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Are you happy?

(57 Posts)
MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:02:12

Im just curious to know are you happy in your realtionship? How long have you been together? Do you still cuddle and tell each other you love each other?

Its dawned on me a few days ago, I'm not happy in my realtionship in fact ive not been happy for a while but been in mega denial - we have been together nearlly three years and i'm miserable in fact i love it when dp is at work (thats bad isnt it) we dont touch or tell each other we love each other anymore and after the stuff he has put me through i never will love him again i dont think.....

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:06:43

That sounds awful OP sad I'm giving you my happy story for sake of balance as I'm sure there will be a real mixture. Am I happy? Very much so. Been together for seven years, married for three, dc1 on the way. Not a day passes without affection, physical and emotional, and telling each other we love each other. DH tells me I'm gorgeous every day (even when I know I'm not). We aren't perfect, there's no knowing what tomorrow brings, and we've been through a lot but we are solid together and very happy.

HousewifefromBethlehem Thu 13-Dec-12 21:12:28

Yes I'm happy, more so actually as the years pass. We are very affectionate, and are each others best friend. We have had some tough times though too, but we are through them now. I love him very much indeed.

Yes, we're happy. I get home before him and feel a little butterfly-in-my-tummy of excitement when I hear his key in the door. He makes me smile.

We snuggle up on the sofa together to watch telly or play xbox once DS is in bed. We kiss hello and goodbye, as a minimum, each day. We tell each other we love each other every day, and compliment each other on dinner, you look good in that tie, whatever. We share stories about our day over dinner, and chat about plans for the weekend, or something else (DS2 due soon, that's taking over a lot of our thoughts). We laugh at the daft things our toddler does together, swap stories of work, etc. He's my best friend, really, lovely to chat to. Been together 8 years, married 4.

I'm so sorry you're so unhappy, OP. sad

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 21:21:07

yes, I am very happy in my relationship

I love him and I trust him, his values make me feel proud

I have been married for 17 years...together a few more

we had a few "doldrum" years when the children were young...tired and not connecting very well and some collywobbles (on my part) around infertility

but I never once dreaded seeing him, or not looking forward to his key in the lock

AlreadyScone Thu 13-Dec-12 21:21:36

No I'm not, and haven't been for years. But he is, and so I've stayed because I think his & DC's combined happiness outweighs mine. Can't do it much longer though. My sympathies, OP.

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:22:37

his values make me proud

^^ this. well put as ever, AF.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:24:18

I'm really happy for you who are happy it must be so nice to be contented! I dont know how me and dp will get through another year to be honest i'm on citopram (anti depressants) because of the stuff he has put me through since our son was born, there are still question marks over if he cheated on me the 2nd time he walked out on us. We used to be happy, i was so happy but he has changed now and done things that still hurt even though they are about a year old!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 21:26:03

MySon, you don't have to stay with someone who makes you unhappy. It means you are precluding future contentment for yourself. How can that be right ?

You don't have to stay with someone if you're not happy. Sometimes relationships run their course. It's not a failure to admit this, when necessary. I am happy with my partner. We've been together 15 years and married for 10. Your relationship is still quite new for you to be feeling like this if it's right.

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:28:06

Why are you with him MySon? Are you working at rebuilding trust or are you the one carrying the load? I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds very sad. But don't give up on future happiness by hanging around with someone who is making you miserable.

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:28:24

Sorry, double X-post there

karatekimmi Thu 13-Dec-12 21:28:27

Another happy bunny here.

I like my DH being at work as I watch utter crap on telly and he likes his play station. I love time to myself. However I also love spending time with him, more so when we have holidays or can get away from the daily grind.

He works in a pub, and when I go to bed I phone him, or he comes and tuck me in if he is at home. We kiss and cuddle lots, we don't have sex as often as either of us likes (DS is 6 months old!!!) but have plenty of affection. We've been going out for 4 years and living together for 2 years.

We're not perfect, and fall out occasionally, but I am very happy on the whole.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:34:39

I'm still with him because im too worn down to do anything about it - I'm 20 years old with a beautiful planned loved baby boy i never regret having my son but i regret having him with my DP. I thought he was the one, we were so happy but then it all went to pot. After this relationship i really dont think I will ever trust another man again, he has really wrecked me.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 21:36:37

That is very distressing to read

I am old enough to be your mother. Could you go home to your mum ?

CabbageLeaves Thu 13-Dec-12 21:40:38

MySon - I feel a bit wrecked as well. However I stuck for 23 yrs. leave now. You're not really wrecked at your age. Scarred. Not wrecked.

Don't stay until the scars are scars on scars.

Please find the strength to walk away- there is a life out there where you will feel peaceful and happy.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:52:38

Any Fucker - No me and my mum arnt close and i dont want to loose my house. Also my Mum is very much on my dp's side saying its my fault all the time.

23 years wow... i dont think i will last that long! If my son would let me id sleep for a hundred years and then sort this mess out but im so down i carnt seem to fight it head on........ watch him leave his beautiful boy again, watch him go away with his lovley wages and spend them on shitty xbox games, watch him mess my lad around and not turn up. I havent got the engery

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:54:34

Cabbageleaves is right. Don't let this become impossible, the fact that you are aware of all of this and you have time on your side are positives. Is there anyone you can stay with or talk to in RL? You need to try and build a support network (MN can help too!) and I'm sorry to say you need to start afresh with your lovely boy.

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:55:29

Your mum sounds awful by the way. Siding with your dp is an act of aggression in my book.

Micha54178 Thu 13-Dec-12 21:57:21

Me too, been with dh for 12 years, married for 6. We say I love you every day, kiss each other goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening. We have two dc's together and are very happy and very much in love. I love him much more today than I did the day we married!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:01:50

Your mum is very wrong

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:04:21

I think 2013 will have to be my year to start again without him.

He has a week off work at christmas and i'm dreading it, i'm dreading the atmosphere i'm dreading having to be around him that long - i'm dreading having to go to town to possibly see the girl he was suppose to be sleeping with when he walked out on me 2nd time when my son was 6months old - i sometimes wonder what it would be like to be happy, really happy.

Micha54178 Thu 13-Dec-12 22:05:33

Oops, looks like an update on the thread hasn't been done before I posted! Don't stay for the sake of ds or a lack of concern for yourself. You only have one life, don't waste it on someone that doesn't make you feel like the most important person in the world! Also, you don't say how your partner is with your ds? Maybe he won't be the way you think?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:05:54

Why do you have to see the girl he was sleeping with ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:06:25

Oh sorry, you mean to bump into her ?

Amen to 2013 being the year you start the rest of your life

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 22:10:32

Yes, definitely - new year new start, OP. Your son won't know it yet but he will thank you for this in the long run.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:11:15

yeah i mean bump into her - did it last week and it left me wrecked again.

DP is ok with DS - doesnt do much unless i nag him but DS adores him and i breaks my heart

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:14:01

children will adore anyone

it's wired into them

break free and find someone that adores you and your son

weegiemum Thu 13-Dec-12 22:19:17

Yes I'm happy.

Met dh when I was 18, him 19.

Got together when I was 19, him 20

Got married and moved in at same time, both 24.

Had dc when I was 29, 31, 32.

He's now 42, I'm 42 this week. We've been married just 3 weeks short of 18 years. We are still stupidly in love! He's had huge work stress, and depression. I've had many health problems and am permanently disabled. But we are more in love than weever were. I'm not sure that I believe everyone has a Soul Mate, but if they do, I've certainly met mine!

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:19:40

i'm so scared - i know i have to do it but i just need to find the inner strenght. What is the secret to a happy realtionship anyway??!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:22:37

the biggest thing is not to be with a twat

after that, it gets a lot easier

now love, you can sort that

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast Thu 13-Dec-12 22:24:44

Pick one of the right people as a start MySon ? If you haven't done that first time at your young age then there's every possibility you could do so next time ... in 2013 maybe ?

ArtVandelay Thu 13-Dec-12 22:24:47

I think its maintaining your own interests and having a thick skin. But also having some stuff that cannot be compromised. And wine smile I don't know, I've had a really tough year. I still feel like my DH is on my side though, and I think that's the key thing for me.

Micha54178 Thu 13-Dec-12 22:27:30

Anyfucker, couldn't said it better "not a twat"
You know your with the right person when making you happy is more important to them than to you. I hope 2013 is a great year for you and your son!

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:28:32

Haha i will be avoiding twats for the rest of my life ive had enough of shit to last me a life time! 2013...roll on :D

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:29:01

on the day you accept that it is better to be on your own, than partnered with a twat, your life will start to get better

even if it gets worse for a while first

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:29:47

I was with a twat when I was about your age

Succingtly put, AF.

<or something like that grin

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:32:55

sucksteethly put grin

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:37:04

Haha - well maybe it will be a happy new year after all.....

ninah Thu 13-Dec-12 22:39:19

I am very happy
I am single, though

Faffalina Thu 13-Dec-12 22:53:31

blackcurrants i love this: I get home before him and feel a little butterfly-in-my-tummy of excitement when I hear his key in the door. He makes me smile.

I was with a twat when I was 20, too - maybe there's some secret rule? Either way, you dont need to STAY with a twat, OP. You deserve to be happy.

Morloth Thu 13-Dec-12 23:18:45

I am happy. We have been married for 14 years.

Still snuggle to watch TV, still hold hands when out, I will sit on his knee if there is only one seat etc.

Him coming home of an evening is something that is looked forward to.

You only get one go at life, don't waste it on someone who makes you unhappy.

One go.

You are 20! So much fun and laughter and life to be had. Do you really want to waste your life on someone who drags you down?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 23:21:50

OP, when you get to my age, you will be on a thread like this advising young women not to stay with twats

believe me

quirk Thu 13-Dec-12 23:55:07

Ha ha AF! Op, please don't stay with the twat. At 23 I wasn't happy, but like you, had a baby and WANTED everything to be ok and to be a family with the father of my child (who was pretty awful to me, though not unfaithful). Wish I'd left him then. You are so young. Don't stay for the house. Don't hope he will change. Build a support network and get out. Good luck and have a happy new year xx

Offred Fri 14-Dec-12 00:25:36

Would have said yes this time last week. Just now not so sure, ashamed to admit.

Yes I'm happy, finally, but it has taken a long time.

Been with DH 14 years, married for 12, pregnant with dc1. Our marriage has been far from perfect, and has been marred by ill health, money worries, and an affair (his), but we have made it through and have become kinder and more loving for it.

You could say life has knocked the corners off us. We call each other regularly during the day, cuddle every day, when we argue (we are human) we always hug and make up before bed, apologise and mean it. Sometime going through hard times can make love stronger, as I certainly love and understand my DH better now than I did earlier in our life together. I think he'd say the same about me.

I guess what I'm saying is marriages can weather storms, but only if they are based on really rock solid foundations.

I would agree worsestshiresauce we have been through a lot together -affair, 2 job losses, money issues but after nearly 19 years together 10 of which married I think we have finally got to a happy place.
Alot of our problems have stemmed from wanting different things at different times but this last couple of years we have been on pretty much the same page. All this said and with all we have been through I can honestly say we have always been each others best friend and always the one each other turns to when the chips are down.
Would I change anything? actually no nothing because we now have a deeper understanding and respect for each other and our marriage.

SleepyLittleSunshineGirl Fri 14-Dec-12 21:19:26

No. Dread the weekends, go to bed early to avoid him in the evenings. No affection. He doesn't do sex either. I am very unhappy and on the verge of leaving. There is nothing positive to say. I find it hard to be in the same room, TBH.

allthatglittersisnotgold Fri 14-Dec-12 21:37:23

Not overly, been together for 4 and a half yets. Own a property and a dog. Irritate each other, find his inability to apologise annoyif. Wants children I don't. Says he would do most of the work, bit forgets basic things I ask him to do, so he wouldn't it would be me remembering all the children things. I surprise him with nice things, never get a random surprise back. Also even though we are in early thirties (very early) we don't sleep in same rooms anymore. Sex the odd weekend. God sounds terrible written down!

TheSecondComing Fri 14-Dec-12 22:00:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePinkOcelot Fri 14-Dec-12 22:08:22

No, I am not happy. However, I am not unhappy! Does that make sense?
We have been together 28 years and we have 2 dds. DH was involved in an accident 15 years ago and has been unable to work since. He is often ill and spends days in bed. I think that has affected our relationship. I wonder what it would have been like had he not had that accident.

SleepyLittleSunshineGirl Fri 14-Dec-12 22:09:52

TSC that's lovely, and where our relationships are different. Because I know when the chips are down he hasn't got my back.

cjel Fri 14-Dec-12 22:12:30

Was with exdh for over 30 years when he got girlfriend!! I left. Spent all of marriage trying to please and avoid his moods,I spent a lort of my life in several breakdowns/depression etc. Had counselling 9 years ago realised he didn't treat me right but stayed to try and change things then gf so I left. Hasn't been easy ad I do spend time lonely but am so much happier even in my loneliness, I no longer have to dread weekends/holidays/ key in the door. start to build your new life and plan it before you go so that you are excited and look forward. Hugsxxx

TheSecondComing Fri 14-Dec-12 22:16:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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