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Officially Divorced as of Today! Couldn't be happier

(55 Posts)

I've just had confirmation that the divorce has been finalised smile

Haven't been on mumsnet for quite a while, but I just wanted to say an enormous THANK YOU to everyone who ever posted on any of my threads about my EA, 'depressed', officially XH.

I couldn't have done it without you. You stopped me from breaking so many times.

Now I'm incredibly happy. New bloke, new area, new job, new life.

If I'd known this was what life should be I would never have put up with it for so long.

So, thank you MN, you're all amazing

X

Sidge Wed 30-Jan-13 15:23:03

Lovely to hear that you're so happy smile

garlicblocks Wed 30-Jan-13 15:28:02

Whoo-hoo! Congrats grin

<does a silly freedom dance for YouKnow>

bongobaby Wed 30-Jan-13 15:33:07

passing you a large glass of wine, happy days x

Isn't it a wonderful feeling when you hear that? I got that news myself back in January. Time for a celebration? I bought a bottle of champagne and have kept it (empty now of course, and I usually don't drink!) as a candle holder on the table.

Well done, enjoy your freedom!

Champagne is definitely called for smile

Thank you

He has been such an absolute dick in the past year. Coming out with the old cliches of :-
"I never call the kids in the two weeks between visits because it hurts so much",
in relation to my saying we needed to maintain civility, "it's hard because I just don't like you Crunch" (to which I replied in exasperation "I can't see how that's relevant")
In relation to his new girlfriend "she's a social worker so we'll get the kids taken off you"
And finally "I'm going to work abroad so I'm busier and don't have to think about the kids as much"

What a twunt.

And I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 30-Jan-13 15:56:19

You'll be avoiding any 'depressed' men like the plague from now on, won't you? (I know I do) smile

I certainly will.

He even sent a text thanking me for all our time together. I just see it as one long waste of my life when I could have been happy. My dcs are wonderful, but that's no thanks to him.

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 30-Jan-13 16:02:57

Dear Crunch, I am thrilled for you smile your life is full of opportunities and potential where once it was stagnant and stale.

Here's to 2013 being a great year for you!

I am a little envy about new fella, lucky you, mine is on order wink

WFF I'm sure he'll be along any minute now ;)

And I could easily gush about new fella for hours but you'd all be sick, so I shan't. The only really blush moment was when I cried because he remembered my favourite sandwich. Made me realise how low my expectations were.

He actually likes doing things for me, and I for him. It's all so alien and so nice.

2013 is looking rather good

I'm so sorry I'm so horribly smug grin

PostBellumBugsy Wed 30-Jan-13 16:48:26

Yeeeeeehah! Good for you. Nearly 8 years on from my Absolute & I still don't have any regrets.
Enjoy, drink champagne & be happy. grin

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 30-Jan-13 17:00:44

Congratulations!

I threw a party when I got the official divorce decree from my abusive ex. It felt great!

A divorce party sounds like a great plan. If only I'd kept some of the wedding cake grin

Just thinking about him makes my skin crawl, it's so liberating to know that I'm now unmarried.

The number of times AF told me to get rid of his dead weight - seems like a lifetime ago.

Never again will I be afraid in my own home.

MusicForTheMasses Wed 30-Jan-13 17:06:57

Congratulations (and a bit of jealousy thrown in!)

Lueji Wed 30-Jan-13 17:08:10

Congratulations!!!

smile

Thank you and thank you.

DP has just called to say he's bringing champagne home!

He's so lovely!

lovelytoes Wed 30-Jan-13 17:47:00

Congratulations!!!! Im waiting for decree nisi to come through i signed acknowledgement of service on 21st jan.he is divorcing me even though i left him for his abusive behaviour.ive been left 3 years and am in a wonderful relationship and couldnt be happier we are planning to marry as soon as im divorved.how long do you think it will take?

Joy5 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:51:46

Congratulations, and i'm so pleased to hear you're so happy now, gives me hope for the future.

My decreee absolute was due the first week in Jan, but i've yet to receive confirmation (ex filed papers), so i'm waiting before i celebrate too!

But i will get there like you, don't care how long it takes, but i will sort myself out, and be the best mum i can for my two youngest sons, and make a new life for myself too.

Thanks again for sharing, it really does give me hope, if you can do it, then so can i smile

It was all very straightforward, it's 7 weeks exactly from the decre nisi coming through. So if you've had your court hearing done you should be free in less than 2 months (have to wait 6 weeks as I'm sure you know). If he's divorcing you then he'll be the one to apply for the decree absolute, so it'll be a bit dependant on him sorting it out.

Isn't it great?

I wish I could go back to the old me and tell her how happy she'll be. I have literally never been so relaxed and content, and the dcs too.

Joy, there certainly is hope.

I will never settle for misery ever again. Being alone is a million times better than being unhappily married, and being in an equal, loving relationship is even better.

trustissues75 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:55:45

CONGRATULATIONS! What are you doing to celebrate?

I'm still waiting for mine...we've been separate over 2 years with the divorce so far going on over a year...I can't wait to have my very own divorce party. We've never been happier since the twunt walked out of our lives.

Trustissues, I haven't a clue! It's only just sinking in that I'm free smile

I'm open to suggestions wink

trustissues75 Wed 30-Jan-13 18:35:34

You want a list?

Here goes...

Very naughty weekend up in the Scottish Highlands at a castle.
Girls "anti-hen" party in London.
Trash the wedding dress party complete with paint, scissors, petrol....oh, and a fire extinguisher.
Doing something that he specifically disapproved of you doing
.....not done yet...this is all pretty tame really...let my imagination work on it!

Excellent! Keep them coming! I'm especially loving the trashing of the wedding dress, and the dirty weekend of course wink

Got the biggest hug from dp when he came in.

smileyforest Wed 30-Jan-13 22:58:40

Got my absolute on 28th Jan..... from EA exH.....he said.... 'I would never do it'! and no-one would ever want me!! How wrong he has been....estatic!!! x

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Wed 30-Jan-13 23:33:57

Heartwarming reading for a lonely newly separated woman who's got rid of an arse but not really started enjoying life yet.

Trust your celebrating ideas are hilarious, made me laugh out loud, especially the trash the wedding dress party.

LemonDrizzled Thu 31-Jan-13 00:11:37

wine for you Youknow
I used to post as LittleHouse and I remember well your troubles. I too am waiting for the Absolute as the Nisi arrived last week.
Life is fun, relaxed and happy and my DC are all thriving. I have a lovely DP who does those little thoughtful things that those of us who put up with selfish husbands will never take for granted! No going back ever!!
I know now how I should be treated and how to treat him too.
thanks for all of us!

Smiley, isn't it odd? I still think XH expects me to call him in tears one day and beg him to take me back.

He knows I have a lovely dp now, but he still had the gaul to say "I really hope you'll be happy one day". I'm really happy NOW!

Tired there is more hope than I can say. After a year away from him I couldn't see why I had stayed for so long. The good bits were so few and far between, and the lies and hurt seemed to go on forever.

I still remember him saying on the day I moved out "you need to be absolutely sure about this,crunch, I still think it could work, if you go now there's no going back but I'll always love you." I could not have been more positive. It took a while to get myself together properly, but even then, I only had to deal with my own emotions and not carry his too.

There was one awful night where I agreed to go for a drink to discuss things and he got hammered (in about five minutes) and suggested we keep sleeping together. Considering rape and sexual assault had featured in our marriage, even I was astounded at how deluded one man could be. I told him in no uncertain terms that I would never ever consider that. Vile man.

Lemon, well remembered it was a while ago now. I think we certainly all deserve wine and thanks

Lueji Thu 31-Jan-13 07:43:53

I really hope you'll be happy one day

I think he was projecting. As most of them do.

I have had similar deluded behaviour from ex (also exH as from Monday smile ).

Even last week, it was "I hate you because I love you so much" hmm

Particularly because he found out that I have someone else in my life too. It really brought the love back. Sigh.

Hurray for STBXHs becoming XHs grin

The only thing he ever said that hurt and stuck with me for quite a while, but with the help and reassurance of family and dp now seems ridiculous was his parting shot of, "you'll never be happy because you're intrinsically fucked up"

Bastard.

Turns out it's really easy to be happy without him. Coincidence?

trustissues75 Thu 31-Jan-13 09:09:07

Go to the BIG APPLE, treat yourself to breakfast at Tiffany's; Ice Skating at the Rockerfella Centre; then dinner and a Broadway Show!!

Hire a very good photographer who specialises in Boudoir photography and celebrate just how gorgeous and sexy you are!

Do something that has always scared you and you thought you'd never do.

Start a FREEDOM journal

Take one picture a day and blog it for a year and then look back at it all in a years time and see how happy you are.

trustissues75 Thu 31-Jan-13 09:13:16

Take a flying lesson - translate your freedom to the skies for a few sessions.

Start a happiness jar - every day write one new thing down that made you smile - put them in the jar and read them later in the year.

trustissues75 Thu 31-Jan-13 09:14:28

TIREDOFWAITING - trash the dress sessions are great! It's really popular in the states and photographers make some of their living out of it! smile

Sidge Thu 31-Jan-13 12:49:16

trustissues those are great suggestions!

I've just spent this morning reading my draft divorce petition and filling in the contact for children arrangement so am feeling pretty shit and they made me laugh grin

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo (very small and discreet on my bum!) when my divorce comes through, will now add trashing my wedding dress and a boudoir photo session to my To Do list!

AnyFucker Thu 31-Jan-13 12:58:39

Crunchy ! Yayyy !

Congratulations grin

Trust those are awesome. If you think of any more please stick them on here. As an aside I keep reading your name as truss tissues. Which probably says more about me than about you grin

AF!!! Thank you! And yes you were right, you were right, you were very, very right. All those times I gave it one more try and you said I was mad, you were right smile I am a daft fool for thinking that I had to prove I was hurt to get him to stop hurting me: it turns out that you don't have to prove your right to be happy, and people who know they're hurting someone and carry on are bastards. Who knew? Well, you obviously. And now me too.

Sidge, it'll all be worth it once you're free. Promise.

Sidge Fri 01-Feb-13 12:17:50

I'm sure it will be Youknow, I want to be unmarried but really resent the fact I have to spend so much time and money for something I never wanted because of that fucker!

In my head I'm not married any more so am keen to complete the process; despite it being what I want it's messy, painful and sad. I'm NEVER doing this again!!

It's great once it's over. But sucks until then.

You will get through it, and then that fucker will be an ex-fucker.

MerlotAndMe Fri 01-Feb-13 14:50:11

congratulations!!

MerlotAndMe Fri 01-Feb-13 14:50:39

x fucker, and xfucker mil too!

Thanks merlot!

Ah yes, don't forget ex-fucker mil. grin

smileyforest Fri 01-Feb-13 22:24:15

Wedding dress...I took to Oxfam....photos i trashed.......

Ah yes, I'd forgotten the photo album. What should I do with that. Ds1 was there so I don't want to get rid of those, but I don't want the wedding pictures of the two of us.

wonderingsoul Sat 02-Feb-13 10:58:17

HUGE CONGRATULATIONS.

I have been fighting almost 4 years to get my divorce after splitting from ea somes times phydically abusive ex, he wouldnt sign papers, i had to try and get prove of him refusing to sign them etc, he lives in anothrr country so this was hard. and finally had my nisi in court on the 28th of january. hoping to have my obsolute real soon.

I think a divorce party is deffintly in order. you can get balloons n sashes with' just divorced' on to.

I love the idea about keeping the champang bottle with a candle on the table.nwill deff fo that.

CremeEggThief Sat 02-Feb-13 11:13:32

Congratulations smile. wine

I can't say yet I'm any happier than I was, as I have no job; am not close to family, most of whom live in a different country anyway; and I have no close friends around, as we are in an area we moved to for his job, before he fucked off and left anyway, and I feel a bit trapped here now as it's so much cheaper to live... BUT I'm not unhappier single than I was with him smile.

Wondering congratulations on getting this far. Sounds like a struggle, I look forward to hearing your good news smile

Thief that's exactly where I was a year ago. We were split but I was still living far away from friends and family because of his job. And I thought I couldn't move because I'd be denying the dcs their dad.

It was only when he started talking about changing jobs that I thought, hang on a minute, and moved back home. He now of course blames me for "stealing the kids" and says he never mentioned changing jobs until after I said I was going (a complete lie). Apparently I'm completely self centred and the move was only for my benefit. The fact the kids are happy and stable and that my new job has such flexible working hours that I'm always there for school runs (previously dropped at breakfast club and picked up from after school club sad) isn't relevant.

I'm financially not as well off here, but I'm emotionally a different person.

XH had lots of strops but has now found a new job. Is it nearer the kids because he can't live without them? No, it's abroad and he'll only see them about 8 times a year. He's already asked if he can reduce his week in may with them so he can go and do a run that weekend instead (it'll be the first time they see him since he started)

It really is all about him. The poor dcs.

At least they have a stable home life now.

Sorry, went on a bit of a ramble.

AnyFucker Sat 02-Feb-13 18:03:19

Crunchy, what you say simply proves that for all his yakking about "what's best for the dc's" it was just that : talk . Many controlling men exert their influence around what they perceive as a "weak spot" in their female partners. It is absolutely a shit thing to do....because it means they have no compunction in using the children of the partnership as a weapon of warfare.

Disgusting behaviour.

Yup, he's a bully.

He actually told me a long story about this guy who never paid any maintenance and what a terrible father he was. To be fair he hasn't missed one payment (although it took 6 months for his payments to recognise his large pay rise). But then doesn't seem to actually care about their welfare (staying up til 3 in the morning playing computer games with ds1 (14) - buying him 18s that i have banned, watching programmes like game of thrones with him - again not allowed in this house - giving him beers when his (XH's not ds's) mates are round, so he's the cool dad - oh and having his mates down when he's seeing the kids - presumably they're too boring on their own - oh and should he ask to swap a visit and I can't as I have plans with the kids on the other weekend, he cancels and them accuses me of stopping him seeing them)

Ooh that was a good long bitch.

He thinks he's the best dad ever and I fear for their safety whenever he has them. Ds1 has often reported back scary moments, like dd1 (3) going under the water in a lake andXH nowhere near her, luckily ds was paying attention.

He is so selfish and will never see it. Dp can't abide him, apparently a very common view which so many people revealed to me after we split. He is not well liked. Quelle surprise!

MerlotAndMe Sat 02-Feb-13 19:08:24

CremeEggThief, the good thing is though that now anything can happen.

AnyFucker Sat 02-Feb-13 19:13:20

quelle surprise indeed smile

And yet he's amazingly oblivious. I've watched him talking to people who I know loath him, and while they are stunted in their politeness he jabbers on without noticing a thing.

He even went round to my friend's when I had told him I was moving and said how worried he was about me and my mental health, and how rubbish my family are at supporting me so I'd be going back to no support and I'd be miserable, and couldn't they persuade me how ridiculous the idea was!

Luckily friend just came straight to me and told me everything.

Oh I do need one bit of advice if anyone has any (should probably start another thread): as you can see now that my eyes are well and truly open I LOATH the fucker and want him to fuck the fuck off. But as the dcs must retain a relationship with him I must continue to have minimal contact.

My question is, how can I get from hating him to not giving a crap. He makes me angry and takes up headspace, because I constantly take the moral high ground and don't react to all his bullshit? And I know this riles him more than ranting would, but it means I don't get to be angry and poor dp ends up comforting me (which he does happily and willingly, but I'd rather he didn't have to).

Any ideas?

AnyFucker Sat 02-Feb-13 20:40:47

one word

and it isn't an easy get-out clause, because there isn't one

time

time is your friend, here

hang in there

Damnit, no quick fix then

Time it shall have to be.

Thanks AF.

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