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DP complete personality change after losing baby

(78 Posts)
Eeeeekkkbfp Sat 29-Dec-12 08:24:17

Hey ladies,

I desperately need some advice as I think I'm going crazy and don't no how much longer I can deal with this for. Sorry for the length please bear with me

Me and DP have been together for a year lived together for 6 months, we are in our mod twenties but he is 2 years younger than me.
Planned to have a baby I got pregnant straight away.
At 12 week scan found out baby had anacephaly and would not survive so had to have a termination.
From termination I've had serious complications and have been in hospital twice for over a week at a time and had continuous bleeding with blood clots the size of kiwis for 3 weeks now (Sorry for tmi)

My DP was heartbroken as was I but we seemed to be getting through it together, for the first week.
Then he went to see his mum. She is religious and did not agree with it she is also single and prone to self pity and drinking. He is her only child and has always been her emotional crutch. She told him he needed to come home because what happened was very hard for her and she was very depressed and he would never get over it (he moved an hours drive away to live with me)
Previous to this while I was pregnant she was trying to get my DS from another relationship who is 4 to call her nanny after meeting him less than 5 times and was telling my DP to marry me.

My DP came to see me when I was in hospital for complications from termination, to tell me it would be easier for him to go back and live with his mum so he could sleep when he wants and see his friends and he was very tired as on early shifts. I was absolutely shell shocked and started crying he then said oh no it's just really hard I won't go really

He has done this twice more in the last week, once on xmas day, including saying things like I love you but I'm not in love with you, you have DS so it's all right for you to stay here alone and deal with it coz you have responsibilities, I shouldn't have to deal with it coz I don't have responsibilities?? He never wants to have sex with me again as I'd trick him into getting pregnant??? My mum needs me coz this is really hard for her and she's alone ( her father died in July and she threw in his face that she was an orphan as well, she's 60 btw) and the usual I need to go coz this is to hard and ill never get over it and its because I keep crying its to hard for him coz he doesn't like to see me in pain or upset so he'd rather go and not see it.

When he says i need to go, I say I love you and don't want you too but if that's what you need then do it, I gave him the option of going for a week, with no contact with me to get his head together and see what he wanted. And he just says no, even though he spends hours telling me why he needs to go. Then he doesn't.

This is driving me crazy. I am so sad about the baby it's devastated me, but what he's doing I can't understand. I spend all my time placating him and crying when he goes to sleep/is at work/ when I'm with friends/family. I am so angry with him on one hand but love him so much and am bewildered as to why his treating me like this.
We planned the baby together and we were saving to buy a house, was going to get married, planned how many children we were going to have etc etc. but now he's just emotionally closed off to me and I just can't forget or forgive the way he's been. He's still here but I can't get the thought out of my head that he wants to go but is waiting till I'm better as I'm still quite ill and this has all happened in the last 3 weeks so I don't think he wants to look like the bad guy so soon.

Before this happened we were so in love. He adored me and was lovely. Now it's like he can't even stand me. I'm heartbroken but don't want his pity and would rather he left now than be here grudgingly.
Is this just grief? Or something more? I feel like I can't get over it until i no where i stand with him but then maybe I'm over thinking to much and this is just his way of dealing with it. Maybe I am just incredibly insecure at the moment as th things he has seen happen to me are awful, it's been so humiliating, and I look awful, i feel like a failure and like its my fault he's so sad as I've ruined what we had by not being able to have a healthy baby.
It just seems like he doesn't see me as a person with feelings but said this situation has made him sad and I'm central to that????
I'm so confused. If anyone has any advice Id love to hear it

Thanks for reading sorry its long!

Xx

cannotbelievehowexpensive Sat 29-Dec-12 08:30:07

I am so sorry for your loss, what an awful thing to have to go through. You poor thing.xx
I know this must be hard to hear but I think there are big red flags here, this guy sounds like he has many issues and does not sound like the loving, supportive, mature partner that you deserve. I think you should seriously consider your future with him. If I were you I would let him go back to his mum (who sounds awful!!) and concentrate on you and your DS. You deserve far, far better than this man.xxx

financialwizard Sat 29-Dec-12 08:43:24

I agree with the previous poster. Poor you massive unmumsnetty (((hugs))).

It really sounds like the apron strings have not been cut.

I also agree with previous posters.

im very sorry for your loss

There are massive red flags, when ever anything got tough in your relationship he would have run back to his mum.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Sat 29-Dec-12 08:53:24

This man that you don't know very well turns out to be a twat.

I'm sorry for your loss sad

Build your life with your son without this guy in it.

ThreeBoostsOneGalaxy Sat 29-Dec-12 08:57:46

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby. In 2003 we had two pregnancies that ended at 20 weeks. DH grieved but at no point did he react anything like your DP. I know everyone handles grief differently, but I think your DP needs to man up.

ThreeBoostsOneGalaxy Sat 29-Dec-12 09:00:34

I also think that it's during the worst times that you actually find out what people are really like.

lunar1 Sat 29-Dec-12 09:09:42

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others, I know you must be going through hell right now but this man is being cruel to you. I know he needs to grieve too but not at your expense. He is causing you additional pain.

His mother also sounds absolutely toxic, I am often a supporter of mil's on here as they often get a rough deal but in this case I think she would be enough to make me run for the hills.

Doha Sat 29-Dec-12 09:13:36

It is at very difficult times that people show their true colours and l am afraid this is your real DP coming through.
He is neither a nice nor loving partner to you. He should be sharirng his grief with you and you should e supporting each other. He seems wrapped up in his grief and the wants of his mother.
This does not bode well for the future and perhaps it would be best for him to go now before you invest any more in your future as this man will never be the man you want or deserve

ErikNorseman Sat 29-Dec-12 09:15:07

He's being manipulative, controlling, childish, cruel and pathetic. Whether he's doing it on purpose or not is irrelevant. That is how he behaves during difficult times. He's not a partner to support you and carry you through tough times, he's just not. Please cut your losses while you still can.

MissyRain Sat 29-Dec-12 09:21:24

He has not had a personality transplant you just dont know him that well.

You cant get to know someone in 12 months. It takes years to find out how someone behaviours to stress and grife.

Why did you want a baby with someone you just meet?

Im sorry for your loss. I really think you need to not ttc for a few years and get to know your partner better.

frasersmummy Sat 29-Dec-12 09:26:30

I am going to go against the grain here and say it just sounds dh is very upset/sad/angry at the loss of your darling child

his mother certainly aint helping and is actually making matters 10 times worse.. she needs to shut up and butt out

I think if you and your dh have been really close and loving up till now then you need to give him time to deal with his grief. NO he is not dealing with it in a good way.. but when I lost someone recently I went nuts , some of the stuff I said to dh was way out of line.. but he loved me and stood by me and we came out the other side

If you love your dh then you shouldnt cut and run at the first hurdle.. losing a chld is the hardest thing on earth.. you need each other right now and the fact your dh doesnt leave when you give him the option speaks volumes

Eeeeekkkbfp Sat 29-Dec-12 09:27:36

Thank you for all your kind words. I no your right its just a shock when someone turns out to be completely different from what you th

Eeeeekkkbfp Sat 29-Dec-12 09:33:26

Sorry posted to soon.
*thought they were. I think I just got so wrapped up in how happy we were and he kept bringing up having a baby and wouldn't let it drop. When I said no its too soon he took it as I didn't love him and didnt want him and made me feel so guilty. He said every lets him down and fucks him over. That should of been a massive red flag but I felt so bad for him as he had a shitty childhood and wanted to make him happy and see that everyone wasn't like that. Which seems ridiculous and immature when i write it down. I felt like he pressured me into it which makes this harder for me to get my head around and I feel awful I introduced him to my son and don't no how to explain it to him if he went. (He still sees and has a good relationship with his real dad though so it wouldn't be like he was a replacement daddy if you no what I mean)

Kiwiinkits Sat 29-Dec-12 09:39:57

What a horrible thing to have to go through hmm. I think your dp isn't who you thought he was. You rushed into all of this and now he is having some major second thoughts. You haven't known each other very long and you're both young. He is showing you that he is too immature for the massive responsibility that comes with being a husband and father. A bit of old-but-good advice: never believe a mans words, only believe his actions. His actions are telling you what you need to know: he isn't going to be the rock you need when the going gets tough. This horrible time may in fact be a blessing. Use this time to think about what is driving your relationship behaviour. I read your post and I was really surprised at how fast you had transitioned from the first blush of attraction into moving in together and then on to getting pregnant. You and your DS and future kids deserve a solid, committed husband and father. Such commitment can't be rushed. Give yourself the respect of waiting till someone shows you, through his actions, consistently, that he really will stand by you in hard times.

TeamBacon Sat 29-Dec-12 09:48:25

Bloody hell... Insensitive bastard.

I'd be running for the hills... Kick him out, he can go back to his mothers.

MissyRain Sat 29-Dec-12 10:02:22

Im sorry you are in this situation. You are young there is time to find a life partner you dont need to rush or settle.

Take your time. Get counciling for your loss and ask dp to leave. It does sound like he has issues and that is not good for your son to be around.

Take care and good luck for the future

DowagersHump Sat 29-Dec-12 10:08:33

You poor thing sad

I agree with everyone else - I'd kick this bloke into touch. He's not the man you thought he was and I'm so sorry you had to find out in such a painful awful way. Your DS will be fine with just you. Find a life partner who is deserving of both of you and don't ever enter into relationships and try to heal someone - you can't do that, people can only heal themselves.

duchesse Sat 29-Dec-12 10:31:57

"He said every lets him down and fucks him over"

Dump him.

I am really very sorry for your loss but this man is not merely having a bad moment, he simply isn't the person you thought/wanted him to be. IMO nothing good will come from staying with him.

HecateQueenofWitches Sat 29-Dec-12 10:34:29

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Give this manchild back to mummy dearest.

He is never going to be there for you.

He abandoned you when you needed him the most.

Don't sign up for a lifetime of that.

Soila Sat 29-Dec-12 10:52:22

Hi Eeeeekkkbfp,

The thing that caught my attention most here was "^then he went to see his mum^"

If you can handle being three in the relationship then fight for him as much as you possibly can.

If you cannot them let him go.

I know which I would choose - and it's not the fight...no thanks.

difficultpickle Sat 29-Dec-12 10:58:01

You won't think so now but it sounds to me as if you've had a lucky escape. Imagine being married to your dp and having his mother as your MIL. Your life would be hell.

So sorry for your loss. I had a baby with a man I thought I knew (we had known each other for 10 years before we started dating). Turns out I didn't know him at all and his subsequent behaviour was shocking to me and his friends.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 29-Dec-12 11:04:58

I was going to be a bit sorry for the guy as clearly his mum has been messing with his head, and suggest there might be a chance for you both if he can reduce her influence, but then I read your 09:33:26. Oh dear. I think you have to let him go, frankly. In fact you should buy his ticket back to mum's, one-way. This one is broken.

So sorry about the baby.

RabidCarrot Sat 29-Dec-12 11:29:27

So sorry for your loss, But I do think you need to pack his bag and tell him to go home to his mad mother, you will not see it now but you will be so much better off without him

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Sat 29-Dec-12 11:34:27

"he kept bringing up having a baby and wouldn't let it drop. When I said no its too soon he took it as I didn't love him and didnt want him and made me feel so guilty."

Please never do something so unbelievably irresponsible again.

MrsFlibble Sat 29-Dec-12 11:40:40

He sounds much like my exp, i'd think long and hard if you want to be with an emotionally stunted man child.

If you stay and have a healthy baby, a new side will emerge as "you had the baby you look after it"

Hes a dreamer and has a certain picture on what his life should be like.

Sorry for your loss OP, give lots of hugs to DS, cant beat a snuggle from your DS. my DD got me through alot.

vacuuming Sat 29-Dec-12 11:51:21

run, run for the hills. I am so sorry for what you went through, but I feel you will look back on it in years to come and see it as a blessing in disguise.

Eeeeekkkbfp Sat 29-Dec-12 11:53:27

I no it was irresponsible and now I'm looking back thinking wtf was I thinking. We had been friends before so I've known him for longer than we have been together. It just come out the blue one day and then he wouldn't let it drop, I no I should not of listened to his words and watched his actions but he was lovely and treated me so well. I was the happiest I've ever been. I feel like an absolute idiot. Even though it was quick, I would of loved that baby and looked after them, they would of bad a nice life as we both have secure well paying jobs, house etc. so I no it was stupid to believe him but I just feel so broken and like an idiot. I've never let myself be manipulated like this before.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 11:55:35

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Eeeeekkkbfp Sat 29-Dec-12 12:07:50

Don't sit and judge me on my ability to look after myself or the child I already have as well as my emotional capacity. Don't say thank god I didn't have a baby, how dare you. We had been very good friends for a long time. Why can't we all be like you eh??? On your high horse, having such huge emotional capacity. Must suck to have to deal with us idiots.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 12:16:37

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I'm really sorry about the baby.

And please don't feel like an idiot. I was much older than you when I showed the clarity of thought you are demonstrating right now!

Look after yourself and your DC.

ErikNorseman Sat 29-Dec-12 12:33:23

Londonone that is a hideous thing to say.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 12:40:09

Why?

difficultpickle Sat 29-Dec-12 12:42:47

londonone I've reported your post. Saying that you are thankful the OP lost her baby is absolutely vile.

badinage Sat 29-Dec-12 12:42:55

Honey, you've been through a really tough experience, both physically and emotionally, but instead of dealing with your own trauma, you've been dealing with his and his mother's (fake) traumas.

However long you've known this boy, you didn't know him really. You just knew the side he showed you and you haven't got the life experience yet to look beyond that.

Focus on getting over the physical and emotional fall-out from the baby. Deal with you and your other child, not him.

My guess for what it's worth is that he's met someone else but is blaming some of this on his mother. If you haven't physically witnessed her saying some of these things, I'd be a bit sceptical about her apparent change of character.

I think this boy will always need a woman to blame for his own fuck-ups. His mother - whichever woman he wants to replace - and in the end, the replacement woman.

duchesse Sat 29-Dec-12 12:43:18

Londonone that was really unkind, uncalled for and plain nasty.

BoyMeetsWorld Sat 29-Dec-12 12:46:26

Londonone I think that's a completely unreasonable attack on OP. the key part you completely miss is that she's got a secure job, her own house, unconditional love to give her child & has been mature enough to maintain a good relationship with her current DC's father. Being mid 20s is absurdly irrelevant - on one hand women are told to have kids younger, on the other they get posts like that making them out to be babies. She's admitted herself she was wrong about him but she certainly would not be alone in getting into this situation & it is not a comment on her parenting ability.

OP - get out while you can. It can only get harder the more involved you become & horrible inlaws put a huge strain on relationships, even without this situation. I know its cheesy & hard but perhaps things sometimes 'happen for a reason'. Sorry about your loss & don't let anyone judge you...you alone know if you are / were ready for another baby & who with.

MrsFlibble Sat 29-Dec-12 12:47:00

Londonone Op came for support, not to be trashed like that.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 12:48:02

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 12:50:21

Boy meets world - she's only mid twenties and already has four year old with one man and is already planning kids with a different man she has been with a very short time because she feels bad for him. That is idiotic and irresponsible IMO

snowshapes Sat 29-Dec-12 12:50:31

Oh my dear, you are not an idiot, we all want to see the best in people. But he has shown you his true colours and there is no going back on that. Look after yourself and your DS and take the time to grieve your lost baby. As others have said, you will find your life partner in time, trust yourself and be strong, don't let a man pressure you, all those things you now know.

badinage Sat 29-Dec-12 12:52:17

I'm guessing a lot of what the mum is apparently saying is completely uncorroborated and is only coming from his mouth - and possibly not hers.

OP has possibly been in the habit of believing everything he says unquestioningly.

The 'MIL' might have done and said nothing wrong here - except offer her irresponsible and feckless son a roof over his head while he returns to the life of a single man.

FellatioNelson Sat 29-Dec-12 12:56:03

Oh dear. This is awful. Absolutely awful for you. sad I am going to take a wild stab at what is going on here, but it won;t be nice.

You moved in together very quickly, and he became a stepfather overnight. He got carried away with the romantic idea of having a baby, but perhaps deep down, he was starting to have second thoughts and cold feet about committing long term to you, and being a family man.

Losing the baby was awful, but it has given him the perfect opt-out clause. He can now leave you with a clear conscience because he is not walking out on his child.

How old is he?

I think his mother sounds like a loon, but she is a red herring. If he wanted to be with you he would be. sad

Get yourself well, focus on rebuilding a life with you and your son, and move on. Don't allow him to play on-off emotional games with you for the next few months.

OldMinnieC Sat 29-Dec-12 12:56:06

Londonone, does the OP not sound distressed enough already to you? Some compassion wouldn't go amiss.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 12:56:14

Why the pussyfooting around. It is very sad that he OPs pregnancy ended the way it did but hat doesn't change he fact it was very silly to plan to have a child with a man you have only been in relationship with for a short time because he made you feel guilty.

FellatioNelson Sat 29-Dec-12 12:57:07

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OldMinnieC Sat 29-Dec-12 12:58:13

As the OP has quite clearly indicated herself. So why the need for salt in the wounds? Unconstructive and cruel.

FellatioNelson Sat 29-Dec-12 12:59:14

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Eeeeekkkbfp Sat 29-Dec-12 13:01:46

Londonone I have heard your point loud and clear, and I accept it. As for the termination, the baby would of live for less than 24 hours outside the womb, the condition is when the front part of the brain does not develop at all. So either way baby lost. Don't act like it would of lived and I choose to terminate it for an easy way out.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 13:03:39

If she was posting about her feelings about her termination then I Would not have posted,however she posted about her partner and relationship and in her OP there was no Indication that she felt that her own actions may have not been the wisest, that's why I posted.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 13:06:44

I certainly didn't suggest that you terminated as an easy way out. I also didn't mean to suggest That I was thankful that you had to terminate, my thankfulness is that you haven't ended up having a baby with his man you didn't really know and who seems unsuited to fatherhood.

ArkadyRose Sat 29-Dec-12 13:08:13

londonone I've reported your comments. Please desist in your personal attack on the OP and go troll someone else, as you obviously have nothing constructive to add to the discussion.

Chubfuddler Sat 29-Dec-12 13:09:49

Londonone perhaps you should consider the old adage that it is more important to be kind than right. The op knows she's made some bad decisions, but she's in pain. Lay off.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 13:10:10

Oh the irony.

Chubfuddler Sat 29-Dec-12 13:12:25

What's ironic? That we're all telling you your posts are out of order? Don't start trying to okay the bullied card. You can certainly dish it out - try taking it.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 13:13:00

The op is perfectly capable of addressing me directly as she has done. I am glad to see she has taken some of the comments on his thread on board and that will help her make better decisions in the future.

londonone Sat 29-Dec-12 13:14:46

Lol I certainly wasn't planing on playing the bullied card, not my style. I just think its funny that people are so keen to take sides

Chubfuddler Sat 29-Dec-12 13:20:42

There aren't any sides. You are being unpleasant. That's all.

okaynowitstheseason Sat 29-Dec-12 13:24:24

Fwiw I think the OP's DP is getting a hard time here. A man who was on here complaining similar behaviour from his partner after taking the loss of a baby so badly would be told to man up and support her. Men are allowed to grieve too y'know.

MissyRain Sat 29-Dec-12 13:24:25

I think londonone has a point. It was foolish to ttc so soon in a new relationship. If he wanted resposability he should have got a dog. It was foolish to want to bring a baby to such a new relationship. OP knows this already.

You are a good mum. You have been to hell and back and it must be a horrible sistuation to be put in and you did your best for your baby.

When most women go thru something like this they have their husbands there to support them. In this case the OP partner is only thinking of themself and makong the OP feel worse. He is not supporting her or helping.

The Op is devistated how things have turned out and it will take a long time to heal. Im impressed she has the emotional capacity to even care about anyone else right now. I would not.

Op you need support and counciling for your loss. You need to look at why you let yourself be pressured to ttc.

You are not stupid you were in love and got fooled by someone you trusted. It happens to others all the time. It will take a long time to heal but you will come out on the other side syronher and wiser.

Do you have any rl support?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam Sat 29-Dec-12 13:28:48

He can grieve, for sure, but his chosen way of grieving appears to be making things even worse for the OP. Unnecessary.

FellatioNelson Sat 29-Dec-12 13:29:04

london There is nothing funny about this. For what it's worth I may be inclined to agree with you about women making naive choices, but when someone has just told you they are reeling from an abortion on medical advice, culminating in being hospitalized due to complications and have been cruelly dumped in the process, that is not generally the best time to point out their poor judgement. hmm

FellatioNelson Sat 29-Dec-12 13:29:59

whether london has a point or not, what fucker brings it up now?

OldMinnieC Sat 29-Dec-12 13:32:56

Londonone, how exactly does brutally telling the OP that her previous actions were 'idiotic' help?

Unless she has a time machine, she cannot change what has already happened, and can only go forward from her current position. Which is what she was asking advice about, as I understood it.

MissyRain Sat 29-Dec-12 13:33:08

London your last post shows no compassion at all.

Do you relise the OP has lost her child?

MissyRain Sat 29-Dec-12 13:37:37

Londonone there is nothing funny here.it is all tragic for everyone involved.

If it was your dp idea to ttc maybe he is feeling guilty and thinks that you.might blame him or resent him so he is trying to push you away to stop him being hurt?

I think maybe try relate and talk about what happened and if there is a way forward together. If thats what you want?

badinage Sat 29-Dec-12 13:43:10

Fellatio the mother sounds like 'a loon' because this man has made her sound like one. OP hasn't come back to say whether any of this stuff the mother is allegedly saying has been heard directly by her.

Unfortunately there are some men who will blame which ever woman comes to hand - and there will always be women who will want to blame other women rather than a man who has treated them disgracefully. These types of men manipulate women and pit them against eachother and sometimes it works like a treat.....

FellatioNelson Sat 29-Dec-12 13:46:00

yes, I know that badinage, which is why I said the mother-blaming was a red herring, and if he wanted to be with her her would be.

amillionyears Sat 29-Dec-12 14:10:41

op, I am very sorry for you and your dps loss.

I think the thing that strikes me is that the dp is only about 23.
He has gone through an awful lot in his life.
His mum is still filling his head with a lot of I dont know what.

Unfortuneatlely, it may take him a long time to sort himself out.
Plus he is grieving.

Right now, it sounds like, he doesnt know where he is at.
And it may take him some time to process everything.

In an ideal world, you would both be grieving together, and supporting each other.
In time, he may realise the right things to do.

dequoisagitil Sat 29-Dec-12 14:23:58

OP I see a huge red flag in the fact that he was the driver for this quick pregnancy and basically nagged & talked you into it. Guys who rush the pace of relationships against your better judgement tend to be the kind who need to have you dependent, tend to be controlling and ultimately abusive.

That he is unable to support you emotionally at this time, is another big red flag - no empathy - or thinks his own emotions are more important than yours.

That he's doing the I'm leaving/I'm not leaving thing is also a big red flag on its own, and doubly so given your vulnerability & being unwell.

I think in the long run, you'd be better off getting shot of him.

I am so sorry for your loss. Get well soon.

Kundry Sat 29-Dec-12 17:49:29

I am so very sorry for your loss.

However as you now see, even before this he had an odd relationship with his mother and was pushing for a baby when you weren't ready - both massive red flags. Now you are both grieving but you can see your way to trying to support him, but he can't do the same for you. And then there is his mother and her crap.

He's never going to be the man you and your DS deserve - get out as fast as you can, don't prolong this any longer than you need.

Eeeeekkkbfp Tue 01-Jan-13 04:40:34

I just want to say thank you for your support. He left at ten to midnight, telling me it was my fault, as he loved me, but I wouldn't leave him alone and he needed to be depressed for a few months as this was so hard for him. hmm reading back through this, I no I was a fool, but as we had been friends for nearly 10 years I guess I let my guard down and saw him differently to a man I had just met, iykwim. Thank you for all your kind words. It's painful but I can see I've dodged a bullet on this one. Am going to arrange counselling on Wednesday. As for his mother, I can believe it as I've seen her behave like this on numerous occasions over the years whenever anything bad happened. She also has gone from speaking to me regularly to not speaking to me at all since We found out at 12 week scan. Thank you all so much for the advice. My gut was screaming out tht this was not right but I was just blaming myself for making him feel this way. Deep down I always knew he was broken but desperately wanted to fix him. Before I get flamed I no i was ridiculously naive. And for the record, I am 26 he is nearly 25. So in my b

Eeeeekkkbfp Tue 01-Jan-13 04:44:02

Sorry posted to soon!
* book not so young. I had my DS when I was 22 with a man I had been with for 6 years. We just grew apart but have joint custody and no issues (everyone always is amazed how well we dealt/get on with it) just felt I should explain as didnt realise how much of a absolute naive doughnut I sounded in my first post blush.

Thank you again ladies xxxx

OComeAllYeFaithBaby Tue 01-Jan-13 07:46:30

Hi eekk, I saw you around pregnancy boards. I'm sorry you've had such a difficult experience. I think him leaving is probably a good start to your New Year - even his parting shots are red herrings. He sounds incredibly manipulative.

What an awful situation re your baby sad I'm sorry for your loss. I was actually going to say I think you'd benefit from counselling so I'm glad you're booking an appointment. You need to process your feelings about what happened. I hope you can move forward to have a happy life with your DS.

Good luck Eeeeeek

I don't think you sound like a doughnut. I'm really impressed with your strength and ability to recognise what's wrong. I was in my 30s before I grew up.

May 2013 be a year of peace and hope for you and your DS

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