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DH gone - for the night?

(78 Posts)
MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:03:25

Am in the aftermath of DH's affair. It lasted 6 weeks, he says. I was heavily pregnant and it has been horrendous to deal with. Can't link as on phone.

Anyway, today we have rowed by text while he's been at work and I've told him we'd be better off apart tonight. Both snappy and tired, due to 5 week old DS. Plus DH Is giving up smoking. Fighting about the affair will just be made into something massive.

He has taken it really badly and is furious with me. He says he won't come home tonight. I'm guessing he's stopping at a mates house or his mums.

We have been getting on really well. More and better communication. He has been vending over backwards in every way really.

Today I was in a shit mood and he asked me what was up. I told him, in no uncertain terms. Probably not a good idea while he's at work, but I didn't see why I should hold it in. It escalated and I said if we were both so pissed off we shouldn't be with each other tonight.

I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to call him and ask him to come home. Part pf me is glad he's not coming home.

PulyaSochsup Wed 09-Jan-13 18:08:51

I am so sorry this has happened to you. You must be feeling rotten, dealing with all this and a new baby. Not much advice really, except concentrate on your gorgeous newborn for now. My DH did something like this and I missed all the bonding and snuggles with my DS, I was just fiercely protective. Try to rest if you can smile

PulyaSochsup Wed 09-Jan-13 18:10:58

Also, it's quite normal to feel angry, try not to over analyse your feelings too much.

LaCiccolina Wed 09-Jan-13 18:15:29


U were in a bad mood u say, u rowed by text when he's at work. Unfortunately this time ur BU so suck it up and say sorry. U can't always be right. He had an affair and it appears he's trying to make amends. It screwed up today, but u say u were in a shit mood and used him as punch bag.

Don't ruin what u are saving. U were doing well, like a diet - start again.

TisILeclerc Wed 09-Jan-13 18:16:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TisILeclerc Wed 09-Jan-13 18:16:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleoftheFall Wed 09-Jan-13 18:18:19

I wouldn't call him up and ask him to come home, because it would just be an evening of arguing and stress. At five weeks post-partum that wouldn't be good for you: take some time for yourself, relax, watch a movie/tv show or read a book...even if you can't focus completely on it, it could still help to distract yourself from everything.

You need space.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:22:47

Thanks everyone.

LaC - I want to apologise, or at least hold out the olive branch, but just don't see why I should.

Am on sofa with all 3 DC at the mo, watching Spongebob smile
Just text DH to ask where he's stopping. He's not sure at the mo, he says.

My friend night pop round in a bit she says, for a cuppa and to watch tv and whinge.

I love him more than anyone else in the world. He's everything to me and I couldn't bear to lose him. We WERE doing well, but things are always going to be hard at time. Especially as I see the OW all the time at school.

Will try and mend things tomo, if he's willing, I guess.

Numberlock Wed 09-Jan-13 18:22:54

I presume you weren't able to ask him to move out, even if temporarily, at the time due to being heavily pregnant? Would that be possible now? Sounds like you need some time and space to think things through.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:23:55

I wasn't able to ask him to move out because not only was I pregnant, but I had a debilitating condition which meant I was on headrest for most of my last trimester. Classy guy eh?

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:24:15

bed rest!!

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:24:46

Hahaha that typo has just made me laugh for the first time today!

AnyFucker Wed 09-Jan-13 18:26:11

Were things going well because you were walking on eggshells and keeping your gob shut about the way he has shit on you and your little family ?

And now you have said some home truths, off he fucks


dequoisagitil Wed 09-Jan-13 18:30:47

It's very early days after an affair and for him to do it at such a time makes it worse. You're bound to be all over the place hormonally apart from anything else, and you're entitled to your anger - and to express it.

A night apart could be a good thing, and he's being stupid to think that just because you got through the first few weeks it wouldn't come back to bite him in the arse. It's not something you get over quickly, if you do.

arthriticfingers Wed 09-Jan-13 18:30:54

Actually, I think you hit the tosser nail on the head
Headrest is just what you need - from him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jan-13 18:31:42

Agree with AF. If he was shagging around in your 3rd trimester and the baby is only 5 weeks old then his 'bending over backwards' act didn't last long did it? Reverted to type pretty quickly. Forget olive branches, this nasty man is a waste of skin.

Viviennemary Wed 09-Jan-13 18:33:04

He is the one who is massively in the wrong. So you shouldn't be the one feeling guilty. I don't think you should call him and ask him to come home tonight. And if you can try and avoid arguing by text whilst he is at work.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:33:57

I caught him 27 days before we had DS2.

To be fair, him going tonight was my idea and he isn't happy about it. He didn't just fuck off.

I do love him, it's just very hard some days.

badinage Wed 09-Jan-13 18:33:59


Has this site gone mad?

You've got nothing to apologise for!!

You're angry. Angry's good. You bloody well should be angry FFS.

The measure of a bloke who's really sorry is that he'll take all that anger on the chin and accept it, not run away.

This just shows he hasn't changed at all.

This up to him to mend, not you.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:34:52

AF and Cog - think you were both on my original thread. She is/was my friend.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jan-13 18:36:25

Making him go was the best idea you've had this year....!!

OwlLady Wed 09-Jan-13 18:40:56

so he had an affair whilst you were pregnant and you now have a new baby and he is furious with you because you are angry with him? confused I mean how unreasonable of you

LaCiccolina Wed 09-Jan-13 18:44:39

I suppose the question is did u pick the fight? And why?

I totally get the pissed offness with affair. I'm with u on that. And I don't expect u to not be angry about it that would be weird. But if u are both trying and u are genuinely wanting to make it work u see that bringing an arguement up while he's at work isn't a good idea?

It's not nec ur point but your timing. And him having an affair doesn't give u automatic right to being right. If u feel before the affair u would have apologised for this row/topic, then do so now. Don't just not apologise because he did an affair. That's skewy logic. As I say kinda depends what it was about/started it.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 09-Jan-13 18:45:06

Blimey that didn't last long did it?

bet he thought that as long as he said some pretty words, cried a few tears, did some chores then all will be forgiven hmm

He fails to get it sad

the fact that he betrayed you in the WORST way possible when you were at a very vulnerable stage of your life i,e heavily pregnant, and with your friend FFS.

He SHOULD be helping you recover - taking all the shit and crap as you process your emotions and believe me you will still feel angry, sad and upset for much longer.

Instead he has a strop hmm

LaCiccolina Wed 09-Jan-13 18:55:05

Sorry but I didn't see in the post that this arguement was nec about the affair? Was it something else that got out of hand? That's what I'm assuming presently. Don't need to know what. U will still argue sometimes. We all do, affairs or not.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jan-13 19:03:21

'U' are talking out of your backside LaCiccolina... Set against a man that betrays a heavily pregnant, bedridden wife to go shagging around, the average jury would forgive the OP if she smothered him in his sleep.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 19:21:42

Our argument was indirectly about the affair. I was venting at him and it got heated.

He is still in a huff and so am I.

One DC in bed, two to go.

He has taken everything I've chucked his way, and been good about it all. Today was a bad day.

Nanny0gg Wed 09-Jan-13 19:23:30


OP - you have a new baby and other children. Your hormones are still all over the place since the birth.

Your @rse of a 'D'H cheated on you when you were pregnant and bedbound. He is very lucky that you've taken him back and I would think today's row was a long time coming.

I'm really glad you've got a friend coming around tonight - are you actually fully recovered from the pregnancy/birth? Because, row or not, leaving you with a new baby and other DC is still pretty shitty behaviour in my book. Even if it was you that told him not to come home. If he wants to be taken back he needs to have a long think about his attitude and how best he can atone for what he's done.

Nanny0gg Wed 09-Jan-13 19:24:48

He's been good about it all??

So he bloody well should be!!

So what does he say when you get cross about it?

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 19:28:40

He kind of just let's me rant and moan. Then cuddles me and tries to reassure me. I ask him the same things over and over again and he always answers and doesn't complain.

But today he did?

I am sorry, but he is a shit. You have all the right in the world, no, the UNIVERSE to be angry for the foreseeable future, and if he wants his family, he must take it. Youve had to put up with his shit, his affair, being betrayed by your friend and him, having him betray his children, and shag about while you were pregnant, and now he suddenly is furious because you are in a mood. Well, hello.

Sorry, but not helpful. I know you love him, but if I were you, I would pack more than just one bag and tell him you will let him know when, and IF, you will be ready to let him join your family. (But that is just me, and I am possibly talking bollocks from no experience)

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jan-13 19:35:31

He is not allowed to complain. That's the deal when he shags around, betraying his pregnant bedridden wife.... act like a shit and expect to be treated like one.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 19:38:10

No he complained when I asked him to go.

I picked and picked until he argued back. Then I got really mad.

I know what has happened is horrific and he's been awful.

It's all very hard.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jan-13 19:42:05

Put it down to delayed shock. Everything that has happened has been a nasty surprise, you've had a lot else going on, and it's taken you this long to finally get properly angry. Of course it's hard but you've done the right thing.

MajorB Wed 09-Jan-13 19:46:51

I read your original post and tbh I think you need this display of anger and sending him away to let him know what he's potentially lost.

I think he's had it very easy so far, especially with you having to deal with seeing the OW every day at the school gates.

Please don't blame yourself, it is a very difficult situation but it's a situation that he made not you; your anger towards him would not exist if he hadn't have shagged your friend so he really can't play the "poor me" card now.

Can you move so you dont have to be reminded of their betrayal?

What did he argue back?

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 19:53:21

He suggested moving to me earlier. He said he'll do anything.

I see her at school, he house is round the corner, their meet up places ate both in spitting distance too.

But the kids school is amazing and we worked so hard to get here.

Snazzynewyear Wed 09-Jan-13 19:58:34

I would leave it all as it is for tonight. Don't feel you have to rush to apologise. One night away from home is hardly the most severe punishment in the world and it is a bit off of him to act as if it is, given the circumstances. It is not a bad idea at all for him to think that you may not always come dashing after him to assure him that everything's OK.

I'm still not getting why He is furious with you?

MajorB Wed 09-Jan-13 20:00:33

Read Bad Science by Ben Goldacre and then make your decision.

MMR saves lives, please give it to your child.

MorrisZapp Wed 09-Jan-13 20:04:27

What is his argument? What does he have to be furious about?

MajorB Wed 09-Jan-13 20:15:16

So sorry for my 20:00 post; wrong thread blush

I'm sorry you are going through such heartache. This should be such a special time for you all.

SirBoobAlot Wed 09-Jan-13 21:00:02

I remember your original thread. This man treated you like crap, you were more forgiving than many would have been, and yet he lashes out at you for daring to be struggling for what he has done to the family.

You were urged on your other thread not to let him walk over you, and love; you deserve so much better than this.

AnyFucker Wed 09-Jan-13 21:00:18

MummyIsMagic79 Sun 04-Nov-12 02:03:24
I'm frightened to lose him

What if he is (having an affair), and he leaves us for her?

Reasons are: he's distant now, lies about silly things, drinking too much all of a sudden, surgically attatched to his iPhone, phone ALWAYS on silent, doesn't really seem happy.

Then again: doesn't go out for long periods, only to work or the gym. Always back when he says he will be. Sex life still great, he's never lost interest there. He's "no spare cash and no time to have this 'affair' that I am accusing him of.

Unless it was a person from work (99% male) or someone who lived down the road, I don't see how he'd do it.

But I still think he is.

Is it me, like he says? Crazy and hormonal, basically?


Remember this ? I am sure it is etched on your psyche. He fucked your friend who lives down the road and tried to make you look mad and paranoid for your suspicions, he lied and lied and lied. Whilst you were heavily pg with his child.

The utter, utter bastard. How can you still love this snake ?

I don't understand how you could ever even try to forgive him for this in the first place (I hardly ever do, so no news there) but he isn't doing enough, not nearly enough

suburbophobe Wed 09-Jan-13 22:19:02

Especially as I see the OW all the time at school.

Why are you actually even bothering with this?

Time to cut lose and follow your own path, I would say...

JoJobel Thu 10-Jan-13 00:18:02

Long time lurker but first time post for me as your circumstances are so similar to mine, (although I wasn't pregnant). My H had 6 week affair with a so called family friend who lives in our village. Like you I have to face her on a daily basis and also have to drive to their shagging ground - which is nicely the layby where I have to park to drop my children off at school. The place we live is lovely and the school is fantastic and I was adamant that I could cope with the reminders.....Now I'm not so sure - it's triggering seeing her and the layby, I'm not healing, I am as hurt today as I was the day I found out. It's so so hard, those constant reminders and it makes me angry and upset all over again at what he's done to us. The sad thing is my H's affair was 15 months ago. I think you are (like I have) underestimating the impact of seeing her daily. For me its like picking at the proverbial scab.

15 months in and some days its unbearable, sometimes I can barely bring myself to talk to him. I go to bed seething and say the most hurtful things, however, he has never walked out on me or gone when I've told him too. To be honest if he had I'd be questioning his level of "sorryness" (if such a word). Are you not allowed and entitled to be fucking furious at the hurt he's thrown your way. It seems to me that he wants it over and done with....but hearts don't mend that fast and minds don't forget, its a huge betrayal, HUGE.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here other than you have a long way to go yet, I'm sure that being pregnant and then with the new baby you will not have had a chance yourself to process what he has actually done to you, your marriage and your family. Perhaps that's happening now and bloody hell you are right to be angry.

IMO, This is not a man trying to make things right, this is a man (?) chucking his dummy out because he's had to listen to some home truths and didn't like what he heard. Not nice, not helpful and certainly not trying to make things easier for his hurting wife.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jan-13 08:20:48

How are things today ?

MummyIsMagic79 Thu 10-Jan-13 16:10:05


Today we have to and fro-d by text.

I did apologise for starting a fight, while he was at work. It's not fair to rant at him and push and push while he is working.

He has been as nice as anything and is coming back after work. He knows it's hard for me. But we're a bit stuck. Can't move house or schools and nor is she, by the looks of it. It IS like picking at a scan. But I have no other choice. Even if DH and I had called it a day, I'd still have to see we every day. In every other way than this, and for the last 10 years, he has been fantastic. It was just so out of character.

We have discussed going back to Relate, which we stopped because it was so expensive. We both are committed to working things out.

I can't kick him out every time I feel pissed off. I've made my decision and I have to own it an give it a real try. He is too. If in a year I'm no further on, it will be a different story.

badinage Thu 10-Jan-13 16:14:20

What has he done since you found out about his affair OP?

Evidently no solo counselling

Read anything?

Initiated conversations about the affair and filled in the gaps without you having to ask?

Told the OW emphatically that he regretted the affair and why he wants you?

I'm glad someone else picked up on the doubt you seem to have about how long this was going on.

It doesn't sound to me like you've even got the basic info about what happened.

You do have a choice.

You are very brave, and you always have behaved with great dignity and compassion to your h.

I don't think he is worth the bother and I think in a couple of years, once the mist of the baby years has risen, then you will know it too. You will know that you did your best tho.

Hope you continue posting and get lots of love and support from those around you.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 10-Jan-13 16:47:45

He was shagging around, while you were on bedrest, pregnant with his child, and you forgave him? Your alot more forgiving than i am. Is he really the best you can get?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 10-Jan-13 16:54:42

Also, my ex p tried to make me feel paranoid and the "My exes never let me have female friends" trying to blame me over his EA, wouldnt take responsiblity, i thank my lucky stars hes an ex because hes a massive TWAT!!!

Much like your husband, he deserves the anger, so dont bloody apologise to this dick, he shagged your friend knowing you were in bed. What part of that can you forget?

SirBoobAlot Thu 10-Jan-13 17:05:46

"For the last ten years, he has been fantastic."

Darling, this man was willing to convince you that you had a mental health condition to cover up the fact he was getting his jollies on with a friend of yours. I'd call him far from fantastic.

If you do want to sort things out, it may be worth looking at your finances again to make Relate a priority.

But you also seem to sound resigned to suppressing how you are feeling because you want to try and move on. Firstly, changing your mind is okay. And secondly, you would be well within your rights to have asked him to leave for much longer than one night over everything that has happened. So don't feel you are being unreasonable for that.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 10-Jan-13 17:18:13

Darling, this man was willing to convince you that you had a mental health condition to cover up the fact he was getting his jollies on with a friend of yours. I'd call him far from fantastic.

Exactly, he wanted you to feel awful and guilty, to cover up his cheating, men who do that seldom change, if your thinking that that was really not ok, then your allowed to say so. Hes just selfish and thought about his dick rather than his bedridden wife.

MadAboutHotChoc Thu 10-Jan-13 17:29:10

Have you both read Shirley Glass's Not Just Friends? It has helped so many on here process their thoughts and emotions after an affair.

You both will never recover properly if he does not do the hard work required - has he looked into himself to address flaws and issues that led him to giving himself permission to betray you?

Even if there were relationship problems, he could have resolved these by talking, counselling etc instead of shagging around....

I am sure his selfishness was apparent long before the affair (perhaps at a low level though) and this needs addressing by him.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 10-Jan-13 17:33:10

However much people like to insist that someone who has had an affair should be made to suffer for it, very few people are capable of remaining sweet-natured and accepting under constant punishment. If you don't think you can get over the affair, it's time to end the relationship: having been cheated on is not a free pass to be horrible to your partner for the rest of his/her life.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jan-13 17:52:04

It's been only a few weeks, sgf (erm...isn't the Festive Season over?) and op has had a baby in the meantime. Hardly the "rest of his/her life"

Ebayaholic Thu 10-Jan-13 19:07:57

But will you ever ring him again at work and have a go at him?

I bet you won't.

I think you're being played - all he had to do was spend a night away from the marital home and now you'll be too afraid to vent when he is at work. You're the injured party and should be holding all the cards but you're not.

Agree with the majority, he is NOT doing enough.

MummyIsMagic79 Sat 19-Jan-13 19:44:59

Don't know if anyone is still reading, but wanted an opinion.

Things with DH and I are going from strength to strength. He is working harder, reading Shirley Glass, being 100% committed and very honest. He's being patient with me feeling up and down, and is helping me in any way he can.

Problem I have, is the OW. I see her each day at school. She was my friend for 23 years.

I have arranged another 'chat' with her next week. Mostly to discuss the fact that the playground gobshite, a horrible gossipy woman, has discovered what happened and is blabbing it about. I don't care what she says really, I've done nothing wrong, but I don't want my children to hear anything. Anyway, it's not come from me, so want to ask OW about it.

The thing is, I don't think I can stop myself asking her to 'corroborate' stuff that DH has told me, about specific details. I know this is potentially very damaging, but I just feel like I need to hear it from her.
Part of me knows though, that even if she says the same as DH has, I will just worry that they concocted a story.

Any advice?

MadAboutHotChoc Sat 19-Jan-13 19:51:05

My advice?

Say nothing and ignore the playground gossip.

Rise above it and it will become yesterday's news.

Guiltypleasures001 Sat 19-Jan-13 20:02:22

Hi Magic

To be honest I dont think you are wanting to meet her to try and tackle the gobshite, I think deep down you want her to tell you what you think you already know. Your husbands side of the story isnt really stacking up for you, and you are going to great lengths to try and find holes in it. You are desoerate for someone to prove to you that you are right in your decision. But i dont think
you do believe him.

theres a lot of loss in this for you, loss of a very long friendship and the ultimate betrayal, you being heavily pregnant and his cheating and betrayal, then the birth of your baby, and the onslaught of hormones and sleepless nights after that.

I am sure when you say you are going from strength to strength you believe this, but I am not certain that this is the case to be honest, your meeting up with her will serve what purpose? it isnt you that should be dealing with any of this, you didnt cause any of this, but you seem to be reaping the whirlwind for everyones deceit.

Gobshite needs to be told to chut the fuck up, but lets face it if it wasnt her it would be someone else, and what would your ex friend get from telling others what a whore she is for shagging you husband whilst you were heavily pregnant.

If she doesnt coroberate his story then what? i think deep down you have a small hope she doesnt because i dont think you are as ok with this as you think.

Go to counselling for yourself hun, i think you need to be alone with a therapist to say what you really want to.

countingto10 Sat 19-Jan-13 20:04:22

Seriously, I wouldn't be giving OW time of day and would ignore all gossip or confront the gossip yourself if it bothers you that much, ask her where she heard it from etc.

In my case, I didn't want to hear anything OW had to say, I knew what she was and what her morals were, my issues were with my DH, what he had to say and what his subsequent actions were. And I am sure that me and my marriage were the subject of an awful lot of gossip in the playground and I even had the headteacher asking how my marriage was a few weeks down the line hmm.

It is still very early days for you, try not to get bogged down in the drama of your DH's affair, engaging with the OW is doing this at this time. Heal yourself and your marriage first, the OW becomes very irrelevant in time.

Take care.

badinage Sat 19-Jan-13 20:26:42

I too think that seeing the OW about the gossip is a smokescreen for the real agenda which is to get the truth about claims of your husband's that don't stack up.

The problem with 'truth' is that there are often different versions of it; everyone has their own perspective and spin on things which make it 'their truth'. So unless you are after indisputable facts such as dates, times and locations - her 'truth' might be as valid as your husband's. Including the possibility of course that both of their versions aren't really the whole truth; just the version they are able to live with personally. So your husband might for example say that he never loved her and it was 'just sex' whereas she might be telling her husband that the sex was crap but her feelings ran away with her.

The 'real truth' might be somewhere in the middle but is too unpalatable for them as individuals (or you their spouses) to live with.

I asked you earlier in the thread what message your husband has given to her about the affair and what it meant. If he's done nothing I'm guessing that's why you need to see her.

Your problem has always been him, I think and not her. I'm guessing he hasn't faced the playground yet then? All he seems to have done is belatedly read a book and get furious. No therapy on his own. No volunteering of information. No initiation of conversations.

'being patient' sounds awfully passive on his part, when actually he needs to be the active one driving the recovery process.

MummyIsMagic79 Sat 19-Jan-13 20:56:39

DH did the school run for 2 weeks, 3x a day, while he was on paternity leave.
He has offered to speak to gossip woman himself, and has offered to change his working day so he can do the early school run from now on, to take the heat off me.
He has brought stuff up himself and shown me things he knew I wouldn't like.
He's trying very hard.
Maybe the meet is a smokescreen. I might cancel, I do want to know where the gossip's come from, because its pissed me off, but I guess I couldn't trust myself not to grill her.

badinage Sat 19-Jan-13 20:58:57

What's he told the OW though?

Has he been to counselling himself?

MummyIsMagic79 Sat 19-Jan-13 22:11:57

We went to counselling together.

He told her he didn't want to see her anymore and he was trying to save his marriage.

Yes - what point is there discussing this gossip with the ow? Really?

If you have a different agenda, then admit it to yourself first. I don't think it's a good idea to see her. She was your friend. She chatted with you while she was telling your husband she loved him. You will get nothing good from her.

Im sure the gossips have great sympathy with you - and think that
She and DH are utter shits. Don't worry about it - what can you say? nothing will stop it - I don't think they know the half of it, do they?

Wishing you strength...keep holding your head up high, you've done nothing wrong.

As for your children finding out - they will. H can cross that bridge when it happens I'm sure.

MummyIsMagic79 Sat 19-Jan-13 22:41:07

They are only 6 and 3, so I'm very much hoping they don't.

badinage Sat 19-Jan-13 22:45:09

Ok let's cut to the chase.

What things are still bothering you about your husband's version of events that you think the OW might dispute?

if it's common knowledge in the playground - they will find out eventually.

MummyIsMagic79 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:12:10

It's stupid details that bother me. I need to stop obsessing.

It is early days, and you've had your baby in the meantime - don't be hard on yourself x

MummyIsMagic79 Mon 21-Jan-13 14:31:01

Have cancelled. She isn't worth my time or energy. Going out with DH instead.

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