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What puts you off a man's dating profile?

(52 Posts)
StuffezLaBouche Fri 15-Mar-13 23:21:58

Been doing a lot of scouting about on Match (getting my bloody money's worth!!) and noticed there are certain things that either irritate me on a superficial level, or fundamentally piss me off. These include, but are in no way limited to:

Men who have kids but specify their potential date should have none.

The men who preface their profile with "no offence but I'm not into bigger ladies"

Men who are stunning, wink at you, but live 300 miles away

Men who are determined to sound more intelligent than they are, so word their profiles in a very pompous, irritating way. "Alas, ladies, I have to yet master the skill of...." Etc.

Any online daters care to share their thoughts? Am I being stupid? I have massive body hang ups so the second someone shows an interest in me I assume they're piss taking or similar.

GW297 Fri 15-Mar-13 23:29:17

I've not found any of those, except perhaps the men who wink and view your profile who live miles away! I hate it when they have a photo with their ex girlfriend/wife cropped out, when they have photos of them and loads of mates, when they look like a completely different person in every photo... Also when they don't have a photo - why would you do that?! I've found that there are a lot of frogs on there and loads of profiles are littered with spelling mistakes - no excuse! I also hate it when you get the impression that the guy has winked at and emailed virtually everyone. And when they are 52 and want someone max age 21 - yuck.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 15-Mar-13 23:29:55

It's not so much profiles that bother me, but I definately don't like men who chat using their mobile phones instead of their computer - and men who disappear for the week-end? I mean, where are they? And why do they talk to me all week online and then disappear at the week-end. Only to surface again on Monday????

StuffezLaBouche Fri 15-Mar-13 23:32:01

Ha! You have both summed it up so much better than me. The photo thing -YES!
The disappearing thing! YES!
(I've winked at a nice one tonight... Hope he responds!)

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 15-Mar-13 23:46:51

Something else i find really strange are the ones who say they are looking for a relationship but never come off the website and are still there a year later - I mean, they're just dating one woman after another - thats not looking for a relationship. Plus, what do they get out of doing that anyway.

Darkesteyes Fri 15-Mar-13 23:58:59

If hes a Tory.

sar1133 Sat 16-Mar-13 00:07:48

I used to online date and yes I agree with all the above posts! And did the op live in the same area as me I wonder as I've seen all them profiles too ha ha!

EllaFitzgerald Sat 16-Mar-13 00:09:09

In my Internet dating days, I found that anyone who talked about how honest or genuine they were normally turned out to be massive lying rat bags!

StuffezLaBouche Sat 16-Mar-13 00:17:37

Sar, if you're East Midlands or north east, we could possibly have been looking at the same profiles...
Ella, ugh, really? This is a minefield!

EllaFitzgerald Sat 16-Mar-13 00:48:59

Stuffez, it's not all bad. I met DH on line and I've never been happier or in a healthier relationship.

As well as the honest/genuine thing, if anyone spends ages blowing smoke up your bottom, telling you how amazing you are, how they can see you and them together and how they can't wait to see you again, then it's almost guaranteed you won't make it to a third date!

LittleEdie Sat 16-Mar-13 01:00:59

If they look a bit skanky. And what's with the fact that every nearly every man seems to describe himself as 'laid back'.

Greatscotty Sat 16-Mar-13 07:23:52

Men who took a photo of themselves on their phone, in the bathroom.

Then there are those who patently do NOT read YOUR profile before messaging and end said message with a x (yuk)

Those who are clearly touting their business via the site.

Those who bang on about how fucking interesting and active their lives are - so why are you on a dating website then?

I could go on…….

normaleggy Sat 16-Mar-13 07:37:53

I know this sounds fussy but anyone who uses 'lol' repeatedly in their profile is a no no for me.

Greatscotty Sat 16-Mar-13 07:40:08

Not fussy. I hate it too.

I also hate the carpet bombing profiles which begin "Hi ladies.."

normaleggy Sat 16-Mar-13 07:57:24

The ones who put close up pictures of their hideous tattoos.

Or pose in the mirror wearing a vest top. No man ever looked good in a vest.

Or a picture of themselves necking a beer.

GW297 Sat 16-Mar-13 08:19:27

Yes the ones who take photos of themselves on their phones especially topless in the bathroom!

Mrsgorgeous Sat 16-Mar-13 08:19:28

I am a moderator on one of these sites and there are things to look out for ....

Scammers often write lists to describe themselves.

They often write Hope to READ back from you in messages

Ask for your email or to go straight to chat on yahoo

Say they are not on the site regularly so email or phone is a better means of contact and yet are logged in constantly.

A little bit of common sense is needed! Does their grammar match their profile?

Like most things, if they appear to be too good to be true, then they are probably fake!

Diagonally Sat 16-Mar-13 08:51:49

My only criteria was to avoid poor spelling, poor grammar and text speak. In my area that seemed to eliminate around 95% of profiles.

The weekend 'disappearers' are married / attached I would assume!

shrimponastick Sat 16-Mar-13 08:58:10

I agree with diagonally

Spelling and grammar did it for me.

There are some who can't commit to a 'date', yet are happy to email, msn, text etc. Married or scared?

However, I met my lovely DH on Match. He can spell. He also turned up for the first date smile

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 16-Mar-13 09:00:53

Bad spelling.

J2Oforxmas Sat 16-Mar-13 09:38:58

Men who mention their ex, men who say how much they've been hurt in the past, photos of their cars/gardens/pets/tattoos........

oopsadaisymaisy Sat 16-Mar-13 12:12:34

Ella, what's that all about, those men who are all over you like a rash then nothing! I view myself as reasonably intelligent but I cannot get my head round that one.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 16-Mar-13 12:22:36

I would like to point out that poor grammar and spelling can be due to dyslexia. I know a lovely man. Highly intelligent, very funny and extremely talented who is regularly rejected by women on dating sites because of his difficulties with the written word.sad

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 16-Mar-13 12:37:16

When they put a searching for age from 18 years upwards.
(If they are my age I find that a bit creepy.)

When they put a limit on age that is about 10 years younger than them.
(So anyone your own age is past it?)

When the only smart photo of them is in their Morning dress for their wedding. I also would go a bit "meh..." about action shots of them climbing or whatever, pouty black and white shots (god forbid staring off into the distance in a turtleneck) or any shots where they are trying to show physical prowess (topless stomach shots - it's NOT Gaydar fcs!)

The career brag....spent all my time devoted to my career that I didn't give any time to finding a life partner. (Never stopped Richard Branson or Donald Trump did it?) I'd prefer someone to say - look, I was young, didn't want to settle, played the field a bit.

YY to body shape with th apologetic - I've got nothing against cuddly ladies, but with my iron man lifestyle I would expect someone of an athletic build.

Any bullshit basically.

And classing people by Radio demographics "I'm more R4 than R1.... Blah blah" ughhhh.

I helped set up a profile for a mate when I was back in the UK, and I have to say the majority of men on this particular one kind of boiled my p*ss....

Kernowgal Sat 16-Mar-13 13:37:17

"I like staying in with a bottle of wine and a DVD as much as going out to the pub"
"I like the countryside"
"I like going for long walks"

Meh meh meh!

I gave up as all the blokes local to me seemed to enjoy posing on their car bonnets with a fag in their hand. NFM.

Starting with a quote from a philosopher/indie band lyric/Jeremy Clarkson is an instant turnoff. And anything where they say they've been badly hurt in the past and you'd better not be a bunny boiler yada yada yada.

Estherbelle Sat 16-Mar-13 13:54:19

I eventually met my gorgeous DP on Match.com (in the East Midlands, so there is hope StuffezLaBouche!) but like you, I had to do my fair share of scouting around before I found him.

My pet hates were:

* Men posing with their flash cars in their pictures (show off!)
* Profiles which begin: "I don't really know what to say about myself" (bore off!)
* Profiles of the "1971 vintage, one careless owner" variety (I don't want to know about your ex!)
* Profiles which go on about "snuggling up on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a DVD" I mean, doesn't EVERYONE like to do that, what does it tell me about you??!
* Bad spelling/grammar (I'm a writer, so that was pretty much a deal breaker for me)
* And why is it that 90% of men claim that 1984 is their favourite book? I bet half on them haven't even read it, it's just a "credible" book to mention.

There was one man whom I was speaking to for ages. He seemed like such a catch - great career as an architect, same hobbies as me, handsome, owned his own 4 bedroom house, single, claimed he wanted a LTR (I knew all this to be true, because it turns out that he knew a friend of a friend) used to send me epic emails thousands of words long...when I suggested meeting up, he suddenly had to go and work on a project 200 miles away. Initially for a week, he said, but 10 weeks went by and he was still up there...allegedly. Eventually I gave up and went on a date with the man who is now my DP. 2 years later we're still together and really happy. One of my friend is on Match and according to her Mr Elusive is still on Match and logs on every day, so who knows what he wants??!

StuffezLaBouche Sat 16-Mar-13 14:17:25

Congratulations for finding a decent one, Estherbelle, and anyone else who has managed too. I did smile at these posts - some of them rung massive bells with what I've found too!
Another thing that gets me is men or wink or email me, when I clearly listed my body type as 'big and beautiful' (ha) but they specify they are looking for women who are "athletic and toned." How can I possibly email back? I can't exactly say, by the way you do realise I'm massive!?

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 14:25:35

I do wonder about "Men who have kids but specify their potential date should have none."

If a woman has no children then she either:
1 - wants children (so will want them with him, if things work out)
2 - does not want kids (so probably doesn't want to be a stepmother either)

Which of these situations is the man hoping for?

StuffezLaBouche Sat 16-Mar-13 14:29:46

Who knows Trills, but perhaps it's a case of a bloke wanting a bit too much on his terms? As a woman in late twenties who does not want kids, finding a nice, single childless man is quite a challenge.

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 14:31:28

I would guess that the men who put down that specification are not really thinking and are just saying that they don't want the women they date to have any commitments that would stop them from being available whenever the man wants.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 16-Mar-13 14:45:44

Yes. Exactly that!

Nellymay Sat 16-Mar-13 14:51:42

who say they are lonely - they'll always be sad and lonely - woman or no woman
Who say they have come out of a bad relationship - its up to them to sort that out, its their business.

who are a bit too airy fairy - write their profile as if it is a poem - ye-uck!

kinky ones

Kernowgal Sat 16-Mar-13 17:02:05

"I am a deep thinker and enjoy moments of contemplation"

= I will sulk and give you the silent treatment if you won't let me watch MOTD

LesserOfTwoWeevils Sat 16-Mar-13 17:34:19

"staring off into the distance in a turtleneck" grin

"all the blokes local to me seemed to enjoy posing on their car bonnets with a fag in their hand." grin

merrymonsters Sat 16-Mar-13 17:44:24

One of our neighbours has a couple of expensive sports cars. One day one of the cars was parked in the street and DH saw a man (not our neighbour) having a photo taken with the car. So it might not even be their car in the picture.

Kernowgal Sat 16-Mar-13 18:26:02

This one was a bashed-up pink Honda Civic. It was definitely his wink

It's the "easy going" one that annoys me. Well, you're hardly going to write that you're a psycho or you insist on your ties being perfectly aligned on the hanger, are you?

I also struggle with the ones who will likely follow you around like a puppy: their profiles are full of cheesy shite that will engage any self-respecting woman's gag reflex.

And the ones that really love themselves are just hilarious. I want to give them a pat on the back and say "yes dear, well done".

sensesworkingovertime Sat 16-Mar-13 18:33:15

Narcissistic ones.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 16-Mar-13 18:37:52

I used to do a lot of online dating.

Big red flags for me were negativity of any sort (saying what they don't want rather than what they do) and any sexual innuendo in profiles or email.

Loulybelle Sat 16-Mar-13 20:01:04

Ugh, i've been on sites, i always seem to find the pervy dickheads.
They home in on me. Dont do it anymore, i attract wrong uns.

But, its the negative crap that i dont like, i mean jeez, cheer the fuck up.

Babe...makes me shudder..

Actually...I'm gonna take a look now as I'm soooooo bored sad

Loulybelle Sat 16-Mar-13 20:40:50

Describe yourself is another cringeworthy one......Well, im green, i have 2 heads, 1 huge tit, a fanjo big enough to fit a jumbo jet, no feet, lobster claws, and a face that makes the dead wake up and die again.

Cailinsalach Sat 16-Mar-13 20:47:54

I have never done the on line dating but regularly read Soulmates in the Guardian.Some guy describing himself as an Irish feminist has advertised for months. So not a lucky feminist then. Another guy admits to having a lovely home in Devon. I so want to contact him and ask for more details about his property

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 16-Mar-13 21:04:14

smile @ Loulybelle grin

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 16-Mar-13 21:28:39

Louley if we all club together for the membership will you set up the exact profile you've written below?

I would bloody love to see who replied to that one.

Do the green card mob still haunt these dating sites. My mate got shed loads of West Africans possibly coming to the end of their visa.

Loulybelle Sat 16-Mar-13 21:36:49

Wally, i would too, i wonder if my POF profile is active.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 16-Mar-13 21:39:02

Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaasssse????

<<flutters eyelashes and clasps hands>>

Loulybelle Sat 16-Mar-13 21:41:55

<desperately goes to find out>

Loulybelle Sat 16-Mar-13 21:43:12

oh bugger it.......

meddie Sat 16-Mar-13 21:49:20

text speak and over lolling infact putting LOL once is enough

Posing next to a flash car or bike? WHY? I,m not looking to date your vehicle and if you think I will be impressed by your flash car then no actually, I am put off by the fact you think so little of yourself that you need to put your car in the photograph.

Any signs of bigotry, misogyny or racism

Woe is me profiles.... boo hoo I,ve had no luck, fed up being lonely.

Profile names like 'unluckyinlove' lonelyheart' desperatesingleton' It makes you come across as pathetic and needy.

profile names that are overtly sexual. 'biggusdickus' 'bangyouhard' etc etc

Anyone who describes themselves as a 'bit crazy' ' a bit of a nutter' usually anything but.

Alittlestranger Sat 16-Mar-13 21:58:16

Err Greatscotty, my life is interesting and active and I'm on a dating site. Interesting and active doesn't automatically equate with "and also meeting lots of single people and having lots of sex".

And smugmarried, it's perfectly possible to be genuine and on a site long-term, not everyone settles.

Anyway, I dislike people who specify honest, no baggage, sane etc.

Men who specify a max cut off age which is younger than their's.

People who begin "I don't know how to start". Really, are you that inept? Do these people walk up to people in real life and mumble "I don't know how to start a conversation".

There are plenty of other things that will put me off, but that's more about the person clearly not being right for me rather than a poorly written profile per se.

Loulybelle Sat 16-Mar-13 21:58:18

I kinda just prefer honesty, honesty and openness is a much more appealing character trait.

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