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Torn between wanting him here all the time and feeling a bit of a mug

(89 Posts)
ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 08:58:51

DP and I have had a very rocky time since the New Year to the point where we very nearly split up. At one point, I was absolutely convinced we were over. But we talked and he promised that he'd prove to me that he was 100% committed to our relationship.

Since then he's stayed at my house every night other than Saturday night (which is when he has his kids). I asked him during our argument where this staying over thing was going (as it's been gradually increasing as time went on) and wondered if he wanted to move in. He said he was happy as things were and he wanted to keep it the same for now. When he said this, he was staying over around 4 nights a week. Now it's 6 nights a week and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being a bit of a mug. I mean, lets face it - he's practically living here without the responsibilty that comes with officially moving in somewhere.

I love him being here, love his company and don't begrudge it but when I'm feeding an extra person every night and more electric/water/gas etc is being used and my house is filling up with "bloke stuff" I can't help thinking he's taking his cake and eating it! Perfect set up really isn't it. Live somewhere 6 nights a week but don't make it official and avoid having to contribute.

He does loads around the house, loads of chores as well as DIY and he's great with my kids but I'm confused. I asked if he wanted to move in and he said no. Do I give him an ultimatum and say he either moves in properly or spends more nights at his own house or am I just biting off my nose to spite my face as I actually really enjoy him being here?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 09:02:53

Well he's not '100% committed to your relationship' for a start. Of course he's happy eating your food, using your utilities and sharing your bed. Bet it keeps his bills right down! He's what you call a 'cocklodger'.... Why do you never stay at his house? (And have you posted about this man before?)

If you're happy for him to be around, ask him for a decent financial contribution to the bills, food etc. And I don't mean a casual £20 here or a few groceries there. If he says 'no'... kick to the kerb.

MorrisZapp Thu 10-Jan-13 09:06:10

He doesn't have to move in, but he does have to contribute if he's there most of the time. Ask him to chip in.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 09:08:20

See from your other thread that he's got a dose of thrush at the moment and you seemed to think he'd been screwing around. Aside from the infection, any other reason for thinking that?

ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 09:10:20

No it wasn't that I thought he'd been screwing around, just that we've been rocky and all of a sudden he gets thrush. I'm just being paranoid I think.

CuriousMama Thu 10-Jan-13 09:11:35

Am shocked he isn't contributing financially? I had a bf like this he slowly moved in and wasn't coughing up. Soon got shot. He turned out to be a right weirdo though so was good all round. Also made himself useful doing chores etc.. but no cash! He made out he was skint but I found a bank statement one day angry Fucker!

CuriousMama Thu 10-Jan-13 09:12:37

How long have you been with him?

pictish Thu 10-Jan-13 09:12:56

I love him being here, love his company and don't begrudge it but when I'm feeding an extra person every night and more electric/water/gas etc is being used and my house is filling up with "bloke stuff" I can't help thinking he's taking his cake and eating it! Perfect set up really isn't it. Live somewhere 6 nights a week but don't make it official and avoid having to contribute.

Tell him exactly this ^.

He couldn't possibly argue with you. If he does you'll know he's a cocklodger of the highest order.

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 09:13:09

I wouldn't demand he moves in, or make an ultimatum, because it should be a happy thing, a new start together, something you both actively want. Not something someone passively accepts (you) or that you're pressured into (him).

But he should be contributing financially if he's staying over that much.

I'd be wanting him to buy in the shopping at the very least. I think I wouldn't let him stay over as much. Why don't you go out together and have fun instead?

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 09:15:06

He's very unlikely to get thrush on his own, it's not usually a male thing as far as I know.

CuriousMama Thu 10-Jan-13 09:16:45

pictish how do you put all that in bold? You don't do it one word at a time do you? <sorry for hijack OP> I've just always wondered?

ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 09:17:10

He's really not short of money, he has a good job and a good income and no real outgoings at the moment as he's looking after his sister's house and 'officially' living there at the moment so he doesn't even have rent/mortgage to pay. Just a bit of board which he gives to his sister.

I don't want to pressure him or make him think he's not wanted and maybe he's just spending so much time here as he's trying to work out how we get on full time before taking the plunge? maybe he's gearing up to asking to move in? but how long do I accept this routine for, I mean, it could be going on months!

CuriousMama Thu 10-Jan-13 09:19:49

ShannyS sorry but that sounds even worse. Please take the blinkers off and see he's taking the piss. Why did he split from the mother of his dcs in hisopinion?

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 09:21:11

Oh, he's totally a cocklodger then - doesn't even have his own bills to pay and is basically living off you 6 days a week.

I hope you're not washing his socks.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 09:21:48

You don't accept it at all. He's taking you for a fool and I can't understand why you'd let him. Paying a bit of board to his sister, no outgoings, nothing to you, has a wallet as fat as a telephone directory .... and doesn't even take you out for dinner? WHo cares if he's gearing up to ask to move in?

Who's paying for this trip to the US? Him?

ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 09:25:29

He does take me out, around once a week we either go out for a drink or a meal. He's also paying for the majority of the trip to US and has bought me a new camera for it etc.

But yes, I am washing his socks blush he puts them in my laundry basket (awaits backlash) grin lol

expatinscotland Thu 10-Jan-13 09:26:34

He's a cocklodger. And the thrush? He's screwing around.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 09:26:54

Glad he's paying for the holiday. If he's doing that it shouldn't be a problem to get him to pony up for a share of the household bills. What have you got to lose?

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 09:27:40

He needs to be paying you board & keep, my friend.

CuriousMama Thu 10-Jan-13 09:28:31

Is there an age gap at all? Sounds like he wants a mother figure?

Conflugenglugen Thu 10-Jan-13 09:28:58

Shanny - it's often difficult to get a rounded view of a relationship from a few posts, but the one thing that is entirely clear is that you don't consider yourself an equal. You have every right to speak up for yourself, and to ask for what is due to you. If you don't have that, then I don't believe you have a working relationship, imo.

ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 09:31:13

He's 10 years older than I am and I sometimes think he see's me as being quite naive/gullible as a result. He often speaks to me in a way that suggests he thinks of himself as being the more experienced/mature one. Like when I started my new job he was all like "yeah it's like that when you start work, I used to feel like that when I was younger/your age etc ... " and it sometimes comes across like a pep talk from my dad!

delilahlilah Thu 10-Jan-13 09:32:00

I think you have two options, either wait and see or revoke his 'extra' nights. Send him home a few times. If he doesn't like it, he will notice and hopefully do something about it. Restrict him to being a guest. Send his laundry home with him, whatever. He doesn't sound like he can't see any future as you say about trip to US etc, he just doesn't see a 'need' to alter the status quo as he's getting everything his own way at the minute.

expatinscotland Thu 10-Jan-13 09:33:27

Oh, good grief! He's getting free laundry, too.

ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 09:34:01

I'm thinking of restricting him back to 3 nights a week from next week. I agree, he's getting everything he needs right now without having to change anything. If he's restricted to 3 nights a week I'm hoping he'll start to consider asking about us living together properly.

Numberlock Thu 10-Jan-13 09:34:36

he was 100% committed to our relationship

Christ, no wonder he's committed to this relationship - he's got free board and lodging, laundry service, kitchen staff, personal shopper... You'd not get this good service at the Ritz-Carlton!

Not only would I be laying the law down about the finances, I also would stop being available 6 nights a week. I'd start being hard to get hold of, out with friends etc etc. It's not healthy to spend that much time together.

And so what if he's paying for your trip to the US and a camera? He'll still be quids in with no household/living expenses.

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 09:35:13

This just sounds worse & worse. Does he pat you on the head as well grin?

ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 09:38:07

off to hair dressers so I'll be back later (incase you think I've done a runner) grin

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 09:38:40

" If he's restricted to 3 nights a week I'm hoping he'll start to consider asking about us living together properly. "

You still want to live with this condescending free-loader? Wow..

expatinscotland Thu 10-Jan-13 09:39:19

'If he's restricted to 3 nights a week I'm hoping he'll start to consider asking about us living together properly.'

Why do you want to live with this man? And subject your kids to him? Get a self-esteem. It's tragic that you have so many hopes around this pathetic cocklodger.

expatinscotland Thu 10-Jan-13 09:43:16

'I sometimes think he see's me as being quite naive/gullible as a result.'

You are. He is getting free room and board and great service from you, with you hanging on that he'll actually take your relationship seriously.

mammadiggingdeep Thu 10-Jan-13 09:45:25

So sorry but I think he's a cocklodger!!!! A cheating one too by the sounds of it. Have you researched male thrush? Can they get it without catching it from somebody?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 09:48:47

Thrush can develop for various reasons that don't involve anyone else. But it can also be passed on from one person to another.

This guy is enjoying having the old tootsies under the table with a woman that thinks he can do no wrong, cooking and sock-washing but too insecure to ask for any cash. He can be part of a nice ready-made family with benefits... and no requirement to contribute. Who wouldn't love that!? However, a decent man wouldn't have to be asked - he'd be offering.

CuriousMama Thu 10-Jan-13 09:50:54

My dp is 13 years older than me, exdh was 12 years older. Neither make me feel like that.

Enjoy the pampering smile

CuriousMama Thu 10-Jan-13 09:51:30

Exdh is still 12 years older not was grin

struwelpeter Thu 10-Jan-13 09:51:34

My ex started off like this. It was the odd bottle of wine, an occasional grand gesture of doing the shopping. It slid and we never did have the conversation about how to split the costs/responsibilities of living together. (There was much worse than cocklodging but that was the start).
I too had DCs on my own and so it seemed an easy thing, no need for babysitters and I gradually saw less and less of my friends. When things got worse, I had no perspective.
So in your case, don't fall hook line and sinker for this man. Make sure you have one night a week on your own -- at least-- and one night with your friends. Until you are in a fully committed relationship he doesn't have exclusive rights about how and when you spend time together. He's got a place, so he keeps most of his stuff there.
Time you too spend together should be fun, relaxing, entertaining and not include washing his bloody socks grin you deserve to get something out of this relationship too and play an equal role.

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 09:52:50

Sweaty fungal balls and socks to wash! grin Sounds sexeh.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 09:55:39

Nice to see the Sisterhod of Dump the Bastard is thriving in its membership.

The BF does lots of chores around the house. He pays when they go out. He is paying for most of the US trip. He has bought her a new camera for the trip. But hey, what a cocklodger. Great advice ladies. grin

Cogito: I see that you are filling in the blanks in this thread as well. I mean, you didn't even wait to find out whether the guy pays for nights out or the US holiday before rushing to offer your opinion.

When we were dating I spent the majority of the time at DPs who had a house versus my humble one bedroom flat. I never contributed to the expenses although I did occasionally turn up with groceries. It never occurred to me to directly contribute towards the bills.

The 'funny' thing is that if an OP were to start a thread about how a BF insisted in a clear cut 50/50 sharing of going out expenses then there would be no shortage of advice to dump the cheap bastard.

OP: You said that he has his kids one day a week. Maybe he rather keep that part of his life separate. Hence the desire to not move in 100%.

My DH is 11 years older and wouldn't dare patronise me because of my age, I wouldn't put up with it, neither should you.

He is a Cocklodger, tell him to pay up or fuck off.

McKayz Thu 10-Jan-13 09:56:16

The man is quite obviously using the free accomodation, laundry etc.

But it doesn't mean he's cheating because he has thrush. If a woman posted she had thrush you wouldn't all say she'd been cheating.

Numberlock Thu 10-Jan-13 09:57:57

The BF does lots of chores around the house. He pays when they go out. He is paying for most of the US trip. He has bought her a new camera for the trip

For which she should be eternally grateful shouldn't she, Totally.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 09:59:30

"Cogito: I see that you are filling in the blanks in this thread as well. I mean, you didn't even wait to find out whether the guy pays for nights out or the US holiday before rushing to offer your opinion."

And I see you're defending this man and have got it in for me as usual!!! Plus ca change....

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 10:00:21

"It never occurred to me to directly contribute towards the bills."

That just makes you as bad as the cocklodger... hmm

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 10:03:07

But at least you took round groceries once in a while, eh pet?

HotDAMNlifeisgood Thu 10-Jan-13 10:09:13

He talks down to you, and you wash his socks.

I think you're hanging on to this relationship in the hopes that some day he will treat you with respect and consideration. It doesn't look likely though, does it?

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 10:14:58

Cogito: As usual I got it in for the Sisterhood of Dump the Bastard. You just happen to be a name I remember from an earlier thread.

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 10:17:54

What's the alternative to LTB? Lower your expectations, accept being used and worship the mighty cock?

janelikesjam Thu 10-Jan-13 10:23:18

Hi OP. Sorry you are having this rocky time. One thing I think is that you lost control of the direction of the relationship pretty early on and its quite difficult to get that back now, but not impossible. Its also worth asking yourself why you let things slide into this situation, since its clearly not what you want.

I do think you have made it too easy for him - he gets all the perks of a relationship with none of the tiresome commitment aspects from his point of view. It all sounds rather comfortable, but you're not married and he's not properly contributing. I don't quite take the cocklodger view but I think it more than a bit cheeky for him to assume you will wash his socks tbh (since you mention it!). But then again, you went along with it, said nothing, and washed them hmm.

Assuming you want to continue with this relationship after this rocky patch, perhaps you need to have a conversation about it, e.g. on the lines that you're not really living together so perhaps you need to keep up your own lives, that puts the ball nicely in his court to think about. Or else you could just start "going out" a few times a week or have other commitments so its not convenient for him to come round. That way you get to have your own (big) slice of cake.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 10:25:54

grin at comnents about how the OP was talking down to the OP. I'm younger than my brother by 14 years with the result that I am older than his DS, my nephew, by only 10 years. I often say things like what the BF said to my now adult nephew. Ok it's not a GF BF relation but even so, it is a reflection on YOU and your insecurities to interpret these few words in a negative manner.

garlicbollocks Thu 10-Jan-13 10:28:27

if an OP were to start a thread about how a BF insisted in a clear cut 50/50 sharing of going out expenses then there would be no shortage of advice to dump the cheap bastard.

I disagree. But our short acquaintance has already taught me you just love making assumptions about what Mumsnet would say, in some fictional other circumstances, about an issue that doesn't exist on the thread under discussion. I have no idea what purpose this serves.

Dahlen Thu 10-Jan-13 10:33:45

Could it be the time of year? It's only 10 days since New Year's Eve, so the 6-days-a-week pattern might not be typical of how it will be for the rest of the year. In my dating experience I always spent loads more time with a partner over Christmas holidays - like most days of it - whereas normal pattern of dating would be once every 7-10 days (busy).

IF this carries on, he is most definitely taking the piss and doesn't get to wriggle out of it because he's paid for some expensive luxuries, which although nice were neither solicited nor necessary. Food and utilities are essentials, and while he could just be generous about these things, lavish gift giving can be a technique used by manipulative types to duck responsibility in other areas and deflect attention from it.

Personally, I'd say tackle him about it dead on. If he's a decent, honest guy he may feel a little affronted initially but soon see where you're coming from and negotiate a solution to suit both of you. You'll set up a good precedent for mature communication between the two of you and the strength of your relationship will improve.

If you pussy foot around it, or don't challenge him about it all, resentment will build til you explode and ruin it anyway. Worse still, you'll carry on for years, always questioning his motives and commitment, possibly until something else happens to make you realise this man wasn't worth your effort or time.

If he is a cocklodger, far better to find out sooner rather than later. And if he isn't, then you'll save yourself weeks of angst.

NicknameTaken Thu 10-Jan-13 10:34:03

Rather than speculate endlessly about his motives, it seems to me that you need to have a honest conversation with him. "Listen, DP, I love having you here, but it's creating some financial hardship for me. Can we figure out what to do about it?" His reaction will tell you everything - he'll either be horrified and take immediate steps to contribute (and you need to make sure this doesn't peter out very quickly) or he'll either bluster on about the US trip and his financial woes etc. If the latter, he fundamentally doesn't care about your wellbeing and he isn't a keeper.

NicknameTaken Thu 10-Jan-13 10:34:45

x post.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 10:37:22

"Ok it's not a GF BF relation but even so, it is a reflection on YOU and your insecurities to interpret these few words in a negative manner. "

So it's all the OP's imagination? She's just a hysterical, insecure woman that takes offence at the slightest thing? hmm I don't think so.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 11:02:24

garlic: They aren't assumptions. These are views expressed in past posts both here in Relationships and in AIBU.

What purpose does this serve? Well, it's to highlight the double standards of many of the women here. I mean, the response to my pointing out that the guy, by the OPs own admission, does a lot of chores around the house was big fucking deal. But then the sock washing has yielded crys to dump the free loader.

Shock horror disgust at him expecting his socks to be washed. Big fucking deal if he does chores around the house. But don't let double standards get in the way of your 'advice'

Dahlen Thu 10-Jan-13 11:07:36

I wouldn't wash the socks (or clothes) of any man I was dating. He can take them back home with him thanks. I am not a laundry service. You wouldn't leave your dirty socks at a friend's house or a hotel and expect to have them clean and ready when you next go there.

Also, the trouble with washing a date's dirty clothes is the precedent it sets. LEt's face it, picking up a pair of socks and chucking them in the washing machine with your own laundry is hardly onerous or a big deal. But, it then creeps up, and before you know it, all the laundry has become your job if you then move in together. This is fine if you've had a mature discussion about who's doing what chores to make sure the division of domestic labour is fair, but most couples don't, it just evolves. And it usually evolves with the female partner doing more.

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 11:09:13

Chores like cooking or washing up after a meal a guest might naturally do. I'd expect a guest to take their washing home with them, however.

Doing his laundry represents living-together chores to me.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 11:12:35

Cogito: What is there to take offense at? That is my point.

We had a part time nanny that worked for and for an old people's home. She has a workshy BF that lived with her and spent her money. THAT, to me, is a cockloader.

Ok the guy being there increases the food bill but come on, unless the BF sits in a room that would otherwise go unlit or unheated, how does his presence greatly increase the utility bills?

If the OP was on benefits or low income then I accept that the BF should directly contribute, considering that he is in a well paid job. But that isn't what the OP is saying

expatinscotland Thu 10-Jan-13 11:16:49

'I'm younger than my brother by 14 years with the result that I am older than his DS, my nephew, by only 10 years. I often say things like what the BF said to my now adult nephew.'

I'm much older than my now adult niece. I don't say patronising shite like this to her because she's an adult and I respect her. Saying things like this is patronising and arrogant, no matter what the relationship. Most adults realise that.

expatinscotland Thu 10-Jan-13 11:17:57

'She has a workshy BF that lived with her and spent her money. THAT, to me, is a cockloader.'

But not someone who lives for free at another person's house 6 days/week.

Hey, there's one born every minute, I guess.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 11:18:05

@TotallyBS... (and never was a username more apt).... It's the principle of the thing. Someone who is effectively treating a place as home six days a week should be offering to make a contribution to the household out of politeness, even if it's subsequently turned down. It's the fact that it is not being offered and the OP seems too nervous to even bring it up that points to the relationship being very unequal.

But men like you never really get that...

Dahlen Thu 10-Jan-13 11:18:11

It's surprising how much difference another person''s presence makes - twice as much use of shower/bath/toilet makes a noticeable impact on gas/electricity and water (if metered). Also toilet rolls go down twice as quickly, more towels are used, requiring washing (more gas/electricity/water), etc.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 11:24:37

Old people I meet in the streets call me 'love'. The lady in the staff canteen calls me 'love'. Last Saturday a veg market trader called me 'love'. I have even been called 'cockles' (I've no idea what that is about). It reminds me of a thread some months ago where the general consensus was that being called 'love' was patronizing.

The things people consider to be patronizing [roll eyes]

expatinscotland Thu 10-Jan-13 11:26:16

Like I said, there's one born every minute, OP.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 11:32:01

Dahlen: The point I am trying to make is that the guy contributes but not financially.

I can understand the cockloader comments if he came round just to drop off dirty laundry and to drink beer while watching football. But that isn't what is happening.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 11:44:05

@cogito: I say again, I like the - big fucking deal that he does lots of chores about the house and is taking her to the US and has bought her a new camera for the trip. The cockloader should buy toilet rolls smile

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 11:55:15

Cogito: I love your assumption that I must be a guy. I mean, I can't be a woman AND think that you are.bunch of emotionally challenged women grin

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Jan-13 11:56:10

No I don't think you are a woman.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Thu 10-Jan-13 12:12:52

YOU AGAIN?!?! head explodes.

How many threads are you going to post, endlessly getting the same advice and totally ignoring it, then disappearing when someone clicks who you are?

This must be the 30th odd one? I really am at a loss to what you get out of this and you clearly have issues but you are a heyooge waste of the people's time that bother to post and try and help you every single time.

Weren't all your posts reported before Xmas? Looks like it's time to start reporting all your threads again.

Dahlen Thu 10-Jan-13 12:17:48

You can't wipe your arse on a camera though, can you. Though I suppose she could smuggle back toilet rolls from the US hotel in her luggage.

izzyizin Thu 10-Jan-13 12:19:20

You don't want to pressure him as maybe he's just spending so much time here as he's trying to work out how we get on full time before taking the plunge? maybe he's gearing up to asking to move in?

He's told you he doesn't to move in with you and why should he want to change the status quo when he's able to keep you sweet by dispsensing largesse when it suits him?

It's probable that you'll be in exactly the same situation in a year or 5's time. Are you content with this prospect?

izzyizin Thu 10-Jan-13 12:21:29

I'd far rather be emotionally challenged than intellectually challenged like your good self TotallyBS grin

izzyizin Thu 10-Jan-13 12:22:39

Is this who I think you may be referring to Pam?

Have you met his dm, OP?

PamDooveOrangeJoof Thu 10-Jan-13 12:26:43

izzyizin, yes the one and only.

Let's see;
Ten year age gap
Won't let her meet his kids or mother
Doesn't want sex or can't finish
Falls asleep in front of the tv every night
Keeps blowing hot and cold about moving in/booking holidays
And on and on and on

BINGO!!

PamDooveOrangeJoof Thu 10-Jan-13 12:28:25

And now she will disappear in a puff of smoke before starting a new thread under a diff name.

izzyizin Thu 10-Jan-13 12:52:24

It crossed my mind when I saw mention of the US holiday, Pam, but I erred on the side of the angels giving the OP the benefit of the doubt blush

<adds 'helps out with chores & does DIY' 'pays board to sister' and 'thrush' to telltale signs memory bank>

So, Shanny, did the hairdresser have your wig ready and waiting for you?

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 12:53:44

Izzy:

Judging from the above posts, the OP seems to have a history here and there may be more (negative) things about the BF that I haven't been privy to but that aside ...

From what the OP has said in THIS thread the BF's behavior is not worthy of the label cockloader. Upthread I mentioned
our former Nanny's BF. She does two jobs. He does none. He lives with her and
lives off her wages and his benifit money. THAT to me is a cockloader.

How does that make me intellectually challenged?

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 12:55:01

It's lodger.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 13:02:25

Thanks OP. Some poster was having a go at me for labelling you emotionally challenged. If you are who your accusers say you are (whoever that might be) then you ARE emotionally challenged. If that is the case, thanks for proving me right.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jan-13 13:15:22

BS, you are a bit of a goady one, aintcha?

ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:11:17

Err actually I have met his mother and we have sex almost every night. Mistaken identity there I think!

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:27:54

Nice to see that you are still around OP.

Maybe your guy is what some MNetters have described as a cockloader but, based on what you have posted here, I don't think that he is.

I read posts from women going on about how their DPs are tight with their money with regards to going out, holidays and presents. Faced with a guy that isn't, the poor guy still gets accused of trying to buy himself out of any commitment.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:36:34

@any: I don't see myself as being 'goady' I mean, I don't post things just to get a reaction.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 10-Jan-13 14:37:54

garlic , maybe the poster's name gives you a clue to their motivation wink

Anniegetyourgun Thu 10-Jan-13 14:40:13

Bah, missed a couple of pages again. And I'm not even on a phone.

izzyizin Thu 10-Jan-13 14:40:34

I don't post things just to get a reaction Are you saying what you post is your considered opinion TBS? shock

<rofl with disbelief>

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:52:57

Why the shock ?

Not every one in the Real World has a history of emotionally/physically relationships. Maybe that is the source of my 'naivety'.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:54:07

.. emotionally/physically abusive relationships ...

garlicbollocks Thu 10-Jan-13 16:14:26

You speak truth, Annie! Many have ventured here on a Mission To Prove Mumsnet Wrong. None succeed, not even the ones with a modicum of emotional intelligence. I ain't backing this hoss wink

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