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Crotch grabbing, jelly nailing, double-quick portions and man parts floating in a pear tree...dating thread 33 survived Christmas so bring on NYE!(1000 Posts)
Oooh hello thread 33
Been so busy I had to give up on the last thread
I might have a NYE date
Yay. Here's to dating. I'll post my pearls of wisdom in the morning. They shall be threefold, assuming I can think of them.
Whoo hoo Lubey tell us more!
Bant - thank you for the pep talk. Much needed. I wouldn't actually say any of this whittly shit in real life, that's why I love this thread so much. I can get it out of my system, get good advice to put things in perspective and then sally forth disguised as a rational, functioning human being.
Velvet - thanks. No idea what is happening with the divorce - hope it's all going through but I don't really like to ask as it sort of is and sort of isn't any of my business.
Don't fret about the car stuff. If it's meant to be, not having a car won't stop anything.
The Threefold Pearls of Banta Baby - sounds like the title for a novel there . . .
Lubey date, we need details!!
Western I get that re the divorce. Its that thing of wanting to know, but not wanting to ask. Sure it will all be ok though
And I'm not going to worry about the car stuff. He thinks I'm stunning, and I seem to make him laugh
poor man is clearly both a bit blind and a bit stupid so hopefully a minor detail like not driving won't put him off
Am trying to think of some dating pearls of wisdom, here's a couple:
1. Men will often tell you what they're really like, either in their profile, or in messages before you meet.
Red flags include, but not limited to, bitching about their Ex, losing/not maintaining contact with their DC (and being passive/apathetic about it), having unrealistic expectations, ie saying in a profile they are looking for a woman who is <long list of attributes>, being in contact excessively (constant texting or calling) and/or being needy in relation to contact, ie if you're online and don't instantly message them, they send you a message/text asking if you're ignoring them, or something slightly more PA like 'missing you'
2. Following on from 1, people online are not always as they seem.
blurry photos can often (esp if person is fairly attractive) be a sign that they're fake - Juliette I think suggested that you can search the photo(s) in google images, and if it's on a public website (facebook, twitter, etc) it will come up on there.
Free websites (POF in particular) attract a lot of people who are married but claiming to be single. I have been caught out on this one myself. If they're excessively cagey about personal details (a bit of reticence is normal), only online/in contact with you during working hours, or v v early in the morning/late at night, be on your guard.
That's probably about all my poor tired brain can think of atm...
I'm tempted to say something about pearls and swine, but I think that'd constitute shooting myself in the foot in some way.
Just logged onto dating site, flooded with messages from (I presume) drunk men, hows this for openers:
Cracking set of legs.
Are you into quite big thick cocks. X
I didnt reply, he sent another with exact measurement, I blocked
Christmas greetings to you all from The Far North. Hope all you daters had (at least) a little bit of happiness and something to lift the spirits. We watched a programme on Sister Wendy on BBC2 tonight - possibly the best prog on TV this Xmas. So, in the same spirit, here's the best thing David Crosby ever did, IMHO.
Morning .. Just marking my space .. Can't sleep
Place marking & dating tips, threefold.
1) Develop a very thick skin very quickly. You will get obnoxious messages from people who would hopefully not introduce themselves in real life by referencing their penis. Block, report etc.
2) Do not put all your eggs in one basket. You might see someone who looks 'ideal', message them & invest a lot of head-time in someone you not know. They may not message you back. Keep looking.
3) be pleasantly surprised if you meet someone & they are as tall as they say they are...& as young. It's the Internet, people lie.
Loving the OD tips! I'm sure I must have some too.. Will have a think
Kirsty why can't you sleep..too much Coffee?
Mercury you really should warn people that you get these comments on an 'intimate encounter' site rather than the more mainstream ones - you don't want to scare off the newbies!
Ok, dating tips
1. Main dating sites discussed on here are POF (Plenty of Fish), OKC (Ok Cupid), Match and GS (Guardian Soulmates) - they all have both good guys and wankers although in slightly different proportion.
2. POF - free site, lots of men just looking for sex, lots of men who can't string a sentence together, if it gets a bit much you can hide your profile and just search for and contact the ones who you like the look of.
OKC - also free, slightly higher literacy rate than POF, but can be quite wordy & boring. Also lots of marrieds & scammers on OKC - watch out for anyone claiming to be a serviceman abroad!
Match - free to set up but have to pay to message. Never got on with it personally but lots of people like it.
GS - free to set up but have to pay to message. Better chance of men who are literate and not just out for sex but unless you're in a big city, very limited choice.
3. Don't feel you have to reply to everyone who messages you - esp on POF! If their opening gambit is 'hey sexi' feel free to block, block, block.
Here are mine!
1 Don't be surprised if you don't get rude messages and photos and it's all quite civilised, even on PoF.
2 Meet up as soon as you feel comfortable to do so, to see if the spark is there and to avoid building up a fantasy picture inside your head.
3 Don't be too proscriptive about what you're looking for in terms of things that don't really matter.
Wow, shouldn't have waited so long - all my good bits of advice have already been given - except:
1) You can get good results from the free sites but it will usually take a lot more work sorting the wheat from the chaff
2) Always trust the worst photo - if someone has several of them then they are unlikely to look like the best of them in real life. Similarly, if people have poorly written profiles with lotz of txt spk, they're unlikely to be much more eloquent in person.
3) Exchange a few emails and possibly a phone call (some people skype to see the other person) - but not weeks worth. You can build up an imaginary relationship over lots of emails and in person you can get on, but there's just no spark. Move on. Everyone is wittier behind a keyboard, it's only after meeting someone two or three times that you actually get a feel for the real person.
4) Be polite. You're not obligated to meet anyone you don't want to, but if you've said you will and change your mind then let them down gently. No one likes being stood up.
5) You're really very unlikely to meet the person of your dreams first time out, so keep other options open. That said, you have to decide for yourself when this person that you've met several times is worth concentrating on and don't go back on the websites to see what else is out there. Only do that once things seem off with the person you're dating. Too much temptation paralyses your ability to settle on 'good enough' if you keep looking for 'perfect'
6) Be prepared for Vanishers, Secretly Married, Weirdos, Fetishists, Stalkers, Bunny Boilers, and lots and lots of 'meh. But occasionally you can find someone fantastic. And Do Not Tell People About The Dating Thread. This is where you tel the rest of us your lovely/funny/horrible/amusing stories and we all learn from each others mistakes and successes.
Right, that was more than planned and I blatantly nicked other peoples bits too.
My favourite gift www.amazon.co.uk/Wild-Words-Women-2013-Box/dp/1449416357/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356515502&sr=8-1
Full of great quotes. Flicking through I like 'You cannot cure the past'
Dating tips. Thinking hat on.
I'm not sure that I've been doing it long enough to offer any good advice but the one thing that I would say is that it's better to approach the whole thing as a bit of fun and a distraction, then you might be pleasantly surprised if you meet someone fantastic.
Not sure I agree with the worst photo thing. My photo is crap, trying to hold the hysteria in while my daughter took it, not a good look.
All the men I have met have said I look much better in real life. I should hope so
Never thought any of the men I have met have looked worse in RL than in their photos
Details.. well it's Mr iPhone. There was a spark when we met before, but I was still with BC so never pursued anything. He's dragging his heels over setting an actual date though so if he doesn't get a bit more decisive soon I'm going to lose interest and wander off..
1. You will get a lot of 'what you looking for (hun). Generally it means they are looking for sex.
2. Don't be surprised if after a few civilised messages things get into 'are you up for fun Hun?'
3. If you meet someone and you don't like them, it's ok to say so, be firm and diplomatic.
4. Never take it personally if people vanish.
Hope everyone survived yesterday intact?
I know it's not related to dating, but I'm still laughing at 'automated laser monkeys' from DW.
My tips (for OD):
1. Treat OD as a way of meeting people rather than a partner, and try to have no expectations. Don't think about actually fancying the other person until you've met them!
2. In addition to a thick skin, make sure your self-esteem is sky high. There's a lot of rejection in OD, some of which is related to the 'kid in a sweetshop' mentality and unrealistic expectations. People see a whole website of attractive people and assume they can have whoever they want.
3. Remember that a lot of people aren't on the free OD sites looking for a relationship. Sift through them, though, and you will find the genuine ones!
Believe/pretend you are the best thing since sliced bread. Not in a cocky way. More self assured.
Make your own rule book. Stick to it.
Listen very carefully.
Follow your gut.
Do not make yourself to available. You have a life.
Have fun. If it feels too much like hard work. It is.
These tips are brilliant - well done all!
Lubey, him not fixing a date would make me lose interest too. Hoopefully now Xmas is out of the way he will sort himself out.
I woke up to a text from spaceman this morning. Again must try to remember the don't build it all up in your head before first meeting tip. That way when I decide I don't like him
he bins me off for being fatter than in my photos and not being able to drive I won't be disappointed!
lots of great tips! I think one of the easiest pitfalls is getting to involved/invested before you meet, only to find there's no spark in RL.
I can only think of one tip which hasnt been done...I've found it helpful to browse through other womens profiles.
It gives you an idea of what you'll need to do to stand out (or fit in), and a better sense of how to sell yourself in a profile.
Dating tips, I agree with everything said up thread. Some tips for keeping you safe. There are the obvious tips like not giving out too much personal information like where your home is but the best advise is to trust your instincts
If you feel uncomfortable about anything, pay attention
You do not have to agree to, do, reveal anything that you do not want to. This will not make you unfriendly, uptight, not fun or whatever, it will make you someone who knows where their own boundaries are.
If something seems 'off'' about someone this is not you being picky, this is your instincts telling you some is indeed off.
We've all made mistakes, it's just part of the process. If you feel OD is not working for you, take some time out, re-assess or just have a break from it.
Hey everyone happy Christmas jut checking to mark my spot
One from my experience. Having the first 'date' be for a quick coffee instead of drinks or a meal gives you a reason to get out sooner rather than later if things aren't panning out. But coffee on its own, especially in a sterile place like a Starbucks, tends to lessen the chance of a spark happening. Instead, meet for coffee in a nice relaxed place where if you both want to you can grab a drink or food and keep on chatting. You have to judge the fine line between enough booze to make you relaxed, and so much that the beer goggles kick in and you'll regret it later.
I looked at the dating website out of interest (snug married ? Abd lolled at one woman called "Always laughing" who looked pretty grim faced in the bio
Plus why do people wibble on about where they've travelled to? And about walking to pubs and on the beach. Dullo
Enjoy Long walks in the country, also traveling (usu. with pictures of the pyramids), love nights out but also snuggling on sofa with a DVD. Like spending time with friends.. Looking for someone funny, attractive, honest. No liars or cheats.
cliche after cliche
But who would want a woman who was always laughing? I'd think she had a screw loose, tbh!
The beach must be fucking crowded
With all the sunset gazers!
I hate all those cliches too, but if I had to put the truth in my profile, it would be something like:
'weirdo loner, inveterate exercise addict seeks convenient arrangement for sex, dislikes travelling, hates small talk prefers books to people '
doesnt sound very friendly now does it
Mercury, that made me chuckle! Tis a little of my own truths too
Agree. DVD thing common. Just spent 20 mins on illicit encounters. Very odd.
Ooh. Just found a colleague on one website.
One woman on IE was chuffin hilarious.
Words to the effect of " don't tell me you're athletic when you're a stone overweight".
Hey my dating mates! My first post on Thread 33.
My dating advice is: enjoy it, if not fun stop, don't take anything personally, (there are a lot of fucked up people out there), treat everyone gently and respectfully, be careful but make sure that you dive in and have fun
You need skin like a rhino and self esteem like teflon.
VelvetSpoon, yeah I hope so. Last contact was him saying we should arrange something, me agreeing and suggesting NYE but afternoon/evening for coffee or a quick drink (he only works til 2pm so should be do-able) and no reply so far. That was xmas eve though so I'll give him another day or so before I give up and wander off!
Juliette and OWW thank you so much, things are calmer today, possibly dad said something. Stepmom was having a go at him too, striking out in all directions like a maddened reindeer, but they seem to have made it up. The plan is to head back Saturday visiting other family on the way, so two more days to go. I have packed up most of my stuff so I can make a quick getaway - if it all gets too much I will invent a crisis meeting at work. Brother is here providing some solidarity but he goes tomorrow. However so does stepsis who is stepmom's Mini-Me and tends to band together with her and make life more difficult.
There is no way on God's earth I am ever staying this long again. Two or three days are usually okay, a week is a bit of a strain and longer than that is asking for trouble. Next year I'll arrive Xmas Eve and leave as soon as I decently can.
Thanks everyone for the dating tips, reading with interest! I don't feel like meeting anyone new at the moment and will be so busy at work for the next three months that I think I will just concentrate on that but come the spring I expect to start dating again and it will have to be OD as opportunities in RL are few and far between.
Bant Laughed at the idea that 'first rule of the dating thread is don't talk about the dating thread'!! <LOL>
I think my problem at the moment is that OD no longer feels like a sweetie shop to me. It feels more like the pound shop. When you glance at the window from across the street it looks all bright and colourful and you think there are going to be some great wee hidden gems. But when you get inside it all just feels cheap and depressing. Which is why I'm on the sofa.
My real profile is pretty accurate but would also include occasionally grumpy. It's the what I'm looking for that would reveal it all
When I say intelligent, I mean it. I know no one thinks they are stupid but really, if you don't know what an avocado is you are unlikely to be able to cope with me*
I want a man who likes sex. Really likes sex, and likes women. Everyone says they like sex, but some people are actually not that bothered.
If you think a woman has an obligation to shave her legs, that being gay is a sin and that racist jokes are ok, we will not get on.
*While we are at it, referencing the okc questions the moon is not bigger than the sun. Same goes for your penis.
Juliette, perhaps you need to say that you want a man who really likes and is bothered who he has it with!
likes sex, that should be.
Juliette, re men who like sex, i agree but I'd add that I'm looking for a man who truly enjoys sensuality and is physically affectionate rather than one who is only interested in his own sexual gratification
i do realise this is an all too common lament!
Angel I'm pleased to hear it has calmed down a bit. A lot of people go to a lot of trouble traveling to spend C with people who are not nice to them. At some point, it just has to stop. Remind yourself you are
going to unavailable keeping it short next year.
Unfortunately yoga too much Coffee is not my problem .. Well Mr Cheeky cannot change his on call for Hogmanay so bang goes that plan .. I am (possibly unreasonably) pissed off with it .. He promised we would meet up over the hols and now says he is having to work or be on call .. He did suggest Friday but I have DD then .. So instead of enjoying lots of Coffee I will be stuck with a bunch of smug marrieds looking at me pityingly to bring in the bells (And the first anniversary of the spkit from ex ) Disappointed doesn't begin to cover it
and intelligence is relative, i mean, however smart i think i am there's still going to be a whole swathe of people compared to whom i'm a bit dim
i suppose you mean that you're not interested in someone who is not intellectually on your wavelength?
Mercury I totally agree, that is exactly what I mean by 'really likes sex', a man who revels in it. Good sex for me is is loving all aspects of it, being openly sensual without shame, being able to communicate, ots of affection and touching without assumptions being made and of course Imperial, likes sex with me and makes sure he shows it.
Totally agree with Mercury and Juliette.
Happy Boxing Day all. Loving your top tips. Not sure I can add much more, but I have benefited from your wisdom over the last few months.
Just taking a break from family stuff. I opened my present last night from Sugar Daddy, which made me giggle. Lots of in jokes. He really is lovely. I am just turning into a soppy git. Hold me back.
Mercury yes intellectual wavelength is spot on. I sometimes miss common sense things that are obvious to other people but I do need to be able to talk about anything of interest whether it is banal or esoteric without getting a blank look or the classic 'what are you on about'. I'm comfortable when I feel I am on a similar level with someone. It's just more fun, more banter, more depth of understanding, more common ground. It's not about formal education, it is about being able to 'get' the things I find important and for me to respect and hopefully 'get' theirs.
Juliette, re the sex thing, you are so right, and you too, Mercury with the 'sensuality' point - sensuality seems to be a very rare quality, I think I've probably only had two relationships with men who were genuinely sensual. (That's probably for the best though as I was absolutely head over heels with each of them, it may be my Achilles' Heel along with funny men ) .
I think I need a shag.
i think it's rare to find someone that you can really connect with sexually, great when it happens, but usually an unexpected oasis in a desert of insatiable and unfullfilled longings..
Or is that just me?
MsA I have noticed that the more sex gets pornified, the less sensuality there is. Going at it like a jack hammer and a bit of 'booty' slapping does not make good in bed. A friend of mine had her face slapped the other day which was a huge mistake as she is a hairdresser in a close community
No, not just you. God knows what would happen to me if I met someone who loved sex, wanted to shag me every day and was good at it.
Mercury it's odd how a man who is technically good in bed can just leave you cold. This is a deal breaker for me, a truly passionate man who is willing to tune in and learn a few things will always score over the stud muffin.
Juliette, I agree, but then I think that a lot of men equate 'doing it for hours' to being 'good in bed' . Disclaimer - I was in a sexually rationed marriage for a long time, with a man who thought doing it with the lights on was a bit racy so I may not be an authority on the matter.
MsA your post of 17.00.58
It is possible
I only went on one OD and 2 months later we are going out together properly.
So I'm not really in a position to give OD tips but this what worked for me:
(For straight women) if you see a man you like the look of approach him.
To do this send a pithy message of one or two lines, don't use text speak and check the spelling & punctuation.
If you meet someone and like them don't think about 'when should I get back in touch' if you like them the time to get back in touch is as soon as you want to.
When you've met someone a few times and you like them give the OD a rest for a while. No-one is perfect and if you are still looking the people on OD can seem like a better potential fit when you hit a pothole with the current person.
Also from reading bios. Yawn at the "my friends tell me". (As well as DVD beach country pub shit)
48 LOL at the crowded beach!
Kirsty Ugh, sorry your schedules aren't working out this week but try and remember that no matter what you are doing this NYE...IT WILL BE BETTER THAN LAST YEAR.
Yoga I know it's early but I'd like to suggest more pound shop than sweetie shop for the next thread
I need a slap with Juliette's wet fish. Ongoing texting between me and spaceman has revealed he is funny, and properly clever as well. And he's v v attractive. He's making me something for our date. It's all going too well.
delurks Velvet is he new to OD? He seems to be investing a lot before you've actually met?
lucky bugger clearly hasn't been burnt before.
Hi all, place marking and catching up ...
Yoga thanks for the reality check .. You are right .. I still feel really down though ...
'Velvet' the fish is available, you know where it is
Juliette, god I hope so but can't help but feel hugely sceptical.
Velvet, I'm not going to slap you with a wet fish, I think you should be enjoying the moment, it's about time you had some fun.
Alittle no, he's been OD for a while, with about as much success as me
ie none. It's nothing major he's making me, so not really much effort, just something we've been joking about.
I will now slap myself with the fish
Velvet when is your date?
Friday afternoon. Just coffee (small c!)
Hello I'm about to join march.com!! Anyone got a code?? Think Snape may have mentioned one the other day
I am going to KILL the ex! How did I ever manage to live with him for 7 years?! Stabstabstabstabstabstabstabstab!!!
<checks on Snape and closes knife drawer>
juliette mercury Sex is of massive importance to me. I can't believe it has taken me this long to find the REAL deal with Mr R&R. I have had plenty of good sex, this is a whole new ball game.
He geniunely likes women. Very sensual. Reads me like a book. Wants his partner to have maximum pleasure, this increases his. Nothing technical or porno, he just knows. I have hit the jack pot very, very lucky. Also fun in a mad as a hatter kinda way. A trip to Tesco with him is an experience
Cherry on the top. No game playing. We are both straight talkers.
Just got to get rid of Mr F U. Back to trying to lure me in again, texting how he admires my attitude blah blah. Bullshit. May just tell him I am engaging elsewhere.
I tried to brain my ex with a large, heavy olive oil bottle. Trust me those buggers don't break.
You have my sympathy snape A man can drive us to take drastic measures.
Merry C word everyone! So for all I hated POF it seems I may have met the man of my dreams there! I have only been seeing Mr tall for a month but we've met up a lot, Coffee is getting better and better and he makes me smile like a loon. He told me he loves me yesterday! I think I might feel the same, eeek!
Snape - what did ex do to make you feel stabby?!
snape do feel free to take a swipe at my ex while you are there please.
48 just tell Mr FU to FO - politely of course, but telling him you've met someone else will probably sort him out. Sounds great with Mr R&R.
Pixie Blimey things are moving fast with you. So glad you're happy.
Same for Poppy! All these happy stories are restoring my faith in men and the big old L word - well, almost.
I sort of want LM to get all loved up too but then again I don't. I think we're better off taking things slowly and steadily, suits us better, but I'm still a bit jealous of all these happy people falling in love all over this thread. Gah.
Pixie, great to hear that things are going so well with Mr Tall. It seems things are going well with Mr Coffee too. The only problem is that he mentioned MN last night, and I'm now paranoid he might read this thread! So I probably won't post about him again.
But I'm happy to be able to report that he seems to have certain similarities to Mr R&R, and I'm going round in a sleep-deprived but very happy state today ... after well over 2 years with no Coffe, it's much appreciated!
Oh dont worry OWW there are always folok like me! (grimace)
Poppy, great to hear that things are going great with you and Sugar Daddy.
OWW, it sounds from what you've said as if you and LM are really fond of each other. In your short time together you've gone through stuff that some couples will never have to face in a lifetime.
libby One word. Afterglow
48 - that's exactly it!
well I've kind of got two dates sorted out, but don't know if things will work out enough to be doing the whole falling in L thing.
I did fall a little bit more in love with my youngest earlier though. She ran through to get me and said 'Daddy, I made an evention, come and see' (she's 4) so I wandered through and she picked up a cardboard tube from a roll of wrapping paper. 'It stops me smelling!' she says. 'How?' I say?
'Well when I dance like this.. ' and bends over, sticks her backside out and wiggles it side to side frantically, which is her favourite dance move at the moment - 'sometimes I do bottom burps. But I just hold the tube here' and proceeds to hold one end against her bottom.. 'when I do them, it takes the smell away from me'
I'm so proud. My little flatulent inventor.
Oh he's just undermining. DS1 didn't want to go to ex sister-in-laws for Boxing Day with her family and granny/granpa. I didn't particularly want to go either, but I'm the only driver, no overground trains, so I shape up and do something I don't want to necessarily do because I accept responsibilities and I think it's a good life lesson for Ds1 thatyou sometimes have to nail on a smile and get on with things. DS1 starts whining on that he doesn't feel 'well' I say 'shape up, you're going.' dS1 whines a bit more. XP walks in and is all 'poor boy, stay at home' then I drive to north London, I don't like driving when I have to navigate as I get stressed. XP 'helped' by pointing out road signs 'oh! Blackwall tunnel'. Yes. Thanks.
i think I'm just taking sides. Ds2 was a bit maudlin last night that he gets hand-me-downs and has a shit haircut (me & DD cut it)that he wants dance lessons (curse you strictly come dancing!) and that he doesn't like his dad this makes me feel really sad, but vindicated at the same time. So I bought him a jumper and some terribly hipster purple trousers today. Haircut tomorrow. Dance lessons January.
sigh he's been drinking as well. Only got to keep up the nailed on smile until Friday...
For Snape and everyone else whose ex is equally charming:
Cell Block Tango
You would not believe what my ex is doing right now in order to annoy me (and I can't tell you because it has the potential to out me in RL) but frankly the cell block tango is looking like a reasonable prospect right now, especially if my hair and make up looks that good.
Yoga Who could not get the popping gum.
Frog to Prince. Went down well
A trait that starts of endearing. Can become your worst nightmare in time.
Bant get onto the patent office
Wow lots of loved up people at the moment
Still cant believe mrw broke up with me a couple of days before Xmas, I'm not upset now. I am thinking I might sign up for online dating again but not too sure still thinking about it
Mr R&R has started referring to me as GF in texts. Weird after so long. Is that too soon?
Next thing. During engagement he said 'Say you love me' what is that all about I laughed
48 well, I'm probably the wrong person to reply as I am very much one to take things slowly. The gf thing - have you talked about this? Gf implies exclusivity and a move on from a casual relationship. Needs a chat, really.
Say you love me? Aaargh run run run. It's one thing in the throes of passion to say that you love the other person, but quite another to tell them to say that they love you. Laughing is probably a good move. Has he said he loves you btw?
How long has it been 48? GF...maybe. 'Say you love me'...sounds a bit
Ok thankyou. Will ask about both New years day when he gets back from Yorkshire.
Lots is fantastic. But not heavily invested. Early days.
OWW No he hasn't. I would RUN if he did.
48 hmm the girlfriend thing might not be too bad, but I think there should be some conversation had before he starts saying that! But telling you to tell him you love him is going too far!!
How long have you been seeing each other?
Yoga Spent 3 nights and days together. Because we were at school together does seem a lot longer. He is always saying how glad he is we met up.
48 I'd actually be more bothered by someone telling me to say I love him rather than him saying he loves me. The latter would be his feelings therefore his problem to deal with when I told him it was much too soon. The former is someone telling me how I should feel, and making me seem vulnerable (the one who says these things first or who loves most is always easier to hurt) and that I would not like at all. I say "I love you" very rarely and only when I mean it, not when I'm told to.
But ... I know lots of other people are very different and say it quite casually to family, friends, colleagues, hairdressers etc etc.
At the time I thought the say you love me thing was a joke. I really laughed.
Only thought about it after. Hmmm!
OWW I hardly say it either. He would get that about me. Strange.
48 the girlfriend bit I think isn't a big issue, if you feel comfortable with it that is.
Anyone saying they loved me, or worse still asking me to tell them I loved them, so early on, is a red flag imo.
Men who make declarations of love and rush into stuff headlong tend to have issues. The Evil Ex was full on from the outset, loved me after 3 weeks. Only after 6 months did he show his true colours. You can be infatuated after a few weeks, but love takes many months to grow.
Agree with Western the 'say you love me' does seem worse than a simple declaration of love. To me it comes across potentially a bit controlling. Obviously tone is everything, might be a heat of the moment thing (I had a ONS once where the bloke kept saying 'I love you' while we were shagging, I found it a bit off-putting!), but it would concern me.
Yes, my violent ex lived me after about three or four weeks. I was so young and thought it was romantic and passionate. My arse. If I knew then what I know now ... He had so many red flags it was like May Day in Moscow.
I think I need to know a man well, to know how he deals with the bad times as well as the good, to see how he cares for his family and friends, to know that we have a connection beyond just sex (great though that is) that will see us through whatever happens. Then I'll know if I love him. And that all takes its own time. God, I sound so cautious and boring. Part of me would love to be swept away on a heady tide of romance and passion, but I just couldn't do it or believe that it's real and honest.
Going to keep my eye firmly on the ball
Loved me not lived me. Sausage fingers!
Sorry to interupt but can I just say, Channing Tatum. Naked. That is all.
Was watching Magic Mike. [drool]
Well funnily enough Mr Cheeky texted me tonight and mentioned 'love making' instead of the usual 'fucking' or 'shagging' and then mentioned that he'd used the 'L' word .. I told him he doesn't know me well enough to love me .. That I like and fancy him .. He said he more than likes me so I've to find an appropriate word .. Anyone???
How about being in lust with him?
I said that Poppy but he said it is more than lust as he more than likes my company .. That it is more than just lust ..
I looked it up on Internet .. A question that has been asked lots of tin in fact .. People have suggested enamoured or adored .. Which to me are both the same as love or things along the lines of I like you more each day
Anyway I've told him to put the brakes on for now .. He says he's going to write me a poem ..
It is so difficult. I have used adore in the past and agree its just a substitute. How about amity? All the closeness and enjoying being with each other? Maybe it is just love and we are shy of using the term. It can be used to describe the initial rush of excitement and lust through to the long lasting, deep relationship. I have told friends and colleagues that I love them, in the past.
He's going to write you a poem? How romantic. Sounds like love to me.
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet
So it doesn't matter what it's called......
We'll see how romantic it is .. He would actually put EL James (50 shades) to shame with some of the texts he sends so it may go down that route
I could put EL James to shame
48 fair point what a load of crap that was . The crossfire book was much better .. But there is much better erotic fiction out there .. I just used her as people would get the jist
KW I have always thought the sex is the easy bit, honestly I don't know why it has to get much more complicated. You can like each other alot, have great sex, really enjoy each others company, laugh alot etc. Not want to move into together. Simple to my mind.
That's funny, never thought about it before but you're right - there should be a good word to use that means more than like but not quite love.
On the other hand it also made me think of the conversation we were having yesterday about putting words or feelings into someone else's mouth. If he thinks he's falling in love with you then not up to you to tell him how he's feeling, just up to you to tell him how that makes you feel....?
Dunno, it's very easy for me to give advice from the sofa!
may even be bored enough to have another peak at POF tonight cause it's etiher that or sending Mr60 that merry christmas message i resisted
My lovely Ex used to say that he had strong feelings for me, or was very fond of me That for us seemed to bridge the gap between like and love.
Even though it was a very intense relationship, we spent a lot of time together or in contact, and used to end every email and text with rows of x's, we didn't say I love you until about 3 months in. It would have been meaningless for me to say it any sooner, and I'd have felt uncomfortable if he'd said it before he did.
48 I could put Sid James to shame ...
Sometimes I think I know how I feel about LM, sometimes I don't. If in doubt, say nowt. Well, I've told him what I'm sure of, which is good enough for now and the rest will follow, or not.
He makes me laugh, and is kind, and fantastic in bed, and even tempered,and we can talk all night. So ... It's good.
Western you're right, it is all good. No rush to define how you feel as 'love', just enjoy it.
Spaceman continues to be witty, intelligent, thoughtful and not in the slightest bit smutty by text. To say I am looking forward to our date is an understatement.
Still nothing from Cuthbert...
Velvet Spaceman sounds a great guy. Smut too soon is a real turn off for me.
When are going again?
48 I agree entirely re the smut, it's been my (regrettable) experience when OD that men often want to start all that before you've even met, which leaves me a bit cold. So far he seems one of the few that doesn't, which is good.
We're just meeting for a coffee. Will only be for an hour or so. Hopefully not long enough for me to make a bad impression!
You will make a great impression. Leave him wanting more
It would put me right off someone if he sent smutty texts before we met - in fact I wouldn't even want to meet him.
I think flirty/sexy texts once you know someone can be a big turn-on, but definitely not when you've never met them. It also suggests to me that they're probably only going to be after one thing.
Velvet, Spaceman sounds great. Hope your date goes really well.
48 - "leave him wanting more" - good advice, I think.
It can work the other way round too - earlier this year I met a man, had lunch in a pub with him as arranged - all fine. He was nice enough, but no spark. But he insisted on changing his route home (and going right out of his way) to spend as much time with me as possible, and tbh it was just annoying. I wanted to be on my own by then and think about the date and how it had gone, not be stuck with him for an extra hour. (Does that sound harsh?) Without that, I might have agreed to a second date with him, but that changed my mind.
I'm definitely not implying that time spent with Velvet would be annoying by the way, as I always think you sound amazing and I think Spaceman is a very lucky man!
libby I had a date last summer. I was having trouble with my ears so was almost completely deaf. Went to wrong pub, parked up, thought oh sod it I will walk. Got half way and it pissed down.
So arrived, deaf, late and wet. It wasn't going well for me, so told him I only have one drink on a first date. God did he make that half last! Insisted on walking me back to my car. Going on about 2nd date.
I was thinking 'Beam me up' Poor bloke.
Mr60 has posted a load of lovely photos of him and his DSs on FB. I know I should unfriend. Not even sure I would still really want to be with him if I could but at the the same time I miss him. bugger.
On the plus side it seems I have won a whole £2.70 on my Euromillions tic woo hoo
A bottle of Pear Cider. With change
Aw Yoga, it's really difficult, isn't it? One of the many reasons why I'm not on FB. Maybe it would be best to hide him so you can't see the stuff he posts? Are you going to have another go at OD?
48, I hate it when the other person's obviously trying to drag out the date and you want to leave! When are you seeing Mr R&R again? Did you say he's in Yorkshire at the moment or am I imagining that? (Mr Coffee's in Yorkshire at the moment so think I may have got confused, or perhaps it's just a strange coincidence).
It definitely will only be an hour, 2 at the absolute max, as he has to be back to collect his DC.
Thanks Libby (good to hear all well with you and MrC by the way) yes, Spaceman is very lucky to be spending time in my company . Lets hope he thinks so too.
Yoga well done on your win, don't blow it all in a frivolous spending spree will you?
It's very hard, isn't it, Yoga ? No idea what the answer is to it, maybe those of us who are resisting texting exes should have a count of days we've stayed away from temptation, like going to AA - ' My name is Arsebiscuit and I've not despair-texted Maris Piper, despite the birthday and festive opportunities, for 5 days, 6 hours and 43 minutes '
Ooh, thanks for reminding me - pear cider. Am off out soon (doing the cultural thing and going to a gallery) so will try to pick some up on the way back. Hope they have it in Sainsbury's.
libby Yes in Yorkshire until NY day. Weird! Did say he could come back early. I said 'No. You should keep plans already made'. Lots of texts, filthly and just plain nice, about missing me
libby yes in Sainsburys.
48 - am jealous, no texts from MrC (as I'm now going to call him - thanks, Velvet) yet today, and I can no longer tell myself that's because all the mobile networks in Yorkshire are down...
Great attitude re telling Mr R&R not to change his plans. I love it when a man I like wants to see me lots and spend time with me, but it would worry me if he was cancelling time with friends/family to do it. And it would worry me even more if he suggested I cancel time with family/friends to see him.
libby Mr R&R did say he was lucky to have reception. Lots of arm waving he said to get message sent.
Yes, that was a fairly major red flag with the Artist, suggesting I cancel time with my DC to spend the weekend with her. I could almost hear the sound of the nail in the coffin when I got that text.
libby delurking from my maudlin slumber on the sofa
feeling very sorry for myself that there is no man in my life, but just can't face POF to reassure you that most of North Yorkshire is a mobile free zone.
I work all over NY and reception is incredibly sporadic. Really only available in cities, towns and occasional hot spots.
To be honest I think he just felt a bit bad about clearing off when we had only just met/engaged.
He didn't take much convincing
Gasp! He got back to me. I DO have a date on NYE daytime
Oh fucking hell what to wear x 100
I haven't done a first date for aaaaaaaaaaaages!
Yay Lubey just remember you are fabulous and wear something that you are comfortable in and makes you feel even more fabulous
Oh exciting lubey Any idea where you are going?
Well I have blown all my winnings! Bought another tik for NY Day.
I may also have accidentally liked Mr60s photo but did not message him, a bit like only breaking your diet a little bit right?
Bant - I think the fact that she asked you to change your plans (and with DC no less) rather than offering to change her own is even worse. When are your dates?
Lubey - woo hoo, how exciting.
Delurking briefly to exclaim my joy at having survived C-day. Despite a half-hearted, last minute offer from STBex-MIL to join them for dinner, once ex had picked up DC, I had a lovely afternoon by myself with lots of champagne and rubbish TV. Not one tear was shed (I had been fiercely determined not to).
I also have a mini-date on Sunday - coffee in a local-ish pub. Met through Times Encounters via my free 3-day membership. I temporarily suspended my Match profile (not least because my awful, hideous Cambridge date kept asking why I was still on there if I was not ready for a relationship following the 'it's not you, it's me' conversation. Subtext 'it so fucking is you').
It was so truly dreadful that I was too ashamed to even post on here afterwards. I ignored all the pearls of wisdom about OD and think I need to copy down all the wise nuggets above onto a post-it note, to carry about on my person at all times.
smooth 'It so fucking is you'
48 yes just to a local ish pub for small c coffee.
Nothing fits! Arsing stupid bloody xmas. grrr. <considers resorting to corset>
Lubey I've been put off Coffee for life after my Cambridge visit. In fact I've cleared some room on my shelves for my impending Oscar which is surely due after the performance I was very much forced to put on to 'bring things to a close'. Bleugh.
It so fucking is you
I'm half tempted to resume OD just to have the chance to say that to someone!
Was this the same Cambridge man you met in London the same afternoon I was meeting surreygirl there? I don't remember you saying what happened. if not, it was someone else, sorry. We Cambridge men get about a bit
yoga cabincrew this Saturday night, Shoegirl just after NYE when she can get a sitter. CC is exotic and interesting (and isn't actually cabin crew) Shoegirl is funny. Let's see how we go. Move to Budapest isn't until end if jan now, and will be for a couple of weeks only at first with lots of time back here, so dating is still doable.
Yes Bant - same man. Bloody awful. I didn't post about it afterwards as I have been hiding under the duvet in shame. Let's just say I got it majorly wrong and have learned from it! The best thing about the whole weekend was coming down with a severe migraine and having to leave very early on Sunday.
smooth so that is all we get?
There may be more Juliette - as and when I can bear to actually type the words. Just to give you a flavour though, I'd been on 2 dates with a really nice guy and date 3 was in his home town with an overnight stay. But the first warning klaxon sounded when the witty and genial man of the previous 2 dates gave me a dead arm in the pub. He actually punched me really hard without warning and said that the last time he'd been in that particular pub, that's what he and his friends were doing. Obviously that was my cue to get up and leave...
First warning klaxon......
That would have been the signal for emptying your glass into his face and running for the hills. He sounds like a total arsehole.
<sigh> Florentine I know, I know. And he is.
He gave you a dead arm? That is awful. Dont worry about the shame of posting everything on here...there is no shame. None at all. We are all in the same boat.
My dating life gets more thrilling by the day. I will see the fireman in next couple of weeks. He doesnt eat any kind of spicy food so we will go to somewhere non spicy. I think he wants to do something physical with me as he is never suggestive on text but sort of hints in that direction.
I have struck up convo with a man from pof who is a stripper at the weekends. He isnt very conversationalist though.
A couple reappeared on OKC to wish me a merry xmas
One who disappeared reappeared by text asking if we were meeting in Jan.
I love flavoured cider, cider in general is fab too. I also really like prosecco. NYE is looming. I will be indoors celebrating my inner karma. Who is doing something?
I'm really looking forward to NYE! I always host (mainly because I CBA to go out/get back after midnight) and have enormous amounts of food and bubbly and DS1 (fabulously
geeky knowledgeable) is putting together a quiz which went down really well last year. Only a small gathering of 3 couples, 2 singles and assorted kids (who will have a games room set up) but I can't wait!
smooth A dead arm He would of lost the use of his tackle for that, arsehole!
It so fucking was him.
scatty So giving Fireman another go
I will be on my lonesome. CBA with NE shyte.
Smooth - how old was this bloke to be giving his mates dead arms in the pub, sounds about 17 to me
I will be on my lonesome.
What's happened to Mr. Rutting & Rogering ?
Flo In fucking Yorkshire until new year. Will make it up to me I am sure
48 I have had many daydream scenarios since which involve some kind of ABH with varying degrees of violence.
On the plus side though, I am hoping that no date will ever be as bad.
And don't even get me started on the fact that he tried to remove a condom half way through DTD 'because I've had the snip'. Yes ladies and gentlemen - a delightful chap. I feel like taking a swig of neat vodka even thinking about it but can't, because I'm at work. Which is probably just as well.
Bant 41 going on 17.
Right, that's enough reminiscing for one day. More NYE plans please!
Is anyone doing the forced jollity in a pub at NY? Perhaps a midnight conga?
Oh smoothie you poor thing, that actually sounds a bit frightening, are you ok?
I'm sure no other date will be as bad too (thank god!)
Smooth, blimey, what was he, King of All the Wankers ?
My NYE will be spent, thrillingly, at my parents', I expect to be weeping under the duvet at midnight.
In other news, I've been proposed to by a man on GS, I fear he would describe himself as 'fun' and 'whacky' .
Honest Lubey I'm completely fine - and lessons firmly learned and all that. I'm now putting my fingers in my ears and going 'la la la' so I don't have to think about it any more
I have decided that when I finish work, I'm going home to pour myself a large glass of Malbec or Merlot. No point in being abstemious now until next year!
That's great news MsArse - congratulations! (on the proposal not the weeping under the duvet)
I have no plans for NYE. All my mates are marrieds or out of the country, have the dreaded choice between inviting me or my ex, or just aren't going out. Meh. Still time to find something though I guess as the dc are with their mum.
Smoothie. We should introduce MrDeadArm to the artist.
I'll join you with the Malbec, smoothie!
MsArse, do you mean proposed or propositioned ?
There may be an important , yet subtle, difference.
Fun and whacky - is he Timmy Mallett?
Dead Arm..............that's a stick-on for the next thread, shoorely ?
No NYE night plans here. DD is home with me for it which is nice, (she's usually at her dads for it) so I'll just be watching silly tv and getting sloshed, while she messes up the house with streamers and party poppers
Well they're the same age, live about 5 miles from each other, both like going condom free, and might get on really well. Or it may bring on the end of the world
Mrs Arse Mallett A nice ring to it.
When she regains the use of her arm/arms.
I'm gigging on NY eve this year. Should actually be ok as I'm never a fan of being out on my eve or going to parties. At least gigging I can enjoy my evening sober, laugh at the drunken revellers and perhaps the attraction of being "in the band" might help for the first time ever...
Smooth we've all been there, thinking 'did he really just say/do that' and not quite wanting to believe it happened.
Whoever said upthread it takes a couple of days to really digest a date was so right. What do you think about this?
When I met Mr Vague last week we had late afternoon coffee, then he suggested we go for a drink. Fast forward to early evening, we're getting on. Suddenly he planted a kiss on my mouth. Now, it wasn't welcome, I didn't give any signs of wanting it, it was quick and not an attempted snog. I didn't like it, it made me feel uncomfortable. I withdrew somewhat, told him mouth kissing was very personal to me, he said it was a cheeky kiss that's all and nothing was meant by it. No apology. It also reminded me of the Death Row Lawyer who clamped himself to my mouth on saying goodbye which was basically assault. He had already asked if he could call me again after the coffee part of the date, we continue to chat and we leave soon after.
On the way to train, he told me to put my arm through his. I didn't want to. I held his hand instead and kept my body distance. A couple of texts later that evening agreeing we'd had a good time.
Next day I text, saying was feeling fragile and joking he had led me astray (meaning wine), he (what I thought was a joke) suggested I share dinner with him that eve to use up food before he went off for C. I said something about 'not sure I should trust you, me being a light weight' and his reply was of course I could trust him, he was cheeky but not disrespectful, I would be his guest...we would catch up soon' I hadn't meant that at all (or maybe subconsciously I did). Nothing since.
Bant - I wouldn't wish him on The Artist. She might have been a little keraazzy but she doesn't deserve that!
omg Smooth I've just seen your second post. That is horrendous, do hope you're ok. What an utter cunt.
I've had 3 first dates try to kiss me inappropriately. With the first one, I spent a lot of time dodging his attempts (as you sometimes do once) he didn't pick up the signal and I actually had to tell him to stop trying, then ended up with me saying 'get off' and I left. He wasn't threatening just over familiar from the off (kept trying to hold my hand as soon as we met) and socially inept. The second was the DRL, who was nasty and now this one. No similarities between any of them the only common denominator is me. I don't see what I could do differently, or am I missing something?
Juliette I think you need to fashion yourself a coldsore from a cornflake and some Pritt Stick for your next date.
It's worrying that it's happened on 3 different dates - had any of these guys had much previous dating form to get some practice in reading the signals?!
Juliette, I think that first kiss moment is a tough one to judge. Problem is, it's usually left to the man tk make the first move, and if all goes well then theres that pause, the look up into his face/down into hers, eye contact, all that 'it's going to happen now isn't it' type thing. Which is great. Problem is, if that moment doesn't happen then sometimes the woman still wants a kiss, so the man will still try. I've been in that situation before where there wasn't the magic moment, I tried for a kiss thinking I may be rebuffed and she grabbed on and wouldn't let go. Other times I've been rebuffed and it's a bit embarrassing. there was even one time I had the moment, long gaze between us and still when I went for a kiss she demurred
It's a tough call for us to make
But being rejected once is enough. Three times is pestering, which is just shit.
Flo, definitely 'proposed to ' although I'd prefer to be propositioned. And not by him.
Smoothie, not Timmy Mallett, although that has taken me back to 1982 when Timmy had a show on Piccadilly Radio that I used to listen to - I seem to remember that he was quite funny, either that or I was very easily amused.
He, El Whacky, wants to take me for coffee. Meh.
GS has also thrown up a Scottish bloke who lives darn sarf these days and who wants to 'snog' me - rather forward but I am partial to a Celt, this has not worked out well for me thus far.
juliette I have met 6 men OD, have to say all perfect gentlemen. All hugged me on meeting which I am not keen on, all picked up on that, a couple even asked if I didn't like hugging. Ahem, strangers, no. So maybe message recieved loud and clear. Snogged one. I wanted to though, was fantastic.
Juliette, I seem to get the opposite - even the men I want to kiss rarely kiss me. I think I must give off big 'do not touch/kiss' vibes without meaning to. (Or of course maybe they just didn't fancy me - but I prefer the first explanation).
bant it's a tricky one, I agree. We've all done the demurring thing, men usually do the hold for a second or two which is the go/no go moment. Sometimes we duck a drunk or two politely decline. No problem. When its lightening fast like the last two, the choice is taken away. I jjust wonder if there is a pattern here. Maybe it's because I have only met few men in all my time doing OD that I thought was attracted to, even so I'm not a stranger snogger, if I do get to that stage they're on a promise .
2013, thanks for delurking - and I'm pleased to say mobile networks in Yorkshire seem to be up and working again! How about trying another site if you can't face POF?
48, your message about hand signals made me laugh out loud - not a good look when you're sitting on your own on a train.
juliette changed my mind, wasn't ready. Was ready by the time I got to Mr F U.
libby I've had men get very close and then wait for me to go the last couple of inches, very much leaving it to the woman to decide.
Smooth I like your style.
Thing is, I find it smacks of possession and that notion of you want it really
Sorry for just plopping in, Thread, I happened to see juliette's post and wanted to reply! I suspect you boast a particularly nice pair of lips, Juliette, which may explain the sudden onslaughts of kissing. Both men trounced your boundaries and, in my book, that's enough of a red flag. Emotionally competent adults know instantly when they've overdone the proximity. A bit of awkwardness might be forgiveable if you like them; most people can manage an elegant recovery though! Mr Vague had another go at your boundaries with his arm-linking and weird offer of leftovers, so I reckon you can confidently write him off as bit of a plonker ...
Hope you all have a fun New Year's Eve!
Banta, it is kind of charming to be asked, you know
Yeah and I've done that too, garlic. Sometimes it kind of takes the romance out of it though. Usually it's a non verbal question, body language etc. sometimes it's misread. And I've found that a display of confidence is usually better than a display of nervousness.
garlic I like to be asked. I asked Mr R&R. Thought lets get this show on the road
Garlic my lips are kissable but not so that men just can't help themselves . Apart from that they haven't suddenly got kissable, I've not had this before.
Crap, I was just going to write I hadn't even touched his arm or anything and I've just remembered after the kissing thing he asked me to give him a hug, twice I think. It was a hug sitting in different chairs, no groping. I was drunk and remember thinking it was better than him trying to pounce again as my face was to the side. Crap.
I could have said no again and I didn't. I shouldn't be in that position in the first place though, it's not good is it.
juilette How many dates have you had? Hope you don't mind me asking.
Just interested to know how many didn't try to snog you. If any.
48 I've been at this for about 2 years on and off, with 6 months out when I met someone. Made a few rooky mistakes to begin with then found my feet. I guess two or three dates a month in batches, so approx 35 dates.
Of those, I would have wanted to see 4 again, 2 weren't interested. Only 4/5 in total have wanted to see me again. I went out with 2 of those, the six month one and a brief thing for a few weeks with another. With both we snogged on the second date. So, 35 ish dates, 1 repeat pouncer who I dodged, 1 assault (to teach me a lesson about saying no) and this one.
35 julilette you must have nerves of still.
Could the rogue 3 in some way caused you to lower your guard prior to meeting. Then they pounced.
Steel. wrong again! Bottom of class
Hello sorry to butt in again but how do I do a search on a photo? A man is messaging me on pof telling me he is a fireman and I think his profile is dodgy!! Could someone have a look for me
That's so funny 48 - I've had so much wine that I'm back to lurking rather than posting as I'm pretty sure I would make no sense! Pretty bad really before 8.30 on what is, essentially, a school night!
Nomore - well spotted!!! Your fireman appears to be an american model called Chat White HERE
Thanks! I just asked why he's moved from London to Hinckley and he said it was a promotion Nd he starts full time at end of jan!
This is funny, so then what should I ask Chad next?? I want to make him squirm!!!
48 None. Actually, I hadn't spoken to any of these ones on the phone before meeting, but that's not so unusual. With the first, I should have seen the over familiar signs in messages,nothing rude just no idea of social boundaries.
With the second no sign at all in messaging but I knew as soon as he started talking at me about himself, even when it was about me it was about him eg. 'Wow, you may even be smarter than me, very few people are', 'you are very perceptive, you've seen right through me, I should be married again to someone like you.... would you marry me?' er no.
Third one, no sign at all he was very nice, no sign of entitlement at all until the 'cheeky' kiss followed by the compensation apparently due.
I asked what his name was and he said Mark! Might ask if he uses fake tan or sunbeds next...
Nomore Ask him where the office photo was taken, if it was at work - its full of US flags and other signs in the background!
Fucking hell...thread 33. You lot can chat
Can someone give me an update/summary?
He said he has lots of holidays in Jamaica (when his shifts allow!) as his grandma has a house out there!! Oh my god. Do I look that stupid.
Juliet ill ask about office shot now...! Ill report back
Ask him what the state capital of Nebraska is.
Ah it was his old office. He did a 3 month transfer to Boston! This is hilarious!!!
smooth Too blury around the edges steps away from the key board.
Ask him how boston was - you always wanted to go there - did he go to see the football team play at fenway park?
(it's baseball at fenway park) - he may know that.
ask him if he's ever dressed up in womens clothing before. Then send him this
Didn't know firemen got transferred around so much.
I lived in Boston for 5 years - ask him where he lived.
"No the ticket prices are amazing high x I did get out to the cape which was fab and the train to New York x
Will go with women's dress next! Can I just copy the link into my chat with him?
Ewww what is wrong with fashion designers. My eyes hurt.
Been lurking on and off but is hard to keep up with you guys
I've been chatting with a guy on pof tonight. Can't work out if he is winding me up, sussing me out if I'm game for a no strings shag or he's just a regular jerk with a shit, cheesy, crude sense of humour?! Shame my spidey senses are twitching now, as I thought he was quite funny first few messages
No the ticket prices are amazing high
Hmm, you can get a single game bleacher seat for $28.
Hardly going to break the bank.
I just outed him, sent the link, now waiting for a reply!
Don't know who is worse - him for lying or me for going along with it and laughing about it!! Seriously why would someone pretend like that!!
Sorry Flo but I'm not sure I even know what the state capital of Nebraska is!
Bant - so can you name Boston's football team (and no googling!)?
No more, if he can dish it out, he should take what comes with it, so good on you outing him
No answer off Chad aka Mark from Hinckley! Hilarious!!!
Speaking of Chad............
yoga - it's the Patriots, isn't it? I seem to remember Peter Griffin was their mascot.
I believe if Mark the fireman looks in the small print, he owes Chad's agency a fee for each use of 'their' photo of their model. Tell him it's $195 per photo.
I'm in Hinckley, take it I should be on the lookout for this stud then eh?
Well Lubey, I think he has gone into hiding now. Which is a shame because I think Chad had so much to offer the Leicestershire Fire and rescue service!
Well done Bant I'm impressed!
and I have no fucking idea who Peter Griffin is
I've been to Fenway. Man I miss Boston sometimes, it is a bloody fantastic place to live.
the fire station is right opposite my house, shall I pop in and ask if they have ever seen him?
just for an excuse to chat up actual firemen
I like the idea of telling him about the agency fee for pic use!
What's this? I bugger off for a couple of weeks and we're on thread 33?
can anyone give me a teeny tiny breakdown of any going ons I've missed please
Maybe I'll send him another quick message!
welcome back Mac. Too many goings on - when were you last on?
Several confirmed sofa-sitters are toying with people on POF, some potentials turned out to be tossers, some people are happily loved up.
I dropped the Artist as she was too stalky, at which point she stalked me, now I have a couple of dates lined up for next week. At the moment we're just baiting a bloke on POF who used model photos for his profile. It's kind of fun.
whats going on with you?
Juliette agree with garlic that Mr Vague is showing no respect for boundaries. Plus the offer of leftovers is weird. You're a prospective girlfriend not a labrador. If he stays silent you are well rid, I think.
Only one more full day with parents to go before I escape! Eight days and counting since I last texted Snow Leopard!
Oh no he blocked me!! Gutted!!!
I think it was thread 29...
Ha, what's this? Baiting? I'm intrigued. What's his username?
Ah yes I read about the artist. You're well shot there.
Come on sofa sitters lets see what's happening! What are you all doing for NYE?
Me? I'm temping at the moment and working all hours [exhausted] Rejoined POF on a whim
read: bored and met a guy I had been emailing on there on a night out with a work friend on Sunday evening. small world.
Bit of a boost to see my ex on the same night when I was looking faaabulous Bonus points for not getting rude when he told me he missed me
Angel arf at Labrador. He texted earlier, I have only just replied keeping it light and neutral. I've also just remembered he has always had dogs... .
If things don't liven up for me (in a good way) I'm going to have to lower my age range again.
Must be the night for firemen, just had a retired one ask to see my photo - he's a little wizened old bloke with more than a hint of Albert Steptoe about him.
Nomore Thankyou for Chad
Well my spidey senses were bang on with mr cheese. Woke up this morning to a message telling me he 'knows my sort.. You're a PLAYER'. Oh perlease... really can't be arsed bothering all the sh*t that goes with od this morning. It really is hard work sometimes isn't it
ThatsNice, why is he accusing you of being a player? Weird.
Velvet, is it today you're meeting Spaceman?
libby When is Mr C back from Yorkshire?
Mr R&R is back on the 1st. A week is a fucking long time when in lust
Andlibby, I cut short our conversation yesterday evening because I was shattered after my night shift the night before
and he was pissing me off with his 'jokes' My sleep pattern is fecked though (because of working nights), so in the early ours I went back on line. I took my profile pictures off as decided I like it slower paced when they're not on, and he saw and commented asking why. I was honest and said I was stepping back a bit from full on od and that was his reply waiting for me this morning accusing me of being a player.. Meh.. He can think what he likes. I found his comments/joke about his summer fling not being up for anal being a deal breaker, as a red flag anyway. Me thinks perhaps t'was 'he' who is the player.. Sighs..
is mr cheese from the 1950's
not exactly a modern & sophisticated response now is it?
Does he even know what he means by 'player'?
Isnt it someone who pretetends they want a relationship when really they only want a one off shag?
Usually when a woman only wants a one off shag it's beacause the bloke was sexually inept.
sister,he aint a player he's a LOSER
mercury On the money
Haha!! Yes, loser indeed! His messages were full of such cheesy, corny shit, I was eye rolling, laughing at the same time. Laughing more at him than with him. Then him telling me he likes me a lot, that maybe this time next year we'd be having our one year anniversary and he'd take me for a shopping spree in Anne summers coz he bets I really like shopping.. 'yawns' .. dear god, thinking back, there was a good reason I cut the conversation short, I was just too sleep deprived to see it clearly,
Oh god Velvet had a similar experience ...silly sods...
In that case, he is not only a knobber but has rubbish taste in filth shopping - you are well shot of him.
Mac Just proving he has 'class'
I was going to say
For a one year anniversary Victoria's Secret is the only way to go.
I'm rather partial to Boux Avenue myself .. ;)
I did tell him that as I don't like shopping (really), he'd have to go to Anne summers on his own. I can imagine him circling the blow up fill section. Is there one? Blow up doll section I mean..
Can I just say, i feel so much better having vented. Can't really talk about my OD escapades with anyone else. Have gone from feeling a bit rubbish at his player comments (seriously need to toughen up my skin), to feeling quite empowered that others agree he is in fact just a nobber
thatsnice Take no shit!
I've got some stuff from Kiss Me Deadly too, much, much better than anything you get in Ann Summers. 48, you have excellent taste.
not that Anne summers exactly sets the bar very high
I'm definitely partial to Victoria's Secret myself..shame no one to take me shopping.
As for the Wedding Guest, I reckon he will see my from across the room then run a mile as my skin looks like sh&t at the moment. Nevermind, it will still be 24 hours of pure pampering in hotel & spa and a bazillion times better than how I was feeling this time last year. I will bring magazines and chocolates and I will be very happy on my own.
So its my date today.
However spaceman has a problem with his phone, and can't make/receive calls or texts. So if he's late (real possibility due to traffic) he won't be able to let me know.
My nanna would say this is a sign we are jinxed...
What do you mean mercury We all want a pair.
Velvet- good luck! I hope you have a lovely time, and he's as lovely as he seems. And hot.
I have some RL stuff going on at the minute, DD's dad, who was violent to me, has attacked his new GF. Thread is on the relationships board. Turns out he is using steroids too, don't know what to do.
Apart from that, christmas has been very lonely this year, and I thoroughly hope I'm not single next year too.
Velvet Hope all goes well for you. Stay positive and keep smiling
Just to add my voice, good luck Velvet, I hope you have a fabulous time
Breakout I am so sorry. Wish I could help
Good luck velvet, and remember, it's not about whether you're good enough for him - you've got two nice men interested in you - it's about which one you choose is maybe good enough for you..
Well he hasn't turned up yet. So date may not even happen. And if he's stuck in traffic, or can't find the place we're meeting at, he can't let me know. Bugger.
He can always rearrange. If he doesn't. Lucky escape!
Hope he turns up velvet and hasn't wimped out x
Hope the silence from Velvet is a sign that he's turned up and is lovely.
It's weird, isn't it ? Sitting here, wondering how someone I've never met is getting on, and hoping she's struck man-gold.
Ha ha "man gold"!!! (thread title contender??)
Yoga, let's hope that someone finds a rich vein of it in them thar hills ...
I think I'm more likely to find fools gold...
Aaaarrrrggghhh, where is she??? I REALLY want him to be lovely!
Hello dating thread. I joined a previous incarnation but couldn't keep up with it all so I hope you don't mind me butting in here. I have been dating A Man for a bit now and things are hotting up. I think, indeed, that we may even Do It. And now I feel really scared.
This is ridiculous - I used to sleep with people at the drop of a hat when I was younger but have had no-one in my life since my son was born eight years ago. It's like being a bloody virgin again. Albeit a virgin with stretchmarks and tits that have breastfed who is afeared that her fanny will fall off under pressure due to it not being tested - have been manically doing pelvic floor exercises. Aaaargh. I just think he's going to see me naked and burst out laughing.
wallison' he fancies you and will be so delighted you want to have sex with him he won't notice!!! Enjoy .. And welcome btw
oops cross posted
Wallison it will be fine, take a deep breath, in your head become Cindy Crawford and it shall be so
Thank you, KirstyWirsty. I am behaving like a teenager.
He is really nice though. And v keen - how? Why?!
lubeybooby I know (hope!) that was a cross-post but it made me smile!
Thank you lubeybooby.
I wish there really was such a thing as 'Dutch courage' - mere booze won't cut it for tomorrow night, and apart from anything else I just get really giggly and then sleepy so that's not the answer.
Wallison We all feel like teenagers. Fucking brill isn't it
Sex is soooo much better second time around.
But I've forgotten what to do!
Although it is heartening to hear that, 48howdidthathappen.
Eek why did I let myself get talked into this? I only did the online dating thing because two of my mates were doing it and I thought it would be a laugh. It doesn't feel very fucking funny now!
It will come back to you. Just follow his lead, relax and enjoy
Well follow if you like where its going.
So he did turn up. He was nice enough. I'd see him again if he asks though no idea what he thinks.
He didn't ask to see me again but he did say I could phone him later (he can receive calls but not make them)
so do I phone him or not?!
Do you want to phone him? Maybe sleep on it.
VELVET - we've all been sat here with bated breath.
So - was nice enough good enough?
I don't think I can really tell - it was only one coffee and an hours conversation. I need either alcohol or a man to flirt more obviously. He didn't flirt at all, but not sure he's the type. Then again it could just be he's not interested.
If he'd like you to phone him, then I would say that he likes you.
But you don't need to phone him tonight - it's up to you what you feel comfortable with. I agree with maybe sleeping on it (but then I am terrible these days for not just going with the flow so could be wrong).
If you want to see him again, and only you can know that, then phone him. You can wait till tomorrow if you want but you don't have to.
Wallison speaking from experience, if you've been doing your pelvic floor exercises, it'll go fine, believe me.
His phone can't make calls, but he can receive them. Why? Pay as you go phone? That's alluring. (Not necessarily from a snobby POV, but because if a relationship developed, you would always be, 'haven't heard from him, must be zero-credit' rather than 'haven't heard fm him, isn't thinking about me, not interested'.)
I could tell in an hour of meeting someone if I wanted to see him again. That said,your 'default' seems to be 'men aren't interested in me' so it might be your head-tape.
In summary,if you like him, phone him. If you don't, don't. Then if he likes you,he'll find a way of letting you know. If not, not invested yet, no biggie.
In other news, ex is seriously doing my head in. Took Ds2 out this afternoon to get away from him, came back, cider cans from last night still scattered around the living room; he was watching his laptop, couldn't find headphones, asked if it was ok to turn up volume. Sure, whatever (was watching film) then changed to queens of the Stone Age concert. Grudgingly agreed to put on headphones when I mentioned it and then sang along how I managed seven years with this man, I do not know. He's splashing out on a take away for the DSs and him tonight, oh, benevolent one! drinks (...) smokes and got his dad to buy the kids gift cards for Xmas. They're all off to his sisters for new year tomorrow and I am buying a gallon of Pinot and catching up on taped films and having a doctor-who-a-thin. This has been hell.
You seemed to be really excited by him before you met - there's that common thing about meeting someone in person and it's just a bit 'meh' compared to your imagination. Some of that is that people aren't the same in person as they are online, and some may be due to nerves.
It's your call on whether the expectation you had for him may pan out in the future, on a second date - it could be nerves or something. Or maybe you didn't fancy him as much as you thought you would.
The not being able to make calls thing is a bit weird though. What's that about?
wallison you'll be fine, promise
velvet sleep on it? No rush and you'll have more perspective tomorrow.
Mr Vague is off climbing for 4 days. He did suggest wine this eve but I've suggested we chat next week.
Wallison. Seriously don't worry. It's not like someone said earlier about the bloke not noticing, it's about not caring! Grown ups have grown up bodies and if you find someone attractive enough to get in that position then it just doesn't matter! What is sexy though is confidence!
Velvet - sorry that you feel bit meh about yor date. That's a blow but par for the course. Think it's best to sleep on it!
Could anyone help me? I am Internet dating crazy at the mo and signed up to Match using the iPhone app. However, I'm such a technophobe that I don't actually know if my profile/photos are live. Could someone check for me? Also if anyone wants to pass comment or makes suggestions for improvement I'd be more than happy to receive them!! Name is Born_in_79
Thanks ever so!!
Thank you Juliette and Bill I will be wearing a lovely new dress for the date and it's in one of my fave restaurants so all will be well, I'm sure.
SevenSnapespeares have you spent Xmas with your ex? Kudos to you if so. Indeed, kudos to you even if it's only one day. I find it difficult to keep my canines from gnashing after even 10 minutes in my ex's company. You are obviously a much better person than me!
It's not a PAYG phone. It's a financial issue which will be resolved early next week but in the meantime he can't text or call me, so if I want to speak to him, I'll have to call him. It's unfortunate timing, because I'd far rather the ball was in his court not mine!
He is nice. I do like him. But it felt awkward, and I think he felt it was too. The place where we met was incredibly busy and not really conducive to relaxed conversation. I think this is why I hate daytime dates. The best daytime date I had was with the disappearing (probably married) policeman, but he was a huge flirt, which Spaceman isn't (or not with me anyway).
I still don't know whether to phone him. Because he wasn't like 'give me a call later', more like 'if you want to you can phone me later' I'm not even sure if I said I would or not. I do know though that putting things off isn't good for me, and if I don't call today, I'll feel twice as awkward tomorrow, and even less able to do it. So I think perhaps I need to bite the bullet.
The worst that will happen is he'll say 'I'm sorry but I didn't fancy you' and that's not the end of the world, at least I'll know.
Well I took my DC back to their mum today, and got handed the divorce papers in return. We'd agreed on grounds and stuff as it's fairly amicable, but...
It's been a f*cked up day.
Velvet The phone thing is weird. Even if he's having problems with his mobile & couldn't phone you en-route to date, surely he has a land line? Sorry but it just seems a bit . Also, in my experience, the ones I've been a bit meh about after meeting just weren't for me.
Wallison good luck & have fun - it's not really something you forget how to do! (And I like what Bill said about grown ups having grown up bodies so unless you're 50 and shagging a 21 year old you should be fine). Just have fun. x
Bant have you had much experience doing pelvic floor excersizes? (bugger, can never flipping spell that word!)
Snape just keep breathing and stay away from sharp objects, he will be gone soon!
Ugh Bant sympathy & hugs. I'll be getting my divorce papers soon. Nothing left to work out, just have to sign on the dotted line. Even when it's what you want its still kind of fucked up - one of those things you hope you'll never have to do in life.
Yoga actually yes I have. But more to the point, when I was 23 I was involved with a woman in her mid 30s who'd had a child, and she.. ahem. demonstrated the exercises. It was really very memorable.
And I've been with 20 something size zeros who were obviously nervous and shy about their bodies (seriously, not allowing the light on? What's that about?), and 30 something size 16s who were confident. And the confident ones were far more attractive and fun in the bedroom. We all get older and get less elastic, but confidence is the winner
Never a good time for divorce papers bant sorry you got these in return for DCs. I know it's difficult but it has to be done and try to look at it as the end of a year and a new start for 2013 going forwards.
velvet I'd sleep on it.
wallis yes, I am a saint. He broke up with the woman he left the woman he left me for earlier this year, if he wasn't here (& it wasn't my idea, was ex mum in laws) he'd be on his own 500 miles away
& not fucking up my Xmas & that isn't really the spirit of Xmas.
He just asked Ds2 If he'd like a chicken curry. DS2 is vegetarian.
Ds1 asked me why XP shakes. He thought it was because of his 'medication'
no, it's DTs because he can't drink as much as he wants when he's here. But he's still too scared to drink in front of his mum and dad but doesn't mind his kids seeing him in a fucking state.
also had the fucking temerity to complain that kids didn't interact with him much last time he was here when he spent mOst of it (1) pissed (2) smoking outside. he found it 'hurtful' [aghast] you're obstentiably the adult here.
Luckily I have never married. My parents marriage/divorce kinda put me off.
Sorry for all going through that crap.
Oh my word, Seven, he sounds like a real charmer. How horrible that you're having to share your home with him even for a short time.
Sorry to hear about divorce papers Banta and Yoga - I think we're all allowed a little mope to ourselves on days like that.
Still trying to summon up the courage to phone...this stuff is all too hard!
Sorry Banta re divorce papers and Snape re PITA ex.
...and expensive pits to boot...cost me more than getting married...
Hi sorry to jump in like this but I need help. I'm just creating a profile on POF and my mind has gone blank and I don't know what to say. Especially for the headline part.
pick a name that's upbeat, not depressing, not too descriptive. Northern_lass_55 or Doesn'tLikeSprouts or something. It really doesn't make that much difference unless it's something which will put men off like 'LonelyGirl42'
and a headline - always start with a joke or a catchy line - at least that's what makes the profile stand out from all the others. Don't use the same cliches about how much you love traveling (everyone does), how much you like going out but equally happy staying home snuggling on the sofa with a glass of wine and a DVD (everyone does), how you're looking for someone to go on long country walks with (I hate country walks, personally, thats why god invented the car)
Talk about what you like doing. Nights talking rubbish with mates, a nice work out at the gym to work off the cobwebs, birdwatching (if you're into it) tv programmes you really like, books you love. But it only has to be 2 or 3 paragraphs. I generally judge a profile, and whether I want to get in touch, on the following points (assuming they're within the age and distance range)
Do I like the pictures, including the worst one
Did the profile make me smile, or ideally laugh out loud
Failing the second one, do they look interesting enough to hold a conversation with.
Thanks Banta it's all a bit scary!
Well I've just phoned him. And utterly none the wiser. Phone call was possibly even more awkward than the date. He didn't ask to see me again, but he did say if I had time to call him tomorrow.
Be careful picking a username. My OD name seems to say to alot of men that I am into women. Vivid imaginations.
Sort of thing I have said.
Non of us are perfect. I have admitted I can be a tad stubborn.
As a horse owner I am a country gal, with an accent to match. So have put in my profile 'Happiest in a pair of wellies' to try and probably fail to make it sound fun trudging around in mud.
Also made it clear I am not looking to organise some blokes sock drawer. I have a life.
Just make it about you
do you want to see him again velvet?
Banta ouch. Even though you knew it was coming, it must be a shock. Once it is done though, you will move forward in a different way and be a very free man .
Snape ok you know now, never again. He is not your problem, and he should be long gone by now
says the woman who once went to work having ordered a taxi to collect cock lodger and take him to the international bus terminal where his ticket was waiting
Thanks 48, I'm still stuck so I'm going to have a glass
or two of wine and go back to it.
name I was completely pissed when I did mine. Took about 10 minutes
Banta my initial feeling post date was yes, and that's still what I think. It didn't go amazingly well but there was nothing that put me off him, made me cringe, or anything like that. I didn't feel a spark but then with no flirty in a very hustle and bustle location means a spark was unlikely.
I'd like to see him again, for longer, in nicer surroundings. I think then I'd definitely know if there was any potential.
But if he isn't interested, and is just being polite, then I'd rather know now.
flirting not flirty, that should be!
Velvet well that's cool. Maybe he's a bit disappointed that the frisson you had before wasn't there either - but maybe if when you call him again you suggest next time you go for drinks or dinner somewhere with a bit more atmosphere it may be easier to relax?
That way he can decline the date, and you know. Or you've got a second date.
I've never looked on PoF ( because I'm a wuss ) but like 48, I wrote my profile in about 10 minutes, thought about looking at other women's profiles to research what I was supposed to write, then thought ' nah, can't be arsed ' so mine is reasonably short, devoid of clichés and has attracted a lot of favourable comments for its originality ( at least that's what they say ).
Also, having 'Princess Bigtits Gobblehobby' as my user name.
Is there any chance he's a bit shy/socially awkward, Velvet and didn't come across as well as he would do if he knew you a bit better ?
Thinking back on it, I had a coffee date with a therapist a month or so ago, and there wasn't a spark. We'd got on really well before, by text and mail, and she was really quite attractive.
If we'd had a second date with wine, we might still be together a month later. It was just the place was so non-conducive to romance or flirting, that it kind of killed things off. It was more of a business meeting.
So - I think i'll stick with the tried-and-tested bar/restaurant where possible. 3 first dates there, 3 kisses, all after wine, sometimes with a coffee first.
Banta I was hoping he might ask me, rather than me having to ask...
MsA I don't know if he's shy, maybe a bit reserved? He has had several quite unfortunate OD experiences (one sounds as though she was a bit like the Artist, and a couple of others who said he was being too full-on etc), so possibly that's made him a bit reticent? But then again he was fine by text!
I don't get it. I know I'm probably overthinking, but if he likes me enough to want to see me again, then why not just ask?
And if he doesn't like me (which is fine, I know I'm not everyones cup of tea) then why say to phone him? (again) - maybe it is just politeness?
Fargggggh! He's just ordered an Indian takeaway, despite the house being FULL of food, has ordered for DS2, who prefers Chinese & then 'borrowed' a fiver off of me to pay for it because he is now skint, despite managing to go to the pub this afternoon. I can count the takeaways I've had in the last year on one hand. I've gone to bed with a
pain in the arse 'headache'.
See when your relationship ends & you feel like you could DIE because the man you thought you would grow old with leaves you for someone considerably younger, who has not had her body destroyed by childbirth...it's a bit of a retrospective relief when he turns out to be an absolute fucking twat. <high-fives thread>
Tomorrow cannot come soon enough!
velv you are lovely. You're really smart & very pretty & I think you want to be chased a bit. You strike me as very forthright & I think that women who are 'go-getting' can sometimes be a little submissive...not the right word, traditional when it comes to romance, to see themselves as coveted, to let the guy do the running. For all my wanging on about equality & feminism, I have to do all the work in all other aspects of my life, it would be nice to occasionally have a little romance.
I'd sleep on it & see how you feel tomorrow. Deploy distraction techniques just now. Give him a ring tomorrow if you feel like it, if not, don't.
Hmmm, Velvet, I ask because I'm probably slightly shy at first in person, much better by text and email, and I wondered if he might be the same so I tend to give other people the benefit of the doubt. Of course he might just not be right for you - and it's your opinion and what you want that really matters.
Just when I think Mr F U has finally got the message. Another text. I have had a text nearly every day. 4am christmas eve/day. I am not responding at all.
'can we chat? I know you have moved on. I would like to be friends x'
A little late for friendship I think. I am going to have to phone him tomorrow.
Also, having 'Princess Bigtits Gobblehobby' as my user name. Sorry but it made me laugh out loud!
Velvet maybe phone tomorrow to suggest a further date and see what his reaction is?
I am so glad he doesn't know where I live.
Smoothie, Milko told me there was a user named ' Miss_Needs_a_Fuck' on MA which we decided, although direct, probably lacks a little mystery. ( Princess Bigtits Gobblehobby's not my real user name, obviously, although I have been tempted as it would make me laugh. I think it might attract The Wrong Kind of Man though )
Snape you've hit the nail on the head (not the smart and pretty bit, thats far too flattering!) but the romance stuff. If arguing was an Olympic event I'd be a medal contender. All the men who work with me say they'd never want to be on the wrong end of a debate with me, but when it comes to matters of the heart I want, indeed expect, to be wooed
Maybe turning up with big heels and hair and false eyelashes was a bit much for him?! (he was in jeans and trainers). He did blink quite a lot on our date, which I think is meant to be a sign of attraction? (then again could just be a nervous twitch!). I'll phone him tomorrow and ask if he wants to see me again
because he clearly isnt going to. At least then I'll know!
<sidles in nervously and tries to look inconspicuous>
Ahem, may I ask for your collective wisdom? I have a quick OD question. I've only signed up to one site (singlewithkids) and have only got one person I'm vaguely interested in meeting. He's said he's shy and much prefers to open up in person. He wants to meet for coffee (well he says so anyway) so I gave him my number, but he took two days to text, and then only to say Merry Christmas. He's got his kids staying til the NY so should I just forget about it and assume he's busy with them? Or should I forget about it full stop because if he was into me he'd have set a date by now? We chatted about 6 days ago.
He's added me on FB and sent me a msg there to say he'll be in touch in the new year, but he's added about 5 new woman on there so I suspect I may be 'back burner' material.
Not sure if this is par for the course or whether I should toughen up already?
TIA for the advice!
choco are you chocoraisin ??
I would just wait til new year and see myself .. Too much on just now
Hope you and your two boys are well xx
I agree its a funny time of year.
Bant have me some good advice earlier - od is a numbers game. So tonight I have been going crazy on match by messaging anyone that I thought I might get on with. It's provided me with a very entertaining evening.
I put everything into my first od date. Shouldn't have because when I met him I actually didn't fancy him. And I really tried to but I just didn't. My advice would be to get out there and message more men.
Having slept on it (or rather not slept, only managed 2 hours ) I feel more meh than I did last night about my date. I do know however that if at the end of it, or even when we were on the phone, he'd said he wanted to see me again, then I'd feel a lot better.
Probably hasn't helped that I sat up reading old emails from my Ex (not the evil one) and realised a) how much even 4 years on I still miss him and b) I see no prospect of ever feeling even a tenth of what I felt for him for anyone else.
Which is all a bit
Oh Spoon! God there's no way I could read old emails. I have some spectacular ones from my two most recent exes, he of the big bad break up, and BC. Even 20 months on from the big bad break up I can't look.
Last night was difficult, missing BC a lot anyway but I decided to start tackling some tax return stuff and going through piles of receipts found loads for various places we had been and little mementos I had kept. Each one gave me that horrible achey missing someone feeling. Urgh.
Trying to focus on my NYE date! There's nothing I can do about either of them so it's pointless to dwell and make myself feel worse.
Anyway, spoon you haven't called him yet post date have you? Forgive me if I missed it if you did... but if not I think you should call spaceman and then try and gauge it from there. I don't think he would have said to call him if he wasn't interested.
I'm sorry, Velvet, I completely understand where you're coming from, I have the Googletalk conversations between Maris and myself and reading them gives me both comfort and causes pain. Obviously I should stop reading but the comfort draws me in.
The only way that I can rationalise it by believing that it proves I'm a loveable person, who is capable of that kind of relationship and that somewhere out there is a man who will make me feel the same but without any of Maris' myriad problems. You are clearly an intelligent, glamorous, independent and thoughtful woman, there are men out there who will be equally despairing that they will ever find someone like you.
velvet. You have to delete those emails. Really, you need a good old fashioned purge. It does you no good to rake over the ashes.
Lubey I did call Spaceman, we only spoke very briefly, it felt really awkward, and he said if I wanted I could call today - no mention of seeing me again! All a bit confusing.
I know dwelling is a bit silly. Don't know what made me read them. I haven't looked for ages. I suspect lack of sleep was to blame.
I can't ever delete them Snape. Possibly
probably I should. But if I do, it will be like it never happened and like I was never loved (because he is, sad as it might seem, the only man who has ever loved me). Crying now - how pathetic am I?
MsA I do tell myself that there must be men somewhere who are looking for someone like me, but unfortunately I never seem to meet any of them. At this rate I don't think I ever will.
Well I've completely shaved the beard off now. I look about 5 years younger and about 5 kilos heavier. Crap.
Now to find someone with a decent camera to take a decent picture of me.
Shirt on or off, people?
Got a bit behind with everyone's happenings - was out last night for a meal and drinks with LM and my oldest friend and her dh. Went really well and LM full of plans for stuff we're going to do. No Coffer just coffee as dcs here but there's always next time.
Choco wait til the new year, see what happens. But in the meantime, sign up to a couple more sites and don't have all your eggs in one basket as that can lead to a big let-down nine times out of ten.
Velvet you're sounding less than overwhelmed by Spaceman. How about calling him today, lining up a date in a more relaxed atmosphere and seeing what happens?
Velvet, Arse and Lubey all that stuff needs to be deleted without reading or throwing straight in the bin. Get rid of any reminders, ruthlessly. It will feel shit whilst you're doing it but so much better afterwards. It's just torture to read/see these things. Good time of year to clear out ready for a fresh start.
Bant shirt off holding a fish, of course.
Oh and I deleted the email trail between myself and an old girlfriend, who to be honest was the love of my life (if there is such a thing) a couple of years ago. It's still crap and I still want to look through them when I'm feeling maudlin, but the fact they're not there anymore means I don't get even more maudlin and want to call her when drunk.
But, we were different people back then - 15 years ago. They're not from me or to me anymore, it's not real. So I got rid of them.
Velvet - I agree with OWW - call him, arrange a date for one night next wee k in a place more conducive to atmosphere. If he arses you around, bin him. If he doesn't seem enthusiastic, then bin him. You can get second dates, you know that now. Feeling 'meh' doesn't necessarily mean it's the death knell. We all know the reality of the first date often doesn't live up to expectations.
Be prepared to bin, but you may as well call him and see if he wants to meet again - at a time and place of your choosing of course.
Velvet Agree. Purge. You need to move on. It is holding you back
How good do you look without a shirt Bant That is the question
Oh I agree about deleting them all being the logical course of action, of course it is. (They make me laugh a lot )
Velvet ( allow me a brief moment of northerness ) love, THEY are there, we WILL meet them, things WILL be better.
Banta, shirt off, arms in a comedy bodybuilder pose, pained expression - us laydeees love that, it's hot, tssssssssssssstttt
Western glad all with you and LM is going well and he passed the test of meeting your friends
I don't know if there's much point in calling Spaceman again. I don't think I can assume I can arrange another date with him since he's not indicated he wants to see me again. And if he did, then he'd probably have asked me already.
Velvet Count your blessings you haven't got to call a Fucked up man
cunt developing slightly stalkerish tendancies.
Gonna do the 'it is not you its me'. It so fucking is you! Thanks smooth
Biscuit - so do I hold the fish between my teeth?
Velvet - if I was in a (hopefully) temporarily screwed up financial situation where I wasn't allowed to make calls from my phone, and had to admit that to someone I was just beginning to date, I'd be horribly embarrassed, and wouldn't want to put myself out there and get turned down. If he's asked you to call again, it could be either because he's too polite and doesn't want to just say 'goodbye then' or because he wants you to call again but is aware that he doesn't look that great a catch so is leaving the ball in your court.
However, you won't know unless you call. If you just CBA then don't bother. Text him though and say 'thanks but no thanks' nicely, due to lack of spark or whatever.
Fish protruding from trousers I think
Bant shirt on, the shirt off shot is such a cliche and unless you have a muscular physique and are lean enough to have visible abs it doesnt really work.
Thats how I see it anyway!
yoga A winning look.
OWW I did delete all the emails from mr big bad break up. But I kept one or two that were out of this world - he was and Oxford English grad and had a fantastic way with words. It would be a crime to delete those few of his best, love letters especially for me. From the heart and amazing writing, the emotion of it all aside.
BC is a different thing. I feel no need to purge him as we have not fallen out
First thing i do with a break up is go around the house chucking all reminders, but again, me and BC didn't fall out so I felt no need to do that, and I had to go through receipts etc for my tax return so not a lot I can do about that
I'm ok anyway it's just a lingering deep down ache. But I've been around the block enough times now to know that will lessen and lessen with time
and many more men
wish pretty sure he was joking about the shirt off
not the least because he knows he'd never fucking live it down from us lot
I don't really have the abs for it, but I can draw some on with a magic marker
Banta - fish balanced on your head at a jaunty angle, imagine you're a musclebound Alain Delon, who's just realised his hero is Robson Green - you will be fighting them off. Guaranteed.
VelvetSpoon, I can understand you wanting to hold onto old emails, but nights like last night, when you end up upsetting yourself, are hard to deal with. Go easy on yourself. And fwiw I think you should ring him and set up a second date; strike while the iron's hot and all that and there's nothing wrong with taking the initiative. The worst that could happen is he'll say no, and if you think there isn't a spark there anyway then what have you lost?
Velvet, what happened with your nice ex? (Obviously don't say if you'd rather not). It just seems as if you're still really fond of him.
48, Mr C is back from Yorkshire (lightning-quick visit) and we're meeting up today, but I've come down with something (probably cystitis) and so there'll be no action tonight. Can't believe my bad luck!
Wallison, your post yesterday was really similar to one I wrote a couple of weeks ago. I was feeling really nervous too. I found it helped telling Mr C that I was nervous, so that at least he understood - don't know if that would help you? Plus the advice about following his lead (if you want to!) is good. Another piece of good advice I got from someone on here was that even if things don't work out perfectly the first time, they often get better and better with practice...
Aww libby No action that is bad luck. Just wish Mr R&R would get his ass back here.
Is anybody getting any action. Fucking christmas
it is me decided to have a new year, new me stab at getting out there and meeting people who don't go to toddler groups
I will branch out. So, recommendations people? Do you have to pay up for a decent site? I hear POF is mostly 'dross' but maybe that's not true?
Choco, I'd recommend Match, but only cos I met Mr C on there. You have to pay, though, and although there are lots of people on there, to be honest there were very few people that I wanted to contact (perhaps I'm just very fussy). I've never tried POF (far too much of a wimp) so can't comment on that.
48 so frustrating to have to wait for Mr R&R to return. If you're feeling anything like I was a couple of weeks ago (when I only had to wait 5 days to see Mr C again) it was a cross between wonderful anticipation and agony - I was barely capable of thinking about anything else all week! Is Mr R&R still triumphing over Yorkshire mobile networks and keeping in touch a lot?
Choco - POF has the largest number of people I think, but possibly a greater proportion of married men trying their luck, dross, and topless men holding fish.
You can find decent people on there, but I found it's difficult to find them and once you do they're so busy wading through the dross as well that it's more difficult to get a conversation going (but I'm coming at it from a guys perspective) So it's free but takes a lot of work. You can screen out those just looking for Intimate Encounters too, which helps.
Match costs money, of course, but tends to have a smaller number of crap profiles.
Guardian or Times, or something like that, has an even smaller number of profiles, mostly in bigger cities, but they tend to be better quality.
OKCupid takes a lot of work setting up a profile and does apparently have a lot of polyamorous people, but it's free (although incredibly full of adverts which slow things down to a crawl) - and you can weed out people by misogynistic/racist viewpoints based on their questions, plus see who's just looking for sex because those are the only questions they answered.
Basically, if you're in London or Manchester or something, you can try GSM or Times (for free I believe?) Otherwise, pickings will be thin on the ground.
I've tried Match, OKC & POF - I've only met people off Match though. The others are just too hard work and full of 'hey babez' messages.
libby It is so frustrating. Feel like driving up there for a quickie in the car
He is still arm waving. Bless him. Sex texting isnt really helpful though. I want him and I want him now. Stamps feet
Velvet I'm sorry this has brought up a lot of stuff and you feel so crap today. UnMNty hugs sweetie.
It does sound as if you are not that bothered about the Spaceman but feel that you ought to give him a second chance because maybe, just maybe he could be a slow burner. If you don't call you don't risk a no but also will never know and the wondering could drag you down. If you call, you risk a no which could also upset you (even though you don't seem that bothered about him as such).
Otoh, you could decide that you would like him to make the effort and that if he can't manage to sort something out with his phone or take the initiative to get in touch via the site that he is not for you. Only you know if it would serve you better to call him and find out or decide to walk. If you decide to call, you know we are here.
Choco I found PoF to be fine, no rude nonsense either on the site or on dates. But I did set my preferences to exclude IE and only searched for people looking for a relationship same as me. I think if you go on the advanced search you can narrow things down quite a lot. You can go on and search without creating a profile so you can see if there's anyone who takes your fancy before you go through all the rigmarole of doing a profile.
I'm a bit biassed as I met LM on PoF so I know there are good ones on there.
With all sites you are going to get bad guys and good guys.
Only met one complete nutter on POF. Lucky ole me!
OWW There is a vid of tips for men on POF. One bit of advice is always say you are looking for a relationship. Wether you are or not
Feeling slightly better. Managed another hour or so of sleep, and heard from one of my friends, who id is going to pop round later for wine and a catchup.
Re Spaceman, am going to text him, and say that I'd like to see him again, hopefully he feels the same and if so, to get in touch when he has phone/internet back (should be on Mon/Tues). And if he's not interested, then he either won't contact me, or send a polite text.
It probably will be a no, which isnt the end of the world, but does mean I'm back to not getting second dates again Every bloke I know in RL thinks I'm amazing, yet none of the ones I go on dates with ever do. I wish I knew where I go wrong!
Wine and catchup sounds good, as does throwing the ball into Spaceman's court.
And don't think the worst will happen! You don't know that it will probably be a no, so there's no reason to extrapolate from his as yet unknown response that you won't ever have a second date.
Just had another delightful first message on POF... 'just explain , want to date , but nothing serious, just stay on your own' ... Wtf?! Followed by.. 'i just dont get it, the fact thet we are on here is to meet people, do you agree? what follows after is unknow, why dont you ut down , a part time lover with no feelings for me, sex when i want it, company when i want it , but you have to like it when i do, i like you , your good company when it suits me ha ha'
Jeez...sour grapes anyone....
He's not bothered replying to me asking him if he'd only messaged to have a go at me or if he genuinely wanted to know....
Velvet, I like that approach of sending him a text. Puts the ball firmly back in his court! Hope he follows through and you get the wooing you really want
PoF sounds scary. I don't think I could subject myself to that and I admire anyone who does.
Some of the messages I got on OKC were bad enough - adult babies, polyamorous people (including one bloke who was a children's entertainer at a do me and my son had gone to - for some reason that seemed even more 'wrong'), blokes wanting to introduce me to the wonderful world of S&M and swingers' parties etc. Not that there's anything wrong with any of that if you want to do that sort of thing, and I suppose it's as well to be upfront about it, but it was a bit weird having such messages dropping into my inbox.
Wallison, on the whole I've had perfectly lovely messages on POF but I've filtered out who can message me. I get a lot of one/two word messages, you know the kind 'hi', 'hi sexy', but I either ignore or send a simple 'hi' back to see if they will be more talkative. Most haven't been so far! Only had a couple of tw*ts so far. It is hard work sorting through the dross though and in already feeling rather apathetic about it all..
There seem to be lots of new people joining Match at the moment.
Just spent an hour or so on the phone to CabinCrew, we were supposed to have a date tonight, but I'd said I'd call her on Boxing day and didn't manage to due to sick DC (and sick me) but now we're on for tomorrow - same place as the Nurse, strangely.
coffee followed immediately by wine, leaving us the whole evening to talk and get to know each other, or for either of us to run screaming.
The ex has departed. Thank fuck. <sigh of relief> children all upset, will be spending my planned 'me' time over the next few days putting the kids back together.
Wallison sorry I meant to reply to your message from yesterday before now. I was in exactly the same position as you, hadn't had sex with my ex for years whilst we were still together and he'd taken all my self-confidence sexually. Plus I'd had two children, saggy bits blah blah blah. To be honest, I did chicken out the first two times I'd planned to do it, finally found some courage and it was amazing! Sex is so much better now, feel very uninhibited and confident in bed, to the extent of trying a lot of new things. I think it helped having a couple of "trial runs" as by that time he'd seen the worse there was to see and hadn't run screaming for the hills.
I did tell him beforehand about things and that I was nervous and I think that helped too.
All will be well.
Text sent .
Now I wait
to be politely turned down.
Thank you And Libby and OhLittle. Your experiences are very encouraging, especially the "amazing" bit! What a lovely thread this is! It's weird. I feel like a completely different person to when I last had sex. I suppose I've got to discover that side of the me I have become.
VelvetSpoon, pish tish.
Just a flying visit while I prettify myself. I've got new underwear and everything!
Re old emails from the LOYL... could you keep them in a seperate folder and password protect it with something like 'dontlookitwillhurt' ? It might at least give you a second chance. Then you know that they're still there, it just puts in a survival level...
Wallison have fun - new underwear will make you feel fab!
Snape is the ex gone yet?
Snape I've got them in a folder already (passwords a good idea) I try not to look too often. I have my old mobile somewhere with all the texts he sent me, I haven't looked at them in 3 years, but I can't chuck it away either. Likewise all the cards from him with poems in
how sad do I sound.
I really think Spacemans going to be a no. I'd like to be surprised but I doubt it. If
when he does say no, I'd be tempted to ask why, but for the fear that he'd say it's because you look fatter/not as attractive as in your photos
Wallison best of luck for later - hope it's fabulous and that your new undies make you feel awesomely sexy.
Velvet I'm so hoping that Spaceman is just being a bit shy and does, in fact, desperately want to see you again.
I have my coffee date tomorrow at 7. Couldn't give a crap about it either way to be honest - which is a good thing, right?
Slightly arrogant sounding guy who rows (boats not arguments) a lot and paints as a hobby and said he'd 'allow me to buy him a drink'. Never married and no DC and sent me a text over Xmas which basically said he hoped I wasn't lounging around doing nothing. I think I'm just waiting for him to do the smallest thing to piss me off so I can spark up a fag and blow smoke in his face (he hates smoking). That's the kinda mood I'm in folks.
Velvet - it's always a bit depressing being turned down by someone, but it's even more depressing assuming that you're going to be turned down.
However, do you actually want him to say yes? Apart from an ego thing, having someone want to see you again, do you actually want to spend several more hours of your life with this bloke? If you're feeling 'meh' about him then why? Was it because he was less attractive, or funny, or sweet, or that he picked his nose?
You may both be feeling 'meh' about each other, I don't think you should start getting depressed about why someone you don't like doesn't like you back.
There are lots of people I don't know who probably wouldn't like or fancy me. I only get a bit down if someone I really do like doesn't like me back.
Smoothie, that sounds marvellous, although I have now got to the stage where I'm not just living vicariously through people getting Coffee, I'm enjoying vicarious putative arguments. I may have to start a few evening classes in 2013 and actually get a life.
Velvet - doesn't matter if he's not interested in seeing you again, he's not fascinating enough for you, he's meh, he's so meh, he's Meh Man, give him a big ' whateva, major loser' . ( I reserve the right to retract any of that if he turns out to be wonderful )
Wallison Have FUN
Smooth You could show him how to lounge while smoking a fag.
I could 48 - and if it goes badly, I can always say there and then 'sorry, there's just no spark' while sparking up a big fat one in the pub car park.
Some do taste better than others Enjoy your fag!
I'd like to think Spaceman was shy, but suspect in reality he's too nice for me. If he does turn me down, it just further proves what I've long believed, that nice men don't like me. Yes, Cuthbert was nice too, but he had issues. And they're actually the only nice men I've met in all my years of OD.
Banta I do want him to say yes. My gut feeling post date was that I wanted to see him again. We got on really well by text pre-date. Date itself felt awkward, but I don't know to what extent that was due to outside factors (time pressures, location etc) or shyness, or the simple fact he didn't find me attractive.
I would need to see him again, in a more relaxed location, and see if it was any different. I hope that he would think the same. But I'm probably wrong on that.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
The deed is done. I have phoned Mr Fucked up. It was really stuff.
He has said he will not send any more texts. I hope so.
Wished him Happy Birthday for New years day. Hoped everything worked out with kids blah blah.
Hope I was nice but not too nice.
Really tough. Had to hit the bottle before that call
Well done 48 that sort of thing is really hard.
Lucky escape, I think, Music!
48 at least you've done it now. Well done Hopefully that will be that, and he won't make a nuisance of himself by text any more.
wow Music, seriously?? CREEP OUT!! Block indeed.
He only alluded to sex twice. So progress I think.
This wasn't about me. This was about him wanting to fuck me.
Position of blow up doll declined
48, that call is always tough but do you feel relieved now its done?
Music... Bloody hell, that is scary! How did he find you on fb? Maybe you need to lock down your profile a bit more? Even so..very creepy and stalker'ish...
I'm not sure, he had an email so thinking he got it from that. Creepy however.
48, well done for doing it.
You can find people on FB from email, mobile number or photo if you have the same photo on your dating profile and FB ... Not that I've ever done this, you understand ...
I do feel better thankyou.
He seemed genuinely surprised that I remembered personal things like his birthday.
He didn't mention one personal thing about me. Very telling.
OK, that makes sense, still creeped me out lol, especially when I read his public posts about his new 'girlfriend.'
A few of you have mentioned searching pictures.. How do you do that? I didn't know you could?!
Didn't realise either, that you could search for folk on fb with a mobile phone number!!!
My mobile is visible to friends only.
search for a post by JulietteMontague including the word 'google'
I think basically, copy the picture to your local computer, open Google and click 'images', then click the camera icon and browse to the picture you want to search on. Et voila. This is how we find scammers using some model as their profile picture. Or facebook profiles if you're that way inclined.
Music I find it useful to have a dating email address which has a clearly false second name attached to it. That way, it can't be connected to any other account/RL.
48 what took you so long
Velvet why do you think the Spaceman might be was too nice for you? Also, it's impossible to say men don't like you.
Cuthbert was nice but flaky, albeit for good reason and actually did the worse thing for you which is to keep you wondering. This one also sounds nice but has signs of being flaky. If he does say no, that will probably be why. It may actually have nothing to do with you at all.
Oh Helen seems to be back from posting in other sections [shame]. Going to put her away now and get out her alter ego
Velvet you are lovely but daft to think that these blokes are too nice for you. You deserve much, much more.
Mr Fucked up. Seeking a relationship. POF.
What sort of a relationship is the question.
That's a good idea re false/dating email. I've had a few guys expect to exchange mob numbers very soon after initiating chat. That doesn't sit right with me after only a few exchanges messages on pof. Don't know if I'm just too cagey and uptight and need to loosen up a bit or if I should stick with my comfort zone?!
I never give my number out until after meeting. I take their no. I just assume they will turn up.
Some people have a dating phone. I don't, and don't give my number out until I'm comfortable with that. Some men get this, some don't and if they start pushing for it and thinking its about them personally (after I've explained), then they are not for me. I always appreciate it when they can see why I'd rather wait a bit.
If they offer their number and want to chat, I offer to call them, I also text first to see if it is a convenient and let them know my call will come through as number withheld.
Spaceman's not flaky I don't think. He's just too nice to be interested in me. Really, he is.
That's not because I don't think I deserve a nice man. But more because 'nice', non pervy men, with good manners, who are looking for a relationship, usually aren't interested in me.
Or if they are, they turn out to have issues, like Cuthbert.
I like that approach 48. It just feels too personal to give out unless it feels like it might go somewhere. Don't want to risk a nutty stalker who can txt/call anytime and now search me on fb as I've discovered tonight! I know the chances of that are probably not as high as I fear but Ive had enough less than positive experiences to dampen the carefree fun attitude I once had for od
I was hoping he would quietly crawl back under his stone
But no he needed a shove.
Re the google thing, click on images and in the right side of the search bar you'll see a little camera. Click on it and it lets you paste a link or upload an image from your computer.
Facebook - I don't have any email addresses listed (except for the one automatically created for me by FB which I don't use) and I have my phone number set so that it's only visible to me. Check your settings, if you do this people shouldn't be able to find you this way.
Just found this wee treat sent on Christmas Eve:
Hi im aaron fm xxxx I am a single dad and a gen guy but bein so honedt I hav to tell ppl eat im lukin for and that is nothibg too setious at first and I love the mature woman so I wud love to get a reply bk fm u thanks x x
1. "Mature woman"?? I'm thirty fucking five and he's thirty fucking one yet his photo makes him look 51.
2. Thirty fucking one and using text speak?
3. Ugh, just ugh.
Ooh you lucky lucky lady notsogood - theres a 'catch' on POF who has 'only reply if you look like your profile pic' - He isn't exactly a looker but obviously thinks really highly of himself lol.
I wud love to send aaron a fucking dictionary
notsogood how about replying - thank you for your email it wasn't long but took me ages to decipher. Pros and cons to a 'mature' woman I'm afraid, on the plus side we have perfected the art of spelling correctly and using grammar appropriately but on the down side by the grand old age of 35, most of us do have a relatively well developed twat radar, which unfortunately means I'm unable to reply seriously to your message. But thanks anyway! By the way do you know you have inadvertently posted your dads picture onto your profile?
Probably best not to send and engage him but tempting none the less! Twunt'
My mum has had a stroke. Fuck.
Oh, 48, I'm so sorry! What a terrible shock. Is she in hospital?
48 wishing you well. Will she be Ok? Are you near your mums?
48 so sorry, will send lots of positive thoughts your way. x
48 hope your mum is going to be ok!! X
In hospital yes. I never heard my landline last night. Close by, yes. Going down this afternoon visiting hours. They are moving her into stroke recovery unit today.
She recieved treatment fast, so hopeful.
48 fingers crossed for you, hope all is ok
I have 4 sisters, my mum has a fantastic partner, good friends, she will be well looked after.
Oh so sorry 48, thinking of you. Hope all is OK.
Really sorry to hear that 48. Did she have a CT and drug treatment very quickly on admission ? There's a nationwide stroke protocol so they should be following that ( it makes an enormous difference to recovery ). Feel free to pm me if I can help in any way.
wishing you and mum all the best 48.x
Really sorry to hear that 48. Hope she's ok.
She has had 2 brain scans and drug treatment. She will need another scan to assess recovery later today.
That sounds as though they're treating her really well then, which is excellent news.
48 I wish your Mum well, it sounds like she has lots of love and care.
48, thinking of you and wishing your mum all the best.
48 really sorry to hear your bad news. All the best to you and your mum.
48 sorry to hear about your mum. Great that she seems to have had the best of care so far. It will be a shock to see her in hospital, hope you are ok.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Yes, it does sound messy, but these things happen. Impossible to know at this stage whether you're being given a straight/full story or not. But he's been upfront about it which is to his credit.
I don't know what kind of relationship you're after and that might have a bearing on whether or not you want to take this any further. But tbh it's it the end of the world, we all come with our own particular baggage
If you've been getting a good feeling from him prior to this, I'd go ahead and meet. It's only a first date and odds are you mightn't want to take it further anyway.
Hi 48 - hope your Mum is okay, it does sound like she's being treated well - hope you and your family are ok too.
Dog - Tough one to call. He could be telling the complete truth, does he sound bitter about it? As a bloke I'd say from experience these things do happen, and there isn't much he can do about it. He could be being straight and open with you, and deserves the benefit of the doubt for being truthful. He could have just not mentioned it, and you'd go into it unaware of the issues.
However, it is a can of worms. I'd feel uncomfortable getting involved with someone in that situation, but people with baggage deserve love too, you know?
The other thing is - do you want to get involved with the kind of person who attracts people like that?
It's like - I'm a bit wary with women who say they've been physically abused in the past by partners - not because I blame them, just because there are likely to be trust issues which I don't deserve. If they're recovered and able to move on, then okay. If they'll flinch every time I offer to take their coat, that's something I'd rather not get involved with. No offence to them, I'd just rather meet someone who doesn't have those issues.
If this guy is lovely and sounds nice and sweet and a bit hurt but trying to deal with the experience, then go for it. If he's bitter and angry and feeling screwed over by women in general, then run away.
I reckon that despite it sounding 'messy' as you say, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but keep my wits about me, but then I am a certifiable soft touch and have the probable disadvantage of wanting to believe that people are as honest as I am. What do you do think about him, What ?
western I agree, these things do happen, and yes it's good that he has at least been upfront. I think meeting for coffee would still be a reasonable thing to do...
banta I'm not sure if he isn't on the bitter side. But not much has been said by either of us about previous relationships, and he has been really sweet so far in messages. I do have my own baggage (including an abusive ex!), so completely get things can be far from straightforward when it comes to past relationships.
arse my gut feeling is that I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I so far really like him (as much as one can via messages). No smut or pressure to give my number or anything.
He is also really hot! I think a pre-date coffee to get an in-person vibe about him is the way to go. Just wanted some objective opinions, thank you!
ps, western, I'm not looking for a moving-in-together-and-having-kids type relationship. My LO is obviously my priority and ideally I'd like to meet someone lovely and decent to see a couple of times a week. In know I'm probably asking the earth, especially when I'm hoping to meet that person through OD, but I'm not looking for the next big thing so to speak.
Ha Dog how is a pre-date coffee not a coffee date?
I always consider the first meeting to be a pre-date. It's to determine whether or not you actually want to date him!
I asked what type of thing you were looking for because I'd imagine if you were after something short term then relationship history will have a lot less impact than if you want a LTR.
At the moment I'm having a wonderful seeing-someone-twice-a-week kind of thing with a PoF find, so it can happen. Been going on a while now.
Dog what others have said. I may have my radar on hyper alert but one phrase that would now get me twitching is any variation of the theme of 'I realise you may not want to meet now/I have blown my chances/I don't deserve you etc. I've had this twice from OD who cancelled the coffee meeting at the last minute. It smacks of 'here, I've told you what I'm like now you'll only have yourself to blame if you expect to things to be any different down the line'.
You like him, everyone has some baggage it depends on what you would be prepared to accept. He could simply be genuine, honest and wanted to tell you as it concerns DC. I would meet him, eyes open, see just how
hot lovely he is in person and go from there.
Am currently out with dcs and foul ex's mum and sister. We do this every six weeks or so, always a little awkward as ex has no contact with dcs so there are some huge no-go areas. Still not long to go now and I get to sit down and do nothing for a while
48 sorry to hear about your mum. Lots of good wishes to both of you.
Dog I don't think it would put me off a first meeting but it might make me a little wary/more analytical of anything he then said/did at that first date...if that makes sense.
Well, no news from Spaceman, but I'm not expecting anything til tomorrow/Tuesday anyway. I'd prefer it not to be a no, but what will be, will be, I suppose.
Got a text from Cuthbert over Christmas. I replied, nothing further. Much as I like him (and I know he likes me) I don't think I can keep chasing. I suspect he simply isn't in the right place to be dating anyone.
I suspect he simply isn't in the right place to be dating anyone
You mean he's in Belgium?
Dog I'm often put off when someone tell's me about past relationship problems, or any other category of problem for that matter.
Not because they've had problems (shit happens to all of us after all) but because they've spewed it all out like that, it's the over disclosing, it feels crass and unsophisticated..a bit 'jeremy kyle'
I get the over disclosing bit Mercury, I had a first telephone chat with a guy who just spewed about his exes for 15 minutes and put me right off. However in fairness to the Marine, it sounds like his is just being upfront and who knows maybe he has met someone before and said nothing about his situation and been told ' well if I had known your situation I wouldn't have agreed to meet you'.
It's never easy to judge what to share and when, FWIW I would give him the benefit of the doubt
as he is so hot!!
Talking to friend about Spaceman. Her comment: well he is very good-looking I imagine he can take his pick. Maybe you need to set your sights a bit lower?
Of course that made me feel lots better...
I met a very hot man from Belgium once. He turned out to just be after cyber sex but I did get to see him naked
before he got overexcited and I shut the lid on him
As you were.
Velvet that is not very friendly. If you want to keep her as a friend, resolve not to discuss dating with her ever again
sure but why not just say he recently had a difficult break up and there is an ongoing dispute over the child?
why spread out your dirty laundry for close inspection like that
it's so undignified
Velvet I'd say that your 'friend' is just scoring points off you..if she was my 'friend' I'd take careful note of her weaknesses and insecurities and score some back.
(only joking )
er velvet are you sure that's a friend?!
Velvet, good grief, some women just make that kind of nasty, undermining comment, I hope you did the famous MN ' did you mean that to sound so rude ? '
Juliette, all the Belgium comment made me do was imagine chocolate, and chips with mayonnaise, not a hot Belgian. At the moment I'm not sure which I'd get more enjoyment from.
I did say I felt a bit offended by what she said. To which she replied she wasn't being mean, but I'm the one who wants a 'boyfriend', and a less good looking man wouldn't be so fussy. And if I'd done this from the start I wouldn't have been single for over 4 years.
Still feel a bit insulted tbh. All the men I've dated messaged me first, so clearly they didn't find me so much below their level!
velvet is your 'friend' single?
Eeeeehhhh??? Bloody Hell Velvet what is your friend on?????I just think that is an outrageous comment!!
To the point where I would really have had words with her silly cow.
she wasn't being mean??
what's she like when she IS being mean
No she's not single. She has only ever been single for about 2 weeks in her life. The idea of anyone being as single for as long as I have is utterly bizarre to her.
Tell her she needs to live in the real world, get a personality and start being pleasant to people. If she wants to keep friends that is! (Personally I probably would have told her to Fuck off and never speak to her again - catch me on a bad day and that really would be the response to such ridiculously shit advice)
There you go, she's settled for anyone that will have her and expects you to do the same, because your ability to be 'picky' casts a question over her
...and that of course would be the more intelligent response, Snape. Lol.
Velvet so her DP is a real catch then
MsA you can have hot chocolate, hot chips and hot man at the same time <wanders off to check flights to Belgium>
I agree with Snape
If someone has spend virtually no time out of a relationship is that because they are so desirable that they get 'snapped up' immediately?
Or is it because they are needy & unable to tolerate being single?
I'd say the latter
Velvet - tell her to fuck right off.
I think, Juliette, that the chips, chocolate and hot man combination would result in such a surfeit of pleasure that I might never recover.
( Thinking about taking myself off to Bruges for my birthday now )
Signing-in to this brilliant thread.
Joined pof and identified a surprising amount of girls I'd consider contacting (along with a huge amount of damaged and frankly scary ones).
About a dozen in the local area that jump out, and another 20 or so that I'd chat-up if I saw in the pub (but prob not online as their profile makes it clear we've nowt in common).
Here we go!
Right. I'm off to my date with CabinCrew. Feeling a little nervous actually, which hasn't happened in a while..
Banta, just remember The Big Yin's advice re. flying.
Oooh, good luck Banta and hello Bunny.
( I've reeled in another Celt on GS. Hmmmmm, if I ever find a scientist Celt, I will be OVERWHELMED with desire )
Ms. Arse, I like the cut of your jib.
What is it exactly that attracts you to us Celtic adonii ?
(Not sure if that is grammatically correct, BTW .)
Velvet - when my XH left me, my 'best friend' turned to me and said: "you know at your age (33) with two children and a failed marriage behind you, no-ones going to want you!" said without a hint of a joke or anything.
I was breathless with shock.
Anyway she was full of shit as it turned out...
I think when a 'friend' makes a comment like that it is usually out of jealousy and just because she is prepared to lower her standards doesn't mean you do.
I feel incandescent with the malignant bitch on your behalf!
Good luck Bant - keep those beer goggles firmly in their case.
Hello Bunny - good to have you here. Have you been on any dates yet?
Sponge you are incredibly glamorous and more than a match for any half-assed Spaceman. Take no notice of your "friend".
And everyone stop talking about food! Need to get rid of Christmas belly pronto.
Cheers western - not even put a photo up or sent an email yet. Still a bit spooked by the whole thing tbh, but taking strength (and useful female perspectives) from this thread so will make the plunge shortly.
bumhead problem is in my case my friend has (sort of) got a point. 4 years of trying and no-one does want me. It's not like I'm turning men down, it's almost always the reverse.
Treat it all as a bit of fun Bunny and tune your ... well, for the laydeez it's a twat radar, so whatever the male equivalent is, and you'll be fine. The first date's the most nerve-racking then it just gets easier.
If you want anyone to look over your profile etc there will be volunteers on here. And advice/feedback any time you want. Best of luck.
Flo, I don't know really ( possibly about to out myself to anyone who knows me in RL ) I met Maris when I was 18 and since then have had a bit of a 'thing' for a Northern Irish accent. You know how there were so many terrible things going on over there in the 80s and they'd always have spokesmen on the News ? Well, I was sat there perving - shameful, isn't it ?
I've been out with Scots too, really I need a Welshman to complete my 'Home Nations ' set.
She does not have a point, Velvet, friends give you support, they don't make you feel bad about yourself. Gavel.
I second MsArsebiscuit on this one Velvet.
You will meet someone fabulous. Promise. The right man will come along they always do.
You see, Velvet, myself and Bumhead have formed a bottom coalition, we must be right
Its arse Velvet and you know that really....(not referring to our own delightful Ms Arse of course!)
No ...you dont need a Welshman Arse...really you dont!
western, yes your situation gives me hope !
juliette, I know, by 'putting it out there' he could be trying to stop me from calling him on being a dick, if he turns out to be a dick. But it could also be his way of trying to be straight with me before we even meet. It will definitely have me on high(er) alert.
spoon, yes that makes sense, and I will pretty much be approaching things from that angle. Re. your friend: wtf?! What a bitchy thing to say!
lulu I hope I'm not being blinded by the fact that he is fit !
mercury you're right, there was no need to blurt it all out in such a way as he did. It has put me off. But he could have done it with the best of intentions... I bloomin hate OD!
I say that cos I am surrounded by the bleeders.....
ike, what's wrong with Taffs, then ? You can't decry a whole nation just because a couple of them were crap shags, shoorely ?
That's ok, Ike, I don't think I actually want a Welshman as such, I just feel like I should have one to complete the set ... Actually Mr Talent Show ( he of the floating gonad ) claimed to be Welsh, part of the reason I tolerated the daft sod for more than five minutes.
If short n swarthy with curly hair and smelling of leeks is your thing...be my guest.......
Blokey has confirmed date tomorrow... eeek!
I'm still wailing about having nothing to wear. I've lost my fave lovely and kind of sexy but also warm knitted dress. I don't know how that is even possible, but it's typical! argh
Oh yeah they think they have big balls alrite!!!
Lubey check right at the bottom of the washing basket...
She has got a point in that I must be doing something wrong. I don't think I'm setting my sights too high though, cos I'm not turning men down, I never do, never get the chance.
The joke of it is I'm contacted by all these men, and they all say 'Velvet, you're gorgeous, can't believe you're single'. Then I meet them, and they completely lose interest and I never hear from them again.
I'd like to think that might change but after 4 years I think it's pretty fucking unlikely.
lubey eek! Yes, check washing basket, and double check. And bottom of wardrobe in case of hanger-failure...
Also look in DD's wardrobe/drawers..
Yes i will have a hunt around... hmmm. MUST be somewhere ffs
Thanks western I enjoy dating so looking forward to that bit. Its the weirdness of doing it online that I need to get over.
Twat radar sounds like a useful means of finding women on a night out, so I'll go with boiler avoider for my shorthand instead!
lubey check washing basket, behind washing basket, ironing pile, wardrobe (I have an annoying habit of putting shirts/cardigans over things on hangers), floor of wardrobe, in drawers (I sometimes fold things I'd normally hung up depending on how tired I was when putting away the washing), under bed, and anywhere else. Hope it turns up, and that tomorrow goes well
velvet if it's any consolation, having briefly met you, I don't understand why you're single either... But then I like smart, strong, intellectually superior people in general. If anything, you make these 'men' feel inadequate. That is very firmly their problem, not yours.
When you do meet him,he will be awesome and I will be a smidge jealous, but that will be pushed to the back of my mind because I will be happy that one of us got a good one.
spoon it's inexplicable. I think you've had particularly bad luck with OD. There are SUCH a lot of men who are incapable of a healthy relationship on dating sites, and all of the ones you've met seem to fall into that category . Doesn't mean you won't meet someone lovely, though, just that you haven't yet.
<sorry, manners> hi bunny. Hi florentine (mmmmmmbiscuits!) bumhead (are you new too?) <fistbump>
They all sound like likely places, Lubey, especially your dd's wardrobe.
Velvet, there's no point in getting disheartened, look at the people on here and how many of us are having no success, and let's face it, we're all bloody marvellous. It's a shite time of year, I'm spending part of every other day having a weep, things will get better.
Velvet! Please don't let what this so called friend said to heart. Firstly, she isn't a friend and secondly she is talking out of her arse.
You have seen all of us this thread, we are all in the same boat. Funny, attractive, intelligent people still single.
I'll take your 4 years and give you 13. That's how long I have been single. I have had dates and lots of sex because that's what I prefer (for now) Very few of these men have been ones I would want a relationship with. I won't settle just to say I have a partner. Why should we?? If I meet someone - I want someone worthy of ME. I know people that are never out of relationships, they break up with one and go straight to the next. It's not because they a better than anyone else, it's because they are so scared of being alone, they take the first thing on offer. Which obviously doesn't work as they keep leaving relationships.
Also, dating has changed. The first time I was out there, you'd meet someone at work or the pub/club. You'd arrange to meet somewhere and then not speak again until you got there. These days it's all done through email and text. Everyone is in each others pockets and constant contact isn't helpful. It leaves people worried about too much or too little contact, it makes people think they know someone when you can't know someone until you meet face to face, it confuses the boundaries.
Spaceman may be genuinely out of contact due to phone issues. If he isn't interested hopefully he will be upfront with you. If he is interested, you will find out in a few days. Easier said than done but try to stop fretting. If you like him and he likes you, it will happen but if it's the other way, you have to try to stop allowing it to affect you so deeply - you are worthy of any man out there and that man will be there eventually, he really will
Playing pool. Should I let her win one?
No lavatorial updates from Banta, then.......
Playing pool. Should I let her win one?
Absolutely. 'Tis the mark of a gentleman.
banta. No, you shouldn't 'let' her win one
because she's a woman she's lulling you into a false sense of security until you start to think you're invincible and then she'll suggest a friendly wager and she will wipe you off the table. I never used to do this as a 19 year old