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F*****G B*****D!!!

(108 Posts)
Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 19:40:17

I want to scream and if I didn't feel so poorly right now I would....

Vile EA husband!!!

We are in the process of splitting up, still living in the same house.

Today I went into my jewellery box for something and could not believe it when I discovered my wedding, engagement and eternity rings gone! £4000 worth of rings, taken by him!

I went looking and couldn't ind them but instead found my notes from my CAB meeting 2 weeks ago, ATM balance receipts showing my bank balance and receipts for things I've bought....!

Oh and not to mention his porn DVD stash which would explain why the vile pig has rejected me sexually for the past 3 years, calling a vile fat Cnut and telling me how I've let myself go after having our son! He's been getting off on porn instead!

Oh my god I am so angry and teary at the same time. I wish my parents were alive, I need them so much!

I have moved the rest of my jewellery, important paperwork, certificates and passports to my friends this afternoon.

I so want this over.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Tue 05-Feb-13 19:41:40

Call the police and report him for theft?

Lueji Tue 05-Feb-13 19:43:16

And make sure to mention it when you split assets

Horsemad Tue 05-Feb-13 19:43:28

Can you get them replaced via insurance & then sell them afterwards so you haven't lost out?

Doha Tue 05-Feb-13 19:44:16

Agree report to the police. They were your rings, your personal belongings. It is theft. Get him charged

MrsTomHardy Tue 05-Feb-13 19:54:53

Omg...what a cunt he is!!!

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 19:57:54

Can I really get it reported as theft....?!

Yes he is a total cunt and I hate that word but it suits him perfectly!

I didn't want to wear the rings anymore fair enough but they were a gift, and not only that I wanted to save them for our 5yr old DS.

Can't believe he would stoop so low....

Damn right you can!!

TweedSlacks Tue 05-Feb-13 20:05:45

Thats a really nasty thing to do , Police non emergency line for him IM afraid.
Please change all your passwords for banking , Cashpoint card numbers etc
Remove anything you value ,sentimental or high value to a secure location.

Is there anything of his worth a similar amount , High end stereo , Bikes, watch etc. Might be worth borrowing it for leverage purposes . Yes DH , you can have your Seamaster back, when I see my jewelry.
Feeling quiet angry on your behalf now.......... effing B'd

Trazzletoes Tue 05-Feb-13 20:10:13

Hell yes it's theft!

Get on to Police and then on to your house insurance about replacing them.

Do NOT "borrow" his high value items as leverage if you are going to the Police. You are asking for him to report you as well.

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 20:11:50

Tweedslacks thankyou. I have changed all my passwords. Guess I'm gonna ave to start sleeping with my handbag bd ipad now eh?

I will change my cashpoint pins tomorrow.

I did buy him a watch when we got married, cost me £1500, do I stoop to his level....?

I have removed jewellery, paperwork, prof of my company shares in his company, you name t I've removed it. I am fuming, if he wants to do it this way, so be it....

deleted203 Tue 05-Feb-13 20:14:57

Yes, it's theft. I would send him a text saying he had better have them on him when he returns or I will be phoning the police and having him arrested for stealing from me.

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 20:16:57

Think I'm actually more furious that he's been going through my bag collating what he clearly thinks is evidence of something or other....! Idiot! My CAB notes for gods sake....what does he gain from taking those????

Have you confronted him? Def report it!

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 20:21:29

I haven't confronted him yet, I wanted more time to search the house and remove all that I need to, if I confront him he will know I've gone looking and I need a bit more time.... He won't be home until late, he ever is...

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 20:22:40

And a total kick in the gut finding porn DVDs, he's rejected and humiliated me for so long, letting me hunk there was something wrong with me....

I feel nothing for him at all!

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 20:23:15

Think not hunk! Damn ipad!

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 20:58:04

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

MrKidd, the only person to blame is the abusive man. He had a choice at any point to stop abusing his family; he didn't take it. Now he is stealing from his wife and child - what a worthless human being he is.

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:02:36

I'm not defending him - but if someone stays with someone who's abusive and they then get more abusive over time, it's quite hard to have any sympathy - especially when there's the development of a child at stake. What if the child has seen his father be abusive and thinks it's the norm?

PissStickMeg Tue 05-Feb-13 21:02:48

mrkidd - some sort of joke, right? Clearly you have no idea of how an abuser breaks down self esteem so a victim thinks all they deserve is a good emotional kicking? It takes a lot of guts to get back up after that and... I am not quite suer why I am bothering to explain something sensible to a thoughtless lunk like you.

Doha Tue 05-Feb-13 21:02:53

Take your time and when you confront him gice him a set amount of time before reporting it as theft

MumVsKids Tue 05-Feb-13 21:05:21

That was really helpful MrKidd hmm

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:05:28

I deserve my kidding putting into care...? Are you serious?! Really, thankyou, exactly what I needed to hear right now.

My child has never been at risk. I have been dealing with the deaths of both my parents in this time and have only just found the strength to pick myself up to do something about my situation, funnily enough you sound just like him..."serves you right, you're to blame"!

kittybiscuits Tue 05-Feb-13 21:05:58

mrkidd has anyone told you that you are severely lacking in empathy?

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:06:25

I'm not thoughtless at all - I was in a relationship and as soon as she showed signs of not being very nice I was out of there. It's not different for women.

MumVsKids Tue 05-Feb-13 21:10:30

Maybe her showing signs of not being very nice was reciprocated behaviour MrKidd ???

MrKidd your post makes you appear not a very nice person. I'm sure that's incorrect cos no one in their right mind would tell someone who has been in an abusive relationship that they deserve her kids to be taken into care......

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 21:22:58

* MrKidd* I'll say it so that the OP doesn't have to have the telling off from MN- shove it up your arse you vicious, spineless, unfeeling cunt!

This woman has been emotionally abused, treated like shit, stolen from and is having to go through a break up still living with her abuser...and you say she deserves it and should have her kids taken into care??

What a pathetic piece of shit you are!!!!

Now go on, report me. It'll get deleted but you'll still know it's true. Dickhead.

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:29:42

Abbierhodes thanks

XxX

MrKidd, do the OP a favour and go find somewhere else to peddle your shit. I think there is a rape victim who needs to be told it was her fault for walking down a fucking street, you arsehole. (Sorry whoever is in charge at MN tonight, but this "man" disgusts me with his victim blaming)

OP, get your stuff out and then report him for theft.

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:30:31

So how come OP you didn't leave after the first signs of emotional abuse?

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:33:34

Oh I don't know Mrkidd85.... Oh wait yes I do, I'd just had severe pre eclampsia giving birth to my DS and nearly lost him, my dad suffered a fatal heart attack a few months earlier, oh and the night I got rushed into hospital to have my son my grandad died.... Yeah....I was a little low, hits you quite hard stuff like that.... Sorry I'm not super woman!

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 21:33:46

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mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:33:54

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abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 21:36:15

Nah, keep him here! It's like those microsoft scammers! Let's keep him here with us so he's not off upsetting someone even more vulnerable!

OP, flowers not necessary! Now, you go have a cuppa and I'll feed this troll until he bursts!!

Januarymadness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:36:28

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Just leave the thread, you are inciting and being an arsehole. The OP does not have to explain herself to you, although if you bother reading the first message you'll find and explaination on why she wants the rings.

Now please leave the thread so the OP can focus on replies that actually help her.

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:36:52

+ before I get any more shit from people, aren't some of you just as bad for saying that I'm an advocate for rape?

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 21:37:22

Haha! Are you him? Why does he want the rings?

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:37:28

It has taken me years to feel strong enough to do something about this, and yes I still even wanted to sleep with him, to be perfect for him, to fix whatever it was that must be wrong with me to make him so vile to me, to give our DS a solid family....and you come along and suggest I making it up, how dare you?!

Do you know what i am not even going to justify myself to a person like you.

Sorry abbier, x-post!

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 21:38:39

Sorry, lots of cross-posts! The rage is slowing me down!

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mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:38:52

I'm guessing he wants the rings because he bought them. If OP is so disgusted by this monster why would she want any reminders of him in the house?

Januarymadness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:39:10

oh and the law of theft:

The dishonest! appropriation of property! belonging to another! with the intention! of permanently depriving the other of it!

sounds like theft to meangry angry

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:40:50

I'm not sure it's possible to steal something that you bought. If a man buys a woman a wedding, engagement and an eternity ring, shouldn't they be returned if it ends?

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 21:41:09

Well they're worth a lot of money, and they're her possessions.

Do you have a wife? Doubtful, but if you do I pity the poor cow.

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 21:42:37

A gift is a gift, ownership is transferred. Honestly, google it. Can't even be bothered to check out your own arguments.

Januarymadness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:44:20

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abbier, I think I luffs you!!

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:45:36

I'd say with a wedding ring it's more like a loan. If divorced they should be transferred back.

NotSoNervous Tue 05-Feb-13 21:45:42

<<claps hands to abbi>>

Januarymadness Tue 05-Feb-13 21:46:52

what you say and what the law says are two different things. good job that.

Cocktailsorcakes Tue 05-Feb-13 21:47:44

Not that I really want to reply to mrkidd but I'm sure that there is legal precedent for the wedding rings etc to be classed as belonging to OP and as they have been given to her. Her twunt does not get to claim they are his just because he paid for them. Oh and OP has explained she wanted to keep them for her DS not for a reminder of him.

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:47:56

Funny has he's also taken his own wedding ring too....shouldn't he have left that me Mr Kidd???

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:51:36

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Beckamaw Tue 05-Feb-13 21:52:30

My ex took my rings and a load of my clothes too. He gave them back eventually after I shrugged and said 'If you're that emotionally attached to my things, you should keep them'.

The thing is, most men are fucking stupid. You will find evidence of this further up the thread.

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:54:14

I never said its the worst thing he's done, if you'd care to look at my previous posts to catch up so you know what the f* you're talking about Mrkidd feel free....

Jesus have you got your brain cell out on loan this evening....?

Vicky2011 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:54:44

Mr Kidd just think about the kind of cunt that drives off a cliff with his kids in the car cos the mother had the temerity to want out of the marriage. In case you are actually being stupid rather than deliberately vile to the OP I will explain...when someone is truly EA they are, by definition, capable of anything because any love that they may have for the children will never be as great as their own love of power. That is why they are so terrifying and why it can take years for their partner to leave.

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:54:49

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puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 05-Feb-13 21:54:55

Mr Kidd I am interested in your very narrow minded opinion. I was beaten and EA by my Ex. I didn't leave because I was scared, he said he would take my baby from me and I believed him. Are you saying you have no sympathy for me?

He was bigger than me, older than me, more eloquent than me.

You have no sympathy?

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:57:46

OK Vicky2011 that doesn't happen too often - but if you're with someone capable of doing that then what is going through your mind when you decide to have children with this person anyway?

JockTamsonsBairns Tue 05-Feb-13 21:58:40

mrkidd - I respond to you as someone who left an eight year long abusive marriage at 5 o'clock in the morning - escaping with my two year old, and a tesco carrier bag with whatever essentials I could quickly grab...

Please fuck off. Do it now, and don't come back. Your input, at best, lacks intelligence and insight and, at worst, is extremely damaging. The OP doesn't need you, and neither does mumsnet. So get to fuck, and don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

OP - please ignore, and don't feed the troll.

<Couldn't give a fuck if I get deleted. This site is for women to offer support to each other - or a kick up the arse even, if that's what's needed. Men more than welcome if they have anything to bring to the table - otherwise fuck off>

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:58:42

Puds11 it's hard not to have sympathy - but you have to ask why you were with him in the first place?

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:59:00

Wow...... Mrkidd I am speechless, just WOW

Thank god I am all cried out because a vile little man like you would've tipped me over this evening. Give yourself a pat on the back.

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:00:14

Jock - you had a child with someone who had abused you for 6 years? How can you say I lack intelligence?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 05-Feb-13 22:00:39

We were pregnant before he started abusing me. I thought we were meant to be. He then showed me how wrong I was. It felt like he waited until I couldn't easily escape. Had this happened before I had a child I would have hot-tailed it out of there.

Sausagedog27 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:01:56

Back to the op- you should report it to the police for theft, or ring 101. Do you have any ideas where he might have taken them?

Beckamaw Tue 05-Feb-13 22:02:00

No, Mrkidd,
You spend your free time insulting random women on Internet forums.
That takes superhuman intelligence, massive self respect and, in all probability, a shining golden cock.
Your smugness knows no bounds and I hereby salute you.

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:02:07

Ok Puds11 then I do sympathise. I just don't see how women can have a child with someone who they already know is abusive.

JockTamsonsBairns Tue 05-Feb-13 22:02:25

Poor OP. Not only has her life been scuppered by a man, but she turns to Mumsnet for support and her thread is quickly derailed by a man with some sort of agenda.

Vicky2011 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:03:17

Strongly suggest we all stop feeding this particular vile knuckle dragger.

Ok everyone stop talking to the troll mrkidd. Op has come here for support lets just keep to that and ignore the ignorant fucker intent on de railing.
Op I'm glad you're getting away from this man. I'm sorry he's been such an arse, is there any place he could have hidden them that you can find them?

JockTamsonsBairns Tue 05-Feb-13 22:04:35

For the benefit of mrkidd - I was repeatedly sexually assaulted throughout eight years of marriage, which led to the arrival of my now 14 year old beautiful daughter. Yes, it does happen mrkidd.

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:04:52

My husband didn't become EA until I fell pregnant, see a pattern forming her Mrkidd....?!

Sausagedog27 I suspect they have been taken to my MIL who is slightly unhinged and hasn't spoken to me since I told my H it's over....

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:05:26

I'm not a knuckle dragger at all. I just can't put my finger on it why so many women end up with really nasty men. It's happened to girls I'm friends with - they get together and everyone warns her off as everyone knows the guy's an asshole - but she's determined to stick with him as she wants to make her own opinion. Then it's too late.

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 22:05:55

MrKidd, I'm very glad that you don't have children. You have no understanding of human beings, so best you stay away from them.

I truly hope that tomorrow you get treated badly by someone you love, and when you leave you get run over, and when you open your eyes in hospital someone punches you in the face. And then a pigeon shits on your head.

Because then you'll know what it feels like to be kicked when you're down.

Oh, he's just an inadequate who probably spends the rest of his time whining that women won't allow NiceGuys like him (ie self-righteous entitled moaning arseholes) to have sex on them.

Doogle2 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:06:32

I think we should just ignore and carry on regardless.
Op sorry you're having a shit time. Wouldn't it be awful if any of his porn dvd's came into contact with a strong magnet? grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 05-Feb-13 22:07:06

Probably because they are scared.

Being in that relationship is the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Even now I panic thinking he is going to walk through the door.

It is inexplicable the way it feels to be trapped in such a way. I do understand why people do it. They hope that it will change the abuser, that it will give them the strength to continue, that it will give them hope.

I can only describe the past 5 years of my life as being dark. My DD made it liveable.

<high fives abbierhodes> Inspired imagery there.

Beckamaw Tue 05-Feb-13 22:07:41

My ex hid all pertinent documents under a mattress.
I photocopied them and quickly returned them.
He continued to stash things there for quite some time. It worked out well.

mrkidd85 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:08:13

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abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 22:08:37

Yep, sorry folks, I'm feeding the troll more than anyone. Good luck OP, don't let the bastard grind you down.

I'm off to read about RIchard III- who, compared to MrKidd, is looking like quite a nice chap.

MaBumble Tue 05-Feb-13 22:09:09

Awful little man. Ignore OP.

Back to your stolen jewellery, I would echo the advice above, call the non emergency police line for advice. Also as he's shown himself to be such a sneak thief ensure that all your valuables and important documents are found and stored somewhere safe.

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 05-Feb-13 22:09:45

<ahem>

Erm, can we stop with the personal attacks please?

mrkidd85 you have mail.

wine ?

JockTamsonsBairns Tue 05-Feb-13 22:09:47

You can't put your finger on it? There's plenty of literature out there if you were really at all interested. But you're not, are you? You just hate women, so have inexplicably invited yourself on to a website designed specifically for mums and parents to indulge in your slightly sinister trollery.

As I said a page ago, do fuck off. You're not wanted around here.

Mrkidd are you severely limited in life experience? Or just completely lacking in empathy?

Either way this is not the thread for you to be spreading your hate.

Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:11:35

Abbier for the first time today I have laughed, thankyou!!

And thankyou lovely ladies for your support and advice. XxX

Cocktailsorcakes Tue 05-Feb-13 22:13:48

Just done a quick google and yep legal precedence state they are yours.

Call the non emergency police number when you are ready and if you feel inclined warn your twunt if they are not returned you will report them stolen.

PeppermintPasty Tue 05-Feb-13 22:14:05

OP, just to reassure you on the rings, the exact same thing happened to a dear friend who was splitting from her EA fuck-up of a man. She reported it and it was treated very seriously by the police, and was later used evidentially in the various court cases. All about control of course, madness borne out of supreme arrogance I daresay.

Good luck.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 05-Feb-13 22:14:45

Odd my apologise for not having addressed you on your own thread!

I am very sorry you have been through all of this, and am even more sorry that when you came looking for support someone decided to spoil your thread.

You should report it as a theft. That is what it is. Also your Ex is a massive penis!

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Tue 05-Feb-13 22:14:51

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Oddsox2 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:17:29

Thank you xxxx

Thank you rebeccamumsnet wine

Angelico Tue 05-Feb-13 22:19:10

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OxfordBags Tue 05-Feb-13 22:23:51

Mrkidd, the majority of domestic abuse actually starts for the first time when a woman is pregnant or after she has just had her child. A time when she is at her most vulnerable, her life as she knows it os being turned on its head, she may have little or no money of her own and be financially dependent on her partner, And then there is the mental aspects of abuse. It works like Stockholm Syndrome. Also, do you know how many women are killed by partners weekly?
The majority of murder in this country is women being killed by their partners or ex-partners, much of it because they are leaving or have left him.

Asking why women have children with men who then go on to abuse them is about as logical as asking why Mama Hitler didn't abort little Adolph in the womb. They can't see into the bloody future!

Your views are ridiculous and disgusting and could truly set back any women reading who struggle not to blame themselves for their abuse and to find some small part of themselves their abuser hasn't destroyed yet within themselves to try to leave him. Furthermore, repeatedly commenting about why you can't understand why women don't leave abusers as easily as a bloke with no ties can dump a dodgy new girlfriend does absolutely zero to add to this thread. You are commenting to belittle the OP, nothing more. A thread about the difficulties of leaving an abuser are not the appropriate place to disperse your gems of wisdom.

OP, well done. You are leaving this twunt and at leat now you have the true measure of what a shit he is. I agree that you should report him for theft. Keep strong.

JockTamsonsBairns Tue 05-Feb-13 22:26:09

Great post, Oxfordbags

Angelico Tue 05-Feb-13 22:28:16

Just got deleted hmm Shall I blow MrKidd a kiss instead MNHQ? hmm

So I'll repeat the perfectly sensible bit of my message OP - the jewellery is yours legally. My engagement ring was insured at now DH's address before I moved in fulltime and insurance broker stressed that under law it was a gift and my property, despite it being at DH's address. If your twunt of a husband doesn't return your rings make a complaint to the police. In fact I would be inclined to make them aware sooner rather than later before he has a chance to 'lose' anything.

Startail Tue 05-Feb-13 22:34:51

DH and I agreed when we got engaged that if we split, I'd pay for half my engagement ring and get to keep it. I wanted to go halves, he wouldn't let me.

We got engaged after six weeks and were flat broke students, £116 was a lot of money.

Our wedding rings were very cheap and are definitely gifts.

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 22:59:54

MNHQ--- you missed one! Up there ^ I called him a c u next Tuesday. Very sorry. Couldn't help myself. Won't happen again.

Are you leaving it in? grin

PS...there's another one too where I cursed him with pigeon shit and violence. Apologies again.

Another fairly fundamental truth about domestic abuse: it's often easier for a man to leave a girlfriend who is abusive rather than a wife to leave an abusive husband because men generally have more money than women. Abusive men very often abuse financially - they keep the woman short of money; if she works they might steal money from her... or they might make it impossible for her to work by phoning her all the time in the workplace, hanging about outside it, or locking her in the house so she can't get to work.
This is not to say that men are not, sometimes, abused by female partners. They can suffer abuse and suffer additionally because they are too ashamed to ask for help and fear they won't be believed.

However, this doesn't justify victim-blaming bullshit on a thread when someone is asking for support and advice.

Angelico Tue 05-Feb-13 23:45:54

Abbie I'm actually amazed my post got deleted as it was positively tame in comparison to most of the others... So I shall stand on the shoulders of giants...

C U Next Tuesday to anyone goady on thread <sniggers like schoolgirl>

<runs away before Rebecca gets me>

NettleTea Tue 05-Feb-13 23:46:48

In many cultures the wedding rings are kind of like some sort of financial security for the woman just in case the man turns into a twunt and she needs the cash.
An I believe in law once the contract has gone through (ie the marriage) those rings are yours
So get them reported as stolen

Januarymadness Wed 06-Feb-13 07:43:01

Man i got deleted 3 times. I only told him to f off once

Oddsox2 Wed 06-Feb-13 09:55:23

Ladies you have really made me chuckle this morning reading back through you comments - especially pigeon poo Abbier....!

Thank you for a) giving me some amazing support and advice and b) making me smile when all I want to do is cry.

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