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I've packed up his stuff! Last straw! Short!

(128 Posts)
tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 11:51:28

The absolute last straw* is that, since being paid plus getting £600 bonus on 24/12, I have £75 left in my account! The cocklodging bastard is GONE TODAY. I'm going to meet him at station and hand over stuff then meet my best friend (who I am not allowed to see!) for £74.99 worth of booze and slagging him off.

What the actual fuck have I been doing?? 2013 starts here smile

* so so so many last staws angry including 'peeling potatoes is boring' on Xmas day!! I spent boxing day writing a variation on this post in my head. Plus, for full disclosure, I took him back after he whacked me sad Utter madness confused

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 02-Jan-13 11:53:20

You mean he spent your wages? And hit you? I wouldn't even meet him at the station, just tip his gear into the nearest skip....

Good for you and well done!! It takes a lot of courage to make that step, so keep that anger inside you until you've handed over his stuff! good luck and enjoy the rest of your life!

PickledInAPearTree Wed 02-Jan-13 11:54:34

Yeah ditto!

Well done to you enjoy spending that 74.99.

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 11:55:58

No, I spent my wages on him (on 'us') BECAUSE IM AN IDIOT. He hit me in the summer.

I know! I know!

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Wed 02-Jan-13 11:56:10

Well done, enjoy your new start xx

Congratulations on getting rid of the useless arse!

May your 2013 be richer in all ways.

(and maybe get some advice from women's aid if you think he might get nasty about it.)

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 11:56:45

Thanks smile

Allergictoironing Wed 02-Jan-13 12:01:13

Don't forget to get the locks changed before going out!

Anniegetyourgun Wed 02-Jan-13 12:02:55

Isn't it amazing the things we not only put up with, but think we ought to keep putting up with, even hate ourselves for failing to accept, right up till the day the little light bulb goes "ping!" And then after that it's all "Wtf was I THINKING?"

One of the great healing moments was when I remembered some dreadful things XH had done or said years ago (later denied, of course), and realised that I don't have to even try to forgive him any more. I can seethe and resent as much as I like! And then forget it because it's water under the bridge, not because I have to try to pretend it never happened. It did happen, but it's history. And so is he. grin

PickledInAPearTree Wed 02-Jan-13 12:03:13

Yes get the locks changed. Could your mate sleep over too just to be on the safe side?

He hasn't got any bank cards or anything you share?

PickledInAPearTree Wed 02-Jan-13 12:03:57

So true Annie. Like waking up from a a bad dream.

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 12:04:01

He doesn't have a key! I'd not entirely lost the plot, thank god grin

PickledInAPearTree Wed 02-Jan-13 12:04:54

What a good way to start the new year. Onwards & upwards!

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 12:07:42

I tried keeping a journal of our relationship because I forgot things from one moment to the next (I know I'm not alone in this). He was ignoring me before Xmas but I can't recall why (whatever spurious reason he made up) and then we had Xmas together. What? What happened between 22/11 and 24/12??? I have NO IDEA.

Aaaah. What a relief. I will feel v cold in bed but that's life, eh? smile

Ugh, he's not replied to text though. Hmm.

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 12:08:54

22/12 I mean.

PickledInAPearTree Wed 02-Jan-13 12:11:41

A hot water bottle is better.

And cheaper!

You should organise loads of nights out with your mates and a holiday, stuff to look forward too.

tiddleypompom Wed 02-Jan-13 12:11:48

Bed socks grin

Nice one op - happy 2013 & congratulations.

caramelwaffle Wed 02-Jan-13 12:13:44

Well done and good luck for 2013.

WildWorld2004 Wed 02-Jan-13 12:17:25

Good for you. A great way to start the year.

I would rather be cold in bed than share it with an arse. grin

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 12:21:35

He's going to be so shocked. He's been soooo happy, little Knowing that I hadn't given in at all! I've actually been plotting!

Sorry for exclamation marks. I feel a bit sick so faking it grin

LouMacca Wed 02-Jan-13 12:26:03

Love and strength to you in 2013 - hope its a great year for you!!

Good for you love, keep that metal until you've given him his stuff back, once you've decided it's simple, have a great new life!!

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 13:09:56

Thank you all thanks

I'm working from home so packed his crap (sadly, too heavy for me to carry so will have to put his fucking Timberlands in a rucksack) and stripped the bed, turned the mattress and put linen on 'boil'. His feet, sisters, his feet.

No reply to my text but a witheld call which was either him or work, but work would have called back. I'll have to send another text later to say 'meet me or I'll leave your stuff at tube station'.

La la la!

Strangemagic Wed 02-Jan-13 13:15:46

Well done you,have a great 2013.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 02-Jan-13 13:17:10

Oh, the feet #shudder#

A hot water bottle will be so much cleaner.

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 13:21:58

The warm rubbery smell reminds me of my grandmother grin

Wish I could afford one... hmmgrinbiscuit

SirSugar Wed 02-Jan-13 13:22:40

I'd be inclined to tip his stuff outside, why bother meeting the twat?

MushroomSoup Wed 02-Jan-13 13:24:35

Treat yourself! Still have £68 left for boozy afternoon!

Anniegetyourgun Wed 02-Jan-13 13:25:23

In the longer term it'll work out a whole lot cheaper than a cocklodger.

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 13:26:00

I'm pretty decent and not prone to grand statements anymore. Plus it would be a waste of the silver technology anti-stink M&S socks I got him from Christmas

Oh, I dunno. I could, I suppose hmm

iwantanafternoonnap Wed 02-Jan-13 13:50:27

Just chuck it outside. Thats what I did with my ex's. Felt good grin

twinklesparkles Wed 02-Jan-13 13:52:24

Hope the meet goes well hun smile be careful and don't go anywhere private with him just incase he gets agressive again

Congrats on your newfound freedom

Do you have reciepts for any of the stuff you got him? Take items back to the shops then get yourself down pub smile

PickledInAPearTree Wed 02-Jan-13 13:54:22

Keep your presents to him! Sell them on eBay. Just give him his own stuff back.

NorksAreTinselly Wed 02-Jan-13 13:54:57

Can we all come along, too?
Which station and what time?
We can all turn up in our viperish glory smile

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 14:48:34

Teehee! It's at a very busy east London station - plenty of people around and several lines for me to choose from. I'm going STRAIGHT to the pub to meet my friend! I don't imagine he will follow me or make a fuss, except for his patented face-like-thunder. So so handsome, such a waste of a physically beautiful man.

They are really nice socks too but all been worn... and washed BY ME! angry Why oh why oh why grin I just did MY washing up in MY house for MY CONVENIENCE. Honestly, all those who say being treated like a slave is a massive turn-off are 100% correct. And once he became no use to me in the bedroom that was the 2nd to last straw hmm. Big haystack of straws instead of elephants in the room...

Sorry for stream of consciousness posting - I'm home alone and it's all coming out here smile

jumpingjackhash Wed 02-Jan-13 14:55:58

Good on you! I will be passing through a busy east London station this evening - I'll be on the look-out for a proud-looking woman handing a bag over to a bloke with a face-like-thunder and send you a cheer!

Allergictoironing Wed 02-Jan-13 15:01:36

Such a pity that you didn't find any UN-washed socks, then you could have included them with any washed clothing so it all gets smelly grin.

I do hope that you crumple up anything that's been ironed......

Sunnywithshowers Wed 02-Jan-13 15:03:10

Well done OP, you sound great smile Enjoy your afternoon. x

FreudianLisp Wed 02-Jan-13 15:06:58

Tzella, you're a strong woman. I hope that 2013 brings you many good things.

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 15:07:48

Cheers all! flowers

BigBoPeep Wed 02-Jan-13 15:10:10

claps jolly good show, well done you! Agree with the others to watch him though, like a sticky dog turd on your shoe, he might not give up without a fight, he's willing to be aggressive and controlling after all...

Amothersruin Wed 02-Jan-13 16:35:06

OOhh please update op!-I feel this thread could help some other women on here who have been treated like shit by cocklodgers...

Hassled Wed 02-Jan-13 16:39:45

I'm laughing at his "patented face-like-thunder" - have a wonderful evening with your mate, and a wonderful cocklodger-less 2013 grin.

I wanted to add my well done. Keep that determination with you. Have a good time tonight. thanks

msrisotto Wed 02-Jan-13 16:44:11

re: feeling cold in bed, get one of these. Awesome.

HecatePropolos Wed 02-Jan-13 17:19:24

Good for you. Hope it went well.

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 17:26:51

Not gone yet - couple of hours. I'm halfway through making myself look gorgeous. I want to be early so I can sneak up a different tunnel as he's a master of merging into the background - I'm sure I've read about that on here as well hmm

Not sure it's great form to link to another post but I do feel very much like this poster sad But, to be honest, the repetitiveness of the whole thing has put me off him and I reckon I'll survive.

We--eeeee are never, ever, ever getting back together! Thank god for ripping off niece's Now 83 wine

HecatePropolos Wed 02-Jan-13 17:33:09

Well, hope it goes smoothly.

could do with you on another thread. Woman there with a man who dictates who she can and cannot see sad

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 17:37:38

I dealt with that by consistently lying, thanks for asking sadangry Seeing women friends was fine but men, no. My gay best friend - certainly not. Male boss was unavoidable but DB was in question. Yes, really. Another straw in the haystack.

HecatePropolos Wed 02-Jan-13 17:39:28

Good god. What the hell did he think you were going to do with your brother?

What a mind he must have.

you are well rid.

Good riddance to him.
Good things to you x

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 17:46:15

He's from the kind of culture where it was expected and accepted that he picked his sister's husband. Yes, I know biscuit That info probably makes this less easy to relate to but, fuck it. I am positively giddy here smile

caramelwaffle Wed 02-Jan-13 17:51:10

tzella You have made the right decision. I'm not a million miles away wink and sending positive vibes for tonight. The info. is easy for me to relate to wink. Enjoy your evening out x

nilbyname Wed 02-Jan-13 17:51:59

Good luck, and lots of courage. Make sure your best mate is near by to help whisk you away from him if needs be.

I would be tempted to play as loudly as I could that TAylor Swift song at home whilst lobbing tesco bags of his stuff at him, smiling away!

cozietoesie Wed 02-Jan-13 18:10:11

Well done!

You might see if you can get someone to hang around in the background just in case - although with such a busy station you should be fine if you can't.


Let us know how it goes.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 02-Jan-13 18:14:31

Good for you, just stick to it. Sever all ties and delete all numbers etc. from everywhere.

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 18:17:38

I'm on the tube now grin Live action dumping of great justice? grin

biff23 Wed 02-Jan-13 18:20:16

Good luck,enjoy your night and be strong! Wish more women had balls like you, why put up with all that crap.

StuffezLaBouche Wed 02-Jan-13 18:21:06

Really wish I was there to see it. Good luck!

izzyizin Wed 02-Jan-13 18:22:10

Can we have his patented face on webcam? grin

Does this mean I'll never have to peer down my specs at you again? hmm

Earthymama Wed 02-Jan-13 18:23:35

Good luck grin

poorbuthappy Wed 02-Jan-13 18:26:01

Good luck love.
Take care please x

Ahhhcrap Wed 02-Jan-13 18:27:13

Good luck

chocolatespiders Wed 02-Jan-13 18:30:38

Woohoo go OP... wishing lots of happiness for 2013 smile

GiveMeSomeSpace Wed 02-Jan-13 18:38:18

Your brother!!??!! I've heard it all now. Unbelievable.

Well done OP. Hope it goes to plan smile

Strangemagic Wed 02-Jan-13 18:43:14

Cheering you on.....Good luck,hope everything goes

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 18:43:40

Well done, op

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 18:53:12

Well. That was an anti-climax, sorry! I was early and he texted to say he was waiting in our FAVOURITE PUB. So I had to carry his stinking bag full of (my) clean socks two minutes further up the road. He was in the garden so I placed the bag on the bench and... left. Did think I might say "It is about the money, honey" but didn't bother. He's never going to change. I've sat in my own house in the cold because he wouldn't contribute to heating bills and I'd rather wear two jumpers than give him the pleasure of sitting about in nothing but his boxers at my expense. That was another straw, as you can imagine. 

I'm on another tube now. Going to be early for a much better date smile 

Autumnchill Wed 02-Jan-13 18:55:54

Another one cheering you on smile

dawntigga Wed 02-Jan-13 18:57:14



RandomMess Wed 02-Jan-13 18:57:54

Have a great night tonight grin

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 18:58:29

A bit of a non event is better than angry scenes.

Just move on now and enjoy your evening

kinkyfuckery Wed 02-Jan-13 18:58:40

Sorry it wasn't quite what you'd worked up to. Have fun with your friend tonight, but be careful how much you drink and please look after yourself. Can you stay with your friend tonight, or bring her back with you so you're not going to be coming home alone?

twinklesparkles Wed 02-Jan-13 18:59:05

Wait.. Did he not see you? Did you just chuck his stuff on a bench? Lol!!!

What he say? Look gutted?

Have a great night, well done smile

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast Wed 02-Jan-13 18:59:39

Hey, anti-climax is good !

Well done to you, and Happy New Year 2013 smile

Have a great evening with your friend !

tzella Wed 02-Jan-13 19:13:17

There was really no point in saying anything, I don't think. Why should I be the reasonable one all the time? Fuck him.

I've made this sound very easy, perhaps too easy hmm I'm 38. He loved me, in his way, very much and i put up with a lot in good humour and I'm gutted I'm back to square one but if you cost me money; god help you.

izzyizin Wed 02-Jan-13 19:17:35

he was waiting in our FAVOURITE PUB

Not any more it ain't. Henceforth it's a pub, not materially different from any other hostelry except that it's one where you on occasions to numerous to mention paid the tab for a freeloader met up with total tosser.

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast Wed 02-Jan-13 19:26:05

And you're never back to square one in life. It's all part of the journey and other things have happened in the last few years apart from him ?

runningforthebusinheels Wed 02-Jan-13 19:31:58

Well done OP! Wishing you a cocklodger free 2013.

Be prepared for him to contact you again though, try to worm his way back in and possibly cause a scene at a later date.

cozietoesie Wed 02-Jan-13 19:34:57

Oh Yes. You'll get the late night call - maybe even crying. Just a little.

Be strong.

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat Wed 02-Jan-13 19:41:42

Yay to freedom from cocklodgers! Took me 20 years and more, plus the power of mn, but 2012 was the year I got rid of mine, I was 59 at the time grin

MrsTomHardy Wed 02-Jan-13 19:53:20

Have a great evening OP

lovemenot Wed 02-Jan-13 20:03:46

Yayyy! Have a great evening:-) Would love to have seen his shocked/angry face!

HappyNewHissy Wed 02-Jan-13 20:08:41

Well done you!

WakeyCakey Wed 02-Jan-13 20:50:56

You have made my day OP. If DP ever becomes close to that cocklodging moneygrabbing selfish pig of a man I shall be looking back on this thread for inspiration grin

susanann Wed 02-Jan-13 21:19:44

Well Done! Stay strong!

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast Wed 02-Jan-13 22:09:24

And it's his controlling behaviour that was his worst feature IMHO - not letting you see your best friend was bad It was only ever going to get worse.
Stay strong ! Be happy smile

MushroomSoup Wed 02-Jan-13 23:17:19

My favourite thread of the year so far!

Ruprekt Wed 02-Jan-13 23:23:30

oooh well done!!

tzella Thu 03-Jan-13 09:34:00

Good morning. Sincere thanks to you all for being so supportive and funny thanks

Just to sate any curiosity; he didn't say anything at all! He was in the middle of taking a sip of ale and just in that moment there was a beat and I was able to dump the bag, turn on my heel and go straight out of the door. He's not called or texted and going on past form I doubt he will. It's always been me trying to entice him back, and he's been happy to come but not this time!

I had a good time with my friend! Sat in the freezing cold outside a pub by the river and I have a small hangover this morning. Had a tiny cry an hour ago when I saw stuff in the fridge (?!) but don't feel as bereft as I did the other 6 times we've broken up... yet, anyway.

The bed was cold.

Today I have to think very hard about getting a loan from the bank. I've never been in 'official' debt in my life and I really don't want to be but have to get back on track somehow. That fuckwit angry I'm a fuckwit! sad

Oh well. Onwards and upwards smile Thanks again smile

Allergictoironing Thu 03-Jan-13 09:44:42
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Thu 03-Jan-13 09:58:40

Hi tzella i'm so glad you have rid him from your life. You will be much better without him. Yes there will be days when you feel a bit lonely, but i would rather be a bit lonely than be taken for granted and treat like shit.

A hit water bottle is fairly inexpensive, and it keeps you warm without pissing you off grin

Its time to focus on you, put yourself first. This is what 2013 is for. That is my plan, and i have felt happier in the past 2 days than i have for a very long time. Nothing exciting has happened, but i have decided the i am worth it and i do deserve to be happy

Good luck with everything smile

tzella Thu 03-Jan-13 10:00:50

Oh no! Maybe a super-retro hot bottle but not a blanket! This maybe grin

tzella Thu 03-Jan-13 10:04:56

puds Thank you. You're 100% right and it's lovely to hear from someone else feeling free and themselves again smile

This year I need to give up smoking and do some personal development. All I do is eat, sleep, go to work and drink. Need to feed my brain a bit more.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Thu 03-Jan-13 10:14:38

Personal development is my focus this year too grin

I have decided that i cannot have a healthy relationship with a man until i have a healthy relationship with myself.

tzella Thu 03-Jan-13 10:17:52

Yes! Exactly! And I look at myself and think "Golly, you're a bit fat and you smoke and you don't really do anything interesting anymore." I wouldn't want to go out with me grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Thu 03-Jan-13 15:06:27

grin Luckily they are easily fixed, unlike your Ex who has a shite personality grin

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 20:33:53

Finally heard from him - a text asking to see me which I deleted and a voicemail saying he has nowhere to go hmm laid it on thick about being homeless and sleeping in the street hmm I know this sounds especially shocking but don't be fooled! My heart jumped into my throat because I was almost fooled too! But it's bull. It's the sort of thing he says because he doesn't understand that... He doesn't believe that... Basically, he thinks I'm stupid. Besides, his uncle lives in west London, his cousin in north London and besides all THAT he gets paid in a wodge of fifty pound notes.

Just had to post this here to keep me honest smile Plus, im at home tonight because i xant afford to go out so im bored. My heart/chest muscle literally twitched and now hurts a bit. A physical sensation of what, I don't know.

LizzieVereker Fri 04-Jan-13 21:12:17

Keep strong OP, you know it's just his BS! Plus his accomodation / cocklodging problems are his now, not yours. You deserve

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 21:21:17

Thanks Lizzie. I would have felt v sorry for him a few weeks ago and given in but he spent those entire few weeks making me despise him. Stupid stupid man.

Hot water bottle on the way from amazon!

izzyizin Fri 04-Jan-13 21:37:06

Just party here wine honey - and check out AIBU. A Friday night bumsex thread is the hottest ticket in town grin

Ahhhcrap Fri 04-Jan-13 21:39:23

Keep up the good work. It's bound to make you jump, you've probably been subconsciously waiting for it..

My exH used to say stuff like he'd be out on the street, but funnily enough, he'd always find somewhere wink

PickledInAPearTree Fri 04-Jan-13 21:41:38

Well done. Don't fall for his bollocks!

Going for the " but I've nowhere to go" angle is he.


tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 21:56:25

Thanks all thanks

justcrazy Fri 04-Jan-13 22:08:00

Well done, stay strong x

TisILeclerc Fri 04-Jan-13 22:26:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 22:28:41

His feet became our little snoogly-woogly jokey-wokey sad I'd never have bought socks for him or anyone for Xmas otherwise grin

dawntigga Sat 05-Jan-13 08:30:11

His feet, are indeed, a joke.

In the manner of There's something about Mary.


tzella Mon 07-Jan-13 14:08:08

Just a quick update; I had used the bank's own smart phone app to check my bank balance just prior (like, 11am on 2/1) to making this decision (to bin bf) but apparently it the app hadn't updated my balance correctly. So, I'm back at work today and I checked it online............................. and it turns out I have tons of available balance shockgrin

So! A double win! Got rid of the awful scumbag plus I'm rich!!!!

Frizzbonce Mon 07-Jan-13 14:17:58

Fantastic! This thread is making me whoop.

I don't mean to do a downer tzella but he doesn't have access to any of your cards - no spare housekeyes - anything like that? Is he likely to start some sort of charm or guilt offensive before he backs off? Manipulative pricks like this are usually pretty good at worming their way back in - like an ever mutating virus.

Good on you girl and here's to a brilliant 2013.

tzella Mon 07-Jan-13 14:39:46

Hi Frizz I never entirely trusted him and he's got no access to my home, money or heart grin

It's so over. I feel completely different to the (many) other times we broke up. I feel nothing smile

Thanks for the reminder though thanks Have a brilliant 2013 yourself.

Mother2many Mon 07-Jan-13 16:13:34

You'll have up great days, however, be prepared for those sad, and lonely, I miss you days... Be strong! All the best in 2013

PickledInAPearTree Mon 07-Jan-13 18:10:55

Well done on the money!

Few more celebratory trips to the pub then??

Wereonourway Mon 07-Jan-13 21:38:15

Op this is absolutely the best thread title I've ever seen on MN!
I chuckle every time I scroll past it.
You sound bloody brilliant, go you!

tzella Wed 09-Jan-13 10:30:49

Unbelievably, truly unbelievably, I am pregnant.

Ah, I take it that's not great timing ? How are you feeling ?

Don't panic. Had a few "pregnancy after break up" stories over the last month or so - come join the friendly gang over in the Pregnancy forum.

How are you feeling about it?

tzella Wed 09-Jan-13 10:44:06

Speechless really. Had assumed I couldn't - age and a pretty invasive op a couple of years ago but of course I'm extremely stupid thinking that.
Uhm - I got pregnant 10 years ago while breaking up with an ex and terminated. FUCK SAKE

tzella Wed 09-Jan-13 10:44:39

And I'm so fat!

At least you know it wasn't just too much turkey or nut roast now smile

tzella Wed 09-Jan-13 11:21:09

Oh god and all the booze and fags sad

Where do I post to talk about this and what the hell to do? Not in Pregnancy??

MorrisZapp Wed 09-Jan-13 11:34:17

I was going to say, stop being such a big Jessie re the cold bed - we aren't in Siberia honey, socks and primark jammies will see you right.

Oh and shouty high fives all round, of course!

But events have overtaken this somewhat. Blimey. How are you feeling?

Badvoc Wed 09-Jan-13 11:40:20

Phone the bpas - they will help you and talk You through your options x

Lavenderhoney Wed 09-Jan-13 11:40:26

Well, it's a new thing to think about.

You might want to start a new thread in relationships with a new title and just link to this, as it's a whole new subject.

tzella Wed 09-Jan-13 11:42:53

I'll look at bpas, thank you.

Can't start a thread yet as uhm just can't grin Fuck's sake. THanks you all.

SurroundedByBlue Wed 09-Jan-13 11:46:18

Congratulations on getting rid!

I did the same recently and am loving it.

(From another single and pregnant poster)

tzella Wed 09-Jan-13 11:59:21

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