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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Sat 16-Feb-13 20:58:15

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry grin whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon smile xx

Mouseface Sat 16-Feb-13 20:59:29

And for now, we're over HERE UNTIL IT'S FULL smile

<waits for serial offenders to arrive and bag the best seats!> grin

jesuswhatnext Sat 16-Feb-13 21:07:11

BOING! grin

Mouseface Sat 16-Feb-13 21:52:22

grin xx

eminemmerdale Sun 17-Feb-13 09:59:13


jesuswhatnext Sun 17-Feb-13 10:08:03

oh double BOING!!! here - the sun is shining and im off to the garden centre! grin had smoked salmon and scrambled egg for brekkie, the washing is in and i feel fantastic! grin ( the bike is leaving the dining room in a minute! wink)

much love to all you babes today! i wish i could spread my contentment round with a trowel!! smile i would happily share this feeling with everyone of you! XXXX

Mouseface Sun 17-Feb-13 18:19:18
Mouseface Sun 17-Feb-13 18:20:24

Der! Ignore me! I was on the wrong thread. blush xx

PurpleWolfe Sun 17-Feb-13 18:28:14

<Slides quietly into seat in the side car - still! sad >

Stepping aboard for spring smile

Mouseface Sun 17-Feb-13 18:44:18

Grey - I sometimes wonder how desperate I would have to be to buy that horrible cheap cider in the big blue plastic bottle. Why not start by reducing the amount of wine you drink? So go for your first drink as a sprittzer? That's what I did. Two of those, no more than half wine, sipped slowly, and then see how you feel if you MUST DRINK? Worth a shot? smile xx

Thank you very much Purple, given your own stress, it's nice of you to post to me.

Clutter - Not at all! I love that it helps you! Seriously, try your best to detach from Wednesday until Tuesday night and we'll have a good old 'what shall we do' session then okay?

Ma - That sounds VVVVV painful lovely! Just the same as my back, 20 mins sitting or standing is enough and then I have to shift. If I can. grin Doesn't make my pain any more severe or important than yours! It sounds awful xxx

jango36 Sun 17-Feb-13 19:08:19

Hi to all the babes.. Been a busy one for me today work, work and more work. Im in the side car again tonight! blush..
Tomorrow is my fresh start grin aiming to manage until Sat night and then do controlled drinking that night- say four- five units? Is that even controlled hmm
For those babes that do manage controlled drinking what is your unit limit?? just interested as I guess they will vary.
I plan to excercise and take ds1 out to get through..
See all you babes tomorrow with my new halo... hopefully xx

aliasjoey Sun 17-Feb-13 19:39:50

Hello Babes. Have some wine, but not drinking it tonight - saving it for tomorrow. I think it's getting easier to wait, practicing the willpower muscle. (Eating chocolate instead grin )

fullofhopefullness Sun 17-Feb-13 20:22:09

I have been reading the postings on this site for the past few days and can empathise totally with all of you. I am resolved to quit for the first time ever and need all support I can find!

Mouseface Sun 17-Feb-13 21:23:03

Welcome Full - I'm so sorry but I'm away to bed just now as I'm exhausted but didn't want to ignore your post smile

Please, sit, have a brew and as many as you like a couple of lovely home made biscuits

I'm guessing you plan to start tomorrow? Bloody good luck! You've done the hardest thing, you've posted here and admitted that you want to stop drinking how you are presently.

Night all xxx

greeneyed Sun 17-Feb-13 21:26:51

welcome full, hello all. Too tired to post just marking place and will catch up tomorrow. Have a peaceful and restful night all x

aliasjoey Sun 17-Feb-13 21:57:31

Welcome full and well done for posting here smile

fullofhopefullness Mon 18-Feb-13 07:36:35

Hi thanks for replies. I feel as though I know you from reading here. I havent blogged before. Also never quit before and ive probably only had a few 'free days' in many years. I started last monday and this site has helped enormously. Ive been reading avidly. My story is similar to many of you. Ill send longer post later.

PurpleWolfe Mon 18-Feb-13 08:13:21

Morning Babes, old and new. Aiming for Day 1 here. Poured any left over wine away and I will not drink today. Sending Happy Sunday thoughts for everyone. xxxx

greeneyed Mon 18-Feb-13 08:22:37

purps it's Monday grin

greeneyed Mon 18-Feb-13 08:25:14

Day 2 here, still experimenting with meds so feeling a bit strange, want to lose the alcohol from the equation this week to see if i can sleep properly. Sorry not to name check, have been reading all weekend and thinking about you all x

PurpleWolfe Mon 18-Feb-13 08:32:48

Oh good grief! grin See what school holidays do to me! DC still at ExP's as his Mum's there so I'm still in weekend mode! Good luck on Day 2 Green. Happy Monday everyone! xxxx

Mouseface Mon 18-Feb-13 09:21:51

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Purps - ROFL, you daffty! grin I was like, shit, I got up early for the wrong day? confused until greeny pointed out it's MONDAY!! grin

Greeny - sorry, I have a memory like a, you know, one of those, erm, thingy's, that you use to let water through? Drainer type jobby? wink Remind me what meds you are on sweets? I can't remember for the life of me.

Docs soon and then the food shop for the week, back on the 5:2, so lots of fresh fruit required smile

Back later lovelies xx

PurpleWolfe Mon 18-Feb-13 11:00:13

Sorry for the mild shock Mouse! I read on FB that a friend had an incident on the way to work and I was wondering why he was going to work on a Sunday!? Lol!

Well, got slightly more time off this weekend as ex MIL is having the DC for a while (hence the mix up with my days!). We are all off to see Wreck It Ralph a bit later. She is a very difficult woman (knows everything about everything - not! And likes to voice her opinions frequently!) but she is the only grandparent to make an effort for the children (and they love her) so I grit my teeth and count to 100 10. She has no transport so without my help she wouldn't be able to do anything with them. ExP has to work, natch!

Have worked out that this latest 'fail' has been just over two weeks so that's nearly two weeks less that last time's dip. The scales are showing the results of my over indulging as is my complexion, sigh. Still, I'm back to trying to abstain again and feel that, even though it's not been brilliant, it's still a damn sight better than this time last year.

Well, off for a relaxing bath and then off to face the Dragon. xxxxxx

jango36 Mon 18-Feb-13 13:32:08

Hi Babes. Well day one for me here sigh
Woke up this am with dry mouth, now got a fuzzy head! Was it worth it? NO!
So back to the start. Gonna take ds1 out now to blow away the cobwebs. Plan for later is exercise and nice cakes smile
See you all later and tonight I plan to be on board grin though day one is always the hardest isnt it xx

Lemonylemon Mon 18-Feb-13 14:06:16

Morning All!

Well, I crashed off the wagon on, erm, can't remember. Got back on. Fell off again on Wednesday, got back on, fell off again Friday and got back on. Friday night was a bit spectacular - a bottle of wine and 4 little bottles of Stella. Kids and I up late watching Magic FM's Top 100 or something. Great fun, but Saturday morning - bleurgh. Am still on, so that means, erm, Day 3.

I have been off work with my back. The rest of my body was with me too, but my back is a problem. I have sciatica and have had it for about 2 years. The osteopath thinks that there is a slightly prolapsed disc pressing on the nerve, or a disc with a lesion which is pressing on the nerve. Either way, the prognosis is that there is no miracle to take the pain away. So, I've been cracked and snapped and it felt a little better for a while. Then I had the housework to do at the weekend......

Never mind. It's lovely to see all you ladies. Purple I think that I'll be joining you on and off in the side car. I'm just not quite in the right frame of mind at the moment, but working on it. But it felt so good to wake up Sunday morning and this morning without feeling groggy.

Mouse I think I must be some way through the menopause (crosses fingers hopefully). My cycles have gone from a regular 3+2 or 3+4 to a 4+3 over the past couple of months. I'm doing a little jig here. But Christ, the sleep is not getting any better. I'm feeling more knackered now than I did when DD was born.

obrigada I can't quilt (yet - I wish I could), I can only knit, and have tons of spare wool so am knitting a big blanket for the babies (ahem, DS 15 and DD 5) to snuggle under while they sit on the sofa.

Sorry, that was all a bit me, me, me. I do think of you all send send {{HUGE}}

Mouseface Mon 18-Feb-13 14:38:55

Lemony - Either way, the prognosis is that there is no miracle to take the pain away. - go to your GP and get a referral for an MRI scan. I've had three now and they all show in much more detail exactly what's going on. I can soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo empathise with the back pain, it is the absolute bloody pits.

Bloods came back as 'normal' for my hormone levels but as my GP pointed out, they don't actually change until you've gone through the change YSWIM? grin

He said that all my other symptoms could be morphine related, I said that was all well and good but given how long I've been on morphine, it was highly unlikely and that everything pointed to me being peri-mausual (sp?) so yes, I'm at the start of the menopause aren't I?

He said that I was 'good at this' grin and was right so we're going to re-test my hormone levels every 6 months to see where we're up to.

Well done for getting back on the Bus! smile xx

Purps - so, whatcha gonna do later then? What will your treat be for not murdering, I mean for putting up with your MIL for the day? You know that the WW will be dying to get her claws into you for keeping your mouth shut don't you? I hope you'll come here and post if you need to lovely, don't pick up that bottle until you've been here first and had a chat? xx

Jango - you seem really up and down bless you. I hope that you find some comfort from the Bus. Keep going!! xx

Well, GP took me off the tablets that were making DH want to divorce me so we're back to square one pain wise for now. He's given me strong, slow release Brufen for through the night so I'm hoping that they'll help. <please Jeff!>

JWN - how are you? How was your weekend? Get out much? It's gorgeous here so we're off to the park next.

Thurso - thinking of you lovely, hoping you're okay? xx

Silver - you too, no 'Boo' from you on a new thread always feels wrong sad xx

IsinDe - how's stuff? xx

Right, park, ducks and shop for all of the food items we forgot this morning. hmm

Be back later Babes xx

aliasjoey Mon 18-Feb-13 17:32:40

Hello Babes, glad to hear you're feeling better purple

greyhound! How are you? We missed you!

I got my bottle of wine for tonight, doing well on the controlled drinking. Until... had a Fuck-It moment at work (actually it was a Fuck-You to a colleague - not out loud though!) and decided a bottle wouldn't be enough. Especially if I have to share it with DH. So I went and bought loads of chocolate plus a mini-bottle blush and hidden it.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I can't figure out why if somebody makes me feel angry or upset, the reaction is to do something to feel even worse. It almost feels like it's my fault, and I'm punishing myself. Or saying 'you're so crap anyway, might as well give in to your addictions'.

jesuswhatnext Mon 18-Feb-13 17:49:57

evening - had a lovely weekend thanks mouse smile got some gardening done - i find i just love getting some fresh air, it lifts my spirits no end, which is just as well, i have been given a huge bill for work on my car sad its a fantastic car but bloody hell, it comes at a price.

joey - you know the HALT thing? i would say right now that you are angry? grin seriously, you so want to not drink, why let some bastard arsehole at work get you to point where you cave? in the scheme of things that person means absolutely nothing to you, they are just some random you have to share some time and space with - dont let them get to you!!, push all thoughts of that person aside, they are nothing to you!!

babyjane1 Mon 18-Feb-13 17:57:49

Hi babes, just typed a big giant message and my 2 yr old dd grabbed it and I lost it all Aaaaaarrrgh. The gist of it is that I'm going to see a hypnotherapist tomorrow. I have thought long and hard about why I drink so much and I have a very strong connection between wine and reward. When I don't have it I feel like someone has taken something very close away from me. All around us and in every tv show, wine solves every problem, eases our stresses and rewards us for making it through the minefield that is motherhood. So I'm hoping this nice lady can help me reprogramme by brain, learn to associate other things as that "REWARD" maybe even hypnotise me into thinking wine tastes like red hot chillies!!!! Mind you would even that be enough to stop me?? The ridiculous amount of time I spend thinking about wine, the good and the bad elements is too consuming, I really need to make some changes to embrace new "rewards" lately I've been in the sidecar's sidecar IYSWIM but to tonight I will not drink!!!!! X x

fullofhopefullness Mon 18-Feb-13 18:22:27

Hi again - the nickname full is very good! I hadnt thought of that but its apt! If I ever get to 1 month with no alco can I rename to hope?? I had 1 bot wine a day plus 1.5 fri and sat (fall asleep on couch after that) for last xxx num years. I started young and cant really remember pre drinking. Both kids at uni now and on my own so noone to bother anymore. Something strange made me think differently last monday and for some reason I dont feel like drinking anymore. Still had bottles of wine on tues and sat but think I can do something about this now. Best and very sincere wishes to all of you!

Hi babes, hope everyones managed ok. My work was actually ok considering it's Monday and think that's cause I'm on day 7 of dry lent, the way I felt this morning makes me want to give up alcohol forever but we shall see. I've got a 40th Birthday at the weekend and that's going to be hard!
Sorry not to nc but reading and wishing everyone strength for tonight. Wellcome Full smile

Mouseface Mon 18-Feb-13 18:40:20

Joey - I can't figure out why if somebody makes me feel angry or upset, the reaction is to do something to feel even worse. It almost feels like it's my fault, and I'm punishing myself. Or saying 'you're so crap anyway, might as well give in to your addictions'.

If memory serves, you are on meds for anxiety aren't you? I can certainly relate to the punishing yourself part of your post. I used to feel like I'd failed. I still do to a lot of extent. With Nemo and DH, trying to be all things to all people.....

The fact that you have bought a 75cl bottle of wine and a small bottle as well, plus the chocolate and the fact that you've hidden the latter two so that you can have them all to yourself tells me that you feel loathed to not have your fill IYSWIM? Not in a nasty way, just that you know you need at least 3/4 glasses to get the feeling you want from drinking and it's a night that you're allowing that for yourself, and you don't want that to be taken from you.

Does any of that make sense? Am I way off and offending you? I'm so sorry if I am, that's not my intention, I'm just trying to understand why you feel the need to have your own top up stash IYSWIM?

eminemmerdale Mon 18-Feb-13 18:49:31

hello everybody. am having a very pitiful moment - it is so ridiculous that you will all laugh or despise me, but basically, despite our best efforts, and, to be fair, the school's, we're not able to send dd to the lovely prep school she passed the entrance test for. they offered us a bursary but it wasn't enough and I asked if they could perhaps offer more, they did their best, kept in touch, the head teacher even phoned this morning to say they were really trying to find the extra but they can't. it's a stupid thing to be upset about and totally trivial, but she did so well to get such good results and she has her hearing problems and I'm just really hacked off. I won't drink.

Mouseface Mon 18-Feb-13 18:56:18

JWN - glad to hear you got out, OUCH!! about the car bill though.

Full - you sound very positive which is another step in the right direction, seriously, you are ready to stop drinking like you used to (see what I did there) and make the changes needed to stop using the drink to feather your nest/occupy you/dull a pain you may have? What ever it is that makes you pick up is becoming much more hazy isn't it? smile x

Baby - GREAT IDEA! How fab. I know of a couple of friends who used hypnotherapy to give up smoking and an addiction is an addiction at the end of the day. They both still don't smoke after doing so for 15+ years! You sound very ready for this too, very positive.

The reward thing has always played a huge part in your drinking hasn't it? Maybe, just maybe, it's time for you to be shown, for you to see that you don't need a 'reward' for facing the daily battles that you do, you just need to accept that you do it right, you do a great job, and that should be enough IYSWIM? The reward thing has come in from somewhere, I have no ideas where, I'm hoping this lady will help you on that score xx

<hopes Baby isn't offended by her honest posting>

Clutter - a Birthday you say? Yours would that be? wink Well done on day 7!! How are you feeling about that day we're not mentioning? grin All fired up and ready to go? xx

Nope no party for me but can see how that reads that way smile it's an old friend & I know the temptation will be very high but going to try to work out plan to keep me going.
Feeling sick about day not to be named yet & woke at 4 this morning & wanted to pull out completely....but that would be stupid...wouldn't it?
How's you lovely? Is your pain levels any better? How's Nemo? Hope everyone in your house ok? smile x

Emin that sucks. Is there anyway your dd can start on what bursary they can offer & keep trying to raise more funds as her schooling goes on...kinda pay as you go? I don't really understand the situation as in Scotland think our school systems are different but seems such a shame for her not to get in if this would be a great school for her.
Well done on not drinking as sounds like the situation could be a trigger hmm x

eminemmerdale Mon 18-Feb-13 19:16:26

Thank you clutter. Sadly not - we couldn't do it sad In a way it's ok, as there would have been lots of extras as well, but it does seem a sod when she strolled in, passed the test without coaching or anything and was up against some highly tutored little kids as well. However, it has proved she is clever and it has proved that I can not turn to the bottle the minute something goes wrong - my first reaction was fuck it, DRINK! But i didn't and i haven't and I won't.

aliasjoey Mon 18-Feb-13 19:26:28

clutter well done on day 7!

emin you must be so frustrated about the school especially when your daughter has tried so hard. Sorry, I have no advice but [hugs]

jwn mouse you're right, I was angry - just don't know how to deal with it? And I had forgotten to take Prozac for a couple of days, maybe that didn't help?

Aw thanks Alias, so get when you want to just tell someone to do one at work. I sometimes think we have our whole work/life balance all wrong & one day we'll get to wherever we're going next & the big man in the sky will say what a waste. You had this beautiful world & you all stayed working in jobs you hated spending 75% of your time being fed up of work. Or maybe that's just me grin
You managed though & if you've been missing tablets then your mood & reactions probably will be affected.
Hope you feel better soon (( ))

Fairenuff Mon 18-Feb-13 19:47:27

Eminem so sorry your dd can't take up the well deserved place. You must be so disappointed but it might not be as bad as all that. Firstly, you will have some extra money, maybe start putting some by for her further education. Uni and all the extras involved don't come cheap.

Or you could put it back so that she could have a really great gap year.

Regarding her education. You can pay private tutors to 'top up' on anything you think she might be missing out on, be it academic, musical or sport.

fullofhopefullness Mon 18-Feb-13 20:26:10

It does feel to me for first time (ie ive never really quit before) that the urge has gone. A book was mentioned I think on this site. Allan carr easyway to stop drinking. It made me think differently but maybe I was ready to anyway. Also im still worried its false dawn!!! Still if anyone else has read it im interested on opinion? I read it all in 1 sitting and struck home.

eminemmerdale Mon 18-Feb-13 20:46:37

Thanks everybody - feeling really pissed off tonight but nothing we can do - just carry on and make sure she doesn't 'lose' her brains, so to speak! I'm impressed with the hypontherapist idea baby do let us know how it goes. clutter 7 days is a great milesstone - a week! mouse I hope things aren;t too bad tonight. full I read the Allan carr book too - I get his thinking but find him a bit much to be honest! Just hold that feeling good not drinking feeling and remember how horrible hangovers are! Everyone else - I WILL catch up!!!

fullofhopefullness Mon 18-Feb-13 21:02:24

Em-I know what you mean -its a bit over top. I have to give up or (I think) or i will die!! It feels like its almost too late. So many things help-like this site and knowing loads of people are in same position. Im clutching at any straw I can. I keep thinking of 1 month ahead as a big landmark - since I had bottle on sat I need to count today as day 2. Otherwise it would have been day 6! Not sure if I can do saturdays ever though.

Mouseface Mon 18-Feb-13 21:03:01

Clutter - do I have to get in my car and come over there? Seriously, you will whip yourself up into such a frenzy that you'll not get the bloody job at this rate!

<stern face>

Big. Deep. Breathes. You can do this, you can get through the shitty nights.

We're good, I'm off to bed now, not feeling great but then again withdrawal of the new drug is kicking in, sudden stops are not great. Thank you for asking. Nemo is at Manchester Children's Hospital tomorrow for a SALT appt. It's a long way for us to go but he needs all the support he can get smile

Night all xxxx

Joey - yes, missing your meds fucks you up, even a day's worth! xx

determinedma Mon 18-Feb-13 21:03:17

emin I'm so sorry. Don't know if you were on the thread when my dd had to give up her place at Gamta - Glasgow Academy of Musical Theatre and Arts. She had won one of only 30 places but we couldn't afford to keep her there until her funding came through. It was heartbreaking and I really feel for you. Just be proud of what she has achieved and hopefully she will get another chance in life. She sounds lovely so I,m sure all will be well

fullofhopefullness Mon 18-Feb-13 21:18:52

Ps im afraid im horrendously self obsessed at the minute. Bye and good luck.

aliasjoey Mon 18-Feb-13 21:19:27

full I have learned from the wise people on the Bus - dont think about next month - next week - just plan on IDAAT One Day At a Time.

fullofhopefullness Mon 18-Feb-13 21:27:56

Thanks joey. Day 3 coming up! I hope this feeling is real. I do see all the horrendous things people are dealing with and think I should get over myself!

Morning babes. Wishing everyone well with beating there demons today.
Mouse good luck for you all driving little nemo throught to Manchester, nope you definitely do not need to drive up to Scotland...I will get a grip (pronto) grin
Just off for a brew my elixer of life first thing and defintiely glad I don't have a foggy head, usedto always have a couple of glasses if I was off the next day but trying so hard to stop! xx

Hi everyone. Checking back in again. Sorry.

Best of luck to everyone today - hope nemo's appointment goes well, mouse.

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 09:42:19

Morning babes, just a quickie to say hope today goes well mouse. Thank you for your comments on my post, never offended grateful for all advice and support. eminen I'm so sorry about your daughter, her chance will come around again, what's meant for her won't go by her ad my late gran would have said. To all babes old and new have a great day, I'm I day 2 and feeling very very positive, had to change hypnotherapist to next week, eldest dd not well but in the meantime was going to order the Alan Carr book but it has mixed reviews, can any of you guys advise? X x

alabasterangel Tue 19-Feb-13 10:28:11

Hello again been away a few days but back now and got one leg in the bus and one leg on the roof rack and if I had a third leg it would be in the sidecar.

This is self indulgent and self pitying, so apologies.

I'm sat here in tears after coming back from the dr. I've been ill for a while and had terrible nagging pains under my ribs (liver area). I also have been feeling generally pretty ill for the last 2 weeks. She says I have glandular fever, I have to have another blood test to confirm it next week. In the meantime I'm on some 'precautionary' antibiotics which she admitted were to make me feel like I'm doing something and would be useless for glandular fever anyway. My previous blood tests showed its '90%' likely to be GF and my infection count was low but my viral count high, so she's fairly sure the antibiotics are pointless but hey. She also pointed out that my liver function tests needed looking at - shocker eh? Such a surprise - not.

I asked if it could be related to the GF and she said possibly, and it explains the pain (liver swells with GF) but that its only my ALT which is high and that's more likely to be a 'lifestyle' issue. She basically said I need to 'really look after myself and get that down' and has asked me to come back in three months to retest. If its not gone down she wants some more investigations. The word alcohol was not mentioned.

I'm sick of this internal conflict. I don't want to 'go there' with further liver investigations, but three months of abstinence (or radical cutting down even) seems like an impossible feat. I managed one day last week. One pathetic day. I felt fine, it wasn't a problem, so why is it a problem thinking about doing it now? Is it because I HAVE to? I'm also fed up feeling so poorly with this GF. its half term, we had plans, I feel capable of nothing more than loafing about but that's so unfair on the kids. I want to wallow but at the same time I want to just get a grip and not have this 'problem' to deal with at all. So annoyed with myself.

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 10:42:24

angel Crikey what a start to the day, I'm sorry you had all this thrown at you. The only thing worse than trying to function feeling ill, is trying to function feeling ill and the effects of lasts nights wine, how much are you drinking? I'm a bottle a night girl and my LF test is next Monday,I know how hard it is to make sense of it, I have a very bad level of crohn's disease and I'm pretty run down as a consequence so Instead of doing everything possible to be healthy, I drink wine, ridiculous or what!!! Anyway you are not alone and I'm only on day 2 but I won't even think about day 3 til I wake up tomorrow so the ODAAT principal might help you too, sending you a hug and even on day 2 I feel the benefits a little, so stay strong and keep posting x x c

curryeater Tue 19-Feb-13 11:01:42

Hello all,
I have not read the Allen Carr book. It has rave reviews on Amazon and you can download a free sample if you have a kindle, and then decide. I did find the non-smoking book of his very helpful back when I gave up smoking.

Welcome, fullofhopefullness. You sound very positive! well done on making a change.

Emin, that is not a trivial thing to be upset about. Well done on not drinking.

good luck mouse with your own health and Nemo's.

LRD, how are things going with you?

I feel off the wagon for dry lent. already! My parents visited and it seems I just cannot not drink with them. the only times in living memory have been when I was pregnant. I counted my drinks though and I woke up the next day with a clear head. Feeling good about that instead of feeling bad about not abstaining. Or trying to. My mum says I look slim.

Lots of emotion on here... lots of people feeling good, feeling bad, struggling. Wishing you all the very very best.

curryeater Tue 19-Feb-13 11:05:24

OMG alabaster, have x-posted with you. so sorry you are feeling so run down and so upset.
Your doctor sounds nice. Can you open up to her? I think you should be talking this through with someone not bottling it all up. Please try to hear "really look after yourself" as a nice thing, not as someone judging you! easier said than done I know.
And well done on the one day last week! A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

aliasjoey Tue 19-Feb-13 11:33:13

angel it is hard when you are run-down, but abstaining doesn't make you feel any better - so you think "what's the point?" ! Just try and think, if you're drinking its harder to get accurate results from tests; it's harder to find the appropriate treatment and the medication may not work as well.

And ODAAT (which I spelt wrongly last night when I was drinking hmm ) One Day At a Time - don't think about 3 months, only today.

Last night when I was drunk I posted some identifying details about a family member; then I had to ask MNHQ to remove the post, I was in a right panic.

Then I woke up in a sweat and it had all been a dream (except the drunk part) blush

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 12:52:55

Maybe we should all just stay pregnant all our lives then we all be ok!!!!!!!!!!(maybe not) back to Alan Carr then xxx

MsGee Tue 19-Feb-13 12:53:19

Hi. Day 2 for me. We have decided to not have wine in the house anymore.

Hopeful but been here too many times. Sorry for my jumping on, jumping off approach.

I just need to say for myself: today I will not be drinking.

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 13:15:39

I'm with you mcgee day 2 here also, keep posting it really really helps x x x x

alabasterangel Tue 19-Feb-13 13:22:56

Thank you everyone. Being able to be honest here is really helping.

babyjane - yes, up to a bottle. Mostly about 2/3rds (so guessing somewhere between 6 up to a max of 9 units a day, but fri and sat pretty much always a bottle) for many years. My youngest is only 20 months so 20 months ago I had 9 months of not drinking at all. I foolishly thought 9 months of abstinence (and 9 more months of abstinence 2 years before that) would have given my tired old liver time to recover. Obviously not judging by those results. I wish I had asked for the figures. I read on various sources that a fatty liver can recover pretty rapidly with dramatic reduction or abstinence. Have you instigated these blood tests you are having next week babyjane? I'm going to try Allen Carr too, I think. Bit scared in a way because its more about stopping altogether not cutting down, I can't rationalise that fear either. Have you ordered yours yet?

curry - yes, she is a great dr and I think I would feel comfy being open if I get through these three months having not been able to at least limit drinking. I think if it gets to that stage, I'd tell her and ask for help, although I don't really understand fully what 'help' GPs can offer? I hate the thought that 'alcohol problems' would be put on my notes.

I know its a pathetic approach but I really don't care if I still drink a bottle on a Friday or Saturday, I just don't want to do it every night. I said it before, it doesn't have the slightest affect anyway, except by the end of the third (large) glass the edges are slightly softened. After a bottle I still function, still watch whole films and absorb it all, read books and take it all in, can do a perfect manicure job without a smudge out of place, I even work some nights (from home, on admin and documents) and don't make errors or do foolish stuff, so what's the bloody BLOODY point???? I don't have a hangover, ever ever ever. I don't wake up dehydrated because I always drink a huge water after the wine and before sleeping. I even have tried to rationalise that if I abstained during the week I would get more of a buzz from the wine at the weekend, which for me should surely be an achievement (of the wrong, but right kind).

Today I'm not drinking.

Why can't I say that with positivity instead of it making me cry and feel so sad again??

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 13:33:30

angel my tests are to check how my crohn's meds affect my other organs, some fairly powerful drugs, even more ridiculous to
Involve wine, it just became a crutch when I needed one, I have ordered the book to day from amazon, should be here in Thursday, don't think about forever just today, the way I'm hoping it will work is that when the physical and psychological benefits start to show, the perceived "sacrifice" will seem less important, lets give it a try x x x

guggenheim Tue 19-Feb-13 13:38:48

angel much sympathy for the news on the GF- I hope you feel better soon. I expect that the Gf has left you feeling run down and tired. Hope the antibiotics do something!

It's an awful lot for you to take in in one go. I can't remember much about raised atl ? I had this result years ago when I had a lft, my gp wasn't at all worried and burbled something about 'too much partying' hmm

Hope you are ok this afternoon? I really do understand how you feel about alcohol and it not having any effect on you. You're not drinking stupid amounts, but it's not safe either.

Can I suggest that you make today day one? Lots of friendly babes ready to hold your hand if you are ready to try one night booze free? x

guggenheim Tue 19-Feb-13 13:40:57

Sorry to not name check, big wave smile

Shhhhh...I didn't give up my course in the end I'm giving that damn essay one more go.

Luve to all x

eminemmerdale Tue 19-Feb-13 13:43:46

alabasterangel bugger it! I'm so sorry to hear that - It is scary to think of stopping altogether isn''t it? I remember once, about 12 years or so agao, a friend said to me what would you rather do give up drinking or give up smoking? Everyone laughed their heads off - i was that hard drinking chain smoking funny girl that everyone 'put up with'., and there was No Way I woud,ever give up either - nor had i any intention of doing so! Now, I have pretty much stopped smoking (I have to admit have had a couple today - first in 4 months, but felt in a sod it mood sad ) and have manged to stop drinking for months at a time - currently on day 7 this time - and intend to kkep it up until April at least. It is a radical life change, it really is, there's no getting away from it, but it can be done. And it is worth it. Even when I falter and have a few days drinking, I know I will stop again - sounds a bit cock eyed but it's so much better now. I hope this helps, in some wierd way grin Dd perfectly fine about the school now - I was ever so upset last night but hey, these things are what they are! And to be honest, we now won;t have to worry about taking a holiday in case the school asks where we got the money from; taking better paid jobs if ever they came up, things like that. her primary is one of the best in the city so things aren't awful by any means !

Lemonylemon Tue 19-Feb-13 14:01:43

Afternoon All!

I won't name check because I always get left out of the name checks (except by Mouse) <pouts petulantly> wink

gugg Oh good! I'm really, really pleased you didn't.... Keep going. It will be so worth it.

Sigh. Day 1. Again.

I seriously need to get my abstinence mojo back again. I did so well - 11 days. angel My drinking habits are like yours, but I don't want to exist like that anymore. If you have a look back through the last thread, I've posted about what happened to my Mum. It all seemed to happen so suddenly. She was 68 when the proverbial hit the fan. She's now 70 and shouldn't be here, but has a steely determination. She also staggers around (not drunk) like a 90 year old.

I don't want to be like this any more. I need to get past the childhood coldness of her. I am managing to talk about it now - ie. my son and daughter (15 and 5) know that nanny never cuddled or kissed me as a child. I've always been very affectionate with my two. My son knows that I can't really forgive my mum for basically staying away on holiday for another 10 days when my OH died. Then texting me when she got back and in reply to a text from me inviting her round for coffee, said that she was "too tired and that she would see me tomorrow". I was alone and nearly 6 months pregnant and trying to keep both DS and myself together. You know, if that had happened to either DS or DD, I would be on the first plane home, no question.

When my DD was born, she looked after DS for a week while I was in hospital. Then just disappeared. For nearly 7 months. In my heart of hearts, I can't forgive her for any of that. Intellectually, I can say I have, but I haven't deep in my heart. And I have to get past it. It's not doing me any good at all. But then, lots of people have had bumpy childhoods, not just me.

I really apologise that my post is me, me, me......

alabasterangel Tue 19-Feb-13 14:51:02

Oh bugger it all, all this niceness has got me blubbing all over again. How very un-MN!

I have no appetite at the moment for much, but have just had a fresh custard cream slice for lunch. Yum! First thing I've eaten today!

lemon - I've name checked you now.... wink I'm sorry about your mum, I had a bumpy childhood but thought I was a tough old bird who'd really dealt with stuff well. Maybe this is the fallout. Who knows? Are you in touch with your mum now?

If I can just get through from now till Friday, I'd be well pleased. I'll still be on antibiotics. Foolishly I was told some years ago by a pharmacist friend that its a bit of an old wives tale that you should abstain from alcohol on standard antibiotics, but even so, with my raised ALT I should be rationalising that my liver is under enough pressure and to give the damn thing a break eh? I wish. However, today I'm not drinking, and I agree one day at at time, and I really really hope I can just get to Friday to start with, even if I pick up again Sunday.

What I also really need to do it Step Away From The Google. Foolishly, I'm too tired to shift my custard slice bottom and do that pile of ironing, so google has told me that I'm in varying degrees of either 'nothing to worry about' ALT levels or conversely 'brink of liver failure and imminent death'. Well, slight exaggeration but anyway! I couldn't recall my levels but the receptionist has re-read them to me. My ALT is 77. Normal levels are 5 - 55. I've read anecdotal stuff from people querying results of 1,000!!! I don't know what to think.

guggenheim Tue 19-Feb-13 15:21:20

lemony that is tough however you look at it. 'bumpy childhoods' that's a good phrase though! Not easy to get past your mum letting you down like that. Have you had counselling? Or have you just come to terms with it in your own way?

angel just rest and step away from Dr Google!

Must not mn must write essay..

Fairenuff Tue 19-Feb-13 17:42:02

Lemony I had a similar 'bumpy childhood' and do not feel at all emotionally connected to my parents, particularly my mum. I don't see or speak to her much and I don't feel at all guilty or sad. It's as if she's just someone that I used to know.

As you say, intellectually I know I should make the effort. It was all a long time ago and she had her own problems so I don't hold it against her. But I just don't particularly like her or want her in my life.

alabaster GF will really knock you out. You may well not feel like eating or even moving much for a few weeks. Try to keep your fluids up and eat whatever you fancy. Get as much rest as you can. Is there anyone around to help you?

Perhaps whilst you are recovering it might be best to try not to worry about your liver too much (if you can!). Try to cut down/stay off the booze as much as possible. Just take it one hour at a time. If you can sleep, that would be great. Other than that, the doctor's orders are good - Look after yourself.

I swear this is why alcohol affects so many women, particularly mothers so much in our society. We are all trying to look after everyone else, who is looking after us?

Joey so now you are dreaming about mn? grin

PurpleWolfe Tue 19-Feb-13 17:53:37

Faire I think you may be right. Society deems that we look after everyone but then there is no-one to take care of us. xx

Hi lemony sorry not to nc you in the past sad I tend to look back over last few posters on pc so if you posted beyond that then sorreee smile You sound like you have been through so much with your mum, no wonder you can't forgive her. She sounds pretty nasty and self-absorbed. Well done for not carrying this on with your own children.
Faire so so agree, in my house I seem to do most things and work whilst dh thinks cause I work part-time that leaves me free to do everything house wise and him off the hook hmm every night I think of a crisp, cool glass of wine but on daY 8 here as it's the thought of next day that is stopping me from reaching for that glass but just always shattered!
guggs well done on going for the essay, good luck and....step away from mn grin
Emin glad your feeling better, sounds like things been really tough and stressful, aw well you had a ciggie no biggie and as you said you know if you did have a glass of wine you would straight back the next day starting again, that's amazing and great attitude. I feel like you that I want to completely change the way I drink.
At tea-time tonight was saying how going to a party at the weekend and going to take my car and not dd (13) just went 'mum, you always say that, you'll drink, leave your car' I suppose actions speak louder than words and I so want to show her that I have changed!
Alibaster Aw poor you, having GF will wipe you out, you really need to try and be kind to yourself, agree that maybe the time for really kicking the WW into touch is once you are feeling better? Hope you feel better soon.
Alias hope your day not been too hard today smile
BabyJ I am ashamed to admit that on a few occassions when pregnant (3 weddings and a funeral) I had a couple of glasses of wine more than I should have....My ds is 3 and I still feel really guilty about this sad
Mouse thinking of you, hope today not been too hard for everyone (( ))
All other babes wishing you all strength wherever you are on the bus tonight xx

fullofhopefullness Tue 19-Feb-13 18:39:54

Hi I would recommend allan carr (from earlier question). Its all about persuading you that you dont want to drink so from that perspective cutting down wouldnt make sense. I just know that I drove past offlicence tonight without going in. And since reading that book that has happemed more often than in the previous num of years. Anything that helps I suppose!

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 19:24:43

lemony I'm so sorry not to NC, I'm using an iPhone so I can only see last few posts and my memory ain't war it used to be. The fact that you have totally turned around the way you were brought up to the loving attentive mother you are speaks volumes, you will have made your children better parents in the future, that's something to be very proud of. Thanks hope my book is on it's w

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 19:29:35

Oops sorry, book on its way and your right it all helps. Took dd to the park today and I swung as high as I could on a swing and it felt good, I guess I will need to cling on to these little moments in between the monotony, I guess we all are doing that in one way or another, previously wine was the distraction to the mundane tasks x x x

PurpleWolfe Tue 19-Feb-13 19:30:11

Things ain't good. sad xxxx

eminemmerdale Tue 19-Feb-13 20:06:00

purple what's the problem? can we help??

Am also rubbish at name checking - I do read all the posts but never know what to say! Suffice that I am thinking of everyone. This is such a hard journey..

Sorry to hear that, purple. sad

Sending good strong vibes your way. Right here if you want to talk, too.

fullofhopefullness Tue 19-Feb-13 20:11:07

Purple-hang in there - I just now read some previous threads. You had hard life-not easy! So many things you deal with. I had/have bad 'bottle of wine then sleeping pills habit' with some close run times. Im desperately trying to get to 9 when I can take knock out tab. We all have to hang in there if we can.

Fairenuff Tue 19-Feb-13 20:14:08

Purple do you want to chat? Doesn't matter if you're drinking, the bus is for everyone, remember x

baby I make sure I stop and take a mental photograph of those moments. I call them moments of pure happiness, when nothing else matters for a minute or two, and I treasure them smile

I can still remember pushing my dd in her pram on a beautiful warm autumn afternoon. She was sleeping and I was strolling with the sun on my shoulders and I just thought to myself I'm happy. That's all. It was a simple moment.

Fairenuff Tue 19-Feb-13 20:17:06

Hey full well done for battling on. Not long now. Have you had dinner?

Mouseface Tue 19-Feb-13 20:27:15

Evening, tis me, Mouse

All was well today... will go into detail in a mo.....

Purple - what's going on sweetheart? Talk to us please?! xx

Lemony - hello you, so sorry that

Mouseface Tue 19-Feb-13 20:27:37

Arse - back in a mo....

fullofhopefullness Tue 19-Feb-13 20:28:01

Yes thanks faire. Ps I should add that tonite and for most of last week ive just had apple juice with it! Big breakthrough for me. I was so tempted tonight though. Going to have - was trying to include little teacup icon but it wont work!

fullofhopefullness Tue 19-Feb-13 20:31:06

Ps also hello mouse! You wished me well couple of days and I didnt get replying.

Fairenuff Tue 19-Feb-13 20:45:57

Full well done on having the apple juice. Have you tried spritzing it up with ice or soda? I'm being really good on my diet today but I have to because I'm running out of 'fat' clothes and refuse to buy anything bigger! grin

Purple huge huge hugs ((( ))) Life has been so hard for you lately, try to be kind to yourself, if your drinking maybe that's helping you at the moment and the time to stop or how you manage to control may be different than you thought it was going to be. Hang in there, your bringing up 3 kids on your own but very little help, that's bloody tough and is anyone looking after you? xx

fullofhopefullness Tue 19-Feb-13 20:52:09

Faire m&s sparkling apple juice 250 cals for 750ml bottle!

fullofhopefullness Tue 19-Feb-13 20:53:40

Sorry for sounding like advertisement (not just any apple juice...)smile

Mouseface Tue 19-Feb-13 20:56:34

Try again shall we..... ?

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Emin - I'm so sorry to read about your DD but as Baby said, she will get to where she needs to be somehow, it will happen, maybe just not the way that you all planned? I'm sorry that you are so upset though sweetheart, it's not nice when things are out of your control xx

LRD - why are you sorry for checking back in? You're doing something about it aren't you? So, sit down, grab a brew and be you for a while. Just you. smile xx

Baby - Crohns and alcohol. One of my closest friends had Crohns (as well as other bowel issues) and has just had her entire bowel removed. I'm so scared for her but she has hit every wall in her way, clambered over it pissed as you like, and come to this. She hated giving up alcohol, hated it. BUT - she's alive, she's still in hospital (her op was only last week) and says that she has never felt so WELL now that all the disease, toxins, and poison has gone and that the, pain the tragically embarrassing moments of her shitting herself with poo and blood will never happen again is simply amazing. smile

The alcohol was a real nail in the coffin for her long before she knew the extent of her illnesses. Once the body is weak, alcohol just takes a hold. I should know, morphine fucks with your immune system in a huge way so when I am ill, I'm ill!!

I hope that you find the book useful in so many ways, I can relate to and have used alcohol as an add on to my pain meds, to help them along. Your drugs are hardcore, and WILL take their toll on other organs, your liver and kidneys for sure.

I hope that they are considering giving you something to counterbalance your meds?

I take Renitidine for my stomach and have had Lansoperzole too, to help protect the lining due to the amount of Ibuprofen I take.

Good luck with the tests sweetheart, I'm not trying to scare you, I'm trying to say I understand, I understand and I empathise with you so very much xxxx

Posting so I don't lose this!! Back in a mo

<goes off to get Maltesers>

determinedma Tue 19-Feb-13 21:04:21

purps talk to us. Please.

Mouseface Tue 19-Feb-13 21:17:08

Hey Full - you sound like a different person! Go YOU xx

Lemony - I meant to say that I'm sorry that you've had a shitty time of it with your mum, life's to short to fuck up your DC. I mean that as a parent and as a DD. sad Big hugs to those feeling like shite mums or daughters recently, we deal with life as it's dealt us but sometimes when we look back, we see things we don't want for ourselves or our children..... thing is, only WE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Hello Faire - are you okay sweets? No more clothes shopping? <faints> wink Good on you for sticking to your diet. smile xx I went to see my mum today en route to Manc Children's Hospital, and she was all, 'you look great since you stopped the Amitriptyline Mouse, lost more weight?' They want to put her on it for her MS and her other life limiting illnesses...... she's in a bad way health wise but will NOT give up smoking. <sigh>

Thank you for the snapshot of you and your DD in the Autumn sun............ I have those too. Snapshots of Nemo laughing so hard, smiling at the smallest thing. Being healthy. DD growing, DH winning a contract. Me waking up not in pain. Snapshots of life that we hold onto for life.......

I have to go, Nemo is unsettled after a busy, demanding day. Keeps crying out but he's just having vivid dreams is all!

Oh and the Crainial Osteopath called to cancel, she called me "Daniel" hmm and said that our appt to meet Nemo was at "12pm tomorrow" and that she's too ill........................

My name is NOT Daniel, and our appt was for 4pm. Oh well, another one bites the dust. She called me last week to ask where I was 2 mins after our due appt time, when I'd had to go get Nemo early from school because he was poorly, without listening to 2 voice mails I left her at 1pm to say we wouldn't be there and just how sorry I was......

Some people make me wonder how they get to work with children? I won't be parting with £40 to see her I'm afraid, she's now 1 client down.

Be back tomorrow Brave Babes - no doubt, I've X posted with you all.

Purps - please, talk to us xxxxx

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 21:42:14

purple I just want you to know that when I started following (addicted ) to this thread it was your story in particular that drew me in, you were so full of enthusiasm for yourself and all if us and your wonderful takes of bright eyes, skin and weight loss got me hooked into the magical powers if you wonderful babes, you PM'd me and showed me more kindness than many if friends in RL, quite simply you gave me hope and your are an inspiration and I can feel the warmth in all the posts to you tonight, we are here for you babe x x x

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 21:55:35

mouse thank you for that post to me, it's very very helpful to get honest feedback from first hand knowledge. I'm on night 2 and I will be honest it's tough, I now realise how much wine translates in my world as "relax" and internal "peace and quiet". Everything around me seemed troublesome and chaotic, just looked different through my glassy eyes, need to accept that this is real life and it's much more tough than it ever is easy but it's the life I've got so I need to figure a way to cope with the sober version x x x

MsGee Tue 19-Feb-13 22:29:37

Quick check in. Survived day 2.

aliasjoey Tue 19-Feb-13 22:53:14

purple <hugs>

We're here if you want to talk.

Hope everyone sleeps well.
Purple sending you safe, protecting thoughts tonight.
Things ok-but-not-great here.

<<wonders if she can climb back aboard Gerald even if she doesn't know that many of the passengers>>

aliasjoey Wed 20-Feb-13 00:10:34

isinde smile you know me and mouse and faire is around somewhere... and ma is here too... there's lots of us old lags about!

What brings you back on board?

aliasjoey Wed 20-Feb-13 00:21:23

Calling myself an old timer made me wonder how long I've been on the Bus - I've just done a search, can't find my first post but I think it was in March 2012 - so have been here nearly a year shock

Morning babes, huge hugs to those struggling and well done and more strength those who managed to beat off ww last night. Purple thinking about you, like BabyJ said when I first posted you were one of the first to offer me advice and support in a kind and compassonate way and always seemed to have a wee spark about you, sorry your feeling so down xx

Fairenuff Wed 20-Feb-13 08:30:30

Morning all smile

Isinde I was only thinking about you this morning, then I logged on and, voila! grin

How are things with you? How's married life and the gorgeous double trouble?

MsGee sorry, meant to say hi to you yesterday too. Well done on Day 2, keep it up!

Mouse we seem to keep missing each other but you're always in my thoughts.

Love to all, huge wave to encompass everyone, back later x

babyjane1 Wed 20-Feb-13 08:37:41

insidei like to think of the bus jammed full of babes hurtling towards the wine witch ready to finish her off once and for all so let's all get aboard and show her who's boss. Day 3 here and still feeling strong x x x

curryeater Wed 20-Feb-13 09:21:49

Morning all.
Just checking in.
I know who you are, isinde! Come back, come back!
Purple, come and tell us how you are.
have a good day to everyone else

Mouseface Wed 20-Feb-13 09:39:15

Morning, tis me, Mouse smile

Clutter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - what time is that thing today? So sorry that I missed asking you about it last night. How are you feeling? Sorry blush

Baby - I need to figure a way to cope with the sober version - yep, you do. It's not going to be easy and you'll want to drink and shout and scream and say fuck it more than once but you have to look at the bigger picture here..... Although this will be a ODAAT 'project', you need to look at the BENEFITS of not drinking alcohol.

When your pain levels are through the roof, and you're feeling like super shit, all you'll want is a drink or seven. We can ALL relate to that but for you and me, and others, our illnesses and bodies kinda need us NOT to use alcohol as a relaxant, something to ease the pain, something to numb the agony of your condition. Maybe see what has helped in the past? What have you used when you really couldn't drink? What else helped?

IsinDe - hello lovely, are you okay? Get yourself back on this Bus please, you know more people than you think smile xx

Morning Faire smile xx

MsGee - you know the score, post whenever you want to! That's what the Bus is all about. Hello again smile

Purple - where are you? Are you safe? xx

Ma - how's life with you? xx

Mouseface Wed 20-Feb-13 09:41:03

X posted with you Baby - I'm smiling reading that you're feeling string smile Go you! xx

Hello Curry - you sound very upbeat xx

PurpleWolfe Wed 20-Feb-13 10:10:40

Hi Lovelies.

I'm just about to head out to take the DC skating but wanted to say I'm still here and appreciate all your thoughts and wishes.

I'm just so disappointed and disgusted with myself. Despite really wanting to stop this infernal drinking, I don't seem to be able to pull it to a stop just now. So many good, healthy, financial, obvious, intelligent reasons to stop and the slightest, silliest, inconsequential, untrue, warped reason to pick that glass up - again.

On the outside, I look like a fully functioning, vaguely intelligent, funny, coping parent of 3 but on the inside, I'm such a mess.

Quick bath now (to hopefully shift this awful odour of booze sad ) then pick up the DC and ExMIL from ExP's, put my 'coping' face on and feel like a fraud - again.

Sorry for the 'me, me, me' post but I just wanted to post quickly so I don't cause anyone further worry. I'll check back and thank people for their kindness later. xxx

Lemonylemon Wed 20-Feb-13 10:18:43

Ah, Purple have a {{HUGE}} We're with you. It can be so desperately hard sometimes..... x Is there any way at all in which we can help? Can you write a list and let us suggest things that can help you?

To all you other lovelies - huge hugs for you all too. I think I need to read that Alan Carr book. I've given up smoking for 11 years and now 6 years respectively and if I can do that, I can do it with the drink, but it's proving a bit harder.

Anyway, DAY 2. I shall not be drinking today.

jesuswhatnext Wed 20-Feb-13 10:34:06

morning babes! smile

isindi - you know me! grin and ive missed you! i need a poem!! grin

purps - have a ((((hug)))) - hope your bath made you feel a bit better!!

purple - good luck to you today. It is horrible, isn't it? But we can do it.

mouse - thanks for the welcome back. smile

And how annoying about the appointment. hmm Honestly. You do wonder how people keep any clients.

Right then, Day 2 for me .. onwards and upwards.

babyjane1 Wed 20-Feb-13 11:23:46

purple we love you, please let us help!!!!! Xx

obrigada Wed 20-Feb-13 11:40:45

Checking in, Lent didn't last too long, had too much vino on Friday night but have been alcohol free since. Purple, I so empathise with you! Talk to us (needs to take own advice and admit I need to talk too).

Mouseface Wed 20-Feb-13 11:50:37

<note to self, don't post without contact lenses or glasses on!> grin

LRD - she was so up herself the first time that she spoke to me that DH said, "I don't like her, I don't think she's all she thinks she is...." I gave her the benefit of the doubt but to be fair, she's kinda blown it now.

I need to feel confident with someone I bring into Nemo's fragile world, and I don't feel that with her at all. I think she saw ££££££££ a plenty because of the amount of trauma he's been though. She didn't even apologise for getting my name wrong, or the time! Good luck to her...... hmm

Purple - you won't get to read this now until later on I'm guessing but I wanted you to know that I understand the 'not being able to stop' hole you're in just now. As do many others no doubt.

I was hoping that your MIL wasn't a trigger for you the other day, how did you get one? Did you end up getting wasted after dropping the DCs back?

As others have said, can we help? There must be something we can help you with, even if it's to agree with you about the cravings, triggers and wine o'clock etc?

If you're going to drink, nothing that we say will stop you, fact. If you really DON'T want to drink, you'll stop. I think you need distraction at times when you really crave a drink, I recall I found it worked for a while but at least it was a starting point. So, when you're really can and want to stop, maybe that's something to try?

Until then, why not just stick with us lot? Drinking or not, you're welcome on the Bus, in the side-car or on the roof-rack although we've been forecast more snow so make sure you've got your thermal drawers on!! grin

What I'm trying to say is that no matter what stage of sobriety you're at, you're always welcome on this thread. Everyone is! That's the whole point, we all need each others' experiences to see how alcohol actually affects our own lives.

What works for you some like AA or Allan Carr, might not work for others. Things like hypnotherapy may cure you but not me etc..... So stay. Please? All of you. If you just want to post about you, then do it. You don't need to NC anyone when you post. Just post what helps YOU. xxxx

Mouseface Wed 20-Feb-13 11:55:24

<grabs Obrigada and sits her on the Bus next to the heater and passes the brew and fresh cakes trolley smile

Talking is easy, you open your mouth and out come the words, right? Wrong. DH is always saying to me about letting it out, but it's just not that easy for me. You'd think I could talk the hind legs off a donkey but I clam up when someone asks me direct questions about me.

That's why the Bus is so fab, you can let it out when you're ready and not before.....

I'm freezing, budge over Obrigada xx

obrigada Wed 20-Feb-13 12:15:38

Shifts over to make room for Mousesmile Cheers hun xxx

aliasjoey Wed 20-Feb-13 14:40:01

Morning babes afraid I was in the sidecar last night, after Monday's lapse it was too easy to fall down the slippery slope (although at least I didn't have too much last night) now I'm back in the Bus till the weekend.

My triggers were it being half-term (no responsibility for getting up in the morning) and still thinking about what my colleague said. Having to think carefully about how to handle my emotions rather than just hiding in a bottle of wine...

mouse sorry to hear you have been let down. Can I ask if this person was recommended by your GP? As far as I know cranial osteopath is not available on the nhs as there is little evidence for it. I'm wary of some alternative practitioners as they are often used by people who are desperate and vulnerable... forgive me if you have done your research and I'm speaking out of turn, when you wrote that she saw £££ it rang warning bells...

Mouseface Wed 20-Feb-13 15:56:29

Joey - she was recommend by his nurse, she's worked with children with cancers, looked after children who are dying, have a shorter life expectancy etc. I was all for it given that she said she could help with his sleeping issues.

Oh well, I'll speak to his nurse and let her know what happened sad Thank you for your concern, DH was the same smile xx

Clutter - thinking of you! Hope your interview is going well?

<crosses fingers>

I'm off out for a bit, need to collect the rest of my meds and pick DD and her friend from town.

Be back later lovely Babes xxxx

venusandmars Wed 20-Feb-13 16:24:16

When isindie jumped onto the bus,
We were waiting and making a fuss.
You know you've been missed
(which is better than pissed)
So post now! And don't be a wuss xx

fullofhopefullness Wed 20-Feb-13 18:19:01

Hi everyone practically day 8 if you dont count last saturday! Passed offlicence again tonight! Acarr goes on about alcohol making you thirsty and thats why you have to drink more and more as you get ever more thirsty! Im now worried:-) that ill run out of apple juice!!!

alabasterangel Wed 20-Feb-13 19:26:07


How do you keep up with all these posts and remembering what's going on for everyone?

Had a sneaky look at your pics, mouse. Nero is a little treasure, what a smile. You are a brave lady. Makes me feel humbled if I'm honest.

Day two. Hard part of the day. Day one was easy. I felt so last night due to the GF that I didn't fancy anything, let alone a glass of wine, but hey, if I wasn't 'trying' I probably would have had one anyway, so therefore a success. Unfortunately today I am dosed up on paracetamol and therefore unaware of my shivering and aching, and could quite happily swig a nice cold glass. I'm not going to, I know, but I'd really like to.

I've looked into GF and spoken to two friends who have had it as adults. Both of whom were told that their livers were affected and they had an elevated blood test result (just like me) and both were told absolutely no alcohol for 4 weeks and 6 weeks respectively. I also posted on the health board and got the same answer. My gp didn't say that to me but I'm not stupid, GF affects your liver, you need to stay away from the booze or else you risk permanent damage. No alcohol forevermore, or no alcohol for 4 weeks. The former scares me more, but STILL I could drink a glass. I keep saying I will allow myself one small glass on Friday if I get that far. I used to have a small glass on a Saturday when pg and made it last all night and was very 'satisfied' with it, but still, I don't know if I can do it again.

Desperately need some new books for bedtime, so am amazoning later and will definitely get the Carr book then.

Sorry its a me me me ramble again. Really must clear up, and avoid the fridge.

I'm not drinking today. Day 2.

alabasterangel Wed 20-Feb-13 19:26:40

Nemo, not Nero I know....autocorrect on iPad, sorry!

determinedma Wed 20-Feb-13 19:33:10

Trying to keep up - my tablet corrects nemo to memo!
clutter was the interview today? How did it go?
purple thinking of you. I understand. Truly, I understand.
indie get your amplebutt back on this here bus pronto. I miss your posts and there are lots of lovely new people for you to meet
Venus like the verse! How is dd?
kotinka where are you?

I'm OK. Somewhere between bus and sidecar. More demented than determined but still here.

Aw thanks for asking MA and Mouse, had interview at 11am....and got the job!!! Even asI'm typing that seems really surreal! Will start in about 6-8 weeks, wish it was tomorrow!

DH was great when I came home then had almighty row with dd and grounded her for 2 weeks as she was late for school this morning. I said this is way too extreme and he needs to get a grip and it's one of her best friends birthday meal on Friday and she's not missing it. He then went mad at me as said I always undermine him, I'm too soft, DD is taking the piss! That kinda put the kibosh on the happinees of new job, dd in tears. I really, really, really want a huge glass of white wine but (un)luckily for me there is none and I have zero money!

Life always keeps the balance gives with hand, takes with the other!

Day 9 here smile

determinedma Wed 20-Feb-13 21:02:40

clutter oh well done you! Brilliant news, you should be very proud of yourself. The Dh/dd scenario sounds very familiar - we have that here with DH and dd2. Don't let it take the shine off your day.

PurpleWolfe Wed 20-Feb-13 21:08:11

OK, so, coming to you all from my well-worn seat in the side-car.......

In all my years, this is the only place I have felt that it's OK to come to when things are shit. Not just once, every now and again, but daily, hourly (if necessary). This place is truly a revelation to me. In the past I have hidden problems and attempted (badly) to get on with life by myself - because that's the way things have always been for me. From an early age, I learnt that the people who should have been there for me were busy doing other things.

I have never been so honest and open with people the way I am here.

Thank you so much to the lovely Curry, Joey, Emin, Jesus, Faire, Isinde and LRD. Ma, Lovely, thank you, I've identified that I post most when I'm 'up', I'm able to support others and I'm trying to break the habit of hiding in my dark hole when things are crap. Baby I remember your first post and I'm so privileged that you say I made a difference. I'm finding it hard to realise that I, me, little ol' me, got to seven weeks! Who was that person?

Full Thank you Sweetpea for reading my backstory and for your empathy, it means a lot. Clutter Your support has been so appreciated. And, no, I have no support here - it's all down to me.

Marvellous Mouse. Yes I can say that MIL is a trigger (--fucking rhinoceros of a woman-- ) but, in all honesty, I can find numerous 'faux' reasons to descend back into the bottom of the bottle. I know the excuses I give myself are a crock of shit. So sorry you have had continued struggles. I feel a little fake in the knowledge of your problems. Sending hugs and love.

Trusting people doesn't come easy to me. Feeling low but, without you lot, I've been a lot worse.

Thank you my Lovelies. You have no idea how you have helped me. xxxxxxxxxxx

PurpleWolfe Wed 20-Feb-13 21:09:35

Well done Clutter xxxxxxx

PurpleWolfe Wed 20-Feb-13 21:14:00

Green and Koti, you old bags, where are you??? xxxxxx

babyjane1 Wed 20-Feb-13 21:17:33

clutter I'm so so happy for you, that's cheered me up, on day 3 and dh is getting on my nerves big time!! Did he always talk this much shit? Have been swimming today and tomorrow I'm stuck in due to horrible pre med for colonoscopy on Friday, it's very painful but I'm looking in the bright side, free colonic irrigation, stay strong brave babes x x x x

PurpleWolfe Wed 20-Feb-13 21:21:38

Baby Good luck for Friday Sweetpea. xxx

fullofhopefullness Wed 20-Feb-13 21:24:41

I agree purple (and glad you a little better) ive not been here long but it is so nice and supportive. It makes so much difference. Not feeling alone with it all and being able to say anything thats bothering.

babyjane1 Wed 20-Feb-13 21:38:27

purple thanks babe and hope your right we all support and care for each other and it really really feels good to share x x x

determinedma Wed 20-Feb-13 21:48:10

Yo purps good to hear from you. This bus is a lovely place isn't it.

Aw thank you smile feel I'm torn between being happy & being so pissed off with dh, sure everything will feel better in the morning!
Night night brave babes xx

PurpleWolfe Wed 20-Feb-13 22:08:26

Ma This Bus is a whole new world to me - no exaggeration. xxxx

Ps. Is this normal behaviour for dh's to treat dd's I'm this way? I want to pack my bags & leave (I'm arien so tend to be a little dramatic) but really have no where to go & don't want to leave my cats hmm xx

guggenheim Wed 20-Feb-13 22:21:48

clutter congratulations! Promise us that the new job will be less stressful? Well done on the interview and staying dry- fab news smile

purple look after yourself xx

baby hope it all goes ok, crohns disease sounds like hard painful work, poor you! Day 3 is the worst of all and it gets a little better after that. Well done.

PurpleWolfe Wed 20-Feb-13 22:30:56

Thanks lovely Guggs xx

Clutter I seriously don't think most men have the cranial capacity to cope with such emotional stuff - honestly! My DD is a precocious pre-teen and my conversation with her Dad at the beginning of the week (because it was a bit of a difficult few days) started with him saying pompously "Well, I just want her to drop the attitude!"!!! Ffs! We've got at least 4+ years to go! She cant help her hormones! He has NO idea! No excuses for her but it's a fully documented period in life!! It's going to be down to me to be referee! Can you talk calmly to your DH. I think sometimes men see the women they love being 'attacked' and react accordingly - whoever is the perceived enemy. Hugs Hun. xxxx

I think the new job will have its own level of stress Guggs but I'll be working more on my own which I enjoy & it is 10 mins from my house & 2 mins from childminders so less stressy time getting to & from work, hopefully it's works out. My new line manager seems fab so really don't want to mess this up. Feel like its a fresh start and one I don't want to miss up due to sickies from alcohol.
Purple, completely agree all the things he goes mad about I think yep this is normal. 2 weeks ago she was getting picked on at school so give her a bloody break. He also seems to go from zero to mad pretty quickly. It just feels like he is so angry with her & to me it feels like for little reason.
He was also grounded as a teen (so couldn't of been as perfect as he acts!) and I was never grounded (by no means perfect think my parents couldn't be bothered having me hanging around all weekend)
So think we're coming at this from different angles?
I've been awake since 3 with noisy neighbours, little one needing a wee, cat scratching to go out, felt like the bear in the book "peace at last"
Better not phone in sick though confused
Hope all babes have a good day, can't wait til I'm home today xx

babyjane1 Thu 21-Feb-13 09:05:56

Morning all guggthanks for the input. In day 4 now and about to take my pre med for tomorrow, this means I can't drink tonight or tomorrow which will take me to sat day 6 and the longest I've perhaps ever went non pregnant so this is progress, it's all going quite well except the highly disturbing fact that I'm not getting on with dh, the more
I listen to him and look at him I fear we don't really have much in common, being consistently tipsy when he is here in evening has maybe made me see things differently. This is worrying me x x x

Mouseface Thu 21-Feb-13 09:55:42

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Clutter - you awesome babe you! Well bloody done!!!! That's great news! See, sometimes you just have to step away from the whirling emotions just a teeeeny bit and let fate take it's course. xx I'm so pleased for you, can you tell? grin

RE DD and the 2 week grounding, I agree that is a bit on the extreme side given that she was only late for school once and didn't rob a bank! Let her go to the party, explain to her why DH went bananas, truancy issues and parents being accountable, her school record etc and leave it at that.

Then tell DH why you think he was too severe. Was it a knee jerk reaction do you think in the heat of the moment? DH always says the same with me and DD, she's not his by blood and I sometimes think that he will see that as a reason to say I'm taking her side which I understand but it's not the case, we just parent differently.....

Angel - Well ALL have our personal problems. mine are mine and yours are yours, they are just as important, regardless of their scale smile

I get Memo too! grin although I've added Nemo to my dictionary now so it's ok..... and thank you, he is kinda special to us, he's fought awfully hard to keep his place in the sunshine here, next to us. We're very lucky and even on the most testing of days, when it's just me that he wants 24/7 and all I want to do is cry with my pain, I am still glad that he's here, wanting to play, be happy and a 'normal' little boy IYSWIM?

You say about avoiding the fridge, it that because there is wine in there? Can you not hide it, give it to close friend to hide? Or just get rid of it? See, for me, if it's there, it is easier for me to drink it.

DH loves red but as the Spring months creep nearer, and the days become a little sunnier, I tend to crave a crisp, dry white. Ice cold, so a blast in the freezer, but if we don't have any, I will not go out and buy any now.

Remove the temptation until you are at such a point when you are going to 'allow' yourself that one glass, and when you do, get a miniature bottle from a supermarket. JUST ONE.

Maybe start by weaning off alcohol if you're drinking every day still? YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO DO THIS or you WILL put your LIFE AT RISK. Seriously, you really will. Your body is terribly weak and you need to be ever so brave right now and see the severity of your situation. Please? xx

Purple - your post brought tears to my eyes. To think that you feel this Bus is worthy of your trust and your complete honesty is amazing. It really is. I keep it going because I want people to try to stop drinking and I want them to have a non biased, 'were all in this together' type of place where we can be selfish and post about ourselves and no-one will bat an eyelid because we've all been there or are there.

It's great that you can trust us enough, just enough to let things out into the open. I bet there are some out there lurking <waves smiles> and think I can't post because it's a me me me post....... but you can and we do because MIL, work, relationships, life, love and laundry are the things that drive us to our lows and make us vulnerable in the first place.

So, what is a HUGE scale drama for you, might be a small shut the feck up drama for me and vice versa. That's why the Bus has such a great balance..... not one of us is the same, we're all here together, we're all here for the same reasons, and we're all here because we want to be.

Yes, we have Babes who dip in and out and then we have me! The saddo with no life who's here all of the time! grin It doesn't matter how long you're gone if you come back, and that's great too! Babes old or new just taking a seat and joining in, or just sitting and listening to the ladies on the Bus go chatter, chatter, chatter! wink

Yes, where are you Koala, Koti, (Greeny was here yesterday or the day before I think?) but any others we've not heard from in a while?

IsinDe - please come and post, we need an update on those gorgeous girls of yours!! xx

Enough of my waffle. Hope everyone is okay?

JWN - how are you feeling now? Are things starting to look more like they have for the past two+ years? Thinking of you xx

curryeater Thu 21-Feb-13 10:11:40

Congratulations on the new job, Clutter! That is great news, has really put a smile on my face.
Purple, great to hear from you.
babyjane, good luck with everything.

Clutter, I am dreading the teenage dd years. I was horrific. Utterly vile. I deserve it all back, and when it comes, will I know what to do? I still sympathise with my (horribly self-centred) teenage self, because I was horribly miserable, but I also recognise what a cow I was. So I have no advice but I would say that often with things like this, people are feeling their way and there are reasons why a person might cut more slack at some times than others.... and it can be no help when the less-present parent storms in and decides to get all Cpt Von Trapp on everyone's arse. (I have been that person... dp was a sahd for a while last year and I would come in and decide that no one should be eating in the sitting room wtihout understand that that was a carefully negotiated bowl of grapes that was actually conciatorally solving a bigger toddler problem - I get it now and I don't do that)
What we do though is we do back each other up "on stage" even if behind the scenes one of us says, "do we really have to do that?". but that is only possible because neither of us is outrageously unreasonable.

Here is a possible compromise (sorry if this is clueless and I am talking out of my arse): can you and dh sit down with dd, present a united front, and offer her a very easy, very possible way for her to earn back the night out for her friend's birthday?

babyjane1 Thu 21-Feb-13 10:17:17

Well babes Im not allowed to eat a morsel today. Only clear fluids all day and night and nothing at all after 10 pm til after the procedure all the while taking enough laxatives to make an elephant empty it's bowels, can't even leave the house and I'm here on my own, could be a very long day!!!! On the up side would be much worse with a hangover or that post bottle groggy feeling and expecting significant weight loss even if only for a day x x x x

jesuswhatnext Thu 21-Feb-13 10:18:47

morning! smile yes thanks mouse, im feeling back to my old self! grin got my usual 'loadsa stuff' going on - got a new sideline going on, have invested in a 'boutique' ooooo get me! grin run by a lady i met a while ago, she is very interesting and has a very quirky style, looking forward to seeing how it goes!

thinking about dh and dd when she was a teenager - there were many times when i think he totally overreacted, would shout and bawl and the smallest thing could turn into ww3, looking at it from a distance i can see why it happened sometimes - he was scared! he was soo frightened for her, didnt understand how raging hormones were taking over, didnt understand the importance of friends and i honestly believe he was scared he was loosing her and couldnt articulate those feelings (i think his upbringing was very anally retentive and fairly cold) - i dont mean to make sweeping statements but i think mens reactions to their daughters growing up seems to be fairly 'samey' ime in our group of friends, all with dds the same age, this kind of thing of was pretty standard behaviour, all i can say really is that it will get better and they do regain the relationship with their dds!

jesuswhatnext Thu 21-Feb-13 10:21:18

btw - many congrats clutter!! smile

jango36 Thu 21-Feb-13 10:37:25

Hi all well I managed from mon till wed! not brill. last night had a few not many but still not good. I dont think that being of work and the school hols are helping hmm.
Totally determined today though grin.
One thing that has worried me is the slight nagging pain I ve had in the stomach/liver area! It comes and goes. Not got it now but did after the weekend white wine session. Would be interested to find out my Lft's.. Wouldnt want to go through my doc though may go private - thats going to be costly isnt it.
Sending good vibes to all you brave babes. xx

aliasjoey Thu 21-Feb-13 10:59:13

Congratulations clutter! Somebody mentioned on here about how it would feel to start a job, and your new colleagues would only know you as a sober person. The other person is in the past...

purple what do you think might happen if you started to let it all out? Would you feel like you were losing control, or maybe it would bring up issues you don't feel ready to think about?

venusandmars Thu 21-Feb-13 12:00:58

Thank goodness my dds are past the teenage phase smile - it was such a time of ups and downs with a grown-up wonderful sense of humour one moment, and stupid door-slamming tantrums the next, all interspersed with hours of introspection in my bedroom. And as for dd...... grin

Dp and I had very different interaction with dds. Dp had a very 'sheltered' upbringing (think lots of physics homework, going to the library, and healthy activity with his friends) whereas I was much more of a party girl. So he had low tolerance of the dds having boyfriends, going to parties, wearing make up. Whereas I would be wound up so easily by rudeness or a curled-lip, or sulking and dp was much, much better at diffusing all of that - getting dd2 to play table-tennis, and sharing dd1's passion for loud rock.

My own parents were congratulating themselves recently on their upbringing of me and dsis hmm - no need of 'parenting' advice for them. Yeah, so that's why there were ridiculously high expectations of us both, and neither of us were praised for anything (and yes we are now both relentless over-achievers with low self-esteem); that's why we were never allowed to disagree with what our parents said or have our own opinion (and yes I am a people-pleaser who agrees far too readily with others); that's why my parents were so ridiculously strict about going to parties/boyfriends that I lied to them and ended up walking home alone in the middle of the night, and why my sister was too scared to go on the pill and had an abortion sad.

Lemonylemon Thu 21-Feb-13 12:01:02

Morning All!

Day 3. I shall not be drinking tonight.

clutter oh well done you! On the DH/DD subject, I had a very Victorian father. My Mum was much younger. I was repeatedly grounded during my teens for the most minor infractions (10 minutes late home, with genuine reasons, that sort of thing). My Dad was terrified I think. I agree with curryeater, I think your DD could earn her evening out if you and your DH negotiate it. I think that Dads come down so much harder on daughters than on sons. It really doesn't seem very fair though.

My DS (15) has an attitude all some of the time. It does my head in.

emin did you get that essary done?
determined how's your brother doing?
purple keep posting, keep talking....
mouse ah, that's a shame about the CO. What a pain.

curryeater Thu 21-Feb-13 12:23:51

all sounds very familiar.

I compare (in my head obv - no one to talk to) my mother's parenting to my own attempts at packing light. She says "all I care about is that you are healthy and happy" but actually she is so concerned about all the other stuff that she does not "officially" care about that "healthy and happy" get completely lost. You can't find them under the speaking properly, good exam results, not being fat, wearing the right things, being polite, going to mass, slip not showing, bra strap not showing, oh yes did I mention the exams, thank you letters, being good at mass, THE BLOODY EXAMS.....

My mum is very nice to other people and is known as a lovely warm person. but she cares about me too much, so I am not allowed any of this famous warmth and acceptance. If she loved me a little less maybe she would have been as nice to me as to my friends.
She is nice to me now but still drives me to drink!

Lemonylemon Thu 21-Feb-13 12:50:58

venue curryeater it's funny (not) how many of us on this thread have "mother" issues.....

Oh god...just reading all the stuff about teenage DDs...and we will have it in stereo I guess!

Lots of love to everyone. I am on day 3 again and am starting to feel better...has a 2 week run of 2 bottles a night so feeling pretty detoxy-crap-in-a-deep-fried-dog-shite kinda way. But...better this monring and will be slightly betterer tomorrow....

I have noticed that me and the dts are all talking like Lola from CHarlie and Lola though.....

Curry I did smile at your post. A therapist friend of mine once coined the expression "If it's not one thing it's your mother" which I kinda like...

My mother on the other hand is someone who most of the outside world thinks is a sweet, quilt-making lovely thing....but I really genuinely don't like her at all and the least time I have to spend with her the better...and I am OK with that. (That last headline folks was brought to you by three decades of conflict and 6 years of very good therapy grin )

Have lovely days all xx

babyjane1 Thu 21-Feb-13 13:03:04

My 13 year old has tantrums in her room my 2 year old has tantrums in her room, my dh has tantrums everywhere and I drink (drank) my body weight in wine, sound familiar!!!! X

eminemmerdale Thu 21-Feb-13 13:05:34

Brilliant news clutter So good to be starting something new when you are becoming 'new' too grin purple, as has been said, we all know that feeling. I am now smoking again , and hating myself for it and hiding it and generally pissed off. I will stop today before i go home, but I know that awful 'I am a bright, intelligent person who knows that this is a bloody stupid thing to be doing - wtf is going on in my head?!' conversation to muself! I wish I knew the final answer though.. Feeling a bit down and despondant today but will snap up. Hope everyone is ok. <see, rubbish at name checking sad >

determinedma Thu 21-Feb-13 13:07:35

laughing at whoever posted that their DH had told teen to "lose the attitude" - that's one of DH's favourite rants at DD2. It all gets very very tedious. i was guilty of using this phrase once with somewhat precocious DS who was about 9 at the time. he was messing about one morning and I asked "are you going to eat anything or not?" he replied "Actually, i kind of thought I might starve myself" and I gave him the "and lose the attitude comment".
There was a brief silence and then he condescendingly responded" actually mother, that wasn't attitude. That was sarcasm!"
I was shock but also grin

eminemmerdale Thu 21-Feb-13 13:26:09

My 12 (nearly 13 0 year old ds was awarded a certificate at school yesterday for 'outstanding achievement <proud> but he was appalled when we were invited to go along and watch the ceremony. We weren't allowed to look at him,speak to him, acknowledge him or his friends, let anyone know in any way shape or form that he waa related to us and absolutley NOT talk to any teachers grin Unfortunate that I used to work at his school and know most of them who know the connection !!

Mouseface Thu 21-Feb-13 13:55:46

Baby - I SO FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!! I had a colonoscopy (sp?) 4+ years ago, they gave me this vile 'lemon and lime' hmm concoction to take to clear my bowels.

It was HORRIFIC! 36 toilet trips in 8 hours. I had a backside ressembling the Japanese flag by the time I'd finished grin Poor you xxxxx

JWN - sounds like your new venture could be great smile and loads of fun! You do sound much more like you and I love it. Welcome home xx

Re your DH - I think that my DH is like that with DD, he's scared for her, scared of her growing up, leaving the innocence and being much more at risk, the further from us she dares to tread. Some clothes have just arrived, she asked for them, I ordered and paid for them online and she paid me back...... he picked up a top and said 'what is that ?' I reminded him that back in the day, he modelled himself off Leo Sayer so should shut up! I think men do struggle to deal with hormonal teens, of both sexes too!

venus - sad that's awful. I never want DD or Nemo to have the kind of upbringing I did pre my step father (who is my absolute hero) so try very hard to allow DD her space but to keep an ear out and always leave the door open for her to come to me and, with most things, she does smile

Ma - That's something that I try not to say to DD. I try and bring it down, so if she's really on one, I'll say 'come on DD, please let's not be this? This is like me and Gma used to be and it's something I'll never forget.....' that sort of thing. I want us to have a friendship but with boundaries. You can't not have boundaries I don't think? You have to remain DM and DD/DS etc... at least in the teen years smile

Emin - smoking and drinking? Trying to quit both? Pick one and stick to that. Worry about the other, I'd say the smoking but I'm biased and all for kicking the booze into touch as an ex-smoker, once the not drinking to excess is under control? Big hugs xx

Purps - hugs to you xx

IsinDe - hugs to you too! Great to see a post from you xx

<waves to Lemony, curry and everyone else>

Off out to the dentist, check up time. Be Brave Babes xxx

alabasterangel Thu 21-Feb-13 14:44:54

mouse yes, wine in the fridge. I've removed it now lol! However DHs beer is in there too, he drinks probably 3 bottles a week (and only at a weekend) but frankly i'd probably be tempted by that if inclined.

grin at the japanese flag - poor babyjane I hope it's not that bad!!!

lemony day 3 for me too. Today I will not be drinking.

Tomorrow I will have a "pregnant" glass - half my ususal size, and make it last all night. I could do it for the sake of a baby so I can do it for the sake of my liver. After all, my 'babies' won't have me if I self destruct.

I am back at the GP on the 28th. I intend to frankly ask about what I need to do to get better from the GF, from the horses mouth, so to speak, and that will include alcohol. I need to hear her say it rather than internet anecdotes. If she says "I'm telling you to cut it out for X number of weeks" then I'm a fool to myself if I don't. Till then, I like a plan and structure, and my pregnant glass on a Friday feels safe enough.

I'm so grateful for this support smile

venusandmars Thu 21-Feb-13 15:43:57

alabasterangel my friend's dd (age 20) was hospitalised last summer with jaundice as a complication of glandular fever. It's a long time since I've seen anyone so sick, for weeks. And then she was on a total alcohol ban for 6 months. Please, please take care of your liver, it's been taking care of you for years, now it deserves a little kindness in return smile

venusandmars Thu 21-Feb-13 15:45:41

isindie did you see I wrote you a poem?

curryeater Thu 21-Feb-13 16:00:21

Well done to your ds emin.

Well yes there are a lot of mother issues on this thread. I am just a lightweight though because she was ok in the first place and now I am being unfair because she has given me a lot of help over the past few weeks and has just written me a lovely letter. time to move on. (kicks self up the arse)

Awww thank you everyone for kind comments re the job. Think it feels a bit surreal but I am so excited!

And yes, yes Alias that's exactly how I feel about this job that by changing my drinking habits it's given me the confidence to go for it and don't want these new work colleagues to know me as 'that one that can't handle her drink!' mouse thank you so much for kind words, hope you are all doing ok xx

It so helps to hear so many of you saying that your dh's were like this with dd's and they have both comethrough the other side with normal relationships. I used to argue with my (step) Dad and I hated how unreasonable and unfair he was and wanted different for my dd but maybe I have to accept that this is Dad's!

Thanks for advice Curry I did say to her last night that if she shows me she can do x, y and z then she can go to the party. I've spoke to dh and said I don't agree with grounding and we've agreed on consequences and losing something. I don't know why but I really disagree with grounding, just seems such a power trip to me.

Good luck for tomorrow BabyJ
Thinking of you all Purple, Lemony, JWN, Jango, Venus, Isinde, Emin

Wishing all braves babes much strength xx

JackReachersFoldingToothbrush Thu 21-Feb-13 19:59:19


Can I please have a seat on your bus?

guggenheim Thu 21-Feb-13 20:11:44

Evening lovely babes

Just checking in- all fine here. This doesn't happen all that often but I've had a great day and I'm really grateful for that. smile

clutter Go you in that new job! A change of scene can make all the difference to stress. I think you need to go shopping... everyone needs new clothes for a new job right?

jack welcome to the bus. Take a seat and when you are ready tell us what is happening smile

Aw thank you Guggs, glad everything feeling ok today. smile definitely agree that some new clothes are in order!
Welcome Jack, grab a seat x

JackReachersFoldingToothbrush Thu 21-Feb-13 20:47:32

Thank you. I feel oddly nervous posting here. I am a MN regular, but I have name changed for this, as some people that know me IRL know my normal user name. I hope that's ok?

I am 32, no children (yet), married. I cannot drink 'normally'. I cannot drink in moderation. I've not had a drink since New Years Eve. Things haven't yet gone tits up, but they were getting there.

I was drinking when I was happy, to celebrate. Drank when stressed, to relax. Drank with friends, drank on my own. The amount I can tolerate has been steadily rising. A few times, I've gone out and drank so much more than intended that I've woken up still half drunk and unable to drive to work. You could see it in my skin and weight gain.

When I've gone out with friends - or stayed in with them - I drink far more than anyone else. I made a tit of myself at a work do, and a colleague came on to me. I pushed him off, but I think he may have had reason for thinking I was interested from my behaviour. I was hungover for 2 days after that. I have memory gaps from that night and other nights, and I didn't even realise that isn't normal.

There is a long history of alcohol abuse in my family, and I absolutely cannot be the same as some relatives that keep on and on drinking despite the fact that they know full well they are complete arseholes after a few.

I am finding giving up a struggle Every Single Day. After about 5 weeks of not drinking, DH told me he was impressed, because he was really starting to worry about the amount I was putting away and he was concerned I wouldn't be able to stop sad

Sorry, long post and all that. Thanks for reading, if you've managed to get this far.

alabasterangel Thu 21-Feb-13 21:05:10

Hi jack I'm new too. You're doing so well. Day 3 for me, and its tough. Were you drinking every day? I was, just about, so habits are so tough to break. Lots of lovely people here who will listen and support. Well done for doing so well.

venus yes, noted, thank you. I don't fancy that at all. I do seem to have it midly, and my alt level isn't sky high or anything, but of course I don't want anything to happen. Because my drinking doesn't impact anything personally - relationships, work, emotional stuff, I think it makes me pretty obsessive and anxious about the physical side of what its capable of doing instead. I can't tell you the amount of trawling I've done on it this last week, scrutinising ALT levels and worrying about this and that. The way I'm going at the moment I'm going to replace wine with an anxiety issue......

Also, I have to confess (and I hope this is normal) that tonight I am a miserable cranky old cow. Talk about touchy. Not helped by DH who seems to think that me 'resting' involves still catering for everyone, doing laundry, housework, etc while he sits on his arse watching programs about space..... I think I need to go to bed!

Day three almost over, danger zone passed. Phew.

venusandmars Thu 21-Feb-13 21:15:16

jack bloody well done. Well done on not drinking this year, but a special well done for posting and being so honest about the struggle. People who don't have a problem with drink sometimes say - well just don't drink. They don't understand quite how it has become so ingrained, got under our skin, and become so much a part of us that it feels impossible at times to resist. I think that being honest, and having a safe place to say that is the most valuable thing.

venusandmars Thu 21-Feb-13 21:20:45

alabaster hope you got to bed to rest properly. You may well be right about how little alcohol affects you - after all that is the job that our livers are trying to do: neutralise the toxins before they affect our delicate brains and bodies. But I also noticed that even though I thought I was on an even keel emotionally, I'm now so much more mellow. And even though I could still hold my own workwise, I can get so much more done now. And (for me) in retrospect I wasn't functioning quite as smoothly and seamlessly as I imagined I was.

venusandmars Thu 21-Feb-13 21:33:37

clutter I agree with you - I'd never been one for grounding until dd was about 15, and she suddenly seemed quite impervious to anything else. I always thought something more immediate, and related to the 'crime' was better. But getting brought home by the police for bunking off school one afternoon resulted in her being grounded which had her weeping and sobbing about missing a concert. I know it hurt her, and it was shit at the time - she pleaded and pleaded and promised all kinds of hopeful (empty) promises. But it was literally the only way that I could demonstrate the extent of the consequence, and the fact that I was serious about her behaviour.

And then 6 months later, when she had a party while I was away - she was grounded for a month. She knew absoloutely that I meant it. I told her that I didn't know how else to show her how much that event had disrupted my life than to seriously disrupt hers. It was really grim, but it was also a time when we did some home based things that were about us interacting as a family (hence her and dp having table-tennis tournaments and her ongoing interest in indian head massage).

Mouseface Thu 21-Feb-13 21:50:53

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to you lovely, strong and Brave Jack. Wow, well done on all that you've achieved, seriously in awe of you and your complete, raw, bare honesty. Welcome to the rest of your life xx

Gugg - nice to see you sweets xx

Clutter - I've spoke to dh and said I don't agree with grounding and we've agreed on consequences and losing something. I don't know why but I really disagree with grounding, just seems such a power trip to me. - agreed, so not her mobile, because she needs to be contactable, maybe internet time? Laptop, TV time, something that matters without her being out of touch as such (mobile phone comment)

I'm glad you had that conversation with DH smile xx

venus - They don't understand quite how it has become so ingrained, got under our skin, and become so much a part of us that it feels impossible at times to resist. I think that being honest, and having a safe place to say that is the most valuable thing.

It's a thing isn't is? Alcohol? It lives, breathes, takes, gives a little, a numbness, but mostly takes, it sucks the life out of you, it breeds the more you feed it, it amplifies your emotions, it heightens your senses, you feel invincible. It is cruel, twisted and mean and it laughs in your face. Hard.

I can so relate to your post xx

I'm orf to Bedfordshire as the boy was asleep by 8.40 pm tonight instead of 11pm last night.

No booze tonight but we're planning a 'date night' on Saturday so will share a bottle of something nice then.

Sleep well brave Babes, wherever you are, whatever your journeys, I hope you're all safe tonight xx

Hello babes.

I'm afraid I'm in the sidecar tonight, but I am posting so I keep this bumped and in my immediate line of vision.

jack - your post struck such a chord! I could have written that. Anyway, you are in the right place, these babes are amazing. smile

fullofhopefullness Thu 21-Feb-13 22:29:04

I passed offlicence again tonight. I was pleased as had bad work day but ds came for dinner and we had nice time and I left him back after. Had an awful week apart from not drinking at all. I think writing here helps me tl stick with it!
Nite nite all!

Tigerinthegrass Thu 21-Feb-13 23:25:54

<in the side car too> hi all x

determinedma Thu 21-Feb-13 23:29:45

Just back from hospital.mum phoned me at 7.30. She had just got home from a nice theatre trip to find ,y brother unconscious on the floor, head bleeding, wedged between the two beds. I called an ambulance, they were wonderful. Strapped him to a body board while he alternated between slurring stupid jokes and crying, saying he was frightened. He had drunk two bottles of wine, out of the bottle. They have patch dd him up and sent him home. I am sleeping at mums tonight - she didn't want him home but they wouldn't keep him. Anyone want him?

determinedma Thu 21-Feb-13 23:53:20

Shit. Guess you are all in bed.
Here's hoping for a peaceful night

PurpleWolfe Thu 21-Feb-13 23:59:41

Ma I'm here. How fucking awful for you, your Mum and your DB!! You still there? xxx

PurpleWolfe Fri 22-Feb-13 00:12:58

So sorry it's come to this Ma for all of you. I have no idea how you are feeling just now because I have never been in your position. I can't believe that there appears to be no care for your DB and he's just been sent back to his Mum!

Hoping you manage to get through tonight OK and that your DB finds some solid help in the days to come. Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

venusandmars Fri 22-Feb-13 00:23:24

ma how sad and difficult sad just wanted to know that you'd been listened to.

What a hard, hard thing for you and your Mum. And your poor brother too. What a terrible struggle he must be having. Promising you both (and himself) that he will try harder, and that this time will be different, and then giving in again, and again, and again.

Looking out across the water, and thinking of you ma

Oh, god, ma. I'm so sorry to hear this.

Sending all best wishes to you and to him - I hope he's ok this morning.

Aw MA how shit for everyone. Thinking of you & hope that maybe this will push some change for your db or get him the help he so needs. Hugs honey (((((( xxxx ))))))

Thanks for your post Venus, this is exactly what my dh says about grounding that then she misses something important & it actually makes her think about her actions. We've agreed to disagree at the moment & discussed with dd what she will lose as a consequence in the future. The lateness has been an ongoing issue and she had 32 on her report even tho we lie fairly near the school. Had to remind dh that some of those lates were due to her avoiding a girl who continually threatened her so there was a reason.
I'm thinking I may be a little blinded by dd but her behaviour really doesn't bother me. I think cause I've worked in an adolescent inpatient unit & seem some really unhappy teens I'm of the opinion that "well, she's happy, she's normal!" dh see's...she's rude, late, doesn't seem to give a shit!
This parenting is not easy & it would be so much easier to pour that glass in the evening to help deal with all this.
Day 11, not drinking today
Wishing all brave babes huge good luck, strength, positive vibes for today. smile x

MsGee Fri 22-Feb-13 08:31:47

ma ((( ))) I am so sorry, for all of you.

Day 1 again here. Went out with friends last night, feeling shit today. And tired. I'm really tired of this. I've been on this bus on and off for 2.5 years and I am still not learning. I'm such a mess.

New Plan
No wine in the house
Driving when going out tmrw night
Cancelling all other social plans for the next few weeks
Changing gym membership to evening one and going there if I struggle
Going to bed early
Reading in bed
Playing with DD all evening ( not like she sleeps!)

I really need to sort myself out.

AngryFeet Fri 22-Feb-13 09:40:22

Hi All,

I posted last month and managed to cut down a bit then it started to creep up again and last night I drank 14 units. Why? I was sitting at home watching TV and the booze was there so I finished it off blush.

I am going to the GP today to check I am ok to stop cold turkey as I have been having palpitations and a tight chest recently and don't want to risk my health. Have to take my kids with me. How shameful sad

Lemonylemon Fri 22-Feb-13 09:42:08

Morning All!

Day 4. WW was calling and calling me last night and it was hard, but I didn't give in. I poured a Cherries & Berries with "busy" water. Hard, but worth it. Went to the osteopath who has freed up some very tense muscles in the top of my back, and kneaded (very hard) the part of the back where the nerve gets caught. So I went home, had dinner, snuggled with DD on the sofa watching Doc Martin (DD 5 loves Doc Martin), put her to bed then did a big pile of ironing.

This morning, I feel like I've been pulled through a hedge backwards. By my feet. Bouncing on my back as we went.

mouse hope you slept well; ma oh no, your poor family; jack welcome; hope well done! clutter glad you got it sorted without too much fallout - shame about the intimidation of your DD though (by the girl, not you or your DH); msgee onwards and upwards {hug} purple are you ok? LRD tiger I'll be joining you in the sidecar tomorrow night - I shall be having a glass; venus you're right about alcohol "getting under your skin". People are very, very judgemental; alabaster you kick some butt and get people to help you, you NEED to rest.

<Did I miss anyone?>

JackReachersFoldingToothbrush Fri 22-Feb-13 10:02:15


Thank you for the warm welcome. ma I am very sorry to hear about your brother.

I am guessing from some of the reactions I slightly overshared compared to most newbies... I needed to get it out and somewhere that I could look at it for when I get tempted daily

Wishing you all the very best of luck.

MsGee Fri 22-Feb-13 10:30:22

jack I'm struggling to keep up with posts but there really is no over-sharing on here, its a safe place to be honest with yourself and to et support.

I'll read back over posts and be back x

Lemonylemon Fri 22-Feb-13 10:32:13

Jack No, no you didn't. You really didn't. I think that "getting it out there" is such a big deal to us personally, that it feels like a bit of a slap in the face when it's not acknowledged on this thread.

Please don't leave the thread - you've taken the really, really big step by putting it out there and saying that you have a problem.

We're all here with you. Have a HUGE {HUG} and keep posting x

MsGee Fri 22-Feb-13 10:46:34

jack your post was lovely and honest and v much resonated with me. You're doing so well. Honestly, 5 weeks is incredible.

What lemony said is v true (( ))

Keep posting, often I just post for myself. So: today I will not be drinking. Today my hangover will not affect DD.

Hi folks Jack you certainly didn't over-share lovely. I think 5 weeks is feckin' amazing. I havent managed more than 18 days in the whole time I have been on the bus which has been right from the start before we got a bus!!
This thread moves so fast sometime and I am totally useless at name checking so I am crap at acknowleding things or keeping up.

MsGee I love your list! But then I am sitting here knowing I need a spreadsheet and putting off doing one so I am admiring and envious of your organisation skills!

Ma so so sorry to hear about your DB what a crock of shit for all of you! Sending you love and patience and strength on a striaght line from me to you lovely mate.

Oops DTs calling gotta go. Busy backsun xx

See...can't even spell straight...grin

Venus !! Loved the poem!! Just found it! xx

curryeater Fri 22-Feb-13 11:14:07

No Jack, not oversharing at all.
Welcome! well done for not drinking for so long.

Hi determinedma... don't know what to say, sorry there was no one to talk to to last night. I am sending huge hugs to you and your mum. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

Clutter, sounds like you are sorting things out at home. I think maybe one day you will have grounding in reserve like Venus, if you use it sparingly. though if you never have to, even better.
When we were little we always used to dig our parents in the ribs when the bit of Paul Ephesians was read at mass that starts off with a long conservative lecture about wives and children obeying but ends with: "Fathers, do not drive your children to resentment" - and it was only partly a joke. If Paul was specifying fathers nearly 2000 years ago, I think it must be a dad thing.

curryeater Fri 22-Feb-13 11:17:03

nice to see you again MsGee
Lemony, well done on the busy water
good luck with the dr, angryfeet
good luck babyjane
nice to see you lrd, you were up very early for one in the sidecar. Hope all is well with you
hello hello one and all

MsGee Fri 22-Feb-13 12:00:52

Waves at curry thank you, hope your day is going well

isinde I do love a spreadsheet... Font? Colour of font? grin

I should be doing a spreadsheet but DD wants a lazy day at home (busy half term!) so she is watching film whilst I read and potter about the house. I've also eaten rather a lot of cake.

MsGee Fri 22-Feb-13 12:04:36

Good line from the film we are watching: "the real world hurts doesn't it". (Watching Bolt! The super dog!)

Must remember that - whenever I succeed at getting sober I find this a bit of a shocker. I will succeed at getting sober this time. Alcohol has no place in my life. I don't want it anymore. It takes too much and really gives nothing.

guggenheim Fri 22-Feb-13 13:58:10

Ahem. Actually, jack and me have been sober for nearly 8 weeks not five and therefore deserve a new clean pair of SMUG pants grin. Each, obviously.

ma Please, please let your brother get finally get it that he has to stop. Hoping that something gets through to him and he starts to sort himself out. How are you today, lovely?

Lots of best wishes and waving at everyone else x

Right, today is a great day to be day one (or 2 or 3 etc), to say FUCK YOU, godfather stylee to the WW rather than start the weekend with a raging hangover and a massive guilt trip.That glass of sour white sooooo isn't worth it.

obrigada Fri 22-Feb-13 15:03:31

On way to shop I passed local stationery shop and it immediately made me think of MsGee and Isinde, didn't get the chance, but just had quick read through of thread and see that they have been discussing similarsmilesmile

Guggs you are so right, it isn't worth it. Was so so tempted today to buy a bottle of wine, went into Tesco Metro after my alcohol counselling session and the wine in there was in the fridge and looked so lovely and cold! Was going in for bottle of coke and managed to look away and get the coke. It is so the thought of tomorrow morning and feeling guilty that stopped me
Waves to all babes, good luck tonight x

Mouseface Fri 22-Feb-13 17:16:25

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Ma - sweetheart, I'm so, so, sorry to read about your brother and your poor mum. And of course know that this is hitting you bad also, but that you can't step away because you care too much about your mum and don't want to see your brother die.

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place really. Could you have him sectioned? I think (I'm not saying I know any of this as fact) that he can sign his care over to you, you'd be his legal guardian if you like, or similar, and then you could have him section under the mental health act HAVE A LOOK HERE IF YOU GET CHANCE esp sections 2 & 3. You can't keep doing this sweetheart, your mum can't either.

He needs real help, professional help and if he won't seek it himself or stay within a programme, maybe it's time to think of another way to help him? To help you all? I'm so sorry xxxxxx

Clutter - I hadn't realised that the lateness with DD was not the first time! 32 is a lot and if it's not the fault of a third party, school bus, you getting stuck in traffic etc, and just down to her then by Jeff she needs to buck her ideas up.

That said, if she's avoiding someone, then the school need to know, in confidence! But they need to know all the same.

YOU WILL have legal/action taken against you if it continues. We had a terrible, stomach wrenching time with DD's Bus being late therefore making her late. We were threatened with court, the police and parenting classes FFS! I went 75 different shades of bat shit on the school and said that if the Bus company THEY USED operated more efficiently, then she'd be there on time, every single day.

They soon STFU! However, if this is all down to DD dawdling, plodding to school, taking her time to not get there, on other occasions when this girl is not around, then you need to know why. Sorry xxxx

Well done on buying the wine!! xxxx

MsGee - well done on the plan!! The gym at night sounds like a great idea. As does getting rid of booze in the house, it's just too easy when you're stocked up isn't it?

Hey Angry - well done on coming back smile x

Jack - not at all, getting it all out in the open is the hardest part, reading it back again once you've hit post is the next. Stay with us, we can help you and you can talk as much or as little as you like smile xx

Gugg - here, have some new, shiny, twinkly SMUG pants. You can't wear them, you have to frame them. You get a new pair for each week that you do! Go you for 8 weeks sober, that's great news xx

<waves to Isinde, Lemony and Obrigada and all the other lovely Babes>

Nemo's glue ear is horrid and so bad again, he's in so much pain. He's also refusing to go to school next week, already, and says he's not going and wants to stay at home with me. He knows I am going to leave him again. He may be Autistic but he's not stupid! It's so fucking hard! I am so upset by it all. DH is no help, just tells me he has to learn.......hmm

It's true, he does but at what cost? I know I need to get a grip but he's not like 'other children', he's Nemo sad


On a happy note, I did manage to get to the gym and got a great deal, they worked out what equipment I could and couldn't use, bearing in mind that I am working my way towards living in a wheelchair at some point, we're going to work on my upper body and core as much as possible.

I also get to use the pool and steam room, jacuzzi, and sauna so I am not complaining. I got a month free too!! smile

Might be back later, sorry for epic post. xxxx

Aw Mouse, poor Nemo with his ear hope things clear up & get better for him soon. Could It be with school that he is testing you as he knows you are always there for him 24/7 & he is finding it hard to accept that in school this is something he does have to do.
Could you make a picture book with his teacher, times & things to go through with him? I know in my work this is something we do with children on the spectrum and it helps their minds to work out what the routine is and who will be there etc.
My little boy started nursery middle o January & every day he says are you staying Mummy, I have to be firm that no I'm not & I'm not sure if I should but I tell him I will bring him a treat if he gives me a kiss goodbye, may be setting myself up for 18 months of providing a treat here!
Dh completely thinks dd is just dawdling & not caring but I think there is a bit of both. Have spoke to school about the situation & it seems to ok for the moment (til the next drama!)

determinedma Fri 22-Feb-13 19:40:15

Thanks all. I knew you would understand. Venus your sympathy for how he feels made me cry. I know you all get it and don't see him as a useless pisshead. I am so torn between being furious with him and heartbroken for him. I hate him for doing this to mum but last night I was crouched on the floor holding his head still why the paramedics were trying to restrain him and he kept saying " what's happening to me, I'm frightened, who are all these people?" and tears were running out of the side of his eyes and on to ,my hands and I was saying " its OK, we can beat this, we can bear this"
But I don't think we can...

1stepforward Fri 22-Feb-13 20:21:56

Hi to all - a long term lurker here. Although you don't know me, I have read the threads since JWN's first post and have taken such support from you all. I have followed your ups and downs and feel that I know you well. After a few false starts, which wouldn't have happened without this bus, I have been alcohol free for 14 months and i swear it's checking in with this bus each night that has kept me going. Sorry for the me me post. I am in a panic and wondered if anyone had any experience of LFTs - I know there has been recent mention of this recently, so I am hoping so. I have elevated LFT and have to go for further tests and an ultrasound - after 14 months? I wasn't expecting this - Gamma GT and alkaline phospholase both around 200. I have been taking at least 8 paracetamol a day for last fortnight due to a bugger of a cold. Was thinking it could be to do with that - but a bit coincidental that someone who knocked back 90 units a week for the best part of 10 years could have a liver problem not related to alcohol abuse. Part of me is glad I know but i think i would rather bury my head. Anyway, am sorry about the self absorbed post and love to you all - ma my thoughts are with you and your family. It must be awful for you all, but your mum must really appreciate all that you are doing to support her and i hope you take some comfort from the fact that she must feel so supported and proud of you x

Mouseface Fri 22-Feb-13 20:22:23

Oh Ma, my heart is breaking for the pain that is clearly racking through his soul, deep, deep within him. He must be so broken and so resigned to his fate.... I'm at a loss as to how you can say those words knowing in your heart that you can't help him heal himself, he has to do it, but you say them because you care so much.

You are his only hope, and that is soul destroying. You are his saviour. It's awful. It's so sad Ma, he must hate himself so deeply. He must really not no any other way of living anymore. I'm sorry Ma, I hope what I'm saying makes sense and why I'm saying it, it's just thoughts in my head, I can never, ever imagine the pain you all feel just now.

Much love to you all, hang in there Ma xxxxxxx

Clutter - Maybe so re the treat, sometimes you just have to do what you have to, to get through the day and trust me when I say that I know that more than anyone, grin

Maybe he is testing me, it's always me though you know? It's always me. School, admin, hospitals, nurses, GPs, SALT, Physio, OT, Hearing, working with him, teaching him his words, working, working all the time to help him achieve speech, help him learn everything he needs to know.

I love the idea of the book, I may do that on a chart, weekly for at home and a little book for at school or a smaller chart. I need to speak to his 1-1 and ask her why she's not been telling me about him crying as much as he has. I get that she doesn't want to upset me, me feel bad for leaving him etc.... but I need to know what I'm dealing with all of the time. He's not like any other child, and everyone within his life daily or otherwise needs to be honest with me when he's out of my care so I know what I'm getting when I take over again!

Thank you Clutter, thank you for caring because right now, I'm kinda feeling low about all of this........ xxxx

guggenheim Fri 22-Feb-13 20:42:12


clutter I had to walk round the shop this evening turning my face away from the wine- not easy is it?

mouse massive hugs and respect to you. Very pleased that you are going to get a little bit of you time at the gym. Take it easy though. I thought that the book sounds like a really good idea. Can you do a version of ODAAT with nemo, you know acknowledge his feelings but keep staying 'that isn't happening today,let's find something fun to do now..' I dunno. Wish the weather was better so that little ones could be out a bit longer. Hope you are ok. xx

1 step Glad to hear from you smile 14 months WOW! I don't know enough about LFT, though I had one years ago, to reply to your post BUT 14 months will have given your liver a break and a chance to heal. I don't know how much you were drinking but well done! This bus is my life saver too. Please do stick around and keep posting.

ma I think everyone just wants the best for your brother. It sounds awful for him.

1stepforward Fri 22-Feb-13 20:52:55

Thanks Clutter - i really thought it would come back normal - a year ago I would probably not have had it done. As i was hearing the results, I almost started to think what is the point. But whatever condition my liver is in, it would have been a hell of a lot worse i suppose if i hadn't put the brakes on. It too my years to actually get to the point of stopping. Its so hard when you are in the cycle, you cant step far enough back to see what you are doing and the harm it causes. Now, it feels like i am looking at someone else's life, but i just hope that i stopped in time before there was any lasting irreversible damage. Well done for resisting the wine - particularly on a Friday. How good and chuffed are y9ou going to feel tomorrow when you wake all refreshed x

Aw MA & Mouse just huge hugs for you both ((( ))) life sounds so hard for you both.
Mouse do you know that Nemo is crying a lot? Could he be telling you that he is as he trying to use all the tactics that he knows to stay with you yet if you could see into his day it may be that he is exaggerating? I could be wrong but little ones are so clever & will use all their highly zoned skills if the situation is not going the way that they want. Could it be because you are so so exhausted that you are worrying more about Nemo saying he is crying all the time. I'm sorry if I'm wrong or insensitive or if what I'm saying is so far off the mark.
Maybe Nemo needs to know that he goes to school & it's a good place to be. He's safe there and it gives you some previous time to recharge your batteries.
Thinking of all other babes & hoping everyone's Fridays are going ok xx

venusandmars Fri 22-Feb-13 21:22:33

1step how nice of you to post, and 14months is great. I so understand your feeling about your LFT - if there's something wrong what was the point of stopping drinking. But you know really that not drinking is the best and kindest things you can do for your liver. And how lovely to be able to say to the doc that you don't drink at all.

((( ))) for you poor tired little mouse and ((( ))) for ma

And lots of good strong wishes to everyone else - keep on keeping on. It's worth it.

alabasterangel Fri 22-Feb-13 21:25:29

Not ignoring everyone else, so much to catch up on with posts, sorry.

Just wanted to say to 1step that I've learnt a bit about LFT results in the past week. I'm no dr, but I've researched a bit. Do you know what your AST and ALT levels are? They are the ones which indicate the enzymes being leaked into your blood by a less than healthy liver and have parameters. The ratio between the two is also important. You don't know what your results would have been when you stopped drinking, could have been higher. Is your health otherwise okay? No, you have to be a long term abuser of paracetamol to have it affect your LFT results. If you do have the results but don't feel comfortable posting them then that's fine!

I planned to have a glass tonight, aiming to my long term goal to only drink sensible amounts 2 nights a week. Guess what? One mouthful, I chucked the rest. I can't believe it. I just decided I couldn't be bothered with worrying about my health. So maybe that counts as day four?

Will respond to the other posts tomorrow, promise!

determinedma Fri 22-Feb-13 21:33:17

Thank you for that lovely post mouse and all of you, all struggling with your own problems. You are all so kind to care for this brother of a stranger, only connected to you all through drink. Duh has had words with bro - strong ones. He has given him a mood diary sort of thing which he uses with his kids in care and told bro to record in it every time he has a change of mood, and to write how he feels. He says he has to do it to show us he is trying. Dh told him that they would meet again on Tuesday and go through it all and that Bro "better be fucking sober for the meeting or DH is finished with him". I don't know if tough love is the answer but bro was pathetically keen to show me the diary tonight and that he had made entries in it.There was also a half empty bottle beside him but all the doctors have told him not to stop cold, so suppose have to accept that. Sorry for hogging the thread recently - thank you all so much. sniff

KoalaKube Fri 22-Feb-13 21:33:57

Evening Babes Old and new - sorry but had a v busy week, work and daughter at home, but I've been following you all and sending out best vibes.
Still alcohol free - its great not counting the days but counting down to the next month on the 14th march - which will make 3. I still occasionally have the WW come snapping, but she's easier to shake off now. But the dreams are still there - always me making some sort of fool of myself drunk.

Sorry to hear about Richard Ma 2 weeks before I finally stopped I had fallen flat on my face alone at home narrowly (really narrowly) missing the hot woodburner and that scared the gooleys out of me - but I didn't stop - it was only when the bruising went down and I'd had time to think of the consequences that I took the first step and climbed aboard the bus. Now its the thought of going through the detox again, and slipping back to being a sad old wreck and losing my new life force that stops me picking up the first drink. That and the realisation that I am an alcoholic and coming to terms with all that actually means.


1stepforward Fri 22-Feb-13 21:35:10

Hi - Thanks venus - I know there is no going back and having thought about it, the test has made me more determined and makes it easier in some ways as it removes any element of choice. angel thanks also to you. Yes, healthy otherwise ok apart from a heavy cold which seems no better after a full fortnight. The only results mentioned were alkaline phospholase 200 - normal is 130 - and gamma Gt 204 - normal about 40. I think these were the only two which were abnormal. I think chucking the glass after a mouthful def means today is day 4!!

alabasterangel Fri 22-Feb-13 21:55:52

I think they point more at a biliary problem? Blocked bile duct or something like that. Any other billiary problems? heartburn? burping a lot? They are not sky high readings either. If your ALT and AST were okay and not mentioned then I understand that to mean that your liver is not inflamed. Those enzymes are produced (and therefore give an elevated result) when inflammation is present. that's a good thing!

If you are worried about damage then you probably already know the process of damage alcohol causes ; initially fatty liver, then hepatic liver (liver disease) then cirrhosis. I'm summarising there badly, but that's how I understand it. I also understand that your liver can regenerate very well from the former two, given time (as you have done). Permanent damage of course cannot be reversed, but I've had the sad fortune to witness two people with cirrhosis and personally I don't think you can get that far down the damage road without having some other symptoms of what is going on. They both had big huge horrible symptoms and were still drinking too, both are still alive now and alcohol free. It's also key to note that I cirrhosis only occurs in a portion of heavy drinkers too.

But as I say, I'm not a DR and this is only advice from self-investigation. I'm sure you'll be okay, but doesn't sound awful to me by any stretch! When do you go back?

Sorry for high jacking, just wanted to help 1step out...

1stepforward Fri 22-Feb-13 22:09:00

angel thanks for coming back to me - much appreciated. You sound very well researched. You've made me feel much better about the tests although I appreciate that i will just have to wait and see - i go back on Tuesday. Its my guilty conscience partly as my first reaction was well that's it - my past is catching up with me. Thanks again and I hope everyone is having a good night x

alabasterangel Fri 22-Feb-13 22:13:53

Just keep reminding yourself that 90 units a week would have probably given a much worse test result....! I know how it feels. I have a slightly raised alt of 77 and that's enough to have me worrying, and I can't be retested till May!! You've done really well. Make sure you update us!

fullofhopefullness Sat 23-Feb-13 09:02:32

I was up at 8 this morning and im just listening to the radio and reading a book and feeling really free for the first time in years. I was out for pizza last night and didnt drink. I walked past offlicence on way home and WW seems to be gone! Im feeling that she may not return! Its a lovely feeling. Ive been following everyones stories avidly. You are all inspirational and I empathise with all I wish I could pass the feeling of freedom to anyone who doesnt currently have it (And I hope it lasts but its enough to have it just now). xxxx

jesuswhatnext Sat 23-Feb-13 09:42:12

morning! sorry to be so 'in and off' right now, just life being busy - just read the last couple of days posts - much love to all babes, special love to all struggling babes!! just for today



Mouseface Sat 23-Feb-13 10:50:30

Morning, tis me, Mouse

1Step - you could have scaring on your liver too done by the damage from the drinking, that will show up on an ultrasound scan which could be . I have it on my liver and kidneys from years of drug and alcohol abuse. The raised levels could be 'markers' to show the damage from past drinking.

I know that my raised GGT and ALT &AST were also not normal so that pointed to excessive alcohol consumption. Which was the case because I was nailing the same as you were 14 MONTHS AGO!!! HUGE CONGRATULATIONS! You have done so well.

I agree with Angel that it could be other parts of the digestive system coming into play here now and the scan plus other tests are to exclude/diagnose further issues with the liver/kidneys/gallbladder etc

Thank you for posting lovely, such a positive post to read and welcome to the mad house!! grin xx

Clutter - his friends tell me that he cries too, not him always. His best friend tells me every day that he cried for ages and wouldn't play with him sad. Don't get me wrong, I expect some level of upset, he's been with me 24/7 since he was born.

I think that he is suffering his glue ear rather more than we can tell because it's inside his head, so not visual until it weeps. I bit like me!! grin

He's had an awful night with it again, I've had to strip his bedding poor wee mite. I think I need a daily planner for him, one that I can change, with some pictures that I can move around..... I need a laminator! He needs things kept so so simply.... I'm just willing to try anything to get him to a happy place in his own little world. He's been going since he was 2, it is massive fun, completely free play and no structure BUT that could be the problem. He's bored easily and will lose interest v quickly in things.....When I left him before he got ill and he was happy, life was brilliant..... now it's exhausting.

We've talked this morning about the chart, daily, about rewarding good behaviour etc and he seems ok, for now, about school. I'm going to play 'school' with him and some toys later.

Another added pressure I'm now facing is his nurse wants him tube free by school. She's changed from being okay about it to it now being a 'lets get him eating' so MORE pressure on us both.


JWN - 'in and off' what exactly? wink xx

venus - thank you for the hugs xx And from others too xx

Ma - how are things? How was last night and Richard?xx

Full - well done you for resisting!!! Well done for walking past a WW source too! You are doing so well! xx

Koala - You sound great! Seriously, you have so kicked ass and in such a short space of time too. Roll on March 14th! xx

Angel - my last LFT screening came back as normal! And I still have the odd drink. I was expecting it to be raised because I'm not teetotal but it doesn't work like that does it? It's all about how your body processes the toxins etc. Clever just how much the body can actually reverse the damage you do to it really, thing is, it can't forever and that's something I am all too weary of after years of poisoning myself!

Purple - are you out there lovely?? I'm thinking of you lots. xx

So, today I am mostly going to be trying to prepare Nemo for school by playing games and making it fun, going to grab some food for date night <crosses fingers> and leaving DH to 'seal' hmm the bathroom floor whilst listening to the Rugby on the radio.

DD is out with her sperm donor for the weekend. She's not looking forward to it I don't think? She's v pale and quiet. It's up to her though. 100%.

Sorry for typos, Nemo is sat on my knee! Oh, and I promise to take it easy at the gym, there are only 2 machines I can use really, so it's mainly for the pool, sauna and jacuzzi. smile

MsGee Sat 23-Feb-13 13:09:40

Mouse I just wrote a long reply on my phone and lost it! Grr. It was just explaining LittleMissGee's progress of late in case it was helpful. I really think it took her till she was this age (nearly 5) to find her feet. She is so confident now and able to spend (some!) time apart from me happily. She seems much happier at school than at nursery, I think the routine really helps her. I don't think I could have done anything to really get her here quicker. She just had to do it in her own time if that makes sense?

Anyway, excuse the me moment but I also have to have a mini congratulatory moment for myself. Think I mentioned a few weeks ago that a big source of self loathing was that I drank on Friday nights, which is mine and DD special time. Last night was my first sober Friday. I am so pleased I did it. It's not a big thing but it means a lot to me.

Tonight I am going out but will be driving so that is that sorted. Today I will not be drinking.

Mouseface Sat 23-Feb-13 14:03:43

Thanks MsGee smile xxx It means a lot to know that there are others out there who 'get' how I feel. He's agreed to go to school on Monday following a very detailed and in-depth discussion on why he has to go and what it's all about.

I'm not going to talk about it again until then. He's happy and asked to go NOW! grin

Congratulations on the sober Friday sweetheart. I bet you feel amazing don't you? xx

MsGee Sat 23-Feb-13 14:24:07

I do feel pretty good grin.

Watching her snuggled up asleep last night was lovely, to just be able to focus on that moment, aaaahhh.

Mind you, she's been a little madam all morning!

determinedma Sat 23-Feb-13 16:31:27

Well done on Friday msgee. Been so wrapped up in Richard's problems that I have not been congratulating you all on your successes!
mouse glad wee nemo seems happier about school.can dd play schools with him too, to give you a wee break. My dds used to love playing schools. Richard is OK for now. Writing in his diary, trying to be normal. Excuse me if I don't hold my breath. I got DH to take photos on my phone of Richard lying semi-naked, bloody and pissed on the floor while the ambulance crew stabilised him. I blew the pictures up and gave them to him telling him to put them on his wall. He was really shocked at them. Hope it gets through to him.
purple are you OK?
Has anyone taken Barry for a walk recently?

Mouse, glad you feel you have got somewhere with Nemo today, fingers crossed for Monday. Hope you can relax & have a lovely date night tonight.
MA, that sounds like such a strong and powerful symbol to give your db about where alcohol leads him to. Will pray for your family that things change for the better x
McGhee that's amazing about your sober Friday. Must of made managing your dd easier this morning?
I was meant to be going to a 40th party tonight but I'm doing 40 days of lent sober. I think the temptation would of been too much and I can not under any circumstances miss work on Monday so have cancelled.
I feel bad as I feel I've let people down but it feels like the right thing for me as not sure I could of done it.
I am really craving wine just now as been with ds on my own all day and kinda feel like I deserve it!
I am going to resist though, there is no wine in the house so think I am going to go for a bath, wash make up off & get my jammies on & make some nice hot chocolate grin
Good luck all brave babes, hope your all ok xxxx

aliasjoey Sat 23-Feb-13 18:40:03

Hello Babes did you miss me?!

I've spent 3 days obsessing over a new game I found on my kindle - it's called Wonderlines and seriously I got so addicted my DH started making hmm faces at me (like he's never sat in the dark for hours watching all the Star Wars films back-to-back!)

I guess I do have quite an addictive personality, as well as alcohol I can easily get hooked on new puzzles. And then there was the doomed romance I clung on to for years (which nearly broke up my marriage) is there some kind of chemical triggered in the brain by addiction, that makes you feel good? are we alcoholics more sensitive to it?

Anyway, enough of the psychology, how's everybody on the Bus?

babyjane how did your scope go?
ma is there any chance you could talk to Richards GP and get him sectioned or something? this must be driving you and your mum mental. Glad to hear your DH has stepped up!
mouse that's great you got a deal on the healthclub! you so deserve something for yourself!
purple hello babe are you there? hope you're doing okay
clutter you absolutely did the right thing about the party, its brilliant that you recognise the triggers and are learning to avoid them
venus I saw that Isinde got a limerick, get you, Bus Poet! grin

and everyone else... hope you're all doing okay! I allowed myself 500ml of wine for tonight, and spent ages dithering in the supermarket because they didn't have one I like. I was torn between choosing a wine I didn't know, or buying a normal size bottle (DD told me just to get the normal one and not drink all of it ! Bless her, she's only 10, what can she know of alcohism at this age...) Anyway the Bus Fairies in my head got louder and louder and eventually I did the Right Thing and bought the smaller one.

Sorry for the epic post... I thought I'd better write it all down now because... I may spend the rest of the evening with my new puzzle blush !

determinedma Sat 23-Feb-13 19:09:03

Had a good walk today - bloody cold out though - watched the rugby and am just relaxing now. Having a dinner and sleepover tomorrow with work colleagues in a local hotel who are our clients. Don't like all of the colleagues going but hell, its a night in a hotel for free so I'm not going to complain grin

venusandmars Sat 23-Feb-13 19:58:36

joey I think that there's quite a lot of good research about endorphins and alcohol and addiction which suggests that for people with an addiction the 'pleasure centre' is more responsive to endorphins than in non-addicts.

One of the difficulties is that chemical treatment can disrupt all the other good and pleasurable feelings too. So maybe we need to find other things that create the same feeling... Tonight I was driving home from Glasgow and there was the most beautiful orange/red sun in the sky. As I looked in rear view mirror I could see the skyline of the city with this beautiful globe glowing intensely. That felt good. So maybe I could become addicted to sunsets. Or rainbows. Or the smell of newly cut grass........

venusandmars Sat 23-Feb-13 19:59:36

And why is that typing 'pleasure centre' make me think of something that isn't in the brain, and makes my post feel all smutty blush blush wink grin

Aw joey love the thought that when the ww comes calling all the bus fairy's come out in force to kick her into Glinda the good witch from Oz! grin at "pleasure centre" there is something a little naughty sounding about that Venus grin

Fairenuff Sat 23-Feb-13 20:44:03

Venus the old 'sheet shuffle' springs to mind grin

Funnily enough, I was thinking about that today. How we haven't discussed < whispers > sober sex shock on the bus for ages and ages. Must be because Isinde hasn't been about for a while? < evil wink >

MsGee I am totally getting your Friday night vibe. That was always my sticking point too.

Well done to anyone who resisted when they didn't want to drink. Be it one day, one hour, one drink. We all know how hard it can be sometimes. The good news is that the past is in the past. All we have to deal with is 'right now'.

Ma have you talked to Richard about his addiction? I feel so much for him. He must wake every day wishing it could be different. He must want a different life. He must wake up and say to himself, today I won't drink. But, but, but... something happens, something kicks in that is beyond his control and he is compelled to do it.

My heart breaks for him. I wish he could find a different way. He has to want this more than he wants anything else. It sounds to me like he doesn't have many more chances left?

determinedma Sat 23-Feb-13 21:11:35

Yes faire talked to him a lot. He at least is now fully open that he is alcohol dependent and can't beat it on his own. He is talking openly about his drinking but there are a lot of things he won't discuss which I know are part of the problem.
When he has an "episode" he is ashamed and guilty.says he is stupid and pathetic and has failed everyone.its painful to hear.but it doesn't stop him, he can't stop.
On Thursday night I was holding his head while the paramedics tended to him and he was saying " How did this happen? I'm so stupid, so stupid." And then he would be shaking and shuddering and crying. He is anything but stupid - he has two degrees and speaks three languages. But he is also an put of control drunk....maybe he is stupid.....ah hell, I'm not really in a position to criticise am I?

aliasjoey Sat 23-Feb-13 21:51:26

<hugs> ma

hope you are doing okay with your work colleagues.

venusandmars Sat 23-Feb-13 22:37:27

ma when your post about Richard, it makes me think of the the 'yets'.... the one's that we say to ourselves in the middle of this... like "I don't drink in the morning" yet; "I never drink and drive" "^yet^; "I'm not an uncontrollable alcoholic" yet; "people don't have to pick me up off the floor with vomit on my face and blood on my head" yet

And I think that many of us read that, and know that we are on a sloping curve, one that leads faster and faster to the kind of place where your brother is. Fortunately many of us have found this thread, or have realised what is happening before the slope gets so steep that we are free falling.... but I guess many of us have also felt very close to the free falling edge.

So I think that these threads are like a little tiny safe ledge, so that somewhere on that slippery sloping slide we can pause, balance on our tippy-toes and rest and take a breath. While we are here we may totter, afraid to look down (because, yes it's fucking scary down there), and we may slither around on the roof-rack, or in the side car, but we're all still clinging on. Not letting going and disappearing into the void.

And many, many, many are clambering back up off this slope to a flatter, safer place. It's like climbing on ice. It's tough and it feels dangerous. It is possible to do alone, but that is so much harder. Together we are like a group of ice-climbers all roped up together and trying to get out of a glacier. Some have safe places near the top and can pull others up behind, some are climbing slowly one step at a time using ice-axes and crampons, and some are sliding and tumbling, but still held eventually by the strong ties that bind us, and no-one is crashing to the bottom. It is a risk. For all of us. If too many people fall off together we risk being pulled down ourselves, but when many of us are climbing together, we cradle the others in our gentle net, and bring them gradually with us.

Onwards and upwards Babes. We ARE all in this together xx

I haven't posted in eons but Venus, what a truly brilliant post. I can totally picture it xx (don't trust me with the beelay quite yet but I'm working on it)

And Ma I'm a serial lurker and I truly wish you, your family and your brother the strength to get through this xxx

MsGee Sat 23-Feb-13 22:49:12

Beautiful post venus

I am back from my night out, sober and happy.

ma - I wish I could more than offer you hugs and understanding, but I hope they help. I really feel for Richard. Anyway, tonight I am feeling strong so sending some of my strength your brothers way and hoping it reaches him. I hope he finds whichever version of the bus he needs to get help. xxx

venusandmars Sat 23-Feb-13 22:56:28

Ah faire yes, sober sex.... (close your ears ma and thurso)

For any of you who are newer to this thread (and I'm terribly, terribly bad at name checking), part of my history was being with a controlling, abusive exh when I had little choice about sex. And alcohol (although it had always featured in my life) became an escape route when sex loomed its very ugly head. So for years and years there was a link with sex and alcohol (nothing unusual there really). So when I met new dp (18 years ago) lots of that pattern continued - NOT the abuse - but the drinking and sex association.

One of my greatest pleasures of being sober is that of the amazing, wonderous, tender, subtle delights of sex. Making a conscious deliberate choice; being in full control of saying 'yes' or 'no'; full awareness of every fleeting, lingering touch; complete appreciation of orgasm. Followed by the sleep of the just.

I compare that with my drunken pawing of poor dp, or my falling into a drunken, snoring stupor halfway through the act blush, or my desperate attempts to cling on to a residual fading half orgasm.

So, if you're in a happy, healthy relationship with an loving intimate partner, I hope that you too can enjoy and appreciate the wonders of sober-sex. It's another thing that's worth it smile

venusandmars Sat 23-Feb-13 22:58:56

and btw, dp is away this week, which is why I'm posting about sober sex rather than doing anything about it grin

faire: does that cover the topic?

curryeater Sun 24-Feb-13 01:33:46

Good evening all Babes,

Ma, so sorry to hear about Richard. Strength to you.

I am sure you are all sleeping the sleep of the just - I am just checking in to gloat about being happy, home and sober after a night out.

I saw a lot of people this evening whom I haven't seen for years, people I used to see a lot, people I used to be fond of, some I am still very fond of. I thought: a lot of people don't change a lot. Some do. Many don't. I also thought: the people here who aren't happy in their lives drink too much. Who can say which is cause and which is effect? At some point I felt a huge physical shaking, like a chill, a massive physical reaction to anxiety or sobriety or both. I just stood there and let it happen and let it pass. I think it was not just about being sober but about being suddenly exposed to a lot of emotion and old feelings. You can drive that stuff underground with booze but you will have to face it eventually, somehow, some day.
My goodness I do love this cup of tea.
Safe home now. Good night all

aliasjoey Sun 24-Feb-13 02:07:44

venus what a wonderful post. Thank you.

I have some wine tonight, but the reason I'm still awake is not the alcohol but that bloody puzzle. From one addiction to another. Ho-hum.

Well done MsGee & Curry that's amazing that you both went out, had a good night & able to come home sober. I don't feel I'm there yet, I can manage at home but going to a social event at night. Its strange as if I was at a social event where there was no alcohol I'm fine, I feel confident & can chat to new people but if it was in the evening & other people are drinking I feel really anxious if I'm not drinking.
Loved the thought of us all helping each other to get to the safe place Venus, think if I could I took you all to the 40th last night I would of felt more able to manage!
I have my neighbours 40th in a few weeks & at the moment I'm thinking of cancelling as don't feel able to manage whole night but maybe in another 3 weeks I will feel more confident?
Morning all babes smile

determinedma Sun 24-Feb-13 08:51:44

Venus that was a great post. And yes the "Yet" thing is so very true!
Thank you all for your continued support for Richard.he hasn't read any of them but they mean such a lot to me and are helping me enormously

fullofhopefullness Sun 24-Feb-13 09:31:14

Had bottle of wine last night but think sat night going to be too difficult yet. Im going to cheat and skip saturday nights in the count so that makes today day 11. I hope noone minds - either the cheating or the me me me thing! I find it helps to check in and enter new figure each day as I know that although im cheating as above I will never lie about it and it helps keep me on straight and narrow and someday ill manage saturdays as well?

Oooh I like the cheating thing fullofhopelessness, I may do this to as that makes me on day 53! Have only drank twice since Hogmany & both have been Saturdays!
MA thinking of you, your db, your family x

Argh sorry full of hope not hopelessness! On phone not pc smile

Fairenuff Sun 24-Feb-13 10:07:04

Morning all smile

Venus what an amazing post, so true about the struggle and how it's easier for all of us if we do it together. It must be awful to fall and have no-one to turn to sad.

Ma you will be helping Richard so much just by being there. To listen, to talk, to understand that you can't do this for him, but you can help him come to terms with the fact that he has to do this for himself.

full you can count whatever days you like. Whatever feels good to you. I used to count how many drinks I had in a month. So that instead of drinking five times a week, I drank five times a month. It helped me to see that cutting down was working. Now I don't count at all. Posting about yourself is fine too. There will probably be someone else reading and nodding along, thankful that they are not alone smile

Venus, yes I think that about covered it! grin My dh was home last night so I wasn't around to post yesterday evening wink tmi? grin

fullofhopefullness Sun 24-Feb-13 10:27:06

Clutter - lol
Faire - thx

jesuswhatnext Sun 24-Feb-13 11:13:19

morning!! smile

lovely post venus! MA, just a ((((((hug))))) - i love my brothers very much and i can only imagine your anxiety about yours, please give him love, a strangers love but from the heart none the less!

sober sex! grin i lurrvvve it! - to my shame i also once behaved towards dh in much the same way as venus describes, not many years ago i actually had to get up, push dh away and go and be sick, all through drink, he was so so hurt at the time, he had realised that i had initiated drunken sex because i was 'sorry' i had got drunk yet again and i associated sex with trying to say sorry sad like venus though, i find our sex life has become really rather wonderful, i feel a 'real' connection now with dh, love making (sounds naff i know blush) has become so much more than just the act iyswim? we laugh, chat, sleep, and just kind of 'be' its lovely!

right, my challenge today hmm i have to go and look at a car with a view to buying it on my own, now, im not some simpering soppy tart but i am finding the the thought a bit daunting, engines are a mystery to me, (i know i like fast ones but after that...hmm) i wont know if it looks 'wrong', i can only go and look at the colour, the leather and see if it 'sounds' right! hmm wish me luck! grin

determinedma Sun 24-Feb-13 11:28:39

could you all stop talking about sex please - you are making me queasy!

Fairenuff Sun 24-Feb-13 11:40:24

Ma just think of MrMouse wink

< scarpers >

PurpleWolfe Sun 24-Feb-13 13:00:06

Quick post to say I'm still here and thanks for all the thoughts and mentions Baby, Emin, Curry and Lemony. Just the thought that someone cares enough to post is heartwarming. xxxxx

Aiming for a new day/new start tomorrow - children back to school, no stupid course, house inspection over, less of MIL, no barriers to getting back to the gym. I've promised myself that if I can't get through the week then I'll make another appointment with the Doctors. Finished the Campral but don't know whether I'm using the lack of them as a pathetic 'excuse'. Got an appointment on Wednesday with Alcohol Services. Not looking forward to telling her I've failed - again - but I will. None of this help is any use to me unless I remain honest to those who are trying to help me. At least I've learnt that much.

DC have spent a lot of time at their Dad's so they get returned full of sugar, coke, biscuits and ridiculously late nights - grumpy, argumentative and difficult. ExP finds it easier to say 'Yes' and leave me to be the 'big stick' and have to put my foot down. Bloody hard work being the 'bad guy'. sad

Joey Thanks for your support. You asked about me 'letting it all out'. Did you mean on here or in RL? I think, on here, I'm as honest as I understand. In RL, I just don't trust anyone (except the Dr and Chrys, Alcohol Services). I guess it's because that's a 'learnt' trait for me. The one friend who knows the most (but not all) about my problem is off to the USA on Wednesday for a year. I'm so sad. Feel a bit like a child being left behind. Stoopid, huh!? xxx

Ma Thinking of Richard and of you and your Mum. Although he's in a really awful place at least he has people who love him and want to help him. You are doing everything possible to help him. Hope you have a bit of a 'Ready Brek' glow to keep you safe from being pulled down? Hugs, lovely, you are a great sister. xxx

Mouse When I win the lottery I'm going to sweep into your life with extra carers, sumptuous holidays, private health care and free you from as many of your struggles as I can. Of all the people I know, you so deserve a break. In the meantime, I just send hugs and love as that's all I have to offer just now. I'm curious, you once wrote that I need to learn to love myself first. You've had such a hard time in life, did you always love yourself or have you had to learn how? If so, how did you do it? Sorry, don't answer if that's too big a question, I just have no idea how to do that. xxx

One thing that's occurred to me is that I'm much better at posting my thoughts/help/anecdotes for other Bus members when I'm feeling strong. Just now, sorry Lovelies, I'm all out of strength.

Hi to all the 'newbies', this is a fab place to be. Use it as a tool to get to where you want to be. xx

(Just re-read my missive and right at the top it says 'quick post'!! - Fail! "Soz lol!" as the 'yoot' of today says!)

ruralreynard Sun 24-Feb-13 14:04:38

just checking in.
Still around still dealing with things unrelated to drinking.
Love to all

NeedChangeNow Sun 24-Feb-13 15:29:40

Hello people smile

Love and strength to those of you who need it, congrats to those doing well grin

I thought I'd update in case it would be helpful for anyone thinking of going down the route I'm on.

I did my detox (at home) last week. Spent most of the week a bit like a zombie whilst taking Librium but managed to work without anyone noticing, or being too polite to mention it possibly wink. Started the Antabuse on Friday night.

During the detox I didn't think much about drinking at all, mostly because I was in a daze I think and really didn't need anything else to dampen down emotions, and perhaps there was more of a physical addiction than I realised even though I wasn't (and have never been) a daily drinker. I was worrying about the urges coming back when the librium stopped and the antabuse started and I know it's early days but it's like my head has been freed from the prison it's been in for longer than I care to remember shock In the last 48hrs every time a little thought of drinking has come into my head it has been immediately dismissed because I know it's not even an option, it's wonderful! grin

The only downside so far is that I have to be very careful now about everything and anything that I use and make sure there's no alcohol content. I don't mind this too much but last night I forgot to read the ingredients on the baby wipes that I use to take off my make up and having read them this morning (alcohol in baby wipes, who knew?!) I think they may have been the cause of my crashing headache at 4am shock Still, if this is a little warning about what it would feel like if I had a drink then I suppose it's a good thing confused Urgh, it was was awful. Maybe it was a coincidence but even so I won't be using them again.

Happy days for me at the moment, so far it's like having a holiday from my own brain grin

Hope you're all having a good day x

guggenheim Sun 24-Feb-13 17:14:43

Hi lovely babes

venus I loved your post, both of them. When I used to lurk on here,up to my eyes in the waters of the Nile, you said something that made me stop and think, it was just something about eating healthily and then pouring a load of booze down your neck, which was exactly what I was doing. I've never bothered to say thank you because I'm an idiot and I'm in awe of babes who stay sober. Ta love x

Sober sex? Beginning to like it. grin Probably wasn't much fun for dh spending time with a pissed up missus. He never complained though.

Fairenuff Sun 24-Feb-13 17:23:05

every time a little thought of drinking has come into my head it has been immediately dismissed because I know it's not even an option, it's wonderful

That's the key Need

If you know for sure that you're not going to drink, the desire to drink just goes away. That's my experience anyway. It's only when I start to consider having a drink that I want one. That's why I make the decision in the morning smile

guggenheim Sun 24-Feb-13 17:26:03

rural good to hear from you, keep safe and please post when you can.

need I'm so pleased for you. That fog has lifted and your mind is free, bet you don't ever want to go back to dulling your mind with drink? You've done the right thing for you and it's great to hear that you're happy. Better things to come too.

purple You really did have a lot on your plate, didn't you? Glad to hear that things are improving, Nice new start to the week. look after your self, lovely.

Well done all you lovely babes who abstained this week /last night/ drank less/ tried harder whatever.

jwn afraid that my knowledge of cars is limited to how much I like the colour but I bet that the wisdom of mn could give you a few tips. Have you done any gardening? I'm not going out there until it warms up a bit.

aliasjoey Sun 24-Feb-13 19:05:19

purple I mentioned it because you had said you tended to post when you're 'up' and then go quiet when you're feeling down. Glad to hear things are a bit better now!

Well just did another weekend booze free. Don't feel on top of the world or full of boing But...don't feel shit and dreading work tomorrow. My house isn't spotless but it's not a tip either. I'll start Monday with the weekends dishes all done, on top of the washing, clean clothes ready for everyone, food in the fridge. Had I been drinking Friday or Saturday or both a lot of that wouldn't be done.
I am really really liking being hangover free all weekend & being here, in my life!
Night night babes, much love & strength to you all smile xx

fullofhopefullness Sun 24-Feb-13 20:58:49

Well done!! Im back on the apple juice and enjoying it!

determinedma Sun 24-Feb-13 22:30:19

rural good to hear from you. Things any easier? I worry about you.
<waves to all other babes>
Had a delicious dinner courtesy of client, and am now tucked up in lovely soft hotel bed in which there will be no sex, sober or otherwise!
I could get used to this life..
Richard asked if he could go too Church today with mum. She was a bit stunned but said yes. Maybe it will help, or maybe he's just trying to figure out how to turn water into wine.........

jesuswhatnext Sun 24-Feb-13 22:38:21

evening! smile ma, maybe, maybe.... we could be cynical - or just.., you never know!, i just hope your mum is ok!

well - i bought it! grin picking it up, well dh is, im away envy on saturday!! oooohh!! excitement is mounting! grin

venusandmars Sun 24-Feb-13 23:57:01

Fab, fab clutter smile Hangover free all weekend smile

faire a question - you couldn't post for a whole evening because of sex? Am I missing something here? grin

guggenheim thanks for that - I guess when we're all rambling on about rubbish here, we never really know what might just touch someone who is reading. That's one of the reasons why I think it's so fab just for us to post our weird stuff here, as well as our direct advice / support / help.

Hey rural - keep on coming back, whenever you want to post, you are always welcome. x

venusandmars Mon 25-Feb-13 00:03:14

ma sleep well and comfy and safe [comfy emoticon]. When people are desperate and at rock bottom then any form of comfort is good. Maybe Richard is praying for more wine, maybe he is praying for the 'elusive high', or maybe he is on his knees, weeping and feeling broken inside and just hoping for some kind of glimmer of hope - of any sort - an angel , a star, a moment of respite from his torment. Well I pray that he finds it, whatever he is looking for. Love v x

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 25-Feb-13 04:26:22

Hi all, I was on this bus back in 2011, pregnant with DD2 and smugly assuming that that would give me the break I needed to stay sober forever.

Ha. Hahaha. Yeah, no.

I'm not doing badly at the moment, no shame moment has sent me scurrying over here; I'm doing a decent job at wedging some self-care into my life, have taken up a sport that sees me out of the house one evening a week and I come back so buzzed I don't at all want a drink, so if I can build on that, that'll be great. So I'm really just coming back here as part of building Team Me. And because I luff Mouseface, and venusandmars posts some of my favourite posts ever (venus, in 2011 you once posted something to another person who was thinking of having that first drink, about having another and another, and then realising your partner would be due home, so opening a new bottle and having one glass so you can justify the wine on your breath, and hiding the remainder of the first bottle for later, and maybe your partner will wonder why you're so tipsy on just that one glass and maybe he won't...two years later that post has stayed with me SO many times. So many), and you're all wonderful.

aliasjoey Mon 25-Feb-13 09:55:01

Morning Babes and hello tortoise (agreed, Venus is wonderful, and her post are always inspiring!)

DH borrowed a film from a friend which we watched last night - it's called Powaqqatsi: Life in Transformation and it is amazing. It's a kind of documentary, but there is no narration just images and music. It was really quite profound, uplifting, sad, glorious, astonishing... and every other superlative you can think of.

It ought to be part of the school curriculum I think. It's basically about... people. Honestly, a very powerful and moving film, if you get the chance watch it.

Lemonylemon Mon 25-Feb-13 10:42:39

Morning All!

Day 2. I will not be drinking today. I had a sesh on Friday and on Saturday. Too much though. Not wanting to be doing that again. Didn't feel that bad in the mornings, but I just don't want to be doing that any more.

I'm too tired to name check today, but {{MASSIVE}} to everyone who needs them.

MsGee Mon 25-Feb-13 12:49:54

Welcome back tortoise, sounds like you have a great base to build things on.

I think a change of routine helps enormously.

Day 4 here. I didn't even go downstairs last night, just hid up in bed with DD. Luckily the wine witch can't use the stairs in our house grin

Its month end so I am stupidly busy but finding myself faffing around today. Wonder if I am trying to make sure I have to work tonight so I won't drink.

Anyway, hello all - ODAAT: today I will not be drinking.

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Feb-13 14:44:03

Thanks Guggs and Joey. smile I think, Joey, that I'm getting better at putting lots of my feelings on here but sometimes it just feels like it's the 'same old same old' crap, over and over - feels like I'm not learning anything from all this. Other times I just don't have the head-space to write/think. And sometimes I just don't see the point in 'me' - apart from where the children are concerned.

Welcome Need and well done Lemony, Tortoise, Clutter, Fullof and MsGee grin

Ma Loved the sound of your hotel soft warm bed! Sex? Sorry, what IS that?? Hoping Richard is doing OK.

Having to say goodbye to my gorgeous friend this afternoon. She and her family are flying to America on Wednesday. My DD is good friends with her DD, DS1 is best friends with her DS and my DS2 just loves my friend to bits too, so it's going to be emotional. A year without her seems like a very long time. sad sad

Feeling positive (ish). Have a goal in mind - off to Cornwall five weeks from today so need to save money (not squander it on booze blush ), lose 14lbs a bit of weight and look fab and all sparkly eyed when I get there! If I don't stop drinking now, today, I won't be organised enough to make it. Have to get lots of children's clothes on e-bay to pay for the holiday. Need energy.

Hi to everyone. Hope you are all doing well on this chilly Monday. xxxx

Hi Babes!

In a bit of a rush but determined today is day one again...I am at the totally fed up of drinking stage again. So may be back later when the WW calls.

Ma I hope you had a lovely stay in your hotel. You need a night off lovely xx

Venus what's with the wink about sober sex...Any bloody sex would work for me at the moment! blush Twin toddlers, 2 jobs and the usual domestic chores don't add up to a whole lot of time together. hmm

MsGee I need a spreadsheet to keep track of how much bloody money I need to put to one side for tax and VAT. I got it wrong again and now have to raid the saving for tax again (DP NOT happy..)

Mouse Do you really need a laminator? I have one gathering dust here you could have. It would make me happy to think it was being useful to Nemo pm me if you want it.

Love to everyone else. I am crap and name checking but i am sending everyone a big brew and a slice of my vegan fruit cake which is surprisingly good even if I do say so mesel'


...just remember that I married a vegan fruit cake 8 months ago...grin

sorry past tense not an instruction to you all...

curryeater Mon 25-Feb-13 15:46:26

I would love a slice of your cake, inde. I'm not usually a cake person but when managing bouze better I find that I can afford the calories for the odd slice. And also find that I manage treats in general better - so can eat a slice of cake without turning into raving cake monster, which I now realise is why I usually tended to avoid cake.

STINKING cold here.

Nice to see you all.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, NeedChangeNow. Very best of luck!

I had half a bottle of wine last night. No dry lent here ACH. I know for some Sundays don't count, but that is not what I planned, so I am troubled by this, although a week of 6 units was an impossible goal a few months ago.

Hi tortoise!

Mouseface Mon 25-Feb-13 17:19:42

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Hello lovely Tortiose, welcome back to the Bus smile you sound like a half-shell with a plan! And, I totally agree with you about venus - she's the reason I posted my first post on here smile xx

Rural - I'm so glad you posted. I often think of you and wonder how you are and then forget to ask on the thread...... there are lots of Babes like that. Keep coming back on YOUR terms, when YOU feel that you can. Lots of love to you xx

Isinde - YESYESYESYESYESYESYESPLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! grin that would be fab and then I wouldn't have to rely on the wonderful generosity of Clutter who kindly offered to laminate some things for Nemo (will PM you). Can I at least pay you for the postage and make a donation to your favourite charity or something?? xx

Clutter - will PM you too re the other resources for Nemo xx

Purple - I'm curious, you once wrote that I need to learn to love myself first. You've had such a hard time in life, did you always love yourself or have you had to learn how? If so, how did you do it? Sorry, don't answer if that's too big a question, I just have no idea how to do that.

No, I hated myself before I stopped drinking, I was a worthless mother, shit partner, damaged goods, dirty and used, I was low and selfish, I was ignorant and not in a happy place at all. My past abusive relationships had taken their toll on me and I'd let them. My self confidence regardless of how it looked was rock bottom and following the spell in a Women's Refuge, I thought my life couldn't get any worse.

It didn't as it happened, it gradually got better because I started to fight back. I started to think more about DD (it was just us then) and less about me and in turn, that led to me starting to value myself, my life, her life, our life. As a family. Just because we were where we were, didn't mean we were any less worthy of love, affection, safety or kindness.....

Long story short, I decided that I had to step away from the self destruct button for DD and for me. Yes, her feckless father would have taken her in (over my mother's dead body mind) should anything happen to me, but she nor I wanted that so I had to step away from the image in front of me, walk back from my view and look much further forward if that makes sense? I had to see the entire circle, not just the bends, I had to see all of the contributing factors and change them, one by one so that WE were safe. WE were loved (by friends, family and ourselves) and WE were moving forward together for US.

I was single when we got our house after leaving the hostel, a shithole of a place that they expected a toddler to live in. We had fuck all but fight and by Jeff did I use mine to rebuild myself and strengthen the walls we lived within. And, in time, without me really knowing it, I started to love who I was, I started to accept who I'd been and that she was no more. I started to move forward into the bigger picture, the wider circle I'd managed to put together smile xx.

alabasterangel Mon 25-Feb-13 17:30:08

Hi. Lurking quite a bit at the mo. ma been watching what's going on for you and your brother, and thinking of you all.

Well, barr a 2 unit wine and soda on Saturday which was drunk over 2+ hours, its been almost a week without a drink. Having glandular fever has made this both easy, and hard. Easy because I have been feeling like a midly warmed up plate of poo, and hard because at the same time it's definitely thrown up some problems with my liver. It's definitely inflamed from the virus, swollen and uncomfortable. It's given me a real shock as to how delicate it can be when pushed, and got me quite worried. The 'instruction' is to avoid all but the very smallest levels of alcohol for at least 8 weeks and they will retest in 12. So basically I can't fall off the wagon, because if I do, it's probably going to put me in a place where even moderate drinking is a no-no.

It's exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want that pressure to stop, I wanted (and was doing well, and felt in control!!) doing it of my own volition. MAKE me do it and I'll just want to rebel, I'm the same with everything. My agenda, my terms, my way. Now the pressure is there, and I feel so angry. I'm in a shit, irritable mood with everyone and everything. My drinking never caused arguments but my not drinking seems to cause loads.

And yes, some days, most days, have been really easy. I've felt so utterly horrid I don't want a drink. Then on other days, I have wanted one, but because of a change in our routines etc due to my illness I have managed to avoid triggering times and situations. I've been preparing our supper to eat with the kids at 6ish rather than alone later in the eve, which was the time I would drink so that's changed for a start. I've also had to delegate some cooking to DH as I've not been well enough.

So its brilliant news that today I feel loads better than I have for the last 3 weeks? No, its not. Because the craving has started - just thinking about a lovely, cold ,crisp glass of wine with condensation on the side has me salivating. I'm not generally an anxious person either, but obviously use wine as a relaxant, and would to just chill out instead of whittling about (ironically) my liver, my GF, my work reaction to me being off this week, my DH getting on my nerves with his lack of sympathy, etc. I feel like the abstinence, plus the illness, its all a bit too much. Yes, I'm drinking a 'substitute' - zero alcohol lager with a dash of lime seems to cut the thirst, but every mouthful I am aware its a compensation for the thing I really desire, and I can't have.

Sense the resentment? Not good.......!

Evening everyone smile

Decided to post as today is the first day in god knows how long I haven't had a drink sad got so rat arsed last night, I have had the worst hang over today, normally, I'd have hair of the dog to get over it, but I'm starting to worry I'm a bit dependent, just don't know if I'm hung over or if I'm withdrawing a little bit? Suppose just asking the question is worrying enough.

Anyway! Hi!

MsGee Mon 25-Feb-13 18:55:19

libertine hi. It's unlikely you're having withdrawal symptoms - at more likely to be a case of just seeing the hangover through. Lots of liquids and sweet things is the usual advice I think. Do you have a plan for not drinking tonight?

Isinde I have a tax spreadsheet I can send you?

DD bath time - back later x

Thanks MsGee yes, plan for tonight is not go to shop as have not one pence til tomorrow, the plan for tomorrow? don't know TBH would love to have a clean week, but haven't done it for so long, don't know if I can.

Hi, sorry not to nc but so so tired but want to keepy place on the bus!
Mouse amazing & moving post. You have achieved so much & so deserve a break.
MA hope you enjoyed your night in the hotel & things ok with your db
Purple hope things getting a little better
Hugs and strength for all babes needing them tonight ((((( xxxx )))))

Mouse you're an inspiration smile

determinedma Mon 25-Feb-13 19:19:12

Hey all. Off to the airport later to collect dd1 who is coming home for Dhs birthday on Wednesday. Dd2 arrives back from London tomorrow so it will be a full house, then down to Liverpool for the weekend so DH can go to the footie.
Mum very stressed tonight about bro and all the lying. Found another empty tho he swore blind he didn't have any. Younger bro was up for the weekend and refused to even shake Richard's hand, or acknowledge him then went on and on at mum to kick him out etc.I just don't know whose approach is right. That's my last post on the subject as there is nothing new to say and you must all be sick hearing about it

guggenheim Mon 25-Feb-13 19:33:05

Just checking in as knackered. 'Lo there lovely babes

ma I don't think you should keep it to yourself, I'm sure that everyone just wishes the best for you and wants to offer a bit of support.

JackReachersFoldingToothbrush Mon 25-Feb-13 19:38:46

Hello everyone. I have not been hiding, I've just been incredibly busy at work and not able to come back.

mouse you really are an inspiration. When I read about all the struggles you have and how strong you are, I am so impressed.

ma for what it's worth I'm not sick hearing about it. I don't know if there is a 'right' and 'wrong' approach in your circumstances. Richard will do what he will do, regardless of what anyone else does. If he is ready to get better then he will. I hope you don't mind me saying this?

Sorry for not name checking more people. I am a good bit behind and struggling to learn who everyone is.

I am home alone, and tired. DH bought two beers last night, and only drank one, because he can. I don't have to get up tomorrow and I badly want the beer. But I won't.

Hello everyone. I am up in my office hiding from the Wine Witch. blush

I have asked DP to cook and I was just honest about wanting to break the pattern of her at her computor and me in the kitchen with the radio and my wine...and dinner arriving an hour later to coincide nicely with me finishing the first bottle blush

Jack Don't have the beer. Actually, in your position I wouldn't because I would think "there's no point in having just one beer" which just goes to show how fucked up my thinking is around alcohol really...hmm

Ma I agree with the wonderful Guggs that you should keep posting and no, no-one is getting tired of reading about it because we can all feel for you, your mum and family AND your poor brother.

Hello libertine and welcome to the bus.
MsGee can you send me your spreadsheet!!!! If you still have my email then I would be very grateful and offer up a prayer to St Staple the god of stationery to rain gifts of coloured fonts and groovy pens down upon you. grin

Mouse pm me your postal address and you can soon be laminating the menu for teatime!

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Feb-13 21:13:46

Thanks for the support Clutter Hope you have a lovely, restful nights sleep. smile

Thank you, too, Mouse, thank you so much for sharing the difficult road to where you are today. You have come so far and fought so hard, it doesn't seem fair that you still have more than your fair share of the shit to cope with - and still you are on here, continuing to help and support others.

I've read and understood what you have said and, of course you are right, life is happier without the guilt, expense and health-draining effects of alcohol. Without it, I'm more in control, more organised, happier but the (let's call it) emptiness that plagues me was there from the start - for as long as I have memory. My 'problem' drinking didn't start until after I was 30 (I didn't drink at all until about 25) but still the feelings of worthlessness were there from an early age, long before I picked up a glass of wine. A loner from a early as primary school. I even got married to, more-or-less, the first man who asked me at only just 18, because all I wanted was a family of my own - something I'd never had. It didn't work, how could it?

I've had counselling but I find it so hard to trust anyone that letting go completely is not an option for me right now. I am such and oxymoron! I want someone to look after me but can't trust anyone enough to let go of my own control. Laughable, in a sad way. Neither my Father nor my Mother could be trusted to look after me, either practically, emotionally, physically or spiritually. How can I un-learn this? Don't worry, this is a rhetorical question, I'm sort of talking to myself at this point, trying to work things out. x

Sorry, again, another 'me, me, me' post. A bit more of the 'inner me' exposed Joey!

Sleep tight Babes xxxxxx

fullofhopefullness Mon 25-Feb-13 21:21:35

Another apple juice night after gym. Have tough day coming up and usually would have lots of wine and sleeping pills to take away stress. Now om hardly worried just pleased because I have ww beaten tonight! I still think acarr made all the difference along with other things. If anyone got reading him let me know what you thought?

fullofhopefullness Mon 25-Feb-13 21:35:04

Ps purple I understand what your saying and I lived also with great lack of trust. Ive recently got out there with new people and found them really supportive and its helped me a lot. Ive joined quite a tough sport that means challenging and scary non stop sport all day saturday. Stops me drinking much so I can do it. But anything you join which gets you working with other supportive people helps build trust. Im not sure that this is much use as advice though?

aliasjoey Mon 25-Feb-13 22:03:27

purple gosh your life story sounds rather similar to mine! Counselling - I've seen about 10 mental health professionals of some sort. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right person that you just click with.

ma I don't think there is a 'right' answer, your mum just has to do what is best for her. Maybe your brother doesn't get what it is like to be a mother, and how you would do anything for your kids, even when they put you through hell...

Talking of kids, does anyone have teens or pre-teens and could understand this behaviour? DD (10) has in the last 5 days suddenly burst into tears, at the same time every day, for the tiniest of reasons (eg. after an eye test on Saturday and being told she didn't need glasses!) She says she's not worried about anything, and even said she couldn't understand why she felt tearful. She was giving herself a hard time (again, over very minor things) am try to make sure she's eating properly cause she has been off her food, feeling nauseous for over a month. Is this the start of hormones?! shock

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Feb-13 22:05:06

Thanks Fullof Your post has made me think more about my fears. I think fear of rejection is up there alongside lack of trust. And, of course, your advice is of use. smile Would love to hear your take on the Alan Carr book. x

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Feb-13 22:19:25

Thanks lovely Joey. 10 mental health professionals? Hmm, I've been offered had two so far sad One did that thing where they wouldn't say ANYTHING AT ALL until you did!! Ffs! That really wasn't the therapy for me. And the other one, who was a man, was good but I shamefully but stereotypically and predictably was attracted to! Sheesh! As for DD, just a thought, could be wrong but...... my DD started similar behaviour and it took me a while to realise that it was falling into the same pattern as my own menstrual pattern. She's 11 and doesn't have periods yet but it's very obvious (now!) that she has a more 'emotional' bit of the month that does coincide with mine (They do say that women in the same household fall 'into sync' with each other). Just a thought. xxxx

fullofhopefullness Mon 25-Feb-13 22:21:56

Purple - my kids are very confident and believe everyone wants to meet them and so everyone does!!! Its self perpetuating. I lack that confidence but try and follow my kids attitude. I put myself into difficult situations (one in particular) and it has now become my new healthy in body and mind obsession - a very good thing. Acarr - I read him at time when I was ready to listen for first time. His philosophy includes that willpower is not involved. He claims that when you finish the book u wont want to drink again. He talks about alcohol its effects and that it never satisfies thirst but makes u more and more thirsty so u have to drink more. He talks a lot about bad effects and that there are no benefits at All. He has given me craving for apple juice!!!

Just popping in to say night night and I did manage to beat the WW eventually. smile

Purple I can safely vouch for the fact that women living closely together do, I am afraid, synchronise their menstrual cycles. It means you have stereo PMT which is just fabby hmm
I am planning on being well past the menopause before our twin DDs start theirs...four lots of PMT would just be unthinkable...

Night all and best wishes for a safe and sleep-filled night (Nemo are you listening my lovely?) xx

greeneyed Tue 26-Feb-13 07:19:07

Just checking in babes, sorry i am not posting, i am reading and thinking of you all xx

PurpleWolfe Tue 26-Feb-13 07:54:23

That book sound useful Fullof, I'll give it a go, thanks.

Isinde grin I know what you mean! I'm peri-menapausal (at 51) and DD is, at 11, pre-teen. I can see a hormone collision in this house!

Green been thinking about you. Hope you are OK? x

Fairenuff Tue 26-Feb-13 08:34:38

Morning smile

Just a quick hello and welcome to Libertine. How did it go last night? You might find that you don't really feel the benefits of not drinking straight away, it can take a few days, but that first day is over now.

Make a plan for tonight. Do you want to stay off the booze. It's only one evening, you can if you want to. Really, you can grin

Come back and post and we'll give you lots of advice and help you through it. If you get a chance today, stock up on soft drinks and some sweet treats.

Keep posting whatever happens. The bus is busy and you won't always get a reply straight away, so keep trying. If you feel ignored, stamp your feet a bit and someone will de-lurk and chat with you smile

Think that about covers orientation for this morning grin

Hi to everyone. So sorry for not responding much at the mo, will try to catch up a bit later.


Welcome Libertine, how are you feeling today? Hopefully less dreadful than yesterday? What is it your wanting to change at the moment? I have tried and tried control drinking but I am slowly seeing that maybe I just need to give up, my tolerance for wine is low, I love it, get hidiously drunk and suffer for days... I am starting to see that's not really fun!
I think I am going to invest in the Allan Carr book on pay day, I feel in the right place for it just now.
Day 21 of dry lent
Waves to all babes xx

Moning guys!

Feel sooo much better today, guess that's just a hangover without having hair of the dog, have been to shop though, and didn't get any alcohol for tonight, so feeling quite pleased with myself.

Ideally, I'd like to just have a few on a weekend, I don't want to get to the point where that's no longer possible for me, which is where it's been heading since Christmas, when it's OK to start drinking early every day.

Thank you for your replies, I will be reading with interest to everyone's situation here on in smile

21 days clutter that's brilliant!!

curryeater Tue 26-Feb-13 09:53:34

Hello all
Welcome Libertine.
Nice to see your fighting spirit, Mouse.
Alabaster, sorry you are feeling crap.

Right I have been invited to a work do this evening, usually an excuse to drink 3 drinks fast and then top up on the train home. But I think I am not ready to be released into the wild so I will be attacking the canapes and sticking to fizzy water. Pray for my resolve!

Clutter, I think you said you "aren't ready" to go out and not drink - I am not ready to go out and have a few. I can have one or two at home as long as I am very conscious of mood, timing, etc. But I just don't know how to handle a few drinks when out. Partly anxiety making me gulp - partly not having anywhere to put the drink, standing around, so you drink it faster - partly just a crazy social sort of rabbit-in-headlights thing - I don't know. I don't go out a lot any more so it is not hard for me to just see it as a different thing. I don't think of it as I used to think of "going out". I think those days are over, and you know what, I caned the hell out of them, so I can let it go.

Lots of people go through this. I saw an old drinking buddy on Saturday, haven't seen him for a long time, I knew he had had a hard time and made some changes, and there he was drinking soft drinks. Perhaps he noticed that I wasn't drinking either because he suggested we should meet for "tea". Maybe he didn't want to meet for drinks when he thought I was still a hardcore boozer? We could have a nice sober friendship now. I remember one time we went out for "a quick bite to eat after work" and drank so much they didn't bother to charge us for the food!

good luck curry !! Have you tried having tiny wine in a big glass of lemonade? Very new to this self control lark myself, so sorry if that's a stupid question!

aliasjoey Tue 26-Feb-13 10:02:53

clutter Day 21? That's brilliant!
green how are you doing?

purple you may be right about DDs hormones – although I don’t know about synchronizing, been on the implant for so long I can’t remember what periods are grin I did wonder if this was the onset of puberty. The last few weeks she just hasn’t seemed herself, not so bright and bubbly... she hasn’t really been eating properly either.

aliasjoey Tue 26-Feb-13 10:05:58

Yes I suppose 10 mental health workers does seem a lot, but some of those were only for the short time it took for them to read my answers to a questionnaire and decide I wasn’t seriously ill enough to deserve any treatment

3 community mental health workers (one of whom was so awful that if I’d been suicidal she’d surely have pushed me over the edge)
1 actual bona fide clipboard-wielding psychiatrist (an actual bona fide idiot too)

2 counsellors (who were mostly okay)
1 ‘Relate’ couples counsellor – totally shit, and my DHs only experience of counselling confirmed his belief that the whole business is a load of tosh

Semi-Privately (subsidised and make a donation)
1 counsellor (mostly okay)

And finally, my work referred me to someone who was absolutely fantastic. They only paid for 12 weeks, then I continued to see her privately. She charged a lot but it was worth it. I don’t see her anymore, as it was too expensive but I would go back if necessary.

I guess all of that shows that going private gets you better service hmm

Lemonylemon Tue 26-Feb-13 10:08:14

Morning all. Feeling really bad mentally today. Guilt, shame, disappointment, I think it the words. And bloody fed up with having a bottle of wine last night. All sorts going on in my world.

I'm peri menopause, but my cycles have gone from 3 weeks 3 days to 5 weeks 2 days. I'm not quite 50 yet. My DD is 5. Hopefully, I'll be out the other side of the menopause by the time DD hits puberty.

Only one namecheck today Jack so glad to see that you decided to come back.

Hey Lemony today's a new day eh? Onwards and upwards smile

MsGee Tue 26-Feb-13 14:02:20

Boing! Hello, I am on day 5 and beginning to feel a little springy...

Isinde spreadsheet winging its way to you. Excuse last season's font grin

I am enormously behind on work and DD being a bit of a pickle at night, so not much chance to work then. She is going to be told that we are playing offices after school today so I can work grin. Is that bad??

On the positive side, I have no evening as I am with her all night, so no chance to drink!

Does anyone else drink more when they have PMT? I have noticed that just before I go on my period I normally drink a lot more.

obrigada Tue 26-Feb-13 14:10:13

Afternoon all, first weekend in ages that I didn't overindulge and therefore didn't waste a day feeling shitty. Had two glasses of wine on Sunday evening in a friend's house, then had cup of tea before I got taxi home.

aliasjoey Tue 26-Feb-13 14:41:58

faire thank you, that's a great reminder about how we might have to wait for the benefits of not drinking. I don't usually notice ANY benefits at first - it's only weeks later that I realise I feel better overall.

And I guess that applies to diet and exercise too. I often give up after a few days ("I've been taking the stairs at work for 3 WHOLE DAYS, and still haven't noticed any changes!" hmm ) and I am sticking to it long term now.

PurpleWolfe Tue 26-Feb-13 15:21:10

How's your DD today Joey? xx

obrigada Tue 26-Feb-13 15:42:01

Same here Joey, can go great guns for 3 days and then I end up feeling fatter so I give up...

PurpleWolfe Tue 26-Feb-13 16:12:36

Diet bit not going too well here. Just found and demolished a packet of Fruitellas in minutes! shock

Urgh, I got two beers in the shop ?!!

thing that's annoying is, I picked DS up from school, came home, then my phone rang, it was my mate needing a jump start, so I went and helped her with kids in the car, when we got back on the road DS starts on about a milkshake I had promised (at the wknd?!) so went to shop, and bought 2 beers sad

Least it wasn't bottle of wine?

Nope, I'm crap, i did one fucking day

PurpleWolfe Tue 26-Feb-13 16:21:57

Libertine Have you drunk the beers yet? Or even just one? If you still have one or both can you pour them away? Or give them away? Or put them somewhere out of sight? x

determinedma Tue 26-Feb-13 16:22:10

If we are talking periods then I am just starting my second in three bloody weeks! Grrrr. Have two adult dds so can get very intense in here at times grin
And seeing as you asked, bro attended an AA meeting last night, has been filling in his diary which DH went through with him today, and had a NA day yesterday! Or so he says....
Off to doctor now with dd2 and her troublesome back AGAIN! Time to do ranty mum - no it does not need rest, no she does not need any more sprays, gels and has been 6 months. Step it up a fucking gear and get us referred to someone who can help ffs!

PurpleWolfe Tue 26-Feb-13 16:28:27

Think someone should forewarn your Doc, Ma! You go get 'em! xx

yes, purple, drank them both. I felt great today, don't understand myself at all, today wasn't even hard,wtf am I going to be like when it gets hard?

ma I'm trying to get MNHQ to start an addictions topic, think it's incredible we have knitters corner and Christmas hmm but they won't entertain a place for addicts and families of addicts to access support, even here you're in relationships ffs.

Curry, completely hear where your coming from. If I go out I have to have a drink & due to anxiety/nerves I practically down it then before I know it I've had 4 or 5 wines & then don't know where to stop. But I have never, ever been to a social event & not drunk (not even when pregnant hmm)
At the moment I am a social recluse, I am declining any invitation as feel safer at home where there are no triggers or temptation! smile x

Fairenuff Tue 26-Feb-13 17:54:43

Lemony I have a word for that feeling: DEPART

DEpression PAranoia Regret and Truth. That's what I used to feel after overdrinking. It's starts with the high but very quickly leads to the rest. The paranoia was often health related. The truth bit is where I started to face the truth that it couldn't go on like this. Have a (((hug))) sweetie, a nice cuppa tea and some chocolate. Tomorrow will be better.

Libertine It's not the end of the world. Stop where you are now. Have a big drink of water and clean your teeth. If you haven't done so already, have something nourishing to eat. I like to keep stocks of veggie soup handy, it's an easy way to get some vitamins in. Every single drink that you don't drink is helping your body. Stick with it, try again tomorrow x

Ma I think if Richard was still in denial I can see how he could keep turning to drink. But to admit that you are addicted and not try to do something about it, is more of a choice. From what you've said, it sounds like he is still coming to terms with the addiciton and the fact that, once he is weaned off the booze, he can never, ever drink again. Can the gp not give him something to help him detox? Must be really hard for him to stop if he can't go cold turkey confused. Anyway, please don't feel you can't talk about him here, we are all interested and happy to help support you, as you support him x

Mouseface Tue 26-Feb-13 18:03:27

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Thank you for the sleepy well wishes IsinDe for Nemo, not a bad night actually, although he did wake it, was because he'd lost Ernie, his elephant comforter so he went straight back off after I'd gotten in with him just for a snuggle, next thing it was 7am! grin

Libertine - hello smile and thank you blush We're in 'Relationships' because that's where the very first thread was started. It was all about our lovely JWN on the brink of losing her marriage, her relationship with her DD, losing her relationship with everyone around her sad

Not only that, we've discussed this before btw smile and I don;t mean that in a shitty way, the 'relationships' that we all have individually with alcohol, have a direct result/effect/affect etc on our everyday relationships with our DC/DW/DH/DP and families in general. And of course, the relationship we have with ourselves. So, that's why we've stayed here and not moved to General Health for example.

Anyway, I'm waffling. We find that most people get pointed in our direction if they look for help elsewhere and then of course it's up to them whether or not to post, kind of like you?

Lemony - what's up sweets? Can you talk about it/do you want to? You'll be feeling worse because of the hangover as you know but if things are shitty, maybe letting some of it out will take the weight off you? xx

Purple - I too am peri-menopausal (at 38) and have been for about a year I think. DD is 14 and I know when she's got her period because I get all of the symptoms!! How are you feeling mood wise? And brighter? xx

ma - sorry to read that your DB is still lying. Jeff what a mess! It's all so fucked up isn't it? Your poor mum and you must be exhausted. I do hope that your time with your family for DH's birthday brings you some much needed smile time! xx

Obrigada -well done on not getting wasted at the weekend, strange how the weekend has such a hold over the drinker isn't it? Maybe it's a lack of work thing? No work, school run, driving around maybe? Good to hear from you xx

Joey - I'm in the hormones camp too re DD..... she sounds as though she's going through puberty and it's hitting her hard and fast at times. Bless her xx

School again tomorrow for us, I'm hoping that Nemo has a good day..... he seemed to be better after lunch on Monday so I'm hoping we can get back to where we were sooner rather than later. Fingers crossed.

<wonders if IsinDe made it to the hotel on time wink ?>

Mouseface Tue 26-Feb-13 18:07:40

Hello Faire - it seems that I keep missing you and posting to you, how are YOU? xx

Ma - I agree with what others have said too, you need to let this out so let Richard out here! Please? xx

Curry - ((HUG))

Clutter - I hope you're okay, how long until your new job now? I have a dreadful memory! I know you most likely posted it! grin xx

<waves to everyone else she's not NC'd >

Thanks a lot, it really does mean a lot, all of you, who bother to post, when I'm being so half arsed myself.

I did stop after that even though I could have got some more, I've eaten tea, and all's OK, just worried that I wanted to have a clean week for the first time in I don't know how long, and can't seem to?!

Mouse that makes sense (you guys being in relationships I mean) but I'm talking about ALL addictions, of which there are so many, flagged up on mainstream TV today about painkiller addicts, that get prescribed by their doctors. but families of serious drug/drink addicts too, just think it's really really strange they seem so reluctant to the idea.

determinedma Tue 26-Feb-13 18:49:15

Doc tried the more painkillers route...we ended up with appointment for acupuncture, referral to see consultant orthopedic person and some pills which will relax muscle spasms at night. Hopefully we will see some progress.
mouse how is my favourite fish boy?

aliasjoey Tue 26-Feb-13 19:01:28

purple diet not going too well here either! But we are tackling our issues in the order they will kill us!

DD in tears 3 times today - God help us if this is puberty.

Fairenuff Tue 26-Feb-13 19:16:53

Hey Mouse, I was in the bath! Just missed you. I'm doing very well, thanks for asking. Back on the healthy diet but not much exercise yet. I'm still waiting for it warm up a bit. Your gym and sauna sounds lovely, wish we had something like that nearby. Or at least something that I could afford!

Ma at least that's something, hope she doesn't have to wait too long to see the consultant.

Libertine the trouble with setting a goal like, say, a whole week, is that if you don't do it, it's easy to give up. Better to make the goal one day. Or even one hour if that's what needed. Stick with it, lovely, it really does get easier, or at least mangeable, ime.

Joey another one here that thinks it's probably hormones. It seems so young doesn't it. They don't get to be kids for long. My dd had a really difficult time when she first started, was in a lot of pain and passing out at school. I took her to the gp and she's got a couple of prescriptions which really do seem to help. If she's anything like me, she'll grow out of the worst of it.

Mouseface Tue 26-Feb-13 19:55:05

Libertine - I agree re an addiction topic on MN...... there needs to something maybe alongside Mental Health or in General Health that people with ALL addictions can post in. Smoking, drink, drugs, sex wink, gambling anything really.......

Well done on not getting any more beer, that was a huge step for you I'm guessing? You're not doing anything 'half arsed' btw, you are starting at 'a point' and trying to move forward from it to better yourself, to stop the way you were drinking. Sounds pretty okay from where I'm sat.

As others have said, you need to take care of today and not worry about tomorrow until it arrives. Even if you worry about the next few hours, and how you're going to get through them, that's fine. You can't change the fact that you've had a drink, but you've changed what happens from here on in by not going for more.

Tomorrow when you get up, worry about the next few hours and how you'll get through them, whether at work, home or whatever, just take the day as it comes okay?

Someone is always here, it might take a while but we're here. Come and tell us what you want to do tomorrow afternoon, then a few hours later, your plans for the night. Or not, it really is up to you when and how you post but you need to remember that we're all in the same Bus, for the same reason. smile xx

Faire - good for you with the healthy eating. I'm lucky that the gym guy took pity on my I think, that and the fact I wore a snuggly fitting t-shirt (it's a running top from when I used to be able to run) so it showed my, ahem, assets off rather well grin

At least you're doing something lovely xx

Ma - it took me a few hours but FishBoy has had his hair cut as he was starting to look a lot like Shirley Temple!! His hair is super curly and boy it grows fast! He's all neat and tidy now smile

His ear is still bad, he is still wobbly about school and he's still off with DH which I may go into detail about at some point..... not the best of Sunday's in the MouseHouse, all very sad and shocking really but we're getting back on track I think......

<crosses fingers>

How did Richard get on at church? Did he talk about it after? How is your mum, I do worry for you all sweetheart. Has DD landed yet and how is life with YOU? xx

Joey - Would she take a supplement? I have taken Evening Primrose Oil for eons and also Starflower Oil is another good supplement for women/girls of menstruating age...... It may help just settle things a bit? Or, you could try and make sure she gets lots of green veg in her diet or a full spectrum, multibiotic/probiotic vitamin? Something just to support her hormone levels as they are going sky high and back down again every few minutes bless her. I'm so sorry that she's having such a hard time of things. Bless her heart xxxx

fullofhopefullness Tue 26-Feb-13 20:30:11

Tonight was the hardest yet but I dont know why. I tried to work out why but the main reason seemed to be 'just because I can'. I resisted and knowing I was going to record it here helped me! Best wishes everyone.

determinedma Tue 26-Feb-13 20:46:18

Aww mouse did you cut off all his lovely curls? Bless his fins.
Dd1 landed safely and has been surprisingly "chatty" by her standards. Seems happy. Has several times referred to " my friend" whom is a "he" so maybe that accounts for the unaccustomed smile on her face....I will wait for Dd2 to ferret out more information.grin
They are all in the kitchen making dhs birthday cake....which sounds to be a hilarious activity. Hate to think what the kitchen is going to look like.....

Fairenuff Tue 26-Feb-13 21:13:37

I was having a wee think earlier, as I lay in my lovely bubble bath. How about an experiment? If you drink regularly, have a think about what you would normally drink in a week. Be it four bottles of beer, six bottles of wine, whatever.

Now, whatever you might drink in the week ahead has to be bought in advance. Today. If you don't buy it, you can't have it. And you have to carry all that drink for a whole week. If you put it down, it's gone. You can't have it next week.

So, maybe you only drink Thursday, Friday, Saturday and that's just 3 bottles of wine. You have to carry those bottles wherever you go, whatever you do. If you need your hands free, then you can put them in a backpack but they must remain attached to your body for the whole week. You can put it down if you want, but then it's gone and you will have no alcohol at all next week.

Now, how difficult is it to get through just one week, carrying just one weeks worth of booze? How badly do you want that booze next week. How scared are you of putting it down. Does it prevent you from carrying out quite basic tasks. Showering for example?

Do you feel the weight on your body and mind. The physical weight but also the inconvenience, the ever present juggling, the emotional drain on your mind as you figure out how to go about your daily business.

Do you sleep well with that backpack on? Do you wake feeling refreshed or a bit battered? Do you worry that others are looking at you, judging you? Can you run and play easily with your children?

No? Well why not put it down. Just take that weight off, shed the worry and leave it on the ground.

So you'll have no alcohol next week. What will you turn to in times of stress, celebration or boredom? Well, you'll find another way, that's what. You'll find a different way to cope that you don't have to carry around with you all the time.

Me? I won't drink until Mothers Day, so I'm ok this week. I'm handsfree for a while. And when I do drink, it won't be more than two glasses. I think I can manage to carry that. I can put it in my coat pocket, it won't weigh me down.