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Not yet divorced husband announces he is marrying again...

(49 Posts)
ParsleyTheLioness Tue 05-Feb-13 20:55:25

WTF? Wouldn't it have a bit more class to wait until the divorce is actually through? Don't know why I am suprised...this is the specimen who I discovered was OD when we were 'happyishly' married, who said he signed up for it because DD and I wouldn't go owl-watching with him one night... Guess I am a bit suprised I am suprised IUSWIM. I don't want his sorry arse back. But I am stunned to think it is almost as if he WANTS me to hate him. This all messes with DD (15) head, and I am terrified she will be put off relationships for life. I hate him, and am still bewildered that he has so little respect for DD and I. How do I stop feeling so angry?

Anniegetyourgun Tue 05-Feb-13 20:58:09

Pity her!

Well, given that he was looking for other women even while you were supposed to be together, it's hardly surprising he didn't hang around once you officially split. This is not a man who wants to wash his own socks.

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Feb-13 20:59:11

Someone on here once said that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

I don't remember who it was and i don't know if that was their own creation or if they got it from somewhere else, but it's true.

You need to and hopefully one day will get to the point where you honestly don't give a shit if he gets married every month.

This is still raw and painful. It's ok to be angry.

If it was me though, I'd put on my couldn't give a shit face to him. Congratulate him. Buy them a toaster.

How is he being with your daughter? Best you can do there is reassure her how much she is loved. And be there for her and listen to her.

foolonthehill Tue 05-Feb-13 21:00:53

he was selfish and entitled, he is selfish and entitled and he will be selfish and entitled. This leopard isn't changing his spots

I think angry is ok...just let it fuel you to bigger and better things rather than self destruction. Unfortunately he has given DD a lesson in life that she could well have done without, all you can do is love and support her through the traumas.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:01:29

I know just makes me angry, he's already living with her, so presumably she's already doing that! I just he could have waited... proper order of things! Although he hasn't been too worried about that before...

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:03:21

Cross-post. Thanks peeps. He sees DD regularly, but still kinda messes with her head, with his BS ways. Fortunately she can sniff out BS.

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Feb-13 21:04:22

A good skill to have.

MiconiumHappens Tue 05-Feb-13 21:04:31

How long have you been separated?

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:07:55

Just over a year...fool on the plus side, I have lost over a stone apart from the 14 stone of ugly fat that left with him

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:09:36

Hec yes, I wish I had acquired that skill earlier. I think hormones switched off my BS detector for a while.

Piecesofmyheart Tue 05-Feb-13 21:15:52

It screams of desperation. Made me LOL (Excuse my text spk grin ) when I heard that Ex was 'engaged'. Especially because despite shagging OW for god knows how long, he has steadfastly refused to move a bloody divorce forwards (I am assuming that the sad cow is unaware of that crucial point)

Just imagine happy couple meeting someone for the first time - 'Oh Is this your wife ? I must say I LOVE that ring' 'awkward silence 'Eerr - no my wife isn't here tonight'

You are well rid wink

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:18:26

Pieces yes, that's the bizarre thing. He has held the divorce up for goodness knows how long, so this is something of an about-face.

MooseBeTimeForCoffee Tue 05-Feb-13 21:20:38

Well if he wants to get remarried he'd going to have to pull his head out of his arse then isn't he! Soonest rid, soonest mended.

GuffSmuggler Tue 05-Feb-13 21:21:58

<snigger> that his excuse for online dating was because you wouldn't go owl watching. That's got to be a first on MN! You are so well rid of this idiot.

OhIWishThereWasABook Tue 05-Feb-13 21:25:24

Sound of the rebound as it whizzes past your ears.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:26:05

Big long thread(s) about it at the time Guff. Some of my lifesavers at the time are on this very thread <waves, and attempts to convey grattitude>. I think I would have preferred it if he had said " I am sick of you, and I want out". Yes, I just want to be divorced now, but I'm waiting for the financials to be sorted.

Cocolollip Tue 05-Feb-13 21:33:12

I understand your frustration.. My ex and I parted in November, I'm 4 weeks from giving birth to his child and we were due to marry in April.

He's now 'in love' and living with another woman.. Quick work hey?!

To be fair.. I'm past the caring stage now, I think he's pathetic and I've had a lucky escape!


Owl watching. Think you had a lucky escape there!
Do some fabulous things with DD & guide her through relationships as best you can. :-)

Cailinsalach Tue 05-Feb-13 22:06:03

Owls? I never knew.

Owls? Really, owls?

Nah. He must have been desparately trying to think of something to shift the blame onto you.


foolonthehill Tue 05-Feb-13 22:47:59

I lurked throughout the owls threads...and have seen you become fully fledged and ready to fly are a great example of how to survive and thrive. (Even given the occasional wobbly day)

EnjoyResponsibly Tue 05-Feb-13 22:54:26

Sorry, what's OD and WTAF has it to do with owl watching?


VBisme Tue 05-Feb-13 22:59:11

So he's dragged his heels over the divorce and now is announcing his engagement?


I got a divorce in 12 weks after 8 years of marriage, so it doesn't need to take that long (if you can agree a split of assets), do you know what's holding it up?

mummytime Tue 05-Feb-13 23:02:28

OD = online dating
Connection to owl watching, none! Except Parsley's ex blamed her for forcing him into online dating by refusing to go owl watching with him.

I hope I got that right Parsley? I hope you and your DD are doing well.

fiventhree Tue 05-Feb-13 23:40:24

Parsley, I remember you! Wasn't he a mummy's boy?

He needs another mummy to look after him.

So crack open the champagne for your lucky escape. It was a foregone conclusion that he would need a replacement sharpish, since he couldn't even go for a walk in the woods alone without feelings of rejection.

MerlotAndMe Tue 05-Feb-13 23:44:48

I think the cheap toster is a great idea, or maybe a pair of -salad-- tossers

izzyizin Wed 06-Feb-13 02:15:09

I second Merlot's suggestion of salad tossers as a most fitting wedding present from your good self, Parsley.

Plastic ones from a £ shop in a fetching shade of pea green to match the boat the happy couple will be setting sail in - providing it hasn't sunk before the groom is legally free to wed again.

I trust you'll be ensuring he won't have plenty of money to take on his ego trip? wink

izzyizin Wed 06-Feb-13 02:46:34

Gosh, the fluence just came upon me.... there's a lovely man in your future, Parsley, and he'll come into your life later this year smile

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 06-Feb-13 07:53:47

Ooh, the fluence...lovely. Yes , the summation from someone on previous page is currect. Sorry, to early to link to names. Yes, he is a Mummy's Best Boy... Yes, at their house half-term has come early. Neither of them has any class... I have been silly around men before, but never desperate enough to announce my engagement to one who was still married to someone else! Even one of her kids said she was waiting for an Eastenders moment when I ran in and said 'but he's still married to me'. If the kids are aware of the problem...

Thanks for all your kind words MN wise ones...

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 15-Feb-13 23:11:52

Ok. So Decree Absolute received in the post. He can do what he wants now! Released back into the wild to be amongst his own kind. Whatever they are...

Viviennemary Fri 15-Feb-13 23:16:02

I agree. Crack open the champagne. And be glad you're not the one who is marrying him. If he drives you mad there is every guarantee he will drive this new wife mad too. So let them get on with it.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 15-Feb-13 23:19:59

Thanks Viv that's what I think too.

izzyizin Sat 16-Feb-13 02:44:58

Draw a gold circle around November on your calendar, Parsley, because you're gonna strike gold - he's one of the good guys and you're going to have a very happy Christmas this year.

As for the twunt, he's free to fly to the sun and crash and burn back again ad infintum.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 16-Feb-13 10:20:13

Thanks all.

LadyLapsang Sat 16-Feb-13 13:00:27

Owl watching - such fun!
(I do actually know a really sweet guy who goes owl watching & takes fantastic photos of wildlife but its not you soon to be ex.)
Definely crack open the champage and do something fun with your DD.

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 16-Feb-13 14:22:27


wonder who wanted to marry - him or her?

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 16-Feb-13 17:52:18

Hi Puss goodness knows...all I know is I know nothing of what goes on in his head. Twenty years, and it's a mystery!

CremeEggThief Sat 16-Feb-13 20:40:35

My STBXH told me he and the OW were engaged in September. He only left me in June, and swears they were seeing each other three months before he came clean hmm.

I have only just filed for divorce now. Rather strangely, it took him two months to send a cheque for costs for the divorce back to my solicitor, who requested it at the end of November confused.

I don't think there's any rhyme or reason when it comes to cheating spouses.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 16-Feb-13 22:20:31

Weird isn't XH was holding up the divorce until v recently....go figure!

MajesticWhine Sat 16-Feb-13 22:48:44

I hope the lucky lady is fond of owl-watching grin

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 17-Feb-13 11:29:15

She seems to be loved-up enough to go along with his little whims at the moment...doesn't stop him texting me uneccesarily on somewhat flimsy pretexts. And he has already claimed she talks too much, which was one of the things he liked about me, that I didn't... Seems he is not deriliously happy, but she is welcome to his sorry arse!

CremeEggThief Sun 17-Feb-13 12:04:44

As the saying goes, the best revenge is to let the OW have him wink.

Things are far from perfect for me- no close friends near me; no family near by (and even if they were, they're not that helpful); no job; a hormonal 10 year old, who argues about everything (and I mean everything!), etc. But what keeps me going is knowing I don't miss him and I'm not unhappier now than I was before.

GinAndT0nic Sun 17-Feb-13 12:29:45

congratulations on your divorce parsely!

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 17-Feb-13 16:34:25

Thanks Gin.

izzyizin Sun 17-Feb-13 17:01:51

There's a distinct absence of booze celebratory beverages on this thread confused

Here you go, Parsley - wine

The toast is 'To freedom and loving it' grin

kinkyfuckery Sun 17-Feb-13 17:09:14

My ex-H also got engaged when we were still married (He was telling people he couldn't wait to be divorced, whilst intentionally holding ours up - in the end, we got divorced on the basis that he didn't protest it, instead of the stupid git just signing the papers and sending them back!). They had a big engagement party and everything - that I had to take the kids to and pick them up from! Less than 4 months later, he was bed hopping with someone else. Then, he was with the OW for a year, before breaking off with her to get back with aforementioned fiancée!
It would all be so laughable if it weren't for the fact that it fucked the children up somewhat!

Skyebluesapphire Sun 17-Feb-13 17:51:09

Congratulations. wine

So he is free to get married again then... What a lucky lucky woman she is!

Whenever I see OW on your thread I always misread it for OWL grin

ArtVandelay Sun 17-Feb-13 18:52:02

Tell him that you don't give two hoots... : smile Wishing you all the best Parsley.

izzyizin Sun 17-Feb-13 20:09:23


Or tel him that you don't give a hoot what the pathetic fucker does next smile

Have another, Parsley - wine

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 17-Feb-13 22:10:28

Ah, thank you lovely MNers....Kinky what a twunt!

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