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This is.. the dating chat thread, number 38

(1000 Posts)
lubeybooby Fri 25-Jan-13 15:38:49

All dating related chit chat, as usual... in here

off we go! grin

lubeybooby Fri 25-Jan-13 15:39:54

another new one already shock god we can't half yap... so that's 38,000 words so far, pretty much a novel grin

lubeybooby Fri 25-Jan-13 15:40:11

I mean messages not words... the words would be waaaaaaaaaay more

KirstyWirsty Fri 25-Jan-13 15:50:13

Just marking my spot .. out tonight (10 mins til Coffee time) so no doubt I'll have 20 pages to catch up on tomorrow!

OhWesternWind Fri 25-Jan-13 16:15:41

Ooh you lucky thing Kirsty - enjoy yourselves!

KirstyWirsty Fri 25-Jan-13 16:19:10

He's stuck on the motorway .. snowing here now! sad

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 16:25:48


'We could have a drink somewhere to make sure neither of us is some kind of monster. Though I'm willing to forgo that. If you fancy coming up to Seven Sisters sometime you can come to my house. How's that for an offer?'

I find that a bit alarming!
Of course he's willing to forgo it..women have far more reason to be wary of men they've never met before than vice versa.
And suggesting that you're go to his house when you've never met before is some kind of favour to you??

Surely any rational man would realise you need to meet him in a neutral place first to make sure you feel safe & comfortable with him?

I'm not over reacting am I??

lubeybooby Fri 25-Jan-13 16:26:26

Oh no kirsty! Hope he makes it soon!

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 25-Jan-13 16:43:20

Totally agree mercury. Hope Mr Cheeky isn't delayed too long kirsty. I'm on way to meal and cocktails with Mr C, excited but still get bit nervous.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 25-Jan-13 16:44:04

That's not an over-reaction Mercury, it's common sense. First meeting should be a public place.

Snapespeare Fri 25-Jan-13 16:55:15

Already? A new thread? Good grief.

Place mark with nothing of interest to say, happy date-night those who are dating tonight! smile

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 17:09:20

Place marking. EVERY first meeting should be in a public place, it's basic common sense. I would ignore any man who tried to get me to his house, personally.

Epilator on the not so sensitive bits then razor. I only do the full bit when I am seeing someone, currently not so don't give a damn.

Happy Friday everyone, we are snowed in, we missed that last lot.

I'm not feeling great atm, missing someone so much. I thought I would be feeling better now.

MsCellophane Fri 25-Jan-13 17:48:20

Always meet in public, anyone that asks you to do otherwise is not to be trusted.

I had a foul message today - I need a wet pussy - from the oldest potato I have ever seen

So I told him good luck with that as cats don't usually like to be around water but maybe Cat's Protection League could help him

His answer? Ok thanks

Why do these men do it? Do women give them a serious answer?

Not sure about 2nd date yet, he's going to let me know after work. I know he is going through some personal stuff so don't mind if it doesn't happen (too much) as I'll be quite happy in the warm with Big Brother - sad middle aged person that I am

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 17:52:28

aww big hug you feel a bit better..even if not as much as you hoped?
You know it will fade eventually smile

ya took the wind outta his sails MsC !

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 18:06:14

Hoping Kirsty is outta here grin

OWW Pleased Lunch, undies etc went down well!

Some men are just YUK!!! Well done Cello and Domestic Rightly binned.

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 18:07:16

aww thanks Mercury, I needed that. grin

I think it's getting worse rather than better, hope I'm on the way up soon.

Mrs C, wonder why he thought you would be OK with a such a first message. He was lucky you bothered replying.

Yogagirl17 Fri 25-Jan-13 18:41:40

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin'-race! Happy Burns Day. Just place marking. Work still going well, got paid and managed to pay another chunk of my lawyers bill so all in all, a great week! smile

(and the snow has stopped so hopefully Kirsty is enjoying her Coffee!!!)

Yogagirl17 Fri 25-Jan-13 18:45:25

Oh and Snape if you find (or start) a thread on support with CAMHS please let me know. Ta x

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 25-Jan-13 19:26:14

This post requires no reply nor do I want one but I would like to inform all of you who piled in on me in support of bant on the previous thread, MNHQ have deleted his personal attack on me ,for breaching talk guidelines, and cyberbullying.

While this has been a very supportive thread, it really isnt now, to stand by and endorse bullying is just as bad as the act itself as far as i am concerned.

I will be de registering from MN now, it isnt the place it once was, people have knives out for each other, and mock and laugh at those when they really shouldnt be.

I wish you all well. or actually, i dont.

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 19:38:50

Sorry Watch, but I am replying. I wasn't involved as was on a night out for a change. I could see exactly what you meant when you said the about the dire date.

It's a shame you want to leave mnet over it. Hope you are OK. Hugs x

FlorentinePogen Fri 25-Jan-13 19:38:51

Ms. Snail, that's the second time you've gone running to MN Towers when someone dares to either disagree with you or point out your shortcomings. (which we all have, BTW.)
You did exactly the same when I pointed out a few home truths to you a few weeks back.

As my old mum used to say "She's more to be pitied than scolded."

MsCellophane Fri 25-Jan-13 19:43:46

Watch, why would you leave over one person?

I didn't get involved last night, I was asleep - but no one laughed or mocked you. Some agreed with you, some didn't and some were in the middle

I think you and Bant both wind each other up. Not sure he can say anything without you jumping and you can't say anything without him jumping.

It's unfortunate but shouldn't be enough to drive you away from the thread and certainly not from MN

I have said things on the thread that others haven't liked and I have recently lived up to my username by being invisible on the threads and ignored some of the time - still post though even though I expect to be ignored and have been seen today

By all means leave the thread but you will be missed as you have interesting things to say and I like your posts

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 19:46:14

Flo, it's OK to point out that someone's behaviour might not be the right way to go but personal attacks aren't allowed.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 25-Jan-13 19:48:50

It was the post where he said he will have a go at me, when if anyone else said the same thing, he wouldnt.

thats bullying.

i am going. its not acceptable and i dont want to keep company with people who think that it is.

flo - do fuck off, who are to post ' home truths' on me, you dont know me, i have no idea who the hell you are, or why you seem to think its your duty to rip people to shreds. Its not nice, and im sure ' your old mum' would have said the same.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 25-Jan-13 19:50:23

personnal attacks and deliberate trolling/ attcking/ shit stiring, which bant has ADMITTED to, is not on.

OhWesternWind Fri 25-Jan-13 19:51:22

Have you had haggis tonight * Flo* , Yoga and all you others north of the border? I'll raise a glass to you all and wish you a happy night.

I am studiously ignoring all the other carry-on as I'm fed up to the back teeth with it.

FlorentinePogen Fri 25-Jan-13 19:54:31

flo - do fuck off, who are to post ' home truths' on me, you dont know me, i have no idea who the hell you are, or why you seem to think its your duty to rip people to shreds. Its not nice, and im sure ' your old mum' would have said the same.


VelvetSpoon Fri 25-Jan-13 19:56:47

Florentine, I can think of at least one previous occasion where you were unacceptably rude to Watch, and if that's the one you're bellyaching about, then a) it was ME who reported it so get your facts straight (and I think I also pulled you up on it on the thread at the time) and b) MN will only delete posts they feel are inappropriate, bullying, abusive etc. Not simply on anyone's request because they don't like the content.

I wasn't here last night, I wish I had been. I have only skimmed the thread but like Scrazy I could very easily see what she meant. It is also a huge shame that she (sorry Watch to talk about you like this) has been sufficiently upset both by the attack and the lack of support to leave. I do think of Watch as a friend, and she has been a great support to me, and plenty of others in the past, and I think her absence will be noticed on the thread.

FlorentinePogen Fri 25-Jan-13 19:56:53

OWW, yes, haggis was excellent grin, both veggie and trad. Wee dram as well.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 25-Jan-13 20:00:22

Watch, please don't leave. You're a valued member of this board and this quiche in particular. You're funny and self aware and post great advice.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 25-Jan-13 20:16:31

flo, i had no idea what you are talking about, and velevet, i didnt know you had done that, i cant even remember the post in question.

it might be worth asking why the hell people are being so damn nasty to me, that people are reporting posts and MNHQ are seeing fit to delete them.

they dont delete just because a post is reported, only if it breaches guidelines or policy. which bloody tons of, towards me have recently.

i dont quite know what i have done to deserve this vitrol, other than not sit back and be bullied and have a go at. Just because i have argued back does not mean that i am not upset, and incrediably hurt, indeed i didnt sleep last night and spent a fair bit crying.

Because it was more than disagreeing, it was bant saying he had me as a target, and that is wrong. And then people agreeing with him. And that is wrong. And then saying im tough so should just take it, again, that is wrong.

Western, sorry you see this all as silly stuff, dont forget, when you have been upset about things, people havent said ' im not listening, this is below me'. Not nice behaviour really.

Ive been on mn for 8 years. Ive made rl friends, people who i see regulary, online friends ( or those that have not stabbed me in the back along the way). helpe with appeals, support, fun and laugher. I do not deserve this shite.
And i will not be part of this shite.

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 20:26:05

it's just banter on an internet forum ffs let it go, I sometimes get a bit annoyed over stuff thats said on forum, for about 5 minutes, I've had arguments, been insulted, deleted accounts loads of times, so what, stop making such a bloody meal of it

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 20:28:50

Darkened room again, anyone ? I took the liberty of bringing the ingredients for cocktails this time ...

TweedSlacks Fri 25-Jan-13 20:30:21

As will be shown ?
Dont leave or lurk * Watch* , you give as good as you get .
Sometimes some people type things that are taken in the wrong way , and never would be said to your face .
Its not like a face to face discussion where you get a very quick retort , and can judge the context.
Leave it for tonight . Have a brew watch some crap telly , mail some people you have been putting off mailing.
Tomorrow is another day.

Dont let Brant get you , He's so not worth it.

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 20:33:09

if someone wants to leave why cant they just quietly go?
Why make an announcement?
it's just attention seeking, make a big drama, try to get people to plead with you to stay

I'm afraid I'm with mercury7 on this one. Several people supported Watch, very few 'sided' with Bant, many of us kept out of it either because for whatever reason the two of you nearly always make each other bite or because we weren't online most of the day, came back when it was seemingly all over and felt it best to just let it lie and not drag it up again.

Watch, I understand why you are upset, and why you asked and got his comments deleted. But it is not necessary to come in as you have done, in my opinion, and stir it all up yet again and at the same time have a go at anyone who didn't support you at the time by telling us you don't wish us well. That's rather unpleasant.

Just to what many of us do if you want and say you're just going to have some time out and then come back when you are ready. And if you really want to leave rather than just have time out, then do that too. You don't need to come and stir it all up and make another drama of it.

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 20:34:49

Then I think you are right to take a break from it all Watch. Thing is that if someone posts something you don't agree with or you think you could give them a bit of advice about then it's fine to say it. However, it's best to put your point across and leave it, let the conversation move on.

Personal attacks are horrible and upsetting and everyone has the right to defend themselves in those cases. I did stick up for you on this one as I could see that Bant was targetting you over nothing, as he admitted that he didn't have much sympathy for you as there has been bad blood already.

So if you give it then sometimes you have to accept it.

OhWesternWind Fri 25-Jan-13 20:35:19

Yes, when I've been upset I've had support which has helped me no end and which i am incredibly grateful for, but I have also felt hounded and pressurised to the extent that I felt I had to leave the thread for a while.

And I'm also willing to recognise that at least part of the problem might lie within myself.

I'm sorry if what I wrote upset you, but like a few posters have said, I think you and Bant just strike sparks off one another. It's not right to take over the thread with personal arguments with all and sundry getting drawn in and taking sides. It makes this thread an uncomfortable place to be. Just let it lie, have a glass of wine, do whatever relaxes you and come back tomorrow to a fresh start.

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 20:36:25

I'm starting with a piña colada ...

OhWesternWind Fri 25-Jan-13 20:39:45

Can I have whatever's strongest please Nora and make it a large one

VelvetSpoon Fri 25-Jan-13 20:40:14

Watch, it was at the tail end of the graduate/non-graduate hoo-ha a couple of months ago. I reported, the post got deleted. I don't want to take sole credit for it, quite possibly other people reported it too, I have only mentioned it because of the suggestion it was you that 'went running to MN' hmm which was more than a little unfair.

It's easy for some to say it's words on a screen blahblah BUT I think for quite a few of us there is a RL crossover, I am friends with quite a few people on FB, I have met several in RL, when you 'know' people in that sense it becomes less easy to take disagreements with a pinch of salt, they can have the same effect as if they were with a friend or colleague...

And I'm sorry, I don't care if this makes me the unpopular one but it's really unfair to say 'oh you're just as bad as one another'. Clearly that isnt the case as Bant made, and admitted to making a personal attack! It's a bit belittling to say that.

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 20:43:14

Permission to enter the darkened room please, I think I need to lie down!

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 20:44:42

I cant quite see that stuff said on a forum can even constitute a personal attack, in the sense that no-one puts their whole self forward here, it's just a thin veneer mediated via a keyboard.
This isnt me, it's just a narrow slice of me, mums net is a bit of light entertainment that I dip in an out of, an interactive magazine (as someone said on another thread somewhere)
Sometimes threads wander off into area's that I dont like or have no interest in, so I just leave it and come back later, or not at all.

Really people, lighten up and dont take it all so seriouslysmile

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 20:45:35

Ok, OWW, how about a Metropolitan ? - chock full of booze.

Lulu, come on in, what can I get you ?

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 20:46:24

Mercury, interest you in a little drinky ?

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 20:46:56

Did someone say cocktails, I'll have a twinkle please wink

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 20:47:01

I'm off to do some yoga..cant drink I'll lose me balance!

KinNora - I'm rather partial to a Woo-Woo. I refuse to ask for Sex on the Beach for fear someone might pounce on me!

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 20:48:02

Ooh, what's a twinkle ? Sounds right up my street

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 20:48:31

Woo Woo coming up for Voice

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 25-Jan-13 20:50:05

cheers velvet smile

You are right, when there is a rl crossover it is all the worse. I have rl crossovers and several people on this thread i have ' known' for quite a few years ( over 2 in any case).

Its not quite as easy as saying ' just forget it, as it wouldnt be if it was said to your face'

and no, ive never gone out of my way to attack somone, nor to stir up shit, as he has done to me.

I posted today, to let others know. because its not right, hes not right to be doing it.
Funny how he said in his first post he wouldnt be able to post anymore as he was on a flight... but then continued to post for quite a while....

Anyway, im being drawn into it all again.
its not worth it.

scoobydooagain Fri 25-Jan-13 20:51:04

French Martini here please, please

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 20:51:55

A twinkle is vodka, elderflower liqueur and topped up with champagne! If you fancy something hardcore though I made skittles vodka at Christmas and that blows your socks off!!

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 20:53:53

A Twinkle sounds good Lulu I don't mind if I do

Excellent Woo Woo. I may avail myself of a bit of my homemade sloe gin (three year vintage) in due course also.

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 20:56:16

We may have a collectively shit dating history but boy we know how to drink hmm

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 20:56:28

Are you sharing? Voice

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 20:58:20

Of course, Scooby (that sounds dead sophisticated).

Lulu, god, I really want one of those now.

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:00:01

I thought about asking if Voice was hogging his slow gin, 48, but then realised it might taste like gin, in which case, I don't want any

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 21:00:10

Me too, but I've actually got a cup of tea and some mint areo minis. I need a cocktail bar night out soon!

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:00:38

Sloe gin. Bastard phone.

48 unfortunately there was almost no sloe harvest last year, so I couldn't make any for Xmas as usual. I always give some away to friends. I have a small amount of some I made three years ago to get me thru until next year. I could auction a tot off to the highest bidder?

TweedSlacks Fri 25-Jan-13 21:00:52

+1 Skittles Vodka Please ( make it a large one , one the rocks )

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 21:01:20

Someone put the music on, I fancy a boogie!

Kin its nothing like normal gin, although that's the principal ingredient. Coz I don't like straight gin. But sloe gin.....very warming for the winter.

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:02:11

Even that sounds good, Lulu, I've got to wash my hair because I've volunteered to work tomorrow. I was supposed to be going for lunch and cocktails. Sad, sad,sad face.

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 21:04:03

<<lulu sways from side to side as her twinkle sloshes backwards and forwards>> - it's raining men!! Hallelujah

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:04:27

Tweed, 'Skittles vodka' - is that as good as it sounds ? Bloody hell at this rate I'm going to end up getting shit-faced the next time I go out.

You've talked me into it, Voice, cheers me dear

OhWesternWind Fri 25-Jan-13 21:05:04

Oh a twinkle sounds lovely. Where do you get elderflower liqueur?

scoobydooagain Fri 25-Jan-13 21:05:27

Sophisticated that's me all over ! On a dating related theme, I've told last Saturday lunch time man, thanks but no thanks and tomorrow Saturday night time man is cooking me dinner and then we are going to the cinema.

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 21:08:55

western I've only had a twinkle in a bar so don't know where you get the elderflower liqueur but they are gorgeous!!

Skittles vodka is good but strong, online instructions on, if anyone fancies having a go!

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 21:14:01

I have a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin someone gave me for christmas. Going crack it open and have a sample.

voice Lets hope for a bumper harvest this year.

Home made elder flower cordial is yum.

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 21:16:23

Scooby home cooked dinner and cinema sounds good! What's he like?

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:20:37

OWW and Lulu, they sell elderflower liqueur in Waitrose, think it's called something like St. Germain ( comes in a very pretty bottle too, if you'll excuse me sounding like a right girly )

scoobydooagain Fri 25-Jan-13 21:22:39

He's nice and looks like Ian Brown, so I like that!

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 21:26:50

Any ideas what to do with Sambuca. Got a bottle of that hanging around.

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 21:27:03

Great scooby have fun!

kinNora get me to a Waitrose!

antonym Fri 25-Jan-13 21:27:38

watch fwiw you were obviously in the right, most people said so, i said so, and i think given the name of this site men who post here post on sufferance and you shouldn't let one of them drive you away.

Nomorepain Fri 25-Jan-13 21:27:47

I am eating dairy milk with Oreos and drinking a cup of tea.

Majorly p'd off today. Had enough of the world for the time being. Roll on Monday so I can get this horrible weekend thing out of the way!!!

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 21:30:01

Scooby In a moment of madness I have agreed to go to a Rock & Roll gig with Mr R&R. Wanna swap grin

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:30:54

Scooby, are you anywhere near Manchester ? Ian Brown looky-likeys are ten a penny around town - I can go talent spotting for you next time I'm up

antonym - EXCUSE ME??? "Men who post here post on sufferance"????

How DARE you!

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:32:26

Lulu, I have one around the corner, let me know if you'd like a bottle shipped to Lulu Towers.

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:33:45

Oh-oh ^. < pours more booze>

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 21:35:14

Dairy milk with Oreo is delicious.

OhWesternWind Fri 25-Jan-13 21:35:22

Men don't post on sufferance! At least I hope you (men) don't feel that way. I'd be mortified if anyone felt unable to join in because of their sex, I really would. It's great to have all types of people on here, different ages, experiences, backgrounds and genders.

48 well, It goes with the territory!

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 21:36:16

kinNora thank you! One round the corner from where I work, I'm there on Monday! Can just see Mr ExArmy with a twinkle in his hand grin

Yogagirl17 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:36:28

Well since I got slated for my choice of beverage last night I'll have a French Martini please. Unless there's enough sloe gin to go around. I seem to recall being partial to a sloe gin fizz the first time I was dating (ie 20 years ago!).

Snapespeare Fri 25-Jan-13 21:37:48

I'd support you voice, but that would mark me as some kind of handmaiden.

It's difficult enough being a 'backstabber' because you voice an opposing opinion.

I'm off to read a book. I'll be back when it's a bit calmer. Probably somewhere around thread 42.

Yogagirl17 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:38:42

48 Any ideas what to do with Sambuca

Yes! Pour it down the sink as fast as possibly. Ugh - vile stuff!

scoobydooagain Fri 25-Jan-13 21:40:20

No, i'm in Scotland, so not so many Ian Brown alikes around. Now you know 48 you will enjoy the Rock & Roll, few drinks, few cigs, you'll love it.

No, I certainly do not post on sufferance. I enjoy posting here. I am not a parent but I am a godparent and I find this a very useful site to gain insight into parenting for my role as an active godparent. I have also been told my many regular female posters that they actually find it useful and interesting to get a male perspective on things.

I hadn't realised that some women here believe this should be a female only club. antonym the site may be called mumsnet but you see that little byline beneath the logo? It says "by parents for parents". Oddly enough, men are parents too.

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 21:44:41

Yoga My son left it here so you are probably right grin

I will support you voice smile All welcome surely.

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:46:44

men are not here on sufferance, all genders are equally welcome smile

scoobydooagain Fri 25-Jan-13 21:47:09

I find the male perspective useful too

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 21:51:32

I will enjoy the gig. We do have a great laugh together. Setting of no importance really.

antonym Fri 25-Jan-13 21:52:44

Voice I am not a woman.

And when I say "on sufferance" what I mean is that there is a greater than usual obligation on men posting here not to start fights.

In line with that obligation I will now shut up.

Middy86 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:53:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:53:37

A brief foray into seriousness because I feel quite strongly about this, in my view male posters are a hugely welcome addition to both this thread and the site as a whole, I would be horrified if anyone felt 'under sufferance' in anyway.

MsCellophane Fri 25-Jan-13 21:54:22

Men are definitely welcome, only men can try to answer why their fellow men send cock shots for a start - and we can help them by letting them know they must never send a cock shot

I got blown out by mrcouncilman - he did keep me posted all day and was still at work at 8pm so he will get another chance. I'm a soft touch but I really think he needs a friend with what's going on in his personal life, he has said he feels very alone at the moment and was tearing up on our date talking about it (mum had heart attack last week) So, I will be a friend to him for now if he wants one

I will join you all in a little drink - I'll have a mailbu please

KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:56:16

Middy, no there's no rule, we're all just dead sophisticated an' that

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:57:31

rather an 'unconventional' interpretation of the term on sufferance atonym?nevertheless, I'd say the onus to be peaceable rests equally on the shoulders of the guys and the gals grin


KinNora Fri 25-Jan-13 21:58:02

Gets Malibu for MsCellophane, do you want anything in it ?

MirandaWest Fri 25-Jan-13 21:58:28

It is snowing here.

MirandaWest Fri 25-Jan-13 21:58:48

I might have a Baileys smile

Middy86 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:59:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Middy86 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:59:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:00:22

Completely off topic but the snow here!! It's still chucking the stuff down 4 inches so far. Bet I will have to cancel my Les Mis and meal tomorrow night and I've been looking forward to a good sob. Don't do tears anymore, usually.

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 22:01:19

Cello Not a sof touch at all. I would give him another chance. No question.

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 22:02:51

MsC sorry about your date but as you say definitely another chance is due. Malibu?! that takes me back to my youth with my head over a toilet bowl

Middy personally I think the whole text language is missing on this thread, don't know about others, because most of us have an aversion to communicating in this way and prefer something a bit more traditional and not so down with the kids. I do my fair share of lols and haha's texting or on Facebook but I think MN is just not always the place. anyone else?

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 22:02:57

Snow free zone here smile

Scrazy - we have rain here. I'm not surprised you're disappointed at having 4 inches....

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 22:05:39

I think I may have done Haha on here. I do it on text as well. I can't do text speak blush

OhWesternWind Fri 25-Jan-13 22:05:39

MsC I'd give him another chance too. Sounds like he's having a really hard time of it.

Lulu me too. And Pernod. This was twenty something years ago and it still makes me ill.

Middy86 Fri 25-Jan-13 22:06:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:08:27

Voice, it might make 6 inches before it stops wink

lubeybooby Fri 25-Jan-13 22:09:00

Scrazy it's going to melt very fast, you might be ok.

lulu! don't lump hahaha in with lol grin

grinchie Fri 25-Jan-13 22:22:43

Have I missed the darkened room again?

Yogagirl17 Fri 25-Jan-13 22:23:45

Sorry Miranda, I finished it last night. wink

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 22:30:30

haha Lubey grin

grinchie you missed cocktails and everything, you've got a lot of catching up to do, we're all sloshed!

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:31:59

I'm almost starring at the bottom of a bottle of red. Got a couple of shots of Voddy left over from Christmas.

grinchie Fri 25-Jan-13 22:36:17

Not again.
Ike and I cleaned up after you lot afterwards <Hilda Ogden emoticon>

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 22:37:30

where is Ike, must be out in her wellies with the Octo's grin

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 22:44:19

Hasn't ike gone to the Bowie tribute thingy?

grinchie Fri 25-Jan-13 22:44:19

Yes. Where is ike?
You lot have made a right mess in here again, she'll have to take those muddy wellies off before she can help me clean tonight.

lulubellaboozle Fri 25-Jan-13 22:47:42

or maybe she's sitting in a bath of ice after her ahem, intimate waxing!

Scrazy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:53:54

Or maybe she is out showing it off grin

mercury7 Fri 25-Jan-13 22:56:53

bath of ice??
in this weather!! grin

48howdidthathappen Fri 25-Jan-13 22:59:55

Bowie Tribute thing tonight I think. She may find someone to show her new look to...

PinkPeanuts Fri 25-Jan-13 23:45:46

Hello all! Popping in to mark my place. I finally have some dialogue going on so not feeling quite so invisible today smile

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 00:38:26

go PP grin

ike1 Sat 26-Jan-13 00:48:56

Good evening dark roomers ...yes all tributed out, been aladdin saned and thin white duked! Still got a bit of chafin' but not too bad....I impressed on the dance floor (not too hard since the competition was dad dancing ).

Fleecegate rumbled on I see...also glad to see some decent cocktails on the go...and not too bad a job with the tidying...

Bant Sat 26-Jan-13 01:04:03

Erm. Well I got Internet sorted out today, so I'm not just in my phone from airport hotspots as previously.

I was forced into reading the haggis poem for a work-affiliated Burns night as the host was too pissed to do it, and I'm 1/4 Scottish, which as far as the locals are concerned makes me Braveheart.

And the locals were interesting. Men very possessive of their girlfriends, much more so than Brits. When I turned to one woman in a circle of us and said 'and what do you do?' the bloke next to her said 'she's my girlfriend'. At which point she said 'yes, darling, also I'm the lead project manager on this guys product so go get me a fucking drink' which I thought was fun. Got chatting to some student who was really quite nice but too young for me.

Then got home and found I've been stirring up shit even while away apparently. Sorry again.

ike1 Sat 26-Jan-13 01:25:38

Its all done and dusted now Bant anyway....stuff gets deleted on MN all the time ...lets move on now, this thread has been derailed enough..

Alittlestranger Sat 26-Jan-13 01:31:52

Mumsnet deleting stuff isn't any kind of endorsement of a particular poster's grievance, they just opt for the quiet life. I hope this doesn't have to split into two threads, it would be terribly confusing for the lurkers.

ike1 Sat 26-Jan-13 01:35:44

Nah Alittle some peeps will cool their heels for a bit elsewhere and soon be back on fighting form to this thread.

48howdidthathappen Sat 26-Jan-13 07:07:58

Aww pink Thats great smile

Sounds like you had a good time out there in the real world Ike Dancing is good for the old mojo.

MirandaWest Sat 26-Jan-13 07:23:52

It has indeed snowed here. Looks quite pretty at the moment smile

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 08:40:17

It just rained here. meh.

Mornin all!

PinkPeanuts Sat 26-Jan-13 08:54:27

Morning all!

This morning I was asked what sort of drugs I do hmm

So I looked at my profile and there it is. I've been telling the world that I do drugs socially. Totally by accident of course, I don't even smoke! Juliette mentioned something about drugs to me after looking at my profile but I didn't get what she was saying.

Mortified doesn't even cover it!! blush

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 09:01:52

PP oh god I noticed that but decided it was none of my business to pry in case it wasn't an accident then I'd have looked all judgey.

Maybe that was getting you filtered out of peoples matches?

48howdidthathappen Sat 26-Jan-13 09:08:50

Oh dear PP Probably explains alot.

Pink this is what I was saying. You have yes to drugs, that is one of the criteria by which people can filter you out. You won't even show up on their matches.

I'm up at dawn to meet Mr Morning. He'd better be good. And there or I'll hunt him down and shown him what happens when he messes with Morning Juliette without coffee.

Alittlestranger Sat 26-Jan-13 09:29:11

What site is the drugs question on? It's a tricky one. I will use drugs socially if offered but I wouldn't feel comfortable putting that in my profile. Is that acceptable, when lying about smoking is not? I did have one date recently where my date was being very open about his drug use. I didn't really notice until afterwards and then it felt like he'd been trying to guage my reaction. (I didn't comment on it).

Scattylatte Sat 26-Jan-13 09:30:17

Morning all

It's easy to make that kind of mistake pink I've made all sorts of administrative errors.

Not much dating news here. A few lovelies from POF have messaged for a 'meet'. When I've asked what do they mean (like I don't know) they have said 'for fun'. Yawn.

A few dates ago I suggested to the f/man a trip to the cinema and suggested a film (bit art house). He wasn't keen on the all. So we went for dinner instead. A couple of times he had said 'that film wouldn't be my kind of thing'.
Anyway yesterday I was going to finish it by text, very busy with work, feeling yuck generally, feeling that although I don't know this man, I do the organising.
Then I get a text from him....'I thought if you are free next Friday we could go and see (art film), I buy you a hot dog. Let me know and I'll get the tickets'
So, I've said yes that would be great. He then wrote 'go slow with me, seeing a film like this is a big step!' Thing is, I don't think he's joking.

I am aware that was a very long paragraph to say very little.

Scattylatte Sat 26-Jan-13 09:31:16

juliette have a great date. Who is mr Morning?

PinkPeanuts Sat 26-Jan-13 10:00:44

Lol! Bless you Lubey and sorry for being so thick Juliette! Hope Mr Morning is worth the early rise!

Alittlestranger you could always just put "prefer not to say" then you're not lying at all?

Yogagirl17 Sat 26-Jan-13 10:07:56

A little light reading for all you daters:


Alittlestranger Sat 26-Jan-13 10:12:01

Agree with her on point 1, although the mean part of me does enjoy reading profiles of people who are clearly not over their ex. They can paint such a vivid picture in the "what I am looking for" section.

I quite like a secret spiller though...

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 26-Jan-13 10:16:58

Morning all.

I could have written that article Yoga.

Hope you're all okay, I'm okay.

Best wishes WarmFuzzyFun x

grinchie Sat 26-Jan-13 10:31:50

Just answered to door to our very good looking postman.
I was wearing the scruffy, bleachy, hole covered sweats I use to do the cleaning, no make up and my hair is lank from the Argan oil treatment I put in it this morning.

Aaaaargh [hiding in shame emoticon]

ike1 Sat 26-Jan-13 10:42:29

I am sure Grinchie, despite the afore mentioned, you still looked like a rare beauty! Legs hurting from dancing like a twat last night....surprisingly twat not hurting (in case anyone was interested)

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 10:45:12

Alittle I think it's fine to lie about drug use, you dont have to bare your soul on your profile...and im always wary about people who are open with strangers about illegal substance use!

Nothing against the use of intoxicants for recreational purposes, it's just not my thing anymore, I prefer the 'runners high' grin

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 10:57:31

Hmm, well if someone was passing the dutchy pon de left hand side I might indulge. But I am very rarely in any situation where there's some going... last time was 2008 I think. So in any profile I put no to drugs. I don't filter out people who do them though, presuming very serious/harder drug users would be unlikely to even be on there or be on my radar.

lulubellaboozle Sat 26-Jan-13 11:05:25

PP explains a lot! it's actually quite funny and just the sort of thing I would do without realising!

Yoga I reckon we could have all written that list and added a few more no mention of cock shots or requests for boon shots for a starter!

WFF waves

and Ike you make me laugh, so glad you your twat are not suffering this morning grin

I'm off an a day out with Mr ExArmy and all our DC's followed by dinner, no Coffee but hopefully lots of hugs!

lulubellaboozle Sat 26-Jan-13 11:06:28

Okay that's boob not boon and for not an - bloody phone!

ike1 Sat 26-Jan-13 11:22:16

Thanks Lulu enjoy the hugs...oh and postie took one look at me this morning and actively grimced dont worry. Are we having dirty rugs convo???

ike1 Sat 26-Jan-13 11:24:08

drooping boobies in a t shirt are obviously not a turn on for my mail deliverer (picky bugger)

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 11:26:38

God some of the states my postie has seen me in. Poor, poor man. However he isn't exactly a sight for sore eyes so we're even far as I'm concerned grin

I think me and DD are finally out the other side of this long stretch of cold, snow and illness. Hurrah! God I have so much to catch up on next week though, ugh.

ike1 Sat 26-Jan-13 11:30:45

Glad to see health returning to chez Lube. Over the years I have seen my postie turn from a boy to a bloke with greying hair...he's quite good looking though and I always tell him not to post crap through the door he still does though (metaphorical crap I mean lol)

lulubellaboozle Sat 26-Jan-13 11:34:08

ooooh! doesn't everyone open the door to their postie in high heel fluffy mules and a negligee?!? I saw it in a film once, i'm sure, and just assumed that was postal etiquette! wink. oh and the window cleaner, plumber etc ....

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 11:49:31

Nope lulu.. I suppose thermal long johns, massive dressing gown, birds nest hair, puffy creased pillow face and ugg boots really won't have the same effect either. Oh well... grin

PinkPeanuts Sat 26-Jan-13 11:49:45

<tiptoes in><whispers>

I think I found someone I like...

<tiptoes out>

Scattylatte Sat 26-Jan-13 11:59:15

Please can someone decipher this message i got

Any chance 4 a huge,overdressed,italian stallion,to dine and vine you out,mia bellissima,splendida,fantastica,divina prima-donna irlandese? ps n1 ( of sartorial nature),i promise that if our escape will ever materialize,i wouldent wearing the Oakley over the top sunglasses model,ps n2 ( of historical nature),your eyes like the wawes of the atlanti ocean against the castle of Brian boru,the king the beat the vikings in the battle of Clontarf.

peanuts. The details please!

Alittlestranger Sat 26-Jan-13 11:59:41

Ahh PP, the optimism of new online daters. Finding someone you think you like the look of is just the first, most manageable of hurdles! grin

grinchie Sat 26-Jan-13 12:08:31

Yay PP go, go, go smile

scatty nope, I don't have a clue what it says but it is hilarious.

lulu believe me, if I'd known he was going to knock I would at least have put something slinky on. I don't own any marabou mules (Dear Father Christmas).

Ike always happy to have a dirty rugs convo. Glad your twat is alright, anyone else want to post a genitalia update? grin

Scattylatte Sat 26-Jan-13 12:11:53

alittle. So true!

lulubellaboozle Sat 26-Jan-13 12:13:26

grinchie need a "snigger" emoticon!

Scatty some large overdressed italian with a love of the PS, wants to wine and dine you. He makes both satorical and historical references, but i have no idea when the battle of Clontarf took place - does that help at all? grin

PP see what happens when you go cold turkey wink

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 12:20:05

Holy green fuck scatty, that's a blinder! wow.

48howdidthathappen Sat 26-Jan-13 12:29:22

Scatty He is to die for. Not.

PP No stopping you now.

Have fun lulu

My postie was my milkman for about 20 years. Looks like Im stuck with him for life grin

On the drugs thing. Iam a bit of a hippy. Enough said blush

48howdidthathappen Sat 26-Jan-13 12:32:23

Oh and Ike pleased to hear all is cool on the twat front. Good stories needed to give me courage!

Scrazy Sat 26-Jan-13 12:33:49

Snow is melting and the main roads are clear so I might get there tonight. Shame it's with a female and not a lovely man sad.

I have no to drugs on my profile. I rarely touch em grin and if someone said they did I would presume they had a problem.

Least it explains it PP.

Good luck to anyone with dates. I am starting to feel horny ready to meet someone now.

Scatty, quite nice of fireman to get tickets, but again he is still being weird about that, see how it goes.

Snapespeare Sat 26-Jan-13 13:19:27

',your eyes like the wawes of the atlanti ocean against the castle of Brian boru,the king the beat the vikings in the battle of Clontarf'

That is the most romantic thing I have ever heard.


Scattylatte Sat 26-Jan-13 13:44:09

Thanks snape im going to message him back.
I really dont see how seeing Le Mis could be such a culture shock for the fireman but he does think it is!

PinkPeanuts Sat 26-Jan-13 13:51:41

I appear to have myself a date next weekend! grin

Nice guy, also a Londoner, tall dark and handsome type smile

I'm trying not to be too excited but I really am purely because I haven been on a date since dinosaurs roamed the earth!

Yogagirl17 Sat 26-Jan-13 13:56:43

Yep, am quite sure that article didn't say anything we haven't already learned on here but thought I'd share anyway.

Scatty - sorry I missed the bit about the fireman and Les Mis...? And just, well, stunned silence at the Italian Stallion!

Jazzicatz Sat 26-Jan-13 14:00:49

Hi All, can I join this thread? I am single, have been for 2 years and last night I had a data, a really bad date, just wondered if I can share?

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sat 26-Jan-13 14:03:43

Jazzicats, I'm here for a bit if you want to share?

Had second date last night with the man who sent the 'why can't I stop thinking about you' message - can't decide whether it was really good or really bad - not sure if he is genuine.

PinkPeanuts Sat 26-Jan-13 14:08:33

Share away Jazzicatz, I'm listening too smile

grinchie Sat 26-Jan-13 14:09:52

Hello Jazzi smile
I'm sorry about your bad date - do tell.

grinchie Sat 26-Jan-13 14:15:43

The Italian Stallion is class. It has made me laugh a lot.

Yay PP good luck, what are you going to wear?

hop I think it calls for a watching brief? See how it goes on, could be a creep or just be very keen on you.

scatty I've got a edumacashun and everyfink and there is no way on this actual earth I would go to see Les Mis (unless Dermot O'Leary was asking, obviously). grin
I reckon the fireman quite likes you.

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 14:25:17

Hello Jazzi - sorry to hear about the bad date, yes by all means share.

PP - yay for the date, good luck grin

Bant Sat 26-Jan-13 14:48:00

Jazzi feel free to tell all about it, was it bad as in 'he refused to tip' or bad as in 'he set my hair on fire, stabbed the bar pianist with a salad fork and then asked if I'd pay his bail'

Or somewhere in between?

I've heard stories about all of those happening incidentally, although not all to one person.

48howdidthathappen Sat 26-Jan-13 14:48:49

PP Thats sounds great!

Hi Jazz Spill smile

Hop Time will tell.

Scatty Fireman either really likes you or wants you to think he does. Strange one.

PinkPeanuts Sat 26-Jan-13 16:12:55

Thanks all smile

Grinchie I have NO idea what I'm going to wear! Its a cinema date purely as we both want to see the same film. I think it will be jeans boots and a nice top or boots, leggings and a dress? oh gosh I don't knoooow!

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 16:13:23

jazzi where have you gone? On the edge of my seat here...

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 17:37:41

little update from me, I just had a chat on the phone with a guy that I've been messaging with a little.
He friend-ed me on FB (I dont use it but I have an anonymous account for snooping purposes blush) plenty of pictures so Ive had a good old browse through.
He's about 15 years younger than me and I really expected him to be kind of laddish, and didnt think I'd like him.

However he sounded very very calm, laid back and 'kind'
I was very surprised!

Jazzicatz Sat 26-Jan-13 17:47:34

Sorry, just come back to this.
Met this chap through Okcupid, been chatting for a few days and he seemed really nice. Then it came to the date, he was about 3 inches shorter than he said he was and stank of fags (although he said he was a non-smoker), he turned up late. Then within the first 5 minutes, he started touching me and grabbed me, pulled me close and said 'I want to take you outside, push you against the wall and f**k you'. I was a little shock to say the least but just laughed if off. We then went and found a seat, he showed me his flies, that were undone and he said he knew they were broken but he didn't bother changing before the date, and now he was a little worried as he had a 'stiffy'! I was so worried during the date that he would drug my wine. He had really bad shakes, like he has long-term drug taking issues, I was so worried, I told the people on the next table in case I suddenly was ill! It was a disaster, I very quickly left, got home and he had sent 4 emails saying what he wanted to do to me blah blah blah.
I have deleted all his details after saying that I didn't think he was for me!
Can't believe what a disaster it was.

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 17:54:44

Jazziyou poor thing, what a terrible shock it is when you've been messaging and the person seems ok, then turns out to be an absolute horror.
It sounds like quite a disturbing experience.

It's horrid when someone says something totally inappropriate, which deserves a punch in the face, but you cant so you just laugh it offsad

Jazzicatz Sat 26-Jan-13 18:02:32

It was frightening, I have been quite upset today. It was the worry that he was going to drug me! I must say it has put me off dating for a while.

ike1 Sat 26-Jan-13 18:06:28

Under those circs Jazz you would have been well within your rights to do the old Ike toilet disappearance trick...awful experience poor old you. (hugs)

Jazzicatz Sat 26-Jan-13 18:08:53

I was considering it, but I would have felt terrible doing that. I am not sure whether to laugh or cry!

grinchie Sat 26-Jan-13 18:08:55

Jazzi that is terrible, I'm so sorry.
Don't let it put you off for long, he really is a singular nutter. Most people are alright, remember.

mercury that sounds quite promising smile

Oooh PP how exciting. Personally, I would wear jeans/leggins because it will be more comfortable if you are sitting around in a cinema for a couple of hours. Plus our local cinema gets chilly when they whack the air con up!
But what do you feel great in?

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 18:10:28

Urgh, jazzi how totally awful.

If it's any consolation at all this isn't normal or usual or common, I have had god knows how many dates... must be 80 ish over the last 5 years an I have never felt uncomfortable or scared. They have all been nice enough blokes. Just wouldn't want you to think that happens all the time.

He I suppose is the sole reason the meeting in a public place advice is spot on

well done getting away quickly

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 18:14:02

men like that really are very much in the minority Jazzi, the more OD you do the more you learn to spot them

PinkPeanuts Sat 26-Jan-13 18:20:28

Oh Jazzi how horrible for you! what a sleazy old bastard ugh. I hope it doesn't put you off for too long, don't let one arse ruin your chances.

Grinchie you're absolutely right, thats what I would feel comfortable in. I have some nice tops that will look lovely without looking like i'm going over the top iyswim. its a shame its so bloody cold as I love wearing blazers but I have a couple of nice coats that will make a change from my trusty parker!

Snapespeare Sat 26-Jan-13 18:24:22

Jazzi that is awful. I really think under those circumstances making polite excuses and leaving is acceptable. or running as quickly as possible in the other direction As women we're conditioned to an extent into being compliant and not wanting to upset anyone. His behaviour was absolutely out of order and it's extremely worrying that there were no red flags prior to meeting.

Do hope you're starting to feel a little better, hope you have a lovely relaxing evening planned smile

I've been asked out by a chap on OKC. he's very early thirties, apparently taller than me, is polite and charming (so far - no filth) it's the chap with CFS/ME. haven't responded yet, but he's suggested a coffee and that would be nice. smile

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 26-Jan-13 18:24:57

Jazzi, that sounds absolutely awful. I'm not surprised you feel upset and that it's put you off dating for a while. But just to back up what others have said, this isn't typical - I've never had a first date that's been anything like this. He sounds absolutely awful. Hope you're starting to feel a little better.

Alittlestranger Sat 26-Jan-13 18:27:29

Jazzi that sounds awful, poor you. I think you were well within your rights to have left after the first five minutes. If someone makes you nervous enough to have to rope in strangers then listen to your instincts and leave!

I just want to echo everyone else and say I have never had an experience like that so don't let it put you off.

Jazzicatz Sat 26-Jan-13 18:35:50

Thank you all, I did tell a couple of girlfriends and they were too busy laughing, which I suppose I can understand as it is quite funny, but it has still shaken me a little.

Jazzy of course you're upset, what an arse. I would echo what other posters have said in that it is absolutely not typical, you can leave a date anytime you feel uncomfortable and also as time goes on you will get a very finely tuned sense of when something isn't right.

Morning Man was he from gsm who wanted to meet at 10 am this morning. Nice guy, we got on very well and went for a walk after coffee, not sure if there will be a spark but we are meeting up again next week.

pink grin

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 18:53:21

I dont think it's all that funny Jazzi

Bant Sat 26-Jan-13 18:53:34

jazzi that sounds absolutely horrible. What a complete arsehole. You're justified in that situation to escape via the loo/back door if you're feeling threatened. I have no idea what causes men to act that way, but they're wastes of space.

It's understandable if you want to take a break after a bad experience like that, but as several people has said that's very unusual behaviour. Usually the worst you can expect is the stinking of fags. Your radar will get better, and feel free to knee a bloke in the bollocks if he's threatening you in the future. Any half decent bloke will applaud .

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 26-Jan-13 19:05:06

Have delurked.

jazzi (have you considered or) is there a way to report him on the Okcupid's website? I don't like the idea of someone else receiving the same treatment.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 26-Jan-13 19:08:41

WFF, I was wondering the same thing.

Jazzicatz Sat 26-Jan-13 19:09:04

I was thinking about reporting him but as far as I can see there isn't a facility to do it on Okcupid. I am just hoping that it was a one off sad

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 19:11:18

There isn't any way to report to okcupid.

The only possible thing would be to report sexual assault to police (the grabbing?) if you know his name and address or at least rough area where he lives.

MamaMassageMe Sat 26-Jan-13 19:13:56

Ohh Jazzi that sounds horrific sad I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

What are everyone's views on repeated cancellations? Mr Transition and I have been chatting for about 2 months now, he calls 2-3 per week, sooooo many texts..however.... out of 4 arranged dates he's cancelled 3 of them-all a few hours before we're meeting. So we've only met once...yet we chat all the time and it seems almost quite like we're seeing each other...

He cancelled this morning but has postponed it till tomorrow..I'm sceptical if he turns up and its hard not to feel a little hurt everytime he cancels although in all fairness today his ex text and offered him contact with his son after messing him about for a month so I didn't mind at all!

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 19:17:18

Mama that's really annoying. I guess see what happens tomorrow... if he does it again I would move on. Too unreliable.

48howdidthathappen Sat 26-Jan-13 19:23:43

Oh Jazz What an utter tosser. Echo others if in doubt get the hell out!

Mama If I am honest I cba. Sounds like a total time waster.

Just waiting on Mr R&R. Then off to the Rock & Roll gig. Sure it will be a laugh if nothing else.

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sat 26-Jan-13 19:44:15

Jazz - what a horrible man, how dare he.

Mama - how frustrating. Is he quite shy?

OhWesternWind Sat 26-Jan-13 19:49:27

Jazz that's horrendous. None of my dates were even remotely like that. Please don't think this is normal at all for OD. My worst date was horribly tedious but that's as bad as it got.

Just because you're on a date, you don't need to accept this kind of behaviour. If you are feeling uncomfortable, make an excuse if you want to, but just leave. That kind of behaviour isn't acceptable. (((Hugs)))

fayster Sat 26-Jan-13 20:06:31

Jazzi, that sounds horrific. I agree with everyone else, most dates aren't like that. Well done for alerting the other people, and for the benefit of anyone else who finds themself in a similar situation, please remember that you can always just leave. There's no need for an excuse if someone is acting in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you just get up and leave.

Mama, also CBA.

Snape, a date?

domesticgodless Sat 26-Jan-13 20:29:54

ohhhh gawd.

Since when did 'fun' come to mean 'an easy no strings shag I can get without having to pay for it'

I'm upping my age range, 2 messages from under 25s saying 'hey sorry to be cheeky but would you be up for some fun'

I feel like saying 'yes indeed i enjoy all sorts of fun things. Both outdoor and indoor. But if you want a free fuck you can fuck right off'.

aaaaaaarrrrrgh. Rant over.

domesticgodless Sat 26-Jan-13 20:30:31

Jazzi sounds like a wannabe sex criminal. You didn't even have to sit down with him. The first comment alone would have had me out the door.

domesticgodless Sat 26-Jan-13 20:34:57

btw respect to others on the thread who are involved in NSA things and that sort of 'fun' (and I have been in the past), I don't think NSA is always 'prostitution' so sorry for the metaphor. It's just the attitude of THESE particular men, that women online are gagging for it and it's a way to get your end away with an easy 'tart'. Probably wouldn't even have to buy these desperate older women a drink eh? Gah. Unbelievable.

It's that sense of male entitlement which I can't believe. Of course it may well happen the other way round too but obv I'm not seeing it. Plus I am bi and no woman has ever messaged me in that lazy, sleazy way ever.

domesticgodless Sat 26-Jan-13 20:35:47

sorry I mean I don't think NSA is EVER prostitution- it's just that I think these guys kind of see it that way, as a means to access bodies. Gah expression fail this eve.

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 20:41:22

<removes domesticgolsess' spade >


mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 20:42:07

NSA sites attract alot of men who have that mindset..but they are easy to spot!

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 20:43:02

and I doubt they ever get lucky...

SweetSeraphim Sat 26-Jan-13 20:45:57

Jazzi - I have told this story here before...

I went on a date once with someone I had been texting for a few weeks.

Went to a pub, went to the loo, and when I came back and sat down, he kindly showed me a picture of his hard cock on his phone. Just like that. grin

May I also mention the time that me and my sister pulled 2 blokes on a night out and took them back to my mums, as you do.

Me and my one went into the living room, my sister went to the loo, and her bloke went to make coffee in my mums kitchen. All of us went into the kitchen at the same time but obviously he was only expecting my sister... there he was, stark bollock naked, pointing at his cock and saying 'look at that and tell me you don't want it'

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 20:49:47

wtf Sweet grin
what makes them think thats they way to charm a girlconfused

SweetSeraphim Sat 26-Jan-13 20:52:39

Ohhhh thinking about that story always makes me laugh grin

Those were the days.....

Snapespeare Sat 26-Jan-13 20:56:14

domesticgodless. I think some men do view OD as a candy-shop and it's entirely possible that they don't quite get that there are some sites where NSA is the core element and some that mix NSA with relationship seekers. Sometimes wires get crossed. smile

I specifically state in my blurb that I don't date married men, men with live-in or long term partners or engage in casual sex. I get the very occasional 'gentleman caller' who messages me with a bit of filth, but people tend to get the message if you firmly and politely state what you do/dont believe in. Some people are chancers and will go for a scatter-gun approach. That tends to be men, because there is still unfortunately a bit of a perspective in some quarters that men make the first move... hmm

Snapespeare Sat 26-Jan-13 20:59:14


SweetSeraphim Sat 26-Jan-13 21:01:28

He did indeed Snape. She wasn't THERE, like, she was in bed. But still... grin

Another one got into bed with my mum once, pissed and trying to find the bathroom grin

Fucking hell we did have some laughs. I HATE being middle aged and settled sad

Snapespeare Sat 26-Jan-13 21:04:27

But.... But.... Your mum could have popped down for a cup of horlicks! (That does auto-correct to 'hot licks'. I've checked.)

Yes! A date! (Giggles.) date/time as yet unspecificied...hoping for this week.

SweetSeraphim Sat 26-Jan-13 21:05:36

I know!! Can you imagine???

Right, what's this date all about, I missed it.

Snapespeare Sat 26-Jan-13 21:10:47

Been chatting to a chap on OKC for a couple of weeks. Nice, easy, clever chats. Tall (I can prove this, having seen video footage, unless everyone else was 5ft 2) very handsome in a normal looking kind of smut, lots of shared interests (politics and all the not quite as important ones) averaging one a day or every other day no mad constant contact stuff. One day I didn't get around to replying to the previous days message, and he texted me a witty, un-needy one-liner qualifying what he had said in case I had misinterpreted and was being sulky.

He's nice.

I'm not giving him a name as yet as that has tended to be associated with everything going tits-up.

SweetSeraphim Sat 26-Jan-13 21:13:07

Oooh. Sounds promising.... And you're going to try for this week? You need clever <nods>

I get so tense when you lot go on dates with what sound like promising men.

Snapespeare Sat 26-Jan-13 21:15:30

you get tense! grin

I'm kind of the stage where I'm not expecting too much, so if he's delightful, that will be wonderful but of course, then he won't fancy me

SweetSeraphim Sat 26-Jan-13 21:22:36

Yeah, I don't blame you for not getting over-excited. But this one might surprise you....

domesticgodless with the younger chancers I think the porn site ads for hook ups/cams where 'single Mums want cock' 'milfs just want a fuck' lead some to believe that this is indeed true. It's feeds into the myths of the desperate Mum/milf thing. There are also some women who are up for what they see as a fit young nsa shag so it's a numbers game for the guys who think they know someone who knows someone who gets lucky.

I am getting rather concerned. I have now unhidden my POF profile and have yet to get my first bit of filth. Should have known it wasn't a goer when Voice refuses my offer of lingerie picsgrin.

Mama remember it's not what he says its what he does.

Snape no comment here, nothing, nada, niente, no siree grin

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sat 26-Jan-13 21:32:43

Ok. Without giving TMI - sex on second date blush with Mr Full On/Mr Possibly Just Wanted Sex. Very confident considering he hadn't been on a single date in two years. He initiated morning sex - Good or just the actions of a man who Just Wanted Sex? He has very limited phone signal where he is today and tonight and told me this before he left. Had one text, just about what he had been doing, no reference to date...

Bunny is it the morning sex that you are asking about?

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sat 26-Jan-13 21:40:24

I suppose I'm just inviting opinions about his behaviour since date 1, I find it all a bit inconsistent. Fairly new to dating coupled with poor self esteem!

Ah, have you posted about him before? I don't know the backstorey. imo sex the night before and morning after is fine. It all depends on how he was with you, when you dtd doesn't matter it is his attitude and behaviour that matters.

Having said that if you are finding him inconsistent, then that is not a good sign. If it doesn't feel right, that might be because it isn't right.

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sat 26-Jan-13 21:51:07

His behaviour in some ways has been too full on, sending a text the morning after date 1 saying 'can't stop thinking about you', checked POF and he'd deleted his account. But then cancelled loosely arranged date 2 due to working late (seems consistent with his job though). Quite keen for sex on actual date 2 and not heard much today - although he did tell me before he left that he wouldn't have signal, to avoid me thinking he'd just wanted sex.

MamaMassageMe Sat 26-Jan-13 21:54:38

I called it off sad

He was going to take his son home early so he didn't let me down again...I'm just not really comfortable with that when I know he would prefer to be with his son as he doesn't get to see him often at all sad

Said I felt he didn't have space for me right now...he agreed and of course was really lovely about it.

So Mr Transition is over sad I'll miss him, loved chatting to him and getting to know him.

Going to leave confuses me and is expensive...have just joined okc hehe...

anyone else just enjoy the attention and not necessarily looking for anything is paticular?

backonline Sat 26-Jan-13 22:22:59

not admitting sexual problems I can't find the old thread but I am sure that I remember someone replying to one of my posts and saying that they had come across a man who had sexual problems but wouldnt' admit it. Please put me out of my naive misery smile isn't it obvious when a man has "issues"? blush I'm (in theory) spending the night (for the first time) with new man next week and am getting nervous. I wondered if anyone had any suggestions as to how to make a night away, wehn you both know what is likely to happen, less liley to go tits up from the pressure (or lack of smile )

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 22:30:26

Juliette, I think you're spot on about the porn ads..guys that follow them are surely in for a pretty rude awakening!
(or rather not nearly as rude as they'd been led to believe grin )

mercury7 Sat 26-Jan-13 22:31:20

did you post on the wrong thread backonline..or did I miss something?? smile

Poppysquad Sat 26-Jan-13 22:35:19

Hi all. Not been here for a while. I've been getting on with life with Sugar Daddy. It's been a whole six weeks now. We spent last weekend together in Amsterdam. Which was lovely.

I should be relaxing into this now but instead some of the old paranoia is returning. He has done NOTHING to make me distrust him, other than him opting not go home this evening, preferring to have some time to himself. He's coming over tomorrow afternoon though. I am stupid aren't I? Is it just him retreating into his cave? He's not going off me is he?

SweetSeraphim Sat 26-Jan-13 22:44:44

When did you last see him?

MsCellophane Sat 26-Jan-13 22:46:23

Need to write this down!

Kids all at work/out/dads

My and eldest DD went out this afternoon, came home and were eating dinner and it sounded like someone was walking around upstairs. Though it was son but he was at work. We looked all around house and all was fine. DD went out

Just heard a big noise and a pile of boxes in dining room fell down. No burglar but I am a bit freaked as here alone. Dogs are asleep and haven't made a noise, cat is asleep on sofa.

All very freaky and am looking forward to kids getting home

Bunny I'm not sure I get it, date 2 was cancelled then he came round in the morning or date 2 was rearranged and you had sex this morning as well as after the date?

If the first, not good. If the second, he's actually said he'll have a poor signal to avoid you worrying so as long as you enjoyed it you can only wait and see when he gets in touch. Is there a reason you're doubting the signal thing?

MsC unless your dog is particularly dopey, trust your cat (aliens and zombies) and dog (humans) grin

Poppysquad Sat 26-Jan-13 22:54:23

Sweet he called around this afternoon. It's me, not quite trusting things....

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sat 26-Jan-13 22:56:07

Sorry Juliette - date 2 was originally arranged for a certain day but he had to cancel due to working late and rearranged for a couple of days later - yesterday evening but ended up being overnight too.

SweetSeraphim Sat 26-Jan-13 22:58:18

What is it that he's doing to make you not trust things? You only saw him today! If he didn't want to see you, he wouldn't....

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-13 23:10:40

Poppy I wouldn't worry

Much as I loved BC I still needed some me time. Didn't mean anything with regards to how much I liked him and all that

Poppysquad Sat 26-Jan-13 23:34:31

I know you're right. It's me. He's really lovely and doesn't do anything that makes me doubt him. I just have to keep reminding myself, he's not my cheating ExH and this is a very different relationship.

Then I get worried about pushing him away or putting him off me by the way I behave. Do you get the impression I am just a worrier?

Does this dating get any easier? I still feel a complete novice.

Sorry, been out all night. I don't recall you offering your lingerie pics, Juliette. If I overlooked, I apologise profusely. Although you could have just sent them anyway!

Scrazy Sun 27-Jan-13 00:35:31

Will catch up properly tomorrow. Just wanted to say that I got a bus tonight for the first time ever, well in a long time. The bus driver was someone who contacted me on POF, a few months ago. I didn't let him see my pic as I thought he wasn't my type, his photo was OK but occupation etc and he said something slightly odd so I stopped contact.

Soon as I got on the bus I recognised him and he was hot!!! Bit young for me, but a very pleasant person. I would have gone out with him if I had known, Just saying you can never tell! Of course, I couldn't exactly say anything.

MsCellophane Sun 27-Jan-13 00:43:04

Told mrcouncilman about the things banging and crashing and he came over

Just spent a lovely hour talking and then kissing - this one I really like

Voice it must have been some other man then.

I'm vair free with my favours wink

MsC so let me get this straight. You concoct tell him the story about your having zombies in the dining room and MrC comes to your rescue. You are goodgrin

Juliette - I feel left out now

Middy86 Sun 27-Jan-13 02:10:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Middy86 Sun 27-Jan-13 02:14:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-13 07:02:48

backonline that was me talking about seeing someone for a while, falling for them but still no sex... then finding out that for one of many reasons the sex isn't going to work between you.

The one who wouldn't admit it warned me he had trouble with new situations sex wise but would be fine soon. I said ok no worries we'll take it easy. We tried over several more dates (ten) to have sex and nope, wasn't working (we did other things of course in my attempt to take the pressure off him)

A few more dates and it really wasn't a 'new' situation he was in any more. By this time I'd been seeing him about five months total and attempting to have sex for three of those months. I tried to talk to him to say maybe this problem had progressed into something more long term and he insisted it hadn't. So I suggested that getting some initial help (viagra/levitra/cialis) might help get his confidence back if he was sure that was what it was... he refused.

Well that was extraordinarily patient for me as I really liked him and had done my best to remove all pressure and help with confidence but that was just enough when he denied it and refused.

Anyway backonline I didn't mean to make you worried about your first night with the new chap... as I said at the time I'm sure I just had a very unusual run of rotten luck in that department. I'm sure you'll have a great time. Have fun!

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sun 27-Jan-13 08:52:35

Middy No, I slept with him simply because I wanted to, regardless of how he chooses to behave now. It's not something that I have done before, as I was in a relationship with STBXH at a relatively young age and can't really call on my 'experiences' as a young woman before that time. I know I need to work on my self-esteem, it is poor, although I come across as quite confident in RL.

Re Mr Full On being genuine, reading what I have written makes me think hmm what has he actually done for me to think he isn't? And are these insecurities just coming from me? And why am I analysing it all so much given that it's two dates, so should I just get a grip?

Tamoo Sun 27-Jan-13 09:57:05

Can't believe you're 11 pages into the new thread already?!

Well I cancelled my Saturday date which would have been my first one in nearly 18 months. The guy was sweet but he mentioned his ex all the time, literally, her name came up in every conversation we had. Final straw was when making arrangements for Saturday, we had a bit of to-ing and fro-ing about where best to meet, then he came up with a good idea (museum), and after I agreed he messaged back to say, "Ooh I hope my ex isn't there, she goes to the museum a lot. Lol!"

That was it for me, I knew more about her than I knew about him, so I said I'd had second thoughts as his constant references to her made me think he was still emotionally attached. He was very nice, denied it, however he didn't answer one point I made, which was that it sounded as though they had separated more recently than a year ago, which was what he said.

Other messages have been few and far between. I've had one guy (whom I didn't really fancy but was trying not to be picky) turn from whimsical to teasing to snide, sending messages with convoluted/smartarse digs at me, then 'apologising', then doing it again (I've ignored all of them but they just keep coming...)

Guy posing in a suit in a shopping mall messaged to say that my profile was too long "but" I have an attractive face, in a 'I'll do you if I have to, I guess' kind of tone.

Other than that just lots of really short guys!

Bant Sun 27-Jan-13 10:23:15

Tamoo - it'll pick up, I'm sure. Good call on Mr-Still-Into-His-Ex though. If he's like that now, he'd probably end up 'oh Susan didn't butter toast like that, susan doesn't like that kind of wine, Susan didn't make sex noises like that.. etc' - not going to end well.

On an unrelated note, I'd heard vaguely somewhere that when your subscription on Match was coming to an end, they would suddenly coincidentally send you lots of very attractive matches who they'd somehow forgotten about before in a cynical attempt to get you to resubscribe. This doesn't seem to be the case -

I've cancelled my subscription as there's not much point while I'm trying to get the new job/flat/country/learning a language sorted out, and pickings are thin on Match in Budapest - but they keep sending me match-mails of women who are just frankly scary-looking.

I looked briefly on POF for women in Budapest onine in the last week - there are 9. 3 are attractive-ish. Bugger. Guess I'll have to do the Real life thing for someone to show me around the city..

Scattylatte Sun 27-Jan-13 10:27:22

tamoo good decision regarding the ex thing. Sounded like he just wanted someone to talk to about his ex which is terribly unattractive.
As for the others, man in the suit sounded like a total tosser. So you should be grateful for his crumbs. why don't you just fuck off? Would be a suitable reply.
And the weird apologising/insulting messaging is just weird.

You are not alone in suffering from the delights of the emotionally incontinent.

I was messaged yesterday by a man who has a very good education, head of an RnD department and had a nice picture of him on a business trip. I assumed maybe, just maybe he would have some emotional wherewithal. Nope. We casually arranged to meet for a drink on the 10th feb and since then he has bombarded me with messages about venues, xxx, etc. The last one was 'your room or mine?' WTF??

Fireman - sent him a friendly neutral text about my day and how was his. Nice text with a question about how often I see my son replied. I answered his text. He then text asking if I was ok as he didn't think I seemed happy on text? What? I replied I was happy. He replied he was going to stop texting before he blows it. Why can't we just have a normal conversation?

Tamoo Sun 27-Jan-13 10:45:51

Scatty I admire your tenacity wrt the fireman but are you sure it's really worth it? He sounds exhausting, and that's just the texting part.

Businessman twat doesn't surprise me, I've posted before about how 'successful' men seem to think they're already in by virtue of their professional/money-making qualities, eg the bloke who brought an overnight bag to our first date, I also had a GP once announce at our first coffee meeting that he was deleting his profile when he got home because he wanted to see how things panned out with me - didn't even ask if I wanted to see him again (I didn't), just assumed I would be because he'd be defined as 'a good catch'. I'm sure it's another entitlement thing.

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 10:55:05

Not dating related but had a bad day yesterday. Dcs both talking about how much they miss the old house, friends etc. god, so do I. I want to go back. Not really but Im a bit "homesick" even though we've been here eighteen months now. Old house was beautiful, detached period house in a little village, huge garden, good friends nearby, very flexible hours at work. Now we are in horrible 60s semi with no carpets and nasty neighbours, my working day is a lot longer, no money spare to do house up or let dcs have treats. Have had to tell them that yet again i cant afford to take them abroad over summer. Theyve never been further than wales. Feel like I've let the children down and made lots of wrong decisions.

Eldest also told me that ex did something I don't know about and threatened her if she ever told. I said he wouldn't know. She said, yes he would as I'd have to do something about it. She wont tell me. Oh god.

Alittlestranger Sun 27-Jan-13 10:55:26

FM does sound exhausting, but I'm not a fan of trying to have "conversations" over text.

Businessmen aren't my type at all, but I had one date with someone who was a bit international businessy. I found it really off putting. He kept mentioning his secretary etc and of course finding a time to meet had to require him to update me on his flight schedule for the next couple of weeks. hmm There was a distinct whiff of bullshit exaggeration, and if it was an attempt to impress me then he was clearly crap at reading people.

Tamoo Sun 27-Jan-13 11:07:12

Western that's horrible, especially that your ex actually threatened her?! I've had ex come up with dodgy ideas and a 'don't tell your mother' attitude but that's one step beyond.

Re. businessmen, I actively avoid all the 'work hard play hard/I like the finer things in life/I'm so lucky' type profiles, far too much material focus.

Scattylatte Sun 27-Jan-13 11:14:36

oww your children are loved dearly by you and they are safe because you are keeping them safe. You are doing such an amazing job. Maybe your DD will talk to you in time. They will be ok without a big holiday.

Fireman is mildly exhausting. I don't feel like I want to phone him though as I feel like I'm intruding. He says he isn't used to texting. And round in circles we go...if we get to it, I'm giving him 3 more dates to wise up a bit. Then that's it. I've given him enough elastic.

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 11:16:03

oww that's horrible, poor wee soul. Is the maybe another 'trusted adult' she could tell, so she isn't breaking a soecific promise not to tell you? Then if it's significant enough that someone has to act on it, the other person can act. That's a huge thing for a small person to carry around.

The nameless one messaged me a lovely one liner late one night, tha he is smiling at the prospect of a 'cosy cup of tea' with me. smile just realised he lives 10 minutes from where I grew up, which is only 20 minutes by train from where I am now. I am considering practicalities, that's never a good sign when one is trying to maintain a veneer of nonchalance.

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 11:23:30

Fireman does sound a bit like hard work - but LM is hard work in a way too but worth it. I'm sure I am hard work sometimes too. I think giving him a bit more time is sensible. Maybe he'll settle down a bit.

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 11:26:31

On living somewhere lovely and then living somewhere un-lovely...

We had an amazing top half of a converted Victorian mansion in a tiny little village on the coast about an hours drive form Glasgow. I loved it. Garden with a cherry tree, views towards sheep-studded hills from one giant bay window, views over the sea from the other. Two public rooms, three bedrooms, giant kitchen. Study. <sigh> XP was unhappy, it was 'too far' fromGlasgow and his friends, the commute was too difficult, the heating was ancient (central heating, coal fire powered) Eventually I agreed to move back to Glasgow. We sold the house barely scraping, one we had paid off debts, including those solely in his name and rented a tiny pokey wimpy home back in Glasgow, while we looked for somewhere to buy....and that's when I found out he'd been having an affair with a woman living 20 miles from Glasgow in the opposite direction and the 'difficult' commute was the one to her bed.

I'm actually (still) more upset about the house than him dicking around on me and giving me the STD. smile

But. I can't change that, we now live somewhere nice again, the kids are all fab, with a few problems. We're happy look at where you are now as a transitional stop off. You and DCs have each other. you are doing the very best you can under very difficult circumstances and while a holiday would be nice (oh! It really would!) it's only something extra. smile

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 11:33:07

The kindness of some people on this thread is amazing. You know who you are. Thank you.

Scattylatte Sun 27-Jan-13 11:43:16

snape cool vibe from nameless can be nonchalant and be logistic at the same time. Your house sounded lovely, glad you are in a a nice place now.

I'm going to manage the whole fireman artefact with an air of formality. He does phone me and we get along very well on phone and in person. He describes me as very cool and has told me he hasn't fancied anyone as much as me in a long time. He has made efforts to arrange the cinema visit which he describes is out of his comfort zone. The 'noise' in this situation is, him telling me his mates think I have a 'man in every port', his ex wife and the whole seeing her, having sex for 5 years after a divorce, the phone and car incident.
So, I'll formalise the relationship to friend level and see how we get on.

ike1 Sun 27-Jan-13 11:50:14

OWW....sorry to hear about the 'blues'. Tell your daughter it is your job to look out for her and as such there can be no 'secrets'...the rest is just pleasant frippery ...paint the floorboards ad get rugs. Hugs..x

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 12:06:33

Yoga hope things go well tomorrow with your dd.

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 12:21:17

Snape nameless one sounds LOVELY.

I have personally come to the conclusion that I am myself dicking people around atm. Mr. Serious emailed me reminding me I didn't confirm a supposd date today. And I didn't. I've been too flakey and ambiguous. But this is wasting people's time, and if I'm doing that I'm clearly not ready for OD. Probably still processing too much from last nasty relationship. So I'm off OKC and back on the sofa for a bit.

OWW I feel your pain. I was the one to leave my marriage and my ex still has the nice 5 bed house which I chose, decorated, etc..... I am in a small 3 bed now but it does have a nice view :D He controls every aspect of the kids' lives eg school etc, he 'kept' our only local friends... so i am very much more 'out' of the kids lives as can't afford to live in the area he lives in, only in a cheaper area of London, and as a bit of a marginal eccentric leftie don't fit in at all with the well off 4 wheel driving mums of the public school he sends them to. So all in all I'm very lonely here and feel I live a life as a sort of nanny for him. But OD isnt' the way out of it, I think. Not sure what is, though.

I've tried for 3 years to settle with him amicably, but realise I'm goign to have to take him to court this year or he will simply expect everything to stay the way it is, not give me my share of the house, etc. 4 years since separation, and he still will not agree the divorce. Constant delays and repetition of paperwork etc. So I think a costly lawsuit is the only way and I'm not looking forward to it.

Guess some of this explains why OD isn't working out as well, I don't really have headspace for it.

Oww that is just awful. It's always unsettling when you think you are getting on with your lives and yet another revelation comes from nowhere. Maybe DD will tell you soon anyway but she does lnow you are there for her regardless. The phase of missing the house will pass, you already did the very best for them by getting away from abusive ex, you love them well, holidays abroad can wait.

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 12:25:29

OWW your ex sounds extremely abusive and as if he hasn't moved on. Putting your daughter in that position is really inexcusable. And will rebound on him in the future, tbh.

godless take a bow. Maybe OD was a diversion to avoid dealing with the inevitable. Put that energy into nailing him, he won't know what's hit him wink

Juliette - I'll settle for a pic of you in a dressing gown if necessary wink

OWW - what Juliette said

mercury7 Sun 27-Jan-13 12:33:57

I have personally come to the conclusion that I am myself dicking people around atm

I think it's hard not to..infact, for me OD is inherently casual until you develop a deeper connection and things often just dont get to that stage.
Most people in my age group are not footloose & fancy free, they have more serious or pressing things to deal with and I see OD as a lighthearted diversion when I've got the time for it.

By the same token if I dont hear from somone I just assume they are pre-occupied with important things like earning a living, dealing with children & relatives etc.

I guess it depends on whether you are looking for something serious or something casual?

ike1 Sun 27-Jan-13 12:44:09

Snape rereading your post about the seaview flat...I am just so enraged by your ex's twuntery...its really just so fucking crap...cheating with no remorse. At the end of the day life has got to be more honest and better for the soul without the twunts bringing you down (even if materially life is tougher).

It is a good reminder, because most days I find myself thinking back to the life I had with my ex..I truely loved him and he appeared to be a placid, caring person. But he cheated on me when DS was 8months old and continued to do that all through my second pregnancy (I was 'blissfully' unaware) so really I must remind myself that my life is far more honest and more secure than it ever was with him at least I know what is going on now and to an extent 'mistress' of my own fate. Same goes for you, Snape and OWW.

Voice now you're talking wink

Mercury it doesn't sound like you are messing people about, it sounds to me like you are very clear about what you want from the outset which is great.

ike1 Sun 27-Jan-13 12:49:54

....oh and since he no longer has a reason to be 'nice' to me...I can see his true personality which is controlling and scornful, this was mainly kept hidden at home so he could have his life 'compartmentalised' as he wished. So onwards and upwards, chicks.....

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 13:00:31

Oh gosh Ike I saw the same in my ex.

I left him during a crazy manic episode, and blamed myself originally... but the continual, ice-cold hate and refusal to discuss or negotiate anything he has targeted at me ever since even after I bent over backwards to apologise (and gave up things like the house to show contrition) really made me think about who he really was all the way through our marriage. I got very depressed and ended up in hospital at one point following a suicide attempt and all I got from him was one terse phone call about childcare. I realised that this person really wasn't superior to me at all, as I had thought he was throughout the marriage and after.

Hehe no wonder I can't OD, I am definitely too loony and messed up atm. :D I have mental health issues (bipolar) and I think maybe that is just too much for any relationship (my appalling choices and personal bad behaviour in the past would seem to bear this out :D)

I did want something casual or mostly friendly Mercury- for all the reasons listed in the above paragraph :D however I think I've realised I am too flakey and all over the place atm even to manage that!! So I am wasting people's time and that ain't on.

grinchie Sun 27-Jan-13 13:08:18

And me!
Left a 5 bed, 3 bath Victorian Villa, period features etc, etc.

Now it's me & DD in a new build two bed flat.

We couldn't be happier, Ex was very, very messed up and abusive.
People can shove their snobbery along with their tiled fireplace up their arse, no amount of cornice detailing can make up for living with a man like that.

mercury7 Sun 27-Jan-13 13:14:32

I also went from spacious family home to 'cosy' flat..mind you it's just me, offspring have sprung off.
I do miss that kitchen, even though the aga cost a fortune to run
oh wellgrin
c'est la vie
loony & messed up? me too

ike1 Sun 27-Jan-13 13:22:42

I suppose that is why I would be happy to keep my domestic arrangements relatively 'unchanged', certainly while the children are at home, but have the opportunity enjoy a warm relationship along side this.

I really dont want to hand over too much, certainly not at the the moment, even if I feel a bit 'alone' sometimes. Being 'secure' in the sense of not giving another person the ability to affect your domestic status quo overnight, is not to be taken lightly ....

mercury7 Sun 27-Jan-13 13:27:06

I love being alone, never feel lonely, I cant imagine ever wanting to co-habit again!

ike1 Sun 27-Jan-13 13:37:02

I am not sure I would want to co-habit , I certainly would like a decent, steadfast relationship though.

I've had good and crap relationships and now that DS is all grown(ish) I would live to share life with a good man, eat, play, do stuff, wake up together, live our lives lots of affection and sex. The whole thing, hopefully for good. Luckily I always kept my finances separate, only bought my first property with a bf yrs ago and made sure I was protected. I was engaged to one live in but I would have had more to loose so after discovering some financial dishonesty I stopped our proposed joint purchase of a beautiful house and told him he could live in my next house, but it stayed in my name. We split a few years later. When we moved here it was a flea pit but 7 yrs later its ours. Even though I would like happy ever after I've worked too hard to be secure so I wouldn't get married unless he was mega rich or something

ike1 Sun 27-Jan-13 14:09:03

I will never take financial and emotional safeguards for granted again and I think you have played that very wisely Juliette.

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 14:20:09

Yes mercury I think I'm with you. I'd like friendship and sex. The last live in was a disaster, he lived 'off' me and expected deference, constant attention when he demanded it, to be the 'man of the house' despite not working, not paying bills, and intending to establish a career abroad (! crazy, yes). I think my own boundaries are fucked up (probably as I am indeed a loon smile as I choose to describe my difficulties, I don't see the point in not making fun of them, they're hard enough). So I need to be on my own for a while.

Thing is casual is also difficult isn't it. Where to draw the boundaries. You can't expect someone to just fit in with what you want, and maybe I can't handle the give and take atm.

I love living in my own particular way, making messes I don't have to clear up cos no one else cares, being in my dressing gown all day if I like on Sunday, not having to run my life around anyone else (except the DCs of course, that's a bit one with a 5 and 9 year old :D)

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 14:21:29

I have a dream also of one day living near beautiful countryside up North (as stuck in London for the forseeable) iin a nice small place of my own where the DCs can visit when they are grown up :D these things keep me goingg.

Middy86 Sun 27-Jan-13 14:24:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ike oh I e made sOme very silly mistakes with friends and bfs and money. Now I've got small income I think if only.. Live and learn eh.

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 14:46:24

No Middy definitely DON'T make him a joint owner. Very hard not to do it though, as he might see it as 'mistrust'.

ike1 Sun 27-Jan-13 14:46:43

Well of course Juliette that's the thing, to learn by past events/errors and make it work for you in the present and potential future..

mercury7 Sun 27-Jan-13 14:50:49

casual is difficult..yes it is very
but it's a breeze compared to the dead weight of 'the man of the house'
the belief that masculinity trumps everything
well good luck with that on yer bike
with the man of the house dethroned life's a picnic, a stroll in the park grin

Middy86 Sun 27-Jan-13 14:54:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ike1 Sun 27-Jan-13 15:03:29

Good to have your head switched on now Middy.....

StellaBrillante Sun 27-Jan-13 15:05:26

Hi all
Sorry but a little rant from me (before I end up posting it on FB for the world to see!): English is not my first language BUT it drives me mad when some guy decides that 'he is in with a chance' and sends me a random message with about a dozen grammatical errors. It started with 'you was' and it just went from bad to worse. As crazy as it may sound, I just find it so insulting!
To make matters worse, I've just come back from a month at home to the same old rubbish of...nothing or THIS. I mean, I had fours weeks of feeling absolutely spoiled for choice on the flirting / dating department, and even managed to break my 28 month 'dateless' spell (three times) while I was away! Urgh!!! angry *rant over*

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 15:06:12

Stella what country were you in?

Agree it seems a lot easier to meet people in countries other than unfriendly old Blighty.

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 15:07:29

LOL Mercury... I never wanted a man of the house around... least of all a man-boy who contributed nothing but dirty dishes! heheh. Yes life is far easier without.

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 15:14:19

I was absolutely royally fucked over financially by the DCs dad. I loved him SO much that I spent the best part of my (modest) inheritance on holidays abroad, house deposits, major purchases to which he contributed nothing. I inherited a further sum later on down the line and cleared all our debts, including those in his sole name. He bought a motorbike with my our money while he was having an affair and planning to leave me

I don't actually think about any of this ver often nowdays, as I was an absolute idiot...tha said, I've now learned from my own HUGE mistakes. I doubt very much I could live with someone again, having lived on my own with the DCs for almost 13 years now... The kids are getting bigger, they'll leave home at some point and I will buy a LOT of cats and I'll maybe then consider living with someone...if someone is wanting to live with me...

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 15:17:24

Snape what an utter wanker he was!! excuse language!

my ex would have loved to have been in his position. One of the things that really kicked me out of my infatuation with him was when he said once 'I love it when you spoil me'. Ugh.

I got wise about a year ago and cut the financial cords although he still prevailed on me to pay for air fares, all the food, etc (he'd moved out of UK at that point). I was an utter twat too, I'm not exactly blaming him, I should have stopped it, but I thought I was 'in love'. Maybe I was, but looking back I really can't be all that sure any more...

Middy86 Sun 27-Jan-13 15:23:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StellaBrillante Sun 27-Jan-13 15:39:38

dg - I was in Brazil. Don't get me wrong, England has been my home for longer than I ever lived over there and I love it here. But on the dating / men front, the situation is dire...or at least it is for me! :-)

I realise that it makes me sound really arrogant but on top of the bad grammar, the guy scores a minus on the looks department and doesn't seem to have much of a career either but still thinks that I might be tempted... And here I am working out almost every day, looking after myself and ds, getting on with my career, studies, etc...well, it's for myself and not for some guy but still!

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 15:46:16

Domestic your ex sounds appalling, really, truly horrible. Just do whatever it takes now to get rid of him. My ex hung on and on about selling a property, messed about for years just so he could have a hold over me. The feeling when it sold last December was indescribable. Such relief.

Everyone else - sorry for the house moan. It's silly and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. And I found the big house and garden hard to clean and maintain by myself, so I think it's a case of the grass is always greener. This house is bloody depressing though. Have spent loads of money on rewiring and things that don't show, but I'm tackling it a room at a time now. I paid off my ex and although sometimes it hurts me to realise what a ride he took me for, when we were together and afterwards, my god it would be worth twice that amount just to be rid of him.

Just realising I'm not alone is one of the best things about this thread. Thank you everyone.

Dd has told me what it was. Not good by a long chalk, but sadly nothing new and nothing that wasn't surpassed by the stuff that I did find out about a long while ago and that's all been through the proper channels with the police etc. So nothing more to be done other than trying to comfort her. What memories she has to live with sad but I am hoping the future will be better and that she'll never find herself in that situation again with any man.

Missed a call from LM earlier. He's very supportive about this sort of thing but I'm not up to talking at the moment without bursting into tears and I don't want to do that on him again today. I think I will phone him back after tea.

Middy no, absolutely don't buy anything in joint names, Not e en if he gets a job and says he'll pay his way. If things go bad, just watch all his 'principles' go out the window as he stops contributing and still gets half. You have to protect yourself and DC

domesticgodless Sun 27-Jan-13 16:28:40

I've got rid of the user ex-bf OWW- and feeling far better.

The ex husband is a different problem, we have children and although I'd happily run a million miles from him, I clearly can't from them. As he has seized control of their lives almost completely (and is a lawyer!!) I have no way of changing anything, except legal battles I can't afford. He will not bend or negotiate in any way. Sees me as a 'nutter' and he is the 'main parent' etc. But I am going to get the financial settlement this year. And then maybe I can actually move on properly!

your poor DD OWW and how lucky she has a caring sensitive mum to make up for that clearly selfish git. Very happy to see it worked out for you with LM.

48howdidthathappen Sun 27-Jan-13 16:41:57

Mr R&R has just left the building smile

I was going to end it with him last night as my skin is having a flare up (Psoriasis) just didn't want to get naked with him sad Only 3rd episode in my life.
Anyhow told him at the Rock & Roll gig as he knew something was up. He was fucking lovely. Told me he had an ex with the same thing and it does not bother him at all, he proved that later. Said he likes me a lot and he didn't want it to be over. I told him I really like him too. So all good smile

Regarding exs. Mine was a nice guy but useless at RL. When I ended things with him he had got us into financial meltdown. I decided as my kids were grown up I could no longer look after the cuckoo in the nest.

48 of course he was cool about it, he is a nice, normal man who really likes you and that is what you should expect. Have faith wink

48howdidthathappen Sun 27-Jan-13 17:00:37

Thanks Juliette We ended up having a great time smile I even made him food shock Well he had used a lot of energy grin

wolfandi Sun 27-Jan-13 17:20:22

Well yesterdays date with single dad was interesting, chatted for hours. Uber focused on his young child, and on his ex wife. Highly educated and very well travelled. Am a little uncertain, but will meet him again to see how it goes.

Also, meeting another guy tomorrow (as it stands).Have been chatting by text as you do. This is the text i just got "Yeah i've always been like that, couldn't care less what people think of me, what you see is what you get and if you don't like it, tuff lol. How can i say this without making me sound bad?, i have a temper lol, not quick but bad. Like a keg of TNT with a mile long fuse, doen't come quick, explodes and is over with in seconds lol".

Red flag much?!

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 17:20:28

oww I'm glad DD told you what was bothering her and I'm glad it doesn't seem as bad as it possibly could have. smile

48 that's lovely that he understands. Really sweet! We all panic about the bits of us we don't like/think are hideous and it's generally just us thinking that. No one else gives a stuff! If they do, then they're not worth our angst! smile

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 17:27:33

wolf ohh, I love the use of the 'lol' after saying he has a 'bit of a temper' hmm explosive temper that is only reserved for the truly bad things but our love is so special that I cant help it when you make me angry

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 17:28:21

He does sound lovely, 48. Don't finish it with him over something like that.

So many horrible exes on here. sad. Sometimes though I do just feel so sad and lonely. I'd never want my ex back ever, but I miss so much living with someone, properly sharing my life with another adult, having someone there for mutual support, laughter, fun. I don't know if such a thing is achievable - I've never had it yet on a sustained basis without things ending up going horribly wrong, but I am not giving up hope. LM is lovely but it's still such early days and who knows what will happen. I find change and dealing with the unknown quite difficult and I've had far too much of it recently. I just want some stability and long periods where nothing much happens and life just carries on in a pleasant, ordinary way.

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 17:31:21

Thanks Snape I was imagining some pretty bad stuff.

Wolf oh dear. Is the powder keg guy the one you're supposed to be meeting tomorrow? I'd be tempted to cancel if it is.

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 17:42:17

snape I have to say you write the loveliest replies to people's messages. You seem like a really cool person. I always look forward to reading when I see your name!

Can I have a bit of advice. I am stupid. I know I am stupid but I am thinking about Mr Complicated a lot. He was full on chasing me last week then just went really quiet and cancelled our date. he said his baby was ill, court case for access hanging over him and I was right that it is prob too quick for him to be dating. He said he needs to sort his stuff out first and apologised for wasting my time. Now we didn't spend a lot of time together. An hours date, days of texts and emails (lots) our lives and situations are very similar. I felt really comfortable with him and I don't get that easily. We live literally 5 mins from each other. He was lovely looking with a gorg smile. He ticked all of my boxes. He said I was easy to talk to and he was gutted about ruining our first date but we could laugh about it in years to come if we got together. He seemed to like me. But if he did like me then he wouldn't have cancelled would he?! Arghhhhh I don't know whether to send him a text asking how his baby was and that I understand about situations being shit but if he ever wanted to chat that he could call me. What do you think??

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 17:46:01

Or should I just be cool and never contact him again...

Btw I am not cool. I try to channel my inner sass but fail miserably when it comes to dating!!

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 17:47:11

Nomore well, there's nothing to lose by texting and offering a sympathetic ear, but what he said about not being ready to date is probably true and you might just be setting yourself up for disappointment if either he doesn't reply, or if he does reply and you want more from him than he's in a position to give right now.

wolfandi Sun 27-Jan-13 17:50:11

Yes, it was. I'll cancel and block his number I think.

Glad it's not as bad as you feared OWW. It's still all pretty shit though.

48, he sounds like a good un!

Middy86 Sun 27-Jan-13 17:55:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 18:11:37

Oh that's lovely of you to say so nomore. Thank you blush

It sounds like a really difficult situation as he does sound quite nice, but he also sounds like he has a lot on his plate at the moment and might not be 'ready', so could be (subconsciously) sabotaging any fledgling relationship....sounds like he needs a friend more than he needs a relationship right now.

I would reply, reply offering dignified support/friendship - as he is so near and it does sound (in the nicest possible way) that he would benefit from a shoulder to cry on. He has said that you are right that he shouldn't be dating you kind of thought it, said it...and he's confirmed it.

..but I'd be wary of getting too involved with someone who seems perfect, but who tries to push you away completely when he's having a tough time.

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 18:21:14

I replied after the text saying thanks for letting me know and I hope your baby is okay. That was on Wed. Think I will leave it for a few days. I've got a feeling he won't reply (that might be because I desperately want him to and i never get what I want) but I feel like I need to do this to get closure. I thought we were going in one direction then all of a sudden he just stopped the car and got out. I know it doesn't sound good but having been in a similar situation, I know that when things were bad i behaved in ways that I wouldn't do normally. Or maybe I should just forget about him, but I can't!!! I am a fool!! Blindly optimistic I think!!

MsCellophane Sun 27-Jan-13 18:24:47

I have a query and would like opinions please

I really like Mrcouncilman but I started talking to him under an intimate encounter profile. His says looking for a relationship

Would you mention, if you were me, that you are open to looking at a relationship with him? he has been very chatty all day with a fair bit of flirting and we are looking to sort 3rd meeting

Or do I just keep quiet and see what happens? He is on POF and evow (which I joined with totally different details to have a look what he said on there) and is logging in lots on both.

He hasn't had a GF since his marriage ended 4 years ago, he says he fancies me but if he is thinking IE with me as that's all I want, then he is wrong

Or he will be the normal POF man and disappear in a week and I've angst for nothing

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 18:33:03

Ohhh. If you replied in Wednesday and haven't heard anything since, I'd be inclined to leave it. Get closure by going on a date with someone else. smile

msC remind me, has there been physical intimacy as yet? What level of physical intimacy have you shagged him?

My date with 'doesn't have a name' looks like Wednesday.

DS1 is absolutely trying my patience and I need to vent, so off to troubled teen thread for a bit...

antonym Sun 27-Jan-13 18:42:56

MsC hadn't heard of eVow before but they seem very big into the concept of long term relationships, so if he's on there that is presumably what he wants. So all the signals of wanting IE come from you, not him, so I think clearing up any misconception would be an excellent thing for you to do.

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 18:48:03

Snape hope all goes well - he sounds good in many ways.

MsC I think that would be a good conversation to have. Hope it goes well. Another one that sounds like a good 'un. What's going on round here? Lots of good dates, lots of possibilities ... It's lovely. Long may it continue.

MsCellophane Sun 27-Jan-13 18:49:52

No shagging, we had a coffee on weds and lovely snogging last night - which would have led to Coffee if my kids weren't due back (he drove off 2 minutes before the drove in)

He lives with flatmate and I live with adult children, it's not going to be easy to find time for Coffee.

lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-13 18:56:14

Nomore - I honestly wouldn't. Time to shrug and move on. Annoying I know but laying yourself at their feet just means you get walked on, especially in the case of someone too complicated who has already set the tone for any relationship there might be - you come last.

He cancelled and hasn't replied since Wednesday... that is a big glaring no to texting him!

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 19:01:34

Okay. I wasn't expecting a reply from weds text. I know he is in awful position at mo and is really confused about everything. Not a great place to be but I can completely empathise with him. Prob not best basis for relationship though.

He hasn't been online since we met either. I am a stalker and checked!!

I think he genuinely is in a shit place and trying to find a way out!

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 19:02:47

Suppose I just wanted to believe that someone could actually like me. Crazy thought!!

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 19:05:20

MsC ummm. Could you in a roundabout way talk about the profiles that you have up? Not from POV of taking them down, but maybe mention one of your female friends looked at your profile and pointed out that you had it set to IE, which would explain some of the messages you got (oh! Silly me!) but you're actually more comfortable with the concept of a longer term relationship....then leave a hopeful pause and see what he says.


lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-13 19:07:08

Nomore if he was interested he would have updated you by now.

Don't go all maudlin and dumped and dejected - he clearly did like you. Sometimes that isn't enough though (especially after only one date when your life is massively complicated)

Also he is newly single and doesn't have the same urgency as you with the 'oooh she ticks boxes' excitement... he probably thinks that happens all the time and is easy and he'll just get back to it at some point when he's ready.

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 19:10:36

You are right Lubey!! I will mentally kick him to the kerb and promise bit to keep looking out for his car when I'm driving!!

I am an idiot!! I am messaging 5 other men at the mo but no one has massively caught my attention!!

I must get back to reading why men love bitches!!!

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 19:14:57

*not - not bit!!

mercury7 Sun 27-Jan-13 19:23:49

he clearly did like you. Sometimes that isn't enough though (especially after only one date when your life is massively complicated)

I think thats a very important point and very well put by Lubey

(I do a fair bit of stalking & checking, I just never let on blush )

lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-13 19:28:27

That's it Nomore grin hang on to that mindset for dear life, it will serve you well!

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 19:31:58

So just to confirm I shouldn't text him that I know things are shit for him at the mo but if he ever fancies a drink or chat to get in touch with me. That would be a bad thing to do. Wouldn't it. It would be the wrong thing to do. Wouldn't it??? No good could possibly come from it and he would think I was a loser wouldn't he?

It wouldn't make him question what was He doing cancelling such a cool dudette and get back in touch with me, would it??

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 19:32:58

I am going to get back to my Krispy Kreme now and stop beig such a sap!!!!

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 27-Jan-13 19:35:41

Nomore IMO don't text. He can always text you at some point in the future. My new motto is Treat Em Mean, Keep em Keen...

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 19:36:39

Nomore if you really want to do it then do it, offer a listening ear but no more. Then at least you'll know one way or the other, if that's what you need.

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 19:36:58

parsley is it working??

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 19:38:04

Nooooooo! Don't text! Previous advice was based on thinking you had just received his 'it's complicated' text...

lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-13 19:40:08

Nomore, nope no texts. He would have been in contact with you by now.

I know you weren't expecting a reply but you did say you hoped his baby was ok.

If that was me and someone had text that to me, if I had any intention of meeting again or having another date, I'd have said thanks and updated you by now about how baby was doing.

I stopped contacting TT even though he hadn't cancelled anything and had replied to texts... just because I got the feeling he wasn't all that bothered.

Mr complicated did cancel and hasn't been in contact since. massive huge no to texting. You will be saying 'please treat me like shite, really often'

grinchie Sun 27-Jan-13 19:48:10

nomore don't text him.
You can meet the right person at the wrong time and it sounds like this is the wrong time for him.
Better to find out now than in 6 months when you have invested more in the relationship.

As for not seeing anyone else you like have you tried casting your net wider (distance wise) on POF?

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 27-Jan-13 19:50:55

I'm not sure Nomore... I don't mean to a harsh degree, I just think I might try not being quite as available IUSWIM. Have been texting bloke from POF. I was replying same day, he didn't always. No matter. I noticed that when I started replying more sloooooowly, he replied faster. It's riduculous, isn't it. I have also noticed that generally no good has come of me sending the first message on POF. I tend to let them message me first. Out of about 300 messages in total, after I had discounted the apparently married or dodgy, the one word openings, and those who just wanted to talk smut I have had about 5 dates provisionally organised, none have come to fruition. So, can't do any harm I thought...might not do any good either!

Nomore agree do not text. He may be a nice guy at heart but he has cancelled on you several times (unless I've got that wrong), that is enough.
You would only be in for more of the same.

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 20:01:56

juliette only cancelled once but cut first date short because he baby was ill.

Right no texting! I will do it! I will be strong. However much of a hottie he was!!

I defo don't need to be treated badly by another man, had enough if that with my ex!! Being nice doesn't work does it?!

grinchie Sun 27-Jan-13 20:13:00

nomore being nice does work but you have to be nice to the right person smile

OhWesternWind Sun 27-Jan-13 20:17:03

Nomore the most important thing is to be yourself and only do what you feel comfortable with. So, stay nice but make sure you direct your niceness at a fellow Nice Person and it will all be fine.

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 20:22:28

Just need to find this nice person now and all will be good!!

lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-13 20:24:01

Grinchie right person at the right time too

I have done my PoF profile again... sod it. Let's have 24/48 hourish of madness again..

First message was from someone who said they were looking for a relationship but their sole profile text was that they like a lot of stuff, easy going and 'have a big one'

Message was Hi Bbz howz life wit u?

<headdesk> already

grinchie Sun 27-Jan-13 20:29:48

Lubey if you reply with something along the lines of 'I know lots of people don't tell the truth about their dimensions, please can I have proof of your big one?' then put it on fb limited options and we can all gawp at it grin

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 20:38:53

What is your fb group called? Can I join please? Not to see pictures if tinkles just because!!

Some people just see being nice as a walkover. They are the one's you don't want. It is possible to be too easy for sometimes though.

A good friend of mine once told me I was too accommodating with bfs. I have never been one for domestic running around so never thought of myself as a walkover. But, I was ever so understanding about this and that with men when actually I was having to call in favours, cram in as much as I could during my 'lunch hours' at work, arrange all sorts just to find the capacity to be with them. One complained about having to travel by bus to meet up. Even then I still met with him as on that occasion I had gone to so much effort already hmm.

The watershed came that afternoon when after sex he was lying on the sofa, then looked up and held his hand out. I thought he wanted to hold my hand but he wanted a glass of water. That was a moment for me when I recognised that I needed to act my worth.

lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-13 20:47:26

Sorry grinchie i already blocked him - I got a few unsolicited cock pics lat time though so no doubt this time will be no different...

Nomore have you got any of us on fb? if not then pm me and I'll add you

Nomorepain Sun 27-Jan-13 20:52:48

A lot of what you have written rings true with me juliette. I am a strong person, with a real sense if right and wrong but I seem to allow men (husbands, dad, brother) to walk all over me. I moan about it but I still do it. I need to learn to value myself instead if just being grateful that someone has shown me some attention. I am worth more, just need to believe it.

Please humour me here - i never blow my own trumpet but desperate times and all that!! Was thinking earlier I think I am a not bad catch. I've got 2 beautiful children (they are just amazing), I'm bubbly, fun, smiley, chatty, good job with prospects, really nice home, well educated, shiny new car, I take pride in my appearance, reasonable figure (in clothes!!), lots of lovely friends - just don't think it comes through in the world of online dating! My friend was telling me last night that I always sell myself short, maybe I do. Will add building confidence to my to do list!!

Nomore it doesn't sound like blowing your own trumpet at all, it's great you recognise you have so much to offer. Keep reminding yourself, maybe stick that post up on your bathroom mirror grin

lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-13 21:11:26

Nomore I have no doubt that you are. I reckon I am too..

I predict now that in years to come the number of single people over say... 30/35 is going to ROCKET

Due to the number of people that can't be arsed, don't want a relationship, or are chock full of red flags, are flaky or have no clue when it comes to dating or just social scruples in general or are stalkers....

...and the number of people who know their worth and won't accept shite as above.

48howdidthathappen Sun 27-Jan-13 21:11:28

Nomore Be your own best friend smile You sound great!

Thanks everyone for your comments. Mr R&R is a good un.

PinkPeanuts Sun 27-Jan-13 21:18:30

Hi All, hope everyones had a good weekend? It's sill v.quiet on the POF front for me but I haven't actually noticed much as I've been messaging the man I'm going on a date with on and off for most of it blush!

I haven't named him yet, I was hoping you lot would help me grin

Alittlestranger Sun 27-Jan-13 21:28:28

PP don't name him, it curses it!

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 22:29:54

I just found 'his' (nameless) Flickr.

Heh heh heh heh heh....

Snape oh I do love it when they have the same username so so much

Snapespeare Sun 27-Jan-13 22:46:09

It just makes stalking everything so much easier. grin. Found his twitter as well....

FOR so much

Go Snape grin

mercury7 Sun 27-Jan-13 22:57:04

it's not even stalking, it's just natural human curiosity! grin

Due diligence, up there with shag try before you buy