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Advice needed, someones got a crush on ME

(443 Posts)
Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 09:40:10

This is probably going to sound really silly, but I'm hoping that someone,somewhere can help me deal with this very awkward situation I find myself in.
I'm a 43 year old single mom and work part time doing an incredibly boring job. That said, my colleagues are great and that makes things a little less tedious.I'm a very chatty and fairly confident person and find it easy to initiate conversation with even the most reserved people.
I have not been in a relationship for many years. This has not bothered me the slightest bit. I've not even had a serious romantic interest in a man.Friend s gave up trying to "pair me off" a long time ago and accept that I'm happy being single.
OK, I'll cut to the chase. One of the men at work, a senior member of staff,is someone I greatly admire. I often used to have a natter with him and I enjoyed his company. He's very popular,what you'd call a thoroughly nice man.We have a bit in common,but I wouldn't go so far as to say we were friends.We just shared a few light hearted chats ,nothing more. I didn't find him attractive,although I suppose he is quite good looking.
Recently though I've begun to dread meeting him at work,not because I don't want to see him or anything, but because he's acting like a love sick teenager when I'm around.
I don't know when it all started,it really took me by surprise.One day we were having our usual chat/banter and the next day he couldn't look me in the eye and was blushing furiously. It didn't help that I started blushing with embarrasment too.
I carried on my duties and decided this was a one off. When I passed his office I said hello etc and he blushed even more. I couldn't break the ice.This has continued for the past couple of weeks.He used to always say goodnight when he was leaving, but this has stopped. He avoids passing me in the corridor and when he does speak to me, he trips over his words and stammers.
I have to admit that I'm flattered by the fact he likes me, and I'm begining to think that I may like him too.
I really don't know why he's developed this crush on me. I've not said anything that would lead him on. I'm jovial but not outright flirty .
I just want to break this spell.

If you think you like him too, what's the problem? And you don't always have to be flirty for someone to get a crush on you (or many of us would still be single!)

Awkward at work though if it all goes wrong - I'd take it slowly, just be friendly and see what happens.

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 10:26:21

I think I'm beginning to like him, but perhaps it's because I'm tickled that he should like me. The awkwarness is just killing me. I long to go back to how things were before.I can't even approach him as he starts laughing furiously ,whatever I say.
Last night I caught him playing with his car keys for ages( could see through his office door)passing them from one hand to another for a good 5 or 10 minutes. His computer was shut down and we were the only people in the building.He always used to say goodnight but he must have sneaked past without me seeing. I honstly thought he was going to say something to me. There was a definate crackle in the air.

Maybe he'll put you both out of your misery soon and just ask you out. grin Perhaps things will be easier then when it's out in the open?

says she who hasn't had a new relationship in 20 years

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 10:47:33

I havent had a relationship in over 8 years and that was for a just a few months.I have been tempted to say something just to relieve the tension between us, but I have been scared in case he goes into meltdown.

DameFanny Sat 02-Feb-13 10:54:18

I think it was in Northanger Abbey that Austen pointed out that sometimes the beginning of attraction was realising that someone was attracted to you. And it worked out well for wossname.

See what happens, don't chase it, don't make assumptions. Could be the start of something lovely, might not.

If it is, then it'll be all the more lovely because you weren't looking for it and don't need it. So whatever it is, enjoy smile

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 11:08:06

Thank you Dame Fanny. That makes so much sense.
I really do like him very much, but had never had any romantic feelings about him at all.I did notice he'd grown a nice trendy little beard and it suited him, but I never complimented him, it would have been unproffessional and too "in your face".Looking back I realise he started wearing smarter clothes too.
I just need the embarrasing stuff to wane a little.I want to be able to say hello without him spouting nonsensical rubbish and turning beetroot.

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 11:20:15

Coming from a different angle, could this be a case of him thinking you've got a crush on him due to his having misinterpreted something you said during your last non-blushmaking conversation - maybe one of your great colleagues made some comment which got him shit scared worried you were coming on to him?

Or could it be he's married/in a relationship but tempted and is doing his best to avoid you?

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 11:45:31

Izzy,to begin with, it had crossed my mind that perhaps he'd got his wires crossed.Now I'm not so sure.I think if that were the case he'd have teased me, he's got a sense of humour and in his line of work he has to reguarly deal with often difficult issues regarding personal problems that colleagues may be having.

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 12:20:58

Do you know anything about his personal life, ie. whether's he married/lives with a dp, got dc etc?

Tryharder Sat 02-Feb-13 12:28:07

It all hangs on whether or not he's single or in a relationship, IMO. If the former, I'd be in like Flynn personally - why not? If the latter, just do what you are doing now - remain professional, friendly but not flirty and I'm sure he'll get over it.


<crosses fingers that crush-guy is single>

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 12:41:58

WEll I've heard someone disgussing his divorce. That was a while back and didn't really give it much thought. Like I said, I wasn't interested in him romantically nor did it cross my mind that we could be friends out of the workplace.I've never spoken to him any differently to other workmates.Everyone says he's a great guy, and he is!
I need advice on how to handle the situation. I have tried to carry on as normal but there is this ruddy great elephant in the room and it won't budge.
I don't want to blurt out that the situation is making us both very uncomfortable, but I need to say or do something.I can't help wondering if other people have noticed and said someting to him to make matters worse.

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 13:59:46

Please,someone advise on what to do.This can't go on. I'm desperate to put an end to this situation. Am so worried about going back to work on Monday.
I have had crushes myself,years ago, but I think I held it together quite well and I don't think the object of my desire suffered like I am now.
Quite honestly ,I don't think we could have a relationship for many reasons especially as he's getting divorced and has a high profile job plus I'm well out of his league.

DameFanny Sat 02-Feb-13 14:32:47

Well, you could always ask him for a quick word and ask him if everything's ok between you? Play it straight, say you've noticed he's been behaving differently and just want to make sure you haven't offended him in some way?

When you say you're out of his league, what do you mean by that?

Horsemad Sat 02-Feb-13 14:38:50

Perhaps he's been having dreams about you & is then finding it difficult to face you afterwards?!!

I had a dream about a boss once, was mortified when I saw him the next day grin

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Feb-13 14:42:25

I wouldn't say anything. If he has a crush on you and you're both single, then he will do something about it. Do you think there's any other reason why he's suddenly started doing this?

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 14:44:52

He has a very high profile position at work. I can't say what he does exactly, but his job carries a lot of responsibilies.
Thank you for you're advice. I've been trying to clear the air, but he's not been very easy to approach. I'm scared he's either going to bite my head off or else storm off.I just wish he'd phone me and we could discuss things without him getting into a complete state, he has access to my number.I don't have his number and even if I did I would never call him at home.

out2lunch Sat 02-Feb-13 14:46:21

hmmm what do you mean by that comment out of his league

this isn't a problem really is it what will be will be

takeaway2 Sat 02-Feb-13 14:56:12

I would actually leave it and at work, focus on other things. Anything. Just to keep yourself busy. By the end of Monday you'll realise you've not even thought of him and then you can go home. Happy you've not done anything. Carry on Tuesday Wednesday etcetc.

It'll be fine.

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Feb-13 14:57:44

I don't understand you.

You say he's blushing and smiling around you but then you are scared he'll bite your head off or storm off. You've also said he's a great guy. Would a great guy storm off?

Do you really think he'd phone you at home? That would be seen as a breach of trust if you didn't want to go out with him. (If indeed that's what he was calling for.) Managers can't just make personal calls to someone at home like that - there are rules against it.

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Feb-13 14:59:20

You heard someone discussing his divorce a while ago and now you're using this as a reason why you can't get together?

OP, just sit tight, be pleasant and leave it at that. If he's interested, he'll make a move.

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 15:02:13

Thank you for your advice. I'm off to get my hair cut soon.It's long overdue and I'm hoping that will make me feel better, but as silly as this sounds I'm hoping he doesn't see this as a "sign" .
TBO I'm scared shitless and excited at the same time.It has awoken a lot of feelings that have laid dormant for along time

Horsemad Sat 02-Feb-13 15:35:27

I think you may be overthinking this slightly, OP!

Relax, what will be, will be smile

Charbon Sat 02-Feb-13 16:14:40

This man really isn't for you. You don't fancy him, you think you're out of his league, you're not sure if he's available, you fear a disproportionate reaction and until he started behaving differently around you, he didn't even merit a thought. He's also a work colleague and relating might cause problems professionally.

But he comes with a message, which is helpful. It's re-awakened a side of you that you'd like to revisit. Focus on that and meeting new men, but steer well clear of this one.

This is a very familiar problem incidentally. It's a recognised issue that it's startlingly easy to get into relationships with unsuitable people who just happen to be 'there' and who show an interest. It's very common in affairs for example, where people get into relationships with people who if encountered when single, wouldn't have been touched with a bargepole. But the individual qualities of the person aren't as important as the feelings they stir up about oneself.

This is no different, so pass on him and look for someone else.

AnyFucker Sat 02-Feb-13 18:09:07

Christ almighty, you're a bit of a dramallama aintcha ?

You daren't get your haircut because it might be seen as a "sign" ?

You are all "panicky" today about going back to work on Monday?

Stop pulling our leg smile

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Feb-13 18:28:10

AF - the voice of common sense!

"Oh no, I've washed my face... now he'll think I love him!"

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 18:42:10

Well my new haircut is a disaster so that will get me notced!!
Charbon you talk utter sense.
I cannot deal with men who show an interest and I'm guilty of being over familiar with people. I don't really understand men and talk to them in the same way I'd talk to a woman ( minus the nitty griity stuff)
I'm not pulling my own leg. If he was some random bloke from work, that I seldom spoke to I'd find the situation hilarious. This is someone I reguarly chat to and felt very comfortable being with. He literally changed overnight.

soaccidentprone Sat 02-Feb-13 20:12:03

have you got any leave left?

you could always take a week off and maybe thinks would have changed when you get back?

or just completely ignore him? act as though you are really engrossed in your work, don't give him the opportunity to be embarrassed or blush etc around you 'cos you don't acknowledge him?

or if you do like him and want to see how thing run, organise going for a drink after work for your office and see how things go

obviously from his perspective something has changed.

maybe he's just shy and his confidence is just an act?

I know you have said you are 43 and a single mum, and are happy being single, but you may live another 50 or so years. maybe take this change in dynamics to look at expanding your social life? do something different, something you wouldn't normally do. make some new friends etc.

and don't stress about Monday. you can't change someone else's actions, only the way you react to them. good luck.

Usingtheplot Sun 03-Feb-13 11:16:26

Feeling a lot calmer now.I know I'm not doing myself any favours by mulling over the situation.
I am due some annual leave so I'm going to take some time off and do fun stuff for a change ( thanks accident).Also going to look for a new job as I'm really not enjoying my work on bit.
I have to keep telling myself that is just a crush and it's likely to go as quickly as it appeared.
The one thing I have realised ,is that for the past 12 or so years I've worked in an almost exclusively male environment.Perhaps it could be said that my confidence and forthrighness towards men, could be misconstrued.

Usingtheplot Mon 04-Feb-13 20:13:50

WEll here's the update. Was feeling clmer and more relaxed about the whole situation. Got my hair sorted by another hairdresser, releif, a wedding next weekend.
Got to work and everything was ok. Felt completely normal and composed. Then, I caught this man staring at me,when I was going about my usual taskes. Looked up to say hello and he was off like a shot.
He completely ignored my all the time I was there.
I cannot understand why someone whom I always got on well with would do this.It's not like we had deep and meaningfull conversations ,but we always had a bit of a natter.
I felt so uncomfortable and anxious that my usually mild asthma gave me so much grief that I had to use my puffer twice in 2 hours.
What I really wanted to to do was pass the time of day and exchange pleasentries, but no! he snook out and was off like a shot.
Hand on heart I've never ever flirted with him, but I do like him. I mean like,just that.
Feeling like crap right now.I've done nothing wrong. Why is he being so odd with me?

OneMoreGo Mon 04-Feb-13 20:49:20

His problem - people are bonkers when they have a crush, tis normal. If you don't fancy him back, why do you care so much? wink

MariahHairy Mon 04-Feb-13 21:06:18

oh ffs, just ask him out and relieve both of you :-)

LessMissAbs Mon 04-Feb-13 21:40:14

Its always my suspicion that adult men who do the lovesick teenager act without asking you out on a date are either attached or in a relationship...

LessMissAbs Mon 04-Feb-13 21:43:13

Oh and OP, are you sure its not your lovesick teenager* behaviour thats scaring this man off?

I think you are stuck in a behavioural pattern of over-analysing small things, and would benefit with some relaxation techniques.

FiercePanda Mon 04-Feb-13 22:03:50

Put it down to experience, ignore him, move on, and stop over-analysing every last thing he does. The drama will do your anxiety no favours.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 04-Feb-13 22:36:02

The whole episode has got you all aflutter. If you don't feel attracted, don't squander leave trying to avoid him or worry about haircuts or new lipstick or whatever.

Next time your paths cross just say something like "I'm sorry is anything the matter you don't seem your usual cheery self? I miss our chats" rephrase as required just break the ice and wait for a response.

He may not say anything. In which case just busy yourself and carry on as normal.
Or he might ask you out.

Remember the old I'm-sorry-I-don't-feel-it's-a-good-idea-to-date-someone-at -work polite putdown, or the blunter more direct, "Oh I really value your friendship but I don't feel that way about you". Job done.

He's possibly done you a favour, stirred you up a bit, made you wonder about what's round the corner.

mumofapirate Mon 04-Feb-13 22:49:24

could it be another colleague jokingly told him you like him and he freaked out ? if I had a crush on someone surely you'd want to bump into them /chat etc?

Usingtheplot Tue 05-Feb-13 12:13:41

Just taken a Kalms,hope it works.
I'm going to take your advice and stop trying to over analise things quite so much.
My problem is that it's been so long since anyone looked at me that way that it's stirred up a lot of hidden/supressed thoughts.Something's changed in me, and today the window cleaner asked for my phone number?

Usingtheplot Tue 05-Feb-13 20:07:29

Finally after just over two weeks of excrutiating embarassment,the bubble seems to have burst. Got to work and it was the usual ignoring and avoiding each other routine. One colleague remarked;"Did you see that? He was staring at you, think he fancies you" I replied that I did wonder?????
Thrn, just before I was anout to leave, he marched into my room, bold as you like and asked " Does anyone have a car, reg **" He was blushing furiously. I Calmly replied that it was in fact my car. He told me I had parked in the wrong place and please would I move it. This I did and took the oppertunity to appologise about my car and that I didn't have much choice but to park it there as there were no spaces left. We had a bit of a chat and said it was my new car so I understood it had taken some time to find the owner.
It's as if a huge cloud has lifted. I am hopefull we can now go back to being friendly colleagues .

carlywurly Tue 05-Feb-13 20:16:50

Bloody hell, this all sounds an exhausting waste of energy to me. hmm

AnyFucker Tue 05-Feb-13 20:25:57

Yeah, but what about the window cleaner... wink

Usingtheplot Tue 05-Feb-13 20:39:51

Waste of energy? Not! it was awfull, I mean I've had crushes myself but I've always managed to talk, this was painful I can tell you.
Re the window cleaner, well... all I can say is he makes Kieth Lemon look sophisticated.

AnyFucker Tue 05-Feb-13 20:47:37

arf at Keith Lemon

you won't be giving him signals through your bedroom window then ?

carlywurly Tue 05-Feb-13 20:53:02

grin sounds like you're attracting the wrong uns! You need to harness your powers for good now..

AnyFucker Tue 05-Feb-13 20:56:28

How about the milk man?

Plenty of opportunity for innuendo fun there smile

Usingtheplot Fri 08-Feb-13 21:25:47

Ohwell I must have been in denial. Looked forward to our friendly chats. I like compny and conversation. But there must be something in the air.People have comented on my perfume, lippy etc.
Just couldn't handle the fact that someone I liked ,showed something more then friendliness back.
Today. composed after double dosing on Kalms, ,he clmly walked into the the room and said " Hello ***,how are you?" He casually brushed his hand over my shoulder a few times,and I thought, "I think I'm liking this, a lot more than I thought I might. I was buzzing.
What to do?

Horsemad Fri 08-Feb-13 21:33:13

He touched you??? shock

ImperialBlether Fri 08-Feb-13 21:39:16

He touched you a few times?

ImperialBlether Fri 08-Feb-13 21:40:46

OP, have you been making an effort lately? You can't possibly have been wearing the same lipstick and perfume for people to comment on it.

He touched you? That's quite inappropriate for a working relationship.

Can you make this into a book?

FiercePanda Fri 08-Feb-13 21:59:39

Aren't Kalms just sugar pills...?

soaccidentprone Fri 08-Feb-13 22:01:41

well at least you have the weekend to muse it overgrin

but try not to worry or stress about it.

it does sound as though he has got over his initial 'crush' and is now acting on it. and I suppose it depends on what you want to do.

do you want to be reactive or proactive?

do you want to take this further?

would this make it awkward at work if a relationship was develop?

have you started looking for another job yet?

do you even want a relationship ATM?

you need to be honest with yourself. give yourself an hour at the weekend to think about it, the try to put this to the back of your mind.


loopylou6 Sat 09-Feb-13 13:58:35

What an exhausting life you lead OP, all these people fawning over you grin

kittybiscuits Sat 09-Feb-13 14:20:26

Love you OP and love this thread. Has anything exciting happened to you today? Did you see the paperboy? wink

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Sat 09-Feb-13 14:30:56

OP can I just ask what your username means? I'm intrigued.

saggytummy Sat 09-Feb-13 18:35:27

Blimey, what will you do if he goes in for a surreptitious tit rub with his elbow, that move guys try in the office and then pretend they didnt? Then you will know he fancies you.

It is possible people are noticing you, it happens when you give off "I'm available" signals even when you wear the same lippy and perfume, your hormones could be hotter and sexier.

saggytummy Sat 09-Feb-13 18:37:08

Another question are you American , the word mom isnt used in my neck of the woods? Are you sneakily advertising kalms for women who need help to chill!!

Usingtheplot Sat 09-Feb-13 21:46:04

Where I live in the UK we say " Mom".
I don't think I've been giving off sgnals, well not untill I became aware of this guy having a crush on me. I suppose I became self conscious and made nore effort with my appearance.
As for " Tit rubs" I've never heard of them. I dont work in an office, I suppose you could say I have a more hands on job ( if you'll parden the pun). The touching I described was a slight rubbing/patting of my shoulder and back.
Went to a wedding this afternoon and it was lovely to focus my attentions on the happy couple and family and friends, rather than thinking about what might happen with the CRUSH.

Usingtheplot Sat 09-Feb-13 21:47:59

Using the plot is a title of a book about a man who gets an allotment when the midst of a beakdown.( losing the plot)

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Sun 10-Feb-13 08:00:42

Thankyou, found it though no mention of a breakdown? seems more to do with an anti supermarket experiment.

Looks quite good though.

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Feb-13 10:45:41

Rooney, you are right. Using the plot is just that. Getting confused with another allotment themed book., called Alloted Time.

You say you talk to men, the same way you would talk to women,(minus the nitty gritty). I think this situation is most certainly a nitty gritty subject you need to discus with him. If he deals with other workers problems ,as you say up thread, Take the bull by the horns,& ask him outright if he is playing a game with you, as you have noticed a change in his posture when he is close to you,that's making you feel a little uncomfortable. You don't have anything to loose,& he won't break at your direct approach.

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Feb-13 13:49:54

I'm desperate to talk to him, but his newfound shyness is making things difficult.
He's been a bit more approachable for the past couple of days, but still blushes furiously when I look at him. He can say "hello" to me now, but only if he's passing me in the corridoor.
He makes a big point of talking to my colleague when I'm within earshot ( but out of sight) He speaks in a loud voice which is so unlike him.
I'm definately going to say something tomorrow, but I'm going to keep it light hearted. Any suggestions for conversation openers?

Horsemad Sun 10-Feb-13 16:13:54

Send him a Valentine card with not so subtle clues as to who sent it?

Oh just have a conversation with him - an honest one, not exchanging pleasantries and ignoring the elephant in the room! Just say you've noticed he seems a little awkward with you, and have you said/done anything to prompt that?

Up to him to answer honestly "yes, you said/did this", "yes, I fancy the pants off you" or "no, nothing" (and, if the latter, he then knows to focus on acting normally).

The will he won't he anxiety isn't fun - so put a stop to it and sort it out!

Pipachi Sun 10-Feb-13 19:24:38

Poor guy. Saying "hello" to you on Valentine's day will be too much for him...Can you take the day off?

More seriously - how about asking "how are you?" for conversation openers?

Usingtheplot Mon 11-Feb-13 20:41:16

Well ,I was all up fo taking Andwhen you get here's advice, but hey! It was wall to wall meetings. bugger!! He was all of a sudden officious,looked twenty years older and I felt like he was a complete stranger.
I did cop him looking at me a number of times.I notice his hands shaking when he went to lift his papers.Am I looking to closely into this I wonder??

Horsemad Mon 11-Feb-13 20:56:55

Quite possibly... grin

Pipachi Fri 15-Feb-13 08:50:14

Any update OP?

AnyFucker Fri 15-Feb-13 08:58:22

Is he a dipsomaniac with a squint ?

Usingtheplot Fri 15-Feb-13 19:34:18

Well ,here's an update:
Nothing really happened for a couple of days, exchanges a few awkard pleasentries,nothing els. Yesterday didn't see hide nor haif him.
Today he strode into my "office", very upbeat and confident. Strode right up to me as bold as you like and asked " Franchesca???? could I have a word with you?" My heart was all of a fluuer and I had my script al redy, something along the lines of " This is probably going to sound a bit silly etc, but I wish we could go back to being friendly and comfortable with each other etc, etc".
He then asked me would I sort out this" whatever" and place his hands on my shoulders and gave them a gentle but brief rub.
He was asking me to do something quite menial and I had already been asked to do it by someone in my department. It was nothing to do with him really.
I'm more confused than ever,Perhaps he's snapped out of his "crush"?
It's like he has morphed into someone else.
I enjoyed the touching though.

Usingtheplot Fri 15-Feb-13 19:35:08

Please ignore the typos.

Pan Fri 15-Feb-13 19:52:38

is it at all possible that this 'crush' is..erm...all in your head? There could be a smidgeon of a possibility that something else is happening in his life, which is nothing to do with you?

fwiw, I'd stick to the window cleaner. IF he sees to your corners properly and he knows how to 'finish off'.

Usingtheplot Fri 15-Feb-13 20:00:25

The crush is not all in my head. To be honest I didn't find him sexually attractive at all. Then he started blushing, stammering etc. I saw him in a new light.

AnyFucker Fri 15-Feb-13 20:41:00

if your name is Franchesca, you might want to report that post

Usingtheplot Fri 15-Feb-13 20:47:09

My name isn't Franchesca

AnyFucker Fri 15-Feb-13 20:48:16

glad to hear it

Horsemad Sat 16-Feb-13 13:57:26

grin at the window cleaner seeing to your corners & knowing how to 'finish off'!!!!

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Feb-13 14:00:17

Glad to hear your name isn't Franchesca, because it's spelled Francesca!

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Feb-13 14:01:12

Why did he call you Franchesca then? That level of confusion as well as his shaking hands is making me worry about him!

Usingtheplot Sat 16-Feb-13 14:33:16

Couldn't use my real name could I?
I suspect he's had a reality check and decided that he can only be completely professional with me. ( still confused about the "touching" though)

Vakant Sat 16-Feb-13 14:52:08

Loving this thread grin

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Feb-13 16:06:47

OP, he really shouldn't be touching you at all. It sounds very unprofessional. If he wants a relationship with you outside work, he should suggest that to you and still not touch you at work, no matter what your response is.

AnyFucker Sat 16-Feb-13 16:30:05

If I was substituting a name for my real name, to assist the flow of my narrative, I would pick something easy like Sue or Lou or Kay, not Franchesca smile

Usingtheplot Sat 16-Feb-13 19:29:43

AnyFuker, are you a professional netmumber?? You seem to pop up everwhere.

donnasummer Sat 16-Feb-13 19:43:06

lol at netmumber

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Feb-13 19:46:20

She is the all-seeing eye, OP. I think many, many women have been grateful (eventually) for her advice. She makes you see it as it is, not how your husband wants you to see it.

AnyFucker Sat 16-Feb-13 19:57:31

I am not a member of Netmums !!

How very dare you ...

< actually I am, but I think my posting rights are "suspended" over there grin >

netmumber grin grin grin

I can see AF with squinty eyes & cats bum face warming up.grin at missing C.

AnyFucker Sat 16-Feb-13 20:01:43

Ack, I'm kool about the missing C grin

As for " Tit rubs" I've never heard of them.


GrannyRatOnAScooter Sat 16-Feb-13 20:33:52

What an interesting mental thread confused

kalidanger Sat 16-Feb-13 20:41:49

If you've seen him in 'a new light' why not ask him out for a drink?

Or is that too simple?

This thread is doing my swede in sad

Cerealqueen Sat 16-Feb-13 21:35:18

Mention you have a spare cinema/theatre/gig ticket as a friend can't go to something and at least you can see where you stand.
Nervewracking, but just go for it!

Soditall Sat 16-Feb-13 21:57:30

Just read all the way through.

So he asked you to do something you'd already been asked to do by someone else and it wasn't anything to do with him anyways and then he rubbed your shoulders.

He has a CRUSH on you!

He's making excuses to have physical contact with you.The rest of the time he's acting awkward around you.

I'm someone who never see's the signs that someone likes me,everyone else has to tell me.
But the things you've said I've had men be like that around me,especially the physical contact and acting awkward.For friends of the guys and friends of mine to tell me that they have a crush on me.

I just tried to make sure after that we weren't alone if it was avoidable.

Usingtheplot Sun 17-Feb-13 09:27:22

AnyFucker, you are not alone, I've had most of my posts on the "other" site,because they are deemed unfiit for the terribly PC brigade.

loopylou6 Sun 17-Feb-13 12:43:13

Oh dear.

OP may I kindly suggest you change your nn to LOSING the plot as I fear this is exactly what you are doing.

Your level of interest in this poor man is bordering on obsessive tbh.

UnrequitedSkink Sun 17-Feb-13 12:58:07

Oh for gods sake will you do us all a favour and just ask him out for a drink already?! If the poor guy blushes any more he'll probably have a heart attack.

ImperialBlether Sun 17-Feb-13 13:02:00

And if he gropes the staff any more, he'll get arrested!

Maryz Sun 17-Feb-13 13:04:17

Is his name Dan Snow?

loopylou6 Sun 17-Feb-13 13:39:38

grin maryz

Usingtheplot Sun 17-Feb-13 13:56:44

What has Dan Snow done then??

MinnieBar Sun 17-Feb-13 14:06:13

I thought it was Dan Snow's boss??

I would be seriously unhappy with being touched by someone who I knew in a professional capacity( unless it was someone like a doctor who is meant to be touching you).

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MusicalEndorphins Sun 17-Feb-13 15:06:16

Well, he shouldn't be touching you. But since you seem to want him, next time he does you could flip him around with martial arts type moves, then pin him down on the floor and ask him, nose to nose, with heaving bosom, if he is sexually harassing you.

MusicalEndorphins Sun 17-Feb-13 15:07:04

And everytime you pass him, lick your lips and growl a little.

ImperialBlether Sun 17-Feb-13 15:11:33

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dondon33 Sun 17-Feb-13 15:27:48

What a fecking waste of the last 10 mins of my life confused

Please, for the love of God, OP will you ask him out for a drink or give him a BJ in the store room, your call to escalate this frigging 12 year olds dating ritual.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:36:22

Apologies if this has been mentioned


AnyFucker Sun 17-Feb-13 15:54:10

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Maryz Sun 17-Feb-13 16:12:17

I don't think the op has decided yet Jamie.

It probably depends on feedback.

ImperialBlether Sun 17-Feb-13 16:15:43

She did say, "WEll I've heard someone disgussing his divorce. That was a while back and didn't really give it much thought." I assume she would know if he'd remarried, at least.

Maryz Sun 17-Feb-13 16:35:32

Hmm, that really is the sort of detail she should have found out decided at the start, so that at least she knew what direction the plot affair was going in.

Pipachi Sun 17-Feb-13 16:38:55

How old is he? There sure is a lot of blushing going on.

Leaning in also is a sure sign of crush. Watch him closely!

donnasummer Sun 17-Feb-13 16:41:04


dickiedavisthunderthighs Sun 17-Feb-13 18:15:43

Perhaps the heating in the office is a bit high

Usingtheplot Sun 17-Feb-13 20:03:32

Please don't trialise this thread, unless it's meant to be light hearted banter. This is not a victorian novelette,it's an uncomfortabe,embarrasing,and awakening experience I'm going through.
I want to hear advice, reassuring words, support and advive.
I'm not particuarly articulate, as you have probably gathered. I am just me! warts and all.
Am seriously thinking about leaving my job, but as you are aware, any job is hard to come by.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 20:18:18


His marital status is relevant, though?

Piecesofmyheart Sun 17-Feb-13 20:20:19

OMG 5 pages and we're still no further forward. Just ask him out already.

Usingtheplot Sun 17-Feb-13 20:24:05

He's going through a separation. That's a huge event in anyones life.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 20:25:16

Oh I see. Well then I think I'd try my veery best not to get involved.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 20:26:21

Very. He,s married, he's your boss. People could end up judging you, unfairly.

thenightsky Sun 17-Feb-13 20:38:37

God don't leave your job OP shock

bleurgh he doesn't sound very socially capable.

i do think the best thing is to find another job. then you can shag him to your heart's content. providing he is ACTUALLY separated of course. and not just separated when he feels like it but still generally with his wife.

Sometimes I feel totally, utterly NORMAL.

Maryz Sun 17-Feb-13 21:06:41

Stop being so mean everyone.

The op is being awakened just like a Twilight novel

Pipachi Sun 17-Feb-13 21:21:33

Ok, you really seem to suffer with this situation.I didn't know what to think of this thread. I'm quite new here.

You said your job was boring. But a boring job is better than a shit job or no job.

Try to ignore him. All this blushing and then he is not too shy to touch you and keep in mind he is still married. Gee, that's not on.

You have to focus your energies on something/somebody else.
Spice up your private life. I strongly recommend dançe lessons. Ballroom dançe is beautyful! The office situation will feel more and more surreal.

Usingtheplot Wed 20-Feb-13 18:21:00

"He" drove past my house a few minutes ago. I live miles away, in a dead end road,in the middle of a sprawling housing estate. Coincidence?

Usingtheplot Wed 20-Feb-13 18:22:00

Oh, and have penned my resignation, nothing to do with him, I am unhappy at work and have a few irons in the fire.

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 18:28:04

Please don't give in your resignation until you've found a new job. Seriously, there just aren't the jobs around now.

So you've seen him on your estate? Tomorrow I think you should say, all casual, "Hey John, were you on my estate last night? I thought I recognised your car."

See what he says.

he's turning into a stalker now.

i agree with Imperial - 'so john, saw you outside my house yesterday. are you stalking me now???'

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 18:41:28

That's as long as it was him. How on earth did you recognise his car, OP? It's pitch black outside.

donnasummer Wed 20-Feb-13 18:43:38

were you at the window?

Usingtheplot Wed 20-Feb-13 18:47:54

Re the job. Well I've had a belly full. My masager ( not "him") is a total shit. I've spoken directly to him on numerous occasions and have always been very proffessional in my approach.
I think the " crush" was curious. Never seen him before, drive past.He's not creepy, but there is a definate "buzz"between us now. I can now see that I like him too, but my emotional side has been switched off for a long time.
I've been offered another job, crap hours, but my current job is problematic re.childcare. My parnets have said they will help with childcare whatever hours this new job entails. My Mom's words to me were; " We are a family and we'll support you in any way we can,so just go for it".
I'm not thinking the " crush" and me will be an item ( but who knows?) but it has been a catalyst in making me get my life in check.

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 19:42:00

Is 'masager' a Freudian slip?

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 19:43:01

You sound as though you have lovely parents. A change of job will be good for you.

OverlyYappy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:50:07

Take a few Kalms and have a cup of tea it will all be fine.

I would be tempted to put one of those things the police do on the road to burst his tyres, I am unsure if it legal though.

What about the window cleaner is he married ?

I would back off from the married cringey Manager man he sounds well, strange, do you just let him touch you?

<shudder @ thought>

I think I would get the sack if someone touched me, they would get a smack. It's a knee jerk reaction, so maybe a kick!

ok, usingtheplot. meet up with him for a drink after you've got your new job.

he's going to get one helluva shock when you resign!

Usingtheplot Thu 21-Feb-13 19:22:16

Popped into work today and on annual leave;as I'd left my winter coat and it's bloody freezing. Saw "crush" talking to colleage,telling her he was going to stay with friends in some remote cottage for a break. She was really coming on to him,telling him that if he was " at a loose end" to pop over to her place for a "bite to eat". I felt jealous!! Bloody size 8,50 something minx!!
My feelings have shifted several notches more.
On reflection, I have always known I like him. I talk to all my friends about this " lovely man",and stated that he's not particuarlly good looking but now I see him for what he is, and looks don't count. That said ,he is hardly a minger.
Oh boy, I've really got it bad.
In truth ,I didn't see this coming.
My dear Mom said I should pen him a simple letter when I leave work. She received a note from her partner of 24 years and it was so beautiful and simple. She thought he was a proper misery guts, but they have a wonderful relationship now, in spite of thier differences. Mom says I should do the same as I've got nothing to lose.

allaflutter Fri 22-Feb-13 12:25:59

OP, I agree with your mother and some posters - nothing to lose! just ask him out for a drink, especially as you are leaving the job. If you are too shy just have it as a 'leaving drink' rather than a date as such.He may well ask you out himself once you've left, so if you can't gather up the courage, just leave hin your mobile number when leaving, he'll jump at the chance by the sounds of it.

Feckssake Fri 22-Feb-13 12:46:21

This is really sweet and of course she's being a bit of a dramallama (fabulous word, btw) about it all- I would be if it were all high-schooly. He's probably way out of practice too - it's entirely possible that the last time he fancied anyone it was appropriate to react by stuttering and blushing.

Back in the mists of time, I remember being in a similar situation. You just have to bluff it out. Find a work-based excuse to talk to him, and ask him out:"Fancy a drink after work?" Whatever happens, you can at least enjoy the weekend knowing you had the balls to find out what the story was. Far better than freaking out until Monday.

I bet your hair looks fabulous and all now. Don't waste all that glossiness.

Feckssake Fri 22-Feb-13 12:56:28

oops! Sorry, was answering to loads of pages back.

Usingtheplot Fri 22-Feb-13 19:22:07

I have the "crush" to thank for giving me a kick up the arse regarding my appearance. I have work the same old make up and scruffy jeans for far too long. Have even had a few men chat me up!
If nothing else, I've had a bit of a wake up call.Im not, old ,ugly, unemployable etc.
I was going to write him a note to explain that I'm uncomfortable with him etc, but I've decided to just "fake" it and try to be the funny, slightly flirty person I was before. If he means business then I have to show some degree of interest.

isithometime Fri 22-Feb-13 20:47:00

I dont get it, do you like him now or not? If you do why are you going to try to pretend that you don't? [dating simpleton emoticon]

this is so wierd.

i would try to be as normal as possible if i were you. he sounds like he's 15.

Usingtheplot Mon 25-Feb-13 20:45:24

Ok. Today went to work feeling utterly crap. Have a nasty virus and can't seem to shake it off. Brain fog, sore throat, lost loads of weight. Piled on the slap and thought " get your act together girl".
Saw "crush" exchanged the usual pleasantries, but felt totally deflated.
He was a little flustered, I was a gibbering wreck.
Had my "speech" prepared, something along the lines of " I'm sorry I havent been myself lately, did you have a nice break etc?".
Saw him leave about 30 minutes before I was due to clock off.
Got into my car and he appeared in his moments later.What as he doing for half an hour.?I took the same route as it's on the way to my co workers house and I always give her a lift.
I am feeling so crap about this whole thing. I really need to telll him that his ( fleeting " crush" has made me feel so awkward around him. I honestly like him, but I'm not saying I imagine us being together or anything, but I need to confront him and tell him like it is. I want us to have the reletionship we had before. If he wants to take things further thats fine by me, but the current situation is unbearably uncomfortable. I penned him a simple note asking him to phone me,but alas I ddin't have the opportunity to hand it to him.
What to do?????????

OverlyYappy Mon 25-Feb-13 20:58:06

Tell us the note!!

You need to date him now, it will be hard to go away otherwise grin

I had a date at Xmas I was too nervous to tell if I liked him or not, then stupidly/sensibly finished things before I got the chance to find out and now I will never know. I think not... anyway...

You need to date him or never see him again (I do this and it works) so you cannot do the 2nd just now so you need a date. I have no advice on this as have never ever asked a man out on a date.

You need to date him though and tell us what 'the note' says, so we can teak it. You may be overly emotional or I could just be being nosy and a bit too caught up in this whole saga now

Oopla Mon 25-Feb-13 21:36:47

I just read the jist of this thread to DP and he sighed 'ah she's in season'. Wtf?!

I think a passionate kiss across the desk grin

cerealqueen Mon 25-Feb-13 22:22:45

Please put him, yourself and us out of this misery. Buy some comedy tickets, tell him friend can't come, ASK HIM TO GO WITH YOU. You will both have a laugh, then suggest drink after. Then update us. smile.

allaflutter Tue 26-Feb-13 01:23:01

OP can't you just put the note on his desk? why ever didn't you have a chance to give it to him all day? this is TOO frustrating grin.

AlisonMoyet Tue 26-Feb-13 02:59:17

I love this thread.
I touch colleagues ALL THE TIME. Most of them are mates outside work though. I ruffle their hair. I lean on them. Christ you lot must work st dullsville.
I don't do the tit thing though.

Usingtheplot Tue 26-Feb-13 07:00:31

Please can any of you help me pen a note to CRUSH?

*I want to say sorry for having this stupid crush, and make it look like it was all my doing ( men like to feel they have the upper hand)and that I missread his shyness/embarrassment, a a sign he liked me.

*Tell him I'm feeling utterly miserable with the situation.

*Ask him if he could "humour" me.

*Explain that I miss having our freindly/funny chats.

* Leave my email address/phone number? or perhaps that's off limits.

I can't tell right now if his ardour has cooled a little or whether he's feeling the same. I don't detect any connection anymore, but he was quite flushed,something to do with my awkwardness?

The note must be light hearted, and not contain anything incriminating in case he get's the hump and shows it to his colleagues.

I havent felt any kind of romantic feelings for years until now, where do I start?

OverlyYappy Tue 26-Feb-13 11:27:25

No you do not want to tell him to humour you.


That you are miserable with any situation

According to google you just have to wait for him to ask you now....

A brief note saying erm (coming from someone useless with men here)

Dear bossman who touches me sometimes,

What's with all the mutual blushing going on between us now?

Would you like to go an a date so I can know if I like you or not please, on the 2nd of February I didn't like you that way but you have grown on me (I think) please can I take you out/you take me out son I can clarify my feelings or I fear I may revert back to a 13 year old and have a forever crush on you, pack in my job and be on JSA for years to come.

I am sure you will agree we need a date to get this mess over with.

Yours Franscheca

(no kiss)


Dear guy,

I generally do not ask men out but I feel we need a date to clarify whether I like you or not. Please just even take me for a coffee, you never know we may end up in bed together and have several people on a talk forum very happy for us

Yours moi

See this is why I am single.... grin

I do not think you should ask him to humour you or tell him you are miserable, you are a youngish single woman, you need to be giving him your self confident signs. I have no idea what these are, are you flirting back?

Usingtheplot Tue 26-Feb-13 11:45:06

Overly, that is perfect! I've got to muster up enough courage to speak to him first.
Got the impression he was doing the same yesterday when he was hovering in the car park.

oldwomaninashoe Tue 26-Feb-13 11:57:49

Why don't you you just go up to him and say

"you seem to be uneasy around me lately, and I find it a bit worrying and quite frankly upsetting, because I think you are a smashing bloke, and we used to get on so well and I would hate to lose that. If you have got a problem with me I would like to talk about it. in private of course, perhaps over coffee?"

squeakytoy Tue 26-Feb-13 12:00:13

who has actually got the crush on who in this saga??? confused grin

Usingtheplot Tue 26-Feb-13 12:05:22

He had the crush to start with, it was overwhelming and I tried to ignore his actions hoping it would all stop, but then I started to see him in a new light. I've got a huge crush, I'm not sure if he has got over his,it's difficult to tell.

LadyMud Tue 26-Feb-13 12:09:50

Why not link it to your new job?

"In case you hadn't heard, I have a new job and will be leaving on 31 March. Although I'm really looking forward to it, I'll shall miss our little chats. So if you ever fancy meeting up for a coffee, here's my phone number . . ."

Good luck!

Wow op. I really think you are reading too much into all this. All this angst over a blush or two??

Just woman up and send him an email saying do you fancy a coffee/drink/lunch because I'm leaving on x date.


Horsemad Tue 26-Feb-13 12:59:14

I think the OP is using us to write a book... grin

OverlyYappy Tue 26-Feb-13 13:23:41

I think something weird too now, my example of notes, well, I was joking blush

I think....

Hmm if so OP, please make something actually happen at the end of all this procrastinating

allaflutter Tue 26-Feb-13 14:49:50

OP, don't explan/apologise in the note - simple is best, as Southern suggested, just say 'I'm leaving the company soon, would you like a chat over a coffee/drink?' in your note, and DEFINItELY leave him your mobile number! If he's painfully shy he can text then at least. YOu don't need to speak to him first as by te sound of it you aer both very shy and awkward and speaking is obv too difficult - you need to be in private to get over this hurdle.

Usingtheplot Tue 26-Feb-13 20:28:01

Had a funny sort of few days. Did a lot of soul searching. Got to work and found it physically difficult to get out of my car.Just didn't want to work there snymore. The funny hours, the pettiness,feeling unfullfilled and bored.
Manged to prise myself out and saw a coworker. She sort of guessed that something wasn't right. I told her how unhappy I was at work and she said she knew and hoped she'd find something more satisfying.
I told her there and then I was going to quit. She gave me a big hug and told me to go for it, and that I was clever and confident and should do what my heart tells me is best. She's such a lovley lady and has had more than her fair share of heartache.
I promptly went to see the personell manager, and told her I was leaving. She was amazing,told me she would be sorry to see me go and would keep me posted if she knew of any other posts ( I work for local government).
My crush problem as I see it is probably due to my lack of satisfaction and boredom. If my job was more challenging, interesting etc, I'd probably have seen the funny side of my crushes behaiviour.
I'm not sure if he knows I'm leaving yet, he was busy in meetings, but I'm keeping my options open. If he wants to get me know him better, that's up to him.I'm not going to make a complete tit of myself. I feel like I've lifted a huge burden, I can breathe again.
One colleague remarked" You seem like your old self ".
I feel bloody great. I'll get a job, temping perhaps. I need a challange.

Good for you. You never know, Mr. Crush might come to his senses when he finds out you are leaving and declare undying love by the coffee machine.

Or ask you out.


Usingtheplot Wed 27-Feb-13 12:14:30

I wrote a simple note him asking if he was up for a chat and my phone number/email etc.It remains to be seen if I have the guts to hand it to him.

soaccidentprone Wed 27-Feb-13 13:38:55

don't think about it, just DO IT. stop procrastinating.grin

OverlyYappy Wed 27-Feb-13 13:51:35

Just give him the note. It's perfect chance to do it if you are leaving, can you sneak it into his diary or something? Remember I am the one who has never asked a man out on a date in my life. grin

Handing it to him may work.

ClaraDeLaNoche Wed 27-Feb-13 16:16:41

Give him the note!

You are adorable OP. I love this Austenesque thread.

WinterMymble Wed 27-Feb-13 17:22:17

This is gripping! I just read the whole thread. Do give the note!

hotbot Wed 27-Feb-13 18:13:36

Not posting just to watch this space, oh no , not me!

Usingtheplot Wed 27-Feb-13 19:26:07

No way could I give the note today. Not because I'd chickened out, but big project on, staff working till about 9 pm tonight ( not me, contractual hours)
Realy braced up to crush. Said " Hello, how are you doing etc?", without stammering/blushing. He was a little bit shy but managed to speak.
I was brazen and told him I really liked his shirt and that it suited him, a compliment I would give to any man I knew.
Really went for and asked if I could get mim a coffee as he was really snowed under? He declined but thanked me,although he didn't look directly at me and looked very hot under the collar.
This sounds like pretty mundane stuff, but beleive me this has been a huge breakthrough for me.

PopeBenedictsP45 Wed 27-Feb-13 19:41:25

Loving this thread! It reminds me of being at school and getting all flustered whenever I saw Mr Teen Dream.

Well done on your breakthrough today, OP, please keep us posted.

Usingtheplot Wed 27-Feb-13 20:05:26

I can tell you it's a hell of a lot more difficult when you're in your forties.At least in your teens you have your mates to goad you and egg you on.
He looked super smart today, gorge fitted expensive looking shirt and black trousers instead of his usual grey M& S siut and white shirt.He'd had his hair cut and I detected a whiff of aftershave.

well done, using. this is rather exciting.

Usingtheplot Thu 28-Feb-13 21:33:29

Important update.
Today saw "crush" briefly. He seemed a bit more confident, but was wearing one of his 'orrible grey suits and a plain shirt. (Officials were buzzing about).

So I've just checked my facebook-only post funny bits and pieces, tunes, jokes etc. Of course I've looked for him on Facebook. His name is unusual and I manged to narrow his name down to a possible half dozen men, all without photos ,details etc. One "person" of the possible six,had an icon as their profile picture and moved it's way to position one. I looked at it a couple of times but it had not info whatsoever.

Just logged on and this namesake had overnight aquired two " friends". Had a sneaky peek and the friends have" friends", most of which hail from my small insignificant home town.


UnrequitedSkink Thu 28-Feb-13 21:35:14

Ummmm... ? No, I'm lost.

ImperialBlether Thu 28-Feb-13 22:25:05

OP, I hope you don't mind my saying this, but you're not harassing him, are you?

Usingtheplot Thu 28-Feb-13 22:29:30

No way! have been as cool as a cucumber.

UnrequitedSkink Thu 28-Feb-13 22:46:20

So what is the significance of someone with the same name on facebook suddenly acquiring a couple of friends? Please explain what you're thinking, I'm honestly baffled...

Ermm ok op. This is getting a little obsessive now.

OverlyYappy Fri 01-Mar-13 10:06:08

I think it's a coincidence tbh unless he is very strange and people from your hometown stalk you.

You need to date him now, you have built him up to be some sort of sex goddess now, I'd put my money on you not liking him much when you date him.

Maryz Fri 01-Mar-13 10:07:45

Imperial, don't worry about him, he has more problems than being harassed.

Like not existing grin

OverlyYappy Fri 01-Mar-13 10:14:42

I was thinking the same tbh!

It will be a month tomorrow and she has had Valentines Day, no excuse and all this touching and non touching and M&S suits and feeling all fluttery, its a bit too much like a book, not a good one.

Hurry up with the ending OP.

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Usingtheplot Fri 01-Mar-13 10:47:27

I only wish it were a bloody story.I honestly wish I'd never met the bloke,taken the job etc.
I'm a wreck.Six weeks ago I used to look forward to seeing HIM and having a chat.I'd never in a million years think he "fancied" me or me like him romantically for that matter.
I've heard it said that people give off sexy chemical attractants when they are in love or have a crush. Someone mentioned this earlier.
Thank god it's Friday. Got lot's of stuff to keep me occupied this weekend.

OverlyYappy Fri 01-Mar-13 11:49:12

So you're not giving him the note then ? How long will this go on for? You need to man-up and do something, either that or move job and block the fucker and go back to single life with no men interests, much easier.

Is he your 'friend' on Facebook? If not why not? If he liked you he would have friended you imo, everyone tries to keep their numbers up.

Usingtheplot Fri 01-Mar-13 13:02:19

I am going to "woman up" to this guy.This week has been impossible, so much else going on at work.
I'm leaving soon, and I'm going to speak to him directly.I've nothing to lose.
This has only being going on for a month or so. I don't want to ruin any chance of friendship or possibly romance by riding rough shod over his feelings.
He hasn't mentioned my resignation yet, I'll try to use this opportunity to have a more honest talk with him.

cakeslover Fri 01-Mar-13 17:49:50


MrsMeow Fri 01-Mar-13 21:10:09

I've literally cringed the whole way through reading this. Nice one OP, hope your book/article goes well.

It's like 50 shades without the spanking and a bit more crap wink

Usingtheplot Fri 01-Mar-13 21:14:33

Didn't see him today.
Shoud have told you all about our serendipitous "association". When we first got talking I asked him where he lived. It's a remote village where I grew up. I asked ;"do you live at number so and so street. He replied "yes I do". It was the house I spent half my childhood in. I swear I am not making this up. It was the home of my beast friend of 25 years.
I had never clapped eyes on him before. I thought he looked like a middle age schoolboy, not anyone I could ever "fancy".
I am a tad psychic/receptic/intuative, but not mad.
The friend who live in that house fell out a good many years back. She had issue and was a manipulative bitch.
I think that on reflection, the crush and me had a few " moments", but I'm leaving my job in a months time and what will be will be.

Xiaoxiong Fri 01-Mar-13 22:06:24

I can't believe I read all the way through to the end of this thread and you haven't yet got drunk at work drinks and stuck your tongue down his throat.

Fuck "speaking to him directly". Organise leaving drinks, make sure he comes, ask if you can share a taxi home and bob's your uncle!

Xiaoxiong Fri 01-Mar-13 22:07:25

Of course, each to their own, that's just how I sealed the deal with DH wink

kerstina Fri 01-Mar-13 22:49:14

I love this thread, very entertaining, a good read but I think it might be fiction too especially with the use of the word' promptly' on the 26 the feb 20.28 sounds like a narrative rather than a description of real life. Hope I am wrong though and that you \we get a happy ending grin

I think the editors would have their work cut out though hmm

Imaginethat Sat 02-Mar-13 10:07:46

Is he an architect and does he look like Richard Gere? You need to have a small car accident and have him be first on the scene. Then laugh it off and go to the pub. Together.

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Mar-13 14:41:50

When we first got talking I asked him where he lived. It's a remote village where I grew up. I asked ;"do you live at number so and so street. He replied "yes I do".

Sorry, I can't imagine that conversation.

"Where did you used to live?"
"Oh did you live at 11, Grove Road?"
"What a fortuitous coincidence!"

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Mar-13 14:42:34

And OP, I don't understand. Do you fancy this man or not?

WinterMymble Sat 02-Mar-13 16:07:35

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ImperialBlether Sat 02-Mar-13 16:16:05

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Pancakeflipper Sat 02-Mar-13 16:50:31

For fucks sake just walk up to his desk and say " would you like to go out next week for a drink?"

I have just read all the posts on this and whilst found so forgotten I had a pan of pasta on the job which is now mushy disintegrated blurgh.

Not a word of this is really real is it? It's all in Franchesca's head whilst she sits bored rigid at work staring at her okish looking boss?

Pancakeflipper Sat 02-Mar-13 16:51:39

Actually, get your mother to ask him out on your behalf.

Maryz Sat 02-Mar-13 17:12:31

It isn't a very good book though.

So far the characters are neither attractive nor interesting.

There has been no beginning, no story, no plot, and it doesn't look as though it will have an ending either.

It is very confusing grin

OverlyYappy Sat 02-Mar-13 17:30:07

I have an image of a Mr Bean - Rowan Atkinson type man.

No idea why.

I still cannot understand why you haven't just given him the note, or texted him, or friended him on facebook then messaged him (all ways to contact a man without looking at them for fear of rejection although Facebook is a bit eek as they have a picture and have the green light if they are on when you are - this can be turned off).

Do you not think it's easier staying single OP? I do. I still maintain you will not like him and reading your OP when he started blushing I was thinking perhaps he had passed wind and that's where all the mutual blushing started?

Anyway, I hope I am wrong and he looks like David Beckham or Richard Gere and it all ends well. (soon)

It's going to go on for another month isn't it?

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Mar-13 19:34:27

It saddens me to think some of you think this a joke. I came hear looking for help and advice. I empathise with what others are going through. I am really struggling.
I'm going to pull the plug on this thread if the abuse continues.So ok. I'm working class, (barely litterate as some would imply) but I don't want my comments rubbished.
And for your information he's attractive.
If I had your brains, money,etc, I wouldn't spend half my life in chat rooms,I'd spend it in the real world.

Maryz Sat 02-Mar-13 19:37:14


OverlyYappy Sat 02-Mar-13 19:38:40

I have neither brains nor money and I do not work...I think you come across as very literate, it's very nice to read, please just do something now though, I do like nice happy ending.

Xiaoxiong Sat 02-Mar-13 19:51:49

I have given you advice. Get him drunk, entice him into your lair, shag him senseless. Happy endings all round!

kerstina Sat 02-Mar-13 20:29:10

Please don't stop writing I really want to know how you get on and you have to say or do something or you might regret it for years to come like I did when I had a similar experience years ago. Only thought you might be a writer mainly because of your user name .

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Mar-13 21:15:51

There is a connection, a vibe however uncomfortable it might be. Dear Mom knows all about it and has urged me to leave a nice note in his diary on my leaving day. She is a relationship councellor. I'm going to say Im sorry to be leaving but I think you are a smashing bloke, I'll miss our chats/banter; and if if you ever you want to talk, meet up for coffee etc, here's ,my mobile number.
Went for lunch with my best mate (male) and he said pretty much the same.

WinterMymble Sat 02-Mar-13 21:32:15

That sounds like a good plan Using. But don't you think it might be better just to ask him out for a coffee in person too? Because if he is as shy about this as it seems he is, then he might wimp out if it is up to him to call.... Maybe is you just ask him out for a drink or coffee it would be more forthright and effective?

WinterMymble Sat 02-Mar-13 21:35:13

What I mean is, just ask him out for a coffee/drink in person, by speaking to him - might work best? You don't have I say anything except, 'hey, would you like to get a coffee w me sometime? How abt next Wednesday?' IME it truly is that easy. You don't need to explain why you are asking. You just invite them. Says it all...

squeakytoy Sat 02-Mar-13 21:38:44

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

OP, leaving a note runs too much risk of it going missing.
As an adult women, I have learnt that directness is the key. "I'd really like to get to know you better, could we have a coffee sometime?"
If the answers no, it may sting for a few moments but not as much as childbirth!
Talk to him on Monday, your leaving in under a month anyway!

booge Sat 02-Mar-13 22:32:38

I don't get all the digs at the op...I'm titillated. This thread has helped me while away the evening. If you think it's tosh read something else.

MrsMeow Sat 02-Mar-13 23:01:19

I just want you both to live happily ever after sad

Usingtheplot Tue 05-Mar-13 21:47:04

No news today as such. Crush shut his office door, didn/t play his music. He usually has it on and his door open. He did see me ,but looked straight through me.
It has been a tough time for everyone at work, and the atmosphere has been very charged, what wirh inspections etc.
He didn't even bid me his usual goodnight.

cjel Tue 05-Mar-13 22:39:36

How long have you got before you leave?

Pancakeflipper Tue 05-Mar-13 23:06:06

Why can you not just ask him if he fancies a drink?

Usingtheplot Wed 06-Mar-13 07:28:47

Hello all. Well I leave at the end of the month. Re asking crush for a drink,I can't. We just seem to be avoiding each other as the tension between us is almost unbearable.
I know I should have nipped this in the bud and made light of his crush on me, but I was so taken aback.
Really can't tell what he thinks of me at the moment. Part of me thinks he's angry with me,embarrassed perhaps, and part of me thinks he just can't cross the line to say something.
Oh I really am feeling so down.He's just taken my breath away and I'm cross with myself for allowing this to happen.

he might be upset that you're resigning.

soaccidentprone Wed 06-Mar-13 09:02:41

isn't it better to know by making the first move, than to be constantly speculating, getting stressed, and possibly jumping to conclusions?

if you don't do anything then in time you could well be kicking yourself.

what have you got to lose?

buy some leaving buns for everyone, then pop you head round his office door, tell him there are buns, then just ask him if he'd like to meet for a drink.

take a deep breath and go for itgrin

elly67jo Wed 06-Mar-13 09:57:52

"I am a tad psychic/receptic/intuative, but not mad."

Can't you just tell us now then how it ends?

This thread has cheered me up no end. I've almost forgotten about my aching limbs and streaming nose. Some of the replies have been hilarious.grin

mrseffnolonger Wed 06-Mar-13 14:17:15

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Fillyjonk75 Wed 06-Mar-13 14:24:41

Catalyst for DH and I getting together was me leaving the workplace we shared for another job. Just saying.

Horsemad Wed 06-Mar-13 14:26:03

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cjel Wed 06-Mar-13 17:46:35

Well OP?

elly67jo Wed 06-Mar-13 19:33:01

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Usingtheplot Wed 06-Mar-13 21:52:47

No heaving bosoms etc.
Today got to work early. Went to my usual workspace. Unexpecantly " crush" was there giving a "lecture" to his underlings. I entered the room and he just stopped talking and looked at me. I scurried off to do my menial admin could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. He stammered something along the lines of " Well done everyone we'll meet up later to discuss this project".
Afterwards I heard a coulple of people say " theres something going on with them"
I tried to be aloof as possible. There was a lot of giggling.I'm a bloody wreck,

Xiaoxiong Wed 06-Mar-13 22:08:43

Jaysus, OP. Your first post was 2 Feb. It's now 6 March, and you're leaving the company.

Get a grip, get some dutch courage if you need it, and just ask him out for a drink!!

At this point, what do you have to lose? Your dithering has already caused an "atmosphere" and if someone really said "there's something going on" then you don't even need to worry about causing gossip since it's being caused for you without you even having the fun they think you're having.

What are you - a woman or a mouse?!

cerealqueen Wed 06-Mar-13 22:12:53

I can see the OP in a few years, wondering what would have happened if she had simply asked this man for a drink? You will always wonder and always regret if you don't pluck up some courage and ask him! Please, for all our sakes....

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 06-Mar-13 22:32:30

Evening all
Just a reminder that we very much frown on Troll hunting. Please don't do it.. Thanks

Maryz Wed 06-Mar-13 22:55:53

Sorry Olivia.

But really!

<stuffs fists into mouth to stifle laughter>

would it be rude to ask which spoilsport reported the "troll-hunters"?

Usingtheplot Thu 07-Mar-13 07:51:46

I'm realising now why I've got myslf into such a stae about this whole business.
Looking back I'm aware that I probably said and did things to brighten up his day.I paid him compliments, cracked jokes,was very forthright in my approach. His job is very stressful and my presence may have offered a bit of light relief.
He always kept his office door open, played music, worked very late and made a point of seeing me.
He has changed so much. No music,office door closed,leaves work early.
I reckon that realising he had a crush on me( perhaps it has been for a long time) made me question whether I had emotional needs that were not being met. The need for physical comfort, support,someone to share responsibilites at home and suchlike.
I'm starting a temporary job soon,all female environment and I can't wait.
I've made some good friends where I work and we are going to keep in touch.I knew from the start I wasn't going to stick at this job,I even told them at the interview that it wasn't what I wanted to do long term, but they said opportunities could arise whithin the establishment and I would be informed of any internal post that would be more suitable.
The letter is pending;I'm going to draw on some of the comments/suggestions made in this thread.I'll keep you all posted.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 07-Mar-13 10:15:23

I've read the whole blummin thread and still nothing's happened!

When I saw 200+ messages, I'd started picking out bridesmaids dresses!!

Come on OP, grow a pair and talk to him.You're in your 40s. You say ypu're confident. Just get on with it FFS!

TooYappy Thu 07-Mar-13 11:42:19

So is he too important to be having crushes? (or the type to think he is?) Hmmm Maybe is a Mumsnetter/Dadsnetter.

Hope it ends well, hope next job with all the females is okay. Try pass him a note before you leave the worst that can happen is he will ignore it.

Usingtheplot Thu 07-Mar-13 13:34:54

I'm going to grow some balls. I mean it Bitout,the biggest pair imaginable, I sure do need some.
Got something else to worry about today,but that's another story( don't worry, I'm not going to bore you to death with that one).
He is not to "important" to be having crushes. He's a very humble and gentle man.

TooYappy Thu 07-Mar-13 13:37:02

No I just wondered if he was the Big Boss or something and perhaps he shouldn't be having a crush on staff or something. Poor guy, just ask him out. You have made him sad, no music, no door open.... sad

So tomorrow? please grin

Usingtheplot Thu 07-Mar-13 13:45:06

He's not the Big Boss,thank god! The Big 'un is possibly one of the ugliest( and nicest) men I've ever known.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 07-Mar-13 13:45:43

That's thespirit using, just get on with it because I'm a nosy cow I think it sounds romantic

Usingtheplot Thu 07-Mar-13 13:58:57

Lol nosy cow.I'm glad you think it's romantic,because it is!
Got more pressing worries right now so that'll take the edge off things for a while.

TooYappy Thu 07-Mar-13 14:04:48

'a while'??

I may start temping, it sounds like fun. Actually I think I would have lost a lot of weight by now, do you not find it all a bit stressful? I detest all the mixed signals, not knowing.

I would like need to meet a guy and him to hand me a card or something with his intentions for the next month day by day, how many texts/dates etc.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 07-Mar-13 14:17:54

Noooooooo yappy. All that uncertain stage is thebest bit!

Pendipidy Thu 07-Mar-13 14:29:12

Oh man, for a minute there i thought something had actually happened!

TooYappy Thu 07-Mar-13 14:32:03

Oh no it's horrid and at this age you cannot even just get a friend to go do all the asking and probing of mutual friends. I think I may be destined to stay single. grin

Dryjuice25 Thu 07-Mar-13 14:48:21

Conclusion: And they finally got engaged and married exactly 15 years after they first met.


She finally accepted that it was all in her head. The end. grin

Seriously, I hope when I get to your age, I'd have substantial courage to not waste time in this manner and resolve doubts more effectively and afficiently. Just ask him out subtly. I was like this @17 ffs

Usingtheplot Thu 07-Mar-13 21:08:13

I took the bull by the horns today. I could becaue I've had some news regarding my health wiich was not goood. I didn't have an ounce of apprehesion.
I calmly walked up to him to ask if we could have caht. Guess wht?? He just blanled me. This happened several times. I persevered and got the same response. He made a great show of saying goodnight to my colleague.
I'm going to leave it at that. What's the bloody point??
I'm not under any illusion that he's going to fall head over bloody heels with me.I'm just not into playing games.
I "womened" up to him and he "chickened out".Nuff said.
I really don't get men or perhaps he's thinking " I really don't get this woman"

eh? how could he blank you if you walked right up to him???

how rude!

did he pretend he hadn't heard you?

Usingtheplot Thu 07-Mar-13 21:31:10

He just blanked me,5 or 6 times. I dunno what's going on in his head.

kalidanger Thu 07-Mar-13 21:34:07

I think he thinks that you fancy him and... he can't wait for you to leave.

sadly kalidanger, that does sound plausible. explains the blankings and awkwardness.

sorry usingtheplot. i do think this has shown you that you might be up for meeting someone though. no-one is an island and all that.

Pendipidy Thu 07-Mar-13 22:48:14

Kalidanger that is it! How can someone blank you if you ask then something straight to their face?

tbh, you do come across like you have either walked straight out of a Victorian novel, or from the Amish community.

Do you think you jumped to a conclusion too quickly at the start that he definitely liked you?

Basically what you've described is a whole lot of awkwardness on both sides, which isn't necessarily the same thing.

Also I am really not sure how nice a character he is if he could blank you like that '5 or 6' times when you went right up to him and spoke directly to him. confused

this is what i think happened:

- using and potential enjoy chats with mildly flirtatious eyebrow wiggling
- office morons put 2 + 2 together and get 79
- morons tell potential that you like him. what's going on?
- potential thinks 'fuck i'm getting divorced - i can't get into this right now. will become offish. she'll get the hint.'
- using notices potential's fuckwittery and jumps to crush conclusion
- potential notices using's crush development and steps up avoidance techniques
- using tries to chat with potential who really is freaking out by now. panics and pulls blanking manoeuvre.

best thing i think you can do now is move on. don't try and speak to him again.

really sorry using, i do hope you find someone nice to hang out with {{{{hugs}}}}

oldwomaninashoe Fri 08-Mar-13 10:47:08

Kalidanger is spot on!

kalidanger Fri 08-Mar-13 11:32:46

I don't mean to be mean, and agree with Claude, including the hugs grin

Pollykitten Fri 08-Mar-13 11:41:01

The air grazed her bare skin as she shimmied into the bed. Usingtheplot's boss emitted a sound that was suspiciously like a growl, as she stretched out on the smooth comforter. There was an expression of such wanting on his face that she let her eyes shut for the briefest of instants, capturing his expression in her memory. This moment was her fantasy, the way she'd always longed to see Usingtheplot, his handsome face sharp with his desire, his need for her burning in his dark eyes

Pollykitten Fri 08-Mar-13 11:41:35

Tis Mills & Boon, innit? grin

SolomanDaisy Fri 08-Mar-13 11:57:56

Hahaha, this is a brilliant thread. Op quit a job because of her obsession! Crazy.

allaflutter Fri 08-Mar-13 14:28:12

I do agree with claude that someone at the office said something to him about your banter/jokes, and has put a bit of flame in the fire by specualtaing that you fancy him - since then he starter blushing suddenly! I do think he likes you though, unlike other posters - he did rub your shoulders and used to joke with you, and waited in carpark after all grin. I think he just feels awkward being discussed by the whole office for flrting with a colleague, so you will REALLY find out if he wants to see you AFTER you leave.

Plus we don;' know wha't up with his divorce - maybe he's very stressed, hence the shut door, no music. But how did he manage to blank you 5-6 times?! I hope you didn't ask for a chat this many times in a row! did you mean blanked you since? did he change te subject , or just walked past you - the latter would be very rude and he may be a weirdo or a nasty bloke after all. If he was normal and well-adjusted he would have talked to you and explained that he's waiting until you leave - or whatever else is his reason (even if it's an excuse),

allaflutter Fri 08-Mar-13 14:30:16

OR he already has an affair with another colleague, and this is why he was in the carpark then grin while bantering with you to divert everyone's attention, but maybe she then noticed that you aer having a crush and told him to stop. See I'm getting onto the spirit of Mills&Boons!

Pancakeflipper Fri 08-Mar-13 14:31:44

Oh PollyKitten. That was truly M&B. I am going to vomit.

WinterMymble Fri 08-Mar-13 16:29:08

Oh dear Using I think Kali and Claude have nailed it, unfortunately - their explanations fit perfectly what has happened. I agree best to just avoid him now.

ImperialBlether Fri 08-Mar-13 20:18:44

I'm of the opinion that men do pretty much what they want. If he'd wanted to chat to you, he would have. If he wanted to ask you out, he would.

It doesn't make any sense at all that he wants to ask you out but then blanks you. That doesn't work. If he blanks you it's not because he's shy; it really isn't.

I think he knows you fancy him. That's why he blushes when you come into the room. I don't think he wants a relationship with you. That's why he blanked you.

I'm really sorry.

I'm a bit worried about you, too, regarding what you said about seeing him in your street. You couldn't possibly have seen him, OP. That's just fantasy. It was dark, you were in your house. You wouldn't recognise him if he was driving past. No way.

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Mar-13 01:10:55

Ok, now for an imposrtant update.
Went to see him in his office and told him I was feeling uncomfortable with the "ignoring/awkwardness". He calmly replied he didn't know what I was talking about.
I explained that I might have been perhaps too friendly etc and had this caused any embarrassment?He stood his ground and said no,I think you might have got your wires crossed. I replied maybe I had but I've got a few more weeks at work and it would be nice if we could be friendly again. He explained that he'd been under a lot of pressure at work and was sorry if I felt this way.
Told him he was a smashing bloke and that I hope we could draw a line under this.
In a moment of madness I penned my e mail address on a stick it note,and said I'd be happy to keep in touch when I leave, but wouldn't be offended if he didn't take up my offer.
Again he was playing it cool. Hands behind his neck very aloof.He didn't show an ounce of emotion.
Well I'd given it my best shot.
He left work some time later and didn't speak to me or even once glance in my direction.
Didn't feel at all deflated, just a bit confused. Perhaps it was all in my mind after all?Am I am really losing it? I'd got it off my chest and felt a sigh of relief. Thought " he's nothing special to look at,he's just an ordinary guy,I'm over this whole business.He was just so cold.
Just checked my emails and would you beleive it he's sent my a message!! Very witty, friendly light hearted. Something along the lines of: "I confess I do have a soft spot for you, but our workplace makes things difficult" If you'd like to meet up in the future, that would be good. I understand you have found the situation uncomfortable and I'm really sorry etc.
So where do I go from here?

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Mar-13 01:24:05

Might add the message was not at all flirty, but quite long??
Noticed that he wore a thin wedding ring on his right hand. I'm sure he used to wear a chunky one on his left hand when I first knew him 18 months ago.
I'm reading far to much into this aren't I?
I'm sitting her past one in the morning and trying to make sense of all this crap.Does he like me or not? Do I really like him??
I think eveyone who's replied has given me a sense of "balance" re the whole situation.
I'm not the sort of person who "crushes" very often, had perhaps 3 or 4 in my life. But, this feels very different.I'm questioning my own sanity.

squeakytoy Sun 10-Mar-13 01:42:33

You wait until you have left, and then you invite him out for a drink.. it really is as simple as that.

kalidanger Sun 10-Mar-13 07:44:16

If you'd like to meet up in the future, that would be good.

This bit is the only bit that matters. He's said, loud and clear, that he wants to see you agter you've left. Don't fall apart now, fgs.

I'm going to have to hide this thread, you know grin

kerstina Sun 10-Mar-13 09:25:20

Fantastic news smile He confirmed he has a soft spot for you. I am sorry he would not have said that unless he really likes you !!!!!
Just keep your cool stay professional,don't try to talk to him at work. May be reply to his email saying that would be great to meet up and will look forward to meeting up with him. I would wait till you leave work then GO FOR IT !!!!!
Your intuition told you he liked you and you were right .I think you can just sense it.


the office morons picked up on it and have kiboshed the whole thing.

he does like you! (apologies, i got that bit wrong)

how to play it: i would do nothing. leave. wait a week or two to give him the opportunity to make the first move. if he doesn't, then ask him out for a coffee.

but i'd play it very cool now. he does like you - you've got the validation you wanted.

but also be wary - he's separated / divorced and raw.

great news! i'm really happy for you!

actually, i think exactly the same thing happened to him as happened to you.

- you were both enjoying the old office banter
- office morons pick up on it
- say to him 'oi oi what's going on here eh?'
- he thinks 'crap i can't have this going on at work. i'll have to ignore her from now on. but saying that she is rather hot...'
- cue the rest you know

please update us. this is the only excitement i get.

WinterMymble Sun 10-Mar-13 12:21:45

Wow Using that is great - a happy ending! Congrats and like the others say play it cool until you leave. Then you can leap on him ;)

Pipachi Sun 10-Mar-13 16:48:48

Blimey! Using-Francesca, I'm glad to hear you have finally a written message from him, after all that body language. Good luck!

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Mar-13 22:30:16

Just asked me via email if he can drive me to someones leaving do this week.I'm not getting this, I don't get the blowing hot and cold.I question myself, do I really like him and what are his motives?

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 23:03:28

What are you on about OP??? He isn't blowing hot and cold now confused
Since he emailed, he's admitted having a soft spot for you & that the workplace is a difficult place to show his feelings. Now he's asked to drive you to a do... How is that blowing hot and cold???

What do you want - him to hire a plane and convey his thoughts in skywriting fgs?

From what you've said before...yes you do really like him and his motives are that he has a soft spot for you. Sounds quite simple, no?

he's going to ignore you at work.

outside of work he wants to pick you uhuhupppp

allaflutter Mon 11-Mar-13 01:52:13

I think Op means, why doesn't he mind being seen with her at someone's leaving work (a colleague) while he's previously avoided showing interest in front of colleagues.
Well, OP, maybe he just thought 'what the hell' as you are leaving soon, though it would've been better if he just asked you out to start with, not confused you with offering lifts - like giving lifts as it's an opportunity for a snog without actually dating a woman - so yes, be a bit cautious.
And what's with the wedding ring on his right hand?? would men in UK wear it on the right hand? it's just if he is involved with someone else he may see you as a fling material (another reason to avoid office gossip). Ask him by e-mail whether he's really single - then see whether to agree to this 'lift'. I was right so far though - I knew it was office gossip that stopped him, but that he did fancy you (banter, then cue shoulder rub!grin) Please make sure you know what his situation is before snogging him, you seem a bit fragile with all this confusion.

allaflutter Mon 11-Mar-13 01:53:02

'leaving do', not 'work'

Pipachi Mon 11-Mar-13 08:59:33

What allaflutter said. ^^
He has to come up with a proper date.

Usingtheplot Mon 11-Mar-13 09:11:04

Not yet. Dreading seeing him later at work. The emails have put a whole new spin on things.
I'm glad we've broken the ice though,it really was suffocating.

Pipachi Mon 11-Mar-13 09:19:55

Right. The lift gives you an opportunity to talk with each other.

kerstina Mon 11-Mar-13 09:32:38

You seem to be getting cold feet OP. Hope not! He seems nice but possibly quite shy. He is probably attracted to your bubbly, confident personality just try and be yourself and stop over analysing everything grin
Keep us all posted.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Mar-13 10:09:36

Why are you dreading seeing him?! For. The. Love. Of. All. Things. Holy confused

chezziejo Mon 11-Mar-13 10:23:00

Please just shag his brains out in the car. Then update us all for no other reason than I'm a nosy cow grin

TooYappy Mon 11-Mar-13 11:08:51

Poor Op she is all confused and [confuddled]

Sounds good op, confusing but good. I think

Usingtheplot Mon 11-Mar-13 11:34:23

Just a bit nervous about seeing him at work.Don't want all the blushing etc to start up again.

kalidanger Mon 11-Mar-13 11:48:06

claudedebussy pick you uhuhupppp

Uh huh uh huh

chezziejo Mon 11-Mar-13 11:53:56


TooYappy Mon 11-Mar-13 12:15:06


Too funny!

(Not laughing @ you OP just the uh hu uh hu link)

Astelia Mon 11-Mar-13 13:52:57

Wow just spotted this thread again and have caught up with the lack of action. Still it sounds promising OP, please keep us posted on any progress smile.

Usingtheplot Mon 11-Mar-13 20:31:26

Ok. Wel again it was wall to wall meetings. " Crush" came up to me and said hello " Emma" ( my real name) Few minutes later he left, gave my a cheezy smile and winked.He was looking really hot in hid trendy gear.
My "upfrontedness" has paid off.Told him "dark colours really look good on you
"He told me I looked pretty good too,and I like your new glasses

I love this thread, keep the updates coming using/emma/francesca. Hope it all works out for you

Monty27 Tue 12-Mar-13 01:38:57

Using, are you not as bored as me?

Fuckitthatlldo Tue 12-Mar-13 08:18:19

Christ I wish he'd hurry up and make a move. Why doesn't he just ask you out to dinner? I don't get it. Personally I prefer a man with the confidence and will to take the bull by the horns. All this blushing and procrastinating just wouldn't be doing it for me at all.

I mean, it's not much of a testament to his passion for you is it op? Surely if he wanted you that much he'd be itching to take you out and get you alone? He'd be making it happen!

Pipachi Tue 12-Mar-13 08:52:26

What is hid trendy gear?

so are you going to accept a lift to the party in his car, maybe hold hands in the dark and gaze at each other like souls in torment?

DisappointedHorse Tue 12-Mar-13 15:10:34

Op are you 12? grin

You sound as sweet and dysfunctional as each other! Well done for womaning up though and obviously it paid off.

I have to know how this plays out now, do keep us updated!

kalidanger Tue 12-Mar-13 15:19:32

Only another 300 posts until they kiss churchhug sit next to each other! <sqee>

Usingtheplot Tue 12-Mar-13 21:30:45

Ok, so it's obvious we're both well up for it. But please, it's only been a few weeks, so let's keep it in perspective. We're adults, not kids and we have to know how the land lies. The atmosphere is electric and I think I have the strength to last out for a couple of weeks.
Good news,got a new job that fits in with the children( 2 of).Money aint all that great but hey ho, it's a job.
I'm no shrinking Violet,but this has all come as a very unexpected surprise. Just wasn't ready to feel this way. Wasn't looking, quite unprepared.I think it's the same for him. We don't spend a lot of time together in a claustrephobic office or anything like that.I reckon we just "sparked". I'm looking forward to getting to know him better, but I don't know where it will lead. If we don't hit it off, it isn't the end of the world because I have two lovely kids and some great friends. If We do work out, that'll be great.

kerstina Wed 13-Mar-13 10:39:11

Fantastic news OP ! Take no notice of the ones on here urging you to rush it. The build up is the best bit and I think you are more likely for it to last in the long term if you have this feeling in the beginning. You have to promise to keep on updating and give us a blow by blow account ! Please grin

BitOutOfPractice Wed 13-Mar-13 19:21:13

OOOOOO you wear glasses! Perfect! <imagines him whipping off your glasses and your tumbling locks cascading down and him saying "But Miss Plot, you're beautiful" the first time he sees you outside the office>

Usingtheplot Wed 13-Mar-13 20:12:17

Well I havent got cascading locks I'm afraid,just a simple bob,strawberry blonde( thank you l'Oreile).
He's welcome to whip off my bins and anything else for that matter!
Must remember not wear my waist high granny pants.

Usingtheplot Sat 16-Mar-13 08:52:06

Well it has been an odd sort of week.Lot's of activity at work but nothing much else on the "crush"situation.No more emails or anything ,in fact he hasn't mentioned sending them?
He's talking to me more now, but only if he's with a colleague and they address me too, sort of hanging on to their conversation.It's funny the way he always stands behind someone when he speaks to me, as if he thinks I'm going to jump on him or something.
My crush on him has definately waned. I still like him but it's srange how he looks so different now. I'm not talking about his clothes but physically he seems to have altered.He looks about 30 when in fact he's 48.
I don't know where to go from here.I'm thinking that he's had a change of heart or thinks he's been foolish.
I feel so sad that the flame seems to be going out and also that we no longer have our lovely chats.

kerstina Sat 16-Mar-13 11:51:54

Dont be daft it is better like that surely ? Get together when you leave. I think that is what he is hoping for? Did you accept his offer of a lift to the work do?
In what way does he look younger? Love is supposed to make you look better make you glow grin

LittleEdie Sat 16-Mar-13 12:20:51

Ooh, it's like 'The Enchanted Cottage'.

i think he's realised he was over-reacting and is trying to appear more normal while keeping safe by hiding behind someone.

also, i think your rose-tinted specs are slipping a bit and seeing him for who he really is now that there is a prospect that something might actually happen. is he really boyfriend material? or just a quick shag in the stationery cupboard?

Usingtheplot Sat 16-Mar-13 13:28:33

Well he looks like an overgrown school boy now.Perhaps his more relaxed and it shows on his face. He's not all that attractive when he's not smiling either,but when he does he is irresistable!
As for boyfriend material he most definately is.Don't think he's the sort who'd settle for a shag in the cupboard.
I'm not sure I'm going to the works do as I've had an epic row with my supervisor( who is going) and he wont be in the same building as me ( he does this sort of thing all the time and has been suspended in the past for his awful behaiviour)But I'm going to suggest meeting up for drinks afterwards.I
know it sounds like I'm cutting my nose of to spite my face but he is likely to kick off and that would be horrible for eveyone.
I need to give him a gentle nudge to show I'm still keen.I might give him a little wink. I should have acted sooner.Still I've a couple more weeks to try to turn up the heat.

WinterMymble Sat 16-Mar-13 16:08:57

He is just trying to avoid more office gossip surely, since office idiots leapt on that last time. Doesn't mean he isn't interested! Definitely should be easier when you have departed from the sounds of things.

TooYappy Mon 18-Mar-13 13:19:30


I have nothing to say really but don't want this fall off my threads I'm on for some strange reason.

I still maintain you don't/wont fancy him

<kill joy>

Itwasallfornothing Mon 18-Mar-13 19:35:27

Holy macaroni, I can't believe we're 13 pages in and still not so much as a kiss! I've been watching this thread for a few weeks and I'm astounded that nothing has gone beyond a couple of flirtatious looks in the office! It seems like you're both waiting for the other to make the first move and by the looks of it, neither of you are going to! If one of you doesn't take the bull by the horns then surely this is all going to fizzle out. I hope not ... Take a chance OP, let your inner Bridget Jones take the lead - snare your Mark Darcy then we can all carry on with the rest of our lives, buy a hat, drink copious amounts of champagne at your wedding (I assume we will all be invited ... ) and everyone can live happily ever after. Please let this be a happy ending ...

Usingtheplot Tue 19-Mar-13 12:23:46

I've often thought of asking this man if I knew him from school. I immediately thought I might have gone to school with him, but as he's 5 years older and from another city, that could not have been the case.
I was drawn to him instantly, but not romantically in any sense of the word. I liked everything about him. I could be myself with him and we really hit it off. He's very different to me in terms of personality, I'm more flighty and he's organised and controlled.
When we had " the talk" I was confused at how cold /indifferent he was toward me.He said he didn't have a clue what I was talking about.Even before the big crush he was warm hearted.
I'm sure my body language/behaiviour etc, has confused him too.
I find that when I'm in his company I have to put up this great high wall to distance myself from him emotionally. I tell myself he's not good looking ,I'm too unsophisticated etc.
When I'm being the person behind the wall I see him as someone else, I am not attraced to him, but it feels very artificial.
I don't think it's possible for us to communicate on the same level we had before we had a crush.
If I let down my defences I'm open and vulnerable and start to feel the sparks between us.There has been times when I literally rooted on the spot and I feel that if we were alone something would happen, in fact I'm sure of it.
He says in his email that he has a soft spot for me. I'd say that was underplaying it by a mile.We don't have any middle ground anymore. We are either like a pair of robots or can't take our eyes of each other.
I'm going to tell him how I really feel. I'm not going to beat about the bush.I want to feel that if nothing is going to happen that at least I can move forward.
Sorry for my ramblings.

TooYappy Tue 19-Mar-13 13:13:16

No ramble away.



PipsWife Tue 19-Mar-13 14:47:40

Wow! I've just read the whole thread!
Using - please make sure you keep us updated. When is the work do?
Have you decided to go or not yet?

Usingtheplot Tue 19-Mar-13 14:56:03

I'm going!!! wouldn't miss it for the world.He's just left the office, flutter, flutter

Still no action? grin

BestestBrownies Tue 19-Mar-13 15:18:54

Ouch! My sides hurt! Has this thread been commissioned by Channel 5 yet?

And Kalidanger, your churchhug comment. Just..... inspired.

Using - he'd better be an epic shag after all this pointless dillydallying breathless anticipation wink grin

NinaNannar Tue 19-Mar-13 17:12:31

While entertaining a man would read this thread and say "if he fancied you he would just make a move. "

They don't do endless analysis.

TooYappy Tue 19-Mar-13 17:57:56

'we are like a pair of robots we cannot take our eyes off each other'

tis luffly

PipsWife Wed 20-Mar-13 21:49:59

We need an update using!!

<something missing in my life maybe!?>

yes! I've been waiting for an update too...

Just read the whole thread, what happened OP? Have you eloped?

PipsWife Wed 20-Mar-13 22:52:23

Our own live soap opera.

Maybe they are still making out in the office?

cumfy Thu 21-Mar-13 01:48:12


ChairmanWow Thu 21-Mar-13 04:27:50

I've just read this whole thread in one insomnia-busting sitting. Losing, if you haven't ripped his clothes off and shagged him to within an inch of his life by the month's end I'll be very cross!

Timetoask Thu 21-Mar-13 06:17:31

Oh my dear lord, I finally reached the end! 13 pages, felt like I was reading a little novel.
Op, I think the crush is being very sensible (what with all the sexual harassment cases, etc).
Good luck! I am really crossing my fingers for a little kiss or something!

Usingtheplot Thu 21-Mar-13 21:00:29

Ok well I'm afraid things have taken a turn for the worse here. For the last 3 days " Crush" has completely blanked me, I means acted like I don't exist.
I'm cross bcaue when he started crushing on me BIG TIME, I gave him space, because I'm a sensitive soul, And I didn't want to cause further embarrassment.
I bumbed into a neighbour of his, an old friend of mine, on his home patch. A walk I've been treading for the last 30 odd years. Was wondering if she's said something about it. I'm not in a good place.
I really think I need to put all my cards on the table and tell him straight. I need to darw a line under this.
I don't do complicated scenarios.
As my 12 year old sad. " Why does life have to be so complicated?"

Usingtheplot Thu 21-Mar-13 21:01:31

I need to spell check to, but am a total technophobe.

allaflutter Thu 21-Mar-13 21:45:34

<exasperated> OP, I don't get it, why can't you accept that nothing can happen until you leave your job, as it's too risky for him, so the blanking maybe an act?

And what happened to that lift and the party? did you go, did you flirt or talk there, or did you refused a lift and he sulked since? why can't you both be direct and agree that you will wait till you leave job, and then just go for a drink? it's SO easy!

allaflutter Thu 21-Mar-13 21:46:29

meaning, "did you refuse"

ChairmanWow Thu 21-Mar-13 22:01:25

Oh gawd I'm getting involved now.

Look, I agree with allaflutter, this needs to wait til you leave, which is only just over a week. Why don't you speak to him again tomorrow and say you'll miss working with him and does he fancy a drink when you leave? Set a date, meet him, have some drinks for Dutch courage and go for it.

Other than that are you having a leaving do? Make sure he's there and you end up chatting with him at the end of the night. Maybe suggest a nightcap after.

If he shows no interest in either and doesn't email you again there's your answer. But tell him there are a load of voyeuristic MNers wanting some hot action and we'll be tres cross if we're not rewarded for persevering!

see i wouldn't say anything anymore. just leave him to his frosty silences.

either he's ignoring you because he wants to keep his work life professional


he has actually got tired of the whole thing.

you'll know in a week's time. not that long to wait.

Puzzledparakeet Fri 22-Mar-13 22:07:02

It is FAR too long for me to wait, claude.

<drums fingers impatiently>

<hopes for happy ending>

Now look, I've had god knows how much snow today, more than 10 hours without electricty and didn't want to MN from my phone with limited battery and no means of charging it.
When I do get on here, see this on TIO, and still nothing has happened it makes me cross.
<is this the longest running thread ever about absolutely Nothing?>

AndTheBandPlayedOn Sat 23-Mar-13 03:52:15

I just read the whole thread in one sitting. This is a wonderful thread, with lol postings; sincere, yet not too serious/sad/upsetting as some threads regretably need be. And, as my dh says, it is a form of entertainment, (better than the reality tv he likes anyway; except I do like Bear Grylls wink).

OP, Emma, Franchesca, Usingtheplot...perhaps another name you could go by would be....wait for it....
Woody Allen? Hours of plotless, anticipation of a mere moment here-a glance there, a touch <gasp>, however ultimately left ...wanting? Sigh.

I hope your bad medical news isn't too bad and that you have a quick reacovery. (You only mentioned it once and didn't really even hint at what was wrong.) If you are healthy, consider checking out the C25K program (if you are not already a runner) and run a race, maybe have Mr. Crush train with you? At least it would offer some physical relief to this most severe case of Spring Fever.

Usingtheplot Sun 24-Mar-13 13:07:45

Sorry I havent posted for a few days.
I'm scared of saying too much for fear of being found out.
I have been unwell for a few days and am having tests done next week for ongoing health issues. I'ts been a very worrying time for me and I havent been able to talk about to anyone.
Got taken ill at work and it was awfull. I felt such an idiot, as I couldn't stand and crush saw me being carried to a colleagues car.
He showed a lot of concern and squeezed my hand but was so whoozy I couldn't even speak to him.
Saw doctor and they changed my meds and told me to get plenty of rest.
Back to work tommorrow.I'm really not worried about my crush anymore.
What will be will be. It's in the lap of the gods now.

chezziejo Sun 24-Mar-13 18:21:55

Hiya using. Do you mind me asking what the health probs are? Pm if you prefer. Of course tell me to sod off tho if you want grin

allaflutter Sun 24-Mar-13 20:22:00

it's your last week at this job, isn't it, OP? pretty sure he will contact you once you leave (or arrange to see you before you leave).
HOpe that new meds work well - when wil you know test results?

Usingtheplot Sun 24-Mar-13 21:08:32

The health problems have been going on for about 2 years/ Saw a new doc and he said he really wanted to get to the bottom of it. He really listened and said this should have been investigated a long time ago.
Re the crush. Well I thought about blurting out the whole thing,but it might be counter productive. I'm going to give him my card and then it's his call.
He likes me, of that I'm certain.But who knows what will happen?
If he's really interested he knows where to find me. No point in appearing desperate. He's an intelligant man.He must know I feel the same way.
Men are simple creatures.They don't do complicated. I'm going to turn on the charm ( shitting myself as I pretend to be super sexy/confident) but a bit of war paint and a smile might just do the job.

allaflutter Sun 24-Mar-13 21:35:16

OP, yes, thank God you aer about to leave the job and all will start happening between you - good idea regarding the card! I take it you never took that lift to the party he offered.
I don't think there is any need to appear super sexy or put a lot of warpaint wink - if he really likes you, he likes you as he's seen you so far, just be yourself, nothing wrong with being a little shy. Not too shy, but not too brazen either, iykwim.

allaflutter Sun 24-Mar-13 21:36:30

good news about the new doc, I also have a concern and so far have been dismissed really, they really do wait till you start collapsing to investigate! angry

Pendipidy Mon 25-Mar-13 19:32:23

Oh man, when is something going to happen!!

Usingtheplot Mon 25-Mar-13 21:46:51

Something has happened.
Got newfound confidence. He was alone in the canteen and I sensed he saw me looking at him. He was busy washing up his mug. I creeped up behind him and gave him a little tickle on the ribs.
He turned around and looked flustered. God knows why I did this but I pressed my finger on his lips and gave him a knowing smile. I manged to give him a kiss. I say kiss, not a full on "snog". He reciprocated and said a very breathy " That was nice" He din't make any further moves on me.
Oh boy am I made up.

Horsemad Mon 25-Mar-13 22:22:46


Fuckitthatlldo Mon 25-Mar-13 22:38:00

Oh this is funny as fuck.

"Something's happened!"

"Gasp. What?"

"A kiss. On. The. Lips."

God almighty I can't take it.

Fuckitthatlldo Mon 25-Mar-13 22:41:53

Tell you what, chuck him my way. I'll shag the poor bastard.


(You know I'm just kidding op. I'm a little bit in love with you and this thread. It's charming is what it is).

SisterMonicaJoan Mon 25-Mar-13 22:46:00

Oooooooo!!! I have been lurking and rooting for you and "crush"!!!

SneezingwakestheJesus Mon 25-Mar-13 23:42:57

Omg I was starting to think I was being a cow for not thinking this thread was real but that last update hmm "gave him a knowing look" "a very breathy 'that was nice'"??? I... just... no.

PipsWife Tue 26-Mar-13 10:46:28

Go using!

Very sexy with the finger on his lips - you minx!

BarbaraRoberts Tue 26-Mar-13 10:50:36


Usingtheplot Tue 26-Mar-13 12:10:31

If I don't get him between the sheets in the next couple of weeks, will someone please shoot me?

IslaValargeone Tue 26-Mar-13 12:45:15

Just read this in one sitting. Just so funny in the nicest possible way.
Need further updates obviously, your sudden brazen hussy behaviour has left me on the edge of my seat.

IslaValargeone Tue 26-Mar-13 12:45:54

There'll be no shortage of volunteers to shoot you if you don't pull this one off.

IslaValargeone Tue 26-Mar-13 12:46:30

Unfortunate phrasing there, but I think you get my drift.

peppasnemesis Tue 26-Mar-13 20:19:26

So when you pressed your finger on his lips, I take it you removed said finger before giving him the 'little kiss'.

And what did you do afterwards...? Just stand there, run off? Was it not just a little bit awkward?! Or did he give you a knowing smile?

yes yes what was his reaction?

and bloody well done!!!!

Yes? And? <sits on edge of seat>

Sorry to hear about your health issues too, hope you can get them sorted.

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Mar-13 23:22:16

Oh god, I hope he doesn't say you assaulted him.

OP, you CAN'T go round tickling people and kissing them when to all intents and purposes you are work colleagues. You just can't.

He'd be quite within his rights to have you fired.

Maryz Tue 26-Mar-13 23:23:25

Can I shoot you now, to save time and put us all you out of our your misery [hopeful]

SneezingwakestheJesus Tue 26-Mar-13 23:31:00

Maryz grin

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Mar-13 23:39:28

Actually I don't believe you kissed him. You may have brushed past him. You may have pushed past him. He probably did wash the mug. I'd bet my life, though, that you didn't tickle him and kiss him. No way.

Maryz Tue 26-Mar-13 23:40:46


Imperial, please don't tell me you are questioning the op's veracity shock. That would be very wrong, and against Mumsnet guidelines.

montmartre Tue 26-Mar-13 23:54:05

"Oh boy, am I made up"

Why yes, probably you are! smile

CalamityKate Wed 27-Mar-13 00:22:42

It's almost like reading a romantic novel!!


juanca Wed 27-Mar-13 03:06:37

Brilliant, OP!

<cheers madly>

Kikithecat Wed 27-Mar-13 11:54:11

Did his eyes devour you, melting your beguiling body and lithe limbs?

<trots off to e-mail Mills and Boon with hot new plot>

Usingtheplot Wed 27-Mar-13 12:57:56

Lithe limbs??I think not!

Pendipidy Wed 27-Mar-13 14:05:09

NO WAY!!!! i don't believe you!

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 27-Mar-13 14:58:12

Boy are you lucky!
Guts will win every time! turns out to be a one-night stand and he decides to get back
with his wife.

cjel Wed 27-Mar-13 15:03:21

Wow I lost this thread ages ago and am delighted to have found it again

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 27-Mar-13 15:10:09

(posted too soon-I didn't know "tab" would post! Pardon the repetition, but for
Beautiful how a plan comes together.
Overcome with ting-lies, aren't we all?
Guys can be so playful, especially at work. hmm
Usingtheplot, that's fantastic!
Suppose someone at your new job gets a crush on you, too?

oldwomaninashoe Wed 27-Mar-13 15:22:20

I'm awaiting further "developments" with bated breath!!!!!!

peppasnemesis Wed 27-Mar-13 20:59:18

Come on using, don't keep us in suspence!

peppasnemesis Wed 27-Mar-13 20:59:45

That wasn't spelt right was it? darnit.

ffs using! don't keep us dangling!!

Timetoask Wed 27-Mar-13 21:07:38

What? A little kiss, right there in the office?
You are a much braver woman than I will ever be!!!
So, what happened next.....

Does Crushman have muscular thighs?

Only the best men have muscular thighs.

ImperialBlether Wed 27-Mar-13 22:08:30

Maryz, I think the clue is in the OP's name.

Kikithecat Thu 28-Mar-13 08:32:34

Phew! Thursday is here. Surely another episode of The Crushman Cometh is about to begin...

Using, that kiss scene in the canteen was gold. Very much hoping to hear some more action along those lines, please.grin

When is your last day?

Imperial, tch! <wags finger> wink

Usingtheplot Thu 28-Mar-13 13:04:20

Well I've got a few more days to run,got to go in next Wednesday and Thursday.
Works do is tonight and I'm not the only one having a lift with crush so nothing is going to happen in the car!
There hasn't been any more kissing etc,just giggling and flirting.
Feeling less uncomfortable now we've broken the ice a bit.
He asked me if I'd like to go out on Saturday and I wanted to punch the air!
I don't think anyone at work has noticed what is going thank goodness,I think they had their suspicions before though.
I'm enjoying living again and being able to breath after what seems like an eternity.Were friends again now but instead of the playful banter I'm getting to know all about him and he is a really interesting man.
I discovered he is half indian and I would never have guessed from his appearance. I just thought he was olive skinned european,but his hair,greying now of course is mid brown.I've always had a thing for asian men.
Re the separation from his wife,I have been told by the office gossip( not always a reliable source of information) that his wife had a number of affairs and that is why they are getting divorced.I've seen a photo of her and she is absolutely stunning,quite a bit younger than him and the complete opposite to me.Shouldn't compare myself to her I know but we all do it.


you brightened up my day smile

peppasnemesis Thu 28-Mar-13 13:32:23

I don't think giving him even a 'little kiss' is breaking the ice using, more smashing it into millions of teeny tiny pieces and then stamping on it some more!

So you haven't discussed the kiss then? Because...if someone kissed me in the work canteen - even if I fancied them rotten, I might be inclined to ask what the F they thought they were doing. hmm

Usingtheplot Thu 28-Mar-13 13:51:24

Have discussed the kiss.He said he was glad I made a move as he was scared that I'd reject him if he asked me out. Nothing else is going to happen till I've left proper. If only he knew I was writing this as he's sitting less than 10 feet away, talking to a colleague ( the office gossip).

Kikithecat Thu 28-Mar-13 16:34:12

Looks like I'll be waiting up Saturday night for the next chapter then. I'm imagining David Tennant/Steve Mangan in the role of Crushman and the OP is... well me obviously.

Usingtheplot Fri 29-Mar-13 12:51:39

Everything seemed to be going to plan. I dollied myself up and crush came and picked me up.In the car was a woman from his department who'm I've never really got to know .She practically ignored me as I stepped into the car.I sat in the back as she was in the front. Crush and this woman talked to each other all the way to the restaurant wihich was perhaps 4 miiles away.
Arrived at venue and assumed he's sit next to me or opposite. We were shown to our table and I sat next to a friendly woman from work. He went to the furthest point away and sat with office woman??
I'm thinking" OK so he's keeping it proffessional,perhaps he'll come over later and talk etc?".
Well, he did speak to me after the meal, but only to ask if I had had a good time.Eh? I replied "Oh yes,it was great thank you very much for asking" I was seething. I'd invested so much effort into this evening and for what? I didn't make any further effort to talk to him even when he went outside alone to have a ciggie.
I couldn't wait for the evening to end. Thought about getting a taxi home but instead went back in his car with the miseable cow from his office. It was so painful,my pride has been so hurt.
I got home and virtually necked an entire bottle of wine and cried my eyes out.
I do think he has an on off crush on me but there is a callous/ugly side that I can't ignore.

kerstina Fri 29-Mar-13 13:11:15

Well it just seems he is keeping it on a professional level at work as after all he will still be working there after you leave. Anyway I thought you said he asked you out so you will see him tomorrow?!
I dont think there was any need to be so upset about yesterday. It seems you want to speed to a full on relationship a lot quicker than him.

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 29-Mar-13 13:20:02

If you showed your displeasure at the woman sitting in the front of the car OP then maybe you gave off vibes that made it uncomfortable to talk to you and that could be why he sat the other end of the room. Why do you say the other woman is miserable? if you gave off those signals of displeasure she could well be thinking the same about you? Just a thought?

peppasnemesis Fri 29-Mar-13 13:34:39

You seem very over dramatic, OP (lol, like I can talk!).

Maybe he just likes the look of you and would meet up...perhaps just for a one off but wouldn't take it further than that, maybe he's being professional - either way, get over it a bit, just treat him like a colleague until you leave and then see if he gets in touch.

Do you have his number?

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 29-Mar-13 13:42:27

I mean this in the nicest possible way OP but it would scare the bejeebers out of me having someone behave like that over me, when nothing has even happened between you. I can imagine (and please correct me if I'm wrong) a frosty atmosphere in the car, looking daggers across the table, and generally an uncomfortable feeling about the whole event. And then you necked a bottle of wine and cried??? I know he wasn't there to see it but you can't really hide hysteria like that and if he picks up on that no wonder he's playing cool.

DevonCiderPunk Fri 29-Mar-13 13:55:37

I am realllllly enjoying this thread, but OP, please look after yourself & try not to pin all your happiness on this.

Usingtheplot Fri 29-Mar-13 22:48:41

I'm keeping a open mind on this situation. I wasn't looking for love, was happy being single. We all have faults.
Re my date tomorrow,well. who knows? We can only wait and see what unfolds.
I really don't have any great expectations.
All I know is that we obviously like each other, but that doesn't mean I'm pinning all my hopes on him being " the one".
I'm a bit nervous and I think that is pretty normal.
My 18 year old son said " My friends think you're a MILF"
Well, should I take that as a compliment???
I feel like a 14 year old girl. Oh it's so hard when you ae a 40 something woman.

whataguy Fri 29-Mar-13 22:54:38

OP, getting pissed on wine and crying all evening is NOT tying up with your last post about having no great expectations/not pinning hopes!confused The whole thing is a bit contradictory.

peppasnemesis Sat 30-Mar-13 06:49:05

I think if my little boy got to 18 and told me his friends thought I was a MILF it'd creep me right out to be honest! If he wanted to compliment you, then surely just telling you you're pretty would've done, not that you're fuckable!? But hey.

whataguy Sat 30-Mar-13 12:35:13

whaat is MILF, again?

peppasnemesis Sat 30-Mar-13 13:06:18

Mum I'd Like To Fuck, isn't it?

Can't imagine anything worse for my son - or his friends - to be referring to me as!

I certainly wouldn't take it as a compliment... :/

whataguy Sat 30-Mar-13 13:19:53

eww, no you wouldn't want it coming from your son/his friends.

OK from young strangers, but then I'd prefer 'an older woman idf', not 'mum', something distatestful about that.

cumfy Sat 30-Mar-13 14:30:58
rubyrubyruby Sat 30-Mar-13 19:08:48

Hope everything goes ok OP smile

Ignore the comments made here about your DS. I'm sure he was being supportive in his own way.

kerstina Sun 31-Mar-13 09:45:34

So how did it go ? ? ? Want to know ALL the details please smile

chezziejo Sun 31-Mar-13 10:29:53

And we mean ALL grin

GettingGoing Sun 31-Mar-13 13:13:09

This had better have a happy ending ... I'm only on page one, but have logged in to spot the OP easier ...

GettingGoing Sun 31-Mar-13 13:35:43

Well, that's 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back ...

rubyrubyruby Sun 31-Mar-13 16:48:53

<<taps fingers on desk>>

Missmadlyinlust Sun 31-Mar-13 21:44:32

Hello all. This is Using here.
Crush picked me up, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, I think the works party took the edge off things to be honest.
I did make an effort to look good, but played it safe with nice jeans,boots and a pretty top.He looked like he'd been decked out from a designer shop. I'd never seen him in such fab clothes, he looked really hot and I told him so!
We went to a lovely little country pub and had a drink. It was warm and cosy ( the pub) and we had a real honest chat about what was going on .I 'fessed up about feeling awkward and uncomfortable asnd wanting my feelings to go away. He saiid pretty much the same. We both laughed about it and it was so nice to hear him say that he felt such an idiot about the way he behaived. He described it as being like having all his emotions trapped in a pressure cooker and not being able to release them.I replied that that was pretty much how I had been feeling.
He told me a bit about his pending divorce. His wife had not had affairs but they had simply grown apart but were still good friends.
So the conversation flowed really well, I fealt so at ease. It was different to how we talked before the crush,, but he seemed to bring out the best in me.
We had a meal there which was surprisingly good.He paid for everything. I never used to let a man do that before, but I thought hey, you earn enough,I'm broke and you asked me out.
After the meal, we went for a drive and Iall I could think of was when was he going to kiss me.
He asked me if I'd like to go home and I said it was a shame to end the night so soon. We pulled up at a local beauty spot and he turned the engine off.
He looked at me and told me he had had feelings for me since I started working with him! I thought this was a new crush?
I explained that I'd always liked him but my feelings for him had changed in the last couple of months and that I must have had blinkers on.
OK so we had the most amazing kiss. It was like no other kiss I've ever had. I can honestly say I've never felt such primal urges to do unmentionable things to someone.
He drove me home and I resited the urge to ask him in, I don't want to ruin any chances of this romance working out.
Well that's all that happened,but we are going out next weekend and I can't bloody wait.

Dollydowser Sun 31-Mar-13 21:56:53

Good for you smile, I'm keeping my fingers crossed it all works out well for you.

awwww that's fantastic!

ToffeeWhirl Sun 31-Mar-13 22:19:14

Have been lurking and am so, so pleased with this update grin.

You know you will have to update us next week too, don't you?

And invite us to the wedding wink

Pendipidy Sun 31-Mar-13 22:52:55

Hooray! Am so happy for you!

DevonCiderPunk Sun 31-Mar-13 22:53:18

what a lovely story smile

Midwife99 Sun 31-Mar-13 23:01:25

I've been lurking getting off on the suspense too & am so pleased for you! I bet you're beside yourself with excitement!! grin

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Mar-13 23:02:21

Did he explain why he'd been such a twat just a couple of days before?

Felicitywasonholiday Sun 31-Mar-13 23:38:32

I cannot believe I have missed this thread for the past two months. Just read it all in one sitting. A maze ing.

Well done OP.

GettingGoing Mon 01-Apr-13 00:14:43

At last smile. Not sure I can wait another week though.

WinterMymble Mon 01-Apr-13 01:55:03

This is awesome Using! Well done!!

chezziejo Mon 01-Apr-13 07:49:07

Yay, now then don't forget next weeks installment grin
Honestly tho I am so chuffed for you.

But did you ask why he was cruel to you at the work dinner? Did you talk about it?

He can't be mean one day and nice the next, and get away with it.

rubyrubyruby Mon 01-Apr-13 23:16:22

Was he cruel though really?

He knew they had a date arranged and obviously didnt want other people getting suspicious. He still has to work with them remember.

chezziejo Sun 07-Apr-13 10:29:21

Well it's Sunday so I'm impatiently waiting for an update?

Hope this weekend went well grin

yes, me too!

TooYappy Mon 08-Apr-13 13:21:11


Nice weekend? <nosy>

GettingGoing Mon 08-Apr-13 13:58:26

bump <nosy too>

Missmadlyinlust Tue 09-Apr-13 22:00:16

Ok. So we had a date. Went bowling, not my idea;I'm really crap at bowling, well all sport for that matter.He tottally thrashed me,not that I care. It was fun,but I was expecting something a bit more " intimate".
Afterwards went for dinner at a local Indian. We had a brilliant time!Talked about just anything and everything.I was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed.
Everything was going fine until a group of colleagues from his ( my former) place of work came in. I said a cheery "hello", but he was sheepish. This unnerved me a bit to be honest,They were polite, but seemed surprised to see me and my date together. It did take the shine off things.
He hastily asked for the bill."what's the hurry?" I asked him. He explained this dating business was all new to him and he felt a tad uncomfortable, which I can understand.
Took me home, he was driving and as the kids were away I asked him if he'd like a Coffee?
Well,I got as far as putting the coffee in the cafatiere and ummmm....
He left at about 9pm on Sunday.
He even cooked breakfast.
Oh. I do hope he's a stayer and not a player.
I'm never going to wash the pillow cases, I just want to smell him forever.

Midwife99 Tue 09-Apr-13 22:02:54

Wow!! Bingo!! Yes I too hope he is a stayer not a player - shame he went funny when the colleagues came in!!

ToothGah Tue 09-Apr-13 22:03:10

Brilliant! Really, really pleased for you grin


chezziejo Wed 10-Apr-13 02:37:35

Wey hey grin did you arrange another date?

TooYappy Wed 10-Apr-13 13:05:35

Oh well done!!

Hope is a stayer, he sounds like he isn't a player which is good. Players are usually quite confident imbittere

MummyOfSunbeam Wed 10-Apr-13 15:19:22

This is such a sweet thread. Congrats Using! That is awesome.

ToffeeWhirl Thu 11-Apr-13 09:39:51

Oh, am so pleased for you, op! I hope this is the start of a long and happy relationship.


oldwomaninashoe Thu 11-Apr-13 13:51:43

Gosh, I'm so pleased for you!
Wishing you a fun filled future grin

SisterMonicaJoan Thu 11-Apr-13 16:10:30

I'm hoping he's a stayer! You sound lovely op, good luck!! x

soaccidentprone Fri 12-Apr-13 21:46:32

So about 2 months to get together!

Well done op on hanging on in there when all appeared lostsmile

cjel Fri 12-Apr-13 22:03:33

How are you this week? Have you seen him again?

ToffeeWhirl Wed 17-Apr-13 05:52:25

Any chance of an update, op? Hope everything's going well.

Missmadlyinlust Thu 18-Apr-13 11:56:24

Sorry for not posting earlier but I've been in such a state about everything.
Have been so down ,at my very lowest ebb,the job is not what I expected, I'm treated like a kid and as for the love interest,well,it has gone belly up.
The date we had planned never happened.
We had a few chats after our second date,the wondefull weekend etc.He seemed to have cooled off a bit, but I thought nothing much of it, I was so looking forward to seeing him again.
He had told me that he was staying with his brother whilst his divorce was being finalised.I believed him,why should he lie about that?
A couple of days before the date, I drove past his marital home at 7.30 in the morning to pick up my daughter who was staying at my Moms ( she's a couple of miles up the road from him).
In the drive was his car! What was he doing there at 7.30? His kids left home years ago,so it seemed very odd that he should be there.
.After I dropped my daughter off at school, I drove past his place of work and guess what? His car was there.
I felt physically sick. I couldn't stop shaking.
I didn't contact him,I was too upset to speak to him,but a few hours before our date he called me to say he couldn't make it as there were problems at home and his soon to be ex wife was very upset and needed some emotional support.
I told him I understood and left it at that.
I've not heard a word from him since. I'm gutted.I never in my wildest dreams thought he was a player.
I just feel so broken and lost.

so sorry missmadly. things WILL look up.

if he's going through a divorce / shagging his soon-tbex, he isn't really emotionally available.

think of it as a realisation that perhaps YOU'RE ready for a relationship with a decent bloke, who doesn't blow hot and cold and will treat you like a laydeee.

sorry the job isn't working out. it's not forever, just for now.

big ((((((((hugs))))))))

ToffeeWhirl Fri 19-Apr-13 14:55:14

I'm sorry too, missmadly, and agree with claude's post. It's early days in your job and you are still the New Girl - it may change as you settle in. And I'm really sorry you feel let down by your date. It does sound as if he is still emotionally tied up with his ex. He might need more time - or you might need a different man. Don't give up hope though. As claude says, maybe this just shows you are ready for a relationship again.

chocmallow Thu 25-Apr-13 14:15:58

Just caught up with this thread. So sorry OP - how are you?

Seenitall Thu 25-Apr-13 23:19:43

Are you for real - you owe me approx 1/2 of my life back whata fucking loads bollox - can't believe your falling for it

toucancancan Tue 07-May-13 20:45:15

&#128;missmadly how are you now? Has work improved? And what about the guy?

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