Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Partner admitted to sex with transexuals

(68 Posts)
Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 08:20:56

Please, please, please help. I feel distraught, I don't know what to do.

My partner of 12 years just admitted he has been having sex with transexuals, no a one off, every now and then. I feel disgusted that he has been lying to me all this time. I need serious help, because all I want to do is kill myself.

I knew he enjoyed watching the transexual porn, but accepted he had this addiction. He has taken it a step further with acting out his fantasy. I kept telling him he should give me a real shot at love if he can't be faithful (he has cheated before) but he kept insisting he loved me and wanted to be a family (we have four kids).

I know he will continue to live out his fantasy, because when I asked him he said he didn't know if he could live without this in his life.

I am happy he has felt he could be honest, but devastated by his reality. He has been living a whole different life. I think he has been using me has his cover to say he has a happy family.

He treats me like crap most of the time, but is a good, not great, father to our children.

I will never be intimate with him again because of his dishonesty, but I want out of the relationship. This is way too much for me to deal with. Too many secrets and lies.

I am pregnant now and would have to sacrifice everything I worked hard for. He has destroyed my life. Suicide is an option, butt would hurt my kids too much.

Please help someone, I am very fragile right now. Am crying as I type, so sorry if there are any grammatical errors.

ArtVandelay Sat 02-Mar-13 08:25:15

I'm so sorry to hear this, you must feel.terrible but please don't hurt yourself - he is not worth it and your kids need you.

You must get some real life support. Are you married? Call a lawyer. I think you should get him out of the house so you can get your head straight. Don't be afraid to tell people, this is his shame and f*ck up, not yours.

Iammyhair Sat 02-Mar-13 08:25:44

Please do not think about killing yourself. Please. He has betrayed you, you, your unborn baby and children deserve more. He needs to leave. You deserve love and respect not being someone's cover for a secret life.

I'm so sorry this has happened. Do you have any rl support, someone you could call now?

Un mumsnetty hugs to you. I'm sure others with better advice will be along soon. Until then im Hand holding xx

ArtVandelay Sat 02-Mar-13 08:27:32

Can someone please post Olgaga's list of stuff/ support when going it alone?

I'm on my phone.

joblot Sat 02-Mar-13 08:27:55

Sounds like youre in a very unpleasant marriage generally. Have you considered counseling? There's loads of practical advice around to make ending the marriage feasible and manageable, someone with more knowledge will be along soon. Really sorry you're having to go through such an awful time

Southeastdweller Sat 02-Mar-13 08:33:52

Really sorry to hear this. If possible when you've got some strength I would kick him out for at least a while to get some head space, then get a lawyer, as well as being STD tested. As of now I would get on the phone to a friend or someone in your family and let it all out.

Coconutty Sat 02-Mar-13 08:34:36

Sorry to read this, although you are in a lot of pain right now your baby and children really need you so please don't think about suicide. Have you got someone you can talk to in RL?

You are obviously in shock too, and need to get some support. I agree that you should get him to leave. You need time and space to process this and to decide what you want to do.

Did you find out or did he just tell you? I'm wondering what he thinks is going to happen if he is unwilling to give this up.

Really sorry to hear this, how much will your life change if you ask him to leave? Another 'woe is me' husband. Try to be strong but seek some urgent support.

kittybiscuits Sat 02-Mar-13 08:39:22

So terribly sorry you are in this horrible situation OP. Is there someone in real life you can call to come round and be with you? You need support right now to deal with the shock and terrible hurt. Please see your GP on Monday and get some professional support. If you can't keep yourself safe - if you actually plan to harm yourself, please call samaritans for support or out of hours GP. It's normal to have such bleak thoughts when you're shocked and heart broken and can't see a way forward. It will pass. Is anyone with you? x

What a shit. he has put you and your unborn baby at risk with his sexual 'needs' and ugly lies. How bloody dare he. angry angry

Whereabouts in the country do you live? I am so very sorry you're having to face such a harrowing situation.

You have been saintly frankly, to forgive him for being a cheating toe-rag in the past and exceptionally mature and accepting to allow him to gorp at transexual porn.

But he's utterly exploited your acceptance by acting out these desires. He does not deserve you and he certainly needs to leave the house.

If you kill yourself your poor children will be left in the hands of this ruthless deceitful man. Do not do that to them!

Do you rent or own your home? It sounds like you aren't married so you can tell him to leave. He can bed down with one of his tranny partners he would rather keep having sex with.

You need some proper RL help and support right now. Who can you call? The Samaritans if there is no one immediate you feel you can talk to...keep posting on here.

You need to get blood angry, not suicidal.

I repeat. What an utter shit your P is.

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 08:45:47

I looked at the history of our computer and saw all these transexual websites he visited as well as video downloads.

I cannot talk to anyone I know about this. I feel too embarrassed. What does this say about me? I have been a real fool. I ignored all the warning signs, as well as the obvious. He has been very controlling, but I did not acknowledge this. He was a,ways hiding his phone. I am not married, I work, he looks after the kids. I would have to give up my job for a while until I can get back on my feet when I kick him out.

Been punching myself and screaming. Never thought this would be me. Need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start thinking more rationally, but can't right now.

Samaritans 24/7 helpline: 08457 90 90 90

Come on girl, you can get through this. Your employer needs to know you will be off work for a while.... if you broke both legs you would have no choice so consider this to be such a situation (only a bit worse! Bastard.)

Stop punching yourself also. Where is your deceitful shagging P right now?

How old are your children also?
You will get financial help if you have to give up work...and you will be on maternity leave at some point soon anyway?

He does indeed sound a controlling arse. Five kids and he still wants to dip his wick into transexuals and thinks he can't stop himself?

Sod that.

let us on here think rationally for you: First, disengage from him.
If he is the house now then get him out - he can use the money he has been spending on sex, to rent a room somewhere.
If he is not at home then calmly let him know that he is not to return.
If he is likely to get violent then dial 999.
Telephone a colleague at work and let them know you cannot work next week as you have gastric bug and have been sick.
Think only hour by hour for now.
Put the kettle on.
I am so angry on your behalf.
Who is your closest friend? People will want to support you. <<>>

Oh and it says nothing about you - it says everything about him.

My ex-H had been looking at LadyBoys sites, affair sites, escort sites, no-string-attached-married-sex sites and christ knows what else before fecking off to Thailand leaving me with our baby. So I am able to imagine a bit of what you're feeling and going through right now.

You have four children and are pregnant. You really DO need to get some proper RL help. Your lovely Dcs need you. It doesn't matter if you cry loads - I wailed for England. But you simply can't sacrifice your own life for this shagging weak nasty little man.

Keep posting. We amazonians can get through this you know.

kittybiscuits Sat 02-Mar-13 08:59:49

It doesn't say anything about you. It says everything about him. Please stop trying to protect him - he put you in this position. You need help right now. Please either call someone to come round now, call Samaritans on the number above or ring the out of hours GP. Please don't hurt yourself. You will ruin your childrens lives and he's not worth it. You can't see it now, of course, but you will find a way through this and you do not need this selfish bastard in your life.

Shagger can find a room here: or stay with friend/family.

Put the heating on/do yourself a hot water bottle and make yourself a piece of toast.

Everyone has the choice about whether to be faithful or not. This says nothing about you, it's about him being an unfaithful dick who thinks he can do what he likes & get away with it.

Do you have close by friends/family you could talk to, not necessarily about why it's happened but that your relationship is over & you need support?

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 09:28:53

I can't do this. I can't. This is too much for me. I had a stillbirth last year and he says that the last time he was with one was last year. I feel sick. I have been suffering severe depression since and now this. I can't see the other side right now, I just see devastation and disaster. The lazy fuck won't do any house work but found the time to make secret liaisons with transexuals, presumably in hotels or something.

He will get violent I know. I will just have to take that. I want to get out the house NOW. Feel like I am suffocating, don't want the kids to see me so upset.

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 09:33:59

I really do not feel I can talk to anyone. They they query why I am still with him. They will probably be too fed up to hear a new saga and in the back of their minds think that I will only be back with him.

The last time he knocked me out was a month ago, yes I called the police. They arrested him and then released him without even telling me and he came straight back to the house.

kalidanger Sat 02-Mar-13 09:34:13

Would he leave? Ask him to leave. Tell him to leave. You need space to get your thoughts together. Would your family be able to help you out? You can tell them he's been cheating with women if the truth is too much at the moment.

JaceyBee Sat 02-Mar-13 09:35:15

Do you have anyone that can come over and be with you? Whereabouts in the uk are you?

Just take some slow, deep breaths in and out. You WILL get through this.

itwillgetbettersoon Sat 02-Mar-13 09:41:29

Where are you? You must ask for help. Your friends and family will want to help you. Please don't think a out ending it all - your beautiful children will need you. He needs to leave while you get help. X thinking of you and there are lots of us here that can help you. X

ArtVandelay Sat 02-Mar-13 09:44:53

The police didn't help? This is insane. Call the police on 101 and ask for an officer for when you tell him to get out and also call, right now, women's aid and the Domestic Abuse unit at the police.

He has got to go ASAP - I'm getting quite frightened for you OP as you are abused in so many ways.

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 09:44:58

East London.

Don't want to have a row in front of the kids. I will text him, he seems to understand written communication better.

I am so mad. I feel like a crazy woman. I am going through a roller coaster of emotions. Everything is starting to make sense. No sex, no emotional connection, not spending time with me.

You know that line in a few good men that says " you can't handle the truth" we'll that is how I feel. I had my suspicions of cheating but never had the proof. Now he as told the truth I am freaking out.

whattodoo Sat 02-Mar-13 09:50:23

Can you call Women's Aid? They will support and advise you.

you have a future, but probably not with him. You will work out a solution, just take one step at a time.

I really think you need to get him out, or you need to leave with the children, urgently.

You do not need to mention the transexual element of his infidelity at the moment, just say that he's been unfaithful if it helps.

Please don't hurt yourself anymore. You are carrying a beautiful bay who will love you and your children doubtless want to see you happy.

kalidanger Sat 02-Mar-13 09:53:14

I'm in East London too and I'm sending you live out over this mild grey day.

Please breathe, OP. This is a big deal and you absolutely need help. Don't get confused about being brave/coping and also panicking. Call a friend to talk to x

kalidanger Sat 02-Mar-13 09:56:25

The last time he knocked me out was a month ago, yes I called the police. They arrested him and then released him without even telling me and he came straight back to the house.

I strongly agree with calling 101 again. Explain, tell them you want him to leave and ask for their help. Get a friend to be with you! Don't be ashamed. If you've been keeping all this secret then yes, your friend or DSis or whoever will be very shocked but the will hold your hand very tightly Please get help x

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 10:08:57

DS just wole up and got me thinking abit more rational and gave me the most wonderful hug as he normally does. To think I had lost all perspective and only thought about me and my feelings now.

itwillgetbettersoon Sat 02-Mar-13 10:28:07

Needhelpfast - hugs from your children are priceless. Stay strong you can do this - you are already being strong. X take little steps. X

scottishmummy Sat 02-Mar-13 10:39:19

The immediate priority is you, your welfare your physical/mental health
I see your pg contact the hosp,meet with the mw
If your mh is deteriorating and/or feeling suicidal go to a&e ask for psychiatric team
Call gpget immediate gp apt discuss what's going on,and your anxieties
I see youve said dh may be violent,you don't need to take women aid

So sorry for your troubles
What real life support you have?
Any good pals to help out

Sunshinewithshowers Sat 02-Mar-13 10:44:00

This was me 5 weeks ago. My 'D'P of 9 years had been living another life with 8 other women.

The stories that he had told them, made me sick.
He told one of them he had cancer treatment.

Im 32 weeks pregnant. We were buying our first home, just needed to sign.

The night I found out, I drove off in the middle of the night, wheel spinning in anger, driving like a madwomen. I walked around tesco for an hour, I couldn't breathe properly. I wanted to end it all.

Yesterday I went to Tesco & chose new things for my new place that I'm moving into.

I know that sounds silly, but already I feel better.
I no longer walk on eggshells.

Please believe me, It will be better xxxxxxx

kittybiscuits Sat 02-Mar-13 10:46:06

So glad you had a lovely hug. I echo advice to call the police on 101. You're pregnant and he knocked you out a month ago. There's nothing to consider. You will need help to handle this and you can tell as much or as little as you like. Keep looking at your DC, they love and need you. Please make yourself a cup of tea with two sugars. You'll get there. You really will x

kittybiscuits Sat 02-Mar-13 10:48:08

Strength to you sunshine - you are amazing.

nannyof3 Sat 02-Mar-13 10:50:29

Suicide is not a option!!!!

U have 4 children.. U must think of them

scottishmummy Sat 02-Mar-13 10:50:55

Do report to police,get cad number they log details with
Book a lawyer, try keep dates,sequence of events.mention he hit you last month
Is your accommodation secure?will you be ok with him about
If need be contact local council re accommodation for family

milkymocha Sat 02-Mar-13 10:56:56

Iam East London too and sending you big hugs!

You need to get out but, you know that already! You need to protect your children OP, they are relying on you!

Sailormercury Sat 02-Mar-13 11:11:54

The sooner you get him out the better flowers

EternalRose Sat 02-Mar-13 11:37:08

NeedHelpFast please dont hurt yourself, this is not your fault. Keep posting here so the wonderful women of mumsnet can support you.

What are you doing now needhelp? We are concerned about you lovely. This relationship cannot and must not go on, but your personal safety is paramount right now.

What are you doing and where is your partner?

Breathe, focus, breathe, focus. Stay with us. Do not let this excuse of a man ruin your life any longer.

He has form for violence so you need to call a couple of authority figures to ask for help. Calling your Midwife or the crisis team at your local hospital are good starting points?

I could PM you my landline number and you can talk to me? You need to get through hour by hour. Am glad your DS gave you a big hug. You are his world and your baby-on-way also needs you. Dig up every mental and emotional strength you can muster.

I am so angry also that police allowed him to return home last time without informing you. Fgs. <<<>>>

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 13:49:02

He is out now. He didn't say anything or do anything other than leave. I feel even more sick now, I don't know what the future holds.

UnlikelyAmazonian and Sunshinewithshowers I am sorry to hear of your situations.

I am in pieces. I can't really see a happy future.

I am looking forward to the birth of my child (not the labour).

A few horrible days and nights ahead.

Ok well that sounds very good.

Did you ask him to leave and do you know where he has gone?

Of course you feel sick. Of course you are afraid. And no doubt you will have difficult days and nights to get through.,

But you have been amazing. Just today. So the next few days you need to get more help - from any resource you can. Family/friends/professionals.

When is your baby due? (congratulations for this - I never had another child after ExH and I would have so loved one/five!)

I am still worried for you however. On what 'terms' has he left and can you make sure he cannot return to the house and get back in?

What family do you have? My family were next to useless and so were H's - no support whatsoever so I had to muster all sorts of help from embarassing sources. Everyone came to my rescue. You must do this. <<>>

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 14:50:04

I can talk to my sister, but not going to go into detail.

I think he wanted out but didn't want to be the one to leave because he didn't say anything. He will not be back. There is that little part of me that wanted him to beg me back and say how sorry he was, but he seemed very happy.

When we have split in the past, I have been the fool to say come back, the kids miss you. He would then make me have sex with him to prove he could still have me. I always hated having sex with him because he wanted me to do things I didn't feel comfortable with. I now to think where that thing has been I feel really sick. I said to my sis that my time with him has been a total waste, she disagreed and said it is an experience that you will learn from. 12 years of being lied to and abused. I am spoilt goods. I can't see myself moving past this. If I were to be with another man I will only think of this experience, so I doubt I will be intimate ever again.

Lueji Sat 02-Mar-13 15:05:10

Firstly, you are not "goods".

You will get over it in time. Just let it do it work.

You have 4+1 children to show for those 12 years. You cannot negate them.
I bet they are wonderful. smile

And think how fantastic your life will be without his presence.

Take one day at a time. You'll get there.

Big hug.

KnitFastDieWarm Sat 02-Mar-13 16:02:11

You are not 'spoilt goods', you are a strong woman, a mother, and a human being with a life ahead of you - which now won't be hampered by a lying, violent, abusive, disrespectful scumbag.
Don't let him win. Don't let his treatment of you make you feel unworthy. HE is the one with the problem, HE is the liar, the cheat, the thug.
Be strong, be angry, be free! We are all rooting for you.

Sunshinewithshowers Sat 02-Mar-13 17:59:47

Yes, we are all here for you. The pain is raw at the moment, you will grieve for the routine, the everyday life you had.

Then its like a weight lifting, the sun shining outside is another day for you to be happy, everything starts slotting into place.

My god, I could write over 100 scenarios now where he humilitated me, I never saw It at the time.

I said to myself for every second Im sad & crying, not eating, & being sick is a second for him to be feeling happy.

And theres no way Im letting that happen, so as cruel as I sound Im hoping every second I feel happy & look forward that he is feeling like shit.

Its the only way I have managed every day.

Its only just happened to you, so the shock is sickening, So please keep posting, your children need you, you sound amazing xxxx

scottishmummy Sat 02-Mar-13 19:01:57

No person is merely goods,you're the sum of all you've experienced and achieved
The experiences,good and bad,shape you. You're in no way spoilt.
Get good advice, see the gp and mw.and take care

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 19:24:18

Thank you all for being there for me. I was contemplating calling him and asking him if he knows how much he has hurt me, but I know that he wouldn't actually care because if he did then he would not have been doing this. Still feel sick. If you heard the whaling I have been doing.

Yes it still feels very raw. He has ruined my life, I used to be so independent. I am now in debt thanks to him, coupled with my stupidity. I have stopped crying for now, but know there is more to come. How could he afford this? What the hell was he thinking? The computer history showed he was looking at this filth everyday, even at 5.30 in the morning. He is sick.

I know where I went wrong, it was thinking he would change. Leopards never change their spots; very true saying.

Sunshinewithshowers Sat 02-Mar-13 19:37:15

I said to my friend 'he has ruined my life'

She said 'No, he made it hell, your life/future begins now'

And like me, you thought he would change.
They don't see the need to change, because they see no wrong in being a cruel horrible person.

You keep going OP, hour by hour xxxxx

Who is helping you op? Someone is hopefully helping you through.

ArtVandelay Sat 02-Mar-13 22:51:55

Hope everything is okay. Well, as okay as it can be right now. People will help, I'm pretty sure, just reach out.

Needhelpfast Sat 02-Mar-13 23:21:06

My sis is helping, although I won't tell here the full story.

He is a disgusting pervert. It is all about sex and the fantasy of a women with a dick. I know there are people who genuinely love transexuals, but his thing is a fetish that he needs now and again.

I can't believe I wanted to hang myself today because of the humiliation and distress this idiot has caused me. I was looking at the ceiling light wondering if it would carry my weight, but thinking I didn't want my kids to find my body. Next thought was to just slam the car into a wall at high speed or something. These ar not normal, rational thoughts. But I have been feeling this way since the stillbirth.

He would never take me out, but once I read some posts he had put on a website and he was telling women he couldn't wait to take them out. All this while I was struggling and asking for help. Foolish me took him back. Even when he knocked me out I was in denial because he made it out to be my fault, saying I was nagging too much. I am so much better off without him.

The tears have started again. I feel for my children because they will not see their father as often, but it was because of them that I stayed in this loveless relationship, hoping he would change. He is to blame, not me or them.

Will see GP on Monday. Going to be a difficult night no doubt.

yay. Glad you have posted Needhelp. I will be up for quite a bit yet...

Very glad that you have talked to your sister.

It's wonderful that you feel on your childrens' behalf - that's because you care about them. Caring for them as best you can right now, loving them, feeling for them, willing yourself to remain their mummy - these are the things you must do right now.

Fuck him. He can make his own way.

You must put your children first and foremost in your mind - and your lovely to-be baby. How fantastic that you are going to enjoy the love and joy of your children without your toxic fuck-wit partner undermining you.

Darkesteyes Sun 03-Mar-13 00:16:01

Ive only just spotted this thread. So sorry for what you are going through Need Help. What an absolute fuckwit. To do this to the mother of his children and his children.
He does not realise what he has lost through his own selfishness and his lack of respect for you. What a bloody fool. x

kalidanger Sun 03-Mar-13 11:20:36

Sunny in East London today, and Spring is coming. It'll be a long road, OP but things can only get better thanks

Needhelpfast Sun 03-Mar-13 14:19:42

Going through abit of denial at the moment. Not so tearful today. Why can't I just understand that he is not going to apiokogise? I don't want to be back with him, but I some hoped he would feel some regret. Staying focused, onwards and upwards, but never backwards.

Sailormercury Sun 03-Mar-13 18:12:49

That's exactly right keep focused on you future. You have so much to look forward to! Even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

How are you op?

You are bound to be feeling confused and angry. But don't hold your breath for an apology - he'll probably make it all your fault anyway. Keep focused. Keep your strength up with bits of toast, plenty of tea.

Are you managing to sort out some practicalities?

Needhelpfast Mon 04-Mar-13 21:26:28

Thank you for asking.

I am very confused still. But somethings make sense, like his badgering for anal sex. My refusal would give him the justification to go out and do this stuff. I think he is addicted to sex.

I am going through the acceptance stage and wondering if life would be easy if he came back, but we are seperated. That way he has to keep his responsibility for the children and I get to keep my career. But this probably a bad idea. I just don't know if I can go to this dark place I am destined for. Maybe if I had more self esteem and was not experiencing other difficulties in my life I would feel like I had the strength to go through this. Don't get me wrong, I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM, I just don't think I can manage losing everything and starting from scratch when I am so unstable. I want the old me back, she is in here somewhere. I had a messed up childhood so I was very independent and had no time for men. I went and let my defences down and look where it has got me.

I will never enter into a deep relationship again. Being hurt like this is just too much.

I am excited about being on the dating scene after the baby is born. The last time I had a romantic night was probably 10 years ago. But has for changing my mindset for a man, this will not happen.

I spoke to one of my male friends, explaining that my partner had been unfaithful and we were no longer together, not going into more detail. Like I expected he moaned about telling me ages ago that I was wasting my time and couldn't understand why I had more children. He then said he would support me through this. True to his word he called back to see how I was getting on. He is very realistic, he says the things I need to hear, no sugar coating. I don't mind his honesty.

Look, you sound very confused and I am slightly concerned that you are already offloading onto a Man - and happily wallowing in the fact that he his 'saying the right things'. It doesn't mean he means any of it ffs.

You want some advice from an old lady?

Forget about the dating scene after the baby is born. That is a bonkers way of thinking. shock

Give the man-friend a bit more of a cold shoulder and start being a LOT more self-reliant - because your children need YOU.

Your CHILDREN need you.

Your new born baby will need YOU.

How old are you?

Oh, and two other points: what 'dark place' you are 'destined for' ?

Christ, if a partner and the husband of my copious children had knocked me out, been fucking trannies and badgered me for anal sex, I would seriously be celebrating the LIGHT place I am heading for.

You really must try to think of Rhodes instead of Transylvania. In time you will be punching the air that this knob end of a man is out of your hair...but in the meantime, keep only good friends and people you know care about you, close. Not some told-you-so nonce.

Needhelpfast Tue 05-Mar-13 21:48:58

Hi Amazonian,

I am 30 years old.

Wasn't today just beautiful outside.

You are right, I think that I do need to be more self reliant. Not being this way has caused the problems I think. I am very scared of being alone and feel like the void can only be filled by someone else.

The 'dark place' I refer to is having bailiffs repossess things to cover debts, having to claim benefits until I can sort myself out (becoming what some perceive a scrounger), having to start from scratch with nothing. Letters and phone class from different agencies asking for payment. I am already severely depressed, have been for years. This may tip me over the edge.

No tears at all today.

Glad you have updated. If you need some practical help with bailiffs/bills and money, you culd make an appointment with the CAB. i found them very reassuring and helpful.

What is happening with your STBX? You said he's gone, but where?

And you haven't said how many children you have, though you have said 'kids' so i am guessing more than one.

Thinking of you. You have to stay strong and confide as much as possible in your sis and all friends in RL you think weill be on side and give you support.

Gald you sound less suicidal. He's not worth it. He's not a sex addict btw, he's a filthy cheating violent knob.

Needhelpfast Thu 07-Mar-13 21:03:31

There will be five children.

Think he has gone to his sisters.

I question why it has taken me this long to get here. When we split previously he couldn't give a toss. Once we separated for a while and when he saw that I was moving on he started to be 'nice to me' and be a better partner.

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and keeping me focused on what I need must do.

This is a link for the Citizens Advice Bureau, please seek some assistance for your financial issues. Really sorry to hear what you are going through but as all have said you are better off with your children.

Clarabumps Sun 10-Mar-13 20:32:30

Needhelp- How are you getting on? I've been following this thread. Any news?Hope you are feeling a bit better and the tears have subsided.

Needhelpfast Wed 13-Mar-13 16:03:13

Thank you for asking Clarabumps. I am struggling still. Some days are tearful, but I have definitely moved to the acceptance and functional stage. I am not sure why I allowed myself to be treated this way and all the signs were there. I will never allow myself to be cheated on EVER. When I look back at things he was living his life, doing everything he wanted to do. I cut off friends and just became very family focused. I have no regrets about making the decision to focus on my family, but I do regret no having a life other than this.

The focus is on new baby and my lovely kids. No more stress.

Secondhand rose, I will be going to see a debt advisor, tried calling CAB with no success. Can meet minimum payments for now until I start maternity leave, so I have some time to play with.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Thu 14-Mar-13 00:14:08

Needhelp, so sorry for all this. On a purely practical side do not use debt advice companies. They will change you for the privilege. See if Christians against poverty are in your area, or CCCS. They are both charities who are concerned about you.

Lucylloyd13 Thu 14-Mar-13 13:44:49

At least he has been honest with you.

Men interested in T girls ar likley to have an interest in unprotected anal sex, that is bad news for your sexual health.

I would have an STD check, and terminate the sexual relationship with him whilst organising a tactical withdrawal from the relationship as a whole.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now