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You'd think he'd have the brains to delete the evidence before giving me his password!! gutted :-(

(94 Posts)
NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 12:09:16

I met someone end of July last year. Everything was great at first but then various stuff happened that made me think hmm photos on facebook for instance that he'd hidden from his time-line but had appeared on someone elses public wall, he started being a bit more protective with his phone ... just general low key hmm behaviour but because it was so slight, I just let it go and told myself I was being paranoid.

Well, the other night he gave me his email password (we're joint organising something and everything is going to his email address). However, the password he gave me didn't work. I told him. He ummed and arred and then gave me another password. This one did work.

So anyway - a couple of days later (today) I'm on there and go onto the sent messages folder to see what he'd organised already to see what I needed to do. On there, was a message to a woman reading the following:

"Hi there, I was looking at your profile on Plenty of Fish and notice you say you can't upload photos. Would you be willing to send me them via your email address? Take Care, D* x "

This was sent in October last year.

What should I do??? I've been on POF, can't find him on there, no other incriminating evidence in his email - but I feel sick with disappointment.

We're supposed to be going out tonight to celebrate something, I was really looking forward to it but I don't feel I can just brush this one under the carpet sad

TurnipCake Fri 04-Jan-13 12:12:02

I'm sorry, OP. you definitely don't want to just brush this one under the carpet, you've had some niggling feelings before that re: Facebook. Hope you're ok x

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 12:13:06

You tell him that he's an idiot, a rat, the celebrations are off and he won't be hearing from you again. Why stick around for more punishment?

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 12:14:47

But how the fuck do they manage to pull off the "perfect man" persona in person when behind your back they're the world's biggest arsehole? how are they so convincing??

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 12:17:13

They are convincing because you want them to be the perfect man... We tend to see what we want to see and ignore the low-key stuff in the process. So it takes something serious to get the rose-tinted specs off. Sorry he turned out to be an arse. Good luck

notnagging Fri 04-Jan-13 12:23:31

At least you found out that this one isn't a keeper relatively early op.

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 12:25:02

Ugh. What a wanker.
So you'd been together 3 months? The time that's supposed to be the happy, enjoying each other stage. Knob.
I found out in a similar way when I read an email from my BFs brother to him saying "did Stuffez ever find out about X?" Very painful.

He will tell you it was ages ago.....he would never do it now....you're much more serious than you were then..... but do you want to be with a guy like this? Hope you're ok.

DoingItForMyself Fri 04-Jan-13 12:28:19

If he sent it in October last year it was only a few months into dating - had you both agreed to be exclusive by that point? A lot of people have the discussion about taking their profile off once they are happy that the relationship is going somewhere. Has there been anything else since?

I don't want to belittle what you feel, but if its just a one-off and he was possibly keeping her on the back burner in case things didn't go any further with you, then I don't think its a deal breaker.

I don't know your history or what else you've seen on FB, but if you're trawling back through his emails the minute you get a chance you obviously don't trust him, I'd say that is the bigger issue than a single fairly innocent email.

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 12:32:12

We had the "exclusive" chat about a month in to the relationship. We were dead serious by then. Although funnily enough, October was around the time in which he started to cool things down with me.

Lately he's been trying to warm it all up again, moving his stuff into my house bit by bit and looking for houses to buy in my area. I however, no longer trust him unfortunately.

The thing is, I had this thought at the back of my mind that he was messing me about but I suppose I was hoping to be proven wrong.

Guess it's right what they say, you have instinct for a reason.

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 12:34:11

But how is trust ever supposed to be built when she's ticking along in October thinking "I think he might be a keeper" when HE is stocking up on potential others and keeping them on the back burner? It's insulting and for me it would be a dealbreaker.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 12:35:22

So you were second choice? He tried it on with this other person on the QT, got knocked back, & suddenly you're flavour of the month again? So gallant .... hmm I'd be moving his stuff out bit by bit... into a skip. smile

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 12:39:35

Yeah I think basically he was thinking of ending it with me in October, tried it on with a few others, got nowhere so decided to stick with the easy option, me angry

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 12:43:21

And now the moronic, field-playing arse will be getting nowhere with you too..... aw diddums..... smile You don't want to be anyone's fall-back girlfriend.

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 12:45:39

I would be very interested to know his reaction to this - I don't think he'll think he's done anything wrong.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 12:47:12

I've a tenner here says you're right Stuffez... 'It was before we were exclusive'... 'It was before I realised you were the only girl for me'.... <boak>

"What should I do???"

You dump him.
That is what you do. You dont have to tell him that you snooped into his email.

Just give him the old "Sorry John, I am not really very happy with you, and you thinking about buying near me just made me realize that I dont really want to be with you. This relationship has run its course"

Simples.

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 12:50:05

You know, I'm in two minds whether to just have it out with him and tell him what I know (the right, sensible, mature thing to do) or whether to keep quiet, have my celebration night (what he's mostly paying for) and get on his phone later when he's too pissed to notice/care and check out those messages that have been playing on my mind for weeks - you know, the ones you catch a glimpse of as they're scrolling through their inbox and make you raise an eyebrow but you're not quite sure why?

Moral decision of the day - do the right thing and be the bigger person or sink to his level and get a night out thrown in for good measure. hmmmmm

I'm angry, disappointed and hurt. But part of me can't help thinking I knew it was coming.

perceptionreality Fri 04-Jan-13 12:50:41

Ok, I think some of the responses are a bit harsh. Some people (rightly or wrongly) keep their profile up on dating sites when they start a relationship because they are worried it won't work out and they aren't sure. 3 months is way too soon to know imo.

I don't think you should assume he has cheated unless there is actual evidence that he has met up with other women. You should definitely talk to him about it though.

ZZZenAgain Fri 04-Jan-13 12:51:14

you won't enjoy the night out, will you? You'll be angry

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 12:52:50

I'm not saying he met up with her, it's the fact that he was still contacting women back in October when a) we were in a supposedly exclusive, intimate relationship and b) we were in the process of discussing him meeting my children. Bastard.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 12:56:35

Always be the bigger person. Checking his messages on his phone would suggest he's still worth the bother. Walking away says very firmly that you don't care.

perceptionreality Fri 04-Jan-13 12:57:04

Well, only you know if he sees you as a fall back girlfriend and in that case I would want to move on, yes. But if he hasn't met up with anyone or arranged to then there was obviously no intent to cheat on you imo. What were the photos he was trying to hide from you?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Fri 04-Jan-13 12:58:35

What should you do? - What PureQuint said.

What would I do? - Cry. Then get my hands on his phone to be totally sure he was the lying creep I thought he was!

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 12:59:49

oh ok - I now have all the evidence I need.

Went on POF, used the same password as his email password and he's been sending women messages for ages. Last one was sent yesterday.

Fucker.

perceptionreality Fri 04-Jan-13 13:00:39

oh sad yes definitely get rid of him in that case.

perceptionreality Fri 04-Jan-13 13:01:21

Did you meet him online NorrieAnne?

ZZZenAgain Fri 04-Jan-13 13:02:25

and he is trying to move into your house? WTAF?

perceptionreality Fri 04-Jan-13 13:03:45

Sorry, I've just realised I read your OP wrongly - I didn't realise he sent a woman the original message, I thought she sent it to him.

Ignore me blush

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 13:04:15

You're fucking joking? How horrible. In a way though, it's made your decision a lot easier. Ugh I want to kick him in the cock.
How are you going to approach this?

MaMaPo Fri 04-Jan-13 13:06:19

also - what a dickhead he is! Not only cheating (or trying to) but stupid enough to allow you the means to find out!

You are well out of this.

LulaPalooza Fri 04-Jan-13 13:09:29

NorrieAnne

I had an ex who did something similar, after we had been together for over 2 years.

I printed out all of the emails he had sent to this woman and her responses... he was trying to entice her into having a threesome <boak> but wanted to try her out first! She was a prostitute <boaks again>.

I met him in the pub that evening. I got there first. After the initial hello and kisses <more boaking> he went to the bar to get us both a drink and when he returned to our table I had put the copies of the emails in front of him. I said nothing.

He went bright red, started trying to apologise/ explain or something and I just downed my drink and walked out. Still saying nothing.

TalkativeJim Fri 04-Jan-13 13:13:29

Just get rid ASAP - pointless waste of space. Total loser.

Don't beat yourself up about it. HOWEVER, next time - you'll know that those little niggles need to be listened to. Because its funny that they turn out to be 'nothing' or 'paranoia' about, oooh, one time in a hundred.

Always trust even the tiniest of instincts!

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 13:14:52

I'm absolutely gutted. He slept here last night and was messaging on plenty of fish whilst here. I can't just let this go, he's taking me for a fucking mug. I've just messages him saying I need to speak with him. I'm betting he'll know something is up and just do a runner.

Fuck. So upset, I fell for everything he told me sad. He's on there as single, honest and reliable. I'm too in shock to even cry. I can't believe it.

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 13:19:55

Oh God sad That is just sickening. You poor poor thing.
If you think he will take the cowardly option as you've described then he's a waste of space anyway. You will be feeling like utter shit at the moment but thank GOD you didn't (I assume from your posts) have permanent ties with him. Has he replied? I think he will twig too, once he remembers his pof password and email are the same.

ZZZenAgain Fri 04-Jan-13 13:24:13

you could go on POF and sent him a message there

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 13:24:17

I dumped a scumbag on 2/1. I asked to meet him after work at a pub. I packed up his stuff from my housr, walked into the pub and put the bag down in front of him and walked out without a word. He's not dated to call me, or more likely he's not bothered. I feel great smile

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 13:25:59

He's replied. I told him I needed him to come here asap. His reply was "why? what's happened?" etc etc. It keeps going back and forth - I keep asking him to come around, he keeps asking what's going on.

He knows and he's bricking it. The tears have started. I just can't believe he'd do this to me. I trusted him more than anyone I've ever been with. It's gone from anger to heartbroken to be honest. I'm in utter shock and disbelief.

ZZZenAgain Fri 04-Jan-13 13:27:57

don't ask him to come round anymore. Don't ring, write, do nothing.

He is expecting to go out tomorrow, isn't he? So if he turns up to pick you up or waits for you somewhere tomorrow and you don't turn up, he'll get back to you then.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 13:28:15

I know you want to confront him face to face but I think, in the circumstances, it would be far easier on you to end this one over the phone or by text. Don't subject yourself to his hang-dog expression and the various excuses he's probably got prepared .... you'll only feel more of a fool, more heartbroken, and quite sick into the bargain.

antonym Fri 04-Jan-13 13:29:12

Edit his POF profile to say he has micro-penis syndrome, ED and paint-shrivelling halitosis. Then change the password.

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 13:31:43

Let him come round to try and explain - but make sure you have all his shit waiting by the door. It will speed up the process. Bloody coward.

werewolvesdidit Fri 04-Jan-13 13:33:33

Oh yes! Do it!

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 13:33:51

PACK UP HIS STUFF.

LulaPalooza: I didn't even get a drink grin

werewolvesdidit Fri 04-Jan-13 13:34:09

I mean yes to editing his POF profile. Tell all the women what a slimey shite he is.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 04-Jan-13 13:35:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badinage Fri 04-Jan-13 13:35:17

If you're that invested, then best not to see him. What would be the point anyway?

Tell him on the phone what you've found and that he's dumped as a result. That's all.

Wise move snooping further incidentally. Once someone's lied to you, all the normal rules re privacy should be disregarded. If you hadn't investigated further, he would have lied and said that he hadn't been in contact with anyone since October and you might ....just might....have fallen for that.

ZZZenAgain Fri 04-Jan-13 13:36:36

you alright norrie?

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 13:37:01

My evilness extends to a wordless dumping. He's got no clue why, and why that day. He's not a moron so he must have an inkling but, really, fuck him.

Beckamaw Fri 04-Jan-13 13:38:25

What Antonym said! Do it.
Brilliant!!!
I'm so sorry OP. If it helps, I was dating a similar man. He had 2 of us on the go - twat. She found me on Facebook and we talked.
I wish I could have amended his bloody dating profile. angry

You are so much better than him. Be kind to yourself.

mcmooncup Fri 04-Jan-13 13:41:02

Yes, OP, please do not give him the opportunity to make you feel worse face to face.

Dump him by text or email or via POF or on Facebook, but not face to face. Fuck him, he doesn't deserve your tears.

janelikesjam Fri 04-Jan-13 13:41:07

Dear Norrie, Sorry this happened to you after 6 months. But also SO glad you got the clear answer you probably needed. If its any consolation something similar happened to me angry though in a more casual short relationship. His response when confronted was "Oh I just do it for a laugh" (go on PoF that is).

I don't know if you should tell him the reason or not, whatever suits you really as you now have all the power . I am curious, he must have been a d**khead in other ways too, though, or was it completely out of the blue??

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 13:41:36

You must be horribly in shock NorrieAnne, have you got a mate who can be with you?

janelikesjam Fri 04-Jan-13 13:44:29

Yes, as Cogito says, he will have excuses and explanations ready if you meet him, why give him any more headspace?

I would want to be a little bit eeeevil too and just drop wordlessly. He does not deserve a genuine explanation anyway.

But your call!

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 13:48:34

I'd bet you anything if you give him a chance to speak hell be rude as hell to you. He'll have had the rest of today to come up with something and if it's a sincere apology I'll eat my hat.

Deep breaths, OP

LulaPalooza Fri 04-Jan-13 13:48:58

Oh NorrieAnne, I'm so sorry you're feeling so shit sad sending un-Mumsnetty hugs your way. It feels truly, truly shit at first but, in time, you'll be glad you found out and that you found out now before you invested even one more day in this arsehole.

I'm with tzella in terms of action (obviously) - I wouldn't let him come round to yours, I would dump him publicly. Although i would make sure he bought the drinks in first...

badinage Fri 04-Jan-13 13:49:00

See, I'd always tell a bloke why he was being dumped for this. If more twats realised that women weren't prepared to put up with this crap, maybe they'd think twice. If she says nothing and just dumps him, he'd be stupid and entitled enough to feel victimised and blame the OP for being 'flakey' or somesuch. He needs to know, but not face to face.

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 13:49:27

I know you probably don't want to look, but from the content of the messages is it possible to see if he's met any of them? Because I think he will try and claim it's "only chatting," "just a laugh" etc.

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 13:54:53

bandinage I do broadly agree re: educating the ex as to why he's just become an ex but in my case 1. We'd been through it fruitlessly before and, if I'm honest 2. It was a tiny bit of revenge

mcmooncup Fri 04-Jan-13 13:56:52

Or his mates put it up there for a laugh......
Or it is actually his mate's profile.......
Or someone must have hacked him.......

The list is endless.

It's all horse shit though.

loopylou6 Fri 04-Jan-13 14:04:31

What a twat. Id deffo be editing his profile.

LookBehindYou Fri 04-Jan-13 14:09:20

Ask him with an open mind. Maybe he had sudden cold feet with you. This email was sent just 3 months into the relationship. Is he acting suspiciously now?

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 14:11:37

Lookbehindyou he was messaging last night while at OPs house!!

I did this when I found ex on Adult Friend Finder. Changed his password, then wrote him a new profile.

It explained exactly what was happening, not the pathetic pity party he had played out.

And yes, I changed one of his "stats" to button mushroom too!

Don't have him round, don't waste anymore time on this twunt. And upload a picture on his POF site too. He is playing games, that's why there is no picture of his twunty face on his profile. Make sure you change the honest part too.

Definitely edit his profile, and change his password. Dont make too obvious changes, as you dont want him to discover them straight away.

janelikesjam Fri 04-Jan-13 14:15:58

I do see where Badinage is coming from, seeing as you seem to have had quite a serious relationship with him for those months. Also if you give him a simple "reason" he is more likely to stop badgering you. Though I would bet a fiver he will give various excuses as suggested.

I think the worst thing to do though is to get into a discussion about it. Once you have told him, ideally by text, I think the best thing to do is to completely ignore him completely, even change your mobile number.

Are you OK, OP?

badinage Fri 04-Jan-13 14:16:41

....which she'd never have known if she hadn't snooped further. But c'mon folks - would you really put up with a bloke fishing for new partners at any time while he's in a supposedly relationship with you? Surely no-one's standards are that low??

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 14:18:49

I was scared what my ex would do if I allowed him to come to my house sad Meeting him in public was the only way, even if it meant I had to carry tons of his stuff.

Hope you're OK, Norrie.

LookBehindYou Fri 04-Jan-13 14:53:09

tzella I missed that bit! Once early into a relationship if nothing happened could be forgiven but this can't. I'm sorry OP. You must be feeling really hurt.

OrangeClub Fri 04-Jan-13 16:46:44

My ex boyfriend did this. For three years when he was dating me, living with me, talking about getting married to me. I will be honest - it destroyed me. The lies, upon lies, upon lies. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I'm still not over it now really. I don't trust anyone any more.

I took him back for a very brief period last year because I missed what I thought we had, a connection etc. It was the most stupid thing I have ever done. What followed was more lies and more emotional abuse.

He is with someone else now. And I know he is still registered on the dating sites (and sending messages to people) because my friend is also a member of a couple of the sites.

Men like this do not change. They just destroy you and move on.

lilacbaubles Fri 04-Jan-13 18:53:55

I'm so sorry this happened, but at least now you know to end it.

NorrieAnne Fri 04-Jan-13 19:35:57

He came around, I confronted him. He lied. Admitted it when he realized I knew - said he only did it as he was confused about his feelings for me - obvious bullshit.

On POF I found he'd been messaging women about intimate encounters, asking if they had "age limits" (as he's 41, they were early 20s).

I'm half pissed now anyway so prob not making much sense. Fuck em, they're all the same. Every bloke I've ever been with has lied and treat me like shit, why would he be any different? more fool me for falling for the bullshit.

I'm off out tomorow night for a girly councelling session with a mate so all is well with the world.

StuffezLaBouche Fri 04-Jan-13 19:48:53

NOT more fool you AT ALL. It would have been more fool you if you had forgiven him because you thought you could "make it work" and then spent the next year panicking every time he went on his phone or received a message.

Through NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN you've been put in a shitty position and you have dealt with it perfectly.

And hopefully the seedy wanker will be told exactly where to stick his "intimate encounters" with young women.

Have fun tomorrow!

ProphetOfDoom Fri 04-Jan-13 19:56:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perceptionreality Fri 04-Jan-13 19:58:19

I am sorry to hear this NorrieAnne, you must be feeling awful. Did you meet him on POF? Please try not to be disheartened - the reason I ask is I spent a bit of time on POF and found that it wasn't the best place to find someone decent.

chucksaway Fri 04-Jan-13 20:03:34

sorry youre going through this

TalkativeJim Sat 05-Jan-13 00:11:23

Well done!

And no, you're not an idiot, you're a normal person with a normal sense of what's right and wrong, and who would just expect someone not to be a cheating scumbag, you know, as the default setting.

I'd much rather think like you than be like him!

LovesBeingAtHomeForChristmas Sat 05-Jan-13 06:07:09

Your not an idiot and not every man is like this. You did ignore your instinct that's the only thing you need to change.

Have fun tonight.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Jan-13 09:16:43

" Every bloke I've ever been with has lied and treat me like shit, why would he be any different?"

There are some decent guys out there but, sadly, they're almost indistinguishable from people like your ex. He was obviously very charming and credible so you trusted him. You'd only be a fool if you'd let it run on and ignore the obvious rather than dump his nasty arse.... Hope you feel better this morning.

NorrieAnne Sat 05-Jan-13 10:53:50

Thanks for the words of encouragement yesterday. I think I'm still in shock. I thought the world of him and trusted him completely. I still can't believe that all the time we were laughing together, going away together, spending time together he was messaging other women on POF as soon as he was rid of me.

For fucks sake, we spent new years eve together and then went for a lovely walk with my son on New years day - had a great time - and then from the records on POF he messaged a few women that same afternoon!!

I feel like the last 6 months have been a complete lie.

loopylou6 Sat 05-Jan-13 11:13:10

Not much comfort I know, but at least you found out after 6 months and not a couple of years. It could be worse, you could've got pregnant to the tosser.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 05-Jan-13 12:04:33

Can I ask how he reacted when you proved to him you knew? Did he make up some ridiculous excuse or did he accept he was in the wrong?
You're bound to feel like the relationship was a lie, because you were putting heart and soul in, while he was only giving you a fraction of himself. It's SO disrespectful, especially when you trusted him to meet your son. But YOU KNOW NOW!

I still want to kick him in the cock.

NorrieAnne Sat 05-Jan-13 12:12:32

He lied at first, I asked if he had a pof account and he said "no". I said "that's strange, because you messaged my friend last night" (not true, I just guessed the password). He admitted it then - his excuse was that he freaked out at the pace and intensity of our relationship and wasn't sure he was ready to commit to a long term relationship (bullshit because this is what he's said he's wanting all along) and so went on POF to prove to himself that it was me he wanted. wtf! absolutely ridiculous excuse.

Even if that was true - it means I've spent the past few months thinking I was in a long term, committed relationship with someone I could well see myself living with/marrying when all along he "wasn't sure he wanted a long term relationship" - shame he neglected to tell me that.

Funny thing is, during the "stand-off" last night he decided to tell me he's been looking at houses in my area with a view to us moving in together at some point this year. What absolute horse shit - he's not ready for a committed relationship yet he's looking at us buying a house together - all in the same scenario??

It would be funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking.

ObscuredByClouds Sat 05-Jan-13 12:15:07

You have totally done the right thing, well done for not wasting any more time on this man.

There are good men out there, honestly.

tzella Sat 05-Jan-13 12:18:03

It'll be funny soon, Norrie grin After a few drinks with your darling best friends you'll have translated this nonsense into an hilarious anecdote that will have them spluttering with laughter at him. Well, I hope so anyway wine

StuffezLaBouche Sat 05-Jan-13 12:18:50

Ridiculous. Stupid, stupid man.
Bloody hell though, you've been really strong and he will kick himself will being a twat and losing you. I've never met one who wasn't dishonest and cheaty either, but I'm reassured they're out there somewhere.

tzella Sat 05-Jan-13 12:23:23

My last one wasn't cheaty or a liar but terrible in other ways.

It can't be me. It can't be me. It can't be me.

grin

Onezerozero Sat 05-Jan-13 12:39:44

How awful for you. sad
What a sleazy cheat. At least you found out now and not in five years time.

Wecanfixit Sat 05-Jan-13 17:30:27

So sorry JUST DUMP HIM you deserve so much better , onwards and upwards I say talking from a similar experience to you , I did just that oh and life is so much simpler being single and knowing where I am and not having to wonder about someone lying all the time and hiding things like the OW , GOOD LUCK big hug to you x

janelikesjam Sat 05-Jan-13 19:11:37

His loss. Not yours.

He has probably lost alot of genuine, interesting women this way.

He is the loser here.

Nevertheless I hope you kicked him in the balls on the way out. What a jerk. Also, messaging young women for intimate encounters, gimme-a-break.

DoingItForMyself Tue 08-Jan-13 09:25:22

Norrie, so sorry he turned out to be a dick - I was really hoping it was just a one-off but the fact that he has continued to message women all along shows a total lack of respect for your relationship. Hope you're ok. x

I think these immature guys get such a buzz from the chase and the flirting online that it becomes a bit like a game and they almost see it as some sort of amusement, not realising (or more accurately not caring) that its real people's emotions they're playing with. FWIW there are some lovely guys on those sites too, it just takes a lot of sifting through the crap to find them.

ike1 Tue 08-Jan-13 09:39:32

Its all very strange isnt it. I just cant enter into that mindset...he is having a lovely time with Nory and yet is looking for others...why? and for what what purpose? some people are just odd.

perceptionreality Tue 08-Jan-13 10:27:03

But as I said above, I never met anyone normal on POF. I think to find someone decent on a website you need to use one of the ones you pay a subscription for - that way you are less likely to find someone who is wasting everyone's time and more likely to find someone genuine imo.

DoingItForMyself Tue 08-Jan-13 10:52:35

You say that Perception, but everyone I've met was on both paid & POF, so although there may be more twats on POF, there are also some of the same genuine men who are serious about finding a relationship.

I met a lovely man on POF (he just called me to see if he can bring anything with him for dinner tonight!) and he was also on Match (paid).

perceptionreality Tue 08-Jan-13 11:53:08

Yes but what I mean is that if someone is on a subscription site at all it's an indication they are serious about finding someone, even if they are on POF as well. Literally anyone can go on POF and mess about because it's free iyswim.

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