of texting me (he's gone down south now for a few days). Response was 'no, it's still broken, it's cool, relax'. Earlier in the day when texting, I had asked him if we could start from scratch when we next meet as both of us felt things went a bit warp speed this weekend and that got a response of 'ok smile'

Now, prior to meeting, he had said that he 'doesn't often push for dates.' After meeting him, a slight insecurity thing I think.

Nrrrrghhhh I was only supposed to be on there for a bloody shag and now i am behaving like a teenager! blush

ike1 Wed 27-Mar-13 00:43:58

This ^^my darling wine is why I dont do ONS much of a ninny..

ike1 Wed 27-Mar-13 00:44:13


lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 00:47:04

ike grin @ 'ninny'

[wetfish] for winefiend

one for you too ohmyrainydays... you haven't even met yet, get a bleedin grip, and him too [wetfish]

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 00:47:49

I refer you to the dating commandments, particularly number 2 and 3

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. If it is not fun, stop

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 01:03:12

Yeah and I think I need to pay attention to no 4 also as my gut is saying that this one may be slightly high maintenance.

I got the inevitable grilling about the situation with my ex. Unfortunately, as I had been drinking for 2 days straight, I got frustrated and burst into tears. What a knob blush I can probably count on one hand the amount of folk who have witnessed that. Oops. To be fair, he did make a twat of himself a couple of times too so erm evens it out?


Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 01:06:25

And also, even when he moves he will be TWO FUCKING HOURS AWAY.

Get a grip, you fool grin

Fish appreciated (even though I hate fish)

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 01:07:02

I was aiming the commandments more at ohmyrainydays but yeah I think anyone in whatever dating situation would do well to be following them.

we've all made knobs of ourselves on dates before, I know for definite a few times in my case I'm sure grin

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 01:11:10

I think I would be inclined to agree with that one.

Strangest date I've been on anyway. Did not quite expect my first OD experience to result in a two day long session of sorts but hey ho, makes for a good story when I get back home at the weekend grin

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 01:34:39

It does sound good apart from the apparent need for a [wetfish] now grin

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 02:04:41

Aye it was pretty bizarre all round. The wetfish is probably just me being a knob. Bit of an odd one though, I suspect he wants something mega serious (not necessarily with me mind!) as a few things slipped in about kids, couple of 'I'm not going to marry you!' jokes (completely unprompted by me).

I have therefore come to the conclusion that I specialise in confusing (SOME) men. I think this one in particular (and probs my last) is used to young uns throwing themselves at him (and I wouldn't be surprised, he is vair attractive), not old (er) ones who appreciate booze and fags as much as the male form. I don't do fawning over folk the first time I meet em just filth

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 02:08:02

Sigh... I want a two day session. Not fair envy

This flirtation with a view to naughties at the weekend had better damned work...

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 02:11:38

Well, on the downside, I have had a 2 day hangover (and WINEDOOM) to match the session, coupled with a parental bollocking so it wasn't all peachy grin

I want a fucking text though as I want a repeat before Sat/Sun and just to look at him for a bit

Fingers crossed for your plan grin

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 02:18:02

I love the and just to look at him for a bit

hahahaaa grin

Hmm yes don't fancy two day hangover and WINEDOOM though it has to be said.

Thanks for the crossed fingers. Will need them.

I can't work this bloke out at all, he blows hot and cold all the time. Thank god I'm only interested in his trousersnake.

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 02:35:48

Yep hot and cold does my fucking napper in angry

This one had some particular gems - a few major compliments followed by 'that's a big thing, I never usually dish these out' as well as 'this situation is so odd for me, I'm usually so guarded on dates'. Followed by a HAND SHAKE on departing on Monday. I actually megalolled as he left the taxi. Poor little lamb, I think I burst his brain a tad. After all of his 'you'll find it hard to work me out, I just like to get to know folk' pish prior to Sat, it was more the other way about as I have his number. Ishoooos wrt probs being dumped in the past and major mummy ishooos (she rang abt 3 times on Sun eve haha).

But he is vair attractive.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 07:31:52

Good morning! Wine sounds like an amazing weekend but maybe one to leave as a happy memory.

Feeling quite excited and hopeful about dating again! Maybe I'll actually write a profile over the weekend, maybe not, not doing too badly without one. Once again I am getting quite earnest, well-behaved professional blokes, no silly messages or rude pics. Must give off some weird vibe ...

48howdidthathappen Wed 27-Mar-13 08:06:00

Spring is in the air wink Hormones are raging on here.

Seeing Mr R&R again tonight. Last chance before he heads off to Yorkshire.

EternalRose Wed 27-Mar-13 09:04:05

So I am posting this on the behalf of my friend who doesn't use internet forums. Having broken up from the father of her son 12 months ago she is missing sex, her son is only 12 months old and she doesn't want a relationship but would like intimacy. She is thinking of having a friends with benefit arrangement with a guy she has known for about 10 years but he has said that he wants the FWB arrangement to be exclusive as in, she only sleeps with him. Obviously she was asking me for advice on whether this is the norm, and given that I have never done this sort of thing I have no frickin clue what the rules are....

Can anyone shed any light?


OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 09:11:45

Hi Rose - hope things are going well for you. How's the job going?

Well, I've never done a FWB thing, but I don't think there are any official rules. As with any relationship, it's a matter of the two people involved coming up with something they are both happy with. Is he proposing to only sleep with her or does he want to have his cake and eat it? Having an exclusive arrangement might be better from a health point of view just in case the protection fails, but could lead to things being a bit more intense emotionally. And if he wants her to do something he's not prepared to offer, I'd take that as a bit of a red flag for him being controlling.

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 09:19:38

It's fine if she is happy with it Rose and provided he's going to be a reliable fwb. Makes it more casual monogamy really so a relationship more than fwb, but that could still be good. Depends how much she likes him and all that I suppose.

My experience with fwb is that you just don't really mention who else you might see and/or that you don't even have time to see anyone else anyway. So I don't see anything wrong in making it exclusive.

There's a bonus to it too IF they both get tested and get the all clear, and IF she has reliable other contraception, then they can ditch the condoms. Maybe he's thinking along those lines?

EternalRose Wed 27-Mar-13 09:32:51

Hi Oww, Hope you are OK today?

Thanks for asking after me, life at home is worse than abhorrent. And after a particular incident that happened on the weekend, I am now getting the move expidited (will work all hours possible!). So, I started work Monday, and as much as I feel exhausted already, it's my gateway to freedom!

Thank you for the advice about the friends with benefit thing, I copied and pasted yours and lubey's reply into a facebook message to her ha!

ohmyrainydays Wed 27-Mar-13 09:41:07

Ok point taken i shall try not to get emotionally involved. He is so sweet though i could do with a nice man.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 09:43:52

Sorry things are awful for you at home, Rose. Do you think you'll be in a position to move out soon? It's soul destroying to have to live in that sort of environment, but I am so pleased that it looks like it's only for a short while. Are you safe at home, Rose? I know he can be a bit of a piece of work and it doesn't sound like he is behaving well if you are having incidents.

I'm feeling quite good today, getting a bit excited about the date tomorrow with Mr Veggie (sorry, Lulu). He has sent me his mobile number so I will text him later. He says he is getting excited, haven't told him that I am as well smile. We will see!

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 09:46:28

Can we have an addition to the rules?

6 Don't settle for the crumbs!

When are you meeting up with him, Rainy?

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 09:52:07

Ohmyrainydays, well he could well be a nice man and all be fine. But these types that get so carried away so early, well it's rarely a good sign put it that way.

Definitely don't start happily skipping through the meadow, romantically fantasising and all excited and loved up, at least until you've had a couple of dates... for the meadow is RIDDEN with hidden bear traps and potholes wink

<voice of experience>

So yeah... try and keep those dating commandments in mind. And good luck.

ohmyrainydays Wed 27-Mar-13 09:52:31

The week after next. I can't do evening dates so easily so he's going to take a day off in the week when the kids are back in school. We haven't got a day yet.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 09:57:42

Oh that does make it difficult, Rainy, as there will be a lot more messaging etc before you meet and it's easy to feel that you have an emotional connection. I think it's always better to meet sooner rather than later, then you will actually know when you see them whether they are a possibility or not. However nice the messages are, it's no guarantee that you will click in real life.

Could you get a babysitter or something so that you can meet sooner?

ohmyrainydays Wed 27-Mar-13 10:00:45

Ok i won't ,I'll keep my wits about me. Or post on here all the time so you can all tell me cause my track record with men is terrible. He hasn't pushed for. date we've been talking for a few weeks and he said he was happy to meet when I'm ready.

ohmyrainydays Wed 27-Mar-13 10:08:53

I may be able to. Do you think we should meet sooner rather than later then?

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 10:12:22

Yes rainy always sooner rather than later... then you have a much much better idea of it all actually works in person or not and whether to begin to be a little bit excited or not.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 10:14:26

Yep, I'd always go for a few days' chat as a basic screening process, then meet. You really can never tell how you will get on until you see each other face to face. And it also saves wasting time and emotions on someone who's a non-starter, if that's what happens, or time that you could be using to properly get to know him if he seems like a good 'un.

Rainy what everyone else has said. Otherwise you really run the risk of getting emotionally involved with someone you haven't met and who you may have no spark with in RL. What can seem like Mr Wonderful sweeping you off your feet online can sometimes turn out to be the signs of a charmer who is manipulative.

Is it possible to ask someone to mind DC for a couple of hours and meet up for coffee, then you could have your big second date if he measures up.

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 10:28:18

yep, rainy... what OWW and Juliette said smile

Snapespeare Wed 27-Mar-13 10:51:02

run's into thread scattering [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish] [wetfish]

I think I've used up a weeks worth.

as you were.

Still sniggering about the Emergency Crash Carp grin

ohmyrainydays Wed 27-Mar-13 10:54:43

Ok i shall try. and see if i can do that.

Good move Rainy smile

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 11:04:07

Juliette grin

good luck rainy!

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 11:07:35

Keep posting on here though Rainy!

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 11:07:58

Wetfish galore grin

I am feeling much less in need of a wet fish today. Must have been residual winedoom!

My friend has just been on a couple of dates with someone back home and I suspect we are due to go out on a bit of a joint piss-up Easter Sunday. He had better have some vair attractive friends
Fresh meat! grin

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 11:15:59

Winefiend grin

My cunning and evil plans is working <strokes cat on lap in manner of evil overlord... muahahahaaa>

Bant Wed 27-Mar-13 11:33:12

Rainy - if we all seem a bit cynical, that's because most of us have been on dates where we were all excited about the fact we'd 'met' someone lovely and great and interesting and funny and attractive - and then when we met there just wasn't a spark. That just happens sometimes - it's mutually disappointing, a chemical thing or whatever, but all you could ever really be is friends.

Or sometimes they had used fake pictures, or were only 3'6 tall, or whatever, and we've been disappointed and upset. So we've learned to not assume anything until we've met them, maybe a couple of times, and they turn out to be who they appeared to be by email/phone.

Having said that, though, some people are lucky enough to just meet someone wonderful straight away, and they live happily ever after. We will all be jealous if that happens to you smile

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 11:45:01

Ah lubey that is eeeeexcellent work grin

Even though no wetfish is required today, I am still bamboozled as to why he even bothered to let me know his phone is stuffed if he has no intention (possibly, in my head) of following owt up hmm

ohmyrainydays Wed 27-Mar-13 12:03:50

Thanks for the wise words i will take them all on board. He's added me on facebook so I've seen loads of pictures. Only sticking point may be that he's the same height as me. If what I've heard is true then that really means he's two inches shorter.

Wine he may just be playing it cool

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 12:17:42

rainy get yerself on that date asap! These guys know what they're talking about. I know how easy it is to get excited though.

Aye maybe playing it cool, he does have ex ishoooos and is away this week so we shall see.

Bant Wed 27-Mar-13 12:28:01

In other news, Buffy appears to be living with me. Or at least she's spent 4 of the last 5 nights at mine, has left her toothbrush at mine, will be staying at mine over the weekend as she has some friends kipping in her very small flat, has keys and has left some of her favourite food in the fridge.

Hmm. These things do move a bit fast. I'm bemused. Think we both are.

Winefiend Wed 27-Mar-13 12:32:25

I like Buffy's style Bant grin. I'd be starting to get a wee bit worried that it's going to be really hard when she goes though as the two of you obviously have an amazing connection.

not that I'm one to comment on dating at warp speed

Bant Wed 27-Mar-13 12:55:03

Well it's kind of self-limiting. She's leaving, we can't get too emotionally attached, so there's like a built-in barrier to stop feelings from getting too strong. We talked about that, we're very affectionate with each other but we're just.. not going to fall in love.

Also, she has a history of leaving the city/country when she's proposed to. Happened twice, two boyfriends proposed, and each time she said no and basically ran away and got herself set up in a new place. She has issues, needs to keep moving on and putting down new roots for a while. Seems kind of odd to me but people are strange.

ChooChooLaverne Wed 27-Mar-13 13:08:40

All this talking of getting emotionally overinvested too early has got me thinking.

How early is too early after you've met someone to feel completely smitten that you want to be together?

Flipper924 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:13:17

There's not as queer as folk, Bant. If it works for the pair of you, then good for you. I wonder if the fact that it's time-limited has meant that it's 'safe' for it to go at a hundred miles an hour - you both know that whatever you do now has no bearing on what will be in the next couple of months, so you're acting without consequences.

Or, she has a habit of getting in deep very quickly, then running when she realises that the other person is seeing the relationship as something more than she thinks it is, hence the unexpected proposals and then moving? If that is the case, it sounds like she's telling you how it is.

Sorry, you didn't ask for opinion. I'm in an analytical mood today.

Lubey, share the cunning plan...

Snapespeare Wed 27-Mar-13 13:14:44

bant this would all seem a bit fast if she wasn't moving back to the states. (understatement!) As it is it's just a kind of hyper fwb-ing - the issues are odd, but as there's no question of it developing into a LTR, then I guess it's easier to accept as you won't have to deal with the issues...

...unless she changes her mind. [evil look]

yay for lubeys evil plan. [highfive]

I'm pissed off with work, a bit annoyed with DS1, missing nameless and joyously looking forwards to DCs going to grandparents on saturday for almost-a-week! (if DS1 doesn't pull something to mean they cant go...)

TigsytheTiger Wed 27-Mar-13 13:17:46

Choo I think you can feel completely smitten very early on, once you met someone, it's natural if you like someone, they like you, the chemistry is there and so is the sexual tension, and if it's all mutual then you want to be together.

I think what everyone on this thread is warning about, is that however wonderful these feeling are, you only ever really know someone over a period of time and that it's always worth having that knowledge in the back of your mind to balance out the "high". Enjoy all the fabulousness of feeling smitten but don't go planning a happy ever after until you have known someone a while.

Although, in my opinion also and to contradict myself above, i thought I knew my STBXH inside out and he turned out to be the most duplicitous, cheating, self serving bastard ever.

I didn't follow the rule book at all with Mr EA, from when I first messaged him, was totally emotionally invested before we met and here we are 6 months later, so there are always exceptions to every rule!

ChooChooLaverne Wed 27-Mar-13 13:25:57

Tigsy thank you - I am worried I am already too emotionally invested and it is very early days. I only met him a matter of weeks ago. blush

Sorry to hear about your STBXH.

I have had abusive relationships in the past and am very aware of warning signs but haven't seen any evidence of anything concerning and he has been nothing but lovely so far.

I guess I have to keep my wits about me but at the same time it's very hard not to be a little bit smitten. He is just so lovely.

TigsytheTiger Wed 27-Mar-13 13:30:03

Choo I would say go for it, enjoy it, nothing wrong with feeling smitten, it's a lovely feeling .... and wait and see what develops. I think even the fact that you are thinking about it, shows that you aware of what's going on and what the red flags would be, if they were ever to appear.

Have fun!

48howdidthathappen Wed 27-Mar-13 13:30:58

Choo I fell in lust with Mr R&R very quickly. Only recently, 3 months on have I admitted to myself and him that it is more than that.

Bant Similar to Mr OZ and me. I knew he was going to OZ when we met. Made everything easy. Until he had gone.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 13:31:48

Are you smitten, ChooChoo?

ChooChooLaverne Wed 27-Mar-13 13:33:10

OWW I am a little, yes! I don't think I have ever been so attracted to someone in my life.

ChooChooLaverne Wed 27-Mar-13 13:33:51

48 was it the same for Mr R&R?

TigsytheTiger Wed 27-Mar-13 13:34:41

OWW is this date set up then with Mr Veggie? please re-name him soon

TigsytheTiger Wed 27-Mar-13 13:35:43

grin 48 where as we could have told you it was more than smitten very early on but would you listen?

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 13:37:37

Flipper... TSSDNCOP

<taps nose>

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 13:45:30

Yep Tigsy it's tomorrow!! I am trying not to get too excited, I need to take my own advice (and everybody else's) as he does seem like a really nice bloke, stuff in common etc etc. It is so easy to get a little bit carried away, so I am glad we're meeting sooner rather than later. I am nervous, though - nice anticipatory nervous, not the angst. I have got out of the swing of dating and need to calm down a bit.

We are going to a quiet country pub. Sounds lovely and no temptation to drink a bit too much as I will be driving.

Will rename him after tomorrow if he's still around . . .

If not, it's on to Mr Cake! Who I like as well, but physically isn't my type as much, not that you can really judge from photos. MrV could potentially really do it for me looks wise . . .

ChooChoo it sounds lovely. Go for it!

ChooChooLaverne Wed 27-Mar-13 13:54:07

OWW Good luck with your date with MrV. I was very sorry to hear about LM by the way - I have trouble keeping up with these threads but have read up. I'm very disappointed in him.

I am going for it. DS is with his dad for Easter so we have the whole weekend together and the first opportunity for Coffee. I am very excited. It has been a VERY long time for me. And if the way he kisses is anything to go by it should be very good.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 13:59:51

Thanks ChooChoo - LM is soooo last week. (Not really but I am doing so much better than I thought I would - some little twinges but really his behaviour had killed off most of the feelings anyway). Disappointed is probably the best word for it. I hope that he sorts himself out before he starts dating again with someone else, otherwise it is really unfair on them.

Your weekend sounds fab! Enjoy it! I will have to do another envy

ChooChooLaverne Wed 27-Mar-13 14:20:54

OWW I'm glad to hear you're sounding so upbeat about LM (even if you're not really feeling it). Onwards and upwards. Looking forward to hearing about your date (even if I don't get round to reading about it until next week!).

48howdidthathappen Wed 27-Mar-13 14:22:13

Choo I like to think he was wink

Tiger I like Tiger. Me not listen. Never grin

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 14:24:27

See, now, this is much better than the angsty stuff with LM. I have just texted MrV and he has replied straight away. That was not difficult! He says he is nervous and his heart will be pounding grin I will have to be gentle with him, won't I?

No need to say it, I know this doesn't mean anything about MrV, and it's only normal courteous behaviour, but it is just nice not to be sitting worrying if someone will text back or ignore me.

Realising more and more how much low-level shit I got off LM (and how much I put up with). Not good. Won't happen again.

48howdidthathappen Wed 27-Mar-13 14:26:44

OWW Just what you need a bit of FUN grin

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 14:27:44

OWW, you're doing brilliant. I'm not surprised his behaviour killed feelings off a bit, I think that made BC leaving a bit easier, because although he didn't behave badly the very fact he was going killed it off a bit for me I think.

ChooChoo have a great weekend grin

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 14:29:10

Oh and fab about the quick reply! and yes there was a lot of low level shit with LM. I think he needs to be WM now though. Or maybe TM. Or just M

Bant it's just like student days. Meet someone in the bar, go back to their place, living together grin

You both know it's temporary, being with someone you have a connection with doesn't happen every day and you are well overdue for some quality happiness so grab her the opportunity with both hands I say.

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 14:31:20

Hey I need some advice, not exactly dating advice but dating related grin

I emailed a couple of speed dating agency's to see if I could work for
Them as an event host. One guy replied today and asked if I would like to work an event on Sunday. I can't because of my ankle and still being on crutches hmm but I would have loved to!

Should I reply and explain about my leg?

Or make an excuse and explain that I am interested but will have to be another time?

I don't want to seem flaky!

OWW now you have released the new says what she wants and rocks her own boat version of OWW, yes grin

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 14:34:25

Western - glad you are moving on grin

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 14:36:15

Moving... thank them for the quick response, explain about your leg, give an approximate date when it will be better, say you'd really like the opportunity again when healed.

Bant Wed 27-Mar-13 14:39:26

Moving - I'd say reply, explain that you're temporarily off your feet because of crutches and they may be organising an event in a place with disabled access. If you really can't do it at all, at least they'll know it's only temporary and that you're keen to do it, not flaky

There's nothing to be ashamed of about having a sprained (?) ankle

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 15:05:35

Bant I think the stuff with Buffy is brilliant. Just go for it, get all the enjoyment out of it that you can - you deserve it. Another envy - not for the moving in thing as I do like my own space!

Moving I am sure they will understand if you say you've had an accident and will be on crutches for the next n weeks but would love to come and do an event when you're okay again. Or like Bant said, maybe you could do it anyway?

Lubey the L now stands for Lousy. Or Loser.

My friend has just mistakenly registered on PoF as a gay man and is getting some very interesting messages!

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 15:09:06

Thank you all for the advice. I have replied to him now wink

Bant - I think I'm embarrassed because I know i was completely paralytic when I done it hmm obviously they won't know that!

Moving I'm not sure if you've done speed dating but when I went to speed dating events, the organisers would spend the entire evening wandering around between tables, holding clipboards etc as well as shaking the bell for the daters to move to the next table. Sometimes they would meet at greet at the door and take people to the right area in the venue. Would you be in a position to do that at the moment?

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 15:14:31

Moving a very very very long time ago I was really pissed and fell down a whole flight of concrete steps outside, picked myself up and carried on for another three or four hours. Next day I couldn't stand and it turned out I'd chipped a chunk off my shinbone. It happens.

KinNora Wed 27-Mar-13 15:16:53

Bloody hell Moving don't be embarrassed about that, people injure themselves in far more embarrassing ways ...

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 15:37:58

Juliette - no I doubt I could do that right now, but I did tell him I will be better in a few weeks grin

Western - wow how long did it take you to recover? I walked home after hurting my ankle, I don't know as at 6am woke up I. Serious pain! And one month later I still can't walk hmm

I'm excited about possibly hosting speed dating events, do you think i will be allowed to keep the best ones for myself? smile

Bant Wed 27-Mar-13 15:45:28

Moving - from my recollection of the one time I tried speed dating, there were no 'best ones'. It was really kind of depressing.

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 15:50:14

Ooh OWW ouch, I did the same once... really vicious sharp edged steps. I still have a dent in my leg from the tissue damage too. <shudder>

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 15:51:37

Do you have to give people a score if you go speed-dating? Awful concept.

KinNora Wed 27-Mar-13 15:54:32

Moving I take it you saw someone at the hospital about your ankle - can you remember exactly what they said you'd done ? I'd have thought you'd be able to walk by now. Have you seen a physio at all ?

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 15:55:22

OWW the ones I've heard about you just write down the numbers of the men you liked and hand it in. If they also put down your number as a like then you get matched up and email details swapped.

Bant Wed 27-Mar-13 16:11:42

the way it worked for me was you had a number each, then you ticked the numbers of the people you'd like to be put in touch with (either as a date or friends) after meeting them for 3 minutes, send your card in to the organisers and if it was mutual then they gave you their contact details.

It didn't work though, I'd put someone down, she'd put me down, we should have been put in touch by the company but they just didn't do it. We'd exchanged business cards though. Wished I hadn't as I was quite drunk by the time I met her, and the beer goggles had kicked in a bit.

The very last time I did speed dating I saw what was on offer and left before it started. The woman organising it was furious as I'd upset her numbers but I just knew non of them were for me and although I'd had a good chat with some of the women there, I didn't want to spend 2 hrs of my life going through the motions.

I had done it before and it was fun though.

Scrazy Wed 27-Mar-13 16:26:39

I've never done speed dating, sounds like the POF meetup I went to which was really dire. I only went because it was a mile away and a friend persuaded me. The night wasn't a total disaster as we left early and socialised with more normal people in town.

I'm off work with sore throat etc. Better not be ill for the weekend!

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 16:37:10

Kin - I have a sprained ankle and torn ligaments, they think they are very badly torn but we don't know as they wouldn't scan it hmm but I have now seen a lovely physio as I'm feeling more confident! I can walk on it with a funny walker boot, but not without. And I'm still on the crutches.

Well if I get the chance to work at a dating event I'll give it a try and are how I get on. I could really do with some extra cash right now!

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 27-Mar-13 16:49:31

I have caught up, at last! Who told me to go to bed early the other night eh hmm?

Just saying howdy, no news as gearing for the chocolate fest, and have been trawling the supermarkets buying food etc.

No much going on, have a date with one of my special friends, a meal and a bit of frolicking (WFF licks lips licentiously). And no work tomorrow, so maybe an all nighter...j

KinNora Wed 27-Mar-13 16:49:45

An MR scan Moving ? If so, no they wouldn't routinely scan for a sprained ankle/ligament injury because by the time they'd found a slot for you, it would probably have healed.
I reckon if the injury shows no sign of improving and you're referred back to an orthopaedic surgeon, they might reconsider an MR.

In my experience, soft tissue injuries like this can take quite a while before they feel completely right again, at least you've got youth on your side - the younger you are, the quicker you heal.

VelvetSpoon Wed 27-Mar-13 16:51:14

I've always fancied giving speed dating a try. Although as I am rubbish at small talk and tend to judge people rather instantly on appearances I would be terrible at it!

I am officially a success at work, had my first appraisal with manager who basically told me I'm great, everyone loves me and my happy smiling face, that I am doing brilliantly and they are so pleased I joined their dept. I have had so much work related shit over recent years this means a huge amount to me. Am v v smile.

So pleased lots of you have lovely dates lined up! I am missing C a bit today for some reason. Hoping I get to see him over Easter, children permitting.

MirandaWest Wed 27-Mar-13 17:07:50

That's great about your job Velvet smile

I had lunch with Mr Nice today (he is somewhat jet lagged but ok ish). My mum and dad are here too so came along too (and my dad paid which was nice of him smile) however my sexual frustration is building somewhat..,,luckily XH has the children tomorrow night and my mum and dad leave tomorrow as well grin.

Am prepared for full on PIV type sex to not work due to jet lagged ness and stuff but really not bothered. Just want to be naked with Mr Nice and sleep with him and stroke his body and do lots of kissing and other good stuff smile

VelvetSpoon Wed 27-Mar-13 17:55:25

Ah Miranda glad you had a good lunch with Mr Nice, can imagine you are very much looking forward to tomorrow night though! smile

Thanks to the evil of FB, discovered yet another person I know, who was completely single 2 weeks ago is now 'in a relationship'. Honestly, how do people go in the space of days from meeting someone to being referred to as their girlfriend, and plastering their relationship status all over facebook??! It utterly baffles me.

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 18:21:45

kin - have you had alot of experience with this type of thing? smile

well one doctor suggested I should have an mr scan or ultrasound, but i havn't had either. it has been nearly five weeks now, and i have only just started walking on it with a funny boot, but I still don't feel confident to walk without the boot. And the brusing is still slightly there and it is still swollen. But it has improved alot, but still not back to normal sad

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 18:26:23

velvet - good news about your job smile its great that you are finaly being appreciated at work.

also I know what you mean about the facebook thing. One guy I was going to go out with suddenly had a gf two weeks after he cancelled meeting me. and now they are madly in love on facebook.

I havn't been madly in love for a while, but even if i was I doubt it would be plastered all over fb.

48howdidthathappen Wed 27-Mar-13 18:37:43

Miranda Only a lttile longer grin

Great news on the job front Velvet

I am liking the sound of your men OWW Edible wink

48howdidthathappen Wed 27-Mar-13 18:41:21

Little. Need an edit button. My mind is else where blush

lubeybooby Wed 27-Mar-13 18:52:03

I have pulled out my desk and hoovered behind it <shudders> I should have the threat of guests more often especially ones I want to ravish

Christ I am so knackered. Go away work, go away to do list.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 19:05:18

Velvet you just rock. Excellent stuff. Is the senior partner still twinkling at you?

The FB thing is just silly, show-offy nonsense. As with all these things, the reality is probably a bit different.

Dyeing my hair tonight, needed doing, nothing at all to do with having a date tomorrow, oh no. I am not getting carried away at all. But this guy would just be so easy - lives nearby, veggie (yes this does sway me a bit, it's just simpler), dc same age, similar interests ... Bet he has a silly squeaky voice or can't stop trumping, got to be a catch there somewhere!

Yay velvet that's great news. Obvs your bosses recognize your awesomeness grin and its good to have it said directly.

The fb thing, meh. It's all a bit tacky when its like that. They'll be posting to each other from the same room soon.

KinNora Wed 27-Mar-13 19:33:26

Moving sorry, been a bit busy so haven't seen your question until now. I think I've probably seen hundreds and hundreds of sprained ankles over the years. If it's your GP who said you could do with an MR or US scan then I wouldn't necessarily take quite as much notice as I would if an orthopaedic surgeon said it.
The scan requests are vetted to ensure they're justified, it has to be proved that the results of the scan would alter the way your injury is managed - so if they're going to treat you with anti-inflammatories and physio, no matter what, then they won't scan you, if, however, they might be considering some kind of surgery (which would be very unusual with a one-off, acute soft tissue injury) then you you might be scanned.
If it sets your mind at rest, I wouldn't be pressing for a scan if I'd sustained a soft tissue injury of my ankle.

VelvetSpoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:19:41

Well apparently my views re the fb thing are just a sign that I'm 'jealous' hmm...yes because I really want a bloke who is prepared to call someone his girlfriend after 3 days. Sigh. Irrespective of NOT being his girlfriend which is 'weird' after such a 'ridiculously long time' (certain of my friends are on a roll tonight) I'd still far rather have C.

Western the senior chap at work (he's at the client co, not in my firm) is still v twinkly, although he's been at another office this week, as have I, so not seen him. Was told by someone else the other day 'Oh he's ALWAYS going on about how great you are, he loves you!' (not in that way of course, but slightly unfortunate turn of phrase!).

Am vicariously excited re your date tomorrow. Even if it doesn't turn into anything, think it will do you much good to have a nice, relaxed, worry free evening smile

Snapespeare Wed 27-Mar-13 20:32:55

Could not agree more re fb. Friends celebrating anniversaries by posting pictures of kisses is borderline acceptable. grin Wanging on and on and on about ones relationship status is tedious and smacks of desperate justification of ones supposed attractiveness. I will consider myself single as far as fb is concerned until there is a ring on my finger. I will not refer to anyone as my 'husband' unless I am legally obliged to do so. Nauseating. Blerrrrrgh. [vom]

Snapespeare Wed 27-Mar-13 20:40:32

Oh...and while I'm feeling opinionated, absolutely agree about vegetarian dates being easier for vegetarians. I eat fish and chicken, very seldom eat red meat, but I would never be so crass as to eat meat in front of veggie-nameless. He's staying for a few days when he gets back from family-stuff, I've taken a couple of days off of work and I'm happily veggie while he's here. He actually couldn't give a stuff...and if he asked me not to eat meat, I'd obviously mainline on bacon. wink but it just strikes me as a considerative thing... No biggie.

Snapespeare Wed 27-Mar-13 20:44:06

I also really don't like ant and/or dec [/rant]

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 20:53:51

Oh, I don't mind people eating meat when I'm there. What I do mind is other people making an issue and a fuss about it, or kindly pointing out how much I'm missing by not eating meat, or making comments about my food. I never bang on about not eating meat as I don't want other people to feel uncomfortable, and just wish it worked the other way round too.

Snapespeare Wed 27-Mar-13 21:01:31

Well, that would be rude! smile

mercury7 Wed 27-Mar-13 21:12:45

I'm a lifelong veggie and I find no one bats an eye lid these days...when I was child it was very very unusual.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 21:15:20

They bat more than their eyelids here, but I'm in the sticks in the middle of cattle/sheep country. There are a good few places round here with NO veggie food on the menu, let alone a choice! Was a bit shocked at how dire it is after twenty years near city restaurants!

Flipper924 Wed 27-Mar-13 21:30:33

Great appraisal feedback, Velvet! Thank goodness you are, at last, working with people who can see how lovely you are.

Sounds like there's a lot of dating going on this weekend and next week.

I'm on a hen do in Brighton. I'm prepared to be cold.

KirstyWirsty Wed 27-Mar-13 21:36:22

I am wondering if my 2nd date on Sunday will be on .. MrFixit has not emailed today .. I sent the last reply last night before 10 .. He hasn't replied but he has checked my okc profile today .. (I have been on as have had some messages although they are no goers)

On Friday he asked me if I was online ( I had been on but was in asda when he texted ) I wondered if that was a red flag .. But thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt .. But I am wondering if he considers us to be married because we've had a coffee hmm

KirstyWirsty Wed 27-Mar-13 21:38:35

Flipper I was I Brighton a few weeks ago and it was freezing.. But fab!!

VelvetSpoon Wed 27-Mar-13 21:39:42

Flipper the wind coming off the sea is normally freezing! Wrap up well...or rely on a wine coat wink

Utterly self indulgent whine coming up (sorry) I am fed up. Stupid £2k boiler is leaking. House is a shit tip again thanks to ignorant DC. Have friends turning up tomorrow though no idea when as they havent sorted that out yet. I cannot be bothered to go shopping after work and walk home like a packhorse carrying tonnes of food to feed them, esp not given that I will have 2 hours at least housework to do here too. and the christening I am committed to attending on Sunday is going to take me 3.5 hours and 6 changes on public transport to get to <weeps>

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 21:47:57

Kin - thanks for the advice grin I didn't know your a doctor! I'll try not to bug you with questions, but last one is it normal not to be walking properly after 5 weeks? It seems a long time confused

KinNora Wed 27-Mar-13 21:54:36

Oh god, I'm not a doctor, far too sensible for that smile. What does your physio say about your current ability to walk ?

I will say that when I sprained my ankle, extremely badly, it took about a year before it felt completely normal, however, I had no physio whatsoever on mine, which in retrospect was a bit stupid.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Mar-13 21:56:47

MrV wants to come and wash my back for me!

mercury7 Wed 27-Mar-13 22:04:26

ah,I can see that location would make a difference OWW wink

Movingforward123 Wed 27-Mar-13 23:22:15

Kin - shock sorry I though you might have been and I missed it. Until I saw my physio I didn't bear any weight on it, now that I've seen her she told me to walk on if with my walker boot and crutches and gave me stretches.

I just really want to be able to walk. I can now walk a little around my house without crutches but not without the boot hmm it just doesn't feel strong enough!!

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 07:13:59

I think this topic will make some good reading, hope you ladies have some success stories.

KirstyWirsty Thu 28-Mar-13 07:42:24

Well MrFixit emailed me late last night .. To ask if I had any views on Vodafone sure signal!! No how's your day or any such small talk lol ..

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 07:44:18

who said romance was dead kirsty

KirstyWirsty Thu 28-Mar-13 07:47:41

daddy we've not even been on 2nd date yet!!

Flipper924 Thu 28-Mar-13 07:48:50

All will be well, Velvet. Your friends will arrive, they will not see the mess. You will get to the christening, and have a lovely time. I do hate that period before a busy weekend, when you know you'll have loads to do, but can't do any of it in advance to make it less busy.

Luckily, all of the planned hen activities are indoors. I haven't been to Brighton in years, though I used to live in Sussex. I saw Spandau Ballet there when I was 15. I'm expecting something different this time!

Flipper924 Thu 28-Mar-13 07:51:01

Sorry, I am sending sympathetic thoughts, Moving, but have no helpful advice.

Kirsty, really? I think he might be looking for excuses to contact you....

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 08:03:33

wow not even the second date yet, im gobsmacked.

i suppose when im ready to start dating again this will give me some tips on how not to treat a lady lol

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 08:23:39

Morning all.

It is official, I am tired, exhausted, but fully ravished!

Send me some green faces, I deserve them trust me smile

Hello Daddyspence.

<waves to everyone>

Slopes of to have breakfast.

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 08:26:57

Hi Daddy have seen your other thread. Hope you're alright and you're more than welcome over here in the future!

Nice morning text off MrV saying he's looking forward to tonight ...

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 08:28:14

Ha WFF good for you! Here you are envy envy envy

KirstyWirsty Thu 28-Mar-13 08:31:40

WFF envy envy envy from me too

I just really can't be arsed with a this dating malarkey . I just want a man who is clean and has a fit body with considerable stamina to be delivered to my bed without all of this crap

KirstyWirsty Thu 28-Mar-13 08:33:06

Oh and I sent MrHungarian a LinkedIn request last night ..

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 08:36:50

Thanks OWW smile

Kirsty, ' I just want a man who is clean and has a fit body with considerable stamina to be delivered to my bed' that is a summation of my night wink

Is LinkedIn the business network thingy? Why'd he want to do that?

VelvetSpoon Thu 28-Mar-13 08:45:44

Kirsty, I completely agree, this stuff is a lot of hard slog for (often) not much return! Although in my case I just want C when/if he decides being my boyfriend is not such a horrifically scary prospect...

Flipper, thanks for the calming words however I am still stressing over the state of my house, which I can't clean because I have to go shopping because friends are expecting dinner and drinks when they get here, even though I still don't know when that will be! <Tries to channel inner calm, and fails>

WFF envy

KirstyWirsty Thu 28-Mar-13 08:49:01

Loads of people in work do it WFF it's just a way to keep in touch

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 08:49:58

Thanks everyone, hopefully i will be able to contribute some stories when i do feel ready again.

lubeybooby Thu 28-Mar-13 09:00:01

WFF envyenvyenvyenvyenvyenvy from me too grin

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 09:01:23

Oh dear Mr Veggie is getting a bit fruity! Well nothing is going to happen tonight so he can just calm down a bit.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:05:05

Kristy, I didn't know that. I find LinkedIn when I am doing my 'research' about a man, but I don't have an entry there as I am in healthcare.

I think I have a penpal on Match...maybe a slow burner. He seems reassuringly normal...always a worry

TigsytheTiger Thu 28-Mar-13 09:07:34

OWW grin it's those rudely shaped vegetables again !!!!

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:08:19

OWW how fruity? <nosy emoticon> I have cancelled dates for that, it gives me the creeps.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:09:16

Hello Tigsy <WFF taps nose and winks> how are you?

ohmyrainydays Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:37

I need more help oh wise ones. I'm trying hard notto get emotionally involved but it's not working. We're going to try and meet sooner.

He said he almost wished we could skip the dating bit and just start a relationship but he was aware of how crazy that sounds.

I think i need the wet kipper treatment again.

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 09:17:10

Fruity rather than pornographic so still just on the right side of the line ... I will be on my guard though now and nothing more than a little snog even if I do like him.

Going to a pub where LM has been known to hang out - in fact I went there on my first date with him. It would be so funny if he was there. I would have suggested somewhere else but there's a shortage of decent pubs round here too and they all seem to be having turns and karaoke on tonight for Easter.

VelvetSpoon Thu 28-Mar-13 09:17:31

Rainy, sorry but I strongly suspect he's bullshitting you, probably hoping for first date sex...after which you won't see him for dust. I had one last year who'd planned dates 2 and 3 before we'd even met, wanted me to think of him as my boyfriend, blahblahblah. We had one date (I didn't have sex with him though he v clearly wanted to). Next day got a text saying he wasn't ready for a relationship!

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:20:35

ohmy you feelings are based on HUGE assumptions. You don't know him, he doesn't know you, you have had no shared experiences. You like what he could be, what you hope you might turn out to be. (He could be a nose picker and eater shock, you just don't know yet)

Maybe go online and search for other suitable potential men, don't contact them yet, but note their names etc as a way of distracting yourself and diluting your thoughts of him.

KirstyWirsty Thu 28-Mar-13 09:21:15

I'm with velvet on this one rainy .. Tread carefully!

ohmyrainydays Thu 28-Mar-13 09:21:56

Velvet i know what you're saying but he hasn't mentioned sex at all, not even hinted at anything.

I'm so confused.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:22:04

My typos have returned

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 09:22:06

There are some funny ones about. Be on your guard Rainy and treat it all with a huge pinch of salt. This man doesn't know you at all yet. Meet him soon but be careful.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:25:12

It's the intensity oh, wanting to jump ahead, why not just take one step at a time, what's the rush? Sometimes people rush because they have something to hide and want you too far in before you find out whatever it is? It might seem romantic but usually comes from a position of weakenss/insecurity.

I'm with Velvet tread carefully.

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 09:28:33

im thinking of going down the online dating approach when i decide to do it. Im 30 and going out and meeting someone in a bar is a young mans game. Im still hurting about what happened to me but i really miss female company already and i dont mean in a sexual way. Are the any dating sites that more for friendship and building upto a relationship?

Bant Thu 28-Mar-13 09:33:09

Rainy - when I first started doing online dating, about 6 months or so ago, I got chatting to this girl. She was lovely. Had one daughter a bit older than mine, had been single for a couple of years. Her photos were stunning, beautiful smile, and she was funny. She really 'got me', I really got her, we talked on the phone most nights for a couple of weeks as we couldn't meet up easily due to mutual childcare issues - we finished off each others sentences. It was like kismet.

Then we finally met. It was an hour of somewhat strained conversation because there just wasn't.. something. Chemistry, a spark, whatever. On the phone, by email, yes. In person, no.

So I learned to not get excited about anyone until I've met them, and not think about whether there is relationship potential until I've met them several times.

He may be lovely. He may be a nutter. You don't know until you actually know him.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:35:18

Daddy 30 is young grin.

You say in your profile what it is you are looking for, although I find that if someone says 'friendship' it may be interpreted as online penfriend.

ohmyrainydays Thu 28-Mar-13 09:36:24

I have a few suitors in reserve but i have stopped talking to them for now because i found it was getting too complicated and time consuming.

He hasn't said he's going to skip the dating stages just that it would be easier. I am going to take it slow though and not rush in.

The two men I've had bad feelings about have turned into twunts and I'm not getting a bad feeling about this one.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:40:25

Morning Bant, how are you? Buffy still slaying you?wink

lubeybooby Thu 28-Mar-13 09:41:42

Rainy another one in agreement with Velvet.

In fact this bloke is getting right into crazy nutjob red flag territory now.


I know it feels good but it is NOT good - at best he'll be clingy and you'll never get any space... at worst, controlling, jealous, possesive, nutter. You read the red flag thread (or several) in relationships and all of them say the worst nightmares were like this at the start.

Plus you haven't even met yet and if things don't click for you, you're going to have slightly stalkerish problems here.

I am crossing everything that all goes smoothly but my doom radar is going mad here

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:58:31

Right. I am going to attempt the impossible, ie clean my hovel. I am sad/glad that I am not alone with the kids untidy house. <sigh> But first, another cup of coffee and off to the gym, pleasure before pain, always. wink

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 10:02:12

i will have some thinking to do then if i ever sign upto one.

What are the best sites to use? I know id have to make it clear that i wanted to take things slowly.

ohmyrainydays Thu 28-Mar-13 10:03:51

Thanks i am listening, I'm going to see if we can maybe meet this week or next.

ohmyrainydays Thu 28-Mar-13 10:10:04

Daddy i use plenty of fish and I'm sure there's a category on there for just friendship when you create your profile. You can always add to the descriptin too.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 10:10:12

Daddy they are all much of a muchness, tbh. The paid sites are slower IME, but require less sifting through dross, however, if it is just friends then perhaps a free site POF, OKC might be better. If you live in or near a city/large town you may find higher volume/more interest. Or you could look at some of the smaller sites or special interest sites like single parents, or hobby sites.

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 10:17:04

thanks rainydays im probably getting a bit ahead of myself asking those kind of questions to be honest.

I will probably sign upto one in the next couple of weeks and just be honest when describing what im looking for. Its quite exciting really its been a long time since ive been single

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 10:18:30

thats a good idea WFF i live near a big city in the north so im sure there would be plenty of people registered. I hope you ladies wont mind me asking you for tips

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 10:21:01

Of course, as long as you let us live vicariously through your dating adventures!

All the nice men live up North...wink

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 10:22:37

i will definitley share my stories good or bad lol

well im glad someone likes northern people most people hate the accent lol

ohmyrainydays Thu 28-Mar-13 10:27:50

Ok so he's just come back to me with all the times he is free to meet in the next couple of weeks. I'm going to try and get a babysitter. This is good yes?

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 10:31:42

MrV texted to ask if he'd upset me so I've told him that I hope he's not got the wrong idea about what we will be doing tonight. He's sent me a very gracious reply so all may be well ...

Daddy just take your time. You've got a lot to deal with at the moment emotionally and if you need friends to talk to try us lot in here. I think you can have a quick look around most of the dating sites for free, see what suits as it can be very area- and age-dependent.

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 10:36:17

dont worry western i wont be rushing into anything, to be honest im 'working' from home today but seem to be spending my time on here. I just know its over with her, she has chosen someone else and i need to get used to being single again. Im just trying to keep busy and get tips/hints for when i do decide to make the plunge.

everyone on this site has been so understanding, helpful and just generally postive and its really lifted me. It feels weird saying thanks to strangers but im sure some of you have been in similar situations and know how appreciated it all is.

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 10:37:02

Hey Daddy nowt wrong with a good northern accent! I'm in the north-west but out in the sticks a bit so it can be slim pickings sometimes. If you're near a big city it should be a lot easier.

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 10:46:00

Glad to see someone who likes a good northern accent smile. It must make it much harder if your out in the sticks but i suppose as long as you can drive it will make things much easier.

Winefiend Thu 28-Mar-13 10:52:10

Well I still haven't heard from whatshisface yet (surely his phone will be fixed by now?!). So, I sent a msg through pof last night to see if he's free Sat as I don't do pissing about.

However, I was having a wee think last night about the types of men I have been involved in (going way back). I think I might have some sort of 'rescuer complex', which would tie in with the type of work I do. Every man I have been involved with has had ishooooos of some sort, which has resulted in me being the 'strong one', then losing respect for said person and eventually finishing it. So bearing this in mind, I need to pack it in hmm

Welcome daddyspence grin I live in a large city in the north and the men are lovely!

Winefiend Thu 28-Mar-13 10:52:55

Involved WITH even!

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 11:02:36

This thread is brilliant Daddy and I count a lot of the people on here as true friends. The support they have given me is absolutely amazing.

Wine I have had my share if men with ishoos too - a couple of minor ones are fair enough, we all have them, but I'm not going near anyone with major problems/hang ups etc ever again. Too much hassle. I just want someone nice and uncomplicated to treat me well and have good times with. I have been the strong one too far too often and it would be good to be more equal, mutual looking after. We'll get there.

Rainy I would tread very carefully with this one. The only way to know for sure is to arrange to meet him as soon as possible. It can be very intense online and it can be disappointing to find out you have used up your time talking, mailing and answering texts to someone who turned out to be not for you.

Spence welcome, I haven't read your other thread but you will get lots of companionship and good dating advice here when you are ready. OKC has people looking just for friendship, it's free to join but very much depends on the area you live in.

Bant Thu 28-Mar-13 11:10:12

Last night was the first night I didn't spend with Buffy in about a week. I went to the sweet shop - expat evening full of French people. There were some ridiculously attractive people there (including me of course. Har har.)

I had some beer, chatted to new and old mates, ate some french cheese. Nice evening. Was pleased to have a night away from Buffy simply out of physical exhaustion. I'll see her again in a week when I'm back in the country.

Interestingly, last time I went to the Sweet shop was when I was kind-of-dating Med Student. I compared her to the other people there and she came off poorly. Buffy is also not as attractive as some of the model-types from last night, but much much more interesting to talk to. So, no comparison really.

Bant pah, model types <sifts applications for Buffy fan club>

Winefiend Thu 28-Mar-13 11:16:51

OWW yep most definitely sounds familiar. I absolutely need to respect someone and once the lust has died down, I find that that slowly degrades when you're constantly propping someone up. Equal is the way to go. Probably explains why I still think very fondly of my very brief fling with the very much younger lad - he had absolutely no apparent issues or insecurities, just a lot of fun (but still considerate). And here was me thinking it was bc of his lovely youthful face and amazing physique grin

Movingforward123 Thu 28-Mar-13 11:18:56

Warm - sounds lovely grin I am very envyenvyenvyenvy

Kirsty - I completely second your thoughts, a clean, sexy man with stamina! Why does it seem so much to ask? Are these type of men already married?

Ohmy - anyone saying they wanted a relationship before I met them would put me off big time, I think it sounds very fake as they havnt met me!

Western - glad to hear the date is looking interesting for tonight, but I hope you don't bump into LM!

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 11:40:52

its good to hear everyone here is looking out for each other and good friends. I dont have many friends round here since we moved especially female friends so it will be lovely being able to come in here to talk and offer/receive support

Movingforward123 Thu 28-Mar-13 11:46:05

Winefield - is whatahisface the Pof guy you went to the hotel with?

I know what you mean about men with issues, I was speaking with a friend recently and every guy I have been with have had bad childhoods, some of them have even been in foster care. I've decided to try to go for a few guys that have had nicer childhoods and see if that helps!

I fed up of having guys that feel so insecure that they have to cheat etc.

Western good luck this evening, it'll be good to have got back out there and strutted your stuff grin

Wine lame duck syndrome, been there over and over too but it's now on my mental checklist of things to avoid. With me it was very much a sense of acceptance of someone who was 'different' and then I'd overlay qualities onto them that just excused everything from social awkwardness to serious personality disorders hmm.

Winefiend Thu 28-Mar-13 11:50:25

It is indeed moving. He's a funny character, some stuff came back to me over the past couple of days that have made me go hmm Too high maintenance for me I reckon.

It has also dawned on me that the vast majority of my mates have issues of some sort or another (serious ones I mean, we all have our little quirks). I'm actually struggling to think of a time when I wasn't dealing/helping someone with a drama outside of work (inside of work it is a constant as my clients are very vulnerable). Something to consider I think.

Bant Thu 28-Mar-13 11:51:41

Spence - I've been reading your other thread. Sorry mate, I know that's not much comfort but you're obviously going through a shitty situation.

When I split from my STBXW, it took me months to get my head straight - and that was without any affairs or anything, just low level EA and the fact we'd drifted apart. Still, being away from my DC, having to find somewhere else to live, reinvent myself, or maybe rediscover who I used to be, all took time.

I wouldn't rush into dating. Get used to being single again, things are very fresh for you and you're going to end up getting hurt. Friends, however, that's a good choice. There are things like which isn't a dating thing, just events for likeminded people who like similar activities.

Only once you're getting over the shock and stress would it be fair on yourself to meet someone. Dating is a minefield and you don't need more potential anguish on top of what you've gone through.

Winefiend Thu 28-Mar-13 11:52:06

Juliette, yes, absolutely! I'll think 'aww well he's actually being a total knob, but he has issues I can help him work through so I'll give him some extra leeway'


MirandaWest Thu 28-Mar-13 11:54:02

My mum and dad have left. Children have an INSET day so we are sLobbing around a bit which is good.

Seeing Mr Nice tonight and there will be no one else there so we can be naked. This is very good grin.

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 11:57:27

thanks bant i wont be rushing into anything that does sound like the thing id like to try first before going on dates.

48howdidthathappen Thu 28-Mar-13 12:07:01

I can assure you all that there are men out there, that are clean and sexy with stamina. Most importantly isssue free. I have one grin

Rainy Proceed with caution. When I first joined POF I was chatting to a lovely sweet guy. I then spoke to him on the phone, I got the feeling he was booking the church. I ran for the hills.

OWW Have a blast tonight smile

Welcome Spence My father was from up north. Went up there often as a child. I love the accent.

MirandaWest Thu 28-Mar-13 12:09:54

I'm from up North smile Was born up North and lived up North (different sides of Pennines) growing up. Then lived down south for 10 years.

Sadly no trace of a Northern accent sad Just sound boring. Would like a proper accent.

KirstyWirsty Thu 28-Mar-13 12:14:44

wine you should read 'Women who love too much' I found it an eye opener as I was always a rescuer

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 12:20:13

im sure your accent would come back if you ever managed to spend some time up north again miranda

48howdidthathappen Thu 28-Mar-13 12:23:43

Miranda Yay! For nakedness grin

I was a rescuer for over 20 years. Learned my lesson.

I sound like a country bumpkin smile

lubeybooby Thu 28-Mar-13 12:30:45 is ace. I'm going to a do next month of theirs. Dinner, drinks, and then a relaxed sort of gig in a nice place. They do all sorts though, just meeting for lunch or even days out with the kids sometimes. Also cinema, theatre, gigs, local events like carnivals, pub nights, quiz nights, and relevant at the moment, an Easter fair with egg hunt and a load of other stuff going on and then pub later. Some of them have been friends for ages and do things like DVD nights and country walks. Newbies are always really, really welcomed. They are a lovely lot.

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 12:33:47

lubey that sounds just like the thing i will be looking for. I take it they are nationwide?

StellaBrillante Thu 28-Mar-13 12:36:14

Selfish me is back… selfish because I seem to make very little contribution to the thread but bombard you kind people with questions! Sorry, really!
After a number of long and very warm text messages on Friday / Saturday when I was feeling poorly and then an update on their fixture result on Sunday, I didn’t get a reply to my last text (sent on Sunday) until yesterday. A nice update on being busy, how I was, some reference to my last message and a ‘looking forward to seeing you on Friday’. I replied yesterday evening with what I thought was a warm response, saying that I was also looking forward to it and asking if there’s anything in particular he’d like to do (date has been set for two weeks now but no plan). Silence again… Apart from the last time when he asked us to rearrange our date for tomorrow, he’s been true to his word – he says he’s going to give me an update on their result and he does it; he says he’s going to put tickets aside for me and sure enough, he does it; he says he’s going to give us tickets for premiership game and he goes out of his way to personally deliver them (he lives in another town). So on that basis, I should just take it that he’s very busy or trying to play it cool after perhaps being a bit too ‘loving’ on his previous messages and that we are going to go out tomorrow evening. Surely, if you were going to cancel it, you would either not mention it or start making excuses by now, wouldn’t you? Or at the very least, not be all forthcoming with your choice of words (not in a sexual way btw), no? Also, before he only plucked up the courage to ask me out after having consulted a friend of mine to find out what she thought my reaction is going to be – somebody fearing rejection?
I am starting to think that I am being insecure and creating anxiety over nothing?!?!

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 12:51:52

if ive read that correct he is still talking about getting you tickets then i would hope hes just been a bit busy and for you not to worry. I will keep my fingers crossed for you

Movingforward123 Thu 28-Mar-13 12:57:26

I've never heard of is it for meeting new friends instead of dating?

Who goes to these types of things? I really feel I need to meet new people an make new friends, but I feel abit cringy about it for some reason!

Spence Meetup is great, they are nationwide and there is something for everyone. Outdoors stuff, pubs, gigs, arty stuff, guided city walks, everything. I made a new female friend who lives close by, we now meet up for the occasional coffee break. Check out the website.

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 13:05:38

i will have a look over the weekend. Moving forward i think the poster has answered your question there. I know i will need to meet some new people in a relaxed manor before trying dating again. i know what you mean about cringey though

Scrazy Thu 28-Mar-13 13:08:40

I too live out in the sticks in the northwest so no here.

OWW whereabouts are you? PM if you want.

Daddy, you are young, 30 is nothing and lots of women who go out hoping to meet someone would be delighted to meet a 30 year old. Once you have had time to adjust, of course. I really wouldn't bother with dating sites until you have tried other ways. Getting out socialising without the intention of meeting anyone would be a start.

MirandaWest Thu 28-Mar-13 13:15:51

daddyspence I live in Yorkshire now - was born in Yorkshire and then grew up in Liverpool. Have never had a northern accent sad Children seem unlikely to get one either (they sound like me).

Mr Nice is from Essex but has lived up here half his life. He has a hybrid accent grin

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 13:28:51

well without giving too much away im in yorkshire.

Thats sad about having no accent though sad

lubeybooby Thu 28-Mar-13 13:33:22

daddyspence yes there are all sorts of different groups for each area. My fave one for example is called the Leicester social, but there are loads more for leicester and the midlands. I haven't checked out other areas but would have thought they would all have similar things.

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 13:33:34

Scrazy can't seem to pm from my phone for some reason but will do when I get on the computer, probably tomorrow. I wonder if we're neighbours?

daddyspence Thu 28-Mar-13 13:38:26

thanks lubey thats good to know, i will have a look in the yorkshire area for something. Ive been invited on a works night out tomorrow night so that should do me good getting out with people.

Scrazy Thu 28-Mar-13 13:42:49

OWW, I'll pm you.

JoylessFucker Thu 28-Mar-13 15:35:47

Hello lovely thread <waves>

I have been absent for too long, but so much has been going on in my world that I struggled to keep up with reading. But I have been delighted to see the good stuff (Nameless for Snape <huge sigh>, 48 & MrR&R still together despite all the dumping and awful life stress <this one makes me smile sooooo much, I want a MrR&R myself>, fabulous work review for Velvet and the news that the C is still there and still has potential for much loveliness, Miranda's Mr Nice being back) and sad to see the less positive (LM turning out to be a cowardly toe-rag being the prime example, although the good stuff is see OWW rising like a Phoenix from the ashes - wonderfully inspiring stuff).

Not much time in my life for dating, in fact I am currently on no dating sites whatsoever. I still have my little stable of FWBs, with a couple of lurkers coming out of the woodwork in the last week(ish).

I went for my weekend to Devon to meet Harry and I think we'll be great mates. He's quite lovely, but also very affected by the breakup of his previous relationship (my red flag) and he is really looking for a country girl (which I am not). However, he is a sweetie and I am very happy to be his friend and support whilst he navigates the world of dating and he appears to be happy to provide me with a relaxed bolt-hole in rural Devon. So, I am heading down there for the Easter weekend. Its good timing as things on my course have become very distressing and positively surreal, leading to my withdrawal two-thirds of the way through (I promise you that I'm no quitter). It may lead to formal complaints being made but - for now - I am trying to recover my equilibrium and just take care of myself.

I did meet a guy on Reading station when I last travelled to Devon. Very cute and we got chatting whilst I was having a coffee. I never thought he was being anything other than friendly until he asked for my phone number. I gave it, somewhat in shock, expecting all the old dears in the coffee shop to mutter darkly ... instead of which they said "oh what a lovely young man". Well, he turned out to be rather too keen. What many of you have said on this thread, trying to run before we've even started to walk, telling people about "us" (WTF) and planning weekend getaways before we've even had one date. He also really annoyed me by continually going on about my getting anti-biotics (I've been suffering from that lousy coughing virus for weeks now). No matter how many times I told him "its a virus so antibiotics won't work" he just kept on. Even when I said that I'd been to the doctors who'd confirmed this ... He didn't understand that my problem was that he wasn't listening to me. I cannot bear it when someone doesn't pay attention to what I say, especially when I've repeated myself <grumpy old woman emoticon>. So, cute or not, we didn't get off the starting line and he still keeps trying to ring me.

The sofa looks dead comfy at the mo ...

Someone was asking about FWBs and exclusivity. In my view, if someone requires that type of arrangement to be exclusive, its not that type of arrangement. The whole point of being an FWB is that there is no relationship and therefore - in my mind - no exclusivity requirement. I've had an FWB that just happened to be exclusive, but its all too easy to start thinking of them the wrong way (in other words - romantically).

Hello new posters, old posters and lurkers ... hope life calms down and allows me to participate better. Oh ... I'll send some of these envy envy envy to WFF ...

TigsytheTiger Thu 28-Mar-13 15:36:09

I've got a London accent, can get more sarf London depending who I am talking to, but Mr EA is true Yorkshire and his accent makes me laugh, I can't understand him on the phone and I love the way he says summat!!

he is definitely one of life's good'un s! (smile)

JoylessFucker Thu 28-Mar-13 15:57:33

Ah yes, yours is another one that makes me smile and I love the new name

JoylessFucker Thu 28-Mar-13 16:00:39

On the subject of accents, mine is I think what used to be called RP (or BBC English) as I went to a private school (my parents lived overseas, so no poshness involved). My LTR-ex was from Yorkshire but spent most of his childhood in Essex so was more Estuary than Northern. I like an accent ...

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 16:05:09

I have a Southern accent. Kind of a poor person's received pronunciation. Dull. I love accents, even if I struggle to understand what is being said.

A boyfriend a while back had a lovely German accent very sexy blush

Miranda I think you might need some of envyenvy back

OWW I hope tonight is fun, and that LM does turn up at the pub, it would be great for him to see you looking fabulous and that you are moving on.

I am still tired, perhaps I shouldn't stay up all night doing naughty things, still have the hoovering and tidying up to do...and I think last night has set of my appetite for filth and general debauchery. Will have to eat my frustration away!

Lubey, please send any spares to me grin, <greedy emoticon>

I am a member of, camping is my thing, although not much has happened this year due to the weather (WFF shakes fist at the sky) and I have a double sleeping bag, you never know people...wink

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 17:37:28

I am going to have fun tonight no matter what! (Not in a euphemistic sense, of course). I am so out of practice with actual "date" dating that it's going to seem really weird.

He's been texting a bit today, not too much, and nothing risqué either, just a little bit flirty, so we seem to have got that one sorted out. I'm just going to say things straight away now if I don't like them - tactfully or not, depending on the circumstances.

He's texting me more than I'm texting him, which is also good.

Right, time to make tea then will try and make myself look halfway decent. Should have started earlier.

KinNora Thu 28-Mar-13 17:38:34

( Another member of the Buffy Fan Club here ).

I'm so pleased for all of you who are having fun and those meeting potential co-funners. ( hope it goes brilliantly well tonight OWW )

Had a quite charming birthday present earlier, my first PoF cock. Do they think you're going to be overwhelmed by lust at the sight of their measly organ charmingly framed by an Argos polycotton duvet ? Doesn't help that a circumcised penis always puts me in mind of one of those lanky wild mushrooms.

I don't have a particularly broad northern accent but apparently my pronunciation of 'lovely' is a big hit with my patients. ( I can do a full Liam Gallagher if required for comedic purposes, however )

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 17:43:58

Happy birthday Nora!! What a charming offering. (I've still not had one. What's going on?).

KinNora Thu 28-Mar-13 17:44:34

In other news, some unutterable tool on Match who has a moody, half-naked shot as his profile picture and who has a great long list of things he doesn't want in a date, has just winked at me for the second time today. Deluded knobber.

KinNora Thu 28-Mar-13 17:45:44

Thank you.

( it's the first one I've had unless you count Talent Show's shy little bobber )

Happy Birthday Nora grin have some birthday thanks and wine to erase that image from your mind. Why do they always have really horrid sheets? as if.

Western I have never had one on POF either. Clearly my Death Stare reaches beyond RL. I do just get knobbers and chancers though, only one so far who isn't.

KinNora Thu 28-Mar-13 17:53:12

Thank you Juliette I'm going to have wine wine wine wine and chips and chocolate and a funny film.

This particular penis was preceded by a bunch of nasty purple flowers - good lord, sir, you spoil me with your chivalric gestures !

Purple flowers followed by purple mushroom, ewwww!

Winefiend Thu 28-Mar-13 18:11:28

Happy birthday Nora! What a delightful gift that is. On the subject of circumcised penises, I encountered my first one this weekend.

I got a message from pof man (I use that word loosely). 'I'm not free till Sunday night....but I'm sure you'll be busy x' (rarely puts kisses on things). Wtf?

I'm off out again this eve anyway, hoping to be very well behaved grin

And good luck Oww! I'm impressed with the speed at which you've jumped back into dating. LM who?

Ok what is the collective wisdom on dating a policeman? Not the Met.

Scrazy Thu 28-Mar-13 18:27:21

I carn't stand horrid sheets. Happy birthday Nora.

Re the whole fwb thing. Everyone to their own but I find that sort of arrangement somewhat demoralizing. It's probably best that you carry on without mentioning other people. I think some of us have said that if a fwb mentions another woman they are chasing they then become history, so it's all spurious or maybe I've just got soft in my old age.

KinNora Thu 28-Mar-13 18:29:16

Thank you Wine. I must say I've never had non-professional dealings with a circumcised man.

Juliette , I reckon proceed with caution. ( Some ) dibble are knobbers. I did handle a very nice, very pleasantly filled out, firearms officer at work this week though - mmmmm

mercury7 Thu 28-Mar-13 18:34:25

re fwb- I think that by definition there is no expectation of exclusivity.

I ended an fwb set up when the bloke wanted me to listen to his woes about another woman he was interested in.
He texted asking if he could come over because he needed someone to talk to, when he told me (via text) what it was about I was furious and stabbed the kitchen table with the knife I happened to be using.

Not furious that there was another woman ( I was also seeing other men) just furious that he thought I'd want to know about it.
Maybe thats irrational? and I'm not claiming that fwb is easy to manage.

Lucky for him he wasnt in my kitchen!

Winefiend Thu 28-Mar-13 18:35:26

I have a bit of a thing about coppers grin no hands on experience of one mind.

Hmm yeah Nora I was a little bit like. 'Oh, now what do I do with this then?' Took me by surprise a little.

VelvetSpoon Thu 28-Mar-13 18:43:35

Firearms officers are lovely - well I know one that is. Generally policeman are all knobbers though (with particular ref to the one I went on a date with last year)

Happy birthday kin smile hope, aside from the cock shot, its a good one!

Coming from Essex, I speak as you'd expect. Though I was considered posh at my school because I didn't drop my aitches or say ain't!

Mercury that would really annoy me to. Why some men think this is ok I really don't know. It is a particular habit of some at the beginning of a relationship, I have no idea if they think it impresses because it certainly does not.

What do I look out for in particular with policemen?

I do like a circumcised penis.

Velvet was it you who met the policeman who wanted sex or sent something horrid after the date?

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 18:50:21

Teeth man was a policeman. He was weird, I felt he was a softy underneath is all, but with a hard shell. He came across a slightly cruel in his sense of humour, and asked a lot of questions needed to be reminded that I wasn't being interrogated!

KinNora Thu 28-Mar-13 18:54:56

Thank you Velvet .

Juliette everyone I know who's married a policeman, is now no longer married to one, there have been issues with alcoholism and infidelity in all cases.

(Also idly wondering what's good about a circumcised penis)

And thank you, everyone, I was feeling a bit miserable, you've cheered me up flowers

VelvetSpoon Thu 28-Mar-13 18:57:54

The one I went on a date with commented after we'd been kissing that I was 'good with my mouth' (ewwww) and that he looked forward to putting it to use elsewhere (double ewww).

Up to that point he'd been quite normal.

Never heard from him again (of course!) so didnt get to see whether he actually was a creep or just a bit cringily over keen.

mercury7 Thu 28-Mar-13 19:04:19

I had a brief thing with a copper...he suggested outdoor sex in the middle of winter, I went off him pretty quick grin

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 19:05:36

KinNora wine Happy Birthday! (You don't look a day over 21)grin

Teeth was a little creepy, after the knock back, he sent some 'questionable' photos and messaged me some rather disturbing information about his thoughts on me and what he would have liked to do ewww a thousand times

But of course that is just him. He did work for the Met though.

48howdidthathappen Thu 28-Mar-13 19:16:41

Thankyou Joy flowers Mr R&R does bring lots of much needed happiness into my life. I would love a bolt hole in Devon. I am a clean living country gal hmm

Happy Birthday Kin Plenty of wine will erase the gruesome memory of poor bedding choice wine

Await your update OWW grin

48howdidthathappen Thu 28-Mar-13 19:19:18

Oh yes. I know a very sexy policeman. He does like to put it about though.

Snapespeare Thu 28-Mar-13 19:25:10

Hello joyless!

Happy happy birthday kin!

<waves at thread> too much to catch up on! General vibes for successful dates and squishy-hugs for those annoyed by ineffectual internet dating.

Oh, and hello new folk!

TigsytheTiger Thu 28-Mar-13 19:27:34

Hey joyless! and happy birthday kin grin

OWW all dressed up and ready to go??

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 19:32:45

Snape still having movie sex? Here girl have some of these: envyenvyenvy


OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 19:34:51

On second outfit - cant make up my mind. Dd is desperate to find out who I'm going out with. Going to get changed back again!

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 19:51:20

It anyone on Match? If so, go have a look at Mr Rhombus (one word). He lives too far away from me, but he winked at me <preens and drools>

Is anyone in that neck of the woods? I'd hate to see him go to waste.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 19:51:46

typos: '*Is*'

Winefiend Thu 28-Mar-13 20:01:01

I've got to say, I wasn't mega keen on the circumcised penis. Shaved pubic hair as well. Unusual one for me.

48 could you please send your sexy policeman to South Yorks? grin

AndLibbyMakesThree Thu 28-Mar-13 20:12:43

Happy Birthday Kin!

OWW, I can't wait to hear how you get on with Mr Veggie. (I'm a veggie, and my ex's favourite food was rare steak. It was never going to last...)

Kin circumcised is cleaner, never anything gruesome revealed when ready for action. Also I find (TMI alert) that clean cut does usually does more for me with PIV. Of far more importance though is who it's attached to, I actually just like whatever is on offer from the man I'm with grin.

Snapespeare Thu 28-Mar-13 20:23:04

wff... I don't like to boast about my sex life.hmm

That said... blush

It isn't the filthiest, most immediate button-pressing sex I've ever had. It's by far,the most gentle and tender. At the risk of far too much information, he whispered that he would very slowly fuck me (not the exact words, you get my jist) and then he did and the combination of the words and the action made me splurt like a traction engine. blush he talks about sex being better when you 'have a connection' which I translate as 'I love you, never leave me, let's do this always' (that might be a bit too much richard Curtising on my behalf tho')

He's a goddamn sex god.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 20:27:22

Oh Snape you need some more of these envyenvyenvy

It's nice to know you are so happy and may it only get better and better.


Scrazy Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:05

Is everyone off for the bank holidays. I was so much looking forward to having a few wine tonight but have the most retched cold and have a beechams to look forward to instead.

Dating wise, I will suggest meeting up for a first date when I feel better and I might have agreed to meet someone else for a quick drink and catch up over the weekend.

Snape I love Nameless, does he have a big brother? grin

JoylessFucker Thu 28-Mar-13 20:39:56

Nora, a very happy birthday to you wine flowers wine. What an auspicious day to get your first cock pick grin

Whilst we're on the subject, I prefer circumcised for the reasons Juliette mentions. I must admit that I do prefer the look ... not much for the saggy sock look personally.

OWW, am grin at your DD being nosy and wish you much fun tonight (of the non-euphemistic sort).

Scrazy, sorry to hear about your rotten cold. Wine is hopeless in the circs, but do you have any whisky or brandy? Nothing like a hot toddy for a cold. Add a bit of lemon, honey or fresh ginger to it if you have it.

As for Snape's fabulous sex envy envy envy

Scrazy Thu 28-Mar-13 20:46:13

Joyless, only alcohol I have is wine. Am having a hot lemon and an early night.

Foreskin off for me preferably but I don't mind either way would be nice atm.

WFF I've PM'd you

VelvetSpoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:49:21

Western, hope the date is going well, will try and pop back later for an update smile

Scrazy hope you feel better soon. As Joy suggests (nice to see you back Joy, btw!) hot toddy is v much the best thing for it.

Am still waiting for my friends who haven't given me any idea when they are getting here hmm. Was shopping after work, have cleaned downstairs, still need to give bathroom a once over and make up spare beds. Would rather go and have a lie down!

Scrazy Thu 28-Mar-13 21:01:57

Hope you have a good time tonight when they arrive, Velvet.

DD has popped to the shops to get me a miniature whiskey for a hot toddy, thanks for the tip. I haven't had a cold like this for years.

Looking forward to an update from OWW.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 21:04:03

Scrazy the whiskey will help. And yeah we are all waiting with everything crossed for OWW to have a good time

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 28-Mar-13 21:05:38

Check your inbox Jules

Scrazy Thu 28-Mar-13 21:16:01

Damn no miniatures, will have to get half a bottle instead grin, that will help me sleep.

KinNora Thu 28-Mar-13 21:37:28

Scrazy add booze and honey to your Beechams - works like a charm.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes, I'm now a teensy bit drunk, also weeping with envy at Snape ( not really, you deserve it ).

I hope OWW's having a fabulous time.

OhWesternWind Thu 28-Mar-13 21:50:11


Have snogged him

ChooChooLaverne Thu 28-Mar-13 21:59:16

Yay for OWW!