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Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

(1000 Posts)

The next chapter...

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 17:44:55

Velvet Cuthbert is coming good. Very happy for you smile

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 17:49:47

place marking smile

Snapespeare Fri 08-Feb-13 17:51:30

yay Cuthbert!

stuff the housework! get yourself into your negligee & heels, missy!

yeah, I think nameless will 'come good' hmm blush but it's the annoting internal monolgue, smidge of doubt & the sodding waiting!

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 17:51:59

Oh lulu Nearly forgot. Wet fish coming your way smile

mercury7 Fri 08-Feb-13 17:52:05

I cant make up my mind..sofa or accept coffee invitations confused

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 17:55:08

Depends who is offering Mercury Any worth the hassle grin

MirandaWest Fri 08-Feb-13 17:57:42

Hello smile

mercury7 Fri 08-Feb-13 18:06:59

48There are a couple who 'look ok on paper', but it's so hard to tell until you meet, and I get so easily put off people these days, my default setting is to assume that men who use OD are looking for an easy one off quickie.

One is 15 years younger than me and I tend to think that blokes that much younger will expect me to be 'grateful for the attentions of a younger man'
I'm prob just paranoid, and february seems especially un-conducive to conviviality!

mercury7 Fri 08-Feb-13 18:17:29

I've arranged to meet him on monday, I feel a sense of dread confused

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 18:18:50

Bloody hard at times to muster the positive thinking attitude Mercury

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 18:19:50

The youngster? grin

MsCellophane Fri 08-Feb-13 18:21:37

place marking

Way to go Cuthbert, have a great night Velvet

Mercury - I've found the younger ones grateful that I've gone younger - go and have fun

lubeybooby Fri 08-Feb-13 18:30:39

Velvet oh that made me grin a lot (on last thread!) grin have an excellent night hon x

mercury7 Fri 08-Feb-13 18:31:35

it is hard to stay positive 48 because, when I look back, even when I liked the bloke and the sex was worthwhile I still ended up feeling as if I'd been 'burned' in some way or other.

I really really wish I hadnt put up with so much crap in the past angry

Thanks for the words of encouragement MsC grin

lubeybooby Fri 08-Feb-13 18:32:33

Oh and snape that sounds like a definite postponement to me.. it will be fine I'm sure and so will he

Lulu [wetfish] for you

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 08-Feb-13 18:34:20

mercury - meh, if you arent feeling it, dont go.

snape, sounds like a postponement to me, and thats a lovely conversation. My last converstation went like this:

me - you were cute when you fell asleep yesterday
him- typical bloke
me- i fell asleep too
him- typical bloke
me - yeah, did my massive balls give it away
him - no, it was your adams apple
me - i cant see yours its covered in fur. I mean hair
him - tit
me - come on, that was funny smile
him- goats have hair
me - FUR, they have fur. You have fur, ergo you are a goat.
him - ergoat i am a goat
me- dickhead
him- damn i fancy you.

smile less hearts and flowers. more funny and ridiclous smile

velv - hes not come to inspect for dust, he wont notice, have a fab time smile

mercury7 Fri 08-Feb-13 18:41:33

I always dread first meetings, even if they turn out to be nice!

agree on the dust thing...then again I find housework a very useful way to keep calm when expecting a 'gentleman caller' in fact it is often the most thorough cleaning I doblush

Snapespeare Fri 08-Feb-13 18:59:34

grin at 'ergoat I'm a goat'. He's actually funny. I can see the appeal alongside the cute arse, general beauty and athletic shagging. smile

Oh I know. Nothing has changed there is little I can do.. He's verrrrry sweet. I couldn't actually fancy him more, which is why I think it will go spectacularly wrong in the way no-one I ever fancy fancies me. hmm I do think he's ill. I do hope he's conserving energy and wanting to be fully recovered before I see him again.

I am cutting up things and gluing them to other things since the last time I did so. It's nice. Cathartic. smile

Snapespeare Fri 08-Feb-13 19:01:26

Goats do have hair btw, but never let him know he's right! wink

lubeybooby Fri 08-Feb-13 19:05:55

But snape I'm sure he wouldn't have snogged you so very lots if he didn't fancy you. Would like like me to approach with a wet anchovy or are you doing ok over there?

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 08-Feb-13 19:13:04

snape, hes fucking hysterical ( and so am i) Ive wee'd myself more than once this week.
We banter very very very well. Told you after last weeks date, its verbal sparing, was like that from the very second we spoke.

Goats might have hair. but they also have fur and horns. he sometimes has a horn too.......

but yes, its fun. I am having fun. he is fun. hes clearly having fun with me since we chat most of the damn day and night ( varying between stupid shit like that, filth and general chit chat... or ramdom games one of us makes up) So, i shall continue doing it, while it is fun smile

he will rearrange, absolutley sure

Snapespeare Fri 08-Feb-13 19:17:07

I'm fine just now, thank you. You might place the anchovy on reserve if I don't hear from him tomorrow. wink although I really fancy a cheese/anchovy pizza right now, so I might just eat it <shrugs>

Really, the world would be a much simpler and nicer place if people just did what I want folk just went 'look, i think you're great! I really like you, I think we might possibly be awesome together and I'd really like to find out if that's the case... No games or silly rules, but I'm kinda into you, are you into me?' And then people are honest and say yes or no and you proceed on the basis of that answer.

I've possibly been messed around so much and had such disappointing OD experiences that I just can't tell what is going on anymore. Nnnnn.

Snapespeare Fri 08-Feb-13 19:17:43

<snigger at goats horn>

VelvetSpoon Fri 08-Feb-13 19:20:02

I sort of gave up on housework in favour of a bath. Am now dressed, just hair, make up and laying the table to go.

I feel all stupid and smiley smile

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 08-Feb-13 19:21:55

but people dont. you have to just go with it.
if its good, keep going with it.
and if its not, then dont.

People dont say what their intentions are, or they lie ( happens a lot, as we know, esp with online dating)

Occassionally you might meet someone you like, and you just have to give it a chance. Put yourself out there and see what happens, while not having any expectations. i think, stop thinking and just see what happens smile

Snapespeare Fri 08-Feb-13 19:32:02

<dances around velvet with party poppers>

I'm really happy for you!

watch. I know. It's just my way is simpler in the long run. wink

Right, I'm away to eat LOADS of meat as nameless is vegetarian and I have a weirdy mindset of not eating meat if I might be kissing him later, because that feels weird to me, although he hasnt and wouldn't mention it (bizarre veg-empathy thing) and now as I'm not it's liver and onions for tea. Silver lining!

Will check in later, happy dates to the daters!

JoylessFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:37:52

Gosh, that thread moved fast ...

Rapid catch up:
Massive hugs, huge respect and admiration for both flipper & lubey for your amazing attitude in the face of such shittyness. Its time for that karma bugger to give you two the very best ... 48 well done on letting Mr R&R in, you know its going to be good for you & so sorry to hear that things are tough again with your mother. I do remember lots of sex from watch's direction and some seriously lovely stuff from snape & velvet over their lovely chaps but, other than that, my elderly memory is failing me. Hopefully some wine and thanks to everyone will cover it.

Well, I spent last Saturday with Mr Whippy and have been assessing how I'm feeling all week. The sex was a bit rough (which I was expecting) but lacking in skill (which I wasn't). But the companionship, the conversation and the ordinary being together bit was great. However, he did say something odd about his daughter and her reaction to him dating that made me think he's not out in the open about looking for a new relationship. Maybe that's what been nagging away at me ... He's also been quiet all week, only responding when I texted this afternoon. He also didn't show any inclination to engage on any subject but rugby. I have lots of people I can talk rugby with, so am rather hmm Oh well ... don't think I'll be putting any more effort into this one.

JoylessFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:41:28

Am now giggling at "ergoat ...", goat's having horns and my mis-read of velvet's post as all she had left to do was to lay on the table ...

JoylessFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:42:39

... and now grin at "veg-empathy" ...

Stop it you lot!

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 08-Feb-13 19:51:58

i dont think culthbert would complain if he found velv ON the table.

sorry mr whippy wasnt right, win some, lose some.

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 19:52:36

Bit of advice please. Been chatting to a man since Monday.?quite a lot if mails, long mails. Said he is new to od. I like him but not loads!! Anyway on wed he asked me for a drink when I have a space in my diary. We swapped numbers and he said he would definitely text me. Still haven't heard anything. Just looked on the site and he is online. He didn't go online at all yest.

I've been blown out haven't I? OD is such a unpredictable game. Why can't people just be upfront and honest. Would save a lot of wasted thoughts!!

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 08-Feb-13 20:08:06

Aw Velvet, I'm really smiling at your last post. Hope you have a wonderful evening with Cuthbert.

Mr C's coming round this evening - am hoping DS (who's currently singing loudly in bed) falls asleep before he arrives.

Thinking of you, Flipper and Lubey.

48, really pleased to hear you invited Mr R&R round. Sometimes it's easier to shut people out than let them in, so I think you've been very brave (wish I was equally brave).

WarmFuzzyFun Fri 08-Feb-13 20:15:45

Nomorepain, if you don't like him loads, then don't worry move on. OD is a funny old game, sometimes they just stop contacting you for no discernible reason. Their choice. If you want you could send email 'Hope you're okay, NMP' and see if you get a response.

Hi everyone,

This is my usual one post on each dating thread.

I am doing okay, guy I 'really' liked seems to 'really' like me, and he seems (WFF whispers) normal confused smile, which is odd for OD isn't it?

(So sorry to know of your news Flipper.)

Velvet have a great time, remember to breathe occasionally smile

<waves to everyone>
WarmFuzzyFun x

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 20:32:40

nomorepain agree with WFF if you don't like him loads, then don't worry and move on. could be all sorts of reasons but generally I think people play a numbers game and if someone comes through first either with a date or a call or you get a buzz chatting with someone then you tend to concentrate on that person and let others drift - not nice, but just the way OD is ... the old sweet trolley analogy again.

WFF (whispers) all sounds good, I found "normal" who "really" likes me on Match, they are out there. I think someone said in the previous thread, good uns are there, just depends when you find them, could be first OD date or it could be hundreth OD date, luck of the draw hmm

thanks for wet fishes btw, I got a missing you text so all is well in land of lulu.

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 20:40:56

just curious, but what do you call it when you DTD ?grin

I always call it a fuck or a shag or just plain sex ...... had funny conversation with Mr EA, the other night. I told him that even though I do only use that language, I do actually think now that it is making love ..... him, shocked face, shocked voice "of course it is!" grin

grinchie Fri 08-Feb-13 20:41:29

Evening all grin

The goat bloke is officially funny.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 08-Feb-13 20:44:40

i know ;) one of the reasons why i like him smile

lulu, fuck, shag, sex. call it what it is. What i hate are twee euphanisms pretending its something else. If you are old enough to do it, then you should be old enough to call it what it is.

lubeybooby Fri 08-Feb-13 20:45:53

Bless you lot still thinking of me flowers this thread is still keeping me sane and distracted

<puts anchovy on a pizza for snape>

Hello WFF... normal you say? wow. That is quite something grin

Nomore... hmm yeah. Think you might have been. It really is a very odd old game. Don't take it personally, if he's new he's only just found the sweet shop and behaviour will likely reflect that..

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 20:46:47

I am feeling brave shock I am going to tell Mr R&R tomorrow that apart from him everything is fucking shyte. I am terrified of coming across all needy, but fuck it I am. If I blow it, he isn't the man I thought he was.

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 20:49:51

48 wet fish, wet fish, wet fish grin

WE all know even if you don't that Mr R&R will be thrilled that he is needed and the shining light in a shite time.

It's not needy to tell someone that they make you happy and make you feel good.

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 20:50:24

Lulu I like the word fuck alot. Cock maybe my favourite grin

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 20:52:19

48 grin fuck is my favourite too - when Mr EA says I'm going to take you upstairs and fuck you ....... I go weak at the knees grin

God, get that man over here now!

lubeybooby Fri 08-Feb-13 20:52:23

48, that isn't gonna blow it with mr r&r. Go for it smile

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 20:56:05

Thanks all. Think I am done with od for a while. Had enough of time wasters and jokers. Going to wait a while till there is a new selection. Feel like its made me a bit needy on people that I don't even know! Ridiculous. It shouldn't have to be difficult!!

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:08:01

Just hidden all of my profiles - I'm on 3 bloody websites! Put my od existence in hibernation then 2 minutes later he texts me saying he is injured after playing football for first time in years and his daughter has been in hospital all afternoon. Shit. Now what am I meant to do. Felt bit pissed off that he hadn't contacted (but prob pissed off at how other men have disregarded me recently) but not he has and given a perfectly valid reason as to why he has not text me before. Although it doesn't excuse why he was back on the website and hasn't contacted me. Huh! So to reply or not to reply - that is the question?!?

I am seriously happy for all of you loved or lusted up from online dating - wish I had a bit of your success!!!

Think I am full of gloom tonight because I have to hand my kids over to shitbag ex tomorrow.

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:09:35

Now he has given me perfect excuse instead of not!!

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 21:15:10

nomorepain he has given you a perfectly valid reason (your words) so go for it and see what happens well thats what I would do, good luck

lubeybooby Fri 08-Feb-13 21:15:40

Yeah Nomore i would reply. If he had text 30 mins ago you would have done no question... if he had left it a few more days I'd say no, but it's still quite timely and with a valid excuse so yeah. Go for it.

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 21:18:02

Agree nomore you may as well see what he is like face to face.

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:22:53

Just checked and he is back on the site. Arghhhh what if he is a player. Just feel worn down with trying to understand what someone actually means when what they say and do are completely different things. I would just like to be able to trust someone and not be on my guard constantly!

God I am feeling sorry for myself!!

mercury7 Fri 08-Feb-13 21:25:32

same thing happens to me all the time..I think 'thats it! I've had enough! he's history!'
and then 'he' texts and I realise I've over reacted/got it all wrong/jumped to conclusions, yet againblush

I dont know what the solution is, except try not to take things personally

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 21:26:35

nomore <<lulu drags Juliettes wet fish out>>, he's not a player just because he is online, I think it's quite normal when you first start texting, chatting to someone to keep your options open and keep looking. We have all seen on here how people disappear or suddenly don't float your boat any more. After a couple of dates, or whatever feels right, then that is the time to try and work out if you want some exclusivity but not at this stage.

Text him, see what you think, take it from there ...... lots of hand holding on this thread smile

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:31:46

Think this comes on the back of 2 of my friends telling me that they have doubts about od and quizzing me as to why I am doing it. They noth said lovely things about me but then said they are worried about what i am doing it for. Then the jokers I have had contact with recently have proven their doubts. I have had vanishers or very little contact and I can't help but question what I have done. I know deep down I haven't done anything wrong. I have been cool, sassy and non demanding. I've been funny, not overly flirty or rude because this just isn't my style. Seems they just prefer other people. And that hurts. My husband preferred another woman to me and was prepared to give up our lovely life and plans for her. What chance have I got with some random of a bloody Internet site!!!!!!


Nomore I am often on sites just browsing, I don't always reply to messages right away as I feel if they are worth replying to I would rather do it properly, if I was busy I wouldn't necessarily text. He has given you a reason, maybe being involved with hospital and his DC is viewed separately from OD. Or maybe he is a player. Only one way to find out...

I think I might have posted randomly on the Internet some detail about not having Coffee for 4 months. My broadband has been off and I thought I was on this thread, hell only knows where it really is blush

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 21:36:55

nomore I think we have all had the vanishers and the keen and then not so keen, it isn't you, it's just OD dating and the kids in the sweetie shop. You do need a thick skin I think and even then, I think it gets to everyone at some point.

You sound like you been playing it exactly right, so please don't be hurt. My husband did exactly the same and it knocks your confidence and self esteem and it really hurts. You have as much chance as anyone of meeting someone online. But you need to decide if you are really up for it at the moment?

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:40:52

God. I need to chill. I text him something very short and he has text me straight back asking me nice questions and remembered something I am doing tomorrow. I need to give him the benefit if the doubt don't I.

He is majorly good looking, he has a good job, he seems mentally stable - why on earth would e be interested in me. I still think of myself as a fat, boring housewife whose husband left her. Can't think why anyone would want me. Been trying to fake it till I make it but I am having a weak moment tonight!

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 21:44:54

nomore yay! nice man, good looking texting you, asking nice questions .... maybe he's interested because he likes what he sees and hears?!? there's a thing, eh? enjoy it ...... as my RL friend always says remember - YOU, are the prize!

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 21:47:18

nomore Do you need the wet fish? He is bloody busy tonight, but could squeeze you in grin

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:53:16

Yes I need the fish. In fact I probably need a whole aquarium!

Just. Need. To. Get. A. Grip!!!!!!

Nomore to put it in context,Lubey found me about the only man I've ever found attractive on POF. We've been chatting a lot, he is lovely but I hadn't heard from him this week. Just seen he sent a message a few days ago saying he's met someone he's very fond of. It is nothing to do with me.

Likewise, I have no idea if Morning Knobber was putting me in the lead with his sweet trolley top 10 favourites or not during his grilling date this week. The very last thing he said to me as I got in the taxi was 'see you.. oh, er we didn't actually establish where this is going, did we'. My response was 'early days, bye'. I don't expect to hear from him and don't think he deserves to be told I'm not interested and would't have touched his with the barman's. I know he was punching above his weight, I know that if he chose to 'reject' me he would probably be right as he is not good enough for me.

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 22:17:56

Juliette I live your strength. After weeks of feeling strong I am feeling weak tonight. Week and needy! Not a great combo.

That is so shit about Lubey's find. Rubbish. Morning on inner sounds like a jobber but at least you had the measure of him.,

I wish I was as strong as you powerful women on here. You are ace!

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 22:21:07

Love not live!!

Nomore it's all swings and roundabouts. I was crying upstairs earlier because I had take things out on my DS when he really didn't deserve it. Twice today, the second time I said stuff I shouldn't have and sometimes saying sorry isn't enough and I could see that by his face sad.

It's also have my man wobbles, I have done the most ridiculous things in relationships. I'm lucky enough that no one has ever been unfaithful (that I know of) but for years I wondered why no one appeared to want me. Sat in this room wailing just that on more than one occasion. No one is immune from self doubt at some time.

worley Fri 08-Feb-13 23:12:22

hi. can I ask a quick question..
so, I joined match via iPhone app and have been having a conversation for a few days with a guy.. but now I've sent an email and it doesn't show up that I've sent it.. so I thought maybe I'd not sent it, so sent another little one.. that again isn't showing up as sent.. I've winked by accident !! trying to find my way around the site/app.. will it not show up as match have lost the message? or has he blocked me? he has looked at my profile this evening and is currently online.. so where are my messages I sent him. I'm so used to POF.. not sure I'm getting on with match..

lubeybooby Fri 08-Feb-13 23:14:50

Worly sorry no idea as I've never used match... maybe just a glitch?

KirstyWirsty Sat 09-Feb-13 00:56:47

I had a lovely night with mr cheeky and his best pal .. Drinks .. Bit of karaoke .. Train home .. All really nice .. He was ok when I went up to dance with pal .. We are going to stay in a lovely hotel that he booked tomorrow night grin

KirstyWirsty Sat 09-Feb-13 01:03:00

Is it really such a major problem that he is in love with me and I don't feel the same? He is great company .. Smart .. Really sexy ..Witty .. Great in bed .. I don't know if I am just protecting myself too much by not falling for him

mercury7 Sat 09-Feb-13 01:14:41

I had a lovely night with mr cheeky and his best pal

are we talking MMF 3some here? blush

KirstyWirsty Sat 09-Feb-13 06:49:54

mercury No!!! Just drinks .. Threesomes aren't all they are cracked up to be wink

Nomorepain Sat 09-Feb-13 08:00:53

Woke up today feeling better. Think I was just tired and whiney so huge apologies. Handover day with my kids always gets me bit down. Sounds silly but I can't wait till I have a man I can meet up with when me kids are with their dad. Would kind of soften the blow. Makes me sound pathetic but that's just how I feel.

I do wonder why od is so tricky. I'm not some kind of ogre. I am friendly and not psycho. I've got good job, lovely house etc. i pit effort into ny image, wear nice clothes, ways look presentable. The men that contact me are generally eyesores, or the "hi babez" variety.

Swapped few texts with new man last night - might call him Mr Irish. He seems nice. Time will tell!!!

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sat 09-Feb-13 08:46:14

Tried to do a toilet update last night but I'm too slow on my phone. Second date with Mr Pheasant was ok. I find the simplicity of his mind and life quite refreshing, and I am quite entertained by his 'says what he is thinking' talk though much of what he says is completely inappropriate, especially for a date (not rude or offensive, just stuff that you would not say on a date, it made me laugh). So a few beers at his local, then watched telly and had a cup of tea at his. It sounds crap but it was nice, and no pressure. He did offer to make me a sandwich, I said no, then wanted some of his when he'd made it because it looked quite nice, cue him huffing and puffing 'aah I knew you'd want some of mine, I was going to make you one'. It all sounds a bit like there was a lack of effort but he definitely isn't the restaurant and wine type and a few beers and a butty is much more me than wining and dining.

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 08:48:08

Nomore We all have our shit times and it is ok to be woe is me. Impossible to plaster a smile on every day.

Kirsty I am terrified of falling for Mr R&R. Its why my guard is teflon coated.
I really couldn't deal with anymore shit right now.

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 08:58:29

Bunny Sounds like you were both relaxed in each others company smile

Few beers and a butty much more my thing too!

Nomorepain Sat 09-Feb-13 09:30:03

worley I had that on the match app. You can log
Into main site to see if it has sent. I found out that loads of mine hasn't gone!! Bit rubbish for an od site when every message counts!!!

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Feb-13 09:32:51

Cuthbert has just gone. Was a lovely evening. I like him an awful lot. Hopefully seeing him next week smile

I have various little doubts abd insecuritied about it all but I think they are simply me expecting that everything has to be perfect or else it is doomed to fail...

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 09:55:13

Velvet aw glad you had a good night

and of course things don't have to be perfect, unless those things are dealbreakers or whacking great red flags.

eg 'he is lovely, except for the confession of being a serial killer'

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:15:11

velv, yay!!!

Logged onto okc and pof. Bloody giess what, messages from ywk. Obviously he was telling the truth re being single. OKC 99 match 96 friend 3 enemy.

pof had me listed as his top match. apparently. pinch of salt.

fucks sake.

IF i believed in 'signs' i might take it as one.
OR, that hes just stupid

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:22:59

or that im stupid, as, being top in his ' will reply' bit on pof. i did actually reply.

turns out they are right about some stuff

<gets drawn in by the excitment>

MirandaWest Sat 09-Feb-13 10:24:44

Morning smile

velvet I had a dream with you in it. Don't know how I knew it was you but if definitely was. You were very happy in it smile

watch I think ynw is probably stupid smile

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:28:34

nope. i think i am more stupid.

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 10:33:36

Had the hang over from hell yesterday so much so had to rearrange botox and filler app...feelin ok today tho for an old bird! Hello everyone hhhhope you all have fab days!

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 10:35:18

Velvet yay! smile

I had a dream with nameless in it. Decency does not permit a full explanation.

watch bollocks to that. OKC can be manipulated to create a higher percentage match, just trawl through and answer the questions your prey has and if you don't get an educated guess higher answer, hide yourself overnight, go back in the next day and change your answers = higher match. If you have someone in mind and you know them well enough (& ykw does obstentiably know you well enough) you can tailor your profile to create a high match. It has the potential to be manipulative bollocks as far as it goes if someone knows what will hit your triggers.

You're absolutely daft about him, aren't you? [wetwhale]

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:38:40

yeah, he knows me, its not like he would need to try to make it a match...

I just found it amusing, i dont read any shit into it at all, i dont go in for woo.

and that pof had me top of ' will reply'
Because i will, and always do, reply.

its just funny.

Im not daft about him. its just ywk, isnt it.

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Feb-13 10:43:16

Miranda grin

Cuthbert had a dream about me last night too, that he was in bed with me (which of course he actually was) and looking at the time on the clock he has in his own bedroom...

I don't think I dreamt about anything. I did have a lovely sleep though!

Blimey watch, what are you going to do with ykw??

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 10:46:15

And just by being on a dating site, it does not confirm he is single. And if he actually is, I wouldn't trust a serial 'monogamist' who seems to need the validation of a relationship and who lurches from one relationship to the next without recovery-time.

...Or, indeed a man who was in a relationship who sniffed around other women (might not have just been you watch...) who is selective in the truth they tell the other women and who is now physically stalking (he turned up at your old house!) and cyber stalking (two messages on two seperate dating websites?!) someone because she has said she's moved on.

If I acted like that toward voldemort I would have actually died of shame just before the restraining order flopped onto my doormat.

A couple of threads ago, you were considering meeting him because he 'needed a friend' If someone 'needs' a 'friend' then they have to act like a friend in the first place in order to merit that friendship. He hasn't acted like a friend to you watch unless I've missed something? You always come across as strong and independent and forthright....why on earth are you engaging with someone who treats you like he's treated you?!


Flipper924 Sat 09-Feb-13 10:46:39

Hurrah for Cuthbert. Am all smiley for you now, Velvet.

Bunny, sounds very relaxed. How are you feeling about him now?

Kirsty, glad you had a good evening. I'm a bit wary of Mr Cheeky. I seem to remember he gave you the run around initially, then things were great, then the work do....but your guard is up so you're looking after yourself.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 10:47:27

(Sorry if any of that is antagonistic, I'm a bit fucking annoyed at him! Not you. I get it, I's just making me see red!)

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:50:24

because im daft for him.

i know, i need help or something.

All logical reasoning goes out the window.
last week when he said he couldnt talk, he had just had a phone call saying his cousin had died. i cut him off before he told me that. hes at his parents now.... just spoke to him ( he called me fromthere) funeral is monday.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 10:52:39

watch I agree entirely with snape, why is it ok for a man to behave like this when a woman would have had a restraining order and a nice comfy straitjacket eons ago? - I am hovering somewhere between [red mist] and [headdesk] and [facepalm] though


Gahhhh just block him on everything and purge him from your life properly!

I just cannot fathom why you would reply to him. I really can't.

[wetwhale] [wetswordfish]

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:58:15

i do. he just comes back... hes like a bomberang. i just said that to him...

i dont know, i dont know why i reply. i cant believe he messaged me on there really.

so, we are going to do some photography at a local ish catherdral. what can go wrong?

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:59:59

and some churchcrawling, and hes bringing me some lenses for his camera hes lending me. its day time. nothing can happen, it will be fine.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 11:03:41

Ok well I've said everything possible to say about him and lumped you one with a wet swordfish already so I won't repeat myself. [heavysigh]

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 11:05:48

The thing with this is.... You are a good person. You're quick to anger sometimes and you can be a bit stubborn ( smile ) but you are basically a lovely woman, who has had some shitty-horrible times and who is doing the very best she can. You want to think the best of some people (certainly not all of them - but people you care about. If he lets you down you (1) legitimately flare up, (2) don't contact - (3) start to recover, (4) stop thinking about him or at least don't think about him so often and then, eventually (5) excuse his behaviour or (6)understand it, because you are a bit daft for him, he's depressed, he needs a friend, he's had a row with his parents, his cousin has died (i know, i'm sorry and i know i sound callous here) and he's been in contact... He drifts back to you and you provide something to him... Comfort, ego stroke, challenge - whatever, I don't know what he gets from you. What do you get from him? Happiness? Comfort? Excitement? Flattery?

He has treated you atrociously. He doesn't deserve to pick up your discarded chewing gum....although the way things are going at the moment I wouldn't be surprised if he started going through your bins.

If you're not getting something positive from this relationship, then please stop engaging, because it will wear you down.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 11:06:57

snape - not taken any offence either. i know... i fully know.
i know you arent angry at me.....

do you know what. hes an arse. it is possible hes not as much of an arse as i say, ive been a mental at him... and mean. really mean.

he wouldnt be on a dating site if he wasnt single, i know him well enough to know that. I also know him well enough to know his thought process behind it... and, hes single, and now, local. Its a day, just one. i have to go, else ill always wonder. i will, as much as i say i wont, i will.

Fuck him, i need to know.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 11:09:43


Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 11:11:05

' its day time. nothing can happen, it will be fine.'

Says the woman who licked goat boys face in the candle shop. <clutches pearls> I dread to think what you might get up to in a place of worship. <rolleyes>

I'm really sorry watch I don't intend to be mean or horrid, I kind of see why, because I would have absolutely walked on broken glass for whatisface. I remember the absolute elation at receiving a text (snort!) and I can absolutely look back and see that it wasn't healthy. Something had to be done and a resolution reached.

So do your something. Meet him in the cathedral if you must. See what happens. But make it your defining moment, because I can see this panning out for decades.

MsCellophane Sat 09-Feb-13 11:14:36

Velvet - glad you had a lovely evening

Hop & Kirsty - sounds like you both had lovely evenings

Watch!!!! What are you doing??? Why, just why?

You spent an age forgetting him and putting barriers up and ignoring his (somewhat scary) actions. What is it about him means you drop everything to go to him?? You have just started to have a lovely time with the Goat, you are enjoying his company, so why run to YKW when you know it isn't good for you??

Please reconsider, people are in our past for a very good reason and that is where they should stay

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 11:15:45

i did lick goat boys face.
i wont be licking ywks. its not about sex there.

you arent being horrid, at all. i know its probably not the best thing to do. but i need to. Its not been healthy, ive been healthy with it for the last year or so.... but still a message or something does something to me, even if i do ignore it most of the time.

It will also be the defining momment, like yours with voldy.
the big full stop.
So, its next monday.

MsCellophane Sat 09-Feb-13 11:16:27

And the single thing is a red herring, wasn't he trying to line you up as next person before last relationship had actually finished??

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 11:22:05

I approve of defining moments. <releases dove> you will do whatever you need to do watch but please mark it in your mind as a checkpoint and please have a look back over some of the shit-heeled things he's done to inform your choices on Monday. You want to forgive, see of there is anything there and move forwards - that's a lovely quality, but one that can be taken advantage of by SHIT HEELS!

I shall shut up now. smile

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 11:25:42

snape, yep, i am quick to anger and stubborn ;) yes, i am.
haha, im the first one to say that. im also lovely.

I know what he gets from me.
I know what i get from him.

Its not even a date. its a non date.

I just have to go.

Goat boy isnt even an issue in this, that isnt going to go anwhere, its just a fling smile a fun fling, but a fling non the less.

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Feb-13 11:30:59

I think snapes advice is very wise.

It is hard sometimes to do the sensible thing though. I know I have made every mistake with men it is possible to make. Hence I think why I am so concerned with everything with Cuthbert being perfect, howvever stupidly unrealistic that is.

The time we spend together always seems to go really quickly, and to never be quite long enough, we both said so...that seems to me to be a good sign I think?

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 11:32:32

its THE checkpoint.

ive already just had a massive go at him ( when i say massive, i do mean massive) for trawling for dates 10 days after splitting up with his gf. Asked him what the fuck hes playing at, told him ne needs to get a grip.

But anyway, its not my business.

Its a non date. my full stop, my defining momment.
In a church. with a camera.
safe as safe can be

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 11:46:32

smile at releases dove..

Just look out for yourself, watch. You and I may not see eye to eye on some things, and have a tendency to wind each other up and make people run for cover, but I agree with Snape, you're a nice person who can get hurt over and over by the same person, so just make sure you harden your heart and don't let him in again. Everyone on here wants you to not get hurt

Just signed the lease for my flat in Budapest, it's gorgeous and so cheap! Now I'm exploring the local coffee houses, Spanish guitarist playing in the background, and not trying to make eye contact with the Scandinavian looking girl at the counter. Honest.

Other than that, nothing to report (apart from having to respond to a woman I'd accidentally favourited on match to explain it was an accident, and she lives too far away, sorry. -- and not because she looks like Eddie the eagle Edwards--

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 11:50:18

thank you ;)

I know, i know its from the best intentions, and i know i would be giving the same advice to someone else, and banging my head on a desk in frustration.

Its not a date.

Ill be fine, im tough. and im way stronger than he is. Also, i know him. i know how he works ( bad side and all). so im prepared, you know.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 11:55:51

<waves at bant>

Bit jealous of Budapest.

Watch can you articulate why? Not the checkpoint thing but why you are bothering at all. You would tell any of us to dump from a great height. Either way, just take care of yourself.

Bant yay for Budapest, new city, new flat, new women, it is so exciting!

Velvet you sound soooo happy grin

48 so totally understand you not wanting any more troubles in your life but you have someone by your side in in Mr R&R. So you fall for him, the absolute worst that can happen is sometime in the future you get hurt. You are strong, you have great family support and role models from your sisters, you will survive <resists urge to break into the song with actions>

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 12:34:08

Don't be, it's like Norwich but with better sausage. And, you know, culture and stuff smile

Bant I still have memories of a night out in Norwich, it was the complete deal including both clubs, flirting in the kebab shop and wandering the streets with shoes in my hand. I suspect it is not like Norwich.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 12:45:26

Its because he gets my mind. All of it. From the light fluffy stuff to the stuff i would never even mention.the good stuff and the god awful stuff.

Thats why
And same the other way round .

More intoxicating than licking of faces.

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 13:33:31

Juliette I maybe a blubbering mess by the time he gets here tonight. Finding it really hard to pull myself together. Big admission I had a nervous breakdown about 16 years ago, refused happy pills, had to accept counselling or would of been sectioned. I have made an appointment with my GP for friday, may have to take the happy pills. I will not go there again!

Fuck knows how I have managed to get my work done this week, been in this morning and caught up. Going to clean the house and shop, Mr R&R is normally starving by the time he leaves here. He thinks I live on tea and fags. I do!

I really should tell him to run. Fucking Fast!!!

Bursts into 'I wil survive' smile

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 13:46:29

48, there has been a very strong family history of psychiatric illness in my family, it's been very close to home and had huge impact on all of us, consequently I vowed, despite being prone to a certain amount of depression, never to take anti-depressants. When my world completely caved in a couple of years ago and I really couldn't see a scrap of light, I eventually capitulated and saw the GP. The pills helped a lot, so did the counselling. Don't you be feeling bad about needing help, it's the mark of a strong intelligent woman that you ask for help when things are bad.

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 14:04:17

Thankyou Kin

I am fighting the urge to ask my ex for help. He knows me inside and out. He would drop everything to be there for me. I wont do it. Be completely unfair on him.

I am going to put my favourite tracks on and get busy.

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 14:16:24

That's ok, 48, it's not really a whole load of practical help but at least you know that someone sort of understands, and definitely does care.

The wanting to contact your ex thing is completely understandable, I had a shite day yesterday and the urge just to talk to Maris was overwhelming. Then his mum called me and listening to her made me miss him even more. It's all shite but it gets better.

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 14:54:21

Nora, I know we all make up our names for exes, dates etc, but could you do me an enormous favour and refer to Maris as Piper? I keep picturing you as Niles from 'Frasier' and it really throws me off when I'm reading your posts.

True about missing exes though, they know you so well and that's what you need in times of need. I try and remember the bad stuff when that happens, means I'm temporarily sad but better afterwards and less dependent on them

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 15:01:35

Rather ironically I used to have a bit of a crush on Niles. I bloody love Frasier.

I could call him Spud, which is what my sister christened him if that helps at all.

It's nice to see you back on here, Bant.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 15:02:19

I absolutely agree that 'maris' makes me think of a dead seal in a dressing gown & a lamp that claps on & off. but I like that association because Niles is my favourite smile

not heard from nameless for 24 hours. I'm starting to view as a cancellation rather than postponement... although he is possibly asleep...

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 15:06:19

There was a thread somewhere on MN about Frasier this week, reminded me of how much I loved it. Remember that one with Frasier's Jewish girlfriend's mum at Christmas and Niles coming in dressed as Jesus ?

Is Nameless normally in fairly constant contact, Snape ?

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 15:13:38

nope, just reviewed...I tend to end a conversation & there has been a (counts) 30 hour gap before.... I'm just being daft & apprehensive in the way I am in the early days where I cant believe someone i like actually likes me dont really know whats happening... will not make contact, he cancelled/postponed due to lurgy, so it's his call to rearrange. <shrugs>

this is a practised air of insouciance with an expectation of dooooom.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 15:15:58

<peels anchovy off pizza>

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 15:21:25

mmmmmmmmmanchovy! wink

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Feb-13 15:30:01

Snape I am certain he will be in contact smile

If it helps I still have a similar expectation of doom re Cuthbert. It seems so unlikely I would meet anyone whose interest I can sustain beyond one date, that I inevitably find myself thinking he must be bored with me by now. And/or that he doesnt see me as girlfriend material which is why he's never suggested anything in the future, only wants to see me once a week and rarely texts me

<wetfishes self>

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 15:37:48

Snape, I see .... C'mon, remember insouciance is what you're all about, work it, girlfriend !

Velvet, that's because actually liking someone is scary, not being that arsed about a man is much easier.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 15:39:38

I'll go halfsies on a packet of fish fingers with you velv

<sigh> this second-guessing oneself is as a result of years of rubbish dalliances with emotionally stunted men and everytime I allow a tiny ray of hope to burst out from behind a piss-filled rain cloud, only for the wind to change. it's unserstandable I expect gloom! it's been three and a half-ish years of single-gloom.

it cant rain piss forever! grin

Alittlestranger Sat 09-Feb-13 15:48:16

Ha "it can't rain piss forever", probably how dear Julian of Norwich would have put it if she wasn't so damn nice.

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Feb-13 15:50:13

Snape, its a deal!

I'll see your 3.5 years and raise you 4.5 years of singleness smile hence why I can't believe Cuthbert actually likes me (because not one bastard has in all that time), and have to try to resist the urge to pick holes and overanalyse it to death...!

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 15:53:32

Oh happy pills are ACE 48 its what got me through the D.I.V.O.R.C.E. Got half my mated hooked on em worries. You take care. x

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 15:53:51


Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 15:53:59

"all manner of things will be well - it cant rain piss forever!" wink

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 16:01:38

House cleanish. Going out for man food.

Ike Bring on the happy pills smile

Can't even have a drink due to antibiotics for abcess.

Fuck aint life just peachy.

lulubellaboozle Sat 09-Feb-13 16:07:20

Is anyone old enough to remember Macfisheries, the master fishmongers? WELL, if they were still around I would be placing a bumper wet fish order!! Were do we start ...

snape it most definitely sounded like a postponement, you are an amazing special person and once he is over his lurgy we will be coo'ing and aah'ing over your next date grin

velvet sooo pleased it went well with Cuthbert! It's a slow burner that is gradually gathering speed, keep the faith!

48 let Mr R&R be there for you -- and fuck him senseless tonight--

watch all if the above, be careful love

Bant welcome back wink

Waves to everyone else, come ice skating with Mr EA and kids but retreated to Costa after resembling an elderly tortoise on ice, not the sexy sassy DOI look I was hoping for!!

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:09:00

Little warning tho..they take approx 3-6 weeks to work so make sure you use all your support netwrks 48. x

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 16:10:53

"it can't rain piss forever"

You've obviously never been to Belgium

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 16:13:28

Or Wythenshawe

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 16:15:05

I heard (from QI) that the reason antibiotics and alcohol are discouraged was because they were first prescribed for syphilis, take several days to work, and the sufferers were discouraged from getting drunk while still infectious. Generally there's no problem. But I'm not a pharmacist so don't take that as scripture. I'm also not a second century roman bishop either, so don't take it as Scripture.

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:18:51

I think there are a couple of ABs that will make you very ill if you drink with just check the packaging/google.

BillMasen Sat 09-Feb-13 16:19:27

I'm texting moon girl. I know I bloody shouldn't but she's at a wedding with a friend, slightly pissed and flirty and I'm doing nothing to discourage it. Ever had someone who's just under your skin and you can't quite move on from? She's one of those. Where's that wet fish? X

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:19:27

....or South Wales....

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:21:50

Please folks dont be taken in by these Snape found out (and I wish she had been spared) as soon as they find a better offer you will have the shit kicked in your face as they speed off in the opposite direction...spare yourselves the bother. Really.

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:22:46

I am thinking of you Bill and Watch...nothing special about these folks except the art of manipulation.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 16:27:22, but I did spend 20 years of my life in Glasgow, where it not only frequently rains piss, they bottle it & call it lager...

...remind me, did 'moongirl' do anything bad? I cant recall. as she's at a wedding bill it's [wet salmon en croute] grin

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 16:30:04

( I like Glasgow )

Isn't Moon girl just a bit of a flibbertigibbet ?

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:30:25

If I remember rightly Bill, isnt she on of those that likes to keep a person dangling, bit of a correct me..

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:31:30

one (those bastarding kids have been playing on my laptop and gunging it up again...honest guv.)

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:35:58

I cant stand these manipulative twots....really.....and what concerns me is that they are good at spotting people's vulnerabilities and twisting for effect....makes me right angry it does.

BillMasen Sat 09-Feb-13 16:44:09

Yeah a bit of a messer abouter. Lots of flirting and miss you's, rarely carries through to getting together. Haven't seen her in person since sept other than walking past each other at work. History is we went on a few non dates (drinks) but never actually got it together.

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 16:46:42

Yep bill, people here have the measure of moongirl. She is a female YWK, a voldemort, a FrenchGirl (my own personal demon)

You can choose to extend the sweet agony, because its so sweet, but it will never be anything more than agony in the long run.

Or just say 'fuck it', and defriend and ignore. The grass is always green until you realise it's on quicksand.

Geek girl sounds good

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:50:51

Yeah Bill.....if I was geek girl I wouldnt be too impressed (Ike folds arms over matronly bosom and stares hard at Bill)

BillMasen Sat 09-Feb-13 16:51:21

Yes I know, you're all right. I should ignore and she'll probably go away at some point. I know nothing will come of it and its unhealthy, but it's really hard to just say no and give up on ....erm..... Well I'm not sure what I'd give up on because its neither a friendship or a relationship. A "thing".

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 16:53:41

Bill, it's easier said than done though, innit

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:54:26

Well Bill you are just feeding your own ego then....and I fear Watch might be too...

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:55:10

Now Kin dont go easy on him ...he's already got a bird...

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:58:49

I like to judge from my poition on the sofa its a very comfy, well plumped place to do it from (sigh, leans back, snuggles arse into feather cushion)

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 16:59:04

Whispers <stay away from the sweet trolley>

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:59:21

ffs ...piSition

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:59:36


KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 17:02:08

Soz Ike, I was just trying to be understanding.

Bill this is what will happen if you embrace Moongirl


mercury7 Sat 09-Feb-13 17:07:43

ego's are very hungry (I find) it can be hard not to feed them.

Any tips to deal with that urge to text somone when you know it's best to just play it cool & leave the ball in their court confused
I was doing ok and then it comes over me like a wave blush

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 17:09:57


In the lobby of my hotel for the last couple of weeks has been the Hungarian version of 'fishing weekly', where every week there was a cover shot of a svelte blonde holding a huge fish. And sometimes kissing it. I was going to post it on my profile but people in the hotel were giving me funny looks

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 17:12:59

Bill, mercuys post had it on the nose.

Send a noncommittal 'oh? Cool' response to moon girl. Then leave if. For weeks If needed. She will get wound up by that andover heaven and earth to get you to notice her again. Or, she won't. And there is your answer as to whether she's interested

I still think geek rules tho

Bant Sat 09-Feb-13 17:13:42

And move heaven and earth *

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 17:15:17

Juliette, that photo was vair funny.

Geeks are hot - tsssssssssss

48 take the pills if you need them, soldiering on won't work if you don't have the reserves and your must be depleted already. Regardless in a few hours you'll be next to a good man smile

Bant I now have visions of an entirely new genre of kink, known only to a few aficionados. When do you move into your flat?

Bill I'm going to get all hmm on your arse. Geek girl sounds cool and lovely. Moongirl has never done anything good for you, don't mistake her toying with you for passion.

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 17:31:58

I am working on my mojo.

Just started sex texting Mr R&R.

'What time are you planning on getting here? I want your cock'

Its working smile

Bill Moongirl is worse than Mr FU. At least with him there was good sex.

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 17:53:53

Crikey I go for a little power nap (cos I am old) and smut's a flyin' lovin' that pic Jules...

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 17:55:41

Ah Jule I forgot you and Bant are the founding members of H Club....course you will like a bit of slippery fish sex...

FlorentinePogen Sat 09-Feb-13 18:07:50

'What time are you planning on getting here? I want your cock'

grin grin grin

Good God, woman, whatever happened to the long, lingering foreplay sessions, the re-enactment of the fridge scene from 9 1/2 weeks with Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke, the seductive sharing of a bottle of bubbles (no champagne flutes required wink), the massed ranks of scented candles in the boudoir and Jefferson Starship's 'Miracles' floating on the air ?????

I realise I am very, very old.

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 18:10:06

Married Man tho aren't you flo....gotta keep the ol romance that what you have planned for VDay for Mrs P???

BillMasen Sat 09-Feb-13 18:11:45

I've done the leaving it for weeks. She always gets back in touch and starts it all up again. I know I should just not fall for it. Ok you're all spot on and geek girl, whilst its pretty slow paced, is lovely and doesn't need me flirting with my ongoing "thing" in the background. Even if I know it'll never even progress to a drink again. I'll stop.

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 18:15:01

Good man....stop feedin both your egos ....

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 18:16:43

...cos your only doin the feeding with emotional junk food <deep>

Applauds bill

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 18:23:46

Flo Hearts and flowers just aint me blush

Good call Bill Chasing the unavailable, means you aren't focused on the available. The very cool Geeky girl.

FlorentinePogen Sat 09-Feb-13 18:32:43

Married Man tho aren't you flo....gotta keep the ol romance that what you have planned for VDay for Mrs P???

Ike, I am indeed married. Whisper it, today is our 17th anniversary. smile

Don't do celebrations as such, I am cooking dinner, DD is in background practising the violin and if DW and I have the energy later on, we may well indulge in a bit of romance and sexology.


Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 18:40:21

<dashes by and kisses bill on the cheek>

And is gone!

I am going to leave it until 9-ish and then maybe dash by nameless and do the same.

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 18:45:26

You makin a science of it now flo?? Happy anniversary...x

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 18:49:17

Snape do u mean physically dashing or textually dashing?

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 18:54:41

Textually dashing. I do not physically dash.

I pre empted myself....

He replied within a minute. Seeing him on Monday might.

BillMasen Sat 09-Feb-13 18:55:04

Woo snape. (Blushes). If only I were taller....

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 19:01:57

Fab Snape....Voldie who???x

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 19:01:59

Oh bill it was never meant to be.... I have had my head turned by a sleepy superstar DJ 12 years younger than me. I am justifying this by my youngest bunny being 13 & me knocking 2 years off my age & him being oh! Breathtaking

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 19:02:00

Gonna slap some slap on in a mo and hope the mascara stops me blubbing hmm

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 19:03:41

I feel the need to hand around party-poppers


48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 19:05:00

I may have a little weed somewhere.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 19:08:00

48 smile

I had a big thing about never going on ADs...and when I did (DD was 500 miles away from me, having a terrible time, it really hurt) it gave my a bit of breathing space to tackle the important bits. I was a bit fuzzy at first (lost DS2 in a car park!) but I gained clarity to deal with stuff that my head was otherwise too crowded to deal with. That's ok. Things work out. smile

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 19:09:04


I am shocked!!!!!!


Nomorepain Sat 09-Feb-13 19:10:17

Oh man. Exes are exes for a reason aren't they!! Had my fill of my stupid ex today. He really is a prize twunt!! He has my babies for 12
Hours every fortnight split across 2 days. He has managed to pick them up late and drop them off late which meant both of them fell asleep in the car and now won't go to sleep!!! Not give my baby her milk when it was due (out by 4 hours!!!) and then when I said are you going to pick them up on time tomorrow he said he is t feeling well so probably won't bother tomorrow. Joke. I have been really ill on 2 occasions since he left. My sil asked him to help to look after the kids and he ignored her. Now in expected to have sympathy for him. I had a feeling he wasn't going to have them tomorrow. Oh and I found out that he has just got back from NYC with the ow. Not because he brought presents back for the kids - because he had got a present in back of his car for his mum in a JFK airport bag. Arghhhhhhhhh!

Mr Irish just text me. He said where instead of we're and it has made me go off him big time!! Is that ridiculously shallow??

Nomorepain Sat 09-Feb-13 19:15:47

bill you are doing the right thing ignoring moon girl. I was very disappointed by your texting!! Geek girl sounds lovely and moon girl would be a waste of time. Don't be a grass is greener type of guy because they are the pits!!!

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 19:17:50

Found it! Purely for medicinal purposes of course grin

lulubellaboozle Sat 09-Feb-13 19:24:56

nomore in Mr Irish's defence, predictive text can change we're to where or the other way round .... At the end of the day no big deal, in RL if indeed he doesn't know the difference you wouldn't know till it was too late!! I'm thinking, give him a chance!

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Feb-13 19:25:17

Snape hurray for your date! smile

Nomore, not shallow. Errors like that irritate me hugely. As does people not knwing how to use a knife and fork properly (cuthbert passed that test!)

Cuthbert suggested exchanging email addresses last night (cos he almost lost his phone in the week and realised if he did he'd lose my number etc)...anyway forgot about it in the rush of him leaving this morning, so next time I text him I was going to give him mine. I was also going to suggest he could add me to fb (I know he hardly uses it so if he doesn't add me immediately no big deal BUT does it look a bit odd for me to ask?

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 19:42:27

It is amazing how much you can hide behind a bit of make up.

Accepts 'party popper'

KinNora Sat 09-Feb-13 19:52:18

Nomore, nope not shallow, I'm terribly pedantic about spelling etc in men - Mr Software, very well educated, very intelligent, insisted on using 'would of ' repeatedly. It turns me right off.

Velvet up to you but I wouldn't ask. What for? he hardly uses it and you then have the whole fb awkwardness thing. There is also bound to be something there like a pic you will feel odd about (which is normal) and you will then have more questions and torture yourself. So lots of angst for nothing.

To answer your question, it doesn't make you look odd to ask smile

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Feb-13 21:00:39

Well, hello, laydeez (and gents)

I've been a bit quiet the last few days, had a bit of bad news off LM health wise so am trying to get to grips with that, really, and haven't felt like coming on here a lot. But I've had a couple of drinks tonight, no party poppers though, and thought I would be vaguely sociable and try and catch up a bit.

48 You've had a shitty old time of it recently and there's no shame in getting help whether from the GP or from Mr R&R who, by the way, is one of life's good guys.

Velvet Brilliant news. I'm so glad it went well. I don't think you would look odd adding him on FB but like Juliette says, there's always the odd photo or comment or like or whatever that can set the nerves jangling. Tell him to write your number in his address book.

Bill good man. MoonGirl sounds like one to avoid.

Watch I'm not even going to say it as everyone else has already smile

Bant good to see you back on here and hope it's all going well. So, is it straight back onto Match now you're home?

Thread is getting very fishy recently. Need some calm, cool and collected vibes around here . . . but it's lovely to read about people having good luck and good times. We all deserve a run of good luck, I think.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 22:27:21

My god. Hes gone fucking nuts.
Ive downloaded a text blocker.... blocked him. Called sky and blocked him . Blocked email and whats app.

He bombarded me on okc and pof at the same time.... has knocked years off his age. Got listed he is looking for younger women.... asked if i was going to lose weight . And then kept going on about how i completed him and how much he needed me. I told him to stop and he kept it up.then he started picking apart my okc answers.... comparing them to stuff i said years ago Then he said he was going for a nap.... yet i could see was logged into the dating sites.


No way for him to contact me now. Bar work and i might have a word with security.

MsCellophane Sat 09-Feb-13 22:27:52

I have just drunk most of a bottle of plonk and am trying to sort getting the man I rescued at xmas to pop in - he also has drunk too much plonk and can't get a cab

Home alone and fancy a chat, a kiss and maybe some filth - if he can get a cab!

MsCellophane Sat 09-Feb-13 22:29:35

Oh watch - is this YKW??

He really isn't someone you need in your life, don't care how much he gets you or how attractive he is

Hopefully you now have your closure

Hope you are ok

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 22:33:06

Yes. And i do. Hes unhinged.

He doesnt get me. Hes just crazy.

Im fine.

I just dont know how to block on pof without him sending a message. So ive hidden my profile..... can anyone help?

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 22:34:49

Oh mrs c, i tried the same with goat. Who said he was busy yet has been on pof all im guessing another one bites the dust.

My bum is meeting the sofa and staying there for a while

FitzgeraldProtagonist Sat 09-Feb-13 22:35:49

A little gift for all daters eyeing up the phone-you're not alone. Turn to Dorothy Parker in times of angst!

Oh go buy a tractor, I'm busy anyway. Harrumph.

MsCellophane Sat 09-Feb-13 22:38:58

I don't think they get a message on pof if you block, you get a message when you try to contact someone who has blocked you

Does it matter if he knows you have blocked him? Would send the message to leave you alone, maybe?

Sofa isn't a bad place to be

Rescued man has been a pain with contact since xmas, but I am home alone and MrCM hasn't stepped up so I'm going for it smile

Maybe a day or two on sofa will help you regroup but I wouldn't write off goatboy just yet, if he logged in using phone, they show you online for hours after

Scrazy Sat 09-Feb-13 22:40:06

Watch, he has to send you a message and be in your inbox for you to block him.

Place marking, very pleased for Velvet and Snape.

Been busy, got DD home but she's gone out and I'm having a cup of tea then going to bed.

Nothing on the dating front from me but waiting to hear from the one who remembers me and I might go for a coffee next week with him if he asks again.

Lubey and Flipper, hope you are both ok.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 22:48:25

Oh watch sad right you have to hang on to this now and remember this clarity, let this be your closure, please and see just how fucking scary it was him turning up at your old place.

Do not engage with him ever again no matter what he tries or says. No replying, ever.

Scrazy is right about pof, you can block if you have any of his messages in your inbox or if you have deleted them, if he messages again you can block. somewhere just underneath and to the right slightly of an actual message

Definitely have a word with security at work

SweetSeraphim Sat 09-Feb-13 23:05:36

Fucksake watch shock

What the actual shit is he playing at? Have you told him to fuck off? Like actually told him? I'm not having a go at you, btw, just don't understand how the evenings events have got to this point. Are you ok?

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 00:47:20

My darlings I love youn beem drinkin to my bd health with octos should I GO on a cruise?????

SoleSource Sun 10-Feb-13 00:49:28

Mignt sign up to a BBW dating site

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 00:56:41

Watch ....I think u have all bases covered. X

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 01:18:11

oH dear I have soooo not caught the zeitgeist with my cruise quandry...erm fadin away on a led zep vibe.....loving all of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 01:19:04

Seeee u up the pub 4 lunch x

ike how much have you had???

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 01:33:40

Lots of lovely drinkies ....

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 01:35:03

Got NIN on wNA join me?????

Assuming wNA means wanna, what's NIN??

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 01:40:11

but now roundin off with super furies yey!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 01:41:02

Nin inch nails...x

Ah, but of course. Not really my music, but I'll join in the drinkies

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 01:52:43

Yes I love to GET the demons out to NIN but can accommodate....'juxtapoze SFA' ...pino.. might be slightly chilled... crumpled bed linen... u ok voice..

And where'd you want to go on this cruise?

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:00:59

Voive where do YOU fancy. xxxx

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:01:16


ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:02:58


Somewhere warm but not too hot....where we can drink vino at night and talk theatre.... As long as it includes Italy...

Why is your bedlinen crumpled? You dancing in your bed to that music?

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:16:33

Oh my bed linen is crumpled cos I dance on it and small children jump on my bed to look in my mirror and......................cos I dont care. Warm I think is ok ...but I love cold I want to see the northern lights more than any thingelse....My mama I am so happy i am gonna joinna a band and in live a promised

Suits me - I prefer cold to heat and I've always wanted to cruise the Norwegian fjords and go to Spitsbergen and see the Northern Lights. Am definitely coming with you then! When do we leave?

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:26:11

Hey i havent met you yet. xxxx

Perhaps not but...
1) You only live once
2) I might not ask again
3) You're pissed


Why the hell are we still up at this hour????

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:37:28

Cos it is it SATURDAY nite/SUNDAY DAY MORNING.... xxxx

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:38:49

Listening to Madonna now.x

You'd better stop all those kisses. People will talk when they come back on tomorrow and catch up with this thread!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:43:36

Ayone for Primal Scream????

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:44:33

Anyone (not that pissed, honest!!!!!!)

Bloody hell, that's a leap from Madonna. Haven't you got something more soulful for this time of night??

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:49:10

Let me have a look waddya fancy I have LOTSA choice...

Something a bit more low key for the end of the night. Be awake forever if I listen to more of that loud stuff!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:53:47

I have an MIA and Roxy Music CD in the car at the mo and a Daddy G compilation love music anty suggestions welcome.x

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:54:49

Whats ya fave?

Roxy Music? How old do you think I am?!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 02:59:23

Ive got Queens of the Stone Age here......Lullabyies to paralyze???

Never heard of them, chuck it on and educate me

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:01:56

Dont dis The Roxy LOVE EM one my fave t shirts

I remember Avalon although I was only about 6 at the time. I have got a Bryan Ferry CD somewhere, but he's singing stuff from 1920s-1940s

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:06:59

Right bowing down to your more sensitive tastes we have 'Fade to Grey' and 'Party Fears Two' .xxxx

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:08:20

When I die PartyFears 2 has to played ar my funeral...

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:08:33


I was quite grown up for my age and was really into pop music from as young as 5. Loved all the early 80s stuff. Ultravox, Adam Ant, Thompson Twins etc

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:16:18

Yes but OH MY GOD Watch strange little girl on You Tube IT FAB????

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:16:45

The Stranglers

Now you're talking!! Good choice ike

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:21:17

Yeah love those mohawks!!!

Never suited me, my face is the wrong shape!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:24:36

Peaches 1978 ,,,hmmm wont be botherin with the waxin ...hey you gettin the way it goes chez Ike on a Sat/Sun????

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:27:12

try Nice n Seazy....x

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:30:39

Anyway I love a trip memory this time of night...thanks for being around. x

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:34:07

My ex wanted to be Jean Jaques Burnel...yeah riight!!!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:41:01

Night my

Yes, I've got your measure. Night!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 03:46:05

I am gonna be the last person on here NIGHT!!!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 04:03:56

For all you sisters and brothers out there I am bringing you LADYTRON....x see you 11:30 am ish xxx

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 05:03:00

....and as i go to sleep I am playing The Foo Fighters One Of These Days and thinking of my ex Husband love the lyrics says it all.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 07:07:49

Mrs c, i dont care if he knows hes blocked. I deleted all his messages so cant block until i get a new one. Also, because hes local his face appears all the fucking time.

Lubes, ive blocked all communication channels. He cant reach me now.

And yes, ive told him but he doesnt listen.He does his own thing.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 07:34:18

I cut my hair into a 'fat' Mohawk a la annabella lu win of 'bow wow wow' when I was 16. :-) it then saw every shade of hair dye imaginable. I was also chatted up by nick oliveri at a QOTSA aftershow, but gracefully declined. wink nice texts from nameless last night. he was playing vinyl, I negotiated a kiss for each record he owns. he then sent me a photo of a WALL of records. I am going to send him photos of my book cases today & suggest a kiss for each book I own. this is nice.

right watch tough-talk-time. if ykw knows you so well, then he'll know he's freaking you out by his actions..but continues to do which case he isnt your friend, he's selfish...he's prioritising what he wants waaaaaay above any consideration of what you might need...angry

...or he doesnt know you that well after all. angry

dont delete any further messages. keep in case you need them. you dont need to read them, divert them to a folder. dont respond. if you do suspect he is in the middle of a mental health crisis, then protect yourself & DD. you may need to go to the police if this continues & might then get the message/get some professional help if he is in crisis. are messages threatening? accusatory or self pitying?

& if this is your decision point then FFS make it your decision point & DECIDE! no drifting back in 6 months. move on. moving on is fucking fantastic.

(said with a hug & an early morning brew)

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 07:37:02

& shock grin at voice & ike

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 08:01:04

watch sorry, another thought occurs..blocking his methods of contact could lead to more extreme behaviour. I would certainly talk to security at work.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 08:01:53

Ive blocked everything, so he cant message me. So i cant save anything. He doesnt know where i live, only work. If i have a word with security it will be fine.

And no, hes just lost it. He was picking apart my stupid okc answers as they were wrong in relation to 'us' . Reminding him there was no ' us' didnt go down so well. Nor the fact that ive hardly spoken to him in months and months.

He was just spewing shit and i kept telling him to stop it, but he didnt. Crap about how he needs me and i complete him blah blah blah.

And you are right,if he knew me he would stop it. But he doesnt.

He said he was going for a nap. I just blocked everything, downloaded a text blocker too for my phone smile.

Its done.

Sounds lovely with nameless btw.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 08:10:14

Honestly at one point he was whats apping me, sending texts.....when a email on okc... then i logged onto pof and his fucking face came up as he tried to im me on there!!

Too much.

The man is desperate not to be alone. Some other poor girl ( and it will be girl, he has his age range at 24. Hes 36) can deal with him. However since he put on his profile that hes more than a bit weird, not sociable or friendly, set in his ways and spends too much time on his own... might be harder than he thinks.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 08:16:21

dont wish to worry you, but wouldnt put it past him to turn up at your work. from what you have said, strikes me he is used to getting his own way & part of your attraction is you calling him on his's like a mental sub Dom relationship where he gets someone smart & feisty telling him off. he gets off on it. you're a challenge & he's one of these blokes who is used to 'winning' your rejection heightens the challenge. if he ever got in your knickers I think he would lose interest almost immediately.

oh and fuck him for asking if you plan to lose weight!


VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 08:20:29

Snape I remember being about 11 and thinking Annabella Lwin was the coolest person in the ENTIRE world grin wonder whatever happened to her....

Stuff with Nameless sounds fab. And you're seeing him tomorrow! How lovely.

Watch, I can't add anything to everyone else's advice. I hope you're ok. I think ykw is either having a proper crisis (in which case yes, please make sure you protect yourself) OR he is just being the total narcissist he has always been and still thinks he can behave however he likes and it doesn't matter. Hopefully this will be the end of it though.

Flipper hope you're doing ok. You too Lubey

And Ike <whispers v v quietly> I really hope the hangover is not too bad smile

I have decided (in my boss's management speak) to 'park' the FB thing with Cuthbert for now, he text me last night about something else - before I had a chance to text him with my email address - so it didn't easily flow from my reply. I have decided I will ask about it though. Ages ago (back on date 2 in November!) he said something about how I should find him on I think maybe I should mention it as he did raise it a while ago. We'll see, no rush.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 08:27:17

I know , i was furious!!!!!
He said he just wanted me to be healthy. I said i was but have a medical coDITion......he then told me he would read up and make a plan for me. Er, no. I told him to fuck off.

Hes used to getting his own way. Yes.
And to people being in awe. Becsuse he boasts. His dating profiles are the boastiest thing ive ever seen. Tries to cover up for not being nice.

I dont even care what my attraction is, its not even 'me' its just this thing he has made in his head ( which is why i wanted to meet him two weeks ago or whenever, so he could see thats not me)

But hes just overstepped the massivley it would be a terrible judgement on my behalf.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 08:28:40

He might be having a proper crisis,.its not my issue.

Good call on cuthbert smile

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 08:40:20

Thanks Watch I thought it was too smile

I've been thinking and every relationship I've had (thats lasted beyond a couple of weeks) has been dived into completely headfirst, spending loads of time together from day 1 almost, declarations of love etc. Within 6 weeks of meeting the Evil Ex I was pregnant with DS2 (albeit accidentally)...

I've realised it doesnt have to be like that, that its ok to be just dating, the fact that he's not my 'boyfriend' (eek, seems wrong to use that word at my age!) and that we're not 'in a relationship' well, it's perfectly ok that we're not at that stage yet. We might get there, we might not - but the fact we're not there yet doesn't mean we won't (hopefully that makes sense - it does to me!).

So I'm going to try and go with the flow more, and worry less about what I think I should be doing, based on disastrous past experiences.

Agree totally ykws problems are not your issue. Hope he backs off now and doesn't make a further nuisance of himself.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 08:57:16

velv, its ok to be doing whatever it is you want to be doing. there isnt a right or a wrong. its all good.

ywk cant make a nuisance, he cant contact me smile

Ive pretty much just dumped the goat too.....

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 09:04:43

why goat-dump?

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 09:18:00

Velvet excellent attitude. All in its own good time. I think the slow burners can be some of the best!

Have been doing really well recently but this morning I am full of wobbles and tears very near the surface. I'm really quite upset about LM's health, but can't really talk to him about it more unless he raises the subject first. Having a terrible time with pre-teen dd full of hormones and issues, mother who is very difficult and impending birthday which this year I'm not looking forward to at all. Twentieth anniversary of my dads death coming up but can't really talk to anyone about it, mum is not good on this subject, friends don't really understand, LM dealing with first anniversary of his dad very soon so it seems wrong to talk about this. So feeling crap and insecure and wondering where my life is going. Finding it very hard to make new friends here - I work full time in a different town so no contact with school parents, no babysitters/money to let me join a regular group. Aargh. Who's got that fish?

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 09:31:45

I'm not sure you need the wet fish, OWW, more the opportunity to get everything off your chest. You sound as you're the person that everyone turns to for support, you just need the opportunity to have someone listen to you for a change.

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 09:32:49

( too many 'opportunities' there, it's early, I've not had coffee )

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 09:35:15

Snape, because im quick tempered and stubborn. Thats why.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 09:42:40


Fair enough.

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 09:45:46

Western, thanks. I've v belatedly realised theres no need to rush, and not rushing doesnt mean he's not that into me or whatever. I have been invited to something at the end of March and I'd very much like him to come with me assuming all is still ticking along by then. But I won't be asking him for at least a month, no rush! (I suspect no rush is going to become my motto!)

Sounds like you are having a really hard time though, and not unsurprisingly with all that going on. It'll be 16 years in Sept since I lost my dad, I miss him all the time (was talking to Cuthbert on Fri about what an influence he was/is on me). So I do, in the sense of being someone else who has lost a parent, understand - if you ever want to pm me, please do.

Re making friends etc - are there any events coming up at your school that you could go to? The DSs school used to have quiz nights, wine tastings and stuff, and some of the mums in DS2s class used to organise meals out, drinks etc every few months, I never did school pick ups but they were always really good about making sure to include me. I know it's hard with childcare and stuff, but if there is at least one event you can go to, things snowball from that - I know I've had all my school mum friends round here several times for a few glasses of wine in the past if I didn't have anyone to look after the boys for the evening.

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 09:49:19

Nora maybe I need to go back and see my counsellor ... I hate burdening people, and find it quite hard to ask for help and support. I'm very independent and self-sufficient most of the time and it's difficult to admit I'm having a hard time sometimes.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 09:54:34

Western, was going to say maybe its more how you see things than how they are. Im sure if you spoke to someone or asked for help they would help/ support you.
I should imagine it might be tied up with your ex and being in fear of rocking the boat as it were. Hard habit to break.

And yep snape he was like ' are you serious' and then said dont worry after i appolgised for being a dick. I suspect the dont worry was shouted while running forthe hills...

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 09:55:06

Thanks Velvet for understanding and your good advice.

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 10:03:46

Watch don't do anything hasty, you must be a bit shaken up with all this stuff going on, and probably not in the best frame of mind for making important decisions.

You're right, I always pretend I'm okay and think if I tell people I'm not then they will run away. I can remember one time crying because I missed my dad and instead of giving me a hug ex just stood watching me for about five minutes then walked out. It's really hard. I've asked my mum for help - she is good on a practical level but shockingly bad on an emotional one! I have some good friends in other parts of the country who are great but most of them have their own problems and I don't like to add to that by moaning about mine.

It's all the same old shit about finding it hard to be open with people, isn't it??

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 10:12:05

Western. I need to run else ill be late for work. Totally understand . Was in the same boat myself.

Its too late for my decision.... expect the decision is now out of my hands

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 10:37:01

OWW, from my personal and professional experience there are a lot of people who find it awkward in some way to deal with someone opening up or expressing unhappiness, I'm not sure why this is, maybe partly because people are afraid of saying The Wrong Thing, I think.
The benefit of speaking to a counsellor of course is that you can say whatever you want, without worrying about whether you're going to upset them.

Finding friends in a new area is hard, I did get on well with some of the other mums from school but found it easier, and met people who were more in tune with me, when I went back to work part time.

I've no personal experience of the death of a parent but if you think there's any chance I can be a sounding board for anything health-related, give me a shout.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 10:46:48

Oh. Goaty argued back.

Hes says we are ok. Ill half believe it for noe.

Winefiend Sun 10-Feb-13 11:15:05


Not been online much as I've been mega busy with various stuff (not Coffee ralted, sadly. Well vaguely, but not really).

Just catching up on the thread but.... Ike you are my kinda woman - pissed up, Primal Scream, QOTSA and Furries? Excellent stuff grin

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 12:03:29

Off out for lunch with mum and dcs - big smile plastered on. It'll all be okay. Thanks for helping.

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 12:31:55

Afternoon all. Velvet I am ok thanks flowers apart from catching about my 5th cold in as many months, it's getting silly now! Grrr.

I think your 'no rush' plan with Cuthbert sounds perfect.

Hello Winefiend <waves>

OWW hope you and LM are able to talk soon and/or you feel better

48 hope you are ok today

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 12:54:26

(feeble)hello... blame the octos, th elandlady my mate and the afternoon nap...soz everyone...(goes bak to bed)

Ah, the dead have risen. Ha ha ha ha.

See, this is why I never get pissed. Much more fun remembering what others got up to.

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 12:59:12

I was exploring my new city yesterday, wandering around in the snowy streets, stopping occasionally here for a coffee, there for a beer, somewhere else for food and to read my book, make chit-chat with strangers, then when I was heading home two girls came up to me and said they were lost. So, being generally friendly, I helped them find the bar they were looking for and they invited me to their party. 'yay' I thought, thinking maybe meeting people in real life is easier over here. So I was about to order drinks for us in this very swanky but very empty place, where I noticed 4 other tables occupied in the whole place. Each of which by one bloke and two women. Aha, I thought, and checked the price list. 15 quid for a beer, 20 for a cocktail. No price for schnapps, which they both wanted. Gotcha. Bye ladies.

I'd heard of this before, the honey traps over here, but had expected the girls to be a bit more stunningly attractive, not like they'd just run away from their dads farm in the countryside, which is probably what happened.

Oh and today I bought a fleece. It's bloody cold

Bant - sounds like, um, fun....

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:13:42

Honestly that place (the local) will be the death of me....

ike you didn't embarrass yourself too much. Kept me amused anyway as I wasn't wide awake.

libey - I'm like that with colds, take ages to shift the bloody things and when you think they've gone, they come straight back

OWW - all will be well

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:16:48

I bloody remember what I got up tp cos I've written it down on this thread (groan...)

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:19:02

....and I am returning in an hour for lunch..............if I dont reappear by six someone come and get me.............

You just played DJ, that's all. Could have been MUCH worse. You could have been on a webcam and all the MNetters would have been tutting at the state of your crumpled bedding

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:22:10

True .............its my crurnpled face I am more concerned about today...

So, about this cruise.... wink

Anyway, I was at a small dinner party last night and another single guy was regaling us about his 'success' using OD. He's been doing it for over 6 months, only met 2 women and both of those were 45 miles away. So, I at least know that what I experienced wasn't unusual and that obviously round here is just a dating black hole. Which, of course, begs the oft-considered question: should I move away?

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:30:05

Where to tho????

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:32:25

Annabella Lwin has had a reasonably successful career it seems working with Guy Chambers, Dave Navarro etc....she also also liiks great for her age. However she was only 13 when in Bow Wow Wow and posed naked at 14 (NOT good)

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:33:00


Thought we'd settled on Norwegian fjords so we could see the Northern Lights?

Oh, you mean moving.... smile

I dunno. Whenever I've thought of it before, I always came to the same conclusion. I like being in a biggish town with countryside nearby. All the places I've ever visited and thought "would like to live here" are much smaller - no good for jobs or meeting single people in their 30s. Which leaves cities and while I worked in London for a while, I hated staying there. Am just not a city person (like visiting though).

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:40:42

Oh yeah we did didnt we....hahaha! Hmmmm Bristol is a good city surrounded by countryside. I would probs move to Totnes or Glastonbury if it wasnt for the kids...

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 13:41:53

Go for it voice. I've been trying to get my gay but in the closet firmly best friend to move where the life is for ages. He's miserable.

As a 38 yr old single guy who doesn't want children and is celibate due to his massive struggle with his sexuality, his OD attempts all fail - either spot pretty quick that he's actually gayandinthecloset or they think, great, what a nice guy, in touch with his feminine side, but oh, doesn't want kids... ok... then they find out he is celibate too and run like the wind. Plus all his uni friends etc are now settled with kids and don't want to go gallivanting staying in hotels at weekends to attend night clubs and gay clubs. He so, so needs to be in Brighton or Manchester. Not rural Berkshire.

He refuses though as he's too scared about his work situation... I say fuck it, he's a skilled guy, take a chance... but he has become a mad cat man instead and has about eleven of them at the last count.

On a completely unrelated note, people are lovely. My telly blew up last month, and now with the current situation I really, really want to just lie on the sofa and stay still sometimes (nausea) but it's so boring without the telly.

I have been trying to save for one, no joy, tried freecycle, local fb selling pges, no joy - til I posted a wanted ad and explained I can't pick up as don't drive and really can't lift heavy things at the moment (have the beginnings of SPD already too and my back keeps going into spasm)

This lovely fella responded and said he had one and would drop it off for me. Turns out he spotted one on another towns freecycle, is going to get that and bring it to me, it's not just one he had lying around. He has refused compensation for his time too. Thank you Mr nice man flowers

ike - oddly enough, Bristol is the place that's 45 miles away. Interesting that this chap has only met two women, even although prepared to travel that distance. When I was OD, I cast my net down to Bristol and I also found it to be slim pickings.

lubey - I think it's easier said than done, moving somewhere new. Aside from having no support network of friends (and I have some amazing ones), the arts is quite precarious and takes longer to make friends because it's not like working in a large office with lots of colleagues. But hurrah for Mr Nice Man.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:48:03

how lovely

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 13:50:46

Yeah Ive been casting my net towards Brizzle.....dont bother looking any further the pickings get even slimmer....

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 13:52:40

Voice I know it's not easy - I would freak out if I had to. I'd be scared. But things that are worth it tend to be the things that remove you completely from your comfort zone. Til you find a new comfort zone.

lubey - tis a bugger, that's for sure. When you're happy with everything else about your life - your job, where you live, your friends, who you are - it's one helluva gamble to give all those up for something you're not finding where you are and may not find anywhere else anyway.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 14:05:51

How far would you be prepared to travel to date, Voice? Would you go up to London?

That's the other thing I've grappled with, long distance relationships. And I don't think they are for me. It basically means you can only do weekends and I think puts a different emphasis and different pressures on things. It becomes all about planning and no spontaneity. I've known one person for whom it has worked because she is away working in the week.

One of the two women I met and saw very briefly when OD was a policewoman. She worked really odd shift patterns and as a result after initial emails and phone chats it was 4 weeks before we met and another 3 weeks to get to a second date, purely because of her work. She was nice but that situation wasn't for me - she lived 4 miles down the road but may as well have been in London (which would be an absolute minimum of 2 hours even if on this side of the city, 3 if it were north, south or east).

If you're doing something mid week, you always have to do it on your own. I'm always going out with friends on my own. I want someone to share those things with, not just meet up at weekends.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 14:23:58

Ah I see... well because I have the kids a weekend thing only would be ok with me. Just been downstairs to discover CDs everywhere and the heating left on all night....WHAT am I like????

Well, as you were wide awake until gone 5, even when I gave up before 4, seems fair enough to have had the heating on.

It's tricky, because most people (at our age) know what they want, don't want, what suits them. And they tend to want someone to complement and fit into their life, rather than have to change their life to fit in with someone (that was a phrase I often saw from women on OD).

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 14:41:29

Yes ...oh dear...single it is forever then (for me that is anyway!!!) Off down the pub again see you all later ....Round 2...

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 15:46:03

I have a telly! It works and everyfin. Wow. I haven't been all that bothered about it til this week but am so happy now. All the time without it, the tivo box has been merrily recording stuff... up to 83% space taken and it was on about 10% when the old one blew up. Oops

What a very kind lovely chap though anyway. I didn't even have to do any lifting.

48howdidthathappen Sun 10-Feb-13 15:47:57

Mr R&R is a bloody star smile He has just left.

He didn't get here until gone eleven, his parents are both in their 80s and his dad had had a fall. He is ok, bruised and very shook up.

We exchanged a few texts during the evening before his arrival. His last one said 'Be with you soon. I need a hug'. Why the hell can't I say 'I need a hug'.

Anyway he was a bit shook up and worried. He said he couldn't imagine what I was going through. So I told him the whole truth shock. He was lovely. Told me to stop being so secretive and let him in. That he was here for me.
Lots of really lovely stuff. I didn't cry! I feel so much better.

OWW You sound much like me. I will help anyone, but to ask or accept help is a tall order.

Take it from me. Ask. smile

RedRosy Sun 10-Feb-13 15:48:44

Just a query, if you are registered on, do they put you onto other dating sites, eg mature
Thank you!

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 15:53:18

Awww 48, I knew he would be great smile lovely update. I hope gradually you can let him a bit closer

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 15:54:01

RedRosy I don't think does but have never actually used it so don't listen to me [helpful face]

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 15:55:46


No, but there are several sites such as datingdirect which are all just different names for None of them, AFAIK are 'specialist' ones like maturedating or singleparent, or blonde&bouncy or whatever

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 16:01:04

That's so lovely, 48, I'm so glad that he lived up to expectations.

RedRosy Sun 10-Feb-13 16:01:04

Thank you,lubey, my oh said he got registered on other sites, but it seemed a bit far fetched to me! Good luck to you all, and thank you x

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 16:07:37

lubey yay for telly man. That's lovely! smile

48 smile mr R&R seems a good sort.

oww thinking of you. It's very difficult.. I didn't have the greatest relationship with my mum, but she was still my mum!

I cropped out namelesseeeses photo of his wall of records and added 'a kiss for every record you own?' then took photos of my six bookcases, pasted them together and added '...that's how I feel about books'

...he's just sent me a story about an occupation of a library ending in victory and a photo of a packet of Viennese whirls that he's bought for tomorrow.

He's utterly getting it.

48howdidthathappen Sun 10-Feb-13 16:27:39

He is lovely. Mad as a hatter. But lovely.

He has gone straight to his parents. His sister stayed with them, or he would of stayed to make sure they were ok.

We are still only just getting to know each other. I like what I know smile

Snape All sounding fab with nameless.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 16:29:53

I'm really pleased that he seems to be a nice chap, your mr R&R

Nameless clearly knows I would do almost anything for a Viennese whirl! wink

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 17:40:09

hmmm, no, have totally blown it with goat.

asked if he wanted to do something next week and he said he cant, hes busy. but didnt offer anything else.

so, thats that then.


SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 17:40:17

<two girls came up to me and said they were lost. So, being generally friendly, I helped them find the bar they were looking for and they invited me to their party.>
Fucking hell Bant, have you not seen Hostel??? grin grin

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 17:43:18

Gulp, I have a coffee date tomorrow.

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 17:46:48

Agree Bant, you were lucky they let you out without buying the girls a drink.

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 17:48:42

He was lucky to get out without getting his Achilles tendon sliced! shockgrin

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 17:54:03

Watch, why did you have a go at Goat, was it because he was online when he cancelled on you?

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 17:59:22

because ive had no contact hardly, since thur. i sent a messgae saying it was bafflingto me, but if he wanted to leave it to let me know as i didnt want to keep sending random messages for no reason.

he couldnt believe i was serious, said it was only sunday, bearing in mind the sudden drop from maybe 200 msgs to 5!! im not stupid, its pretty obvious, esp as hes been off this weekend.

i appolgised, he said it was fine. i asked if we were cool, he said of course.

So, i asked if he fancied watching walking dead with me friday eve. and he said no, i said no worries and now he texts ' this is getting uncomftable, isnt it'

so, ive said yes, only because i was actually right this morning and he should have been straight with me then.


mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 18:01:30

I also have a coffee date tomorrow Scrazy !
good luck to both of usgrin

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 18:09:48

I wouldn't bet on that being it, watch. He'll be full of the joys of text when he wants another shag <still got him marked down as an arse and haven't been wrong yet>

He's no loss to you anyway... you had a feeling it would burn out quickly and you weren't all that bothered about him.

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 18:10:12

It's hard getting the balance right in the beginning isn't it? But you sensed he was going cold, so better that you acted on it.

Mercury, fingers crossed for both of us grin.

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 18:11:31

SS shock oh god yes, hostel. Lucky escape there Bant wink

Good luck mercury and scrazy grin

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 18:13:05

Watch, how can he say he wasn't cooling off after going from 200 messages to only 5? It's obvious! That said, I suppose you can't keep up that intense level of contact for ever... Out of interest, if he was off this weekend, why hadn't you made arrangements to see each other?

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 18:17:05


hes said he does want to see me, felt like i wanted to see him all the time. i told him i wasnt actually free this weekend and itsnot fair to blame me when hes done most of the contact.

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 18:19:47

He said he felt like YOU wanted to see HIM all the time?? But he's the one that's done all the running? Arrogant prick angry

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 18:21:34

I had a very horrible, intense and damaging relationship with someone like this watch. The one before my lovely DP. Someone on here called it a push-you-pull-you relationship. It nearly sent me to the nuthouse, tbh. Please be careful.

MsCellophane Sun 10-Feb-13 18:31:56

Lucky escape Bant!

Good luck to coffee-ers this week

Watch, he did seem to have the slight arse about him, but you knew that. I don't get why these men chase, chase, chase for a couple of meetings and then pull away. Surely, if they kept friendly, they would get more sex. Tis a mystery

LennyKravitzlookalike has been chatting all day so the fact I couldn't understand a word he said on the phone last week, hopefully hasn't meant he thinks I'm a wazzock

MrCM has his kids all weekend - until weds. I haven't contacted him as I think Dad time should be Dad time - but the arsehole has been on POF and evow all weekend. I prob should have kept him deleted, don't get him at all

Man I rescued couldn't get a cab last night, so there was no coffee or Coffee sadly

And so we go into another week - and can I just say...Fuck Off valentines

There you go Watch, it's suddenly all your fault for responding being unable to resist when he said he didn't want anything 'heavy' hmm Knobber.

48 R&R is sound, isn't he grin

Good luck Mercury and Scazy

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 18:34:08

nope, thats it. had a phone call, he said hes selfish and doesnt want to see anyone and thats just how he is right now.

ill raise a glass to that mrs c.

Bant that is very funny. Good on you for noticing so quickly though wink

Cross posts Watch.

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 18:37:51

I will NEVER understand this behaviour. To woo someone into fucking them, and then not bothering afterwards is one thing. To then chase and chase to get another shag, make out it's meaningful and then disappear is cuntish. Happens all too often. Sorry mate. I know you knew it was only a fling, but he's behaved like a proper cock.

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 18:39:38

Oooh my language on that post is DISGRACEFUL shock grin

mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 18:42:13

* I don't get why these men chase, chase, chase for a couple of meetings and then pull away. Surely, if they kept friendly, they would get more sex. Tis a mystery*
I suspect it's the sex with a new woman that especially gives them a buzz and makes him want to go on and 'conquer' more new women...possibly also the feeling of being in control, as in she wants me more than I want her.
Kinda suggests seeing women as things to score points with rather than people with feelings hmm

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 18:42:39

then he said he did want to spend more time with me, i said i didnt have any more time, i do have a life. and am not free till next sat evening.
But apparently he also cant make plans.

he chased. i have all the messages to prove it. i have all the ones where he was begging to see me. Or the ones messaging me at 6am. I just went along with it. I have his damn key.

but he said he felt pressured, i said that pressure didnt come from me.

anyway, doesnt matter.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 18:44:43

watch well. I don't actually know what to say. I think you knew it was a fling, you had it firmly in 'fling' category... but he has been a bit of an arse about it.


mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 18:44:59

...not that women cant do the same, but since it's easy for women to get casual sex there is very little 'kudos' to be gained from pulling a man,

unless you go for rock stars or someone massively out of your league blush

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 18:48:10

Oh dearie all seems like a right head fuck really. I just like nice n' steady blokes (I can provide my own drama). Back from the vino has passed my lips but banoffee pie has! I am going to have an early night tonight I reckon!!

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 18:49:30

Sorry Watch. Many men are just bullshitters. I suppose there may be women who behave this way but I don't know any.

The text thing I find weird, the ones who go from constant contact to almost nothing, then when you pick them up on it either get the arse or come out with some crappy excuse. It's happened to me more than once. Just weird. I don't get what all the text-text-text thing is.

I suspect with a lot of men it's all about the chase, and once they've got a date/snog/shag/whatever, they have no interest.

Just weird.

I am having a crappy day. Have been feeling ill again since this morning (second weekend running, clearly all the excitement of Friday nights disagrees with me hmm), and DS1 is in a furious mood, has shouted and sworn at me for the last hour and thrown stuff round in his room. Will be quite glad to go back to work tomorrow.

Every single man I have met who is full on in the initial stages has turned out to be an arse of the first order.

It is not necessarily even about getting a fuck, but whatever it is, it is all about them and their addiction to the attention. How witty, what a great fuck, how good looking, how poetic, how artistic, how misunderstood, how they are too big for this world, how they are such a great deal, how they just have to have you, how boundaries do not apply to them.

They can provide a roller coaster of highs and lows, hot and cold. I don't care why, the only thing they have in common is being Fuckwits every one.

mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 18:54:16

I'll second that Juliette, early stage bombardment often heralds a short bumpy ride!

And of course you can never call them on it, because they you are needy...

Watch you had a good time with him for a while, you were in it for whilst it lasted now he doesn't get any more of your headspace.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 18:57:48

all about the chase. yeah. thats what i reckon.
He said he thought if he said, yeah, lets go with a relationship, i would say yes, and that was too much for him.

anyway, its him who clearly has issues. not me. because most people dont behave that way.

i cant lie and say im not fucked off/ upset. because i am. there could have been something there, if he wasnt an arse. but its obviously not meant to be.


i shall now have to wait another 4 years for another spark.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:00:08

yeah, i know.
he said after the first meeting it wasnt just sex. then prompty said after sex he wasnt after anything heavy.

blinded by scruff and hormones. again.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:01:02

mercury - i thought he was out of my league thur. so.......

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 19:04:00

So I know veal is morally wrong. But when it's stuffed with goose liver pate, also wrong, do two wrongs make a right and make it okay to eat?

Ew, meat stuffed with other meat is also wrong so I guess you could go for the triple.

And, you are kind of allowed to break the rules under the new in town/behave like the locals thing.

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 19:07:57

Sorry to interject something completely unrelated to to subject at hand but
A) I'm ordering food and
B) when I've given my opinion on the man/sex/chase thing I've been shouted down for daring to do so. So I'll just talk about food and let you go on and make the same mistakes without any input from me smile

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 19:08:03

Actually, you were out of his league.

And it won't be four years.

mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 19:09:45

Watch I've been rendered utterly imbecilic by hormones/endorphins/oxytocin/sex induced euphoria or whatever it is, more times than I care to admitblush

I wish I was a man...but then again I think women are blessed with greater capacity for sexual pleasure so perhaps I dont want to be a man after all confused

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 19:11:49

No, veal and pâté are doubly wrong. Ugh.

Shut up bant. wink

Watch how could he be out of your league? Same goes for you too with nameless Snape. You are both perfectly lovely and have a lot to offer ffs.

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 19:14:39

You're allowed to be pissed off about it I think.

It's horrible when it happens. And you know I'm not even sure they actually realise they're doing it.

My worst ever head-fuck experience: brilliant date, next date arranged and planned before that one ended. Some kissing but no more, because he said he respected me, didnt want to rush into anything and thought it was nicer to let these things build up.... immediately following which went from 50-odd texts a day to 2 or 3 at most. Cancelled next date 2 days beforehand with a poor me, I'm having a hard time excuse. Rearranged...and he cancelled that as well. With an even more flimsy excuse. Discovered he'd had ONS with at least 1 girl, possibly 2 between our actual date and cancelled one...despite the texts he did send me in that time saying how much he couldn't wait to see me hmm

So, you know, it makes fuck all difference if sex is involved or not. The shit ones are still shit, and still behave shittily!

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:17:43

bant - the sex thing started before the date. most of the date was spent kissing. ive not had sex since sept. i just went for it. I dont think that had any issue on it, he is just not wanting to see anyone right now, which is his situation. not because of anything i said or did.
or - that is what im going to chose to believe.

juliette - tis true.

mercury - gah, its a pain, isnt it. sure ill do the exact same thing again too.

bant - yum.

mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 19:18:44

Bant, the collective opinion is that making men wait for sex doesn't achieve anything, we have all had relationships in which sex occurred very early on.

As for making mistakes...endeavors of this nature are inherently fraught with pitfalls...have you not made mistakes with dating despite being party to our intense discussions??

MsCellophane Sun 10-Feb-13 19:19:10

There is no such thing as leagues - you either find each other mutually attractive or you don't. You get a wetfish slap for that comment Watch.

Interested in what you think Bant but got a feeling you might be about to blame us wimmen for the situations and I can tell you, having read what these wimmen have written for over a year and being one - I am pretty sure I can safely say these wimmen are so not to blame!!

mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 19:20:52

The shit ones are still shit, and still behave shittily

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:21:11

velvet. i know. happens all the time. its just shit isnt it.

i dont get it, really i dont. Even if we take out everything, there was a fucking sex handstand for gods sake!!! it was good. how could you not want more?

see, the next sentance, after saying he felt pressured, was that im so lovely, when he says hes busy, i just say ' ok, have fun' and dont get in a strop with him.

see, cant win, wasnt about me, but about him.

but still. fucks sake. fucked off. absolutley not going to cry.

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 19:21:50

<And you know I'm not even sure they actually realise they're doing it.>

Because they really don't give a shit, Velvet. They just don't care. It doesn't even occur to them, because the only feelings that count are their own.

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 19:24:14

Has anyone read 'why men love bitches'. I've mentioned it before and whilst some of it is tosh some of it is sound.

Basically, don't throw yourself at guys and keep your life going, fit them in when you can. They are sidelines, not a priority in the beginning anyway. Keep a bit of yourself back and gradually let them in, emotionally and sexually, when they prove they are worth it. The sexual advice isn't necessarily holding it back but give a little more as time goes on. It is hard when you like someone a lot but if they felt the same they will persevere.

Seems to work ime. I'm like this naturally so don't work at it. I know I'm single but I have had a few LTR's in the past.

mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 19:24:28

'the only feelings that count are their own.'

this is true but then can be applied to all of us...I mean if I am experiencing very strong feelings I tend to be absorbed by that and less able to make an insightful interpretation of the other persons behavious

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:24:55

because they are all wankers.

bar the nice , what, 5? in the whole world.


hes 5ft 7. hes not going to do well on a dating site anyway.

watch - no, there are more than that. I know at least a dozen (including me) in the UK alone smile

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 19:26:56

Why do you think I was about to blame women juliette? Do I seem
like a misogynist to you?

Nomorepain Sun 10-Feb-13 19:27:20

I swear online dating can be bad for your health. The rollercoaster digs into your nerves. I was just about to write I'm done with it and then Mr Irish texts me. Fucker!

watch you said he was a wanker and he proved it. I know it would have been nice for him to surprise you and turn out to be a goodun but he wasn't. And that is rubbish. Disappointment is so difficult to deal with. But it makes you stronger - that is about the only positive I can pull from it.

I am not massively enjoying my od experience. Think I'm done with it. Hidden all my profiles and not gone online till just, and saw mr Irish was on there. 2 mins later I get a text. And it was a nice text, chatty etc but I can't help but think wanker. I am toughening up and really not massively trusting of any man.

Can I have your opinions - I would like to go on a date with mr Irish. If only to cure my curiosity. He asked me for a drink via email on wed. Swapped numbers but no date fixed. Thursday nothing, Friday texts but not a lot and no mention of date. Sat few more messages and today the same. They are nice and chatty and asking me questions and just offered to make me some cookies for me to taste (we have spoken a lt about our mutual love if cooking) but no mention of the bloody date. I don't want to mention it, refuse to mention it actually - so what next? He said he is new to od so has prob got sweet shop syndrome. I don't want a man that can't decide what he wants. I was married to one of those morons and it almost destroyed me.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:27:32

i dont do game playing, sorry scrazy, or put any weight in it.

I do have a full life and all that.

He set the pace, i just went along with it, because it was fun and exciting. Its not about how i played it, its him, evidenced by the ' i feel pressured' and then immediatley followed by the ' you dont pressure me' sentances.

not me. him.

i know this. i dont doubt it for a second.

still is shit and upsetting.
fucks sake.

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 19:29:38

Sorry Watch. He's an arse, but it still hurts a bit. Hugs.

Thinking of finishing it with LM, just too much to deal with at the moment. He called earlier but I didn't really want to talk, reception was crap anyway. Seeing him tomorrow for my birthday but don't feel like it.

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 19:29:41

Some men are wankers, some women are wankers, it's just unfortunate when we have to deal with them.

(Keep me away from the nhs threads because I'm going to fucking lamp someone soon )

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 19:30:36

Sorry that was to cellophane not juliette. Damn phone.

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 19:31:17

Scrazy, I'm sorry but whilst it might be appealing to think that sort of approach always works, it doesn't.

Nice men you don't have to gameplay with, because it doesnt matter how you play it, if they like you, they like you, end of. And the not nice men, however you play it makes no difference to the outcome.

Look at my previous post. I could not have played that better in a 'rules' sense. He did all the running in text terms. I didn't always reply straight away. I didn't let him do any more than kiss me. And it went nowhere because he was/is a narcissistic prick, and craves attention from anyone. And that will always be the case.

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 19:34:53

Why are you thinking of finishing LM,*OWW*? What's up?

Bant, I don't know that you can comment on any of that tbh. You can only judge from how you feel about it - whereas collectively, we all have experience of loads of the fuckers smile

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 19:35:18

Watch, in light of you being upset now, do you still think you're just in it for the thrill?

Why be upset when you got what you wanted and knew it wouldn't last?

There must be a part of you that wants more. Even if you refuse to admit it to yourself at the time.

I do like that saying 'if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got'

NOT meaning to apply that to you as in sleeping with someone quickly, no no... absolutely not.

but meaning - going only for the scruffs, getting carried away with a spark, making excuses to yourself, kidding yourself you don't care, it's worth it for the thrill, etc when really you've invested that bit more of yourself, when it's still really early days.

NicholasTeakozy Sun 10-Feb-13 19:35:27

Watch you have done nothing wrong. You were taken in by a player. Saying he wanted nothing heavy then sending so many texts is a massive red flag. Unfortunately the thread had moved on so posting would've seemed way out of place. The problem I had was work and social life got in the way and today is the first I've had to catch up properly in a week.

I know. Must try harder! grin

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 19:37:11

Fabulous to see you back NicholasTeakozy. And speaking the truth as always.

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 19:37:52

Just read that back and it sounds a bit accusatory - not meaning to, just hoping to set off a bit of introspection

and maybe next time people are concerned or offer a hug, don't say you're 'really sorted' and fine when you're not. I do wonder what all this bravado really hides underneath?

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:39:27

do agree with velvet. have experienced it enough myself.

if someone likes you, they like you. you dont have to play games. If someone doesnt like you, nothing you do it going to change that.

You cant ' catch' a man by withholding sex. If they are only interested in sex they will be off as soon as they have got it, weather thats the first date or the 26th date.

Im a big girl, i knew what i was doing, its not like i was expecting the romance of the century. Still, its shite to be messed about. And when somone is one thing and turn out to be something else. essentially whatever way you dress it up, rejection hurts.

western, whats up?

KirstyWirsty Sun 10-Feb-13 19:43:25

scrazy I've read why men love bitches .. It's not about playing games .. It's about not giving up the things you enjoy to spend time with a man .. Fit them in around your hobbies x

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:45:30

lubey - no, its not that.

its just that he lied and took me for a fool.

i would have been happy with sometihng casual.
had he had been honest and actually said that.

Instead he pretended it was something else, behaved like it was different. LIED. The thing i hate more than anything is someone lying to me. i had more than enough of that from the ex husband to last a lifetime.

and for what its worth, and yes, that does sound a little patronising, i do not always sleep with men straight away. It happens rarely. very very rarely.

he was a scruff, but a loaded scruff, i dont mean in in a bum way, in a looks way. Dont forget the fleece date prior to that. The pirate before that...not scruff. Again, i rarely go on a date with my ideal. So please dont try and paint it that i have this terrrible type that i always go for and its my fault its gone wrong again.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:46:32

kirsty - or fitting them around your life. which i did......

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 19:50:28

Nothing annoys me more than lying.

I am the most magnanimous person, and can forgive pretty much anything PROVIDED someone is honest with me from the outset.

My Ex used to lie all the time. Stupid stuff he had no need to lie about, that I wouldn't have cared about, or flown off the handle over. But he lied nonetheless. He did it because he thought he could, and because he had no respect for me. Same reason the children lie to me about going to school, same reason men have lied to me many times about their intentions etc.

Lying is probably the one thing I can't forgive, or certainly that I can't forget.

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 19:52:25

Oh dear I just can't be doing with more complicated stuff in my life at the moment. Not dealing with anything well. Keep crying. No idea where I stand with LM, the time when I asked him was a disaster, that was when he said we were at the crossroads but then didnt say which road he wanted to take. Don't want to spend/waste more time either getting deeper or consciously holding myself back when I don't know where it's going. No idea what he feels about me. I don't actually want anything to change ie I don't want to move in with him or anything but I want to know where I am with him. Loads of mixed messages but probably I am as bad. Upset tonight that he doesn't like me yet he has phoned ;and I was a bit abrupt with him) and is cooking for me tomorrow. I am a bloody nightmare, honestly. Poor bloke. Reading this doesn't make sense even to me. I am just a total messed up bollix.

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 19:53:18

Oh dear I just can't be doing with more complicated stuff in my life at the moment. Not dealing with anything well. Keep crying. No idea where I stand with LM, the time when I asked him was a disaster, that was when he said we were at the crossroads but then didnt say which road he wanted to take. Don't want to spend/waste more time either getting deeper or consciously holding myself back when I don't know where it's going. No idea what he feels about me. I don't actually want anything to change ie I don't want to move in with him or anything but I want to know where I am with him. Loads of mixed messages but probably I am as bad. Upset tonight that he doesn't like me yet he has phoned (and was a bit abrupt with him) and is cooking for me tomorrow. I am a bloody nightmare, honestly. Poor bloke. Reading this doesn't make sense even to me. I am just a total messed up bollix.

KirstyWirsty Sun 10-Feb-13 19:55:21

Yes watch or round your life ... The example the author used was you meet someone and start cancelling hair appointments etc if they are free .. She said best not to do that .. Keep your appointment and see them when you are free .. All common sense stuff really

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 19:56:22

The book isn't really about game playing it's about changing your mindset. I know the approach doesn't always work but the ones who don't want you anyway will disappear before they get to you, so to speak.

I don't play games, it is the way I am, after making lots of mistakes with men in the past. I would have like to read it 25 years ago when I went out on the scene, after years of coupledom, but I was quite naive.

Of course, OD wasn't around then but I do think it's harder now because of it.

mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 19:56:43

I've found that over time I learn to spot the red flags, it can be a painful process..then again I was only ever really in it for sex.
For me the best solution is to have 2 or three men that I can call on when I'm in need..I have one arriving in half an hour, I texted him 20 minutes ago.
The other is working away right now, tomorrows coffee date may turn out to be the third man but I'm not getting my hopes up this early on.

I realise this is not a set up that many women seem to want confused

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 19:58:09

Alright watch, blimey. Don't start getting all defensive with people on here hmm If you don't want opinions, don't post on here. Sorry and all that.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 19:58:35

western, without wanting to upset you further, you need to think about what you want, what your needs are, and if they are being met by him, or will be met by him. Its not at all fair to have this amount of upset.

Velv, yep. cant abide it. The ex did it awfully, he would say the world was flat, if i produced evidence to the contrary, i was a cow for doubting him. Lied about money, where he was, women, the list goes on.... Im not high maintance, i would have been happy to have something casual. But he lied, and i fell for it. and thats the bit that hurts.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 20:01:36

sweet, no, im just not going to be blamed for something that isnt my fault. i dont sleep with lots of men on second dates. I rarely get second dates anyway smile

the fact he looked scruffy is also not the reason he behaved like that.

kirsty - wouldnt dream of doing that anyway... smile

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 20:03:08

Not sure it's in the same book or something else that I've read.

It said that men put women into categories, just as we do too to them.

The categories are:-

Not interested


Just for fun

Worth the effort

It's hard to go from just for fun to worth the effort so if you think they are treating you as a booty call, just for sex etc it's probably best to get out asap, providing you want more that is. Fine if you don't.

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 20:05:23

Women on this thread really do seem to think that men are one dimensional simple animals. We're not, we're just different. Sex for us is more of an emotionless act, so there are many men who will try and get women into bed, possibly more than once, then run. That may be on one date or six. However the better the connection with the woman, the more they connect with us, then the less we want to run

I've seen so many comments about FWB who are falling in love, and men who are just too full on after a couple of months dating, it's not really fair to just dismiss us as purely after a quick fuck. Especially as quite a few people on here have said that would be fine for them, they don't want attachment.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:07:30

Bant gonna ask you to pop a 'some' at the beginning of your first sentence. Thanking you kindly.

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 20:09:58

Bant, I don't think that all men are just after a fuck, not at all and I don't even think that the ones that are are all fuckmuppets, wankers and arseholes either.

Mercury that's fine if it suits you. I've had similar arrangements in the past and it worked well. No upsets etc. Don't want it now though.

ike is beginning to sound like me. Must be our late night chatting while one of us is totally pissed...

I think a 'some of' might apply at the early part of bant's second sentence, too, but as he follows it with a 'many' shortly afterwards, I'll let it pass. smile

MsCellophane Sun 10-Feb-13 20:13:19

Bant - prob due to your letting us keep on makeing the same mistakes comment

It's the lack of honesty I don't understand. Why not say what they want? Why not be honest?

We see it all the time. I had two profiles on POF for a while. One as intimate encounter and one as dating. IE had no photo's and slight detail changes - brown/hazel eyes, slightly different area. Main details were both true

I was receiving messages from men who said they were looking for a relationship on the IE one. Stating they weren't looking for anything serious. I messaged a few of them from the dating profile - totally ignored by all

I have had a profile which stated I wanted a FWB - I had success as in I had coffee dates, followed by Coffee date. Never to be heard from again. I'm ok with that - if they say actually, I only wanted a ONS. I'm not happy if they pretend they want a regular thing and then piss off

So, we may treat the male as one entity but there are lots of us here, all having the same experiences - very different women, looking for very different things but our experiences are all the same

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:17:20

Voice I think you will find it should actually be 'Some of THE'(Ike purses lips pedantically)

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 20:19:56

mrs c, that has been my experience too. with the two profiles, and then the fwb profile. exactly the same thing.

its the lack of honesty that fucks me off more than anything. Had goat said, look, im really not wanting to date seriously but maybe every few weeks or something... then, great, fab, im happy with that. What he did do was say ' nothing heavy, yeah', and then chased me like a mother fucker, begging to see me and planning dates...

somewhere along the line i was taken in by the actions speaking louder than words thing... and thought i could trust him. esp since i thought he trusted me by giving me his keys and stuff. WRONG.

its that that is annoying.

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 20:20:18

It's not as simple as women being just for fun or worth the effort. That's a pretty patronising view to take of men, and I think rather diminishing of women.

In the example I gave I very clearly wasn't -using those categories - just for fun. Prior to and during that date it was very clear I was considered worth the effort.

I didn't have sex with him. He said he wasn't just after sex.

I then went from being worth the effort to apparently nothing at all...hmm

There are two perspectives here.

One is the idea that holding back sex may get men more interested. This could be for the challenge, Madonna/whore complex whatever. I couldn't give a toss because sex is not a commodity and if someone did that to me I would dump from a great height for being manipulative.

The other is red flag man, all about me man, player, narc man whatever. Russell Brand basically. Goat Man was one of these so it wouldn't have made any difference, sex or no sex.

There is also the suggestion that giving too much of yourself in any way is not the way to have someone recognise your own worth as it may imply you don't value yourself.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:21:24

Fast coming to the conclusion that we are possible all even be bothering with it all, men, women, the lot of us........

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 20:21:29

If I said 'some' women, then 'some' women on here would take it as a personal attack, which it's not at all.

Personally I don't do IE, but some men will have both profiles, or will go for both IE and relationship seekers on POF. That site really isn't for me though. I can see why men will do both? They're looking for long term if it happens but they'd be quite happy with a quick shag if it offers itself. Many younger women will not be so bold though, so it's a less socially acceptable alternative to be so honest.

And men will lie to get what they want, as will women. If women weren't willing to lie to get what they were looking for there would be no cosmetics industry.

ike - no, I still maintain it should have been "Sex for some of us..." However, I will pedantically accept I was referring to the third sentence and not the second one.

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 20:22:57

<runs for cover>

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:23:20

I thought you were more of a 'free spirits' wild child type than a pedant, Ike...

(I've hidden the nhs thread, my blood pressure was soaring)

Kin the spirts were certainly flowing freely last night I think....although it may have just been wine...

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 20:24:10

Watch, hang on - you've got me wrong here. I'm not saying in any way that it's your fault it went wrong.

I only said about sleeping with people quickly because though you might not do it all that often, you are the biggest champion of doing it if you want to - meaning you will defend the right to do so if you wish, etc. Not that you always do it, or anything like that.

ok, scratch previous message, that wasn't getting across what I meant at all

Let me try and put it another way

We all told you he was a knob. You KNEW yourself he was a knob, your instinct was spot on, but you ignored it and carried on regardless and told yourself it was for the thrill and was just banter etc etc

I don't think he did lie to you, (well apart from right at the beginning maybe on first date) but then he told you he didn't want anything heavy - doesn't matter how they act when they have said that, and acted so knobbishly, and you have rightly picked up on them being an idiot.

I just think that really, deep down, you want more, no matter how much you tell yourself you don't, and put on the bravado. And that will lead to you getting hurt by behaviour like this

I just don't want to see you hurt - so if I can say something that will aid your thought process about it so you can avoid it in future then I'll say it

I mean, if you want more deep down, then don't look for or accept nothing heavy, or anything just for the thrill, and really really listen to your instincts because they have always initially been spot on

And if I'm wrong and you really aren't bothered and don't want more then no problem

Hope that makes more sense.

Not saying you did anything wrong at all.

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 20:25:03

Ahhh Juliette

<The other is red flag man, all about me man, player, narc man whatever. Russell Brand basically.> grin You do make me laugh.

Whereas Bant on the other hand... < If women weren't willing to lie to get what they were looking for there would be no cosmetics industry.> Really? Really?

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:26:04

Yes, I read that, Voice, you pair of staying up late, rascals, you

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:26:28

Voice....I was referring to the first sentence.... I think you will find (strokes beard) oh I am not beyond a spot of pendantry when it suits me Kin....Bant, now you have upset ALL of us instead of just SOME of us......grrrrrrrrrrrrr

I suspect Bant was being tongue in cheek with his cosmetics comment

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 20:28:51

MsC, I suppose they say what they think you want to hear, hence your IE men changing the message.

Bant is it really an unemotional act? For a man that is, even when you are in love.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:29:09

Yes one of my Octos plied with wine last night and then had to walk me home....

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Feb-13 20:29:12

I do hope so Voice smile

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:29:25

plied me

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:29:39

Bant hasn't upset me - I think he's probably joshing.

OhWesternWind Sun 10-Feb-13 20:29:44

No, all the men I've ended up tangling with have been very deep and complicated. I'd love a bit of one-dimensionality for a change. And it's not even men compared to women, it's just different people. Just look at the different personalities and viewpoints on this thread. You could never lump them into a homogenous mass called "men" or "women" and it's really naive of any of us to make this type of generalisation.

Have had a nice warm bath. Normal service is now restored.

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:30:34

Those bastard pensioners taking advantage of you again, Ike - sheeeeeshhh.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:30:47

We were talking about a time when women were not allowed in the pub...heavens!

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:32:05

Outrageous !!!!

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 20:32:39

cheers lubes. i think anyone would be hurt though...
i do appreciate what you are saying. i am willing to take some of it on the chin. ill still make the same mistake again. I want the motherfucking spark, damnit.

I dont even know if i am looking for long term, or what really. i want a spark and fun, and not to be lied to. but i dont want living together. nor food shopping or housework or weekends in homebase.

bant - cant help yourself sometimes, can you.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:32:48

I know Kin he bloody made me drink it and this afternoon was covertly suggesting I was an alci ....honestly 'passive aggressive' pensioners...that is what they are!!!

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:32:48

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, OWW

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 20:32:56

I am right going off of nailing nameless having read thread. This is sad. I want to nail nameless.

It's all very confusing.

Goes to watch BAFTAs

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:33:19

Is he grooming you, Ike ?

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 20:33:36

I don't doubt that holding back on sex will catch a man, just as going for it won't either. Depends how much you like each other, ultimately.

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 20:35:36

No, scrazy, Christ no. Making love is an incredibly emotional experience, can bring a couple much closer together and if with the right person is incredibly fulfilling. With someone you don't know well though it's exciting, and fun, and great. But it's basically just a very pleasurable form of exercise.

Getting to the point where it's the former, not the latter, is what I'm looking for. I know I can pull, can get someone into bed, and it'll be nice. But I want to get to that looking into each others eyes when the world explodes thing. Which is rare. I don't just try to fuck people anymore as its a waste of time. Other (some) men are still there, some always will be. Sometimes I wish I could still be but.. Nah

And yes cosmetics was a joke. Valid point though

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 20:35:48

Juliette you're bang on re narc, allaboutme, men.

I always thought these guys didn't pursue....I was wrong, they do, a hell of a lot at first. BUT only for as long as they feel like. And at some point they either expect to be chased (and flake when that doesnt happen) or are simply flattered by the attentions of other women.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:35:52

I am assuming women had to stay outside in the car consuming pop n' crisps with the kids...

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:36:25

Or left tethered to the pub gate

lubeybooby Sun 10-Feb-13 20:36:50

Watch, phew glad I made more sense that time.

it is completely not unreasonable to want someone not to be an arse no matter what you're looking for. I am sorry goat boy was.

Ike - alchy? No. Pisshead? Possibly... And "made" you drink it. Yeah, right...

OWW - a good soak in a hot bath always helps.

watch - I tend to agree with lubey. I do think one of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to know what we want. You do, at least, kmow what you absolutely don't want.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:37:22

Y eah grooming me for a cruise....

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 20:37:54

Sanpe grin. Go for it if you want to but don't come crying to us if he bins you off afterwards. This is a joke btw.

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 20:40:02

I want living together, and food shopping, and weekends in Homebase..or B&Q, I'm not fussy smile


ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:41:26

....But Voice its rude to reject the alcoholic offerings of these venerable gentlemen...

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 20:42:40

snape, juust do what you want ;) you want win whichever way you play it.

velv, god, id rather die i think. I want fun. And excitment.
And lots of fucking. i dont do making love.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 20:43:31

bant, make up isnt really for men. but, if you want to even it, or feel its unjust, feel free to visit boots yourself smile

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 20:43:36

Velvet, I would want that with the right guy too, but doubt he exists for me.

In the meantime I want the spark, I want the dates and most of all I want a bit of respect on both parts, including exclusivity when the time is right. Everything I had with the ex apart from the last bit. I was OK with it in the beginning but he took the piss so I ended it.

It's good if you know what you want.

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:43:42

You watch yourself, Ike, he'll have you down the shops buying you some comfy slacks, deck shoes and a sailor hat to wear at a jaunty angle.

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:44:41

We could buy Bant some guyliner <helpful>

It actually IS possible to live together, go food shopping and have trips to Homebase and STILL have fun and excitement, you know watch

NcNcNcNc Sun 10-Feb-13 20:47:31

Bant you fucker grin

Actually question for you (and probably very similar to Watch's issue up there ^) a friend of mine used to get dates easily, she was very nice looking, took great care of herself, great personality etc.

Anyway, the blokes would usually be all 'you're the best ever, you're the most beautiful woman in the world, i want to marry you' etc etc, even after the first shag, but then they'd disappear. Happened 90% of the time. This was RL not OD.

We could never work it out. It wasn't her pushing for a relationship or more she was happy with casual, it was them but then within a week they'd vanish. Why? They didn't need to say that crap to get a shag, they'd already got it so why bother?

Still confuses me now 16 years on (needs to get life)

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 20:47:51

Certainly is Velvet, you can dress provocatively, get yourself felt up in the aisles and stop to have frantic sex on the way home.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 20:48:46

Voice, nope. I have no desire to do that with anyone. I dont want mundane.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 20:51:26

ncncnc - yes, that. its that. Exactly. thats me that is.

and thats why im annoyed/ hurt/ upset.

he didnt need to do any of that. he could have just asked if i fancied a bit and i would have said yes.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 20:53:49

I want what bant said. I've had enough of players shutting their eyes and thinking about beyonce or their ex-girlfriend or seeing me as some sort of challenge. It might drive me absolutely insane, but I'm trialling holding out for a bit. I'm going to get to know him. Everything so far suggests he is lovely. Everything I find out from now might confirm that. It might not.

If he saw me as a notch on his bed post, he quite frankly could have had me after the first 20 minutes of kissing a week ago. He might shut down in three weeks/whenever when and if we DTD, but I am sodding well going to enjoy the bloody loveliness of taking it slowly, because it isn't a competition, it isn't about who comes first or hardest or most should be about a connection. I'm going for that. It will be terribly frustrating. Bear with me.

But I might touch his cock tomorrow blush grin. And I will damn well gasp dramatically and store it up for wank fodder.

I want the whole thing. Talking about anything and nothing, hanging out together, waking up together, emotional connection when time stops sex and meaningless sex. I want to live with someone, share lives, have fun. Forever.

I would rather shag Jeremy Clarkson than go to Homebase though.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:57:50

.....or a schlep around Ikea Jules

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 20:59:16

A spot of luuuurve making might be quite nice.....hopefully avoiding cystitis as an after effect.

Me too, Jules. Except for the shagging Clarkson bit.

I loathe the Swedish Store with a passion. Even though their bookcases are good

I see we've moved on. My Homebase comment is based on years of fixing this house alone. I also feel the same way about Tesco. No disrespect to you Velvet.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:02:15

Apparently the meat balls are quite nice though

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:03:23

see, i just want massive fireworks.
its a high risk strategy.

im quite happy on my own, cant remember it ever being any other way ( was married to someone who was away more than they were at home). So, its all fine.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:03:30

Dont remind me about DIY ....that's another think I m supposed to be doing, old houses take ALOT of constant up keep.

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 21:04:22

All that boring stuff is fun to me, if its with the right person.

I even like Ikea.


I know what I want. I've always known. Finding someone who wants what I want and finds me in any way attractive is the tricky part.

I used to quite like their fish and chips, too.

Agree with Jules about Tesco. Bunch of bastards, I know someone who has to deal with them.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:05:20

I thought I had all that in my 16 year marriage.....apparently not.....

I deliberately didn't include Ikea. I have now got it down to a fine art and can actually to there and leave with just what I came for. If I had a partner, they could go with a list*. I will never have to go there again. In return, I would do quite a lot.

Sounds like we should form a MN Dating Thread commune. Ike can do all the DIY, we can send Velvet to Homebase and Ikea, Jules to Waitrose and Bant to Boots for everyone's cosmetics.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:08:16

ive not been to ikea for years. maybe thats what i need instead of a man?

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:08:26

I'd quite like to live in a commune actually...Im game! What are the others gonna be doing?????

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 21:10:38

Ikea has the best apple pie. It is better than sex. Even the soul-gazing eye-open stuff.

And as my super-power is breaking glasses, IKEA also has a practical, non sexual function,

Watch, OWW and Lubey will be responsible for going to the off licence on a weekly basis. We'll need to send three people just to keep Ike afloat.

Snape will be decorating.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:12:15

ahem, i get discount at waitrose

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 21:12:27

I can't get to Ikea as I can't drive. Haven't been for about 3 years. I do actually miss it!

Bant Sun 10-Feb-13 21:13:03

Nc. I can't speak for why other men did what they did, I do think a lot of men don't want to open up emotionally though. Sex more than once risks that, so that's when men pull back. Or they see it as having to make a choice - settling for this one or keep trying to pull the next one. That's more of a drive for us cos of biology. I dunno. Maybe.

Watch. Problem with massive fireworks is that they fizzle out sooner

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:13:12

Now has been my birthday week!

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 21:14:00

I will be directing a team of scantily clad polish builders to decorate on my behalf. smile

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:15:33

im letting myself be chat up by a 26 year old window cleaner.
whos danish.

and so, we are back to the drawing board.

also, bloody ignoring goat face who is also online on the site and appearing as a chat thing above my mails. along with fucking ywk.

there needs to be more than a block button, but a blast from the face of the earth button.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:15:46

Am liking the plan Snape....can they do the DIY as well????

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 21:15:59

velv next time I have to go because i have smashed all my glasses would you like to tag team? Happy to lift you and drop you back home. smile

BeforeAndAfter Sun 10-Feb-13 21:16:16

Nc I think 'some' men have been so hurt/disappointed in early relationships and don't seek to understand what happened that they avoid the risk of being exposed to this type of hurt again by bailing out the minute their vasopressin starts doing its job for fear of feeling the same pain again. Clearly, 'some' women do this too.

I'm now lobbing in the generalisation hand-grenade as I think that most relationships end because the woman has had enough [caveat for Bant, Voice et al] for whatever reason and some of these break-ups result in screwed up husbands and wives where the women are more likely to seek advice/help/counselling than 'some' men. So my hypothesis, as yet unproven, is that the separated/divorced man is more likely to be fucked up than the separated woman once the main hurt of separation is over. Hence we keep tripping over fucked up non-committal twunts [insert twuntettes if you're equality antennae are twitching and you want to involve the European Court of Human Rights].

The trouble is we're human. We're programmed to hunt and programmed to mate with the best, despite the back-drop of monogamy that society instills, so we keep going back for more ...

Right that's my head blown off before it disappears below the parapet ...

OK, Watch is doing the Waitrose run and Jules takes her place at the off licence.

Apologies, Ike, I must have missed that announcement on the relevant day.

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 21:16:53

I think the commune sounds alright ( as long as there's no fighting ). What job do I get ?

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:17:50

and AND the damn buddist has also rejoined on there. and is now popping up, you know, he of good first date, said he wanted to see me again, chatted for 2 weeks or so. then vanished. i hope his karma bit him on the arse.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 21:17:50

ike I think their primary function is to have abs.. But I'm sure they old manage to splash a bit of bodily fluids paint around,

VelvetSpoon Sun 10-Feb-13 21:17:59

Snape aw that's the best offer I have had in weeks! years thank you!! grin

I will happily pay for petrol just to wander the aisles for a little while... smile

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:18:12

Oh dear Watch I couldnt help but laugh at that sorry.....yeah bloody annoying those chat icons showing all the previous encounters...

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:19:48

Bloody hell Voice how could you have missed the insane pissed gushing and repeated shouts of 'its Ikeday'

Nora - you're the referee when Bant and Watch have one of their regular arguments! wink

Ike I was AWOL from here for a couple of days. Sorry. Have a belated bunch of thanks

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:22:38

Ta, Voice , they had better not be from a petrol station!

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:24:04

ike, i have to laugh else id be crying into my non salted, non fun, sugar free, paelo friendly, boring to shite, cashew nuts.

before and after, i think you might just be right.
The best ones are married. or gay.

BeforeAndAfter Sun 10-Feb-13 21:26:45

Watch sometimes those 'best ones' just haven't been rumbled yet ...

I would be useless at the off licence, I get diverted by anything sparkly. That does include French cider though.

I can decorate and design (gardens included). I also have far too much knowledge about sanitary ware than is good for anyone.

I resemble that remark, as I am neither married (and never have been) nor gay (nor plan to be).

Juliette - gardens it is for you, then.

Ike - I have never bought flowers at a petrol station in my life.

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 21:30:16

Christ on a bike, Voice, really ? the referee ?
I could run the sick bay with Flipper.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:31:09

the best ones arent likely to be 26 year old window cleaners are they?
even if they have just asked me out.

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:33:38

Ok Voice....a big bunch of white lilies will do nicely....Jules it was the bubbles that got me in a state on Ikeday.

watch - talk about getting straight back on the horse (aka Findus cow)

Nora - Dr Flipper and Nurse Nora has a certain ring to it

Scrazy Sun 10-Feb-13 21:36:37

Beforeandafter. You are probably right, we are programmed to mate with the best we can. Pity when you meet your best you aren't theirs. Story of my life, I tend to fall for good looking men. Is it just about looks do you think? There must be more to it, does looks shape personality. Oh the mind boggles, think I will stop over thinking it all.

MirandaWest Sun 10-Feb-13 21:37:59

I went to Ikea yesterday. Realised it was the first time I had gone without another adult. DC had gone last weekend with XH so they were able to lead me riund and take me to the hotdogs. I now have lots of furniture to assemble (although I think Mr Nice is going to do it for me blushgrin).

Out of curiosity, why do some on here chat to people who are definitely not even in the running. Watch your last post made me think of this, but a lot of people do it. I don't mean the ones where you start chatting and realise some time in there's nothing there but just responding to someone who is meh?

MirandaWest Sun 10-Feb-13 21:39:05

I would be rubbish in a commune. I would need to find my own space and retreat into it.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:39:28

voice, said it before. could have a date a day if i could be fucked.
I dont have a problem getting a date, i just have a problem with them being interesting, fun, a spark, no fleece.
and interested in me.

i unhid my profile and am chatting to about 8 men. its just stupid really.

hes asked if im free for coffee tomorrow. it is actually my day off tomorrow.

Scrazy - depends on the person. Bernie Eccleston, Peter Stringfellow etc hardly good looking guys but always seem to have very attractive and much younger wives. Think it's safe to say that in SOME instances, it's money and lifestyle over looks!

NcNcNcNc Sun 10-Feb-13 21:42:41

Had a bath, thought about it some more grin

So, she had several that vanished. One had been so in to her beforehand (for circa 3 weeks) that she couldn't believe he'd just vamoosh so she kept texting but got nothing back, not even to a 'Look, I get it, you're not interested but just let me know you're alive pls' text. I texted him from my phone and he answered straight away, so not dead, no lost phone etc hmm

I think maybe some of them were deeply sexist. She was quite 'out there', happy to DTD wherever whenever, the blokes were always remarking on how she was the 'best girlfriend ever because she 'let them' [insert random sex act here]' which she took as a compliment (!) And I think that they thought 'werhay' this is great but [massive cliche] I wouldn't take her home to my mum'. So they weren't worthy of her anyway.

Never had it happen to me, had lots of dating disasters but no vanishers. One night we met two men, got chatting, all was ok. On way home she asked me what the man I'd been chatting to had been like, I said fine, talking about English, politics etc. She was all shock the man talking to her had been asking if he could do her up the ass! (I've cut the story short but you get the drift).

The only real difference between us is that I'm quite cold and very shy so I give off a 'don't touch' vibe I think. Whether this deters the wankers I don't know?

She was often dumped 'cruelly' by having people vanish etc, and I think maybe they were embarrassed that they'd been so 'I lurve you' that rather than have a proper conversation around 'As time has gone on I think we're not right for each other' they just had to slink off because of all the crap they'd spouted before? And perhaps blame the other person for being too 'forward/clingy/wanting a relationship' so they could excuse their behaviour to themselves?

If any of that sounds like I'm blaming the person who had the vanishing happen to them then I'm not, just musing while other half (who I met on OD) watches the rugby.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:42:49

juliette. i dont know, i dont respond to most messages i get. hes not meh, he seems nice, just too young.

KinNora Sun 10-Feb-13 21:48:43

Do I get to design my own uniform, Voice ? ( I want sequins )

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:48:59

ncncnc, maybe. i am the least cold person there is. i sound like your friend. is she me?

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:50:46

What....Stringy the multi millionaire?????

Nomorepain Sun 10-Feb-13 21:51:33

Can I do the baking? I love baking for people. Can make wicked brownies!!

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:54:18

NoMore be my freaking can use my Rayburn...I've got no use for it!

nora but of course

nomore has just been appointed Head Baker

ike yes, like the famous Mrs Merton chat with the lovely (sic) Debbie McGee: "so, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

Anyone volunteering to look after the livestock??

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:54:42

Baking that is a science I dont understand!

Nc ew, any man who thinks in terms of women 'letting them'. Just no! they were knobbers to start with. Or dogs. How could she stand it? it's not a compliment, its demeaning to both parties.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:56:12

being a farmers granddaughter ill do the animalssmile

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:56:19

Yes I was thinking of that line livestock for me...veggie here! Will supply the oatcake and tartex canapes...

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 21:56:51

nc, thats how tons of them think. its shit

NcNcNcNc Sun 10-Feb-13 21:58:02

grin She lives in France so no grin

We were talking one day about sex and she said that 'my way' (waiting till I knew them well, was sure as could be that it was going somewhere etc) made it sound as though I looked upon sex as something the woman 'gives out' and the man 'takes' and that her way (if she fancied them and fancied a shag, shagging them) was about two consenting adults enjoying sex.

I get her point really. I was brought up in quite a Victorian household so have some hang ups about 'nice women don't' and 'why buy the cow..' etc, that I'm sure aren't healthy.

But really I'd mainly wait because I'm shy, I could really want to have sex with them a lot earlier on but don't because I don't want to get naked.

I'm going back to my exciting life Candy Crush I'm just waffling grin

chuchiface Sun 10-Feb-13 21:58:07

I'm new to all this but have been chatting even when I don't fancy them - combination of politeness and well what else am I doing with my time winkShould I stop?

I hate ikea, ex suggested we went there for fun once, should have known that we really weren't suited...

I'll do the livestock

Nomorepain Sun 10-Feb-13 21:58:38

Not sure I'm up to the heady heights of a Rayburn ike ill stock to me
my rangemaster!

Right then what are people a fancying first? Brownies, slice of Victoria sponge or some key lime pie?

Oh, I see livestock have already been claimed.


mercury7 Sun 10-Feb-13 22:00:07

I think this sounds like a very likely explanation!

'maybe they were embarrassed that they'd been so 'I lurve you' that rather than have a proper conversation around 'As time has gone on I think we're not right for each other' they just had to slink off because of all the crap they'd spouted before? And perhaps blame the other person for being too 'forward/clingy/wanting a relationship' so they could excuse their behaviour to themselves?'

Lemon drizzle, please.

Juliette and Watch can I leave you sort out the rota between you as to who is milking the cows, collecting the eggs, killing the pigs for the bacon sarnies?

ike1 Sun 10-Feb-13 22:02:38

All of em the Rayburn is a pain really...I would rather a burns all the cakes on one side...they never rise either...

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 10-Feb-13 22:03:14

nc - yeah, id always go with her way too. i should probably be shy, i dont have the worlds best body. but, ah, fuck it.

juliette, have the veg smile

Nc her way, which is fancy a shag, have a shag is absolutely fine.

Unfortunately the men she was with were not thinking that if they came up with such gems as she was 'letting them'. Same attitude as woman 'gives out' and the 'man takes'.

Snapespeare Sun 10-Feb-13 22:04:22

I'll run the harem.