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What would you do?? I could do with a bit if advice

(68 Posts)
Ahhhcrap Sat 08-Dec-12 23:38:49

Ive name changed for this but could really do with some MN words of wisdom..

2 years ago my dh of 6 months had an affair, I found out by chance. It had been going on for about 4months and appeared to be an emotional affair. We talked lots and he swore to me there was nothing physical in it. We've always had difficulty communicating but we muddled through. His reaction on me finding out was the reason I stayed. He was very full of remorse and did everything I asked such as stopping contact etc.

Anyway fast forward 2 years and I'm just starting to feel secure again. We have a mutual friend who weve known for ages, he knew about the affair as I confided in him at the time. He does try to stay neutral and he did help me out perspective on it. My dh doesn't know I told him.

But he's out tonight with my dh and they've both had a bit to drink, our friend has just rang me in a bit of a state and I've just shoe horned it out of him what was wrong. It turns out my dh DID have sex with the woman, although he swore to me he didn't. I did say at the time that if I found out he'd lied to me that would be the end.

I feel in shock ATM, I don't know if I should let sleeping dogs lie or confront him, (I won't tonight as he'll be drunk) it feels that if I make an issue out of it then I'm raking up old ground, but also it's opened up old wounds and I don't know if I can deal with this again.

Sorry for the essay, I just needed to talk...

fruitstick Sat 08-Dec-12 23:44:28

Why did the friend ring you on their night out? Seems odd. Do you think the friend about have alterior motive for causing trouble.

Did your DH tell his friend the details tonight?

I'm not saying it's not true and I understand why you are feeling so confused.

If you confront your DH he can continue to deny it, and then you will have to decide who to believe.

Ahhhcrap Sat 08-Dec-12 23:49:24

He's a very good friend, and no, he doesn't have an alterior motive, I'm sure of that.

Yes he was told the details tonight.

This is my concern, at the time my dh wouldn't admit to anything until he knew I had proof so it would be a case of my word against his, and I think he would deny it to cover his arse.

Ahhhcrap Sat 08-Dec-12 23:51:24

I really don't know if it's valid now either, should I be upset, chuck him out, scream and shout or just leave it. I guess the question is - am I over reacting?

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sat 08-Dec-12 23:56:34

You said if you found out he was lying to you, you would leave. Isn't that your answer?

Being in a relationship where you don't trust them is just awful - how are you ever going to be able to trust him now?

People can rebuild a relationship after an affair, but the person who has had the affair has to be honest, they have to go the extra mile to regain the trust and a new relationship has to be built, you can't build on quick sand.

All he has done is admitted what he had to and no more - he hasn't changed sad

<<Big Hug>>

Oh and don't let bloody christmas stop you doing what you would otherwise do - OK x

FBworry Sat 08-Dec-12 23:56:37

How long have you known your dh for in total?

Do you trust him in all other aspects?

MiniTheMinx Sat 08-Dec-12 23:57:17

He was very full of remorse and did everything I asked such as stopping contact etc everything except tell the truth?

You are not over reacting. Does your husband have a way of minimising your feelings and invalidating you?

Doinmummy Sat 08-Dec-12 23:58:40

Would your friend confess to your husband that he has told you about the sex?
If this is a deal breaker for you then you need to be sure that your friend is telling the truth.

Do you believe him 100%? If so then you need to work out if you want to stay or leave. Also if you believe that he is telling the truth then it doesn't matter what your husband says.

fruitstick Sat 08-Dec-12 23:58:43

No, you're not overreacting. With such a betrayal you have to rebuild trust and him lying about it makes a mockery of it. Maybe he panicked, maybe he thought you'd never find out.

I'm not sure what you should do but really don't think you should just leave it.

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 00:00:47

I've known him for 6 years now and we have a 4 yr old dd.

I trust him to go out with his mates and I don't think he'd do it again, but... And it's a big but, I also now know his capability of lying, and I don't fully trust him to tell me the truth, he will tell me what he wants me to know. I know he's a different person with his mates, jack the lad kinda thing. But won't act like that in front of me. It's like he's two different people sometimes.

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 00:01:51

I know my friend would stand up and tell my dh he'd told me if push came to shove.

TalkativeJim Sun 09-Dec-12 00:06:01

You're not overreacting.

Of course it's valid.

You've just found out that the husband who cheated on your own extent you felt you could forgive, actually cheated on you to an extent you made clear that you couldn't - ohh, and now you also know he will look you in the eye and lie lie lie to you if it suits his purpose.

I think that's a pretty big issue to try and persuade yourself should remain a 'sleeping dog'. In fact, I would put a lot of money on it not being possible for you to try and forget or discount it. He had an affair and he lied to you, did not allow you to be in possession of the facts so that you could decide for yourself whether you wanted to remain in a relationship with him. It's a fundamental disrespect which he took all the way to the altar.

I wouldn't be able to trust him again, so that would be it for me. Which is what you said at the time. I don't know where else you can go with this to be honest, because if he 'confesses' now if you confront him, it'll be because be knows you know, so he will cry, beat his chest, apologise, swear he was just terrified he'd lose you, blah.

But he'll still be the man who lies to you if he thinks its safe to do so.

FBworry Sun 09-Dec-12 00:06:02

Poor you sad <hugs>

The first thing is, is your not overreacting at all. Not only is this a devastating , soul destroying revelation to deal with, but on top of that the little trust you had has just been ripped apart.

Do you know for a fact he has lied about more than this?

Doinmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 00:06:29

So it wouldn't be your word against his, you have your friend to back you up.

What do you want to do op? It's hard to think straight when it's so new, I know.

ImperialBlether Sun 09-Dec-12 00:06:49

Interesting that you say he's a Jack the Lad type when he's with his friends. It sounds to me as though he was bragging about it. Is that what your friend said?

Why would he mention the fact he slept with her (and yes, I believe he did) tonight, so long after? I think if it had been a "God I can't believe how much I hurt OP, I can't forgive myself for it" kind of conversation, your friend probably wouldn't have rung you. I bet it was the way he was talking about it that fired him up to call you.

MiniTheMinx Sun 09-Dec-12 00:07:03

Can someone who lies be trusted with anything? I wouldn't trust DH out with his friends if I thought he might lie. How could I possibly know what he might get up to.Are you are saying you only trust him not to stray because he lacks opportunity & it's not on offer. If he didn't lack opportunity and it was offered........he would lie.

ImperialBlether Sun 09-Dec-12 00:09:02

Oh, OP, I don't want to upset you further but if it was physical then he wouldn't have done it only once, not if the relationship lasted four months.

Personally, I don't believe in an emotional affair when both people are in close proximity lasting four months; I think there's no reason for it not to be physical.

BluelightsAndSirens Sun 09-Dec-12 00:11:44

Lies always work themselves out into truth, you ow have your answer to the question you have asked many times.

Do nothing tonight but think carefully about what you want from life.

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 00:20:27

Thank you so much for all your messages.. If nothing else I feel better about being upset.

This isn't the first time he's lied. About a month after I found out about the affair I found out (by reading his emails) he was meeting a woman from work (not the ow). When I confronted him about it when he got home he dented it, and yes, lied and lied to my face until I out the proof under his nose. I was in such a mess at the time and we were going on holiday I did nothing but cry about it.

I've been a complete mug haven't I? sad

FBworry Sun 09-Dec-12 00:27:22

The trust is gone now sad

One lie from a desperate , yet foolish person wanting to preserve their marriage is one thing- but this many lies is just too much.

Did your friend say if he confessed in a boastful or remorseful way?

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 00:38:25

My friend has said it wasn't boastful but wouldn't be classed as remorseful either, so I'm guessing that answers that sad

FBworry Sun 09-Dec-12 00:46:03

You are not over reacting and you absolutely must talk to your dh.

Putting your head in the sand will achieve nothing and you will build up huge resentment.

However there is nothing you can do tonight. He is drunk and you are in shock.

You must feel dreadful inside, but do try and get some sleep for now.

So sorry for your pain xx

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 00:49:49

A month after you found out about the affair he was lying to you again... I don't think he stopped lying to you and I don't think he ever will stop lying to you. He's got away with so much, why would he? sad

Bastard.

I think you do have your answer, no matter how unpaletable it is.

As I said earlier - do not let Christmas make you sweep this under the rug. It will be hard on your DD whenever it happens, Christmas will be something to look forward to for her and she will be fine. New Year - New Start. You can do this x

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 00:51:19

Can you get your friend to convince him to spend the night at his under the guise of continuing the party & having your 'permission'? I think it would be better for you if he didn't come home tonight.

Wowserz129 Sun 09-Dec-12 01:05:43

I think he has lied to you and clearly has no respect for you if he is on a lads night telling them the details he has been lying to you about for 2 years!! You said you would leave him if you found out he was lying. So leave? Otherwise he is going to keep making a fool out of you.

howdoo Sun 09-Dec-12 01:09:50

Oh lovey, what a horrible thing to discover.

A few months ago, I posted on here because I found out that my DH of 10 years, before we got married, had shagged another woman, rather than the snogging/fumbling he had previously admitted to. I found out because we were a bit pissed and I asked him. I was surprised, but relieved, when posters here said it was a long time ago, before we were married, and as long as nothing else had happened, I should let it go.

Anyway, when I first read the OP, I thought maybe it was similar. But there are quite a few differences.

First of all, it had been going on for months, and only finished (presumably) when you found out about it.

And you had to find out about it, he didn't come to you and admit it.

And he then lied about it (although this is fairly standard, from what I can gather)

The killer for me, is that ONE month later, he is emailing another woman and then lying through his teeth about it. So I don't really understand why you say "I trust him to go out with his mates and I don't think he'd do it again..."

One month after you find out about his four month affair, he should be doing everything he can to make you know how committed he is to you and your marriage and make you feel better about his shameful behaviour.

But he is emailing another woman. And lying about it til he's blue in the face.

I'm so sorry, I just don't know how you could ever trust this person again.

Lueji Sun 09-Dec-12 01:35:23

You are less than 3 years into your marriage, and your H has already lied twice (that you know) about other women, one of whom you have just found out he actually had sex with.

It's possible that he has been faithful because he was found out twice earlier, but it's also possible that he has learnt to hide it better.

Are you able to trust him? Deep down? Because that should answer your question about leaving him or not.

HollyBerryBush Sun 09-Dec-12 07:29:40

I don't trust your friend in this at all.

He will have a motive for telling you this.

A best he is a chronic gossip, at worst he's being malicious.

I don't care for the why and wherefor etc of your friend telling you what would piss me off is the lies your DH has told you, that lie that the past however long (since the affair) has been built on.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Sun 09-Dec-12 08:09:22

"so he will cry, beat his chest, apologise, swear he was just terrified he'd lose you, blah"

Yeah, he'll probably have one of those cheater's "breakdowns" to turn all the attention to how awful he supposedly feels about being caught treating you like shit.

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 09:34:36

Thanks for the replies.. I'm feeling a bit more stable this morning.

I have a houseful today so haven't mentioned it and I want to have a proper conversation with my friend so I don't go off half cocked.

I still don't know what I want out if this but I have this horrid, cold gut feeling I can't get rid of, and I've questioned everything that's gone on the last 2 years.

I also dont want to rip my dd's life apart, it's really so unfair on her, I feel guilty just thinking about splitting the family up sad

fruitstick Sun 09-Dec-12 09:36:52

He's the one splitting the family up, not you.

You can't stay together if you don't believe him.

First of all, it would not be you splitting up the family. It would be your cheating, lying DH. It's really important to get the blame right here.

Second, for me personally, the thing I would find really unforgiveable in all this is that by not being honest about shagging others, he's not just lying but actually risking your health. I assume you didn't get STD checked, because it was just an emotional affair? That is so, so wrong on his part.

I'm sure he will deny it, if you confront him. He will say he was just exaggerating to his friends. Be prepared for him to say this. It's still a big deal, even if true, because then it shows he has so little respect for you, he's willing to let other people think you've been cheated on without knowing it.

I don't think you should have to go through more and more years of torturing yourself, just because he's a twat.

CarpeJugulum Sun 09-Dec-12 09:57:11

I know you don't want to rip your family apart for your daughter's sake; but... imagine that she was in your situation. You would not hesitate to hug her, and tell her to get the hell out of being with a man who did not respect her. You would want more for her than that.

I've never been in your situation, but you need to separate out your relationship with him and his relationship wih her. If he wants to, there is no reason for him not to be a good father.

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 10:36:56

I'm off to Tesco now and all I can think about is where to insert the cucumbers!!! confused I'm really fucking mad right now I can barely look at him

MiniTheMinx Sun 09-Dec-12 13:51:11

Thinking about you today, what a terrible day you must be having.

So he lied a second time just after the "emotional affair" It seems he is actually incapable of telling the truth. This jack the lad wants his cake and eat it. Family and the life of a single man.

Maybe now is not a good time to spilt the family up. I disagree with the other posts saying it doesn't matter that it is Christmas. If I could hold it to together over Christmas and keep my head, I would put his bags on the door step on new years day. Let your little girl have the Christmas she deserves. Some things are more important than the feelings of adults, in the short term.

In the long term, you need to be happy to be a good mum, not demoralised and demeaned. She won't thank you if you allow her father to become even more of a lying pig whilst your self esteem slips away. No child deserves to see the very worst side of their parents played out throughout their entire childhood.

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 16:50:08

I've had chance to catch up with my friend and it seems he's lied more. He told him that, yes they had sex, but it was going on for longer than I thought which means it might have been happening when we got married .

I've spent all day mulling it on the pretense if Xmas shopping..

Came home and had it out with him.. His first reaction was to deny it, get angry, the classic signs. He finally admitted he'd had sex with her twice and has now left. He hasn't taken a bag and been on the phone already. He does however seem more concerned with who told me than me.

clam Sun 09-Dec-12 17:06:00

Oh dear! sad
Have you got anyone who can come round and keeep you company through this?

clam Sun 09-Dec-12 17:08:40

The thing is, you worked very hard and re-built your marriage like a house on foundations that were not secure. And to top it all off, you're now discovering that the actual bricks are faulty too.
Do you still want to live in it?

HairyGrotter Sun 09-Dec-12 17:12:22

The classic attention to the "who told you". He really is a lying swine, so sorry

Offred Sun 09-Dec-12 17:43:33

This is really awful but contrary to the poster above who says historical indiscretions are not too big a deal I actually really disagree. I think nobody expects their partner be perfect, fidelity is a reasonable expectation in an agreed monogamous relationship but sometimes some people mess up, this can be a deal breaker but for people who it isn't, what absolutely should be a deal breaker is years and years of dishonesty about the indiscretion. I think cheating liars often capitalise on the idea that "it was 10 years ago" means it is not significant but to the person discovering the indiscretion the pain is the same pain plus the pain of having lived a whole life based on a lie or lies. I think the lying for many years makes it much worse and that would be the deal breaker for me.

Offred Sun 09-Dec-12 17:45:31

He got married to you while he was sleeping with someone else and lying about it, he is now mad at being caught out and not sorry at all...

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Sun 09-Dec-12 17:50:30

If you thought this happened two years ago, and you've been married 6 months, does that mean he was seeing someone else for at least a year and a half?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 09-Dec-12 17:56:43

This man is a chronic liar and will only admit to what he thinks you have found out.

Several times now, there have been more "revelations" about what kind of man he is

There will be more even now that you don't know...you realise that, don't you ?

Don't stay with this man for your daughter...that would be the worst example you could ever give her

TalkativeJim Sun 09-Dec-12 17:57:55

Hope to God you dump him. Because one thing you can be sure of, here's what the pattern of married life in the future looks like when it comes to a comprehensive liar/cheater like this.

He has no respect for you, your marriage, or your family. And by the looks of it he's not likely to develop some any time soon.

I'd get a few things in a bag for him and tell him they're on the step for him to collect.

Better for your DD for a split to happen now rather than after his next couple of dalliances three/six/nine years down the line.

Don't waste your life on a cheat.

TalkativeJim Sun 09-Dec-12 18:09:37

What actually possibly tells you the most about this man is the fact that shortly after you discovering the 'inappropriate friendship', he was already trying to play away again sending emails to someone at work. Not utterly remorseful at having hurt you, not bending over backwards to reassure you, but back sniffing around other women almost straight away.

Given that, it was overwhelmingly likely that the EA was a physical affair, and that he was a full-on, deliberate, unrepentant cheat.

I'm so sorry OP for what you're going through right now, but I really hope you can now see how rotten this guy is. You will undoubtedly have a happier, more stable life not married to him.

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 19:25:50

He came back and I'm a bit of a wreck now, I feel guilty for making him feel bad - how does that work??

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 19:29:17

I've told him he can stay as he's got no where else to go but I think he could have stayed with family or friend but he doesn't want to explain why.

I've had tears and snot off him on the phone..

I know what I should do but why am I feeling like the bad guy for splitting up? It's almost like I'm the baddie in all this as it was such a long time ago and I shouldn't be making a fuss.

Thank you all so much for the hand holding

Teeb Sun 09-Dec-12 19:43:46

You really need to put you first here. Do you think him being in the house is for the best right now? Especially if he has family close by. Him going away for a day or two doesn't have to mean the end of your marriage if you don't want it to, but it does give you an opportunity to clear your head and concentrate on taking care of yourself/your daughter, as well as making him realise how massively he has fucked up.

TalkativeJim Sun 09-Dec-12 20:05:50

It's not a long time ago.

It's now. You have just discovered that he is a cheat and a consummate liar and appears always to have been so. Contrary to what you thought up until last night.

I hope you find the strength to make him leave, so that you can at least think things through without the pressure this shit of a man will undoubtedly now try and pile onto you.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 09-Dec-12 20:16:49

he simply does not want anyone else to find out what an inadequate person he is

it's ok for you to know that though, obviously, as you don't really matter

YOU DO !

ImperialBlether Sun 09-Dec-12 20:19:19

You are stronger now than at any other time. There is no doubt he's cheated on you. If you let him stay now it will be even harder to get rid of him. Pack his bag and tell him to get out. He is so clearly in the wrong now that even he can't pretend he isn't.

Wecanfixit Sun 09-Dec-12 20:33:12

I do sympathise with your , and what a horrible way to find out, BUT, you have had a shock and need time for you to take stock and sort out how you really feel about this before confrontation, a knee jerk reaction just now will not help you in the longterm, so please be very kind to yourself, ask yourself if you love him and can you go on from here , affairs happen I know it is awful, but again please think what you want to come out of this , it is you that matters here , take care and hope it all works out .

MiniTheMinx Sun 09-Dec-12 21:21:02

He's making you feel bad! Is there a link between being a liar and a master at manipulation???? I wouldn't believe for one minute it was just twice......he is saying that to try and minimise it. If you said "I know it was ten times" he'd eventually admit say "yes only ten times" knowing all along it was 20.

Ahhhcrap Sun 09-Dec-12 22:18:53

He upstairs in bed now, booked into a hotel for the next couple of nights.

I was feeling sorry for him until he told me he was sleeping in our dd's room, which smacks of emotional blackmail to me (we have a spare room).

I truly don't know what to feel right now, but I'm going to heed your advice, look after me and DD and not make any decisions until I'm comfortable to do so.

Thanks again

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 22:34:10

Why is he sleeping in DD's room?

Stop feeling guilty for upsetting him - he's been lying and cheating HE has done this.

Of course he doesn't want to tell family or friends - who would. Tough shit. Ring his parents tomorrow and tell them exactly what a feckless wanker disappointment their son is.

GET MAD - you bloody well should be.

Unless you want a life of being cheated on and lied to - do not let him come back from the hotel he's booked into. I promise you, he will not change and you will have a lifetime of misery with him sad

You and your DD deserve more than that life and you can have it.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 09-Dec-12 22:39:17

Who is in the hotel ? Him ?

Keep him out of your daughter's room. Fucking arse, to try and throw his dd out of her bed. I would hate him for that.

If he comes back home, he goes in the spare room. No half-decent person, however pissed off at having his card marked, would insist on more than that. To do so implies attempts at abuse and manipulation.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 22:49:21

It's amazing what you 'assume' isn't it - I assumed there were two beds in there!

AhhCrap - where is DD?

I'd take her to bed with me if I were you smile

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 22:51:02

I think he's asleep in the DD's room now, but is booked in the hotel for a couple of nights from tomorrow night - well, that's what I got out of Ahh's posts anyway.

He would NOT be coming back into the marital home if it were me.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 09-Dec-12 22:52:40

Yes, I reread and see that is the case

He is asleep in his daughters bed

I would read that as pissing all over your territory, OP, and an aggressive act you should take very good note of

quietlysuggests Sun 09-Dec-12 23:03:11

You wont grow old with this man.
You will either split up now, and your daughter will have a pretty intact mother in her life,
or you will split up in 10-20 years time after your shit head husband has had multiple affairs,
when your daughter has a sad shell of a broken woman for a mother.
Sorry.

TalkativeJim Mon 10-Dec-12 01:41:53

Good luck OP.

Get him out, get space from him.

Start telling people what has happened.

Expect him to pull out all the stops to get you to put up and shut up, including your DD's welfare. Just remember - the absolute best thing you can do for your DD in this situation is to not let her grow up with a mum who despises her cheat of a dad, in a home where there's no real trust, no real security, and no real love, because it died a long time ago.

KeatsiePie Mon 10-Dec-12 06:01:31

I'm so sorry.

It IS a big deal. I started to write a whole long thing on how I think you should deal with this in the long term, but I just can't say. It is your marriage. But again, this is a big deal, doesn't matter how long ago it was!

But wrt. the short term: I think it's also a big deal that he wasn't willing to leave, that he took your daughter's bed. Imagine if you were in his place (that you were the one who'd been unfaithful and then dishonest about it). Imagine you were genuinely terribly sorry that you had cheated, genuinely terribly sorry you had lied, feeling as awful as you would feel. And you were willing to do anything you could. If he said "I need you to leave," would you go upstairs and take your daughter's bed? I bet you wouldn't. I bet if he said "I need you to leave" you would say "Of course, I'm so sorry, I'm sorrier than I can ever say, I'll leave right now."

The most important thing to him right now should be your feelings. Next to that he shouldn't care where he sleeps. I don't like what it suggests about his priorities that he has opposed your wish for him to leave, that he isn't putting your feelings first in this regard.

Lueji Mon 10-Dec-12 07:35:07

I think his reaction tells you all you need to know about him.

He is a liar and a manipulator, yes.
And doesn't even respect you enough to keep shut about it with the lads.

If you stay with him, I wouldn't be surprised that he'll do it again and again.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Mon 10-Dec-12 07:49:39

He doesn't want to tell his family?

But he's happy to boast about it to his mates?

hmm

His affair isn't even a secret, he just wants you to collude in managing his reputation.

Don't.

Tell whomever you choose.

Given how many people know, they'll probably find out eventually anyway. Just like you have.

Oh, and don't be impressed that a man is crying.

They all start snottering when they get caught.

His tears are for himself.

clam Mon 10-Dec-12 07:51:39

So he disrespected and humiliated you two years ago by having an affair and lying through his teeth about it, tried to do it again a couple of months later as well as who knows how many other times and now he's disrespecting and humiliating you all over again now by boasting about it in the pub to his mates.
And then tries to make out you're over-reacting and you should foret about it as "it was ages ago." You dealt with "ages ago" by going on the facts as you believed them to be at the time from the lying bastard and made a heroic attempt to re-build your relationship. He watched you do that, knowing he'd been lying. You've now been thrown right back to those initial feelings of hurt and betrayal. DON'T let him minimise them.
He's looking after number one here, and I don't see how he can profess to love you if he's prepared to brag to his mates about what he's done to your love for him.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Mon 10-Dec-12 08:13:34

And two years isn't ages ago.

There are women on here two years on from affairs by genuinely repentant husbands who are still struggling to get past it.

You, of course, haven't had the chance to get past it, because he was neither repentant nor honest.

He has a real fucking cheek maintaining that his lies and betrayal if you (that he still likes to boast about) are so far in the past that you are not allowed be upset about them.

Because he doesn't give a shit about your upset, about what he has done to you.

His only concern is his own upset and inconvenience at the consequences if being caught.

At least you found out what a bad husband he is while you are still young.

rumbelina Mon 10-Dec-12 09:33:38

I'm so sorry this is happening to you :-(

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