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New beginning. Dating thread 41

(1000 Posts)
lubeybooby Mon 11-Feb-13 23:22:56

Dating chit chat here smile

lubeybooby Mon 11-Feb-13 23:23:15

Snape, loved your update, I am very very grinny for you grin

MsCellophane Mon 11-Feb-13 23:25:21

Snape - glad you got a whirl and a bit naked, sounds like a fun evening

Flipper924 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:26:01

Extra karma points for Snape for making Lubey smile today.

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:26:10

You are a brave soul Lubes...and yeah...good message from 48 to end the old one. How's you Lubes???

Middy86 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:26:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Mon 11-Feb-13 23:27:03

So am I Lubey, she so deserves some happiness. All the best Snape you wonderful fellow Dr Who fan.

Bant Mon 11-Feb-13 23:27:13

Yay to new beginnings.

So I have a first date on Wednesday with a girl who I'm not sure if I fancy from the photos, but she's hinting strongly at getting naked on a second date.

That seems to be the way the conversation has gone, strangely.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Assumption that I will want to, too (which, okay, I probably would if I fancied her) or a bit too much desperation on her part, or maybe just a healthy enjoyment of nakedness.

Who's to say?

lubeybooby Mon 11-Feb-13 23:27:23

Flipper, yes masses of karma points to Snape for that grin

I am ok ish thanks ike x

MirandaWest Mon 11-Feb-13 23:28:07

Snape's posts did make me smile a lot.

Although Viennese Whirls are possibly the work of the devil grin

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:29:12

I did check on you earlier x

ike did I really see you post earlier asking what a macaroon was/is???

48howdidthathappen Mon 11-Feb-13 23:30:41

I am quite partial to a vienesse whirl grin

48howdidthathappen Mon 11-Feb-13 23:32:19

Or even a viennese one smile

Off to bed on a feel good vibe. Thanks snape

Angeletta Mon 11-Feb-13 23:32:24

Miranda I always notice your name because I think we like the same books! You were great in the Christmas Play BTW smile

KinNora Mon 11-Feb-13 23:34:10

All excitingly new and sparkly over here.

Sounds like I may have snogged OD man at a party in 1983. O me miserum.

lubeybooby Mon 11-Feb-13 23:34:49

<waves to Nora and Angeletta>

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:34:50

You did Voice....I suspect that 48 was going up market on me (this from someone who professes to prefer butties and beer to wining and dining !!!!)

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:36:03

Kin doesnt count...he was probably wearing braces on his teeth...

Have to say I am exceptionally partial to coconut macaroons but even more so almond macaroons. But then I've been known to buy a block of marzipan and slice it like cake and eat it.

You can't beat a chip buttie and a cider, in my humble.

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:38:09

I have still not done any bleedin research....right ....after half term I am not coming on here till 11::00pm...

Bant Mon 11-Feb-13 23:40:17

research on what, ike?

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:40:25

ooooh they are those old ladies' cakes (48 I am sure you are the opposite of an old lady) with a glace cherry on top...

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:41:15

Eating Disorders...having discussed Soreen obsessively ALL night....

coconut pyramids have cherries on top. genuine macaroons shouldn't

Flipper924 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:42:50

Are you back in Blighty, Bant, or is this a Hungarian date? I like her way of upping the odds of a second date <makes note in dating journal>.

Oh, Nora, how funny, but at least you know you fancied him at some point!

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:44:52

Ah I see...I am stuck in the world of iced rings and jammy dodgers I am afraid oh ....and an occasional flirtation with Malt loaf...

Angeletta Mon 11-Feb-13 23:44:58

<waves back to Lubey>

Voice one of my exes used to do the same with marzipan.

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:45:56

I am genuinely intrigued by the Soreen toastie ....wonder if the kids would be interested???

MirandaWest Mon 11-Feb-13 23:46:01

Angeletta is very nice to meet another Antonia Forest fan smile I have taken many of the appropriate names on here grin.

MirandaWest Mon 11-Feb-13 23:46:44

Soreen Toastie feels wrong somehow. Might not be gooey enough.

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:48:34

Miranda, Kin reckons they are the mutts nuts way of getting fruit into them they refuse raisins now too CHILDISH..

Angeletta - but I couldn't do it with the white marzipan, it has to be gold. I tend to do well at weddings and Xmas as I don't like fruit cake and a lot of people don't like marzipan. So we swap - they have my cake but I have their icing and marzipan. Yum.

Ike - I can't see or hear the words 'iced ring' without having a schoolboy smirk. Sorry

KinNora Mon 11-Feb-13 23:50:04

I think suggest

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:50:44

Voice dont want to know what one of my ex's used to do with a slice of Arctic Roll when he was a schoolboy <shudder>

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:51:38 was the 70's...............

Bant Mon 11-Feb-13 23:52:50

Flipper - the date is in the UK but I've been chatting on and off to for weeks - she knows my situation and is cool with it as she's got similar limits on availability herself

She's nice. "lol's" a bit too often for my liking but that's one of those things you wouldn't care about if you met someone in RL, isn't it?

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 11-Feb-13 23:53:14

Hi Guys and Gals!

Well. Thread 40 was swift and full of emotion. Fresh starts are always fantastic IMHO, nice new thread 41, Yay!

Anyhow, I am getting a bit scared. He is lovely (can I say that? Am I going to jinx it to hell shock)

Best wishes,

WarmFuzzyFun x

KinNora Mon 11-Feb-13 23:53:44

Oh dear. Try again.

Sadly, Flipper, assuming that because I snogged him I must have fancied him is giving the 16 year old version of me a little too much credit for being discriminating.

I'm prepared to post out Toastie and sliced Soreen loaves for the desperate amongst you.

lubeybooby Mon 11-Feb-13 23:54:34

WFF who is lovely? And don't worry I'm absolutely sure no certain action is jinxed

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:55:06

WFF remind me whose lovely?....sounds good.

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:56:22

Kin its either that or slices of Arctic roll or my famous vegetarian canapes...

Snapespeare Mon 11-Feb-13 23:56:47

i am singing this!

texted him that i was home safe, but had dazzled oncoming traffic with the force of my grin. and thank you for this veining, because he's wonderful. blush

he replied that it had been a while since he'd stopped traffic.

and that i am very lovely.

thank you all for letting me know that my smile is infectious across MN tonight.

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:57:06

Bloody Lubes is beating me to it....

KinNora Mon 11-Feb-13 23:57:30

Hello WFF, sounds marvellous, it's good to hear of someone else enjoying themselves.

ike1 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:58:44

.....but Snape you've got teeth ....havent you????

Snapespeare Mon 11-Feb-13 23:59:29

this evening blush

the 'veining' was a different matter entirely...

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 00:00:14

Awwww Snape

lubeybooby Tue 12-Feb-13 00:00:30

Snape it is reaaaaaaaaly infectious! grin I love it - so cool to see you happy

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 00:01:33


why, yes i do have teeth!


grin grin grin grin grin grin

Flipper924 Tue 12-Feb-13 00:01:56

Dropping your standards, Bant? I remember a time when a single lol would have you running, not to mention the exclamation marks!!! wink But then sometimes when you chat for a while, and you get to know someone a bit better, like you would in rl, the lols become less important. Good luck, hope you have fun!

Ooh, WFF, this sounds promising.... I'm off to bed now, but will catch up tomorrow.

grinchie Tue 12-Feb-13 00:02:29

Aaargh. Now macaroons?


ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 00:04:20

Night Flips rest well.x

grinchie Tue 12-Feb-13 00:06:04

Night flips, Ike? Is that a euphemism?

Aw snape he likes you grin

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 00:06:13

Do you fingers are ITCHING to type the word 'hun' at the end of sentences

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 00:08:03

Night flips is about right, Grinch, its the only thing 'going down' at chez Ike

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 00:46:34

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

That is seriously one lovely man.

grin grin grin

MirandaWest Tue 12-Feb-13 07:24:03

That is a lovely post to wake up to OWW smile

We need more details grin

48howdidthathappen Tue 12-Feb-13 07:39:02

Genuine macaroons shock no cherries on the top.

Mr R&R uses lol in text. Do I care. Nah LOL!

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 07:47:32

I fear the thread is in danger of wearing out the 'grin ' emoticon.


lubeybooby Tue 12-Feb-13 08:25:38

It's looking a little threadbare in places... look grin

Someone get the sewing kit before we end up with just a puddle of yellow and some teeth

lulubellaboozle Tue 12-Feb-13 08:32:40

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - <<lulu does a quick running stitch to hold it all together>>

snape grin just, grin

western sounds you had a wonderful time, tell us all x

Alittlestranger Tue 12-Feb-13 08:42:01

So pleased to read Snape's update.

Bant, maybe I've got my judgey pants on this morning, but I find the pre-briefing a little bit desperate. Surely a healthy love of nakedness can be conveyed in person? Maybe I'm cynical but it seems like she's not sure of her ability to lure you in on the first date so is having to put a special offer on the table if you follow through with my second.

It seems like my pants are a little snarky too.

I'm with Stranger on that thought, Bant

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 08:51:17

Nah, I think upon reading back through the texts it was just outrageous flirting. From both sides. It's all good.

NcNcNcNc Tue 12-Feb-13 09:37:24

Snape and OWW - grin grin grin

The whole world is grinning with you grin

Well this thread seems a bit happier so far! Spring must be in the air, the amount of people loved up there are at the minute- I don't think there's ever been this amount of people feeling happy on the thread before, has there?

No news from me, talking to a couple of people online, one I could possibly get excited by, but feeling very meh at the minute. Thought it was good that POF has him as a top 10 prospect, then looked at the no teeth man underneath him who is also a top 10 and changed my mind.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 09:53:11

Wonderful evening, flowers, candles, home-cooked three course veggie meal (bloody good too), plenty of strong Coffee, plans for a weekend away . . . unfortunately I decided to make a joke of it (well, a joke about rabbits, ended up doing rabbit impressions and totally derailed the conversation. Why?? Why do I think these things are a good idea even if they are funny??). It can all be sorted out later though.

No heavy relationship shit at all.

It's all very, very good.

Not seeing him now until next Monday when we're doing the Lego trip with all five children. Should be great fun.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 09:55:11

Outrageous flirting that says "we'll get naked but not till the second date" sounds a tad contrived. I may have in my head that I won't get naked till the first/second/third/whatever date, but I've never told the intended victim that ... unless there was a requirement to book hotels.

Of course, if she said was something along the lines of "I don't follow the three date rule and have even been known - on occasion - to make it to the second date ... " not that I've been known to say this, no siree that would certainly be outrageous flirting grin

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 10:03:07

It sounds like a really lovely evening OWW and good to see you're not worrying about your need to make jokes. After all, its part of the package that is "you" and I believe I'm safe to say that LM really likes that package smile

Regardless how LM feels about it, you are aware of it as a behaviour that you'd like to modify and awareness is a very large part of effecting that change.

As for Snape ... just smile grin smile grin and am glad that the control underwear did not kill any passion wink

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 10:37:36

Place marking.

Snape grin.

OWW, you should be able to be yourself now in the relationship and not worry about it.

Bant, I think you should both wait until you meet before working out when you get nakkid. If it's banter then that's fine.

Don't think I will bother going on anymore OD for a while. Last couple put me off.

SweetSeraphim Tue 12-Feb-13 10:44:52

Oooh Snape! gringrin Just caught up with all this! Fantastic news. He sounds faberooni grin

OWW again gringrin

Don't know what the actual fuck happened on the other thread but this one is shiny grin

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 10:47:59

Joyless - it was more like (via text/email)
L: What are you going to be wearing on the date? So I know - trousers/jeans/shellsuit?
B: I'm going to be rushing to make it for then so I'm not going to be dressing up
L: Won't you be cold? We haven't met yet and you're going to be naked? What will the waiters say?
B: They'll be stunned into silence. You think a first date is too early to go nude then?
L: Well it sounds interesting. Best offer I've had in a while. Maybe we should save that for date 2 smile
B: Also the best offer I've had in a while smile Maybe we should see how we go before we talk about nakedness. It can lead to awkward pauses when you turn up and realise I'm only 4' 6"
L: Aww. But planning the nudity is half the fun...And you'd better not be 4' 6"...

Nothing too full on, just banter.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 10:52:17

In dating news, Mr Unavailable and Mr Normal continue to provide quality Coffee, remain in respectful communication but don't blur the boundaries (we're FWBs, we're not dating). So whilst the lust is taken care of by these two stalwarts, I'm still interviewing for something serious. As others have said, suitable candidates in my age group (45-65) are thin on the ground so I've been chatting to someone who lives on the Devon coast. I live in Surrey and I initiated contact because he came across as steady and grounded with a nicely self-depracating sense of humour. But I've just looked up the train journey though and its 4.5 hours each way. That's a lot of reading time - which would be useful for my course - but I wonder if it will prove too much. I've had a successful LDR in that we broke up for reasons other than the distance, so we'll see.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 10:54:34

Ahhhhh ... nice banter there. I'm seeing the potential Bant smile

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 11:01:48

Joyless, maybe look for someone nearer if you want something serious. Just out of interest, why are the 2 birds in the hand not suitable for something more serious?

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 11:17:38

She sounds nice, Bant - definitely potential there.

Joyless, for me it would be really difficult to sustain anything more than a casual thing with that amount of travelling. But it depends what you want and what the rest of your schedule's like. If you're not daunted by the thought of it, why not meet up and see how it goes?

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 11:20:47

Yes, I realise it seems bonkers and you're probably right Scrazy.

As to the birds in the hand (I like that): from a passive point of view, neither are available/looking for something serious. Mr Unavailable is married, his children have SN and he is committed to stay until they are adults. Mr Normal's life is in flux and his mother died a few weeks ago after a sudden illness. From my point of view, Mr Unavailable has somewhat racist tendencies and Mr Normal is very sweet but a bit homely.

I find the only way an FWB works is if you both have good reasons for it being limited in that way.

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 11:23:57

Oh bollocks.

I very rarely google or FB-stalk someone I'm going to meet for a date. But I just looked on FB for LolGirl, and she's friends with the Artist. I think they both live in the same village. It's like a mafia down there, all interconnected...

So.. Knowing that they're 'friends' on FB, and apparently just became friends in the last 6 weeks.. Should this put me off?

There was a debacle with the Artist hearing third hand through an ex-colleague, also living in her village, that I'd asked his ex out via OD before we'd actually met each other and she threw a hissy fit.

Everyone knows everyone else through 3 degrees of separation, but the fact she just became friends with the Artist in the last 6 weeks, that's just a bit weird.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 11:32:57

OWW it probably does suit me as I'm very tied up with the demands of my training course (which is part-time but being done on top of working full-time), so I'm not looking to see someone except when its pre-planned. Rather depends whether he's content with that though ... so far, he says so. We're planning a meet but my weekends are full till the last one this month, so he might find that too long ...

SweetSeraphim Tue 12-Feb-13 11:34:13

Oooh Bant. I would stay away, tbh, there is weirdness going on there.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 11:36:28

Hmmmm, are you worrying if the Artist will turn up on date 1 as well Bant? I'd be inclined to think of it as just a co-incidence myself, but if you're concerned, you could just ask (although you'd have to admit to having stalked grin )

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 11:36:56

Joyless, Oh I see as long as your are cool with it.

Bant, sounds a bit odd and it could be they have met and are comparing notes. Who got in touch with who first, if L sent the first message I would be suspicious.

FlorentinePogen Tue 12-Feb-13 11:41:33

So.. Knowing that they're 'friends' on FB, and apparently just became friends in the last 6 weeks.. Should this put me off?

So there's a possibility that L'Artiste is advising Ms.Lol ?
Ooh, stalker alert !

NcNcNcNc Tue 12-Feb-13 11:41:55

hmmm suspicious...I'd be a bit dubious.

FB told me the other day that a friend of mine (A) was also friends with my DH's ex girlfriend. Bit weird I thought, didn't know they knew each other. Got chatting and it turned out that she wasn't actual friends with his exg at all, another mutual friend of ours had asked friend A to befriend DH's exg on FB because her husband had an affair with the exg's sister and she wanted to keep tabs on her through FB shock

So I would normally say don't be paranoid but as we're all in our late 30s early 40s and teenage stuff like that is still going on, maybe its best to be cautious.

Bant - I would avoid if it were me

FlorentinePogen Tue 12-Feb-13 11:49:40

FB told me the other day that a friend of mine (A) was also friends with my DH's ex girlfriend. Bit weird I thought, didn't know they knew each other. Got chatting and it turned out that she wasn't actual friends with his exg at all, another mutual friend of ours had asked friend A to befriend DH's exg on FB because her husband had an affair with the exg's sister and she wanted to keep tabs on her through FB

Is this a plotline from the next John LeCarre tome ? confused

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 11:50:34

Scrazy tbh, I was looking for serious when I met both. Mr Unavailable was one of those mad sexual sparks that watch spoke of with Goatboy. But he told me his personal circumstances before we DTD and I accepted it on that basis. We do keep very firm boundaries though and he is aware I see other people. With Mr Normal the sex was surprisingly good but I couldn't see the material for a relationship, so when his life hit the skids, I suggested FWB and he was delighted to accept. Again, very boundaried ... both phone/text but only as a build-up to meeting up - if it were otherwise, I'd quickly discuss to see what had changed.

I'm also fortunate in having a number of platonic males amongst my good friends, with whom I can not only do social stuff but who are caring towards me, supportive and/or affectionate when its needed. So I have my needs met, just from differing sources. I'd love ... just absolutely love having all my needs met by one person, but till then ...

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 11:55:56

well I'm not actually friends on FB with the Artist, I really didn't want to let her into my life that much - seeing pictures of my kids, my family etc, after only two weeks. It felt like she was just too full on, I didn't want to invite more full-on-ness.

And if Lolgirl has only just become FB friends with the Artist, surely they wouldn't know each other well enough to hatch a co-stalking plan, would they? If they'd been friends for years maybe..

This whole "becoming FB friends in the last 3 weeks, then she viewed and winked at me 8 days ago." - that does smack of weird coincidence I suppose.

It's not unusual that she winked at me. I get quite a few of them, although not usually from women I fancy.

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 12:01:04

okay. Good points in LolGirls favour. She's attractive, 5 years younger than me, has kids a little older than mine and doesn't seem desperate for more, is funny and likes music. Doesn't seem too full on although did send a disappointed mail saying she hoped she hadn't offended me when I hadn't replied to an email in two days - which is completely understandable.

Bad points. She types LOL and uses lots of exclamation marks. She's 'friends' with someone who I know to be a bit stalkerish and over-the-top, and potentially knows lots of other people I know due to the village-mafia thing.

She suggested the place to meet for our first date - the same place I suggested to the Artist back in December. But it's a nice place..

Not really enough to cancel a date, really, is it? Her good points outweigh the bad ones.

Bant - it could be coincidence. Some of us do have suspicious minds. Some of us have lived in villages and know just how incestuous it can be. I would be wary as it just smacks of having the potential for drama.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 12:03:09

Ah ... LOLgirl made first contact. I see your concern ...

I go back to "just ask", but then I regretted the only instance of not giving someone a chance to explain.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:05:45

Put it this way Bant if you had been dating someone in MY village I would probably know about it! Joyless I agree on the travelling relationship....not sure about 4.5 hours though...that would be too far and probably too expensive..

NcNcNcNc Tue 12-Feb-13 12:16:28

Florentine - unfortunately not, could be next Jeremy Kyle though I think grin

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 12-Feb-13 12:19:11

Bant tread carefully, I think something is odd there...

'He' is gorgeous, met on Match, I am scared shitless, it might actually work out! smile

Just a nice, dependable, kind man.

Unknown territory. (Breathe WarmFuzzy, breathe)

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 12:20:09

Bant, I would be very suspicious but it's your call.

Joyless, I cannot do FWB anymore, my view of it is skewed as I got my fingers burnt recently. I suppose I have done it in a fashion in the past but usually with people long distance and enjoyed a few and far between night out with them with benefits. The last one who lived nearer was enjoying all the advantages of being in a relationship with the freedom to take the piss do what he wanted with other women. I couldn't cope with it and he said a few times that we were only friends with wonderful benefits, made me want to vomit.

To sum it up I adored him and he treated me like a doormat, not a good situation.

As long as you aren't getting involved the way I was then it's OK. I think it's Mercury who says the trick is to have a few on the go but I don't meet enough attractive men to have that luxury.

Snape just wow and grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

So wonderful to see you happy and nameless does sound absolutely lovely. I'm very happy for you.

Bant noooo! you will have to at least check it out by asking her. That doesn't sound like mere co-incidence, you already have evidence of how word gets around over there and how the Artist reacted. Odd timing, odd everything. Did you first get in touch with this one after the Artist? I was surprised she went silent so quickly after just a few days of madness, at worst this could be a set up. Not being over dramatic but if you meet her do make sure you make like Bourne, back to the wall and eye on the door wink

Western glad you had a good time, here's to not worrying brew

48howdidthathappen Tue 12-Feb-13 12:23:39

I am losing the plot. I am getting needy. I don't like it one bit.

I am battening down the hatches. With big fuck off nails.

mercury7 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:25:51

I used to see multiple exclamation marks as a red flag, but then I became rather partial to them myself, although lots of ?? can seem aggression.
More than !!! suggests a manic state of mind.

I think the artist and lol-girl are working some kind of voodoo on you Bant...
hell hath no fury..

mercury7 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:29:55

'I think it's Mercury who says the trick is to have a few on the go'

it's tricky to actually achieve, sounds like Joyless has it nailed down!
my arrangements are less than ideal but I'm working on itgrin
(One of my fwb's is actually most useful for his home maintenance skills and ability to lug heavy objects)

Ok crossed post, I see she made first contact too and has suggested the same first date place. They could already have been friends in RL just not on fb, they could have been village acquaintances, chatted in the pub, plot hatched. If the Artist appears credible, she would think she is doing the Artist a favour.

Even if it is a bunch of co-incidences, it would be a nightmare. You would never be able to go out in the village, would be wary of letting lolgirl into your home life and can you imagine what could happen if she also became 'disappointed' with you?

48 what's wrong?

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 12-Feb-13 12:44:52

For FWB 3 is the magic number wink

48howdidthathappen Tue 12-Feb-13 12:47:49

Mr R&R has fucked me off, unintentionally I might add. I think he has realised. I cannot be arsed with any of it at the moment. So maintaining radio silence. It might be childish, but I don't bloody care.

I want my mum. I want my son back from Oz. I want my ex to hold my hand.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 12:51:47

Oh Bant that does actually sound a bit suspicious. I was surprised at the time that The Artist disappeared with so little fuss . . . I'd be tempted to cancel but like you say that's such a shame if it's all innocent and they are just neighbours. But I can imagine all sorts of scenarios with The Artist appearing once you've been lured to the pub. Maybe my imagination is a little overheated, though.

48 Hope you are okay. Is this just a general wobble or has something happened? If it's a wobble, try and stay with it, you're doing great although I know how hard it is to let people in especially when there's a lot of other stuff going on at the same time. How are things with your mum at the moment?

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 12:54:59

Sorry 48 cross post. What's Mr R&R done - is it serious? Maybe it's best to lie low for a couple of days, let things settle a bit and see how you feel.

Not sure how to say this without sounding patronising, but you're having such a rubbish time of it at the moment and coping amazingly well. Something always has to give in situations like this and it looks like it's Mr R&R. I'm the same, have wobbles about LM affected by all the other crap going on in my life. When is your boy home?

We're all here for you if that helps at all. I know it's not the same as someone actually being there, but any time you want to talk or let off steam we're here.

48 the thing with Mr R&R will just pass just ride it out and if radio silence is all you can manage right now, so be it.

Of course you want your Mum, your son and comfort from your ex. You have been through massive changes in your life and have been so strong for your Mum it must be all catching up with you. Is there anyone else you can turn to for comfort, tempting though it is to ask your ex in the long term it could bring an added complication and you don't need that as well. Meanwhile, holding your hand tightly.

Nomorepain Tue 12-Feb-13 13:02:37

Bit of advice please. Was texting mr Irish for few days and thought we were getting round to meeting up. This is our Convo. My friend said it reads like I have told him I'm not interested. What do you think?

Mr irish: i've just cleaned them again for you and I'm freezing as its snowing again!!!!!!!!! I still have same hair style I've just cut it short on the sides. So what do you have planned for the week / wk end to come ? Xx

Me: I am sick of the bloody snow!!! No plans for this week but out on fri and sat xx

I never heard anything back from him. He was online last night. What should I do. Would quite like a date but not with a loser. He said he is completely new to od.

Nomorepain Tue 12-Feb-13 13:03:23

48 would you like some cheesecake and a cuppa?

48howdidthathappen Tue 12-Feb-13 13:05:07

To him no. To me at any other time, no. To me at the moment, it shows he has no real understanding. I don't fucking need it or him.

My son wont be back for nearly 3 years. I miss him so much.

Gotta get back to work in a mo.


Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 13:29:20

NoMore - it doesn't sound short and terse, it's just one of those things, you've got to always leave them with a reason to answer, open ended questions and all that. So after 'no plans for this week but out on fri and sat' you could end with 'how about you?'

But, having said that, if he wants to reply, he'll reply. You weren't off with him, or rude, or dismissive. He's probably just busy or talking to other people too. Such is OD.

NoMore - and if he is new to OD, as he says he is, I do think it can take some getting used to, it can all feel different and one-step removed from RL

Nomorepain Tue 12-Feb-13 13:45:37

Do you think I should send a little how are you type message tonight or leave him be? Arghhhh I am a divvy!!

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 13:46:53

No more, there wasn't anything wrong with what you said. He will reply if wants.

48, can you arrange to visit you son at all?

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 13:59:57

no more I think it sounds fine. youve said you're busy at the weekend, thats not a brush-off. thats a woman in demand with a busy social schedule who isnt sitting at home de-fleaing her mangy cats and glaring at her phone. smile

48 nothing really advice/wisdom wise to impart, just understanding & kind thoughts. although doing nothing and taking time to breathe is also doing something. I hope you're feeling better soon. smile

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 14:04:28

& sorry about your son. me & DD were parted while she was doing her GCSEs & it was hellish. I saw her every couple of months or so, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.

bant I'd meet LOLgirl (on the basis that 'LOLgirl' sounds like a crap superhero) but watch out for rophynol & gaffer tape. have you seen 'misery'?

NcNcNcNc Tue 12-Feb-13 14:32:53

Bant's life is too exciting, it was 'Hostel' last week it's 'Misery' this week grin

Nomorepain Tue 12-Feb-13 14:49:42

Right so I won't text him. I am not cut out for rejection. It really gets to me. Feel like it is all I have experienced for the last year and a half!

Just about to apply for a job that I really want but having second thoughts now because the big fat NO will hit me hard!!!!

KirstyWirsty Tue 12-Feb-13 14:50:49

Just marking my spot .. off on another overnighter with Mr Cheeky tomorrow night ...hopefully I will get a place of my own soon - all these nights in hotels are costing us both a fortune!!

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 14:52:14

Kirsty is he behaving himself (outside the hotel room!)?

Have you got a plan to be able to get your own place? Fingers crossed it will happen soon for you.

KirstyWirsty Tue 12-Feb-13 15:00:31

OWW He has been extra lovely both in and out of the bedroom .. I am quite happy for the moment

I am going to see a flat (to rent until STBXH agrees to 50/50 split!!!) tonight but I think it may be too small for all of my stuff .. all of the bigger ones are in horrible areas .. not even anything a bit dearer is nicer!

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 15:00:34

Sorry Nomore I missed your post.

Rejection's hard, it's a real bugger. And that is a big problem with OD as most of the contacts won't lead to a chat, most of the chats won't lead to a date, most of the dates won't lead to a relationship/whatever you're after. It's easy to say don't take it personally, but really that is all you can do. Mr Irish doesn't know the real you, he can't after a few chats. And it's probably not even that he's rejecting you, more likely there's something else gong on in his life. If you feel better not doing it or taking a break, just do that and come back to things if and when you feel like it.

BUT do go for it with the job application! Don't assume it's a big fat no. It's going to be a big fat YES!!!

KirstyWirsty Tue 12-Feb-13 15:01:39

48 Tell him why you are pissed off

snape here's another couple gringrin

bant I would tread with caution - remember snape's honey trap!

KirstyWirsty Tue 12-Feb-13 15:02:24

and OWW LM sounds really lovely grin

KirstyWirsty Tue 12-Feb-13 15:02:36

Hi to those I've missed

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 15:03:53

Ha Kirsty seems like the break has done him good! Good luck with the flat hunting - hope the one tonight is okay or at least livable in temporarily until you can sort things out with your ex. Could you leave a bit of stuff at your mum's?

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 15:09:26

Actually the honey trap was before my time on the thread, I'd heard about it but didn't read back for the details.

I think Lolgirls life story is too complicated for it to be a fake, and if it did turn out to be the Artist I'd sit and have a drink with her, make it clear nothing was going to happen, then go home alone.

I hated just having to ignore her texts when she was upset by me finishing it, she wasn't a bad person, just far far too needy and she wanted something I wasn't prepared to give (i.e. children and for me to live with her, meeting my DC within weeks, all of my free time etc) I didn't like hurting the Safrican either when I broke things off with her, but also didn't like being dumped by the Historian without a word of explanation till months later. I'm not sure whether the Artist has enough closure and getting in touch would just bring up old wounds.

NoMore - go for the job. As it stands they're already saying 'no' because they don't know about you. You're giving them the chance to say 'yes'

48howdidthathappen Tue 12-Feb-13 15:29:49

Left work early. Wasn't getting any where with it.

Scrazy I wish I could get a one way ticket to Oz.

Kirsty If he rings I will tell him. I am not texting. I hate bloody texts. Good luck with the flat.

Going to the hospital tonight. So must get my act together.

Sorry for all the woe is me.

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 16:10:10

Blimey, lots to catch up on and those feckers at Waitrose didn't have any cherry Jaffa Cakes.

Nomore, go on, apply for the job, you never know.

Snape and OWW, so pleased that you both are finally experiencing a little happiness.

Bant, weird but then I'm a city girl - villages scare me.

48, why on earth would you apologise about saying you're having a rough time ? I reckon you can complain about whatever you feel like on here, you'll get plenty of empathy and handholding ( and Soreen )

I'm waving to all of you but my low blood sugar caused by a deficit of novelty-flavoured Jaffa cakes means that I'll need a rest straight afterwards.

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 16:19:18

I am on the verge of a [wet fish] no word today. I've probably exhausted him by merit of my best pants.

nomore utterly and absolutely apply for the job. Job applications are always good experience in and of themselves and any failure on the part of the employer to give you the job is just that - their failure to recognise your brilliance, not you failing to impress them the same should be thought of Internet dating.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 16:25:02

48 you know you'll get your act together for hospital, for the simple reason that you always do. Doesn't mean that I and the rest of the thread don't understand and empathise with how much it costs you to do so - emotionally speaking. You know we all think you're bloody wonderful, don't you? As for Mr R&R, well ... its shite timing that you'd just decided to make yourself vulnerable to him just before he transgressed. I agree with you about text but hope that you will talk to him and get it sorted. Of all the relationships that I've seen spoken of on this thread, the one you have with him is the one that makes me feel envy But, in the end, its whatever is right for you and you will receive nothing but support and understanding for your decision.

NoMore apply! Believe ... we do.

Kirsty blimey, more Coffee ... grin and fingers crossed for the flat hunting.

Scrazy I see why you were asking now and yes, that is something I know I have to beware of - but so far, so good.

mercury I think its damn fool luck myself. I couldn't have organised it if I tried! They'll both probably meet someone else, fall in lurve and leave me high 'n dry if past experience is anything to go by.

Nora bugger Waitrose not having your cake/biscuit of choice ... hope you got something else to ensure blood sugar stability in the interim.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 16:26:43

Snape I think we should assume you've exhausted him and there will be no word for at least 24-48 hours. Otherwise we may need to have words with you about your over-use of restraint ...


Movingforward123 Tue 12-Feb-13 16:29:29

Hey everyone, so like I said last week I slept with my brothers best friend and felt bad about it, I've now slept with him a second time and the sex is good.

He's been really sweet and just asked me to go out for valentines shock I don't know what to say, the option are:
1) try to get a babysitter
2) dont see him and say maybe meet up on the weekend
3) invite him round when dd is in bed

I'm not sure where I see this going with this guy and dont want to lead him on, do you think I should just see how things go? Or tell him that I'm not sure if it would ever go anywhere? Help sad

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 16:33:32

To echo what joyless said... I always think of you as one of 'us'. Meaning really sodding strong, not necessarily because of any personality traits or any woo jumbo jumbo... But because you do have a lot on your plate and you deal with everything. That's not to say that it isn't exhausting and there aren't days where there's that feeling of 'but why do I have to be the strong one all the time...' and it looks effortless to people who don't 'get' it... but a lot of us do, so I think you're bloody wonderful as well. smile

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 16:34:48

Last one at 48


Just see how things go. smile if you're not sure, theres really only one way to find out...

lubeybooby Tue 12-Feb-13 16:36:47

Movingforward as it's early on with him I would try to get a babysitter first and if no joy then meet up at the weekend.

Depending how old your DD is then maybe option 3 if she's a good sleeper and young enough not to really notice or care about an extra person around if she did wake up (unless she knows him already?)


I wouldn't want to set a precedent for just coming over to yours for a shag, and end up just doing that all the time (unless thats what you want)

lubeybooby Tue 12-Feb-13 16:37:41

Snape you have definitely exhausted him. I will get the fish ready just in case but he was done in and you didn't hear much after your snogathon date before so i expect this will be the same.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 16:44:26

Moving is the reason you're unsure because of that whole "he's my brother's best friend and I'm off-limits" thing you raised on the last thread, or do you actually have doubts about him? If the former, then bugger your brother ... OK, not actually grin but you know what I mean. Just date him and find out how you feel.

I think its lovely that he's invited you out on VDay and you should go and enjoy being wooed by a sexy nice man smile

KirstyWirsty Tue 12-Feb-13 16:47:48

moving .. What joy said ^

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 16:54:44

(Making gooey chocolate and cherry cookies - that is the fault of you lot tempting me last night )

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 17:04:44

Lost my mind in a play centre this afternoon <gibber>

Movingforward123 Tue 12-Feb-13 17:24:26

lubey my dd already knows him, and when I was seeing mrworkaholic he always and round when dd was in bed and it was fine.

Movingforward123 Tue 12-Feb-13 17:28:52

joyless I just don't think he's my type for a long term boyfriend! But fine to chill with now. wink

And yes it was very sweet of him!

Movingforward123 Tue 12-Feb-13 17:53:34

Sorry I meant not my type for a boyfriend grin

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 17:56:17

Moving, I would think that he sees you as a blooming new romance if he has asked you out on VDay, so if you really don't want the level of involvement then sort something out for the weekend. I wouldn't start off with him coming round in case you realise you do want more and he gets in the habit of just coming round.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 17:56:45

ike we need to know more ... Oh & thank you for making me look at the financial aspect of long distance thingy. I hate the idea that money would be the deciding factor in any relationship prospect, but the reality is that we do both have to consider it as neither of us is exactly rolling in the stuff. Reality check received, thanks m'dear.

Moving good to hear your brother doesn't need buggering ignoring grin I understand why you'd be worried about leading him on in the circs, do you feel he's always had a thing for you what with his always being around? I guess if you're worried about it, that's something to talk to him about. Would you feel easier in yourself if you postponed seeing him till the weekend and so avoided the whole "romanticness" of VDay? If so, I'd go with the no babysitter option (I don't imagine its hard to believe they're as rare as hen's teeth this close to) and see him on the weekend instead. Whichever option, have fun smile

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 18:01:54

Ah I took so long in the typing, I see that Scrazy has said it ^ briefer and better smile

Alittlestranger Tue 12-Feb-13 18:21:40

If LOLgirl is in a plot with the Artist, what do we think they're plotting to do? To set up some kind of honey trap and be planning a Misery-esque end seems so unhinged keeps mouth firmly shut as realises it is The Artist we're dealing with here that I'm inclinded to believe it's a coincidence. Certainly very few of my friends let along mere Facebook friends know enough about dates I go on to recognise if they were heading for an overlap. Although I suspect the Artist did plaster your face all over their village like that Sex and the City scene. But you can only go with your gut and I think this thread has shown that third hand gut doesn't always work.

One of my colleagues cracked a Bridget Jones gag at me today. I deployed a lot of my fabled strength not to murder him.

mercury7 Tue 12-Feb-13 18:37:41

the lingua franca on the dating site today appears to be pidgin english, as in:

'hope u keeping warm in this frezzing weather
im a chekey chapey who enjoys a laugh and nos how to treat a lady '

would you adam and eve it?? confused grin

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 18:39:15


Sent him photo of a thing with his name on it with 'look! It's like you're famous!'
Nameless: Well, i do my best. ;-)
Me: you certainly do! <kisses>
Nameless: Mwah!

He can't expect a response to 'mwah!' Can he? There isn't actually a response to that, is there?

Oh. Text. We are now discussing bootleg American vinyl behind the iron curtain during the Cold War. grin

Come on nameless! Date 4! Let's GO!

lulubellaboozle Tue 12-Feb-13 18:42:38

I honestly don't thinki LOLgirl and the Artist are plotting to abduct Bant and tie him to a chair and stick chips up his nose

..... and if I'm wrong, then surely they wouldn't be FB friends, when that would be so easy to discover, surely they would distance themselves.

FWIW and from what Bant said, the Artist is a full-on, all or nothing type of person, just the type who meets someone once as a brief acquaintance and then the next thing you know you have a friend request in your in-box - possiby a more likely scenario. I would go along and see what happens, and if it feels appropriate and the chat comes around to where she lives, then you could casually drop into conversation that you had an brief but intense relationship with someone who lives there and see if the conversation opens up .......... if she says that's funny my best friend went out with a knob who lives near you, it's going to have to be an out through the toilet window job

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 18:44:01
TweedSlacks Tue 12-Feb-13 18:45:31

Toasted Banana Soreen drenched in Nutella is one of my favourite things ever
Cut it long ways so it stands up in the toaster.
True comfort food , makes me smile when Im abit sad

lulubellaboozle Tue 12-Feb-13 18:46:27

Mercury it would be petty, but ..... a possible reply could be

Yeah, can't bear frezzing weaver, much betta when its sonny, lol!!!
glad to here you nos how to treat a ladyee - can I bee chekey two and suggest you get a friggin spell check?!

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 18:57:06

grin lulu.

Shit. I think I broke the [grun]. It was one too many





ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 19:06:20

Yes play centres ...I've lost track of how many hours of my life have drained away watching small children beat each other up and throw themseves off cargo nets....but whatever.... managed to spend £20 today doing exactly that. Whose having pancakes???

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 19:08:54

Joyless I am very good at putting a spanner in the works of romance, I am afraid, and you are very welcome. Finance is unfortunately a bit of an issue if you have to do alot of train travel to sustain the relationship.

After yesterday's discussion , I am having a block of marzipan for tea. It's marzipancake day!!!!!

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 19:31:42

My kids have to their dad's for pancakes ...happy to leave him with that task. Going to see a mate to find out why her fingers have turned black all of a sudden...enjoy your batter/marzipan/Soreen feasts everyone.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 19:33:18


theendishere Tue 12-Feb-13 19:37:57

I need some info about and was told I might find it on this thread! I want to stop my ex from viewing my profile (he is on match too) if I blacklist him, will this stop my profile appearing in his search results and he won't be able to view my profile?

FlorentinePogen Tue 12-Feb-13 19:39:06

Going to see a mate to find out why her fingers have turned black all of a sudden

Usually that's gangrene. Has she just come back from climbing Mt. Everest ?


ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 19:42:53

Yeah Flo I think she's worried. We live in a hilly region but not that altitudinous

AndLibbyMakesThree Tue 12-Feb-13 19:49:49

I'm not sure I can cope with seeing Mr C any more. I'm having such a hard time with DS at the moment (he's autistic and I'm coping really badly with his behaviour recently). I'm not sure what to do - wondering if the fairest thing would be to end it, or if that's just my self-destructive side wanting to make things even worse.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 20:02:21

Libby Really sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your ds. Has his behaviour got worse recently? I'm wondering if it might be worth going back to his support team to see if they've any suggestions, but you've probably done that already. It can be so difficult at times like this when you're on your own.

I know myself that when I'm feeling under pressure from other areas of my life I get a bit of a downer on LM and start thinking all sorts of (usually untrue) negative things and wondering if I should end it with him. I know I do this now, so I can try and talk myself out of it. Maybe you're the same in a way? I think you might regret it if you finished with him. Does he know what a hard time you're having? Maybe having a chat with him and letting him know that you need a bit of space/support/whatever as you're having a difficult time would be the first step - see how that goes and I bet he'll step up and it can make all the difference feeling that there's someone there in your corner.

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 20:03:13

Fuckit. Asked him for date 4. Am strident woman of bewilderment.

Go, Snape, go!

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 20:06:49


I think you are being overly kind. We all have difficult, complicated compromising lives. As long as he knows the score it's kind of his decision whether he wants to be involved with you... You can't make that decision for him.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 20:11:18

Yay Snape more power to your elbow (and other parts).

AndLibbyMakesThree Tue 12-Feb-13 20:14:12

OWW, thanks so much for another lovely reply. Usually I can kind-of cope, but this evening I'm just sitting here crying my eyes out. I've made an appointment with my son's SENCO for advice, but that's not happening until after half-term.

I think part of the reason I'm feeling so down is that I was going to talk to Mr C tonight, but his plans changed and he's now gone out. Obviously I wouldn't expect him to stay at home so he could talk to me and not see his friends - that would be ridiculous. But I really think it would've helped to talk to him tonight. It's hard enough not being able to see each other often because of the DC situation, but when there's no time to talk either it makes things even harder.

I think I react in a similar way to you (getting a downer on him when other stuff is going wrong). But at the same time, I'm so exhausted by DS I don't know if I have anything left to give.

A belated happy birthday, by the way, and I'm so glad you had such a lovely evening - you deserve it.

AndLibbyMakesThree Tue 12-Feb-13 20:16:22

Snape, perhaps it's me being selfish and thinking it would be easier (for me) if I ended it rather than waiting for him to.

So glad things are going well with Nameless - reading your updates yesterday was one of the few things that's made me smile recently!

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 20:17:37

Snape, you are the Queen of Strident Insouciance and long may you reign.

Libby, sorry you're having a rough time with your ds, as OWW says, sometimes problems in one area of your life cast a huge shadow and make it difficult to see anything positive in other areas, if your relationship with Mr C is usually good and gives you enjoyable adult company, it seems a shame to end it.

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 20:20:15

It transpires that new OD man went out with one of my exh's exes. I think Fate is trying to make me completely lose my marbles, I'm well freaked out.

grinchie Tue 12-Feb-13 20:21:05

Libby I'm with Nora. If MrC's company is good then it might be good to go out with him again.
Either way un MN (((hug))).

Good for you Snape.

grinchie Tue 12-Feb-13 20:21:42

Ew Nora ew, ew, ew.

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 20:25:51

Libby... In a way I think it is a lovely lovely quality, when you think you're not enough, or complicated or awkward...or whatever it is we feel. smile

I think... I sabotage a lot. What is stopping me from kicking my feet through the autumn leaves on walking on ice or just enjoying something for what it is and just liking being with someone?

If you like him when he's there and you're the best-you when you're there with him, then all is well.

4th date on Friday.

[worn out grin]

Have warned him I am going to my very best his. favourite local pub to drink mojitos before see him. So I will be a bit squiffy. I suspect he thinks that's a blow job. I think it's the STD chat... hmm

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 20:38:01

Yep. Albeit in 1983 and a couple of hundred miles away.

Movingforward123 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:38:32

scrazy I think your right, I told him I don't think I'll have a babysitter and he said well if you get one we will go out Thursday. If not I'll take you out another time smile

I like the idea of being taken out, is it bad for me to go out in dates etc even if I dont think it will turn into a relationship?

Mrw never took me out an when he did he acted like it was a massive deal. Even the thought of this guy wanting to take me out on valentines day after only being with him twice makes me smile smile

The other thing was that the other day when we slept together I felt wobbly and thought oh no, that can't be much of a turn on, but he obviously doesnt seem bothered by that!

Any tips to make me feel more confident naked? confused

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 20:41:19

Moving - no, no, no, no, no and no - it's never bad to enjoy going out without a relationship. You deserve some fun, never think otherwise.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 20:42:01

Oh Libby be kind to yourself tonight - hot bath, rum and ginger (both of which I've got on the go tonight) or whatever it takes to get you through it. It's really disappointing when you've psyched yourself up for seeing someone and then plans change, especially when it's not that easy to make them in the first place, and especially when you're feeling low.

I wonder if it'd be worth phoning up the school and asking the SENCO to phone you at lunchtime or after school for a quick chat so maybe s/he can give you some advice to tide you over for half term? The holidays must seem a bit daunting at the moment and it's hard to find the strength to keep on sometimes. Is there any family that could look after your ds for a day or an afternoon to give you a break and time to recharge the batteries?

Hope you can arrange something with Mr C soon. Chin up, sweetheart.

48howdidthathappen Tue 12-Feb-13 20:42:10

Libby Don't doing anything hasty. Sleep on it if you can. I am going to put Mr R&R out of mind for now. Let him figure it out.

Managed the hospital, kept the smile on.

You are all bloody wonderful smile

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 20:43:29

No Moving - enjoy going out on some dates, have fun and a good time. As for the wobbly bits, bugger 'em. He's really not going to notice or care.

Movingforward123 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:44:08

joyless the first night we slept together he admitted that he told my brother before that he liked me and thought I was attractive, he also said he would never have said anything to me as he thought I would never be interested in him.

So I don't think he was really really into me or even thought about me a lot, but I do think he is being very sweet towards me and I don't think he is generally that sweet with girls. But obviously that's only going on the information I get from my brother sad

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 20:44:21

wine flowers and a big hug, 48.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 20:51:51

Good for you, 48. Concentrate on what you have to for the moment, the rest will all sort itself out. Big hug to you.

Movingforward123 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:53:07

kin thanks smile I do want to go out and enjoy being treated nicely for a change, mr w didn't treat me well or mrrich!

But this guy who seems very rough round the edges seems to be sweeter then any of them so far!

Movingforward123 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:55:01

* weatern* I am bothered by the wobbly bits though and it's not so much the being naked bit, but if we are in certain positions and he holds me in a certain way I feel like a big massive jelly belly confusedconfused

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 20:55:47

Moving, go for it. Life's too short to turn down opportunities for fun.

KirstyWirsty Tue 12-Feb-13 21:24:04

moving sounds to me like he likes the full package .. Wobbles and all!!

48 fake it till you make it .. How is your mum?? X

AndLibbyMakesThree Tue 12-Feb-13 21:35:18

Thanks everyone for the support and advice. I'm still feeling down but am going for an early night (DS woke for the day at 4.45 this morning!) and am hoping things may look slightly brighter tomorrow.

OWW, thanks once again. LM is very lucky to have someone as caring as you. You're right, the holidays are daunting, especially as it's extremely hard to keep DS occupied (he doesn't like toys, or much else really!) Sadly there's no family to help out (apart from his dad who has him once a week) so I'll be coping on my own during the holidays.

48, well done for coping ok at the hospital - you have such a lot to deal with right now. Sorry that things are difficult with Mr R&R - thinking of you and hoping that you can sort it out (if you want to of course) as he's sounded great up until now. I'm wondering if, like in my case, something quite minor he's done might seem far worse than it is because of all the other stress in your life (though I may be totally wrong).

Thanks again to everyone - I know this isn't the right place to post for support regarding my DS, but I couldn't think of anyone in RL I could talk to, and am really grateful for this thread.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 21:39:28

Snape - what is stopping you? I'm really trying to live in the moment more and stop worrying about what is past, and can't be changed, or what is in the future, and probably will never happen. "I know people whose idea of fun/Is throwing stones in the river in the afternoon sun/Oh let me be as free as them" or however it goes, well that's going to be me, that is.

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 21:50:43

:-) we've just had a raunchy text conversation about last night. I'm aware ME/CFS can sometimes go alongside fibromyalgia....and I wouldn't want to cause him any pain through the POWAH of my VAGINAH so we're due to have a boring old fully clothed sex chat on Friday. Which gives me the opportunity to broach the STD thing... When i intend to be full of mojitos.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 22:08:37

Bit of a hmmmmm here - what do you think? So, I've been seeing LM a while, met his mum, met his dcs, all good. Not met his friends yet, he doesn't go out much, but he has a very good female friend he's known for twenty odd years, sees her as his sister and he's been helping her move house and with some other stuff. I've chatted to her on FB a couple of times, got chatting today as she posted asking for advice on estate agents, somehow got on to talking about our past, sadly have a lot in common re abusive men, so quite deep stuff but all good. Then she asks how I know LM - okay, I thought, so he's not said we met online. So I said something vague, then said I'd been seeing him since September, and she goes "Seeing him as in you're more than friends?" so I said yes, that's right. Now it's all gone very quiet, no reply for well over an hour whereas we'd been chatting away most of the evening.

So, I'm left wondering why I'm a big secret here ...

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 22:08:53

Does he have fibromyalgia, Snape ?

SweetSeraphim Tue 12-Feb-13 22:12:02

OWW - erm.... that is a bit weird confused Have you messaged her again and asked her why?

Snape - when you finally have to have the convo, we will all be in your pocket. Not your LadyPocket, obviously.

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 22:13:07

I'm not sure some ( got to make sure I get that in ) men share details in quite that way, even with really good friends OWW. No idea why they don't, I think it often doesn't occur to them.

KinNora Tue 12-Feb-13 22:15:00

Of course this may just be the traditional northern types what I'm used to, quite possibly the southern blerks are all Sex and the City over a skinny latte and a biscotti.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 22:15:36

SS I thought of messaging back but didn't know what to say really.

I know all about her though! And she knows nowt about me.

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 22:16:17

Nora - hardcore northern here ...

48howdidthathappen Tue 12-Feb-13 22:17:18

libby I am not sure he has got a fucking clue he has done anything wrong.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:18:28

ok we think Reynauds disease. I'd check out the fibro situ Snape....still avoiding washing up. Gonna go to the cinema to watch The Sessions and Django tommorow, I reckon.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:19:16

I am thinking it might be time to get off the sofa....

SweetSeraphim Tue 12-Feb-13 22:20:30

48 I meant to say something to you earlier. You're someone here that is very much on my wavelength, I relate to a lot of your posts. You've had a shit day matey thanks

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:24:53

I have had a trawl on POF nowt there.....and the days of being apparently voted one of the most 'popular' women on OKC are long gone....Guardian S ....nowt. What to do???

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 22:26:47

He is currently in the palm of my pocket. blush

No, don't know if he has fibro. Very rudimentary internet research hmm might suggest a higher instance of fibro alongside ME/CFS, we haven't discussed it. Yet.


Me: hey. How you doin? Do you have fibro?
Nameless. Hey. No.
Me: excellent news, didn't want to break you. By the way, I have genital herpes.
<play in 'wacca-wacca-boom-wacca' 70's Swedish porn music>


lubeybooby Tue 12-Feb-13 22:29:17

Snape I am helpless laughing at that post. Just imagining that exact script and music. Oh god

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 22:31:31

I thought it was 'boom chicka wah wah' these days Snape?

SweetSeraphim Tue 12-Feb-13 22:31:46

Hahahaa!!! grin

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 22:32:42

Oh bant... Your knowledge of modern day pornography is obviously far better than mine. <curtseys>


Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 22:37:15

Anyway... I suggested we have the sex talk, which isn't romantic, or passionate or owt, but I pocket-palmed him by saying, 'I would never want to be less than honest, or mean or self serving' so thunderbirds are go.

Apparently I now 'rock'. I think that's what the young folk say when they want to fist you. wink grin

I better be getting some on Friday. I might even buy prophylactics. blush something I never do as I tend to regard it as a personal preference...

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:38:56

I reckon he would have mentioned it though Snape because fibro can be very severe in some cases...I have worked with people who are virtually bed ridden with it.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:43:02

So Snape let me get this right, you said....'I want to talk to you about sex on Friday' and he said 'you rock'. Or have you had the 'chat' <confused>

Snapespeare Tue 12-Feb-13 22:48:17

I said,' let's talk about sex (bay-bee) on Friday'

He said I rock.

The chat is yet to come

<downs mojito>

Nah, don't think fibro. I have a friend with ME/CFS who has fibro... Don't think it's likely, but if there's a possibility, I would like to know how to work with it,.,

ike - so the OD scene in South Wales about as shite as in Gloucestershire then? I've always felt it depends hugely where you live as to how successful OD is. They say dating is a numbers game. If so, then OD is the post code lottery. I also have a friend who has Reynauds but but she's never had black fingers or toes.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:59:50

Fair dos. It's good to rock! I reckon it'll be alright you know.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:05:17

Yeah South Wales...I know most of the vaguely eligible guys around my age who I would be interested in. That sounds odd as it encapsulates a capital city but it is really a large village.

I had one or two breaks when I was seeing TR and could have gone on dates with several of his acquaintances through dating sites but did not because I felt it would not have been fair to him. Yes my friend was quite shaken up going to docs tomoz.

Alittlestranger Tue 12-Feb-13 23:05:21

Love this Voice: "They say dating is a numbers game. If so, then OD is the post code lottery" I may nick it for the dreaded sub heading.

PinkPeanuts Tue 12-Feb-13 23:05:28

Hi Everyone!

<marks place>

I'm always amazed at how fast this thread moves!

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 23:07:16

Snape - my knowledge of the boom chicka wah wah I think came from a Lynx advert?

But I am up-to-speed with things enough to know that young people might fist-bump you. Fisting you is a very different thing indeed.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:07:55

As it was when TR introduced me to his friends I knew several had taken the photos for my wedding beause he was very close to my exH and I at the time but for various reasons we had lost touch.

Stranger feel free to nick it without need for payment of copyright. I don't know where that popped out from. I'm not usually so erudite and witty this time of the day.

ike - my friend with Reynauds doesn't seem to 'suffer' much beyond occasionally cold extremeties. Hopefully your chum will be fine also.

Bant - Lynx advert. Yeah, sure it does.

Having dipped my toe back into POF the other day, I took a glance at OKC earlier this evening. Nope, nowt doing there either. All the decent catches are hiding, it seems (hiding away from Thursday perhaps).

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:15:18

Hmmm Thursday...

MirandaWest Tue 12-Feb-13 23:15:39

I think I have Raynauds. Have crap circulation especially in fingers though. They mostly go white although sometimes slightly blue. I do lots of glove wearing smile

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 23:17:00

I've got my DC on thursday. I will make beans on toast for tea for all of us, in the shape of a heart, then put them to bed and not do OD.

Also, I sign the divorce papers in the afternoon. How romantic.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:17:09

I fear it might be linked to something else maybe use speculating...doc will do the tests..

Miranda - I've always been fine with cold and hopeless in heat. But this winter my feet have been like blocks of ice all the time, often wearing two pairs of socks and still freezing. Think my thermostat needs checking out.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:18:55

Oh that's interesting Miranada its apparently quite rare. Is it due to any B12 deficiency? Do circulatory problems run in the family?

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:20:49

Bant the afternoon of VDay sucks a bit for you what a rubbish day to have sign divorce papers...

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 23:30:59

yeah ike - got given them on Christmas day, then there were various lawyer shenanigans and Thursday I sign them.

Damn divorce lawyer doesn't even give a discounted rate on Valentines day..

MirandaWest Tue 12-Feb-13 23:33:46

ike I've had blood taken out of me and tested for all number of things but I am apparently fine just rubbish circulation. If you smoke then stopping is a good idea but I never have. Started a few years ago and have had horrid infected chilblains but not had them for a couple of years. Don't think anyone else in my family has it. I find my ring fingers are especially affected hmm

Jeez, Bant, that's a bastard. No doubt the decrees will come in on your wedding anniversary and birthday too, just for fullest possible effect.

Bant your visit to the Misery Motel is tomorrow. No need to worry about signing anything on Thursday.

Meanwhile you might find this of use

grin at Juliette

MirandaWest Tue 12-Feb-13 23:41:10

On Thursday XH and I are doing divorce discussing. He's got all his pension valuations back now (has had several jobs) and turns out he has about 3 times my amount. So looks like some sharing needs to happen. We are amicable enough and would like to sort out how we want to do things ourselves but think he'd prefer to not use any solicitor as he "has no money" and also doesn't want to have to pay money to get the pensions officially split and would rather have it left until he retires and I get whatever percentage. Am not sure what to do really - dont want to sell myself short but don't want to battle.

We've been separated nearly two years so seems right time for divorcing (plus I think he wants to marry his GF although as they live about 200 miles or so apart could be a bit tricky). Would love to wave a wand and it just be done tbh. There's not really much money involved and no house (we made a mess of money things although at least that is sorted now).

Ho hum

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:43:02

Miranda I am hoping it might be that for my mate...although it doesnt sound like a bundle of laughs, thanks for sharing.

Just having a flick through profiles...are there any women around on this thread that find the idea of being 'treated like a princess' appealing?

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:45:01

Miranda I would get some legal advice definitely. Pop into your local CAB first and see if they agree with me.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:46:39

It pops up so often on blokes' profiles I get the feeling that I should be sold on this 'princess' thing..

ike - based on how often I've seen that phrase on a woman's profile (ie, they want a guy who will treat them like a princess) I suspect a lot of guys put that on their profiles in the hope of improving chances.

I wonder what sort of response a guy would get if he included on his profile "looking for someone who'll treat me like a King and wait on me hand and foot"?

Miranda I would also seek advice from the CAB and use a solicitor if need be. If it's fairly simple, it shouldn't cost much to get the nessary legal work done and would be a sensible move and use of funds for peace of mind anbd guarantee, I fancy.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:52:43

Well exactly Voice...I wanna be tretted like a pwincess! Hm no ...I cant actually imagine it. Apparently this is what K. Price's 3rd hubby did and she married him within 3 weeks.

No princess fantasies here Ike.

Voice everytime I see 'you will x, like y and do z' I think exactly that, possibly with a weekly bj on a Sunday morning hmm

Miranda do get legal advice. It is a must to protect you and enable you to move on without bitterness. He doesn't need to know, it doesn't have to inovolve letters to him, but you must have the information to make an informed decision.

Snape yay for the sex chat and having some grin

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:57:53

I reckon it'll be a free for all on POF on Thurs night ....might have to get on there to have a laugh.

Hi Miranda. Am lurking and noticed your divorce comment. IIRC pensions are not usually spit 50 50 as girls live longer and therefore get a bigger percentage. This is worth checking and perhaps could be validated through the mn legal board.

MirandaWest Wed 13-Feb-13 07:35:02

I went to sleep after my divorce musings smile

I have been to see a solicitor for a free 30 minutes and she felt I'd be looking at a 50:50 split which tbh I'm mostly happy with. Part of me feels that XH and I jointly decided I'd work less and look after the children more when they were little and then stop that particular type of work completely when childcare went wrong and that I could possibly be "entitled" (hate that word but still) to a slightly bigger split, especially as I earned more than him <sigh> but seems a little gold digging to me.

Am a bit distrustful of CAB after a bad experience connected with joint debts in the past but that was elsewhere I suppose. Am hoping when I'm old Mr Nice and I will live in a cottage by the sea and be old and happy smile We have spoken of such things before smile

Movingforward123 Wed 13-Feb-13 07:50:12

western that sounds odd thy she went so quiet! Maybe she secretly thought she would get together with LM at some point? Maybe you should message her again. Or ask LM what he thinks that's about?

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 08:54:55

Moving - yes, I think it's odd that it all went suddenly quiet, and also odd that he'd not told her about me. I just assumed she knew who I was when I was chatting to her ie I'm LM's gf. She's literally just come out of a nine year relationship so is getting back on her feet after that, she's had a lot of problems in the last year or so and LM has been helping her like any good friend would. He told me early on that he sees a lot of her but she's like his sister and I'm not worried about that.

Conversation last night went like this (edited to remove all the bits about children, baths, courts, pancakes etc etc - there was a lot of other stuff, general chat, as well as the LM stuff)

Her: Honestly have no idea how I could have got through all this without LM. He's a godsend. How is it that you know him?
Me: I actually met him online and I've been seeing him since September so a few months now. But don't say I told you it was online if he's not said (then to my shame I did a lol but I'm not really admitting that on here)
Her: Haha met online? Yes that brings back memories. . . When you say "seeing each other" are you more than friends?
Me: Yes we are but maybe I shouldn't really say anything if he's keeping it quiet. I wonder why he's not said?

And that was it . . .

If I message her back again, what do you think I should say?

Or should I just leave it all well alone?

I must admit I'm a bit meh that he's not told her about me. I just assumed he had! All his family know about me so it's a bit strange.

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 09:00:18

Oh sorry, I was going to post about other people but pressed the button too soon.

Bant what shitty timing. Valentine's schmalentines.

Miranda - I'd second/third/fourth what everyone else has said about getting more advice about the detail of the situation. People suddenly become a lot less civilised and pleasant when it comes to sorting out the financial side of things and it will be worth getting a clear idea of your position even if you want to carry on sorting things out informally. Don't worry about feeling "gold digging" - you're not, it's just getting a fair settlement. I am sure that your ex will have no such qualms. Good luck.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 09:50:18

OWW, hope I'm not projecting here as my last one had a few 'female mates'. He told me he had known them all years but he had known me years too. In between knowing each other for 15 years we didn't, then bumped into each other and started sleeping together. I bet he was telling them I was just a friend he had known for years. Names kept coming up and little snippets of info. One had recently moved nearer and he was 'helping' her with all that. I never had the opportunity to ask but came to the conclusion that it was no way platonic through various things, he wasn't very clever at covering up and when I challenged him on it, it was obvious I wasn't important to him after all.

I would ask her if you have said something wrong. But I suspect you have already put the cat amongst the pigeons. When he says he's known her all these years, was she like a sister to him when he was married and her in a relationship or is this a recent rekindled thing. Of course, it could be innocent and he may be being upfront with you. But it's strange she didn't know you were his girlfriend.

Hope I've not upset you, different man, different situation.

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 10:08:56

Well, I know all about her in lots of detail! Which is fine, I tell him about my friends, family etc and he tells me about his. LM was very close friends with her late father and kind of inherited looking after her when her father died as she has no other family. She's a lot younger than he is, not at all his type physically and as far as I know she's always been an important part of his life, certainly whilst she was in her LTR. I get the impression that this was the same when he was with his ex but obviously I don't know for sure.

She doesn't live locally to us, she's probably two or three hours drive away, but he has been down a couple of times recently to help her move house. But generally they don't see that much of each other, just a few times a year. I think it's mainly text/phone calls.

It is just really weird that she didn't know about me, and that when I told her it all went quiet. Weird and a bit disturbing. I might message her later on if she comes online and doesn't message me today . . . just don't know, really.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 10:12:02

OWW that sounds plausible so maybe it's all just as he says it is and she went offline for some other reason.

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 10:20:05

Nah, she read the message and has been back online since this morning. Oh well.

I think possibly LM didn't say anything to her as he's very much the "elder brother" figure here but obviously I don't know if they talk about his emotional life/relationships at all, although I know they talk about hers.

Or maybe he knows she has a bit of a thing for him and didn't want to say.

Or maybe it's something else altogether. I just find it so odd that I've met his mum and children, we go out and about together locally so there's no suggestion of keeping things hidden in general, but it's all a secret from his friend. I honestly assumed that she knew who I was but it looks like I might have inadvertently put my foot right in the middle of something.

OWW - you're wise to appreciate there could be many reasons. She may indeed hold a candle for him. Doesn't mean he holds one for her. I have lots of female friends and a female best friend (whom I have discussed with Scrazy). We are incredibly close but there's nothing more. I'm an only child and she's the younger sister I always wanted and she's never got on with her brother and I'm the elder brother she always wanted. People always think we are a couple, but we're not, never have been, and as we've both been single for years, if anything was going to happen it would have happened. The only thing that I have noticed is that some women do have a problem with their partners having female friends and, often, try and put a stop to it. I wonder if this has happened to LM's friend in the past? I've known guys pretty much hardly see their female friends when they get into a serious relationship and perhaps she may worry that's going to happen - not because she fancies him but realises things may change.

Western leave it, no need to message her again. It is odd but could be for any reason including her being vulnerable after her split, seeing LM as a rescuer and her lifeline which has created fantasies in her head. She could simply be embarrassed that her good friend has not told her, but whatever it is don't message her as it gives her more importance than it probably deserves and I don't like the way she commented.

Just ask LM, you and he are the team and it is him who has the answer. I don't think it is anything sinister but just ask or it will really bother you.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 10:54:49

If they don't see each other much then maybe it's just about her life rather than his. You could ask him how come she didn't know. Sounds OK to me.

That was quite therapeutic for me to type my post, I just picked a real wrong un grin. I'm getting over it all slowly.

Anyone else got snow? I'm having a rest day off work but the roads are bad so for the best in case I had to drive in snow.

Bant, horrible day to sign, does it have to be done tomorrow. I will be glad when singles awareness day is over.

Same here on POF, just rubbish and I'm thinking about hanging up my dating boots and trying to get out a bit more instead.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 11:02:45

Yes Voice, you did explain to me about your female friends. I think it's hard not to get jealous when you are seeing someone who has close friendships. It can feel like they are having emotional closeness with a female other than you which can blow things out of proportion in the head. We like to think we are no.1 when we put someone first.

If I ever get into another relationship (please god). I wouldn't mind someone having other females in their lives if I was to meet them and knew there wasn't any emotional entanglement or sexual, of course.

Scazy I remember your posts before about this man, your experience with him was horrible, he was a creep who used the friends card to get away with it. Those women were not 'friends', he misused the word. Most men who have female friends are decent, some have friends who have been fwb on occasion, some are friends with exes. Yours abused the concept to cover up his activities, he was the problem not true female friends.

We have snow, just smile

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 11:17:32

I think she has become quite dependent on LM for support since she split up with her ex which was only last month and also whilst she was coming to the decision to leave. I have a lot of sympathy for her as there are a few parallels with the situation with my ex, and I have even encouraged LM to go down and see her and make sure she's alright as he's been getting a bit fed up of it all. She is quite demanding, will text twenty or thirty times in a day and so on, much much more than I ever do.

At an appropriate time I think I will say to LM that I'd like to meet her when she comes to visit him and see what happens then.

I'm not sure whether to mention it to LM or not. The reason for this is, I'd be happy for him to know we were chatting generally about exes, family, work, whatever, but if it were the other way round and he was chatting to one of my friends about me on FB, I would feel a bit odd. But it was his friend that started talking about him, I didn't bring him into the conversation for that reason.

Oh dear, I feel like I've got myself into a bit of a mess now. After I gave her the information she was asking for about estate agents, I only offered to chat/message because she said she often feels lonely living by herself, so I told her to feel free to message me if she's at a loose end as I'm often in the same position myself.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 11:26:04

Juliette, yes I hope I don't meet another him. He did protest that he wasn't 'seeing them' whatever that meant.

OWW she sounds needy.

I hate text speak generally, but can I just have a little OMG please?


Last night, just before hitting the hay, I had another look on OKC. And there, 22 miles away, was possibly the most astonishingly attractive woman I have ever seen online. I thought "that must be a fake profile". But I clicked on and it read incredibly genuine and there were umpteen photos of this woman in various situations. We were, according to OKC, an 88% match, 86% friend and 10% enemy. I don't hold with those, but never had anything that high before.

And she has a really nice, open and honest profile and we appear to want and like an awful lot of the same things. A spelling mistake or two I will overlook. Personality wise and interests, ticks the whole list.

She is a 'replies very selectively' person (and why wouldn't she be, she's going to get a lot of messages) and states in her profile she is looking for long term, isn't looking for Brad Pitt, as laughter and mutual respect and interests are what she is looking for, however "I am getting a lot of messages, so please don't think me rude if I don't reply - it's because I don't think there is likely potential and I don't want to lead anyone on"

She is WAY out of my league, looks wise. Do I bother messaging, I asked myself?

Secretservice Wed 13-Feb-13 11:27:11

Hi all not been able to catch will all your comings and goings on this thread and I know I'm not a regular regular here but do you mind if I just unload a bit, well probably quite a lot. Life is so shit at the momentsad

STBX - not soon enough - is jobless from the end of the month and another round of redundancies was announced yesterday at my place. I have already survived three purges, with reduced hours.

Just as I was digesting the news DD1 texted me to find directions from where she was staying overnight to her university interview site. Googled found out what she needed to know but for some unknown reason did it backwards, so right bus wrong direction. Just phoned in floods of tears miles away from where she needed to be, missed interview. And it's all my fault

I've been working six days a week and will be for the next few weeks, STBX still in house, remote control man is no help, in fact is poor ably draining the little I've got left.

Not sure where to turn, what to do. Just want to curl up somewhere warm and hibernate for years.

Western you weren't talking about LM behind his back. She initiated it, she first mentioned him as 'a Godsend', she asked how long you'd known him, she asked if you were more than friends. What were you supposed to say without being frosty. You have nothing to hide, it would only be a mess if it all becomes a secret between you and her which is another reason why it might be better to mention it to LM. Either way, I'm vair impressed with your cool over this.

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 11:30:55

Western I wouldn't worry - from what you have said, LM is completely open about his relationship with you. She does sound quite demanding - 20 or 30 texts a day?? - I would presume that he has been supportive and offered practical help and an ear to listen to her. But she doesn't sound like his confidant in any way shape or form. Maybe she is worried, that him being in a relationship may change things for her, as suggested ^^ or a bit miffed that he didn't think to tell her. I wouldn't message her, it just makes it into something when it most likely to be nothing.

if it was me, I would mention it in passing to LM, I would say I was offering her estate agents advice and she asked how long you had known him and seemed surprised you were in a relationship and just see what he says.

But honestly, don't worry - it sounds something and nothing and if it is something it is her, something, not yours and not LM's.

Secret poor DD, poor you, nothing worse than when your DC are struggling and you feel responsible. Shit happens, this is recoverable as I'm sure they have students getting mixed up all the time. Could you call the admin office for her course, ask to speak to whoever is organising the interviews as explain. Meanwhile set DD on the right path to the site and tell her to go there and wait whilst something gets sorted?

Meanwhile have a brew and my hand is here.

Voice yes! message her. You will win her over with your prose and wit as well, I'm sure, as your dazzling good looks.

Do it do it do it <does Voice sitting in a tree dance>

Secret - that's rotten but please don't feel it is all your fault. These things happen and your DD could have checked the details for herself rather than leaving it up to mum. Universities must be used to students missing interviews due to late and cancelled trains etc

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 11:41:42

Voice, she might not be looking for Brad Pitt but I would bet she only replies to the lookers, now I don't know what you look like but it won't harm to send a message.

SS, sorry you are having a bad time. Can I ask where your DD was going for an interview, and can she re-arrange?

Oh and Voice OMG

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 11:43:55

secret poor you, that sounds like a nightmare, you have so much on your plate, no wonder you got the directions muddled up for DD1. Can she call the Uni and explain and reschedule? I know she is in tears, that's a natural reaction when you are so hyped up about something but I am sure the Uni must get stuff like that happen all the time and will be understanding.

With things like that you just want to be there to hug them don't you? how ever old they get smile

With regard to STBX and his job and still being in the house, well! you are a better woman than me, the thought of it is horrendous.

I don't really know what to suggest but try and get some down time and rest and be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. We are all here for you to offload to and listen to. Not sure who remote control man is, I can't always keep up with everything on the thread but if he isn't helping the situation or being supportive then is it time to think again?

sounds like you need a hug too - so here's a MN one for now <<hugs secret>>

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 11:44:37

Voice nothing ventured nothing gained!
Some people are just photogenic and good at taking/getting flattering shots of themselves,and I wouldnt conclude that someone was 'out of my league' without actually meeting them.
Even then attraction between people can often be a bit mysterious, we all see different things in people.

Oh no Secret shock that sort of thing has happened to me with my kids, I try to help them with something and somehow there is some miscommunication and it all goes wrong.
I think they sort of take my word as gospel, thinking parents to be godlike and being unaware f the details of my various fuckups and wrong turns.

I try where ever possible to step away and let them figure things out for themselves, infact I am working on presenting myself as a clueless old fuddy duddy who is totally out of touch with modern life

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 11:44:46

Yes, what Juliette said, tell DD to get back on the right bus and turn up and the uni. You ring the admissions office and tell them she had an unforseen delay. They are usually OK with parents ringing when they are starting out.

Secret and you are not responsible, it's just that she's your baby so I recognize you feel it.

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 11:50:20

Voice WHOOOOO!!! Of course you should message her. Don't worry about the looks thing as it sounds like she's the kind of person who goes beyond the superficial. Good luck! And how exciting.

SS So sorry yet another person is going through a load of shit. There seems to be so much of it about at the moment. The situation with your dd's university interview should be salvageable if she calls and explains, but I think it's just one thing on top of another at the moment. The situation with yoru ex must be particularly difficult and then the work stuff on top of that. Has he got plans to move out? At least if you have a date you can hang on for that rather than it continuing indefinitely. Please come and vent on here whenever - plenty of support and hugs on offer and often some really useful advice.

Juliette and Lulu - yes, you're right. I think I will mention it next time I see him. Nice casual opening there, Lulu, think I will say something along those lines. I am actually doing pretty well with not worrying about this for once so I'm quite pleased with myself.

Just had an email to say my Valentine's cheese (!!!) for LM has been shipped . . .

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 11:54:26

I confess I held DD's hand throughout the uni process. She was from a very small town. Went with her to the far sides of the country to interviews which required overnight stays and time off etc. I couldn't imagine her doing it on her own at the time. Packed her off travelling over the summer to get her independence and now she manages well being away from home and obviously travels up and down the country alone all the time. What a difference a year makes grin.

SS I'm sure it will be OK as long as she doesn't give up on this day and gets there at some point.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 11:56:03

Voice...go for it lovely! That makes me laugh about receiving lots of messages though! (A tad big headed I AM going to the gym today <now, dont try to stop me>

Western ...I agree with Juliette I reckon she has built up fantasies in her head re a rescuer (see last night's pwincess syndrome).

As far as female friends are concerned once I understood the lay of the land it wouldnt bother me in the slightest....could make going out in a group more fun!

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 11:56:07

She's just messaged me and says:

"Oh right ok. No he's not said a word lol but he's a very private person so I guess it's his business"

And that's it. Do I detect something of a miffed tone to that message despite the unconvincing lol-ing in the middle?

He's not very private with me . . .

Well I think I might reply with something about snow or whatever, had enough of this line of discussion.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 11:58:36

Agree about some people being photogenic. I look good in photo's not so good in the flesh, although some blind dates say it's vice versa, some might get a shock and expect me to look better in RL confused. I've met men who I thought look good on the photo then don't fancy them at all and been really attracted to others who I thought just looked OK.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 12:00:46

SS definitely talk to the university about the situation.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 12:01:35

NOBODY is out of my league ...sod that!

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 12:03:00

OWW pwincess syndrome <taps nose>

Secretservice Wed 13-Feb-13 12:12:15

Thank you all so much! But sympathy is rubbish - I'm in tears now!
But the tea and the secret hugs have definitely helped.

mercury part of the reason she needed to text me was because I have tried to take several steps back and let her deal with her own life. If I'd been in my previous full-on mum mode I'd have asked her how she was getting from A to B before she left!

She has apparently decided not to turn up anyway, although they told her they'd squeeze her into this afternoon's sessions. So that definitely isn't down to me, but the I feel responsible for having bought up such a feckless 19yosad

I just want life to stop or at least throw up some good news for a change, it just seems to be on a downward, out of control spiral.

lulu I don't seem to have any choice in the matter. Can't sell house, or at least not and have enough equity left for a shed, haven't enough money to rent, unless I leave kids behind, he won't go. Thousands of pounds in debt. Aargh it just goes on and on

RC man is my OD bloke. He's really nice, I'm getting my regular sex in years and years, but his life's not great either - carer for his mum who has severe Alzheimer's sad I need to find some way of deciding if he takes more than he gives - basically is the Coffee enough [shame]

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 12:15:55

Tell her to bloody go ...she has no choice ...she's up there now!!

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 12:18:10

voice yes! message her! message her NOW! well, no. don't. carefully constructed, two or three sentences, light hearted - but asking a question about something on her profile. :-)

OWW I wouldn't worry too much. I certainly wouldn't contact her again. From the perspective of the 'female- friend-that-wanted-more-but-who-was-dumped-when-something-'better'-came-along'…I can possibly see where she might be coming from. Relationships change things. former-friends aren't as available and their position is altered. If that isn't handled tactfully then it can hurt and can cause jealousies nods. If you think it might clear the air to discuss with LM then I'd do what lulu suggested…. mention in passing, but no biggie.

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 12:20:37

whoah! thread went mad.

"Oh right ok. No he's not said a word lol but he's a very private person so I guess it's his business"

yeah. she's been thinking about that reply for a while -- and she's trying to cast aspersion with the 'he's a private person' - read 'i know him better than you'.

I wouldn't bother talking to her at all. she's trying to mix it.

Secret I would also 'calmly' tell your DD that she is going, this is her chance and she is just going to go. No discussion of its up to her, blah. Anything else is not an option, you will see her after her interview.

(if she then chooses not to, so be it).

I would also just have your Coffee whilst you can, at least it's something for you.

Western I'd completely ignore any mention of LM, act like nothing is up at all Idon't like this woman. Snow sounds like the way to go!

Good, Snape said it. Ignore her that's what I really wanted to say but thought my possibly irrational dislike of her was getting in the way.

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 12:30:22

Yeah, took her fourteen hours to come up with that reply . . .

I'm not bothered - she's known him for years so I'm sure she knows all sorts of stuff about him that I don't. But I'm happy about being close to LM and that he tells me a lot of very, very private things, and that's all fine. My only concern is in case she tells him and it looks like it's me that is stirring things up, but all I've done is tell the truth when she asked me.

I have responded with something about the weather. Don't want to be rude as I am going to have a fair bit to do with this woman if things carry on with LM, so don't want to get off on the wrong foot. Chatty but non-committal kind of style I think. But I won't message her again unless she starts.

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 12:34:08

what Snape says re 'private person'
secret i hope i didnt sound like i was being critical of your parenting?
I have been a useless parent...just not cut out for it, really dont have a clue how they survived at all!

Secretservice Wed 13-Feb-13 12:49:39

Not at all mercury! Although wouldnt have been the first if you were being critical!

Well she's determined not to go <shrugs> Another instance of my mothering backfiring I think. She's always been low on confidence, and I dug out some figures for her on how few people actually get on her course, and that as she's got interviews at all five if her ucas choices, she gas to start thinking she's good enough. This option was her fourth choice, I think maybe she's now over confident. Gah! Is there anywhere I can hand back my parenting licence before I screw up the younger two as well!

I will now go and read the rest of the thread, to see if there is anything I can advise on. I will steer clear of parenting tips!

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 12:53:58

western, yep, she sounds a bit miffed now she's discovered she's not quite as close to him as she thought! polite, chatty and non-committal is the way to go!

er, Valentine Cheese?!? smile

Secret I'm lucky my STBXH did leave, but he refused to go at first --didn't have much choice after he was arrested for assault though and was threatened with a non-molestation order--hmm but I am in the same boat, house is on the market, bugger all equity once debts are paid and I don't earn enough to rent a suitable house, plus I need to house a large dog as well as me and 2 teenage kids. Oh and STBXH is now out of work, says he can't pay the mortgage anymore or help with any bills! I wonder when and why I ever ever thought he was any sort of catch?!

chin up, love we are all here for you

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 13:07:05

SS, I would tell her to go but as it's her 4th choice then perhaps all is not lost. I was curious as my DD's uni is interviewing today for her course.

OWW, you are handling it very well. It might be that she is worried the dynamics of their friendship might change.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:09:29

I do feel for you ladies ...I was very fortunate with the house and now own it outright. I have to admit I wake up most days and if pissed off remind myself how very fortunate I really am.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:11:31

However it is one of the reasons that I might not marry again because I would be very mindful not to put the kids' inheritance in jeopardy (see spanner in the works of romance...good at that)

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 13:17:44

Ike1, I've told mine not to expect much in the way of inheritance. I would like to downgrade to a little flat, and go spend the difference one fine day. DD told me to do it grin.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 13:20:05

Sorry, that sounds crass when people are struggling with where they live financially.

I don't understand the new rules re housing benefit but would that help to afford the rent on somewhere once the properties are sold.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:23:06

Having had financially tough times though Scrazy I now really appreciate the stability being comfortable can bring ...I would like to gift that to my kids one day. I do have a little set aside now for a bit of fun .....its finding the right person to have fun with thats the problem!!!

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 13:24:55

SS I have broadly similar concerns with demotivated and restless DD who has no idea what she wants to do in life and is on verge of chucking her A levels. I've come to the conclusion after a lot of screaming that no matter what you do as a parent - you can attempt to install values and love them so very much and do all the very best mum-stuff that you can the end of the day - and at their age, they have to be free to make their mistakes. All you can do is stand there is ten years time and say I told you so is keep on doing what you do and try to keep calm with it.

in other news, I went out at lunchtime and bought new underwear.

it is red.


ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:27:11

Does it decently cover your bits Snape or thong like?

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:28:24

I do have a favourite pair of very small lacy panties that I keep for 'special' occasions ....but they are NOT for comfort!

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 13:32:57

it absolutely covers all bits imaginable. My stomach isn't my most attractive feature. I therefore believe in giant granny knickers and 40's retro underwear as much as is possible.

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 13:37:13

Snape red is good! very alluring ......I too have special dating underwear, even after 6 months Mr EA thinks I always wear lovely matching sexy undies, he hasn't seen the grey "period" knickers or the fraying bra yet ..... softly, softly catchee monkey grin

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:37:54

Someone on here referenced a website with gorgeous bulesque style undies ..... expensive....but for the right person I definitely would splash out!!

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 13:39:26

just realised, that his special dating underwear lasted about 4 weeks and I have now seen lots of greying boxers hmm In fairness, I don't let him keep them on for long grin

Where was I? Got distracted at work. Oh yes...

She is WAY out of my league, looks wise. Do I bother messaging, I asked myself?

Notice the use of the past tense? That's what I thought to myself last night. And then I thought "Sod it! Who cares that she is stunningly attractive and isn't going to show any interest in me in that respect? I've been back OD for a couple of days and seen no one even remotely attractive or even cute. And it's not like it's just looks, because I never go for just looks, our profiles just say the same things. What have I got to lose?"

So I messaged her first thing this morning before I told you guys about her! She mentioned a guy has to like her gods and she had a photo of her in the snow with a husky. Really striking dog. I like dogs, used to have German Shepherds, so I commented on that. And then said (still in "what the hell" mode) "oh, and while I think your dog looks fabulous, I think you look incredibly beautiful"

I can't believe I wrote that. You can tell I've been off OD for so long. Oh dear...

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:41:00

Yeah Lulu me too haha! No my special 'panties' are for flashing and get out of quickly or being pulled aside 'roughly' <soz tmi, off to gym now> Its not ALWAYS the ironclad variety at chez Ike. Enjoy the knicknacks Snape!

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 13:42:46

Mr EA has a photo on his phone of my arse in a black lacy thong with hold ups, that was our second date grin

When he now tells me that he shows people a picture of his girlfriend, I do wonder if they would actually recognise me face to face? blush

FlorentinePogen Wed 13-Feb-13 13:43:44

he hasn't seen the grey "period" knickers or the fraying bra yet ..... softly, softly catchee monkey

Fuxake lulu, I knew it wasn't a good idea to eat lunch at the computer.......bloody soup everywhere....grin

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:44:31

Just STOP with the 'out of my league' nonsense Voice...not having that going unchallenged on this thread! Just cos someone has been fortunate regarding a genetic inheritence does not make then better than you in any way!!! Now off to the gym!!

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:46:10

Flo you should know better..... a 'hot lunch' and this thread can sometimes be a bad idea.

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 13:48:22

Yes Voice go for it, what Ike says ^^

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 13:50:07

i doubt nameless will care a jot about underwear - he doesn't strike me as the type... but it will make me feel 'princessey' [snort]

lulu grin I was that close to texting him a photo from the changing rooms... I'm doing a few days of not initiating contact, we were a bit full-on texting last night.

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 13:55:12

Errmmm aren't all men "the type" for sexy underwear? hmm

Snape maybe after he gets close and personal with said underwear, he could have a follow up photo with a ..... i know how much you enjoyed it first time around and I thought it was unfair to deprive you a moment longer .... type of text not that I've ever sent anything like that, you understand

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 13:57:01

SS Sorry you are having a crap time. There is alot of it about.

OWW LMs female friend. You handled that very well.

Well I think in my present state of mind I may of overreacted regarding Mr R&R. He sent me a very sweet text first thing asking how I was etc.
I replied 'okish.' Then a bit of work stuff.
Ball firmly in his court. I am almost past caring.

Voice Message. Nothing ventured and all that smile

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 13:57:20

suddenly struck me that I am writing suggestive texts ideas on a dating thread, whilst texting Mr EA about buying a board game in Argos hmm

MirandaWest Wed 13-Feb-13 13:58:47

I have bought something which could possibly be described as knickers but is more like a piece of string for the weekend of lurve. Am not exactly expecting it to stay on too long grin

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 14:03:53

Twas me ike
Mr R&R isn't into underwear at all.

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 14:07:07

48 he may not be into underwear but he sure is into YOU! smile please don't give up on him!

Miranda grin

Will someone please tell me I am not useless. I have just been talking to a man who I wasn't that keen to call. My mobile had no service so I used my land line. He bored me to tears as I cleared up the kitchen. I then got him off the line, it was 50 minutes. 50 fucking minutes. I have no idea how much that is but if it's 40p a minute that is £20. On a muppet talking about himself with me making barbed comments. I kept going until the kitchen was done then realised. Why did I let that happen?

I want to cry. It's only a phone bill but I can't afford it and had to give DS less money than was due for his school trip today. Fuck

Juliette - BT landline to landline is 8.41 p per minute daytime. So if you were calling his landline, I make that £4.20?

VelvetSpoon Wed 13-Feb-13 14:16:21

Hello all, on my phone so will catch up fully on everyones news later. In the meantime what do you think of this...

So, saw cuthbert last on friday. He has his dc this friday (and I have mine) so the earliest I can see him is next fri.

I think we are going to be stuck seeing each other once a week/fortnight for the foreseeable..I have every other weekend free but he has his dc every sat afternoon-sun eve, and his other dc 1 fri in 3. In the week I have the ds, so would have to ask the ex to do me a favour and have them (which I don't want to use up too often as I have to go away with work soon and will need exs help then) plus boys don't like going there cos they have to sleep on the sofa...

lulubellaboozle Wed 13-Feb-13 14:17:57

juliette only mobiles cost that much, I don't much about telephone pricing but no landline would be that bad? You are not useless! at worst a bit too polite to be blunt and have got rid of him earlier!

I would say no harm done, a couple of quid lost at most?

Velvet - guess it depends if you're happy with that. Each of us is different. I wouldn't be happy with only seeing someone once a week or once a fortnight unless perhaps it was the whole weekend each time. Even then, I'd not want to be doing that too long term.

Oh. Thank you Voice and Lulu. Relegated myself to just a bit silly then, no real harm done. I did try to look it up on the BT site but couldn't find anything clear [shame]. I think I'm also pissed off with life, I just want a cuddle and the time I had one of those was way back in September and I wasn't that bothered because it was too soon after my LM. Def crying now. Keep thinking I shouldn't have dumped Mr Vague even though he made me jump every time he came near me.

Unfortunately, I am not usually too polite, too opinionated and argumentative apparently. Or maybe all three are possible.

Juliette - a cuddle from someone who made you jump every time he came near you isn't worth having. the only decent cuddles are from those people who make you want to jump into their arms to get the cuddle in the first place

Bant Wed 13-Feb-13 14:36:11


Lolgirl just cancelled. 'I ran into a friend' she says. 'turns out you two dated' she says.

It would feel weird.

So. Tonight. Xbox and beer. Suits me

Bant - well, that solved the problem!

EternalRose Wed 13-Feb-13 14:41:53

Just letting you all know I have namechanged....

Old name began with Mi


EternalRose Wed 13-Feb-13 14:43:36

Bant - something tells me you are not too disappointed..


EternalRose Wed 13-Feb-13 14:46:49

Ahhhhhh I can tell I have been texting a lot lately, I have gone back to putting the nonobligatory 'x' at the end of my posts...

VelvetSpoon Wed 13-Feb-13 14:49:42

Voice, I'm not exactly happy with it. However I don't see any way round it. We both have dc, and other commitments, I haven't been in this position before. I guess it was always going to be tricky.

Velvet - all you can do is see how it goes, I guess. As time progresses you'll probably feel whether you can carry on like that - whether the positives outweigh the negatives, that it's worth the trickiness and juggling. If they don't, then you may have to chat about it and see if there are solutions.

smoothieooo Wed 13-Feb-13 15:00:49

Hi all <waves> - it's bloody hard to keep up with you all, but lots going on I see.

Sorry you're feeling low Juliette - it sounds like the phone thing was a last straw. Perhaps you could do what I'm considering - growing a fringe so that you can have 'This Too Shall Pass' tattooed backwards on your forehead so you can lift said fringe and read in every passing mirror?

I have - gasp! - a date on Sunday. Seemingly nice man who's 50 (the oldest bloke I will ever have met in a dating sense and I'm 45 42). Feel about 'meh' about it sadly. Found a Christmas card last week addressed to bastard STBEx and his girlfriend. Even though he's 'not seeing anyone'. The the same day he pocket-dialled me and I had to listen to a 20 min conversation between him and his girlf. Ridiculous how much it hurts even when you know they are big, crappy bags of shite.

On the plus side though, I made cracking pancakes last night which the DC loved!

Secretservice Wed 13-Feb-13 15:02:57

Thought I'd better some work after my wallow!
lulu I too have a big dog, but fortunately ex has never come close to hitting me. But it dies make it harder to get him out of the house.

I have been repeating, was it Snape's?, motto 'all will be well' over and over, which did interfere with work concentration a little!

Sorry that you're pissed off, too Juliette, I hope it's just a yearning for spring in us all. Maybe we should preempt it and organise something sort of dating thread date, give us all something to look forward to!

My knicker draw has been completely updated in the past few months. Gone are the nursing bras - youngest is 12 next month [shame] - and I now have four sets of matching underwear with varying amounts of material in them!

Smoothie yes that's it really, lots of things here poorly elderly Mum who lives 3 hours away and can't remember the beginning of a sentence, DS still upset after I was vile to him last weekend, had to endure a couples party on Sunday whilst being ignored in case I stole a husband, one close friend gone awol and the other has her own troubles. Off to eat worms by myself obvs because its my pity party and no one will come anyway.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 15:13:19

Velvet, I would be OK with it for now. Is there a chance if you get closer that your DS's can meet him or you his children?

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 15:15:59

Hmm, sushi, just eaten a box. Got a creme egg for later. A can of vodka and orange and pear cider. I'm snowed in but who cares grin

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 15:21:25

Would like to say that session at the gym made me feel better...but no feel vaguely nauseous now. Must step it up again!!

Should have known it would be you 48 with the crackin undies suggestion.

Hugs to Jules...Ill come love but you may not like my music taste or insistence on Tartex n Soreen. Gonna clean the house now.....................booooooorrrrring!!!!!!<kids at their dads'>Oh and someone said I looked 'tired' at the petrol station..'.fuck off those bags are genetic you cunt!'

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 15:22:06

Feisty today !


ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 15:24:09

Oh and Bant the phrase 'WHATEVER' was made for your situation with Lolgirl it seems.

Bant who knows with LOLgirl. I hope the signing thing is bearable tomorrow, at least you will have DCs with you.

Ike I like the Stranglers.

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 16:04:01

Blimey, Bant so the village telegraph was well and truly operational! Still, that's solved that one and sounds like you've got a good evening planned. Hope it all goes well tomorrow. The phrase, at least chez OWW, Ike is WHATEVS.

Juliette I hate phoning them, not good on the phone at all and of course there's the danger of getting trapped with some witless wonder like you did. Hope you're feeling a bit brighter soon. There's some kind of negative woo in the air at the moment isn't there.

Velvet, well that does sound a bit difficult. How old are his dc? There could be the opportunity to go round to each other's houses eventually when you have the children round, once you've been seeing each other a bit. It does get easier - I'm now happy to have LM round at mine and vice versa at least for part of the evening, and we have some days out with the children which is a bit frustrating in some ways but lovely in others.

Smoothie - tell us more about your date . . .

Rose I'm really dim but I don't know who you used to be. Help!

Now engaged in sporadic but pleasant chat with LM's friend about snow and school closures. All is well.

Think I am going to go online tonight and stay well away from FB messenger look for some more nice underwear of a stomach-concealing variety.

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 16:24:16

if you find some good undies, let me know. I'll see you in style and beauty for one of my infrequent sneaky looks. wink

EternalRose Wed 13-Feb-13 16:25:36

I was middy, although I dont know if I have just made my namechange pointless by saying that..

EternalRose Wed 13-Feb-13 16:26:36

Marks & Sparks do some amazing stomach-sucking-in-type things. You may not be able to breathe though.

MirandaWest Wed 13-Feb-13 16:29:04

It is snowing. I hope it really does warm up tomorrow and all goes away as I do not want anything to go wrong with the weekend away Mr Nice and I are having. May be getting a little excited grin

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 16:43:25

re undies, elle McPherson has some nice camisoles

I have this in bright pink...not as good as a basque but I cant abide anything restrictive or tight blush

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 16:44:40


VelvetSpoon Wed 13-Feb-13 16:47:42

Western the problem is he lives with his parents - and I don't think (given that I know he pays a considerable amount to both exw's) that there is any chance of him getting his own place in the short term.

My children are both secondary school age, as are 2 of his (the other is I think in year 4). I can't envisage him coming round while the DSs are here for a long time, DS1 is up til midnight or later most nights, and I know he would take a man being 'around' fairly badly.

Its tricky. When I met my ex DS1 was a toddler, so all this stuff wasn't an issue. Cuthbert has never dated anyone with their own children. I didn't give much thought to logistics, but I think it will take some effort...

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 16:51:43

Miranda!!try and keep calm!
most importantly dont be too excited to sleep cuz you probably wont get much over the weekend
<exaggerated wink>

MirandaWest Wed 13-Feb-13 17:03:29

There is a chance of that grin.

Mr nice doesn't know where we are going - have told him when to meet me at the station on Friday smile am quite impressed I have kept it a secret for two months.

Will try to keep calm (ish). Doesn't help that I haven't seen him since last Thursday and normally see him every Thursday night when XH has DC but am not this week as ill be away three nights and like seeing my DC as well smile

Am I allowed another OMG please??

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 17:13:55

I dont know, how many 'OMG's have you had this week?
whats the maximum allowable amount?? grin

I had one earlier today, and that's the first EVER, honest. You do have permission to whack me round the head if I ever (other than in this posting) use the phrase "totes amazeballs"

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 17:18:14

Goodness what could that mean??

Voice OMG did she write you, did she did she?

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 17:23:47


ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 17:26:00

I am using this moment to lymphatically drain my eyebags with my fingertips. C'mon mun....

OK, so, the truth is.....when I posted earlier about this woman on OKC and how much of a good match she was (and the fact that she was HOT was an extra bonus)...I had already messaged her. Including that phrase about her being incredibly beautiful. And.... well.... even before I posted earlier....


I had a really, really lovely message from her. And one that asked a couple of questions so she welcomes a further message.

Of course I am not so foolish to believe this is going to necessarily lead to a date but it's just SO nice to have someone I messaged on a dating site look at my profile and reply at all, let alone someone that I have so much in common with. When I last did OD for 18 months, the number of replies (excluding the two I met) could be counted on the fingers on both hands.

Having been a bit down about stuff a few weeks ago and with it being that day tomorrow, just to have someone bother to show any shred of interest has brought a smile to my face and made me feel just that little bit better about me.

And I wanted to share. I shan't be at all disappointed if it trails off or we don't meet. It just gives me hope that there might be someone out there.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 17:36:30

Coolio!.....Have you been telling us porkies tho Voice eh? eh?

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 17:37:28

super duper Voice grin

Well, I just thought it would sound more interesting. So many of you are dating or seeing people, just thought I'd build it up a little. For most people, getting a reply isn't a big deal at all. It is for me. So I sort of wanted to make the most of it! The fact that OKC says she replies very selectively makes me grin quite a bit that she has done to me of all people.

Thanks guys!

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 17:43:16

You ol' ham Voice....sheesh....

blush feels bad now...

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 17:51:29

Oh shurrup! We all know the actor's ego needs a bit of audience appreciation..s'all good you daft bugger!

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 17:55:27

it's very hard to muster up any enthusiasm for sociability in Feb, I just want to lie on my sofa and watch films.

I noticed a man staring at me as I left the gym today, then realised it was a bloke I met for coffee a few months ago I sorta left him hanging because he wasnt really my type.
He didnt acknowledge me, just stared & looked away hmm

I think I'd best avoid people who are too localblush

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 18:02:25

Oh I know I know you??? I thought that a bloke, when I went to the volunteering session at my local Arts Centre, was Mr Natural the 29 year old sexter, he of the girthful cock.

We were both looking at each other quizzically (or rather he was probably thinking why is that woman with huge eyebags squinting at me?)

KinNora Wed 13-Feb-13 18:07:49

Always happy to add to the great lingerie debate I've had some good stuff from here
And sometimes Love Honey has a few bits of attractive underwear not the polyester crotchless knickers though

I've not had chance to read through the day's posts properly yet but Juliette, I'm sorry it's been a shitty day.

And Voice, get in there with Ms Husky !

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 18:15:07

I like the frilly knickers Kin! It's a tad more up market than La Senza eh???

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 18:24:34

Wow Kin, expensive stuff. I'm more and M&S girl and that's pushing it.

KinNora Wed 13-Feb-13 18:35:22

Oh I've had some nice stuff from M&S too, Scrazy, the posh stuff is was for recreational purposes only.

Ike, the frilly knickers are mucho rustly - meaning that one can be heard approaching from some distance away

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 18:36:22

Ah ok....for performance purposes mostly then kin!

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 18:37:07

Nice site Nora. My birthday wear was like the one on the main page for the Pinup section only black. Unable to go to the loo wearing it though which is a bit of a nuisance!

My friend likes What Katy Did - lots of retro stuff.

I like the expensive stuff but I get it off eBay ...

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 18:39:07

My eye bags would beat anyones at the mo.....

OMG Voice grin

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 18:39:49

Oh, yes, normal pants are in a five pack from Tesco!

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 18:41:44

I'm kind of reading this thread backwards - got distracted by posh pants. So Voice brilliant stuff!! What did she say? And have you replied yet? Truth now ....

KinNora Wed 13-Feb-13 18:42:59

OWW, no wonder LM liked it. I love WKD and one day I'm going to get a proper corset made for me.

I've always been very fond of nice underwear but xh was never even remotely interested, although to be fair he wasn't interested in me full stop so a vintage waspie wasn't going to make much impact.

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 18:50:02

No, my ex had no interest in me either let alone me done up in naughty undies. I think it would have frightened the bejesus out of him. He preferred his skanky "escorts" in whatever underwear they wear ...

mercury7 Wed 13-Feb-13 18:50:19

I like the frilly ones toogrin

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 18:54:22

My ex loved undies. A retro man in taste smile

Might as well chuck it. Could never wear it for another man.

OWW - I have replied.

My first girlfriend loved wearing french knickers. I think they can be very sexy. My ex never wore anything that wasn't solely 'functional'

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 18:56:39

Dont chuck ....flog them on e-bay 48. Also special section for 'used' lingerie too..<I hear!>

Voice that's fantastic, enjoy!

Today I go from strength to strength. I just went to collect an Internet order from Waitrose, vair busy in there with the designer bagged. When they asked me for id I reached for my bag only to find that attached and trailing in all it's glory was my ample sports bra blush.

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 18:58:44

ike There is a girl on ebay making a fortune from worn socks grin

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 18:59:59

Was it grey and fraying jules?

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 19:02:38

Well I admit .....once when looking for woollen tights on ebay I came across an ad, by accident, for someone flogging theirs....'well worn and sweaty especially in the crotch'......and yes my trolley remained empty...

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 19:05:12

Oh no Juliette but that did make me laugh. It's the sort of thing I'd do.

Ike fortunately it was black so potential humiliation factor was lowered by colour and some natural fibre. Otherwise I think I'd have been escorted out.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 19:09:49

Thank goodness for small mercies Jules.....there is a god!

KinNora Wed 13-Feb-13 19:14:35

It could be worse Juliette, there was a story in Chat about someone thinking they'd lost a used panty liner down the loo and then realising that they'd been wandering around the town centre with it stuck to their clothing.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 19:16:13

Oh god Kin ahahahahahhhahahahahahahhahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahhahaha

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 19:16:18

Kin grin blush

Kin when I was 15 I was at my friend's house for school lunch which her Mum was cooking for us. Her Dad was home too because they had a new puppy. I love dogs so was very happy to have him follow me upstairs to the loo.

We were sitting down to lunch, puppy happy in the next room. Dad says "what's that he's got hold off" Mum says "It looks like a... oh..."

KinNora Wed 13-Feb-13 19:21:24

Oh god and at 15 too, I bet you were just blush

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 19:23:57

So Jules life does get (slightly) better then eh?

Mortified doesn't even cover it grin

See, us guys miss out on all this panty liner and undies excitement....

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 19:27:03

Did they invite you again juliette

KinNora Wed 13-Feb-13 19:30:25

Ah but for you gentlemen there's always the risk of this another website that I'd never encountered before MN

48 oh yes, it was a regular arrangement. Every single school day.

Voice now I don't wish to put anyone off their dinner, but in those days it wasn't really panty liners. Sizing and and design more like a hammock on the Titanic.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 19:32:57

Aaaaargh I'll have to pluck my eyeballs out now kin!

Dear god above at that site

KinNora Wed 13-Feb-13 19:44:02

I know, I ran the gamut of reactions from 'aghast' to ' strangely fascinated' via ' surely that's too rectangular ?' when I clicked on the link

That site is possibly the most compulsive viewing ever. I now understand how some men can stare at breasts.

Menz on the thread, is it that easy to have an erection without knowing?

No, impossible to have an erection without knowing. In my experience.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 19:53:29

So bored tonight, I've just cut my own hair, saved myself £30. Would spend it at What Katie Did on ebay but no-one to show it off too. I thought WKD sounded like Katie Price undies am I right?

I logged onto 'Are you interested' on face book as I got a message off someone local. I searched around my area and I've never seen so many ugly mugs, it's worse than POF! I despair.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:01:07

Yeah was supposed to take myself off for a Japanese meal and the cinema. But cannot rustle up the energy or interest....somethings not right.....

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:02:26

I think it might be a case of VD

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 20:03:58

voice I am very exited at your potential hot-date! Slow and steady wins the day. smile

I am rehearsing the STD chat. And looking at undergarments on eBay.

this was today's purchase clearly I look nothing like that in it! Expect/suspect it will be hanging off the light shade within a minute and a half, presuming STD chat doesn't result in boots on and early train.

Was supposed to be out tonight but my friend has cried off sick. Sod all on TV. Weighing up between
a) book, music and wine
b) dvd and wine

I'd do the washing but already done that. Oh, the excitement!

Snape - Voice likes that underwear!!! Guaranteed eyes on stalks from your chap in that.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 20:09:46

Nice snape,

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:10:19

Yeah Snape sexy but not obvious have you trimmed????

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:11:53

wishing I'd gone now....ooh hang on .....I might make a 10:00pm showing

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 20:15:39

Ooh Snape smokin' smile

Voice how about a spot of light dusting (and wine) or practicing some hot disco moves to impress on your first date with La Bellissima (and wine)?

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 20:15:54

I have trimmed on the basis of swimsuit levels of trimming.

But have not shaved my legs.

Or pits.

He's a feminist. I do not need to hack at my bits in order to 'please' grin but I draw the line at unplucked chin hairs

Snape lovely choice

FlorentinePogen Wed 13-Feb-13 20:19:34

Voice now I don't wish to put anyone off their dinner, but in those days it wasn't really panty liners. Sizing and and design more like a hammock on the Titanic.

Jules, that comment just reminded me of an episode from my childhood which I thought I had expunged from memory.......shock Please indulge me.........

I would have been around 7 or 8 years old (so '67 or ' do the mathssmile), we had a linen cupboard at the top of the stairs and the top shelf of cupboard was my secret hidey place where no-one would ever find me. I could just squeeze in and no more. My mother had not long come out of hospital, she had gone in for a full hysterectomy, had complications and a long convalescence in hospital had followed.

So, on this particular day, my dad had invited some family and friends round for a wee get together to say 'Welcome Home' for mum. Several cousins were there and we started to play hide and seek. Naturally, I took refuge in my secret place but whilst there, I came across a box which said 'Dr.Whites'. I had no idea what this was and showed it to my cousins, who were equally baffled...(all my age, pretty much..) We took out the contents and inspected these very large cotton pads with loops on the end. No-one had a clue as to their real function but the upshot was that 3 or 4 of us went marching into the living room pretending to be accordion players, each having a mahoosive sanitary towel looped on our wrists and subsequently being totally confused by the reaction of the tea-drinking adults. shock

I got one of the biggest hidings of my life for my trouble......ahhh, the sixties...........confused

and absolutely spot on with the trimming grin

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:20:52

Excellent Snape...all in disorderly fashion....sounds good! Yeah think I'll buy a box of chocs for myself and go to watch The Impossible at 10:00pm

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 20:20:59

Oh that's another thing I amused myself with today. The epilator as I hadn't done anything for about 7 weeks, did the works.

I'm at work tomorrow but how are we all spending VDay. I've got a treat in for tea, mussels, might have another creme egg and get some wine in.

Scrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 20:23:04

Flo, glad I'm not the only oldie here.

Flo now that has cheered me up. Giggling and keyboard wobbling as I type. Brilliant, of course they were accordions, of course you were wearing them, of course you had visitors. Excellent grin

OWW I did the dusting three weeks ago. You don't really expect a guy to do housework more than once a month do you? grin As there have been a total of 3 messages between us at present, I think any expectation of a date is rather premature. I'm certainly not expecting anything. The one lovely message will at least see me through staying on some sites for a while longer rather than jumping ship already having not seen any other talent.

Snape not an expression one sees often: "He's a feminist"

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:24:02

accordian players! That alone sets you and your mates aside for my shocked amazement....flo

OhWesternWind Wed 13-Feb-13 20:25:56

My dcs are off out to a Valentine disco so I'll be in on my ownio. No idea if anything will be forthcoming off LM. He's away so can't meet up so will do my best to ignore the whole thing.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:26:15

Oh my ex-H thought he was a 'feminist'....cos he'd read an Andrea Dworkin arse!

My Arse? Did she write that one?

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:31:57

Wouldnt put it past her! She is very keen on reclaiming the C word if I remember rightly......bit like Howard Barker (I am sure you are aware of him Voice)...

Only read a couple of his plays, not really my cuppa.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:42:39

No I can imagine he's not to everyone's tastes but I do like 'Scenes from an Execution' of my Drama lecturers was obsessed with him so he used to pop up to do readings and guest spots every now and then.

More popular in Europe than here, I gather. Now, Howard Brenton I do like.

Wish I hadn't eaten all that marzipan yesterday. Got the munchies now and got no snacks in.

Ike, did you say you're off to see The Impossible later? I can never stir my stumps to go out for something starting as late as 10 pm (presumably film at 10.30 after all the adverts).

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 20:51:21

voice the kind of thing some lucky woman/man will be saying about my sons in a few years time. Nameless is honestly, the nicest man... I've never really gone for bad boys...when we texted yesterday, he was talking about 'the delicious feel of your skin against mine' blush & when I said I might be a bit squiffy from mojitos before I see him, said he would hold me close and we will curl up. & then, presuming STD chat goes well, I will break him. Repeatedly.

florentine accordion fanny-pad story made me smile.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:53:10

I have only read The Churchill Play by Brenton. Well, I like to make the most of not having the kids so get annoyed with myself if I dont do something when they are not here.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:54:52

Oh Snape does the sweet boy know what he is letting himself in for <evil cackle>

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 21:02:25

I texted Mr R&R and blew him out again! I can't fucking help myself.

He phoned and redeemed himself smile

We are gonna to have a week or so break though. I am exhausted.

Snapespeare Wed 13-Feb-13 21:03:51

Oh he is sweet. grin

I've hidden my OKC. he hasn't been on it since the last time we spoke there... two weeks ago. I'm not hiding it on the basis that nameless and I am an 'item' (though, if I wish really hard...) it's hidden on the basis of I'm concentrating on nameless and can't be bothered with distractions and one word 'hello' messages ATM.

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 21:05:45

Its probs for the best 48...have a little rejuvenator.

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 21:09:23

Oh it is. I haven't the headspace just now.

Gonna pop up the shop for some goodies. I am bloody hungry smile

ike1 Wed 13-Feb-13 21:10:51

Enjoy lovely...I am sure he'll be even more eager in a week..

chuchiface Wed 13-Feb-13 21:37:08

OK, looking for more advice... bloke sent me pic, telephone number etc and asked me to let him know if I fancied a drink or coffee (small 'c'), have been mailing a bit then I suggested a date, he said ok but in evening, I can only do daytime that day so said no, he then said we'd sort something out, is it just me or if he were keen would he not suggest another day? Then today he's emailing friendly chitchat... am I dangling just in case someone else falls through?

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 21:50:14

I have a box of Malteasers smile

48howdidthathappen Wed 13-Feb-13 22:13:43

Chuch No point second guessing what he is thinking.

Are to chatting to anyone else?

chuchiface Wed 13-Feb-13 22:17:59

Thanks 48 just odd that he was so keen then not sure whose court the ball is in now. Yes, there's someone else too, think I shall meet him soon and see how it goes.