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Dating thread no 45

(1000 Posts)

Online and real life dating chat, all welcome

OhWesternWind Fri 08-Mar-13 22:03:50

Thread 45 already! These threads are whizzing by at the moment.

Here's hoping this one is full of good times and happiness for all of us.

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:05:47

Yes, Ike, how long has it been? You sound down atm and I guess the holiday he is on is part of this. They will be back soon and you will feel better, think of it as a milestone.

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Mar-13 22:08:49

well done Juliette

Ike following on from the last thread, I do get the being in shock still bit, and sometimes it just hits you out of the blue. I thought I had the perfect marriage, people called us the "model" couple. He was controlling but it felt safe and protected. I was on a pedestal, until literally one day he decided he didn't want me anymore and I became a piece of shit he had stepped in and then the physical stuff which he had contained, bar 3 or 4 episodes in 9 years, all came to a head, then I found out about the cheating. I was in shock, my family and friends were all in shock.

Even though I have met Mr EA, and he is a star and I love him to bits, I do still wake up sometimes and think, how did this all happen? If you would have told me this was my life now, 12 months ago, I would have laughed at the absurdity of it!

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 22:14:02

Yes indeed ..I feel I am livinga parallel life to the one I had for 16 years. Every single day I wake up slightly confused...and the realise THIS is reality.

Pom so good to hear you happy grin

Ike 5 years, wtaf. With it all coming out after, it must be like death by a thousand cuts and feel like your whole world was turned upside down and then some. You are so much better than him. It will get better sometime, but he did a number on you recently with the vindictive nonsense about your parenting and no co-incidence he did that right before jetting off on his sham holiday. And sham it will be, whatever anyone else around him kids themselves. Cock.

VelvetSpoon Fri 08-Mar-13 22:15:56

Just catching up with the last thread, went to post and it was already full up!!

pomegranate glad everything's going so well for you! many congrats on the new job smile

The whole thing with Cuthbert actually causes me much less anguish than any of my other OD experiences. I suppose because what always happened before - and hence was always my fear - was of them disappearing. just cutting contact, vanishing, whatever. It happened with every bloke I met (barring 3 who I dumped first), like bloody Groundhog Day over and over again! But C hasn't done that, and I don't think he ever will. That was my biggest fear. It irks me a little that he doesn't text more, but I don't have the horrible horrible gut-wrenching fear I ALWAYS had before of being ignored, of not getting a reply. And that's such a big thing.

BUT ultimately I do want a boyfriend, a relationship, someone to do things with. I can't say if C will be that person, I hope so, but I don't know yet. Time will tell. And if he isn't, he isn't, I guess. It will be disappointing but not the end of the world.

ike I think if you've had a long relationship that was mostly great, sometimes good, and never worse than ok (if that makes sense), it must be so hard to be without that, and to feel not just a sense of loss, but shock too.

My only longterm relationship was with the Evil Ex, together 8 years, and miserable for almost all of it. The first 3 months were a cloud of lust, another year was ok-ish but far from great, and the remaining time was truly shit. I would often wish I could just wake up one morning and he'd have disappeared.

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:21:17

sad, it's a horrible feeling isn't it? Only time will stop that feeling. Someone new might help but not always ime.

I feel like this now after being alone for many years. It's not the being alone that makes you feel this way, it's the loss of someone you hoped you had a future with. Once the feelings leave for that person, then you don't have anything to mourn and even if you don't find someone else there is peace once more.

OhWesternWind Fri 08-Mar-13 22:22:16

What a horrible feeling Ike. I sometimes wake up in this house, in this new life and it feels so strange. Not what I'd planned on doing at this age. The worst thing is the anchorless feeling I get sometimes, don't know how to describe it, but it's all to do with feeling like my life was just suddenly uprooted and could never be the same again, and I've not managed to get back the feeling of security and belonging that I used to have.

BUT what I have now, by myself, has to be better than living a horrible lie with someone else. The other stuff will come in time.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 22:24:02

Yep and Yep. Well ..y'know life is very different now and strangely the same. Same house, same neighbours..blah, blah just a bit lonelier and without purpose...oh but with the reminder that OTHER people are having very exciting happenings..I'll be ok . It will just take a long time to percolate I guess. But thanks for listening.

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:24:23

Velvet, sorry for double posting but your real fear was rejection, because it had happened before, so C didn't reject you which is what you needed. Any contact from him is fine for you for the moment but you will one day get fed up accepting crumbs and realise that actually you are worth the whole loaf which you are.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 22:26:24

Thank you lovely people can feel like a freak but, in my case, badly, pretend to be ok

EternalRose Fri 08-Mar-13 22:28:00

That's a lovely update pomegranate, very happy for you. smile

OhWesternWind Fri 08-Mar-13 22:28:03

Velvet you are worth the whole bloody bakery ...

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:29:09

Ike, honestly it really does take time to get over someone. Gawd I've been through the mill and the only reason I am feeling horrible atm is down to the ex who was the only man I had had feelings for for years.

I won't always feel this way even if I don't meet anyone else who I feel the same way about.

VelvetSpoon Fri 08-Mar-13 22:34:53

Scrazy I actually wouldn't call it just crumbs, that suggests I'm putting up with something which isn't good enough, or that C's making a mug out of me or not that into me or whatever. And I don't think that's the case at all.

If C and I get to the stage where this is going to be a relationship, then I would want and expect more, in terms of texting, and how often we see each other. But we're not there yet, we have only been on 6 dates after all.

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:36:14

I am really missing him again tonight after thinking I was getting over it. It's either him or it could be the fags which I have given up this week again, as well as being on the 5 to 2 diet. As it's not a 2 day I am drinking some lovely red wine, well you have to have something. grin

I also cut my own hair, made a bit of a mess of it but it was getting too long for a woman of my age so must look better.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 22:38:59

Scrazy I am sure you are right, just thought I would explain the circs behind my opinions because they are unusual.

SoSweetAndSoCold Fri 08-Mar-13 22:41:20

Delurking to say that I know exactly how you feel Ike. Was in, what I thought, was a mainly happy, solid, supportive relationship for 20 years with my ex, who then left me so he could spread his love amongst younger women.

I still have that feeling of shock, not quite 'getting it'. I know we weren't perfect by any means, but I genuinely thought that our bond would carry us through difficult times and that we would be together 'until death did us part'. It's been a few years since the split and I still don't feel comfortable with my new life. I feel actually physically uncomfortable the whole time, I can't get warm and cosy on the sofa or in bed, about the only time I feel physical ease is if I have a bath. It's horrible and I wish I could just get over it and move on.

Sorry, slightly self indulgent rant there, but what you've been writing really touched me, so just wanted to send some hugs <if that's allowed from a lurker!>.

PS I love Snape and Nameless grin.

<hides again>

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:43:57

No Velvet, I didn't say you were being a mug, you said because he wanted to keep in touch you were happy with him setting the pace which is fine if you are happy with his pace. I started seeing the recent ex about once every few months and was perfectly OK with it at that time, then look what happened.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 22:45:07

You have described the feeling very well sosweet is like disassociation with your life... you know you are alive, things are happening around you, you are participating but somehow its not real.

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:47:10

Sosweet, how long had it been?

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:49:41

They say it takes around 5 years to completely get over a breakup. This relates to a LTR or even a shorter one which has involved intense feelings, maybe a birth of a child.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 22:55:40

Yep I can believe that Scrazy .. I reckon 5 years will be about the mark for me. I had to take a year out of college because I could not carry on at the pace I was going weighed down by my emotions ... I had to feel them and experience them again without jeoprdising my course.

VelvetSpoon Fri 08-Mar-13 22:56:02

I'm happy to go along for now with the texting, but I've never said I was happy to only see C every few months, I'm certainly not, we were trying to see each other once a week, and when I next see him I will be saying that (if this is going to head towards being a relationship, which is what I hope) we need to be more creative with our time, as we can't both be free every Friday, so we need to work out other days and ways we can meet instead.

In terms of getting over a breakup, I suppose it depends on who ended it, and on what terms...I never loved the Evil Ex, and given how he treated me, I was over the whole thing long before it ended. I can understand though that if you were happy, and in love, it must take many years properly to recover from, even if it ends badly.

SoSweetAndSoCold Fri 08-Mar-13 22:57:48

Yes to the disassociation. I find myself having benign, 'friendly' chats with the ex as we pick up / drop off the DC and it all feels quite normal, and emotionally uninvolved, like talking to a colleague or something, and then when I find myself alone I just can't understand how we are in this situation, and the internal version of me is still screaming and throwing dishes. I've actually recently started counselling to see if it can help me really understand what happened, to properly internalise it. It's weird because I don't want him back, don't love him now, but still grieve for what should have been. Actually it's not weird at all, probably quite normal.

It's been 2 years Scrazy, and I can fully see that 5 years until a full recovery is probably on the cards. Ugh.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:02:30

I wouldnt say we were 'in love'...but I loved my exH truly and deeply like a brother, a father and a son...but at the end and for many years not as a lover. TR I would only ever be able to see as a lover. I would rather lose the lover than the rest.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:04:47

Yep cannot have back what was... I suppose we can hope for clarity and a bit of peace and hopefully love too at some point?

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:06:05

But we were very much in love at the beginning..absolutely.. I fell in love with him at fisrt sight...~(hmm)

mercury7 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:22:09

<on the sofa...taking some time out>

Ike (((hugs)))

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:24:36

Dont blame you Merc...i would like to say I am joining you from fatigue..but it is actually because it appears nature has de-selected me.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:25:36

Thanks Jules...

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 23:27:16

Group ((hugs))

SoSweetAndSoCold Fri 08-Mar-13 23:27:24

Totally the same here Ike, not necessarily love at first sight, but just the awareness that something very significant had just happened, fell totally in love very quickly, but the relationship for many years missed that 'lover' element, but contained that very deep bond that I considered vastly more important, but which he did not. I hope you find peace (and love) again. I just cannot imagine it again for myself (although hope for it clearly!), but I have lost faith in relationships, and in my own ability to be in a decent relationship. That's the problem when it ends, you look back and somehow all the stuff that you'd previously thought was the bedrock of your life is just devalued and crumbles into worthless shit. So I no longer have any idea what a 'good relationship' even is. Gawd. sad.

SoSweetAndSoCold Fri 08-Mar-13 23:30:58

Oh dear, can I nominate myself for the award for 'The Most Depressing De-lurk of 2013' grin

I'll lurk once more until ready to jump into the world of dating <in about 15 years time>

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:35:05

Yep ... I see that SoSweet... it is wondering what the 'essence' of a good relationship actually is... is it great sex, friendship, support, affection, mutual interests, shared purpose....and if you do find that, how do you keep it going? Why is that person 'worth' the investment?

I suppose I know I can survive alone... I am ok... I havent gone mad..become an alcoholic, sex addict blah anyone that enhances that base level has got to be of interest I guess..

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:36:44

Dont worry so sweet, I like to surprise everyone with my depressing missives now and again ...just incase they think I am too flaky...

Scrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 23:36:48

So sweet, I hand the prize to you.

However, both Ike's and your back story seems to be indicating that a certain passion was lacking from the start so lessons to take forward. The spark has to be there along with everything else, god it's hard, it's a needle in a haystack that OD maybe won't find. Although it does for some so....

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:41:02

Oh no plently of passion at the start Scrazy...but it is hard to keep it doin over the years... that's the problem...I thought my exH was the most beautiful man EVER..

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:41:29

plenty ...goin

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:45:55

How do you continue to see your partner as a lover over many years? How do you prevent the relationship from becoming that of friendship or brother/sister...especially when you meet at a young age. I dunno.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:48:59

I am often tempted to think that as a species we are not supposed to be monogamous ...we should all live in a big pack and pick salt out of each other's flanks all day long probably. Whose gonna be the Silverback of the OD pack eh?

SoSweetAndSoCold Fri 08-Mar-13 23:49:42

Plenty of passion but it definitely fizzled after the first 3 or 4 years. But I just don't know how you would keep that initial frantic phase going over a 10 or 20 year relationship. Definitely a lesson learnt though, that 'just' being best friends isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

lubeybooby Fri 08-Mar-13 23:51:55

oh here you are! grin <placemark>

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:55:11

No... which is why what I am hoping for is a relationship with someone who is decent that I can meet up with a few times a week for a laugh and fun <maybe sex> and who will pat my back when I cry. That's all

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 23:55:57

Lubes You missed my moaning!

mercury7 Sat 09-Mar-13 00:01:05

the essense??
I've no idea..cant think of anything, be it profound or pithy
i'm feeling mostly melancholic tonight

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 00:02:40

Oh no Merc... wassup?

BillMasen Sat 09-Mar-13 00:04:07

Hi all. My little girl is up coughing and so I'm up too! She sounds quite bad and I just can't relax so I think it'll be a bit of a long night.

I'll echo what's being said about life feeling odd. I have times of being really annoyed that at my age I'm back where is was 15 years ago, living on my own in a little house. I miss my kids and never wanted to be a weekend dad and none of this is what I'd have chosen.

Scrazy Sat 09-Mar-13 00:04:20

Ike, this was my experience with my first love, my second love (husband) but subsequently I have had men who I know I would have had the lasting passion with for ever. It's new and with experience you know the difference. Shame they didn't recognise it, they might be miserable now.

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 00:09:25

Oh Scrazy oddly I think I would have had passion for TR for a long time but nothing else...he was a lover..pure and simple none of the other factors were there.

Sorry to hear about your little girl Bill and yes these affairs of the heart are not just the domain of females of course.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 00:18:37

pom so pleased to hear your news. smile

no sleepover for me tonight. this is very fine. nameless hasn't been well, bit of a lingering cold, so i offered to come home, as we're both quite restless sleepers - but offered to stay if he would like me to stay, so i got the second-to-last train and he walked me to the station in the rain with his cold <melts>

we curled up, watched a film, goggled about clowns, read each other bits of new scientist. he cooked me pasta and there was no sex. there was, however, the kind of kissing that was more intimate and a damn sight hornier than some of the actual PIV sex i'm been 'treated' to in the past.

we've been seeing each other once a week or so... this isn't enough. he wants to see more of me <bursts into song, the kind of song that has to be sung rather than spoken, because i currently exist in a 1940s hollywood musical> he wants to go swimming with me.

i might be a bit smitten.

sorry that this is all a bit mememe. it's late and i've walked home from the station in the rain to defrost a pizza and open a bottle of champagne, because although nothing has been said, i feel loved. i promise i will catch up with you all tomorrow, because you are collectively my rock (& roll)

mercury7 Sat 09-Mar-13 00:20:55

oh thanks Ikesmile
just a bit gloomy probably hormones or something, i'm not exactly seeing life through the black window, more the purplish window.

Tomorrow the window may have changed colour completely,,,it's very hard to keep up with the shifts in brain chemistry

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 00:25:25

Yeah Merc I know what you mean entirely...I suffer awful week long pmt ..Hopefully it will be a bright shiny round window tomorrow.! Sounds like a lovely evening Snape!

lubeybooby Sat 09-Mar-13 00:51:49

Snape grin that is all so very lovely. I continue to wear out the grin smiley because of you and he and the luuurve and the smittenness!

Military precision has been needed to organise all this. DD has lists galore of chores, contact numbers, handy hints and what to do if the gas runs out (it won't, unless she puts it on the tropical setting) a house full of food and her friend coming over.

I have packed all the really important things, like cadbury heroes, cadburys fingers and my very best thong.

I am all packed and ready now, even down to keys, purse etc already in my handbag. Just got to attempt sleep, then get up, absorb as much coffee as possible (5am) wrestle myself into my clothes, shove make up on and pack make up. Sorted.

Except I'm wide awake and TOO EXCITED!!! grin

MirandaWest Sat 09-Mar-13 01:41:44

I fell asleep after putting DC to bed. Am now awake. Hmm.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Mar-13 05:59:06

aaaaaarghh... got about two hours sleep... but anyway I am orf v soon... see you all when i get back or sooner if I can get wifi to work (rare) in the hotel/s

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 08:28:05

darling thread I hope you have all woken up a little brighter.

I think the thing with the end of a a LTR for me was the lie. Not the lie about sticking his cock in not-very-bright-girl, but that we would grow old together & always be together. I would have breathed for him if he asked me to. we'd gone through various stressy traumas together & the departure of the one person I trusted with my world was indescribable. ..everything goes slow motion & you feel like you want to be sick.


it's made me a lot harder. a lot less inclined to believe people & a bit more cynical...but the trade off is that it's also made me indestructible. I've weathered storms
I've dragged up three DCs on my own (to a varying degree of success at the mo) I've held down a difficult job & I still care about other people. if anything I should kiss DCs dad on the cheek, slap him on the arse, send him off.out to have serially disappointing relationships & thank him for helping to make me a tiny bit more fabulous. grin

velvet I hope Cuthbert sorts himself out. I know it's only been 6 or 7 dates, but you first met him, when? October? it's a slow's like dating in reverse dog years...

quick wave for our new york (exciting! !) & weegie travelling correspondents
.. grin hope you respectively have a fab time.

Movingforward123 Sat 09-Mar-13 08:30:31

snape so glad it's all going well for you grin

And with the tone of the thread last night, even I feel sad about what should have been. But I was only with my ex for around 8 years. He seems like right now he would do anything for me to get me back but he's not the man for me, and when he gets me back he just cheats anyway. I would love to have someone to love me how he does without the bad bits.

It must feel terrible to feel that loss of partnership that you felt you had. I really want to have that at some stage in the future. I was on Facebook yesterday and an old school friend had a new baby had been married for a few years and living abroad and I felt like I'm never going to have that sort of life, as I already have dd and now I'm single. And my biggest relationship didn't work out.

But then started thinking, what age do people normally settle down anyway? I'm 28 and where I grew up most people settle down with their first real boyfriend! But I live in london and I think as everyone is so busy they settle much later. That's what I'm hoping anyway. grin

Movingforward123 Sat 09-Mar-13 08:35:05

And thank you all for the advice about my brothers friend I will try to call him today but it's difficult to get any privacy while I'm at my mums! I'm going shopping and thought I might call him while I'm out but i know he will be at work so probably not a good idea hmm

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 08:44:16

bill hope little-miss-bill is feeling better. smile what you said about not choosing 'this' really resonated. there have been awful, lonely times for all of us, not of our choosing...times when DCs have been with the other parent & we've missed out...I used to burst into tears as thought of ex taking kids out for the day & OW being mistaken for my DCs mum by strangers -I mean, get a grip snape, she was mousy & had no dress sense - my DCs are all startlingly beautiful & look like they've been dragged through a circus wardrobe & then dipped in glitter...they were and are so obviously mine and more importantly, who cares what strangers think?! they're strangers!

it's difficult, because we auto-tune sometimes that were having a shit time, so everyone else must be having a brilliant time, when what is important is that DCs are ok & we work on being ok ourselves, after these shitty things happen, because it's better for DCs if were ok & we miss out if we let other peoples terrible behaviour continue to hurt us so badly that we stop taking chances, meeting new people and carving a new life.

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 08:56:34

Exactly Snape which is why I'm here doing what I'm doing with LM, taking a chance, opening up, changing, hoping .... The alternative is easier but for me so much worse. I'm not letting my ex win and carry on mucking up my life into the future. So very happy for you and Nameless and yes your dcs are fabulous and beautiful.

Bill hope your daughter's feeling better today.

Lubey woooooo can't wait to hear about it all!

Off to buy card and present for LM then over to the shop to drop them off. Don't know if I'll see him as he has a load of appointments booked in today yay!!! He's very happy and excited but bricking it.

lubeytoobooby Sat 09-Mar-13 09:26:27

forgot my password and cba to reset it so here's me with a slight namechange. On wifi on the train, eating crisps. all good so far grin and the coffee is actually nice shock

well done to him oww, hope all keeps going well!

lubeytoobooby Sat 09-Mar-13 09:27:27

<waves to the other mumsnetter I can see from my seat on the app>

MirandaWest Sat 09-Mar-13 09:36:31

Hope you're not too booby lubey grin

Have a great time in Scotland - wonder which way you're going up the country - am in York so if it's the east coast way you can zoom past me (sort of). Youre probably going the west coast way now grin.

Children are going climbing up a wall in a bit. They've been with XH a few times (DS said to me that daddy said I should take them there every week. I feel this is a little excessive but I am making An Effort). I don't have to climb the wall luckily. DD thinks her boyfriend may be there (she is 7 and this relationship has been going on for over two years. She got a ring recently grin).

Then were going over to Mr Nices house later to give birthday presents to his DS then I'll get rid of children and mr nice and I will go out for a (group on) meal. And have a nice night. With hopefully some Good Sex. Did have some very successful sex last weekend so it is possible. Am hoping his head isn't too full of other stuff that other parts of his body forget to join in but what will be will be.

Then he's off to America on Monday for a fortnight. Boo sad will be fine though smile

Need to get these children of mine to eat breakfast - at 9 and 7 they channel their inner teenager very well....

MirandaWest Sat 09-Mar-13 09:37:39

You should go and say hello lubey grin

lubeytoobooby Sat 09-Mar-13 09:42:03

Haha. Just in case whoever it is reads this thread, I'm talking about the train that just left crewe and it's me in the blue dress behind you. Boo! PS you have lovely hair. I wish I was brave enough to say hello.

Miranda, I'm getting a lift from Preston this time but on the way back I've got about half an hour at york... come and swig a quick coffee if you want (about 10am I think on the 12th)

lubeytoobooby Sat 09-Mar-13 09:43:44

oh and currently at a size of 38HH/J I am definitely too booby.

StellaBrillante Sat 09-Mar-13 10:56:27

'Morning all! smile

I remember reading a couple of references to the 'Aquarius man'... ike, was that you? Lecturer is confusing me... he goes from asking if I want to go to the theatre on 3rd April to suddenly texting saying that he's organised tickets for local match tomorrow and premiership game for me and ds. But our trip to the cinema tomorrow, which is supposed to be our second date, seems to be very much up in the air - no timings agreed, etc. Me being a 'doer' just want to text him with showing time and say that I will sort out tickets but he's quite old fashioned... So my predicament: sort out time & tickets in order to show that I am interested / not leaving it all to him (a nice thing, right?) or waiting for him to sort it out so that I am not coming across as pushyn / taking the manly thing away from him! What shall I do?

BillMasen Sat 09-Mar-13 11:39:18

Thanks. She's a bit better this morning. A 5am viewing of her favourite film seemed to help (it's Star Wars by the way, and yes, that's probably my fault). I don't like coughs as with the cf it's a constant worry about whether its the start of something more troublesome than the usual childhood sniffles. Not sure with this one yet.....

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 11:44:45

Stella just ask him what time you're meeting tomorrow maybe. Can't you buy the tickets when you get there?

Stella for the cinema tomorrow and I would just ask him what time he was thinking of. But, he has organsied tickets for a local match, a premiership game and is asking about the theatre on the 3rd. He needs to calm down, that is way too much too soon. The trips with DS is that just you and DS or with him too? confused

Scrazy Sat 09-Mar-13 12:06:39

Morning, just got up and should be brighter today as I've got lots to do. Giving up smoking again has been so easy but I guess it will affect my mood, subconsciously.

Was so close to texting he who should never be text last night after many glasses of wine. I didn't!!! I have deleted his number again after I added it last night.

Sounding good Snape.

Lubey, I don't have the app as I tend to forget to log out and go over my usage. That's quite a coincidence having someone on the train on mumsnet. I know fellow mumsnetters think this site is so widespread and popular but it is quite small in comparision to the whole community. There isn't anyone around me admits to using it. Have a great time away.

Happy weekend to everyone else.

Bill good to know DD is feeling a little better this morning, Star Wars is excellent you've taught her well smile

Snape sounds like a wonderful evening with you and your boy-friend

Ike this is an advance brew

StellaBrillante Sat 09-Mar-13 12:08:48

Hi OWW and Julie - thank you for your responses!
The tickets for the match are only for me and ds, he gets free tickets and he knows we go to games quite often so he offered to get them. The local match is his team and he also left 2 tickets at the door for me last Sunday so I took a friend with me. I've gone back to him about timing for tomorrow and he's sent a really nice response...all very confusing! Surely, getting the cinema sorted would have been much more straight foward. Men, huh?!
Hope you all have a lovely Saturday and thank you once again!!!

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 12:21:01

Sorry Stella I meant the cinema tickets! Too many tickets floating around, very confusing. If you're still not sure what the arrangements are for the cinema then just text again or even better call if you're happy using the phone.

Texting is easier in a way as it's kind of indirect and you're not under pressure, but blimey does it lead to confusion and angst. Not just you Stella, it happens to us all!

Been to see LM in his shop and dropped off his card and bottle. Stayed about two minutes literally as I didn't want to get in his way, but I think he was pleased.

Dd being a foul pre-teen hormonal nightmare today and refusing to have breakfast, get dressed or change her bedding. Fed up with battles over everything and if being spoken to like a piece of muck.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 12:21:18

He's not my boyfriend juliette hmm he's so totally my boyfriend grin

Just plumbed in my freecycle dishwasher. Need to take it out and muck about with the legs as it's a bit wobbly, but successful day so far. Dishwasher works. Everything is awesome. Tralalalala.

oww hoping things go well for LM today,'s one of those funny Internet things, I don't really know any of you, but you're my other-world friends, so I feel like I almost know the people you know IYSWIM... smile

Stella ah, he gets free tickets in that case very kind of him to arrange some for you and DS, I thought you might have an odd one there for a minute. Have a great date tomorrow smile.

MirandaWest Sat 09-Mar-13 12:24:12

Yay for dishwasher smile

Children enjoyed climbing. DDs boyfriend wasn't there. We are now going around morrisons. Slowly hmm

Snape you'll be practising your new signature on your pencil case next grin

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 12:35:12

Oh no, I wouldn't change my name on marriage. Well. I might change it to gallifrey-time-lord (have been threatening to change my middle name to gallifrey for yonks...) but only if he changes his as well and seeing as he <whispers> doesn't watch doctor who shock that's unlikely.

Oh wait. I don't believe in marriage, do I?! blush

Scrazy Sat 09-Mar-13 12:44:50

Snape, you've given me an idea now. I've got a slimline dishwasher that hasn't worked for years. One day I will get a new kitchen but this one functions apart from the dishwasher. Might have a look on freecycle as all the plumbing is there.

Ah, dishwashers. When my ex and I split I bought the second property I saw because it just felt right. The woman who owned it had already moved out but there were still a few bits and pieces in the flat. My offer was accepted (much shock) and the agent said "the vendor says you can keep the white goods if you like". Great, thought I, fridge freezer and washing machine, two less things to buy.

Got the keys. And there, which I hadn't noticed on viewing as I was too busy looking at potential and redecorating, was a slimine Bosch dishwasher. Three months old. Now, I thought, single guy, on my own, not really fussed. I might get shot of that...

Would never, ever, ever be without a dishwasher again.

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Mar-13 13:28:35

I chucked my dishwasher away years ago as I never used it! I enjoy washing up and make a much better job of it than the dishwasher used to.

Lubey enjoy the rest of the journey to Scotland, hope you have a great few days!

I'm off to Essex in a bit for a much needed night out, my going out essentials of false eyelashes, high heels and fake tan all packed! Can't wait to see my lovely friends smile

mercury7 Sat 09-Mar-13 13:32:47

when I bought my place the owners unexpectedly left me:
washing machine
combi microwave

saved me loads of money because I Had none of those itemsgrin

MirandaWest Sat 09-Mar-13 13:41:19

I would like to own a house. XH and I did but between us made a mess of all stuff financial and when we moved up here knew we wouldn't be able to own again. This house has fridge freezer, washing machine and dishwasher though smile

I changed my surname when I got married. I prefer this one tbh. Not sure what would happen if I were to get married again (I possibly have a slight daydream about such things blush) as it seems fine keeping a name I got from someone else while not in a married position but would seem strange if I were married to someone else. Unless I made him change to my name of course grin

janflan Sat 09-Mar-13 13:44:58

Can i join in again please. I've got myself aproper profile on Pof with photos and everything and I've had loads more messages than before.

I've been talking to afew people on there but there's two i can't choose between to go on a date with. I think I'll have to date both and see.

Ok number 1 i have the most spark with and will read his messages first. But he was rude to me twice for not responding to his messages quickly enough. I told him he was out of order and he apologized but i think he has potential to be demanding and clingy. He lives with his parents after his divorce. I fancy him though and he makes of laugh and we have great banter.

Number 2 is so sweet, really really nice. Not a massive spark but i do like talking tohim. He's a carer for his mum so doesn't work but is domesticated. I've got the feeling he'd treat me really well but he could be too nice.

Obviously they might both take one look and run but i can't decide.

Jan - personally, if someone who I had never met was rude to me twice for not responding to messages quickly enough, I would not give them a chance to do so for the third time. Even if there is a spark. I'd certainly meet number 2 to find out if he could be too nice.

worley Sat 09-Mar-13 13:57:13

hello everyone.. been months scince I've been on it seems..
But.. I met some one in rl last week (new pub opened, went out with friends, as was he.. and we swapped numbers..) went for a meal this week .. (never done that before - always just a drink so I can go quicker if I need to ;) ) anyway.. he paid :D I offered but he wouldn't let me even lay half.. he's text everyday and says his looking forward to our next evening out (next week)
my only issue is... his ex wife it turns out Is friends with one of my friends friends.. (if your following - I don't even live in same town as them so Is a small world) and the ex wife has made it known that she wasnt happy about it... I've blocked her on fb as I was warmed she might start sending me messgages.. they are confirmed as divorced.. but I just don't want any hassel... I've told him that and he said I won't his ex is fine about it..
has anyone else had issues with an ex wife? I've never had this before.. not met anyone ou in rl since I was a teenager!! lol (mid 30,s now sad )

janflan Sat 09-Mar-13 13:57:34

Thanks that's in the back of my mind with number one.

I think nice is what a need after 8 years with a shit.

worley Sat 09-Mar-13 13:59:42

jan... yep I agree with VoiceOf reason... if they've been rude twice don't give them a chance to do it face to face.. maybe trouble ahead with thy one..
see how number 2 works out.. too nice isn't always such a bad thing is it ?

Worley that's VoiceofUNreason if you don't mind smile. Don't want people thinking I am reasonable or talk sense!! As for the ex wife - friend of a friend of a friend??? I wouldn't give a tinker's cuss what she thought. I agree, no one wants hassle but I'd certainly not bail out of something at the first hurdle if you like the guy.

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 14:36:59

DS has had a faux hawk haircut (8) he looks great and loves it has enjoyed spiking it up with a bit of hair mud! Are you sure you cant be tempted with a trip down haircut memory lane Bill???? (We nearly went for a totally 80's flock of seagulls hairdo at one point)...

Scattylatte Sat 09-Mar-13 14:49:28

Hi everyone. snape grin at nameless and dishwasher.
Have a great time lubey
Hope your child is feeling better bill
velvet have a great night

Bloody fireman. tmi alert. So we haven't actually DTD with PIV sex as I was 'on' then he had to wait 2 weeks for his STI check then we didn't stay over for other reasons. So last week finally we could be although all was well to start - performance anxiety set in. Whatever, I thought but I knew he would go into a tail spin and he has. Que him looking up impotence on the net and not going out with his mates last night in case it is the alcohol, talking about Viagra etc. I spoke to him last night and it was the second thing we talked about and I told him that he is putting himself under massive pressure whereas I see it as directly related to anxiety as beforehand he kept worrying if he would live up to my expectations.
So... That's where we are at dear thread.

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 15:05:18

Scatty...what's he like??

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 15:06:05

That's non rhetorical btw ...

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 15:07:17

Yes Billn nevermind about my hair suggestions how's little Billette?

ike - do you have a hair fetish?? Better not look on AIBU, there's a thread about purple pubes....seriously....

lulubellaboozle Sat 09-Mar-13 16:30:04

quick post - thoughts please!

Mr EA's has just announced that it is his Dd's birthday next Sunday, normally a weekend we spend without kids, this isn't a problem at all, I would expect him to see his DD on her birthday. Complication is, it is also his ex's birthday on the same day and he has said he has been asked to take DD and her Mum out for lunch. I am not happy about this, as I feel his ex contacts him a lot about non child related stuff, I can understand him taking his DD out, but surely her Mum doesn't have to join them? She must have her own friends and family to see and celebrate with. I have posted before about how uncomfortable this situation makes me feel.

When he was here on Thursday she phoned him 3 times, all vaguely child related but then proceed to bang on about other stuff. He doesn't initiate the contact or encourage it, but equally he doesn't do much to discourage it or draw some boundaries. I am all for amicable relationships but this just seems odd, is it me? or would anyone else not fancy the idea of their boyfriend taking his ex out for lunch on her birthday even with DD present whose birthday it is to?

I would like some perspective please.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 09-Mar-13 16:35:38

That's a tricky one, Lulu. How long is it since he and his ex separated? Was it his DD who suggested that he takes her and her mum out for lunch, or was it the ex? Does his ex have a new partner?

lulubellaboozle Sat 09-Mar-13 16:50:29

They have been separated 2.5 years, I think it was DD who suggested it, but whereas if my kids suggested something like that, I would quickly say, no let Dad take you on your own, I think she will be more than keen on going. I am not sure if she has a new partner but she has had a second baby, who is 4 months old, but father is not on the scene or certainly not as a boyfriend. It's all a bit odd, but I can't help it, I don't like the idea.

Since I started seeing Mr EA, she has suddenly re-established contact with his family and seen his sisters etc. I should have seen this coming, on our first date she phoned him 3 times!

I am the first person he has dated in 2 years and I think she has relied on him up to now, she may not want him back but I guess she's not so keen on losing what she has or sharing. I don't know.

Bant Sat 09-Mar-13 16:53:03

Lulu, this is just my perspective of course, but i get on ok with my ex, and if my DD asked me to go out for lunch as a family for her birthday, I'd do it without a second thought. If I was seeing someone who didn't want me to, that would annoy me.

Plus, if it's the exes birthday, surely she'd like to have lunch with her DC on it?

I think don't push on this one. Other stuff, yes, but not the birthday meal

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 16:56:15

Lulu I always think that is a man treats his ex well that is a good sign. Clearly he is committd to your relationship. I would let this one go. Maybe arrange to meet the ex at some point in the future when you are living together...that way you can become a 'visible' person and reminder to the ex that he has moved on.

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 16:57:23

not is...if...

Regarding pubes know all about my escapades on the pube front Voice...

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 17:00:03

Shitshitshitshitshitshit. Nameless thinks he's picked up my herpes. I'm pretty sure he hasn't (without TMI, it's not a tingly sensation, he'd know if he had it as it would feel like he'd rubbed his cock on a cheesegrater...) but I feel really awful that there's even the tiniest possibility. sad he's off to his GP, I've offered to go to the clap clinic with him. He says we're absolutely fine and is sending me hugs.

I feel horrible. sad.

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 17:02:39

Lulu I don't think I would like it, particularly if she keeps contacting him for no real reason. But I don't think I'd say anything because it's all to do with his dd'sbirthday. His ex will want to see her dd on their mutual birthday and he'll want to see his dd on her birthday, so it's a bit of an unfortunate coincidence of dates.

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 17:05:17

Oh Snape try not to worry til you know what's really going on. Sorry I don't know much about this but if you think it's unlikely, and I know you'll have been so careful, then chances are its a false alarm. Maybe he's a bit sore from too much action?

lulubellaboozle Sat 09-Mar-13 17:05:30

I think what I am struggling with, is that is the ex's birthday too on the same day and to quote him, 'he has been asked to take them both out!' That's what feels a bit weird!

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 09-Mar-13 17:10:58

Lulu, I think it's particularly difficult if her DD has suggested it, as he might feel he's letting her down if he doesn't go, so he may feel he's in a lose-lose situation (ie he either upsets you or his DD).

I'd feel uneasy about the number of times she contacts him though - 3 calls in one evening? That seems excessive unless there's an emergency going on. I haven't made 3 calls to my ex in the whole of the last 6 months! As you say, it sounds as if perhaps she's having trouble letting go of him and the help/support he provides.

I think that, as ike says, perhaps you can meet the ex at some point in the future, and that might help.

It's hard but I think perhaps the best plan is to let this one go - you can always come on here while it's happening if that helps!

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 17:13:49

Yes, can see how it feels odd with him "taking her out". It's difficult though - I don't know that I'd say anything because it's all to do with his dd's birthday but I wouldn't feel great about it. But honestly, nothing's going to happen, he won't suddenly think he wants to get back with her, it will be fine. It's a bit of the insecurity thing, maybe.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 09-Mar-13 17:14:03

Snape, oh no ... though, as you say, it seems very unlikely. Hope he gets an answer from his GP asap.

Lulu, do you feel confident that Mr EA is over his ex? (It certainly sounds like he is from everything you've said before, and especially as you're planning to move in together). If you do, I'd try not to worry (easier said than done, I know, and totally hypocritical of me to say it as I could worry for England!)

MirandaWest Sat 09-Mar-13 17:15:45

Scatty Mr Nice has had (and has been having) similar sex problems including the getting the feeling Viagra is the solution to everything hmm. Am not sure how he'll be later on but for me I find being patient and fairly reassuring without going over the top has helped. Plus the fact we do other sex things as well as PIV which are very good smile

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 09-Mar-13 17:16:47

OWW, thanks for your post yesterday, by the way - I really appreciate it.

Mr C and I are going out dancing tonight. Shame I fell down the stairs this morning and am moving about like a pensioner. I still feel upset about the stuff that happened this week, but have sent him an e-mail trying to explain how I feel, and I expect we'll chat a bit more about it tonight. I hate being so over-sensitive and emotional and wish I could just chill out more.

Snape what will be will be on this one, it is doubtful he's got it anyway it's probably just the powah of your vaginah (sp, no ideah) that have him tingling. Regardless, he has been living with these risks for a while so is probably more used to the idea in general. He is lovely.

Lulu the Birthday thing I would let it go, it is actually quite a nice thing to do. The rest of the stuff needs dealing with, I suspect the exW is still a bit proprietorial and he may have just got used to her calling all the time so hasn't realised this is a bit off.

Worley what Voice said, people do like to stick their noses in.

Ike I have see most of A Flock of Seagulls nekkid.

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 17:28:55

Unlikely Snape...he's probs gone a bit hyperchond what with his other ailments...but fingers crossed for you guys...

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 17:30:18

Have you Jules???well surprise as a founding member of H did they style their pubes??

Can't remember Ike although it being the 80s I think we can assume it was free form. Strangely although I know it was in a dressing room situation, I can't remember where either. I'm beginning to sound like Nessa grin

Scattylatte Sat 09-Mar-13 17:44:28

Oh snape when can he get checked out? And is there a way he can get medicated without a diagnosis to ease the symptoms if that's what it might be? Don't worry, it probably isn't herpes but if it is: you haven't put him at risk as you totally informed him, right at the start, and it's just bad luck if you reduced the risk as much as you can and transmission still occurred.

Thanks miranda. It's no big deal for me as we do other things. however there are other issues in that he doesn't really let me do things for him. It's very, very one sided - and I want it to be more 2 sided.. But even if I put my hand on or near his nether regions he nudges it away and as for anything It's very odd. he is hard work but I like him.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 17:47:18

He replied to my email with the fact sheet in it. He's just lovely. He apologised for texting me out of the blue and causing me worry and he's very happy and comfortable with me and we'll talk about it in person when we next see each other, which will be Monday.

I think i just fell in love with him. Sssh! Is secret.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 17:49:56

Back up! juliette you have seen (most of ) a flock of seagulls naked? There's a story in there....

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 17:51:21

Yeah free form sounds shaven balls in the 80's hopefully the memory loss is due to a good time as opposed to early onset alzheimers Jules.

No, move along, nothing to see here. It would have been a pre show kind of thing. I'm pretty sure nothing went on as I'd remember that. more that at that time I saw quite a lot of rising bands in various states of undress and I think they've all just blended a bit. There were a lot more in pants etc, but those were the days of baggy boxers (sadly) grin. Thinking back on it, I was really very restrained with my favours during that phase.

Bant Sat 09-Mar-13 18:19:22

Right. I'm off to my date with the American from OKC Hungary.

Wish me luck.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 18:22:29

bant hope it goes really well! smile

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 18:25:09

Are you wearing your innocent face now Jules? G'luck Bant! Dont worry about etiquette ....

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 18:25:26

What happened at the party Bant? You've been very quiet on that score!!

Good luck, hope she's a good'un.

MirandaWest Sat 09-Mar-13 18:41:42

Have fun Bant smile

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 09-Mar-13 18:47:26

Phew! Have caught up at last. Like chasing a ball of string downhill.

Well hello my internet friends!smile

So much going on on this forty-fifth thread, I am thrilled for you all who are enjoying the attentions of someone who is most of all suitable SU grin

I am stacking up some dates for the forthcoming weeks, a special thank you to the three (yes three) posters who responded to my request for help thanks. I am so grateful.

Okay let me tell you a little crafty plan that has emerged...

I am on POF, so I have 2 very different profiles (marketing ploy 101): one with pics and says looking for dating/relationship, the other without pics says intimate encounter (IE).

Anyways, my IE profile (no pics) was very very popular (over 400 messages). Some of the SU guys who responded have on their profile wanting dating/relationship. So what I have decided to do is to contact them via my dating/relationship profile as a 'I saw your profile, liked it etc...' type message and see what happens.

So far success! Two of the men who contacted my IE profile (no pics) have responded favourably to my dating/relationship profile (pics)...although there is probably holes in my logic/strategy...c'est la vie, it is all fun and games.

Bant enjoy.

Ike defo innocent face as always

lulubellaboozle Sat 09-Mar-13 19:14:01

Thank you all, I don't like it, but I won't tell him not to go or make him choose. I have told him it makes me uncomfortable and suggests he come here afterwards so we can spend Sunday evening together. I have also suggested that going forward he thinks about trying to reduce the reliance and phone calls from her about nothing, so that it is amicable and related to DD. He seems fine with it all, but big thank you because this could have been the start of one of my melt downs. I have actually met her already and she is nice enough not a patch on me but she asked him after of she could meet my kids and I said no, there is no reason too. I have enough of my own friends I don't need her in my life.

EternalRose Sat 09-Mar-13 19:30:34

Lulu, why on earth would she ask him to meet your kids, strange woman! confused

Movingforward123 Sat 09-Mar-13 20:05:59

Hey everyone. I was just about to call brothers friend and chickened out! It's Saturday night. What If he's busy? Or out with someone else? I'm wondering if I should call him in the week instead! Or I'm leaning towards texting again and wimping out lol

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 20:28:19

Just call him ...

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 20:35:02

Nooooooooooooh! On a Saturday night you are an international woman of mystery, far too busy and important to bother withe such flotsam,

Sunday afternoon, maybe.

You already texted him, didn't you?!

Poppysquad Sat 09-Mar-13 20:40:14

Hi all. I can't keep up with everything thats going on here. I do try.

Well a very pleasant evening with SD on Friday. Walk down to the pub, a meal and bottle of red wine and a walk back. Chatted easily with him. We do get on well. No sex, not even any real snogging, but he does tell me I am lovely and I love the way he reaches out for my hand when we walk anywhere together. I just want to be wanted.

I need to give things a bit longer dont I ? I am still concerned...

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 20:46:00

If you still have concerns Poppy I think you're doing exactly the right thing with taking your time. There's no rush at all. Make sure you're happy with how things are going before you take things further. What have you told him about staying over next week?

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 20:48:21

Bugger. Drank wine. Might have responded to a text from nameless with a ps that I'm 'smitten' with him.

Expect disaster...<shrugs>

Poppysquad Sat 09-Mar-13 21:03:10

Hi OWW. I have sort of avoided the question at the moment. I have actually arranged to go out straight from work with a girlfriend on Monday, a long standing arrangement.

I am seeing him tomorrow though, hopefully for a walk, weather permitting. I will talk to him about it then.

I do really like him lots but worry about being hurt by him turning around and saying that he doesn't want to be with me again.

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 21:08:20

Well, the arrangement to go out on Monday kills two birds with one stone - you'll have a great time plus a genuine reason for not spending the night.

Maybe you should tell him you want to take it slowly as you are worried about a repeat performance off him, and see what he says.

Poppysquad Sat 09-Mar-13 21:20:16

I agree OWW, I just have this huge fear of falling into a one way relationship. We do seem able to talk about most things, so hopefully that bodes well.

Movingforward123 Sat 09-Mar-13 21:34:36

Snape i agree too busy to call him on a Saturday wink

And no I didn't text him! I was waiting for wise advice from you all grin

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Mar-13 21:39:15

Nameless is lovely snape

I told Mr R&R about Mr OZ last night. I don't know if Mr OZ will get in touch at the end of the month as I didn't write back in the end. Too much going on.
But if he does, I would love to see him. I needed to tell Mr R&R as I wouldn't do anything behind his back. He asked some questions about mine and Mr OZs 'relationship. I was completely open. He understands I think.

My mum isn't coming home until Friday now. Grrr!

lubeytoobooby Sat 09-Mar-13 22:02:45

hey hey

I am very drubk and enjoying my hotel room all to myself grin just eaten the whole welcome gift of cakestrawberries and blueberries. burp.

had a v goo d evening drinking and drinkig and currying

EternalRose Sat 09-Mar-13 22:26:25

Ha Lubey, you sound like you are having a wonderful time.

Just noticed your new nickname too grin

Bant Sat 09-Mar-13 22:30:31

Right. Loo update. She talks a lot. I mean, a LOT.

Not as attractive as her pics, but then nor am I probably. She's funny. And talkative. I'm not sure yet. Several beers down, she's becoming very attractive. And funnier.

Update when I get home. Possibly.

lubeytoobooby Sat 09-Mar-13 22:34:45

I nearly invited a colleague back but decided I'd rather take my make up off and pig out, so that what I'm doing.

Date tomorrow evening. hurrah

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 23:05:15

Sounds lush lubes enjoy...

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 23:17:45

Hey babe do u no u got the most sexyest eyes in the world u enjoying ur weekend sexy girl I want a kiss of ur beautiful lips and kis ur body lol xx I'd give u anything ur stunning xx I would love 2 take u out xx

How can I refuse such a romantic and beautifully written offer (Shakespeare listen up) I know why I cant be arsed to open most of the messages...oh well at least it was more than one line...fair dos

mercury7 Sat 09-Mar-13 23:35:49

ha ha..inyour dreams shit-for-brains eh Ike

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 23:38:31

Well I know Merc....he could have at least run it through the spellcheck before pressing send...lazy git!! You feelin more cheerful tonight?

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 23:48:21

Ok, bored and wanting to meet people who enjoy life. No complications just want to spend time getting to know each other and see what happens. Baby steps if required or cut the crp and enjoy!

Ladies, guys don't want to jump into commitment! If they are ugly, then maybe this is true, if not then no! A normal healthy chap will be looking for a women he finds hot. He will then want to get to know her to see if she is not crazy. Then he will want to find out if she will quench his thirst for sex.

If these boxes are ticked then you stand a chance of commitment! Had to break my silence as its just sad and a bit pathetic to demand commitment as a must when you haven't even started!!!

much love xxxx

Ladies take note! Heed the warning sistas.....what?????You're not interested???How come???

EternalRose Sat 09-Mar-13 23:52:13

Ike1, he sounds a catch...

And what's with the 'much love' how old is he, 16?

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 23:57:54

In his 40's ....dear lord its the arrogance...he speaketh for all men obvs....betcha glad he's voiced your secret thoughts eh Bant, Voice, Bill et al...

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:02:43

I have an image of all these men needing to slake their unquenchable thirst for sex before agreeing to a further date...which obs we women are begging and pleading for....oh toss off you wanker!

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:04:49

Oh guess what? He's a Scorp!

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:23:20

Ike, thanks yes, my brain chemistry is improved...I do sometimes quite enjoy wallowing in a bit of angst blush
Pity the poor deluded 40 year old scorpio bloke.

Quite a few people, men & women have preachy or ranty 'sermons' in their profiles!

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:26:59

has it occurred to him that she may deem him totally inadequacy for the purposes of quenching her unquenchable thirsts??

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:31:23

Well of course not Merc...she is too busy worrying about getting him to commit! Oh yeah loads of preachers and flouncers...they make me laugh so much! And the 'what is wrong with me?' Angsters...

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:37:40

dating site profiles can make for some 'entertaining' reading
dread to think what anyone makes of mine

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:40:17

As long as you are not sermonising, flouncing, angsting, loling or will at least come across as a salient human being on POF...

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:41:43

Bant's not home yet I see (taps watch)...

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 01:11:19


I've been lurking for the past few weeks as I've been busy with work/uni work/re-living my youth. In other words....geting hammered and pulling young men blush

Lubey has inspired me to have a go at POF Glasgow-style as I'm back up in the motherland to visit family in a couple of weeks. However, what do you do when someone who seems like a nice bloke (but you're very much not interested) sends you a message? Ignore? Polite hello, bit of conversation then ignore? Aaagh I'm too soft, I feel harsh just ignoring!

It's been an entertaining hour or so since I signed up anyway so we shall see. Unfortunately I didn't have the balls to select 'imtimate encounter' grin

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 01:38:16

Ooh I've just had my first 'U Wana Fuk' message. Amazing! grin

How long before I start to lose the will to live I wonder...

Pomegranatenoir Sun 10-Mar-13 02:47:19

Oh my! Mr Irish has just left. Wow!!!

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 08:20:34

Ok so Number 1 is out of the running. He annoyed me last night. He basically said that women who don't wear make up and paint their nails are common and rough spelt ruff. Now seeing as i do both of these i don't know why it made me so cross but it did. So i said he was coming across as shallow and he didn't take it very well.

In other news an ex from long long ago popped over yesterday. We were talking about Pof and he said if i ever wanted sex then to call him! I was in such shock all i could say was no over and over again! Then when i went to the toilet he followed me upstairs and asked if i was masturbating in the toilet! So he was kicked out pretty sharp.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 08:55:21

Pom....come on! Gory details please! Jan what the actual?????? That is appalling! How horrid!

48howdidthathappen Sun 10-Mar-13 08:56:33

Pome grin

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 10-Mar-13 09:03:57

Hi everyone, can I join please? I'm on a dating mission and think I'm being a bit crazy as a result, so, I could use some perspective. I've been single for many many years, quite happily really but as I'm getting older I feel I need to make more of an effort. I'm meeting someone 12 years younger for coffee today. I'm ok to find friends with benefits too. I'm vaguely involved with someone inappropriate and I know I should blank him but I'm drawn to the drama I suppose. I'm really bored with my life! Is it ok to use dating to spice up your life?

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 10-Mar-13 09:05:54

Actually I've just read the last few posts. Clearly it is ok to spice things up through dating smile

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 09:08:56

Ooops I would say dating is better than being involved with Mr Inappropriate or drugs or...(scratches head)

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 09:12:22

pom grin

wine difficult one. Manners cost nothing. If someone had taken the time to write something lovely, but I didn't fancy them I'd sometimes drop them a line with a thanks but no thanks... But that wouldn't happen very often...

janflan ugh. To both of them. The first one really thinks women should keep themselves 'pretty' within the confines of what society generalises is an acceptable appearance for a woman. The second one, just ugh. 'Yes, I'm just finishing myself off, because that's infinitely preferable to having you touch me'...

Nameless is lovely. That's not even an update, just a statement of fact. He's abso-fucking-lutely GLORIOUS. he's been great about the herpes-scare. I want to sit on a porch in a rocking chair with him when we're eighty (alright, I'd be eighty...he'd be 68) watching the sunset, surrounded by great grandchildren and colostomy bags....

And HAPPY MOTHERS DAY you wonderful nest of vipers. Hope you all have lovely days. smile

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 10-Mar-13 09:12:58

Ike I know but Mr inappropriate is exciting and really good in bed smile

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 09:13:36

daisy hello! Define 'inappropriate' though... There are degrees of inappropriate ness....

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 09:16:11

Oh yeah forgot! Happy Mum's Day! Eventhough ds arrived at my bedside fully clothed to save me nagging him later cos it is mother's day...he's such a lov
ely, little boy.

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 10-Mar-13 09:16:40

Snape, I can't put my finger on it. I think he's playing with me. I've tried not to play but I find myself drawn in. To be fair to him I did say I only wanted him for his body. He's too complimentary but it all feels disingenuous. I'm sorry if that's too vague smile

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 09:17:19

He'd better not be married though ooops you know my thoughts on that shit ...anything else is fine...

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 10-Mar-13 09:19:15

No definitely not married, we have chatted in the wee hours and he does invite me to his.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 09:21:15

Just remain in your guard then oops and enjoy the sensaions....if you feel yourself getting attached then try to put a stop to it.

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 10-Mar-13 09:22:10

Haha... Ok I will do that Ike. smile

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 09:26:13

Snape Yeah that was my thinking really. One of the blokes has sent a non 'howz u babez?' Type messages but it's only one line so not much effort has gone in there, so not sure if I should still send a 'thanks but no thanks'. I haven't put a pic on there and explained why in the profile - work basically (and also if anyone up north found it my brother would kill me grin) but I have received one which reads 'too shy or too sexy for pic?'. Agh.

Happy Mother's Day!

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 09:27:56

Sorry ..I seem to be dropping letters all over the place. Mr TV has invited me to visit his city....can I be bothered I wonder? There are definitely no other prospects on the horizon though...

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 09:27:57

The above barely makes sense - on my phone!

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 09:29:22

Wine ....literally...dont sweat the 'small' stuff ...

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 09:42:20

And now I've just had a text from a bloke I'd given up on because it was taking him days to reply to a text message.

This dating lark is definitely like buses.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 09:46:46

Oh I know Jan...thing is not to take it too seriously..I started doing that a bit this week ...always a major mistake. Pinch of salt until actions/circs prove otherwise.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 09:57:05

Yes that's a good idea

48howdidthathappen Sun 10-Mar-13 09:59:42

Happy Mothers Day flowers

My daughter is 18 today. Her 19yo boyfriend will be showering her with love. Beautiful flowers have already arrived. He is a good un. I am very lucky.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 10:00:17

Ike you're definitely right. I'm overthinking - I don't even put this much thought into RL scenarios!

'Up for sum fun with a married man?' Hmmm letrme think about that one. No thanks pal.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:10:29

48 does your daughter have a child? Or is he just a lovely bloke at any time?

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:12:40

Oh I know Wine...sigh...

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 10:13:30

Happy Mothers day!

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 10:19:06

I'm still pretty amused by the 'U Wana Fuk?' I got last night complete with photo!

Yes, I do, but preferably with someone capable of stringing together a half decent conversation.

I eagerly await my first cock shot.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 10:27:56

I'm waiting for my first cock shot too. I haven't had a want to fuck yet either. I feel like I'm missing out.

I did have a message from someone from my home town asking if i want to go for a drink. He has a bad reputation for being a player and has a habit of getting women pregnant and then dumping them. That'll be a no then.

Snape it's nice to see you so loved up. I was lurking around the time of the notebook.

48howdidthathappen Sun 10-Mar-13 10:34:14

Ike Thank God my daughter doesn't have a child. She isn't keen on kids at all.

Her boyfriend is just an alround lovely person.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 10:35:17

Janflan oh you're missing out, big time. I've not had a 'hun' yet though so I can't cross that one off my list yet.

I've seen a couple of very attractive victims but it'll be a few hours before I have the balls to do anything about it grin

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 10:37:01

janflan, did he say in the message that he has a bad reputation for being a player, and getting women 'up the duff' or did you recognise him anyway from your home town?

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 10:39:22

Mornin all

ahhhh I had a luvveryly sleep. 10 hours bar waking up at about 4am to drink gallons of water. Very glad colleague didn't end up here with me, fucking hell bullet dodged... just had breakfast with him and he's so annoying. just shut up and let me eat ma haggis will ye. Oooh I'm going all Scottish.

Dunno if date later is happening, he's been a bit quiet. Must remember to nose at him on facebook too.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:39:25

Aw 48 ...if she ever tires of him ...send him around here...I could do with a spot of lovely..

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:40:25

Beer goggles Lubes...they can buggers sometimes...

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 10:45:25

I have had a hun from a bloke who asked if could come to my house for a cuddle after talking to him for all of 5 minutes.

No he didn't tell me that i recognised him and one of my Sister's friends was his last victim.

Flipper924 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:46:23

Ah, Rose, if only me were that candid in their messages or profiles, it would save a lot of time.

Lucky escape, Lubes, have a fab time in Glasgow today. Your Scotlandish seems to be coming on well grin.

It's nice to hear that there are some lovely me out there, even if none of them seem to live anywhere near me.

Happy Mother's day to all the Mothers, and happy birthday to 48's daughter.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:49:10

Ah its her birthday ...I see 48...hence the flowers (duh...slow today) Oh and where is Bant????

Happy Mother's Day thanks

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 10:57:17

Oh no ex from last night has sent me a message on pof. The email notification has just come to my phone. I can't read it though until i go on the pc because i have all adult content blocked on my phone.

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 10:59:23

wish I could smoke in this room... fucking windows don't open ... grumble mutter

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:59:54

delete, block, Jan.

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 11:06:28

'up the duff'??
Are we back in the 1970's

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 11:08:09

My pubes are Merc...

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 11:09:11

Oh no! It says Boo Sexy!

He's never in 12 years given any hint to this.

There's no way in gods earth I want anything to do with him. We were only together a month and he was a control freak. I've never totally got rid of him and he still justs pops over. I can block him on POF but he knows where I live and will just come over.

Can anyone help with what to message him so he gets the message that there's no way no how no where.

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 11:15:46

Did you put them in a time capsule Ikegrin

Jan..he sounds potentially very problematic, you're an independent adult, you're in no way beholden to have, why would you even let him in if he 'just comes over'?

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 11:19:56

I have no idea, I just don't want to be rude and I have been friends with him. He's never given any indication of this.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 11:20:01


Fuck off & leave me alone.


janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 11:21:48

I like that Snape.

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 11:25:56

ha Mercury7, I was being tongue in cheek. I wouldn't know anything about the 70s though, I was born in 86 hmm.

Janflan, gosh, you dodged a bullet there..

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 11:28:59

I'd go with Snape's response - short, sharp and to the point with no chances of misinterpretation.

lubey sock over smoke alarm, shower blasting on hottest setting. In theory (in my head anyway) the steam should help with the smell/smokiness. My mum advised me on this one many years ago, bless her. Aren't mums great? grin

Rose - 1986? You young whippersnapper. Fortunately I was born in the id-1970s, so I don't really remember it....

Snape is always a voice of REASON

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 11:41:39

Ok I am thinking,

You were out of order last night. There's never going to be anything between us. I don't believe in going backwards. Leave me alone now.

Does anyone remember The Major from a couple of months ago. Army, seemed like a nice guy, I thought he might have drink problem, said we would meet up as friends to go walking. He text me the early hours yesterday asking if I still want to meet up. Fast forward a few texts, he is then on Whatsap and asks for a picture of what I look like 'now' and when do I want to meet hmm. So I ask if he knows who he is talking to. Yes, you're the Australian with the big boobs and when do I want to meet as he 'wants to give me some luvin'. So, so much wrong with that but it was the 'luvin' that really did it for me grin.

Lubey I do hope date comes good this evening, is the alternative one still a possibility?

Jan yep, a big fat fuck off is overdue.

Jan no reason necessary, you don't need to justify yourself or give him an excuse to argue.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 11:45:48

So how about I take the 3rd sentence out?

bustedmonkey Sun 10-Mar-13 11:47:21

I took him and our relationship for granted. Is there anyway if i change and if he changes we can survive this? and get counselling to make this work? does the fact that he's trying to have hook ups instead of another relationship make it any better, i.e. that he's not checked out of our relationship but looking for sex only?

on the other hand i also know he wouldnt want to lose anyv of the assets we've built up over the years. so may be that's why its just sex.

i dont know anymore.

i just read a post on dating thread 45 just to see reality life after the end alone. and its not good and i'm terrified.

Juliette - I didn't know you were Australian... I have a thing for Australian accents!

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 11:53:04

Bloke I called shallow last night has just text me. He say's he's going swimming today and will be sure to stay in the SHALLOW end!

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 11:53:36

if there's nothing in your room that says no smoking, does that mean it's a smoking allowed room? haha.

It's so nice though I don't really want to smoke in here and sully it - which is a bit odd for a hardened 20 a day smoker to be saying.

lifts to downstairs to nip out for one are fast and plentiful so it's not too much bother really. I would totally smoke in here if the windows opened though, I'm good at leaning right out and making sure the wind direction goes in my favour taking it all away.

I have date news... we're on for 6pm. Sorted.

The other one turned out not to have read my profile properly and had his DD this weekend so couldn't meet, but he has booked in to a local place (near me) next weekend and is going to come and visit and take me out! Mad, but I like him. haha. Life's too short eh I'm quite impressed with his spontaneity and willingness to travel (as well as awesome sense of humour)

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 11:54:30

Janflan, that literally made me laugh out loud! ha!

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 11:55:12

oh god... and the annoying colleague has just text me inviting me to spain for a holiday.

wtf is going on?

and no, I'm not going. He'd end up buried under the patio or with poisoned sangria.

good job I didn't shag him or I think he would be thinking that means we're married or something.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 11:55:23

Aww bless him, I'd be tempted to remind him to take his arm bands and rubber ring.

Pof message: 'browser or arouser'. I'm guessing this is a question. Not one I'm likely to respond to mind.

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 11:55:54

janflan... hahahaa!

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 11:57:09

It made me laugh too. I am feeling a bit bad now and have apologised.

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 11:57:23

I'd be inclined to go for polite but firm, rather than 'fuck off', Jan, but as Juliette says there's no need to give a reason or justify yourself, that gives the other person some leverage to get you to engage with him.

Oh Rose, 1986..I remember the 1970's well enoughgrin

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 12:00:35

janflan don't apologise! He said girls that don't wear makeup or nail varnish are common and 'ruff' didn't he?

I also wear makeup and nail varnish, but that &is^ a shallow comment!

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:00:37

'browser or arouser' hmm
is he hoping you are a free jerk off service
send him a link to some providers of webcam entertainment if he wants to be 'aroused'

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 12:01:43

lubey I know what you mean about not wanting to sully the place. As a smoker, I'm so used to being confined to leper's corner outside when not at home, so even when a mate lets me smoke at theirs (or in their car) it's very odd. I usually go outside anyway as I just end up pissing them off by wafting my arms around and making a fuss - seems to bother me more than them!

I've had a message from a really nice bloke, lots in common but he's just not my type. Sigh.

This is a lot of effort for a few days back home. Though in theory ideally it'd be a regular arrangement for when I'm back there every few months so I'll stop whinging and get on with it.

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:02:41

shallow is giving him too much credit it's just plain dumb, he sounds like a halfwitt

Voice I can be anything you want me to be wink

Jan yes, and then do not answer any texts, the door, whatever. No matter what he says.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 12:03:49

Fuck knows mercury but you have just reminded me I didn't actually view his profile after reading his enticing message, so he may well provide me with more emtertainment yet grin

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 12:05:47

Right message to ex sent, I am hiding if he comes over today.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 12:06:30

Headline: "O yes please"

About me: "fun"


Juliette - ooh, I've come over all swoony. It's funny how different people find different accents sexy. Australian is one that does it for me. And, for some reason, slightly posh accents.

Ok I confess, I am so not an Aussie. I've been told I'm a teensy bit posh though grin

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 12:17:03

^^[gets popcorn]

Bant Sun 10-Mar-13 12:19:43

Hi everyone and happy mothers day to most of you.

I appear to be a dirty stop-out. Just got home. Lots of the evening is a blue, there was lots of beer involved. She was funny, got more attractive as the evening went on, I think some of that was booze, some was just her relaxing and not being so insanely talkative.

Went on from the first place to some other bars. Walked hand in hand round the streets. Kissed a lot. Then back to hers for a bit more than kissing (although my jeans stayed on, I'm not easy, I'll have you know)

I'll be seeing her again in a few days.

Now I'm going to have a nap

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 12:21:51

I have a bit of a thing for 'Lahndan' accents at the mo. Probably because I have an ongoing infatuation with Plan B and probably fuelled by the disgustingly attractive young 'un I snared a couple of weeks back who is from 'down south'.

'Browser or arouser' has just sent another message. 'Never answered.' No and I won't be to that one either.

Bant you are such a tart! And a veritable babe magnet. As Dr Bones McCoy once said to Captain James Kirk atfer yet another close encounter with a gorgeous female: "what IS it with you anyway?"

Juliette - oh, I'm gutted you're not really Aussie.

<ticks Juliette off my "To Do" list and moves on to next item, "Ironing">

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:23:25

i think I'm moderately posh

if i took a bloke back to mine i'm not sure i'd want him to be keeping his trousers on!! grin

Voice you were quick, I never knew I was even on your to-do list grin.

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:28:58

what sort of message is 'never answered'
presume he is a barely literate member of the underclass

Bant I'm curious, did you sleep in your jeans too? <innocent face again>

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 12:32:09

I have a reply from ex - "I was joking"

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 12:35:41

mercury I would say so. I'm tempted to just reply with 'MEGALOLZ' and then block him.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 12:36:42

janflan you could also reply with 'MEGALOLZ' too it appears grin

Ooh, several women in here now claiming to have posh or slightly posh accents. Am suddenly feeling like the boy in the sweet shop....

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:41:25

i'm very psoh Voice..I'd be too muchgrin

Jan..classic but transparent move, claiming it was just a joke

<Voice puts down iron and takes to sofa as he's just gone weak at the knees>

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 12:43:05

Re: Posh talk.

Phonetically speaking, I pronounce barf, not baff!

Oh, Rose.... <shakes head> Next you'll be telling me you pronounce anything as anyfink

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 12:47:19

He's sent me another message saying sorry i didn't mean to upset you i only see you as a friend.

Am ignoring now but am tempted by the MEGALOLZS.

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 12:47:52

No, I only do that with the word somethink...wink


Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 12:58:29

Go with the megalolz grin

I've just had my first 'lol'. No babez or hun yet.

I am common as muck. Glasgow combined with Yorkshire-isms does not a posh accent make hmm

DS just gave me two presents. One was a lovely mug which is our thing, and the other a fridge magnet with 'You've got two choices for dinner, take it or leave it'. My work is done grin

Jan if you text him he will take it as an invitation to continue.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 13:03:25

Now because I'm ignoring him on pof he's sent me a face book message saying the same.

I'm loving the magnet Juliette.

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 13:03:35

Everyone says I sound posh. But the local accent where I live is a curious mix of brum and cockney so I would sound posh to them, tbh. I think I sound 'southern' but only Kentish people can place me as from Kent.

I am in bed mn-ing, reading the papers, texting my date (who I just added to fb for anyone who wants a nosey he's A M on my friends list) drinking coffee and wondering if I can actually be arsed to leave the hotel anytime soon.

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 13:03:40

Winefiend, my friend says she gets messages that says 'alryt bb'

Could someone englighten me on what bb means? Baby? Oh the amount of time you can save, by missing out two letters hmm

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 13:04:51

and ignoring annoying colleague who now keeps texting me jokes even though I never replied to his holiday offer. Give me strength.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 13:05:18

The block button is your friend janflan. He sounds like the worst kind of twat - toys out the pram and when that doesn't have the desired effect, 'I was joking (lolz)'. Ugh.

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 13:06:11

Eternal yeah it's babe or baby I think. ugh.

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 13:08:46

englighten? ha!

Lubey, it's lazy literacy isn't it....

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 13:09:18

Rose I assume it's 'baby'. One I discovered recently is 'wuu2'. I accidentally left my work phone on one night and one of my young lasses (a client) sent me that (accidentally). Cue me texting folk to find out what the actual fuck it meant in case it was some sort of young person coded message for 'I'm in trouble'.

lubey Oh to be in such high demand! grin

Text speak. Hideous. I avoid it where possible even when texting and will only use a few abbreviations where I have to

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 13:10:09

Youre right Jules ....staying in jeans means nowt Bant you could have a literal 'zipless fuck' y' know (now there's 70's for you!)

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 13:14:52

Winefiend, I mentioned on the last thread, that any sort of 'what you up to' type derivative shuts my brain down.

Lubey, you are one popular lady.

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 13:24:50

I honestly do not know what the chuff is going on. It would be fine if BC was asking me to go on holiday though. Why is the attention always from the wrong one eh? haha

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 13:35:31

Uggggh. 'How's you?' x approx 12 (POF messages). Imagination clearly in short supply today.

Not that I'm one to talk, have yet to send a single message!

I wonder if a lot of guys don't bother with a decent message because the likelihood of a reply is so small? I never ever sent a "How's you?" but always a proper message relating to the person's profile and including some form of question to reply to - neither too long or too short. Replies came there very few. Because at the end of the day, most people just look at the profile and if they like the pics, then the profile, then the message, they might bother. But pics come first. If you have made a lot of effort for ages and get no success, you're probably more likely to just scattergun a lot of "how's you"s

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 13:38:40

Go on wine be brave and send a message.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 13:42:11

With regard to 'txt spk', I'm guilty of shortening words (as this phone converts to mms if a text is too long and I'm too tight to pay) like 'bk' and 'obvs' and I appear to be turning into one of the natives round here as I've noticed a distinct lack of the use of the word 'the'. Reet/reyt bad.

However, I refuse point blank to use 'u', 'lol' or 'k'. Yes, I am odd.

My mum replaces every 's' on the end of a word with 'z' in texts, which I find hilarious but makes my brother die a little inside grin

Lubey you do realise that said colleague will now have take up smoking and next time you go down for some smoke and quiet... "Only me!"

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 13:48:34

Voice that makes sense to me. The single message (that isn't a 'how's u' or a one liner) was quite impressive really as he'd put some thought into it. Even though I'm not interested, I'll probably still send one of Snape's suggested 'thanks but no thanks' type messages so as not to be rudr. Shame really, fair bit in common and any mention of Irvine Welsh and you're in there with me. Sadly, he's more Spud than Sick Boy. Nice bloke though.

janflan I may send some later when the wine is out. I have 2 potentials in mind grin

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 13:54:07

I've just had reasonable message number 2.

From a 20 year old. I am 31. hmm He does seem quite cute though. No. Must. Behave.

Because I already have a 21 year old fwb (hopefully) from down south and I've promised my mates I will not go any younger as they are mildly mortified

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 13:55:39

Juliette arrgghh! haha oh gawd.. thankfully he's gone home now and is safely on a coach several hundred miles away! The main event I'm here for was last night so just me left now enjoying the peace

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 13:59:13

I'm 31 too wine. I was chatting to a 26 year old but he just lookedso young and not like a proper man yet.

KinNora Sun 10-Mar-13 14:03:55

Quick dip into the thread to say that if anyone knows any men with Northern Irish accents, send them right this way - 'rarrrrrrr rarrrrrrr rarrrrrrr'.

Of course I speak like Liam Gallagher - ' 'Iyerrrr, mad fer it, ar kid'

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 14:04:02

Actually i almost dated a 23 year old and he was a manly one. So my theory doesn't work.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 14:06:44

janflan yeah it's really odd, isn't it? I was seeing a 27 year old for a few months up until a month or so ago (he was a bit of a tit with a barrell load of 'ishoos') and I stil don't feel right referring to him as a 'man'. Might be because my ex previous to him was 43 (and STBExH a year older than me).

Probably also due to the fact he behaved like a massive baby at the best of times.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 14:09:36

Wow, amazing spelling there. Blame the phone.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 14:24:55

I've only ever been out with older men so. do find the younger ones a bit unfamiliar.

Can i not keep the shallow one? He's making me laugh with his puns and has just messaged me with the definition of shallow.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 14:34:51

i used to have a bit of a thing for posh glasweigan accents (kelvinside accents) hence DCs dad. Mine changes dependent on situation...bit posh at work when it has to be, but lapsing into sarf lahndahn if i get a bit squiffy. grin

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 14:35:52

Likewise. The younger men thing is unknown territory for me too but it's been quite entertaining. I'm not looking for anything particularly serious at the moment anyway (at least until my house situation/ex moves out is sorted) so it suits me.

The shallow one sounds like a nutter, so no grin

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 14:37:44

After meeting TT who was super sorted, grown up, manly and non babyfaced responsible etc and only 27 I am more open to the idea of younger men... if any are interested I'll give em a chance...

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 14:40:25

Snape mine has been described as posh Glaswegian at times. At others, like a 'Fifer'. It's a bit situational as well, if I'm talking to partner agencies, not so Glasgow/Yorkshire, when talking to clients, all bets are off. It helps workwise to be a bit more 'down to earth', particularly when I was working in prison. Airs and graces not required there grin

When pissed, Rab C Nesbit.

There must be a kind of optimum age thing to avoid knobbers, all the (much) younger men have been lovely, the knobbishness as standard seems to creep in at about 46 on a fairly steep trajectory. By the time they get to 50, well I have only met one in total who was ok but thinking about it he was 48 at the time. LM wasn't a knobber but bonkers at 51 so that was never going to get any better, don't get me started on 55 hmm.

I lowered my age limit again, now down to 40 and I'm getting better men but they are mostly in the 'might want kids' category and not going there again.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 15:00:35

I'm not sure - I'm undecided on the age thing and haven't decided on age/capacity to be a massive knobhead on the OD front (as it's not even been a day yet).

In RL I've met one 27 year old who was a tit (and attempted to be a bit of a headfuck) yet my 21 year old, although massively immature and 'laddish' at times, is a lovely young man.

One of my exes, at 43, is a tit of epic proportions at times (we're still mates) and also behaves like a massive baby when things are 'stressful'.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 15:06:42

For all the 'lolz' and 'wana fuk's that have amused me today, I am currently having a conversation with someone on there about Elliott Smith. Quite unexpected. However, his best photo is really nice, but the others hmmm. Not so much. I recall someone (may have been Bant) advising to ttust the worst one.

Is it just me, or does this OD carry on make you feel awfully shallow? (No armbands required) hmm

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 15:37:34

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with younger men i just find them an unknown species.

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 10-Mar-13 15:43:49

Hi all. Just got back from my coffee date. He was very sweet and verr posh. I wasn't really attracted to him. He however was nearly sitting on top of me! I didn't like his smell. I think that's what put me off smile There was something very sexual about him, although I'm like a dog on heat so it could just be me grin

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 17:14:01

I'm nearly ready to go out and meet my Scotish chap for the evening... excited/nervous now... eeep

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 17:18:49

lubey. Hope it goes well! smile

MirandaWest Sun 10-Mar-13 17:20:22

Hello smile it is snowing hmm.

Had good evening with Mr Nice and also good sex last night and this morning grin. With him his ability to maintain an erection is to do with other stresses in his life it would appear and both of us happy that things are better smile We went to a pub for lunch rather forgetting it was Mother's Day but we got squeezed in smile

Went back to his house to get his DS and take him to his mums house (was his 18th birthday yesterday so he was a little delicate) and then pick up DS and DD from the middle of York. XHs mum and dad were there - I think everyone probably checked each other out (Mr Nice stayed in his car).

Came back here and as he's going away tomorrow and his car is less likely to get dents on it here he's left his car on my drive and we drove him back. My DC are behaving more naturally with him now which is good smile

Got nice Mother's Day cards with a tea bag on (from DS - made at cubs. I don't drink tea. He does so that's ok) and a house made our of sponges made by DD at brownies. Now were watching Mr Benn. Life is pretty good (although I will miss Mr Nice a bit. Good thing is America is into summer time so he'll only be 7 hours behind us grin).

MirandaWest Sun 10-Mar-13 17:20:55

Have fun lubey smile

MirandaWest Sun 10-Mar-13 17:22:11

It is going to be Hot in California. I am envy

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 17:38:32

Enjoy lubey grin

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 17:43:45



Snowing here also!

No snow here in the south midlands but it's bitterly cold

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 17:54:33

I've changed my mind about Mr Shallow, he's doing my head in. He just told me his preference for lady gardens. I mean why would you even say that?

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 17:59:07

Jan, he's hoping you'll say something titillating to help him masturbate

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 18:00:23

Shall I tell him my lady garden is like an afro? That'll put him off.

Tell him you weave daisies into it

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 18:04:15

I wouldn't even entertain telling him it's like an afro as he'll just keep on. One of my mate had similar with a tosser who kept chucking his toys out the pram then attempting 'sexting'. She sent him a text telling him to fuck off and go have a wank. Didn't hear from him again. Though this would possibly encourage some folk.

Ignore, ignore, ignore

And when daisies aren't in flower, thistles

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 18:05:20

Or you could tell him you have none as it helps keep the pubic lice under control.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 18:09:03

I've gone with the afro with daisies he hasn't replied yet.

Am going to ignore from now on.

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 18:13:37

he's too busy visualizing your 'lady garden' thats whygrin

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 18:18:33

I've gone with the afro with daisies he hasn't replied yet.

Am going to ignore from now on.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 18:20:39

No janflan there's too much mileage in this.

If he responds, tell him you have a regrettable hereditary condition that does not limit the growth of your public hair... So you plait it, intertwining ribbons dependant on the season and it now reaches your knees. You are actually the world record hold and featured in the Guinness book of world records.,.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 18:22:57

Snape i think i love you that's brilliant.

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 18:23:05

Janflan, your pubic hair is now 'public' (according to Snape wink )

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 18:29:26

I only just noticed that.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 18:36:57

Spellcheck fail.

Although discussing ones pubic hair on t'internetz makes it public. grin

Well, I love you too! Far easier to say on t'internetz than in person to actual people after you've been going out with them for six weeks and might have given them heroes. I mean herpes. Typo. Oop.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 18:42:19

Go on tell him Snape.

Can i just state that my lady garden does not really resemble an afro.

lulubellaboozle Sun 10-Mar-13 18:47:36

Snape and Nameless sitting in a tree
first came love, then came marriage
then came babies in a golden carriage

grin grin

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 18:47:50

I've had wine.

Funny though, innit. Wine gives me the courage to declare my heart, yet not the driving capacity to get me to the train station, park up, grab a 15 minute train ride, sneak my way past a complicit neighbour, drop by unannounced, knock on his door, throw him up against a wall, kiss him until he gets dizzy, say nothing and then go home.

Although, that might not be romantic and might actually be slightly worrying behaviour.... Hmmmmm.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 19:15:00

He might enjoy that Snape.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 19:21:19

Blokes, oi. Straw poll.

You've been seeing someone for six weeks, nothing has been said regarding relationship status.. If your amourata dropped by unannounced, kissed you until you felt and/or weak/dizzy and then disappeared on a cloud of perfume....m

...what would happen next?'

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 19:26:19

Dunno...what's an amourata???

lulubellaboozle Sun 10-Mar-13 19:32:37

it's like an amour, but ata'ed grin

Bant Sun 10-Mar-13 19:38:25

I'd be grinning for a week

Bant Sun 10-Mar-13 19:42:07

Just realised I have another date tomorrow night. Doctor foxy from last night was great, tomorrow with, let's call her Buffy (as she's a fan if the show) isn't promising, I don't fancy her photos very much but she's at least interesting.

Both Americans. How coincidental

Snape - what Bant said

schwelley Sun 10-Mar-13 19:50:55

Hey everyone.. Been watching a while, and thought I'd say hello as I have a question! Bant - why would you go on a date with someone who's pics you don't really like the look of? Just wondering, like...

And Snape - I completely agree. Its very romantic... (in theory) smile

Snapespeare Sun 10-Mar-13 19:56:11

So, blokes.. I'm vaguely scheduled to drop by after work unscheduled lunchtime romp-past would maybe be ok, blokes? Maybe?

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 19:57:27

Ha Snape...thought i WAS a bloke then...blame mums day lunchtime tipples...

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 19:58:24

What's his energy levels like at mo Snape?

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Mar-13 19:59:53

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend/mothers day!

I have just done the 2 hour journey home (not for the first time wished I could drive as by car it would be 30-40 mins tops hmm although to be fair given how hungover I am, driving would probably be v inadvisable!

Had a rather fabulous night out, lots of drinks bought for me and men chatting to me, but I turned them all down as none were a patch on Cuthbert smile Told one guy I was chatting to (when he asked if I was single and could he have my number) that I am seeing someone - he said whoever he is, he's a lucky man. Which of course I agree with entirely grin

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 20:02:53

Velv agree with your sentiments in theory (spesh the ones about you being fab)...but personally if they were half decent...I would have pocketed the numbers...

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 20:03:39

If i were bloke I'd feel the same as Bant. Or if you were, either way it would leave me with a massive grin.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 20:07:20


I am going to be big and brave and put some pics on POF. I am so unphotogenic (but pretty very confident that I am not horrendous in person). hmm

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 20:16:15

I had about twenty times more messages when i added photos Wine. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

No reply from Mr Shallow i guess he doesn't like how my garden grows. See if that isn't shallow i don't know what is.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 20:21:48

Wine in my photos I think I look more odd than I am in real life cos I can do posh too..should get round to sorting out some pictorial evidence I spose.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 20:33:49

Good god yeah it does seem to make a difference if you add photos. One particular charmer has sent 'r u rolling a joint in a pic LOL'. No, it's a fag you cretin, read the text under it.

Me and cameras are not an amazing combination Ike. Quite amusing, to say I used to dabble in photography.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 20:37:44

"U'd get ma willy" (said in a Glaswegian drawl).

Hold me back!

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 21:03:43

How can you possibly resist?

Snape are you seeing him after work tomorrow and scheduling a surprise lunchtime kiss? If so that would be amazing, and of course he said he wanted to see more of you so... wink

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 21:34:47

Text from Mr Shallow - 3 hrs & 20 mins and no text? This must have been a one way thing oh well you live and learn I guess.

Right, now, am I missing something? I messaged him last about my lady garden and he hasn't replied. Why has he not text me for 3 hrs and 20 mins? Also who the fuck keeps count?

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 21:48:28

Jan move on...

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 21:59:26

Another text from Mr Shallow - I see your busy on POF so i'll leave you be hope you find what your looking for I take it it's not me.

This is scaring me now. I've locked down my facebook so he hopefully won't be able to find me. I've changed my profile picture and taken my business info off. I'm going to block him on POF and ignore the messages. He sounds really unhinged and can you imagine being in a relationship with him? God he'd be a nightmare.

Worst thing is he lives really close by. I know i'm going to bump into him at the shop or something at some point.

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 22:09:00

Another one - Jan (not my real name) I don't understand why you are ignoring me.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 22:11:00

Oh dear, creepy. I'd be inclined to just be honest and say his texts have made you uncomfortable and you no longer want to stay in contact.

mercury7 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:12:52

dont worry, he's just some random & insignificant bloke, I come across similar all the time, dont even give him a second thought!

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 22:13:22

Hello all I am alone one more but very grin

That was SO much fun.

Just reading through and did a genuine LMFAO at the afro lady garden with daises (ike grin ) and then was helpless with laughter at Voice suggesting thistles!! grin

So anyway my date.

Very cool and gave nothing away body language wise...til he had a couple of beers and then BOOM full on flirtation!! Haha, love it.

I may have sped up the wining and dining process somewhat by refusing coffee/dessert/etc and he was on about holidays so I may have had a slight glint in my eye and made a comment about my room being very nice this time of year. Cue much giggling and speeding off towards it like a pair of teenagers

Mmmhmmmm. It was good, all very very good. I am a happy lubes. He's only gone now because we both have a stupidly early start, shame we couldn't have done it yesterday really, middle of the night and morning sex would have been nice... ah well.

once again grin

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 22:15:39

I'm a bit worried he's got my mobile number and lives so close by. Literally up the road. He doesn't know exactly where but if he finds my business info or my sir name it wouldn't be hard to find out.

I've replied that I don't think we're compatible, I need a lot of freedom and wish him all the best.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:16:02

Cool Lubes.. did he look like his photos? You are brave btw...

Lubey grin. I like the Freudian slip too 'one more but very grin'

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 22:21:28

Haha! ONCE more, once, once... slightly tipsy again

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 22:28:52

Argh!!!!! Now i'm shallow apparently and he's too nice!

So I told him he made me uncomfortable and I don't need that level of control from someone I haven't even met.

Lessons learnt today -listen when people tell you to stay away from the twunts
If someone is rude to you once on OD don't reply ever
Don't give your mobile number out

Your date sounds lovely Lubey.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 22:30:54

lubey grin

As I am currently considering doing the same as yourself (fast 'dating' Glasgow style), what did you say on your profile with regard to being there? I'm trying to juggle not coming across as 'wana fuk lol' with 'I want someone to entertain me when I'm back up north every so often' without attracting a mass of cock shots and major pervs.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:33:57

How marvellous a 'gentleman' has suggested I drive all the way to Llanelli for a shag, cos he feels depressed and has been 'without' for a year. Dear Lord in heaven....

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:35:01

Oh there..Wine..fancy a Llanelli visit?

janflan Sun 10-Mar-13 22:35:28

Now he says he'll find someone with his looks and personality but good luck to me.

I am tempted by the MEGALOLZ from earlier but I think I shall just ignore now.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:36:16

Besides I have orrible wind after eating cabbage for lunch...shoulda let the boyo suck on that..!

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:36:49

Oh Jan what a relief!

EternalRose Sun 10-Mar-13 22:36:58

Winefiend - "No it's a fag you cretin" Literally made me laugh out loud! grin

lubeytoobooby Sun 10-Mar-13 22:40:18

Winefiend I was in IE but kept my pics and profile totally non sexual... no cleaveage or mention of it apart from saying I don't like jumping straight into bed and so wanted to be out enjoying the city and having a bit of build up. I think I gave a brief description of me too and said I was only available one night

I did get a couple of cock shots and some crap 'hey bb' type messages and the odd potato but VASTLY vastly fewer than when I've done IE in my area before.

ike, he did look like his pics yes... and we added each other to facebook earlier and both have loads of pics on there so it was all good. I like to see pics of them with their friends so I know they aren't lying about height and build.

It was great! I've had such a good night. I feel all fired up now though so even though we were sensible finishing early I'm tempted to go down to the bar now for a nightcap or two and my post coital nicotine.

Must locate clothes.

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:41:53

Yeah do it Lubes...enjoy!

MirandaWest Sun 10-Mar-13 22:42:28

Clothes might be a good idea grin

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 22:43:52

Ha oh god I'd be so tempted by the megalolz but he sounds mildly certifiable.

It's a while since I've been to Wales Ike but sadly, with your wind and my constant snotting at the mo (the downside to pulling young men - they seem to be more germy - first cold i've had in years! ), I don't think he'd be too appreciative. But bless him for offering you that marvellous opportunity.

Rose cretin is me new favourite. I'm gonna try and use it at least 5 times a day this week. Last week it was moron. I'm on am old school insults trip at the mo.

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 22:46:37

Thank you lubey, that was very informative indeed grin enjoy your post-shag fag you lucky devil.

I will have a gander at this IE carry on I think. Though I still haven't quite worked out how to use POF properly yet hmm

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:53:18

I know wine I was touched (nt)

Winefiend Sun 10-Mar-13 23:22:52

Well, so far I wasn't sure where the POF 'potato' thing comes in. But I do believe I have just received a message from one. Agh.

Yeah I think IE may be easier, but looks like you have to pay hmm

CastroIsDead Sun 10-Mar-13 23:38:09

i have a 3rd date next week smile
i say date i mean he is coming to my house to watch a film and have sex. is that bad?

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 23:41:53

Yeah mate reckoned that was the case ... I am surprised! I know everyone must think I have a real problem with Scorpios but HONESTLY the amount of blokes on POF who are Scorpions is UNBELIEVABLE!!

Oh I have a whole in box full of spuds Wine ...want me to share???

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 23:44:21

However....I have just seen THE most gorgeous bloke EVER..on there. I dont understand why he is on there. His inbox must be chocca. Its so odd that there are the occasional beauties...

lubeytoobooby Mon 11-Mar-13 00:02:51

I never paid for IE

Enjoyed my nightcap a lot! Still feel wide awake though ho hum

What was I gonna say.... it's gone.

Oh yeah! Anyone I didn't fancy got blocked. Plus the crap ones and potatoes etc... insant block. No time to be faffing around deleting, when block stops repeat message... as the few I didn't block that I was considering kept on sending messages while I was considering replying... so that got them a block too. Don't be remotely forgiving or nice it gets you nowhere, just hassle. What I mean is, don't feel bad about it. It's the only way to wade through all the responses otherwise so many will clog your inbox you won't know who any of the decent ones are anymore. Anyone rude/crass/potato-ish... instant block.

God I must sound really hardened and cynical etc... but I really couldn't cope with any other way, and hey it worked...

ike1 Mon 11-Mar-13 00:04:11

Honestly now ladies have a look at Jimberland (POF) WHY does he need to be on there for gawds sake!

Ike interesting, I can see why he's beautiful but does absolutely nothing for me. Go get him woman!

ike1 Mon 11-Mar-13 00:14:17

haha I favourited him purely to gaze at his beauty, but no way he is out of my league!!!

ike1 Mon 11-Mar-13 00:18:16

oh and he's a frifin Scorp! of course...

StrictlySalsaDancingDiva Mon 11-Mar-13 00:20:33

Ike, he also appears to be wearing a wedding band??.....

<returns to lurking>

ike1 Mon 11-Mar-13 00:25:14

oh really! Obvs didnt look close enough then! Was blinded for a moment. Makes me feel much more meh now! Thanks Salsa. x

janflan Mon 11-Mar-13 00:25:18

I'll have a look in the morning when i go on the computer ike. Did you say you were in Wales?

Have you checked the picture is real by saving the picture to your computer and putting it in the search bar of Google images? I found out some really good looking men on pof weren't what they appeared.

ike1 Mon 11-Mar-13 00:28:16

Yeah you are bloody right too!

ike1 Mon 11-Mar-13 00:30:15

These look pretty authentic. But yes velv googled a 49yr old from Merthyr for me the other day...turns out he is a 26yr old model....of course!

ike1 Mon 11-Mar-13 00:32:27

....and Voice noticed he had described himself with black hair but was blond in the pics!!