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The good things about being single ( and living alone)

(104 Posts)
runforestrun Fri 28-Dec-12 14:38:24

Just newly happened to me

Please any help , make me feel better about whats just happened.

Keep feeling bit wobbly and don't want to weaken


Susieloo Fri 28-Dec-12 14:45:35

I lived on my own for 11 years sometimes single and sometimes not, I absolutely loved it and if dp and I could afford it we would probably live separately now!! No one to answer to, absolute freedom to spend your day or evening however you want, brilliant winter Sundays with all the papers and trashy box sets and a bottle of red...... Don't miss it at all!!!!grin

You will be absolutely fine and soon start to wonder how you ever lived with anyone beforegrin

TurnipCake Fri 28-Dec-12 14:46:35

Running to your own schedule and not having to tell someone you're going out etc

Devoting time to your hobbies and now is a good time to take up a new one

Gives you a chance to focus on you - I have a facial followed by a play and dinner with friends tomorrow night

One less birthday/anniversary to remember

Not having to share a bathroom with someone and more room to yourself in bed grin. Not having to smile and nod while they annihilate your kitchen with their latest 'good idea' aka my ex boyfriends 20 ingredient smoothie

Keep your chin up OP, you will be fine, early days yet, perfectly ok to have wobbles

FromEsme Fri 28-Dec-12 14:48:52

Being able to keep to your own standards of cleanliness - if you're a clean person, you can keep it neat, if you're messy there's no-one to moan at you!

No arguments.

nje3006 Fri 28-Dec-12 14:49:19

There are so many wonderful things about living alone I hardly know where to start...
I look back on my years of solo living with great affection.
One of the main things is not having to consider anyone else - ah I remember those days...
Get up when you like, eat what and when you like, get dressed when (if) you like, don't shower if you don't feel like it. I watched the boxed set of West Wing and Cold Feet back to back. XH hadn't wanted to watch them when they were on and I'd missed them completely. Took me weeks to get through them but I would sometimes watch them for 8 hours a day!
I saw girlfriends and had them to stay with me for girly weekends, I travelled on my own for the first time to East Africa and the States. I loved travelling alone, I met all kinds of people whilst travelling I would never have got talking to, I still like travelling alone and continue to do it at least once a year even though I have remarried.
Ah yes I recall the single living alone days with great fondness...

formallyknownasloveydarling Fri 28-Dec-12 14:57:07

As soon as I have sorted it, I will be single too. With 2 ds though. New year, new start. All the best to you xxxx

I've lived alone and I loved it. I could eat what I wanted, watch what I wanted, do what I wanted, not worry about being annoying to anyone else, not worrying about anyone else being sad / ill / stressed etc. I lived on my own for two years in Japan and I loved every minute. I loved travelling along also, mouching around the shops alone and treating myself to a coffee and cake, coming home to a good book / film / bowl of my favourite food.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 28-Dec-12 15:04:55

Custody of the remote control. Knowing where your car is and how much fuel is in it. Not being kept awake by snoring, or being afraid your own snoring is keeping someone else awake. One set of dishes to wash (or not wash until you feel like it). Nattering on the phone for hours with nobody timing it or wanting a turn. Really, what's not to like?

Wecanfixit Fri 28-Dec-12 15:13:27

Not having to compromise with anyone about anything on your own terms , stya in pys all day eat and watch telly in bed , arrange book holidays with a couple of girlfriends , having a great mixture of both sex friends , not having to impress anyone and be all glam up if you dont want to, really the list just goes on, ..........seriously why would you not want to do this ?, the benefits out ways the negatives as far as i am concerned , never feel lonely , always got a friend on the end of the phone or email, life is good , just relax it does take time to adjust but you will and hopefully never look back !

AlwaysReadyForABlether Fri 28-Dec-12 15:19:18

Being able to decorate the house exactly as you want
Being able to watch trashy tv whenever you want and cry at all the soppy bits
Eatinng what you want when you want
Knowing where everything is and that it will be where you left it
Doing whatever you want without having to double check with anyone else
Being able to accept last minute invitations without thinking about anyone else's plans
Knowing that when you get home the house will be in the same state as when you left it
No in-laws

(Can you tell I like living alone!)

SantasHoHoHo Fri 28-Dec-12 15:51:42

Being able to accept last minute invitations without thinking about anyone else's plans

One of my favourites!

Also, having no one whinging if you come home later that originally intended. You can roll in at any time in any state!

mcmooncup Fri 28-Dec-12 17:55:32

It really is BRILLIANT being single. I realise this is not the perceived wisdom on this subject and men like to paint single women as some sort of desperate bitter saddos, but if only every woman in an unhappy marriage knew what it was actually like being single, the divorce rate would double I am sure!

I don't have to martyr myself
I can be who I want to be without comment, criticism or judgement. I am finding that I have become a much more rounded and confident person.
I can really pursue my interests
I can achieve things that I have always wanted to do but "put off"
I can date as many men as I like and have sex whenever I like, on my terms.
No man ever shits in my toilet
I have much closer female friendships that genuinely satisfy me more than my marriage ever did - I think I used to 'maintain a distance' because of putting DH's needs first.
My relationship with my children is more fulfilling and genuine. Can't quite describe why or how but it is that we are a team, we look out for each other, I am a positive female role model, we don't have competitive love.

People get a bit bemused as to what to do when there are 'couple' events. But once addressed - i.e. I will come if I want to and would not actively avoid a social situation because it is all couples, then it passes rather quickly.

I spent 15+ years with a controlling abusive man, and I genuinely cannot believe I thought being single would be horrendous. It offers everything I have ever dreamed of wanting out of my life. I actively chose to remain single and my standards for any man are probably currently too high for any man ever to meet, and I am more than happy with that.

Victoria3012 Fri 28-Dec-12 18:05:37

*No man ever shits in my toilet *grin
Ive been single for 3 years and i love it for all the reasons listed above. I especially love being single when i have to listen to friends moan about their partners.

sarahseashell Fri 28-Dec-12 18:11:20

great thread and great post mcmooncup smile

totally agree with all of these - just doing what you want when you want, no comprimising, sense of pride and excitement being in charge of your own destiny. You will definitely get there OP

TurnipCake Fri 28-Dec-12 18:13:21

"No man ever shits in my toilet"

Yes, that too grin

One of my male friends is single and doesn't want to be. We met up one day for coffee and he was complaining that this woman he dated seemed too unwilling to compromise (very independent, lived alone etc). I told him that she was only doing what some men have been doing for years, except they are revered in the press as young single bachelors whereas us ladies are crying in the dark into our tin of soup, surrounded by cats

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Fri 28-Dec-12 18:21:21

I have never lived with a partner, which is something I'm sort of proud of. Before having DS I lived alone for 13 years and thoroughly enjoyed it. Now I have to have a little more structure to my life for DS' sake as children need regular meals and reasonably regular bedtimes, and I have to arrange for him to be looked after if I want to go and do something so I can't be that spontaneous.

But still, I don't have to pander to a man's ego or stress about making sure that the domestic work is equally shared.

mcmooncup Fri 28-Dec-12 18:27:09

It's really weird though - even writing down that that is how I live my life down now is so alien to how we are told women should behave that there is part of me that thinks people may read that and think "oooo she is probably really brash and selfish and horrible to be around"...........but actually that is the opposite of how I am now. It is possible to be kind and thoughtful WITHOUT compromising your own goals in life.

That is what the best thing about it is. I think maybe some women are able to do this in their relationships but I see so many of my female married friends compromising themselves and it makes me sad, like we have been brainwashed to accepting our place.

And "no man shitting in my toilet". I am deadly serious about that.
I make this very clear to any men I date. Do. Not. Shit. In. My. Toilet. smile

meddie Fri 28-Dec-12 18:58:35

Mcmooncup you have described all the things I love about being single to a tee.
I have not lived with anyone for 13 years now and that is totally by choice. My friends just don't understand it.
I have 2 children who are both now grown up so there was never any pressure to find 'the one and have a family' as I did it all rather young.
I am seriously considering getting cats and developing an eccentric personality just to scare the neighbours kids :D
I do what I want when I want. I travel on charity work twice a year to foreign and very interesting places. No one moans at me if I forgot to shave my legs etc etc etc.
I honestly don't even want another relationship now as I really cant see what anyone could offer me that would make my life happier. From friends in relationships all I hear is grief and moaning about how crap it can be.
I couldn't imagine having to alter my life to fit a man into, with all the compromises that entails.
I LOVE being single. Love it. Love it. Love it.

This is my home and like you no man will ever shit in my toilet.

HerBigChance Fri 28-Dec-12 19:17:34

I can't add anything to the above.

Being single is ACE. Don't be afraid of embracing it.

OP, I envy you. You're about to find yourself again.

How many times do we agree to watch that programme or listen to this cd or go to a certain event or activity because he really wants to and while it may not be your favourite or what you'd choose, you're not really that bothered either way...and after all, he really really wants his choice?

And if there's something you fancy but it turns out not to be his cup of tea or it's not that good you soon learn to defer to him, it's less hassle.

Soon you forget who you are, what you like, the essense of you

Living alone = No more man-pleasing. Hooray!

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 20:27:23

I have only this to add. No one pours fucking gravy down my loo.

TurnipCake Fri 28-Dec-12 20:27:38

Ah yes, in my last relationship I sat through An Idiot Abroad politely gritting my teeth nodding and smiling, but someone just had to make their views known if I wanted to watch the news: BBC wasn't acceptable to him because he thought toffs watched it hmm

BBC News all the rage in my house now grin

MatureUniStudent Fri 28-Dec-12 20:30:14

Being able to discipline your own DC in the way you wish to (without using aggression or making himself bigger than the DC to bully them into how to behave).

To throw out the dinner routine and decide when everyone is hungry what everyone wants and who is prepared to cook what (I LOVE that one).

Doing snow angels in bed each morning and having the whole of the bed to myself. To wake up slowly and without fear.

To decide that the walk you had planned, is going turn into a pj fest on the sofa with rubbish DVD's.

The Pride I feel having put up my own curtains (drilling into concrete oh yes). Having my own tool kit. Redecorating with PINK.

I love being single. I was married for over 20 years and stunned when it ended. It dawned on me gradually, day by day, how much nicer it is to be single. I am so lucky, I have the DC and so are never lonely and look forward to the future now.

MatureUniStudent Fri 28-Dec-12 20:31:35

Oh I forgot - one of the DC wants to make a cake, it is 8.30pm but who cares? the cake is being made and we shall sleep in tomorrow morning as we will all being going to bed late. No one cares....

MissPricklePants Fri 28-Dec-12 20:31:51

I love being single, cannot see myself having to live with anybody again! I have become happy in my own skin, more self assured and confident. I make every decision. I get to ignore the mess and eat choc whilst being on MN with no hassle.

Mikachu Fri 28-Dec-12 20:50:58

Learning how to do things by myself (I recently learned how to bleed my radiators and am proud of myself for being good at it! Sad, I know).

Nobody makes me feel guilty for having a PJ day.

All the biscuits are miiiiiiiiine!!

I can do what I want, when I want.

I would say that the only 2 negative things are not having as much intimacy with someone, and that I have to do all the washing up.

So if you just have the occasional one night stand, and buy a dishwasher - you're sorted! wink

Good luck OP - you'll love it!

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 21:13:19

Never having to deal with an atmosphere - at least until the dc are stroppy grin

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 21:15:58

And re the dishwasher and one night stands - I bought the dishwasher (which we apparently couldn't afford - tesco £189) wink

I don't want to be single all the time but moving I. With a bloke again would be a huge leap I'm not ready for - a bf that I see twice a week would be more than enough grin

Lavenderhoney Fri 28-Dec-12 21:25:14

I liked being single. Books everywhere without being nagged at to tidy. Eat and drink what I liked. Go on holiday where I liked, spend what I wanted. Fly all over Europe for parties and meeting friends with just a passport and a holdall.


total freedom to live where I wanted. Decisions made alone with only me me me to worry about.

My dm said she had never had her own room - home til married then with my df for 50 years. She was openly jealous of how times have changed for single "gels". She said she would have left for Australia and never married and had dc if she was young now...

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Fri 28-Dec-12 21:36:31

It just goes to show really: despite the propaganda, couplehood benefits men far more than it benefits women.

TurnipCake Fri 28-Dec-12 21:39:14

I agree Solid (wasn't there a study to show that the happiest people are married men and single women?) why else convince women that singledom is a fate worse than death?

Dillie Fri 28-Dec-12 21:45:48

I love this thread! I am too about to start a single life, so I know exactly how your feeling op smile

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 21:50:34

I dunno I think it's the quality of the relationship. Currently back in touch with a newly single friend whose relationship problems are almost identical to what mine were - and he's a bloke!
One of our main gripes was about needing to have a free rein with friendships and not trim your social circle to fit in with your partner. Feck that

OnTheBottomWithAStringOfTinsel Fri 28-Dec-12 22:11:03

SGB - I've never lived with anyone (bar DD - 16 now), and you're the only person i have ever 'met' in a similar situation - and it's wonderful that its someone who comes across as so confident, perceptive and sorted as you do.

I've never made a conscious decision to stay single, but relationships never got to the living together stage.

I have only realised in the last few years how free I am to make my own choices, spend time on my own hobbies, interests etc, even compared to friends in good relationships with a lot more money than I have.

Every room in my house (bar DD's which is to her taste - dark purple...) is decorated exactly how I like it. I can change stuff whenever I like.

Half the kitchen table is taken up by a quilt I'm making for my niece (5) & I don't have anyone asking me to move it.

She's actually having a sleepover here & is in my bed ATM as she will sleep later there - again no one else to consider (& I've more chance of a lie-on)

(My dsis, her mum, poor woman, needs some support at present - shes having a delayed attack of depression and anxiety after ex BIL had an affair & she threw him out). Again, didn't have to ask permission/let anyone else know, what way I want to offer support - can do it how suits me/sis.

She's terrified of being on her own - when she's ready I'll send her a link to his thread to show her the benefits of being single.

Being single is FANTASTIC! The longer I live alone, the better a relationship would have to be for me ever to consider giving it up.

Redflagcatcher Fri 28-Dec-12 22:38:56

I live on my own with 2 dcs. I will admit it took me about a year to really comfortable with it though, not missing someone being there. I distinctly remember the morning I got up with the kids and didn't think of my ex. Now I've moved house, love it so much here with my dcs I wonder if I actually want to live with anyone again.
I broke up with my bf of 18months last night and thanking my lucky stars we didn't move in together. My home is my safety, my refuge and I'm sitting here eating chocolate with no one to nick them to share them with!

tawse57 Fri 28-Dec-12 22:45:26

When you come on the Mumsnet relationship or divorce forums and see all the agony, hurt and pain of the posters you can but only feel relief that you are not in the same boat as them.

The posts I have been reading in the past few days alone of wives or husbands cheating, of husbands visiting prostitutes or of wives no longer wanting sex and going "cold" just makes me feel for the people posting such things.

As you read such posts you begin to realise just how fleeting so many relationships and marriages are these days - so many people who thought they had the perfect relationship too. It will make you feel glad that you are single.

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 23:19:25

Redflag - great nn btw. Yy to both your themes being free to pause/continue tasks as you like is v liberating. Ex would have made me move the quilt on principle whether it was in his way or not angry

Once a few years back I had to painfully explain to a friend going through shit that I didn't invite her to stay the night because I didn't k ow how exh would react (read five me loads of shit for it). She shrugged it off but I still feel guilty that my marriage caused me to be IMO such a shit friend at times.

Another friend went through some dv stuff lately. I had a key to my house cut and have it to her and was able to say confidently - if you need to get out day it night my house is a safe place whether I am even there or not. I could not either have made this offer or been able to offer her total safety when I was still married.

Corygal Sat 29-Dec-12 09:47:28


No cooking, shopping as and when required by self, less tidying, cleaning, etc etc. No taking someone else's whims into account non stop.

Watching all the Xmas TV you want, when you want. Reading in peace.

Farting unhindered. Other forms of spontaneity increase, too.

Bliss of kingsize bed to oneself.

Allergictoironing Sat 29-Dec-12 10:29:08

Bliss of kingsize bed to oneself - this! Plus the no man shitting in the loo, then having to wait half an hour until it's "safe" when I'm dying for a pee.
No jealousy about random men I may meet at work.
No pandering to a fragile ego.
No fitting in with anyone else.

Doing what I want, when I want, how I want and with who I want really sums up the biggest benefits though. Never actually lived with anyone since DF died, and very much doubt I could now!

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sat 29-Dec-12 10:59:23

I'm not technically alone as I have a DS but I love being independent so much that I've turned down more than a few offers of a permanent live-in partner in recent times. The nights when various boyfriends stay over I'm quite pleased when they leave again. smile This probably makes me a 'grumpy old woman' but, so what?

CatchingMockingbirds Sat 29-Dec-12 11:14:55

The peace and quiet,
Not having to share laptop/tablet/computer,
Having free reign of the tv,
Never having to watch top gear,
Not having to clean up someone else's mess,
Starfishing in the bed,
Nobody to steal the covers,
No snoring to contend with,
Things always being where you left them as nobody's moved them.

CatchingMockingbirds Sat 29-Dec-12 11:15:27

Oh and decorating whatever way you like without having to consult anyone first.

Melanthe Sat 29-Dec-12 11:22:43

+1 to all the above. Plus, if you don't have kids, you don't have to live all alone. The right housemate/s makes a great dinner companion/ couch buddy/ someone to moan to.

Latara Sat 29-Dec-12 13:10:41

Do what you like, when you like, as you like... smile

Latara Sat 29-Dec-12 13:11:58

Can be scary because there's no excuse to avoid a new challenge... except to say ''actually i don't want to do that''.

lubeybooby Sat 29-Dec-12 13:13:36

Everything. Every single thing. I love it.

Apart from paying the bills! Would be nice to split that weight of responsibility - but the pro's far outweigh that.

Pisces Sat 29-Dec-12 13:20:22

I am really enjoying being on my own, just over a year now. I am getting my mental health back too grin.

My resolutions for the coming year are to lose the 4.5 stone I have gained in the past 18 months; give up smoking and to get fit. And the best bit is there is no one around to sabotage me. My willpower and I will be friends again.

I like being able to fall asleep on the sofa at the weekends; to watch "my crap" on tv without someone moaning; to play music as I do my housework and to not have someone peering over me to make sure I have cleaned properly!!! hmm.

Right now, Casablanca, tea and chocolates under a blanket on the sofa, after breakfast in a cafe with the papers, recovering from staying out til 4am last night grin . Aloneness, not loneliness, is a wonderful treat for me.

madgered Sun 30-Dec-12 10:17:43

What a wonderful thread. I'm about to embark on a traumatic divorce and being single has terrified me. I have no family, just me and kiddies. Reading what you have all written has put me in a positive state of mind for 2013. thank you so much xx

Molepom Sun 30-Dec-12 11:13:06

Oh dear Lord, how long have you got?

The biggest thing for me is the one that scares people the most. Finances.

Yes, it can be tough but the FREEDOM you have when you don't have to account for anyone one else is amazing, even if you have kids.

You are in complete control, you know what goes out, when and how much. You can budget so much easier without someone else dipping into the pot or buying stupid stuff that you dont need, especially when you are saving for something important like doors/car etc.

If you see something you like and you know the money is there, you can just buy having to remember that he needs petrol or lunch. No realising that he taken it out and used it when your card has been rejected at the till. In other words, not having to check the bank balance first before you need to buy something.

If I ever get into another relationship with someone again, I will never again agree to having a "everything all in the pot" policy. Seperate finances all the way from now on.

Piemother Sun 30-Dec-12 11:31:35

Getting enough rest. Even with small dc. My dc sleep very well too post split. Dc2 is littler but dc1 is old enough for me to be able to tell that like me, needs their sleep very much and second to that, calm quiet time regularly. We can have that any time now grin

And aside from contact issue etc being able to parent without compromise is amazing for me grin

Piemother Sun 30-Dec-12 11:33:18

Pieces- yy to your last paragraph. The next person who inspects my cleaning can do one!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 30-Dec-12 11:50:30

Feeling comfortable in your own home, and being allowed to have anyone you want round.

More free time to do what you want. You can slob out and no one knows. Eat what you want, when you want.

Don't have to tidy up after another adult, can have girly sleepovers and watch shitty films with no judgement.

Daddelion Sun 30-Dec-12 11:57:03

It's the same for single-fathers.

I love living on my own (with the children)

No visits to the in laws, clean to your own standards, huge tv, x-boxes, Sky HD,

I'll never live with anyone again.

MissPricklePants Sun 30-Dec-12 12:08:25

moments like right now where dd and I are still in pj's watching things on Iplayer and just lazing. Then we will have a potter in town and grab something nice for dinner. I am just going to wash up and have a cuppa and be thankful for my singledom especially when most of my friends and relatives constantly moan about their oh's. I cannot see myself having a relationship that gets to the living together stage. Pure bliss today!

Anniegetyourgun Sun 30-Dec-12 12:18:06

I'm with you, Molepom. It would be nice to share the burden of household costs, but that never happened when I was married anyway. There were just more people trying to live off the one income, and arguing about priorities.

Not watching bloody war films and war documentaries and war dramas and war, war, war everything, interspersed with Crimestoppers which for some reason he seemed to regard as prime comedy.

HairyGrotter Sun 30-Dec-12 15:10:38

I could write an endless list, it is just 4.6 yo DD and I, it is bliss. I was in a relationship this year and he practically lived here, it was horrible and I ended it. I gave co-habitation a shot, no way am I doing it again.

I can laze about all day (DD and I are in our onesies), drink, eat, watch what I want, doze on the sofa, cook, less washing, more man shitting in my toilet (good call mooncup)...I can not shave, can sit in my own stink for the day, enjoy time with my girl, work, not make anyone a cuppa apart from myself, no tensions, no 'waiting around' for someone, no answering to anyone!

I have a great support network, so I can go out for nights out safe in the knowledge that DD is staying with my sisters or mum, and I can go out and get utterly cunted and come home at whatever time I want, with whomever I choose (usually drummers, for some reason)

Embrace, and enjoy!!!

BunnyKelly Sun 30-Dec-12 15:49:45

All good points, and I particularly like the freedom to do what you want and change your plans at the drop of a hat.

There's a danger though of comparing being on your own to your last (or worst) dysfunctional relationship, as if those were the only 2 options. Life with a compatible partner on the same wavelength has a lot to be said for it.

mcmooncup Sun 30-Dec-12 15:55:36

I wonder about that regularly Kelly.
I wonder if my past shit and long relationship has tarnished me forever.
But then I have been dating A LOT. I have met lots of different types of men, and certainly ones who would be considered to be 'excellent life partners' by friends/families. But ultimately, I see that still a woman's place in a relationship involves more compromise than a mans.
I see a lot of male behaviour that I'm just not prepared to put up with anymore especially for any sustained period of time.
<shrug> I don't know, maybe this will change over time but at the moment I am of the opinion that women have been hoodwinked into thinking they are only valid if they have a relationship, and actually the alternative to that, being single, ain't too bad at all grin

mercury7 Sun 30-Dec-12 15:57:54

I cant think of a single bad thing, it's so very peaceful, I cant imagine ever wanting to co habit again

mcmooncup Sun 30-Dec-12 15:58:49

One more benefit not yet!
God, food used to have to be on a schedule, always a meal with meat, and lots of it.

I now eat much less, more healthily and have lost a stone without even trying.

HairyGrotter Sun 30-Dec-12 15:59:02

I'm open to life with a compatible partner, I just won't tolerate a person who does not benefit my life. I love living alone, but I'm open to having a healthy and beneficial relationship too.

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton have separate houses, adjoined only by a 'hallway', she has one house he has the other, that would be my ideal!!

mercury7 Sun 30-Dec-12 16:03:48

one thing I particularly appreciate is not having my sleep disturbed by someone else.
Of course separate bedrooms do help with that, but you still have to creep about when the other person is asleep, and can be disturbed if they dont creep about when you're asleep

flippinada Sun 30-Dec-12 16:16:25

I love being single. Seriously love it.

After a lovely Christmas, DS is away spending time with XP and his family. Today for example, I had a lovely lie in, a long bath, and made myself a cake just because I fancied it. I'm currently watching one of my favourite DVDs and surfing the net.

Tomorrow I'm planning to do some fun shopping (as opposed to grocery shopping) with my Christmas money/vouchers and will get myself some nice plonk to see in the new year. I'm also going to meet a friend for lunch.


flippinada Sun 30-Dec-12 16:18:25

I agree with whoever said the divorce rate would skyrocket if women realised how much fun it is being on your own!

BunnyKelly Sun 30-Dec-12 16:45:48

All fair points mcmooncup, esp last one about the pressure on women to be in a couple. IMO this also leads to women to be defined by their relationships (or lack of) more than men.

On the differing degrees of compromise for men and women, the more compatible you are, the less the disparity it likely to be. If you agree on the big stuff, the small compromises come easier.

We all need to decide what level of someone else's crap we're willing to tolerate. A positive approach to single life is helpful in setting these boundaries in relationships.

meddie Sun 30-Dec-12 18:16:01

I love this thread. I thought I was in the minority thoroughly enjoying being single and not wishing to change that.
I do feel women are sold a 'happy ever after' story and are more invested to try and maintain sub par relationships. I look at my friends relationships and the good ones seem to be the minority and in the bad ones its always the women who seem to be making the major compromises,just to maintain it.
A single older woman is considered a bit sad, whereas a single older man viewed less negatively by society. Jennifer Aniston 'poor loveless Jen' compared to George Clooney ' wahaay gorgeous playboy george, no woman can pin him down'

GreenShadow Mon 31-Dec-12 12:39:34

All these 'good things about living alone' are all fine and dandy if you had a awkward/nasty partner before.

But what if you had a loving partner and a good relationship which worked well for both of you. Close friend lost partner just before Christmas and can't see much of this consoling her sad

SobaSoma Mon 31-Dec-12 13:15:16

Thank you for starting this thread OP. I've been living alone now for almost 7 years and although I found it hard at first, I soon saw the benefits. Just recently though I've started to feel sorry for myself for no particular reason and convinced myself the world is full of couples. Reading all the positive posts here has made me realise I'm just going through a temporary slump and that being single can actually be rather fabulous.

I think my favourite has to be that no man craps in my toilet smile although exH does pop round sometimes and thinks nothing of using my facilities!

gettingeasier Mon 31-Dec-12 13:46:36

100% behind all these positives

I live with my 2 teen DC single 3 years

My favourite thing about being single is the topic of FOOD . Make whatever I like , if I like , when I like . My DC eat like horses appreciating a nice home ccoked meal or cereal for dinner - they couldnt care less which smile. I question my sanity when I remember how xh insisted on gravy being homemade from stock from the veg peelings.

Next would be the do what you want second by second , had tons of freedom when I was married but its so much nicer not having to even consider someone elses agenda at all.

Not having to worry about the wellbeing and happiness of another adult

Not having to big up and pander to the ego of someone else constantly

Not having to listen to daily tales of world domination from the office

Not having football in my life

Yes indeed whoever said that the divorce rate would soar was spot on. During my break up I was too busy being heartbroken to wonder what single life would be like.

I doubt I will ever give this up smile

HollaAtMeSanta Mon 31-Dec-12 22:08:00

Love this thread! Agree with all the points made so far and wanted to add a seasonal one: I get to spend Christmas with MY family every year smile

duffybeatmetoit Mon 28-Jan-13 00:23:57

there's only one downside and that is being shunned by couples - men worried that you might give their wives ideas and women laughably thinking you'd rather be with their husbands than be single. Socialising with couples just reinforces the case for being happily single.

TheSecondComing Mon 28-Jan-13 00:37:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shadesofwhite Mon 28-Jan-13 01:26:15

been single for a week since i LTB embracing every minute of it! Simply FREEDOM is finally at home!! i intend to keep it that way until further notice grin sipping some wine

runforestrun Thu 07-Feb-13 11:44:46

Any chance of starting this again,going to be moving back into my flat shortly and feeling bit sad smile

You all cheered me up so much before


Dahlen Thu 07-Feb-13 13:09:59

Freedom and complete control.

Ability to plan life without taking into consideration the needs/wants/schedule of another.

Proper 'me' time once the DC are in bed.

Knowing that the house will be as you left it when you return.

Less expense.

More time to spend with friends/doing hobbies without 'neglecting' your DC or your OH.

Never having to watch anything you don't want to on the TV.

Having the bed to yourself (DC and pets notwithstanding...).

Not having your emotional well-being dependent so largely on one person but instead able to spread it over your DC, friends, work, hobbies, etc - makes life feel much more well-rounded.

Not having to put up with another adult's less desirable personal habits

The self-confidence that comes from the knowledge that you can juggle everything on your own, and not only cope but do a bloody god job of it.

irrationalme Thu 07-Feb-13 20:14:55

I've just joined the living alone party having ejected a badly behaved third dependent.

And its fucking marvellous

TurnipCake Fri 08-Feb-13 18:03:04

Bumping this.

I went to a play yesterday, I was alone and thought I'd be in a seat on the periphery, but I was right in the middle grin. I had a wonderful time, so I'm adding 'taking self out on dates' as a pro.

Teahouse Fri 08-Feb-13 18:21:06

Been a lone parent for over 12 years...last DC off to Uni in September, so plenty of experience being single and living alone

Bad bits - finances & not having someone to share things with as I have a very limited social life, have to get people in to fix things

Good bits - happy kids; we do what we like to suit us, bed all to myself, eat what and when I want, wear what I want, buy as many shoes as I like

Pros outway the cons for sure, which is great as I can't see myself as anything other than single

BornToFolk Fri 08-Feb-13 18:40:53

Farting unhindered.


I find things get sorted sooner as you're not relying on anyone else to do them. Windows need cleaning? Ring a window cleaner and get them round. Whereas with a partner it would be all "Oh, windows need doing" "ok, I'll phone someone tomorrow", "did you phone that window cleaner?", "No forgot, can you do it?". Faff!

My mum says the best thing about living alone is that everything is always where you left it.

JaceyBee Fri 08-Feb-13 19:16:37

I was gonna say farting in bed to your hearts content but looks like someone beat me to it!

comingintomyown Fri 08-Feb-13 19:46:44

Being on an even keel emotionally, not being at the whims of when you aren't getting on or you are getting on

No listening to the minutest detail of their tedious day only to see the side of a head when it comes to mentioning anything about your own

Having any number of reed diffusers that "stink"

Not feeling I have fallen short of expectation the whole time

Watching any TV programme without judgement

MN wasnt in my life back then but I can guarantee that would have be subject to ridicule

HollaAtMeBaby Fri 08-Feb-13 22:03:32

Yes BornToFolk, your mum is right! And the toaster is always set to exactly the level of toastiness that I like and the heating goes on and off when I want it to... joy grin

BeforeAndAfter Fri 08-Feb-13 22:18:31

I never miss out on doing something I want to do.

What I mean by that is I used to say: "hey, H, fancy doing X, fancy seeing film Y". He'd reply in a non-commital way such that the 3rd prompt sounded like nagging and before you know it the film/show/exhibition had run its course. Then I'd try again with something else, with the same result. Now, if I want to see or do something I put it in the diary and go. No regrets, nothing. I was talking to a "happily married" friend the other day and her husband does the same thing to her leaving her feeling frustrated and like she has no say in their social life. I fear it's a common theme.

Also you don't have to share your chocolates grin

And the really vile one: no hard-as-fuck bogies stuck to the bath where he's cleared his nose mid-shower and not rinsed. Those bastards set harder than cement ...

BesameBesame Fri 08-Feb-13 22:25:06

I just joined the newly single/living alone club today.

I have crap tv on. I'm on MN without having to hide the screen.

I shall sleep alone tonight in the middle of the bed with the cats curled up peacefully on either side of me.

I'm waiting to realise the many other benefits other posters have described!!!

My bed. I love my bed.

Being able to do exactly what I want when I want to.

Husbands take a lot of time. I now have so much more time.

A better relationship with my kids.

Having a car which XH would not allow. We all love it.

Hanging out much more with lovely friends.

The only thing I don't like it's the bins. But it's not so bad as I thought it would be. And not worth having a DH just for the bins really.

BrittaPerry Sat 09-Feb-13 00:41:30

Marking place. This is exactly what I need at the moment.

comingintomyown Sat 09-Feb-13 07:59:55

Not listening to a running commentary on the shortcomings of every other driver during a car journey

Not dealing with all the revolting elements of xhs drinking

Turning off a film 15 minutes in without being told I am stupid and have no ability to concentrate and I always do that - er no I just know what I like

Not cringing at throwaway sexist, homophobic "jokes" /comments made within the DCs earshot ( still happens but I dont have to hear it)

The only thing I dont like is the DIY or fixing stuff but hey you can have a go or pay someone for that and as Ifyourhappy pointed out its hardly worth having a DH for that smile

mariefrance1 Sat 09-Feb-13 08:19:58

The thought of being single is much scarier than the reality. I have always been in long term relationships then with exh for 15 years. He left a year ago and I was devastated - for two weeks. I am ancient (nearly 50) but have been able to let my hair down with girl friends, have the odd casual relationship, doss around in my dressing gown, not bother cooking, waste time on the Internet, anything I goddamn like. When he recently asked to come back, having realised the grass is not greener, I had to say no and I meant it.

raspberyfool Sat 09-Feb-13 09:02:28

Its hard being single mum but there are so many benefits.

The house does not smell of cigarettes

no listening to his work day then walking off without listening to mine

no call when Im Sat in the car waiting to pick him up saying he's having a quick drink then rolling in at twelve with a horrible stinky garlic kebab

always having a clean toilet

always having loo roll on the holder

Watching whatever you want on tv

being able to eat olives without being moaned at

spending money on me and my dds without being moaned at where's my money then.

but most importantly being able to relax in my house without worrying when i will next do something wrong that will cause a character assassination to occur.

Bliss grin

Honeysucklerose Sat 09-Feb-13 09:07:56

Me 2 , I raised my daughter alone , she is now 22 and just left home , AND I am loving it!, new found freedom , got a spare room for MY friends to stay , no more runs to the station , I just love my wee home and everything in it , from my cat to my sofa , having long telephone conversations with NO interruptions , there is so many positives to being single I say embrace it and enjoy your life because you really are better off and make more sustaining relationship with friends cos you can give them your undivided attention . Men come and go but real friends will stay with you and love and support you through thick and thin , be grateful for what you have now .

Horsemad Sat 09-Feb-13 19:55:37

I can honestly say the only thing I'd miss my DH for would be for getting rid of mice when we had the misfortune to have one a few years ago!

My sis lives alone through choice and I am ENVIOUS!

BesameBesame Sat 09-Feb-13 21:09:23


Having wine wine and wine without being stared at as if I just crawled out of the gutter. <totters of to pour another>

comingintomyown Sun 10-Feb-13 09:38:00

Ah a fellow sufferer of the you listen to every tiny detail of my day but honestly dont bore me with yours raspberryfool ! I actually found that one of the worst things , he used to jokingly say thats enough about you lets talk about me so knew what he was like but carried on regardless hmm

So this morning after having friends over for dinner last night I will be parked on the sofa most of the day on MN or reading the paper and nobody at any point will expect or care about the appearance of a full Sunday roast smile

HotDAMNlifeisgood Sun 10-Feb-13 10:04:35

Not having to put up with anything less than an equal and respectful partnership.

I've never had one of those, and they sure sound nice, but failing that, I know that what I've got is pretty wonderful: good job, nice flat, wonderful dog, lots of friends, I always have things to do and people to see. Above all: I can do my own physical and emotional care-taking, and I am never again signing up to do anyone else's.

Show me a man who can stand on his own two feet, is available, and we are mutually attracted, and I could break my single statute. What I've got now is too good to settle for anything less.

BrittaPerry Sun 10-Feb-13 12:18:29

I realised something amazing yesterday - if he has the kids for a weekend at a time, I can go on mini holidays! I have friends and family all over the UK, or I could get a cheap hotel, and book trains massively in advance. I could go to London for £25 total I reckon :-)

I've never really done mini breaks. A rubbish boyfriend from 17-22 who kept me poor on purpose, then I met H and started having babies. I'm 28, I might get to actually do something like a young person before I am 30!

BeforeAndAfter Sun 10-Feb-13 12:27:02

Britta, your plan for mini-breaks sounds amazing. I'm nearly 47 and I'm living like a youngster, mostly with grace..., so you have oodles of fun ahead of you! Just go for it.

I write this while lying in bed, pain au chocolat in the oven and no-one to tut at me because of the time.

BrittaPerry Sun 10-Feb-13 12:50:47

I've spent the last few years being jealous of my single friends and their travelling and going to the pictures etc. Obviously I'd rather have kids and no traveling than no kids and traveling, but...

On Friday, the kids were with H, so I went to see Les Mis at the pictures on a whim :-)

BrittaPerry Sun 10-Feb-13 12:51:42

Oh, thats another thing - I will be able to to to things that may or may not be good. No worrying that they will be bad and I will get the blame :-)

BrittaPerry Sun 10-Feb-13 12:57:56

Oh, and me being young will stop being an issue. H is ten years older than me, and he was being patronising six years ago. I'm getting nearer to his age then, and it hasn't stopped, I get the idea that he would be patronising me for being only 70 as compared to his 80...

Molepom Sun 10-Feb-13 15:59:42

No more crap jokes that I'm obliged to laugh at.

No more paying off HIS debts.

I can eat what I want when I want, feed the kids what I want and have a takeaway when I want - FROM where I want.

No more having a smelly dump in the loo just as I settle in for a long hot soak and then leaving the door wide open...despite there being a loo downstairs he could have used.


NO more finding "lost" car keys in the morning.

No more stinky cigarette smells in the house or moods when he was trying to quit (again).

HIS computer room is now DS's bedroom, OUR bedroom is now MY sanctuary.

No more waiting for years for jobs to get done. I just do it.

HIS tool shed is now THE KIDS shed soon to be my workshop/extension

There is more room in general, everywhere. I was amazed at the "space" he took up.

I can go to bed in the day without it meaning something else to him.

The bins, the DIY, the lack of sex, the responsibilty etc are still no match against the pro's of the single life, even with kids.

comingintomyown Sun 10-Feb-13 23:47:13

Agree with that last sentence wholeheartedly Molepom

PostBellumBugsy Mon 11-Feb-13 10:27:44

runforestrun - it can be tough sometimes, but it also has up sides too.

I've been on my own with the DCs for 10 years & these are the things I like:

I'm the boss - so the rules are my rules & I don't have anyone undermining me or arbitarily changing them

I have the entire double bed to myself - I sleep like a log, there is no one snoring, no one duvet hogging, no one fidgeting or twitching next to me. Just complete peace & space.

No negotiating to be done with regard to furniture, appliances, holidays or how the money is spent.

After the DCs have gone to bed, I have complete control of the remote!

I'm not expecting anyone else to help me, not hoping that they might lift a finger, not asking - I just do it myself, or it doesn't get done.

I'm not trying to mood change someone else. I'm not trying to shield the DCs from sarcasm, bad temper & shouting. Our house is calm & relaxing & not stressy.

I'm not single, but I do miss it at times. I love my DH & kids but I reeeaaaallly love it when I get the house to myself. I wander round Ikea and daydream about where I would move to (we live where we do because of DH's job), how I would decorate the place if I were single, eating when and what I liked rather than having to take someone else into consideration, going out without having to run it by DH, being me - an individual, rather than DH's wife. I do feel that I have lost a bit of my identity and I miss being independent. In fact, I'm quite envious of you OP grin

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