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Is this a normal way to speak for some men/ people ?

(112 Posts)
Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:27:18

Ds asked for a drink from dh tonight he is 10 . He does get his own drinks too. Dh said " get your own you little git " (shock) he was " joking" and meant he could get his own, apparently
WTF .

This is a professional man , why would he use a word like that to a child? It has really shocked me.

However I am quite genteel so AIBU ? (but to you nice reasonable relationships peeps)

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:30:43

Your ds is 10 and he has used this rather uncouth terminology for the first time ?

tribpot Thu 17-Jan-13 23:31:54

The DH referred to his child as a little git.

I don't think that is normal.

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:32:54

Oh ok, in my mind its almost tantamount to child abuse but I am very as I say gentle worded

chocoluvva Thu 17-Jan-13 23:33:40

Hmmm. Well, it's not nice obviously, but I think my feelings about it would depend on his tone of voice.

Pan Thu 17-Jan-13 23:33:41

No it isn't 'normal' for civilised people. It IS probably normal though for people who were spoken to like that when they were children - just carrying on his parents shite role-modelling. Perhaps.

It isn't a joke and, for me, talking to children like that would be a real 'deal-breaker'.

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:33:55

It just doesn't seem normal to me either.

CuriousMama Thu 17-Jan-13 23:35:17

Not normal I'd never say it nor would dp. And is this the first time in all these years? Or isn't he dp's child?

CuriousMama Thu 17-Jan-13 23:35:46

sorry your dh.

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:37:36

Well he wouldn't say it at work to his colleagues would he ? Bizarre.
He meant it to mean he was lazy but may have meant to say lazy get But it came out wrong ?

Hmm. I don't like it, but how much I'd make of it would entirely depend on context/tone of voice/what else is going on.
If it was ment as in 'you can get a drink yourself, you little monkey', I'd let it slide.
If it was said with malice or aggression, warning bells are going.

As to 'is it normal' - not to everybody, but sadly to some.
How is your DH with words normally?

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:40:03

Is dh child
He called him a little fool a couple of months ago in an argument over passing over the tv remote.

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:41:25

Are you going to answer the question about whether this is the first time he has done this ?

Unless he has developed sudden vocal tic for some reason, you don't suddenly start referring to your dc's as "gits"

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:42:10

ah

"git" today

"fool" a couple of months ago

that's it ?

Pan Thu 17-Jan-13 23:42:38

still. Evidence of his upbringing and stuff like this being acceptable. World has moved on and all that jazz.

Pan Thu 17-Jan-13 23:43:32

What profession is he in? <evil speculation..>

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:44:00

It may have been meant like that Pacific but it came out more serious than intended I don't really know.
I corrected him and he said "little get " instead (hmm)
I said it was not a nice way to speak to a child and he said " shut up " to me and " go to bed then "

Callycat Thu 17-Jan-13 23:44:11

Out of context it's impossible to tell. Git is used affectionately in my family. We're not genteel though ...

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:44:49

What else has he said ?

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:45:16

Undertaker ...

No ( grin )
actually a Doctor

Pan Thu 17-Jan-13 23:45:37

This has signs of being a long thread, unfortunately.

ElectricSheep Thu 17-Jan-13 23:45:55

Me and DS have 'pet names'

He's little fucker and I'm mother fucker - meant affectionately tho unless he's really gettin on me tits

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:46:06

A F I don't get it ?

Pan Thu 17-Jan-13 23:46:32

Doctor of..? A GP?

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:46:58

You and me both, Domesticsloven

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:47:12

Pan , how can you tell ?

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:49:40

I would have said orthopaedic surgeon

Pan Thu 17-Jan-13 23:49:45

the long thread bit? Just that it looks like some threads where a poster asks quite a narrow question, and in responding to answers more and more troubling stuff comes out.

Apols if this isn't one of them. Still hmm at a doctor having such severe communication deficits.

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:50:50

I would have thought it was going to be a long thread since attracting red stuff from rocks can be an arduous business

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Thu 17-Jan-13 23:51:13

While I am sure we shouldnt call others name, Ive often said something like you cheeky fecker or some such in the home. For example, if my DS was sitting there and told me get him a drink, I would probably say" What did your last slave die of?! Get your own you lazy lump!" I am sure your 10 year old has heard and said worse than git.

Comparing it to child abuse is ridiculous and offensive imvho.

nametakenagain Thu 17-Jan-13 23:51:13

Yanbu. This is not ok.

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:52:06

extracting

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:52:29

Should have been an orthopod true.

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:54:24

Sorry am tired yet concerned and on annoying keyboard. Last night only had 5 hr sleep and in for 7 tomoz

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:54:58

Verbal abuse .

Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:56:12

Lazy lump is fine tho isn't it no comparison.

tigerdriverII Thu 17-Jan-13 23:59:31

I would say something like that to my DS - not the same words but probably "lazy little bugger" or similar. But if nothing has been said like that and this is new, yes it might be a bit odd. However at that age they know all sorts from the playground so I wouldn't sweat it too much

Pan Fri 18-Jan-13 00:00:21

agree it's verbal abuse. If I used that word to dd in any tone she would just stare dumbfounded at me.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Fri 18-Jan-13 00:00:43

Calling a child a git once is not verbal abuse. It might not be the best thing to call someone but it is not verbal abuse.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:01:23

Ok fair enough . Not a word I would expect an adult to use to a child but there we go .

AngelWreakinHavoc Fri 18-Jan-13 00:02:09

I often call my ds a lazy git. I dont find it offensive. should I google what it means?

AngelWreakinHavoc Fri 18-Jan-13 00:04:25

I googled and yes what I call my ds is true grin


1. A completely ignorant, childish person with no manners.

AngelWreakinHavoc Fri 18-Jan-13 00:04:59

He is 15 btw.

AnyFucker Fri 18-Jan-13 00:05:06

< tries a different approach >

How long has he been verbally abusing your son ? Is this a recent thing ? Is he trying to make a "man" of him, now he is growing up a bit ? Was his own father the same kind of patriarchal and arrogant cock of the family (common in medical circles) ?

Please can you answer clearly if this is a sudden beginning of stuff you are concerned about or if he has always been like this. If he has always been like this, why is it bothering you now (bearing in mind your son is 10yo)

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Fri 18-Jan-13 00:06:04

I google and urban dictionary has some interesting takes on it, sometimes it is meant offensively and sometimes it is said with affection.

Honestly, if that is the extent of it all OP I wouldnt worry. If there is more then say so.

If we all told you that you were right, what would you do? Would you look for an apology for your son? Would you take yourself and your son away from what you see as a verbally abusive relationship? You are not happy with what he said, how do you propose to resolve it?

LesBOFerables Fri 18-Jan-13 00:06:30

I remember reading a 'humorous' book about toddlers years ago when my eldest was a baby, called How To Be A Little Sod. So yes, I think in a lighthearted way, words on a par with 'git' are normal enough ^if used in humour and with affection. If spat out with contempt, then obviously no.

AnyFucker Fri 18-Jan-13 00:07:18

I think Op simply wants a few people to say "that is horrid" and that's the extent of it.

Am I wrong, OP ?

LesBOFerables Fri 18-Jan-13 00:08:37

if used with humour and affection

AngelWreakinHavoc Fri 18-Jan-13 00:11:45

How did your ds react op? did he git get himself a drink?

ZooAnimals Fri 18-Jan-13 00:14:24

I think it depends on tone and normal usage of the word.

To me git is fairly harmless. I hear it a lot when people are affectionately having a go about their DC's as in 'he's a cheeky git/get'. It also makes me think of The Royle Family, I think Jim calls Anthony 'a lazy git' a few times.

Fool is even less offensive, and widely used as a jokey insult when someone has done something a bit stupid.

So I wouldn't say either are even remotely close to child abuse. Having said that, if your DH would never normally use those words/wasn't joking then I suppose it's a different matter.

FantasticDay Fri 18-Jan-13 00:23:07

How did he say it? Was it in a jokey way - in which case I wouldn't be bothered. Or a nasty way? I don't think it's the words somuch as the intent behind them. Do your dh and ds have a good relationship generally?

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:27:32

Little fool was in anger
Little git I never heard anyone say before we don' t swear etc its odd .

He is from a family where his father was in charge but mother stronger character than me . Different from my family , his father kicked the dog when it had been naughty .

I am uneasy about it and the way he doesn't to like doing anything girl orientated like joining choir or gymnastics or similar.. But he shouldn't ' t say it out loud to ds even if he thinks it .

It's mild but I don't like it. It was not said joking or nicely don't know if that was by mistake. Bottom line is I don,t like his approach but we are all different and I can't control it.

He is trying to man him up yes

Spero Fri 18-Jan-13 00:28:16

o dear. i had better report myself to the local child protection team pronto as I have been subjecting my daughter to vile verbal abuse for many years now.

I honestly don't think the word 'git' if said in a light jokey tone is anything to worry about at all. But as others have said, if it is 'spat out' in a horrible tone, that is different. But anything said in a horrible tone to a child is nasty.

you really need to be clear how it was said.

In my family "git" was always used affectionately blush

Mind you, so was "bugger".

Christ, my parents sound really rough now don't they?! Honestly they were/are so well spoken and polite! Totally not potty mouthed nasties at all! Mum used to tell me off if I said "damn".

Spero Fri 18-Jan-13 00:29:47

Murder, same here. I am actually really surprised to hear that some people think 'git' is a swear word!

X-post, if he wasn't being jokey/affectionate then obviously that isn't right.

Spero blush Most of my friend's families use it affectionately too! Has no one else ever seen the "Old Git" type presents?

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:32:27

Old git is ok

Pan Fri 18-Jan-13 00:34:06

dreadfully ageist, but that seems to be okay generally. Never understood why.

AngelWreakinHavoc Fri 18-Jan-13 00:34:44

I am uneasy about it and the way he doesn't to like doing anything girl orientated like joining choir or gymnastics or similar..

do you mean your dh?

I could never imagine my oh doing gymnastics or joining the choir confused

Pan Fri 18-Jan-13 00:36:26

trying to 'man him up'? By choice of diction like that.

I can understand your frustration.

McBalls Fri 18-Jan-13 00:37:09

I find threads like this odd.

As though the OP is asking about the behaviour of someone they vaguely know in passing.

Surely you must know whether his use of that word, what it says about him, whether it was barbed or playful or whatever based on your 10+ year knowledge of his character?

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:37:30

Doesn't like ds to do anything more girl orientated and not rugby like I mean but often says " It's for girls"

Calling him "git" in combination with the "it's for girls" comments would have me hitting the roof! That's not on at all.

McBalls Fri 18-Jan-13 00:38:37

Well no, that's unfair - maybe you are pretty sure it was aggressive and unkind but he has you doubting your own judgement?

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:39:51

Yes it's odd I agree because I don't really understand his behaviour.

LesBOFerables Fri 18-Jan-13 00:40:13

Yes, McBalls- we are not talking about a Martian being studied by an anthropologist; it is the OP's husband. Surely you know his character and sense of humour, Domesticsloven? Do you really need us to decipher it?

AnyFucker Fri 18-Jan-13 00:43:14

You are sounding like a surrendered wife, OP.

You absolutely do have input into how your son is treated.

AnyFucker Fri 18-Jan-13 00:43:42

....or should do

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:43:59

I don't really understand . Thats the trouble. Why he has such an agenda . I think there is underlying problem but it can t be changed .

LesBOFerables Fri 18-Jan-13 00:44:01

Personally, I would find it colloquial rather than coarse, but I'm surprised you are perplexed at the distinction after several years of being together. This is the sort of thing that you work out whether you share an approach on while dating, I would have thought.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:48:09

I can be confident but not as much as him, he is a bit overbearing in his views.

It is disappointing to have to oppose things all the time for my sons benefit and not be listened to or taken on board properly.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:48:48

Ok

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 00:49:50

We are together from very young from when students .

ZooAnimals Fri 18-Jan-13 01:36:41

old git is ok, but lazy git is child abuse?!

Good grief. It's quite a fine line isn't it?

arghhhmiddleage Fri 18-Jan-13 02:02:19

I'm one of those kind of professionals and use git affectionally. I call DP that all the time and he's never complained of being abused grin. I guess it depends on the tone and context, but I have never meant it maliciously.

arghhhmiddleage Fri 18-Jan-13 02:08:07

Oh, and I'd be more offended by old than git!

expatinscotland Fri 18-Jan-13 02:13:21

What's wrong with, 'Go do it yourself?'

cafecito Fri 18-Jan-13 02:15:36

I don't think it is acceptable, but I stem from an abusive childhood that led into an abusive relationship with a DP who constantly verbally abused me and started to speak about DC in similar tones, and then TO DS at which point I snapped and left (after lots of other things)

so to me, no it is NOT okay to say that to a child. It is NOT a term of endearment, ever, that would be something like monkey or lazy bum or whatever softer term should be used. Sounds very hostile in tone - is your DS naughty? Have there been recent behavioural difficulties that could have led to your DH having a shorter fuse than normal?

Wow I honestly never knew people were offended by that term. My dad often called me a git or little bugger when growing up. In our family it's a term of endearment. Much like calling someone a cheeky monkey.

Wetthemogwai Fri 18-Jan-13 03:32:20

Was about to say what zoo said

Don't be so soft, he said little git, it's hardly abuse! If you really don't like it then tell him so and ask him to stop.... Bit of a none issue, no?

cafecito Fri 18-Jan-13 03:55:38

I'm not offended by the term generally but directed at a child, seems wrong. Especially if the tone was one of anger. OP I think you should ask him to be mindful of his language around your DS. I agree it sounds like a non issue overall, but maybe say to him out of DS earshot - please stop speaking to him like that it's not nice or necessary- something along those lines. There is no need to call a child names, ever.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 07:14:37

OK general feeling is its OK

From my pov it seemed odd , not a amily jokey term, ds was being a bit annoying and I think it was said in annoyance and maybe came out clumsily sounding nasty when it could have been intended as playful.

Dh lacks respect for women and other people in the way he speaks sometimes. He once said my elder ds was " a bloody idiot as far as he was concerned" and calls women bonkers / crackers on the tv etc. some days more tan others .

Not a medical thin I am also medical.

CabbageLeaves Fri 18-Jan-13 07:21:09

Tone would matter more to me than terminology. I'm cool with git said with a smile

kalidanger Fri 18-Jan-13 09:29:33

'Git' is a red herring.

H was rude to the DC yet again
He wasn't joking
He dismissed OP, telling her to 'shut up'
H is controlling and rude and OP doesn't know what to do about it

sad

thesnootyfox Fri 18-Jan-13 09:34:38

My goodness, some of you would have a field day in our house.

Thewhingingdefective Fri 18-Jan-13 09:41:15

Depends on the tone and intention behind how it was said, IMHO.

I sometimes call my kids little buggers (which they quite rightly pull me up on as they are very anti-swearing) but it is never said in a mean way, always a cheeky way. If your DH called your DS a git in a jokey way I don't think it's that terrible a thing to hear, especially for a year old. As long as there is generally a good level of mutual respect between DH and DS and your DS understands how to be polite, the odd cheeky put down from DH isn't the end of the world.

We got called Git, Little Bugger and my personal favourite 'Daft Apeth' had no idea I should have called Social Services on my Mum hmm

Pendipidy Fri 18-Jan-13 09:42:10

You sound like you are talking about your neighbours or someone you don't know very well, not your husband! Don't you know him by now, how he talks and thinks?
My dh would say it too i wouldn't.he says lots of things i don't like but i cannot change him. He is not perfect and neither am i. My dh would call a random woman on the tv a tart . I think that is wholly inappropriate and tell him so most times but that is how he talks most of the time cos it amuses him in his childish sense of humour!

Oh and Silly Sod grin

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Fri 18-Jan-13 09:44:39

I'm getting the feeling that you're quite uncomfortable around him OP and possibly flinch at some of his views?

Tell me if I'm reading too much into it, but he seems quite...anti-women? Or is he an equal opportunist slater of people?

Exactly Kali. He told OP to shut up and go to bed if she didn't like it. He thinks he's above everyone and can talk to people like shite. I bet he's not very nice to his junior staff either.

I hear the sound of tippy toes on eggshells here...

charitygirl Fri 18-Jan-13 09:50:52

Git is such a term of affection in my house that it has its own diminutive, 'gitlet'.

discorabbit Fri 18-Jan-13 09:54:34

grin charity

don't think i would get my knickers in a twist over the word

pixi2 Fri 18-Jan-13 09:57:54

My goodness. I hope he has a readonzble statement as to why he thought this is acceptable.

I am like you op and this would cause great offence. DC are little rascal and little minx. I pulled DH up twice for inappropriate name calling. Fortunately he'll do anything I want for an easy life.

pixi2 Fri 18-Jan-13 09:58:29

Sorry, reasonable.

My phone doesn't like me much right now.

ElvisIsKing Fri 18-Jan-13 10:08:49

Why won't you answer AF's question? Has he always been doing this? It's hard to answer if you don't give a bit more context/background

As you can see most think it's ok in some circumstances in jest but I don't think this was, was it?

kalidanger Fri 18-Jan-13 10:12:24

I think the OP had gone as so few people have read the thread properly. I wouldn't give her a hard time about that tbh.

ClartyCarol Fri 18-Jan-13 10:12:51

So OP, he sounds like a male chauvinistic pig which presumably you have known for years. Arrogant doctor and all the rest of it, with apologies to all the nice docs out there. Now you're starting to worry about the way in which he speaks to your dc, so the answer to that is pull him up on it. You actually sound like you're a bit wary of him, would you say that's the case?

Our household is quite verbally rambunctious, but as other posters have said it is fine when done with humour and affection. Don't really use git, when I think about it the most common term of endearment tends to be "Yer daft plank!".

ClartyCarol Fri 18-Jan-13 10:13:40

Ah well, too late.

NicknameTaken Fri 18-Jan-13 10:29:59

Totally agree with kalidanger's post of 09.29.

I accept "git" is used with affection in many houses. Nobody's claiming that it is by itself an act of abuse.

What's behind it seems to be a pattern of OP's H speaking contemptuously to his wife and child, in a way that is distressing OP but is subtle enough for her to find it difficult to put her finger on the exact problem. It does not seem possible for her to have a mutually respectful conversation with him to express her concerns.

Those of you dismissing it may not have experience of being at the receiving end of verbal abuse. The actual words can look mild written down, but having them hissed at you with fury and contempt is a horrible experience.

PeppermintPasty Fri 18-Jan-13 10:42:29

I wouldn't stand for my ds being called a little git in this context. I'm almost more offended at the OP being told to shut up.

How often does he speak to you like that OP?

BadLad Fri 18-Jan-13 11:54:34

If you watch Only Fools and Horses there are plenty of times when Del and Rodney call each other gits, sometimes affectionately, sometimes not.

Depending on context, I would probably think nothing of it, but if one parent isn't happy with it being said to the children, I think the other parent ought to cut it out.

dequoisagitil Fri 18-Jan-13 12:02:05

I think that because this goes with a context of you being spoken to disrespectfully and your concerns being dismissed, you should take it seriously.

I wouldn't like this apparent attempt to 'man up' your child through putting him down and denigration of potential hobbies as girlish - it says to me, your dh doesn't actually like women much, for one thing and is trying to enforce a very narrow form of masculinity.

It's all very destructive to your son's self-esteem (and yours). I don't think you should put up with it.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:03:06

Sorry no time for reply am snowed in but going to work now
I am not happy with disrespect it is intermittent and he won,t discuss it
The answers on the thred show why I am ambivalent about what this means, it's not what I thinkis right and I don.t do it myself so obv don!t want him to do it but he won't accept my view, he does what he wants to do

Have on prob with daft apeth daft plank little horror etc at all love nicknames little get is not the same

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:04:18

Sorry little git am really not used to my I pad yet sorry

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:05:33

Answered AF already yes he has said and done similar from time to time, when he wants to, no explanation... His response would be like those who have replied " not to be so soft " etc

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:13:16

Will read full thread nd replies after my shift and tomorrow am being taken in with hospital transport 4 by 4 so no replies until late now or tomorrow
Thank you all for considering this and thoughtful replies

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:35:36

Nickname taker is spot on smile

BertieBotts Fri 18-Jan-13 12:43:33

"lazy git" would/could be ok, depending on context, used affectionately/jokingly.

"Little git" is somehow worse - I can't explain why, it's almost (to me) like saying "Ugh, you're so annoying, always asking for stuff, what a horrible person"

Rather than "I can't believe you're being so lazy as to ask!" in a gently surprised/chiding manner.

However I agree with the poster who says you know, as someone close to him, how he meant it and what context/meaning was behind it. And I think with the other stuff you've said I'd be concerned.

NicknameTaken Fri 18-Jan-13 13:47:44

OP, Patrician Evans has written some helpful books on verbal abuse. You might find that they can give you some insight into the situations and some strategies to deal with it.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 21:53:23

Thx

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