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Dating Thread 43

(1000 Posts)
WarmFuzzyFun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:27:28

Here it is...

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 17:30:34

Oooh new thread!

Well done WFF smile

Juliette, good news re the plumber!

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 17:42:29

Ooh, that was a surprise.

I'm glad you got sorted, Juliette, how lovely it is when people are helpful.

OWW, have you told him that you're just feeling a bit fed up ?

Too right, that man is so kind. I was lucky, he is usually working night and day so there is an upside to it being Saturday, he had just finished smile

48howdidthathappen Sat 23-Feb-13 17:48:05

OWW I told Mr R&R over the phone. I think we both found it easier.

Western this is the new you who says what she wants and what she feels right? So he is asking you, he cares and wants to know. It's ok it you blurt a lot of stuff out, very unlikely he would run because of it and if he did, he would have run anyway. You could try the 'sometimes I feel...' approach if you are feeling brave enough.

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 17:55:22

I am going to have to call him later as I have sent text which needs explaining. Or I will ask him to pop over maybe.

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:58:22

Where are our boys, messrs Voice and Bant?

I have been busy and emailed 3 men shock, am hoping a suitable man will get in touch.

I am counting Juliette's sorted plumbing as a thing to be glad about, plus the fact that I've just had a interested reply. Here I go again....

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 18:04:20

I couldn't have a conversation like that on the phone. Partly because I hate using the phone, but also because I am a bit deaf, and my phone cuts out randomly.

Knowing my luck I would bare my soul, wait expectantly for a reply, only to realise the poor sod got cut off halfway through...

Western, see how it goes. If he can pop over might be easier to talk face to face.

mercury7 Sat 23-Feb-13 18:07:01

place markingsmile

grinchie Sat 23-Feb-13 18:16:02

Hello again smile

I was going to catch up with the last thread but then this one started!

Can anyone give me a brief update?

Snapespeare Sat 23-Feb-13 18:21:53

Place mark. Nowt from nameless today, so I reviewed the hideous drunken text and it wasn't that hideous. hmm basically said I'd been reading ME/CFS forums and understood when he was exhausted and wouldn't attempt to pressurise him into blush 'intimacies' blush sent non-committal 'hope you're feeling brighter' text this afternoon and.....nothing am assuming the 'understanding' me, will get that he's exhausted, so not expecting a response.... Which is just as well. <shrug>

Ugh at laid-back people. They're confounding. We're possibly a bad match. Ia want to kiss him. Auuuuuuuugh.

<all encompassing thread wave/grope>

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 18:28:47

Got a lunch date with Mr.Greek tomorrow. If I don't want to meet him again, WTF do I say? I've been with the same man for 19 years, so don't have much idea about dating, let alone OD!

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 23-Feb-13 18:36:58

micshi, the weather, the journey grin

Erm, look at his profile and ask questions about his hobbies/interests etc. Neutral topics, not exes, not sex, etc

Someone who is more successful than me might write a comprehensive list of safe conversation starters...<hopeful>

48howdidthathappen Sat 23-Feb-13 18:43:32

Velvet I thought I had done it face to face Wednesday night. In reality I had still been pussy footing. Thursday over the phone I nailed it smile

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 18:46:28

I'm a bit worried about his English, it doesn't seem that great in texts! What I'm worried about is how do you let someone down gently if you don't want a second date?! Just so I can be ready!!

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 19:00:01

In my experience they can usually tell, mischi although that might just be me and my expressive face ( always gets me into trouble ). I generally send a text saying thank you for the evening, it was nice to meet you, and keep away from me, you giant twerp good luck with OD.

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 19:03:10

If you don't want to meet again, Mis, you could do nothing and see if he contacts you - if not, then problem solved. If he does contact you, just send a text along the lines of lovely to meet you, nice evening, unfortunately no spark, good luck for the future.

lubeybooby Sat 23-Feb-13 19:04:11

Hello all, hello new thread. I had a nice time and <touch wood> I think things are a bit better now.

Mischi thanking them but saying there was no spark seems to be de riguer

Good luck though! grin

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 19:08:16

Thanks! Very nervous about the whole thing. I'm not looking for the love of my life, more someone to go on dates with & more (when I've got to know them a bit better ;-))

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 19:10:52

Am farting about on here cos I'm really scared about ringing LM.

mercury7 Sat 23-Feb-13 19:17:53

I feel like a candle in the bloody wind just lately, I really need to grow a pair and become a hurricane lamp! grin

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 19:28:01

Western would it help if we virtually hold your hand a bit? <proffers hand>

In the meantime - and I'm sorry to witter on about my own nothing-y stuff - I remembered a couple of things C said last night. He hurt his had the other day at work...he made a joke about being unsuited to manual work. A few mins later we were talking about my house (which is and has been a building site for years) and he said something like wasnt I hoping to meet some builder type so they could do my house up for me hmm. Then later, we were in a slightly dodgy pub full of big, muscly blokes, a few of whom might've looked my way (mainly cos I was a bit overdressed, and 10 years younger than every other woman in there). C said how they made him feel a bit inadequate, and he didn't measure up confused. He was quite drunk by then. I didnt make a big deal of either comment so I dont think he was saying it so that I'd boost his ego...or if he was, I didnt.

Don't really know if theres any significance in it or I'm just being silly and overthinking as usual!

mercury7 Sat 23-Feb-13 19:42:36

sounds like he thinks you're a bit 'out of his league'?

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 19:50:53

Hand holding would be lovely, Velvet. Thank you. I did call, but he's still up his ladder with a paintbrush and said he'll call back later. I know I am just going to bottle it :-(

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 19:53:20

Do you think he lacks self confidence generally Velvet? Sounds like the comment about your house might have been a joke gone a bit wrong, but the remark in the pub does sound like he's after reassurance off you.

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 20:02:59

Place marking, might unhide on POF.

I got a message last time I was visible of a 23 year old hmm. If it was his pictures he was very good looking but no way would I reply to him, his profile said he liked older woman. He lived too far away grin.

Snapespeare Sat 23-Feb-13 20:06:22

Text from nameless. He has a cold. All is (relatively) well. I'm laying off for a bit... Not going to pester him, see how it goes. <insouciant>

western I got your other hand sweetie. No bottling. Sort it. Remember, faint heart never did shit. Confront fears, get them done. Either way, you'll feel better. Might not seem it, but you will. Be brave. smile

lubey <stealth-hug>

velvs the builder comment would have me a bit hmm oh I really hope it works out for you and cuthbert. I think a three week gap might be a good thing, give you some breathing and thinking space. smile

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 20:10:21

Western, I agree you should sort it out now.

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 20:19:37

Western, you're not going to bottle it, not with me and Snape holding your hands for you smile sometimes things seem worse before we do them, so mentally we tell ourselves it will hurt and that makes us even more reluctant, but the reality is rarely as bad as we fear it will be <squeezes hand>

Maybe there is a bit of a confidence thing going on with C? I don't think the house thing was meant in a mean way, he has always been really lovely about my house and how nice it is (but it is v obviously unfinished and needs lots of work til its 'done') He made a little comment the other week when I cooked for him about how I'd done this lovely thing for me and he felt like he had so little to offer me...I don't know. Snape maybe you're right about a little break being a good thing for me. Glad you heard back from Nameless btw, though shame about his cold.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 23-Feb-13 20:24:13

Western, it was brave of you to call - typical that he was up a ladder! Hope he rings back soon and you feel able to talk to him about things. I had to have a tricky conversation with Mr C this week, and I found it really agonising at first, but I'm glad I did it, otherwise I'd have just kept worrying about things.

I had a fun day with Mr C and his DC, though I have no idea what they thought of me, and I was pretty nervous. Also, it was SO hard not to be able to touch Mr C, as I'm usually quite demonstrative. Had to sit on my hands at one point!

Velvet, it's hard to know what's going on with Cuthbert. It sounds like he's generally keen when he sees you, but you're unsure of what he really wants. Re those comments you mentioned, does he seem a bit insecure generally?

Pomegranatenoir Sat 23-Feb-13 20:37:31

Mr Irish is saying good stuff tonight. I was having a little moan about my ex and Mr Irish was amazing. Shit hope I don't actually start to like him!!! That would be bad!!!! Ha.

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 20:46:56

Do you ever get fed up of being messaged, both of the men I've agreed to meet I can't really be arsed to chat to, that's not a good sign is it?!

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 20:52:34

And it's annoying to keep being told how pretty you are?! Every time a bloke says it, I just think of telling him to F off (I don't though)! I'm not sure I'm going to get on with this OD!

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 23-Feb-13 20:54:54

Mischi, that doesn't sound like a good sign. I tend to find that when I'm interested in someone, I love getting messages from them.

But having said that, there can sometimes seem to be a real spark in messages, but when you meet in real life there's just nothing there. So I guess the same can happen the other way round as well. Is there a particular reason why you don't want to chat to either of the men you've agreed to meet?

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 21:01:27

Mr.Greek has quite bad English & Mr.Turk keeps telling me I'm cute and pretty. They both sound like interesting men, but I'm not sure I fancy them enough! I think it's difficult to know from a photo and description. I'm sure I'll find out when I meet them!

Mischi I like a few messages to get to know them a little, but after that unless they are extremely entertaining, I get irritated by having to respond. Constant back and forth, meh. Having said that, if someone was very witty and entertaining then it would be find but most aren't.

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:02:44

Evening everyone. Sorry I can't do a more comprehensive reply to all, I'm on my phone in a karaoke bar in Budapest. It's fun and interesting, and Hungarian karaoke is sooo much funnier than British karaoke.

But fuck I miss my kids. I can only have them those days I'm back in England do I've gone from 1/3 of the time to 1/6 of the time.

Got to earn a living though..

Sorry for the wallowing.

Also the 'you are beautiful' thing gets wearing, its so generic. They really should be able to come up with something specific about you.

Bant wallow on. I don't blame you for feeling sad about not seeing so much of your kids, its a huge thing. Would it be possible to jump back and forth for the odd long weekend? Even if you squeezed in a Friday afternoon Saturday that would be great. Meanwhile, I think a loud off key rendition of 'I Will Survive' is in order grin

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 23-Feb-13 21:11:16

I hardly ever got anyone telling me I was pretty or beautiful...

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:13:36

Having said that, there is a gorgeous blonde smiling at my from the next table. Now I have that awkward moment where I not only have to make small talk, but do it in very short simple words, and even then her English may be non existent.

There is a very optimistic couple singing 'dancing queen'. It's cheering me up a little

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 21:13:38

Hmmm, feeling slightly tipsy, may have drunk my cocktails a little too quickly.

Velvet, he sounds a touch insecure and I agree with whoever it is said he thought you might be slightly out of his league.

OWW, hope things are going alright.

Mischi, the 'pretty' thing is them having a bit of an imagination failure and saying what they imagine might get you into bed .

Bant, I'm sorry, that must be awful.

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 21:15:07

Bant, that's so difficult.

Libby so glad it went alright! It will be easier next time.

LM hasnt called back.

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 21:15:10

Oh I get ' you have such beautiful eyes ' -yeah ? Try being original, divvy.

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:15:13


I do already, I negotiated that the company would pay for flights, and I spend two 4 day weekends in England. I don't get to have them midweek though which I used to do

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 21:15:15

Believe me it's annoying. It's like it is said because they think they should compliment you, but it isn't very original, and when it is said three times in just ten minutes of chatting, WTF do you say back?!

MirandaWest Sat 23-Feb-13 21:15:43

Just marking my place while cooking and having a coffee table made for me

StellaBrillante Sat 23-Feb-13 21:17:05

place marking smile

...wondering why on earth I am on my house in my lovely home on a Saturday night?!?! (ds is at a friend's and in mind I should be taking full advantage of it with some male company! sigh)
In a moment of weakness, I texted the lovely man (but not spark) that I had my 'first date in almost three years' with a couple of weeks ago. Problem with the an internal wall and I knew he'd be able to give advice...that suddenly evolved into him coming around tomorrow and us grabbing something to eat after. I told him after the first date that I am not ready for anything (liar, liar, liar)...not good!

Lecturer is confusing me: face-to-face he gives out all the right signals, brought up meal-date again the other day, offered to buy coffees, get me tickets for fixtures etc... I am almost certain that there is something about age as he made a point of emphasising (during face-to-face conversation) that in year X he was going XYZ and it was after that conversation (and a nudge from me ref. dinner along the lines of "you come up with a plan and let's go for it") that he finally decided to text me: tons of compliments, etc but it all died very quickly as he sent me a late reply with a 'good night', I didn't reply and haven't heard from him since - that was on Friday night. I just got annoyed that he kept going on about me being so stunning bla bla bla but wouldn't just get to the point and get a date in the diary for us to go out. I feel that he's 'stalling' but I have no idea why?! He's starting to seem less attractive as I really haven't got the patience for this... Any thoughts?

Bant that's very tough about the kids.
Get the blonde grin

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 21:19:55

I had beautiful eyes from Mr.Greek yesterday! grin

StellaBrillante Sat 23-Feb-13 21:21:51

Hi Bant - it must be very hard but it seems like you've got a set pattern / regularity there which is important both for you and for the children.

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:22:45

Also, gangnam style has been translated into Hungarian. I have learned something

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 21:23:24

See, Mischi, some men think we're daft ...

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 21:23:52

Are you dancing, Bant ?

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:24:52

I am not. I am British, and not yet drunk enough

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 21:25:00

I get told what big eyes I have.

It makes me feel like the wolf from Red Riding Hood hmm

Or what amazing curves I have.

Which frankly is no better.

I hate all that you're so beautiful, you're stunning, you're hot blahblah. C said last night 'You look really lovely' and that meant much more than effusive meaningless comments.

I really have got it bad for him blush. bloody hope it works out...

Kin what cocktails are you drinking? I love cocktails. I've got sparkling water...tis not the same!

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 23-Feb-13 21:28:34

I love cocktails too... but instead I have a cup of tea. On a Saturday evening. Oh the excitement.

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 21:29:29

Western, he will call back. he is probably putting stuff away and cleaning his paintbrushes (unlike my Ex who used to chuck his away after painting because he was too lazy to bother cleaning them!)

The hand is still here smile

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 21:31:46

Velvet, oh aye, I think some of them reckon that large breasts and brains are mutually exclusive.
I'm on M&S pre-mixed cosmos - vair nice and surprisingly potent.
I hope Cuthbert comes up trumps, fingers crossed.

Oh g'wan g'wan g'wan g'wan Bant, your saucy moves might draw Blondie to you like a moth to a flame.

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:41:53

I have no saucy moves. I do a bloody amazing YMCA but unfortunately no one has chosen that song.

One more beer and I might do.

The problem with Budapest is that the women are pretty much all beautiful. I can look around this place and.. Hang on.. Of the 35 women here I'd say 3 of them were a 'no'. A 'no' for me is fairly common, below a '6' if you want to assign numbers. I'm a scientist , I like to assign numbers, which I know is wrong but you've got to have some way of deciding who to talk to. I avoid the 10s, focus on the 7-9s. I'd say I'm a 6 and a half, maybe a 7 and a half. It's subjective.

So. All the women are great. But unfortunately so are the men. Bloody bilingual cultured beefcakes.


Flipper924 Sat 23-Feb-13 21:44:04

Another beer, Bant? I think you should get drunk, sing something of Robbie Williams, and then try chatting up the blonde. Sorry you're finding it tough being away from home so much.

Don't avoid the 10s Bant, the 10s often get missed as men assume they won't be interested.

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 21:47:06

Bloody hell Bant you lost me there, love, bandying the numbers about no good for a dyscalculia sufferer like me...

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 21:47:38

Ooh, Kin those M&S Cosmos are fab, I've been known to indulge in the odd one or three

I really hope C does too. Fingers crossed, but what will be etc smile

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 21:47:43

How long did you try for & how many 1st dates on average did you have to do before you met someone you wanted to carry on dating with?

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 21:48:59

See if I was there Bant I wouldnt be able stop making an exhibition of myself. You'd be sitting there thinking what is that 5.5 woman with frozen brows doing?????

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:49:40

The 10s are usually being pestered by a bunch of blokes. That's where OD is unfair, it doesn't show you who is receiving 30 messages a day and who's getting 5. I'm modest enough to know I can stand out from 5 other blokes, but not 30.

The blonde, incidentally, is possibly a 9 and a half

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 21:49:50

Still nothing. Oh crap crap crap.

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 21:51:50

Dont worry OWW...just try to relax a bit tonight.

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 21:51:52

I am going to bed. Can't be arsed with today any more.

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 21:53:34

Western <squeezy hand>

Micshi, I'm probably not the best person to comment, I was spectacularly unsuccessful at OD, I have been doing it on and off since 2009. Until last November, I never got past a 1st date. I probably had 20-30 dates maybe (seemed like so many more!) probably two-thirds of those I would have been prepared to see again, but they weren't interested.

Most peoples stats are better than mine smile

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 23-Feb-13 21:54:30

Oh Western that's disappointing. Did he know you wanted to talk about something in particular and that it was important for him to phone back?

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:54:34

OWW. I'll give you directions to the karaoke bar smile

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 21:57:18


My first 3 dates were nonstarters, my 4th went to a second date with talk of a 3rd but she disappeared. I was dating for 4 months before I got to a 3rd (and 6th) date. She turned out to be scarymad.

Still single and kind of on the sofa after a 6 month thing on

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 23-Feb-13 21:58:34

Micshi, it varies so much. Some people will be lucky enough to find someone they want to carry on seeing on their first OD date, whereas others will have lots and lots of dates. I've tried internet dating several times over the years, and this is the first time I've found someone I like enough (and who likes me enough) to be in a relationship with.

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:10:42

Starting to feel a bit nervous now...what if I turn up looking like his mother or yet again I feel the urge to run as soon as we meet...oh dear...

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 22:17:46

Mischi - first date, fake phd teetotaller bloke, who had 'several interesting fetishes' . Family Fortunes ' NERR-NERR' sound effect

Second date, nice bloke, bad bad jeans, ex ishoos, probably would have seen him again (as long as he had different trousers on) but he was hiring the reception venue and I just fancied occasional laugh/nookie high jinks.

Long term correspondence with sensitive art teacher - wanted to meet me but I decided I'd probably end up upsetting him.

Ongoing correspondence with sensitive talent show auditioning guitarist who sent me a bath-time photo of semi-submerged non-descript genitalia.

Date 3 with sensitive ( are you seeing a pattern here ?) computer programmer and amateur artist, got on fine, I'm going to see him again so he can give me a painting what he's doing for me. Not feeling like shagging his brains out but if he can kiss, he may be onto a promise.

That's since about September, I do however have a terribly lazy approach and haven't put any real effort into it as I'm after a diversion rather than, hollow laugh, Mr Right.

Has Bant danced yet ?

mercury7 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:18:20

OD is great for cheap & meaningless compliments
cheap & meaningless because the obvious intention is to flatter you into bed!
i am most frequently asked if I am a dancer

is there not some theory concerning an inverse relationship between a mans IQ and his preferred bra size in a partner?

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 22:18:55

Come on, Ike, it'll be alright ( don't make me do Goldmember again )

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 22:19:34

Christ, Mercury, I'm fucked then

mercury7 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:22:17

probably a theory concocted on spurious evidence by a jealous flat chested women like me

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:23:00

oh and that horrible cringe worthy moment when you realise who each other is oooh god its all just bloody unbearable...then the waiting to see if they will contact you or just not wanting them to contact. What am I looking for anyway? I dunno...

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 22:25:35

I'd say that IQ theory is spot on going by most of the men I have dated hmm

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:26:26

mutter....I had a gp request my bra size the other day merc...OD gp I must add...

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 22:30:42

I have lost count of how many men have asked my bra size.

Worse still, when occasionally through boredom or whatever I have told them, I get asked 'no, they're never that big' which makes me like WTF hmm

I've also had several blokes ask if they are fake because I'm out of proportion.

I have had all this shit in RL too so it's not limited to OD sadly!

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 22:31:45

I think he's gone to sleep (benefit of the doubt here). Can I send him a text about it do you think or isnt that very good? Might have to send him something as I have sort of got psyched up for it now.

mercury7 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:34:09

the 'sinking feeling' moment, I know it so very well Ike

the exact opposite for the 'oh yes please' moment when a certain person pulls up outside my place and gets out of his car

if any one asks me I just say aspirins on an ironing boardgrin

Flipper924 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:34:45

Right, so are there many men with IQs to rival Stephen Hawking on pof and okc? Because if that theory's correct, that's who fancies me!

I shall hop off the sofa, put up some full length shots and await the rush...

Flipper924 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:37:37

Velvet, love the assumption that you must be wrong because they don't believe you. Clearly they know better, perhaps you should check the label, there's a good girl hmm

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 22:37:59

I've been asked by men and women if I've had a boob job. I haven't so I guess they are my best feature. I've been told I have 'nice tit's' many times. hmm

I've been doing this properly since October. No idea how many dates, maybe 2 or 3 a month. My potential dating pool is small and I find very few men in it attractive. Offers of second dates were rare, I've been getting more offers since I changed my approach and given a few a go but although most have been perfectly nice men, none of them have done it for me.

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 22:44:03

Oh dear? WTF do men expect when they ask you your bra size or send you photos of their genitalia? Bizarre!
I did join POF for 24 hours before I got scared off & driven mad by men with no tops on (& showing off their biceps) wanting to chat.
This time I've joined Lovestruck for 3 months, but I can't imagine wanting to carry on this for that long, though now I feel I have to because I've paid for it!!

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 22:45:18

OWW, I reckon he will have fallen asleep, not sure that I would text but maybe you could write how you feel in a draft email, save it and then look at it tomorrow, it might have the dual effect of clarifying what you want to say and being cathartic so you can sleep a little easier.

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 22:46:11

micshi, that's the thing with paid sites, you feel like you have to get your monies worth rather than the free sites when you can hang around and not date for months on end, if no-one takes your fancy.

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 22:46:24

Scrazy, what's your reply to being told you've got nice tits then?!

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 22:48:06

No-one's asked my bra size, the girls are cunningly not showcased on my profile but they do appear to have a bizarre hypnotic effect in real life ( not on me, that would be weird )

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:50:16

I wear mine flattened in a minimiser bra anyway...I would like to be several sizes smaller...

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 22:52:16

Should I send this text? In the context that he already knows something is up.

I feel a lot for you but I'm finding it very difficult as I don't know if it's reciprocated. I know you like me but I don't know if it goes beyond friends+sex for you. It does for me. We've talked about this before but I'm left feeling confused and uncertain. I know you are worried about getting hurt but I'm not going to do that to you. Could you reply to this please or i will be spending all Sunday worrying?

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 22:53:05

Well I got the courage up to say hi to the blonde girl. She said ' ccchelloo, I speak no anglish' back, so there goes another possibility.

POF has everything from the chronically thick to a few brighter ones.
OKC is full of men who are out to impress with their very long reading lists, plus a lot of Americans of all sorts.
GSM is full of men who are quite bright, but have potatoes for heads and some are exceptionally boring.
MatchAffinity seemed to be full of men who haven't filled out a profile.

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 22:54:44

Western, I agree with Kin's advice about writing it down. Maybe even on paper so you're not tempted to send it immediately. I often find writing stuff out makes it easier to know what I actually want to say.

Mind you, I also rehearse entire conversations in my head, that often helps me.

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 22:55:04

I wouldn't, OWW, not tonight I don't think

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 22:55:13

Bant there's a lot you can do without anglish having to come into it ... Impress her with your funky moves and beer drinking prowess.

Western no please don't send that. He may be asleep, and would be thrown by that. Leave it until the morning, ask him to pop over. You can then talk face to face.

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:55:49

Again I just dont know OWW I am an 'out with it' sort and for a detatched person I can be quite fiery and prone to outbursts so I would probably have shouted at him by now or broken down sobbing or something....

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 22:56:37

oww it's too late to send a meaningful text tonight. Wait until tomorrow, sleep on it

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 22:56:37

Bloody hell, Velvet, I do that too. I find writing things down and then going back to them stops me doing impetuous things that I would have regretted.

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 22:57:31

I am not going to text him. It will keep for another day.

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 22:59:04

ok then OWW I agree with the other and will try that tip of writing stuff down if I ever have another relationship.

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 22:59:15

I think that's the right decision, OWW

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 23:00:17

Ike, honestly, it has stopped me doing so many stupid impetuous things contacting Spud

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 23:00:19

OWW, it's difficult to know. Some men are only able to put their feelings in writing. Other men would just ignore the text if they don't know how to reply. Or if you talked to him in person about how you feel, you might get told what you want to hear, but then he may not follow through with actions! Or he may just reply honestly!!

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:01:20

Kin, I've never been told this via OD as I don't have my assets on show unless it's incidental grin. More in real life by people I'm sleeping with so although I hate the word 'tits' make me cringe, I just shrug if off and try and take it as a compliment, especially nowadays as gravity is calling. I don't like the word 'breasts' either so cannot be offended.

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 23:01:43

Blonde has left with her friends. Now there is a 50 year old in a red sequin top winking at me. Literally. I thought that was just on Match.

Damn these funky dance moves. They get me into trouble

micshi Sat 23-Feb-13 23:02:10

JM, what's lovestruck full of then?!

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:02:15

Sorry not Kin, Micshi.

ike1 Sat 23-Feb-13 23:06:02

There's alot to be said for being a toy boy Bant....the lady has just reached her prime...

I notice South Wales' finest is out in force this evening on POF...yum <noooot>

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:10:06

Yes Bant, wouldn't you go older then?

KinNora Sat 23-Feb-13 23:12:45

Ah Bant, I bet you're like Travolta smeared in cougar catnip.

Ike, there's lovely now ( isn't that what Welsh people say ? )

Bant - I can't abide karaoke, so you have my admiration sitting in that bar at all, let alone for a couple of hours.

Sorry not been following thread this evening, had a chum round for dinner and was doing my best Gordon Ramsay/Jamie Oliver/insert other preferred catering bod

PS The cake was disappointing. Not quite soft enough. One of my best dinners though

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:20:38

I hate karaoke too, voice. Dinner sounds lovely, would love a man to cook for me again!

I had a little nap on the sofa early evening and have come to life again so having a few glasses of wine, getting messages on POF from people I don't want to reply too. Not going to bed early as I have nowt to get up for in the morning.

MsCellophane Sat 23-Feb-13 23:20:42

Western - you have to say something, wondering isn't going help

Velvet, same to you too

Speaking with MrCM definitely helped, though I'm not much closer to knowing full story of what is going on.

Though we were chatting on Friday and I made a flirty comment, he said something about wanting to be 'here' (ie where I was) and I said of course, we're waiting for you to be ready - he replied I am ready

I have no idea if he meant ready to date or ready to shag so time will tell. I'm actually ok with casual but I'd like it to be regular casual

On a good note, LennyKravitz sent me a torso shot - OMG the man is gorgeous. I need to meet him and hope I can understand his accent long enough to jump him

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 23:24:28

voice hearing the Hungarian version of 'happy birthday to you' was worth the time here. Hearing the rendering of 'I'm sexy and I know it' performed by two middle aged chubby bearded blokes, with the appropriate hip-thrusting moves, was just sublime.

I was a toyboy - my ex was 10 years older than me. Fine to begin with but it did become an issue later on. As a result, I wouldn't date someone more than a year or two older now. I know that's a bit 'tarring everyone with the same brush' but there we are.

Scrazy - this evening it was curried parsnip soup, followed by orange sorbet, main course was chicken in a white wine and tarragon sauce with sugar snap peas, glazed carrots and parmentier potatoes (with garlic and rosemary), and then cheese.

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:31:53

Sounds yummy. I wouldn't date anyone so much younger than myself nowadays. Around 6 years younger or older is OK for me know. I say older because the recent ex was older than me but he was an exceptions so the ideal age for me would be 3 years or so younger.

Not saying I wouldn't rule out a fling with a younger man again, I've had a few and try and avoid the young ones but they look so priddy!

lubeybooby Sat 23-Feb-13 23:33:48

Scrazy hmmm I miss being cooked for too.

Voice that sounds lovely

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:37:23

How are you feeling Lubey, do you think you will stay friends or more with TT?

Enough with the cougar references ffs. Just fucking rude.

Voice I know you have your reasons, not getting at you.

I'm not a great cook and my 'normal repertoire' is fairly limited but my best friend and I take it in turns once a month to host the other. Sometimes we try out something new before we might cook it for others. Tonight was a retread of dependables! I quite enjoy it, and making soup and sorbet is simple.

If I was a fling sort of person, I probably would fling with a woman maybe upto 3 or 4 years older, but think that's as far as it would stretch.

I would never use the phrase cougar or anything like it. Under normal circumstances I would never refer to myself as having been a toyboy if someone here hadn't just used it (so I referenced it).

Just realised I have nothing in my diary untl next Saturday. That's a bit poor.

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:41:59

Did anyone say Cougar? I missed that. I don't mind the younger men on here referring to older women, we do it about men too. As in had a 60 year old message me ha ha etc.

VelvetSpoon Sat 23-Feb-13 23:44:36

Lubey hope you're ok (well, as ok as you can be)

I don't think I've ever been cooked for, not properly. The Evil Ex might've managed toast once if I was laid up with flu. Never had a proper dinner made for me hmm

Western, I think leaving the text unsent tonight was good, but I hope now having it clear what you want to say, and having prepared yourself to say it, that you get the opportunity tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

Re C, I think I'm decided on having some sort of a conversation next time assuming there is a next time. A few weeks to work out what it is I want to say and how to say it, which is no bad thing.

Voice I know. I am getting tired of references to women over whatever age being predatory. Some are, some are not. I don't constantly refer to women in their 20s or 30s in stereotypes and if I did I would expect someone to say something to me.

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 23:46:07

I think someone referred to 'cougar catnip'

There was a conversation about whether feline references were offensive or not. I thought not, other people thought so. Again, subjective.

Maybe I should raffle myself off to come and cook for one of you? In aid of some deserving charity.

Kin referred to Cougar. I don't have a problem with anyone complaining about old men or old women, its the stereotype of Cougar and also the similar one which comes up a lot on this thread that young men after older women must be after them just for sex.

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:49:35

Yes Juliette, it isn't nice to stereotype older women this way. I might get attention from younger men sometimes but it's not me being predatory in any way, sometimes the younger men are though. I wonder if there is a name for them apart from toyboy.

Its the stereotype. Nothing to do with feline references, that is just the apparently naming convention for the presumed predatory older woman.

OhWesternWind Sat 23-Feb-13 23:52:44

He's phoned me, been on for forty-five minutes mainly talking about my dad but we talked about the other stuff as well. All is well, and all manner of thing is well. I've told him something I've never told anyone ever and done quite a lot of crying. I love him. He loves me. He doesn't find it easy to say but that is okay.

We are a right pair I know, I think we are quite similar in a lot of ways, both a bit screwed up but we'll get there.

Thanks everyone for being bloody brilliant today. Thank you.

Scazy unfortunately, I think the name for predatory younger men would be 'stud' hmm

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:53:43

There is an element of younger men wanting to experience and older woman and it's not for dating, but for sex. I just laugh it off and would only chat to younger ones if they were interesting and pleasant with it, in RL I mean rather than OD, I just ignore them.

lubeybooby Sat 23-Feb-13 23:54:52

Scrazy and Velvet thanks I'm getting there now I think

I don't know what to think about TT really.

On paper, he's pretty much the perfect man. Tall, dark, handsome, clever, funny, gainfully employed, kind, responsible, likes cats, not bad in bed.

It just doesn't seem to translate to a certain x factor in real life though, apart from raw lust. Plenty of that but I like a bit more of a meeting of minds.

And he doesn't watch or think he would like Black Mirror, even though he likes Charlie Brooker.

Having said that, we do both seem to want the same thing on the same kind of timescale (seeing each other every 2/3 weeks) so, oh I dunno. A bit more communication would be nice too but that has been discussed (albeit indirectly) and that isn't going to happen.

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:55:10

OWW, that's great to hear, so now you know where you stand, it's all good, so less of the angst in future grin.

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 23:55:24

Well 'cougar catnip ' is one, there are other terms for toyboys.

Also, a male cougar is called a manther or a rhino. Apparently

Bant Sat 23-Feb-13 23:57:05

Oww. That's great, I'm really happy things are clearer between the two of you

lubeybooby Sat 23-Feb-13 23:57:11

Voice I'd go for some no strings being cooked for with a charity benefitting, definitely <buys raffle tickets>

lubeybooby Sat 23-Feb-13 23:57:50

OWW glad to hear all is ok x

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:58:01

Lubey, best to see how it goes, I guess, if you like him, that is.

Glad you are feeling OK, what a time you've had recently and you need to have calm now.

Scrazy Sat 23-Feb-13 23:58:49

Bant or the old classic, a dirty old man grin.

I also find the term Toyboy offensive. No equivalent for men except Sugar Daddy and that is a presumed exchange of sex for 'gifts'

VelvetSpoon Sun 24-Feb-13 00:03:25

Lubey, maybe see how it goes with TT, no need to make a decision just yet, perhaps would be nice to have him sort of in the background for a while...?

Western, so happy you got your conversation and a good outcome. Glad you said all that you needed to and are happy with the response you got too smile

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 00:12:55

Velvet yeah I'm kind of thinking the same I think. I'll see him at least once more I think and we'll see what happens from there.

ChooChooLaverne Sun 24-Feb-13 00:34:35

Just got back from first date (in 11 years). Lovely, lovely man.

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 00:47:29

I think sugar baby would be the closest female equivalent to a toyboy, even then a sugar baby exchanges sex for money & gifts

I dont think it's common for a 'toy boy' to benefit from the arrangement..then we'd call him a cocklodger wouldnt we.

these things are not really symmetrical confused

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 00:53:10

Choochoo, any chemistry as well as loveliness?

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 00:59:58

Juliette ' I think the name for predatory younger men would be 'stud' '
possibly, but I think delusional is often more accurategrin

Flipper924 Sun 24-Feb-13 08:01:53

Good Morning, Thread!

OWW, that's brilliant, so happy for you that the conversation was had, and you are now on a more stable footing.

Lubey, hope you're feeling ok in yourself. I think it must be hard to decide about TT at the moment, he's been playing a supportive role for the last couple of weeks, so chemistry may have been altered. Giving it a chance seems reasonable in the circumstances.

Are you off on a date today, Ike? Have the nerves turned into excitement yet?

Choochoo, have you made plans to meet again!

KinNora Sun 24-Feb-13 08:12:12

Good morning everyone, it appears that I've caused offence, which was entirely unintentional ( I had forgotten the * * *gar hooha from the other day) the word was used mainly because I liked the alliteration with 'catnip' .
I am contrite and will never use the < makes slightly camp feline clawing gesture accompanied by a 'rarrrr' > word again.

Excellent news OWW and ChooChoo, I'm off to sit in a corner and think about what I've done.

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 08:13:16

Choochoo do you think you'll see him again? Glad it went so well.

Feeling so sad today about my dad, but there's a big part of me inside that's grinning fit to burst about LM. He was just lovely to me last night, really kind and understanding and listening to all my nonsense. Can't believe I cried on him like that, got horrible puffy eyes today. I never cry in front of anyone. Anyway, I know where we are with each other, which is in a really good place. I don't think he's suddenly going to find it easy to say how he feels, but he feels it so that will do for now. I'm feeling so much more confident about him, really looking forward to how things might go over the next few months.

Day out today to take dcs to see ex's family. Whoopee. Actually it's not that bad.

Think I'm going to start another thread somewhere about my dad as he's really on my mind at the moment. I can't believe he's been gone twenty years.

WarmFuzzyFun Sun 24-Feb-13 08:57:19

OWW, I am so glad that things have become clearer and know where you are with LM.

I miss my mum at odd moments (very intense longing), would love a hug from her. I am welling up just writing ^ sad so I completely understand how you are feeling.

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 09:08:02

Thank you WFF, that's just how I feel. Thought it would be better after twenty years but nothing can fill that hole.

The thing with LM is that I know and understand why he's like he is, and now I know that he loves me and isn't just using me for sex, or as a stopgap, or whatever, I'm okay with that. I'd love all the romance and stuff but that is going to be down the road a bit. He's coming to trust me and realise that I'm not a liar, not a cheat, not just after his money etc etc. We're both in our forties and there are hang overs for both of us from our last relationships, but I really feel that we can work this out. I think I've got something really good with this man.

WarmFuzzyFun Sun 24-Feb-13 09:16:28

It sounds lovely O, it really is what we all want, the letting down of barriers and being able to see a future with someone else. I wish you every good thing with him OWW. (Please don't leave ussmile, we need you)

ChooChooLaverne Sun 24-Feb-13 09:17:44

Morning all. Ow, my head. Drinking on an empty stomach is not a good idea, especially for a lightweight like me.

I can't believe how scared I was about going on last night's date - think I'd built it up into such a big thing in my head because after all the last person I went on a date with was my ex-H. Anyway, date was a really lovely guy and I haven't laughed so much in ages. He was a real gentleman (not something I've ever experienced) and wouldn't let me pay for anything and just said that the evening was his treat. Tall, handsome and interesting. But, I'm not sure about chemistry. Still, if nothing else I think I've probably made a new friend.

I will definitely see him again and see if anything comes of it. He's texted this morning and has mentioned doing something with less alcohol next time.

OWW - sounds like your chat with LM went exactly how it should have done. It's so good to be able to open up to someone and trust that they can cope with it. I think I'd be exactly the same as you about being scared though - my ex always got cross with me if I ever dared cry in front of him and I've definitely built up a bit of a barrier about showing 'weakness'. But LM sounds very kind.

DS is due home in about an hour so need to try and make myself look more human - don't want to scare him!

WarmFuzzyFun Sun 24-Feb-13 09:20:21

'but nothing can fill that hole. ' Because they were good parents and good people, who loved us. And we loved them back like only a child can.

I will go and find your thread OWW

KirstyWirsty Sun 24-Feb-13 09:23:26

Morning!! Just marking my spot .. Had a lovely first night in my new place with Mr Cheeky on Friday .. He made dinner .. Although we didn't get to eat until nearly midnight as we were busy christening rooms .. Kitchen first!! grin

He is absolutely amazing .. I told him that I love him .. I am a bit scared about the whole thing ( although it was easier because he has already told me more than once that he's in love with me)

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 10:06:50

Morning my little lovers! Sorry about the use of Toy boy last night.

Off to town, in a bit, to carry on the search for an eye bag concealer that will make me look like I have slept. Laters, dudes and dudettes.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 10:08:32

Flip....I will try to get excited....but feeling the inevitable doom about it...sigh..

ChooChooLaverne Sun 24-Feb-13 10:12:59

ike - let us know about the eye bag concealer if you find a good one - was horrified when looked in mirror last night at extent of bags/wrinkles.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 24-Feb-13 10:34:30

Does anyone know any good make-up for sensitive skin? (I have dry skin, eczema, rosacea ... the list seems endless). I haven't worn much make-up in the past, but I seem to have aged hugely in the last few months, and don't think I can get away with it any longer.

I also found my first grey hair this week. It was surprisingly upsetting.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 24-Feb-13 10:48:13

OWW, I'm so glad LM phoned and that all is well. It's made me feel so happy reading your update this morning,

Lubey, thinking of you and glad you seem to be feeling just slightly better.

ChooChoo, sometimes chemistry takes a while to develop. When I first met Mr C, I liked him and found him interesting, but wasn't sure if the chemistry/attraction was really there. Then something indefinable changed... When's your second date going to be?

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 10:50:14

Libby, I'm sure you'll find plenty of recommendations in the beauty section, I have quite dry/sensitive skin, quite like bobby brown, generally I wear layer upon layer of foundation & sunscreen combined with large dark glasses to prevent squinting (gives you wrinkles)
I maintain that it provides a protective layer, keeps out the wind and the UV light grin

find pure potions skin salvation good for eczema, although I keep hydrocortisone on hand in case of a really bad flare up

Snapespeare Sun 24-Feb-13 10:56:00

oww I am absolutely delighted for you! Glad the chat went well. smile

I'm having a couple of days of not first-contacting nameless. I am creating a space in which to be missed..and keeping busy elsewhere.

libby I found my first grey hair when I was thirty (while pregnant with DS1. I do not regard this as coincidence) dyed it dark brown for years, am now going for very light blonde highlights around face to cultivate growing it out to badger-wings, which I have convinced myself are stylish. Make up wise I generally only use base, bit of highlighter, very light eye make up and mascara. In an ideal situation I use Chanel vitaluminere, but have emergency everyday max factor 3in1. If you're not used to wearing much make-up I'd very strongly suggest a trip to a major department store and book an appointment with a name up counter of your choice - I do really like Chanel, it is hideously hideously expensive...but they managed to cover my roscea without leaving me looking clown-like.

VelvetSpoon Sun 24-Feb-13 11:05:08

I found my first grey hair when I was 19 shock I have 100s of the things now...

Choochoo sounds like a good first date. Sometimes you need to give these things a little time to build, as Libby said.

Western so pleased for you smile I understand the other stuff though, having lost both my parents, will have a look for your other thread.

I had a dream about Cuthbert last night (clearly for my brain it is not enough that I spend all day thinking about him hmm ). I text him last night, he hasn't replied yet (of course!). I really hope I'm not on a completely different page to him about all this.

Good luck to those with dates today. I am helping my friend with wedding admin...probably the closest I will ever come to planning a wedding!

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 11:28:29

Oh god grey hairs. I found my first proper on at about 26. They were not really noticeable or lots of them til I turned 30 though. Now I just do my roots every 4/6 weeks and redye totally every 3 months ish so so I don't have to be confronted with their glaring obviousness anymore. Sod that!

KinNora Sun 24-Feb-13 11:29:33

Snape, there are rumours that Bourjois cosmetics are very similar to Chanel, Healthy Mix foundation is supposed to be very similar to Viatalumiere ( can't say myself as both Chanel & Bourjois are too yellow based for me ).

Good luck, Ike and how lovely for all those who are loved up, you deserve it.
I'm travelling back down south with a very heavy heart as always. Bag o shite.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 24-Feb-13 11:38:19

Mercury, I didn't realise there was a beauty section on MN (am too addicted to this thread) - will have a look there.

OWW, I'm thinking of you. I lost my mum a few years ago, and sometimes it's still very hard.

Velvet, my only involvement in weddings has been other people's too.

Snape, yes, I was thinking of going to one of the beauty counters, but just wasn't sure which one to choose. Perhaps I'll give Chanel a try, and hope people are feeling very generous when it's my birthday. I think I need to do something urgently, though - apparently the only question Mr C's DC asked after they'd met me yesterday was how old I was - am now worried they might think I'm a long-lost granny or something.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 24-Feb-13 11:41:32

Aw Kin, is there any way you could move back up north if you're happier there?

I seem to remember my sister raving about Bourjois cosmetics - will investigate further.

Re grey hairs, it's just struck me that I've dyed my hair for years and years, and only stopped a few months ago. So in fact the grey hairs may have been there for years but I was blissfully unaware of them.

I don't have any grey hairs yet and am hoping it'll be a while yet as neither of my parents started to go greyish until late 50s and dad still hardly any.

Eyes however - my under eyes have always been very purple and tired-like, no matter what.

Snapespeare Sun 24-Feb-13 11:50:15

Yes DD, who is absolute font of all cosmetic knowledge says bourgeois very similar to Chanel. smile

luckybun Sun 24-Feb-13 11:51:44

Eeeeek t minus two hours till first date in 8 years!! Actually terrified! A d excited and nervous and butterflies and geek sick arrrrrrgghhhhh!!!

luckybun Sun 24-Feb-13 11:52:16

Feel sick - geek sick sounds revolting!!

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 11:53:20

I've dyed my hair since I was about 15, I'll stop when it's all silversmile

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 11:55:59

I do love Bourjois stuff, I get the least irritation with it (eyes are very sensitive)

Voice you lucky thing. I have the grey hairs and the under eye purpleness <sob>

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 12:02:14

Good luck with the dates today, look forward to an update.

Velvet, dreaming and thinking about him all day? You have it bad, girl grin. I still think about the recent ex constantly even though it's been two months. I was in deeper than I thought, I can usually pick myself up much quicker.

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 12:06:58

I only had to start dyeing my hair around 3 years a go, fortunately I haven't got many greys.

Flipper924 Sun 24-Feb-13 12:15:22

I found my first grey hair exactly a month before my 30th birthday. There's quite a few more now, but they get coloured regularly. I hate hate hate them. I lived with oily skin and spots throughout my teenage years and beyond, but I remember being told once that I would appreciate it later as oily skin tends not to age so quickly. That does seem to be paying off now, except for the days when I look in the mirror and see spots and wrinkles. Then I cry.

As you ladies seem to be in the know, how do I stop my eyeliner sliding down my face?

Kin that corner is probably a bit crowded grin, 'twas the power of alliteration override.

Libby I've always found SpaceNK reliable for finding what is right with a range of products. Again, the products can be very expensive so I tend to go for advice and just my base. I sometimes have osacea and find the drnicklowe range of moisturisers (in Boots) work without aggravating it.

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 12:22:01

Flipper I use gel eyeliner.. it's much more water/oil proof and doesn't slide off like kohl or eyeshadow. If I run out I use waterproof mascara with a fine brush dipped in it.

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 12:26:48

I am feeling much much better today btw. More like myself and ready to get back on with everything and RARRRR and all that. Lubes is back!

KinNora Sun 24-Feb-13 12:29:28

Juliette - grin.
I freakin' love Space NK but try to limit my exposure, otherwise I would be penniless but with fab-u-larse skin. The thought of Space NK has lifted my mood slightly - that's how shallow I am.

Flipper, one of the best eyeliners I've ever used is Avon Supershock, and it's dead cheap. More expensive are Urban Decay 24/7 - they go nowhere once on.

KinNora Sun 24-Feb-13 12:30:53

Excellent news, Lubey, x

Scattylatte Sun 24-Feb-13 12:32:14

i sport a lovely yellow and white bleached blonde look so ive no idea if im grey.

going to check out borjious

hope everyone has a calm day.

so glad are feeling better lubey

Snapespeare Sun 24-Feb-13 12:38:27

lubey very glad to hear it! smile

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 24-Feb-13 12:48:52

That's great Lubey. And thanks to everyone for the make-up tips - will check them out this week.

ChooChooLaverne Sun 24-Feb-13 12:54:59

luckybun good luck with date. I felt exactly like that yesterday, thought I was going to have a heart attack as I was so scared, and it was fine. You will be ok I promise!

Lubey good to see you on your way grin

luckybun Sun 24-Feb-13 13:22:48

thanks choo choo leaving in 5...... must not talk too much must not talk too much......... x

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 13:30:33

Thanks, I had forgotten what normal and ok feel like I think until today!

Flipper924 Sun 24-Feb-13 14:17:25

Good luck, Lucky!

EternalRose Sun 24-Feb-13 14:50:27

lubey Glad you are feeling better

snape I think you are doing the right thing letting nameless contact you first for a bit, hope he sets up another meeting soon so you can unleash the powah of the vaginah, bloody love that saying of yours!

oww I am so happy your talk went ok, I knew it was going to be though. I felt it in me bones.

choo Glad you had a good first date.

kirstywirsty yay for new house christening grin

Love is really in the air on this thread...

So, I probably wont start properly dating for quite a while yet as I want to get my head in the right place first. So, I will continue to live through all of you. Although I have been thinking about the age of the man I want to date in the fure . I am 26, and have always gone out with older men (soon-to-be-ex is 39) There is no way in hell I could go out with someone 21 years old, I would feel like their big sister confused. I need to pick a maximum age range and stick to it I think.

EternalRose Sun 24-Feb-13 14:51:14

future, not fure.

Bant Sun 24-Feb-13 15:31:37

Interesting story about online dating scams

Bant I'm surprised but I shouldn't be given what else goes on. You said yourself recently that when you were about to leave a site you suddenly got a lot of messages and were a bit suspicious. Maybe it was a last chance rush or possibly they start to 'feature' people more when they know they are due to leave.

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 16:37:31

It doesn't surprise me in the least. POF use models to try and entice you over to paid sites. I suspect it's mainly men who get sucked in by this somehow, although you hear about women getting conned. I cannot imagine that happening to me and others on this thread.

Yes, not surprised at all. Most people I know who've used paid sites have suddenly received messages once a subscription has run out to try and get you back in.

Even free sites seem to have them. Other than La Belissima, I have had two messages on OKC in the last week. Seems incredibly unlikely I would be genuinely contacted by two women, both of whose user names end in TheCat, both of whom are in Scotland (several hundred miles away), both of whom are SouthAsian....

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 16:49:29

I'm very suspicious of the match and matchaffinity profiles that all follow the same format

like mikeh_sky_green or dan80_sea_blue there are loads of them, always a name or other word, two underscores and a colour. Seems very very odd to me.

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 17:03:42

Beware of the POF app too. I've just deleted mine from my phone as it pings you every time you get a message and the dreaded 'wants to meet'. If you log on sometimes it logs off slowly and you end up staying on using your usage, mine is limited, and charges kick in. Also even if you log off it tells users you are still online all the time. I take my phone to my bedroom and it kept going off all last night. I messaged one guy and he told me it said I was online at five in the morning!

Bant Sun 24-Feb-13 17:06:10

Oh damn. And after the earlier posts on here I was going to change my name to 'too_many_hairs_grey'

micshi Sun 24-Feb-13 17:07:57

OMG just had my first ever OD date. He seemed a very nice interesting man, and he had the most amazing blue eyes I've ever seen. But he seems a bit old, older than the 41 he's supposed to be. Either he's lying or the 20 a day habit has taken it's toll!! He also texted me half an hour ago saying that he's going to stop looking now he's found me. I didn't reply and he's already texted asking what I have to say and has he said something wrong! WTF do I say?! Help!

EternalRose Sun 24-Feb-13 17:14:03

Mischi, he sounds a bit keen doesn't he?! I mean, asking what you have to say after 30 mins is a bit desperate.

Mischi - to say that in the first place, and then text within half an hour because you haven't replied??? Red flag, in my book. It's nice, if a date has gone well to say so, but to hassle someone for not replying that swiftly seems FAR too over eager. Added to the fact you think he may be lying about his age? I'd be treading carefully, but if you liked him and would like to see him again, then do so, but I wouldn't keep this in the back of my head and I would reply suggesting something next weekend (ie, not coming across too eager) but feel free to say that you aren't anywhere near the 'exclusive' stage yet and may still be meeting other people at the moment.

EternalRose Sun 24-Feb-13 17:15:19

What voice said....

Mischi be careful with this one. If he looked older, he probably is and saying he is coming off the site now is just weird and also presumes you must feel the same way. Even if you did, texting to ask why you haven't replied is the third red flag.

Sorry, I meant to say "I WOULD keep this in the back of my head" in the sense that I would be bearing these things in mind during a second date (if you wanted one).

Bant Sun 24-Feb-13 17:18:53

Yep. It does seem a bit red-flaggy. I'd reply with 'you'd like to see him again but don't really feel like you know each other yet so want to take things slowly, '

rather than that you want to see other people (although do that too)

ChooChooLaverne Sun 24-Feb-13 17:20:51

micshi - I would be very wary as the others have said. If he's that needy now, imagine what he'd be like if you were actually going out with him.

He hasn't asked you what you want has he? Just said that he's found you so now you're his kind of thing. And anyone who texts 30 minutes after not receiving a reply is weird.

Do you actually really like him?

Bant Sun 24-Feb-13 17:24:17

It's just one red flag, possibly. He could just be blown away by your magnificence, and be overly keen. It doesn't mean drop him, it just means be a little cautious

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 17:28:04

He sounds over keen. It's nice to get a follow up to a date very soon and I would have replied straight away if I had liked someone, but to want to be exclusive after one date is a bit previous.

micshi Sun 24-Feb-13 17:29:08

He just texted saying that he understood, no need to answer! There you go then, don't need to bother. His original text was only just over an hour ago! I really can't be bothered with someone that needy, I thought I was bad!

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 17:31:48

Mic, think you are going with your gut instinct here, which you should.

micshi Sun 24-Feb-13 17:39:15

I'll message the tasty looking 25 year old who's been messaging me instead and have myself a toy boy grin

Oh no, Mischi, you used the TB expression..... runs for cover.... grin

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 17:50:23

Mischi you're doing the right thing not bothering.

I would have replied with something a bit more sedate and seen how he reacted to it - but it's too late for that now he's already had a 'don't bother' strop.

Silly needy man.

lulubellaboozle Sun 24-Feb-13 17:53:11

place marking and catching up on this and the last thread!

OWW I am so so pleased for you! fantastic that you had the conversation and got confirmation of what you were hoping for. He truly does sound a lovely man who is doing his very best to make you happy and overcome whatever hang ups he knows he has, and lets face it, men who recognise their own shortcomings and are prepared to work to overcome them are few and far between

Kirsty glad Mr Cheeky has been helping you settle into your new flat shagging you senseless, luuurrvve eh?

Lubey yay for getting your mojo back, I didn't post on your other thread but did read it and I think you have been amazing throughout everything

Bant Sun 24-Feb-13 17:54:42

Wow. What a tosser. You could have been in the bath, your mobile battery could be dead, just because you didn't respond in 60 minutes?

Ok I retract my last post. This is the mayor of red flag city. I'd be tempted to respond with something along the lines of 'just got your three texts, nice to know I've been dumped because my battery was dead for an hour. Good luck in the future'

Or something

In other news I see that POF has made searching for an intimate encounter only available to paid members. Wonder how popular that will be? Dunno how frequently used it was or how genuine most of the IE profiles tended to be.

McBuckers Sun 24-Feb-13 18:03:53

Hello, please can I join your thread I signed up to Match last night.

Feels very weird getting back into dating after 11years.

Any tips?

Snapespeare Sun 24-Feb-13 18:04:35

mischi fucking HELL! Run! Save yourself!!

eternal the POWAH of my VAGINAAAAH salutes you! Just worked out that it's said in a fat-bastard-from-Austin-powers voice. :-) I've been very good today regarding enigmatic insouciance. Suspect nameless hasn't noticed.... hmm

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 18:05:48

Oh voice, that isn't good.

Means the 'dating' one will get flooded with IE people even more than it already is. When previously at least they were able to be honest about they wanted without having to pay.

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 18:08:33

Hello McBuckers.

God, we have endless tips between us I think.

Mine are not to get too carried away with talking online etc.... meeting in person can change everything so get that done reasonably quick

Also stick to an hour max for coffee and have a get out excuse ready just in case, so you don't waste too much time if they are awful.

It's likely you'll need those two in the early days until you get to more easily spot the way people disguise things (soft focus pics, not smiling, no pics with friends, only overhead pics, etc)

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 18:10:54

Voice I suspect the POF intimate encounter search thing may only apply to men?

That would bring them in line with the 'business model' used by the casual hook up sites.

IE free for women but men have to pay, there are about 10 men for every woman on there, the men are led to believe that there are lots of women looking for a casual shag with anyone who offers.
The reality is that even if they are looking for NSA most, if not all, the women will be very fussy and will make the men jump through hoops before even agreeing to meet them for a chat.

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 18:12:20

Voice, how did you discover this wink.

Snape oh he will notice. Eventually. Then you can be all, eh no vair busy grin

Voice IE paid only? part of me thinks that's a good idea to stop the fishing, the other hmm

<ingores tb mentioning>

Mercury how do you work out which IE men are ok, just wondering how you sort them.

Scrazy - the forums. And the fact that I hit the search button, from where to normally select the Advanced Search, and there was a headline thingy telling me.

luckybun Sun 24-Feb-13 18:18:50

Well hello all - am back from date no 1!
Mischi - sounds like you might be better off, eek, scary behaviour after date 1!
McBuckers - welcome, i'm new to this and OD and had some very helpful advise from everyone on here. Most importantly to get the first meeting out of the way if you feel there is an initial spark!
So.... date no. 1 done - it was fine, he'd def put some 'favourable' pictures on his profile! but it was fine - we had a coffee, then decided to have lunch and a drink after - my concern with this was that I think he might become a bit full on. It doesn;t seem that he has much outside of work (as a sports centre manager) and he also is a personal trainer...I mean, he talks about his clients and his work but hasn't really mentioned friends. He also talked a bit too much about the ex and started going into reasons for the split etc but I managed to stop that!
So I'm not sure, he's asked to see me again I've said I'd like to but just not sure..... anyone been in this situation. Im a bit confused by it all as we got on sooooo well on the phone.

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 18:26:52

Juliette, it's pretty easy because the men on there are usually transparent, most of the 'undesirables' can be spotted from their profiles, and then a bit of causal messaging back and forth gives most of them enough rope to hang themselves.

Skype, is the next hurdle, then if I meet them I'll be non commital about whether I want to take things further, just to see how they they continue to be polite etc.

Needless to say I don't get to the coffee stage very often with anyone, let alone the bedroom stage grin

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 18:32:37

Sounds very much like my smash and grab which resulted in meeting TT.

Though neither of us were IE I was screening profiles and ditching the obviously mad/bad/sad/all three ones, talking a little to the ones I wasn't sure of which resulted in many ditchings and I think three got my email and only TT my number.

Didn't do skype at any point though I just met him.... I was happy enough with the pics he had and the conversation we had that he was the best of the bunch and worth meeting. I was right.

Still don't know if it will go beyond another date or two though but I did impress myself with my picking him out there. Haha.

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 18:41:30

I think you just have to be ruthless and dont give anyone the benefit of the doubt, I know lots of people dont like to skype, I think we just find our own ways of doing things.

I'm not seriously looking for anyone atm, it's more a little bit of chat or banter if I'm bored

raskolnikov Sun 24-Feb-13 18:47:36

Hello everyone (waves to thread)...

I'm back here after being away for ages - just activated POF and OKC again and waiting with baited breath ... I wonder what'll come out of the woodwork...

Sounds like some of you have been keeping warm indoors wink OWW and Kirsty... am v envious

So did you say you wanted sex, or is it the done thing to say relationship. Ate there signals which lay it out? I'm vaguely thinking about casual or fwb, there must be some good men who would suit, but wouldn't be bf material.

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 19:05:16

I was as open as I could be on my PoF profile. I said I wanted a casual relationship maybe just a step up or so from FWB

And explained that as nothing serious and no moving in or looking to the future or anything but all the good things (going out, sex etc) with just the one person.

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:12:32

I just say something like 'looking for a nice man for a regular arrangement' I cant be arsed writing much, but I suppose what you write will depend in part on what the 'norms' are on the site you are using

Snapespeare Sun 24-Feb-13 19:29:05

Text from nameless. I blush might have linked blush him to the blush eels song blush du jour. this one he has declared it sweet and is smiling at me.

I need some hand holding insouciance, because I've drunk the best part of a bottle of wine and might do terrible things.

Do you put your pics up right away or hide your profiles and swoop?

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:36:20

I put pictures up

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:39:22

wish I could hide half my face behind a big beard like that!

There would be something truly awkward about wanting just fwb and then finding out they weren't interested after the pic. I also wouldn't want to mix it up with the sites I've been on and rejected various men as relationship material. It's needs to be a mutually agreed casual thing from the off I guess.

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:47:43

Juliette, have I misunderstood, or are you saying that, because it's fwb you think the bloke wouldnt need to see a pic so as to check that you are his 'type'?

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:56:19

...or that it's best to post pictures because not very pleasant to have someone say 'no thanks' or not reply after you've sent pictures?

I guess thats why I put pictures up to save myself the indignity of being rejected after I've e-mailed them!blush

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 20:10:30

I've been out all day taking the dcs to see ex's family and Blimey a lot has happened on this thread. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support about LM. How did you all know it would be okay? Really sad that so many of you know what I'm going through about my dad. It's shit. Hugs to you all.

But I am really happy. Teenagerishly and embarrassingly so. I have worked so hard for so many years to cultivate my grumpy cow facade and now it's all ruined, ruined I tell you.

Kirsty great stuff! Having the new flat is the start of a whole new happy chapter in your life. Brilliant.

Velvet hope you hear from him very, very soon. Dreaming of him eh? smile

Snape so glad N is in touch again. He sounds lovely. Do not worry - just do the terrible things unless they're truly, truly, mindblowingly awful.

Lucky What do you think you'll do?

Lubey so pleased to hear you've got your Lubey-ness back. You've been amazing.

Rose I think staying on the sofa whilst you get into a better place in your head is a good plan. I gave it eighteen months after I split with my ex, maybe it should have been a bit longer but I just felt ready in myself after months of saying "Never again". It's maybe not the age but the person.

Mic oh no what a bad one to get for your first date! But you did everything right, radar fully working there.

Hi Raskolnikov good to see you again!

And good luck McB -keep posting!

Nora move back. Best thing I ever did.

Ike is it tonight you're going Dutch? Loads of good luck if it is.

Hello to everyone else. Will get properly caught up now.

Sorry, have probably missed

MirandaWest Sun 24-Feb-13 20:26:52

Have been having real life - much of it in bed tbh. And eating and watching while flat pack stuff was being built. Very glad that LM called last night OWW smile

Mr Nice did very good building of children's desks and coffee table and desk swivelly chairs. And put pictures and clock on walls. Then we took children along to XHs house and went and got bookcase from his house. Came back and did Good Talking (in bed but clothed grin). Both reassured the other that neither of us were going off the other one and I realised that he does have a lot of things on his mind in general (ex wife moving back up here, about to finish his job and start another one, he and his DS are going off to America for a coupe of weeks and that's all happening in March). Plus the one night of porn which hadnt helped the ED.

We have had various types of sex which have all been very good (not quite up to the full penetrative stuff but getting nearer it) and I felt quite like a weight had been lifted. Both of us slept v well last night and we had a good lazy Sunday morning/afternoon until 3 when we emerged to eat. And a lot of kissing which was very good smile We talked more about the whole moving in with each other in a few years thing which was nice.

Am much more cheerful than on Friday blushsmile

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 20:34:12

Miranda that all sounds very positive and especially that you've been able to talk about this and reassure each other. How do you feel about his ex moving back? Is it amicable between them?

Really glad things are back on track for you.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:42:31

Hellooooo apparently the kid got 'called into work' unexpectedly at 4:00pm...a likely tale....strangely unperterbed by this as was half way through a lovely sunday dinner with my mate and it meant I could indulge in vino instead as didnt have to drive to a venue anymore. Apparently we will 'meet some other time' ...well since ex H off to Cuba for the forseeable future that is unlikely...whatevs.

Managed to spend £60 on skin illuminating powder and eyebag concealer ...will let you know if it works and if so the name of the products which I cant remember at the mo. Will scroll back and check out todays hijinx....

ike - that stinks.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:52:31

Do you think? My mate thought that too, not sure I have an opinion one way or another really..

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:54:22

He owes me nothing and I wasnt put out, carried on my day regardless, at least he let me know in good time...I wont contact him again.

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 20:55:44

That is very rude behaviour from him Ike but hope the vino was good compensation grin

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:57:30

I tell you what does stink...spending £60 on had better not be snake oil...I want fresh, young skin for that money..

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:57:59

Am I missing something? Why is it rude?

Pomegranatenoir Sun 24-Feb-13 21:02:05

ike you are soooooo cool and chilled! I'd be pissed off but it is brilliant that you're not!!

mercury no id be worried about the indignity of being rejected by pic when its just for fwb. Not sure why, i should be less bothered grin

What job does he do that gets called into on a Sunday?

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:05:12

Its just the nature of Online Dating though this point we only owe each other basic common courtesy. That's it. No expectations other than that as otherwise it is energy misspent.

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 21:06:25

I think it's rude to change plans just a few hours before a date. If it was me, I'd have arranged a babysitter so their plans would have been changed too, probably wouldnt have anything lined up to do instead or time to make other arrangements.

But that's just me, glad you're fine with it.

Report back on super duper make up required!

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:06:46

Well he does work shifts so it is absolutely possible....we will see, if he contacts me again I may consider rescheduling...not gonna poop me panties over it...haha

ike I think that's carp too. Happens a lot with OD.

MirandaWest Sun 24-Feb-13 21:08:22

That would annoy me ike. But I may be somewhat less chilled than you smile

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:08:31

Oh Yeah OWW I totally see your point re babysitters...that would be a complete pain. Just thought I'd better check in case my rude behaviour radar had turned itself off.

Crap obvs grin
Unless its genuine then ok (ish)

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:09:54

Well exactly Jule.. never happened before to me but I am always aware of it as a possibility.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:10:25

carp will do absolutely fine.

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:11:54

Ike, it's happened to me a few times, bloke has cancelled on the day citing some work related emergency or other.
I assume it's just an excuse, and I dont make any further contact, generally suspect it's some juvenile ploy to try to jerk me around and get me to chase after him hmm

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:15:38

Yeah possibly Merc ...not my style though...I assume its an excuse but his job certainly lends itself to be called in ad hoc. Not gonna waste too much time second guessing.

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:33:11

Ike, when this has happened to me I've assumed that, if he's genuine he'll be in touch very soon with an apology and wanting to re arrange the date.

If there's silence and he pops up a couple of weeks later saying blah blah blah he's been ill, busy at work, I just ignore him...cuz if he's like that when he's impressing me with his best side what's he gonna be like later shock

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:37:22

Totally with you on that Merc...infact in it was me cancelling and I was keen I would have probably suggested another date with the text. Who knows what goes on in some peeps minds really..not my problem ...

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:39:41


48howdidthathappen Sun 24-Feb-13 21:42:22

Back on track with Mr R&R smile Had a talk about how we are both feeling, was good! Learned alot about each other.

So happy for you OWW Knew it would be ok.

Waves to thread. Need to catch up.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:45:18

Good news 48...see you in a bit!

MirandaWest Sun 24-Feb-13 21:45:52

Glad you've been doing talking as well 48 smile

McBuckers Sun 24-Feb-13 21:46:20

Thanks Lubey and luckybun it feels so strange to be back on the dating scene after so long.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:47:50

Welcome to the jungle my darling McBuckers.....

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:48:31

I have decided not to rush my next appointment with the fanny waxer...

MirandaWest Sun 24-Feb-13 21:50:15

OWW am not sure quite what I think about his ex moving back up here. She has new bf now who is moving up with her. She and Mr Nice are generally amicable I think and things have improved since their house was sold and she got her share and has stopped asking him for money a lot of the time hmm. Part of me would quite like her to stay a few hundred miles away but am fairly optimistic it will be ok. Am prepared for mr nice to be a little befuddled by it all but I'm there for him which he knows and it will be ok <optimistic smile>

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 21:52:50

48 really glad to hear that. I was so sad when you called it off with him i know he doesnt always get it right, but its so clear that he cares about you a lot and wants to do the right thing You two are so good with all the talking, too!

Another one who knew it would go well with LM!! If all you lot can see it, why can't I? But, I really am starting to trust him properly now. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. I think he's actually a genuinely good and decent person. I have gone a bit silly over him blush

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:53:35

Should be fine Miranda especially as she is in what sounds to be a stable relationship. How long have they been separated/divorced??

Yay to talking 48, that man deserves to be broken next time you see him

Happy for you too western

And Miranda. It's talk weekend grin

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 21:54:42

Ike, god knows what goes through their minds. I had one cancelled on me on the day with a story about his car being broken into, windows smashed etc. Turns out it was true and we re-arranged. I saw him a few times afterwards.

I'm on the sofa, for a while as I'm not ready to date and cannot muster up any enthusiasm. Have 4 that I'm chatting to so will see how long it takes for them to drop off. I've got a busy month coming up and DD will be home for a few weeks after this so no time to date for a while which is just as well. I need a break from men.

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 21:56:22

FWIW OWW I knew all would be well with you both, you just needed to get it out in the open smile

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 21:57:07

Miranda good that his ex has moved on and has a new bf. It might be easier for his dcs having their parents closer, so less hassle in that way. It all sounds not too bad at all and quite civilised but any change can cause a bit of stress. When is she moving?

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:00:13

I have a slight problem in that there really is noone who has contacted me that takes my fancy ....200 on the 'would like to meet' and a fair few messages...just noone. am I being ridiculously picky? Or is it the area I live in ? Or my age?

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 22:00:33

Scrazy snuggling up on that sofa for a while sounds like a good plan especially with you having a lot on. Is your dd at Uni?

MirandaWest Sun 24-Feb-13 22:06:14

She's moving back next weekend. And then the Saturday afterwards is their DSs 18th birthday. He hasn't seen her much since she moved out (which was last April) - he went down there for a week in the summer and she came up here in December for a few days and then January to do house looking at. Thunk he has to get nagged into calling her - he is definitely much closer to his dad than his mum but being able to pop in and see her should help I think rather than it having to be a major visit.

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 22:11:38

OWW, yes she is hence me finding it really lonely after what happened with the ex and her being away, it's been tough these last couple of months. I've got family around but they aren't always available to get me out the house.

Ike, it might be both your area and age. It's the same for me but a few nice ones have appeared in my inbox this weekend since I changed my profile picture. I'm glad I got rid of the phone app, it was depressing and intrusive.

No ike You ate not picky. I have probably only fancied 1 who liked me.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:18:32

Oh dear...was hoping it was me...

Scrazy Sun 24-Feb-13 22:26:11

It's normal, I probably reply to around 5% of messages and ignore the 'wants to meet'. If they carn't be bothered to send a message then forget it.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:28:40

Yeah that sounds about right then Scrazy...slim pickins though innit!

And that is EVER

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:34:52

My friend has been on 2 dates with a guy from POF and he has talked about moving to this city (he lives somewhere else) asked her about her thoughts on marriage and everything she says she likes he does too. He is giving her the serious creeps. She is very glad he doesnt know where she lives.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:36:32

Jule that EVER is now reverberating in my head like the clanging chimes of doom!!!

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 22:39:22

I have fancied quite a few at times but I have been known to have slightly odd taste now and then and I'm very generous with my age ranges. I'm also smack bang in the middle of an area with loads of towns and cities so that probably helps.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:41:00

I think I am gonna have to start loving my own company ALOT by the looks of it then...

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:43:37

I think location is quite a big part of it...I get quite alot of messages from men who look nice in the london area,sometimes tempted but really I think they're just too far away.

KirstyWirsty Sun 24-Feb-13 22:52:00

48 and OWW whoop whoop!! gringrin

Can't believe the weekend is over .. I was out with Lovingfreedom last night .. I met her through mumsnet and she was my first online date .. We're off to New York a week on friday as one of my friends is getting hitched there and she is coming as my plus one ..

Hi to everyone else

KirstyWirsty Sun 24-Feb-13 22:53:12

Purely platonic btw .. Don't want to start any rumours smile

ike - it's not just you. I still maintain location has much to do with it, age a bit to do with it. Having been back on POF and OKC for three weeks now, I have only found one remotely attractive and interesting woman in a 50-mile radius of me to message. OK, she was ridiculously too attractive, but she is literally the only one I found fanciable in any way. And I've only had two messages to me, from fake profiles.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:55:55

I was gonna say Kirst sounds cool you lucky things....would have loved to stay in the Chelsea Hotel but they have shut it now...

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:59:55

How did you know the profiles were fake Voice?

Ah, forgot you weren't on the thread earlier, ike. Both from Scotland (so, several hundred miles away), both South Asian, both with TheCat in their profile name and profile details relatively similar.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:05:14

I see ...what was the purpose do you think?

No idea, and I didn't reply to either (almost identical) message to find out!

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:08:32

How odd...

I've always felt these sorts of profiles - bit like the stuff we were talking about earlier and referred to in that link Bant posted - is to keep you on site and make you think it's worth staying around for or, in some instances, paying to see a message, or see more photos or whatever. I suspect had I replied I'd have got another message suggesting they didn't use OKC but I could get them on "another site" (that's a regular trick, too, I'm told).

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:13:49

There, I have just replied to a message, the guy has no discernable features and appears to be hiding behind a motorbike but maybe I need to just....oh I dunno...

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:14:56

Oh Ill go check your convo now Voice...

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:22:11

the 'other site' may well be one where you need to give your credit card details in return for some <ahem> wink 'web cam action' blush blush

Merc - that would be my guess!

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:25:35

oh....I see...bloody hell !!!

Having exhausted POF and OKC am trying to decide whether it is worth paying out for Match again. It was a complete waste last time.

mercury7 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:29:22

it stands to reason that women who sell sexual services would see dating sites as a business opportunity, i'm sure it would be pretty easy to get an income stream goingsmile

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:32:52

Unfortunately Merc...I think you may be right. Well I met TR on Match dont know if that is any advert for its services though!

lubeybooby Sun 24-Feb-13 23:34:08

But dating sites are full of men who want real girlfriends or at least real actual female flesh for sexual encounters... and spare cash will be going on date travel/drinks/aftershave/condoms not prime place for punters I reckon.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:35:56

Motorbike guy has assured me he is not a basket case...<jaundiced response> really???

I found Match the worst last time - the two women I did meet were both off POF although I did get some messages on OKC. I doubt things have improved, so it's probably throwing money away. Ah well. Long-term sofadom it is then! Just need to improve my cake baking skills.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:44:35

I dont know what to think honestly...

Never seen a motorbike with a basket on the front, only normal bikes.... Oh, that's not what he means, is it?

If you think that statistically men have to message a lot of women to get any response, some will never get a response etc, the chances of a man thinking a 'chat' to a woman by cam is a good idea must start to increase over time.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:50:15

oh I dunno...I have just told him I have to go to sleep ....honestly feel I cant be bothered...sometimes wish I was still married and then remember he turned out be a shit. Perhaps a life of celibacy and contemplation is beckoning...

ike if you go down that roadd, I doubt you'll be on your own!

juliette I think that's true, the odds are not in us chaps favour to start with so wouldn't surprise me if there is enough of a market for cams

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:55:26

There must be some blokes that have success ..

Yes, of course. But again it will depend where they live and generally only the top percentage do well.

But generally OD can't be that successful, otherwise people wouldn't still be on there 2, 3, 4 years after joining.

ike1 Sun 24-Feb-13 23:59:46


mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:02:49

last time i checked dating sites were full of men who want easy no strings one off sex!

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:03:33

As a 5.5 woman (according to Bant's scale of attractiveness) it is still possible to have this guy has just asked me for a drink...but unfortunately I have zero enthusiasm for it. I feel a bit shallow...I just dont think I will fancy him and as such I cant be bothered....but I probably SHOULD be bothered just in case...

Take some heart, I do know two couples who got together via the net, one of whom got married last year. He was her first OD, she was his 21st!!! He is the only guy I know who ever managed to get a reasonable number of dates - relatively good looking but VERY wealthy and flaunted it in his profile.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:04:45

oh bugger...

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:06:10

i mean there are escorts as well as cam girls using dating sites, esp the more casual ones

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:07:51

I know a few folk who have met on line ....feeling a bit like I am going to grow old and hairy on my own.... tonight....

Ike, I suspect if we lived in major cities, we'd find it far, far easier, not just to get dates but quality dates. They don't necessarily mean they will lead to a relationship, but we'd certainly get a better crack of the whip and improve our chances in the old numbers game.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:08:55

Merc ...are you still 'banging on' about the web cams???I am trying to be maudlin here...

Yes but it's likely to be the same ones over and over with casual. Mr Average from average town would find it tough. Add on a few years and he has very little chance. I have fancied 1. Out of several 100s. They all look the same to me, so much so that when I bumped into a friend whilst on first date with Morning Man I mixed him up with the Academic from the week before. I digress...

So it's the slow shift of realities, I date potato heads and think about fwb, some men will think they are having a cam date.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:09:45

I do live close to a majorish city though Voice!

That was to ike btw

Ike how close?

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:12:30

Well very close..

Yeah sorry guys but after a certain age you do all seem to begin to look the same..

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:13:15

I think I might have to crack open the Toblerone...


And what age would that be, ike????

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:17:10

My age it would seem Voice or maybe my eyesight is dimming

lubeybooby Mon 25-Feb-13 00:17:48

That's true mercury but they don't want to pay for it (I think anyway from what it seems).. I've been on quite a few dates where men say their nightmare anecdotal type messages and dates have been from/with women who turned out to want paying

That's no help! I don't know how old you are and a gentleman never asks.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:21:22

I bloody told everyone when it was my only noticed belatedly and I am not bloody saying it there...Man...Toblerone is mega sweet!

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:23:01

Do you think we will all be on this thread in 10 years time still moaning about POF etc etc??

Well, this man who DOESN'T look the same as every other man and still has a full head of hair and all his own teeth is going to bed to get some beauty sleep in the hope of not EVER looking the same as every other man.

There is a London look. Actually it's not true I've only fancied 1, I have seen men i think look attractive my age but they have always turned out to be from the US or Europe. The Europe I can understand (tend to make the most of themselves) but I don't understand the US thing unless its subconsciously teeth or something.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:24:59

You'd better get some of that eyebag cream on then Voice...night!

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:26:13

What's the London look then Jule? I bet its got nothing to do with Rimmel or Kate Moss!

Indeed. Or people will say I am actually looking my age, rather than the usual guess of 6 or 7 years younger than I am. It's my birthday very soon, damn it. Which means only a year until....sob....40....

Runs off to cry in bed. Night.

voice you could never look the same as every other man, ever! grin

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:28:00

Dont worry Voice...been there it was ahem er...bearable.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:28:48

or bareable

I'll find some samples ike, tba.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:34:56

ok Jule..

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:45:15

last time i checked dating sites were full of men who want easy no strings one off sex!

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:51:00

Lubey I guess all men would say that they wouldnt consider paying for sex..then again I imagine those who do use such services keep fairly quiet about it...

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:52:36

oops, something funny happened to my phone, excuse the duplicated post!

VelvetSpoon Mon 25-Feb-13 01:16:38

Gosh everyone has been busy today!

I have spent the last 2 hours trying to finish DS2s homework (a motte and bailey castle) delivered here at 11pm by the Evil Ex, with a text 'can you ensure finished by tomorrow pls' hmm

This is on the back of a days wedding discussion with friends. Am bloody shattered now.

I did get a text from C though. Thanking me for Friday (he is so polite - I was telling my friends how he always stands up when I get to the pub which they thought showed v good manners!) and saying he had a great time. So am smile

Lets hope this is a good week for everyone!

micshi Mon 25-Feb-13 06:50:50

I was out all evening, only to find another message from Mr.Greek on the website asking why I hadn't replied. He told me not to bother! I don't know whether to tell him what I think or not. My main worry is that I'll bump into him in the street as he lives fairly close! I'm not going to date anyone in the same part of London as me again!

micshi - looks like we were right about your lovely date! Dodged a bullet there. He'd already told you via text not to bother when you hadn't replied within his inbuilt time parameter. Why repeat himself on the website.

Some people would say reply with something along the lines of "Well, I didn't get a chance to reply to the text you sent yesterday because I was busy and before I could, you sent one to say 'not to bother'. So I didn't. And I won't" and then block and ignore. Some people would just block and ignore.

SweetSeraphim Mon 25-Feb-13 08:41:33

I wouldn't be able to block him without first giving him some smartass reply I'm afraid! Knob hmm

Sweet - usually I would tend to agree with you, I would find it hard not to give him a bit of the old verbal but as Micshi says he lives fairly close, I'd not take that risk!

Scrazy Mon 25-Feb-13 10:10:10

I think that for some men on the sites they will never get replies or dates. The ones who do have success to get as far as the sweet trolley mentality will have a great photo up with a great profile I would think, or they are just out for sex and are not too fussy.

I have a friend who is on POF and well he's not my type but he isn't hideous, he says he hardly ever gets replies and if it gets to a date the women don't want to take it further.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 10:22:43

Bant must be drop dead gorgeous then...the amount of dates he's had (I wanna have a look at his profile!)

OhWesternWind Mon 25-Feb-13 10:26:48

Velvet - Cuthbert is really coming good. Really glad he's been in contact without too much of a delay. He's getting better! Hoping you get to see him soon. Could you have a daytime coffee and cake date or something over the weekend just so you can see each other for an hour or so?

Mic oh dear, I'd just ignore him I think. There's no point engaging with people who are behaving like this as they won't take any notice of your point of view.

Lack of suitable matches - well, there wasn't a great choice here either, being a bit in the sticks and also looking at the 40+ age group. I just ended up messaging anyone who looked and sounded vaguely okay. None of them that I met up with were awful in a rude or offensive or red-flaggish way, and the worst experience I had was one bloke I met who was very, very boring. I think that most of them looked different from their photos, one was very much older than his picture (this is the boring bloke), another was a lot shorter than he had said, the others just looked different in real life actually talking to them and seeing how they moved, how expressive they were etc. I don't think LM is classically handsome, didn't think much of his photo one way or the other (he is going a bit bald and grey and wears glasses, looks a bit geeky I think but I quite like that look), but I like how he smiles, how he talks, there's just that something about him, which of course you can't tell from a photo and is a really personal thing anyway. Load of waffle there to say unless there's something really dire and dreadful about the picture or profile then I'd go and meet them and see how things are in real life.

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 10:29:15

'hardly ever gets replies and if it gets to a date the women don't want to take it further.'

assuming this is common, some men might get cold feet and cancel dates because they expect a rejection?

Scrazy Mon 25-Feb-13 10:35:38

Yes Mercury, this could be why they do it. One of my recent dates, the short arsed squirt who exaggerated his height, didn't even follow up with a 'thanks but no thanks' message and it's put me off going on anymore blinds dates as I must be hideous. When I last OD a couple of years before I usually got some positive feedback.

OhWesternWind Mon 25-Feb-13 10:41:38

Boring man didn't follow up with any kind of text - I think it was obvious that we just didn't click, so maybe Scrazy it was the same with this man if he could tell there was no point in asking you out again and was lacking in manners as well as height. Don't let some silly man like this put you off.

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 10:43:55

I've been reading a lot of shit couple of articles about tactical withdrawal creating interest. managed to not initiate texting with nameless yesterday - leaving an hour until a response tc… - then asked him for a 'favour' if he could load some music of his choice onto a memory stick for me as he has excellent taste and I need to expand my horizons (blatant flattery!) he would be glad to - I offered some form of recompense, which he suggested take the form of a massage blush I replied that I'm sure we could sort something out, but he might need to take his shirt off….

I barely slept a wink all night. must distract self from distractions!

<thread wave> good old cuthbert! yay!

micshi Mon 25-Feb-13 10:46:08

I did end up replying saying that he didn't give me a chance to reply to him before saying not to bother & that after one date it was a bit early to stop looking on the site & that I didn't want to see him again.

Well that was an interesting first OD experience!

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 10:50:22

file him under 'pet assassin' Micshi grin

I do know of a couple of women - acquaintances as opposed to friends - who go on the sites literally to get dates. They only go on first dates and have no intention of second dates. They just like finding men to take them out to dinner. Sometimes they offer to 'pay half' but the men rarely take them up on it or they don't offer! Lucky men!!

Scrazy Mon 25-Feb-13 11:08:42

Voice, not sure I could put myself through having dinner with some dullard just for a free meal.

Snape, there is much truth in being cool and not initiating contact as they will do so if they want to and they love the chase, much as I hate to admit it.

micshi Mon 25-Feb-13 11:14:46

I got a sandwich & a coffee out of my date, not sure it was worth the hassle though! hmm

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 11:18:57

They just like finding men to take them out to dinner
I find making conversation with strangers onerous and am only willing to do it if there is some reward, ie I find the bloke attractive and what to get to know him with a view to getting naked with him.

The idea of having a meal with a stranger doesnt appeal to me in the slightest and I never agree to anything more that a coffee

I've heard this thing about some women just wanting a free night out from a couple of early days dates. They were knobbers though and made a point of mentioning that they'd 'spent money on them' hmm

I don't get the attraction when boxed sets and M&S exist.

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 11:36:29

see, I'm a ball-breaking feminazi. Every single fibre of my being asserts if I want to see someone again, then I should make that clear and the gentleman caller in question should bite my hand off (not literally) in sheer joy that I deign to give him the time of day… and that's worked so far. I said I'd like to see nameless again after the first date, I've asked him out a few times - I'm not sure if a tactical flip-flop to eagerly pursued damsel of many varied interests is believable…

…mind you, I did say I'd like to see him this past weekend, he cancelled due to ill-health and I did tell him I was quite busy this week. So it's up to him to rearrange , yes? I'm free Wednesday and Friday (drinks with ex flatmate tomorrow, dinner with ex news of world journo on Thursday) So presuming he does mention it - friday is better, isnt it? God this stuff is complicated. far easier to just do what I feel, when I feel it…

mail (non smutty!) from the prof on linked in. ignore it , right?

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 11:41:26

Julliette, perhaps the women you refer to wanted to be taken out, in part, because it reassured them that they were attractive & still had 'pulling power'?

Thats kind of understandable isnt it...I mean we all like a bit of validation and flattery?

mercury7 Mon 25-Feb-13 11:45:50

Snape, perhaps the prof is testing the water to see if you are still interested?
As for the other guy, it's a bit hard to say whats going may be that health issues have alot to do with it?

OhWesternWind Mon 25-Feb-13 11:47:17

Snape - speaking as someone who tied herself up in knots wondering when/if/what to text etc etc, I have found life so much easier since I abandoned all of that and just did what I felt like. Why play games? We've had lots of debates on here about whether men like to chase, whether they appreciate someone being upfront and the thing is, I honestly don't believe it matters. If they like you, they won't be put off by how quickly you respond to a text or whether you or they text first.

Go with what your instincts are telling you, show him the real Snape - he's liked what he's seen so far!

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 11:48:11

Fed up today ...had a mouthful off ex because daughter should have gone into school in a welsh costume for photos. She was staying at his all weekend. I asked him if he had checked the bag forreminder notes.She went in last week in a costume but they obvs postponed it until today. He claims he did check...I doubt it.He called me a shit parent.

I reminded him that he was about to jet off for 10 days with the wman who helped him to cheat...hardly making him father of the year material. And yet again he has not made appointments for parents evening.Why? cos he is on frigging holiday!!

What was that about KARMA? Crikey I am so fed up of getting critisism. I am not a cake baking soccer mom but I try my best and never get any positive comments only constant and I mean constant critisism. I made alot of effort last year to get DS's Dyspraxia recognised by the school and ex-H mainly sat on his arse and tried to ignore the situation. I feel quite upset today at the injustice of it all. I am not someone who point scores by nature and find this sort of behaviour confusing and depressing.

Scrazy: "Snape, there is much truth in being cool and not initiating contact as they will do so if they want to and they love the chase, much as I hate to admit it. "

Can't speak for the other men on the thread but I can tell you for one that I don't love the chase and most men I know don't. Boys and girls play games, sensible men and women don't.

Mercury maybe it's a reassurance thing but it's possible to find complements online (whether genuine or not) without actually having to go and sit with a knobber for him to tell you. Maybe the attraction is getting dressed up and feeling they look good for the evening, which I do get.

raskolnikov Mon 25-Feb-13 12:07:29

Ike, I get this sort of criticism all the time from my ex - I've turned it around so that each time he complains I see that he's fully aware of all the effort I put in compared to the negligeable amount he does and that he's acknowledging he's not up to the job of adequate parent. Constant sniping at me goes straight over my head now - I'm told that showing disinterest in their difficulties is far more effective than rising to the bait -takes some practise tho!

Ike you are not a shit parent, he is PROJECTING. Ignore, do not engage and hope for sunburn on his bethonged arse.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 12:13:09

Oh I ignore alot of it...but it does have a cumulative effect eventually..especially when you are on your own. I am left today feeling an inordinate amount of guilt.

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 12:16:08

bear in mind the 'real' snape can be a bit...scary, maybe. i don't know anymore. I think i could feasibly do with being a tiny bit 'needier' not the right word... a bit more silver-tongued? he's never going to build me any furniture, but he does know a lot about and loves music, so it strokes his ego a bit to be asked to select some tunes for me ... I recognise I can give the air of being utterly fabulous in all things and have no need of anyone else as I am perfectly able to do...everything. hmm & I think that can maybe be a tiny bit emasculating...

i think we're going to argue this one around in circles smile I think i shall stick to text/contact ping-pong unless i happen to see a chocolate penguin and have to send a pic of it...because it's a chocolate penguin (trust me there is a reason for this - penguin cam annnnnnd chocolate - I can legitimately send the odd text because i'm thinking about someone....right?

Scrazy Mon 25-Feb-13 12:20:28

Ike, I can understand how it would get on top of you. Parenting can be a thankless task without the other parent, whom you are no longer with, pulling you to pieces.

Voice, I guess the men I've been tangled up with are a different breed to the norm then, but maybe not when you scan through the self help books written for singles. I don't read them btw but have heard of them.

From a feminist perspective the idea might be that you don't need a man in your life to be happy so no need to put yourself on the line, just let them do the running, in the beginning at least.

Ike I know, it's horrible. It's made worse because you do your best, he dumps on you and then leaves you with those thoughts as he swans off into the sun. It is always worse when you're on your own, the thing I've always missed most is having someone to share the good and bad, laugh/cry with when parenting DS. Your DC love you, they will know who puts in the effort even if they don't show it. It's good they enjoy the time with their father but nothing can ever replace you and what you give them.

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 12:27:12

ike how on earth are you a shit parent hmm because he didn't do something. he is projecting his guilt at having an affair into a legitimisation of the affair by finding fault with you. in his head he had no choice but to have an affair because you are shit. numpty.

raskolnikov Mon 25-Feb-13 12:31:23

Ike - that guilty feeling is like a shadow hanging over things, isn't it? Wondering if things could have been done better - but since you're the one doing the parenting and he's the one running off with OW, you have to console yourself with the fact that you're still there and coping with whatever gets thrown your way - its shit, but its not of your making..

Snape - I recognise that feeling of having to get on and do everything and appearing to do it well - I'm on my own and having to sort out all sorts of crap, while I look at married friends who wouldn't dream of changing a plug, painting a ceiling or mowing a lawn because their DH takes care of it all - however, when ex bf repaired a light fitting for me a while ago, I did feel very.... girlish (and grateful) hmm smile

raskolnikov Mon 25-Feb-13 12:37:11

In his latest rant, exH complained that I have an unhealthy relationship with my DD (13) because we're too close!! WTF This is because she texts me when she's at his and he's watching the footie!

Snape I only realised rather late that there is a huge difference between playing games to create some sort of chase and not constantly being too available or accommodating. The (1970s hardcore) feminist in me has always rejected game playing, but I have made the mistake of being totally straight about the way I feel (which has I think been read as too available) and then being too accommodating in the past. It didn't serve me well, instead of the kind, spontaneous free spirit I saw myself as, I used to get taken for granted.

I also wondered a couple of months ago if I was coming across as scary and needed to 'soften up' the impression I was giving out. I realised that I was so used to meeting new people with my 'da Boss' dictatorial work persona that I was taking that to dates. I had to actually concentrate on showing my 'home/caring/I love DS side and now it seems to be happening naturally.

VelvetSpoon Mon 25-Feb-13 13:06:44

My ex has told me to my face I am an evil spoilt selfish bitch. I probably am. He's also told me I am the reason DS1 is overweight and why DS2 struggles at school - because I think only of myself.

I stopped caring about his opinion a long time ago. I have realised the more I restrict and limit contact between us, the happier I am.

Re the whole men and texting/contacting thing, I don't think all men like the chase. Some men do I'm sure, but not all. The happiest relationship I ever had was the one where I never tried to play it cool, or follow the rules and just said and did as I felt.

C I don't think (certainly not after some of the stuff he said on fri) is someone who wants to do all the chasing. Which is fine because I'm happy to do my share smile

Western, that's a good idea about lunch etc - however we work too far from each other to make it feasible. I don't know if weekends are possible because sat afternoon - sun eve is his time with his elder DC. We'll sort something out somehow though, where there's a will (even if it is mainly on my side...!) Etc smile

Scrazy Mon 25-Feb-13 13:10:54

It's the not being to available or accommodating that I mean by playing it cool.

raskolnikov Mon 25-Feb-13 13:13:45

Velvet - isn't the 'only thinking of yourself' not just the slow dawning realisation that you don't care what he thinks? I'm sure this is the case for me - my ex coming to terms with the fact that I'll move heaven and earth for my kids but can quite happily manage without any input from him whatsoever...

OhWesternWind Mon 25-Feb-13 13:20:43

Ike - what a crappy thing to say. Sounds like he has realised he's cocked up and is trying to shift the blame, attack being the best form of defence and all that. Still, it's horrible to have to listen to. The same with all of you who have this sort of thing from your exes. Just no need for it.

If I had a tenner for every time a man has said to me 'do what you want, you'll only do that anyway' (er, yes) I'd be vair rich hmm

This includes my elderly, creepy perve of a next door neighbour regarding the 2 metre fence I had put up to stop said perving. Apparently I'd 'hurt his feelings' by doing this and 'didn't I want to talk to him anymore' (er, no).

These out of control women who do want they want eh

Velvet I've not seen any evidence of it but I kind of do hope you really are an evil spoilt selfish bitch grin.

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 25-Feb-13 14:02:17

<salutes the Dating stalwarts>

Thinking of going onto the sofa, I tried you people know I've tried, but there isn't anyone close enough to where I am that is suitable. <big sigh> I am probably going to just keep going but honestly have all the suitable men gone into hibernation or something...

On other news...had a falling out with best friend as she decided to share my OD experiences with her boyfriend, who (thick ejjit) thought it was then okay to attempt to have a discussion with me, after only meeting me twice (briefly) before angry.

OhWesternWind Mon 25-Feb-13 14:11:30

Oh dear WFF that's a bit of a blooming cheek (on both their parts).

Things might improve a bit as the weather gets better and the sap starts rising . . .

WFF ew! I bet that went well grin

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 14:31:00

Thanks for your kind words everyone...huffed and puffed around M&S cant face going into col today. Ive got the beginnings of week long PMT too and I guess maybe feel a leetle bit miffed about yesterday (although perfectly fine about it logically).

It seems the kids were supposed to let the parents know about this rescheduling but it was also on Parent Mail which neither myself or ex H have signed up to (will rectify this tommoz). Plenty of kids didnt have uniforms on. T
he trouble is I think I might have had exH on a pedestal when married because he seemed so amenable to most things (very different from my father) I took this as him being a lovely person.

Now I realise that it is probably because he is quite weak and let me shoulder alot of stuff emotionally and practically without support.

One of my qualities (and I have plenty of negatives) is that I am a straight up type of person so find his blame shifting and sneakiness really difficult to deal with and I cant enter into the mind set at all. This means he often out manouveurs me when planning stuff for the kids is concerned.

Also he obviously now feels free to accuse me of all sorts and be out of hand in a way he would never have been when married because it suits him to do this now.

Its at times like these that I would like a special someone to give me a hug and some comfort and say 'never mind we'll go on a Sun coupons caravan holiday...i'll sort it love.'

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 14:43:07

soz not uniforms....costumes

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 25-Feb-13 14:47:22

Aww Ike, I'd like a man hug too [feeling sorry for myself emoticon]

Lots of big sighs here, and just had a bubble bath in the daytime as feeling out of sorts...

I may blend back into the shadows for a bit, lick my wounds, and ponder my navel.


howdidithappen Mon 25-Feb-13 15:18:31

HI there all... sorry to crash into the thread without an introduction but just want a bit of advise from you experienced daters...

What sites would you recommend to actually subscribe too ?

I know about POF, Match and Guardian, are there any others which you found to be ok ?

I dont want to subscribe to all of them and was wondering which one you would recommend.

Thanks all.

OhWesternWind Mon 25-Feb-13 15:25:08

WFF I had a daytime bath on Saturday - so comforting. Don't go back into lurkerdom, it's been great having you posting a lot on here.

Howdidit - hello there! PoF is a free site which requires a bit of judicious screening. I know some people have had some dodgy experiences on there, but I always found it to be okay and found a really nice man on there too, so I'm a fan. I went on Match to start off with but it was quite expensive and to be honest I didn't really find that the men on there were an improvement to the ones on the free sites. I think a lot depends on whereabouts in the country you are - a lot of the sites tend to be much better in the larger cities and frankly a bit crap if you're not. I think there was one man within twenty miles of me on Guardian Soulmates . . . I never contacted him but then I actually saw him in Sainsbury's car park one day and he looked a right miserable so-and-so.

MirandaWest Mon 25-Feb-13 15:49:22

Hello howdidit smile

I found my nice man on OK Cupid (although we were both signed up to POF and free dating I think). I wasn't really making a concerted effort but then he turned up smile

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 16:29:16

Hello my darlings thanks once again for empathy. I think just having the glabella area site for botox hasnt worked so well. I have a ridiculously expressive face and very thick dark eyebrows which now fly up my forehead but only at the ends. My son said immediately 'What have you done to your eyebrows? You look like a scary teacher?' So totally frozen forehead it is then when I return for fillers on fri.

Have been favourited by an interesting guy on POF. Does anyone ever contact the favourites?

Had identical advice from my mate re dealing with ex and his bloody complaining. Write it all down, she said and then arrange to discuss point by point clearly and without emotion. Similar to what you guys have said on here.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 17:07:00

Howdid welcome love, do them wont hurt and you may have more choice that way (cos there is alot of chaff).

ike - when I did OD the first time, I was favourited by a selection of women. There were a few in there I quite liked the look of so messaged them. Never received a reply from any of them.

I used to take DS on Sun coupon hols. Found it a bit lonely <pointless post>

I'm in the gym cafe, I don't want to go home to moody teen.

MirandaWest Mon 25-Feb-13 18:25:04

My XH is here as he looks after DC while I go and help at brownies (out of the goodness of my heart). I really don't especially like it - feels much too weird.

Plus DD just said I always put foil in the baking tray the wrong way round hmm

48howdidthathappen Mon 25-Feb-13 20:25:55

Bloody hell Ike you can be with someone for years and then wonder who the hell they are. Arsehole!

lubeybooby Mon 25-Feb-13 20:31:48

Hello all. I am happy having found a replacement for my much longed for and missed missing phase eight casual date dress. Calvin Klein and it's only a few dollars. and very very similar to the lost one. Hurrah! If I'm ever doing coffee again then I won't be fretting about what to wear.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:41:41

48 it sure is a personality change! But thinking on it he did have a propensity to sleep with his mates' girlfriends when he was single. He lacked alot of confidence when I met him. I feel a bit like I have nurtured frankensteins monster sometimes..

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 20:42:33

<salutes lubeys dress>

I like nameless. We've been texting about books and chocolate penguins. I am going to be really pissed off if this goes tits up. hmm everyone concentrate really very hard for date six.


McBuckers Mon 25-Feb-13 20:43:28

I signed up to 2 days ago and immediately seemed to hit it off with someone, sending jokey messages etc. Today he sends a message saying "Can we forget the small talk and pubs etc I want to have a long term relationship with someone like you but I really want to have sex with you, you can come here or I'll come to you".

I was so shocked, I've just come out of an eleven year relationship, have three children (one just nine months) and this is my first experience of Internet dating.

Is this what it's like now or have I just come across a rare tosser?

And just to put me under pressure my 6yr old daughter announced that she wants a step dad for her birthday!!!!!

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 20:51:26

I'm afraid that's generally how it is. Even more ridiculous, some women might actually get taken in by that bullshit.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:53:58

Bloody hell McB he couldnt even managed to do the small talk until the first date ...good grief!

MirandaWest Mon 25-Feb-13 20:55:26

I have everything crossed for you Snape - chocolate penguins sound great smile

I need food. And to write mystery shopping reports hmm

KinNora Mon 25-Feb-13 20:56:47

Brief input from my sick bed -

flicks the v's at Ike's ex
admires Lubey's frock
psychically demands Fate delivers Snape's date número six
goes 'awwwww' at LM & R&R and Cuthbert
says hello to everyone

takes more drugs.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:59:30

Oh dear wassup Kin you missing the homeland?

Bant Mon 25-Feb-13 21:09:02

Honestly, we're not all like that. OWW and Snape and others on here have had to do some weeding, but there are nice blokes out there. It's just that some people will pretend to be funny and charming and decent, you've got to wait until you've met them more than once to work out who's a knob and who's not. And grow a thick skin. It's like going out in real life, you'll get the occasional tosser talking to you, but being behind a keyboard can make people act more tossy than they would be in person

lubeybooby Mon 25-Feb-13 21:09:43

<sends extra drugs addressed to kins sickbed>

Thank you re: dress <twirls>

Snape... I'm concentrating, really really hard. I will do for five mins after posting this too, just to be sure.

McBuckers nothing shocks me any more on these sites. Shame if he seemed a decent guy to start with, they usually do and then WOAAAAAAAAH here comes the crazy/baaaaaaaaad/etc.

lubeybooby Mon 25-Feb-13 21:10:42

concentrating snape date six date six date six come on snape date six, c'mon nameless sort that date six date six date six

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 21:15:03

Soz Snape My powers of concentaration are less than zero today...but I have no doubt you will have the 6th date!

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 21:23:20

hmm at ike no date six here as yet. i wonder why

<hard stare>

Snape it's going to go well. You two have great communication, fun, book lists and penguins, it all sounds great. Date 6 will be soon.

Kin hope you feel much better soon.

Lubey yay for new date dress which is very important

McBuckers there are a lot of knobbers out there, and some genuinely nice men it just takes time to work out who is what.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 21:37:31

I know Snape there's always one and its usually an Aquarian...

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 21:43:32

grin it had to be an Aquarian.. Never do what we're asked told asked! wink

Ugh. I want to lick every single inch of him. blush am going to bed with my phone on top of my wardrobe, so it is too out-of-reach to impart this information.

VelvetSpoon Mon 25-Feb-13 21:46:32

Snape if Cuthbert and I (who have practically no communication) can get to date 6, then it simply HAS to happen for you and Nameless smile

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 21:50:13

Honestly now Snape why do you guys not say at the end of the date see you such and such day...I suppose I dont understand this sort of stalemate situ...

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 21:51:06

Is it because of his fluctuating energy levels do you think?

Snapespeare Mon 25-Feb-13 22:00:23

Oh I don't get it either ike I guess so... It's extremely frustrating in a way I can't work out if I would rather have plans that get called off because he's beat, as opp to no plans at all... But I guess that would get annoying after a bit. Maybe. I'm kind of happy to fit around his energy levels...but I'll still plan other stuff...I'm not at the point where I am waiting for him to feel ok before I arrange my enter life hmm ...And he rests up if he knows he is going to be fucked to within an inch of his life has a busy day and then plans a rest day either side.

I've never been the type of person to set much store in being 'taken' hmm places. It felt really nice to be out with him last week, because it was a bit smiley-sunny to be out with him in public, holding hands and for people to think of us as a couple. blush on 99 levels that shouldn't matter shit... But it was still really very nice. I can go dancing, theatre, pub etc with my mates. I can curl up in a strokey/kissy/shaggy heap with him...

Gah! Date six! Come ON! Grrrrrrr!

ChooChooLaverne Mon 25-Feb-13 22:07:21

snape I think he really likes you. Maybe he just wants you to make all the plans.

McBuckers yuk. Does he expect you to say yes?!

Velvet sounds like Cuthbert is making an effort with the communication?

ike any joy with the eye bag concealer?

I have to say I've been a bit taken aback by my veeeery brief experience of online dating. I've been lurking on here for a while and have been looking at profiles mostly with a sense of horror before I actually got round to filling in my profile, not expecting very much. But after my very nice first date with lovely man on Saturday he's emailed me to arrange another date and does seem genuinely lovely. I wasn't sure if there was a spark when I met him but I think that was probably more my lack of self-confidence because I assumed that he didn't like me like that rather than how I saw him. But when I saw he'd emailed I've come over all funny and he paid me a lovely compliment that hints that he could possibly see me as more than just a friend <faints>

VelvetSpoon Mon 25-Feb-13 22:09:58

I never arrange anything with Cuthbert at the end of dates either. Would be nice if we did, though there is a sort of emerging pattern that I will see him on Fridays if he's free...other than that due to work and DC we're a bit limited of course.

Flipper924 Mon 25-Feb-13 22:19:15

Am concentrating, Snape, it means I can't think about the fact that I have nothing treat-like to snack on. I'm not a big fan of dieting, but a bit of justified comfort eating has taken it's toll.

Yay for dress, Lubey. Hope you have cause to wear it soon.

Sorry you're poorly, Nora.

Ike, nice of your ex to remind you why you're better off without him.

All else sounds reasonably positive, I shall hope some of this rubs off on me.

Scrazy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:20:37

Choochoo, it's quite possible that you have struck lucky first time. I hope so, enjoy your second date.

48howdidthathappen Mon 25-Feb-13 22:35:36

I never arrange anything with Mr R&R, I think he finds it a bit odd, but goes with the flow. I may ask him if he would prefer to plan in advance. I would be a little disappointed as like him texting to ask when he can see me. I have asked him three times first now as feel its a tad selfish of me.

He has also asked if he can come with me to see my horses, I have always put him off. Going to ask if he wants to this weekend. Got to let him into the rest of my life.

6th date on order snape

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 22:38:58

ChooChoo that sounds great! Hopefully it will save you the hassle of trawling through the desperados.

Can you not just say a date and time Snape and then leave the details till the day before....I just would need to know a date in advance and possibly would start getting a bit pissy if this non arranging thing carried on. That's not an unreasonable thing to do y'know.

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 22:40:37

TR used to have a standing arrangement Weds and Sats anything else could be adhoc.

48howdidthathappen Mon 25-Feb-13 22:42:51

We usually manage 2 or 3 nights a week. It is hard though with everything else going on.

lubeybooby Mon 25-Feb-13 23:03:34

ChooChoo I hope all stays good! I heard something once about sometimes the start of attraction being the realisation that someone is attracted to you... all sounds very good anyway. Good luck.

Flipper.. I'm still comfort eating. I have been since about November. Oh dear. I will have to get a grip soon, seriously!

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Feb-13 08:39:03

Morning all. Got in a message war with psycho on Match, why didn't I just block and move on eh? <sighs> Sometimes it is so clear why some chaps are back on the market.

So, I have the day off, cue daughter off school ill....There must be some law somewhere.

I am back on the OD horse (although, if OD was a horse, it would be one of those poor horses neglected and featured in a RSPCA commerical I suspect grin)

Choochoo, good for you, though I am envy at your seeming ease at potentially having found a nice normal man. It Is Rare.

I will be watching DVDs with aforementioned daughter and trawling the OD sites (currently on Match and POF) messaging at least one suitable man. Oh and sometimes I even manage two!

Ike, make review, this eyebaggy woman needs steering in the right direction. Oh and have you had that thermo thingy (facial massage) yet?

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Feb-13 08:40:25

make up review...blush but you knew what I meant didn't you?

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Feb-13 08:59:42

Yes I am hanging on all agog for Ike's eyebag advice . . .

WFF enjoy the enforced rest day! Your challenge for today is to message not one, not two, but three men . . . (Notice I left the "suitable" out - have a couple of wild cards in there, you never know).

ChooChoo - sounds really good so far.

Snape sorry a bit late but am sending psychic Date Six vibes in the direction of Nameless right now.

I like it best when I have the next date arranged at the end of the last one, if that makes sense. Haven't done that this time as LM is in the middle of getting all things shop-related sorted out for the grand opening so I am leaving him to see how it all goes this week. But it's nice to be able to look forward to something arranged in advance. I like that part of it, all the anticipation and (still) butterflies about seeing him. Seeing as I am on a bit of a roll with actually talking to the bugger, I might have to mention this at some point.

Nora hope you're feeling better soon. Bloody southern germs grin

howdidithappen Tue 26-Feb-13 09:17:50

Thanks for the advise. Never thought of OK Cupid.. will take a look.

Not having much luck though to be honest. I only tried GS last year for a couple of months and was contacted by a wonderful woman more or less straight away which led to a 10 month relationship, so I foolishly thought that I would meet someone in the same time scale, but I must have sent 20 messages and only had about 4 replies, non leading to a date. Keeping on trying. Good luck everyone.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 09:19:06

Hi guys eyebags not been thermo'd yet, that's next week...using guerlain's precious light on the bags with moderate success. To be honest I am veering towards fillers in the 'tear troughs' at the mo as doc reckons it's hollow eyes as opposed to bags. I will probs do that in the summer though....

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 09:25:29

Just want to add that these 'improvements' are mainly for my own 'pleasure' not to lure in any blokes...just incase any lurkers are reading this with raised eyebrows...(those that havent had botox, cos then you cant raise your eyebrows)

Bant Tue 26-Feb-13 10:09:04

howdid - it seems to be a numbers game. Sometimes you can message, or be messaged by, someone straight off the bat and get along swimmingly (if you don't mind the mixed sports metaphors there).

I'm on the sofa at the moment (as in, not dating as life is too complicated) but I once worked out that for every 6 messages I sent I'd get a response back, then about a third of those would lead to a first date, and one fifth of those would lead to a second date.

So to get to a second date (of which I had 6 in 6 months of OD) I needed to send about a hundred messages. And no one really responded to 'winks' or 'favouriting' people apart from when I did it accidentally with someone who was just really not my type at all.

But there were some months better, and worse, than others, and that was all on - OKC & POF went nowhere for me

McBuckers Tue 26-Feb-13 10:29:06

Has anyone tried ''?

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 11:18:02

good luck with the fillers Ike, I have some lines that I'd like eradicated, but I'm thinking it's going to be a painful procedure and my pain threshold is pretty low!

Also, not that I've researched it. but would the filler itself carve out a deeper groove, so that when it dissolves you are left with a more pronounced line..or have I totally misunderstood things?

I was getting fed up with the quality of the offers on the dating site, so I shortened my profile to one sentence (something along the lines of 'dont be daft') and I took my face pictures off leaving only a few black and while 'arty' underwear shots.

Now I'm getting more and better offers, which on the face of it is nice, but it means that if I want to pursue any of them I'll have to suffer the indignity of the bloke changing his mind when he see's a face picblush sad

Snapespeare Tue 26-Feb-13 11:29:13

I am utterly astonished envy that envy someone envy went on a envy first envy first envy date and they were not only nice, but not mad envy and thatenvy there envy was a envy spark envy

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 11:32:32

he-he talk about a kick in the teeth grin
some people have all the luck!

howdidithappen Tue 26-Feb-13 11:32:34

so I shortened my profile to one sentence

Maybe thats where I'm going wrong. I've waffled on loads on mine... obviously bored everyone by the second paragraph.

Is there a guide to writing these things ? Or any tips ?

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 11:33:41

No I think the filler just gently plumps the area merc and invites moisture that is lost due to the effing aging process....eventually it will dissolve if semi permanent....

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 11:44:51

Howdid I once said I'd run out of things to read and asked for book recomendations blush

ok Ike, I suppose people who have fillers would notice if the line was worse when it had dissolved and they'd not be popular, so that alone blows my theory out of the water!

Hopefully with increasing demand the technology will improve and soon we can all look 28 again smile smile smile

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 12:11:43

I tell you Merc by the time I have finished wit this I will look younger than when I was 20...I've always had eyebags and a saggy face...

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Feb-13 12:22:29

I don't really want to look young, just not grumpy and not tired . . . I don't think how I am on the inside (generally quite nice and approachable) fits with how my face is with the horrible frown lines. My face moves about too much, I think. LM says he can tell what I'm thinking most of the time and he probably can, it all shows on my face. Don't like it. Would be crap at poker.

SweetSeraphim Tue 26-Feb-13 12:40:34

This quote by Roald Dahl has been doing the rounds on FB - it's one of my favourites grin

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 12:55:28

it's true that your habitual expressions become carved into your face, I suppose that laughter lines are preferable to frown lines, even so laughing leads to crows feet and naso labial folds, and whatever you do your face will sag and jowls tend to develop from late 40's onwards

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Feb-13 12:57:15

I have laughter lines and frown lines (from concentrating and squinting - hate sunglasses - as well as frowning) and all sorts of other lines I don't even know the name of. And I am a bit saggy. Oh god, there's no hope.

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 13:05:28

it's the same for all of us, some people age more slowly but we all age, and we all had smooth faces once.

Just makes me wish I'd more confidence when I was younger...I guess we all think that though, it's the whole 'youth is wasted on the young' thing!

Snapespeare Tue 26-Feb-13 14:44:54

i look fucking excellent for 45. it's one of my few redeeming qualities - although I am noticing more jowls and chin hairs.

date six is friday.


the collective power of MN declares it to be so.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 14:46:54

I'm convinced I'm way more aged than I should be for 32. Deep 11's from frowning and then when I realise I'm frowning I raise both eyebrows to stop it and that's given me lines on my forehead. Everything is going crepey, you know that baby soft smooth skin on the inside of your forearms... if I look at that in decent light it's seriously crepey. I don't like it... wail!

I don't have any other face crinkles or sags yet but I'm convinced this is because I have a chubby face and if I lose weight it's all going to implode. Sigh.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 14:48:09

Snape... oh yeahhhh grin date six grin excellent!!

Snapespeare Tue 26-Feb-13 14:52:39

actually , now that I think about it, my forehead has been heavily lined since I was a teenager, I just have that kind of forehead. botox would freak me out…but very very faint eye lines and no nose to mouth. mind you I am very short sighted, so I just might not be able to see them…

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 15:01:30

I have no idea if I look good for my age, the people who say I do have a vested interest in keeping me sweet and I dont know too many people my age that I can compare myself with.
You can look at FB or dating site profiles, but most people pick flattering shots only and even then photo's tend not to be up to date confused

MirandaWest Tue 26-Feb-13 15:08:29

I think I look ok for my age - probably look around what I am (37). Am starting to get lines around my mouth a bit but nothing too bad. Am also very short sighted (can we have competitive short sighted mess Snape grin? If you win I will not be impressed) so maybe I just don't see them. I do wear contact lenses though.

Yay for 6th date smile smile smile

I do mystery shopping when I'm not doing other things. Today I went to an electronics place, pretended I wanted a holiday, went to a phone shop and then a sex shop. Checked with Mr Nice what I should buy there as I got that one reimbursed grin.

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 15:13:50

I didnt even think about looking old/aging when I was in my 30's...seems like a very long time ago!

Snapespeare Tue 26-Feb-13 15:44:54

no idea of my current prescription... i think one of the numbers is a 6.75. I also have delightful astigmatisms. no doubt the eyesight will go next, at least i wont be able to see the chin hairs....^but everyone else will^

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 15:54:40

Hmmm. Sod all the products then, I just need dodgy eyesight to hurry up - problem solved! Everything in soft focus will be wonderfully smooth and not crepey... maybe I should just smear vaseline in my eyes every day. Sorted!

MirandaWest Tue 26-Feb-13 15:56:25

Mine are around -11 each. I get free sight tests and a little voucher to use against the cost of glasses (about £13 or something equally useful hmm).

I need to tidy a bit and try and convince DC to do the odd useful thing. DS happier to watch television and do club penguin naturally, being a 9 year old boy. DD may be tidying soft animals a bit.

Am wishing I hadn't given up sweets for Lent. Was a bad move tbh.

VelvetSpoon Tue 26-Feb-13 16:06:28

Snape hurray for date 6 grin

I think I look ok for my age. I do wear a lot of makeup which covers a multitude of sins though...

Off work today as DS2 was doubled up with stomach pain this morning. GP isn't sure if it's appendicitis or not, but he seems better now so hopefully not is the answer.

I also have a horrible cold so DS and I have spent most of the day napping. In one of my more feverish dreams earlier, dreamt that Cuthbert had added me as a friend on FB. I was quite unreasonably disappointed when I woke up and realised he hadn't!

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 16:16:20

Hello everybody, how are you all ? ( I'm shite ).

WFF if OD was a horse, it would be in a Kerry Katona I'm a Celebrity Real Italian Tikka Masalla Lasagne for One.

Ike, looking good ( I've used Guerlain's Precious Light, I think, is it in a pen ? I occasionally use the Kanebo version - non-committal shrug to both ).

Blind as a bat here too, -5.00 with astigmatism, I've given in to the reading glasses. Sigh.

Chatting to a very amusing man who is a grammar pedant ( hurrah !) but has a beard ( boooo !). Mr Software is putting the finishing touches to the oil painting he has done for me. I'm slightly worried that I will turn up and be confronted by a Bacon-esque depiction of his erection. Memo to self, stop expecting the worst.

SweetSeraphim Tue 26-Feb-13 16:20:41

< if OD was a horse, it would be in a Kerry Katona I'm a Celebrity Real Italian Tikka Masalla Lasagne for One. > gringrin

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Feb-13 16:26:02

When it was my birthday earlier this month, someone asked me if it was a big one. As I'm 42, that's either quite good or bloody horrendous, and I can't make up my mind which.

Excellent SnapeNews about Friday! Hoorah!

Velvet hope you are feeling a bit better soon. That's the second C dream you've had in the last few days - must mean something! I had a disturbingly realistic dream about LM last night, great fun.

Nora is the subject of this painting still a mystery? I am a bit envy about peeple creating works of art in your honour, but on the other hand I am bloody relieved as I can't imagine much worse than being confronted by a painting that was either a portrait of me, pornographic or just plain crap. I'm not a fan of beards either. They attract food bits and smell, Twits stylee. Hope you're recovered soon as well.

Still feeling shite about my dad but I'm hoping that once the anniversary is over on Saturday it will all subside a bit. On the plus side, the anxiety stuff has really been in abeyance over the past couple of weeks and I am very, very pleased with myself indeed for getting through all that shit. Couldn't have done it without you lot, and am not promising that there won't be any wobbles in the future, but I really feel so much more positive and confident about the whole thing.

splishsplosh Tue 26-Feb-13 17:00:09

Hello - can I join in?

I've found a few FWB via OD, but lately decided I wanted something a bit more meaningful, though I can't imagine living with someone again after escaping from ex!

So I signed up with POF... so far my request for an articulate man has brought me messages such as:

"MILF:p" from a 24 yr old, and

"heyyyy i think you are more beautiful than all the angels ever and they are all jelous of your beauty i hope we can talk and get to know each other xx" from a 20yr old - I am 42!!

I've met one guy for coffee, he was pleasant but no spark.

And chatting / texting to another who seems incapable from veering optimistically into innuendo every now and again.....

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 17:02:46

Hello splish, gawwwd at those messages! In mail settings on PoF you can stop anyone under a certain age contacting you btw smile

Bant Tue 26-Feb-13 17:12:50

I think the correct response to "MILF :p" is going to be mailing back "TILB smile"

and if they ask what it means, explain "Twat I'd like to Block" - then block them

ChooChooLaverne Tue 26-Feb-13 17:23:35

Nora I can't wait to find out what your painting is now - you've just made me roar.

Yay to snape's date number 6!

Another one with the chinny hairs here (I am 43) - I find myself at work going into a trance picking away at my chin and gurning trying to get them out - must look a treat.

Sorry to make you envy by the way because of my nice first date. But I have only met him once and even though he also does a very good line in email, I don't think we can meet again until late next week and I might have forgotten what he looks like by then.

I am also feeling a bit panicky about the whole thing (here comes the mad) as I have such a bad track record of relationships and am determined never to get involved with anyone else who doesn't treat me with anything less than the utmost respect. And he has done absolutely nothing wrong so far which means that actually he might turn out to be ok and I might have to feel vulnerable if I get to know him better which is already making me feel anxious. Oh, and when I was with my ex who was emotionally abusive I suffered from panic attacks and crippling anxiety which still rears its head from time to time and I'm scared of having to explain all about that to someone that I like and it might freak him out completely. Phew, glad to get that out.

By the way, after reading on here about your cosmic ordering a while ago I ordered my perfect man. I read again what I'd written yesterday and he ticks all the boxes!

splishsplosh Tue 26-Feb-13 17:23:58

I didn't know I could block the youngsters - the 20yr old had a photo that looked like it had been taken in a playground...

And I might try that response Bant smile

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 17:29:03

ChooChoo as always in cases like that my advice is that you just have to take a deep breath and try it, take it each day as it comes, don't worry about getting heavy and into deep conversations about the past anytime soon. Just enjoy and have fun.

It's super early days so don't look into the future and decide how it's going to be already, and fret about things that haven't happened and may never never happen.

The alternative is to text him right now and tell him you don't want a relationship with anyone ever, and then never date again - which would of course be silly and not what you want. So just try it, you've dipped a toe in... try the other one next time... hopefully he will turn out to be definitely great and worthy of your trust and time.

MsCellophane Tue 26-Feb-13 17:31:08

I would love to be brave enough to try and turn back the clock. It's only been this year I have started to get lines around my eyes when I smile. Aging slower is the only thing I like about being fat. How do you stop the fear that it will go wrong???

Yay to date 6 - very excited for you Snape

I'm waiting to see if hotbut is free tonight - my stunningly beautiful FWB.

MrCM is still being a flake, so hoping hotbut will be home, with chilled wine, very little conversation and some amazing Coffee to take my mind off Flake

ChooChooLaverne Tue 26-Feb-13 17:39:15

lubey wise words I know, thank you.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 17:57:07

Oh what a cunting bastarding fucking day....

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 17:57:11

Well you've certainly hit the jackpot there with those two stunners Splish, you're tempting me to go on PoF just for the 'jokes' as my 13 year old says endlessly.

Choo agree wholeheartedly with Lubey.

Velvet hope you're feeling a bit better - booze and drugs are the answer to a cold. Disclaimer- this may not be medically true.

OWW , I've had several poems and a song from different OD men, I am clearly a muse. This painting is based on one of his 'drawings from life' apparently. Hmmm. God help me trying to look pleased if it's shite.

It must be so difficult for you at this time of year, it must make the pain of missing your dad even more acute.

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 17:57:43

What's up, chuck ?

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 17:57:56


KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 18:00:00

Would you like me to turn up and go all Manc on his ass ? Because I will

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:03:05

Oh be my arsing twating guest!!!

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 18:04:41

Excellent, where can we find him ike? I'll back Nora up. Like batman and robin or something.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:04:57

Sorry I have to go calm down and guzzle some wine before I can explain further....just accept for now that he is a cock and a cunt..

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:06:15

and a nit picking little twatty oooooooeeerrf grrrrrr.

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 18:17:25

It's like assembling the A-Team, bagsy I be Murdoch. I bet if we just cast our eyes around we can fashion a flamethrower from egg boxes and a Cilit Bang.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:20:16

Right went to parents eve on own as per...popped in to see kids in after school club to say hi. Arse comes in..we ignore each other ....then I decide to be the adult and offer up the good news that he kids are doing ok (bear in mind DS has Dyspraxia and for YEARS.. parents evenings have been dreaded).

Anyhow he starts on...why doesnt he know about parents evening?....check the bags the notes are left in there...get yourself on parents mail...etc etc. But no its my lack of comms still, somehow. This is all said through gritted teeth in the club.

It happens all the time apparently, according to ex H that the kids are let down by me because I dont let him know stuff. "Ok" says I "give me examples",
"Oh I cant think of any right now...."

At this point DS starts getting upset...wants us to stop arguing...but I have got myself so annoyed the only thing I can do is walk away (he jets off on his sunshine hol on Thurs, so wanted the kids tonight so I left them with him).

All I can do is make notes of his bullying tactics and ignore the twit because he is upsetting everyone. I have instructed him to get on parents mail and stop relying on me. But next month it will be something else.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:22:52

He is a social worker so in the back of my mind I have a leetle nagging doubt that he is trying to build up a portfolio to prove me an unfit parent in some way...

<hands out copious amounts of coconut ice, having made far too much following disappointing results for the lemon drizzle cake - sugar rush will do us all good>

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:28:35

Soz Voice ...I am soooooo beyond Sugar it will send me through the roof.

The thing that upsets me in all this is that one of my first memories is of my parents rowing and me begging them to stop. THAT is exactly what has happened with my son tonight and the thing that I thought I would avoid by having kids with exH, because we rarely argued.

I am bitterly regretful about that and it makes me very upset.

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 18:31:06

God, Ike, the man sounds like an infuriating and manipulative arse, I'm sure someone else will have an effective way of handling a person like that in a cool manner - I can only do it with any success at work so I'm no good to advise you. I do think he would be on a hiding to nothing trying to malign your parenting skills - it's not as if you're off abroad every five minutes, is it ?

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 18:36:24

How old is your son ? Because I would wait until later, when you're feeling a bit calmer, sit him down, explain your memories of your parents arguing and say that you never wanted your own children to be in that situation and say that you're sorry - he knows you love and want the best for him.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:36:54

Well no...I am pretty sure I am being paranoid there but I will start making notes about his behaviour with dates ...incase he DARES to try and I am VERY careful with texts. Yes he is manipulative...but oh my goodness he can be soooo seemingly lovely....oh yeah he is feeling guilty for sure...

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:38:19

He is nearly 9 and very emotionally intelligent, we are very similar..bless his little cotton socks ,,,,he sooo doesnt desrve this shit.

ChooChooLaverne Tue 26-Feb-13 18:42:29

ike sorry to hear what an arse he is. I think if he reacts like that when you try and have a reasonable conversation you might have to stop trying. Just think of a stock phrase 'send me an email about it', 'we'll talk later', 'not in front of the children' whatever and repeat it ad nauseam. Maybe write everything down in an email so you've got it in writing and he can't go around accusing you of stuff.

I've found this quite useful with my ex when he started ranting at me once about how he never got to see DS - I sent him an email stating this and listing all the times/days I'd suggested that he could have seen him when he hadn't been able to/wanted to and made suggestions about other times when he could see him and gave him a few options.

He never replied of course as he doesn't actually want to make the effort but he had nothing to come back to me about. I took all emotion out of it and just wrote down the facts. Could you try something like that? List all the ways he needs to find out information from the school and then the ball is in his court to actually sort it out?

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:46:47

You are spot on Choo choo with your advice.And exH and I are in professions where we would advise just that.....ha hahahah.

NicholasTeakozy Tue 26-Feb-13 18:50:03

Ike, as your ex is both a cock and a cunt I think it's safe to say he can fuck himself...

ChooChooLaverne Tue 26-Feb-13 18:50:27

Doesn't make it any easier though does it?

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 18:51:29

Well that's what I would do with my lot, they all know that, unlike their father, I'm as open and honest as possible - your son will understand and will appreciate your candour.
I think the trick with manipulative people is to be utterly guileless while holding the knowledge that they're looking to get one over on you, they believe they're being messed with but can't quite figure out how. Making detailed notes of things is also a good idea, if only for the security that knowing exactly what's happened on any given occasion gives you.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:51:32

Its all about remembering that you are the adult and not taking or mirroring the child persona.....for fucks sakes ....2 children in charge of kids thats what we were tonight.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:53:48

Yep those 2 approaches are spot on ...... this is now a business/work to do away with emotions...

ChooChooLaverne Tue 26-Feb-13 18:55:31

You're only human ike. Definitely talk to your son as Nora suggested and he'll learn that we all make mistakes but being an adult means dealing with it once you have.

Don't suppose your ex would ever admit he was in the wrong though, would he?

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 18:59:47

No, not now, he used to be on the surface very reasonable....hey but deep down who knows what grudges he harboured. I talk to Iz all the time about my mistakes...I will do that....he knows for sure that Mum is no Goddess..

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:00:55

I dont want to treat him as too much of a little adult though...there has to a balance.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:10:28

As you all were, back to dating....

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 19:23:15

In that case here you go, I want advice - I'm thinking of shagging Mr Software because I have (a) not had enough sex in my life - due mainly to exh refusing to do the biz for years (b) not got my leg over since July last year. I don't fancy him particularly, I mean he's not Michael Winner or anything, he just doesn't drive me wild. He is completely unaware that I'm toying with the idea of making the beast with two backs.

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:26:54

well unless you're planning on spiking his drink you'll need to make him aware at some point wink

do you need advice on how to or whether to?

Kin and what is it you are wanting advice on?

Ike what Choochoo and Kin said

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:30:48

Right then Kin are you the sort that NEEDS to fancy cos what you are talking about is a friendly bunk up. How you go about this I guess is Merc's territory? Or Lubes? Please put me right if I am wrong...

See I missed the convo regarding ageing. I definitely look fucking amazing for my age grin. Things are beginning to change now though, body better with clothes on and someone is fast replacing my face with some other woman's that sometimes I don't recognise.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 19:38:56

Haha ike yes a fwb shag is right up my street so to speak, or always has been in the past anyway.

Go for it Nora. SEDUCE him. enjoy, have fun. bom chika wowwoooow. His type that you don't wildly fancy and won't be falling for are ideal fwb's. Then update us so I may live vicariously though you while I wait to be 1) allowed to shag again and 2) have the opportunity.

Back to Mr Software, if he is a programmer he is likely to be very thorough wink. Just go for it, it sounds like you are in a situation where you could do with trying a few out for size, he might just be the one who does drive you wild once you get down to it.

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 19:45:37

Oh no, I know how to ( obviously - looks at the three teenagers lounging about the place ) - I just can't decide if it's a good idea or not.

I know he fancies me and so I presume he wouldn't be averse to the idea.

I dunno whether I need to fancy him.i reckon I'd be ok as long as he wasn't a rubbish kisser, I've never had sex outside a 'serious' relationship - I'm contemplating a change in approach.

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 19:46:22

Juliette, I actually sniggered aloud then and ds2 asked what I was laughing at.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 19:50:01

I would Nora. But then, well, I'm me <shurgs>

I do like giving things a try. He might be great and scratch an itch so to speak... and if it's all a bit rubbish you can leg it at any point or never see him again or whatever.

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 19:50:20

Oh I can do seducing, Lubey, he'd be like a lamb to the slaughter. Poor, poor Mr Software.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 19:50:38

shurg? SHRUG, shrugs. I did not shurg.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:50:46

oh those bastarding kids....I am not allowed to laugh without DS asking why....

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:52:13

Give him a go Kin....he may surprise you..

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 19:54:35

Ok, commences Operation Deflower Mr Software not actual deflowering, he's got two dc

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 19:56:38

<cheerleads> woohoo! Go Nora grin

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:58:10

Yeah Kin you need a project......may turn into luuuurve,,,,

Go Kin grin.

There is a quote from Dangerous Liaisons film where the Marquise de Merteuil (Glenn Close) character tells the young recently deflowered Cecile that once she is no longer a virgin (or married, I can't remember), 'you can have as many as you want, as often as you want'. I paraphrase but it is good advice.

MsCellophane Tue 26-Feb-13 20:01:53

Go for it Kin - as lubey said, FWB are easier if there aren't major sparks and can be quite good fun to keep urges down

I have just deleted MrCM (again) but not without sending him a long email as to why.

Last week, he said meet this week. Chatting tonight and he says not this week as fri out with mates and saturday on a date! So have told him I am not sitting in the wings why he tries the sweet trolley. Totally happy for him to go dating but am not willing to be something he picks up and puts down

So that's the end of that and now I am sad again. Rarely meet anyone I really like and this is what happens when I do. It hurts, not due to feelings for him but it's not nice to be treated like that. Don't use me when you are feeling down and expect me to accept things when you are feeling up

Really hope hotbut is free tonight, i need to have a cuddle - he has never let me down or been anything other than gentlemanly

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 20:04:52

Oooh, never had a FWB, how exciting, it's like a project !

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:10:34

Yep Kin...think of it as .... an enjoyable hobby like it, it keeps you amused, good for the brain and circulation but not a necessity to your home/domestic routine/ life.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:11:11

Scratch the luuurce suggestion ...that me talkin ...

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:11:28


KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 20:17:45

Nah, he's not a luuuuuurve prospect, he's not funny enough. I only 'luuuurve' comedians

OhWesternWind Tue 26-Feb-13 20:23:28

MsC - you're right, that's shitty and thoughtless behaviour. Really glad you called him on it. Hope you get some company tonight.

Mr Software - brace yourself! Arm missiles, prepare for incoming Nora

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:24:26

Oh me too Kin...but they have to know when to shurrrrup and listen...

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:27:28

oh no mrs c thats sooo crap...oh lovely...

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:28:57

Do you think it is shitty and thoughtless mrs c ?

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:30:17

I agree, mentioning other dates is a serious offense!!
I'd not mention other aspects of my personal life unless someone asked and a while ago when a bloke I was seeing wanted to confide in me about a woman he was interested in I was furious and broke it off there & then.

I find fwb is often a headfuck, it's just a slightly lesser evil compared to proper relationship and no sex life confused

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 20:31:29

Oh aye I married a man who, some years into the marriage, told me that he didn't ' really like talking to women' .

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:32:09

Righto merc have the truth now decide...

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:33:31

oh dear lord kin....tho i remember you were covent educated,,,

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 20:37:32

I'm planning on travelling to his home city ( mainly because it's a place I've never visited ) , booking myself a slightly fancy hotel room as a birthday present to me and then if his snogging is up to scratch, I may show him a good time or not, see how I feel.

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 20:39:03

Well remembered, Ike, yes I was. No issues with sex here, no sirreee

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:40:25

Well ok Kin ...will the hotel have a spa? just incase of disappointment?

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:40:39

no no!
I handle all of my love life really badly!

MsCellophane Tue 26-Feb-13 20:42:28

He replied - totally defensive, said I contacted him too much. Maybe I did but only ever answered his poxy messages, which were many! Arse!!!! yep, totally shitty and thoughtless and arrogant. I answered and pointed out that he messaged first, he was the one who said want to see you but next week all the time and his behaviour was shitty. So he sent one last message of no more contact and then the bastard blocked me before I could block him - and now I'm angry

budge up on the sofa people

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 20:43:15

Yes, I reckon so, Ike. ( think it's not that far from you either, we could go on the raz ).

No, it's ok, Mercury, I won't hold you responsible for any hideous mistakes I make.

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 20:43:54

Sounds like a good plan. I like fancy hotel rooms.

I'm meant to be going away from 9th - 13th March part business part just wanting to visit Scotland again for the sake of it. I do wish I had someone up that way I could call on to definitely possibly show a good time to!

God. this is what my mind goes like when it hits the month or so without sex... it's been just over 5 weeks... <tears out hair> and I'm not even allowed to til next week <kicks dishwasher>

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 20:48:01

Oh I didn't know you liked Scotland, Lubey. I love it up there except it's where Spud lives

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:51:54

Kin if it get boring you can pm me (may have the kids tho)

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:52:38

Oh and Mrs c WHAAAT???

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 20:54:42

My fave place in the world so far Nora. Try and get up there as much as I can. I usually stay in the Cairngorms and travel about a bit. Though I'm not good for the walking and scenery at the moment with my back so doing cities instead!

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:55:40

what a fucker he is Msc, how horribly disappointing that he behaved like thatsad

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 20:56:02

MsC that is really shit <makes room on sofa>

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:56:09

That Mrs C is a bit well totally spineless and warranting your anger...very sorry have not invited that response...

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 20:58:17

That sounds like a bullet dodged, MsC, he's a pig-ignorant quarter-wit.

Bant Tue 26-Feb-13 20:58:42

Eurgh. I got chatting to a couple next to me in a bar in Budapest. The guy speaks no English so I'm trying to chat to him in basic Hungarian and German. The girl (his GF) is fairly fluent in English and they've had a row.

So she is telling me the Hungarian for 'kiss' (which incidentally is 'pussy') and for 'blowjob' ( which is their word for trombone. I'm sure you can see why)
And he's oblivious. Sat next to his girlfriend who is stunning and funny and flirting outrageously with some random English guy, smiling at me as I say something about what I do for my job in German.

Fuckity fuck. I shall leave soon. Alone.

MissC he sounds like a twat. It's experience and helps you find a better guy next time

KinNora Tue 26-Feb-13 21:00:55

I love it, Lubey, spent a lot of time up there over the last four years and thought I was probably going end up living there, it always felt like home.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 21:03:48

Oh dear Bant....sounds dark...

lubeybooby Tue 26-Feb-13 21:06:10

It will be so good to get away... my last busmans holiday up there was 2010. My last actual holiday was 2007. Unless you count all the tiny 1/2 night breaks off gallivanting with BC anyway.

Bant Tue 26-Feb-13 21:10:40

Meh. It's a sports bar. There are 27 men and 5 women. The conversation is amusing at least but the boyfriend is huge.

She also wants to know why I'm typing whenever she turns round to hiss something Hungarian at her boyfriend. I've said I'm making notes for a novel. She seems pleased

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 21:17:25

Are you a cynical man Bant? Cos if you stay in that bar much longer....

Snapespeare Tue 26-Feb-13 21:27:16 now, save yourself...and your trombone.

Nameless seems to have no idea of the rules. He's just sent me a photo of his new red trousers. I might have responded that I am finding it difficult enough to think about anything other than slowly peeling his clothes off and while they are splendid they will in all probability hit the floor.


ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 21:32:34

Snape may I remind you..aquarians are a DETATCHED, and SEXUALLY EXPERIMENTAL but AMBIVALENT star sign?

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 21:34:32

Did that help? Please feel free to shoot me...

Snapespeare Tue 26-Feb-13 21:34:57

Damn that Scorpio moon. It'll be the death of me...

Snapespeare Tue 26-Feb-13 21:35:45

wink grin

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 21:40:11

OH yEaE=Ah

bant grin. I love the weirdness of bars in foreign cities. It's that sense of more apparent openness because that somehow seems ok and not really having a clue what the local rules are.

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 21:57:14

sounds like the scorpio moon is in square aspect to the aquarian sun!

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 22:15:03

ooof enjoy my little lovers...

raskolnikov Tue 26-Feb-13 22:36:42

Hello to all you OD experts and can I have some advice please?

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 22:38:43

yes fire away .......

raskolnikov Tue 26-Feb-13 22:44:55

So I've exchanged a few messages with a guy who has no photo up - he seems intelligent, witty, interesting and lives not too far away (an unlikely scenario already, I'm thinking...). I asked him why no photo in the first message but still nothing has appeared and no reason - now what do I say when I finally get to see him and decide its a no-no?? (which it undoubtedly will be) hmm

I've had guys not respond after I've sent a photo - its mean and nasty isn't it?

Ras I would ask him again if you are really interested. You already asked him and he has ignored it so you can simply say you would like a pic to know who you are talking to. If it doesn't happen then just ignore.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 22:51:54

Say something like ...I have recently had a couple of guys email me with no photo... oh i dunno thats shit too...soz.....why not meet it is all a total wild card...

He may also be one of those who has no intention of meeting anyone, is attached or just playing at it so no photo.

Bant Tue 26-Feb-13 22:52:40

Some people have good reasons for no photo. I've never met one, but I'm sure they exist.

On the other hand, I think I've just fallen madly in live with a local English teacher, annamarie, who chatted to me ( while smoking with me) about why Shakespeare is awesome and punting thru. camrbidge is great. And then she introduced her boyfriend, viktor.

I'm going home. Night all.

Consider me the failed Dating Reporter from the front lines. OD takes perspective when you're out here.

raskolnikov Tue 26-Feb-13 22:53:12

Thanks Juliette, I'm overthinking it I suppose, I'll try again.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 22:55:26

The photo has meant nothing... really.... with all the guys I have met....but he could be married etc

I met with someone who initially had no photo, he was well known in his industry and I assume that was why. I didn't have to ask him though as he sent a pic with his first mail.

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 23:12:48

I've had people not respond after I sent a photo, I couldnt give a damn, dont give it a second thought, and I quite often dont bother to respond if someone sends me one and I dont like the look of them

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 23:14:00

Oh BANT she was wearing a skirt..........

micshi Tue 26-Feb-13 23:15:17

I've arranged a date next week with a 25 year old, I'm nearly 37, I can't work out if that's wrong or not!! hmm

raskolnikov Tue 26-Feb-13 23:16:32

Juliette - yes, that's what I did on the one occasion I put up a profile with no photo, immediately sent a photo when I received any messages and then sorted out a decent photo to put up to avoid the hassle.

I hate the idea of immediately backing off after a photo has come thru - oh well, I'll just ask and see what he says.

Ike - sorry you're having such a shitty time, I have all that crap with ex too re school, money, you name it - its really rubbish, mind you my kids are older and can see how manipulative he is - we discuss it together now! smile

Ras if he didn't want to risk that, he should have put a pic up on his profile. He also hasn't explained why not so just don't worry about it.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 23:23:23

trurst jules ras....i reckon she knows ....y'know

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 23:25:54

mic ....seee what appens but ...have a reserve posssibility fancy a film? ..would you go alone?

raskolnikov Tue 26-Feb-13 23:34:56

mic - go for it, why not? I've just been chatting to a guy 17 years younger than me shock, what's the worst that can happen ... (faints)

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Feb-13 23:36:49

Hi all.

Snape I am (again) envy date 6, you deserve it, enjoy yourself, anticipation is so lovely, the throbbing clit eh?smile envy

Voice is there any coconut ice left, it is a favourite of mine? Did you colour some pink? It is mandatory to do so, you know.

KinNora please give me all the details once Mr Software goes hard..wink

MsC He showed his true colours didn't he? Well at least you won't be wasting anymore time on him. It is all useful experience, it may come in handy.

And Helloooooo to Raskolnikov, no photo no contact in my books. Otherwise you can get such a shock when you do see what they look like, and not in a good way.

I struggled to meet that quota OWW, you are a hard task master woman. And I had no (suitable or unsuitable) reply to my messages.sad smile

So, I am putting myself on a OD fast, starting from midnight tonight until Friday night. No looking, no messaging. Need a mini break, I am feeling like I have the OD equivalent of OCD.

<WFF waves to everyone, and is yet again envy of all the positive outcomes and sex going on.>

I will focus my considerable (sexual) energies on the laundry, vacumming and perhaps even some dusting shock. My children will be worried about me.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Feb-13 23:39:49

Ah, just noticed I have just over 20 minutes to go onto dating websites...see you tomorrow, I will be using those final minutes to attempt to message someone suitable of course.

If OD where a horse it would be Shergar.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 26-Feb-13 23:39:56


raskolnikov Tue 26-Feb-13 23:52:08

WFF - yes, I remember putting that on my profile before, I forgot this time! Vacuuming isn't quite (!) so much fun tho is it? I did it last week (vacuum, not sex, dammit) and am still surprised at myself blush. As they say, its all in the suction...

raskolnikov Tue 26-Feb-13 23:53:17

So media man had better watch out ...

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 23:53:34

my god just watched the video of kirt cobain singing 'where did you sleep last night' so wonderful, so beautiful, so powerful.....and yet it reminded me of the era of sos mix ..any 90s veggies ot there???

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 23:53:45


raskolnikov Tue 26-Feb-13 23:57:25

what's sos mix??

VelvetSpoon Wed 27-Feb-13 00:09:07

sos mix - as memory serves, dehydrated soya stuff you added water to and moulded into sausage shape type things.

I used to rather like it 20 years ago...early 90s veggie here smile

(one of my former dates sent me a link to him playing 'where did you sleep last night'. musically I couldn't fault him, sadly in every other way he was a complete tosser)

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 00:11:57

in the eara before ready made veggie sausages had to make the bugger out of sos mix.......dry mix of soya and herbs n shit with water......realiy nice local cafe does em....v. v.v. 80's/90's veggie tho.

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 00:16:18

oh yeh velv there are alot of tossers that wld like to be kurt (and ssssh he was a very talented and disturbed person too the producct of argumentative parents.....apparently)

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 00:18:14 is kurt...sp

VelvetSpoon Wed 27-Feb-13 00:19:19

sounds about right, this was anger management issues man, he who in his teens used to regularly kick doors down hmm and was well into MMA etc...

VelvetSpoon Wed 27-Feb-13 00:21:02

theres actually something quite nice about C in comparison, who I can imagine (when really pushed) might slightly raise his voice/speak in a firmer tone, but no more than that smile

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 00:21:49

...and before anyone says anything...I would rather ds eat meat, not play guitar and have a joyful life.....

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 01:13:16

..anyway ....I am Dave Grohl in the video for Pretender...that's me bandaging my hand ...ready ...bring it on!!! Night folks.x

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 27-Feb-13 07:57:26

Morning, am not relishing today's commitment to tidying up. Have just volunteered myself to be an assistant organiser for my Meet Up social group (displacement activity to avoid OD sites no doubt)

I am going back to bed for an hour or thereabouts.

WFF - oh yes, there is some ice left and yes, it is pink and white. And isn't it more accurate to say if OD were a cow it would actually be a horse, as a great percentage of the people on it aren't what they say they are??

I still don't understand why people wonder what happened to Shergar. He was on the same desert island as Elvis, Lord Lucan, Dodi Al Fayed and Diana Princess of Wales. Surely it's common knowledge that the accident in Paris was staged? They phonied it up so they could have a normal life away from the cameras. Branson gave them an island, they had plastic surgery and are having a lovely time. They go riding on Shergar along the beach most mornings.

micshi Wed 27-Feb-13 08:18:16

Raskolnikov, my contingency plan will be going home to bed, I'm away this weekend so I'll be wrecked anyway!

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 08:49:55

Mornin all

Had a quick check out of PoF last night and noticed TT although his profile is still hidden he's updated it a bit and generally seems to have been around on line.

So I thought fuck it and re-activated my profile.

Still might see TT again if we are available at the same time sometime but I think seeing each other every 2/3 weeks is a bit optimistic really with how busy he is and trying to coincide his free time with mine, especially if he is seeing other people... which doesn't bother me but he has so little free time anyway I refuse to be back of the queue... So I'm having a look around.

Got a GEM of a message from someone telling me, genuinely, as a plus point about themselves that they would never force anal sex on me. Great! Not an anal rapist at least then. Gosh I'm ever so grateful. <shudder>

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 08:56:05

and this bloke has an ok profile but I lost the will to live when trying to be generous and reply to this message

"Ur picture is more nice because is nice woman on there. Yes I like my camera but I need more time for us my passion...
Sometimes I working in Northampton area I'm happy when I can meet u, know u and drink a coffee with that nice woman like u

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 08:57:06

He is allegedly English by the way confused

Lubey - Dear. God. Above.

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 09:06:44

Lube those messages are bloody depressing....

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 09:12:56

Yeah. I might just randomly mash my face into the keyboard instead and send that as a reply.

Mr notananalrapisthonestguv has of course been blocked.

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 09:14:19

You may as well Lube.....

I had a brief trawl on POF last night but set the radius to 75 miles, just to see if the pickings were much better. Not greatly, it has to be said. But generally I don't want anything that sort of distance anyway because it becomes hassle. Long way to go for a 45-minute coffee date.

But why is the most common headline from the women something along the lines of "We can say we met in a pub" or "We don't have to say we met online" or words of a similar description. Admittedly, it can be a swine to think up something original but if you're selling yourself (as it were) online, are you really so embarrassed to tell people how you (potentially) met the perfect partner? I once changed mine to read "Unusually, this man WILL stop and ask for directions" and got a lot more views at least, because it was different.

The second most common thing I see in profiles is "must be tall, at least 6ft, and sporty". And I amazed how many women in their 30s not only regularly go to the gym but enjoy watching rugby and football.

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 09:32:26

Well they obviously havent seen what is on offer then!!!

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 09:43:07

Mine is 'Seeking a little romance and fun' figured I may as well give a hint of what's coming in the profile.

I don't mention the gym or rugby or football because none of it is true. Well actually it would be true to say I like the gym but I am incapable of going at the moment with back problems. And saying I like it would imply that I go. I don't.

Common headlines among the men seem to be variations of 'gona give up on this soon sad' and 'no likey no lighty' and 'where r all da nice/genuine girls'

Ike - you're right, because I once looked to see what my 'competition' was locally. Definitely some people who probably enjoy watching sport, possibly play a bit, but distinct lack of guys over 6ft. Apparently average male height in the UK is 5ft 9. I'm 5ft 10. Nice to know I'm above average in at least two areas.... grin

Lubey - the second most common among women, oddly enough, is also "no likey, no lighty" which is enough to make me avoid their profile.

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 09:48:54

Voice I agree! Urgh... anyone that watches that utter bollocks gets a big fat no from me. Disturbing even that they like it too, enough to quote it in their headline. Hell no.

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 09:49:03

or mentioning something to do with Mr Grey......yawn. I feel thoroughly cheesed off...someone suggest something that will cheer me up please....

Ike - Oh yes, plenty of Mr Greys in women's profiles. Again, if someone has actually read it and thought it a good book, they're not someone I'd want to share my handcuffs with.

How about a picture of a baby hedgehog, curled into a little ball floating in a bowl of water? Would that cheer you up? Saw that online this morning (sad to say, Daily Fail, but I always check most of the paper first thing at work)

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 09:55:04

Never read it....looks boring. why is it in water?

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 10:00:30

Oh the fifty shades references piss me off too.. not averse to a great deal of little kink myself but that book is terrible on SO many levels. There is much better free erotica out there... I have a mate that writes erotic e-books and she is fabulous... she's currently at number #2 in the uk chart.

Having a bath!

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:10:18

Of course!

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:11:08

I hate pmt

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Feb-13 10:15:53

What's no likey no lighty FFS?

Horrified by some of these messages! What planet are these people living on where they think something like that is going to be a babe-magnet?

I need a little bit of advice, please. You know I had that conversation with him on Saturday - well, it was a bit of a cry and a rant and a ramble about my dad in the main part and then some talking about our feelings. Well, the next day I was out all day and he texted to see how I was feeling. Bit of texting Monday, I phoned him last night and we were on for half an hour or so chatting. But nothing from him about how I was feeling, nothing about meeting up, said he'd ring me today. So - I'm left feeling a bit deflated, not that I want him rushing round makign soothing cups of tea or anything, but I could really do with seeing him, having a hug and a bit of comfort off him, and I feel let down that none of this seems to be happening and it's all kind of brushed under the carpet. Do you think I should just come out and say that I could really do with seeing him? I am worried I have put him off with all that emotional stuff on Saturday. And I don't want to be chasing after him, I want him to be looking after me for a bit.

BUT I am dealing with this okay. Not panicking just feeling sad.

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:16:16

You were right about that favouriting thing voice...sent a brief e-mail to that bloke...nothing...reckon he's been on line tho. I find that v. strange.

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 10:17:40

ike these fellas never fail to cheer me up

also have been dying laughing at harlem shake videos

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:17:49

OWW yes ask him lovely.

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Feb-13 10:18:30

Actually I do want him rushing round making soothing cups of something . . . Want a bit of looking after.

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 10:19:47

OWW yeah go for it, he's your boyfriend, he's lovely, he loves you, you want to see him, just relax! You are really past the point of worrying about this stuff now, it isn't early days anymore... it's way more established...

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:22:16

Have to say Lubes you have made me smile....those cats are hilarious!!!

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 10:24:07

ike grin

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Feb-13 10:24:53

Oh it's all to do with having cried on him, I never ever cry in front of anyone any more. Think it will make him run away from out of control hysterical woman. All to do with my ex who used to do exactly that, say that sort of thing to me. I know where these thoughts come from but they still come!

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:27:14

Its true there do seem to be plenty of blokes that find it hard to deal with a crying exH and TR for example...

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 10:28:42

OWW he isn't your ex though, he's actually proper lovely. You've known him and been together quite a long time now and he's still lovely. He isn't going to do a runner smile

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 10:30:00

Even my bestest most lovely ex didn't know what to do if I was upset... so I told him for gods sake just hug me... don't talk just hug, that sorted it. He was fine once he knew what I needed

ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:36:40

Someone has messaged me who has as their profession 'property'...what does that mean?

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 10:46:28

I would have thought he means property developer but could be estate agent.. ha

Or it could just be withful thinking. Chatted to a few like that...

lubeybooby Wed 27-Feb-13 10:46:45


ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:49:05 agent Ill bet!

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Feb-13 10:49:57


ike1 Wed 27-Feb-13 11:13:44

Anyway he has annoyed me already by being jovial.....

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Feb-13 11:21:48

I think it's the whole thing about admitting to being vulnerable and needing help. I have had to do everything for me and the dcs for so long without any help, including for years when we were with my ex because he was just useless, no interest in doing anything with the children, very reluctant to do any chores round the house, wouldn't do decorating, gardening except for mowing the lawn, so I have just had to be the person that copes and does everything.

I find it very hard to ask for help, with emotions or doing jobs, feels like I've failed.

I have also spent so long hiding my emotions - ex was foul when I was upset, my mum is no good at dealing with people who are upset either, she tends to get cross, the children hate to see me upset or crying as it worries them, I have to be the strong one for them all the time. So I am really used to hiding things away and it feels really scary that I have let all this stuff out to LM. I kept apologising and he kept saying no need to, but I worry about this scaring him off.

I know I whittle a lot on here, but honestly no-one in real life would think I am like that. I am very calm and competent, don't get stressed at work or anything, always have a laugh and don't take things too seriously, strict but fair with the children, never daunted by anything. But inside it's a different story.

Anyway, I've texted him to say I'm feeling down and would like to see him, so just waiting now to see what he says. Can't phone as I'm at work.

I'm thinking of taking the next couple of days off as I really don't feel up to being at work and can't really concentrate properly.

mercury7 Wed 27-Feb-13 11:26:09

nothing worse than jovial when you're not in the mood for it

pretty sure I read a scientific study about how some, umm chemicals/hormones in womens tears have some effect or other on men which makes them want to...oh what was it...well I guess it was some sort of 'get the hell out of dodge' trigger grin

mercury7 Wed 27-Feb-13 11:30:36

I find it quite hard dealing with people who are upset, especially if they are people Im close to, I find it alot with my daughter, if she's upset I'll talk to her and she'll go away feeling much better where as I feel exhausted and in need of 48 hours of no talking to anyone confused

perhaps I am overly empathic, I feel her pain and it reminds me of all the times in my life that I've felt similar pain

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 27-Feb-13 11:34:49

OWW that is why MrR&R is a great guy, he isn't saying you are a pain in the arse when you cry. He doesn't know you in this aspect so you need to tell him, gently, he is not your ex. He loves you (you lucky, lucky woman!) let him do what he can, but he needs to learn what loving you means with regard to when you are feeling vulnerable. Don't let me have to go green it isn't a good look for me O envy smile

And Lubey, my god woman those cats are fantastic, I was crying with laughter. thanks

Voice, I'd heard that was the case regarding the island (Richard Branson knows stuff). But I thought by now Shergar would be gluestick, probably

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 27-Feb-13 11:38:40

'If OD dating were a horse it would be a cow', Voice you have nailed it right there mate.

Am I allowed to go on the POF forum whilst on my OD self enforced 48 hours absence? I don't want to hoover and tidy up (I don't do dusting - it can fuck right off!)

EducationalAppStore Wed 27-Feb-13 11:39:01

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EducationalAppStore Wed 27-Feb-13 11:39:15

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WarmFuzzyFun Wed 27-Feb-13 11:44:44

What? Get Lost there's a dear.

WFF is nothing if not polite smile

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Feb-13 11:51:20

I'm not good with upset people either - talking about stuff when people are upset is fine but I feel at a total loss with crying people - I think it's because I like to be able to do something, to make things right, and often what people are crying about is something I can't change or fix for them. But I try and offer comfort, hugs, cup of tea, whatever. It is knackering though, you're right Merc.

Thank you WFF. I really hope all that is true smile. He's not let me down before so he's not going to start now (I hope). The forum's just the thin end of the wedge - you're just addicted to PoF, admit it now . . .

mercury7 Wed 27-Feb-13 12:01:28

I used to cry ALL THE TIME but once I got past 40 or so it was as if I'd used up all the tears, I might weep for 30 seconds if I'm very upset or in pain but I seem to snap out of it quite quickly

there may be further phases of lachrymosity to come, I may turn into a blubbing old lady blush

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 27-Feb-13 12:02:26

'My name is WFF, and I am a POF addict...I like looking at dodgy men and reading badly written profile, I love looking at men on motorbikes, and men holding big fish.'

<WFF begins to drool and twitch> smile

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 27-Feb-13 12:03:54

I am never more than two heartbeats away from tears....I well up very easily, but like OWW don't cry in front of people, another advantage of being on my own alot

Shergar is in the cupboard under my stairs. Along with Lord Lucan.

Lubey I think that's the first time I've ever laughed at a cat video <dog person> It's great to see you back to being you grin

VM who I had a date with last week messaged me, I assumed he wasn't interested but I think he lacks confidence. He is going on holiday for a couple of weeks, we'll see. Still in meh central here, it is so draining having to deal with moody DS sometimes, I'm going to the gym just to get away.

Western LM is lovely, you know it grin.