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i am desperate please help me

(59 Posts)
sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 00:04:35

I posted earlier about dh and he lost it about an hour ago kicked punched etc and then woke dc up and said mummy hit me i have told dc i did not and am leavibg tomorrow they do not know whether not to come i can't leave then

natureslaw Sat 01-Dec-12 00:09:35

Didn't want to leave your post unanswered although I'm not the best at this.
Are you safe?
Can you contact the Police?
Is he still there?
How old are your DCs?

badinage Sat 01-Dec-12 00:11:06

Haven't seen another thread but call the police and get him removed from the house. Don't go anywhere and phone Women's Aid in the morning to get their help with permanent removal. Do you need any hospital treatment? The police will help you with that too.

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:12:19

Hello sosotired, I read most of your earlier thread. What part of the country are you in? Do you know where you will go tomorrow (don't tell me if you think he will read this thread). You must take your children with you. Do you need help with somewhere to stay or some money? Hopefully people who know more will come along because it may be that by phoning the police you could get him out of your house tonight.

OhWesternWind Sat 01-Dec-12 00:13:38

Call the police. Please just go and do it now. They'll believe you and help you. Be strong, you can do this. I know how hard it is, but you can do it.

sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 00:16:48

he will lie and twist everything i have a car and money will book into a hotel tomorrow for breathing space my shoulder and stomach are bright read and hurt can not drive now as have had a glass of wine to scared to ring the police

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:21:25

what is your h doing at the moment? can a friend come and pick you and your children up? or if not your children, just you and you could phone the police from your friend's house and show them the red marks on your body? my hands are shaking thinking that you are in danger and i definitely think that the sooner you and your children can be away from your h the better

natureslaw Sat 01-Dec-12 00:22:53

Ring the Police, they will remove him.
Then ring Women's Aid, they will advise you how to keep him from the house, I had just read your original thread.
Don't leave, make him leave. I know it's difficult but it will be alright.

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:22:57

has he ever hurt your children?

stoopidCUPID Sat 01-Dec-12 00:23:52

just do what you need to do to make u and littleuns safe

sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 00:24:40

not physically but waking them up tonight is making me so cross i had planned to stay till they were 18 but no way can i now

sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 00:25:31

we live in a lovely house they go to good schools and i am going to disrupt all that

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:28:42

yes but it sounds as if his violence could escalate if it hasn't already
you do not have to put up with the emotional and physical abuse which you suffer for the sake of a lovely house and a good school, your children want their mother to be safe and happy more than they want to live in a big house or go to a good school

natureslaw Sat 01-Dec-12 00:30:12

You aren't disrupting anything, he is by being abusive towards you.

I maintain that you should call the Police now.
You and the DCs can stay in the house, I know from my own experience that this is frightening but it does begin to get better as soon as you make that call.

badinage Sat 01-Dec-12 00:30:40

The police will have heard all the twists and lies a hundred times before. They will take one look at your injuries and arrest him. Just do it. You and your kids are not safe if you stay in the same house as him and none of you should be going anywhere. He should be going straight to a cell for the night.

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:31:07

you sound as if you are distracting yourself from the reality of being punched and kicked sad - do your parents know what your h is really like? could you and your children go and live with them?

AgnesBligg Sat 01-Dec-12 00:31:53

Can you phone the police? I would do this now without delay. You may keep the house etc, but you need proper advice. The Police and Womens aid will help you.

You need to keep safe, and keep your DC safe.

sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 00:32:12

we are all snuggled up in the spare room with a chest of draws in front of the door i just want this night mare to end

Trazzletoes Sat 01-Dec-12 00:33:26

YOU are not disrupting anything. It was HIS choice to do so when he raised his hand.

Please call the Police. And Women's Aid. They are there to help you <holds hand>

badinage Sat 01-Dec-12 00:33:29

Phone the police.

AgnesBligg Sat 01-Dec-12 00:33:37

you poor love. Phone police!

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:34:58

sosotired, do you have any friends/relatives you could call to arrive at the same time as the police so as to have moral support. Not that the police won't support you, but you might feel safer doing it if you think you have people there who are "on your side".

natureslaw Sat 01-Dec-12 00:35:24

Being in the spare room with a chest of drawers against the door is not safe.
At best it is a hostage situation.
Call the Police.

HappySunflower Sat 01-Dec-12 00:35:49

You need to call the Police and you need to do it now.
It's important that you get this logged.
It is good that you can afford hotels but it's unfair that he treats you like this and gets to stay in the family home whilst the rest of you are uprooted.

Make that call, you won't regret making it, but I'd lay money that you would regret NOT making it, at some point.

If not for yourself, do it for your children.

sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 00:37:01

i will tomorrow from a safe distance i can not do it tonight he will shout lie and wake dc up again

JuliaFlyte Sat 01-Dec-12 00:37:26

Please call the police. It will be hard but in the future you will be very glad you did.

Oh good lord, how awful, please do what these guys have said and phone the police, that's nonlifento live, you're doing more damage to the children by keeping them in that environment, get them and you to a safe place, please
Xx

HollaAtMeBaby Sat 01-Dec-12 00:38:12

Please ring the police. If you don't feel that you are in immediate danger from him now, you can ring 101 instead of 999 - some people find that less scary.

sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 00:39:33

i have just crept out and stolen the safe key from his key ring so i can get pass ports etc he won't let me have one normally he has one and his mum i wish he would die

waltermittymistletoe Sat 01-Dec-12 00:39:47

Please please please phone the police and PLEASE don't leave the children with him.

scripsi Sat 01-Dec-12 00:39:57

Call the police and show them the injuries - you need to do this tonight!

natureslaw Sat 01-Dec-12 00:44:02

If you have been on Mumsnet for any length of time you will know that posters disagree on every thread.
On this thread, however no-one disagrees. Everone here is in agreement that you should call the Police and do it now.
It doesn't matter if the Police arrive and he shouts and lies, the Police have seen this all before.
You are in a dangerous situation.
Ring the Police, do it now.

sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 00:46:17

if i do it puts his job in jepordy

natureslaw Sat 01-Dec-12 00:47:52

If you don't he is putting your life and that of your children in jeopardy.

DollyTwat Sat 01-Dec-12 00:48:42

Stop worrying about him and do this for yourself and your dc
You'll never regret it

Is his job more important tan your children's well being? Please, if you not do it for yourself do it for them

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:50:35

having his job put in jeopardy is the very least of what he deserves, he should be in jail angry

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:52:21

the person who is supposed to love and value you the most has just kicked and punched you, this alone, never mind all his previous behaviour, is enough to warrant you and your children getting away from him forever

SirBoobAlot Sat 01-Dec-12 00:53:37

Please call the police, and call them now, do not wait for the morning.

feelokaboutit Sat 01-Dec-12 00:58:08

dear sosotired, I have to go to bed now, I have sent you a PM

WandaDoff Sat 01-Dec-12 00:59:13

999. Please call it now.

Where are you?

Police. Now. You have injuries that he has inflicted, and the police will see them.

I had to do this many years ago. The policewomen who came round were amazing. They checked my bruises, and at NO TIME did they ever suggest that I was at fault, or disbelieve me. They made sure that DS was OK, and they arrested ex-DP immediately.

They told me over and over again, I HAD DONE THE RIGHT THING!

AlfalfaMum Sat 01-Dec-12 01:49:33

Sweetheart, he has put his job in jeopardy. His stupid job is not more important than your safety.
Please get help and get out of there.

I read your other post about how he makes you do absolutely everything and gets abusive if you don't (and even if you do sad). It will be obvious to everyone that you are the primary carer of the kids, the kids know who it is that does everything for them; there is no way in hell that man would get custody. Get them away from him, lest they grow up thinking this is normal.

NervousAt20 Sat 01-Dec-12 02:14:41

You poor thing hmm I think you should call the police and they will remove him tonight. I hope you and your DCs are safe and please remember this isn't your fault x

mum11970 Sat 01-Dec-12 02:19:28

Please, please phone the police now. Things will only get worse if you don"t. Hugs xx

CaliforniaLeaving Sat 01-Dec-12 02:31:02

Ca;; the Police sweetheart, you need to look out for you and protect the kids. He's adult he can take care of himself. Stay safe, call the Police and let them help you before he does even more damage. He has caused all this not you.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Sat 01-Dec-12 02:54:34

I haven't read your other thread but, as someone else said, it's very rare for everyone on Mumsnet to agree.
They all seem to agree here.
So please phone the police and end this nightmare for you and your children.
Be brave sweetheart. Pick up the phone. 999

mathanxiety Sat 01-Dec-12 03:20:31

Phone the police.

They will not look down at you for having a glass of wine or whatever. It is not a crime.

You are not putting his job in jeopardy by calling them. They will not do anything about charging him without your consent.

Calling the police is not a life changing decision where he loses his job and your children lose their home and schools. The police will come, check the facts and take him down to the station.

You get your breather. He gets to realise that you are not a punchbag and that there is a higher authority than him. It may be all he needs to get a sense of perspective. Or maybe not.

Either way, the police have him on their radar and this is a very good thing. Also, you get the incident recorded, and this is also a very good thing.

Don't let all the 'What Ifs' about his job and disrupting the children's lives swirl through your mind.
There is a lot of help and support out there for you and the police will see to it that you know where to turn, how to get the support you need. Your children need that support too. How do you think they feel having been woken up by this man the way he woke them tonight?

OP you ok?

sosotiredagain123 Sat 01-Dec-12 08:58:50

Just packing will up date later when I can

joblot Sat 01-Dec-12 09:02:29

Good luck. Am rooting for you

stuffitunderthebed Sat 01-Dec-12 09:49:34

Hope you're ok OP.

beeny Sat 01-Dec-12 09:53:12

Please phone police.I am a criminal lawyer the police have heard all sorts of rubbish from the perpetrators of domestic violence,they wont fall for it.

waltermittymistletoe Sat 01-Dec-12 10:18:20

Please don't leave if you don't have somewhere safe to go.

Get him out. Phone the police and have him arrested. Then get to a solicitor first thing Monday.

Please don't leave your kids with him. Sending you loads of support!

puds11 Sat 01-Dec-12 10:21:11

Hi op i hope your ok! Be strong, you can do this! Your children will be safer away from him. Forget about what will happen to him, and think about you and your children. He's a bad man.

beeny Sat 01-Dec-12 14:03:51

Hope you are okay x

CaliforniaLeaving Sat 01-Dec-12 20:52:12

I hope you are somewhere safe Soso. Let us know when you can.

didipickles Sat 01-Dec-12 20:57:29

please phone police now. i regret not pressing charges against my ex a year on its come back to bite me. i know its hard but you have to to protect your children. take photos of injuries. please take care xx

JuliaFlyte Tue 04-Dec-12 12:14:25

OP if you get a chance, would you update us? I am worrying about you, and I'm sure others are too

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