Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Wine Witch Into Touch!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Wed 23-Jan-13 17:50:25

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

Welcome to the Bus. We're a group of posters who have been on a journey to here, there and everywhere when it comes to alcohol and the abusing of it.

Some of us drink, some of us don't at all and some of us are trying to get there, really trying to just stop the cycle, break the habit and calm everything down. Some of us are desperate to not be 'that' person anymore.

One Day At A Time or ODAAT.

So what have you got to lose? Weight? Saggy, puffy eyes each morning? False friends? The risk of cancers and other fatal illnesses......... why not join us?

We have a resident MonsterCat, Wolf called Seth and Squid called Barry (best not to ask about Barry! grin)

And, if you want to see where we've been so far, the links below will show you. The first ever thread is the best by far, because the OP is just like you. And me.

FIRST EVER THREAD

PREVIOUS THREAD

Mouseface Wed 23-Jan-13 17:53:18

And for now, we're still over HERE until the thread is full.

See you soon smile

aliasjoey Wed 23-Jan-13 18:27:25

I'm first!

Mouseface Wed 23-Jan-13 21:15:13

You're norty!!!! Get back over there! grin

<< hauls Barry the (s)oiled squid on board and gives him a prime seat to monitor the Brave Babes' arrival later. >>

I like being norty...
<<polishes Gerald's bumper and gets the tea brewing>>

helpyourself Thu 24-Jan-13 07:26:08

Morning all. Marking place! I will now go back here until it's full.

greeneyed Thu 24-Jan-13 09:39:29

Hello lovelies, ohclutter forgive me I've forgotten your aim - is it total abstinence, controlled drinking, weekend drinking? Where would getting the bottle of red fit in with that?

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 09:45:30

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Nemo is officially poorly and spent most of last night with DH and I doing shifts. He was sick around half two and then seemed to perk up. he's had a red face and ear for two days..... seems he is just off the boil but with nothing in particular sad

IsinDe - I love doing a new thread because I know you'll post on it just to get put in the norty seat! grin

Help - how is your face today? I meant to ask what your new job is, but it's fine if you'd rather not say smile

Mia I have a water tank on order for Barry, there's a nice soft bed at the back for MonsterCat and a crate for Seth so he doesn't eat you all grin

Purple - how are you today?

Curry - you out there lovely or are you working?

Clutter - how do you feel today?

<leaves a bucket full of hugs for those who need them and Barry's with his wet tentacles for those who need a slap from him!>

Today I will be mostly looking after Nemo and pottering around the house, doing jobs. And posting stuff! Oh the high life. grin

Over here mouse sorry was playing the game of getting toddler washed, teeth brushed & dressed, was actually fun today as opposed to usual battle! My boot camp is going kinda well, I've lost 2 lbs so think I'll have a toasted crumpet & coffee, lavly fank you (( )) xx
green I want to be able to enjoy a social drink like the next person but time & again prove to myself that I can't. I feel wine (white in particular) is my demon and if I can not drink white them maybe I'll be ok??
But then I feck up, get ridiculously drunk, have the hangover from hell and the cycle goes on!! X

babyjane1 Thu 24-Jan-13 10:04:08

Morning babes. I've been having a real hard time with my crohn's and have managed to convince myself that my nightly bottle is
Medicinal. when I'm very bad like this I can't leave the house so a combination of pain boredom and frustration let the wine witch right in the door. mouse how did you break the cycle, we are in slightly similar situations on that we have a teenager, a toddler and a painful illness, I would love to hear your full story. I'm still toying with going to AA but I think deep down I still think I can stop if I choose to and yet the pattern each night remains the same. My parents and dh don't really look to closely at my drinking there's a bit of "och she deserves a few wines after
All that pain" in reality I should not be doing anything to wilfully damage my already damaged body. Can I ask what amounts you are all drinking, I need some perspective, this thread is the only way I can articulate my thoughts so forgive the me me me post, xxx

eminemmerdale Thu 24-Jan-13 10:08:11

Just getting on - here's my fare grin

MrsMalinky Thu 24-Jan-13 10:49:45

I drank last night sad DH had a job interview and it went really well, so he appeared with wine when he got home. I was sitting with a cup of tea and said "no thanks" and he looked gutted and said he thought we could celebrate. This is the problem with not talking to him about my "problem" - he doesn't realise he's not helping sad

Anyway the good news is I had 3 small glasses and that was it - usually I would have had way more than that. Absolutely gutted with myself though sad I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY.

Hope everyone did better than me.......

babyjane1 Thu 24-Jan-13 11:10:42

mrs don't worry you did what "normal" people do in that situation, it's ok as long as its the exception and not the rule x x

babyjane1 Thu 24-Jan-13 11:32:21

How are all you babes today? X

Hi babyjane I'm doing better today after 4 day hangover. I can emphasise with you about the trials and tribulations of having a toddler & teenager, it's blinking well exhausting. Fortunately I don't have health issues to contend with, think I would be reaching for a glass of something at the end of the day too. I'm a binge drinker so don't drink daily which maybe I I did I wouldn't get so pissed! I sometimes think maybe if I had a couple of glasses every night then I could handle myself better when our. When I go out I'm probably quite tipsy after one large glass but then go on to have many more. My behaviour changes from fun to demonic! Then the hangovers are from hell!
I hope your getting some relief from your pain ((( )))) xx

babyjane1 Thu 24-Jan-13 12:22:28

Am I in the right place, it's awfully quiet x x x

determinedma Thu 24-Jan-13 12:26:33

clutter funny how the grass is greener on the other side. My drinking is/was a couple of glasses a night, every night. Sometimes a bottle a night. But I never get pissed when out socially. I wished I didn't drink every night and would just have the occasional blow out! Guess we are never happy.
Trying to be supergood today as Bootcamp weigh in tomorrow.<munches almonds and low fat yoghurt> Yum .....hmm
this week so far has been AF Monday, Wednesday and tonight. No booze in the house and no money at all. Pay day tomorrow thank God

determinedma Thu 24-Jan-13 12:27:12

sorry - that message was for baby, not clutter

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 13:11:56

MrsM - fab news re the interview with DH! smile

You say that you've not talked to him about your 'problem' and in your post you say that 'he looked gutted' so you had wine, I assume just to spare hurting his feelings?

Read that last line I have just written. Put it another way. If you were allergic to peanuts and he brought home peanut butter sandwiches to celebrate, would you have one to spare his feelings?

I'm not being mean, I'm really not and I realise that last bit makes me sound like a heartless bitch but take the emotion out of the situation.

If he wasn't your DH, just someone you knew, a colleague say, would you have said no thank you? Or would you have said to your DH can we celebrate when we hear about the job and bought yourself some time until you DO talk to him about your 'problem'?

I'm not trying to upset you at all, and I know that they are two very different and extreme examples, BUT when you are an addict, or abuse a substance, you KNOW you shouldn't take it. It does do you harm, even in small doses.

Sweetheart, why have you not talked to him yet? Are you afraid of his reaction? I got NO support from my DH at all. In fact he laughed at me when I said I thought I was an alcoholic. hmm

I may have missed posts from you explaining your situation but I'm here now and only want to help you if I can, if you want to explain what's holding you back from talking to him. Sorry to be so blunt. xx

<hopes MrsM doesn't run a mile>

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 13:40:43

Also, MrsM - that was last night, today is a whole new YOU and a whole new day. And, FWIW, I'd have done the same as you, I'd have drunk the wine with DH because I had a reason to. He'd given me the green light I'd have wanted and in a heartbeat, the glass would have been in my hand. You're only human and just starting out.... give it time and keep posting, keep talking about what's happening so you can read back and see the good as well as any more bad bits smile xx

Freetobeme Thu 24-Jan-13 14:30:35

Hi, can I climb aboard the bus?
I have been trying to read through the whole thread from the beginning and am some way back but will catch up.
I have a drink problem that I have been Trying to sort out for about 2/3 years. I don't drink every day but am a terrible binge drinker. I managed 4 months sober after reading the Allen Carr book, that was about 18 months ago. I have tried drinking in moderation and got help from the GP to achieve this, it helped for a while but it didn't take too long for me to get back up to my usual levels.
My DH knows I think I have a problem. He Agrees I have a bit of a problem with the vino but doesnt think i am an alcoholic, and thinks i am overly hard on myself.
When I stopped last time I only told my DH and parents why. None of them could understand why I wanted to. I come from a family of big drinkers, and married into a family of even bigger drinkers so it is very hard to discuss with people in RL as they see what I do as normal.
I often feel horrible, crippling shame about having been the most drunk person at social events. I often feel like I am at the start of a roller coaster ride when I have that first glass of wine. I pretty much know that I will drink from that point of the evening until oblivion, out of control, getting faster and faster until I pass out. I hate being that person and don't know why I do it.
I think I probably need AA and total abstinence. Have not had a drink since Sunday after a very heavy weekend - and have had a week of tears remorse, sleepless nights etc. really want to stay off it the weekend and could do with some help and support.
To everyone who is struggling with this, the best of luck, keep going. I am still catching up so am back with Jesus, curry, Miflaw and co at the moment, but I will catch up and get to know where you all are with this too.

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 14:35:06

Baby - The cycle broke me actually, quite literally.

I posted about it on the last thread I think? About why I stopped drinking the way I was but the cycle of drinking for me was habitual. Nothing more. DCs dealt with and in bed, out came the wine. Then DCs fed and out came the wine, then it's six o'clock, out came the wine. Then it was a shitty day and it was four o'clock so out came the vodka with wine in the fridge for later, poorly DCs, unexpected bill, great day out, lovely night in, pain levels through the roof, unexpected flowers from DH, Birthday, funerals...... you can see where this is going?

At the time I was on ADs too which just made them pointless really. The alcohol was undoing what the ADs were trying to do. I worked very closely with my GP who at the time refused to give me stronger pain meds unless I stopped drinking like I was. He understood because he himself had been in my shoes, drinking because of depression, stress and anxiety, knowing that the booze was only fuelling the flames. It was a habit that I thought worked to cure all of the above and numb the pain too.

Not the case.

My LFT was another clincher really. The doc basically said stop drinking or kiss your liver (at the very least) goodbye.

I don't know, life's just too short Baby. I can't bear the thought of no Nemo, DD or DH. I love breathing in and out. I love the snow we've had, the icicles dripping from the roof in the sunlight today look amazing. I can see them and will remember seeing them because I'm not drinking.

Something just clicks. Something just says 'that's enough now'. It's a really emotional feeling that washed over me. I was the ONLY person who could stop fucking up and I had to stop.

It was after when I started to refuse drinks politely that people would say "WTF's up with you Mousey?" "You ALWAYS drink and get wasted" "Are you ill?" "She's up the spout!" remarks like that.......

I didn't always say why, I didn't need to... some people where just stupid enough to make their own conclusions and I let them.

Comments like that made me look long and hard at why I drank. I felt so ashamed and upset at first. It was very hard to accept that I was that person. I stopped completely for a while and then started again. There was no reason as such.

I just fancied a drink so I had one and I stopped at one.

It's been like that ever since. My nigh time routine has to be a busy one otherwise I know that if I stop, and think about an ice cold drink, I'll want one and then have one but sometimes I know that it will be more than one and I HATE being drunk. It doesn't take much these days, 3/4 glasses of wine (125mls) and I'm gone. I hate it. I hate waking up feeling sickly and grey. The fuggy head, the achy body on top of my other pain is just not worth it.

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 14:43:09

Welcome Free smile

I love the fact that you've taken yourself seriously and are doing something about your drinking regardless of the reactions from your DH and family.

Been in that boat too!

Personally, I've never been to AA but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't go. I've heard wonderful success stories from people who have gone to AA....... why not give it a go if you are interested?

There's so much practical help out there........ you just have to decide where to start and my advice would be your GP who can talk you through all of your options. smile x

Welcome freetobeme I'm a new babe having joined in september. Lots of what you have said rings so so true with me. I was thinking today that I feel like wine is like a drug. I know it's bad for me, I know it gets me pissed to oblivion and I know once I start I can't stop but still I love that first glass because it gives me such a hit. I think it's amazing that you managed 4 months do shows with the right frame of mind you are equipped with the tools to say no. I also emphasise with coming from families where lots of drinking is the norm. When I was younger I used to think that my friends parents who were not big drinkers were very boring now I see how amazingly stable they were!
Huge good luck for your journey (( )) smile

eminemmerdale Thu 24-Jan-13 14:45:12

Hello all. Welcome free I think we're all in similar situations when trying to get rhrough to people that we can't drink normally !!! It's really hard at times to explain, especially when all around you, as we've recently been discussing, drink is portrayed as normal and expected and even glamorous! It's very irritating - to put it mildly.
mrsm - don't beat yourself up. You did really well. I'd have had the bottle and then some!!
As usual, a splendid post from mouse where would we be without you??! I am so chuffed to see my MonsterCat has his own special place <proud> He won't move from there - big lazy lumpoid.
Still at work so best look busy - love having my own office - I can sit here typing away as if i am saving the world grin

curryeater Thu 24-Jan-13 14:48:43

hello everyone

very busy day today at work so will just pop in and say hi. And have to leave early for dr's appointment.

good to hear from you all, will reply in more depth later

Welcome freetobeme

Have a good day everyone

aliasjoey Thu 24-Jan-13 14:50:32

welcome free and well done for being brave and posting here

sorry can't stop, mad rush, just making sure I caught The Bus

hope everyone is staying strong today

xxx joey

Freetobeme Thu 24-Jan-13 15:17:49

Thanks everyone, you are a very welcoming bunch!

Clutter - have you been off the booze completely since September? If so, that is amazing, you must be looking and feeling wonderful! Tell me how you have done it!

Mouse - I am not sure about the AA, part of me thinks I don't belong there as I haven't screwed up my life enough. Am definitely functioning but can't stand the feeling that I am wasting my life and becoming someone I don't want to be. But I know I've got a problem and I know it won't just go away.

On re reading my post, I know it sounds bad that my DH is not taking it seriously. He is such a nice bloke and thinks the best of me I suppose. He does like a drink but is more of a beer drinker and I genuinely don't think he has a problem. When he knew how much my drinking was bothering me ( when I stopped for 4 months) he was supportive. But I suspect he thinks because I stopped for that amount of time, I'm ok now , and he hasn't noticed I'm back to where I was before.

Will have to go now but will come back on later this evening.

Hope you are all having a happy sober day smile

PurpleWolfe Thu 24-Jan-13 16:11:30

Sorry not to read back. Just got in and am dashing back out in a short while for DCs swimming very shortly.

Thanks for asking Mouse but I'm feeling pretty shitty right now. Sorted out DD and we were on talking terms again this morning (then she missed the sodding bus this morning! But, I wasn't too hard on her as I was going to town anyway for this course). I checked my bank account this morning and the housing benefit was less than usual. ??? My circumstances haven't changed so I thought it was an error. I (eventually) managed to get through to them and it seems they have lowered the Local Housing Allowance and, therefore, I am now £300 per year worse off. With the hike in my energy supplier's bills, the insurance going up and other stuff I can't (don't want to) remember, I'm going to be almost £500 worse off.

I feel like throwing the towel in. I have had enough now. I hate winter anyway but this extra 'lot' is making me feel 'what's the point? My house is a tip and everything seems to be on top of me right now. Can't promise that I shall still have my gold star by the end of the evening. sad

greeneyed Thu 24-Jan-13 16:15:43

purple should we give barry an oiling?

I'm sorry it's tough sad spending a tenner on wine will not make it better. Can you calculate how much you are saving not drinking as a positive to counter it. X

greeneyed Thu 24-Jan-13 16:18:08

Your trigger finger is hovering over the fuck it botton. You proved last night you don't have to press it if you don't want to. Big hugs x

aliasjoey Thu 24-Jan-13 16:32:52

purple your gold star was for what you achieved yesterday. you get to keep it no matter what. <hugs>

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 17:46:36

Free - he was supportive. But I suspect he thinks because I stopped for that amount of time, I'm ok now , and he hasn't noticed I'm back to where I was before.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by that, my DH was the same. For example, when I go for ages without having any alcohol, he'll say, see, you've not got a drink problem. hmm

The thing is I KNOW that I have so I have to watch every step I take to ensure that I don't go back to binge the drinker I was before, much like where you are now I'm guessing

AA isn't for everyone, I mentioned it because you did grin

My advice would be to go and see your GP as a starting point, be 100% honest (they're not stupid) about the amount you're drinking and how often and take it from there.

I went with a written list of things I wanted to tell him. I knew that I'd lie or bail or forget stuff so I wrote it all out and gave it to him saying 'please just read this and then tell me what I need to do' or something like that!

Do what feels right for YOU. It's a very personal thing. xx

Purple - listen to Greeny - she talks sense.

I'm glad you and DD are back on speaking terms again, even if there's going to be many more 'spats' to come and boundaries pushed to the fecking blue moon and back again! She is going to be very hard work BUT when you need her, I mean really need her, she could be there.

Keep going, keep trying to live with each other. I'm so sorry about the fact that you're going to be worse off ££ wise. sad xx

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 18:06:37

Greeny - spending a tenner on wine will not make it better - so that's 3 bottles then?? wink

I'm supposed to be going out to my lovely friend's house later but I CBA. It's FREEEEEEEZing cold here and I'm tired after last night with Nemo being sick etc so it will be a VERY short visit tonight.

The skies are clear here which means that the frozen snow and ice is going to get worse when it compacts. I really don't fancy ice skating tonight and the car will sideways as the small roads aren't clear so I'm better hiking with my stick and walking boots. Bbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sadsadsadsad <---------------- cold Mouse grin

Be Brave Babes!! xx

MrsMalinky Thu 24-Jan-13 18:49:45

Hi everyone,

Thank you mouse for taking the time to reply. You're right that DH gave me the green light and I felt I had a reason, but there will always be a reason. I think he was a bit shocked when I first said no as usually I'm the one shouting "lets celebrate" and getting the wine out. He looked hurt and it's not his fault I haven't talked to him. Obviously I need to.

So many stories ring true on here. My family are all "drinkers", my inlaws and friends the same. I have told DH before that I'm drinking too much but as its bingeing rather than drinking every day he always says "well just have a couple and stop then". So speaks the non-addict. He doesn't know about that first hit that someone else mentioned, that I start planning my first drink while driving the kids home from school, red or white? The good stuff or the cheap plonk? Why am I thinking about this at 4.30 in the afternoon just because its Friday?? Not good.

I think I haven't confessed all to him as I am ashamed. I am very "together" in every other part of my life and this feels like failure. He also genuinely doesn't think I have a problem because I'm not "that bad" and don't do it very often. In fact when I wake up with hideous post-alcohol paranoia he always tells me how sweet and funny I am when I've "had a few".

Having said that if he knows something is important to me he's hugely supportive regardless of what he thinks. He knows that I am dieting and I said this morning that booze was screwing up my diet and I had to stop it, and he agreed. He's not sabotaging me he just doesn't get it.

sigh lots to think about.

Welcome free and hang in there purple

kotinka Thu 24-Jan-13 18:50:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

determinedma Thu 24-Jan-13 19:49:18

Hi all. Not drinking tonight but frickin fed up with dieting. Am trying hard but I think less than a pound this week. It gets less and less each week.dh made stew with dumplings tonight and I was so fed up with salad shit that I had a huge plateful which won't have helped.how can I lose it faster without being even hungrier which I can't bear?

aliasjoey Thu 24-Jan-13 19:51:19

I aalso have a DH who says 'just have one' and doesn't understand how hard that is!

Freetobeme Thu 24-Jan-13 20:59:35

Mrs M and Mouse - hmmm, interestingly similar responses from DH's. I think talking about it with my DH , and hearing his response, is like looking in a really flattering mirror that makes you look a stone lighter...it's lovely to look at but deep down you know it ain't true!

Whereas his reassurance ' you're not that bad/ everyone does it sometimes/ you were no worse than...etc) used to placate me, it really doesn't do the trick any more. And I think that's probably a good thing.

Mouse, yes I did bring up the AA in the first place, I know. Was just mulling a little more as to whether it might be for me. I like the advice re seeing my GP and taking some notes so I don't gloss over things. I worry abut it showing up on my medical records when I apply for life insurance etc . Does anyone know how confidential this would be.

Purple, I know you don't now me from Adam but I've been reading the previous thread and trying to catch up, I am sorry you have had a tough day and hope tomorrow is kinder to you.

Determined ma, I am by no means skinny but did lose a stone on the paleo diet last year, I didn't get that hungry and I have a pretty good appetite! I used to have a protein rich breakfast (ie omelette with veg in) and take an Omega fish oil supplement and that with the rest of the diet did seem to shift a bit of weight.

Have a nice night, I am off to sup my lime and soda.

eminemmerdale Thu 24-Jan-13 21:02:59

evening!! sat with my belvoir cloudy lemonade (with a dash of orange...) which i felt well posh buying in Tescos tonight. Struggled a bit avoiding the alcohol aisle but am NOT cracking grin DH ill which is beginning to irritate me - he's a very good 'ill' person but he does wander around looking woebegone and brave which annoys me! CBB now. Hope everyone has a good evening x

determinedma Thu 24-Jan-13 21:16:02

Hi free. I want to lose two stone in total but it seems so slow! Half a stone in 4 weeks.
And I can't even have a cup of tea as there is no bloody milk in the house - grrrrrr

aliasjoey Thu 24-Jan-13 22:10:38

ma hey you're doing better than me, I'm not even trying! am really going to have to start soon though, I just keep thinking without my wine I need to have some treats instead

day 20!

KoalaKube Fri 25-Jan-13 01:19:51

Hi Babes and welcome Free I'm impressed you were off booze for 4 months, but it just shows how easy it is to think you've cracked it and can be a 'normal' drinker again. I did that for 3 months 10 years ago, and relapsed even worse, then tried again but only for a week a couple of years ago and relapsed even worser. I'm now on my 47th day sober and I'm constantly on the look out for the complacency to kick in (or the Wine Witch as she's known round here, she makes you crazy cravey, and just when you think you've got her beat she sneaks up with a caress and a whisper in your ear next thing you know you're out in the cold in the Side Car). Try again Free you've kicked her ass once you can do it again.

i've got the stinky cold at the moment so off work for a few days, but not ill enough to lay in bed, so continuing with the decorating - I seem to be slapping paint on anything that doesn't move at the moment! Had to go to the pub tonight for Resident's stuff again, had a diet coke and had a funny deja vu moment when someone (who knew I wasn't drinking) asked me to hold their drink for them - wasn't tempted in the least, but I'd read the exact same story on one of these threads - it was kinda comforting that it had happened to one of us before! That's the Bus for you - we've all been there, done that and are wearing the T-Shirts.

I'm still stuck on the 10lb weight loss and might have a go at that 5:2 Fasting diet, checked out the video last night on MN link and like the sound of it. I'll start tomorrow and report how it goes.

DD2 coming home for the weekend tomorrow so will have some company (who am I kidding she's 16 and will probably spend most of her time in bed or on twitter ) - so I'll try to think of something nice for us to do together.

Night night and I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TOMORROW

Aw Purple, I so feel for you, it sounds as though you are being pushed & stretched in every direction. Well done for being strong, huge hugs & love for you honey
((( )))
I so know when your stressed how easy it is to reach for the glass. Last night we wet to in-laws for sis-in-laws birthday, it was all stressful (shouldn't be, but I suffer anxiety) they get ds so hyper, was all chaotic then they decided we were going out for tea. As soon as we arrived I asked for glass of wine & practically downed it one to take edge of stressful situation. Was driving so knew I couldn't have another but really resented not having another sad I'm glad now though that I'm not hungover smile
I really hope today is a better & brighter day for you.
freetobeme nope not sober since September, but trying hard to be more aware and not relapse so bad, sometimes it's working, sometimes not
Wishing all the brave babes lots of strength today xx

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 09:50:59

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Day ? of a poorly Nemo but no puking last night so a bonus and he is brighter today.

Free - re the GP and life insurance etc, if you give permission to look at your medical records then yes, they will access ALL info about you and your health.

I have life insurance and wasn't refused after years of documented drug and alcohol abuse. I think the important thing is that you are doing (or in my case did ) something about it and that too will show on your records.

The thing is, your GP could be the key to that door you've kept locked for a long time. There are so many various forms of support out there from hypnotherapy to medication and of course support groups. It's all about finding one that works best for YOU.

You may have to try a few before you find one to suit but that's the same with most things in life! grin xx

MrsM - PHEW! I'm so glad that I didn't scare you off!

Having said that if he knows something is important to me he's hugely supportive regardless of what he thinks. He knows that I am dieting and I said this morning that booze was screwing up my diet and I had to stop it, and he agreed. He's not sabotaging me he just doesn't get it. - BINGO

He doesn't get it because he's not an alcoholic . He doesn't have a problem, so nor do you. If you normally drink with each other, as buddies and match your drinking like for like, then he sees this as the norm for you both and if you think YOU have a problem with alcohol, then that forces him to think the same and he's not going to do that. Not now anyway.

I like the dieting line and if for now that works, stick with it until you are in a place mentally and emotionally to sit him down and explain it in more detail. Good on him for supporting you with the diet. Use it! smile xx

Ma - you too are giving up two things at once, alcohol and food. Tough call. Especially in this weather, who wants salad when you can have stew and dumplings? Not me!

How about half portions, little and often, more water throughout the day to keep you hydrated and feeling fuller. Or smoothies? Not caffeine though..... could you have something warm for breakfast like porridge or ReadyBrek? Or a warm lunch like soup and a roll or a pasta dish? You need slow release carbs and fibre to keep you fuller for longer.

I know it's tough but you will get days and weeks where you don't lose any weight. Don't let that stop you now lovely. It's your body reacting to the diet. Once you start to use up your reserve cals/fat stores etc, the body tries to hold onto them so you slow right down or stop losing altogether. Bummer!

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 10:03:54

Joey - great news on day 20!!!!! Go you!! smile xx

Koala - 47 days? That has flown past hasn't it?!!! Is that from when you got on the Bus? Wow, that is really impressive. Sorry to hear that you have a stinking cold. Bleurgh.

I looked at that 5:2 fasting diet too..... I think I'll wait to see how you get on before giving it a whirl! grin Hope you feel better soon and have a nice wknd with DD xx

Clutter - I so know that downing that first glass of ice cold white to get the rush of fuzzy relaxation after a shitty time. Is really does take the edge off doesn't it? I'm glad you were driving too otherwise you'd have carried on and felt like deep fried dog vomit this morning for sure. Keep going Brave Babe xx

Purple - how are you today sweets? How are things with DD? How are you feeling about everything that's going on? ((HUGS)) xxxx

Nemo has school later so we're pottering this morning, it's freezing here again and when walking home last night I looked up and the moon and all of the stars around it and though just how gorgeous it all looked.

If I was pissed, I wouldn't have even thought to do that, never mind remember it. It was spectacular. A deep navy blue sky, dotted with pure white twinkling stars, and the moon was so pure, really clear and bright. I love living away from the city and the light pollution.

How's everyone else out there?

Thurso? Obrigada? SAF? IsinDe, where have you gone off to? And any other Babes (newer or not) who we've not heard from for a while....... come give us a wave!

helpyourself Fri 25-Jan-13 10:09:36

Morning my lovelies!
mouse- wise words as ever! You asked about my job. grin
It's a paid role similar to the one I did as a volunteer for the same charity. Some out of office visiting, lots of paperwork, very specific and relevant to this thread, so I'll pm you and anyone else who asks.
I'm also going to upload a picture of my puffy face for a short time!
Love and HALT to all.

curryeater Fri 25-Jan-13 10:26:41

Hello all Brave Babes,

firstly - thankyou to all for the support I had the day before yesterday, that very dark day. It was very kind of you all and I very much appreciate it.

Things are looking a lot better, dp and I have had a good chat. I went to the dr yesterday and explained a lot of things. Have a prescription for fluexotine and am havering about whether to take it. Might look in on the ADs support thread.

Lots of people on this thread seem to be hovering in that point where they are keeping things together but feeling semi-desperate a lot of the time. Purple, so sorry to hear about your money worries, that is really shit. So many people are finding their money just isn't enough. I have no advice on the matter, just... I get it.

My family drink a lot too.

dd2 isn't herself and was crying last night - I was too tired to deal with it and just took her to bed instead - I didn't sleep brilliantly but she is so beautiful and I miss her so much, I decided to think of it as a slightly foolish treat just to spend the night with her, even if it leaves me tired. It's funny, she is only learning to talk, yet she was talking in her sleep - "no! walk! walk!" she said, I think she was dreaming that someone was trying to put her in the pushchair.

Weekend coming! and here at least we have much higher temperatures forecast. So that will be a relief to everyone who can't afford to put the heating on!

Have a good day all babes

greeneyed Fri 25-Jan-13 10:38:29

curry fluoxetine has changed my life, I fought against taking ADs for three years then I got really poorly and it wasn't really an option. It's one of the oldest, safest ADs which they have the most data on. Why not give it a try? You will likely get some side effects in the first couple of weeks and it takes two weeks for them to start having an effect so you need to stick it out for that time is you can. Side effects I had were teeth clenching, dry mouth and disturbed sleep, these went after a couple of weeks. I am still on them 5 years later no ill effects no desire to stop them (I have OCD which is likely to return if I do) good luck xx

curryeater Fri 25-Jan-13 10:57:41

hi greeneyed, thank you for the first hand info, very helpful. Do you mind if I ask you some things? did you notice any effect on your weight through taking them? What dose are you on? Thank you so much, don't answer if you don't want to.

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 11:10:42

Curry - yet again I agree with Greeny. Fluoxetine is also known as Prozac and is a broad spectrum AD, covering depression, anxiety etc, it's widely used as a starting point if that makes sense.

If you've not been on ADs before or for a while, the GPs tend to start with it and see how you get on. Can I ask what mg you are on? 10 or 20 mg is a usual starting point, building up until you get to a level that feels right for you.

Some find it better to take at night to avoid any side effects such as making you drowsy, thirsty, as Greeny says etc. Some get side effects, some don't. smile

Drinking on them will make you feel sleepy and will undo what they're trying to do but you know that already. Read the leaflet in the box.

I would strongly advise researching it as with anything new you're going to take, and if you're not happy taking it then don't BUT PLEASE GO BACK TO YOUR GP AND TELL THEM.

As Greeny says, they are one of the safest ADs and widely used for that very reason. In fact, I bet most people you know here and in RL, have been or on them right now. smile

Sorry to hear that DD2 isn't so great, give her a squidge from me. I love the snuggling bit. Even though Nemo has me up most nights, lying next to him as he strokes my face telling me 'night night mamma bear' just melts my heart.

Right, time to get ready for school.

<waves to Greeny>

Back later.

determinedma Fri 25-Jan-13 11:31:20

thanks mouse havent lost anything this week and am SOOOOO pissed off. I am going to have takeaway tonight and hell mend it!
Then I tried to tax my car on line and discoverd the MOT expired last September! Holy Fuck! got an emergency one this afternoon but just didnt need any more money going out this month! Crappy crappy crap.
<feels hormonal and weepy>

aliasjoey Fri 25-Jan-13 12:12:00

ma you've been doing so well, and its HARD WORK I'm not surprised you feel a bit down. be gentle with yourself okay?

DD has had a stomach upset all week, little appetite and keeps complaining of nausea. this morning I caved and kept her off school, but I'm so anxious about having time off work....

helpyourself Fri 25-Jan-13 12:22:50

ma car admin is a real trigger for me, too! Prioritise the not drinking and give yourself a date to address the weight- perhaps when it gets warmer.
Now- has anyone looked at my puffy face? grin I'm going to take it down in a minute, so don't all rush at once!

Freetobeme Fri 25-Jan-13 12:34:14

Morning all

Clutter - I think you did well to just have the one and and stick to the plan to drive. You could have kept going, got a taxi, woken up hungover with a car to retrieve from the other side of town. I'm always doing that. I am going out to eat with a few girls tomorrow night , a bit of a test to do it dry but am driving 20 miles through snow to get there so drinking anything at all wont be an option and a taxi would be way to expensive so I think I'm gonna be alright.

Mouse - thanks for the advice re GP, life insurance etc. really not sure what to do. I want to access the goodies but I don't want to out myself as having a problem.

Alias - congrats on. 20 days, that is fabulous. Are you starting to see some benefits with skin, bloatedness etc. I always seem to look noticeably better after 2 weeks off the booze , like I've had a really good nights kip.

About the diet, I agree with mouse and would concentrate on keeping the sobriety going, and not worry too much about eating treats at the moment. But if you want to be healthy then Home made soups are healthy, warm and give you a bit of a virtuous glow when you make them, I would go for those over salad when it's as cold as this. Sauté any old veg in the fridge, a litre of bouillon and blitz it all up...lovely

Koala - love that description of the WW, so so true, it was definitely complacency that did for me last time (and the time before that, and the .....). I am going to refer back to that when I start to forget how awful it all was, and start thinking 2/3 glasses twice a Week couldn't hurt.

Even though I am on day 5, last night was my first real test. I don't normally drink in the week anyway as my DH works away - and one of the many ways I have tried to convince myself that I don't have a problem is that I don't drink alone. Normally when he gets back it is like a green light to hit the wine with gusto. I told him in the week that I was going to have a few weeks off the booze. So he had a couple of cans of lager while I stuck to lime and soda. He didn't open the wine, not sure if that was him being supportive or he just didn't fancy any. Either way it helped me out. I think he will drink wine tonight as I am making a nice meal but I am happy to say

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TONIGHT

Have a happy sober day everyone. smile

Freetobeme Fri 25-Jan-13 12:35:10

Doh! It was morning when I started that...got interrupted...afternoon now!

aliasjoey Fri 25-Jan-13 12:51:14

free unfortunately I never seem to see any benefits really, not even when I did 7 weeks sober. sad perhaps a bit less anxious about will I / won't I drink (because the decision has been taken away) but I just find other things to worry about instead!

well I really ought to get dressed and tend to my sick daughter instead of drinking coffee in bed <full of self-loathing today>

koala 47 days! fandabbidozy!

determinedma Fri 25-Jan-13 13:40:29

help that looks really painful. Poor you

KoalaKube Fri 25-Jan-13 14:04:56

Oh dear help that's nasty bit like having your wisdom teeth out, but 5 doses of antibiotics - ugh!!!! Hope it goes down soon.

aliasjoey Fri 25-Jan-13 14:17:43

oh just thought of one thing, I don't have as much acid reflux any more. I'm sure there are other benefits if I think hard enough.

help oh poor you, hope you feel better soon!

Aw help poor you, that looks awfully sore (((( )))). alias hope your not feeling too guilty being off, these things happen and spending time with your little girl is important, hope she feels better soon. mouse glad you had a sick free night with Nemo, hope he continues to get better and he got on ok at school xx
curry well done on not drinking with dh last night, it's so hard to resist the things that usually trigger us. I was mighty glad this morning that I had not disgraced myself, ditched the car, hungover, and could do what I was meant to do today. It was so very hard though. Good luck for tonight, sounds like you have an immovable plan for why you CAN NOT drink and leave car.
purple hope your days been going ok lovely xx
Well off to get my little boy from first full session at nursery....it's been nice having 2.5 hours (altho took teenage one to shops for more uniform so that was fun...Not!)
Stay safe lovely babes and good luck telling the WW to f* off tonight! xxxx

eminemmerdale Fri 25-Jan-13 14:37:02

ooh ouch help that does look yukky sad
It sounds like everyone is feeling pretty positive today. I reckon support like this is such a boost smile Fro some insane reason, I leapt out of bed this morning and started singing 'wake up it's a beautiful morning' grin. Molly shouted 'Shut Up!', ds just looked baffled and dh put his head back under the covers and went 'oh christ..' hahahahaha. Been swimming (16 lengths, would've done more but camb united footballers got in and started walking up and down the lane like flipping premier league stars - they really are posers! )weighed myself and was a little pissed off not to have lost any, but then, i haven't gained either. DH says it could be something to do with the half a tub of lemon meringue ice cream I ate last night - oh and the pizza, and the two cadburys eggs blush oh well!
Friday is such a dangerous day - lets all stick together and say NOOOOOO!!!

helpyourself Fri 25-Jan-13 14:56:38

Thank you all! grin
I'm anonymous again now.

determinedma Fri 25-Jan-13 15:00:55

Really really heavy snow here. Very pretty though.

We are just wet, miserable & yucky here ma wish it was all white & pretty. Sorry that your feeling fed up with no weight gain, it's a hard time to try & your doing amazing with sobriety so if possible try not to be too hard on yourself. Agree with curry that yummy, warm, healthy soups in this weather would be more appealing than cold salad. Hugs for you brave babe (( ))

Ooops sooty meant to say with no weight loss, obviously! xx

greeneyed Fri 25-Jan-13 15:38:06

curry I'm on 20mg same as I started on and never needed to go up. I didn't gain any weight. Like mouse said I take mine before bed - I've always drank on them and not noticed any interaction though maybe they would work better if I didn't drink grin

greeneyed Fri 25-Jan-13 15:39:20

purps where are you? Barry is oiled and ready if you need him!

determinedma Fri 25-Jan-13 16:46:13

Feck in car MoT cost £107 which I could have done without this month.
And the final straw today is the button has come off my trousers!
Sheesh.

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 17:38:48

<sniggers at Ma's final straw being a button coming off> grin

Help!!! - I missed your face sad but I do hope that after all of this time it goes down soon. You've been struggling for ages! Poor you. xx

Ma - just start again on Monday okay? With me? We'll do it together and maybe meal plan too? Are you up for that? In fact we could all do it, the Boot Campers? Sorry about the MOT, not what you need right now sad

This weather is a killer for dieting but as Free said, home-made soups are divine. I love them. BUT I want chunks of bread and butter with mine grin I have to not eat the bread. My muffin top, really is a muffin! grin

Em - if you can maintain once you lose a bit then take that as a great thing for now....

Those trying to lose weight AND stop drinking are putting far too much pressure on themselves. Small changes = big differences. So, swapping a few things round can really help.

Instead of tea and coffee, try and drink a warm Ribena or fruit tea. Instead of full fat, by low cal, low salt, low sugar, sugar free stuff and see if that helps.

Weight Watchers do a great range of EVERYTHING these days even if you're not following the diet, their foods are low everything. Or a low GI food diet.

It's common sense really isn't it? Just trying to make it interesting is the hardest part and eating separately to the rest of the family can be a PITFA! grin

If you can't eat separate meals at dinner times, try to be good at lunch and breakfast. Little changes are easier than stopping everything all at once and getting pissed off with trying, surely?

Greeny - I always used to drink on my ADs and the GP just gave me that 'look' when I fessed up. So, that's when he said about helping me with a decent pain management course, I'd have to come off the ADs as they clashed with certain meds, and I'd have to stop or dramatically cut back on the booze otherwise there'd be no point.

"Alcohol is a depressant, why would you want to depress yourself?" - wise words.

Nemo actually had a great day and played with another young lad who will go up to school (can you believe our Bus baby boy will be going up to school in September?!?) with him and who also has speech issues. He's had gromits fitted but I haven't noticed an improvement in his speech which is another reason why where's not bothering and going for hearing aids to amplify the sounds he hears.

Home-made pizza tonight so at least I know what's going on them!

determinedma Fri 25-Jan-13 18:12:35

Snot funny mouse. But yes to starting together on Monday. Gave in and ordered Chinese takeaway. Driver nearly turned back, took 3 good Samaritans to push his car up the hill. Snow is dreadful but at the very pretty stage, deep and sparkly.
We are all cosied in in front of the fire watching LOTR again. Dd and I will drool over Aragorn, Dcs will like the orcs and dh will fall asleep.
Nemo can't be going to big boy school in autumn! Our bus baby is all growed up..mind you, Dcs is 11 on Monday and goes to High School in august too.

Silver66 Fri 25-Jan-13 18:30:57

<whispers>

hello

I DECIDED TO RESIGN FROM MY JOB TODAY, and I am so relieved, scared and excited at the same time.

phew

wink

Coming back on here is a major major step for me...........

Please be kind

Oh - I've been pretty much sober since 28th August last year.

xxxx

Silver66 Fri 25-Jan-13 18:39:58

I'm also going to sneak away now. Baby steps for me too - not with alcohol but with my sorry head xxx

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 20:04:13

SILVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you Babe, welcome home. I'm glad you have taken a huge step in RL. Two actually, but quitting your job sober shows that you are ready, at last, to be YOU.

Massive hugs. xxxxxx

Come back when you feel ready xxxxx.

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 20:10:15

Oh and SILVER - S O B E R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smile I used that word in a post to you. You rock lady, you really do. xx

helpyourself Fri 25-Jan-13 20:24:31

Yay! silver

PurpleWolfe Fri 25-Jan-13 20:40:59

Evening Babes I hope everyone is warm - I cannot believe how cold it has been today - got ice cream brain just walking from the car into school!

I want to say thanks for your help, again, after this week. I feel I've whined far too much so, sorry for that. Have childishly felt rather 'picked on' by life this week.

Joey Thanks for letting me keep my gold star grin, it's polished and in pride of place on the mantelpiece! Sorry about your DD and the work stress. Hope it is all sorted really soon.

Mouse hugs for you for your continued support. DD and I came to a suitable punishment (tidying - which has helped with the state of the house!) but the next day she missed the bus as she took over half an hour straightening her hair! Ffs! All back to normal now, ta. PS Any pizza left for me? smile

Thank you, too Malinky, Free and Curry your words really helped me.

Ma Car stuff is awful, isn't it. It's just such a variable as far as finances are concerned, always at the back of your mind. It's too cold to diet properly, you are doing so well with the booze, congratulate yourself for that.

Help I hope your poor face is better soon.

And finally, thank you Clutter but could you just not make me cry next time!! Hugs! grin

So, took the DC for their swimming lesson last night and, as is the tradition, they get a treat if they have been good (a piece of fruit, crisps or a yoghurt) which meant popping in to Tesco Express on the way home. I'd been thinking of buying wine for hours* - all the reasons, all the ^excuses - and then, there I was, staring, for a good few minutes, at bottles and bottles of the stuff - all half price, too! And I walked away. Can't tell you why, I just did. smile

Good day today - some great charity shop bargains and a catch up with a lovely friend (who's going to USA for a year in 33 days - so, bitter sweet), house is looking much better and haven't had any cravings today.

Day 16 and a total of 8lbs loss!

Luffs you all. xxxxxxxx

curryeater Fri 25-Jan-13 21:09:25

two glasses of wine, and off to bed.
It's ok. No craving, no sadness, no weirdness, just a slight buzz and I'll leave the rest.
Only possible in the right emotional state. maybe I have to be someone who never drinks at parties.
I don't know.

good luck everyone
thanks for sharing about ADs, greeny

I've got them and will think about what to do tomorrow.

Good night all x

Fairenuff Fri 25-Jan-13 21:18:53

Silver so great to hear from you smile

kotinka Fri 25-Jan-13 21:35:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

determinedma Fri 25-Jan-13 21:35:43

Yay silver so good to see you.
You've been sober how long?? [Shock]
Tell us how you did it!

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 21:39:20

Night Babes - I too am going to Bedfordshire via a quick play on my new phone.

Curry - ^just a slight buzz and I'll leave the rest.
Only possible in the right emotional state. maybe I have to be someone who never drinks at parties.
I don't know.^

A person's emotional state plays a huge part in how much you drink. How far you go, what you do and how you do it. Well done on not being led by your recent emotions tonight. Think about the ADs and do what you feel is right. Well done on the weight loss xxxx

Purple - Yup, DD will give with one hand and take with another, that's how they roll! grin I'm referring to the missed bus.....

You sound brighter btw. Well done for not buying that wine tonight. That must have been a bit of a dither moment. Shall I? Shan't I? And then in the end, the desire goes away because you it the CBA wall! Well bloody done you! Are you back on your course on Monday? xxxxx

Right, I'm outta here. Nemo is settled and in bed finally, he was so unsettled and unsure as to what he wanted last night, all morning and then at school I didn't think he'd let me go. He's still not 100% but had a good day at school as it turns out. Made a new best friend and actually ate some food because this new friend did smile

It's still snowing here, thick as you like, 6 - 8 inches? Yes please! grin

Sorry, bit of Friday night smut for the Bus! grin But seriously, the snow is amazing. I love it. It's so thick! Sethy was coated and it took me ages to dry him off!!

Night Brave Babes. Wherever you are tonight, I hope you're safe and warm. xx xx xx

PurpleWolfe Fri 25-Jan-13 21:57:53

Hi Koti, nice to see you back. grin Your 'dancer' all better now? Baby Where are you? x

aliasjoey Fri 25-Jan-13 21:58:05

silver good to hear from you, you sound so positive

purple you get another gold star for resisting the temptation tonight! wow, 2 gold stars on your mantelpiece!

day 21 - that's three weeks grin

DD is okay, but she did have diarrhoea which is horrid for her, but it was a relief for me, because then I knew it was the right thing to do, to keep her off school... wish I had the confidence to make these decisions and not overthink it...

kotinka Fri 25-Jan-13 22:06:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aw purple sorry if I mades you cry, will definitely try harder not to do that next time! green made me cry with the you tube video, been a very emotional week!
No wine for me tonight, have thought about one all night but thinking of the day tomorrow with little boy smile
Off to bed night night all brave babes xx

PurpleWolfe Sat 26-Jan-13 07:46:27

Morning!

Mouse So good to hear Nemo has made a friend - it makes all the difference to children, doesn't it!? Sounds like the beginning of him finding his feet. Lots of snow here, although I think we've all had enough now. hmm You can have ours, Mouse! Yes, back on the course on Monday (two weeks left) after it all seemed to fall apart last week with girls running off crying!? When it finishes, I'm required to do a further 4 weeks 'placement'! Deep sigh. Thanks for the supportive words smile When I looked at that much wine I actually felt a bit nauseous - hope that odd feeling hangs about for along time to come.

Joey Two gold stars?! I think you are spoiling me. Thanks Lovely. smile We have to keep them off school here for 24 hours after their last bout of S or D, we have no choice. You did the right thing. Hope your DD is better today? 21 days is fab! Well done you

Koti The course was 20% interesting/fun and 80% not applicable to me! Oh, yes and 100% emotional! (Not me, you understand, I'm a cynical old bag! grin) Glad you are back on-line again.

Clutter That was 'making me cry' in a good way! Thanks for caring smile and well done for ignoring the WW last night. x

Curry Well done on stopping at two glasses.

Purple#WhyDoMyBoysHaveToGetUpSoEarlyOnANon-SchoolDay????

Morning purple glad your sounding brighter & more purple grin Well done for getting through a really difficult week.
Morning to all brave babes hope you all managed to beat the wicked ol ww last night, if not hope today not too difficult. curry how did you get on last night?
purple feel your pain with little boys not appreciating the sacrilege that is the weekend, my little one woke up at 6:20am! Then teenage one has to be woken out of her slumber!
Feel so much better not being foggy headed this morning.
Wishing all babes a good, peaceful day xx

Mouseface Sat 26-Jan-13 10:17:58

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Koti - great to have you back with us lovely smile

Purple - we had well over a ft of snow again last night on top of what was left! This is the most we've ever had in years according to the older generation who live in the village.

It's been ace for Nemo but not for me. I can't walk in snow or sand, it hurts too much. Plus the ice is bloody lethal!

The course sounds like it's been a bit too much for some.... I do think that you'll benefit from some things, maybe not all of it and I know alot of it is patronising twaddle. Hang in there kidda grin

Today we're going into town to get DD some new shoes. I've just looked at her school shoes and they are falling apart! shock blush She didn't say a word and has been walking round in them in the SNOW like that sad.

It's stopped snowing here and is glorious sunshine so the snow is melting. I'm glad to be honest. As nice as it looks, it's getting dangerous as it's freezing at night so needs to go. We're due 12 degree tomorrow apparently! grin

<gets bikini out, tries it on, scares self and hides it again>

Ma - I've decided that I'm going to do the 5:2 fasting diet as from Sunday. I've read about Michael Mosley on here and in the radio times (get me! grin) and I really do think I can do it. It's all about control and soup!

I'll have another look through and list a few meal plans for next week, see if you fancy joining me?

I'm shattered after another rough night with Nemo. Colds are not great. I hate this time of year for him, roll on spring! smile

Right, shower time. I have treated myself to some Sanctuary Spa stuff with the £s I got for my birthday and Christmas. I love it! And Boots have it on offer just now, 3 for 2 with a free aromatherapy candle.

<relaxing sigh>

Bye for now lovely Babes. I hope you're all okay and safe wherever you are. xxxx

Hi Babes, haven't been posting much this week because I've been feeling shit shit shit, but I've got my boing back now so here I am.

This week's weigh in... Now 11 stone 13lbs, so a loss of 3lbs since 16th Jan and a loss of 8lbs since beginning of January. BMI now 25.26 (goal is 23, although 'ideal' would be 22).

I'm happy with that because I don't feel like I've been depriving myself of anything, particularly, just eating more healthily. I haven't really missed the wine shock shock apart from the odd pang. Even this last week, when I've been feeling so tense and anxious and irritable that I could hardly function, I haven't really thought about wine being the answer to that. I think it was a combination of really bad PMT (have now started period, a bit earlier than expected) and the fact that I've been adjusting to a lower dose of ADs (reduced by a quarter because I was feeling so good a couple of weeks ago).

Last night DP was out (at Mr WanderingHands' leaving party grin) and I decided not to drink. I made myself a treat meal (homemade pesto with taglietelle, salmon, prawns and courgette... yuuuuuuuum) and had some icecream afterwards. DP is really hungover this morning and I feel all virtuous and smug. grin Icecream is my replacement vice at the mo - I blame my local supermarket for selling half price haagen dazs.

Going to MIL's today and planning to drink moderately. Next week looking a bit complicated as my parents are coming to stay for 3 nights and it's a big birthday for my DD. Normally I drink (too much) when they come down, despite the fact that neither of them are big drinkers (although my step-dad does have a glass or two of red every night "for his health"). Not sure what to do about that as yet. I still can't (YET wink @ Venus) see myself socialising over dinner without at least a glass or two or two of wine.

Sorry not to namecheck everyone. I have been reading all week and following all your highs and lows though. Nice to see Silver posting again. I've got to go and make a cake now - apparently they're easier to decorate if you freeze it for a night or two. i'm attempting a minecraft (geek alert) cake, as that is DD's current obsession.

Have a lovely, sober weekend everyone xx

curryeater Sat 26-Jan-13 10:57:40

Morning everyone

Tricky night last night with sceaming, ill dd2. but ok because dp and I were good humoured and united.
He took her away at 5 am and entertained her while I slept till 8 so I definitely owe him a nap sometime today. Infinitely grateful.
Supposed to be going out tonight, not sure I can abandon him to his fate with a screamy little one, but will take a night off the booze anyway. Either I will go out and take the car, or stay in and keep it simple on the tea.

Well done Silver
Well done purple

good to see you all
It's thawing here, and I am ready for it! Sunny day, green patches on the ground outside.

Mouse, good luck with the 5:2. I'm considering it myself. Let us know how you get on!

Mouseface Sat 26-Jan-13 11:24:43

Mia - great to see you back smile You sound so much more positive than a few posts back. PMT can be a killer mood wise, especially when you have other things going on like trying to stop drinking wine like a dehydrated camel! grin

You're doing great lowering your BMI and I think looking at a healthy BMI is just as important as losing weight. Have a nice weekend with the out laws and with your parents and DD next week... don't let them undo you good work. Enjoy yourself and enjoy any wine that you have. You want to remember this coming week for all of the right reasons and do you know what? I reckon you will. I reckon you'll kick ass and keep control because you want to. smile xx

Curry - I was going to put a couple of days of meals on here starting on Monday. I need to have a look over the allowed foods and make a list of what I will eat. Soups are easy for me. I like simple stews too, just have to avoid the HUGE dumplings and door stop sizes of bread grin

Will keep a diary and post how I get on. Looking at it here 5:2 DIET I think I can do it because it's about low carbs too which is always a winner so I'm going to weigh in on Monday and then start!

Eeeeeek! grin

Sorry DD is poorly, I'm glad you got some much needed top up sleep, it's my turn for that tomorrow. Good to see you planning tonight too, have fun xx

Freetobeme Sat 26-Jan-13 11:35:59

Good morning,

Everyone sounds very chipper today!

Glad you are feeling better purple. Really well done on resisting the booze in Tescos. Try and remember how good you are feeling about that decision now, and recall it next time you are lingering a bit long in the wine aisle. You are doing fantastic!

Congratulations on 3 weeks alias, that is brilliant, you deserve a little treat...what are some of the treats you all give yourself for success?

I stayed in with DH and the kids last night, had my first booze free Friday in a loooooong time. And amazingly, I enjoyed it. Made a really nice dinner for the 4 of us, venison (from Aldi's freezer section, absolute bargain, totally scrummy, v low fat), sweet potato chips, buttered leeks (not so low fat!) and broccoli. Normally I would get through most of a bottle of wine drunk whilst cooking and eating it. And then start on the next bottle once kids in bed. It was nice not to. Felt much more like talking to, playing with the kids too. My DH had a bottle of Rioja (over the whole evening) and I wasn't tempted to join him.

Am feeling really calm and happy with my decision at the moment, long may that continue. Keep waiting for the wobbles but so far so good. Am reading my Allen Carr 'easy way to control alcohol' book again which is helping me.

It is a beautiful day in my neck of the woods. We are off sledging this aft before its all Melted. Now I definitely wouldn't be doing that on a hangover.
grin

Enjoy your day everyone! smile

Ladamequirit Sat 26-Jan-13 13:13:05

Hi all fantastic bus babes ... I am a serial lurker and have been following you all for a long time now. I have my own battles with the WW and messy, complicated, lovely but scary life. My DD is in uni and it's just me and dh now. Many evenings over a bottle of wine, sometimes too much and so I cut down, then it builds up, then I cut down and then it builds up ... you all know the story. I'm here today to say to you - lovely mouse, fantastic brave and kind lady - the 5:2 diet is fantastic. Not only does it help with the wobbly bits, but the control you need to stick to your 500 cals on your 'fasting' days, seems to exercise your 'control' muscle (does that make sense?). It has helped me so much with the WW because I can't drink when fasting, I don't like to drink the night before a fast as it gives me the carb munchies and makes it that much harder, and so that's four days that has more to do with the fasting than the drinking, iykwim. Also, although you could chew your arm off on the first couple of fast days (persevere - it gets easier), surprisingly the next day you really don't feel that hungry, but sort of springcleaned!! It is the greatest feeling and puts me in a fantastic mood all day (the looser jeans feeling helps too lol). Anyhoo, the best of warm wishes to you all lovely ladies - can I pop in from time to time??? x

Thanks ((((Mouse)))) xx smile This week I kept saying to myself
"Don't panic just because you're feeling shit, it does not mean that all the changes you've made are pointless, or not working. Just keep on keeping on, and see how you feel once your period starts."
Lo and behold, I feel a bit more human again. Made myself up a killer herbal tincture too, which always gives me a boost and is especially necessary if I've reduced my ADs.

Free that dinner sounds delicious!
Ladame you're selling me on the 5:2! I've read about it before. I might start with a 6:1 and see how I go. wink

determinedma Sat 26-Jan-13 14:10:51

Checking in. Colleague in work is doing the 5:2 fast and says that although she feels well on it, she hasn't lost any weight at all, so not sure. Am also not good at being hungry! I need to do something though. I've lost 6 lbs and stalled. Just couldn't get over the half stone and am now re-gaining which pisses me off no end.just feel like going back to the bad old ways to be honest. All this effort, cutting down drastically on the booze etc and not really seeing any major results other than being a bit less bloated. Feel a bit - what's the point tbh.

Ladamequirit Sat 26-Jan-13 14:33:00

Hi Mia and Ma - Trying 6:1 first might be a good idea to see how you get on. Ma not sure why your friend hasn't lost any weight, I put on six lardy wobbly pounds over xmas and I'm pleased to say I've lost them and it didn't seem too hard. I won't go into the whole diet thing here, there is so much info on the interweb, even on MN. I can only say that I like it because I can't cut down every day. I hate running out of calories or thinking I can't have something. Then I start to feel deprived and then give in, and at that point giving in can include several glasses of vino collapso, followed by truly stoopid food. When I do the fast, I know that it's just a day and then I can go back to eating normally the next. Obv not go completely mad, but if you think about the science bit, for two days you are only consuming 1000 cals. If, on average you need about 2000 cals a day to maintain, you will have a cal deficit of 3000 every week. Also, my stomach does seem to shrink a bit and I get fuller more quickly, sadly not with the wine tho, but as I said above, there are four days that I won't have any, or it's not worth doing smile. So, I do Monday and Wednesdays and that means I can only have wine Thurs to Sat, which is a huge difference to what was going on before. Usually at least six nights a week in the kitchen with the old man and a bottle of Chard, eating tea late and feeling uuurgh in the morning.

Mouseface Sat 26-Jan-13 15:26:01

Dame - hello smile and thank you for posting about the 5:2 diet. I am a bit of a fad dieter and have done most things in the past. I wouldn't say I'm overweight really (BMI is 22.6) but I have a few wobbly bits that I'd like to bugger off quite frankly.

I struggle to exercise (I guess you know all about me and my disability what with my constant whining! grin) so really it's more about the food for me.

I'd like to lose about another 6/7lbs and then maintain it. Obviously since stopping using wine as pain medication and food, I've lost loads. I lost 1.5st in a period of about 6-8 months but it did fluctuate depending on my, ahem, <whispers> bowel action. I struggle massively with constipation due to the amount of morphine I am on.

Why not unlurk a bit more and take a seat, even if it's just for the days you don't drink? smile x

Mouseface Sat 26-Jan-13 15:46:58

Ma - you sound utterly fucked off. I often get stuck at the half way mark and it drives me nuts, well, it would if I had any! grin

How about a bit of a change for a few days to kick start you again or try what Dame suggests? I usually cut out all bread, pasta, potatoes and rice for two days and then allow ONE of those four in my lunch, not having starchy carbs after 5pm as I don't burn them off. I have a pint of water on the go all day, and just keep topping it up.

Ma, why not try 5 smaller meals for a few days starting Monday, we'll weigh in together, holding hands through the ether...... we could all chip in with recipes, snack ideas, nibble attack savers etc.

I hate feeling hungry and that is a MAJOR trigger for me to crack open a bottle of cider, not good.

Tonight we're on M&S dine in for £10. We've got a pork dish, rosemary potatoes, veg already in and lemon tray bake for afters, plus a bottle of white.

I KNOW I'm to drink and I KNOW how much I'm going to have. I will have one glass of wine with dinner and maybe a glass or two of cider before that. I KNOW what alcohol is in the house and I'm deciding to drink tonight. I don't feel like I have to, or not, there's no pressure either way. It just feels part of the menu if that makes sense?

What do yo normally have to kick start your day Ma?

aliasjoey Sat 26-Jan-13 16:19:46

day 22. I just read an article that said most people who started dry January have already given up, so aren't we mostly doing well? and those of us who have fallen understand that doesn't mean failure and we should just quit, we know one setback isn't the end of the world, we just pick ourselves up and start again.

I'm feeling very proud of everybody on the Bus today smile

Ladamequirit Sat 26-Jan-13 16:27:10

mouse Thanks! I am now unlurking and making my way to the back of the bus, past rubbery white thing with tentacles and various furry creatures (some of which I think have evolved from the opal fruits hmm. Hunger is also my biggest trigger - when six o'clock is too early to eat now that it's just me and him and we sit and chat and have a few drinks and tea gets later and later. It's not doing me any good and I have the willpower of a gnat. I start off with fizzy water, but it's not long before I'm headfirst in the fridge chatting to the WW. But, strangely, the fasting thing is different, although I'm hungry (sometimes really really hungry), my mind is in a different place. Also, to get the best benefit from the fasting experience, you're supposed to eat your evening meal earlier, so that you have as much time between that and your breakfast on the days before the fast and on the fast days. I hope I explained that properly! That makes my head in the whole diet thing and I can keep my head in that other place for four days. As I said in the first post, exercising the control not to break the fast is helping firm my sense of control up. The fasting hunger doesn't seem to make me want to drink and throw away all that effort ... Phew, sorry that's a bit longwinded. BTW would love to have BMI of 22, mine's about 27 at mo ... perimenopausal and sitting too long on great fat bum.

Mouseface Sat 26-Jan-13 16:43:45

Joey - I read something similar but not only that, as soon as Feb 1st hits, people binge because they haven't had a drink for a WHOLE MONTH! and therefore 'deserve' to have a few. Madness and all that hard work undone in just one night.

Yay for all of those out there doing a dry month but then to go back to normal, drinking too much, going overboard, seems a huge waste of, well, everything IMO.

Dame - I'm perimenopausal too! Well, my last period was over 100 days ago, (I've stopped counting now) and I hit 38 at the start of this year. My periods have been like clockwork so to go from that to never knowing when it's going to happen, or having just one day of flooding and agony is Shitey McShite in my book!

We do eat too late, DH and I and that has to stop. There are often days when we eat different things because I don't want a full meal as such.....

I'm hoping that the 5:2 works but as with all things me, planning is going to be the key to success! smile

<chucks Dame a ticket>

determinedma Sat 26-Jan-13 17:41:34

mouse I just have a cup of coffee - no sugar - until I get to work and then I have either wholemeal toast twith banana or a bowl of cereal with added whole bran. Lunch is usually home made soup, fruit and yoghurt. Try to drink water during the day. Think it must be evenings that undo me.
Ds has had two friends over today, unusually. They have all played out in the snow and had a great time. Now have a pile of wet socks and joggers in the hall and the boys wearing a selection of ds's clothes! Amazed at how quickly 3 10 year olds can demolish two huge pizzas and a plate of biscuits!

aliasjoey Sat 26-Jan-13 18:15:45

well I have just bought an outfit for a wedding in 2 months, it fits okay but it would look better if I lost some weight, so I'd better join the boot camp!

I'm going to aim to cut out snacks, chocolate etc. unfortunately, not drinking means I like to treat myself to nice things, but lately it's got out of hand!

am not going down the healthy cooking route yet, I am a disaster in the kitchen. yesterday, I made tea - usually DH does it because he is a control freak enjoys cooking. all I had to do was slice up some tatties and pour a ready made sauce over them. well, first I poured all the sauce on before remembering that half of it was supposed to be kept back. so I had to try and ladle it out of the dish... then I dropped the spoon in. seriously, I had to go and lie down afterwards. hmm

curryeater Sat 26-Jan-13 18:59:30

drinking wine
not going out, one glass of wine, then bed with a screaming baby
not happy about making plans and not keeping to them
not devastated about one small glass of wine

Ladamequirit Sat 26-Jan-13 19:02:42

All fab bus babes .... am a chef, please feel free to ask any food/calorie related questions or suggestions. (from back of bus, trying not to eye up Barry and think of Calamari) ... No, Barry, seriously, only joking xx

determinedma Sat 26-Jan-13 19:09:22

<leaps protectively in front of Barry>
OK, I have a question. What the bloody hell SHOULD I be eating to lose weight? Every plan, book, person says something different. Then other day I had a breakfast of cereal , fruit and toast and was told by a nutrionist it was a bad choice as it was all carbs and would cause a sugar spike. He said if having fruit for a snack to have nuts with it. Then I read that nuts are calorie dense and shouldn't be eaten! Carbs/no carbs. Fats/no fats. Somebody tell me what the bloody hell to do!

curryeater Sat 26-Jan-13 19:23:57

determinedma, it is a minefield, because there are several different and completely inconsistent ways of managing food and weight.
I think people are very different and not everyone does well on each plan.
It depends what your problem is what you need to do to solve it.
sorry, no easy answers, but if it helps, I low-carb loosely following the advice in the Briffa book: Beat the Diet Trap. he is ok with nuts, but they are fatty, and so if you eat a lot of them you have to eat less of something else.

i think my booze problem is related to a more general carbs problem and eating low carb and high fat / protein helps me keep the whole thing on a more even keel. (and thereby lose weight)

any help?

curryeater Sat 26-Jan-13 19:24:33

sadly I think Barry is just the thing to be eating on a low carb eating plan sad

determinedma Sat 26-Jan-13 19:33:14

No-one is eating Barry OK?
He is oily so high in fat.

Ladamequirit Sat 26-Jan-13 19:33:47

Ma The best advice I can give you ... Mostly protein to lose weight. NOT the Atkins diet load of bollox, but wholemeal rice, pasta, bread, lots of fish, lean meat and (little cheese) SS milk, yoghurt, loads of veg/salad - avoid peas and sweetcorn if poss. TBH the three-way plate is a good start ... palmful of protein, third of wholemeal whatever, third of veg. Cut down a bit on fat, but not too much, the prob with entirely protein is that a lot of women started to suffer from thinning hair - IMO who wants to be thinner but with constant bad hair days??? Try the fasting diet, the body repairs itself and you can eat sensibly the rest of the time. Sugar is the downfall, esp for us who are struggling with a drinking problem, and believe me, I do struggle. Cereal - NO, unless oats, Bread NO, unless wholemeal, fruit has fructose, just another name for sugar. Eggs are fab, poached or boiled, and keep you full for a long time. Salmon is great for us in the peri-menopause and great for the Omegas. You need some carbs to keep your moods stable, so don't cut them out. Please believe me, I would never, ever, do anything but appreciate Barry for the support he has always given lol xxxxxx

aliasjoey Sat 26-Jan-13 19:34:06

I'm just trying to eat less! and I've got low-fat yogurts, skimmed milk etc.

DH has just been rude about my wedding outfit. he tried to be tactful by saying we BOTH need to lose weight. angry

oh well he's drinking calories, and I'm not!

Fairenuff Sat 26-Jan-13 19:52:24

Ma I do well by just counting calories. I can eat whatever I like as long as I stay within my calorie limit. I tend to go very low fat, low sugar, lean meat, wholegrain bread & pasta, brown rice, lots of fruit, veg & salad. It's amazing the variety of meals that can be produced out of the basics.

I add low fat sauces to flavour, usually tomato based. I make a massive salad like this - chop and mix in a bowl with low fat french dressing - mixed lettuce leaves, cucumber, tomato, celery, peppers, red cabbage, add grated carrot, a small tin of sweetcorn, a handful of nuts or seeds (chopped walnuts or pine nuts, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seed, etc) and finally I chop small cubes of salad cheese (same as feta but lower in fat - about 30g just for flavour).

Then I toss it all and have a large serving with my meal instead of veg. It's lovely with spaghetti bolognaise for example.

I aim for 100 - 200 cals for breakfast, about 300 for lunch and 500 - 600 for dinner. Usually have only one snack at mid-morning which is a piece of fruit. May have a bit more fruit later if hungry but otherwise just stick to meals and drink various hot or soft drinks.

Ladamequirit Sat 26-Jan-13 19:57:20

Fairenuff you've nailed it babe. The only thing I would add .. Water .. lots of water. Don't get dehydrated. x

Fairenuff Sat 26-Jan-13 20:12:37

smile Teacher's pet, me grin

Ladamequirit Sat 26-Jan-13 20:16:07

Babes, am off now .. dd back to uni tomorrow, after a week off at home - que under duvet a bit weepy, will miss her sooo much. Be strong lovely ladies, I sort of feel that I know you all - if that's not a bit stalkery. bibi La Dame x

Mouseface Sat 26-Jan-13 20:34:23

La Dame - it's been great having you here today and finally unlurk, I'm glad my dieting dilemma got you out of hiding! grin

Be kind to yourself when DD goes back tomorrow, you know where we are xx

aliasjoey Sat 26-Jan-13 20:52:59

hmmm, I've just opened this weeks Radio Times and there's an article about the 5:2 diet! it's all the rage, isn't it? does it work?

I thought it sounded like nonsense, but everyones talking about it....

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 20:53:55

Mouse. I will do 5:2 starting Monday - slight concern re my gastritis which is bad at the moment and worse on an empty stomach - may have to have a few tiny meals as opposed to one 500 calarie dinner _ will see how I go, just watching horizon doc now as I don't want to buy the book.

determinedma Sat 26-Jan-13 20:58:43

OK, I'll give it a go starting Monday then. Have made some soup and batch frozen it so lunches are sorted.

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 20:59:12

I think it will be incredibly difficult to get used to as I eat within minutes of getting up, I'm obsessed with getting some food in me straight away and I NEVER miss meals!

Wortha try though joey don't you think, will deffo help with not drinking during the week as well, there is no way you could fast with hangover!

venusandmars Sat 26-Jan-13 21:00:33

silver if you're lurking, lovely to see you xxx

Now about all this dieting and boot-camp stuff. I'm not cut out for any of your exercise nonsense, no huffing and puffing for me. And I don't think I'm suitable for a stiletto version (and where is Jesus these days?), so is there some kind of slouchy carpet-slipper shuffle approach to weight loss?

Mouseface Sat 26-Jan-13 21:09:22

YES!!! Water, water, water, water, water and then, when you think you've had enough, more water. It flushes everything out. It keeps your bowel regular too.... unless you're on so much morphine you've got no chance.

Curry - what's up sweets with your screaming toddler? Are you okay? xx

Joey - SUGAR is one of the BIGGEST killers of diets. Not only that, Aspartame in diet foods is very bad for you and actually helps your body to go into 'starve mode' making you stop losing weight. It has soooooooooooooooooo many side effects, just don't go there!

Ma - I love you, I really do. STOP!! Eat a varied diet of veg, fruit, protein, carbs, fats (low saturated), and lean meats. Oily fish is good.

Do you know what? If you went into most primary schools, you'd find that their lunch menus would be perfect to live off for you and me, the DC and DH and we'd all be lovely and balanced.

My golden rule is NO JARS. So no ready made meals. No added salt when cooking, no added anything really....... the more natural the better.

It's all a bloody do this do that philosiphy Ma.

Do what works for you. If that's porridge breakfast, rivita's for lunch, chicken breast and salad or plain boiled potatoes for dinner etc then so be it.

Variety, low fat, low salt, low sugar but not NO SUGAR, NO FAT, NO CARBS, NO SALT etc or the body will react as if you're in the Sahara and go into starvation mode as Dame says......

Little and often with meals, try serving food on a smaller plate to make it look bigger. There's a million rights and wrongs out there.... so do what suits you. Ma - you've just hit a glitch is all, you'll get there. Let's do it together and with anyone else who wants to join us next week, okay? xxx

Right, I need to go. Nemo has been sick and lost his last feed, he's so upset. I'll be back tomorrow.

Be Brave Babes.

Mouse xx

PS - the dine in meal we had from M&S was lovely. A lovely finish to a worrying/wibbly week.

PPS - Pirates of the Caribbean is on, I'm getting my Jack Sparrow fix......... yum! Desert next. Lemon tray bake or may save that for tomorrow with the beef casserole. Hmmm?

Mouseface Sat 26-Jan-13 21:11:15

Joey - I have it pinned to my fridge, the article about 5:2. It's the same as on MN and on Horizon. Doc Mosley says pretty much the same for all interviews.

Night all. xx

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 21:23:00

na you doing 5:2 or calorie counting?

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 21:23:29

ma!

guggenheim Sat 26-Jan-13 21:34:42

Lo there lovely babes

Just checking in to say hi and to keep an eye on Barry
I've had a difficult few days because i've had some sober 'firsts' to deal with. The worst one by far was dealing with period pain without large quantities of red! 3 days of feeling crap. I managed ok and it din't kill me after all [bsmile]

I'm doing alright here and hope all the babes are safe and well tonight.
green ivf is miraculous as far as I'm concerned [bsmile] x
mouse poor nemo hope he's a bit comfier now.
Tired so off to bed.

Barry had better be there tomorrow, that's all I'm saying

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 21:43:24

Here is a link (which took some finding) to the horizon programme on Intermittent fasting if anyone wants a look. http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/110651/BBC_Horizon_2012_Eat_Fast_and_Live_Longer/

Interesting theories but hey it will be something else next month smile What appeals to me is the stop start nature of it as I am fecking useless at keeping a diet up for more than a few weeks.

Mouse Hope the wee man is okay x

Gugg I feel your pain my periods were hell untill I had my son - camomile tea used to be helpful if you can substitute for the wine x

Ladamequirit Sat 26-Jan-13 21:46:59

Last post from me babes ... I have grown to love Barry, Purleeze don't worry about him ... I have grown to luffs him like all of you sorry for the 'boakness' xx

eminemmerdale Sat 26-Jan-13 21:56:49

In and out - sorry! busy day am knackered - day 26 - will catch up tomorrow!

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 22:35:30

"Ladame* we are a lovely bunch grin just a bit rubbish at drinking (and dieting!)

Just checking in to say morning all, no booze for me last night but not sleeping well, think I'm anxious about going to back to work tomorrow following a week off sick due to binge last Saturday! Anyways I will be fine, what's the worst that can happen?
Hope everyone has a good Sunday
xx

PurpleWolfe Sun 27-Jan-13 08:59:52

Just popping in before meeting up with my friend and her brood and taking all the DC swimming so me and my friend can have an uninterrupted chin wag After that I need to find a tank top for DS1 to wear to school for his WW II Evacuation Day! Sigh!

Morning Curry Sorry about the disrupted sleeping last night. After the first 5 mins at work you'll be fine.smile Good luck, Sweetpea. If sleep were an exam - I'd get a 'U'!

On the dieting front and to save poor Barry's nerves can I just say - Prawns! Really low in fat and high in protein. That's it, the sum of my advice. grin

Happy Sunday everyone. xx

determinedma Sun 27-Jan-13 09:41:24

green I have just been bog standard dieting and calorie counting a bit, but have stalled. Thinking of trying the 5:2 but an rubbish at being hungry and will struggle to do dinner for Ds while fasting!

aliasjoey Sun 27-Jan-13 10:37:23

there was an 8- page spread in the RT about 5:2, and TWO interviews with the scientist who started the craze! even my husband had heard of it, said half the people at his work are doing it.

Ladamequirit Sun 27-Jan-13 11:28:03

The main thing I like about it, is that if you are having a bad day, or it's too cold and you just don't feel like it, or .. you're going shopping and need to get something to eat out - it doesn't matter! Just move your fasting day to a different one. It works if you just do two days out of the 7, any days as long as they aren't consecutive. Make it as easy as possible for yourselves. I get a calorie-counted microwave meal for the evening, say 300 cals. I can't live without a cup of tea in the morning, so I count that (milk, half-tsp sugar). Then if I've made a veg soup, I'll have little cups of it in the afternoon until the evening meal. I do find (and everyone is different - just my experiences) that if I eat little throughout the day, I am starving all day. If I just have tea in the morning and leave having soup as long as poss, it's easier for me. I think you can 'turn on' your hunger by eating too early. Don't be afraid of the hunger, it doesn't build up and up, it sort of comes in waves. Drink loads of water, then drink some more. I love green tea and that is fine and it's hot. Remember, you can always eat the next day. My dh is joining me this week, so if there is a news item about someone doing away with their old man over an argument about a bowl of soup - that'll be me grin.

Mouseface Sun 27-Jan-13 12:33:31

Afternoon, tis me. Mouse

So, how many of us are 5:2ing it tomorrow? Me, Dame (and her DH grin), Ma?, Greeny, Joey?

I reckon there'll be a thread in General Health that will be all about the 5:2 so maybe we should pop over there or start one even? Just to have a peek for tips etc. I have that pull out from the RT too and have book marked the MN page on here.

Like Dame says, the beauty of it is, if you feck up on one day, you can try again tomorrow..... sounds familiar? grin Mind you, the danger with that is that tomorrow never comes!

We could all try ODAAT for those who are doing it and just see how it goes?

Anyway, I've started my last day of none 5:2 with a bacon roll grin, a cuppa and all of my meds. Nemo has a party at 3 so I've just changed his 'teddies' (the tape on his face that holds his tube in place) and he let me do it on my own. Normally, DH has to hold him down sad which he hates and the whole thing becomes a horrible event filled with tears and tantrums, and that's just me!

DH is taking him to the party as it is at one of those soft play type places and I can't get to him if he climbs up and needs help. So between 3-5 I am going to try and do my very first eBay listing shock

I have a phone to put on, it's less than 12 months old but the reception here is so rubbish, I've had to save up to get a new one and there's nowt wrong with this one. I feel a bit of a fraud but I need to be able to MN and actually speak to people!! grin

Purple - nice to see you smile, did you mean Clutter re work? Not curry?

How are you feeling Purple? It seems ages since you've posted. Things okay? I mean really okay?

Clutter - sorry you're not sleeping still, I can so empathise with that! Sleep deprivation is a KILLER. Have you thought about taking something to help for a while? A herbal remedy? Lavender oil on your pillow will help, just a few drops if you are okay with the smell, I know not everyone is.

I was up with the boy last night so went back to bed until 10am whilst DH fed and played with him. DD has only just surfaced. I remember those days well..... Nemo has a soft teddy bear filled with hops and lavender that you warm up, he's called Herbie and is so nice to snuggle up to! I may have to 'borrow' him wink

Well done Em!

Gugg - well done on not reaching for the red to help with your period pains etc.... that's a tough one if you're used to dealing with them by using red wine! grin But as you say, you did it!

Anywho, what are the rest of us up to this afternoon?

greeneyed Sun 27-Jan-13 13:22:31

mouse I'm in (gulp!)

KoalaKube Sun 27-Jan-13 13:43:39

Starting then 5:2 today - had my coffee and will b drinking soft drinks and green tea with jasmine also have a 30 cal soupy thing if I get peckish that will take me up until supper tonight of king prawns and veg stir fry (no oil) at about 5pm so that will give me a fast of 15 hrs until breakfast tomorrow - I can do this. Still got horrid cold and taking DD2 back to get coach this afternoon after weekend at home - still painting so lots to keep me occupied.

I'm putting all my meals and weight target into fatsecret.co.uk - to help keep me on track and see what the cumulative calorie count / nutritiun count is over the week. Spoke to a friend who has been doing this for 2 months and she is beaming about it - looser clothes, more energy, amazing memory retention - she's feeling brilliant and finds it very easy to do - she's doing every other day fasting - Hardcore!

Havent been to AA for a week due to snow/feeling ill etc, so planning on going tomorrow lunchtime. Keep it up Babes I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY.

Ladamequirit Sun 27-Jan-13 13:43:53

Hi Green xx don't worry too much about your gastritis, I've got tummy probs too, an ulcer and I suffer from inflammation. Had to go to hosp last year and I was put on a drip with no food to give it chance to get better (brief history - I've got lupus which sadly I have passed on to dd), so not eating too much gives your digestion a rest and I find it beneficial. Every babe giving this a go - good luck, try it and see, don't beat yourselves up over a few cals over the 500 if it means you can have your cup of tea and you can cope better. It does get easier.

Am trying to distract myself as dd packing her things to go back to Uni sad sad. The house will be all quiet again and I always miss her so much.

eminemmerdale Sun 27-Jan-13 14:07:17

Well! has this changed to the Brave Babes 5:2, we'll get through thread grin. I don't think I'll be joining in - just because I have totally all over the place eating habits right now and need to get back on track! DH has been, still is, poorly, and hasn;t eaten properly this week ( at all really) and when he does that I worry so much that I can't eat either so stuff my face with totally rubbish snacks all day. he is in a lot of pain with his chest and stomach and yet refuses to see the doctor, saying 'oh, I always get this..' I am actually worried about him but don't know what to do sad Maybe I'll make him an appointment. He's Mr Tough athlete who has never smoked and isn;t a massive drinker anymore but clearly somethings not right.

I didn;t get up until midday today blush just lounged about reading the papers <unfit mother/wife> Feel perfectly well, just lazy! clutter hopefully your sleeping should improve soon. My first week or when I've stopped drinking is always hell, then it suddenly all falls into place. I hope so for you..
Molly has a friend round right now so I am flopping about upstairs, have managed to do the ironing <cheer> so feel justified in doing sod all for a bit!
Hope everyone is well xx

determinedma Sun 27-Jan-13 14:33:23

ok, I'll give it a whirl. I have made two batches of soup and frozen them so that I have lunches for work. One is orange (lentils, carrots, cumin,) and one is gree (leek, peas, beans, cauliflower, green pepper). think the green one will be lower cal as there are no lentils? it is much thinner in consistency.
My whole diet for this week will be a combination of:
homemade soups
wholemeal bread
fruit
salad greens
veggies
prawns
smoked salmon (off-cuts)
eggs
chicken
water - lots of
coffee and tea.
no-fat yoghurt
Does this sound sensible/doable?
I will try a fast day on Tuesday this week and see how it goes.

Mouseface Sun 27-Jan-13 15:40:06

Koala - sorry to read that you are still feeling ill sad and YAYAYAY for the 5:2 diet. Your list sounds doable to me too. Your friend sounds awesome, not sure I could do it but I've not even started yet! Hope you feel better soon xx

Dame - you have us now smile, we can keep you busy and you can keep us all on track with the 5:2, we'll keep you on track with the reducing your booze intake. Sound like a deal? grin

I'm sorry that DD going back to uni makes you feel so lonely. I am dreading the day when my nest is empty. I love being a mum and having my babies (DD is 14 in Feb!) to look after. DH I'm afraid will be left to fend for himself although he says he has 'plans' for me once Nemo is truly settled into school with his 1 - 1 grin

<waits for Ma to snap him up wink >

Ma - not eating cheese is going to KILL ME! But I know I eat too much of it, it plays havoc with my digestion. My week looks a lot like yours actually, will look over my scribbled list and put it up later.

I'm going to fast on a Tuesday and a Friday I think...... weekends tend to be family time so I want to eat with DD and DH. Monday is always food shopping day so no good to fast as we'll have nothing in by then!

Em - that sounds worrying, please get him to the doc. He may be Mr Tough but he's not Mr Immortal is he? Chest and tummy pains should always be checked out.

Right, off to eBay my phone, vac round, get the beef casserole in, tidy up and take DH's fresh farmhouse loaf out before it burns! It smells lush. He's taken Nemo to Crazy Knights where one of his little class mates is having a party, and it's a girl!! shock grin

Be back later lovelies xx

PurpleWolfe Sun 27-Jan-13 16:07:40

Yup, sorry, meant Clutter not Curry! Doing 4 things at the same time takes it toll! Hope you are OK too Clutter!! grin

determinedma Sun 27-Jan-13 16:08:10

hmmmm has anyone told mrmouse that the best plans need to be rehearsed over and over and over and to enure that they are successful? Knowing how busy you are, dear mousling i selflessly offer myself to mrmouse for practice purposes grin

Well the baby of the family will be 11 tomorrow. He will go to High School this year! Thank God this is the last one. The thought of the whole High School malarkey again does not thrill me one little bit. (his big sisters will be 20 and 23 this year. I feel faint.....)

greeneyed Sun 27-Jan-13 16:19:00

ladame thank you for the info - I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and your for your DD. My gastritis is a bloody nightmare but it does control my drinking a bit (looking for a positive). I always find it flares up when I diet and exercise and the pain is relieved a little with food - will drink lots of herbal teas instead to keep something in there and may have two 100cal snacks then a 300 cal meal in the evening - my sleeping is also rubbish at the moment and don't want to go to bed hungry.

mouse cheese is also my downfall - well that and the wine that goes with it!

ma sounds doable and healthy but maybe a bit joyless-maybe need a treat or two in there to stop you feeling hard done to by the end of the week.

I'll confess to choosing Monday and Wednesday so I can drink wine at the weekend if I want to.... Sunday through Wednesday will be AF or frankly it just won't work. On fast days I don't think it would be wise to use your 500 calories on wine and I know I won't be able to do the fast if I've been drinking the night before.

Koala, report back tomorrow how you've got on. Wonder if the hunger will help the WW or have me reaching for the fags? Hope not!

Ladamequirit Sun 27-Jan-13 16:50:21

green I know what you mean about the gastritis, the really stupid thing is that I know wine is the worst thing for it, and I still do it - bloody self-destructive sad. I just don't have a stop button once I start, last night I cooked nice steak and chips but I can't honestly remember much about eating it. Dh and dd said I was ok, but I hate not remembering. Then had awful night scritching about on my pillow having hot flushes (also worse with wine) and feeling sad and worthless. I think I slept about three hours all in all. It's always that first one, when hungry, then it's a foregone conclusion - playing the video to the end. I think the 5:2 helps me because it kind of prevents me from drinking for those four nights. I must admit though, it's a bit hard to sleep if you're hungry, but you do still feel better for it the next day. mouse yes, I do miss her so much, we are very close, she's an only. Because of my Lupus, I had many mis-c's, but I managed to keep hold of her (thank you, thank you God). Ma your list looks just right, esp liking the home-made soups, you know what goes into them and they are so good for you, though I think green is right, try and factor in a couple of treats, some squares of dark chocolate kept in the freezer to nibble, a digestive bisc, with little spread of Laughing cow light, a teaspoon of peanut butter on half a crunchy green apple? Not too many cals and nice tastes and textures.

Marking my place.

I have been knocking around in and out of the sidecar, but I've just looked at the calendar, and one good thing is, I've been not drinking half of January. I am going to count this as a positive and work to make things better next month. smile

aliasjoey Sun 27-Jan-13 17:44:30

I'm in, it's the only way I can think of to lose weight because I find it too hard to change our evening meals. am definitely going to do the fast on Wednesday, possibly another day as well. am also cutting out snacks, any puddings except low fat yogurt.

went put for a meal for lunch, and it never even occurred to me to order wine <smug> also spent the day with my mother and again I did not once think 'I will reward myself with a drink when she's gone' smile it really feels like my thought habits are changing.

em oh dear that does sound worrying about your DH, did you say he has had this problem before? is he avoiding the docs because he thinks it's not serious? (or because he thinks it IS and he'd rather not know...)

eminemmerdale Sun 27-Jan-13 18:17:29

He is just one of these people [idiots?] who is 'brave' when he's ill. he does get chest infections a fair bit, but he's just been moping around the sodding house sighing and gobbing and being stoic...he had campylobactor once, refused to see the doc until he could barely stand and was told that by rights, he should have been in hospital on a drip for a week hmm It irritates the hell out of me.

HueyMorganismyboyfriend Sun 27-Jan-13 18:23:33

Hi babes, 100 days sober today. The good thing is you get your feelings back, the bad thing is..... You get your feelings back. No one in rl (apart from Aa) is remotely bothered. But they are normal folk but to me it is bloody massive.
Xxx

HueyMorganismyboyfriend Sun 27-Jan-13 18:23:38

Hi babes, 100 days sober today. The good thing is you get your feelings back, the bad thing is..... You get your feelings back. No one in rl (apart from Aa) is remotely bothered. But they are normal folk but to me it is bloody massive.
Xxx

determinedma Sun 27-Jan-13 18:54:13

huey bloody well done. 100 days is AWESOME! What an encouragement for us.

My bro is in a bad way. He did turn up to see mum on Friday and did go to counselling which is something positive. But he was shitfaced. dirty, smelling of drink. Mum says its the worst she's seen him and that's saying something. he stayed for about 15 minutes, mostly crying and saying how lonely he was and how much he had failed everyone. He hugged her so tightly it hurt, she said, then left. I fear for his life now. I worry less about the wine witch and more about the Grim Reaper to be honest. he says he knows what is wrong and he knows what he has to do, but he cant do it. he has 10 year old twins in a country far away that he hasnt seen since they were babies, and probably never will - its a very long story with faults on both sides but if my path every crosses with that double dealing, money-grabbing, souless BITCH........
Anyway.
Can you all hold him in your thoughts Babes? His name is Richard. He is 51 years old and he is killing himself.

helpyourself Sun 27-Jan-13 18:56:04

(( huey )) that's fantastic! grin

helpyourself Sun 27-Jan-13 18:57:39

Oh Ma! I'm sorry.

HueyMorganismyboyfriend Sun 27-Jan-13 19:23:48

Really sorry to hear about your brother Ma it must be heartbreaking to see yet be so powerless to do anything about it. It is true what you say. It is a killer and for many people who are questioning their intake it is something that can get a grip of you so easily. A that is why the bus is so bloody vital to folk. Sobriety is a precious gift in my eyes. Not to be fucked about with xx

kotinka Sun 27-Jan-13 19:26:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KoalaKube Sun 27-Jan-13 19:30:52

Alias definately know what you mean about changing the 'habit' good on you with the family - you know it may also be that you're not so wound up prior to seeing mother that has changed the atmosphere.
Huey Wow that's some milestone - well done do you say the 'it works if you work it - so work it you're worth it' thing at your AA meets? I think that's one of my favourite things (even though all I do at mo is turn up and listen!)
Determined will be thinking of Richard, talking about AA, every meeting starts with a moments silence for the alcoholic still suffering - I'll think of Richard when I go tomorrow. My sister died 10 years ago of alcoholism age 58 I know what you're going through -it must be heart-wrenching for you all. Keep strong Ma for yourself, your mum, brother and your own family.

aliasjoey Sun 27-Jan-13 19:39:47

huey that is fantastic, what a brilliant achievement!

ma sorry to hear about your brother, must be so hard for you and your mum... can he not get into one of those retreats, clinics, I don't know what they are called....

eminemmerdale Sun 27-Jan-13 20:09:42

ma - thinking of Richard too sad I worked for three years in a homeless day centre and had my heart broken regularly by men (mostly) crying and desperate because of what bastard drink had done. praying he can make a recovery xx

guggenheim Sun 27-Jan-13 20:16:05

Evening beautiful babes

ma I sometimes use the gratefulness website where you can light a virtual candle - so I'll do that for your brother and you too.

huey and koala Well done. I know exactly what you mean about the feelings and about sobriety being a precious gift. 100 days! I think you should treat yourself to something really nice to celebrate (and then come and tell us about it) smile

Good luck and best wishes to all the 5:2 babes I won't be joining you because I'm rubbish at any kind of diet, I'll get back to jogging and swimming soon. But I'll be waving the pom poms for any babe brave enough to undertake a diet and the 5: 2 sounds like a good one.

greeneyed Sun 27-Jan-13 20:36:26

Ma thinking of Richard and you and your family. I can't imagine how helpless you must feel sad

I think most of us here on this bus are in some way anchored by our children, they give us the strength and wherewithal to fight for change. It's so sad he doesn't see his twins - I really hope he can find some light in his darkness to hold on to. I'd second exploring services if you believe he is a danger to himself - I have absolutely no idea what the mental health crisis services are and how you access them. Can you speak to social services? I'm sorry I'm sure you've thought of everything already.

I am holding him in my thoughts Ma and you too.

PurpleWolfe Sun 27-Jan-13 20:40:00

Oh, Ma, I'm so sorry to hear about Richard. I can't imagine how desperate he must feel to have got this bad. I have no advice but just wanted to send you a long, warm hug and to let you know I'll be thinking of Richard and hope he finds a way back. xxxxxxx

HueyMorganismyboyfriend Sun 27-Jan-13 21:17:25

Yes koala they say that saying at the end of the meets but it did take a while to work out what the feck they were actually saying. Shall be thinking of your db ma when reflecting tomorrow and to your poor mum. I do cringe when I look back on my antics. Love to all the babes tonight xxx

Oh ((((Ma)))) so sorry to hear about your DB. sad sad

Well done Huey on 100 days.

All ok here, although the cake for DD's birthday is a dismal fail. This morning was the first one ever, I think, that I've woken up at my MIL's without a hangover. We shared a bottle of red between three of us with dinner, then had a small glass of port afterwards. Had a couple of glasses of red tonight.

determinedma Sun 27-Jan-13 22:17:49

Thank you all so much.it seems strange to see his name on here. I wish he could see it and know that there are people out there who understand. Your support means so much

venusandmars Sun 27-Jan-13 23:14:54

ma thinking of you, and special thoughts for Richard.

greeneyed Mon 28-Jan-13 07:29:02

Well day one in the 5:2 house. Last ate 6pm yesterday - having cup of tea with skimmed milk for breakfast!

ladame yes wine makes my gastritis worse (as does chocolate sad ) I think that's one of the markers of being a problem drinker _ even when it is making you ill you carry on doing it! - will see how I cope with the fast.

guggenheim Mon 28-Jan-13 08:47:19

Morning babes

huey koala help- anyone else, just wanted to ask for some info about sponsers in aa.

I'm not ready to 'take on' a sponser yet I want to just keep turing up and listening for a little while yet. I don't know the other people all that well but I will want to do the steps at some point.

So how do you choose a sponser? Should you wait for someone you bond with or just get on with it? Any advice?

Ladamequirit Mon 28-Jan-13 09:25:47

Ma So sorry to hear about your brother. Sending him warm and hopeful thoughts and same to you and your mum.

No wine last night (yay), just tea a skimmed milk on day 1 of this weeks fast (am conscious of not turning this into diet site). Good luck to all babes wherever you are and for whatever your day brings. xxxxx

aliasjoey Mon 28-Jan-13 09:34:23

Checking in. Hope everyone is okay this morning?

Day 24 alcohol-free.
Day 1 of diet.

<tuts at litter on Bus, opal-fruit wrappers, oiled squid (?!) and bits of cheese>

KoalaKube Mon 28-Jan-13 10:06:18

Morning Babes Gugg I'm like you at the moment bit scared to be honest to take the next step forward and commit to sponsor etc. I've accepted Step 1 and know I am powerless over alcohol and to be honest that's what I'm working through at the moment - learning to live sober, fill my time with actual activities, look after my body and deal with my mind and emotions - I'm somehow throughout all this turning around what was an unmanageable life into one which I am regaining control of. For me that's enough to get on with. I've still to find my higher power, hoping it will find me tbh whatever it is be it mother nature, shared experience (AA) or my own lust for life, I'm really not expecting some religious conversion - I'll embrace it whatever and hope it helps me to move further along the road. I'm not going to rush it.

Ladame don't worry about all the bootcamp and diet stuff It all goes with our desire to lead healthier lives and I think should be encouraged. When I was drinking loads I had lost interest in my appearance completely - even though i hated how I looked every minute every day, wearing same clothes for days, not bathing, hair scraped back and messy, fat, bloated and ill. Now i feel I'm on the road to recovery and now determined to take an active interest in my life, looks and health again - I love that other Babes feel the same. Good luck with your 5:2 my first fast day was yesterday and went well, going to break it in a mo with cup of tea and bath and then off into town for AA and a browse.

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY

curryeater Mon 28-Jan-13 10:25:04

Koala, you are an inspiration. Really amazing to hear your story.

Ma, I really feel for you. Nothing has the power to hurt us, and make us feel so powerless, as family. Deep feelings there. Best of luck to you and I do hold Richard in my prayers.

Here are some personal statistics from me:

Walked this January (counted walking, based on bus journeys I did not need to take because was not hungover): 60 miles

Money saved this January (on booze and the bus journeys that I walked instead): £98 (estimated)

Not feeling great, was awful to my family last night.
Maybe should spend some of that saved money on a present for DP to show him that I do love him really.
I hate myself sometimes

Ladame, sorry to hear you didnt enjoy your steak. And had a bad night. I hope you feel better.

have a good day all Babes, so many of you are doing so very very well.

greeneyed Mon 28-Jan-13 11:45:57

starving....

Well done curry Sorry your still not feeling great sad

Well done Joey Koala and all the other brave and fantastic abstainers out there x

Freetobeme Mon 28-Jan-13 11:46:23

Ma - sorry to hear about your brother, sounds very difficult, i am thinking of Richard and you, and wishing you both strength and courage.

Clutter - I hope you are having a good day at work, hopefully the thought of going back was a lot worse than the reality.

Huey - wow, 100 days is a fabulous milestone, don't play it down, mark it, celebrate your success and know that you are inspiring at least one bus babe to follow in your footsteps, I really want to be where you are now.

I have not drunk this weekend smile. I went out for a meal with a few friends on Sat night, and volunteered to drive, so no drinks, no questions asked by anyone and I really didn't mind it.

So was feeling quite pleased with myself...until I started cooking Sunday dinner. God, I wanted a drink. I realised as i was peeling the spuds that i never cook it without indulging in chefs perks. It was bloody boring being stuck in the kitchen without a glass of wine and a few tunes and I got into a right grump with my poor family, not helped by the fact they were all engrossed in the FA cup matches, having a great time, totally oblivious to my pain.

Hennyway, I got through it, so i suppose that's good. But have decided, I am not making another roast for a few weeks, it is too strongly associated with necking wine in the kitchen for me at this early stage.

By the way, do other people's partners drink as normal while they are trying to stop? My DH has promised to support me, but he acted exactly the same way as always this weekend. Ie Sat there slurping a bottle of red next to me on the sofa on Fri and Sun night. I could have done without it tbh. Is it reasonable to ask him to stick to lager (which I don't like) or should I just accept that other people will obviously be drinking wine around me and just treat this as good practice?!

MrsMalinky Mon 28-Jan-13 11:50:32

Hi everyone

Huey well done you!! That's very inspiring.
Ma thinking of Richard

Well, very mixed weekend here. I drank. Not loads or uncontrollably but I drank. Crap. BUT I spoke to my DH about how much I'm struggling with alcohol, and how it's having 1 glass of wine that's the problem, not the solution (I'm a binger). He was great and today is a new start and he is behind me 100% and I know that if I'm feeling weak I can ask for support and will get it.

So, Day 1 (again!) and here we go..... I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY.

waves hi other babes - hope you're all doing well.

Ladamequirit Mon 28-Jan-13 12:09:13

green keep with it! keep with it! I'm starving along with you xx Koala you've been one of my biggest inspirations since I started lurking blush go you!!! Curry you're doing so well, wow, all that money saved, sorry to hear you're not feeling so fab x We're hoping to save some in the Dame household now dh has discovered e-cigarettes and is getting on with them really well. Never would have thought it, he has been smoking for years and years. All hungry babes, it's the afternoon now, keep it up grin xxx

I have a question for our new resident chef... grin

Ladame are you any good with cakes? Or any other Babes out there a whizz with baking?

I made an enormous madiera cake last night (10 inch square tin) which went pretty wrong and took almost 3 hours to cook through to the middle. I had the outside of the tin wrapped in newspaper so it didn't burn on the outside but it is pretty dry and dense, frankly. sad I froze it over night as this is meant to make it easier to carve and ice I've defrosted, cut it and it's ready for icing; I'm intending to coat it with butter icing then it's going to have two coats of yucky ready to roll fondant on it. Any ideas on what on earth I can do to jazz up the cake itself? Would a nicely flavoured filling bring it up a bit, do you think? It tastes ok, I suppose, but it isn't the melt on the tongue delight I had in mind! DD likes butterscotch icing, but if I fill it with that, would it make it slide around too much for the icing? Should I just accept that the look of the thing is more important than the taste and concentrate on the decoration?

Sorry to talk about cake while lots of you are fasting, by the way! blush grin

Ladamequirit Mon 28-Jan-13 12:52:21

Mia Hmmm, sounds like it cooked a little too slowly for too long. Does it matter if you don't keep the cake whole? I would use the top layer as a lemon drizzle cake, so heat lemon juice and icing sugar until you ger a drizzly icing, stab said norty dry cake all over with fork and drizzle away into the holes. Leave to stand for 15 mins or so - lovely with a cup of tea (cake and tea cake and tea cake and t.. smacks self on hand). I'd freeze the bottom layer and use for trifles, spread with rasp jam and sprinkled with sherry (in-laws love sherry trifle). Or, cut into rounds, pop into ramekins/little round dishes and fry up cooking apple chunks in pan with brown sugar and butter, top with custard and sprinkle with brown sug, pop under grill til bubbling for nice quick (and delish) pud. Main thing is to add moistness xxx hope that helps xx

Ladamequirit Mon 28-Jan-13 12:53:10

Just off to bang head against wooden staircase until faint and all images of lovely cake, pudding and custard have gone ....

Thank you for those suggestions Ladame smile but it's a birthday cake for DD so it's got to be a big square and covered with two layers of fondant (it's to be a minecraft cake looking something like this

I think you're absolutely right - too low a heat for too long a time. I was so nervous about it being scorched on the outside and raw in the middle that I overcompensated. sad

I think I'll do a butterscotch and cream cheese filling, coat with buttercream icing and then fondant, and bank on nobody caring too much what it actually tastes like! grin

Ooh Ladame, could I make holes and drizzle some butterscotch through, or would that make it soggy?

Ladamequirit Mon 28-Jan-13 13:24:21

Mia Not if it's not too runny - it might make it a bit 'puddingy' though. That looks like a fabulous cake for a birthday smile. I think with all that icing and a nice filling, it'll probably be fine. Good luck x

greeneyed Mon 28-Jan-13 13:35:18

Stop it! grin

HueyMorganismyboyfriend Mon 28-Jan-13 13:42:45

I'm doing the same as koala and getting into the meetings and finding out what the steps really entail before I fully commit. I think I do want to work the programme but it is still very early days in the greater scheme of things. I have met 2 fab ladies who I have become good friends with. I don't want them as a sponsor as I enjoy their company! Hope that makes sense! Xxx

HueyMorganismyboyfriend Mon 28-Jan-13 13:42:47

I'm doing the same as koala and getting into the meetings and finding out what the steps really entail before I fully commit. I think I do want to work the programme but it is still very early days in the greater scheme of things. I have met 2 fab ladies who I have become good friends with. I don't want them as a sponsor as I enjoy their company! Hope that makes sense! Xxx

Thanks so much Ladame!

Sorry Green - just focus on how dry and dense it is, and how it wouldn't be worth breaking your fast for such a substandard cake! grin

greeneyed Mon 28-Jan-13 14:32:39

Ha ha - actually I'm okay - was starting to get a headache so had a weeny portion of soup which takes me up to 100cals today with milk in tea - now just another four hours to go smile

Please can you send me some cake for tomorrow smile

aliasjoey Mon 28-Jan-13 14:52:40

Diet failed on the first day, actually 3 hours in on the first morning. blush

I deliberately didn't bring a snack with me, but ended up finishing the tin of Christmas biscuits instead.

At least I'm not drinking...

determinedma Mon 28-Jan-13 15:06:01

ooh, green that's a clever idea. Fasting from evening to evening rather than morning to morning. it seems more manageable that way....

Ladamequirit Mon 28-Jan-13 15:07:37

Joey don't worry, now you know that you really have to plan, because it is pretty tough the first couple of days even if you DO plan. Try again later in the week perhaps. You're right though, you're not drinking and I'm not drinking and you know what? - that makes it a good day.

greeneyed Mon 28-Jan-13 15:16:33

Ma I had my tea (huge roast dinner) just after 6pm last night - today I am having 500 calls but saving 400 up for my evening meal so I suppose yes there is a 24 hour period of just consuming 100 cals (skimmed milk in tea and tiny portion of soup) It's been okay but I know it will be harder this evening when I'm not distracted by work - At least the cake cowbag might distract me from the wine witch smile. I couldn't do morning to moring too scared of going to bed famished and not sleeping.

Joey the biscuit bitch got you! would be good to top up how many calories in wine you haven't ingested in dry January! that will make you smile.

I bombed on dry January but have still had 16 AF days this month and hopefully this fasting will get me up to 20 this week, which is progress in the right direction - fucked off I didn't do the month though - hey ho I'm still trying smile

eminemmerdale Mon 28-Jan-13 16:08:07

Hello everybody. I hope everyone who is doing the diet is doing ok - despite slip ups grin .
Managed to get DH to the doctor - his chest infection has cleared but he has damaged the lining of his stomach by...get this...drinking too many lemsip type drinks and taking ibuprfen shock he's on some stomach ulcer tablets which are making him even more flipping miserable - arghhhh! I just wish he'd go to bed, at least i could shut the door on him.
Fed up today, don't know why, just sick of everything. sorry sad

guggenheim Mon 28-Jan-13 17:27:16

Evening babes,
koala and huey- yes that's what I thought, that it would just be sensible to go along and think about sponsors (sorry about crap spelling in earlier post) later on when I'm ready. If or when you guys go for it, would you mind posting just to say why you chose that person or time? Just in a general way, nothing personal of course!

emine how much lemsip did he have???? !!!!! shock

green 16 - 20 days is pretty much a whole month, you're doing fine. Good luck with the 5:2.

Malinky good idea to talk to dh, get some support for yourself.

free Oh yes, sunday drinking on an empty stomach is a favourite of mine! just seem to go together drinking and cooking doesn't it? Try to avoid it for a bit- prepare something in advance, get takeout,refuse to cook whatever. or try opening a bottle of naice soft drink before getting in the kitchen and keeping it well topped up. Good luck!

joey wave smile

yes, I have a question for the bus chefs- can you both come round my house and cook cakes for me? I'm rubbish at cooking (even when sober).

greeneyed Mon 28-Jan-13 17:35:58

"emin" suprisingly all my stomach problems did not stem from drinking! It started a couple of months after I'd had my son when I barely drank anything for well over a year - however I had been taking diclofenac for a few weeks after difficult birth. NSAIDs are really bad for your tummy. Since then though it has flared up with drinking and only properly settled down when I am off the booze for a few weeks.

The meds (which I now have to take daily) do start working quite quickly as long as he stays away from other irritants i.e. alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine - sigh if only I could take my own advice.....

Thanks Gugg If I can make it to 20 days that will be two thirds of the month so won't feel two bad.

Right I've now gone all weird and slow motion and definitely need my dinner!!

Ladamequirit Mon 28-Jan-13 18:02:05

emin me too, same as green needed to take NSAIDs for inflammation and pain and ended up with gastritis and an ulcer. Is he taking PPI's? (usually end in 'azole'), they slow down stomach acid production and he should start to feel better soon. Just had tea (chicken and cabbage - er yum?) and have enuff cals left for a cup of tea before bed. Himself has found it easy today ffs, why do the bastards men always find these things easier than us? Missing his beer though smile. You might find it a bit difficult to sleep, either a bit 'buzzy' or just freaking starving a bit hungry. x

aliasjoey Mon 28-Jan-13 18:30:07

guggs waves back smile how ya doing?

yeah, will try again, will NOT have a snack mid-morning! (can't believe I crumbled over such a small thing, especially when I've done so well without alcohol!)

aliasjoey Mon 28-Jan-13 18:31:02

soma haven't heard from you, are you okay?

eminemmerdale Mon 28-Jan-13 18:54:48

Yes he's taking something 'azole' - can't be bothered to go down and ask grin He didn;t have that many Lemsips, but it was mixing them with ibuprofen that did it i reckon!

determinedma Mon 28-Jan-13 20:24:20

green you've done really well.
I reckon I've done about 20 AF days pout of 28, including tonight, so am pleased with that. I can live with that level of drinking, but will try for even better in Feb

Hi brave babes, sorry not managed to read thread today but hope everyones doing well with the last few days of dry January & hope all babes doing the 5:2 have got on well. Back to work for me today after week off and it was fine! Was so anxious about it but line manager in annual leave so that helped & day quick & busy. So hoping for good nights sleep as don't work Tuesday's so normally that helps with sleep knowing no work next day smile Night night babes xx

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jan-13 07:51:16

morning babes - im so sorry but im in a right mess, have been on a fortnight bender, dont know why, took my eye off the ball and it has just kind of happened, im so so sorry sad i feel dreadful, look worse and im soooo down i cant begin to describe it - dh is very worried and pretty angry, im shaking, i feel sick and my back hurts - i feel utterly desperate.

im so sorry ive let everyone down sad please forgive me - im so sorry for the 'me me me' post, i just feel rather alone atm and need your help.

i have decided to get through today at work (dh thinks alot of this is because i have taken on to much) and tonight im going to an AA meeting - i simply cannot carry on like this.

Fairenuff Tue 29-Jan-13 08:17:13

Jesus you have not let anyone down. You have been so inspirational, it's true but you are not responsible for any of us. Well done, my lovely, for coming back and 'fessing up. That took courage and you will beat this.

Do everything you can now to get back on track. AA meetings, posting here every day if it helps and just taking it ODAAT. I expect your dh is scared of it going back to how it was but you know now. You know. For sure. You cannot drink - it just poisons you and makes you feel shit.

We are all here for you. Keep posting. Lots of love x

venusandmars Tue 29-Jan-13 08:18:11

jesus just posting quickly to let you know you've been heard.

sad to read this but you have done this before, and you CAN do it again. one tiny, tiny step at a time.

Lots of love x

Ladamequirit Tue 29-Jan-13 08:20:24

JWN I'm so so sorry - we haven't spoken, but I wanted you to know that you (and the wonderful mouse) have been responsible for a lot of us improving our lives and relationships, through your honesty and whole-heartedness, I'm sure so many of us will be on to tell you that, probably for the rest of the day. Please, please don't be too down on yourself, you know what to do, you've done it before, and you've helped us do it. Climb out of it, you know you can. You've shown dd and dh that you can do it, you did it before. We wouldn't be human if we didn't lapse and life would be perfect wouldn't it? But it isn't, it's stressy and difficult and it's just too easy to drop the reins. Jump back on the wagon and rebuild your wings on the way up. I'll be thinking of you today. xxx

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jan-13 08:21:49

oh faire, thank god someones here! i feel worse than i have ever felt before, tbh, not far off from jumping off a bridge, i simply am at rock bottom (again)

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jan-13 08:23:08

thanks you lot! the tears are falling.

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jan-13 08:25:24

i feel an absolute failure

PurpleWolfe Tue 29-Jan-13 08:27:30

JWN I really have to dash out in 5 mins but wanted to send you a huge hug. So many of us will know how you feel right now (I know I do) and feel huge sympathy for your situation. You know to do the usual the usual today - pain killers, water, food, vitamins, rest when you can etc but please don't beat yourself up any more than you already have. It's a self-defeating feeling. Try to thing that yesterday is gone, today is a new start and yours to do what you feel able to do.

Others will be on with more advice soon. I just wanted you to know I care and understand. Take care of YOURSELF today. (((((((( x )))))))

Fairenuff Tue 29-Jan-13 08:30:06

Brace yourself Jesus. The Brave Babes SWAT Team are coming in. You will be nurtured and pampered and protected.

You will have mother hens clucking around you, feeding you, wrapping you in blankets and supplying paracetamol and orders to visit the gp.

You will receive love, care and support. Mouse's orders. Nothing but the best for our Jesus.

There may be some rebels freshly oiling the squid but we'll keep them at bay for now grin

Seriously though, you probably don't realise how much you are loved (warts and all) for just being you. Keep it up, you can and will get there. Be kind to yourself.

Back later if I can find room on the rapidly filling bus.

< suspiciously checks babes hands for oil on way out >

JWN I've not spoken to you before & got to rush of to do school run but just waned to give you a massive hug, the alcohol will be making you feel so so low and depressed, suicidal as it is a horrible drug. Your not horrible. You sound so strong. Going to work today will probably help to distract you & give you some perspective. Wishing you love & strength to get through the next few days ((((( xxxx )))))

venusandmars Tue 29-Jan-13 08:35:29

and faire is spot on. You've come back on here and that IS part of your steps to recovery again.

Don't worry for the moment about why this happened - there's plenty of time to analyse that later. For the moment think of yourself as being in the emergency room, and focus on doing something good every minute and every second - absoloutely anything that will take you away from the poison that you have been drinking.

It is not surprising that you feel so terribly dreadful, physically and mentally, (and lets leave the emotional side of this for a bit). Your body is unaccustomed to what you have put it through over the past couple of weeks, and if you dh is right and you've been overworking it, then you probably weren't in the best place to start with.

But you know, and I know, and others know, that little by little, with some gentleness and care you will come out of this pit. You don't have to try and scrabble out of this slippery place on your own. There are plenty around you who will gently, but strongly lean in and give you a helping hand. Some of us will even (metaphorically) get in the pit alongside you, so you can stand on their shoulders to get out. So use us, GO TO AA, let you dh help you and encourage you, talk to him (not about why it happened, but how you are going to get better NOW), let your friends help you.

Can you bear to read the first thread that you posted? Can you map out what you did then that helped you to find your way? Treat it with as much rigour as you would treat any work project. Get focused, get planning, order in all the juices / teas and food that you know are good for you, and will help you to heal. Have a schedule of AA meetings to go to (even the crappy one in distant far away towns). Ignore work and focus on yourself - you are the most important project in your world at the moment.

And know, from the experience of your own body, that however difficult and awful and tough this seem this morning, you can feel better, you will feel better. And then you will have learned some other new things in this great experiment of life - you will have learned that maybe the danger still lurks, you will have learned that you still have the inner drive to overcome it, you will have learned that all around you are people who want to be on this journey alongside you, you will have learned that even when the worst comes to the worst and you accidentally (or deliberately) jump into the black pit that even still all is not lost.

helpyourself Tue 29-Jan-13 08:39:07

JWN thanks
It's fantastic that you've posted. I so recognise what you say about taking your eye off the ball. You're doing the right thing. Keep us close and get to a meeting tonight.
Honesty will get you through this.

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 08:47:42

JWN just a hug and hand to hold, the other wonderful babes have said it all. Keep posting x

guggenheim Tue 29-Jan-13 08:52:16

jwn

Sorry to hear that you are having a bad time. I think that everyone here looks up to you and is more grateful than you can know, that you started this thread.

Maybe take a nice comfy seat (I'll shove someone off for you) and be pampered. Barry is staying in his tank.

Look after yourself. x

Ladamequirit Tue 29-Jan-13 09:28:14

jesus how you doing babes - am here (catering job - computer on). Make sure you eat, keep up your blood sugar, plenty of tea xxx

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jan-13 09:28:59

thank all you so much! i feel the cloud is slightly lifting, i have spoken to a fantastic lady on the AA helpline, organised which meeting im going to tonight, had a brief chat with dh (supportive and wonderful as always), still feel horribly sick and dear god you see my eyes sad
i didnt sleep at all last night and i feel very fragile, not just in a physical sense but mentally too, its like ive crashed and burned and im so very tired, its as if i have a self destruct button, i have to pull myself out of this.

i will doing the 'drill' later, will get all the nice soft drinks in again, use all the support i can find and

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!

venusandmars Tue 29-Jan-13 09:36:15

I'm with you Jesus. TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 09:37:33

JWN it sounds like you need rest - any possibility of getting any?

It sounds like things have got to much and you've fallen back on old "coping" mechanisms to get through the tiredness, stress etc. Painful reminder they DONT work. Time to put yourself first again as Venus says YOU are your biggest project right now.

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jan-13 10:16:21

greeneyed, you may well be right, or of course it may be that im just bloody stupid sad i dont remember a 'reason' for picking up, i just did sad my reasons for giving in and putting it back down are much clearer, well, to me anyway - i feel like absolute deep fried dog shite today, i feel defeated and exhausted and keep crying, oh yeah, picking up that first one was such a good idea angry

well, im off to work now, for what use i will be today sad im trying very hard to keep the mantra in my head of ODAAT, hourly proberbly today if im honest! thaks for the support this morning babes, i needed it like you would not believe! smile see you all later

L XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

obrigada Tue 29-Jan-13 10:18:23

Am with you too JWN, today I will not be drinking!

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jan-13 10:20:58

old friends and new - thank you! XXX

FlouncingMintyy Tue 29-Jan-13 10:23:33

De-lurking (you may have known me as bibbitybobbityhat) to say enormous hugs to you JWN ((((( ))))) [I have quite literally never done that before on Mumsnet!]. You will get through this my love you really will and I mean that. Everyone is here for you X

SarahRT Tue 29-Jan-13 10:28:29

That sneaky bastard JWN. Total compassion from me, and you remember your own advice, as hard as it is not to, please don't beat yourself up too much. You can do this. Think a few of us who have been well for while have once upon a time tested ourselves, just the one won't hurt. I did, just the one led to half a lite of vodka within a week.

Dry those eyes, you are loved and so very brave to fess up as Faire says. I'm really upset for you but know that you will get that boing back.

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 10:31:33

Jesus - my darling friend, I'm so very sorry to read your posts. Not because you've fucked up, but because of the pain I can feel in the words that you have posted sad

PLEASE don't ask us for forgiveness, you have NOTHING to be forgiven for! FFS. You are human, you feel the stresses and strains of real life just like the rest of us, life can sneak up on you, you feel all chipper and hunky dory and then BAM (as you've discovered) you get a massive smack round the chops with the WineWitch's broom and you're on your arse before you can say Fuck The Fuck Off.

I should imagine you feel huge amounts of self loathing, guilt, shame, embarrassment etc right now? Well pack it in. Don't let alcohol win. You've been here before. You've kicked the WW into touch before and you WILL do it again.

You have us, you have AA and this time, you have DH on board!

YOU are the reason we are ALL here in the first place, these threads are all because of YOU!

YOU are the reason so many Babes are now sober, or have cut right back.

YOU are the reason my son is still with me, in my life, the reason that my DD no longer dies of shame because I'm off my face and the reason that my DH is here too.

YOU are the reason that I really do enjoy my life.

YOU are the reason that others come here to post for help at their lowest point and turn their lives around. One Day At A Time

YOU are the reason that day after day Babes are able to put one foot in front of the other.

Just as before, when you needed help, we're all here for you right now, for as long as it takes, day and night.

WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU.

Please, please try not to hate yourself. DH is still stood by your side, he's worried, not fuming and threatening to leave. He's worried that you've taken on too much and that has tripped you up. He's not screaming at you. He's not packing his or your bags. He's not the man he was the first time you posted here lovely. And you're not that woman either. smile

You've both been through so very much in the last almost three years, and if you start with the 'three years wasted' nonsense I'll be forced to introduce you to Barry and you do NOT want that! grin

You fucked up. You know how it works from here on in. One minute at a time if needs be.

Now then, I've made your seat comfy for you next to the window, we're off up to the Lakes today, the sun is shining across the waters there and the winter air has dusted all of the trees with a white, powdery covering of frost, you can see them twinkling in the warm, morning sunshine.

Massive hugs to you sweetheart. Please keep posting when you can..... we're all here for you.

Mousey xxx

HorsesDogsNails Tue 29-Jan-13 10:32:06

Just adding my supppoer for you JWN..... Be nice to yourself, treat yourself gently..... Try and get some sleep and start to restore the good things in your body.

Oh and here's a ((hug))

HorsesDogsNails Tue 29-Jan-13 10:32:52

<sighs> - that is meant to say support. D'oh!!

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 10:46:08

jwn I've not posted in a while but reading your post I felt compelled to say you have been an inspiration to us all, we have followed your progress with admiration and awe, the fact that this has happened shows your only human and you know you can do it, I have not had an AF night in weeks but to keep you company and to prove how inspiring you are I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY. Massive hugs x x x

KoalaKube Tue 29-Jan-13 10:48:08

JWN Hello Lovely I'm late up this morning, so missed your posts, but you can be sure that we'll all be checking in regularly you've got a whole bus load of babes who will be here if you need us. On a practical point should you be at work? Perhaps just get things in order and delegate. As someone has said your body is not used to so much alcohol and you have poisoned yourself, get to the doctor and get a sick note - you need to focus on getting well.

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY

kotinka Tue 29-Jan-13 10:50:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 10:53:13

Hello baby sorry things are tough - What's the plan - is all the alcohol, in the garage, shed etc out of reach - what will you do this evening instead? xx

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 11:19:27

Hi green I have been really unwell with my crohn's and unable to leave the house and ridiculously I've been drinking more than ever cos I'm fed up and in pain and bored and frustrated. I'm on a huge dose of steroids which makes me feel very agitated. For all these reasons I seek nightly solace in wine, which lets face is unbelievably stupid. Anyway I'm at the hospital tomorrow and hope they can sort out my tummy and only I can sort out the "me" part. Tonight I want a nice dinner a bath and early to bed, I'm one and a half bottles every night and I'm deeply ashamed to admit that but since jwn has been brave enough to be do honest then so should i with you fabulous babes and myself. X

eminemmerdale Tue 29-Jan-13 11:22:26

JWN and baby - ^^ what everyone has said xx It's so so hard, we probably all know that - so so easy to just think fuck it for whatever reason and go for it. Do not worry about letting people down, don;'t think about anyone else - you are the only ones that matter. Just ebing brave enough to post is amazing. You both know that what you've done has n't solved anything so you're clearly clever and lovely people. Stay well xxx

PS husband still a miserable fucker this morning grin

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 11:26:41

mouse your words are amazing, so true and beautifully said, I think you should write a book x

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 11:28:44

baby Well done for posting again - sending you healing light. Your poor body is going through so much - I can't remember if you have confided in your GP or specialist about your drinking.
Can you tell them? They might be able to prescribe something for the agitation which will take the edge off and help you to stay away from the bottle.

When you have a chronic condition, are taking medication and drinking a lot of alcohol - Alcohol has to make up part of the picture in how the condition is progressing/healing - can your specialist provide you with the best care and advice if they don't have the full picture? I hope it goes well at the hospital for you and you can start feeling better x

You are not alone, I have chronic gastritis - If I stopped drinking completely it would probably heal or be so much better but I don't.....

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 11:42:09

green thank you for kind words, I realise some people reading this will think why the hell is she willingly damaging her health even
More but it is a miserable condition and for a while wine took the edge off my pain but not anymore, i feel now I'm being reckless and I want to get better to enjoy my life with my kids more than I need to drink. Not much
Support from my GP but this is a new colorectal nurse I'm seeing tomorrow,i hear he is very good so I think I will have to be honest to get the right care. X

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 11:47:56

Good luck baby Life will get better x

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 11:52:13

green thanks babe means a lot x

determinedma Tue 29-Jan-13 11:57:31

<eyes up Barry>
<eyes up jesus and baby>

Nah, even I couldnt squid a baby and a deity!
Jesus if it wasnt for you I would be where my brother is now, killing myself with alcohol. I have had most of January alcohol free because of this bus and the thread which started it. I have new friends, and now old friends, and a place of safety. Because of you.
Any more whingeing and I will forget myself and release the squid. You have been warned.

On the subject of epic fails, I am on a fast day today. I lasted until 9.15 when I was offered a bacon roll grin. A whole two hours. Go me.

determinedma Tue 29-Jan-13 11:59:43

baby my father has Chron's and its horrible. Try at least to cut down if you can. Can you do spritzers with white wine? No-alcohol beer? Leave that last mouthful in the glass, then the last half glass in the bottle, and so on. Step by step, mouthful by mouthful. Take care of yourself.

kotinka Tue 29-Jan-13 11:59:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aliasjoey Tue 29-Jan-13 12:00:43

jesus just joining in with the support - you have NOT let us down, please don't think that. you took your eye off the ball - no doubt the WW was waiting for just the right moment when your defences were down - and BAM! before you can even draw breath, its one drink and another and another, it happens FAST!

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY

<ponders the euphimism of the oiled squid >

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 12:04:18

mA I'm actually laughing out loud x x

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 12:04:28

baby I find it helpful to watch this, especially the bit which says "It's simply time to let go of what doesn't serve me" Happy Girl (sorry for posting again!)

You are finding the alcohol serves something at the moment, pain relief, oblivion etc (at great cost as you know) so is there any benefit in talking to the nurse about medication that can fill this hole (without the hideous side effects of wine) - Ma that;s very naughty, but bacon rolls are hard to resist... Ah well have another go tomorrow smile x

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 12:08:38

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Baby - blush thank you lovely. I just speak from the heart. smile I'm sorry you are struggling at the moment too.... I also used to drink to help numb the pain, my meds + booze really did the job. But behaving like that came with it's down falls as you've read.

I hope that the new nurse can help but as you say, YOU HAVE TO BE 100% HONEST. Not just with the nurse, but with you too sweetheart. Take good care of you, you're family deserve all of you, and you deserve to be well and happy xx

Greeny - same to you..... at times, we are our own worst enemies and all our bodies can do is try to defend themselves the best that they can. Alcohol does so much damage, we all know that but it doesn't stop us drinking does it? You deserve better Greeny. Maybe it's time you looked after YOU xx

Ma - I am so very sorry to read that post about your brother. I have no words that haven't been said but please know that I am thinking of you and your family. You must feel so very deperatley helpless and frustrated with him? Or maybe you are just at your wits end now...... xx

aliasjoey Tue 29-Jan-13 12:09:14

I managed to avoid my usual mid-morning snack <smug> but have to admit, if I was offered a bacon roll, the diet would be over grin

babyjane no advice really, just hugs. It is a horrible disease, it never goes away but you can look after yourself during a flare. Its been many years since I was ill, but treatment and management have improved since then? Maybe you need a review of your medication?

I remember just after I had surgery, I had virtually no colon at the time (a temp ileostomy) was very underweight, and taking all sorts of drugs, I was of course drinking and got up to go to the loo and fainted (or passed out) our toilet was at the top of the stairs, lucky I didn't go straight down...

obrigada Tue 29-Jan-13 12:09:21

Ma love my food too much to fast for a day . . absolutely cant function when I am hungry. Having said that am determined to be good today. Trying to eat healthy today. No junk food and lots of water. One day at a timesmile

guggenheim Tue 29-Jan-13 12:30:06

baby and jwn

No blame, no failing- everyone is here because we have a massive problem with drink and we need some support. Lots in my case.
baby have been thinking and worrying about you,I'm pleased to hear that today is day 1- good for you.

I've heard people in aa describe alcohol as cunning and devious- that it has no respect for you, your health etc. Very true.

green I love that video- keep linking.

Today I will not be drinking.

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 12:30:47

Day two of 5:2 here......

Starting weight - 9.12st

Height - 5'6"

BMI - 22.3

Waist - wobbly 31inches

Hips - squidgy 37inches

Chest - awesome grin too big and too heavy for my back. I am trying to lose boobage too!

Goal - to lose the wobbly bits, tone up by very, very careful and gentle exercise. Keeping on the go as much as I can. Apparently, if you move every 20 mins, it keeps your metabolism going and stops slumps.

Today is a fasting day, 90 cals so far, crumpet with a scraping of low fat butter. Lunch will be a small ham salad and dinner will be half a garlic tortilla, with peppers, mushrooms and a small amount of grated cheese all grilled so that it's hot.

Will work out cals and post in a mo......

Two pints of water so far smile

<Sings - in ya face bacon chops!> grin

<realises she's just every so slightly jealous> envy

Ladamequirit Tue 29-Jan-13 12:47:25

mouse You're not doing consecutive days are you?

FlouncingMintyy Tue 29-Jan-13 12:47:36

I don't know about you Jesus but I am finding all these messages for you terribly moving.

To the brave 5:2ers, it does get easier! I just did my 40th fast day yesterday. It's funny that I can breeze through the wine-witching hour without a backward glance on fasting days, but still have to make myself stand up to her the rest of the time.

curryeater Tue 29-Jan-13 12:56:11

Hi Jesus, I remember your very first post, I read it in "real time". It really meant something to me and you have been in my mind every since (I mean on and off, not like in some weird obsessive way grin)

I am sorry you are struggling. I know you can pick yourself up again though. I know you can, you did it once, and it was worse then, because you didn't even know if you could. I think you thought it might be all over for you and dh, you and dd (if I remember that right?). Now you know you can be the amazing person we all know you are, and TODAY YOU WILL NOT BE DRINKING.
Keep the faith. I am rooting for you, along with countless others.

Mouseface, good luck with the diet (though your stats look enviable to me!)

babyjane, sorry to hear you have been in pain.

Have a good day all.

Ladamequirit Tue 29-Jan-13 12:57:04

Minty Hi! 40 days, fantastic, how are you feeling? Have you lost weight? I know what you mean about not wanting to interact with the Wine Witch on a fast day? It's strange, but hey, I'll take it!! grin x

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 12:59:37

Mouse Freaky I am also 5'6 with massive norkage - you are where I want to be and around the weight I was when I got married - I'm a stone heavier now!

Thank you for your message - yes I am trying to do the looking after me thing. On day 4 again now and hoping to get at least till the weekend before any wine to give my stomach a fighting chance! Right dog walk - need to get off my lazy ass - it's not as if I'm working I'm on mumsnet!

Flouncing well done on the fasting - I am hoping 5:2 will mean at least 4 AF days per week for me as I do not want to fast with a hangover! What results have you noticed, weightloss, health?

Ladamequirit Tue 29-Jan-13 13:03:31

mouse and green OMG I am also 5'6" with ginormous boobage!!

FlouncingMintyy Tue 29-Jan-13 13:06:37

Ah blush I am not the best person to ask about weight loss. I haven't lost much, considering I've been doing 5:2 since 1st September. About 5lb I think, but I do have the metabolism of a gnat. Dh has lost at least a stone, though, and I am doing it to keep him company because his need to lose weight is possibly more urgent than mine - he is in his late 40s, high cholesterol, 3 stone overweight and history of heart disease in his father's family.

Anyway, I am not deterred by slight weight loss. Its better than putting it on! The results of this have also spurred me on to see my gp about underactive thyroid, which I have suspected in myself for years, and I am due to have a blood test shortly.

Have you read the 5:2 threads on here? I know there's a lot of them but they are informative.

Sorry to hijack thread, will go back to lurking soon.

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 13:24:25

Umm norkage, booze connection? Who knows - Flouncing have just joined the latest thread.

guggenheim Tue 29-Jan-13 13:39:11

I wish I was tall with massive norkage!

Sadly, I'm the opposite and the ww gets to us shortarses too.

Ladamequirit Tue 29-Jan-13 13:54:27

waves at guggs S'not brilliant having ginormous boobage, having to buy giant 'over the shoulder boulder holders' nearly all tops hang off them and make you look heeyyuge, although I am not by any means, ahem, slim, they make me look even bigger. Sometimes I get backache and horrible marks from straps ... I never understand why young girls (moves glasses down nose, looks over them and purses lips) get giant inflatable balloons stuck in their chests lol. Have just been up to tidy dd's pit from hades room and been run over by the missing her truck. Again. sad

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 13:55:24

Dame - nope, today and Friday as I like to be with the family on a weekend as much as poss and that includes food. smile

You okay Guggs? xx

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 13:58:01

Dame - and been run over by the missing her truck?? you okay?

Hey JWN I have been off the thread (but not the bus actually!)for a week and popped in today to see you post.

I so agree with Mouse and all the others.

You cannot ever ever "fail" some of us on here who will always thank you for helping them to save their own lives, relationships, children, sense of hope and sanity.

What we can do is hold you lovingly and fiercely in our hearts and set up a massive mirror on Gerald's roof to beam back to you all your kindness, strength, compassion, intelligence, humour, sassiness, fierce loyalty, gentle care, stroppy tough love and killer footwear that you have brought to this bus and all of us over the years.

You stacked the stress, pressure or just your heels too high lovely
And then you had a wobble and slipped up a bit..
But you have picked yourself up and will come back safer and stronger. You have all the grit, determination and chutzpa you had nearly three years ago....but now you also have so so much more. Not least the sure fire knowledge that you have beaten this fucker once and you can do so again.

With love and deep gratitude xxx

Ladamequirit Tue 29-Jan-13 14:06:59

Mouse thanks, am ok. Just suffering badly with the empty nest syndrome, plus a bit menopausal. I'm working part-time at the moment and the house seems so empty - dh at work til six. I think that is one of the reasons I end up in the kitchen with a bottle of wine most nights, it's the lonely in HALT. I get cross with myself because all is mainly (too) peaceful for me and loads of you other babes are dealing with small children and difficult jobs and money worries. I should be ashamed really.

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 14:23:53

<gets Barry out and slaps Dame> Pack that right in! You;re allowed to feel low and lonely just like anyone else is allowed to have feelings about money worries etc..... the Bus is about everything because it's everything that drives us to pick up or not isn't it?

Big hugs smile xx

IsinDe - great post from you. Thank you for making me remember just how fantastic you are at putting the right words down, just when it's needed the most. Lovely to see you smile xx

Nemo's SALT is due shortly so I better go and get sorted. I actually haven't had any lunch.... I don't fancy it so might re-think dinner. I should eat something or my pain meds won't work.

determinedma Tue 29-Jan-13 14:25:02

Oh mouse I am well jel of your will power.I haven't had anything since the bacon roll though and plan prawn salad for dinner so maybe the damage won't be too bad.I am at a business event and one of the stands has a business card draw to win a free Nemo. Hope I win it for fish boy though I'm sure he has dozens!
Yo,indie how's life in scouseland? Think we will be coming down in March for dh to go to the game and top up his accent.grin
Where is thurso these days?

helpyourself Tue 29-Jan-13 14:52:15

ma we prayed for your brother at work yesterday- 'for peace and strength for Richard and his family'.
ladame recognising the l in halt is a step in the right direction is a step in the right direction...
Post here of an evening, take an evening class or plan some activities with your dp, if you have one at home.

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 14:52:32

shock shock shock A free Nemo! Oh I hope you win too! He has one that our friends got him from Euro Disney but you can't buy them anywhere! Except the Disney shop and even then they're tiny things or inappropriate things like key rings etc...

Water is the key Ma, it shifts all of the toxins out and stops you getting constipated (unless like me you're on enough morphine to knock a horse out, never mind a bloody mouse!)

You could always change days too don't forget! That's the beauty of it. I'm going to have to eat something now... I've got a headache so off I go to find a low cal quick fix that isn't cheese!

Will be back once Nemo's SALT has left. I have no idea where Thurso is actually, has she posted on this thread yet? I don't think that she has sad

Where are all the newer Babes too?

Oh and HUEY!!!!! - 100 days!!! Well days? well, more now, but well done you!! xxxx

guggenheim Tue 29-Jan-13 14:57:42

Lo there lovelies,

I'm fine thanks mouse. I've supposed to be studying but it's really hard and my brain hurts. So I've just finished reading 'Bring up the bodies' instead.Hope all goes well at the SALT meeting. (I think that's speech and language therapy,right?)

dame I'm still working out how to make you come here and cook for me. smile Wish I had any skill in the kitchen or boobs !

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 15:15:18

Right Gugg smile

obrigada Tue 29-Jan-13 15:30:31

Mouse have managed to drink over 1.5ltr of water so far today .... polishes halosmile

Just wanted to say hope your days going ok JWN it's awful how low alcohol makes us feel. So love the video that green posted, its so true why would we want to depress ourselves.
I took my little boy to nursery today & got 2.5 hours to myself for the first time in 3 years, was great, phoned a friend & chatted for 2 hours!
Had to laugh at you lasting til being offered a bacon roll MA who could resist a bacon roll?!
I'm not doing the 5:2 but trying to be healthy & cut out crap.
Hope everyone else doing ok
smile xx

HueyMorganismyboyfriend Tue 29-Jan-13 16:13:29

baby I was where you were not so long ago, my one bottle rapidly became three in a relatively short space of time. It is something that is progressive. I truly believe that now and it will get worse unless you ring the changes. But doing that is the pits of despair and self loathing and fear is not easy chick. I know that. Time to be kind to yourself that the WW is a total and utter bitch who has to regard for anyone. Mucho respect for JWN and thinking of your dear brother MA don't beat yourselves up people. If it was that fecking easy we would not have found this bus and each other.

In a pensive mood today! Stay safe babes xxx

MrsMalinky Tue 29-Jan-13 16:17:57

Hi everyone

Jesus I haven't been on the bus long but when I joined I went back and read that first thread. It made me feel like I wasn't alone. Sorry to see you back here but I absolutely know you'll be fine back on the bus smile

dame I thrive on a crazy busy house and I know I'm going to struggle when my dc leave home (not on the horizon yet thankfully) so I can really empathise with you.

Well done to everyone on the 5:2. I couldn't do it!!! Counting calories here and so far so good...

Have a great day babes xx

thurso13 Tue 29-Jan-13 16:22:40

Hello

I've just got back from work, logged on to read what the babes have been doing, as I usually do, and actually feel quite ashamed.
Thank you for mentioning me, Ma and Mouse, I have been guilty of sloth and self interest, in that I have been reading every day, and taking strength and motivation from all the babes. But, I haven't posted because I'm just sort of bumbling along really, trying to diet, trying to sparkle up the old marriage!!, and so on!! So, the more I haven't posted because I didn't have anything helpful or interesting to say, the more I didn't have anything helpful or interesting to say!! Falling out of the loop, not off the bus!, just out of the conversation!

Anyway, JWN most importantly I love you, Mrs!!

It broke my heart to read your post, because I can well imagine the punishment that you are handing out to yourself today, no-one can flay you quite as hard as you do yourself, as many (all?) of us know. I echo everyone else, be kind to yourself today, stay in the minute, the hour that you are in, and don't think forwards.
I can easily understand how a slip up one night could have led you to a fortnight of it. A thought of "well, I've f***ed up now, so might as well carry on, who cares" and on, and on. But, you haven't gone on and on, JWN, you came here, and so you are going to get well again.
SarahRT is so right when she said how those who have been well, or how they wanted to be for a while, can easily think I'll be ok with the one. Like Sarah if ever I've thought that, it's straight back to a bottle and a half for
me, almost within minutes.
I'm sending you love, my friend xxxxxx

Ladamequirit Tue 29-Jan-13 16:56:06

Thanks Help, Guggs and Mrs . Unfortunately, I can't go to an evening class as I live in the middle of nowhere, not even in the UK!!! Moved here for the peace and quiet and dear God is it peaceful and quiet esp this time of year. It's so weird really, when your dcs are small, you can just long to be left alone for a bit of 'me' time and some sleep!! But, they grow up and suddenly they're gone and you wonder where the time went! All you babes with dcs, give them a big hug (yes even the teenaged horrors darlings) and enjoy them. I'm not old enough (yet) for a Saga cruise or to take up bowls or whatever, so I'll cook my little socks off and join you all on here from time to time. I love the fact that you are all so supportive of each other. JWN I hope your day got better and better and that you have a peaceful and happier evening. x

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 18:04:09

So, today I have had 1 crumpet and of smidgen of spread - 90 cals, 3x oat cake 46 cals each and another smidgen of low fat soft cheese and chive spread, 20 cals =248 calories in total.

Four pints of water. I'm going to have some light hot choc later, 41 cals leaving me with 211 cals.

I am going to have half a portion of veg soup which has 96 cals, and some fruit, not sure what yet. But I'll be under 500, I think, for the day smile

Tomorrow is going to be kebabs all day long! grin

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 18:05:34

Thurso - Hello lovely. I'm so glad that you posted today in response to JWN. I sat nodding in agreement with every word, as I have with all of the posts, and thinking just how wonderful this place is. Fab to see you xxxx

Algee1 Tue 29-Jan-13 18:40:41

JWN... Just rejoined mumsnet so I could post, thinly disguised variation on name number one.
Though we never met, you saved me, and I want you to know that. You also saved yourself, and goodness knows how many more.
Solidarity dear friend if I dare to presume such a relationship. I wish you big cushion -y love strength and be kind to yourself vibes.
One day at a time.
Love xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 18:57:20

Algeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

<hugs algee for ages>

Hello! xx

Algee1 Tue 29-Jan-13 19:01:44

Thank you mouse! Really felt moved to hold hands with jesus...

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 20:12:06

Hi babes, managed to dodge the ww bullet for the first time in weeks, in no small part down to the genuine affection and kindness you guys show to me and each other. Your faith in me has given me a bit of faith back in myself. jesus I hope your feeling a little better, there is a mountain of love here for you, you began this amazing journey and we follow you, an army of babes inspired by you, you have changed lives and brought this amazing group of women together. Awesome. Lovely posts from everyone today, that ww must be cowering in a corner somewhere cos she sure as hell ain't in my crib!! X x

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 20:16:31

baby well done babexx

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 20:25:21

green you have helped me a great deal today, thank you and a big hug x x x

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jan-13 20:31:15

well, i seem to have something in my eye.... you really are a fantastic bunch of friends, how lovely to read such nice things about me when tbh, i have felt lower than whale shit today - im sober this evening, its been a bloody long day but im in my pjs now, didnt actually get to AA, (although i have been talking on the phone with members) dh needed to talk and i needed to listen - he wants me to stop work, not all together but cut down to realistic levels, he suggests 2 days a week, he suggests some time at home just 'pottering', he wants to look after me and see me get well again - as soon as he said it i felt a huge weight come off me, sounds silly i know, i have a lovely life, a lovely home etc etc but im just struggling right now, i miss dd more and more, i feel unreasonably jealous when i see teenagers with their mothers, i want her back sad (which is ridiculous and unfair of me) dh is away a lot and i think i have been kind of 'loosing' myself again iyswim?

so, today is the first day, im starting at the begining again, one thing that i have felt all day, i dont feel the terror of not drinking this time, i know im not alone, i know i have all of you here who understand, its a very wonderful feeling!!!

babyjane1 Tue 29-Jan-13 20:51:08

jesus there is an advert on tv for a holiday company, from the moment he leaves his house til he gets to the hotel everyone is cheering for him high fiving him and the implication that he is a legend to all around him,
If we were all together in real life and you walked in that how i imagine it would be, do you know the one I mean?!x

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 20:53:20

<applauds JWN>

Can I say how wonderfully understanding your DH is? Look at the difference between this time and the last. He wanted you out of his life. This time he wants you in his life, forever. He can see why this has happened, he can actually appreciate what you are going through, he finally gets it and bloody hats off to him for sure!

You need to listen, yes siree Mrs. Get thee pottering just like before. Yes, work got busy, real busy and he needed you to be there much more but now he can see that the cost to you, to your health, to both of you is not worth it. Not one bit.

If he can manage without you there, then do something else. For you. Find a hobby, meet up with friends, hell, why not drive the Bus for a bit and come see some of us Babes? A UK and beyond tour?

You'd be welcome at Chez Mouse any time and would even have your very own log cabin, yes, really! smile

This has all happened so fast in the grand scheme of things but it has to stop NOW. Well done lovely lady for posting, for being totally honest with yourself, for getting up from the floor and taking action TODAY.

I know you miss DD sad. Have you thought about a pet? Seriously? Why not? I love having Seth here when DH is not. Especially when DD AND DH aren't here! I am not good at alone and knowing he's here when I'm without adult company, really makes me feel needed. You need to feel needed again. xx

Oh lovely lady, you have so much more to give, you are this thread. You are THE BRAVEST BABE OF ALL!

<shakes pom-poms>

Oh, and BTW, today I am not drinking either and that's down to YOU xx

Mouseface Tue 29-Jan-13 20:58:47

Well done on today Baby!! Good on you!! smile xx

Right, my night is almost over on t'interweb. Nemo has school tomorrow, I managed to leave after only ten minutes of settling on Monday so he is really making MASSIVE progress in terms of separation anxiety, bless him.

I'm off to get my Death In Paradise fix...... white sandy shores, pale blue waters..... ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Night Brave Babes, I love this Bus, the support here is amazing, no matter what. xx

PS - JWN - I'm not normally a 'God' person, I do believe that there is something or someone out there, but today I said a little 'prayer' for you and your family. Just a little bit of extra help from Jeff knows who. Take care dear lady, sleep well xx

determinedma Tue 29-Jan-13 21:21:19

help thank you so much for thinking of us and Richard today. I'm just going to phone mum and see if he turned up to meet her today as planned.
Slight distraction in that all the lights in the house have gone off and we have no fuse wire to fix the old fashioned fuse box.candles all round. Have totally failed on the diet, booze and exercise front today. Hey ho, tomorrow is another day.
<checks that Barry is OK in his carrier bag>
thurso glad to see you again. Stop lurking and get back on here!

Fairenuff Tue 29-Jan-13 21:29:42

So lovely to see some of the 'old' babes popping up to show support and share some of their stories. I'm sure there are many more lurkers sending love and best wishes over the airways. Well done all those not drinking today.

I've had such a busy day and am bushed. DH is just making me hot a drink and then I'll be off to bed to read for a bit.

Another day, done and dusted. Sleep well babes, stay safe, stay strong x

guggenheim Tue 29-Jan-13 22:14:59

ma no one failed today, not even Barry. Hope that your brother turned up to meet your mum.

Night lovely babes

helpyourself Tue 29-Jan-13 22:23:58

jesus and Ladame I really identify with the empty nest fear. I've got 2 half flown and one still here; the one at home and I went to see Les Misérables this evening again, masochistically .
I had promised myself I'd then go to AA. It's 2 months since I last went, when significantly the main chair talked about the relapses before the relapses. At the time I recognised I was doing that- isolating, detaching from AA, getting really busy and ignoring the HALT triggers.
So, because it works for me, I'm going to AA tomorrow.

greeneyed Tue 29-Jan-13 22:40:57

baby a big hug back, hope it goes well tomorrow

ma hope it was good news from your mum. Very tired so waves and says night night to all the other lovely brave babes, you all rock! Xx

Hey Babes, have read back but too knackered to post much after busy birthday day for DD.

Just wanted to say, though, that JWN you are the Babe who created this amazing bus with your honesty and your journey, and that you have been the inspiration and the strength for so many other Babes to move on in their lives and away from alcoholism. I hope you can take some of that strength and inspiration back now when you need it. It's a timely reminder, I think, that the booze beast can always sneak up and bite you on the arse if you get complacent. I bet you've helped even more people by falling off the wagon (temporarily of course) and reminded us all of how careful we need to be with this thing.

kotinka Tue 29-Jan-13 23:14:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AudrinaAdare Wed 30-Jan-13 00:24:11

Popping in as a reader to add another great big hug to JWN, you lovely, lovely lady <squeeze>

There is a children's book about a sea-creature called Barry

Speaking of books I bought "No Matter What" following chat on here and read it to my DS who has autism. He was telling me that he loves me very much and that love like starlight never dies at 4 a.m grin

I wonder if you all realise how much good you are doing? These threads make me proud to be a MNer smile

Morning babes checking in, no booze for me since 19th jan & for the first first time last night slept well, fell asleep at 7:30pm blush then til pretty much 6am...unheard of! Feel wow! JWN your plan to cut back hours and your husband both sound awesome! Hope today is a new & better day for you lovely creator of the bus babe! smile
Wishing all babes a good day smile x

thurso13 Wed 30-Jan-13 07:47:58

Morning Babes,

Morning Clutter, glad you slept well, the sleep really does get better doesn't it?
JWN I hope you slept, and that you feel better this morning. I should think you are pretty exhausted, look after yourself and try some "pottering" today, if you can. xxxx
Mouse I hope *Nemo's morning goes well, can't believe he's such a big boy now!

Well, I got up, made Dh's two salads (he's on the 5:2 diet, and is sticking to it [envy ), I just can't seem to do it for myself, I tried, but I just end up thinking about food ALL day grin, not how it's suppose to work, I believe!!

Have good days all
xxxxx

helpyourself Wed 30-Jan-13 08:15:08

Morning BBs
Love and HALT to all, I'll be thinking of you all, as well as Nemo and Richard.

Fairenuff Wed 30-Jan-13 08:29:37

Haha I lurve the picture of Barry, is it our Barry masquerading as a squid? Hmmh, the plot thickens grin

JWN hope you are feeling a little more positive this morning. Remember to plan your time, your meals, your drinks so that nothing will sneak up on you.

I find I don't get big cravings now, or haven't for ages anyway, but it was always the 'whisperings' that tripped me up. Someone talked about the WW whispering in your ear and I though, yeah, that's it.

The conversation in my head goes a bit like this

Me in the morning: I feel great, so glad I didn't drink yesterday, not going to drink today.
Me all day, fine: La, la, la
Me coming home from work tired and hungry.
WW: You're tired, a glass of wine would be nice
Me: Yes, I know I'm tired but I'm not drinking today
WW: You need a sugar boost, just one glass would hit the spot
Me: Yes, I know I'm hungry but I'm not drinking today. I'll have something to eat.
WW: You could just have one glass with your meal
Me: Yes I could but I'm not drinking today
WW: You don't have to drink the whole bottle, you could share it with DH
Me: Yes I could but I'm not drinking today

You can see where this is going grin. It's called the 'broken record' approach and that's why, for me, making that decision in the morning is so important. Job done. Not going to entertain any ideas of drinking because I don't need to.

Happy Hump Day babes, have a good one.

aliasjoey Wed 30-Jan-13 08:32:02

morning Babes

doing my fast today, I've never done a diet before blush and its weird how similar the cravings are to alcohol cravings... I suppose we just use the same techniques, distraction and so on?

ma how are things with your brother?

jesuswhatnext Wed 30-Jan-13 08:59:00

morning babes, im up really late as i had the most wonderful nights sleep, a proper natural sleep, i feel a bit heavy eyed but soo much better smile got a busy day, meetings for most of it, then a quiet evening with a garden planner and my ruler, i got a new greenhouse for my birthday and i hadnt got round to think where to site it, not going to the pub at lunch time, bought a lovley looking salad pot thing to eat at my desk, also a fridge full of lemonata, really sharp and mouth cleansing, sorry, am waffling (im still shaking, its horrible, makes it really difficult to type sad hope it eases a bit today)

anyway, got new dress on to help lift the old spirits and later im going to look at this fasting thing (MA made it sound so easy grin)

see you later babes XXXXX

jesuswhatnext Wed 30-Jan-13 08:59:54

btw

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

greeneyed Wed 30-Jan-13 09:18:04

You rock JWN - please make sure you have enough to eat at work today to feel nourished and not hungry - hope the withdrawal eases up soon x

I have only done one fast day and I expected the wine witch not to visit as I'd be so distracted about the hunger however cravings were GREATER so be prepared Joey and all others trying this.

Faire yeah I get that conversation, had it last night and let her win - 2 glasses of red, not the end of the world but grrr another day of not allowing my gastritis to heal. I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY xx

Ladamequirit Wed 30-Jan-13 09:28:15

Jesus so glad to hear you had a good night's sleep xxx You sound so much more positive today! I miss my dd too, so I know how you're feeling and sending you a big hug xxx Won't see mine for two months now, just skyping and phoning and texting, but it's not the same. Going to start doing some DIY around the place (which I am completely useless not very good at), but it'll keep me busy for a bit grin.

All other babes ... I have A NEW WITCH in my fridge!!! She is fantastic, she lives in a green box and her spells have rustly black paper on. If you are with the WW and trying not to have anymore, or, trying not to have the first one ... have a couple of her dark square minty spells, she make the WW taste seriously eeeuuuggghhhhhh!! (for ages grin). I'm going to keep her in there forever.

All babes, have a good day today and may your roads rise up to meet you. xxx Ladame xx

venusandmars Wed 30-Jan-13 10:06:50

ladame do you have to wait till AFTER EIGHT for those particular spells to work? grin

Agree with you so much about mint and wine, I think that's why in the early days I found cleaning my teeth was so helpful - cleaning them twice with the strongest, mintiest toothpaste I could find help to avoid any 'accidental' slips - I had to be really, really determined to drink to get over the first glass (a bit ashamed to say that it did happen blush but it really did help to break the seductive charm of the first glass of something 'delicious').

Mouseface Wed 30-Jan-13 10:12:33

Morning, tis me, Mouse

AudrinaAdare - hello [smlie] Nice to meet you. Can I just say that we have "No Matter What" for Nemo. He's Autistic too, amongst other things, and loves that book, as do I. I hold him so tight when we read it, I'm glad you bought it for your DS. xx

JWN - that's my fashion queen! New dress on!!! Yippeeeee!! grin. I'm so glad you slept well last night, I was lay thinking of you when I was snuggling my boy last night. I was wondering if you and DH were warm and safe with each other.... I'm so glad you're getting your greenhouse sorted! I remember you loving your garden, pottering about, sitting out of an evening with a N&T. Wanting to do so much with your life. Well, now you can lovely.

Massive hugs for you today. The shakes will pass, keep your blood sugar up today, it'll still dip and spike until the booze is completely out of your system. I hope that the weight continues to life off your shoulders as the days pass by. Keep going, a minute, hour, day at a time. Lots of love to you. xx

Nemo was crying in his sleep for most of last night, I'm not sure why, he was so unsettled. I was up to him from 12am, then for the rest of the night so today I am in agony with my back and hips. He can't help it and I don;t begrudge him a second of my time. In fact if it's me he needs to settle him, so be it. Sometimes it's DH but mostly me. I just can't bare him upset and he seems lonely at night if that makes sense? sad

There is something going on with him..... I'm not sure what. I think I'm going to track this cranial osteopath down today and make an appointment. She works with traumatised children, those with terminal illnesses and life long SN etc.

Help - thank you so very, very much for holding Nemo in your thoughts, that means so much to me. smile xx

Ma - I really hope that Richard has made contact..... I can't begin to comprehend how you are feeling but please, maybe just for a while, not worry so much about the diet, the booze etc until you are in a better place to deal with it mentally and emotionally.

None of this is your fault but I imagine that maybe you feel guilty that you can't help him? I hope not Ma. He's a grown man with a serious, complex problem with many contributing factors. It's not your fault. You and Richard are in my thoughts and I'm sending you all my love darling lady. Stay strong for your own resolve, do what you can and promise me you'll not beat yourself up about things that are out of your control. xxx

Dame - After Eight Mints are LUSH!!!!! The same affect as brushing your teeth and drinking wine but eating them is much nicer! grin

Right, I'm off to brave the Biblical weather and get a few bits and bobs, pick up my meds, and then back to clean the kitchen and lounge. Oh the high life.

Oh and this morning, I managed to leave Nemo almost straight away! smile He's such a big boy, I hope he's okay today given the lack of sleep he's had.

Anyway, waffling now! Have a safe and lovely day Brave Babes and those who are lurking too <waves>

Mouse xxxx

Mouseface Wed 30-Jan-13 10:14:12

AudrinaAdare - sorry, here, have a proper smile x

venus - snap re the toothpaste post! grin

I'm really going now xxx

venusandmars Wed 30-Jan-13 10:16:36

Jesus it made me smile to see you posting about your garden smile As soon as you mentioned 'pottering' I remembered some of your posts during the first year when you were full of the delight and enjoyment of pottering sober in your garden, and also doing crafting and sewing projects. Time to cut back on work a little and re-visit you sewing box? When I miss my dc I make things for them, and put a little bit of extra love into whatever I'm making. So this winter I've knitted some great fingerless gloves for dd2 and make a series of finger puppets for dd1.

I've got a difficult negotiation coming up - having to ask dd to clear out some stuff from 'her' room so it becomes a more usable guest room. I feel a bit bad and a bit sad about it because it feels like throwing her baby, downy feathers out of the empty nest. But I had to laugh recently because my cousin (male in his 60s) went to visit my parents, and said he slept in 'venus's room' - complete with my name plate still on the door, single bed with a big duvet, and the bookcase by the bed filled with my books (teenage). I left 'home' 32 years ago!

babyjane1 Wed 30-Jan-13 10:17:03

Morning babes, the only problem I had with not drinking was that it took a while to get to sleep, my dh snores like an elephant so it was a long night, anyway off to hospital will post later, have a great day my fellow superbabes x x x

KoalaKube Wed 30-Jan-13 10:21:12

Morning Babes just a quick check in to wish you all a fab day today. Voice is coming back and cough subsiding so looks like I'll be back to work in a few days - its wednesday but already wondering if I can stretch it out til Monday-naughty me.

Fasting again today - doing it today as I've a) got the right food in b) Felt really good after the last fast c) Really want to kick start the weight loss again after it stalled. So Today I will be drinking my teas, sipping on a low cal soup and having dinner around 6ish of get this ....
a WHOLE Gressingham Poussin Roasted with some Wilted Pak Choi and handful of Sugar Snap peas - Total Cals for day 500. And of course this is only possible because I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY.

greeneyed Wed 30-Jan-13 10:44:14

Great post koala so positive, you have come so far smile

AudrinaAdare Wed 30-Jan-13 11:09:34

Hi Mouse smile I remember Ma saying she had the book too. Nemo is gorgeous and I love hearing how he is doing. In fact I am such a stalker lurker that I went to find a lovely plush Nemo that DS once had so that I could offer to send it but it seems to have been culled sad

((((Mouse)))) you are just so full of love and kindness xx

jesuswhatnext Wed 30-Jan-13 12:17:24

just checking in - not at the pub, just looking at the sunny weather through the window, i feel totally exhausted, absolutly drained but the 'black dog' is lifting, its such a relief!!

venus, you are so right, i love a good 'potter', particuarly a sober one! i have plans running through my head like a stream train now that dh and i have talked (he looks a lot happier this morning, still has a sort of 'worried' expression, but he looks much calmer)

one thing we did last night was the recyling (i think he deliberatly saved everything hoping for the occasion) its was fightening, i have got through enough booze to kill an MP, and thats not counting what i had had while out sad he really made me look at what i was consuming, and also what it was costing purely in economic terms, when you put that cost alongside the physical and emotional costs its bloody scary - so today, onwards and upwards, another early night proberbly but thats just fine, even after just a few hours of soberity i feel better!!

btw, mouse, you say NEMO is growing, could he now be having vivid dreams? perhaps that could be whats making him cry during the night? special love to you both XXXXXX

Glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel again JWN, your DH sounds like a star! Can you identify what it was that made you turn to the bottle this time? I know you've had stressful times before and not hit the booze; what was different this time?

I've posted photos of DD's birthday cake to my profile, if anyone's interested. smile
this is a creeper.

Well I've had a huge fail with the healthy diet/not drinking this week - lots of cake/icing tasting and pizza yesterday, drank moderately on Monday as parents staying, then couple glasses of red with lunch yesterday. Last night though, I drank for the sake of it - some bubbly from the night before (bit flat and not that nice) and a couple glasses of red. Noone else was even drinking and it didn't make me feel particularly good. Slept fitfully and feel a bit jaded and hungover this morning. Anyway, DD's birthday was a big success - she had a really fantastic day and was thrilled with the cake. We had a lovely lunch at a really friendly restaurant and a good day was had by all.

So back to the grindstone for me now, but why am I finding it hard to visualise getting through this evening without a glass or two of red sad

Mouseface Wed 30-Jan-13 13:18:47

Afternoon, tis me, mouse

Audrina - awwwwwwwwww, that is so lovely of you, thanks thank you very much. xx

JWN - (you are so on your way back lovely, I can feel the YOU coming through in your posts) - he does have very vivid dreams, his nurse says that often children who have gone through trauma (multiple surgical procedures) often present symptoms like Nemo does.

All I can do is soothe him. He was crying in my arms even though he could feel I was there holding him last night. It breaks my heart and I want to take that away from him.

It seems some of us are on a 'mothering' emotional roller coasters just now, empty nests, traumatised or poorly DCs.

Koala - you sound so positive about fasting, yesterday was my first day and I feel really good about today's food. Wholemeal toast for breakfast, soup for lunch and then chicken with mushrooms, garlic, chopped tomato, onion, rosemary and onion, served with a small portion of rice for dinner. YUM!

I've got lots of fruit in to snack on, and some oat cakes too. I feel better already, more mentally prepared too. Long may the fast last, day 3! grin

Mouseface Wed 30-Jan-13 13:52:07

Great cake Mia - It looks fab! I'm in between 'it has to be' cakes currently but I have a feeling Nemo won't be far off asking for certain things. grin

How old was she? Don;t beat yourself up too much about the food, drink, etc this week, you've got a lot on atm and look at how much you're NOT drinking! Look at how far you HAVE come and take it from there...... we all have slips, we all fall flat on occasions and think 'meh' to putting effort into something for a day or two but you realise what's happening and that is massive in itself!

You've come so far. Keep going lovely, you're still heading in the right direction smile xx

Mouseface Wed 30-Jan-13 16:07:09

Hmm, I appreciate it's the Daily Mail but seriously? This woman deserves a bloody good slap!

Drinking duo shock

greeneyed Wed 30-Jan-13 16:22:05

Umm strikes me as some scally's wanting to make some money out of an article and not really caring what they say - Love that the DM manages to get in that she pays for her booze with child benefit grin

Seriously though my dad used to send me across to the pub as a teenager to get him a pint and to get myself one (as payment) I'd go to the pub (Opposite) and say my dad wants a couple of pints. According to my mother they also sent me to the local shop up the road from the age of five to buy them fags - things were different in those days I guess (and my parents are toxic twats!)

kotinka Wed 30-Jan-13 16:37:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleWolfe Wed 30-Jan-13 17:20:06

Can't do any of this right now - and don't think I want to. Can't keep the house tidy, can't keep the dishes washed, can't keep up with the laundry, struggle to keep up with the DC's homework, can't cope with the crack in the car windscreen and the fact it needs oil, can't cope with the feckin' ridiculous course and the work placement after it and, most of all, can't cope with life - I'm shit at it. Got to day 20 and given in to the whisperings in my ear. sad Feeling totally pathetic. sad sad

PurpleWolfe Wed 30-Jan-13 17:20:46

Sorry, such a 'me, me, me' post. sad

HorsesDogsNails Wed 30-Jan-13 17:47:46

You're not pathetic Purple, you've just got a lot on your plate..... Can you make one of these brew and be a bit kinder to yourself?

Mouseface Wed 30-Jan-13 17:57:58

Purple - I need to go and bath Nemo but will be back soon. Try and slow down or have a soft drink next. xxx

Aw purple honey huge hugs for you ((( ))) You are not pathetic, your struggling with loads on your plate. Your bringing up 3 children on your own, no mean feat! Your worried about money, having to do a stupid course that's stressful. It's January, it's cold, dark, grey miserable!
But you can do this, you are and have been! Things will get better.
Imagine how much worse all the crap would feel if you had a pounding sore head too
You are a lovely strong kind babe who is just struggling smile xx

jesuswhatnext Wed 30-Jan-13 18:33:00

purple, i have a feeling that i know what you are feeling like right now, you poor little love, please try and put the drink down, i know only too well that it will not help you deal with all the fucking crap you feel like you cant deal with! actually you know, you can deal with all the stuff you listed because at the end of the day you are too intelligent to know that it wont all just go and do its self!, all that will happen is that you will have to deal with all but with a hangover to-boot!! why fucking bother? go and pour it away, get an early night and let tomorrow take care of itself!!

tonight i am having early tea, bath and then bed, im mentally finished and physically exhausted, sleep is the best thing for me right now!

KoalaKube Wed 30-Jan-13 18:53:08

Purple I was wondering how you were earlier today as you hadn't posted
It all seems so much to deal with but do just one of those things and then the others will follow, much easier to eat the elephant in little bites as they say. I'm off to AA Wimmins group - so I'll log in later to see how you are.
Why not follow JWNs example and have a bath and early night.

Mouseface Wed 30-Jan-13 19:03:09

<and she's back on the Bus, yay! (JWN I mean!)> smile

Great post JWN, and from Clutter and Koala, no need for me to repeat what they have posted to you Purple, I just hope that you are okay and have stopped letting the WW get to you. xx

determinedma Wed 30-Jan-13 19:09:32

hey purple have this......<launches Barry at purps with a satisfying squelchy sound>
Well Richard didnt show yesterday. Sent mum a text to say he wasnt well. I am angry as mum has been unwell but hauled herself into town in the sheeting rain to meet him and then he didnt show. Other than rehab I dont think there is anything else we can suggest, and I dont know if he would go anyway. he is supposed to come over on Friday to see his counsellor - we will see.
mia love the cake. I feel very much as you do, lapsed pretty badly on the diet and exercise front, and the "fasting" was a disaster. Need my period to start and get gone so i can start again. am bloated and irritable.
mouse I didnt win the Nemo in the raffle so i emailed the woman and said why I had hoped to win it and asked where she had bought it so I could get one and she emailed back that "I think Nemo might just have a cousin. Watch this space.....". I'm all excited that she's going to send one!

guggenheim Wed 30-Jan-13 19:12:23

Hi lovelies,

I'm knackered and just checking in really.

purple I don't think you want that drink, I think you want a rest (by now you may think I need a shove off a cliff, and I probably do) but you have more going on than most people could comfortably manage and you need to rest.
Can you have a bath or go to bed early? What would happen if you just went and sat on your own in the bedroom with a good book or quietly resting?

That course sounds stressful. Is it any good or a load of bollox? If it's bolloxs then spend the day dreaming and writing shopping lists- got me through loads of rubbish that 'technique'.

Best wishes to you purple

thurso13 Wed 30-Jan-13 19:51:01

Purple you are not being pathetic! You have so much on, hold on to yourself, my sweetheart, and try to do "the drill", brush teeth, pj's on, and try to sleep. Crikey knows it's hard!
I have had two phone calls from the DC's tonight, one ill (with strep throat), and one without money!! His allowance already exceeds my monthly income!!!!!
I feel very much tonight, that I should have been a moneymaker, rather than a homemaker sad.
Dh out (again) tonight, and so I am reading my Jodi Piccoult book, all about same sex marriages, and how difficult it is to have children, it was only written in 2011. My Best friend is a lesbian, and why is that so hard even now?
She wuld love to adopt, but, no go, on any counts, so not right in the scheme of things.
sorry, off my soapbox now!
xxxx T xxxx

thurso13 Wed 30-Jan-13 20:06:04

And, (I know i shouldn't start sentences like this!) I just miss my children so much, am going to have a big mug of peppermint tea, and a sob.
I am a bit mizzo tonight.
love to all
xxxxx

determinedma Wed 30-Jan-13 20:06:36

thurso sometimes I think I should have been one or the other and not tried, and been unsuccesful at both. Ignores bank balance, leaky toilet and mould in DS bedroom.
I shouldnt complain, we have a roof over our heads and food in the cupboard. Should be counting my blessings really.

thurso13 Wed 30-Jan-13 20:35:32

ma I know, I do count my blessings, and I think, I do think about other things, probably as a displacement, as you know!
But, tonight, I just feel a major failure in all kinds of things, and I just wish I was better, or different!
sorry to come on to the thred and be a bit down, I didn't realise how much I had missed my true feelings!
T xxxx

going for ra shower

thurso13 Wed 30-Jan-13 20:38:25

that should have said " going for a shower, before Dh is in, and wants to talk!"

kotinka Wed 30-Jan-13 20:43:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kotinka Wed 30-Jan-13 20:46:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorry some of the babes are feeling so down tonight x Hope everyone manages to kick the ww's butt. Night for now bb xx

babyjane1 Wed 30-Jan-13 21:27:23

Hi babes, so sorry purple things are so rubbish, truth is life without wine can be relentless and difficult and life as a mum is all give and no take, wine has been our only take but it's not made any of us happy or we wouldn't be here, take our love and support cos we have it and you need it tonight!!! I'm sending you a super hug, ma and thurso one for you guys too. Life is hard. That's the top and bottom of it, I'm feeling it too x x x

babyjane1 Wed 30-Jan-13 21:35:37

thurso I so relate to what you said!! I always wish I was
Better or different, I seem to find life harder than everyone around me, house, kids, marriage. Does everyone know a secret I don't? It all seems like a lot of hard work to me but I'm surrounded by slim, intelligent competent mums who make it look easy with their shiny houses and handsome men that DIY. I always feel like the odd one out, the ungrateful one even, sorry thinking out loud.....

determinedma Wed 30-Jan-13 21:38:44

Gosh we are all a bit blue tonight aren't we? I've gone to bed with....slimming world magazine! I never dreamed it would come to this grin

eminemmerdale Wed 30-Jan-13 21:39:58

Fucks sake. sorry to barge in and not say hello, but i;ve just been slagged off on another thread where i was joining in and being, as far as I could see, light hearted as was everyone else. Been told i was taking the piss and being offensive. i feel like just fucking off mumsnet sometimes because half the time you just can't or daren't say a sodding word. I'm probably being super sensitive as have had a shit week, month, year, life! scream I just won't bother anymore.

Sorry.

determinedma Wed 30-Jan-13 21:49:12

Ooh which thread? <nosey>

Mouseface Wed 30-Jan-13 21:49:58

MA!!!!!!!!!!!!! - you are ace, you are sooooo ace for doing that. Oh I have happy tears on my face! Thank you a million billion trillion as DD used to say for your kindness. xxxx

Purple - just mwah and ((((HUG))))

And to you all, thank you for keeping me going tonight. Nemo had a wobble at bedtime so I kept refreshing and reading here and it stopped me going for a glass of red with DH. I didn't want it, I felt I needed it to take the edge off.

Not so.

Night night lovely Babes, I hope you all rest well. xx

thurso13 Wed 30-Jan-13 21:51:59

emin this is the only thread I've ever been on, are the other ones horrible?
I do think tha\t you'll find here people who are truthful, honest, and don't want to have soapbox (except for me, sometimes!).
Ma going to bed with "Good housekeeping!" you really don't want to know the night I've had with Dh! Aaargh!!!
sleep tight Babes
xxxxx

eminemmerdale Wed 30-Jan-13 21:52:20

Think I've got over it now, some others are being nice now <sniff> Just get all upset when people be horrid <wibble>

determinedma Wed 30-Jan-13 21:57:34

thurso roll the magazine up and whack him good and hard in the nether regions with it. That should shut him up.

aliasjoey Wed 30-Jan-13 22:04:47

purple 20 days is fantastic, really well done - especially as you're doing that course and everything. maybe you need an early night and be kind to yourself?

helpyourself Wed 30-Jan-13 22:22:55

emin I knew what you meant and lots of others waded in. Misunderstandings and happen in RL; it's a wonder it doesn't happen here more.

kotinka Wed 30-Jan-13 22:43:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kotinka Wed 30-Jan-13 22:52:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greeneyed Thu 31-Jan-13 08:01:24

purps big hug xx a friend once described parenthood to me as relentless. It's true it is relentless - cleaning, cooking, caring, tears, tantrums,illnesses etc etc etc and for the most part - thankless, no wonder it gets on top of us and we dive into the wine (like women up and down the country) . Try not to sweat the small stuff, the houseowrk will get done when you have the energy and the time - can you get DD1 to help? Notice the good things, your wonderful DC, friends, the wind in your hair xx

You let the WW in she is always there in our weakest moments offering to help us out but she is a fickle friend, for today she has left you worse off and is no help at all. Today is a new day babe xx (20 days is bloody brilliant by the way)

greeneyed Thu 31-Jan-13 08:04:45

baby how did you get on with the nurse?

eminemmerdale Thu 31-Jan-13 09:34:12

sorry about my ranting last night! i was just feeling really blergh and then to get a response which questioned my professionalism really wound me up! As you say lots of people jumped in and defended me, so all is well grin. I have 31 days today which is the longest i have done for ages. I'm sorry people are having a rough time. Money worried are just hideous. I can't be doing with people who witter 'money can't buy you happiness'. no but at least you can be miserable in comfort!! AD's - I have been on venlafaxine for about 10 years now, on and off. I suffered from hideous depression for ever really, and this has been the only thing that has kept me 'sane'. So much stigma but it works - so sod it! Got to go to work now sad so have a great day everyone

babyjane1 Thu 31-Jan-13 10:03:18

Hi babes, green you know the saying be careful what you wish for, wellI have often wish I could get Antabuse to make me so ill it would put me off drink, I know that if I'm told I simply can't drink for a very valid reason then I won't, I know this cos I went through 2 pregnancies without craving a drop. Well yesterday the hospital sent me for FULL bloods to
Monitor any side effects the meds were having on my liver and kidneys, my face went scarlet and I thought OMG I'm gonna get found out!! Anyway they couldn't get any blood from me after 12 attempts so I'm going to see a specialist blood nurse in 2 weeks to get the tests done. That gives me 2 weeks when I cannot touch a drop in the hope of flushing my liver out a bit, is this possible??? So I hoped something could
Stop me in my tracks and this is good enough for now. I also have many many painful tests ahead and most involving sedation so best to avoid alcohol completely. I know it sounds strange but having NO choice makes it easier. I was so relieved when they couldn't my blood I thought get a grip woman. So TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK xx

aliasjoey Thu 31-Jan-13 10:22:36

babyjane it sounds like you have been scared into doing the right thing! 2 weeks will give your body a nice break, although then what happens if the tests come back clear, will you then think its okay to drink again...

MrsMalinky Thu 31-Jan-13 11:09:03

Morning Babes,

Sorry that some of us are feeling low. January blues don't help...

emin glad you're feeling better. I read your post and didn't think anything of it at all, don't worry smile I was on that thread with my naked panpipes elf story - luckily no-one has taken exception to that!! And well done on 31 days smile

baby 2 weeks would be a good break - I know what you mean re no option, I was like that with smoking when I was pregnant.

purple hope you're ok

casa are you still around??

I have a sick child at home today. Well, sick or faking brilliantly. All my plans out the window, but the sun is shining smile

Have a great day babes

babyjane1 Thu 31-Jan-13 11:11:49

alias no cos it was a bit of a light bulb moment when your glad a woman sticking a needle in your arm repeatedly and painfully can't get
Blood cos your ashamed of the outcome, thats pretty sick!!!' Also I'm hoping to see a significant change in my appearance and have broken the habit. I've never gone 2 weeks without wine unless pregnant at which point I was bloated and nauseous so I'm hoping that this time I will improve my weight and skin, watch this space..... X

venusandmars Thu 31-Jan-13 11:46:03

baby the liver is a remarkable organ, and it does have the capacity to repair and regenerate itself (and does this often on a daily basis). However what alcohol does is to inhibit the repair process, which is why heavy drinking causes our liver function to be impaired, and can eventually inhibit the repair so much that scar tissue starts to form in the liver (the early stages of cirrhosis). Once scar tissue has formed, those cells can no longer regenerate and repair themselves and the damage become permanent.

Stopping drinking NOW will give your liver a good chance to regenerate. Help it along by being kind to it (and to yourself) with lots of water, and lots of healthy foods (at least those that you can eat).

venusandmars Thu 31-Jan-13 11:52:05

purple how are you doing this morning?

I always found that having a few drinks one day triggered my desire for more the next day. So if you're feeling tempted today please understand that it is not your fault, or your weakness. But maybe plan some extra defenses just in case. Make extra sure that you have drinks ready, and some snacks to avoid the feelings of hunger and thirst (that we all solve with alcohol) and especially today ignore the list of things that 'need' to be done. Which ones will really be catastrophic if they are not done today? Which ones can be partly done? Which ones can someone else take responsibility for or help with?

kotinka Thu 31-Jan-13 12:27:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpyourself Thu 31-Jan-13 12:27:25

How are you all?
JWN? What's the plan for today? I gloss over all the auxiliary benefits of not drinking, like the cost, because for me, even if I won the lottery, I know I can't drink. The cost is irrelevant!
Had to collect DS last night, so no meeting sad taking him back tonight, then working tomorrow. I'll try and go tomorrow night, as tempting as an evening at home in front of the fire with my loved ones is, I must prioritise my sobriety.

obrigada Thu 31-Jan-13 12:36:37

Wise words Venus and even though they were for Purple they are appropriate for me as well with regards to being overwhelmed by life, haven't had a drink since Saturday night but my problem is not nightly drinking it's once I have started I have huge difficulty stopping.

babyjane1 Thu 31-Jan-13 12:58:50

kotinka I'm day 3 also rubbish but am determined, I'll sit beside you on the bus if you want, 2 rubbish's might make a possible x

kotinka Thu 31-Jan-13 13:07:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemonylemon Thu 31-Jan-13 14:08:15

Have hovered over the keyboard wondering whether to post or not. I got picked up on the first thread (I think) by Dementedma. Haven't been back as had too much going on.

I haven't had a drink since Saturday night. I never get roaring drunk, but can neither afford the money anymore, or the prospects of ill-health. I can't say I feel better (well, I do as in I don't stink like a brewery, I guess). I'm tired all the time, but that could be DD (5) or my age or both.....

The worst of it is that my Mum has terminal cirrhosis of the liver. Back in March last year, she was given until about September to live. She's still with us and is planning on coming on holiday with us in the summer. But seriously, I can't see it.

Over the past couple of years I have seen her after she's had falls, she's collapsed, she's been sick everywhere, been doubly incontinent, she's been hospitalised on several occasions, had ascites rained off of her abdomen on several occasions (once it was 11 litres), she has been delusional, confused, self-pitying - not necessarily all at once, but these are all things that have happened to her - and by extension to myself, my DS and DD, my siblings and their families. The ripples spread far and wide.

On the upside, with tonight being Day 5, I would have saved nearly £30, which has made me feel smile and shock all at once. My mood is also brighter, I think my skin looks a wee bit better, and Tesco "cherries & berries" no added sugar squash with fizzy water is quite nice.......

The downside is that I'm ashamed to be posting this...........

Freetobeme Thu 31-Jan-13 14:16:47

'My problem is not nightly drinking, it's once I've started I have huge difficulty stopping'.

Yes, obrigada I hear that. Me too. Are you trying to stop completely or drink in a more controlled way?

I am trying to stop completely (day 11) as I don't think I can drink 2/3 glasses and stop sad

I wish I could but I have been down that road to many times. It actually feels easier to just give it up totally.

By the way to those beautiful babes who have been sober for a loooong time, do you think it is useful to count days? When did you stop counting (if you have)? Just curious as I am not sure that counting days is helpful for me (although I know lots of others find it really important and motivating).

Beautiful blue sky and the sun is shining where I am , and ...I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY smile

Hope you all have a good day.

jesuswhatnext Thu 31-Jan-13 14:29:32

afternoon! feeling a little brighter here, im having a day at home, just pottering, does me no end of good! im also going to have a snooze in a mo, i feel dog tired, although my eyes are looking a bit better, my god they were red blush lemony, i feel for you, your post is nothing to be ashamed of, it sounds full of pain, sorrow and lost opportunities and tbh, in a totally selfish way, hearing about your poor mum is just what i need to hear about - im desperate not to follow her down that path and i feel like iv been sailing very close to the wind the last couple of weeks, i have drank and drank and drank, my back still aches, an ache i have managed to ignore for the past week because i was not prepared to acknowledge that i was damaging myself sad thank you for your post! i wish you and your mum much love!!

L XXX

kotinka Thu 31-Jan-13 14:37:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouseface Thu 31-Jan-13 14:38:12

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

LF tests are so very revealing and I'm glad that mine was so bad because it shocked me. I mean really shocked me. Even though that voice in my head was saying 'you'll be fine, nothing will show up', I knew that was bollocks.

I have minimal scarring on my liver, a very small patch but my most recent LF test showed that all my levels were now normal where before, all indicators that point to alcohol abuse, were screaming and waving in my GP's face.

I'm going back again on Tuesday next week for a meds review (regular occurrence) so I'm going to ask my GP about the damage that my meds are doing to my body. My bowel is fucked, this I already know but I wonder just what other damage is being done with all of this morphine in my system?

Anywho -

Em - MN is one hell of a scary place, were you in AIBU per change? I rarely got outside of this thread, SN children or relationships, as most other places scare the pants off me!! grin

Baby - rubbish but am determined - exactly! DETERMINED! is far better than CBA. Stopping drinking is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. Stopping any kind of substance abuse is.

The phrase 'substance abuse' often makes people shudder and think 'that's not me' but it is. Alcohol is a substance, and if you abuse it, it causes great harm.

Even just 1 day off the stuff is better than 1 day on it. Alcohol is a nasty, clever, sly and twisted substance that fools you into thinking and feeling so many emotions.

Your marriage can be over after a bottle of wine, you will quit your job, row with your best friend, lie to yourself and other because it tells you to, you can destroy your whole life just by drinking a bottle of wine! Powerful stuff huh?

So, just one day off is a step in the right direction. One less glass, one less night on the sauce, one less regretful, spiteful comment, one less foolish thought, one less wish that life was so much better because alcohol makes you think the grass is always greener.......

It's not. It's really not. Drinking to excess every day kills you. not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and it hurts those around you, even though you might not see it, through choice or not sad

I'm sorry to waffle on and I have no idea where that all came from, plus it's not aimed at anyone in particular........

I just want you all to be safe and well. smile xx

Mouseface Thu 31-Jan-13 14:45:03

Just wanted to say that I posted that without reading first, blush

Sorry to hear about your mum Lemony, I rememeber you too. Off to catch up now x

eminemmerdale Thu 31-Jan-13 14:47:49

lemony so sorry. That must be awful.

Lemonylemon Thu 31-Jan-13 15:01:02

<Sigh> Now I have to live with the evidence in front of me of what has been going on.......

Anyway, thank you all for your kind thoughts.

I think my problem has been gathering momentum since my fiance died and the heavy load having my DD after he died and also bringing up DS alone too have taken their toll a bit...... blush

Sorry, this is going to be a bit "me, me, me" until I get past all this "stuff".

Apologies to you all smile

venusandmars Thu 31-Jan-13 15:11:33

kotinka you said 'I'm rubbish at not drinking' but lets think about that - there are 168 hours this week. How many of those will you actually spend drinking? Even on a bender I think it was much less than half, and probably on an average 'normal' alcoholic week somewhere between 30 and 40. So even then, I was pretty good at NOT drinking, and I actually have more practice at not-drinking than I do at drinking.

OK, I know you will say that a large proportion of those were night time, but d'you know when I woke up in the middle of the night (really middle of night 2-3am stuff) it was never a glass of red wine that I craved, it was something cold and hydrating, preferably fizzy, and preferably with some salt and sugar (hmm - wonder why Alca Seltzer worked for me....).

And so what I've done is focus on not picking up the first drink of that 4 or 5 hours - I've tried out tactics to help me, I've struggled and ranted and sometimes given in. But the more I've practiced, the better I've got - I've got better at recognising the warning signs, I've got better at delaying things (minute by minute, hour by hour, or day by day), I've got better at enjoying every moment of being sober.

I bet that when you actually think about it, there are a few moments when you feel not very good about your ability to not drink, and in reality you're probably damn good at it.

Mouseface Thu 31-Jan-13 15:49:45

Lemony - please don't be sorry for being human lovely. You are better to let it all out here than bottle it up and keep it bubbling away under the surface.

I'm sorry to read about you Fiancé too, you are dealing with an awful lot just now, cut yourself some slack. Post as much or as little as you like on here, but keep posting!

It really does help to let your thoughts and fears out because a lot of the time, you'll find you're not alone smile xx

venus - I bet that when you actually think about it, there are a few moments when you feel not very good about your ability to not drink, and in reality you're probably damn good at it. - HERE HERE! Great post.

Nemo is starting to say new words and I'm really struggling! I'm on a fasting day (311 cals so far, 189 left for the day) so no cake or chocolate! Argh! He gets so frustrated and all I want to do is help him.

I'm trying to buy a new bra online, sort the washing and drying out, talk to DD about her GCSE's and parents evening, sort odds and sods out..... but I want to listen to him and understand him. I can't quite get it and he's getting so upset sad

Time to go and spend some time with him.

Lots of love all, be back later maybe xxxx

determinedma Thu 31-Jan-13 16:01:44

lemony nice to see you back. I hope things get better for you soon.
mouse fasting again? You are eating normally in between fasts aren't you? <eyes mouse suspiciously>

babyjane1 Thu 31-Jan-13 16:14:33

lemony I'm so sorry, you have been through a great deal of tragedy and and pain and sadness often leads to the vino bianco.you should feel no shame, wine excess has led us all here, please keep posting, feed from the strength of the wonderfully successful babes here and feel safe on the knowledge that you are indeed among new and enduring friends, I'm only on day 3 (this time) we will help each other x

aliasjoey Thu 31-Jan-13 18:55:24

lemony that was a very brave post, I think you'll find loads of support and advice on here.

I've done dry January! 4 weeks tomorrow. grin have failed on the diet though

greeneyed Thu 31-Jan-13 18:58:35

joey can you see if you can go on the relationship board 'where the hell is brave babes thread' and link to here, JWN and guggs are looking for us. Can't seem to do it on my phone!

greeneyed Thu 31-Jan-13 18:59:06

Massive welldone by the way smile

greeneyed Thu 31-Jan-13 19:04:42

Scrap that joey we seem to be back in our rightful place on relationships!

eminemmerdale Thu 31-Jan-13 19:26:57

Well, I am slightly off the bus in that I have just had a really small glass of red wine. Had all sorts going on this week and it is the end of 'dry january' - not that this is any excuse...The bottle has been sat there for ages and I just drank it - not the bottle - the glass worth in it grin to be honest, I just feel a bit more tired and meh after it, so, whilst I'm glad it's out of the way, that'll be it I reckon!

guggenheim Thu 31-Jan-13 19:31:48

You went awwayyyyyyy!!!! Waaaiiilllll!

Sorry I haven't read any posts because I looked for the bus and you had all gone awwwaaayyyyy!

Promise me you won't all go away again! I haven't lost the plot jwn was looking too.

Ok you're back now, breathe, breathe.

determinedma Thu 31-Jan-13 19:42:20

<straps guggs into seat so she can't get lost again>
joey bloody well done you. I failed on the second half of the month, despite doing well the first half. Will try again next month

aliasjoey Thu 31-Jan-13 20:14:56

Thanks ma am very pleased with 4 weeks!

Diet, not so much sad yesterday I was fasting and at 4pm started shaking (coffee on an empty stomach maybe) and gobbled down 2 slices of toast. The first went down so fast, it didn't even touch the sides. The second was the tastiest thing I've had in years blush

Each slice was 100 calories, plus the coffee - I just don't see how to manage it? Today, not fasting, but still guzzled some chocolate. Crap.

Any news on your brother?

determinedma Thu 31-Jan-13 20:27:39

<straps guggs into seat so she can't get lost again>
joey bloody well done you. I failed on the second half of the month, despite doing well the first half. Will try again next month

determinedma Thu 31-Jan-13 20:28:05

Oops!

determinedma Thu 31-Jan-13 20:29:02

Yeah, got a text from him. He is still alive.

greeneyed Thu 31-Jan-13 20:31:43

Good to hear Ma

babyjane1 Thu 31-Jan-13 21:15:08

Hi my lovely babes, got a wee funny story for you all. Some time ago
I bought a vax steamer, it's an amazing machine with lots of different nozzles to clean windows, tiles high hairs etc. amazing though it is its not the sort if thing you are enthusiastic about using whilst half cut or with a hangover so mine hasn't seen much action. Anyway today looking forward to my 3rd night of sobriety I decided it was time to get the place ship shape once and for all and out came the vax. It's very noisy and while marvelling at how clean a high chair could be the phone rang which I couldn't hear, dh asks dd if he can speak to me and she says "she can't come to the phone. She's steaming" (Scottish speak for
Pissed) dh thinks oh god things must be bad it's only 4 o'clock and rushes home to see what's happened only to find me singing badly and steaming every surface in sight. We all fell about laughing but the irony will not be wasted on my fellow babes x z x

determinedma Thu 31-Jan-13 21:36:58

Plsl @ babyjane being steaming. Where abouts in Scotland are you? And well done on 3 days

jesuswhatnext Thu 31-Jan-13 21:40:23

thats a good one baby!! grin

well, my day has been fine, just been out to my sewing class, tiredness is lifting a little but im still off to bed in a minute, tbh, i think im just burnt out - having another day at home tomorrow smile the relief of just knowing i have some time to myself is huge, its a very 'healing' feeling iykwim?

btw, spoke to dd earlier, some of her work is being used in an exhibition (proud mum moment!!) smile am hugely pleased for her!

guggenheim Thu 31-Jan-13 21:42:12

ma I don't know whether to say ' nice and tight' or Gerrrofff! <tight, please>

baby well done on the af nights- good. 2 weeks is a manageable length of time and you will feel better after doing that. Umm..put the vax down if you find yourself steaming the cat/child/ceiling!

Lots of great posts and strong words today. Well done anyone who's managed even the tiniest steps towards sobriety today,keep going.After a very long time I think I'm beginning to understand faire's words about making the decision in the morning and just telling the voice that you're not drinking today. I needed a bit of sobriety to even understand that because otherwise I give in to the cravings. I fancy wine but the cravings are smaller and easier to deal with.Sometimes I want to drink but then I will have to go back to the horrible, unmanageable cycle of drink-hangover-guilt-drink etc,if I do pick up.

I'm knackered so I won't name check tonight- sending best wishes to you all.
Don't go without me again though!

curryeater Thu 31-Jan-13 22:03:22

Thinking of you all, strong babes. goodnight

babyjane1 Thu 31-Jan-13 22:03:53

Aw ma thanks babe, I'm just outside Glasow and jesus your daughter must inherit you artistic and creative genes, you are right to be proud. Well it's off to bed for me, it's taking me ages to get to sleep and my nightmares are not pleasant but I'm sure it will all get better. Good point being sober I remember to cleanse tone and moisturise, bad point I'm lucid enough to hear every single whinge and moan my 13 year old dd has about her life..... Asta manyana mon amigos xx

Mouseface Thu 31-Jan-13 22:13:33

Evening, tis me Mouse

WTF? Did the thread go somewhere? How odd? I know that MN have been off-line a few times that I've been trying to get on here....... maybe it's just that? I promise I've not driven off without any of you! I'm not the driver, just the admin grin xx

PMSL @ Baby steaming!! That is awesome! Poor DH! Oh, and btw, it's also Manc for pissed out of your head too wink xx Well done on 3 days Baby xx

Nemo is now asleep and settled. Finally. Just found out that my bank card was blocked when trying to top up my mobile (Stupid thing - mobile - was set to MMS, not SMS so wiped my credit when texting, GRRRR!) so I went to top up and the website was all 'Oh I think not little Mousey, off you pop'

47 mins later and it's now unblocked. I'm glad they do the job well but FFS, why not just call ME and ask ME if I'd made those purchases, which I did?

Anyway, JWN - that is GREAT news about your gorgeous DD. She has made you shine tonight smile xx

Ma - yes, I am. I am aiming for 1200 - 1500 cals on non fast days. My fasting days are Tues and Thurs as weekends are family time and I want to eat with us all together, Monday is a picky day for me, and I need a break in between. Friday is home-made pizza so it has to be those days! grin

I very nearly cracked and opened a box of Dairy Milk after CardBlockGate tonight though!! grin

Gugg - you are getting there, your posts are telling me that, if not you. You are stronger and tougher than ever before. You are getting nearer to where you want to be, you really are. It's all falling into place. Go YOU!! xxxx

Right, now the drama is over, I'm off to bed.

Night Brave Babes. I hope to find the thread here in the morning! xxx

Mouseface Thu 31-Jan-13 22:15:16

Curry - Big hugs coming your way...... are you okay? I'm thinking not? We're here for you xx

KoalaKube Thu 31-Jan-13 23:24:46

Loving your story BabyJane and well done on the 3AF days - the first few are the worse but it does get better and I promise you'll feel better about yourself too. By the way, my house has never been so clean and tidy and is getting a new coat of paint to boot! Amazing all the time and energy you have once the booze goggles are off and you can actually see the world as it really is and best of all deal with it.

JWN glad to hear you're feeling a little lifted, I know all about the proud mum feeling - we feel truly blessed at those times - another good reason for me not to f..k it all up with wine.

Gugg keep on keeping on - because you're worth it so whatever it takes say it every day. I say my I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY every morning - one day I'll wake up and it won't be the first thing on my mind, and one day I hope to not have to think it at all, but for now, for me it works too.

HorsesDogsNails Thu 31-Jan-13 23:29:30

@*Baby and Mouse steaming means v drunk here in Swindon as well!

venusandmars Fri 01-Feb-13 08:35:55

Good morning babes. It's February. So what are the plans now, for those who were doing dry-ish January? A dry-ish February? Or build on your success and go for a completely dry February (a bit easier because it only has 28 days!), or make up now for any 'missed' days in January - so if you did 20 days sober in January - make up the extra 11 now. Or maybe just find some time to write down what your experiences have been - what went well, what felt more difficult. Any congratulations for every single day that you did manage to remain sober. We all know this is not an easy route, so whatever effort was made was a step in the right direction.

Ladamequirit Fri 01-Feb-13 09:21:38

Good Morning all beautful and brave babes Hello new babes too, I'm very new, but I'm so glad to have found such a wonderful place to come and share and meet people who understand exactly how you feel. I'm not sure which babe said she was suffering with pain under her right ribs (I'd have to read back, but I'm prepping veg for a big job) - but I had that for a long long time and was scared that it was liver-related and so didn't go and see about it. But in the end I had such a bad pain (I actually thought 'Oh God this is it'), had to go to hosp and I've got an ulcer in my duodenum, which is just under the right rib cage. It's a nasty large one but it's not anything to do with my liver, so I was mightily relieved blush because a bottle of ww a night had become my default setting. In fact all my LFT tests were normal (I kept asking the doctor 'are you SURE'), and he said why do you keep asking that and I shut up very quickly. Sorry it's so long-winded, but I worried about it for such a long time and it wasn't that serious. It felt like a shark was taking a bite out of my side at it's worst. Go and get it checked and sorted. Mouse I've been reading about Nemo, and he is sooo gorgeous in the photos - you said he is starting to try to talk and that made me cry a little bit. It will be so wonderful when he can tell you things xxx All babes doing the 5:2 I've found it bloody hard this week and scraped through by the skin of my teeth - doesn't help when you're making stuff for dinner parties .... Have a great Friday all of you and ignore the WW with all your strength (she seems to gain strength at the weekend, but so can we - from each other xxxx)

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 09:30:55

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Fabulous post venus - I've been thinking the same thing.... for those who did so well over January (and before), does the fact that it's February now give you a green light to go back to how you drank previously?

And if so,are you going to? But even more than that, why? Today is the same as yesterday isn't it? The sun rose (in some places grin), the night will fall, the DCs are at school/work, your house is still standing..... you're the same Babe as you were a few hours ago so why change things now?

Take it a day at a time.

Or if you do want to drink today, why not make a realistic plan and stick to it? That could be the goal for Feb. A planned drinking month for those who don't want to stop?

The same as with a diet, have an allowance of what you can and can't have? Just some thoughts that were going around my head at 3am hmm

JWN - how are you today? Are you in work today or at home, pottering? xx

Curry - are you around? xx

Ma - is today when your bro goes to his counsellor? xx

I'm on a none fasting day to day and had a sneaky weigh this morning and I've not lost anything which I can deal with, but I've also measured my bust and in the last 2 months, I've lost 3 cup sizes!! shock

I've gone from a 32H to a 36E. The smaller the cup, the bigger the back goes up with larger breasticles apparently! I can't believe it. A whole new world of bra's have been opened up to me! grin

One of the MNSecretSanta gifts I got was John Lewis vouchers so I'm going to buy a new bra and treat myself to a winter hat. Having such short hair make hat wearing tricky! I look daft in most hats apart from the ones that look like they have plaits with them!

Right, shutting up now. Sorry for the waffle.

I hope everyone is okay?

Can I jump crawl on board?

I am a problem drinker. I can easily go without if I am working or driving and had no problem stopping during pregnancy. My problem is the same as quite a few on here- giving myself permission to open the wine once the kids are in bed and then not stopping until the bottle is empty. I felt quite abandoned by my mum and DH when my DC were babies and I think drinking was my way of throwing away all sense of responsibility which was weighing me down at the time. Now the DC are older and my DH is much more supportive I feel like I could and should get back in control of my drinking.

My concern is the long-term health implications and also setting a bad example to my DD's. I also hate feeling rough in the morning. My parents were both heavy drinkers when I was growing up (still are) and I'm sure that's partly where my habits have come from.

I would ideally like to be like my DH and have one or two glasses with a meal on a Saturday night and leave it at that. I'm not sure how realistic that is though.

Sorry I've rambled on, but I've lurked for ages on these threads and today I've found the courage to post. smile

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 10:32:09

Welcome Two smile and a massive well done for posting! CanI say that for now, you need to concentrate on YOU and not your DH's drinking?

He needs to control that himself. It sounds as though you having little or no support when the DCs were younger was your trigger to find a 'friend' and I'm so pleased to see you say that you no longer want nor need that.

So, what is it you want to do? Stop or cut down? Oh and I'm talking about today, just for today smile x

babyjane1 Fri 01-Feb-13 10:34:27

ladame what a great Friday morning post, normally Friday's a nightmare but I'm feeling very very positive that I won't drink at all this weekend. I am finding dealing with the kids harder because they are both very demanding and wine is my usual "calm down" valve. I will have to find other ways to manage my stress. It's difficult cos my crohn's means I can't get our much and if I'm in the house my 2 year old is like a heat seeking missile searching me out. I wish I could say I look better but I don't, can anyone tell me when this will occur? Anyway happy day my lovely babes, it's time for me to get steaming (with the vax) x

Thank you for the welcome! I really need some hand-holding. I have given you the wrong impression of my DH. He hardly ever drinks. He will have a glass of wine on a Saturday night (if I open a bottle) with his meal but then drinks tea for the rest of the night. He doesn't suggest drinking and would happily go without. I would like to be like that.

I want to cut right down so that I can enjoy a couple of glasses with a nice meal on a weekend and enjoy a drink socially. I want to get out of the habit of drinking a bottle of wine in one sitting on a random Tuesday night - just because I can. I don't want to feel shit in the morning and be grumpy with my wonderful DC and I don't want to lose any time I will have with them because of my heavy drinking.

I won't be drinking tonight (I'm on nights), also on nights on Saturday, but I would like to not drink on Sunday -which will,be a challenge because I usually convince myself that I need a drink to get to sleep after my last night shift.

babyjane1 Fri 01-Feb-13 10:53:36

two I wanna hold your haaaaannnnd x x x

Thank you babyjane - don't leave me hanging on the line... grin

Mouse wait before buying that new bra!

If you've dropped a couple of cup sizes that doesn't mean you've gone up a chest size.
The same cup size would be an H on a 32inch chested person, but an E on a 36 inch chested person - do you see what I mean. But it doesn't mean that if you drop a cup size you alter your chest measurement - unless you've gained 4 inches around the ribcage, you'll still be a 32. Hope that makes sense. I vary between an EE and a G, but always 32. Get yourself measured at a proper lingerie shop, if there's one near you, as they say that most of us are wearing the wrong size anyway! smile

Great post from Venus, as always.

I love your steamed story Baby grin

There should have been a question mark after 'do you see what I mean' - my keyboard is knackered and I've lost my 'p', question mark, full stop and use of my arrow keys, meaning I have to cut and paste everything! angry

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 11:33:21

Mia - I've been measured and that's what I came out as in the shop smile but thank you. Have checked and double checked with the online fitting guide, I see what you men about the gaining inches but that's what the lady said. I was confused too! xx

Dame - thank you for the nice comments about Nemo xx

babyjane1 Fri 01-Feb-13 11:35:46

Just the two of us we can make it if we try (you too kotinka) ha ha ha ha

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 11:39:21

Mia - this was just john lewis btw, I'm different in m and s and next!! grin

jesuswhatnext Fri 01-Feb-13 11:41:36

morning babes!! had a bit of a lay in, dont know why but i still feel incredibly tired, absolutly drained. anyway, like venus says, its a new month, so for me, its my new beginning smile i have a very busy week next week, several functions, ive worked out some strategies for doing them all and not caving in, im doing a lot of driving etc so i should be fine - its funny, for so long i did so well that it was almost second nature to make sure i was sorted with 'sober strategies' now im back to the beginning again - boy, did that happen quickly!!

am off to do a bit of baking - see you later babes!!

jesuswhatnext Fri 01-Feb-13 11:44:26

btw, welcome two smile

A question for those of you who have managed to resist opening the wine when the kids are in bed... What can I use to replace the 'treat' of wine, something that will give me that irresponsible feeling without actually being irresponsible IYKWIM.

Lemonylemon Fri 01-Feb-13 12:08:20

Morning All!

Friday. Day 6. I won't be drinking today. Feel OK, but still get that funny feeling at the back of my tongue. Just like it used to feel when I wanted a ciggie. (Kicked that habit a few years ago).

I'm feeling absolutely exhausted. I've been like this for a couple of weeks or so. Just so drained. Still. February is here. A new month. Onwards and upwards for us all.

Welcome two I feel for you - my Mum turned her back when my OH died and then again when DD was born. We didn't see her very much at all for several months. But then, it was always all about her. As you'll see from my previous posts, she is now very unwell indeed.....

Mouse Nemo is gorgeous - and your DD, she's a beauty.

Sorry, I haven't name-checked everyone. Thank you all for your encouragement.

Welcome Two smile

Well the John Lewis fitter should be pretty good Mouse, that's for sure Maybe you didn't notice your ribcage measurement increasing as bras stretch quite a lot - I'm always miffed at how quickly a new bra stretches and I go from the loosest fastening to the tightest, and then they start to ride up after a couple of months! angry

ThisIsMyTime Fri 01-Feb-13 12:18:10

Hi I'm new to this, I've decided to beat the booze I just don't enjoy drinking anymore so here I am day one ready to go !

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 12:42:22

Mia - I see where the confusion has come in now after reading back! grin

I also have typo issues, 'see what you men' grin

When I went onto town on Weds, I was measured at the posh boutique there, and came out at 71.5cm under the bust and 78.5cm around the largest/widest part of the bust. The bras in the boutiques were £40 - £50+ for the ones I liked shock, and varied from 32F to 34GG etc depending on the make.

So, I went onto JL website and using their video guide, followed the instructions and the measurements came out the same as they did for the bras in the boutique (cm wise), so I called our nearest fitting store, and spoke to a fitter on the phone and she agreed my measurements for their bras was 36E. Phew!!

I have one that is 34G from M&S that fits and a 32H from Fantasie, that is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too big in the cup but fits on my back if that makes sense!?

I'm hoping that the JL ones fit and that I'll finally have better looking boobage again. My M&S one is one it's last legs!! grin

Does anyone know if you can get pads to put in bras to 'fill' them out underneath your breast? I love the 32H one but it's so big and baggy, it looks horrid but DH bought it me with the knickers to match and I feel it's such a shame not to wear it.....

Anyway, boob talk over with. Sorry for waffling on at you Mia but I wanted you to understand how I got to the size I did and after reading back realised why you posted that warning. Thank you xx

JWN - you sound much more like you again today smile Even though you're back to the start in your eyes, please don't forget what you achieved before you landed arse over tit in the side car! You really did come an awfully long way and are not far from being there again.

You know you can do it, you will do it because you want to do it.

Take good care of YOU for a while. xx

Lemony - thank you smile and a huge well done on day 6! Go you!! xx

Two - Sugar. Wine is loaded with the stuff so if you become a sweet or ice-cream addict, so be it. That's not going to kill you any time soon. Stock up on sweets and sweet drinks ao you don't crave that.

Treat wise? Go for it! Whatever you fancy as long as it's alcohol free. If you think about how many calories etc are in wine.... you could have pretty much anything and not hit the same amount as you would having a bottle of white.

Or save the money and buy yourself something nice?

I love cranberry and pomegranate juice in a tall glass, crushed ice and a slice of lime. And I treat myself to chocolate on a Friday night for a good week's work. I still drink you see. Not all of the time, just when I fancy or on special occasions.

I drink mainly on the weekend and mostly it's the odd pint of cider in the pub, or a glass of red with DH over roast beef.

Right, I need to go and clean before DH gets back and wants to make his lunch, aka make a bloody mess!! grin

MrsMalinky Fri 01-Feb-13 12:48:39

Morning Babes,

baby I laughed out loud at the "steaming" - how lovely your DH came home to check on you though smile

Welcome two - familiar story there down to the irritatingly controlled DH ;) I don't have the irresponsible feeling any more - I'm making a patchwork quilt instead! Keeps my hands busy anyway...

Welcome mytime I'm only on day 5 so not far ahead of you smile

Well babes I totally kicked that WW last night. My ds1 got an offer letter from the school he wants to go to. We all went out to dinner to celebrate which would usually consist of muchos wine and I had a DIET COKE, an early night and a lovely clear head this morning. My first big test and I passed smile. Have a couple of social events this weekend but &#373;eirdly getting through last night has made me feel much more confidence..... Bring it on WW I'm ready for you smile

Have a great day babes x

MrsMalinky Fri 01-Feb-13 12:50:06

Oh and jesus I'm on day 5 and am still crushingly exhausted. Not sure what's gong on but I have chosen to feel that it is "healing" smile

aliasjoey Fri 01-Feb-13 12:56:52

welcome Two and Thisis and well done for posting, it is hard to write it down the first time!

babyjane I'm still waiting for the clear skin, loads of energy and bright eyes - that just doesn't seem to happen with me! Maybe because I didn't actually drink that much - for me the effects have been more psychological?

well, February. Actually I don't know. I don't mind having a drink once a week, but on the other hand the longer I go without the easier it gets. confused

ThisIsMyTime Fri 01-Feb-13 13:38:07

I can relate with twos story very much like mine, I have 2 year old and very stressful job. Normally get to day 4 and think I deserve a "treat" only the WW is not a treat but a bloody pain in the arse! I two would like to wake up every morning without the fog and anxiety ! All of us together can do this and mrs mal i will be cartwheeling if I can get past day 4 and to day 5 like you xx

curryeater Fri 01-Feb-13 15:03:04

Hi everyone

I am also feeling very tired. Working from home today and the temptation to lie down and nap is almost overwhelming.
dd2 had a very nasty virus and DP and I have it now, he worse than me. But I love the calm of working-at-home days - have changed the dcs sheets, done 3 loads of washing, drunk about 3 pots of tea, received people collecting old baby stuff on freecycle... and done a fair amount of work (not as much as I should have).
Good to hear you feeling better, JWN.

Finding it so hard not to eat all the time these days.

Have a good weekend everyone. Very special best to anyone who finds Friday nights tricky. What about: hot chocolate; green tea; having a long bath; taking to bed early with a book; tea & cake...?
Very best all babes x

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 15:43:32

Curry - hello lovely smile Wow! What a busy day! I get rid of lots of stuff on Freecycle. It's amazing what people want isn't it? You do sound brighter even though you're poorly, sorry about DD too sad. Big hugs xx

Welcome MyTime - I missed your posts earlier, sorry blush.

MrsM - good to see you back! Never say ONLY on day 5, day 5 is more than 4, 3, 2 and 1 so it's never an only is it? It's 5 whole days of hard work. The number is irrelevant, you have worked hard to get where you are and you sound much brighter too!

Are you sleeping through the night? Do you get a full 7-8 solid hours or is it a fretful night?

curryeater Fri 01-Feb-13 16:57:01

Not a very busy day at all - feeling very guilty about doing so little work and eating so much. but trying to calm myself by telling myself that it is better to take it easy the odd sneaky day than have a nervous breakdown (this is not a figure of speech, it happened in the summer.

I can't believe how light it is at this time! I love it when the days start to feel longer.

I think we are approaching evil hour for some babes: courage, courage mes braves.

ThisIsMyTime Fri 01-Feb-13 18:29:39

Well just had Indian and relaxing with cup of tea looking forward to sleeping tonight wen I don't drink I sleep like a log and feel great and full of energy the next day bring on tomorrow x

aliasjoey Fri 01-Feb-13 19:05:35

really frustrated, DH has just said he's arranged to go over to his parents tomorrow.

Its my 2nd rule that I don't drink over there (the 1st rule is not to give chocolate to dogs: its bad for the dog, and it's a waste of chocolate)

I can manage controlled drinking at home. I've done 4 or 5 dinners with the in-laws sober now, it can be done but its BLOODY HARD. Last time I hid upstairs to avoid conversations with my mother-in-law quoting the Daily Mail. I just want a relaxed weekend, maybe I'll drink, maybe not.

I don't wanna go <toddler tantrum> we were there just recently, yeah I know they're his parents, but how do I cope with a line such as "I think some of these girls in the Jimmy Savile case are just jumping on the bandwagon!" without turning to alcohol..?

eminemmerdale Fri 01-Feb-13 19:27:45

sorry, fallen off sad am having a glass of red (again - bought a bottle today) I don't know why I'm doing this but I know I will regret it tomorrow. What a useless derr brain I am. 'stressful week' doesn't cut it any more, I'm nearly bloody 50, I should know better. Sorry, there goes my smugness.

jesuswhatnext Fri 01-Feb-13 19:39:56

emin - dont worry about 'smugness'! if ever someone had that disease it was me, i had it by the bucket load! sad and i am bloody 50 and should have known better - if you can, please tip the rest away, honestly, i have had the most shit couple of weeks, all totally avoidable sad had i have listened to my own 'smugy' advice - you really arnt a 'useless derr brain'!!

eminemmerdale Fri 01-Feb-13 20:02:58

thank you - I don't think I can tip it away but I will, I really will start again tomorrow. I know I am going to feel grim in the morning, I know I'm going to regret it, but I'm on glass three now and - well - sod it sad Please don;t throw me out sad

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 20:10:26

Em - NO ONE GETS THROWN OUT!!! xx

ThisIsMyTime Fri 01-Feb-13 20:16:16

Jws can I just say how much u inspired me I read the entire first ever thread before I picked up the courage to post. Just felt like you should no this x

ThisIsMyTime Fri 01-Feb-13 20:20:09

Jwn

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 20:21:06

Em - Read my OP..... the one ^ up there..... where does it say anyone drinking will be chucked off the Bus? Come here lovely, there's a huge corner seat, near the heater, there's fleecy blankets and water for those who are dehydrated, paracetamol, food of your choice.... lots of warm hugs..... whatever you need to get through the low tomorrow/now/later. xx

determinedma Fri 01-Feb-13 20:32:17

Hi all and welcome newbies.
I've really fallen off the wagon but plan to get back on track with the exercise, dieting, and dry days.going to get back into it, I have to. I was doing so well then hit the self destruct button as usual.
Yes, mouse bro met with his counsellor today.he missed his meeting with mum but phoned to say he was OK and had had " a good session" with his counsellor and was going home to tidy up and do some washing. All sounds good and positive......

eminemmerdale Fri 01-Feb-13 20:40:17

thank you. I will sit in the corner for a bit with my monster cat, stroking him and snuggling and thinking about why on earth I have done this again. smile

ThisIsMyTime Fri 01-Feb-13 20:47:42

Try not to punish yourself em tomorrow is a new day for you to start again you can do it

aliasjoey Fri 01-Feb-13 20:51:58

emin no-one is thrown off the Bus! they just get tucked up in the sidecar for the night.

Just told DH I didn't want to go to PILs tomorrow (I just said we wanted a quiet weekend at home - I didn't mention that his bloody mother would drive me to undo 4 WEEKS of sobriety)

He's cross. The in-laws are disappointed. Sigh.

MrsMalinky Fri 01-Feb-13 21:47:23

joey I have opted out of a night out tonight. DHs friends, DH slightly miffed BUT they will be drinking and I don't want to put myself into a difficult situation yet. It's self protection - they'll get over it x

Mouseface Fri 01-Feb-13 22:09:40

Off to bed in the hope that I can get some sleep before Nemo wakes. Even though DH gets up, he still wants me <sigh> so I have to get up.

Last night it was 2am. He's been to school today and was upset apparently, but he's getting there without me, good days and bad. Same as everything with life I guess.

Joey & MrsM - I'm sorry sweets but you HAVE to self preservate! DH's will get over it, as will ILs. People without drinking problems don't understand just how hard it is to not pick up a bottle of wine and down the fecking lot and them some!

Do what YOU have to do to preserve what you have worked so Jeff damn hard for this week, last week, last month (tis feb now), and even tonight!

Keep going, keep saying no to the WW, tell her to Fuck The Fuck Off and them some more!

Take care my lovely Babes, I'm leaving DH up with his bottle of red. We had to change Nemo's feeding tube tonight and DH had to hold him down. Nemo hates being pinned down, DH hates having to do it but it's only when I need to pass a new tube.

The alternative is going to hospital and waiting for a nurse to try. Without sedation and most likely experience so I do it here, at home and it takes me 2 mins max. It just upsets us all.

Anyway, it's done for another 6 weeks. I'm going to go and kiss him goodnight one more time until he wakes and tell him how much I love him, more than ever.

Night night all. Stay safe xx

PS - Ma - weigh in Monday? New start and we'll do it together? Have you heard from your bro? xx

aliasjoey Fri 01-Feb-13 23:26:29

Thanks mouse you're right about the in-laws, I just feel guilty because I could have tried but couldn't be bothered. Sometimes it is a lot of effort...

Hope you and all the mouse family sleep well tonight.

MsGee Sat 02-Feb-13 07:40:00

Hi, it's been a long time since I was on the bus but I need to climb aboard again. (Shufflehugs to anyone who remembers me).

If its ok, I'll just sit quietly for a while.

Today I will not be drinking. Today is day 1.

KoalaKube Sat 02-Feb-13 08:26:26

Hello MsGee and welcome back to the bus, I'm fairly new on the bus only joined in December- but hugs from me to you. Remember all the things we learn here ODAAT, HALT looking after yourself and eating and drinking well.

I've a houseful of girlies DDs and friends for the weekend but will check in from time to time. No AA today as we're all going out, but I'm going to try to do a Fast today (why do I test myself like this )? as still plateauiing weight wise.

Have a good day Babes I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY

guggenheim Sat 02-Feb-13 09:03:42

Morning lovely babes

I'm not posting much because I've actually had to do some work smile
I'm doing ok and thinking of you all. Welcome to new babes- good on you for getting on the bus.

Can I have a shiny badge or an opal fruit please? Dh has man flu and so far I have been nice to him. it may kill me grin

<<gives three opal fruits to Gugg>> wink

Hello MsGee, welcome back. How's little missGee?

Mouse no probs, I just didn't want you to order a bra that didn't fit and then go 'D'oh!' when it arrived! grin If you've had a fitting then I'm sure that'll be right. I think you can buy 'chicken fillets' - squishy things to go at the bottom or bras to fill out and push up your norkage. That would probably do the trick for the H cup one?

Joey my daily wail reading MIL made the exact same comment about the Saville case. I just say 'mmmmm' and change the subject, usually, same as when she mentions immigrants! I don't see much point in trying to change people's points of view, usually, when they are older and entrenched in their ignorance. I sometimes haul my mail-reading mum up on things, but it's like trying to push water uphill to be honest - just focus on the positives about them and ignore the negatives, like with a toddler! grin

Having said that, I still couldn't (yet!) contemplate a completely alcohol free evening with either, so I feel your pain.

venusandmars Sat 02-Feb-13 09:38:15

Hello msgee and good to see you around. Obviously not good that you feel the need to be back on here, but really good that you know there is a place to come, and that you feel able to post. xx

joey I also think you have done the right thing in not going visiting. Perhpas we should add the HALT and make it HALTI, where the 'I' stand for the well-known trigger of in-laws? So another potential trigger that needs some clever tactics. Avoiding it is good, hiding away in a bedroom, is fine, taking some complicated knitting with you (so you have to concentrate on that and can't really listen to MIL) might work, playing mind games, like trying to translate everything MIL says into french (just in your head - not out loud!) might also distract your irritation and avoid you pressing the 'fuck-it' button... and I'm sure you can think of some other things.

But also joey what wll you do at home today instead - something nice, maybe something that IS really relaxing for you (and maybe for dh too)? Plan an evening drive with hot chocolate and biscuits to go and look at the stars from somewhere without streetlights, or go swimming, or go on a snowdrop walk. Make your 'relaxing weekend' really come true. And why bother with drinking? It seems perverse that you wouldn't go to PILs to avoid drinking, and then stay at home and drink anyway, or am I missing something?

babyjane1 Sat 02-Feb-13 09:40:12

Morning everyone, first Saturday in a while without a hangover, haven't posted much coz last night I stuck false nails on and I can't type properly, also did my fake tan and look as thou I've returned from Barbados, got a fright when I looked on the mirror. Might have been a tad generous with the tan!!!' Made lovely home made kebabs with salad last night and drank my body weight in water (this Is a lot) and its s beautiful day on bonny Scotland. Hope you all have a great day x x x

MsGee Sat 02-Feb-13 10:15:18

Thank you lovely babes,

LittleMissGee is bloody marvellous. Doing well at school, making friends, had a bit of trouble with some boys picking on her but school sorted that. Obviously she's still a stubborn sod who refuses to sleep, eat healthy foods etc. but she is generally awesome. She's the reason I'm back. I dont want her to see me drinking. Or thinking its ok and normal.

DH is supportive and said he will stop with me. The deal is that I stop for a month and buy a nice pair of boots with the money saved. I'm going to make myself a star chart grin . I know if I can do it for a month I will be in the right frame of mind to do it for longer.

determinedma Sat 02-Feb-13 10:30:29

checking in. the gorgeous sunshine flooding in the windows is showing up all the dust and dirt so its all hands to the dusters. This place is a cowp!
am going to walk today to get things started and also watch the rugby - come on England! <sticks tongue out at Babyjane>

aliasjoey Sat 02-Feb-13 10:37:18

Thanks venus yes I'm so glad were not going tonight!

re. drinking there versus at home, I feel more in control at home, I can stick to my limit, I don't end up watching what everyone else is drinking to make sure they don't take 'my' share, and I turn into a demanding and argumentative cow blush

Having said that, I don't know if I'm even going to have anything tonight. I wonder if the problem with my in-laws isn't just the alcohol, but the way I deal with my MIL, and I should think about handling myself better around her? I love the idea of translating everything she says into French!

aliasjoey Sat 02-Feb-13 10:43:07

cowp ?!

determinedma Sat 02-Feb-13 11:36:54

grin a cowp is an old Scottish word for a rubbish heap!

aliasjoey Sat 02-Feb-13 12:37:00

I should know that, being Scottish born and bred, but I've never heard of it!

Mouseface Sat 02-Feb-13 12:48:26

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

It's glorious here, we've just been into town and got a few bits for the weekend, DH went off to get a hair cut, I pottered around Morrisons only to find two bunches of roses in the car waiting for me when he'd gotten back. smile

I asked him what the occasion was, he replied "Saturday". smile

We're off to the pub for lunch soon and then the rugby will be on so Nemo and I will be playing, but I'll have one eye on the screen, whilst DD does homework in her pit of doom bedroom. grin

Joey