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hubby snores

(36 Posts)
LylaLils Wed 12-Dec-12 23:55:41

My other half snores. Loudly. We haven't been able to sleep in the same room for many years. We had a baby boy 13 weeks ago. The cot is in my room, naturally, but its getting to the point where it would be beneficial to both myself and my son if we slept in separate rooms. There's no way I can sleep next to my hubby, what with him snoring like a walrus giving birth.

Has anyone here tried, or knows anyone who has tried, getting one of those operations to stop the snoring? We went to a consultation once and the woman said the snoring was caused by an enlarged flap in his nose which could be soldered off. It's expensive but I think worth a go. Hubby seems to think it won't work.

Please let me know if anyone has ever tried this method. Or any other suggestions. We've tried nose strips, nasal sprays, I've worn ear plugs. Nothing works.

Nb. Also posted on the sleep forum.

ObscuredByClouds Thu 13-Dec-12 00:09:23

Have you been to the doctors? It may be sleep apnoea so worth exploring. Hope you get something sorted.

LylaLils Thu 13-Dec-12 00:17:35

He says he has sleep apnoea actually. Although I'm not sure anymore its been so long since we've slept together. If he does have it, what would be the implications on his snoring? thanks for posting by the way.

rubycon Thu 13-Dec-12 09:37:54

if it is apnea he needs to get referred to a sleep clinic, its very bad for his health to let it continue.

There are some virtually silent machines now and I can't see why you'd not be able to share a room again.

LylaLils Thu 13-Dec-12 10:33:56

What is virtually silent machine???

ineedabodytransplant Thu 13-Dec-12 13:27:58

Op, is he overweight at all?

I know when I put on a 'bit' of weight a couple of years ago I started snoringblush. Losing the weight again seemed to help.

TwoGrey Thu 13-Dec-12 13:31:31

My DH went to the Doctor about his snoring after many years of me complaining and whilst it was taken seriously he was told that until he lost some weight there wasn't much to be done. He didn't snore when I met him and he was slimmer.

LylaLils Thu 13-Dec-12 13:49:01

Yep he's a bit overweight...to be honest I don't think he takes the issue seriously. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He's reluctant to do anything about it and every time I mention it, we argue. I'm at a loss. I could see us eventually splitting over it...which I've told him...again, he doesn't take me seriously. God he drives me insane sometimes

HansieMom Fri 14-Dec-12 01:11:57

My DH snores and he is a beanpole.

JamNan Fri 14-Dec-12 08:12:42

Get him to his GP and ask for a referral to a Sleep Clinic. Sleep apnoea is dangerous and can affect his health (and yours through lack of sleep).

CPAP machine

Sleep apnoea

JamNan Fri 14-Dec-12 08:13:28

Forgot to add my sympathies - it's hell on earth.

rubycon Fri 14-Dec-12 08:26:51

as soon as I get my new silent one I'll let you know - at the moment two health authorities are arguing about who should pay for mine - so I still have my old one!

LentilLasange Fri 14-Dec-12 09:07:51

Lyla - you must be me too! We are currently having a huge row about the issue, like you my DH thinks its no big deal, has made no effort to lose weight (has been to a sleep clinic, confirmed it is not a sleep apena, just something unfortunate with the way his palate lies when sleeping) years ago, when he was slimmer he didn't snore so his is certainly weight associated. He takes the piss out if me, things like telling me to ask xyz if their partner snores and 'I bet they are understanding, most women don't mind etc etc' We have no intimacy in our relationship, the snoring repulsed me, I came home last night and the noise was unbelievable. We are in our 40's and I can't see a future living like this. sad

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 14-Dec-12 11:23:29

Can those of you whose DHs don't believe them record the noise on smart phone or something?

arequipa Fri 14-Dec-12 22:18:39

Just wake him up with a jab and tell him to stop it every time he snores..... He'll soon start taking it seriously. Worked for me.

Faffalina Fri 14-Dec-12 23:02:56

I recorded my partner on my phone and he couldn't believe the racket he made.

It's awful though, and impossible to share a bed. He wouldn't find it "no big deal" if his sleep got disturbed. EVERY night.

ClottedCreamYum Sat 15-Dec-12 08:45:05

LylaLils- this is hell isn't it. My STBXH had the operation you mentioned. He was very slightly overweight, but had always snored to some extent (as does his 85 year old DM, probably worse than him). He was 43 when he had the op, but it didn't have the desired effect, it may have made a very slight difference, but nothing significant enough to keep us in the same bed every night. If he had lost the extra stone and never drunk alchohol again, that would probably have had more effect. Prior to the op, he tried all the other solutions, including the CPAP machine (which didn't allow him to sleep- at least he got a taste of his own medicine!), none worked.
Sorry for the lack of encouraging news. I still, a year after his departure, sleep with ear plugs every night, as it appears to have become habitual!

LylaLils Fri 21-Dec-12 05:39:22

Thanks for all your replies its reassuring to know there are others in the same boat and its not just my other half that's a selfish so and so. Update...tonight I'm sleeping on The sofa. I have a nasty cough and I can't stay in same room as baby as I keep waking him. So I've been up and down the stairs all night (5 times in total...its been a bad night), while I can hear him snoring loudly in the room next door to the nursery. It's angried up my blood I can tell you.

When he asked me what I wanted for crimbo the other day I said for him to try and get his snoring sorted. If laughed it off. At this point I would usually argue but I had little man with me.

Clottedcream...I was habitual with my earplugs too...sleeping with them even when sleeping separately from hub. Can't do that with a baby though more's the pity!

I don't want to get into an argument about this again as we are going around in circles and I'm sick of fighting. But my boy will have to have his own room sooner or later. I can't keep sleeping downstairs on sofa.

The other thing about the situation is that hubby can't sleep without the telly on. I can't sleep with telly on. He goes to sleep really late and I like early nights. He's really loud at night, slamming drawers, switching on lights etc...he has no concept of how this effects others i.e me...although I have told him and screamed at him countless times. He still only makes out that I'm over reacting.

I can't win here, can I?

LylaLils Fri 21-Dec-12 05:40:54

Oh and yes, I've recorded him. But its pointless. He already knows how loud he is. His friends and family are always commenting about it. Again, he thinks its funny. Argh!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 21-Dec-12 05:43:39

Lyla your husband is disturbing your sleep on purpose. He doesn't care about your feelings enough not to do that and finds it funny. That sounds awful. Would he treat his brother/best mate like that?

LylaLils Fri 21-Dec-12 05:47:14

Another thing...lentillasagna...yes the noise is repulsive. It sickens me and makes my blood boil. It's as if all of his selfishness and flippancy have amalgamated into this offensive, arrogant noise he emits from his face as he sleeps soundly.

LylaLils Fri 21-Dec-12 05:48:45

Snatch...he's an only child!!! And yep, he has treated his best friends like this. He's lived with mates over the years and couldn't give a toss who he's disturbing.

LylaLils Fri 21-Dec-12 05:51:02

He's very much of the mind that its not his fault and there's nothing he can do about it. Then he tries to laugh it off. God I'm getting really angry just typing this all out and actually looking at the problem head on.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 21-Dec-12 06:01:17

But how can he excuse the TV thing that way?!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 21-Dec-12 06:02:10

I listen to the radio to help me sleep - I use earphones so DH isn't disturbed.

Has he always watched TV like this?

LylaLils Fri 21-Dec-12 07:46:37

He's always watched tv like this. The raging arguments its caused over the years I'm surprised we're still together. I'd have to wait until he went to sleep before I could turn off the tv. Lo and behold, obviously he'd be snoring by then. We have had separate rooms for about 10 years and that suited us fine. But now baby is here its thrown proverbial spanner in the works...

NamingOfParts Fri 21-Dec-12 13:07:55

How about he goes in with your DS? If he thinks the noise is so funny then I am sure your DS will put him right on that score.

Move your DS into your DH's bedroom and let him fanny around with his door slamming/lights on and off/TV on. You retire (to the next county) with ear plugs in and leave them to it.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 21-Dec-12 18:32:55

Right, so you have always had separate rooms but the size of your house/number of children means that is no longer a solution.

So a new solution is needed whereby you both get some sleep. This doesn't have to be a blame thing - it is not possible for both of you to get sleep without something changing. Alternate nights on the sofa. Look into extending your property. Get him to experiment with quieter methods of going to sleep. You alternate nights at a hotek. You wear the earplugs and he gets up to DS. Or - he gets medical help.

Don't get me wrong - your DH is being an arse. But by staring the problem and putting together a list of solutions, some of which (the hotel!) are outlandish and asking for his solutions, maybe you can depersonalise it somehow?

Lueji Fri 21-Dec-12 20:49:43

Alternate nights on the sofa?

I'd send him to the sofa or out of the house, tbh.

And not come back until the snoring is sorted.

Actually, I'm sure it's domestic violence to force your snoring on your partner and do nothing about it.
Sleep deprivation is a well known form of torture and this man is being a right old bastard.

GiveMeSomeSpace Sat 22-Dec-12 01:12:34

Sorry to say it, but he does sound like a selfish git and it sounds like you've already come to that conclusion.
It's widely accepted that overweight men snore more. Of course thin people can snore as well, but the more overweight one is, the more likely one is to snore. Lack of exercise can also increase snoring. If I start snoring from time to time, I just up my exercise and lose a few pounds.
But I guess this is all detail if he's not even prepared to address the problem.

Karbea Sat 22-Dec-12 01:21:10

Oh I feel your pain! Dh snoring next to me, can't go to the spare room as his parents are staying. Doubt I'll sleep at all tonight.

LylaLils Sat 22-Dec-12 04:21:00

Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your replies and contribution to this thread. Just reading your comments has made me feel better. Some comments have cracked me up, esp the ones slating my other half. Also there has been some pretty useful suggestions. One of which I read tonight and took immediate action on! Thank you NamingOfParts. As I type this I'm feeding my boy while my other half sleeps in the bed in his room (he's in with DS). I'm sleeping in the separate room with the listener. I was worried the listener would pick up his snores but thankfully it didn't and I think this is going to be the working solution for now...until he eventually gets medical help. Thanks all xxx

vintageviolets Sat 22-Dec-12 04:30:14

I feel your pain, Ive slept 12am-1am tonight because of DHs snoring.

Every bloody night is the same x

BunFagFreddie Sat 22-Dec-12 06:07:44

From the other point of view, I am actually the snoring party and I talk in my sleep, make strange noises and thrash about. If I wake in the night I can't get back to sleep without the radio or TV on. I'm a woman too. blush

Apparently I've sat bolt upright in bed and talked gibberish to him, before lying back down and snoring loudly.

It drives DP mad, ahe jabs me in the ribs and wakes me up at night, so I go downstairs and sleep on the sofa. If I know I'm going to be restless at night, like when I'm about to have my peroid or I've just come on, I sleep downstairs. DP is a very light sleeper and you only have to fart and it wakes him up. In all honesty this pisses me of, because I can't help it and I'm not doing it on purpose. Sometimes I wonder why I should have to be the one to sleep downstairs. Apprently DP can't, because he's such a light sleeper. hmm I end up having a shit nights sleep and then usually get up at 4:30am, because I'm not comfortable.

I can see it from both side, but your DP should sleep on the sofa at least half of the time. Tbh, I wouldn't have surgery for my snoring if DP asked, I'd tell him that he can fuck right off and I'll sleep on the sofa.

NamingOfParts Sat 22-Dec-12 16:41:58

I'm glad you have found a stop gap solution which works for you. It is quite possible that your DH will act a lot quieter generally knowing that there is a far sterner critic than you in the room!

If nothing else your DS will learn to sleep through pretty much anything which is no bad thing!

Karbea Sun 23-Dec-12 00:29:40

Anyone awake listening to snoring husbands tonight???

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