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Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

(369 Posts)
uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:33:14

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

lemonstartree Sat 12-Jan-13 10:35:41

I think yo are over thinking this. How could you have 'annoyed' him ? Chillax

sooperdooper Sat 12-Jan-13 10:37:01

He probabaly realised that flirting with one of the parents isn't very professional and that if anyone more senior clocked it he might get in trouble, so he backed off a bit. Maybe someone even said something to him about it?

I think you should do the same, do you even know if he's single?

AThingInYourLife Sat 12-Jan-13 10:40:26

I think if a third party noticed how rude he was that there is probably an issue.

What you can do about it is another matter.

Forget about him "liking" you and just focus in the professional relationship.

If his rudeness becomes an ongoing problem deal with it as you would any teacher behaving inappropriately.

ObscuredByClouds Sat 12-Jan-13 10:41:44

"He probabaly realised that flirting with one of the parents isn't very professional and that if anyone more senior clocked it he might get in trouble, so he backed off a bit. Maybe someone even said something to him about it?"

Agree with this.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 12-Jan-13 10:41:53

There are a few possibilities here (other than you may have imagined the whole thing).

a) He's married, and suddenly got an attack of conscience
b) He has met someone, and is now putting a stop to casual flirtations/interests
c) Someone told him something about you, possibly untrue, that has put him off
d) He's realised his interest is far too obvious to everybody and is embarrassed
e) The head teacher saw him eyeing up one or more mums and told him to put a sock in it as it is unwise and unprofessional
f) He's noticed you returning his interest and is playing silly buggers
g) Fill your own explanation in here...

That you've done something wrong doesn't even make the list though.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 12-Jan-13 10:42:14

X posted, yeah, that.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:43:11

Well, see this is the thing; had a meeting with the teaching assistant the other day RE LO's reading, and he was milling round in the background, one of the other (also single, very pretty and petite) came in to ask for something her child had left in school, and he was falling over himself to help her out! Doing that 'pat on the back to guide her into the room' thing, making a big thing of saying that he had told her child to look for it at lunchtime but she was too busy chatting big laughs from both...

So he clearly finds it ok to flirt with her but me...the one he obvs thinks is a troll (the non-internet version), not so much ;)

lemonstartree - by 'annoyed', I meant more that maybe he has worked out I like him somehow and is repulsed or something.

Nope, don't know if he's single, but that's why I was trying to work out if he liked me; that's the only way I'd have found out if he was smile I've asked a few friends who are teachers and apparently, teachers dating parents isn't really frowned upon...unadvised, but as long as both parties are single then it's not like a sackable offence or anything.

ObscuredByClouds Sat 12-Jan-13 10:45:31

You know what, don't worry yourself about it. From your last post he sounds like a bit of a nob!

piratecat Sat 12-Jan-13 10:45:53

gut instinct is that he did fancy you, and has now met someone and doesn't know how to be pleasant and normal without seemingly being flirty like before.

i speak from almost identical exp!!!!!

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:47:52

Anniegetyourgun - erm, ta.

Thing is, I was in school yesterday helping out, and yes I had to walk past his classroom quite a lot as the toilet was next door to the classroom and my hands were getting dirty (I was clearing out the dusty storeroom!) ; about ten times, he was also out in the corridor so we either passed or, he turned into a room just before I got to him; each time he did look very aware I was there - I avoided eye contact (eyes down to the floor at all times!) but I noticed one of the times he had overtaken me and then started flapping his arms about in that self conscious way (you know how kevin and perry walk? like that ;) )

He did have to talk to me at one point, as I asked him a question about something. To be fair to him, he answered me - so I suppose I'd have nothing to complain about, as he IS still playing ball when I need to speak to him?

akaemmafrost Sat 12-Jan-13 10:51:52

Sounds like he's "transferred" his affections to the other parent to me.

He also sounds rather immature.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:53:06

Wow you lot post quick! smile

See, I did think I might have been coming across a bit ignorant, with the lack of eye contact and pretty much ignoring him, so did intend to start just saying hin or smiling when I saw him, nothing over the top but just the same as the other parents do; then he started making it impossible for me to even say hello because he turns on his heels whenever he sees me! unless we're both in school and he HAS to pass me.

Don't really feel like I can just forget about it, because he's my child's teacher at the moment and when I feel like someone has a problem with me, I tend to get really annoyed eventually and bring it up with them; but usually in a "what the hell is wrong with you!?" kind of way :/

Don't really fancy having to sit opposite him at parents evening next month, knowing he's thinking I'm a freak and seething inside, but trying not to let it show!

I'm so tempted to tell him that I've picked up on the 'atmosphere', and know the reason for it too but he couldn't be more wrong, but he'd just go "not at all" anyway, so there'd be no point.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:55:51

It is immature, which is why it's annoying me - if he carried on as normal fair enough, but in my eyes he's at work - so even if he thought I liked him and didn't reciprocate, he should be mature enough to stay where he's meant to be (at the school gate until he locks it), while I walk past him to take my children in to school?!

Why does he have to hide out of sight until I'm gone!?

Not like I stand there staring at him or make excuses to talk to him; I literally walk down to the school gate, concentrating on my children and not looking at him, send children in, scuttle away. Why's that so intimidating!

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 10:55:58

Sounds like he was flirting with you, then has found someone else more responsive to flirt with. You said you've been avoiding eye-contact etc, so he's probably got bored and miffed.

He's probably just one of the flirty types. I wouldn't worry, but if he continues to do the silly ignoring stuff, just be assertive when you actually need to talk to him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 10:56:40

Bloody hell.... you're either bored or you've been reading too many Mills & Boon. All this interpretation of meaningful looks, arm flapping (hmm?) and sideways glances business is just ridiculous. Get out more.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 12-Jan-13 10:57:20

Sorry, I didn't mean you probably had imagined it, although I have to agree with the "overthinking" comment. Something's going on in his head, by the sound of it, probably one or more from my list, but I don't think you should give it too much headspace. As long as he doesn't duck out of necessary discussions about your child, it's HIS problem.

Also, just because he is being flirty with someone else now doesn't mean you're ugly!

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 10:57:24

Well that's brutally honest, Cog, grin.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:58:19

Sorry. I just meant that I thought I could tell he liked me. But I obviously read it wrong or something.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:59:31

Yeah, note to self...don't use the words "brutally honest" on MN! ;)

bumhead Sat 12-Jan-13 10:59:38

Maybe...he was just being friendly before and you were reading too much into it? You seem a bit obsessed with him.
And now he has clocked just how much you are looking at him and wants you to stop doing it.
So is driving home the message by deliberately ignoring you.
I mean really, he is your DCs teacher. What are you really expecting to happen??

Maryz Sat 12-Jan-13 11:01:26

What Cogito said.

And - will someone think of the children shock. Imagine their embarrassment if someone says to them "your mum fancies the teacher".

My brutal advice is - grow up, get some boundaries. Don't even think about starting any kind of a relationship with your child's teacher.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 11:02:18

Well really.... The man's obviously got a friend/flirty/whatever personality and this breathless preoccupation about which direction his bloody eyes are pointing is toe-curlingly adolescent. hmm

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:02:59

Obsessed? Really? sad

You naturally notice someone you are attracted to. And then when they seem to be looking at you as well, being quite open about their lives with you, yes it's easy to misinterpret.

Not obsession though, I've just become more aware of it now he's totally changed how he is around me, because now I feel really aware of myself and awkward.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 11:03:54

If you fancy him and you're both free, do what you'd do with anyone else and invite him for a drink. No brainer..

Were you contemplating a relationship with him? If so, I suspect he got cold feet for some reason when he realised you were getting interested. If not, why worry?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 11:05:25

Obsessed.. really... yes. When you're clocking which direction people are looking, taking offence if they don't pass you in the corridor (or whatever it was) and making judgement calls on something as ridiculous as the way they are flapping their arms that goes WAY beyond 'noticing'.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:05:37

And again, sorry.

I didn't actually think there was any problem with parents being interested or involved with a teacher?

As far as I could tell from discussions with (albeit, newly qualified) teacher friends of mine, it's not the same being a teacher dating a parent as it is, for example, a doctor being innapproprately involved with a patient.

This teacher did keep saying he was "a person as well as a teacher", so I didn't see the problem.

ivykaty44 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:07:02

he was flirting with you - you gave him the cold shoulder treatment - he now keeps his distance

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:07:37

Well, it was one of those "I think he likes me, if he did I'd go for a drink with him..but I doubt I'm his type anyway" kind of things.

I didn't take offence at him not passing me in the corridor, it was the blatantly walking off when I'm approaching,a nd coming back the minute I've gone that bothered me! And does no one notice when someone is looking over at them a lot?!

Anniegetyourgun Sat 12-Jan-13 11:09:11

Well, if it was a Mills & Boon, he would be avoiding eye contact because he fancied the OP too, too much. And one day some strange accident would happen in the broom cupboard so he would have to declare his feelings and he would turn out to be the man of her dreams.

IRL he's most likely just a bit of a knob thinking with his 'ormones. Hmm, nice looking mum, have a sly peep. Oh look, even nicer looking mum (by his standards at least), let's peep at that one instead. Silly games. Best not to get drawn in.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:10:19

Oh and not to sound like a bitch (just explaining myself), the 'flapping arms' - I noticed that purely because a couple of years ago when I liked someone, I used to get really self conscious and ended up looking a dick, basically - I did that thing of "better act like I don't fancy the pants off him" and ended up making it really obvious because I'd be walking differently, wandering around and faffing about to make it look like I was busy and hadnt noticed him.

I don't do that any more, but that's how he seemed to be acting so that's why I came to the conclusion I did.

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 11:10:30

I don't think there's any prohibition on teachers getting involved with parents, but if anything were to happen it'd be less complicated once your child was in a different class.

bestsonever Sat 12-Jan-13 11:11:16

Maybe he picks a woman to flirt with, then after a while moves onto the next one. It could of been just 'your turn' and now he's doing the same to this other woman and you are feeling left out and wondering why. Best not to do your head in wondering. It is what it is, just move on yourself perhaps.
He's already treating you differently than a random parent who never had his interest, which could effect your LO's education somewhat as she is in his class. This shows why it's best not to get personally involved with a teacher who is head of a DC's class, not really fair on them if communication suffers because of it. You seem to have escaped a raging flirt who is also unprofessional and, as his altered treatment of you shows, also lacking in maturity.

Maryz Sat 12-Jan-13 11:12:10


This is the type of conversation I used to have with my dd.

Now she is a mature 16 year old she has grown out of it grin and treats boys as people, not possible flirtations.

Come on, really. Just stop. If he liked you (nothing to do with "fancied" you [bleurgh]) enough to overcome the parent/teacher embarrassment he would have asked you out. He didn't. Move on.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:12:58

Fair enough having a look at people that may or may not be attractive to him, but literally every member of staff in that school is friendly, says hi to me when they see me or has a quick chat if they have time.

He is the only one that is now totally blanking me.

He could at least stay at the school gate, so I could walk my children down rather than having to leave them at the top of the driveway! :/

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 11:14:32

Oh FFS just act normal and ignore the silly, swivelly-eyed, flap-armed tit....

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:16:14

I would just like to say (Maryz) that I am still maintaining the professional distance when on school premises.

If I was giggling manically when I saw him or - as I said previously - hanging around him then fair enough, that could be considered childish.

But I'm acting as I always have, HE is the one acting totally differently to how he was before; and as the other parent seemed to notice then it's obviously not just my imagination.

I just get pissed off when a supposed professional starts acting like a 12 year old. At least I'm coming on here and acting like a teenager, rather than doing it in school! smile

trustissues75 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:17:39

Honestly Id just put it down to him being a player and leave it at that, shrug it off and ignore. However...if he's your Dc teacher and its going to affect the professional relationship the that needs to be addressed...a third party noticing someone's rude behaviour indicates that he really is acting inappropriately. What if you need to communicate something important concerning dc?

EggInABap Sat 12-Jan-13 11:24:00

You DO seem a bit stalker-ish. I think he was happy to flirt with you but has clocked on to your obsession with him and is now scared! He doesn't want to encourage you further.

If I were you I'd stop helping out at the school just to be near him, that's what it sounds like!

Bluebell99 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:24:14

So you have been avoiding eye contact with your child's teacher for weeks or months and now he seems to be actively avoiding you? And you are wondering why?! To be honest, if someone consistently was avoiding eye with me, I would probably try to evade contact with them. It sounds like you have a crush on him and to be honest , it sounds one sided. I remember having a crush like that on a teacher when I was a teenager. blush

TheSecondComing Sat 12-Jan-13 11:25:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roughtyping Sat 12-Jan-13 11:34:39

I have to agree with Bluebell. I'm a teacher and if any parent was noticeably avoiding eye contact etc around me, I'd be very self conscious and would think they probably were too and would go out of my way not to upset/stress them.

And the assembly thing - have you ever watched the Limmy show? Whole sketch about catching someone's eye, repeatedly, and how awkward it becomes...

And I laugh with parents! Is that not allowed?

Honestly. The whole thing just sounds a bit odd. Don't stress about it, it's nothing big really! smile

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 11:35:08

You want honest????? You sound about 12.
Do you know that even if the head teacher gets a whiff of something even starting between you, he would lose his job. If something did happen between you he would lose his job and never work again. I've actually seen it happen (young pretty teacher and a dad).
Basically, get out a bit more- why are you eyeing up a teacher in your child's assembly......eyes on your child woman!!!!!!!!

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 11:35:55

Thank God for the common sense on this thread. Until I got to Cognito's first post I was thinking wtf?

Firstly, what you describe doesn't even sound like flirting, it's called being friendly. Laughing together? God forbid! Half the people at work must fancy me rotten.

If every time you walk past him you have your eyes firmly fixed on the ground he probably does think you're a right nutter. A lot of the time you do seem to be making excuses for reasons to talk to him/see him.

And he seems to be trying to avoid you, so take a hint and leave him alone. If you happen to pass him just say good morning and carry on. At parents evening talk about your child.

HeyHoHereWeGo Sat 12-Jan-13 11:37:19

I am missing something.
Are you single and available?
Do you fancy him?

Is it - man likes woman, fusses around her sort of flirting but she avoids him and does not flirt back. He then stops himself fancying her but is a bit stiff around her for a short while.

Is that not it?
Where does the drama come from?
You DO like him but you are too shy?
You are married and outraged?

What have I missed?

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 11:40:42

Maybe you've missed it's a parent/teacher relationship and CANNOT be more otherwise the teacher would lose his job. Most heads would consider this gross misconduct.

RoomForASmallOne Sat 12-Jan-13 11:50:18

Brutally honest??

Sounds like you fancy him and want us to encourage you to ask him out.

ObscuredByClouds Sat 12-Jan-13 11:50:58

Not sure he would lose his job but it would be awkward and professionally it's a bit of a grey area. I do know teachers who have dated parents, it does happen. It's a bit messy though and probably best avoided.

HDee Sat 12-Jan-13 11:52:14

OP, you sound like a fruitloop, sorry. Get a grip, please.

I despise this over-analysis of every spoken word and body movement.

bumhead Sat 12-Jan-13 11:53:24

I don't know where the law stands on teacher/parent relationships but surely it's wrong on a few levels for the teacher to start knobbing the parents of his charges?
What if you shagged him and then he started blanking you (as happens sometimes in life)? Or you had a relationship with him and it went sour? You would then have to face him every day until he either left or your child left school.
What about parents evening?
It would be a horrific situation.
And yes you do sound obsessed Op. When I started going out with my DH I wasn't aware of where he was looking or which direction his eyes went every second I was in his company...
Are you single or married?

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 12:01:48

I'm single.

I know it seems that way, but I'm not aware of what he's doing every second, honest smile

It's just when he's blatantly being weird around me, then yes I notice it.

For the record, even if he had of liked me, I wouldn't have done anything 'out of school' until my child left his class; just wanted to find out what his feelings were towards me (which are apparent now you've all explained it) and open the lines of communication a bit, so that when my child was no longer being taught by him, if things were to happen, they could.

However as you've all stated, I obvious just misread the situation.

NaicePig Sat 12-Jan-13 12:03:33

Give the OP a break! I think she was just trying to give us a picture of what makes her think he fancies her. I'd notice all these things. People do. It doesn't take any particular effort. She's not OBSESSED with him, she likes him and is alert to his behaviour.

OP post in Chat next time, people are less... y'know.

FWIW I agree with the theory that he's with someone new, or that someone noticed he was flirting with you and he feels embarrassed and peeved that you were so unresponsive. Any reason why you were so determined to not flirt back if you like him?

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 12:11:16

Thanks, I didn't think I was obsessed...thought it was natural to notice things like that - the assemblies, FWIW; my child was sitting a few seats away from the teacher at the time so I was looking in that general direction; maybe the teacher thought I was looking at him and that's why he kept on glancing over at me, but anyway.

Because I didn't think he was flirting - I thought he might have had an interest, but I assume that a single mother with a couple of children wouldn't be high up on the list of 'ideal qualities' in a mid-30's, childless man's mind.

Plus, you know, self confidence and all; tbh it was just nice thinking he might like me, whether it would've gone anywhere (even if he had liked me), I doubt it - but I was fine with it until he started going all cold and ignorant on me!

Then I became very paranoid and over analytical of his behaviour. This weirdness started about 8 weeks ago and seems to have got progressively worse; then again, I'm even more conscious of being seen to even glance at him so now, at pick up time I stay at the back of the group of parents, look downwards whenever I have to pass him etc., so I'm probably looking more like I am attracted to him now - but was trying to achieve the exact opposite!

I don't even know whether to try and completely blank him unless I have to talk to him about my child (when I had the meeting with my child's teaching assistant the other day; I booked it with her deliberately - usually I'd just ask to see him but I thought speaking to the TA direct might have somehow 'proven' that I'm not trying to be around him).

Oh and the volunteering at the school? I've done that way before he started working there.

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 12:29:06

Just treat him the same way you treat the other staff and parents. Why would you blank him? That's just making matters worse.

Crocodilio Sat 12-Jan-13 12:36:54

You said that 'when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements' and 'I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact'.

Sounds to me like he fancies you and is acting in exactly the same way that you are!

Proudnscary Sat 12-Jan-13 12:37:29

Why would the teacher lose his job for dating a parent? Don't be ridiculous! It's not illegal and it happens - teachers date each other too shock. I do agree it's unwise, though, for a number of reasons.

I agree you need to grow up a wee bit and think about boundaries

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 12:50:41

Well, I disagree with the comment about growing up, because although I know I've put things in a rather childish way, that's just through attempting to be brief and the fact I'm rubbish at putting my thoughts into words. Haven't got the attention span for explainig things properly.

However rest assured; as soon as I hit that school gate I am just a normal mum...albeeit maybe coming across as slightly nervous/ignorant/a combination of the two!

I am actually considering giving up the volunteer work; even though I've been doing it for longer than he's been working there (he only started in the past year), I don't want to seem as though I'm trying to 'get closer' to him (which I'm not, I genuinely love the school and am on a Supporting Teaching and Learning course, so need to volunteer to keep my place on the course!).

What do you mean about boundaries? As I said, even if he had of been interested, I wouldn't have even actively flirted whilst he was teaching my child, I would have just liked to get more 'chatty' (in the same way the other parents are) for the remainder of this year, somehow given him more of an impression I liked him and then if he were interested, hopefully he will have felt able to take things further (outside of school) next year when he was no longer my child's teacher.

But, I now know he wasn't interested after all, so thanks for that smile

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 12:58:59

Sorry forgot to add, Fairenuff - trouble is, I've been 'ignoring' him for ages now, the others teachers I do say hello to sometimes but I can't suddenly start speaking to him, can I?

Surely that would look very strange and possibly make him even more uncomfortable? Or might it ease the pressure a bit?

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 13:09:38

It would ease the pressure. Just say good morning and keep walking. Continue like this even if he ignores you. After a while it will become normal.

Why would you give up the volunteering? Just because some random stranger is now on the same premises? It doesn't make sense. Nothing has happened, so far it's all conjecture. Nothing is going to happen.

It will be awkward for a bit and then it will blow over.

At the school that I work in, it would definately be frowned upon to have a relationship with a parent. Our head prefers us not to be 'friends' with parents on facebook even. It's just good practice.

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 13:10:14

For goodness sake don't give up the voluntary work if your course rides on it and you've been doing it longer than he's been there. That'd be plain daft.

Just stick it out. If he's obviously acting unprofessionally towards you, then he'll get called on it by someone. If it gets worse, you may have to call him on it yourself or point it out to someone above him.

Just let him get over himself and behave in an objective, professional manner yourself.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 13:42:20

Ok, I'll try :/ Thanks.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 14:17:48

uhoh... I'm dealing with a terribly intense friend at the moment and she's micro-reading everything and anything and applying her own brand of analysis to it. From responses I've had on the thread, I can see that she's not getting an accurate read on the situation.

I think you might be also micro-reading your situation. The sheer level of detail that you've put into all the noticing and each individual 'event' makes me wonder that somebody hasn't nudged the teacher. I think perhaps they have; some men don't notice what seems obvious to many women, that somebody likes them. The man picks up friendliness and returns it, then gets a wake-up call and back-pedals as fast as they can away from even the friendliness that they should really maintain.

I know you say that you would have left it until your child had left the class but, if your posting here is honest - and I think it is, perhaps even missing some 'instances' - you've been very obvious and I think it would have been awkward for the teacher and for your child.

Nothing lost though. Look at how you deal with any other teacher at the school and mirror that behaviour with this one. You won't go wrong then.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 15:07:13

Can you explain how it's obvious then?

I thought by never making eye contact (pretty much) and all that, it'd be looking more like I was an ignorant cow than anything else!?

I know I'm sounding dumb as anything here, but I just really don't see how it could have been obvious...

I'm wondering who could have filled him in though - in the morning there is only him on the gate, the teaching assistant never really sees how I am with him as she's always in the classroom, and when I had the meeting with her the other day, I kept it very professional and gave no clue of my thoughts (in fact I wasn't thinking anything at that particular time, other than discussing my child).

There is another male teaching assistant that is always very friendly towards me, makes the effort to talk whenever I am in school and always remember things I've told him and asks about them, next time I see him - he was talking to me the other day in front of the Headteacher and was just as friendly/chatty when she was around...and I'm more friendly with him than this other teacher - so if anyone thought I was in school to see 'someone', then surely they'd think it was this TA rather than the teacher?

Although...the first meeting we had was only 2 weeks into the start of term, and that was when he told me lots about where he lives, seemed a bit giggly/flushed/smiley etc (the first time I thought I sensed 'something') - and I was never really 'friendly' after that, in fact thinking back, at the time I wasn't interested in him really, so I think I started the no eye contact from just after that meeting...can't remember for sure though.

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 15:11:25

I think it's probably the other way round and he's gone all cold and weird cos either someone took the piss out of him making goo-goo eyes at you or took your lack of eye-contact etc as an affront.

Don't let it bother you! He's taking up too much of your headspace. He needs to get over himself and so do you, and so do I grin.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 15:13:36

Sorry I forgot to say; I do take your point about the micro-reading, and I admit I'm doing that now, because I'm panicking about coming across as though I like him.

However, the only reason I went into so much detail, was I was really trying to express that you know when you just get a sense someone is interested in you, well it was just kind of like that.

A lot of the time in school (when he first started), I didn't know he was going to be around and I'd be in the hall putting chairs away or whatever, and it would be then that he'd come in and do a double take (I'd naturally look up when someone came in, cos it was a reaallly creaky door), walk over the other side of the room (I was carrying on stacking chairs, but he was in my eye line), faff about seemingly doing nothing (picking up papers then putting them down, straightening a chair...) then walked out again but looked round the room (only me in it) before glancing at me then leaving. He's done that a few times, and this was way back before he starting acting 'awkward'.

I know I've described it in detail, but it really doesn't take a lot of 'effort' to notice doing the things I've said. No one walks around with their eyes shut I assume, and I could tell you in detail things other people have done as well; I'm just a 'noticer'; lol - however I never stare, yes I glance at him (or used to) once or twice during say, and hour-long assembly, but surely that couldn't be considered weird when he was looking in my general direction every minute or so? :/

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 15:15:31

dequ....oh I can't spell that ;)

Thanks, I get what you mean (and everyone else) about the headspace; lately I'm dreading having to face him at the school gates and after school, which is silly because the school (and even this teacher) has been amazing for one of my children in particular, so I'll take the advice everyone has offered of just trying to treat him normally and if he continues to take that as a signal I like him, then it's his problem I suppose.

Maryz Sat 12-Jan-13 15:15:46


Here's a suggestion.

Treat him like your child's teacher. When you meet him, say hello. If you have a question to do with your child, ask it.

That's it.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 15:21:44

I'm kind of baffled too tbh...wondering why apparently no one has ever had a 'crush' on someone - I'm 30, not about to start acting old before my time and 'wooing' someone or whatever older people might call it.

I'd rather still be a bit childlike and FUN than stuffy and uptight...

And that's not a slight on anyone in particular, but god I like a person who happens to be muy child's teacher, you can't help who you're attracted to and yes - when I thought I picked up signs that he might like me, I started to be attracted to him too (previous to that I just thought he was a nice person).

Anyway, I'll shut up now.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 15:29:10

uhoh... You walked past his classroom TEN times in one day to go and wash your hands cleaning out a dusty storeroom. Why? They just got dusty again, no? Why not clean the storeroom and then go and have a good wash?

You did make it obvious. I don't know if there were children in the class or whatever but, children pick up like lightening, the slightest thing whether accurate or not. If there was another adult in the room, they would have wondered what you were doing - and if he was on his own, HE would wonder what you were doing. That was bizarre behaviour.

You might not realise that you're behaving in an obvious manner but you are - otherwise this teacher wouldn't change his behaviour towards you. I think you're making him feel uncomfortable.

Instead of doing the 'downcast eyes' things, treat him like you treat everybody else - no more, no less.

Just a question, but do you like a little 'filip' to your day sometimes? Nothing wrong with that, but see it for what it is and don't overreact because your child's relationship with this teacher is important and it wouldn't take much for it to develop into 'awkward'. Don't let it do that.

tigerKesha Sat 12-Jan-13 15:35:46

Obviously he is just not that into you & you are making thing awkward by spending all your time over analysing every minute you spend near the teacher. Think of how embarrassed DC would be to know his mum was obsessing over his teacher. You need to find another hobby

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 15:38:07

A little what now?

No, not just to wash my hands, and it probably wasn't 10 times...but I wasn't going to sit there with green moudly stuff off the garage door on my hands - afew times I had to go to the toilet (I WAS there for 5 hours!), once to find the caretaker to get a dustpan and went out again to tput ot back by the storeroom door (as I'd been told to do before 11am).

I never looked IN the classroom, the children are 4 years old so I doubt they'd notice anything and I wasn't deliberately going out to walk past the classroom, it's just that the school only small and you have to pass his class to get to the main entrance (only way out), office, toilets...there were no other way of getting where I needed to go.

I meant that I passed him in the corridor quite a few times; because he was in and out of the class a lot and it was when I was on my way places, that he was on his way somewhere too. Just worded it badly.

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 15:44:09

But it's things like this too:

He could at least stay at the school gate, so I could walk my children down rather than having to leave them at the top of the driveway!

What difference does it make where he stands? Why couldn't you take your children into school. I don't understand that.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 15:49:19

Because it's embarrassing that he waits until I'm about 6-8 feet away (or almost at the gate, anyway), looks straight at me and then suddenly turns and walks off into the playground - then I turn round after dropping them off and he ALWAYS come straight back out...only reason I know he's done that (I don't look back) is because he suddenly starts laughing loudly with one of the other parents (there's one guy that always stands there talking to him) - maybe they're laughing AT me, I don't know; but either way, I'd rather avoid it altogether and just send my children down on their own.

Plus, my youngest always something that they need to tell the teacher; whether it's leaving their water bottle in school or something like that, I used to just let the teacher know myself because my child's memory isn't great but now I feel like I can't do that, so I have to get LO to tell the teacher herself.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 15:49:58

filip = something to stimulate, excite or energise your confidence. It's a very old word, I think. grin

Ok, not 10 times, but that's what you said. Maybe you are just becoming over-aware of what you're doing and that's making you look awkward and obvious?

If you can put him out of your head as just one of the teachers, you'll act normally around him and that will be the problem solved. Just down do the 'downcast' Prince Di eyes thing, it really does look odd... it did even when she did it.

I'd suggest being 'in a rush' when you pick up or drop off your children. Bright and breezy and nonchalent, nothing to pick up in your behaviour there. Behave as if he's of no more consequence than any other at the school.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 16:00:33

I am definitely over aware of what I'm doing.

And thanks, I've learnt a new word today smile

I am generally quite - actually I can't think of the word; well for starters I always AM in a rush - with having more than one child to get ready in the mornings, a bus from the other side of town and then a 20 minute walk to the school, I usually get there just before the gates are opened, as soon as they open I'm trying to get my eldest to stay near me while I get their lunchbox out from under the buggy instead of running through the gate straight away, and then once they're through the gate (I do watch to make sure they're through ok, as do all the other parents from 'our' year), I rush off to get my other child over to the nursery. I walk quite quickly naturally (everyone has always commented on that, ever since I was a child), and always look down at the ground, rarely look up as I have zero self confidence; it's just that it feels different around him, because I feel like he's watching me somehow.
It's hard to explain and makes me sound mental, I know, but ever since the first meeting when he was all cute and smiley and - I thought - slightly flirty (although probably wasn't), I've been really worried about coming across as though I like him - because I knew if he ever found out, he wouldn't reciprocate.

Oh, you get the idea, I won't ramble on any longer smile

Basically; I don't think I'm acting hugely different to how I do with the other teachers, it's just I act different towards him than the other parents do, and obviously he's definitely avoiding me.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 16:01:29

Crivens, uhoh, you're revealing probably more than you know... shock

Because it's embarrassing that he waits until I'm about 6-8 feet away (or almost at the gate, anyway), looks straight at me and then suddenly turns and walks off into the playground - then I turn round after dropping them off and he ALWAYS come straight back out..
Why does he need to be AT the gate, he sees you're there safely dropping them off - and he goes. Then he comes back in case there are more parents/children.

..only reason I know he's done that (I don't look back) is because he suddenly starts laughing loudly with one of the other parents (there's one guy that always stands there talking to him)
Other parents there but you seem to think that he's laughing 'loudly' with one of them to make a point about not doing this with YOU?

- maybe they're laughing AT me
Why would you think that? They could be laughing for any number of reasons. Shocking rugby performance, latest joke, anything... but you think it's about YOU?

I don't know; but either way, I'd rather avoid it altogether and just send my children down on their own.
So that's why he's at the gate, to see that your children are on the way down the drive where they need to be going?

Plus, my youngest always something that they need to tell the teacher; whether it's leaving their water bottle in school or something like that...
Why does your child ALWAYS have to tell the teacher this trivia? I know my mother would have checked I had these things in my bag and not left them.

I used to just let the teacher know myself because my child's memory isn't great but now I feel like I can't do that, so I have to get LO to tell the teacher herself.
I think you were looking for excuses to talk to him and you've done it too much... that's why he's awkward around you. Something has broken the camel's back. There's no need for your child's memory to be deficient is there? Check they have all they need when you pick them up. No need to keep bothering the teacher for every little thing.

Sorry if I've micro-read into what you've posted, uhoh but it really does sound to me as if you've manoeuvred things and maybe it's taken a little while to get awkward - but now it is. You can change that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 16:04:12

You do sound really lovely, uhoh, I hope you find somebody nice and worthy of all that emotion bubbling inside you. smile

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 16:10:54

Well...look for example - they have toast at school, and have to take the money in weekly; however it used to be daily, in an envelope - I used to give LO the envelope every morning and tell them they had to put it somewhere; I let them choose so they would remember where it was. Every time I did that, but didn't remind them literally at the school gate, they'd forget to give it in, not get toast that day and come out at hometime upset.

So I decided to remind my child every day, just before they went into school, that their toast money was in (whoever pocket I'd put it in) and realised that this was the only way they would remember they had toast money .

A few times I forgot to remind LO, so I'd just quickly tell the teacher that the toast money was (wherever), so if it got to the time they hand it in and LO hadn't given the teacher the money, he would know it was there and remind LO. My child really gets obsessed about his toast, or more specifically; forgetting something - like yesterday when they had obvious had a raffle in assembly I knew nothing about; LO came out crying that they hadn't bought a raffle ticket.
The teacher never seemed to mind; it wasn't every day, at times not even every week but I have always apologised profusely whenever I'd done it, and the teacher to be fair, understood. Or said he did, anyway.

Anyway I stopped that because now it's weekly the toast doesn't get forgotten,plus LO is growing up a bit more and handling things better this half term. The water bottle, I actually didn't check after school which was my bad. I just told LO to mention to the teacher as he went in that the water bottle was in class somewhere (unnamed - again, my bad but I've done it now) and the teacher said ok; no biggie.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 16:14:50

Oh and also; yes I might be reading too much into him going in the playground, coming back out etc. It's just that I've noticed if I stand at the top of the driveway and send LO down on their own, the teacher stays put.

That's all - like the times I've been walking to the office, not looking at him or anything but he loks over, then when I glance at him cos I feel I'm being watched (as you do!) his eyes dart back and he looks embarrassed.

Which usually prompts me to think my hair is sticking up or something...see my previous post about being under-confident smile

It's just hard NOT to notice when someone acts so awkward around you, but then I suppose I'm giving off the same impression.

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 16:16:37

Maybe you are just one of those parents that always needs a 'quick word' with the teacher and as he has now realised this, he's trying to avoid you grin

What year is your youngest child in?

Maryz Sat 12-Jan-13 16:16:58

You know, you should have started this thread as

"AIBU to have a crush on my children's teacher. He was new in September and I thought we were getting on great (and doing a bit of flirting), but now he seems to have changed and been avoiding me"

You would have got very sensible "he was being nice, but has now realised you saw it as flirting and is feeling a bit uncomfortable".

Are you this over-analytical in all aspects of your life? It must be exhausting.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 16:17:16

Can you pay the 'toast money' in online somehow? Or maybe in one payment to the school secretary or something? I can see how young children handling money is something that is fraught with difficulty.

Do you think it's possible to teach your LO that they must start taking responsibility when they don't do something they're supposed to? I mean, buying a raffle ticket would be a good lesson - non-essential but something they wanted. Teachers have so much to do, so many children to see to. It's not really fair to put the onus on them to manage your child over and above what their general responsibilities are. Perhaps the teacher actually does mind.

Sounds like it's all of a lot of kerfuffle over very little and perhaps it's just on your mind more than it should be and you set more store in these interactions than perhaps somebody else would.

You haven't done anything 'wrong' but you do seem to have a knack - and a will - for getting yourself on 'radar' somehow, no? That's what I read in your posts anyway.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 16:23:00

Haha me, I've asked the office about paying to them (same with lunch money) and got a resounding no. They're not hugely flexible on that kind of thing.

I'm trying to be off radar, trust me. I know it doesnt seem like it.

Thing is, there is one mum (from the same year) that at least 3 times a week is talking to him for quite a while - not that I'm watching, just notice that she's there as I send eldest down and still there the entire time I'm waiting by the nursery with youngest. The last time I spoke to the teacher outside the school gates was in October, so not like I'm there all the time with random questions!

Even with the meeting with the TA; I asked to see her because I thought she'd come out into the playground to talk, but she invited me into the classroom instead; which made me all worried the teacher would think I'd planned it that way.

I know, over analysing again so I'll shush now.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 16:30:51

Have you tried 'Kalms'? Yogo? Soothing Indian head massage? A combination of all of these? grin

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 16:33:47

I'm not as neurotic as I sound. I go to school, fine. It's only when he turns on his heels at that mere sight of me that I get all "wtf".

But, rise above it, carry on as normal.

I suppose I was hoping that there might have been a chance he was acting that way because he liked me, but clearly not after what everyone has said.

Will try not to look so awkward around him and see f it makes a difference.

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 16:36:42

If he does like you, the way he's acting makes him a nob.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 16:50:14

Yes, well he clearly doesn't, so... sad

I think I was just thinking maybe he liked me, but was worried that either I would see him as just a teacher, or whatever so didn't want to risk seeing like he liked me...but I realise I was probably just transferring what i thought, onto him and he really just sees me as a parent.

suburbophobe Sat 12-Jan-13 17:15:02

Primary school, yes?

Not many male teachers at primary schools so he's probably lapping up all the mums' attentions.

Sounds like a bit of a player, and very unprofessional anyway.

You sound rather obsessed, so stay well clear, and yes, you really need to get out more....

suburbophobe Sat 12-Jan-13 17:18:12

...and I'm not talking about the school run... grin

granniegrunt Sat 12-Jan-13 17:18:23

I have read all the comments very carefully....nobody has picked up on the fact that you didn't respond at all to his your own words you made sure you focused on the kids, looked at the floor etc etc....maybe you gave the impression you weren't interested and he has moved on and perhaps even feels a bit silly

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 17:32:52

Lol thanks grannie, I didn't respond in the sense I didn't get all flirty with him, but obviously gave him the impression I liked him, by looking at the floor etc...although as I said, I'm quite good at remaining professional and not giving away that I like people..usually :/

I think everyone else is probably right, unfortunately sad

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 17:36:27

surbophobe - actually picking up on what you said; I remember at the first meeting I had with him, I couldn't get this stupid grin off my face, was shifting nervously in my seat etc and he laughed and asked what was up, told me I looked nervous etc and I tried to explain it away, saying that I was just intimidated by the fact I had been called in to a meeting by a teacher (partly true), I think I said it was a bit "scary" - and he laughed, saying that he couldn't be scary, seeing as he was a male teacher in a primary school.

So, given that's he's obviously acutely aware that he's a man in a predominantly female field...I doubt he'd start acting the 'player'.

Hang on...have I just stumbled across the real reason for his awkwardness?

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 12-Jan-13 17:44:50

OP what do you consider to be normal behaviour with regards to parent/teacher interaction?

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sat 12-Jan-13 18:17:24

but in my eyes he's at work

I just get pissed off when a supposed professional starts acting like a 12 year old

Neither of these things you said are true. You haven't just seen him as a professional. You were sizing him up as a romantic prospect and you have admitted it.

You weren't seeing him as just a teacher and now you resent the fact that he isn't just behaving as a teacher. My point, which I'm not making terribly well, is that you can't have it both ways. You can't look at him 'unprofessionally' even if it was only in your mind and then be annoyed at what you see as his unprofessional behaviour.

None of this stuff would matter to you if you didn't really fancy him. You wouldn't be bothered by his rudeness.

There are two possible scenarios:

1) You fancy him and he fancies you and knows it's a no-go or feels awkward about it.

2) You fancy him and he doesn't fancy you and feels awkward about it.

Either way, it doesn't matter all that much. Why are you posting? It's not because you feel awkward at school and want him to act the professional, is it? It's because you fancy the pants off him and want to know if it is scenario 1 above or scenario 2!!!

FWIW I think it's impossible to call based on the information you have given. Either are plausible.

Whatever, you should carry on doing what you need to do for yourself and your children and obviously avoiding talking to your child's teacher is not a good situation to be in.

I understand why you feel as you do, in your position (ie fancying the pants off him) I would want to know what he was thinking too!!

But I don't think he will tell you and I don't think anyone here can give you a definitive answer either.


tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sat 12-Jan-13 18:24:13

given that's he's obviously acutely aware that he's a man in a predominantly female field...I doubt he'd start acting the 'player'.

Hang on...have I just stumbled across the real reason for his awkwardness?

No, you haven't. A man working in a primary school couldn't do his job if he felt awkward around women.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sat 12-Jan-13 18:29:24

btw, OP, in that scenario I suggested, where he fancies you too and feels awkward... he may not realise your feelings but just feel awkward about his own. Or he may feel awkward about both.

HE may not realise you've got the hots for him but WE know because you wouldn't have started this thread otherwise, or be trying so hard to analyse his behaviour.

So be honest, and admit it... you think about him all the time and you've got an ALMIGHTY crush on him. Stop pretending you're just miffed that it's tricky talking to your child's teacher! smile

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 18:43:55

Not all the time. Yes I have a massive crush and yes, I wish he reciprocated.

But going on what everyone has said, he doesn't.

I don't agree with those that said even if he had of liked me, it's a total no-go because people do it and as long as he's not directly teaching my child (as he wouldnt be as of September), it shouldn't be a problem.

I AM annoyed that he's acting unprofessionally by avoiding me, because in my mind it's making it quite clear to everyone that I've somehow crossed him.

Oh and what I meant about him being a man in a 'female world' was that if he's worked out I like him, he might be worried that he will be seen as in the wrong, that he had somehow encouraged it or something.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 18:46:22

Dione - sorry forgot to answer.

Well, going on what my childrens' last teachers were like, friendly but not overly so, not telling you about their personal life or asking about yours, erm...just - normal!

He's said before he's a friendly, jokey sort of person which is fair enough. But I do think that whatever his reason for his behaviour, he should continue doing his job as normal. If he had such a problem with me that he has to avoid me, why doesn't he speak to the Head and have her broach it with me?

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 18:50:59

And also... (lol sorry!) even though I'm 'ignoring' him/avoiding eye contact, when I have to ask him a question about my child or have a meeting with him/the teaching assistant, I always maintain that professional atmosphere.

I'm not sitting there using his first name or being overly familiar, sitting there twirling my hair or something stupid like that; I sit across the table from him, call him by his surname, stick to only talking about the subject in hand and not trying to swerve the conversation round to anything more informal...I'd never dream of 'asking him out', as I said this year I would've just tried to get more on 'casual chat' terms; the same as I am with that friendly male teaching assistant and then see if it led anywhere once he wasn't teaching my child, that's all.

So I don't think I was acting unprofessionally - and not thinking unprofessionally all the time' I wasn't perving over him every time I saw him, fgs! The majority of the time I did see him as 'the teacher' and not 'that bloke I like'.

It's hard to explain how my mind works :/

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 18:53:38

Proud.....Its not ridiculous to suggest he would lose his job as a result of a relationship with a parent. I'm a teacher and last year a teacher at my school was disciplined and eventually sacked for shagging a dad. It wAs a married dad, and the wife found out, marched into the school one day to inform the head, children removed etc etc. Also, you don't have to tell me teachers date- I know!!! It's not the same to date a co worker as it is a parent, not the same at all!!!!!

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sat 12-Jan-13 19:03:00

uhoh I'm not saying at all that you have acted unprofessionally, but that you had 'unprofessional' thoughts, which is something quite different. And I've been there (not with a teacher fwiw) and loads of us have because we are all human.

I AM annoyed that he's acting unprofessionally by avoiding me, because in my mind it's making it quite clear to everyone that I've somehow crossed him.

What you mean here is that you don't want anyone to notice anything out of the ordinary because you think they might realise that you have a massive crush on him!!

You think that because some people have told you that he doesn't fancy you that this must be true. I don't actually think that. Dealing with mums with crushes goes with the job of being a male primary school teacher (or any teacher really).

Personally I think it's more likely that he feels awkward because he's got a bit of a crush on YOU but I don't want to encourage you because I know this situation is agony for you already!

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 19:12:34

But I do think that whatever his reason for his behaviour, he should continue doing his job as normal

But he is doing his job as normal is he not. How is he not being professional in his teaching?

I think you are reading so much more into this because of your own feelings.

The only way he treats you any differently to other parents seems to be by giving you a wide berth because of your strange behaviour. This seems like a perfectly professional approach. If you need to speak with him concerning your child, make an appointment like everyone else.

Btw, you didn't answer my question, how old is your youngest child at primary school?

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 19:16:58

mammadiggingdeep - thing is though, in your example the teacher concerned was having an affair, with a married parent.

I'm single, and assuming he is too (although obviously, he might not be) then I don't see how it would be such a big deal, or indeed how anyone would find out anyway.

If he was flirting with the 'other' single mum I mentioned earlier - then he was doing it in full view of me and his colleague as we were both only a few feet away from him.

I think in a way, I was reluctant to treat him like any other teacher, just in case he did like me (even slightly) and then he'd be thinking that I didn't want things to go any further.

If there was a way of getting things a bit less awkward AND keeping things open slightly so that if he did like me, he wouldn't be put off pursuing things once he isn't teaching my child, then I'd do it.

And for the record; I do still believe everyone that's said he's a lost cause, so don't worry about me doing anything stupid! lol.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 19:18:45

Mayeb Fairenuff.

Sorry didn't see your question.

My youngest in the actual school is in Reception, but I have one in the nursery too.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 19:27:32

If you can't see how totally inappropriate it is to get involved with a teacher at your children's school then I give up!! Reminder: they go there to be educated, not for single parents to eye up potential dates. Also, your idea of 'flirting' isn't mine....the fact you thought he was flirting with another mum because he (shock horror) put his hand on her back to guide her into a room and (gasp) they laughed, is embarrassing. I think he's ignoring you because youve made it waaaaay to obvious you're interested and some of what you e described definately is stalker-ish. Sorry, not wishing to be rude at all, just being honest x

pictogram Sat 12-Jan-13 19:29:40

I think you probably scared him off by doing things like walking past him in the corridor ten times in a row.

That and the studiously ignoring him thing.

For whatever reason, now that he knows you are keen he is not interested.

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 19:30:06

Ah, thanks OP, so you are going to be a parent at the school for seven more years then. No way should you be considering getting involved with a teacher there.

WhateverTrevor Sat 12-Jan-13 19:30:15

Not making eye contact with someone is very, very rude.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 19:32:54

No; what I'm saying is that while he teaches my child then yes, it's inappropriate. But he won't be teaching my child after September.

Would it be wrong if I was interested in the school caretaker, or a dinnerlady (man)? They are both involved with my child - or how about if I liked one of the older year teachers, or a nursery teacher but my youngest child had left nursery 5 years previously?

He made a point of saying that he's a person as well as a teacher, yet when I see a teacher as a person then I'm acting inappropriately?

And I wasnt saying he waa flirting with her. I said IF because someone had said up above that they thought he'd gone from liking me, to her or something like that.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 19:34:18

It was around 10 times (maybe not that many) times over the space of 5 hours! Every other teacher walked past 'him' (that classroom) loads too over the course of that time! sad

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 19:35:35

Fairenuff - I still maintain that it wouldn't matter if he wasn't teaching any of my children...but hey. Take your point.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 19:36:25

Personally, I think it's even wring when parents get involved with each other. Just keep school as a place for your children and not a dating opportunity!!!! It gets messy otherwise. It is inappropriate to get involved with any teacher at the school in my mind, teaching your kids or not. It's just unprofessional and most teachers of any worth wouldn't consider it. Way too close to home. X

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 19:43:29

Teachers don't always stay in the same class. They are moved around sometimes to teach different key stages, usually as part of their professional development.

Regardless of which class he teaches, it would be inappropriate to have a relationship with a parent. Teachers are expected to behave in a professional manner at all times not just in school.

They should not be posting about their lives on facebook if any parents or children could read about it. They should not be seen inebriated in their local bars. Sometimes is does happen and the teacher will be reprimanded if appropriate, but behaviour like that is discouraged.

It may well depend on the individual head but in my school a relationship with a parent would be considered unprofessional and would be frowned upon at best.

All that aside, can you not see how inadvisable it would be? For yourself as a parent, in your professional voluntary capacity, your career and for your own children.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 19:46:25

Yes, I suppose so...

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 19:50:14

Just want to say, I remember I googled 'parent dating teacher' once when I was trying to find out whether there were any 'laws' prohibiting it, and mumsnet actually had a thread where someone was a teacher and dating a parent; they asked for opinions and out of a fairly long thread, they were all positive as far as I remember.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sat 12-Jan-13 19:56:20

I think some of what people have said to you is very harsh.

I don't think it is stalkerish what you have described. I do think his behaviour towards you is confusing and given that you like him the way you do I think there is nothing abnormal about examining all the minutiae of it to try to work out what it means.

FWIW (and you obviously don't agree OP) I do think he it is more likely that he is attracted to you than not - as I have said, mums with crushes goes with the job so he'd be a dick to be handling it as he is if it was only on your side. It doesn't sound to me as if you have behaved like an idiot or sought his company too much etc.

But that said, I don't think it will or can go anywhere. He has a lot more to lose than you do and even if he is single it is still a no-no.

You need to try to stop thinking it might be an option. I got into a very difficult emotional situation with a man who was similarly off-limits (in this case a doctor) and was very badly hurt. If he's keeping his distance he is doing you a favour. Indulging this attraction which I do think is probably on both sides would only end in tears. His, yours and your children's.

Leave it smile

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:02:08

Yes, I'm quite black and white with things...

I still don't see why it should be such a no go to be honest, because of what I've read on other forums (and this one) where teachers have dated parents without it causing issues, I don't doctors are quite in the same league as teacher (dont doctors have a code of conduct against relationships with patients?)...BUT I see your point. Frustrating, though.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:03:05

That makes two of us then fairenuf, we both work at schools where such things wouldn't/don't happen. I've taught for 12 years, in 7 schools and in all my time it's only happened once (the incident last year). It's not the done thing. As I said, let's just make school about the kids education and not turn it into a meat market!!!!!!

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:09:42

I know, not the same - but how about teachers teaching their own children; does that happen at your schools, Fairenuff and mammadiggingdeep?

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:12:07

It has done in one case, and I do know it happens. If there's any alternative (ie in 2 firm entries) then it's avoided. It's not quite the same though is it, affairs of the heart and relationships by their very nature can end nastily, lead to upset etc etc. For obvious reasons this can cause trouble within a school setting. It's just messy.

ekidna Sat 12-Jan-13 20:13:40

I know concentration on the minutiae is what we do when we like someone but when I've been reading this its really given me the feeling of OMG i want to step back because a) the extreme detail feels really overwhelming to read and b) in terms of wondering what the bigger picture is of your life/circumstance.

Of course I could step back and **ss off as this observation might not be helpful and I do feel for you OP I just wonder if concentrating on the detail of whats happening is helpful or zooming out a bit might be more helpful than analysing back pats and arm flaps. really not being dismissive was just a thought.

countrykitten Sat 12-Jan-13 20:13:54

Poor guy! You sound like a scary stalker type and also that you have a bit of an unhealthy obsession going on. As a teacher myself I know how busy I am at work and how I do not have time to interpret every tiny nuance of a smile or an arm flap (!) and think that you are reading FAR too much in to his behaviour. Let it go, find another person to fixate on and give the guy a break.

countrykitten Sat 12-Jan-13 20:15:13

Plus forget any ideas about smooching with your dc's teachers - it is a VERY BAD IDEA even if you hadn't scared this poor guy to death.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:15:57

No I know it is slightly different. It's one class to a year at this school so I no other alternative, but a lot of the teachers have their children at different schools (there are lots close by), but one teacher has a child in her class and another about to go into her class in Sept.

I know that if I were in a relationship with a teacher (and I know, I CAN'T. lol), everything would be kept well out of the school and if it ended, there's no need to drag it into the 'work environment', surely?

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sat 12-Jan-13 20:18:13

What the internet or other threads on MN say doesn't make any difference.

Just based on his behaviour this isn't a goer.

He doesn't sound very mature either. I don't think he has handled things all that well. If you'd meet in another context it might have been different. Or not. If you had met him elsewhere you might not have fancied him. A young(ish) man who is good with small children is very attractive. And if you felt he'd singled you out even more so. But I urge you to accept this can go nowhere. X

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:18:37

Another teacher saying the just shouldn't happen, and I agree, in most cases teachers are far too stressed and busy tO fancy/ flirt with parents. It's just not what we go to work for!!!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 20:19:48

uhoh... IF it ended, do you really think you could leave it alone? You seem to read so much into things that any relationship you had with this guy would be stressful at all stages of it.

Are you usually this intense? shock

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:21:48

I was just trying to give reasons why i thought he might have liked me...if I'd come on saying "I think my child's teacher fancies me", then i thought people would have been replying asking how I came to this conclusion - so i thought back over the last few weeks and came up with some explainations to cut out the middle man.

That's all.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:22:47

Another one who thinks you would bring it into work environment if it ended......look at how you've already analysed every move/ breath he's taken....and nothings even happened. I wonder if your dc's have noticed you act differently around mr. Hottie?????

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:24:09

Ok...I do get the message you know!

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 12-Jan-13 20:26:29

OP your relationship with the institution that teaches your DCs has already suffered based on nothing more than a possible flirtation with this man. A full blown relationship with him would be very damaging.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sat 12-Jan-13 20:27:21

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:29:20

Ha did say brutally honest. Seriously though, it'd be just as messy for you as for the guy. You'd have other mums gossiping about you etc. X

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:31:34

To be fair, I should imagine they're doing that anyway.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:34:25

sad well don't give them any more fuel then. That's not nice for you or your dc.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:35:33

Solid- bit harsh!!! Not 'any' man...a specific man at school.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:36:16

Look, I'm not giving them fuel.

I know how I've been acting and it isn't as bad as it seems on here.

I'm fairly sure he doesn't know I like him, however he probably is wondering why I keep looking at the floor when I walk past him, so I'll jst stop doing that.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:37:04

I also wasn't obsessing over words...I was obsessing over him looking at me a lot :p

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:38:00

Why would they be gossiping about u then? I thought you meant because of the flirtation/ignoring stuff going on....

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:42:58

I did...personally I just dont think I've given it away that much.

I know I keep on about this, but 'obvious' would be always booking meetings with the teacher - rather than this time, with the TA because she was the one who is involved with the specific issue I was wanting to talk about (I didn't know she'd call me into the classroom). He was the one that started looking over at me first, right back in September - it was only a few weeks after that I started liking him.

When I take my kids to school or pick them up, I never hang around longer than is necessary and I only speak to him when it's an important matter concerning my child that is in his class.

Yes, I look down when I walk past him or look the other way, but that could just be construed as me being ignorant or with something on my mind, rather than fancying him couldn't it?

Him ignoring me, coincides with when I started to 'ignore' him - it's just that he's started avoiding being anywhere near me too, as well as just being a bit cold towards me.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:45:10

I also turn up to school looking rough as anything a lot of the time; in complete contrast to the 'other' single mum by the way who quite often turns up in hotpants, her coat open, no tights and stands right at the front of the group of parents at pick up time.

That's obvious! smile I'm slinking at the back looking like a mess and staring at my feet! lol.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 20:46:40

Seriously, mean this really, really nicely...just forget it. think most people on here have suggested it's not appropriate or you've prob read it all wrongly.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 20:51:48


Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 20:53:44

but how about teachers teaching their own children; does that happen at your schools, Fairenuff

It's happened once in my school. How is that relevant? The teacher wasn't dating a parent.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:11:36

I know, I was just thinking slight conflict of interest but you're right; it's completely different.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 21:14:39

uhoh... Be careful that Ruth Jones at Tidy Productions doesn't get her hands on this thread. There's enough raw material here for a talent like hers to make a fab Sky drama... grin

Aww, I feel for you though. You really do like this guy a lot and when you say that you look at your feet, all insipid and meek like, I read it as you sidling up to him, screeching to a dead halt before doing the most elaborate bow, almost bent double looking at your feet, muttering darkly under your breath, "I do not fancy you, not a bit - why would you ever think that? Now look at me, damn you..." before stomping off in the opposite direction, slamming doors as you go...

Your description of the other single mum tells me that this is somehow not the end... not nearly the end... wink

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 21:18:16

I know, I can't believe we have discussed 'not looking at someone I fancy' for six pages and yet, like you, I feel it's not over yet grin

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:21:42

I'm never within 10 feet of the guy, trust me.

Getting a bit sick of the piss taking now, to be hoenst.

As if no one has ever fancied someone before!

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:22:04

Dammit spelling!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 21:26:07

It's gentle joshing,, uhoh, you've had the same advice all through the thread and your responses invite further comment. I don't mean to upset you, honestly, I think most of us have been there at some point in our lives but I really do admire your fortitude and dogged persistence in keeping on your point.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 21:26:19

It's all been in good humour....and if you re-read it all (all 6 pages if it) there is really good advice and some valid questions.

It is a bit sit-com ish.....especially the bit about the other mum in hot-pants.....

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:28:03

And I'm sorry, but he's done some weird shit too.

Me in the PPA room (not used for PPA anymore) designing some crappy poster for school, he walks past the window then backs up (why? he was on his way to yard duty), looks vaguely round the room for 30 seconds then glances at me and goes again.

Ok so he might have been suprised that a parent was in there, but I wouldn't have got in without the receptionist letting me in...not like I scaled a fence, so why was it necessary to do that?

Then stare at me every time I went out into the yard (to the shed, couldn't avoid going out there).

He's definnitely been doing more staring than me! sad

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:30:22

Well apart from the odd one or two that have said they thought he might like me too but is handing it badly/feels he can't take it any further, everyone else has been damn sure he couldn't possibly like me.

And yes, that's hurtful because I've NEVER been wrong when I've thought someone liked me, ever. I can usually always tell.

So why did I get it wrong this time? sad

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 21:32:34

Perhaps he was just surprised to see somebody in the room. The receptionist is at the main door of the school, no? Once you're in, you're in.

How do you KNOW he was staring at your when you went out to the yard. Where you walking backwards? confused

What did he do more than stare at you?

Are you going to admit to some wishful thinking? I rather think you're enjoying yourself a little on this thread, you have a captive audience. grin

<<< goes off to ring Ruth to see how she's fixed workwise now that 'Stella' is screening...

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 21:32:49

Hahah......the ppa room really was prob him backing thinking "is that who I think it She's in the ppa room now?! Uh oh"......if he fancied you it would've been perfect for him to come in and chat. Haha....sorry to laugh but it really really is like a sit com....I'm seeing that will mellor as the teacher. Sorry. I'm not taking the piss just trying you to see it for what it is and lighten up a bit over it. You do seem stressed out over it.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:33:47

He was in front of me.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 21:34:37

Im really laughIng now at the thought of this teacher turning corners, seeing you there and diving for cover!!! Sorry......come on you've got to admit it's a funny scenario. smile

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 21:35:31

How can anybody know whether he likes you or not? In all seriousness, we only know what you post. YOU must think yourself that he's not interested in you because you're not really grabbing on to the posts that say he is... so deep down, you KNOW he is not interested in you.

Why take it so much to heart? You haven't invested in this 'relationship' and neither can you. He's your child's teacher and you need to get a grip of your feelings before people do start noticing and treating you as a laughing stock.

There ARE plenty more fish in the sea.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:35:44

I'm stressed out because everyone is making out I'm some loon!

You all think I'm reading too much into it, I didn't think I was because I was in the situation.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 21:36:03

And mad eyed mums with hot pants on pushing to the front if the queue to speak to him.....I'm hearing Benny hill music!

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:37:26

Well, I'm hardly going to clutch onto the few posts that seem to think he does like me, and look like even more of a twat to you lot, am I?

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:44:43

In the first meeting, he found out I was from the same town as him originally.

He then told me almost exactly where he lives. He has always seemed 'aware' is the only way I can describe it, of me being around; I don't stand there staring, but I notice a change in his behaviour when I walk into a room.

He would go from being pleased to see me/smiling when he saw me in the morning, to completely blanking me in the afternoon.

One time I was walking out of the office, past they playground and glanced over at my child (who had their back to me, so I carried on walking) - suddenly the teacher shouted to my child that mummy was looking, but by then I was well past the playground anyway...there are a lot of times when I've glanced at him and he's already been looking at me.

I've been coming out of the hall a few times and he'd be at the end of the corridor talking to a teacher, but looking down in this direction and carried on looking as I walked out of the hall and out of sight, I've been walking past him in the corridor and glanced back (for various reasons; heard my child's voice, talking to another mum...) and he's been looking...

it all sounds very minor, but lots of minor things just seemed to add up to something bigger, that's all sad

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 21:51:18

Do you know what I think, UhOh? He was kind and pleasant to you, open and friendly, and then when you started liking him, he got the message and he doesn't want that. He's back-pedaling away from you hoping that you'll get the messge.

It's not a reflection on you, it's just something that he doesn't want. He's open and friendly to people where there's not a threat of drama... there is or was with you and he is telling you, loud and clear, that he doesn't want this.

It's up to you whether you get the message or whether you continue to rake through every thought, glance and coincidental meeting to glean signs that he is interested. Bear in mind though that you're putting those through a 'hopeful' filter... those are not the most transparent ones.

Sometimes minor things are just minor things and multiples of them are just, well... multiple minor things, not a big thing at all.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:52:34

So, he's going to always think I like him then :/

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:53:47

And how do you know that he's trying to give me the message he's not interested?

Could it not be like someone else suggested; that I seemed to be ignoring him so he decided to back off?

Not clutching at straws, just trying to understand why you're so sure it's not the other option (seeing as some others suggested it might be)

McNameChange Sat 12-Jan-13 21:55:21

Are you my friend OP? Not on the VERY south coast by any chance? I don't think she's aware that our new male primary school teacher spends ALL of morning line up and school kick out time staring at her with a very shy smile on his face (thought he was trying his luck with me at first but its definitely her dammit sad grin )

In all seriousness, you do sound like you're over thinking this. Go back to talking to him like your DC's teacher and try and ride out the crush! Male primary school teachers probably get lots of attention, an educated man who's good with small children what's not to like?! Your teacher sounds like he's aware of this, has played on it and for whatever reason has now chosen to back off, which is probably for the best all round.

countrykitten Sat 12-Jan-13 21:57:08

No it is not something bigger I genuinely think that you are being a bit delusional. Plus if you lurk about the place looking at the floor constantly then how on earth do you know exactly what he is doing and where he is looking every second of the day (which you do seem to do through reading your slightly strange posts).

My guess is that he is a friendly guy and either he or someone else at the school (if it was my school then he may well be having the piss royally taken out of him for an obsessed Mum stalking him!) has realised that you are taking his friendliness completely the wrong way. So he is avoiding engaging with you.

Worried now that when I smile at Dads at parents' evening that they may be sizing me up as a conquest.....grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 21:57:18

Because if he liked you and/or wanted to pursue this with you... he would. It's that simple really. Men are usually quite clear about what they want.

It's possible that he thinks you're ignoring him so has backed off and, if you think that's the case, ask him out.

Bear in mind though that everybody on this thread has told you that it isn't a good idea as your child is in the school, but you must do what you think best.

I think you're clutching those straws very tightly indeed but if they give you comfort then... confused

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 21:58:37

It's just the fact that 100%, his weird/ignoring behaviour started just after I decided to start avoiding eye contact with him.

Before that, it was more normal - he'd smile, say hi, didn't run a mile when he saw me...

That's the only thing that got me thinking that maybe those people who'd said that he was ignoring me because I was ignoring him, might have been right.

But I will just chill and let him carry on playing silly buggers, if he wants to.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 22:02:59

I'm not lurking around all the time - have you not read my posts?

I know I seem like I'm ignoring what you're saying but at least I'm commenting on what people have said and answering!

I made a point of NOT looking at him, talking to him (unless about my child), just generally being engaged in something else at all times when I was around him, apart from when circumstances meant we had to talk.

I just thought that if he liked me, but I started ignoring him so he thought he'd better not risk carrying on with anything, then maybe I coud somehow get back on better terms with him again.

Oh, I don't know.

I'm just not used to misreading things when it comes to men, that's all.

countrykitten Sat 12-Jan-13 22:04:04

OP I think that you sound like a very sweet but very inexperienced teenager! If he liked you, you would know and you being shy around him would spur him on not make him back off. I think it's best to leave it alone but I know how hard crushes can be.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 22:05:46

And also...there is literally no one at the school that has seen the way I act around him.

Outside of school, the Head is usually at the opposite gate so she won't have noticed anything, there aren't any staff members that would have notice, I'm 100% on that.

countrykitten Sat 12-Jan-13 22:05:49

And try and think of your dcs in all of this - you may think that you are being subtle but you may well be very easy to read! I wish you all the best in any case.

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 22:06:33

(if it was my school then he may well be having the piss royally taken out of him for an obsessed Mum stalking him!)

Yep, mine too.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 22:08:23

What about when 'shy' comes across as ignorant though?

I'm just looking at myself; the way I see him coming across as avoiding me, is exactly how I have been acting towards him, so surely he could be thinking the same of me, as I am of him? (in that I'm avoiding him for some reason)

I AM being subtle, trust me.

And...I was convinced I DID know! He's exhibiting the signs that the other people who've liked me have...but hey, you know best I suppose.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 22:10:18

So... why are you asking?

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 22:10:39

Well yes, to get opinions. I know sad

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 22:14:03

It's just the fact that 100%, his weird/ignoring behaviour started just after I decided to start avoiding eye contact with him

Look, this statement says it all. You started avoiding eye contact with him so he backed off.

If any parent at school, male or female, single or not, started avoiding eye contact with me I would respect their wishes and leave them alone. If they wanted to speak to me I would be available. As one person to another, not in any crush way.

Leave it well alone, concentrate on your course, be courteous and professional and put this one down to experience.

countrykitten Sat 12-Jan-13 22:15:49

I am sorry if you are offended but the 'you know best I suppose' is rather an off comment.

As I said before, I wish you all the best with this but I am guessing that you only want to hear what you want to hear so I shall bow out of this thread and leave you to it.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 22:24:07

I take it booking a meeting with him at some point and saying I've picked up on an atmosphere and if I've made him feel uncomfortable then I apologise, would be a bad idea and make things even worse?

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 22:27:12


uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 22:29:04

Ok...just trying to act normal it is, then smile

bumhead Sat 12-Jan-13 22:44:03

How has this thread got to 8 pages??

If this guy knew that a parent at school had obsessed about him so much that there was an 8 page thread on the internet about him somewhere without there even having been a relationship in the first place, he would have you sectioned!

Be polite to him, start acting normal and take up a hobby in your spare time and work on your self esteem. Then this whole situation will be visible for what it is, a load of nothing.
Good luck.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 22:48:35

This is a wind up isn't it????? This thread is still going and on the 8th page, the op asks if a MEETING with the poor stalked teacher to discuss this (imagined?) atmosphere. Pleeeeeaaaaasssse, somebody tell me this is a joke.
In the words of the dragons in the den......."I'm out"

Good luck

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 22:52:18

Oh really, mammadiggingdeep? You can go, but you can never leeeeeeaavvve... confusedshockgrin

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 22:55:00

smile ...........still here.........aarrrrrgggggghhhhh

Maryz Sat 12-Jan-13 23:04:54

I really hope this is a wind up.

Otherwise there is some poor young teacher out there who should be running for the hills grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 23:11:12

... or running for a good solicitor for some injunctive relief! grin

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 13-Jan-13 00:59:56

Regardless of what has gone on, the moment thankfully has passed. So move on OP and find a decent, available, more appropriate man with whom you start talking and maybe have a relationship.

AgnesBligg Sun 13-Jan-13 01:57:59

I think the teacher fancies her. And OP, you need to get over this shyness.

NotMostPeople Sun 13-Jan-13 02:01:06

Can I just say OP that ignorant does not mean to ignore.

VestaCurry Sun 13-Jan-13 02:18:23

Read first batch of posts thinking wtf? Came to Cogito's and am in absolute agreement. Not bothered to read rest of thread except to flip to the last few posts of what has run to 8 pages grin!

OP it all sounds like you're 14 wondering about some lad in the same school as you. Even then it seem completely OTT and obsessive over-analysis of who looked where, when etc etc <yawn>.

VestaCurry Sun 13-Jan-13 02:19:47 did ask for brutally honest opinions

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 08:00:22

If you read my original post, all I said were a feww reasons why I thought he might have been interested in me; generally being aware of my presence, looking at me a lot (more than you would expect) etc. This is generally how you notice a man likes you in a bar for example, no?

So why is it weird/childish to notice this from my child's teacher, but not if I'd gone in a pub and notice some random stranger giving me the eye?

Only difference being, I haven't gone and outrageously flirted with the bloke because A) I assumed he's out of my league, B) he's in his place of work (but then so would the checkout guy at ASDA if I liked him! and C) I wasn't sure if I had read it wrong, but considering some people on here think he likes/liked me then maybe I didn't read it wrong. He might, or might not have.

I'm not stalking him, and to say or imply that is unfair because you're going on the things I've told you, twisting them to sound weird so you can have a good laugh at my expense.

From my perspective; there are 2 possible reasons for his behaviour - either he likes/liked me, or he was looking at me and all that because I was looking at him! Except I wasn't; in his general direction yes, but not AT him.
And he was acting 'aware' of me from the start; when we had a 'meet rhe teacher' thing in July last year with the whole class of parents, he focused on me the majority of the time - and that's not me being arrogant or delusional; it's now it was, because after 10 minutes of it I felt uncomfortable and started to avoid looking at him.

Anyway, no point talking any more because you'll all continue to think badly of me anyway.

Pipachi Sun 13-Jan-13 09:36:48

OP, I feel for you. I think there is a chance that he likes you. He is acting in a very awkward way. Of course a young male (handsome) teacher is used to be a
centre of attention, it doesn't make him automatically immune or mature thought.

Try acting normal, at least until he is not you DD's teacher anymore. smile

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 10:33:14

Hey now...I didn't say he was handsome! ;)

Last night, I think I was going off on one slightly.

I was taking in everyone's opinion, but at the same time I was panicking because everyone seemed to think I'd caused the awkwardness by being too obvious - when actually that was the opposite of what I was trying to achieve!

Probably over analysing again, but I mean when I had the meeting with the TA the other day, it was after school and all the children had left so did he have to come and sit with us? It was about reading; and it's only the TA that 'does' the reading with the kids; he was milling about until I'd asked about how to explain something to my child and the TA called over to him to ask about some sound he'd used to explain it - sorry trying to make it a bit non-specific but ending up not explaining very well!

Anyway he seemed comfortable enough when he came to sit at the table, I was obviously concentrating on the TA but when you have two people sitting with you, your gaze teds to flit between the two people, so I was doing that and not staring or focusing on him, just being normal basically; and in return, he was offering a few bits of advice and being professional.

Maybe I have over read things, at the moment I'm wondering whether to change my youngest's school prefs (got til tomorrow to change it) to the school nearest our house and then I can move my other children to that school as well; thereby avoiding this teacher and any rumours altogether - might sound a bit extreme but I feel really bad about the situation.

I'm hoping it's salvegeable (pmsl sorry, brain freeze on how to spell that word!).

TheSpleen Sun 13-Jan-13 10:52:48

Jeez is this still going?

Does he play the guitar? It is a fact well know stereotype that naughty, male primary school teachers play the guitar. I had one in my primary and the DC had one in their last school, by the time he'd left he'd shagged 12 mums, 4 members of female staff, 1 TA, 2 governors and 3 of the dads <exaggerates wildly>

He sounds flaky UhOh and flakiness becomes unattractive very quickly. You sound lovely, find someone worthy of your passion.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 10:55:46

No but there is one that does!

When I said I hoped it was...still can't spell the word; able to be saved slightly, I meant in a parent-teacher way.

TheSpleen Sun 13-Jan-13 10:59:04

Then just talk to him normally and at times you normally would, if you walk past him in the corridor say hi. He'll eventually get a grip and realise that his behaviour is making life awkward for everyone... Hopefully.

DoctorAnge Sun 13-Jan-13 11:06:52

I think he likes you but felt silly when you started ignoring him. Now he is behaving like a bit Of a twat.

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 11:13:17

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uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 11:28:39

Izzy that's just silly.

If I thought I'd made it that obvious do you think I'd ever show my face at the school anyway?

Now you're being childish. And for the record...I DID NOT go past 10 times to wash my fecking hands!

I have stated that quite a few times now!

You clearly think that it's impossible for a teacher, being a human himself - remenber that - could possibly ever find a parent attractive and I've obviously thrown myself at him! Which couldn't be further from the truth.

When I said I went past his classroom; what I meant was, I passed him in the corridor quite a few times. Sorry for not being crystal clear!

The majority of the 5 hours I was in school, I was outside in the shed (moving things out there) and yes, it was dirty and dusty and cobwebby in there so course I'm going to go and wash my hands! So I used the visitor toilets rather than the staff ones (which wouldn't have involved going anywhere near his classroom) but next time I'll take a pot to piss in!

Am I really supposed to be able to know when he's going to come around the corner? Because about 3 times out of the times I 'bumped into' (not literally) him, he was coming the opposite direction to me, another time I went past (to get to the office) he was in the new PPA room... the rest of the time I don't know if he was even in the classroom, he seems to spend more time out of it than in anyway!


countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 11:40:40

Oh God - checked in to see if it's still dragging on and yes it is. Despite sensible folk telling you that you have a problem obsession here you are intent on making it somehow his fault and other posters are even calling him a 'twat' and 'immature' when they know nothing about the poor man beyond what your very skewed posts have offered.

I imagine that some teachers may think a parent or two is attractive (although I confess that I never have as I have always viewed parents in a professional light and nothing more) but parents are off limits to a staff member and so I do not think that he would have thought about you in that way at all. Staff members should also be off limits to parents too if they had any sense.

This is like some God awful costume drama where every glance is over analysed and given much more weight than it deserves. It sounds like you are at the school way too much and the fact that when the guy comes over to discuss your child's reading with you you read something in to that too says it all really.

The more your justify your weird behaviour the worse it all sounds. I genuinely think that you need a reality check and that you need to stop obsessing about this man and leave him to do his job. I agree with everything that Izzy posted.

Fairenuff Sun 13-Jan-13 11:48:06

Maybe they should include a session on 'how to handle crushes from mums' in the teacher training, perhaps alongside behaviour management in the classroom?

OP people are making fun because you are having a sense of humour failure. I don't think you will get any different advice than that which has already been given, yet you keep making ridiculous suggestions.

How about this - yes, he probably did fancy you but decided it was best not to get involved with a parent. He is trying to avoid you until the feelings of attraction go away but is drawn to you and, like a moth to a flame, he cannot resist and 'flaps' around you.

You should arrange a meeting to speak with him 1-1 and have a heart to heart. You should declare your attraction, but in a shy manner and agree between yourselves that it would best for you to move your children to another school so that you can embark on this great romantic adventure with a clear conscience.

Is that better? Is that what you wanted to hear?

Or does it sound nonsense like it does to the rest of us?

peggyblackett Sun 13-Jan-13 11:50:02

I'm cringing for you OP, as is everyone else I'm sure. Why not give it a rest? He's clearly not interested. Move on, and find someone who does want to be the recipient of your affections. Life is too short and all that.

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 11:53:40

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TheSpleen Sun 13-Jan-13 11:55:22

I've never witnessed this 'arm flap', is it the mating ritual of the primary school teacher?

mammadiggingdeep Sun 13-Jan-13 12:00:12

Omg!!!!!! This is unreal!!!!

1- the mere fact you even mention the idea of moving your children's school is ludicrous- this is NOT putting your children 1st
2- you sound absolutely obsessed now-he sat with you at a meeting about your child's reading and you somehow think the fact he didn't just leave it to the TA means something??? No, it means he was doing his job
3- if you were a dad and this was a female teacher people would be thinking 'harassment' and 'stalker'.

Honestly, genuinely with every sincere, caring bone in my body i say this: take a step back and reflect on why you have made such a scenario out of a few (perhaps imagined) glances.

Honestly, he really really was/is just doing his job. I feel for him, I really do.

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 12:00:58


One to look forward to in Attenborough's next series?

<visions of David concealed in classroom cupboard>

TheSpleen Sun 13-Jan-13 12:10:35

And here we have the lesser spotted male primary school teacher, watch as he makes his away across the savanna playground, he flaps his arms wildly attracting the OP females of the species, here he selects the only non hot pant wearing female to drag back to the dusty store room where he will proceed to serenade her by playing kumbaya on the guitar... grin

mammadiggingdeep Sun 13-Jan-13 12:17:27

Lol smile

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 12:23:05

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akaemmafrost Sun 13-Jan-13 12:28:24

I feel for you OP. I think you HAVE over thought things though. I also feel some posters are being AWFUL to you on this thread. I'd honestly stop posting if I were you smile.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 12:33:31

You're all fucking hilarious. Seriously.

What I meant by him coming over when I was talking to the TA (which ws none of his business; he may be the teacher, but she does the reading and only her!) was that he can't have felt that uncomfortable around me, otherwise he'd have carried on dicking about the classroom.

That's all. Nothing to do with attraction, or anything else.

peggyblackett Sun 13-Jan-13 12:45:54

Stop posting OP. You have garnered all the advice you need, and now it just leaves you open to further ridicule.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 13-Jan-13 12:48:23

No. Stop right there- it is his business!!!! Ta's do jobs under teachers instructions- hexhas every right to join the discussion. He is ultimately responsible for your child's reading progress. STop reading into innocent situations. Tbh, you are sounding slightly dangerous. Your the sort to start wild accusations towards innocent people. He was going his f-ing job.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 12:58:08

Oh for goodness sake, stop over reacting! Dangerous person FGS!

Yes I know they do.

But he only came over because she asked something specific about a noise he makes to describe something in class! He was over the other side of the room anyway, could hear everything that was being said and if I'd wanted to speak to him, I would have done. The whole point of booking a meeting with the TA was for her to come outside and avoid me having to deal with the teacher.

Also, she's a HLTA, has been at the school a long time, is twice his age and he's new to the school. I think she's quite qualified to discuss my child's reading level - seeing as it was her that made the decision to put my child up 3 levels and the teacher didn't know what stage my child was on, anyway.

And how was I making an accusation anyway?!

Maryz Sun 13-Jan-13 13:02:13

ds is thinking about being a teacher.

I'm going to make him read this thread.

wellcoveredsparerib Sun 13-Jan-13 13:03:38

OP, I too think you should now hide this thread. You have had all the useful advice/opinion you are going to get. Coming back constantly to repeat you are not obsessed, with further examples that indicate you probably are does you no favours.

You need to start doing and thinking about something else.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 13-Jan-13 13:04:21

No, I said you're the sort that does (not has) make accusations. You read things that aren't there. Yes, dangerous. I don't know why you posted. You asked for opinions then argued against lots of people all saying the same.
Good luck and tbh good luck to the poor guy!

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:06:07

So what about the ones that weren't saying the same, then?

They should automatically be ignored?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 13:09:21

No of course not, you should cling on to every vestige of posting wisdom that you like the look of. We don't know the full story and you're presenting things in a way to get the responses you want, you're still not getting them. hmm

I really hope that you're just enjoying the thread and not serious. I really hope that with all my heart because the alternative is that you're a stalker-in-waiting.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:12:10

Except there were quite a few that agreed with me. I've noticed the same few people saying the negative side of things, jumping on the bandwagon.

wellcoveredsparerib Sun 13-Jan-13 13:13:16

OP, the tone and opinions on this thread have shifted from sympathy to you and thinking the teacher has not handled the situation very well to now predominant feelings that you are unhealthily obsessed with him because of what you have revealed in further posts.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:14:12

And I'm sorry, but I just don't see how you can come to conclusion that I'm soehow 'stalking' this person, when I've been avoiding eye contact and staying away from him as much as possible!?

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:15:09

Like what? Give me some examples because I don't see what I have revealed in 'further posts' that I didn't state in the first one.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 13-Jan-13 13:16:08

The peo

wellcoveredsparerib Sun 13-Jan-13 13:18:16

Look back at your posts OP. Perhaps not now, though. Give yourself a breather for an hour or so. I am not jumping on a bandwagon and dont mean to be unkind but your perspective does seem wonky.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:18:39


nkf Sun 13-Jan-13 13:20:06

I didn't read the whole thread but I should stop thinking about it if I were you.

Maryz Sun 13-Jan-13 13:20:31

Posters 1 to 10: YABU
Poster 11: YmightNBU
OP: Oh, yes Poster 11 you are right, I'm obviously NBU
Posters 12 to 50: YABU
Poster 51: YmightNBU
OP: There you are, Posters 11 and 51 agree with me so I'm obviously NBU
All other posters (now exasperated): YABU and a bunny boiler
OP: You are all nasty, expect for posters 11 and 51, who are quite right.
OP: I'm NBU, by the way.

Classic grin

Maryz Sun 13-Jan-13 13:20:40

All we need now is:

OP: You are all a crowd of bjullying bjitches, I'm going to get this thread deleted.

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 13:21:22

Some clutch at straws before they drown and some stand on the bank throwing straws at those who are drowining.

It appears you don't want to admit to yourself that your dc's current teacher is not interested in having any relationship with you outside of that which he has to enter into with every parent/carer of the dc he teaches.

IMO anyone who encourages you in your potentially dangerous obsession with this male teacher is as deranged deluded as you appear to be.

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 13:26:11

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uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:27:41

No, I'm not bothered about that!

The problem I have is with the people saying I've come across as a desperate stalker and he's worked out what I thought about him.

Couldn't care less whether he liked me or not, my issue you all thinking that he knows! Which I'm fairly sure he doesn't.

DoodlesNoodles Sun 13-Jan-13 13:29:25

Really sounds like you are over thinking it. You sound like a 14 year old. confused

You have a crush, he isn't into you, time to move on.

Ministrone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:30:22

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uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:32:30

Marshmallo did you read the first page or did you just jump on at the end?

Ministrone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:32:34

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Ministrone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:33:21

Especially the teachers wahey

Ministrone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:35:00

I have read the whole scenario
sorry I have I spoiled something?

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 13:35:30

Unless he's Derren Brown a mindreader, he doesn't have a clue what's gone/going on in your head.

Just put all of these longings this out of your head and treat him as you would any other of your dc's teachers because, in truth, that is all he his and all he can ever be to you.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:37:45

Not entirely sure whether that's another pisstake izzy or actual opinion.

I don't think he does know, and if he thinks he knows then surely that is his arrogance, as long as I carry on treating him like any other person.

Worded badly but cba typing anymore.

Maryz Sun 13-Jan-13 13:40:42

Please uhoh, tell me this is a piss-take. Please.

If not, re-read your posts. Just your posts. Preferably print them off and read them as the basis of a M&B novel, maybe

Your heading about driving yourself insane is very apt. I feel, reading this thread, that I am going slowly around the bend. I should really hide it, but it has an awful fascination, a bit like watching slow-motion car crash.


MusicalEndorphins Sun 13-Jan-13 13:40:48

OP, just keep acting as yourself. If he wants to ask you out he will. But I recommend you do not bring this matter up with him, as you risk making a fool out of yourself, and an already awkward situation more so.

akaemmafrost Sun 13-Jan-13 13:44:20

maryz this isn't AIBU though. It's relationships. People should be kinder here.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:45:11

I won't bring it up. I won't carry on volunteering, will find a placement at another school. Still considering changing my dc's school - it won't affect them, they're too young atm.

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 13:45:41

My reponse at 13.35 was not a pisstake.

Simply focus your attention on other matters and treat him as you would any other of your dcs' teachers.

akaemmafrost Sun 13-Jan-13 13:47:39

So you are planning to change you and your children's who,e lives over this? I do think you need to get a bit of perspective tbh. I imagine this thread has not been that good for you in that it's probably built it up even more in your mind spending so much time talking about it. Honestly I would leave the thread now I really don't think it's doing you any good.

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Sun 13-Jan-13 13:50:10

He either:

1) Fancies you and is acting as you are.
2) Was being friendly, thought you were being unfriendly and is backing off.
3) Is acting normally and you have slightly misinterpreted what's going on.
4) A whole range of other situations that I'm sure I've not covered


Surely the logical response to any of those is just to treat him as any other teacher from now on? And I don't mean avoiding eye contact (which I think you've said you'll stop doing anyway) or playing coy, but being breezy and, for want of a better word, normal. Like you would do with your other DCs teachers!

If it turns out to be situation 1 then what better way for him to see you as you are. If it's 2 then you can regain your normal "professional" relationship, and if it's 3 hopefully after a while you can see that nothing's going to happen but nothing's been compromised, least of all your DCs education.

Which, reading your latest post, seems to be what you're going to do note to self, always read the full thread so I hope it goes well for you OP. Please don't move your DCs away from the school though, it seems like a massive over reaction to something that doesn't warrant it.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:50:34

No, I said I was considering it.

It would make things easier for us all anyway as this is school is really too far away.

So not just because of this; but at the same time, if he's figured out that I liked him or I've made it look really obvious, then everyone else will have noticed too; or at least some of the teachers - and I don't want to be talked about amongst the staff for the entire time my children are at school.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 13:51:28

Presumably you picked the school that wasn't closest to your home for sound reasons. What compelling reason do you have for removing the children to a different school now?

You say you're going to give up the volunteering; maybe that's a good idea. Direct your focus somewhere else other than the school because the atmosphere must be very odd based on what you've posted.

If you could only find a way to not be so self-absorbed, to laugh at yourself once in a while, maybe? You've taken a simple 'crush', which many of us have experienced and blown it up into a melodrama when it is nothing of the sort, nothing has happened.

What you're doing though is playing with people's actual lives and that's not on. Stop it.

Maryz Sun 13-Jan-13 13:51:30

Oh, ffs.

You are going to change your placement, move your children, stop volunteering, simply because you aren't willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, there is nothing at all going on.

Sorry, akaemmafrost, I just assumed it was aibu because of the title (I noticed on most active). I did start off being pretty gentle, as did most people. But the op appears to be deliberately either not listening or over-reacting, which is a bit frustrating.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:53:56

I was living closer to the school when my children first started at the school. Recently had to move to a new place a couple of miles away.

And no - I'm not considering changing because nothing is going on...I'm considering changing because everyone has made it quite clear that he KNOWS what I thought/think of him and is thinking I'm stalking him.

Can't exactly stay at the school now, can I.

Ministrone Sun 13-Jan-13 13:54:40

You have had your fun.

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Sun 13-Jan-13 13:58:13

Don't you think a few awkward weeks (which I'm sure will ease if you stop with the lowering your eyes etc) is a much smaller price to pay than moving your DCs and all that it entails (for them, might I add). It seems unfair that they'd have to "suffer" because you'd feel uncomfortable for awhile...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 13:58:43

Stop being so self-absorbed and focus on the sensible for a minute. You say that you haven't been obvious, we can only know from what you've posted whether this is true or not. If you say you haven't been obvious then there's no reason to move your children to another school, is there?

I really think that you love the drama of it all; maybe because it's not happening in real life with this teacher, you need to make it 'real' here. I hope that that is the case rather than you so arbitrarily making decisions about your childrens' schooling based on something so mundane as gossip which wouldn't even exist (and maybe even doesn't) because of your behaviour towards this teacher.

Whether you've made a bit of a fool of yourself or not - this teacher is still being proessional. Treat him the same as you do the other teachers and all will be well, nothing to see here or gossip about.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 14:00:58

... and it's not YOU at the school, it's your children. This is not about YOU. hmm

I think you should definitely stop spending so much time there. Make that your decision rather than the headteacher asking you to stay away.

GothAnneGeddes Sun 13-Jan-13 14:03:32

uh - Yes, your children can stay at the school. You prioritise them over this overcooked nonsense and I speak as someone who moved school many times - it is disruptive, regardless of the child's age.

You have had some excellent advice here, but you are refusing to see it.

Taking a step back, acting normal, and focusing on other things are great advice for getting through awkward situations.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:04:41

I don't spend much time there really - I've been in school about 5 times since the start of term - and all those times were helping out with parent-run events.

Actually, make it about 10 times if you include nativity plays for all the children.

The thing is; I can't just start picking my eyes up off the floor, smiling and everything will be well; because as soon as he sees me coming he disappears - therefore he won't be giving me the chance to 'act normal' and this whole thing will continue on indefinitely - on his part, I mean (with the avoiding behaviour)

That's all I meant.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:05:32

Oh's the Head that's been asking me to come in and help out, which is why I thought those that said he'd have noticed my behaviour (or someone else might have), were wrong.

Ministrone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:07:26

How about if you lie on your back with your legs in the air and see if he notices

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Sun 13-Jan-13 14:08:45

So let him avoid you. No biggie.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 14:15:38

Don't be silly. It's really very simple; treat him the same as you do all the other teachers and it won't matter whether he notices or not, you will be behaving in an appropriate manner and nobody will gossip about you.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:19:32

But he'll still think I have a crush on him!

Things like this matter to me.

I want him to treat me like any other parent.

loopylou6 Sun 13-Jan-13 14:19:50

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WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Sun 13-Jan-13 14:21:26

You can't control his actions. Only your own. So act normal and stop worrying about it.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:21:41

You don't think people, after 5 or so consecutive days of me walking down the school driveway, him looking at me as soon as he sees me walking down and then wandering off into the playground (and coming back out the minute I turn my back) might not notice he's avoiding me and wonder why?

I would.

And as I said before; I WAS treating him normally and yet this mum the other day still noticed him blatantly blank me when I was attempting to go and ask him why my child was crying.

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Sun 13-Jan-13 14:23:27

It will pass. Is what people think really more important that your children's education and welfare?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 14:24:50

You don't even know what he thinks, UhOh. Will it crush you if I suggest that you aren't even on his radar at all? That he just thinks your odd and doesn't for a minute register a crush?

Therefore he will treat you like any other parent if you behave like one. Stop blanking him, floor-gazing and just generally being odd around him.

Just a reminder also - you don't know that he's single so STOP IT.

Get a grip of yourself and start focusing on your life outside of this school. It isn't you that needs to attend there but your children do.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:27:07

Assuming he doesn't leave or switch years...he'll be teaching my child (the one in nursery) next year - I'd rather not have another year of him being awkward around me and avoiding me!

But anyway, I've already said I'll 'act normal' - as in, try and say hi if he ever makes eye contact again, keep my eyes up off the floor and try to act unbothered when he does a runner.

Although when I do have to talk to him and instead of making eye contact and inviting conversation; as he does with the other parents - he turns away and walks off leaving me standing there looking an idiot, personally I think THAT behaviour is wrong and difficult to just 'ignore'.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:30:17

I do get your point, Lying - honest I do.

But try and see mine - bearing in mind what I said in my post a minute ago about him turning round and walking away when he sees I'm wanting to speak to him and with an upset child in tow.

If he spots me when I'm 15 feet away at the top of the driveway (and immediately turns and walks off, popping back out again the second my child is in the playground and I'm walking away (which he DOES!) then it's him making things bloody obvious, even if I stop staring at the floor, he'll carry on acting that way and eventually, some of the other parents will notice and wonder what I've done to offend him so much! As happened the other day.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 14:31:56

Why? If you need to speak to him (for a valid reason) then speak to him. If not, don't. There's no need for you to make a special point of saying hello to him.

Don't 'act' normal - BE normal. I don't think your acting skills would be up to much, sorry.

If you really did want advice on getting through this, you've had it - some great advice from other posters on this thread so follow it, or not, but stop what you're doing because you're going to make yourself look ridiculous if you carry on with what you're doing. That's it really. If you carry on, it's your choice to do that and your children will bear the brunt.

He's being awkward because he senses you are feeling awkward. It's as simple as that!

I really think you are massively overthinking this.
Go into school as normal, treat him the same as everyone else, be pleasant and civil when you have to deal with him in relation to the children.
Get this all into pespective. It's not like you've even had a toe curlingly embarassing encounter or conversation in which one of you has said 'I fancy you' and the other has relied 'No thanks!' In which case i could sympathise with you maybe feeling like you need to move somewhere else.

Ber-limey! You are a worrier.

And if he backs off or ignore you - his problem! Stop stressing about it. As soon as he sees you relaxing in time he will too.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:35:14

I can't speak to him (about my child, for a valid reason) if he walks away when he sees me coming.

Not being funny but you don't seem to be grasping that part of what I'm saying?

The other day my child came out of school crying, I went to ask teacher what was wrong with said child, teacher was looking in my direction, saw me walking towards him and just as I got 6 feet from the guy, he turned and walked into the classroom.

And I'm meant to just deal with that and ignore it?

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 14:36:17

Thanks bbsb smile

Then you say loudly "Excuse me but could i have a word. My child is really upset. What has happened?"

Be assertive in relation to your child and put all the rest of the stuff to one side.

If he chooses to behave oddly make it his problem not yours?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 14:38:32

I already answered your post way back on this issue.

You take your children up to the driveway, he might need to speak to the other parents about something - or they want to speak to him. Not your busness. If you don't need to speak to him, drop the children off and go. People aren't looking at you, they're not noticing what you're doing or his reaction to you. This is ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

Try it, just be normal - brisk, bright and breezy and stop noticing him and what he's doing so much - or at all. He's not noticing you and I think it's that that's bugging you because you want him to notice you.

So, you've made a mistake with this one, your spidey senses are usually better - we all make mistakes. Chalk it up and stop obsessing - you are, before you argue. This thread is huge. Never in the history of MN has so much dialogue been argued by so many over such little (with apologies to Winston).

Enjoy your 'celeb' status on this thread and move on... it really is time. It's been fun though. smile

And btw i am a massive worrier too OP. But i think everything is going to be alright. Honest!

ninah Sun 13-Jan-13 14:41:00

I doubt he gives all this a moment's thought. I am a teacher in R and I literally don't have time to analyse parents' eye contact, I am far too busy with their children. I have walked off from people when my mind is on something else. I don't have nearly as much time to chat as I'd like, I keep it functional. Ime parents are usually too busy as well. It's like when you have a spot, it may seem humungous to you but no one else really notices. Just carry on. Normally.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 14:41:12

What bringbacksideburns said - if it's a valid reason then demand politeness.

In the instance you've described though, why wouldn't you just ask your child? Then dry their tears and take them home. Do you really need to ask what happened? I never recall this from my school days... confused

DoctorAnge Sun 13-Jan-13 15:00:07

OP you have got a roasting on here!
Is he quite dishy? The type to get a lot of female attention?
I would honestly just leave it. He sounds really odd and you sound v sensitive. I am too. Don't let this impose on your life it's not worth it.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:02:31

Not really, kind of a baby face and nice smile but a bit umm...'podgy'.

I am going to leave it - see, I can take advice ;)

chenin Sun 13-Jan-13 15:02:39

I think you are finding any excuse to talk to this teacher. Surely you don't have to ask the teacher why your child is upset unless the answer you get from your child is something to worry about.

I have read this thread right through and it seems to me as if you are just not accepting that this teacher doesn't fancy you, and possibly never did. Different posters on this thread have suggested that but you are just not taking it on board in your replies. You are saying you always know. Rubbish... unless you are so gorgeous that every man who comes into contact with you, fancies you.

He is probably finding your behaviour very odd (sorry... but it does sound odd...) Just bear in mind, you will never ever know whether he fancied you or not because somewhere along the line some bridges have been burnt. If he actually did, he won't now because all this sounds so full on.

The only way to rescue the situation, is to put him out of your head from this minute on, give up the voluntary stuff at the school and move on. As for actually moving schools because of this, that does sound rather selfish with regard to your children.

HandbagCrab Sun 13-Jan-13 15:04:09

If a parent has ever been into me I haven't noticed tbh, I've got far too much going on to be thinking if someone fancies me or not.

Anyway, op have you considered counselling for your self esteem? I wouldn't recommend going into a relationship with this man anyway (whether he likes you or not) because you obviously have issues with relationships as does he by the sounds of it. It's absolutely, perfectly fine to fancy someone and ask them out. You don't have to look at the floor, mumble and never come within a hundred yards of someone just so you don't give the wrong impression. And I can say that most people just don't care about whether the person on the part time ta course has a bit of a thing about the reception teacher. It only becomes an issue when people use these relationships in an unprofessional way.

Also, completely off topic, if you are doing a ta course, why are you scrubbing out supply cupboards? Perhaps have a word with your mentor/ link as being able to scrub out a cupboard isn't going to help you find employment in the future.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:04:59

It wasn't an excuse to talk to the teacher; my child has complex special needs so maybe I'm more over protective than I would be usually.

They muttered something about the teacher and raffle tickets, thought I'd quickly as the teacher in case it was something I'd missed (child was crying for an hour over it in the end) but when he walked off I asked another parent instead.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:06:47

True, but it needed doing so I didn't mind.

I'm reconsidering the ta thing too, now ;) maybe I'm not 'mature enough' to work in a school, after all.

Anyway I have taken all advice on board.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 15:09:34

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:10:45

Yes I did.

countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 15:11:26

Hmmm - your description of him 'dicking about' in his classroom (presumably doing prep.) and the fact that you think he knows less about teaching and your child's reading than an HLTA suggest to me that you think very little of him professionally. The fact that she is 'twice his age' is completely irrelevant btw. For someone who spends much of her life in a school you appear to be rather ignorant of the role of a teacher.

I actually feel very sorry for him and wish that he could read this thread. He would be bloody terrified.

Tbh - from what I have read here I would worry that you are the type of person who may make a weird allegation about this teacher if things don't go your way. You are already making up fantasies that he fancies you when you have NO EVIDENCE that this is the case - what next?

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:13:35

Actually, you're right; I didn't.

Thought I had though, must have deleted it.

HandbagCrab Sun 13-Jan-13 15:15:41

Op you really could take this as an opportunity to look at what you want from life. Do you really want a relationship with this man, or is it because it's the only man you have met recently that has been vaguely flirty with you? How long have you been on your own? What do you know about relationships?

If I split from dh I personally couldn't go back to the will he- won't he/ does he- doesn't he like me days of my teens/ early twenties. It's exhausting reading your posts. Fgs, if you like him, why don't you ask him out for a coffee? The worst he can say is no, but if he is not a total bastard he won't make you feel bad for asking. Then you can dust yourself off and move on. Why leave the ball in his court, whilst you scuttle about trying to not draw attention to yourself as your heart lusts from afar. It is completely counterproductive behaviour.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:15:59

Oh, calm down countrykitten.

And no he wasn't doing prep, he was walking from one end of the classroom to the other, closing a door, moving his box of pens, sitting down and smiling at my children...nothing of substance. And again, no, wasn't watching him - but did keep looking round for my children to check they weren't doing a runner out of the classroom door.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:17:41

Handbag - I don't want a relationship. Not now, probably not ever - it's never been my thing. I'd have gone for a drink with him and I'd like to think I could've got into something more (if he'd been interested), but in reality I know I wouldn't have when it comes to it.

So..yes, pointless caring anyway I guess.

HandbagCrab Sun 13-Jan-13 15:17:58

It does come across as a massive overreaction btw as saying you'll take your kids out of school, quit your course etc. rather than have people possibly talk about your imaginary flirtation you know smile

HandbagCrab Sun 13-Jan-13 15:19:18

Ask him out for a drink then! If that's what you want?

VerityClinch Sun 13-Jan-13 15:20:21

Oooh, Lying, how do you know he's married? How do you know who OP is talking about?

chenin Sun 13-Jan-13 15:25:33

Uhoh... how can you now say you don't want a relationship when you have been banging on and on and on about this man? You are obviously totally obsessed with him. If you weren't, you wouldn't give him... the situation... the school scenario... another thought. It would be water off a ducks back.

But then you say you would have gone for a drink with him and would like to think you could've got into something more.

To me this is like fancying your Doctor, your dentist or whatever... it's strictly out of bounds.

And how can you say you were not watching him but yet you saw him walk from one of the classroom to the other, close a door, move his pens, sit down, smile at your children. This is getting ridiculous. I feel sorry for him to be honest. He is trying to do a professional job here and you aren't making it easy for him watching his every move.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 13-Jan-13 15:27:26

Verity... I don't. blush

I was using my amazing skills of interpretation and borrowed OP's crystal ball, combined it with the bit of information like, 'a bit podgy', translated that as 'delicious home-cooked dinners from wife' and voila! grin

<<< goes to get coat... sad ... and hotpants - extra-sparkly! grin

countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 15:29:25

You were, clearly then, watching his every move even when you were supposed to be listening to the HLTA!

Why can't you see that this is WEIRD?

What if he has a beautiful girlfriend and when he goes home he has a little giggle with her about your obsession with him? How would that make you feel?

Try, please try, and be realistic about this.

Maryz Sun 13-Jan-13 15:31:22

I actually know for a fact that he's a married alien zombie.

Which is quite possible of course. At least as possible as most of the scenarios on this thread grin.

countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 15:31:23

And I had forgotten about that other bitch mother who dares to speak to him and wears HOT PANTS. How very dare she?

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:32:01

I don't sit in a classroom with my eyes closed you know!

The TA called me in, he was walking over to the door and closed it.

I sat down, he moved over to his desk which was just to the left of me and faffed about, I looked over and waved at my child in their buggy and as I was turning my head back round again I noticed him looking over there and's not watching someone's every move, it's just stuff you notice in the course of being somewhere with people!

I'm the same with everyone.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:33:56

The reason I mentioned the other mum is because she HAS been gosspiped about. Not by me.

She's one of the types (according to another parent) that thinks a lot of herself.

And it's not hard to notice on a cold day when she walks into the playground in tiny shorts, coat open and no tights with blue legs.

That's all.

TheSpleen Sun 13-Jan-13 15:34:33

Baby face, nice smile and podgy! He sounds exactly like the horny teacher I described earlier! grin

At least this thread should have been cathartic for you, it helps to get all your thoughts down.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:35:52

I have hyper children, one with special needs as I said.

So when in a meeting I can't focus as much as I should.

I alternated between talking to the TA, having one child pester me (mummy...mummy...mummy kind of thing) and looking round the room for my other child, who's like a whirlwind. That's how I noticed some of the things the teacher was doing.

chenin Sun 13-Jan-13 15:35:56

Uhoh... I understand totally what you are saying. In the normal course of events, yes of course, we all notice up to a point what is going on around us. I have picked up on it in the context of your thread. And it's just the fact you seem to have a photographic memory for every single move this man has made over the course of months. That is NOT normal. You seem to do a lot of 'noticing' of what he is doing. Can you report back on exactly what other members of staff or TA's do in the same graphic detail ??

No, I thought not.

VerityClinch Sun 13-Jan-13 15:38:04

Lying gringringrin

Maryz Sun 13-Jan-13 15:38:09

How on earth do you remember everything he did, the exact order in which he did it for every occasion you have seen him?

That's really weird.

Do you think it might benefit your children for you to spend a bit of time with them today? You've been here pretty much non-stop for the last 24 hours. They must be wondering what you are doing.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:38:30

Yes, that's my point - I can. The ones I've seen in school, anyway.

I just have a memory like that; bad long term, annoyingly good short term.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:39:56

Don't even start making assumptions on how I parent my children!

They're staying with their dad overnight; not that it's of any business of yours.

And of course it's not in the exact order...etc. FGS.

chenin Sun 13-Jan-13 15:42:24

You seem to remember every glance, every look, every movement of this man. You can't tell me you remember like that with every other single person you come into contact with. that's impossible.

You say this...
^So when in a meeting I can't focus as much as I should.
I alternated between talking to the TA, having one child pester me (mummy...mummy...mummy kind of thing) and looking round the room for my other child, who's like a whirlwind. That's how I noticed some of the things the teacher was doing.^

If that's the case, you would not have the time OR inclination to notice one thing on what this man is doing. You would be concentrating on the TA and your children. It just sounds like you are using your children running around as an excuse to focus your gaze on him and what he is doing. ' Focus' means concentrating on what is important... the TA and your DCs.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:45:49

I could tell you everything the TA did too...if it helps? Sigh.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:46:53

And if you'd notice, I'm talking of maybe 5 or 6 occasions spanning from September, to now.

Occasions that have stuck out in my mind because I thought he was acting strangely (but apparently, was wrong).

Maryz Sun 13-Jan-13 15:49:01

Actually, if you are for real I am genuinely concerned for you.

You must see, reading back this thread, that it is not normal to spend over 24 hours on one single thread, continually going over and over a situation of any kind.

Much less agonising over every glance, every move, every perceived action or non-action by this guy, who you have only talked to on maybe a dozen occasions confused.

Surely there is something else you could be doing to take your mind off it?

I can guarantee you that he hasn't spent even 24 seconds over the weekend worrying about your opinion of him.

countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 15:50:05

YOU are the one acting strangely sweet pea. I am starting to feel really, really sorry for your now. sad

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:50:25

I'm answering because people are asking me questions, or saying things that require a response.

countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 15:50:28

You not your! Apologies.

chenin Sun 13-Jan-13 15:54:20

Yes, I actually feel a bit worried about you. Can you honestly honestly say from the bottom of your heart, that you will never harbour any romantic illusions about this teacher from now on?

I take my hat off to you for sticking on this thread, it can't have been easy for you, but you have to realise that this is not normal.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 15:59:18

Well I'm not entirely sure what you're implying.

Will I think I still have a chance with him? No.

Will I carry on thinking he's quite cute? Yep probably!

Will I keep trying to avoid him? No - in my mind, he's being rude; if he had so much of a problem with me or my behaviour that he thought he had to steer clear of me then he should have spoken to the Headteacher, or at least asked her not to keep calling on me to go in and be general dogsbody, there are other volunteers not just me.

Maybe he did just have something else on his mind when he walked back into the classroom while I was trying to talk to him, if so then there's no real problem - because as long as he's willing to listen to me if and when I have a (gennuine!) issue with the children, then it's all fine as far as I can see.

countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 16:02:07

I think that you thinking that he is being rude is all also in your head but if it helps to blame him then do it...if that's what it takes to sort this out.

You will look back at this in a month or two and laugh I think. I hope.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 16:04:17

If he's deliberately avoiding me then it's rude.

I've had people with crushes on me that I didn't fancy before and didn't run for the hills any time I saw them.

However, if he's just preoccupied with something at the time or I just catch him as he's about to go back into the playground anyway, for example; then obviously there's no issue.

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Sun 13-Jan-13 16:09:28

Not to rehash old ground, but if you were avoiding eye contact etc why isn't that rude? Perhaps he's just respecting what he perceives to be your wishes and responding in kind.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 16:37:35

Oh I totally agree, I thought right at the start of the thread that my behaviour might have been coming across as rude...others on here prefer to call it 'odd'.

But my behaviour wasn't actually rude, it was just because I liked him and was trying desperately not to show it.

Im also not avoiding being near him - well I am, as in I stand well away from him etc., but he actively moves away from me (walking into the playground when I approach) so is slightly different.

Either way, I'll start acting a bit more user-friendly and stop eyeing up the tarmac in future smile

countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 16:42:34

The key word is 'if' isn't it?

ObscuredByClouds Sun 13-Jan-13 16:48:33

I really, really, really hope none of my students' dads think this way about me. I try my best to be professional but after reading the rest of this thread...who knows what signals I give out unwittingly!

OP, saying it is none of the teacher's business regarding your child's reading is ridiculous, even if the staff Jenner who you were discussing it with was an HLTA.

ObscuredByClouds Sun 13-Jan-13 16:49:34

*member, not Jenner

chenin Sun 13-Jan-13 16:58:24

Yes but that was the OP's reasoning behind the fact the teacher MUST fancy her... it's none of his business and yet he had to come over and sit down whilst I was there which means he really must fancy me...

OP... I hope you can move on from this and forget him totally 'in that way'. As for saying he is still cute... well... that means you can't...

nkf Sun 13-Jan-13 17:00:29

The way you describe the interactions seem a bit sort of hyper to me. You are too alert to everything and overthinking everything. He is a teacher. You are a parent. The rest is all guff and weirdness. The fact that you don't realise how weird it is makes me think you are struggling with something and this teacher is a focus for that. Are you very anxious about your child? Are you alone? There is something going on but I don't think it's a flirtation or a budding romance. It's something else.

countrykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 17:06:30

Anyone ever come across De Cleramboult's Syndrome? Not saying it's what the OP has but.....hmmmm....

Think it was featured in the novel Enduring Love by Ian McEwan.

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Sun 13-Jan-13 17:07:40

Ooh, and it was on Lewis as well! Watched that episode on Friday.

Fairenuff Sun 13-Jan-13 17:29:33

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 18:30:56

Oh for goodness sake. No.

hellie - that isn't what I said!

I said that it might have showed that he wasn't feeling as awkward around me as I thought - NOT because he fancied me, but because he HASN'T NOTICED MY PERCEIVED WEIRDNESS!!!

In other words...he still sees me as just a parent and I don't need to worry that I've made an utter dick of myself. Apart from on here of course, but then MN is known for being a bit 'like this'.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 18:36:40

And just out of interest, have none of you ever been involved with workmates, or even seen someone in a pub that you liked the look of?

I mean...were you really completely oblivious to the fact your OHs fancied you until they actually came up and asked you out? Or you went home with them after one date - however you all got together.

Generally, flirting is about eye contact and all that shit so really, I don't think I WAS being obsessive; not saying that he does like me, just that the way I looked for it wasn't over the top weird - I didn't follow him round like a lost puppy, but in a small school (former church so you know how they're laid out) it's almost impossible not to bump into every member of staff more than once in a day.

I thought I noticed that when we chanced upon each other (yes...CHANCED UPON....and it was always him coming into the places I was...again, not because he liked me, but just that I got given a place to do some job which was usually the old PPA room - which happens to be across from the staff room and he would obviously go in there a lot), there was something different about the way he acted around me, than everyone else. And yes it may be he thought I was a freak but he was acting that way from the moment I met him so he's obviously very good at seeking out the nutters, if that's the case.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 13-Jan-13 18:43:11

Seriously- is this STILL being discussed. 3 little words. Give it up.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 18:45:03

You could always try...not reading? Maybe?

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 18:52:07

And for the record...erotomania is what those people that are in love with celebrities have.

Where they think the person concerned is more in love with them than they are with the person, they can't be happy without them etc.

Bit over dramatic don't you think? For someone who misread a lot of looking over and generally being awkward around me?

mammadiggingdeep Sun 13-Jan-13 18:52:16

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 18:55:14

You say I'm pathetic, then make a comment like that. Don't be so silly!

izzyizin Sun 13-Jan-13 19:04:31

Don't you have anything else to do, OP? Or are you attempting to set a record for the most hours racked up on mumsnet in a weekend?

UnderSailingOrders Sun 13-Jan-13 19:06:30

Come on OP, whether you imagined the flirting or not, it's clearly stopped dead in its tracks now. Nothing good will come of you obsessing about it.

grin @ the guitar comment. Are we at the same school?

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 19:07:42

I've already said I'm going to carry on as normal, treating him like any other teacher - it's the witches of eastwick that are carrying this thread on!

UnderSailingOrders Sun 13-Jan-13 19:13:58

Ha just seen the baby faced, nice smile, slightly plump comment - definitely the same school grin

Glad to hear it OP, hope you manage to get the normal parent-teacher relationship back.

uhohwhathaveidone Sun 13-Jan-13 19:19:00

Thanks smile

UnderSailingOrders Mon 14-Jan-13 15:58:52

<sneaks back in>

How did the school run go? wink

Mimishimi Tue 15-Jan-13 07:55:42

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

PostBellumBugsy Tue 15-Jan-13 09:49:06

Cringed my way through this thread. Aren't there school guidelines about professional behaviour with parents? Surely you can't have every male primary school teacher flirting with all the mothers?

Wouldn't those guidelines be in place for the very reason this thread illustrates?

Mimishimi Tue 15-Jan-13 10:25:04

Nothing the OP has said actually confirms that he was, in fact, flirting with her or with any of the other parents.

uhohwhathaveidone Tue 15-Jan-13 12:32:45

Why on earth has this been started back up again?!

And mimi - I don't feel lonely, or needy...for the record.

Everyone can misinterpret things, whether it's from a teacher or the guy in the corner shop - teachers HAVE dated parents before, so why you seem to be implying that teachers are immune to liking a parent just because of their particular line of work, I don't know.

As I said though, I misread things. Why does that make me psycho

PostBellumBugsy Tue 15-Jan-13 12:37:26

LOL - you only started the thread on Saturday - didn't you know these things can run for weeks! grin

uhohwhathaveidone Tue 15-Jan-13 12:40:52

Yes...but I got told to stop posting as I was also considered psycho for - not only misreading some apparently innocent 'signs' but also for being on here a lot; so I leave it alone and still people are posting!

Although just to make the point again Mimi - it's not impossible to pass someone 5 or so times in 5 hours, because as I keep saying I was CLEARING OUT THE STOREROOM - which involved me filling boxes of crap, taking them to the bins at the other side of the school, and as it was only me doing it...I had to make a lot of trips. How is that so difficult to believe?!

I have said it's a small school with only one main corridor; however this teacher's classroom was around a couple of corners from where I was, so no - I couldn't have been watching him unless my eyes are out on (very looong) stalks!

I was getting on with my job, as was he; and our paths crossed a few times. Simple as that.

countrykitten Tue 15-Jan-13 22:08:46

Oh Lord...the weird and self deluding justification goes on. And on. And on.

MarilynValentine Tue 15-Jan-13 23:09:37

Great idea to fuck up your children's schooling by having them move schools because a male teacher doesn't fancy you.

Also - do jack in the volunteering, it may ruin your future prospects but this weighty issue must come first.

uhohwhathaveidone Wed 16-Jan-13 13:26:42


He hasn't been at school all this week, anyway - so he's probably quit. Who knows/cares.

musicismylife Wed 16-Jan-13 13:30:49

Why would he act this way?

Why do a lot of fucking men act this way?

Mind games is all.

Grrrbloodyuni Wed 16-Jan-13 17:42:12

Why would he act this way?

Why do a lot of fucking men act this way?

Mind games is all.

<Knods in agreement>

Just ignore him if he's still about. He sounds very immature- I pity the kids in his care TBH.

alistron1 Wed 16-Jan-13 19:27:59

If he'd shagged the OP, promised her the world, dumped her then blanked her THAT would be worrying. On the basis of the OP and the many, subsequent detailed posts I can only advise her to get a hobby or something. The whole thing is ridiculous and it's not the teachers who is immature.

Note to self: in assemblies keep eyes down at all times in case any dads think I'm flirting with them.

countrykitten Wed 16-Jan-13 21:28:10

This poor guy has done nothing wrong that I can see ( bar being polite and pleasant to parents) so why the stupid knee jerk 'all men are twats' pots? Unnecessary and annoying.

Grrrbloodyuni Thu 17-Jan-13 11:49:21

As a teacher, he should keep a professional stance while in his role. Part of his job involves making parents feel at ease with school staff- getting into a situation where he is now sending a parent to Coventry is not good, whether it was a mutual flirtation turned sour or a misinterpretation on the part of the OP that he is now trying to squash.

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 11:54:01

How do you know he is doing this? I would say that the OP has proven herself to be a rather unreliable judge of this situation altogether. As a teacher, I feel very sorry for him.

Maryz Thu 17-Jan-13 13:08:06

How on earth is any of this his fault confused?

uhohwhathaveidone Thu 17-Jan-13 13:47:31

Just to say - countrykitten (and Maryz) - aren't you also just taking my word for things and judging me/him on the interpretation I've given, as well?

As I said, he hasn't been at school all week or if he'll be back, but at the end of the day he WAS acting differently towards me than the other parents (it wasn't just me that noticed, like I said); as it turns out, that was because he obviously thought I was a freak from the very second he saw me...and not because he was attracted to me in the slightest.
My bad, I admit - but I DO think that visibly avoiding me wasn't the thing to do - if he had such a problem with me that he felt uncomfortable doing his job whilst I was around, then surely he should've spoken to the Head and let them sort ot out - whether that was by having a word with me, or some other solution?

Not trying to place blame, at all - just saying.

Grrrbloodyuni Thu 17-Jan-13 15:39:19

I doubt he thought you were a freak.

I can see exactly why you thought what you did- the doubling back to look at you etc, etc is beyond eyes meeting occasionally stuff.

I also agree that sending you to Coventry is immature. If the kids in his class started doing it, he would be obliged to treat it as bullying.

Maryz Thu 17-Jan-13 15:43:06

You are trying to place blame.

Throughout all this you have tried to blame him.

And you do sound rather smug about the fact that he hasn't been back - not one word of concern for him hmm. It's still all "me, me, me".

littlehankiehead Thu 17-Jan-13 16:41:48

I'm sorry, but I think the way the OP has been treated on his thread is really horrible, and bullying. She posted in good faith about an issue that is important to her and giving her concern and she's been sneered at, abused and made to feel I imagine pretty stupid and awful. She's even been told she has mental health issues. Just disgusting, really.

Regardless of whether the OP has misread the situation or not, there is no excuse for this hideous kind of bullying. It's Mumsnet at its worst. Just because someone asks for a brutally honest opinion, it's not an open opinion to abuse and ridicule them.

And UnderSailing, you are hinting that your child attends the same school as the OPs. If that IS true, why say anything, and add to the OP's paranoia? What do you hope to achieve? And if you're winding her up, well that's seriously fucked up.

littlehankiehead Thu 17-Jan-13 16:44:14

PS OP, I really, really advise you to walk away from this thread, for your own sanity, it's not going to help you.

littlehankiehead Thu 17-Jan-13 16:44:58

open invitation, not opinion!

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