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A Poll.... about sex and female orgasms

(134 Posts)
chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 12:39:25

hi there

after a discussion with dp last night it transpires that approx 80% of his past lovers could orgasm during sex.

i immediately felt this was rubbish and that the majority must've been faking it.

nonetheless its left me feeling inadequate and a freak, and like im not doing something right... can you share your thoughts/experiences please?

disclaimer: i do orgasm, the conditions have to be just so. and dp has not put any pressure on me about this. i brought it up with him, he doesnt see it as an issue or think there is something wrong with me. thats just my thinking.

Flisspaps Sun 03-Mar-13 12:43:52

Not through just PIV, no.

I think it's unusual for women to do so - his exes were probably faking grin

Branleuse Sun 03-Mar-13 12:44:19

well good for them :/

tell him 80% of your past lovers didnt make you feel inadequate about it.

I dont usually orgasm during sex, but i never think of it as a problem as I do during oral, which hes always happy to do.

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 12:45:14

Hi....Yep...I do during sex, again and again and again etc. One after the other. Always have. smile

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 12:45:18

Define what you mean by 'sex'.

To me, it's a smorgasbord of different things and PIV sex is just part of that.

I don't orgasm through PIV alone. I have read that approx 70% of women don't.

TheUndesireable Sun 03-Mar-13 12:46:19

No, not without clitoral stimulation

Wishihadabs Sun 03-Mar-13 12:48:09

Yes unless not in the mood or totally inept lover.

JaceyBee Sun 03-Mar-13 12:48:15

Yes I do but it's a different kind of orgasm to when he's going down on me or stimulating my clit in other ways. It's more like a g-spot orgasm, it's not as intense as a clitoral one and doesn't feel the same. Still good though. But I have only experienced it with the man I'm currently sleeping with.

I read in cosmo the other day (it was in a waiting room!) that the reason some couples have better sex than others is because their bodies 'fit together' in the right way - this may well be total bolleaux as tis cosmo but would kind of make sense in that I could never orgasm through piv sex with my exh, even though his penis is probably bigger.

However, it is also entirely likely that they were faking, I think some women do when their man is humping away - sometimes probably just to get it over with! (have been guilty of that in the past blush)

ItsAFuckingVase Sun 03-Mar-13 12:52:08

Yes! I'm one of the lucky ones that can orgasm over and over through PIV.

It doesn't feel the same as a clitoral orgasm, not worse - just different.

BabyRoger Sun 03-Mar-13 12:55:17

Yes not as strongly as 'other methods' but I do almost every time.

RatPants Sun 03-Mar-13 12:58:17

I do, quite a lot but definitely not every time. Find it much easier now I'vejad children actually. TMI alert!

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 12:58:22

thanks all.

to clarify, i mean piv sex, which does or does not include clitoral stimulation..

sorry for tmi.. i can orgasm during piv sex only when he is on top, going really slowly, and i am stimulating my clit.

i have come through a g spot orgasm only once, and i did that myself smile

i just feel like i need a HELL of alot more foreplay, maybe like an hour, to get turned on enough to have a chance of coming any other way. and i feel other women must be more 'orgasmic' than me!

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 13:02:21

those that do, you lucky things! are there certain positions that you find work better? people always say go on top, but this really doesn't do it for me. concentrating on rhythm / movement too much! hard fast thrusting feels great but im not gonna come from that.

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 13:04:38

Its quite often down the the alignment of the bodies. I have multiple g spot orgasms whenever we have sex and to me they are so much more intense than clitoral orgasms and after the first one each one after that gets even more intense but doesnt last as long. To be honest they are amazing.

Branleuse Sun 03-Mar-13 13:06:29

i imagine if you orgasm during PIV, then maybe its an anatomical thing? Clitoris closer to vagina than in most women maybe?

DrRanj Sun 03-Mar-13 13:07:28

I have never orgasmed through PIV alone.

ChocolateCoins Sun 03-Mar-13 13:08:35

I always do through PIV if I'm on top. Over and over again. I know I am one of the lucky ones though as all of the friends I've spoken to about it said that they can't orgasm through PIV alone.

I don't think I could ever fake it, I'd feel too embarrassed to 'put on' those noises blush

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 13:09:05

awsangel i am amazed.. and incredibly jelous! and, a bit determined to explore this further and see what i can get my body to do..

JaceyBee Sun 03-Mar-13 13:09:23

Me on top, missionary and doggy have all done it for me. I do think I am quite 'orgasmic' though, I can come really quickly and easily. Also, coz it's still quite new and exciting with my man so I'm always really turned on, think that makes a big difference although it's the same when I'm on my own. But it probably is for everyone!

ChocolateCoins Sun 03-Mar-13 13:11:08

I find if I lean forward while on top, it helps.

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 13:13:23
I have been told that this position helps alot when women cant orgasm through PIV . Look it up online as there are videos. blush

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 13:13:44

dont you need it to be slow and gentle??

Wishihadabs Sun 03-Mar-13 13:16:04

The CAT looks similar to what DH and I do naturally I think.

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 13:16:50

choco i personally dont really go in for foreplay, for me it all happens when my man is inside me. Its just the way he does it.

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 13:20:16

Thanks for that awsangel, yes similar to how i can too (but my hand is down there aswell)

i just feel a bit incompatible with the male form of sex.. in the thrusting back and forth repeatatively way. i come from slow, gentle, sensualness..

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 13:21:41

wow, your dp must love that!!

shit, im not made for this am i sad

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 13:26:28

But we are all different as you can tell from your thread. They( the experts that is) say that they have found two g spots. The first one which is just in the vagina and then one much higher up. I would have to agree with that for me personally. When I am "in the zone" i find myself pulling him in as much as I can (my hands on his bottom) until I feel him hit much higher up which is when I get even stonger orgasms. Sorry if this is too much for a sunday afternoon. he he!!!

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 13:37:01

i was expecting the majority to say they didn't. i need to work on this!

RachaelH1983 Sun 03-Mar-13 13:37:18

You are not alone, sex alone never gets me to orgasm and never has, sex toys get brought out most of the time which my dp loves. Without having my clit stimulated I do not orgasm. Very jealous of any lady who can ; )

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 13:41:57

It's worth practising with your own body as well as with your partner, because it could be partially technique (his and yours) and partially psychological. I think some people get a mantra fixed in their heads i.e. 'I can only come this way' and stop experimenting. I find orgasms much more intense if my head is in the right place so it's not just about bodily bits connecting and always producing the same reaction. My H says it's the same for him.

It's interesting though that his words have made you feel that you're not doing something right when the more logical extrapolation is that he hasn't learnt yet what makes you tick as far as penetration's concerned. That's almost as bad as those blokes who believe those stats lies that most women don't come through PIV sex alone, so they stop bothering to learn how to......

Smudging Sun 03-Mar-13 13:45:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 14:20:23

Ooooo apparently the other spot is called the A spot. Much higher up,near the cervix. Reached through penetration mainly.

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 14:26:37

I think it's very sad when women say they can't orgasm from having sex. If your clit (sexual organ!) is being stimulated, then that's sex isn't it. It's not cuddling exactly.

Yes regularly through PIV but this is a fairly recent discovery. Been together 22 years & only last 2/3 years it's happened. Both DH & I were very proud of ourselves ....!

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 14:39:59

Well Done to both Hooley grin

Timetoask Sun 03-Mar-13 14:40:02

I orgasm every single time with DH. I didn't know it didn't happen with other women. Have been together for 14 years and it still happens every time.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sun 03-Mar-13 14:57:03

Yes I do, every time. But it's also perfectly normal not to and it's certainly not a failure! As long as you enjoy the sex however you have it the that's all that really matters

I have always wondered where the 70/80% thing comes from though

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 15:26:00

bandinage luckily he says it is a personal mission of his to make me come from piv! im pretty happy with this challenge smile but i know it will take work and involvement on both our sides..

thanks all. i really thought i was in the majority. its given me a spark to self discover more. ive never had a partner who has really cared about my orgasm, which is why its only been flagged up now..

ItsBiologee Sun 03-Mar-13 15:27:45

NC'ed for this. I always come through PIV, it's my preferred way of getting satisfaction. I never knew any different. I never knew it was unusual until over the years I began to hear women talking as if it was.

Weirdly though I could never come through a man going down on me and they tried hard. I can now with this partner but I had to learn how and really concentrate.

I really dislike slow/sensual/gentle sex, to me it feels irritating. I much prefer a stronger touch. I like to f*ck not 'make lurve'.

I firmly believe it's biological. Where your clit is positioned etc. I feel like I have a doughnut of something (muscles? erectile tissue?) around my vagina so when I clench it around the mans erm.....cock it feels really good, all I do is grind and bingo!

So not all women are programmed the same way it seems!

Branleuse Sun 03-Mar-13 15:32:06

as long as hes sensitive about it.

As i said before, I rarely come from PIV and tbh, the times I have, its never been as intense as when he gives me head.
As long as youre both enjoying sex and intimate and both orgasming, I hope hes not making you feel like theres something wrong with you because your clitoris doesnt happen to be inside your vagina.
I think its always nice to try new things and to try and improve things for each other, but a mission to make you come without touching your clitoris would make me feel under pressure and that i wasnt good enough

I think the 70% thing comes from the Hite report.

bandinage luckily he says it is a personal mission of his to make me come from piv! im pretty happy with this challenge

Careful, some of the most dismal sex I have ever had is with blokes who were determined to 'make me come'.

I think sex just needs redefining to include all the other fun stuff as well as just PIV. Happy experimenting!

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 15:51:02

think sex just needs redefining to include all the other fun stuff as well as just PIV.
I thought "sex" DID mean a lot of different acts. But I know what you mean with the PIV focus.
I find it strange that someone would think that when a woman orgasms from genital(clit) stimulation with a partner then it's not sex confused

bestsonever Sun 03-Mar-13 16:18:51

1st off, don't expect a clitorial-stimulated orgasm to feel the same as one during PIV, it doesn't so the feelings you do get (the bit where it suddenly feels different and in a pelvic, vaginal swelling, muscular way) are actually what people are meaning by PIV orgasm, though for ages I didn't count that as an orgasm as I was expecting the same feeling as would get by other stimulation. It was just another good part of the whole intimate experience.
But then, I thought female ejaculation was a possible fallacy until fairly recently, surprising what the body can do under certain circumstances ;-)

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay Sun 03-Mar-13 16:36:30

I find it easy but have only ever actually come with DP. And with him it's lovely every time.

Not sure about positions but if you have to concentrate on rhythm etc then maybe you need to relax more. Easy for me to say but I don't think I am ever aware of keeping a rhythm it's just how I need to move iyswim?

But comments like that from your DP aren't exactly going to make it more relaxing are they. Unhelpful.

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 16:47:05

Well I think its lovely that he has said that he is making it his mission. What a lovely caring man that he feels its important for you to get all you can out of your lovemaking. He just wants to please you and that is a man who is totally in love with you!!!

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 16:48:09

I too think his comment is unhelpful, better to relax and explore and have fun.

I always do. Ive always found it er easy to IYSWIM

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 16:55:36

I don't think this sounds 'lovely' at all.

This sounds like it's all about his ego rather than the OP's pleasure. If it was about her pleasure he would be keeping his own counsel about other womens' responses and instead, asking questions and trying to learn what turns this woman on. One set formula won't work for every woman because we are all different, biologically and psychologically.

Never in my life by penetration unless being stimulated in some other way. Most women don't judging by what my friends say. Luckily DH is amazing and always gives me "my" time before we move on to sex.

fluffyraggies Sun 03-Mar-13 17:32:10

I'm reading this think yes, and no along with posters ... but having read best's post i'm thinking now - what are we classing as an orgasm?

I was going to say i don't often orgasm with PIV sex alone, but do occasionally.

Now i'm thinking maybe i actually do with PIV.

With simple PIV i do indeed get the "bit where it suddenly feels different and in a pelvic, vaginal swelling, muscular way" that best is describing ... every time. A deep sort of thrill in an 'oh my god do it to me' sort of way. So is that an orgasm?

A clitoral orgasm for me is much more or a sort of 'all encompassing, going rigid, holding your breath, mind blowing throbbing hard slowly fading sort of affair. After which i cant bare my clitoris to be touched because of over stimulation.

Blimey it's hard trying to describe an orgasm! Perhaps we need to agree about what an orgasm is (more or less) before we ask when we have them??

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 17:41:06

Luckily DH is amazing and always gives me "my" time before we move on to sex.
phoenixrose314 -is "your time" (I assume orgasm) not part of the sex then...? Is only his orgasm sex? confused

A deep sort of thrill in an 'oh my god do it to me' sort of way. So is that an orgasm?
Fluffy - No that just sounds like arousal. I thought an orgasm always included vaginal contractions and what you describe.

Yes, that sounds similar to what I experience, fluffy but I've never thought of it as an orgasm because it doesn't really reach a 'climax' IYSWIM - I could happily carry on that bit for quite a long time.

fluffyraggies Sun 03-Mar-13 17:48:42

Well if that is the case pretzel then i go back to what i was going to say originally - yes, but only occasionally with simple PIV.

I have to say i cannot imagine having an orgasm like that over and over though. They're too 'huge'. After one of those i really have to collapse and smile like the Cheshire cat chill!

fluffyraggies Sun 03-Mar-13 17:49:45

xpost plenty - yes, i agree.

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 17:51:53

Sometimes I get boring and unsatisfying minor orgasms that doesn't really feel a lot (from both kinds of stimulations) but they still involve contractions.

Yes. I masturbated for years before having sex so I knew what was needed to make me, erm, happy. My DH is very considerate and wants me to orgasm for me when we have sex, so he is happy for me to go on top (always works as I'm in control), to go at my speed when he's on top or if we're in a position where I'm not getting the right stimulation in the right place either he or I use our hands. The key, in my opinion, is a supportive partner. DH wants me to have a good time, it's not about him feeling so clever at making me orgasm, so I have no pressure or urge to fake it.

MajesticWhine Sun 03-Mar-13 17:55:32

I don't orgasm through PIV sex, unless we're using a vibrating cock ring, in which case its a dead cert. Tmi?

leadinglady Sun 03-Mar-13 18:09:52

how do you now you've had a g spot orgasm? I've been reading the thread with envy. Its been so long that if a man I vaguely fancied even looked at me I'd orgasm. :0)

I don't always orgasm through PIV, but when I do it's very intense. DH is the only person I've had sex with, so we learned together about the things I like.

The cat position gives me the strongest orgasms, but I can only orgasm through PIV if I've already had a clitoral orgasm. I have no idea why, I suspect it's because I'm very wet, and relaxed (sorry if TMI). I feel very lucky because DH has always been a caring and considerate lover, and we've been very open with each other about what we like and dislike, so it's easy to tell him what I like.

ObscuredByClouds Sun 03-Mar-13 18:49:44

Always orgasm through PIV, multiple times. Can also ejaculate from time to time depending on position. Have only orgasmed through PIV since being with husband though; before him I could only orgasm through flit oral stimulation.

How old are you OP? Sometimes this makes a difference. I think I've become more orgasmic since my mid-30s.

ObscuredByClouds Sun 03-Mar-13 18:50:10

Clitoral, not flit oral!!

Twattergy Sun 03-Mar-13 19:11:17

Piv alone has only made me come once, just after I'd had a coil fitted...weird! OP I know what you mean about feeling we are in the minority but I don't think we are. I think that those orgasm from Piv alone are happy to share in response to your question but those who don't perhaps keep quiet so you might get an unrepresentative response here.

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 19:15:54

OP I hope you read Branleuse and other's posts and know that you aren't weird if it turns out that you can't orgasm from all types of sex. It's great that you can experience it at all, isn't it!

Daisypops Sun 03-Mar-13 19:29:53

I can gather what piv is, but what does it stand for?

Teeb Sun 03-Mar-13 19:44:49

penis in vagina

moonfacebaby Sun 03-Mar-13 20:11:08

I spent years thinking I could only orgasm though clitoral stimulation.

Now I am with my new DP, I am discovering all sorts! I can orgasm through PIV & I have even experienced multiple orgasms.

Clitoral orgasms tend to be stronger & I am finding that I can have several orgasms in a session. I'm also 41, so maybe it's a combination of excellent sexual chemistry & me being at my sexual peak?

All of this has been a bit of an epiphany for me - my exH wasn't a great lover - he was ok. My DP is a fantastic lover - the kind of man who gets very turned on by pleasuring me, with no pressure. We are still very much in the honeymoon phase & fancy the pants of each other.

We tend to go for it quite vigorously at times & this seems to do the trick with me - it builds up to this.

But, before meeting him, I always thought orgasms through PIV were rare amongst most women, me included.

choccyp1g Sun 03-Mar-13 20:18:44

Never through PIV alone, despite trying with lots of men.

MooMooSkit Sun 03-Mar-13 20:25:17

See I'm the opposite to you ladies. A lot of my friends said they could orgasm easily through oral sex but I think I've only had an orgasm through oral sex once or twice in the whole time I've been sexually active and thats over 11 years now.

I can't orgasm through all positions though, I find I come easily being on top and sort of "grinding" myself down or if he is on top I have to push my hips up into him as well. I've never come from any other position unless I'm using my hand on myself as well. I think I need a lot of "pressure" down there but I always do.

I find it interesting how your partner says 80% of his partners did. My oh says he "thinks he did" with exes but when I first met him he was pretty useless and I did have to put across what i needed to finish so i'm not so sure. Think guys tend to lie about stuff like that sometimes.

Shybairns Sun 03-Mar-13 20:30:57

I can't feel very much at all when have penis inside me. blush Must have terrible bucket fanny.

And I can't stimulate my clitoris when he's inside me either.

And I've never successfully masterbated with my hands/his hands or his toungue.

I only come on my own with a vibrator.

Not satisfied.

I do, every time, sometimes multiple. Only in positions where I'm rubbing against him though. I do appreciate my luck! grin

Amomentsgrace Sun 03-Mar-13 21:19:48

I never orgasmed with my first couple of lovers and I was with one for ten years. I could through masturbation.

Next lover very often, DH almost every time, very rare not to and often multiple orgasms. I have thought I am going to faint a couple of times. I also have the female ejaculation thing. I can honestly say I was not sexually awakened till I was almost 30.

We don't have loads of foreplay but he always starts quite gently. I feel really pleased as I endured years of non satisfying sex.

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 21:39:10

oh i have hope guys, thank you!

i feel under no pressure from dp. i asked him directly 'how many of your past lovers could orgasm during sex?' and when i said i felt inadequate he reassured me that i was normal and that it was great with me. he said he didnt think i 'should' be orgasming as everyone is different. i know he gets off on me being pleasured so its not about his ego, he's genuinely loving and caring. like i said earlier he is the only bf ive had that sex has felt equal with. All past lovers have gotten bored with wanting to pleasure me and have been fairly selfish.

i am almost 30 so am quite excited about the prospect of sex getting better and better!

i am also intrigued with female ejaculation, those that do - does it happen only with the most intense orgasms? or is it more about hitting a certain spot?

fluffyraggies Sun 03-Mar-13 21:52:18

Female ejaculation - i thought this was a myth until i experienced it myself. It only happens occasionally. Always startles me a bit when it does. For a split second i worry i've wet myself blush but i definately haven't! It's always been during one of these mini orgasms we were trying to describe earlier, as well strangely. Not during a stonking great one, as you might expect grin

Last time it happened i felt DH falter slightly in his rhythm when it happened, and i wondered if he'd felt it. Then later when we were laying together afterwards he said he'd wondered at the time if i might have started my period as he'd felt the gush. I hadn't - we were both pretty wet, and it wasn't blood or wee.

(The things i share on here)

I ejaculate but not from PIV, only from fingers. I rarely orgasm from PIV but can from bumsex.

this book is good if you are interested in ejaculation.

If you do a search on my username, you'll find a previous thread in which I describe the six or seven different typesof orgasm that I experience.
Never did get round to changing my name to FanjoBarista.

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 22:05:01

Well since all most of my orgasms are G spot and A spot , that is when it happens for me and it is very intense and very wet. blush

SweetSeraphim Sun 03-Mar-13 22:05:45

Oh I think it definitely gets better with age.... Up until I was about 40, I always wanted hard fucking, hated the idea of making love envy But I never used to orgasm, although I didn't really care because I still enjoyed it.

These days are different - I find it much easier to come, still never through intercourse alone, I need clitoral stimulation, but then it's quite easy.

I have had loads of a few partners over time. But at the ripe old age of 42, it's only now that I orgasm regularly with someone else grin

bestsonever Sun 03-Mar-13 22:07:27

Have to say sex does improve in your 30's, almost like there are all these different areas in there that have woken up and start contracting and pulsing in diff ways. Hmm...look forward to next time, been a while :0

Branleuse Sun 03-Mar-13 22:18:54

actually I've orgasmed through bumsex too blush but not piv.

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 22:31:38

coming through bumsex... i cant imagine, wow!

ive been reading up a bit about it, i read your advice maggiemaggie thank you, i feel so inspired im determined to work on this! i feel so awakened, i always thought 'i cant have g spot orgasms' and have never been with a partner who cared either way. so have just accepted it as my fate. this is it, my 30's are going to be about my orgasmic liberation.. grin thank you all!

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 22:41:24

Good luck OP but make sure this is a quest for you won't you? It's good that he wants you to fulfil your sexuality, but I still feel a bit uncomfortable about him mentioning his past prowess and regarding this as 'his mission'. Maybe you had to be there to get all the nuances of the conversation, but I'm still left with the impression that this is more about him than you. Have fun with the awakening though wink

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 22:42:52

Go *chocolatepuff".....!!!

Darkesteyes Sun 03-Mar-13 23:14:58

My h and i havent had sex for many years but looking back for the first 4 years we were together when we actually were having sex it was just an "in and out" thing and that was that.
After 7 yrs of no sex at all i had an affair when i was 30 which lasted 4 and a half years.
And BLOODY HELL sex with OM was wonderful. Once id shown him what i wanted. I had lost a lot of weight before meeting OM and got a lot more confidence and so wasnt shy about showing him what i wanted. I dont orgasm through PIV but only through clitoral stimulation and blush nip stimulation has given me muscular contractions that start in the stomach and move downwards IF the stimulation of my breasts is done just right.

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 23:22:55

Why did you marry and stay with someone like that DarkestEyes?

Darkesteyes Sun 03-Mar-13 23:43:45

i was only 19 and had a Catholic upbringing. When you consider there is an implication in society that women shouldnt enjoy sex and then throw Catholicism and the Italian culture into a young girls upbringing you end up with me.

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sun 03-Mar-13 23:48:21

I can only orgasm thru penetration if its in missionary and if I feel secure with the guy I'm doing it with .
The only way I can orgasm is if I grind myself on him blush

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 23:57:24

I was raised a Catholic too DarkestEyes but as I said on a thread today, when I first had sex over 35 years ago in the Cosmo era me and all my contemporaries had a complete expectation that good sex was our birthright. It really saddens me to read of younger woman who were led to believe otherwise. That wasn't the message I got from society at all, so maybe your experience was familial rather than societal? A fair few of my Catholic friends' parents had divorced too, so there was no pressure on my generation to stay in a bad marriage either.

Darkesteyes Mon 04-Mar-13 00:03:28

I think it was more the culture my mum comes from bad. When i moved out 21 years ago she moved into my room.
And then 2 years ago when she found a jewellery receipt hidden in his wardrobe she had a go at him for having an affair (though he says it wasnt physical) while all this was going on she phoned me saying "yr dad only likes them with big holes" it was fucking horrible hearing her talk that way about my dad.
I have realised in recent years that i tried so hard not to be like her ive ended up in the same situation as my dad.

neverhadone Mon 04-Mar-13 00:28:35

Was actually having an a chat with DP about this today as he asked if I was sexually frustrated after sex as I never orgasm, and he asked me a while ago if he was doing anything wrong... when I told him I've never had one, with a man or by myself! Don't get me wrong enjoy sex anyway, but it just never happens for me. Although I know he want's to please me and I think it gets to him a little bit that he can't please me to that point. blush

Lueji Mon 04-Mar-13 00:57:59

Well, it's very rare that I don't orgasm, but with clitoral stimulation.

So, usually before penetration.

I'm actually not sure if I can reach it through penetration or not. hmm

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 04-Mar-13 01:08:05

I'm sure I've read this exact OP on here before, I've got really weird deja vu confused

badinage Mon 04-Mar-13 02:04:20

That's very sad for your mum and dad, Darkest but I never assume that the person who doesn't want sex is just doing that to be cruel, or that the person who has a dishonest affair rather than leave the marriage is a saint. I just don't really understand why couples in these sham marriages stay together, especially people under 60 who've got some years left to be happy and are of the generation where divorce isn't stigmatised. It's such a waste. I suppose there must be pay-offs somewhere along the line that are more important to people than being free and happy?

I don't orgasm through PIV sex and never have with any of my too many handful of partners. I have the most astounding orgasm from clitoral stimulation but it generally takes some time to get there.
I suspect the stats are right and 70%+ don't orgasm from pure PIV shenanigans - no harm in practicing though, right x

dondon33 Mon 04-Mar-13 05:33:01

I think that 80% of ex lovers is probably a bit of an exaggeration smile
My own Dp god bless him was convinced all of his 3/4 previous, (average term from 6-12 months) ex partners had screaming orgasms every time through just PIV hmm
He says now he realises that in fact they most likely faked it (he says definitely, I say he can't be sure) because it doesn't 'feel' the same to him as it does when I orgasm through PIV (I think he means my body's involuntary reactions). I have 2 kinds of orgasm through PIV, one quite mild and the other very intense almost like from clitoral stimulation. It happens often enough but not every time, position and mood must be right.
While I love these O's my favourite is from oral clitoral stimulation.

<Eyes dp sleeping on other side of room and fights compulsion to go sit on his head> smile

Morloth Mon 04-Mar-13 06:16:09

I do and am another one who really can't be arsed with foreplay. DH however loves a good warm up.

It's nice and all, but really? Just get to the good bit!

There is no 'should' everyone is going to be different.

Midwife99 Mon 04-Mar-13 08:28:48

I orgasm through PIV but have to be on top with the angle just right for G spot stimulation. Can orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris but it's a mini one not a proper one.
Hey isn't it great we all know our bodies so well?!!! #lovebeingmiddleaged!!

fluffyraggies Mon 04-Mar-13 09:54:16

One thing that this thread proves is that there is no 'normal'.

There's an interesting thread here at the mo Why are so many men so selfish and entitled in bed? which has formed into (IMO) not so much a condemnation of men but rather a discusion about how to tell your sexual partner what you like, and how it feels when he doesn't seem to quite get it! That thread too shows the huge diversity of women's likes and dislikes.

dondon my DH told me about a GF he had who would always screech and shout out during sex and rake at his back. He was only 18 at the time and he says that even at that age he was very hmm and confused about "the racket she was making and all the scratching". He sensed fakery smile

AlfalfaMum Mon 04-Mar-13 10:03:40

I usually come from clitoral/nipple stimulation, which can happen during piv or not. Usually I have to be on top because I'm bossy so I can control the pressure and rhythm.
Very rarely I have come purely from piv.

PretzelTime Mon 04-Mar-13 12:01:03

That's interesting Outraged. I'd like to remind everyone that sex threads could easily be started by, and read by, some random loser guy. Not saying that Op is one of them though. And if that's so I'm positive about male interest in how female orgasm works wink

It's interesting how different people are when it comes to touch and sexuality. However it does seems that most women need some kind of stimulation of the outer parts of the clitoris to come.

Darkesteyes Mon 04-Mar-13 17:17:31

badinage there is emotional abuse involved. When i lost my virginity at 18 my mum said i had "ruined myself" and basically called me spoiled goods.
You should see the attitude she has towards women (my dad is a bit like it too sometimes but with not as much vitriol) my mum watches shit like Take Me OUt and goes on and on about how some of the women have been married before and got kids etc Still using the spolied goods spiel.
And to phone me and say "yr dad only likes them with big holes"
Well that demonstrates 2 things.
a. She should not be talking to me about him like that. hes my DAD!
b. it shows up her mysogynistic views about women who have had more than one relationship/ sexual encounter.
And my teenage niece might be going to live there OVER MY DEAD BODY!

badinage Mon 04-Mar-13 17:24:32

How dreadful darkesteyes.

But it's their choice to stay in a marriage like that, with a partner like that.

Doesn't mean you have to do the same does it?

Darkesteyes Mon 04-Mar-13 17:28:51

No you are quite right. But i wont be able to see much of my DN if i "rock the boat" and i want her to have what i didnt have. Someone to support her if the same shit gets dished out to her. And the only one in this family who can do that is me. So i have to be here for her. I want to be here for her.

dondon33 Mon 04-Mar-13 17:39:28

Fluffy smile smile poor guys huh? having their ego's over stimulated with probable fakers.... but very good he seen through it.
Although I have to say I'm certainly not quiet all the time, decibels sometimes rise with intensity blush smile I have never and would never fake it - hand on heart. My view is if the guy can't be arsed enough to make sure I enjoy it to the end then I'm damn well not going to make him feel good about about himself just because. I don't see the point.

ElizabethX Mon 04-Mar-13 18:58:29

I never come that way if it's from behind, but I do if I'm on top because I kind of go back and forth rather than up and down, so I can rub my clit against him.

If he's on top then to make me come he needs to be inside and to do sort of circles with his hips without ever withdrawing very far. This does the same thing to my clit.

I fuck rather than make love though, like someone said above. Before any of the above I like a good hard seeing to so as as to get into the right place. Really deep has always felt nice and I now wonder if this is an A spot thing??

Cunnilingus always makes me come and I am a bit rough about it. I tend to pull his hair forcing his face further into me....Fortunately the current man likes this.

It probably helps that I fill with lust just looking at / thinking about him. Quite the novelty that is.

ElizabethX Mon 04-Mar-13 19:06:23

I've just noticed the bit about coming from anal sex. How does that work if someone feels up to explaining? blush

Anal sex doesn't do a huge amount for me as it feels like doing a poo. Ahem. I doesn't hurt either or gross me out either, it feels vaguely naughty and decadent, but the bit I like is being masturbated by him as we do it, which he can do anyway without the anal how does it work? Is that how others, er, get there?

catlady1 Mon 04-Mar-13 19:25:33

I also think 80% is a bit of an exaggeration. And how many partners has he had if he can give you a percentage?! Or does he just mean four out of five?

I have to say after reading this thread that I feel a bit inadequate now. No-one has ever made me come but I thought it was a reasonably common problem!

badinage Mon 04-Mar-13 19:28:44

How old's your niece Darkest?

Are you saying that you're staying in a loveless marriage because of your niece?

Kione Mon 04-Mar-13 19:45:31

right, I thought I had never orgasmed through PIV but reading some of the descriptions I might have! its just that feeling that maybe you expect the same "explotion" as with clit stimulation. So... can someone kindly describe or compare both of them? it might even put me in the mood fir once!

fluffyraggies Mon 04-Mar-13 19:45:53

I wondered about the rights and wrongs of a bloke starting a thread like this here just in order to get off on reading about g.spots and grinding. My conclusion was that even if 100 guys read it, 99 of them just perved and only 1 actually learned something and used it constructively at some point in the future - then it would make it ok wink Are you listening guys?

Noise - yeah i can be noisy grin If we're alone in the house or in a hotel room then i will indeed let go and raise the roof. When the kids are in the next room i bite my lip. Same goes for DH really. I Love it when he gets noisy! Really turns me on.

Faking it. I confess i have done it. No good excuse. The only thing i can say in my defense is that when i've faked it, it was to bring things to a conclusion as i was too drunk, sore or tired to go on blush

Anal - we do it occasionally. I've never come through anal. Sometimes it's better than others - depends on how many drinks i've had my mindset i think. Sometimes i really enjoy it, and get extremely aroused, other times i find i have to call a halt as i can't relax into it.

fluffyraggies Mon 04-Mar-13 19:50:34

Kione i tried to describe the difference yesterday and found it very difficult grin

The word explosion is a good one for clitoral orgasm. Like i said i find the full on orgasm is something too all encompassing to go through more than once in the space of an hour or so. They're mind blowing. The mini ones - one after another, yes.

I too am tending to think i may have 'mini O's' through PIV.

Kione Mon 04-Mar-13 20:07:55

I can have a full blown one with clit stimulation and then smaller ones, usually with a vibrator this is easier.
The piv one I might had... ages ago... it felt like so so nice but never quite having climax. And ONLY when I am mega turned on by pertner, usually on honeymoon period blush

Kione Mon 04-Mar-13 20:08:28

thanks fluffy I just saw the post

chocolatepuff Mon 04-Mar-13 20:25:39

ha i am not a man.. i am a woman in her late 20s who has only realised from reading this thread that i have been having mostly bad sex for the duration of my 12 year sex life! (bad as in, it was always about male pleasure, i assumed i couldnt come from piv so have never tried) i feel completely sexually awakened and excited abou the prospect of g spot orgasms from piv sex! i read on a website (cant remember which) that all women are capable of g spot orgasms, it can just tke some of us some more time to get there. hope for us all !

Kione Mon 04-Mar-13 20:40:07

wine here is to hope!!!

ILikeBirds Mon 04-Mar-13 20:45:23

ElizabethX - I believe anal sex can indirectly stimulate the g-spot in (some?) women.

Oh I used to fake it all the time in the bad old days when I was young. I knew better than to do all the screaming and bucking and back scratching. What you do is go a bit stiff and quiet and hold your breath then do your pelvic floors really fast. It was always to bring dull sex to an end rather than to stroke some bloke's ego though. I'm not proud, before anyone has a pop.

I haven't needed to do that for about 14 years now smile

I squirt occasionally. I can't feel it myself and there doesn't seem to be anything unusual about those orgasms. The only way I know it's happening is when DP starts spluttering and choking.

Darkesteyes Mon 04-Mar-13 21:22:53

badinage you spoke on another thread about women who have no financial independence. i am one of those women.
a. couldnt go to my parents because they wouldnt support my decision.
b. womens services are being cut to the bone (cant see them helping to rehouse a woman with no children just because her h doesnt sleep with her.) most of the jobs here are minimum wage which would go nowhere near to a months deposit on a rented flat and with the shortage on one bed places id get hit with bedroom tax straight away but i dont think it would get that far. because a single person with no kids isnt priotity and i would be voluntarily making myself homeless All very well for people to cry LTB but its just not economically possible and by reading these boards i know im not the only one.

badinage Mon 04-Mar-13 22:16:07

Yes I was referring to financial independence for women who couldn't work because of childcare though. Do you mean you're currently unemployed then? If so, how long for?

I'm sure you must have done, but have you looked into all your options such as return to work schemes/job clubs, spoken to all involved in social housing and are you flexible about where you could live and work, especially as you've got no children and no ties to schools etc? What career did you train for and is there any way back into it? Could you study with a view to retraining?

Or are you just assuming it's as bleak and as impossible as it sounds?

Do you actually want to leave your marriage and work and have some financial independence, or am I assuming that's what you want?

Darkesteyes Mon 04-Mar-13 22:29:23

I had to stop work in 2006 when Dh had his heart attack which left him with decreased lung function and a mild brain injury with memory loss. I have to repeat myself a lot. I never trained for a career. Never had the support to do that as a teenager so it just didnt happen. Wasnt even allowed to go to early evening discos because my DM didnt like me out of the house so uni was never going to happen. ive worked in shops nursing homes and a sex chatline office.
return to work schemes involving things like workfare Been there done that FOUR FUCKING TIMES and its what got me into sex chatline work.

Darkesteyes Mon 04-Mar-13 22:30:16

im done discussing this now and am starting to feel like im having to justify myself.

Darkesteyes Mon 04-Mar-13 22:33:02

badinage the lack of financial independence doesnt just apply to parents. its not great for carers either.

Hairylurker Tue 05-Mar-13 00:03:40

I agree with Plentyofpubegardens, about just under a third of my exes came through penetration alone ie without clitoral stimulation. Like Branleuse I thought originally this was to do with an anatomical connection that allowed the clitoris to be stimulated by proxy, as it were, but one of my partners was very clear that this was a vaginal orgasm, had nothing to do with the clitoris, but was particular to certain positions and certain shapes of penis. When I've tried to discuss this with other women, those who did not experience vaginal orgasm found it very hard to believe that it existed. I wonder whether, given that, as is described in the thread about why men are so entitled in bed , there appear to be a lot of poor male lovers around, it requires less finesse to please a woman who comes vaginally, and perhaps those relationships last longer on average?

Hairylurker Tue 05-Mar-13 00:09:03

Just read Ilikebirds. An ex of mine told me she had her first orgasm through penetration by anal sex. Mind you she was living in the Caribbean at the time.

Dottiespots Tue 05-Mar-13 00:38:52

Personally a vaginal G spot or A spot (or both) orgasm is different to clitoral. It is very powerful . Hard to describe though. Amazing.! Wow.! Not helping much though with description am I. Certainly just as intense as clitoral but in a total body way. Definately and OMG moment.

badinage Tue 05-Mar-13 00:39:40

Heavens I didn't mean Workfare, Darkest!! Spawn of the devil, that angry and please don't tell me that you were forced to work in the sex industry to get benefits? shock But workfare wasn't around in 2006 was it?

I meant proper funded Return to Work schemes where they train you in CV writing, interview techniques and learning new skills - and attendance is not linked to the benefits system. I've worked for quite a few of these in the South East and helped people into jobs which is why I was wondering whether you were flexible about location.

No need to reply, it's just I've seen your posts around and about and you seem very angry and defeated. I was just wondering what your story was and whether you wanted to make the break and change. Good luck.

Darkesteyes Tue 05-Mar-13 00:56:53

Im so sorry i got a bit stroppy badinage thanks wine I didnt mean to drip feed or anything. with my workfare experiences i did stints at a charity shop and local council, Then they were going to make me work at a soup factory for 3 months for my JSA. I had applied for loads of jobs including the chatline and then the chatline offered me a job. As they were the only ones offering me paid work i took it.
On a brighter note i am hoping to go to the Suffragette Centenary in June. One thing i probably do need to do is widen my social circle.
Sorry for being a stroppy cow thanks

Darkesteyes Tue 05-Mar-13 00:58:46

I did my workfare as part of New Deal from 1999 to 2001 On New Deal it was 13 weeks workfare

As mentioned previously, I'm pretty sure I have identified six or seven different types of orgasms that I undergo. I'm sure it varies a lot between women as well.

badinage Tue 05-Mar-13 01:22:29

Hey no worries thanks

Yay to the Suffragette Centenary!!

Have a look out for those schemes I mentioned. Some of them here are registered charities, so independent of this awful government. They've made a real difference to some people I've worked with; life-changing stuff. I've kept in touch with a few and the first jobs they had were stepping-stones to better and more well-paid jobs. One of the hidden pluses though was the cameraderie that grew amongst the jobseekers and the sense of purpose it gave them coming into 'work' each day. I'd really recommend looking to see if there's anything like that in your area or in a place you'd be willing to work.

Darkesteyes Tue 05-Mar-13 01:37:41

Thankyou badinage thanks thanks

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 04:31:09

I am not too keen on clitoral orgasms TBH, they often trigger a blinding headache/nausea. I have heard an actual 'pop' in my head once during one with a vile instantaneous migraine.

Much rather the deeper but less intense vaginal version.

I also don't like to have sex standing up, I get all dizzy.

EmmaThorn Thu 07-Mar-13 09:43:48

I very rarely orgasmed from PIV, and I always thought I was in some 1% bracket of women who have something wrong with them! But most women can't achieve orgasm from intercourse alone, but stimulation before/during helps and I find that being totally relaxed and in the "zone" helps me loads. When I have had an orgasm from PIV alone, its always been when I least expect it to happen!

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