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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spicing Up The Winter Nights With Rich Hot Chocolate And Thermal Tights!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Tue 27-Nov-12 21:13:48

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

I'm one of the Brave Babes travelling on this fantabulous Bus, on it's journey to the wonderful world of sobriety. smile

The great thing is, that the people on here are a real mixed bunch. Some are drinking regularly, some aren't. Some are sober and have been for any number of days, some weeks, months and yep, some even for years.

There's no judging pants allowed, no savoury flans either wink, just lots of unconditional support from many varied sources. Yes, some of us have been here from the start but please don't let that stop you posting, this thread is for EVERYONE and it always has been smile

If you'd like to have a look back, here are some links. One to the previous thread and one to the very first, and the reason we are all still here.

See you soon,

Mouse xx

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

Mouseface Tue 27-Nov-12 21:15:09

Hello, me again, for now, we're still over HERE until the thread is full, then we'll all mosey over to this thread.

Hope to see you over there until then. smile xx

venusandmars Wed 28-Nov-12 15:52:52

Hello, I'm venus I joined in on the first thread waaaay, waaaay back. I never imagined that a middle-aged woman like me would have a group of 'friends' on t'internet, and I never, ever imagined that I'd be able to wax lyrical about the delights of not drinking.

I'm off out tonight and away all day tomorrow and then busy with work on Friday, so I'm marking my place. Take care of yourself and each other xx

venusandmars Wed 28-Nov-12 17:16:24

And yeah.... I filled up the old thread grin

venusandmars Wed 28-Nov-12 17:17:03

kiki did you read my post on the last thread about buying your mil little bottles of wine?

Mouseface Wed 28-Nov-12 17:25:14

Kik - yep, when the mood takes me but that's maybe once or twice a month if I go out to my friend's house...... not at all often. Or if DH and I have a 'date night', we'll share a bottle of fizz.

I used to be the one going through the white wine's checking which was the strongest to make sure I got the most for my money! That's the old me.

The new me, buys a wine because it's a decent wine that's half price so a steal or because it's had a great review.

In other words, I buy wine to drink it for the evening, not for the sheer hell of it.

greeneyed Wed 28-Nov-12 17:25:30

Just taking a seat at the back - I was always the rebel smoking at the back - not smoking today or drinking though - roll on 9pm when the wine witch goes home - Have a nice evening babes x I'm going to cuddle up with my three year old on the sofa and hope he falls asleep on me, that will cheer me up xx

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Wed 28-Nov-12 17:25:39

Hello Babes! Mwah!

greeneyed Wed 28-Nov-12 17:27:54

Kiki so agree with Venus re the small bottle - even if you don't drink tonight a half bottle of red wine hanging around tomorrow will just be torture - can't you just say casually oh shit we forgot to get some in..sorry

kikilondon Wed 28-Nov-12 18:26:48

hi all!

well, have just done an early supper for everyone and mil had glass of red whilst dh and I had fizzy water

they'll be back about 9.30, I rkn but I plan to be in pjs and teeth cleaned by then with a herbal tea so hopefully can resist

didn't feel tempted by it whilst eating and really noticed a wiff of the sour smell!

that is prob the thing I hate mst about wine, thinking of the kids smelling it on breath when I cuddle and kiss them

kikilondon Wed 28-Nov-12 18:28:01

mouse, yes, I want to drink on high days and holidays really....make it the exception rather than the rule and if I drank tonight I know I'd be back to mindlessly glugging every day in a flash

shaketheshame Wed 28-Nov-12 19:10:15

I'm shaketheshame and I have been a non drinker for 14 months, yesterday I almost had a relapse. In the past I have tried to cut down but I have never manage to moderate myself for long. I used to drink 1-2 bottles a night every day. I was deeply depressed as you can imagine and my marriage on the verge of collapsing. I had no patience for my children, no much time either as the week end were spent mostly in bed recuperating from my heavy benders.

I remember the bruises from that period because I was always bumping myself. One of the dreadful things that I remember and which helps me not to drink is waking up in the middle of the night and this huge sense of guilt and failure and promising myself I wouldn't drink the next night. Promise I always failed to keep obviously. Around 6 o'clock I'd dragged my children to the offie in order to get more wine..I already had a bottle but I just wanted to make sure that I had enough.

In that local Off licence, I probably spent an average of 16 pounds a day...and oh the shame when the shopkeeper told me that I seemed to love wine a lot.

I was this desperate person who was sinking lower and lower.

After many attempts to moderate myself (everytime was unsuccessful) , I have made the decision to stop completely. It was a scary decision to make but I knew deep down it was for the best and I haven't looked back until yesterday.

Yesterday was a bad day and I didn't drink but it was a closed one. So I need to remember what are the advantages about not drinking (feel free to add more) :

- I have reclaimed my week end
- I have more patience /time with my children
- I'm generally happier (well apart from lately but hopefully I'll sort it)
- I don't wake up in the middle of the night feeling guilty/like a failure/teary/sick
- No more hangover meaning no more badbeing
- I have bags of energy
- I took on running, something I have never done until march 2012, I can now run 5k 1-2 times a week. Hang on that is ME we are talking about, the fat slug who only ran when the off licence was near closing time.

I'm sure there are more great things but it's all I can think about. I hope you don't mind me writing this essay. It helps.

Mouseface Wed 28-Nov-12 19:16:52

<applauds ShakeTheShame like a seal waiting to be fed>

You are a real inspiration and I hope you know that, so you had a wobble, so what? We all do. Even those who have been sober for years.....

That's what we're here for. Wibbles, wobbles and erm, hobbles? Well, certainly in my case on a bad back day!

I've just spent an HOUR trying to get Nemo to go to sleep after he pleaded with me to let him go to bed.

Someone came to the door, no idea who. DD left the back door unlocked, the cat needed feeding, the kitchen tidying, lunch for school etc........ I have just brought him down, done the above and stuck Shaun The Sheep on, with him on the sofa, hooked up to the feed he decided he didn't want.

Children are enough to drive you to drink, I tell ya! wink

helpyourself Wed 28-Nov-12 19:29:26

Nice new thread looks round approvingly and crawls into seat by heater. Did I mention I had 10 stitches in the roof of my mouth today? I'm milking it. DH is out tonight but offered to cancel. I've asked him for a pony. grin
Glad you found the new thread Shakey
Hey mouse, remember last week when we were making contingency plans for inde to start this thread? How great that Nemo is snuggled up in front of Sean.

dementedma Wed 28-Nov-12 19:45:15

Ah here you all are!
help that sounds awful. Poor you.
I was supposed to have a nice evening with work colleagues and had arranged for dd2 to mind Ds. However the best laid plans...... Dd2 went to Glasgow and fainted! Missed the bus home, DS home alone blah blah. So here I am.
Dd2 is OK now, think a combination of acupuncture and painkillers for back spasms was maybe a factor.

buyer48 Wed 28-Nov-12 19:46:07

Hello all. I'm afraid I had a slip last night. A half drunk bottle of wine in the fridge so I asked DH if he was drinking it and then poured myself a glass. Pretty rubbish really but it had been there since Sunday.

I feel bad but not too bad as I only had a glass and now there is no wine in the house so I won't be drinking tonight. It just reminds me how hard this is - how that miserable "friend" can creep up on you when you least expect it. Still I have now done a total of 4 out of 5 days without a drink and that's a huge improvement - just don't want to make a habit of it.

Well done all who are sticking to their guns - and wishing you luck for a sober evening. Not very good at name checking I'm afraid esp when we have switched to a new thread.

Glad that nemo is home and on his road to recovery. Sending you both a hug across the ether.

kotinka Wed 28-Nov-12 19:51:05

Evening all :-)

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 20:02:58

<Bags a seat and attempts to hide from DD who is being a total cow tonight sad angry)

kotinka Wed 28-Nov-12 20:03:52

teenage terrors purple?

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 20:09:37

Yep, Koti (well, pre-teen). She's argued about just about everything since she got back from school. It's bloody exhausting! She's thumping around in her bedroom right now - and I cannot be bothered to face her again. Her moods really are/were one of my biggest 'triggers'. How's your household? Quiet and peaceful? grin

buyer48 Wed 28-Nov-12 20:14:48

sympathies purple. My DD is pre-pre-teen but still hard going and I hate having to deal with tantrums. It just makes me lose my temper/ feel guilty/ feel like drowning my sorrows. Am trying to think of nice TV prog to watch tonight for a cheer up.

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 20:20:38

Thanks Buyer. I think I have more patience recently but her outrageous demands and totally unreasonable behaviour makes me feel like I've failed! (And, in turn, need an old enemy/friend to turn to.) Still, have stuck to the fizzy water, the corner shop is shut now, have my PJ's on and am SAFE for tonight. Hope you find a great prog to take your mind off the tantrums. smile

babyjane1 Wed 28-Nov-12 20:23:06

shake you have done an amazing job and your previous life, the
Wine drinking one described my life up to last weekend in scarily similar circumstances!!! I'm only day 3 into a new life of sobriety and it's without doubt people like you that give people like me the inspiration and possibility if success, your wee wee wobble just makes you human and courageous to us. Every negative sentiment you have listed in your previous life I have been going through, I'm overweight, depressed, older looking than my years and it's all because of wine. mouse i always picked the highest vol for max effect, that one struck a chord. Anyway shake its not where you start it's where you finish and your winning the race, stay strong, your amazing x x x

kotinka Wed 28-Nov-12 20:23:15

A little odd Purple - recently my BIL died & a few hours ago we just found out he's left us some money. I should be happy but I'm really tearfull. How weird is that?!

kotinka Wed 28-Nov-12 20:26:14

her outrageous demands and totally unreasonable behaviour makes me feel like I've failed!

I think she's pushing at the boundaries, which is normal. You just have to stick to your guns (easier said than done!) It doesn't mean you've failed at all!

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 20:26:52

Maybe it's his legacy of kindness that's touched you and made you tearful, Koti?

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 20:30:52

(X post Koti) I know you're right and, on a good day when I'm not tired or the boys haven't been playing up (DS1 was a horror today too!!) I'm not too bad - buy today she doesn't appear to think I deserve to have any sort of life for myself and should consider myself her taxi, bank, cook and cleaner! Sheesh!

kotinka Wed 28-Nov-12 20:32:09

He had a serious weight problem & we were all too polite to pull him up about his takeaway habit. I still feel guilty. Plus he was such a talented & nice bloke. Seems such a waste.

kotinka Wed 28-Nov-12 20:33:36

she doesn't appear to think I deserve to have any sort of life for myself and should consider myself her taxi, bank, cook and cleaner! Sheesh!

Oh yes, mine's only 8 & we have this attitude! Were we this self centred as kids?

(probably blush)

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 20:40:29

Never! grin

You see, that's why you're upset. He was a nice bloke, it was a waste and now he's gone - and the money is a reminder of all that. And, how hard is it to tell someone that their addiction is harming them? Some of my friends must have been aware I was drinking too much and (apart from my Northern friend, bless her socks!!) no one could/would say anything - besides - I wouldn't have listened then, I'd probably just have got cross and defensive.

babyjane1 Wed 28-Nov-12 20:41:23

buyer don't worry, your doing amazingly, don't dwell on a teeny weeny blip, your doing amazingly, help hope you feel better soon, sending hugs x x x

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 20:44:26

PS Did anyone else see the American programme 'My 600 pound life'? It struck me, for the first time, that these overweight people were suffering from very similar emotional etc problems to myself - just their 'choice' of addiction was different. I had never thought of obesity as a parallel to alcoholism before.

Mouseface Wed 28-Nov-12 20:45:52

One word Purple - GIRLS.

The can be vile, they can be sweetness and light. They can crush your heart with one single line, and then they can bring you a cup of tea and a biscuit when they know that you are unlikely to get a hot meal tonight because your DH is away.

DD and I have had our moments and she has literally driven me to drink bottles of wine in the past. Bottles. I'm not going to say it gets easier, it gets different.

DD is being bullied as I've said, I am trying my best not to get too involved at this stage, keeping my distance but standing beside DD to catch her if she needs me too.

Her natural father is also being a twat, her little brother is poorly and in her eyes, I have been taken away from her, again.

There are so many things that we don't always see or feel but it's there in their world.

My advice? Take some time out. Saf said 3 minutes is a good time out once and I have to say that it works for me.

She also knows how to get to you, and I'd lay my furry little mousey bottom on the line and say that she has a touch of you in her too? My mother loves how DD is with me, she says it's her revenge. hmm

Help - yes, Ma and IsinDe not sure who was going to do what and here he is, my little fighter, after an hour of fighting me, is now cradled on my lap, snuggled in one of DD's blankets from when she was a baby. It has little multi-coloured rabbits on it, he looks so small.

He is small for his age but tonight, he looks tiny. Maybe because I've struggled to get stuff done and CBA to continue now..... I want my bed. His feed is running so I'm going to wait and try to talk to DH, tell him I love him and then close the door on the day.

Kiki - how are you holding out? Well done on the sparkling water! Now, quick, PJs and TEETH! grin

helpyourself Wed 28-Nov-12 20:48:19

Thanks Babyjane
Night all, sleep sweetly. x

helpyourself Wed 28-Nov-12 20:49:31

Thanks Babyjane and all you lovely hand holders and hair strokers.
Night all, sleep sweetly. x

helpyourself Wed 28-Nov-12 20:50:06

Oh for goodness sake.
blush

kikilondon Wed 28-Nov-12 20:58:35

Am ok thanks mouse...will not succumb!!! Xxx

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 21:00:33

(Ha! I can be a good Mum sometimes! Just been in to 'tuck' the Rattle Snake in, stroke her hair, say good night and tell her I love her.)

kotinka Wed 28-Nov-12 21:02:21

Thanks purple, that makes sense - yes, I saw that too, plus I'm about 50 pounds overweight myself & the two addictions do seem very similar to me too.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Wed 28-Nov-12 21:16:19

Hello Babes

I'm about 6 stone overweight, and I know that my food addiction and alcohol problems are closely linked. If I'm doing one, I'm usually doing the other.

Wish me luck - story nearly finished, 1,500 word essay to do before bedtime. Toodle pip xxx

PurpleWolfe Wed 28-Nov-12 21:21:17

Wishing you luck, Sunny. I can't keep my eyes open so have huge respect for you getting on with the task in hand. Have a lovely hot chocolate or something - to keep you going. x

Tristessa Wed 28-Nov-12 21:29:07

Almost missed the bus! New thread, new Tristessa - brilliant grin

Hi there sunny and shake nice to meet you.

Hope you feel better soon help, tooth pain is one of the worst things ever <shudder>

Day 2 and really want some tomato juice. I went into M&S and they didn't have any! Clearly it isn't "naice" shock Plenty of wine but I don't have to drink that any more. Or dispose of the bottles and all that effort involved...

Mouseface Wed 28-Nov-12 21:36:56

Orf to Bedforshire soon, but just wanted to say that I'm really grateful to you all for keeping me going over this last week or so.

Thank you Babes

Night xxxx

SobaSoma Wed 28-Nov-12 21:55:44

Hi everyone, really in awe of you Shake and how you've managed to reclaim your life, don't give your wobble a second thought. One of the worst things for me too when I was drinking was waking in the early hours to the crushing realisation that I'd gone and done it again....Such an empty feeling.

Sleep well Mouse, what a week it's been for you and how lucky Nemo is to have you for his mum. Hope you're OK Joey and sleeping better.

kikilondon Wed 28-Nov-12 22:21:45

In bed-dh and mil downstairs drinking red. I had some cheese and biscuits with them and glass water. V v pleased with self!! Nighty all xxx

greeneyed Wed 28-Nov-12 22:47:53

Well done Kiki that's great stuff

GoldenAutumn Wed 28-Nov-12 23:03:05

<<claims seat>>

<<wonders where Joey is>> You alright duck??

babyjane1 Wed 28-Nov-12 23:13:06

Night night my lovely babes, night 3 and still going strong and its al because of you all, big hugs and sweet dreams and sincere thanks for the strength you have all shown me is possible x x x

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 00:29:33

wish I was going to bed, finishing yet another assignment :-(

night all.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Thu 29-Nov-12 05:52:05

Hello all
Kotinka I hope you're asleep by now. I've just got up to do an essay - 1500 words by 8.15!
Have a good day Babes, will check in later. Mwah. xxx

greeneyed Thu 29-Nov-12 08:35:28

Morning babes! Just read a great quote 'if all hell breaks loose... Let it go...stand aside... And wave it on' have a good day all x

Tristessa Thu 29-Nov-12 08:57:43

Morning all smile

It's Think Through Thursday as Venus would say. I am going to remind myself why I'm doing this by reading some of the old threads and then take a bracing walk to the shops where I will not be the slightly hungover woman buying just a bottle of wine and a birthday card to make it look like it was for someone else / a genuine celebration. Oh, how very many birthday cards I have stashed away...

EasyToEatTiger Thu 29-Nov-12 09:02:29

Morning all. Today I woke up feeling as though I had drunk a bathtub of wine. It took me over an hour to drink a bottle of beer. It's not really worth it, but it is a relevation to think that.. I have found in the past that I get bored of drinking on my own. Perhaps my marriage is a lonely place right now. Sometimes it feels very much like that. It's better to recognise that than to try to make friends with a non-living entity. Like trying to make friends with a cardboard box?

Mouseface Thu 29-Nov-12 09:23:55

Morning tis me, Mouse

Tiger - Today I woke up feeling as though I had drunk a bathtub of wine. It took me over an hour to drink a bottle of beer. It's not really worth it, but it is a revelation to think that

That's the point I got to also. I started to wonder why I was bothering when it took me all night to have 1 drink and DH 1 bottle of wine, plus beers? Why bother? So I don't anymore.

Unless it;s a planned event or I just fancy a glass with dinner. I NEVER thought that I could be in control of my drinking like I am today and by today, I mean the morning of 29/22/2012.

I'm not trying to be a Smuggy McSmugpants, I'm just saying that the 'drinker' I am now, is not the drinker I used to be, nor ever thought that I could be.

You have to believe in yourself 100%. You have to want to really stop. Not kinda stop, or maybe stop, but REALLY STOP!

Kiki - well done, you should feel very proud of yourself. smile

Breakfast, back in a mo............

helpyourself Thu 29-Nov-12 10:20:22

Well done kiki!
Hope you all have good days- whatever happened last night today's a new shiny fresh one.
After yesterday's tooth dramas I woke up this morning feeling fine.
Thank you for handholding and blue light.

kikilondon Thu 29-Nov-12 10:22:21

Morning all... Thanks for all the support. Think I may have just had wine last night were it not for this thread! And got a taste for it again. But I don't want to be a person who drinks a bottle of wine a night for no reason. I want to be somebody who enjoys a couple of glasses on a night out but that alcohol doesn't play a regular part in life for .,

kikilondon Thu 29-Nov-12 10:23:28

Next time I'm out is sat 8 dec so may plan a couple of drinks then but not before

Zombiewoodyallenjesus Thu 29-Nov-12 10:31:23

Morning brave babes,

It's a lovely frosty day here and I've walked back from school and had a think. This week I have kept making sure there is just a bit gone from the next bottle of wine so that in the evening I think , well, I will finish that bottle then stop. But each night I just go into the next bottle blush

Today I have reached the last bottle in the house and I don't want to buy any more. I will drink that bottle tonight but please could you give me advice how to gt through tomorrow evening without wine. The only thing I can think of is going to bed straight after work - god, that sounds bad written down sad

Am sick f every morning thinking right I'll stop then every evening finding a glass in my hand. So thought if I plan and prepare like it's a battle it might help. Is it pathetic to say I'm scared of stopping?

Mouseface Thu 29-Nov-12 10:40:16

Kiki - NO PROJECTING!! Saturday the 8th is a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong way off in the grand scheme of things so worry about it on Friday the 7th!

If you drink, you drink. If not, then great. Plan your night out nearer the time, because by then, you'll feel different about alcohol and your drinking again won't you? Things will have moved forward, changed ...... you might even decide to drive shock grin

What I'm saying is that the drinker posting today will be a different one again by the time that night comes around. smile xx

greeneyed Thu 29-Nov-12 10:44:57

Not pathetic - change is scary but read through the threads - can you see any babes saying I wish I'd carried on drinking, drank last night etc smile - No stopping is a resounding positive - change for the better - it will be scary but worth it x (must take own advice smile ) I am on day 4 and I feel so much better today - good luck Zombie

greeneyed Thu 29-Nov-12 11:47:43

Mouse thank you for link to food focus - it's great - like weight watchers but free smile

jesuswhatnext Thu 29-Nov-12 12:20:39

BOING!!! hello lovely babes!

just a usual quick 'in and out' (oooer missus!) a fact i have realised - the longer you stay sober, the more boring the thought of drinking is, drunks are boring, hangovers are boring, guilt is boring....get the idea?

me? well, since you ask grin i have soooo many party invites, my 50th coming up shock i have had to buy a couple of new dresses (although i am being frugal and using the bag and shoes i bought for dds wedding grin) i feel so far removed from the woman that first posted i dont recognise myself! astonishing!! well, for me it is! so, for the all wobblers out there, just try a day at time, they soon build up to a whole new you! smile

aliasjoey Thu 29-Nov-12 12:21:05

sorry babes been really busy

Still lurking on the Bus, still not drinking - still eating too much chocolate instead!

jesuswhatnext Thu 29-Nov-12 12:26:31

kiki, i am going to a fantastic dinner and dance on the 8th, i will think of you while i sip my N&T and my diamonte glitters in the candlelight and i dance with my handsome dh (although i say it myself, he has something of a james bond look going on when in a dj!) - you and i will wake up with bright shiny eyes on the 9th, maybe do something nice with the family, go for walk in the crisp air and eat a hearty winter dinner - what we wont be doing is laying in a stinky pit of a bed with a mouth like gandhi's flip flop and a huge dose of the alkie guilts!!

babyjane1 Thu 29-Nov-12 12:46:47

hi everyone, Jesus I read your very first post and it's following your progress that brought me into the fold of this anazing safe haven so you are an inspiration to me zombie I'm only on day 4 without the wine witch but I do know I spent all day obsessing about wine, how much? What time to start? What wine to get? It was the focus of my day... It's way to much hard work, so for the last few nights I have set myself wee mini goals, make soup, walk the dog, face pack, paint nails, i haven't watched emmerdale because that was my trigger so I have my candle lit bath at seven, it sounds silly but it's kept me away from wine longer than I have in years, I'm feeling a but wobbly as thursday and the weekend looms but I feel so much better physically that I hope that keeps me strong, sorry for prattling x x

babyjane1 Thu 29-Nov-12 13:31:02

Hows all the rest of you superbabes getting on x x x

obrigada Thu 29-Nov-12 14:24:30

"just try a day at time, they soon build up to a whole new you!"

Absolutely love that line Jesus, going to borrow itsmile

SunlessSea Thu 29-Nov-12 15:33:26

Another long time lurker here. I've been reading your threads over the last few days and I so admire all of you. I've made a few pathetic attempts at stopping drinking, but haven't been successful so far. I think I've probably lost my relationship and I'm scared of the future with my DD if I carry on this way. I'm not much of a joiner, but it gives me hope when I read your posts.

babyjane1 Thu 29-Nov-12 15:53:55

Hey let's you make you sun instead of sunless, it's much more hopeful!!! We have all lurked, all tried all failed and tried again, we all share the same problem, booze!!!! I've only started actually posting recently and I feel part of something very special, we all represent
a small but essential part of the torpedo that destroys the
Wine witch and that includes you sun x x x

SunlessSea Thu 29-Nov-12 15:57:18

Is it always thewinewitch? It is for me, and I have to wonder if there is a particular addiction ton to win. I have to be afk

for a while, but thanks for your response

obrigada Thu 29-Nov-12 16:01:15

I too am more of a lurker than a poster these days, my main problem with alcohol is that once I have had that first glass I find it next to impossible to stop!

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 17:03:29

Sunny yes, I gave up at 2 am, did the rest in my lunch break & shock horror, handed in in time - Did you get yours done?

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 17:05:24

Still lurking on the Bus, still not drinking - still eating too much chocolate instead!

Good for you Joey! I'm still replacing wine too & have put on about 5 pounds when I should be losing, eek! Choccy for me too :-(

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Thu 29-Nov-12 17:42:03

Hello again Babes

kotinka I handed my essay in today - now have 2k words on feminist literary theory to do before bedtime. It's doable, but I'd rather be sitting on the sofa watching telly! Another one to do this weekend for Monday - that'll learn me to procrastinate.

Still not drinking - day 5 - no wish to drink. I'm looking forward to roast chicken courtesy of DH and hopefully an early night after finishing this essay.

Big hugs to all of you, wish you all a(nother) night away from the wine witch!

kikilondon Thu 29-Nov-12 18:06:54

It seems to be wine witch with us all?? Wonder if that's because of the huge amount of sugar we get from it..? Felt great all day that didn't drink last night!!! Dh v impressed! Yeah mouse I mustn't project! Joey...ah will think of a lovely day on the Sunday after nice evening...
Went to gym for first time since decided to stop wine (am a massive gym fan)... Will sleep well tonight. Feel hungrier than normal - because not getting wine cals I suppose. You're all fab! X

babyjane1 Thu 29-Nov-12 18:37:08

Hey babes, I'm feeling very anxious tonight, Thursday is always always my favourite wine night, oldest dd stays with my mum so I'm free to drink without onlooking dismay, Kiki you are same day as me, need some help, it's been a long and stressful day and I really want a big glass of wine!!! X x x

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 18:51:26

Sunny Bloody hell, your workload is worse than mine!

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 18:53:55

Babyjane - how many days have you done without now?

Ma's HALT thing helped me, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, deal with those things first & see if the craving passes.

Why was today stressful for you?

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Thu 29-Nov-12 18:57:35

kotinka Not really, it's only 3 essays a term - I've just been really slapdash and not done them in good time! grin

Hang in there babyjane - I know what you mean about Thursdays being a good night, it was where my 'weekend' started. What else can you do tonight while your oldest dd isn't there?

babyjane1 Thu 29-Nov-12 19:15:55

I'm on night 4 and it's been a hectic day with kids and thursday always seems close of enough to the weekend that it's socially and morally acceptable. It's been so easy up til now but with hyper critical dd not here it seems sooooo tempting. I'm stupidly thinking most "normal" mums enjoy a pre weekend drink, I know what I'm doing, I'm normalising wine drinking, I knew thurs Friday sat would be my real danger zone, it's cold, the fire is on and wine seems the missing link, I'm trying to work through this feeling x x x

greeneyed Thu 29-Nov-12 19:36:49

Baby hang in there, I'm in exactly the same space let's gang up on the wine witch together!!! Plan A clean house as have guests coming tomorrow, plan B take off makeup, brush teeth put on jammies then wait upstairs till wine witch has gone (usually around 9pm) what's your plan? feel free to follow mine smile

helpyourself Thu 29-Nov-12 19:58:55

Hang in there Babes play the movie to the end. Think of alcohol as the loser abusive ex boyfriend.

babyjane1 Thu 29-Nov-12 20:01:49

green I'm cleaning out my bedroom and changing my beds so I will appreciate a nice fresh bed, then it's a nice bath and paint my nails red, should me up to 9 oclock also and the worst will be over, thanks green it helps having a kindred spirit, sending you a hug x x x

Mouseface Thu 29-Nov-12 20:40:42

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Distraction, distraction, DISTRACTION! <stern face>

What would you do with a toddler throwing the mother of all tantrums in public? Me? I distract Nemo and it works.

Bath, book, bed, fresh sheets, painting of nails, bit of beauty therapy, reading a book you've only thought about picking up because you knew you'd fall asleep pissed and forget the lot.....

Do something to pass the time and go to bed with a clear head, wake refreshed, feeling victorious and vibrant. What have you got to lose? smile

I know that Christmas is not far off, I know that a lot of the babes will be thinking of it all ready, worrying........ stop. Wait. Think about it nearer the time. The Bus will still be here, it never shuts it's doors so you all best wrap up tonight because boy it's colder than a wine witches boob out there!! grin

Plus Jupiter is out again looking wonderful smile

I'm going to take my boy to bed as he's struggling with reality and trauma induced fiction right now...... lots of crying still but DH is home and boy does that make my life easier..... I've been cooked a hot meal.

Anyway, you are all doing bloody brilliantly so keep it up!!

Sleep well Babes,

Mouse xxxxxx

PS - Jesus - you're recycling your handbag and shoes? <faints> wink Fabufabbytastic to see you here lovely, I hope life with you is fine and dandy xxxx

greeneyed Thu 29-Nov-12 21:25:33

Well done * baby*! Hope the witch has gone, she's still hanging around here as I'm really wired tonight but I'm sure as hell not giving in to her now mouse love the cold boob comment grin Random I couldn't see Jupiter tonight but it was really bright last night - I was stood out in my dressing gown and slippers looking at it through my binos - hope non of the neighbours saw me - right will be off to have another look now! mouse hope you and Nemo sleep tight sending soothing thoughts through the ether to him x

kikilondon Thu 29-Nov-12 21:50:42

Well done baby! You can't let me down, sobriety buddy!!

kikilondon Thu 29-Nov-12 21:52:57

I've been ok as only just home...cup of tea and biscuit for me! Pub tomorrow but driving so will be on the lime and soda

Tristessa Thu 29-Nov-12 21:53:40

Well done everyone smile

I've dug out my, "Just for Today" card which I used to read each morning. I was at a meeting a couple of weeks ago and the literature cupboard was locked so instead of someone reading it from the card at the start, we did it as a group, all chipping in the bits we knew. All supporting each other - made me quite tearful.

Here is the text if anyone is interested:

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won’t find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Tristessa Thu 29-Nov-12 21:57:48

P.s Some of you may remember that I passed my fourth driving test the first time I tried after a break from alcohol. I still maintain that the bit about not hurrying OR being indecisive helped me at roundabouts grin

greeneyed Thu 29-Nov-12 22:17:52

Tritessa, that's interesting, pleased it works so well for you. It seems a bit too much and overwhelming for me to contemplate all in one day but I'd like to pinch just 1-4 smile

babyjane1 Thu 29-Nov-12 22:29:46

Well babes Ive managed another night, after eating my body weight in
Chocolate but hey you pick your battles eh!!!!! A point I need to make most strenuously is that before I found you guys i'd be on my second bottle without a doubt, how can strangers change the course of my life!!! Eternally baffled and grateful, night night my lovelies x x x x

Tristessa Thu 29-Nov-12 22:31:30

It's too much for me, too, greeneyed - can't say I've ever managed that quiet half hour all to myself hmm

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 22:34:51

Babyjane, that's fantastic news, I'm really pleased for you. Sorry I had to cut & run earlier, the kids are ill with yet another virus.

Hey folks, I've started counselling for my binge drinking & for my anxiety which I suppose are separate issues. I have so loved all the support from here. Have been doing so so well with the alcohol & wine, but tonight was really stressful & lure of wine was too strong. Bought a bottle & went somewhere where I knew it would be chilled! Thought I'll have a glass but have now drunk bottle & sitting watching pineapple express! Have texted neighbour asking of she has cigs?' there is now no more alcohol but I want more plus a cigarette plus anything else if it's going!

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 22:39:39

Hiya clutter, nice to see you again, think I've missed you for a while?

What are your plans for tomorrow? If you drink any more can you picture what tomorrow will be like?

greeneyed Thu 29-Nov-12 22:47:23

Well done baby - you should be reet proud of yourself smile - Tritessa yeah that would probably be the most difficult to manage grin I'm sorry Ohclutter listen to kotinka, think about tomorrow and not tonight

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 23:00:31

You ok clutter?

kotinka Thu 29-Nov-12 23:12:03

Off for an early night, hope you all have a peaceful night
xxx

Fell asleep on the sofa Kotinka, have terrible headache this morning sad Why is wine so addictive? Hope all babes doing ok xx

PurpleWolfe Fri 30-Nov-12 08:14:40

Morning Babes and good luck for today! Hope you all stay warm in this perishing weather.

6 week 'anniversary' today! Who knew!? Am going out for lunch with a friend who's birthday is today. I've given up wine and lost nearly a stone and a half since I saw her last! Just need to concentrate on body-swerving the wine with the meal - always a good excuse to 'legitimately' drink in the past.

Hugs to everyone and will check back later and write more <and make hot chocolate and chocolate digestives for everyone> Got to go and have a luxurious bath, paint nails and pamper myself before going.

Laters p'taters!!

Boing!

xx

babyjane1 Fri 30-Nov-12 08:43:24

clutter take a couple of painkillers and some water, don't worry about last night, just one cheeky wee bottle, no harm done, the good thing about this bus, the journey starts afresh every day. Babes I'm off take baby dd out for the day so have a good day my lovely babes x x x x

EasyToEatTiger Fri 30-Nov-12 08:53:41

I've had my first week for months getting my alcohol intake inside Government guidlines (yawn). I don't like being told what to do, and I think that some of my drinking has been out of rebellion than desire for alcohol.. If I take out the rebellion bit, really there's not much point in drinking for Britain.
Thank you for picking me up, Mrs bus driver! I am in need of taking a bit of a look at myself and recognising the wretch I have been. When I visit my parents, the whole thing is alcohol fuelled, and I have too many memories of unhappiness and drunkeness, and wanting (and it not materialising) to be loved, and trying to drink my way out of situations.

kikilondon Fri 30-Nov-12 08:57:15

Clutter..I'm like that...a glass of wine always leads to more, then want fags/drugs/party all night if I could!! Addictive personality?! Woke up with banging headache too today and didn't drink last night! Toxins? Babej..day 5, can we believe it???? Today I am not going to drink smile

kikilondon Fri 30-Nov-12 08:57:26

Tiger - well done!!

helpyourself Fri 30-Nov-12 09:31:41

Lots of water and sweet treats today clutter and as much fresh air as you can bear this chilly morn. Plan for tonight too. No excuses to nip out at wine o'clock.
And HALT. Avoid getting hungry, angry, lonely or tired. If you do, fix it! Eat, talk and sleep well tonight.

babyjane1 Fri 30-Nov-12 09:42:12

clutter 2 painkillers and lots of water, put last night behind you, new day, new journey on the bus, stay close and keep talking, happy days x x x x

Tristessa Fri 30-Nov-12 09:56:38

Be kind to yourself today, clutter smile

Addictive personality - check. When I was younger and my friends were into drugs I never quite got them myself because I couldn't see the point of smoking say one joint, or taking one pill and waiting for the effects to wear off before maybe having another. MORE! NOW! AGAIN! my brain would scream at me, and I would be the one drinking and smoking cigarettes incessantly on top of whatever it was we were doing and getting told I was cancelling out the effects.

I still do it now with drinking anything. I have to force myself to sip a carefully-made spicy tomato juice rather than neck it.

EasyToEatTiger Fri 30-Nov-12 11:19:37

I think some people have a greater drive for more and more than others. My 'more' brakes are very feeble indeed although they do exist. Somewhere. Please forgive yourself Clutter. Again and again and again. If any demons rise up in a hangover kind of a way, let them float off.
I have noticed that I come from a spectacularly judgemental family. Small things keep popping up. My mother has stayed with my father for reasons that I expect stem from a lack of support and a bitter lonliness. I think that we, the children use alcohol in my family as a connection to my father and a desire to be loved. By not drinking i guess I am trying to break those ties. I don't know if it will work, but it is a thought. It's very hard to accept myself as a person who is loved and wanted when throughout my childhood the evidence didn't back this up.

Mouseface Fri 30-Nov-12 12:10:55

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Clutter - You can't undo what is done but you can move forward from it. Start again today, well, start again until say, 3pm and see how you feel. Come back and post. Doesn't have to be on the dot as it were but come back and update us on how you're feeling. Just letting it out helps sometimes, whatever the 'it' may be. It's good that you are getting counselling if you want it, that's half the battle, wanting to get help and then getting it, starting that ball rolling IYSWIM?

You remind me a little of myself when I was on my own with DD. I used to go and get a nice chilled rose from the same shop every night, £2.99 it was and 10 Marlborough lights..... Once DD was safely tucked up in bed, out came the wine and fags and that was me, job done. I rarely ate dinner because I saved the money I had for DD and the wine and fags were my 'food' blush

I would also want more, text neighbours asking if they fancied a drink, bring a bottle etc...... that was my life for a number of years following my departure from my abusive ex.

I can't believe that I was that person now, looking back is like reading a book about another woman, who reminds me of myself in some ways but her past behaviour also shocks me.

Mouseface Fri 30-Nov-12 12:31:43

Update on Nemo - we had another hellish night with him crying and waking lots. He's still very upset and unsettled. He keeps asking for the light on so the dark is bothering him which is not like him and PICU was lit up like bloomin' Blackpool illuminations!!

I got stuck in bed with pain again this morning to had to try to reach for meds and stop screaming out in pain whenever I moved until the initial pains wore off a little once the meds kicked in. The District Nurse called yesterday to discuss how they can help with equipment so they've suggested the Independent Living Partnership to see if they can help...... I can do this anymore. I'm not even dressed. blush

Anyway, it's Friday. Is anyone planning anything nice in or out tonight? Are we having any wobbles about it being Friday and therefore 'I've worked my ass off all week or I've not had a drink all week or I've had less than normal this week or It's been a shit week, great week etc so deserve a drink tonight?'

Keep posting Babes! Remember what Help said...... plan your night away from alcohol. Think about the morning, the stale alcohol in the pit of your stomach, yuk.

Personally, I will be watching The Mentalist and getting my Simon Baker fix. If I can, I plan to get into the bath (with the help of DH), light some lavender candles and make myself a nice cranberry and pomegranate mocktail, with a bit of chilled Ibiza on............................ arhhhhh.

Thanks for everyone's kind words smile trying really hard not to beat myself but keep getting that horrible hungover worthless, crap mum feeling! Didn't take crazy toddler to his playgroup as couldn't face it the way I'm feeling & feel bad as that's meant to be special time for us as I find him challenging. Also he had bourbons & monster munch for breakfast which further fuelled my crap mum thoughts! Did drive teenage one to school & gave her £20 for Christmas fair so didn't feel quite do crap to her smile when I was drinking the wine last night I was actually having a great time, felt like I was really connecting with ant & dec & finding them so funny smile and cos I was feeling good & not really that drunk I thought I'll be fine, I'll be ok tomorrow! Think I maybe would be ok if didn't have toddler to contend with. I've got a friend coming round & have bought a bottle of red as feel I can't handle a night in with friend plus hangover & not drink. I really just want jammies on & bath then bed!
mouse so sorry for what a hard time your going through with yourself & with your little nemo really hope you manage bath & pain eases up for you. My ds just just recently has become scared of the dark & we got a little nightlight that we plug in which he likes but does still need the door open a little. Now one of our cats goes in & cuddles into him for warmth which I think works out well for both of them.
Wishing all babes good luck over the weekend smile

kikilondon Fri 30-Nov-12 12:53:03

Clutter, just a thought but why not cancel your friend and do what you want this evening?

Mouse, poor Nemo...must be so traumatic to see him in pain like that sad

I've just bought smoothies and some new bath salts. Got Xmas fair tonight then may go to pub for bite to eat with friends but def won't drink as driving. Day 5!!!

Love that quote that taking one day at a time soon adds up to a whole new you! V inspiring!

Mouseface Fri 30-Nov-12 14:10:32

Well done Kiki!! See, 5 days ago I bet you'd have said yeah, right if I'd have said you could go four whole days without a drop of alcohol passing your lips wouldn't you?

He has a Glo Clock but is in our bed with me so I can monitor him, meds etc and DH is in his bed. We do have his little glowing cow in the bedroom which I should maybe move nearer the bed now you mention the night light, thanks smile x

Clutter - do you really want to drink again tonight or would you rather do what you want? As Kiki says, why not cancel? Do you really want another day of feeling like you do now?

Not wanting to harp on but for me, the thought of a two/three day hangover fills me with dread.

greeneyed Fri 30-Nov-12 14:48:20

Hey babes just wishing you all well for tonight, I am going for dinner with friends and will have some wine - I think it's fairly safe, it is local there's no where to go when the pub shuts, DH is with me and I have a playdate in the morning so hopefully will manage not to go mad. I feel quite comfortable about this as I can manage to limit quantity is this situation (it's drinking everyday which is a bigger problem for me than an inability to stop when I start)y I have driven the last couple of times I've been out and have been very glad afterwards (last night out in town girlfriends ended up out till 3am and doing coke, I was tucked in bed at midnight )

I'm still not completely decided as my main worry is I'll smoke, which I really don't want to, so I'm taking the car and may drive home. What a ramble sorry!

EasyToEatTiger Fri 30-Nov-12 15:53:00

Oh Clutter, I really feel for you. Only last week did I drink like a fish, and have to go out the following evening knowing that I was going to go through it all over again. It is such a horrible way to feel.
The truth is that we don't have to go through it all over again unless we are going to shake ourselves to bits and have a heart attack if we don't. Are you getting signs of dependence when you don't drink?
I think the warm fuzzy feeling that alcohol gives you can come from your own body. At about 8pm I often feel as though I've had a few drinks, which again makes me wonder if I really need them. My brakes are crap.

Mouseface Fri 30-Nov-12 16:06:39

Greeny - ramble away! That's the whole point, get your thoughts out in the open not only so that you can see them, but so that others can see them too..... we can all help each other if we relate to how one another feels about drinking/smoking/drugs...........

It's all in the same pond, just different fish.

last night out in town girlfriends ended up out till 3am and doing coke, I was tucked in bed at midnight - bleurgh, I remember those days well. The come down the next day would always involve alcohol and maybe the odd spliff to take the edge off the teeth grinding. Yuk!

So, tonight you are going to drink, you've made that decision already, job done. Again, that's all part of the battle is to plan your drinking. DH said to me just now "Is it beer o'clock" because he's had one hell of a week with work, not a bad week, just a busy week and his brain is telling him that clocking off, working hard is rewarded with beer.

I hope you have a great night Greeny, I'm sure that because you are allowing yourself alcohol you won't over do it. In fact, I'm positive that you won't....... it's when we're told we can't have something that we go overboard on it.

It's how we're hard wired imo, well, I know I am! grin

Mouseface Fri 30-Nov-12 16:33:31

Tiger - My brakes are crap. Maybe, maybe just now they are but you'll get there eventually. If you want to stop completely that is, then you have to be so ready. I know that's all I ever say you have to want it, you have to be ready but you do.

Not everyone can just stop overnight and stay stopped forever, you have to give yourself a break and take the pressure off your own expectations and those of others too......

You also have to plan how to stop, research it. Take the emotion out of it too. Make it less personal. Make it a thing, not part of who you are.

It's early days smile xx

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Fri 30-Nov-12 16:37:29

Hello lovelies

Hugs to Nemo (he's an honorary BB, isn't he really? smile)

I was up during the night writing my essay for uni, I've had a long nap but I feel awful. I am not going to drink tonight, the last thing I fancy is booze as I feel jet lagged already. Ugh.

EasyToEatTiger Fri 30-Nov-12 20:23:41

Thanks Mouse! I think already it's started to become less personal. That's what I mean about trying to find things through inert substances. Might as well fall in love with brise blocks.. Yes I'm on the way, but I'm not there yet. Nothing to be smug about. I've had a bit of alcohol councelling. Mostly it was not about the alcohol but the other crap. The penny is starting to drop. Finally. Maybe, just maybe I'll be a sober 50 year old, if I get that far!

kotinka Fri 30-Nov-12 20:50:18

Hello everyone, attempting to not have my friday night drink tonight, eek! I was coming out of college & I felt the pull of the supermarket & I thought "this is just becoming a habit, I don't even feel like a drink" I do now, though.

Mouseface Fri 30-Nov-12 21:31:20

Koti - are you drinking? Did you resist? xx

Tiger - keep burning bright.............. keep being you and worry about what is important to YOU and not the rest of the world. This is YOUR LIFE. Now. Today. Counselling can work wonders, or it can show you a way to walk a different path.... show you what works for your life and your heart.

I'm off to bed, Nemo is struggling big time tonight so I need to be there in all ways.... nurse, 'Mamma bear' and story teller in a while when he wakes in a cold sweat, scared of the dark, scared that we're not there, Mamma and Dadda Bear......

As soon as we are able, we'll get him assessed for his PTSD.... it's complex as he's so little but he needs so work it out of his system and we need to help him.

Night night brave babes xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

kotinka Fri 30-Nov-12 21:39:39

nope, I'm munching a ham butty :-)

Poor Nemo, hope you get some sleep xxx

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Fri 30-Nov-12 22:02:01

Hello again Babes

Mouse, big hugs to you and Nemo. I hope you both have a peaceful night.

Well done kotinka, I've eaten a chocolate and am drinking lemonade. I've just spent an hour on the phone to my DSis, which is lovely, rather than not answering the phone.

Bed soon - night all xxx

babyjane1 Fri 30-Nov-12 22:26:17

Hi babes, been following all your posts but it's been a busy day with my dd's, day 5 and tonight was very very hard!! Very proud I went swimming at 6 tonight and did 20 lengths then a lovely sauna to finish off, this was not merely an attempt to get fitter but to try and avoid my extremely strong urge for wine. I feel proud to get to here but with every day I succeed I am mounting pressure on myself to keep going, with is a good and bad thing I guess... Anyway I made it by the skin of my teeth, when will these cravings end??? And Kiki are you still hanging on? My willpower is waning but I'm tucked up in bed so tomorrow is another dayxxxx

babyjane1 Fri 30-Nov-12 22:52:57

Sending big hugs to mouse and nemo and to all you babes struggling alongside me x x x

babyjane1 Fri 30-Nov-12 23:11:18

leucan just wondered how your doing? Was just looking through all my old posts for inpiration and you helped me see the benefits of life without wine so I was thinking of you, let me know how it's going. Night all x x x

Well done to all BB's for resisting alcohol tonight & especially the wine witch when she comes calling. Couldn't really cancel on friend as it was her birthday during the week & would of felt bad as I shouldn't of bought wine last night. But hey the night is done, friend came round with champagne & then we shared me bottle of red (boy oh boy I'm going to pay in the morning!) life is hard. Wish I didn't have an addictive personality. Counselling is so far showing me that I have an addictive personality. Good night brave babes. So hope bath worked for you mouseface and that nemo is ok. My little boy is hard work but saving grace is he sleeps at night. Teenage girl staying at friends tonight his opens up whole new issues...how hard is it bringing up children? Night night babes xx

Ok no I shouldn't buy had have poured myself a vodka. Telling myself * will regret * will be dying * tomorrow going be hard I'm telling myself all these things but it's making no difference. I know tomorrow is going to feel like hell on earth (ok maybe wee bit melodramatic ) but it's not changing how I'm feeling about having a drink just now

venusandmars Sat 01-Dec-12 00:20:29

Aww.. jings crivens and help ma boab! Ah didnae realise that were wee Scottish thingummyjigs, special like, just for St Andrew's day. So here goes....

Ah'm quite happy smile because we Scots have a speshul day grin when we can listen to the byootiful music LISTEN HERE hmm

I have to say I'm a bit confused that after all this time, here I am, a Scots(wo)man blush admitting to my disastrous relationship wi' alcohol sad. Now that ah'm sober ah get quite sad when I see all the alcohol advertising that there is, especially around Christmas. Sometimes I look at people out enjoying themselves, and I feel a bit [benvy} but I know that ma beret widdnae a been straight oan ma heid like that, it wud hae bee wi me in the gutter shock

So a guid and sober braw bricht moon-licht nicht (the nichct) to you all. biscuit (and the scottish biscuit is a wee bitee shortbread - yum! yum!

Dh on night out...don't know if I'm competing?? Feeling like missing teenage one ? She at least is replying to all my random texts !! Normally she drives me insane xx

venusandmars Sat 01-Dec-12 00:28:30

clutter (this is me without all the pretend scots stuff from above)...

I can see you're feeling bad about your drinking, but I'm kind of wondering what it is that you want to do about it? I'm not being harsh, but there was clearly something in you that 'wanted' to drink tonight. So what about tomorrow? Will you wake up feeling crap and look for the 'hair of the dog' or will you wake up and resolve to have different type of day? It is your choice.

Aw venus I don't know what I want. I want to get drink cos I actually like feeling but hate the effects of it? X

Sorry for short answer but feel its truthfull.

To venus yep I will probably wake up & feel awful & feeling awful for me is bad & my toddler one is lively but I've missed feeling drunk! Wish there was a pill to take hangover away

Ha ha doesn't everyone? Xx

Sp sorry didn't mean to be insensitive in my mind wee bit funny! smile xx

kotinka Sat 01-Dec-12 01:11:32

clutter - you can't keep doing mornings of monster munch and bourbons though, it's not fair on the toddler. Think about it honey, something has to change here.

Night night & best wishes.

I know but hey Nirvana is playing xxxx

Ok I'm here I'm listening to oasis (showing age ) xx

I can't seem to message ?!'

Oh dear, sorry for drunk, rambling messages blush think I got wee bit carried away [bhmmm] Have handmade toddler one pancakes to make up for yesterdays abismal breakfast, although he has them with chocolate spread I still think improvement & good breakfast yeah? confused

To Venus yep feeling like shit but no, no hair of the dog but would love one but no that that would be very bad idea. Maybe having kids is keeping me from proper all out drinking as think if didnt have toddler one just now then would but probably if didn't have toddler one would still be sleeping and wouldn't need to confused IYSWIM? xx

greeneyed Sat 01-Dec-12 08:44:09

Morning babes - well survived night, had about a bottle of wine - horrible sleep woke up at 4am and despite it being my turn for a lie in had to get up at 7 - thems the consequences and my banging head! Anyway not too much damage done - back to day one and feel happy to say I will not drink today smile on my way to soft play for a play date shortly - soft play on a saturday morning god help me, it's my pennance! mouse those nights you mentioned are 10 years past for me but I could end up back there so easily and have to be on my guard - I would have been in the toilet with my friends had I drank and stayed out. I hope you managed some sleep with nemo, you are so brave and doing such a great job, can't imagine how horrible it is to see him distressed like that sad sendinh him big cuddles. A big wave to all the other lovely babes, have a good day all x

kikilondon Sat 01-Dec-12 08:44:18

Morning all. Well I am afraid I did have two glasses of white and loads of chocolate last night as got to 8pm and was feeling fed up/period pains so sent dh out. But he just got one bottle , of which he had the lion's share. Don't feel too bad about it as I am not going to drink today (as I normally would). Wine was ok but not that amazing, feel it def hasn't got grip on me like before. X

babyjane1 Sat 01-Dec-12 08:51:04

Morning babes, day 6 and it feels great to have no hangover, sat is usually my worst hangover of the week and I'm actually going to yoga at half past ten, can any one tell me when I will stop craving wine,
I mean the actual notion of wanting wine, I dont think my need is physical just habitual and I'm replacing wine with chocolate which is not ideal for the waistline I'm dying to shrink. Anyway purple how did lunch go with your friend? leucan how are you? Kiki talk to me!! Have a super duper day my dear babes x x x

SobaSoma Sat 01-Dec-12 08:51:24

Clutter I will never forget the horror of hungover mornings with a toddler. An endless day to get through, full of pain, disappointment and wretchedness. It's good to be reminded and has strengthened my resolve to try not to drink alone at home ever again. Do you want to avoid this happening in future? As Venue says, what steps could you try to take?

kikilondon Sat 01-Dec-12 08:54:35

Baby! Hi.. Yeah sorry to have flunked yesterday but am not going to let it too me back into uncontrolled boozing! I want to be able to have a couple without it triggering a session the next day and the next.. So actually this is good exercise for me! Re choc.shall we use today 1st of month to make converted effort to cut out the junk? smile

kotinka Sat 01-Dec-12 09:15:30

Babyjane - I've been cutting back since august & I'm still getting cravings, sometimes very bad :-( I don't know if it will ever go. I used to smoke 20 years ago & very rarely I still feel like a cig! Hope the booze cravings aren't like this.

Clutter, well done on making an effort, yum! I think you need to have a bit of a think about what you want. If cutting booze out completely isn't working out right now, how about just picking a more achievable target so you can show yourself you can do it.

kotinka Sat 01-Dec-12 09:16:40

I will never forget the horror of hungover mornings with a toddler. An endless day to get through, full of pain, disappointment and wretchedness

Oh yes, been there!

babyjane1 Sat 01-Dec-12 09:32:50

Kiki a few glasses never hurt any one, that's where I'm hoping to get to, was going to got a bottle last night but knew I would drink it all so ive still a way to go, kot thanks for the answer, even if I do succumb to a bottle, there are 6+ bottles I haven't drank this week, that's 6000 calories, 85 weight watcher points and £30 not even counting the 5 cig a night habit I have only when drinking so that's another £12, so not a bad effort, anyway off to contort my wine stiffened body and improve my serenity ( must be a very long class) and catch up later x x x c

<crawls out of the woodwork>

Morning, everyone. Sorry to go AWOL, but I was feeling very miserable and I always shut down when it gets a bit much. Don't really know what triggered it, except my life is quite grim at the minute and I think I forgot to keep thinking positive thoughts until they come true...

ANYway. Day 13 here (kind of...*), and those Babes who are fidgeting about their weight should take renewed inspiration from the fact that my hips are now definitely smaller than my shoulders <whoot>. I don't have scales, but I'm fitting into old size 8 clothes, so probably a couple of inches lost?

* On Thursday the brakes froze on my car - fortunately I was near the turning onto the stretch of tarmac the nearest village uses for a car park and wasn't going fast - I just dropped into first and turned to head for the furthest away fence, guessing I'd have rolled to a halt by then. Which I did. (And yes, the noise of the engine protesting did earn me a couple of 'tchah, women drivers' looks grin ). Then I cried myself silly because it really felt like the last straw. (Plus, I had the first car accident of my life a few months ago, crushing the last car completely, and am now very anxious about driving anyway). Life's been one shitty event after another since last year (the year before that, if you count all relationship 'surprises') and as I'm very rural, and presently as poor as it is possible to be, the loss of the car would be the final nail. We have no buses. Right then, it was The End Of The World.

So I totter off, VERY shaky, to the shop, where I Do Not Buy Wine For Comfort. I'm quite impressed by this, actually. What I did do however, was buy tobacco, and smoked two cigarettes in the car park wondering how the feck I was going to pay anyone to get the car and fix it. I got back in the car and fiddled about, and the brakes were working perfectly confused, so I drove home at 8 or 9 mph (REALLY rural, trust me!) and asked a neighbour of mine, who's a retired mechanic, to have a look at it. He told me lots of incomprehensible mechanical stuff, changed the brake oil, and said it would be fine. And it is! Thank bloody feck.

So that night/early evening was magical, just when I needed the silence - black sky, glittering stars, hard sparkly white frost ferns on everything, and the largest, golden moon coming up from behind the hill. I wrapped up, took my tobacco and half a glass of wine down to sit by the river and watch the moon rise. It was beautiful - just the noise of the river and an owl, and golden moonlight on a huge stretch of icy white meadow.

And you know the strange thing? All that ^ still sounds wonderful as a moment in time, but in reality, the wine wasn't. Everything else was, just not the wine. I didn't enjoy it, didn't like the taste, it added nothing to the moment and just felt utterly pointless. I went back in, washed the glass, poured some cranberry and tonic (which IS lovely) and I haven't had so much as one craving since.

The fags, on the other hand... hmm grin

kikilondon Sat 01-Dec-12 10:30:53

leucan - blimey, glad you're ok! yeah. I felt last night when was drinking couple glasses of white wine with ice that there was no point really...

baby - omg, 6,000 calories not drunk since Monday! that's amazing and v inspiring!!

puds11 Sat 01-Dec-12 10:54:18

Hi babes i was recommended this thread after one of my own about drinking.

So here goes...

My mother is an alcoholic, i grew up watching her drink drink drink. I started drinking properly when i was 12, and have used it as a coping method since.

I know what my problem is, its not that i need to drink, its that when ive had one, i find it hard to stop.

At the moment i have been drinking more frequently, almost daily to different degrees, but i know this is a method of coping with my Ex leaving.

I am thinking of embarking on 2 weeks of sobriety before the festive period, to really face some issues dead on, with no liquid support, just my own strength.

I'm hoping that in the long run i can discern whether i need to stop drinking entirely, or if i can learn how to be sensible.

kotinka Sat 01-Dec-12 13:07:10

Hello puds. Sorry about your breakup, it's never easy eh?

A lot of us here have used the booze as a crutch for difficult times, me included. I think we'd all say it doesn't help, it just gives you extra problems.

Trying a bit of time without is an excellent idea. We're here if you want to moan, we know it's not easy.

xxx

dementedma Sat 01-Dec-12 13:37:18

puds well done for coming over. The babes will all be popping in at some point as they battle the booze and offer support. You are very welcome here.

Hi Puds sorry that things feeling so rough for you, sounds a really good idea to have 2 weeks alcohol free. I'm like you where once I start I can't stop and have been seeing a counsellor to talk through my issues with alcohol. I've found the babes on this bus so helpful, hope you do too. I'm nursing a hangover today with crazy 3 year old boy, It's not good. Guilt, guilt, guilt all day for me. Would you consider counselling, it may help to discuss the issues around how your Mum's alcoholism has affected ? smile

kotinka Sat 01-Dec-12 14:09:40

clutter - the guilt's no use to you, let it go, it's ok. Instead, think about what you want for your future & how you can make it happen.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sat 01-Dec-12 15:18:46

Good afternoon lovely Babes

After my essay writing overnighters I slept 14 hours last night - I woke up at 2. I haven't done that since I was a teenager!

Hello Puds and welcome. Big hugs to you, it sounds like you're feeling a bit shit at the moment.

Hi clutter and greeneyed what are your plans for tonight? Do you have anything in place to help you fight the witch? (Apart from us lot, obviously)

Hi leucan the brakes thing must have been terrifying - glad you're okay.

baby 6,000 calories - awesome smile I'm feeling less bloated as I haven't had a drink since last Saturday, but think I put some calories on eating choccies last night. Hey ho! And a long time to go until a size 8 (I'm an 18) grin

<Waves at Venus, Kiki, Kotinka and all the other Babes>

Mouse, hope you and Nemo had a good night.

I'm off for a bit, have another essay to do (my own damn fault for procrastinating) so have to read Chaucer this afternoon. Then Milton.

Thanks kotinka trying hard not to beat myself up, got little one cuddling into me & we're watching shrek while eating lots of cookies. He seems so happy smile so shouldn't feel guilty that I've not took him out, he's also full of the cold so day at home probably a good thing. sunnywithachance just going to have a bath tonight, get jammies on & watch x-factor blush Looking forward to getting little one down at 7pm smile Wow...14 hours, you must of so needed that! I have no wine in house & not going to drink tonight, couldn't bear feeling like this again tomorrow sad mouse hope your managing to get some time where you are not in pain, big hugs to you ( ) smile good luck to all babes for tonight x

babyjane1 Sat 01-Dec-12 15:47:19

Hi babes puds I'm so glad you came to join us, I think by saying what you have that your already tackling your issues, just saying (or typing) out loud show you have courage and the ability to change. No one is not or has not been in the same situation for lots of different reasons but you have found a sisterhood that will support you whatever happens. clutter the fact that you feel guilt means you know things need to change, your not in denial and that too spells big time progress!! I have been off wine for 6 days, have lost 4 pounds and feel a little bit self worth returning. I have told dh that things
Need to change between us, I suffered terrible post natal depression and he lost the real me for a year and though I got much better i used wine to fill the detachment that grown between us. Now sober it feels like a mist clearing and the problems look bigger than ever, but they were there anyway i guess I have the clarity to face them and fix them (if it's not too late) anyway enough prattling on, we all have a story and thank god have each other so welcome new babes and eternal thanks to all those who have supported me this far x x x x

babyjane1 Sat 01-Dec-12 16:03:53

clutter I didn't mean guilt for today sounds like a lovely afternoon, was referring to you being upset yesterday just in case you think I was sounding judgemental and by the way even non heavy drinking mums have the odd hangover, we are all very hard on ourselves x x x x

PurpleWolfe Sat 01-Dec-12 16:18:01

WARNING Me, me, me post! Sorry.

So horribly, horribly grumpy and down today. Feeling really lonely, even though the children are all here - in fact, I can't wait for them all to go to bed so I can wallow in my misery in peace. sad Have to go to the corner shop in a moment because I forgot the bloody chips as I grumped my way round Saisburys earlier, barking at the boys, and the Wine Witch is whispering in my ear that, as I've done sooooo well, one tiny, little bottle won't hurt!

Did really well last night with Film Night Friday. Got a DVD, popcorn, sweets etc and we all cuddled up under a snuggly blanket to watch Brave. All happy and content. Today, however....?

I hate, hate, hate the cold and, apart from my lovely hot bath this morning, I cannot get warm at all today. I can't seem to get anything productive done either. I'm even resenting the fact I'll have to sort some dinner for my DC!. Friggin' winter. Grrrrrrrrr!

Had a really lovely lunch with my friend yesterday (thanks for asking Baby) and didn't miss wine with the food at all even though she had a white wine spritzer (a favourite of mine). As before, the thought of not having wine was much worse than the reality. So, that was good, too.

The 'not drinking' is going well, the 'losing weight' is going well and the 'starting to get fitter' is going well so, why, why, why do I feel so shitty!? angry

Hi to all newbies and 'old lags' (meant in a loving way, natch!). Hope everyone is feeling OK.

Sorry for a very self indulgent post. blush xx

Aw babyJ didn't take your post as sounding judgemental at all. Yep felt guilty yesterday after drinking bottle of wine on Thursday & felt guilty today for overdoing it last night. My friend left at 11:30pm & don't know why I couldn't have went to bed instead of then having vodkas on my own sad sad face and just well sad!!
purplewolfe sorry your feeling so shitty. I often feel like that as get so pissed off with our ridiculously high mortgage for small, cold house!! I try really hard to tell myself what I have to be thankful for, sometimes works sometimes doesn't! I too today am feeling resentful with toddlers constant demands & moaning & stressed about teenage one going to a winter fair tonight in town. Feeling the lure of the wine witch but as there's none in the house that's helping. What about when you get dc off to bed having another bath, layering up in jammies & blankets & getting cozy? smile

puds11 Sat 01-Dec-12 17:35:34

Thanks for the warm welcome! I am commencing my 2 weeks of sobriety on wednesday with another fellow MNetter.

Fairenuff Sat 01-Dec-12 17:45:40

Oh Lordy, you lot can't half natter grin

I have just finished reading the last thread and came onto the new one to catch up with you all and you're seven pages in already!

Anyhoo, will carrying on reading back and hopefully be joining the chat soon. Hope everyone is ok. Be kind to yourselves brave babes x

kikilondon Sat 01-Dec-12 17:52:28

hello all

am checking in before our evening commences...just ordered a chinese, had a long tramp through the hills this afternoon and have stocked up on mineral water and juices and popcorn. evening on the sofa with the kids and dh watching x-factor. can't wait to wake up tomorrow NOT having drunk wine!
tomorrow have planned rugby in morning, then make a roast for the evening...no wine this sunday though so am fresh for monday

must reiterate how helpful limiting thoughts to the day ahead though - that's my downfall, panicking about if/when will drink etc

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sat 01-Dec-12 18:15:36

Hey Faire how are you? xxx

I was in town earlier and DH wanted to go in the pub, and I stupidly did. I drank a G&T, which has given me a headache more than anything else.

Sounds a good evening kiki we're doing the same, ds going to bed at 7pm...thank goodness, been a long day. Dd staying over at friends so just me & dh, going to get Chinese & NO WINE for me, really, really looking forward to not being a hungover mummy tomorrow & we're going to put the tree up smile

PurpleWolfe Sat 01-Dec-12 19:22:14

Thank you Clutter smile x

greeneyed Sat 01-Dec-12 20:57:59

Purple just checked in - how did it go at the shop? Hope you managed to come out without a bottle x

PurpleWolfe Sat 01-Dec-12 21:09:31

Hi Green. Well, I kind of cheated! I didn't dare go to the shop to get the chips, I gave the DC slices of buttered bread with their goujons instead. They were fine with it and made chicken goujon sandwiches! smile I seem to be having a day of wanting everything I see on the TV - chocolates, alcohol, baked potatoes (!) - latest thing is Baileys! I've hardly ever drunk Baileys! How has your day been? You managing OK? x

greeneyed Sat 01-Dec-12 21:22:21

Well done - I was hoping you weren't going to ask me blush in sidecar 3 glasses of red. BIL is here and I cooked a big meal and opened a bottle ...... I will be okay, I can stop at this glass (no 4) but cross with myself that I find it so difficult not to drink everyday. I am having some AF days since I got on this bus (4 this week) but still drinking more than I want to (and thinking about it a lot of the time. I think I really need to have no wine in the house. Well done Purple you are doing so well and sound so much better. I hope you are feeling a bit better this evening - wave to all the other babes tonight x

dementedma Sat 01-Dec-12 22:22:06

Hi all. Been at a carol concert. Before dd2 sang they told the story of how she had had to drop out of music college because of lack of funds and that she was hoping to find a business sponsor or benefactor to support her.she had to leave before the end to sing at another venue and I was leaving to drop her off a man called me over and gave me a slip of paper saying, give this to your daughter. The paper says "call me" and has his telephone number. I know him, he is very very rich but wronged me badly when I worked for his company many years ago. Do you think he might be going to make amends?

Tristessa Sat 01-Dec-12 23:11:22

Wow, ma, sounds like that could be the case.

<crosses fingers and makes wish for magical advent happening>

smile

helpyourself Sun 02-Dec-12 07:58:23

purple that wasn't cheating, that was really sensible. Proper looking after yourself in a real way, rather than a bubble bath with candles and a glass of bubbly way.
I hope you had a peaceful night and have an unchallenging day.
HALT everyone! Look after yourselves.

dementedma Sun 02-Dec-12 08:19:10

Morning all. Dcs unwell last night so slept on the sofa - groan.that was a long night.especially when the bloody cat grabbed my dangling arm in the wee small hours. Screech!

kikilondon Sun 02-Dec-12 08:47:54

Morning! Had lovely evening, didn't even miss wine. Weighed self this morning though and annoyingly am NO lighter after basically a week of no drinking! How ? This is not motivating!!

puds11 Sun 02-Dec-12 11:05:46

Hi ma i came over on your recommendation! Is your DD going to call the man?

I had a drink free night last night, although i did eat my weight in chocolate!

Stick with it kiki, it takes a little while to change smile

babyjane1 Sun 02-Dec-12 13:19:17

Hi babes I finally fell off my smug wagon last night, it was just one bottle with a lovely dinner made by dh, it didn't seem the usual needy gluttonis bottle so I'm trying not to over analyse it, it seemed like a normal relaxing sat evening wine with dinner but is that me kidding myself on? Anyway won't be drinking today or the rest of this week, that's the plan anyway x x x

helpyourself Sun 02-Dec-12 14:07:52

Don't beat yourself up about last night, and you weren't smug, just enjoying the benefits of sobriety. Stay vigilant today and remember HALT.

babyjane1 Sun 02-Dec-12 14:20:06

Thanks help appreciate your wise words x x x x

Try not to be too hard on yourself babyJ it does sound like you & your husband had a nice evening. As long as your not really suffering today I don't see any big harm but maybe I'm a bit in denial. I'm sick of perpetual drinking binges & hangovers. Today I have decided I am giving up alcohol until ds sleeps past 5:30 ish & is less hard work. Well that's my plan today smile

kikilondon Sun 02-Dec-12 14:39:52

Baby, sounds fine and nice evening. Just remember today is a new day and you don't do everyday drinking any more smile

SobaSoma Sun 02-Dec-12 14:47:56

Baby I second the others, you had a pleasant evening, don't overanalyse and try and stick to your plan. I had a bottle over a long afternoon/evening too whilst I was putting up the tree and decorating the house and I had a lovely time and feel OK today. Like you I'm not planning on drinking until I have people over for dinner next Saturday.

Thought I'd share this, from a Good Housekeeping cookbook published in 1998 on how much alcohol to get in for a dinner party. As an approximate guide allow one 75cl bottle of wine per head: 1-2 glasses as an aperitif, 1-2 glasses with starters, 2 glasses with the main and another with the dessert or cheese. Under today's guidelines that constitutes a major binge!

PurpleWolfe Sun 02-Dec-12 19:18:30

Green 4 days in one week is really good! What is your aim - not drinking at all or moderate drinking? Whilst you are trying not to drink every day, no wine in the house is the best policy IMHO. I know I can never resist if there is a bottle in the fridge, calling my name. Thanks for the continued support. smile

Help Thanks for your kind words. I soooo wish there wasn't a bloody wine shop on my doorstep but then it's really handy for milk, bread or other staple supplies. He nearly lost his alcohol licence recently (before I gave up). Half of me wanted him to lose it and half was dreading it!?

Ma Exciting news about funding for DD. You heard anything new today? And, if you're going to sleep on the sofa, kick the cat into the kitchen! Lol!

Pud Well done for a booze free evening. Try not to worry about the chocolate consumption for a while. Wine has loads of sugar in and when you don't drink it, you will have a sugar craving. And - chocolate is a mood enhancer unlike wine which is a depressant!

Baby I agree with everyone else. You've done a fab job and, if you can isolate (and enjoy) your wine moments, you are still doing well. Chin up and carry one!

Kiki I had the same thing re: weight lost disappointment. I think the body takes a week or so to stabilise and start working again properly. After two weeks my weight loss picked up as I had expected it would. Just need to be a little patient and keep at it. wink

Soma So impressed with your control over wine. I would love to get to where you are now but, just now, I'm too scared to even try it. Doc and alcohol nurse have suggested a 3 month break for me before I consider coming off the Campral. I do miss wine still but not sure I would be able to handle 'sensible' drinking.

As for me, today, I had a better day but still a bit grumpy. I think it may have something to do with hormones. sad Went swimming with DC but couldn't get into it. Still, spent an hour in the water and they enjoyed it. Lunch out then took DS2 to a local birthday party for 2 hours. Sat with a couple of friends and felt a lot better after a 'grown-up' chat. Maybe that's why I've been grumpy - no adult conversation? Anyway, got home and DD and DS1 had tidied, hoovered and dusted the whole of the sitting/dining room. It was a lovely surprise! Bless their cotton socks!

Had a bit of a 'wobble' at the party when the Dad was handing out mugs of what I thought was coffee. Even had my hand on the handle when I realised it was mulled wine! I politely declined and spent the next 10 mins wishing I had taken one - the woman next to me had one and it smelled divine! I know it was only one cup but I had to walk back home passed the corner shop and I couldn't risk one cup ending up being a bottle (or two) too.

Ma Hope you and Nemo are doing OK? And where are you Joey?

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all staying warm in this chilly weather. x

PurpleWolfe Sun 02-Dec-12 19:22:52

(^carry on^ not one!)

PurpleWolfe Sun 02-Dec-12 19:34:53

And meant Mouse - not Ma at the end!!! FGS! Think it might be time for bed already!!?

SobaSoma Sun 02-Dec-12 19:56:08

Purple well done on getting over your wobble. As for my control over wine hmm we'll see...

Well done for today purple I would have been the same if I had had one mug of mulled wine then the lure of more would of been too strong. Glad today felt like a better day. My day has been pretty crap as felt down about drinking on Thursday & Friday night & not really being great with my ds. But is new day, new week now. Didn't drink last night or today & not going to drink all week. What an amazing thing your dc did smile

Mouseface Sun 02-Dec-12 20:43:16

Good Evening, tis me, Mouse

Purple - you've hit the 'grief' stage imo...... the why the hell aren't I feeling brilliant because of x.y.z? It's because you've lost something too. Alcohol. There's no rhyme or reason, to it, it happens, it's life, it sucks...... but you feel cheated.

You've gained SO much, and lost SO much too! Let me help you out in a non patronising (because that's not how I want to come across way)

1) - no hangovers

2) - better skin, eyes, hair, nails, breath.....

3) - you can taste your food, it's less sweet, salty, acrid.....

4) - you've lost weight, you're less wobbly

5) - you appreciate MORE. MUCH, MUCH, MORE about everyday life

6) - you've stopped pickling yourself from the inside out.

7) - you have a BUS full of new friends who value your thoughts and care about you

8) - you are lessoning the chances of cancer and heart disease and various health nasties.......

9) - you need any more?

It's a stage that I hit. Like you swapped a dance with the devil, of so handsome, gorgeous and enticing for a night in de-fuzzing your body, plucking your eyebrows and watching re-runs of Last Of The Summer Wine...... see? There it is again, WINE!!!

You are allowed to feel down lovely, it's expected. It would be rare if you didn't. You can almost look at your lot and go "well, I have what I want, why the hell am I moaning?............."

Because you can. That's what the Bus is about. All stages of leaving the alcohol abuse behind. BEHIND

You can do this, you are....... keep going, keep fighting the low bits and riding on the crest of the high waves, stretch them out for as long as you can.......... xx

PS - sorry for any typos, I had to type as I thought blush xx

Mouseface Sun 02-Dec-12 21:04:59

Welcome aboard Pud smile xx I see you've been in great hands already! They are ace these Babes on this Bus grin

I just wanted to give you all a quick update re Nemo if I may, sorry to bang on about him for those with their own troubles.........

I'm a little scared that the bleed he had the other day (Tuesday?) was his 'wound' opening.

I can see a hole again today and when he was eating a chocolate pudding earlier, he said that the food was going into his hole sad and that scares me to death.

I'm not sure that I can do this again, a fifth time of him being rushed to PICU. How many times can one child survive these things? I mean really?

It bled again last night, his bloomin' feeding tube came out just before bedtime. We were playing, having fun and the next thing, his tube is out, 10 days post surgery! We were told to keep his 'current' tube in situ as long as possible so I absolutely shite myself.

He sobbed his heart out at having to have it passed, it must have hurt him s much.

Dh and I wept too...... He has to hold him whilst I pass the tube you see...... I was furious with myself for not noticing that his tube was slipping earlier on............

Anyway. He's asleep after a better night, a good day and we went for a nice walk. Sorry to just dump and run but syrup sponge beckons!

Night Babes, be back tomorrow xxxx

dementedma Sun 02-Dec-12 21:09:35

Aww poor nemo. You and dh are just wonderful. I hope and pray he doesn't need any more surgery.

aliasjoey Sun 02-Dec-12 21:40:47

purple hello, just been very busy lately, we even put up the christmas decorations today!

well done on resisting the mulled wine, especially after it was already in your hand! superb willpower there! smile

kotinka Mon 03-Dec-12 10:51:38

morning all, got the perma-flu off my kids and am suffering! Crispy nose & lips, yuck!

Nice to see you Joey - going ok?

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 12:42:29

I'm okay thanks koti. Actually I feel like I'm cracking up, my moods are all over the place and I'm feeling really depressed. I keep bursting into tears for no reason.

I'm trying to manage without any more medication (have been to the GPs 6 times in the last few months!)

We got through an email from a supplier saying they wanted to update our interface for Christmas with a cheery festive screen - and I felt the craziest RAGE come upon me (they are pretty useless at stuff like basic customer service angry) like why the F!! couldn't they fix their tech support instead of wasting time on F... dancing snowmen

anyway, how are you doing with the flu? sounds nasty... hope you are taking your fluids!

kotinka Mon 03-Dec-12 13:24:43

It sounds a perfectly reasonable rage to me! Priorities!!

Have they changed your meds since you last mentioned them a while back? I remember you were trying to cope with prozac?

Flu is vile & I succumbed to a not friday large glass of wine last night (guilty face).

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 13:45:47

I quit the prozac because again my moods went crazy, I couldn't sleep and although I didn't give the prozac very long my gp said it was understandable as insomnia is my greatest terror right now, and I was freaking out.

I am considering trying it again (thats how desperate I am! maybe in the morning so it won't have a side-effect of not sleeping)

I have no idea and my head feels like its going to burst with all the nonsense in there! I can actually (almost) imagine what it must be like to have mental health problems, not that I feel that bad, but I can see it must be extremely frightening. I don't feel in control.

are snuggled up with a duvet and a lemsip? there are some nasty bugs going about

kotinka Mon 03-Dec-12 14:33:52

I have no idea and my head feels like its going to burst with all the nonsense in there! I can actually (almost) imagine what it must be like to have mental health problems, not that I feel that bad, but I can see it must be extremely frightening. I don't feel in control.

I remember feeling like this when venlafaxine was giving me side effects, it was very scary! I was on it for PND for 3 years & not getting better, then all that stuff started happening, and I got stroke symptoms too. It was bloody awful.

You know the way they usually get you to wean off antidepressants when you've been on them a long time? Well they made me go cold turkey. I'm so glad I had my husband helping, I spent 2 weeks in bed crying, but gradually got better. Getting off them was the best thing I ever did, a while after, they spotted my thyroid problem, which could have been why the antidepressants were reacting so badly. I think I was very close to being sectioned. It was awful.

What are you taking now? I think you said you'd been tested for thyroid problems, is that right?

Sodding flu - I'm pretending to write an essay but I'm actually just covering the keyboard in snot ;-)

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 14:38:57

sod it I just burst into tears at work for the second time today. I don't know if I need to talk to somebody (but who)

yeah they said everything came back normal except for slightly low vitaminD

smile at snotty keyboard

kotinka Mon 03-Dec-12 14:59:11

it sounds like you could do with talking to someone, I know you've been a few times lately, but this needs sorting, GP's probably best for now & hopefully they can refer you to a psychiatrist or counselor. Can you get them to sign you off ill for a couple of weeks?

kotinka Mon 03-Dec-12 15:01:40

ask them what your TSH level was - you can still be considered normal with TSH of 10 or more in the UK, but you can show symptoms with TSH as little as 3, so loads of hypothyroid people go undiagnosed.

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 15:03:02

I've been to so many different counsellors... I finally found a really good one, but she's a long way from me (and also the cost) I don't want to see anyone new...

I think I'd feel worse if I was off work, worrying about what everyone was thinking.

Thank you for listening, even while you're so poorly

kotinka Mon 03-Dec-12 15:07:08

s'alright mate, I kind of know a bit how you feel and I remember it being very very bad.

obrigada Mon 03-Dec-12 15:32:51

Haven't had chance to catch up properly, I was at friends house on Friday night for her brothers 40th birthday, had 3 glasses of red wine and really wanted more, however just sat quietly by myself for few minutes and played the video through to the end, didn't like what I saw, so booked taxi home, said my goodbyes, and was home and in bed by 12.

babyjane1 Mon 03-Dec-12 15:39:19

Hey alias sorry your having a hard time, I'm on venlaflaxine after suffering horrendous post natal depression. I remember wishing I could take my brain out and have a break from the chaos inside my head, it was hellish and exhausting. It sounds a bit like your feeling now, I know this sounds a bit obvious but excercise really really helped. It's a horrible time for you right now but your safe here with us x x x

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 15:52:39

I'm really sorry for going awol for a few weeks, and then coming back and its all me, me, me

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 15:54:29

the weird thing is, I just cried all the way home - but now I feel okay again

obrigada Mon 03-Dec-12 16:04:48

Glad to hear you are feeling better now Joey, might sound like a strange thing to say but I envy your tears, I honestly can't remember the last time I cried.

kotinka Mon 03-Dec-12 16:58:57

Joey, do you find you feel better or worse in work? Is today just a weird day or the way it's been going lately?

SobaSoma Mon 03-Dec-12 17:40:10

Joey it's good to know how you're getting on. I feel totally incapable right now, I'm drinking again and I just can't see a life ahead without booze. I would love to know how alcohol makes everyone feel; for me it's a drug that can't be bettered and within a moment of having a drink I'm flying high. Does it have this affect on everyone? It's literally heaven on earth (but of course followed by a day of hell) and that's why I find it so hard to resist.

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 17:45:05

its been getting worse since I stopped the seroxat. am so desperate now, I will give prozac another go.

definitly worse at work (although mil didn't help yesterday!) got up the courage to ring the occupational health dept - and they were closed!

got myself in a state about a meeting next week and tried the Bus tactic of ODAAT. smile

and... I got some wine

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 17:46:18

soma I thought you were sticking with the antabuse?

venusandmars Mon 03-Dec-12 18:20:41

joey good to see you posting smile, but hey lovely why not do yourself a big, big favour and dump the wine you've just bought. "What??!!" I hear you cry. "What a waste of money!".... well if you've bought it, the money is spent already, but you could give it right NOW to a neighbour, or you could pour it away, or hide it way, way deep in your garage.

Or you could drink it. But that would make you feel pretty awful - money wasted, you wasted, and nothing - not a thing - to help your mental health.

venusandmars Mon 03-Dec-12 18:22:35

soma sad to hear that you're drinking. You sound so, so, so much better on here when you're taking antabuse and not drinking.

PurpleWolfe Mon 03-Dec-12 18:39:07

So sorry to hear things are tough Soma and Joey. Yes Soma I can fully identify with how alcohol make you feel. As has been mentioned before, doing without it is like a bereavement - the 'friend' that was always there at the end of the day to blur the edges a bit.

Joey I know nothing of the meds side of things (sorry) but it sounds like it's really important for you to get to someone to talk things through. I understand the person who you find is 'good' is a distance and there are costs involved - but it is your health your dealing with here, Sweetpea.

Koti I so hope you are 'drying' up a bit? Life is hard enough without being bunged up.

Thank you for all your bullet points and bless your little Mouse whiskers! Didn't feel patronised whatsoever. Sometimes it takes someone else to point out the blindingly obvious that's right in front of out eyes. I've been pushing myself too hard - felt the need results, need for targets and the need to achieve something to fill in the gap the wine has left. Yes, very much a bereavement. Got to the gym - just - today but really didn't have the heart to make much of an effort. I had no energy. All the stuff Mouse had written was going round in my mind and I decided to have a few days 'off'. The trouble is, I seem to have swung too far in the opposite direction and the result of letting myself have chocolate this morning and fish and chips for dinner, plus other 'indulgences', has made me seriously in danger of getting wine. I haven't had such a bad craving since I started down this path over 6 weeks ago. So, it seems that allowing myself a few treats has triggered serious whining from the Wine Witch.

I need and want to find balance and peace. This thing is not so simple as just not drinking. sad

<Sends hugs and love to Mouse and Nemo>

PurpleWolfe Mon 03-Dec-12 18:42:58

(Please forgive all typos - fingers going faster than brain.)

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 19:47:05

DH didn't buy the wine! I asked him why the hell not and he said "because you told me never to buy you any wine during the week, even if you begged" ! grin bless him

I was cross for about 3 minutes, but then realised it was a lucky escape.

I have a gp appt tomorrow already booked, which I was going to cancel because we've gone as far as we can go with drugs. but maybe I ought to ask for a referral to the mental health team? only right now, I feel okay again....

kotinka Mon 03-Dec-12 20:01:46

Joey - you said it's worse in work - could this be stress related? Some of what you say makes me think of panic attacks. It might do you good to have some time off & I agree, seeing the mental health team might help you. Though I found them as much use as a chocolate fireguard. Coming off all meds was the breakthrough for me.

dementedma Mon 03-Dec-12 20:04:31

soma what happened? Are you OK?
rural are you OK too?

aliasjoey Mon 03-Dec-12 20:58:29

I do feel like sometimes I'm in the middle of a panic attack - but then an hour later I feel fine, and think its not worth going. to the doctors. and agree about the mental health team!

I could also go to the occy health at my work, but suspect they will just come out with the usual platitudes about taking up yoga or something.

Told DH thanks for NOT buying the wine (thus scuppering my chances of getting any mid-week wine in the future!)

soma wassup girl? have you quit the antabuse?

Mouseface Mon 03-Dec-12 23:53:41

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Soma - Sometimes in life, you just have to go with the strongest force, the deepest current and let it take you where you need to be. Yes of course I'm gutted to read that you're drinking again but life has no instruction manual, no guides, no pre planned path for any of us, not really.......

Sometimes you need to take a break from what you believed, and from what you thought, were told was the 'right' thing to do, to see another path out, another door and a new way.

You have to go back to the start on see where this journey, your journey leads you this time.

Promise that you'll keep posting with honesty and from your heart? Drinking or not, THIS BUS IS FOR EVERYONE!

Sorry just to post to you Soma but I need to try and sleep. Will try to read back properly and update you all tomorrow.

Night babes, I think we all need to pull together, closer and look after each other over the next few weeks...... traditionally the hardest time of year for those who, ahem, enjoy a little drinky or seven hmm

Let's keep an eye out for those who need a but more Brave Babe power in their wolley socks than normal? A bit like the Readybrek glow!grin

SobaSoma Tue 04-Dec-12 09:43:38

Thank you lovely Mouse. I think it's obvious that Antabuse isn't a solution for me because I'm not being compliant, so yes hopefully there's another way. I don't want to keep drinking, I really want to stop and I want to find something that will really help me. I want what you and Venus have got.

Joey you could ask for a referral, no harm in that but are you still feeling a bit better? Purple I take it you got over you craving? Shall we try and fend them off together if/when we get any more? I'm sad today but trying to be positive. Surely one day I can get off this treadmill and live a peaceful life without booze.

babyjane1 Tue 04-Dec-12 10:03:39

Morning babes, I'm feeling rubbish today, had wine last night as well as feeling a tad hungover, I feel like I've failed. I felt so chuffed last week when I didn't drink so why the hell did i slip last night, I do know I won't drink tonight, I enjoyed feeling good ab

babyjane1 Tue 04-Dec-12 10:05:33

Sorry pressed wrong button, I enjoyed feeling good about myself and want to again so back in track and in the wagon today x

aliasjoey Tue 04-Dec-12 10:15:09

soma are you not complying because you want the booze so much, you stop taking it? have you got an alternative plan at the moment?

well I phoned occy health at my work... and they said they couldn't do anything without a referral from my manager hmm

the GP has told me to increase my dose of mirtazapine, put through a referral to the mental health team, and signed me off work for 2 weeks

PurpleWolfe Tue 04-Dec-12 10:23:12

Morning Soma. I think Mouse is right, it may be good for you to go back a few steps to see where you could do some things a bit differently? Sorry you are sad today but do try and stay positive. You've managed good results in the past and you can do it again. Like you, I just want a peaceful life - I don't want to be feeling out of control like this. Peace and balance, Santa, please??

How is your day going so far Joey? Do you have Alcohol Services near you? The Dr referred me (on my request) and they have a range of help - including free acupuncture, group sessions and individual 'chat'. Maybe another avenue to research? Good luck for today, especially if you are at work.

I have reverted to being the recalcitrant teenager for today. I'm sulking in bed and have already had breakfast plus a tube of Smarties, a bag of salted peanuts and a bag of mixed nuts and raisins. At this rate, I shall put the whole stone and a half back on in days! sad I'm telling myself that as long as I'm not drinking it's OK but.....I know 'me' and if I'm giving up in one area, I find I give up in all areas. If I give up on healthy eating/living it's a very short step to the 'fuck it' moment when I reach for that first glass of wine. It's happened before. I'm scared. I hate the fact I'm so 'all or nothing'. Why can't I be more balanced!? I did avoid drinking last night but only because the craving grabbed me really badly after I had got home from the shops and was already settled in my jim jams, as were the DC.

I've realised that, if I've made the 'sacrifice' and given up wine, I expect to see results in the rest of my life - better health, weight, organisation etc. I so wish I could be easier on myself. Anyone remember the dog, Mutley from Whacky Races? Wanted bloody medals for everything! That's me, that is. angry

Well, off to try and find something else to eat (not difficult as all the Christmas goodies are in the kitchen sad).

Sending good thoughts and strength to all the Babes struggling today and congrats to anyone 'breezing' it right now. x

Hi Purple <pins two medals on her chest, one for not drinking last night and another for having christmas goodies bought already!>

Today I will not be drinking.

love to all xx

greeneyed Tue 04-Dec-12 11:47:45

Short post, I'm reading and lurking but in bed with tummy bug, best wishes to all babes today - I DEFINITELY won't be drinking!

Purple I am just the same - ALL or Nothing - I am either on a strict diet, not drinking or smoking, exercising twice a day etc or eating crap, smoking and drinking - Self regulation is so tough I feel as if I give myself a little treat then fuck it, it's treat day and I might as well fill myself with crap (even when I don't really want it confused) Balance is so hard to achieve, but is is very difficult to maintain a strict restricted life style long term - we have to find a way to make some concessions without it opening the floodgates to a boozefest - any ideas anyone?

SobaSoma Tue 04-Dec-12 11:54:45

Thanks Purple. Smarties are my absolute favourite confectionary, I used to get through a whole box (remember those) but they don't seem to do them anymore. Baby me too, we had a slip, let's try not to make it a habit, you've done really well and this doesn't undo your good work.

Joey, good that things are moving, what dose of Mirtaz will you be on now? I keep thinking about switching over to it because I sleep so badly. As for antabuse, yes I suppose that's it, I want to be able to drink and find myself yet again racking my brains for an alternative plan.....For a supposedly intelligent woman I feel like such a muppet right now. Hi Isinde and enjoy your AFD.

SobaSoma Tue 04-Dec-12 11:58:22

Hi Green hope you beat the bug soon. That's the trouble with booze for a lot of us - all or nothing. Purple have you had any acupuncture yet? They've stopped doing it at our alcohol services and I was really disappointed because I wanted to give it a go.

babyjane1 Tue 04-Dec-12 12:01:35

purple I'm really sorry you are finding things so tough, I cannot emphasise enough how incredibly well you have done up til now and the inspiration you have been to everyone here, it's all your positive comments about the changes in you that have given me the confidence to change my own life, that is 100% the truth!!!! Also if you do give into the wine witch, it will not make anything look or seem better, I have tested thus theory and everything would look the same tomorrow with the added headache and shit feeling that a hangover brings. Also even non drinkers have good and bad times so
Please be kinder to yourself, you have helped me so much so let us help you x x x

PurpleWolfe Tue 04-Dec-12 13:17:04

<Still in bed but having just eaten a healthy salmon salad - with two shiny medals (thanks Isinde!) on my sexy Mothercare maternity nightie (with button-down front for easy feeding - my youngest is 6 and a half!!) Lol! blush)

Green I guess it's finding those 'concessions' that's eluding me (us?) right now - or as the Dr put it, new coping strategies. When I try really hard, I get to the 'burn out' stage where I think that just one day off won't hurt - after all, I earned it? But one day (in the past) has slid into two and three days and, before I know it, it's been months. I think we just have to find the resilience to push through the 'not being perfect' bit, come out the other side and still carry on the good work. Do you think you might be a bit of a perfectionist? I have a feeling I am. Hope your tummy bug is better?

Soma I'm pretty sure they were selling the boxes (not tubes) of Smarties (and Fruit Pastilles and Fruit Gums) in Iceland last year. Got some for DC's stockings. Not yet had the acupuncture. They offer it in the afternoons but I need to be back here for school pick-up. I was given it for an injured thumb a few years ago but IMHO didn't do much good. However, I really ought to try it before I dismiss it. Your comment For a supposedly intelligent woman I feel like such a muppet right now stuck a chord. Each time I've had to explain my drinking to a professional I have prefixed my words with "I'm a reasonably intelligent woman but...." only to be told my problem has nothing whatsoever to to with how intelligent I am! smile

Thank you Baby, it was lovely of you to write those kind words <sniffs in an unladylike manner, blows nose and wipes small tear from eye>. Thank you for you support. It helps, so much, to be able to post the good and the bad stuff on here. If I didn't, I would just internalise it all and slip back to The Bad Ol' Days - after all, who, apart from me, would know? Feeling better but am still feeling a bit shocked at the enormity of my 'wobble'. I suppose I had hoped (expected) to be passed the stage where my resolved would get such a battering. Ho hum. Have a date tonight (binned Mr DB7 as he was too boring - fell in love with the car, though grin!!) and am driving so, I want to say I won't be drinking today. I'm going to give it my best. You've been doing so brilliantly too, don't forget that! Well done, you! x

Cup of tea and a bath now then off to the church to see DS 1 and 2 do their Christingle thing (as ExP can't make it as usual - despite it being his afternoon to have them).

Feeling a tad bloated (Smarties etc) but a bit hopeful again. xxxxxxxx

kikilondon Tue 04-Dec-12 13:32:48

Hi all - just reflecting on last week.... I drank on fri night , cpl glasses, and one glass Sunday night. Very much want to moderate my drinking and that means it has to be the exception rather than the rule. The way I think I can control it is to limit when I drink to special occasions .. and really try to avoid any consecutive days with alcohol in.. Want this to work so much. All the best to you all x

aliasjoey Tue 04-Dec-12 14:03:32

for those struggling with the all-or-nothing thinking, I've read that our brains are wired 80/20, we should eat healthily 80 percent of the time and relax the rest of the time...

SobaSoma Tue 04-Dec-12 14:38:34

Purple I have a feeling quite a few of us here might be perfectionists. I'll just tell myself that I've messed up yet again and onwards and upwards. What alternative is there? It was DD's night with her dad yesterday but they both dropped in unexpectedly when I'd had a couple of glasses. She could tell immediately that I'd had a drink and I felt awful having promised her that I'd stop. Ex-H was quite helpful, he told me that he said to her "don't worry, mum just likes to have a couple of glasses to relax" but I know this will have reduced her trust in me. I'm sort of dreading her coming home from school....

Kiki I hope your plan works. I'd love to be able to just drink on special occasions too but so far this has eluded me.

babyjane1 Tue 04-Dec-12 15:24:08

purple I had a shit day yesterday and went back to my old tricks and gave in to the wine and believe me it felt crap, tasted crap and today I look crap. You are missing nothing believe me infact I'm relieved to know tonight will be back to my nightly bath, cleanse, tone and moisturise routine and a clear head tomorrow, so stay strong!!! To all you brilliant babes drinking or not, success is brilliant but its our failures that teach us more. Big hugs to all

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Tue 04-Dec-12 15:27:16

Hello lovelies

I've been busy essay writing so haven't dropped in for a few days. I did drink last night at a uni event so I'm feeling tired today. But I didn't go mental which is great, I'm not planning to drink today. I have a lot of stuff to do - thankfully not essay related!

Hugs to all xxx

aliasjoey Tue 04-Dec-12 16:02:06

soma sorry to hear you're feeling guilty... I don't know what to suggest... is it worth going back to the docs, or to AA? I am now on 30mg mirtaz. not due back at work till thursday, don't know if I ought to tell them I've been signed off. ODAAT

purple I haven't asked for a referral to alcohol services because I've got that pretty much under control now. had a wobble last night but DH refused to buy me any, bless him! If the mental health referral goes okay, I will mention it. If its like previous experience and I get someone who couldnt give a monkeys (and didn't bother to hide it) I will have to consider seeing my previous therapist. a round trip of 30 miles, and £40 a pop.

aliasjoey Tue 04-Dec-12 16:06:52

underlying anxiety all the time, and every time I think of almost anything (work, my mother, mil, christmas, bedbugs) I get panicky again.

THANK THE BUS I am (mostly) in control of the alcohol because I'm getting strong cravings right now.

kotinka Tue 04-Dec-12 16:36:45

Sunny - I'm jealous, still trying to finish my latest one! "History of Advertising Posters" Aaaargh!

babyjane1 Tue 04-Dec-12 16:58:08

soba my 13 year old dd would like love to control just about everything I do, it comes with the territory, the more pressure you heap on yourself the harder it will be to change anything, every night without wine is a victory so just do what you can when you can. Kiki I think your doing brilliant, we are defo making progress x

kikilondon Tue 04-Dec-12 17:08:09

baby - yes, that's how I felt....looked forward to getting back to routine and great sleep! my sleep is amazing at the moment!

yes, I'm a perfectionist too. would also be interested to see who has had eating disorders in past and has history of smoking/drug use too (ahem)

can never leave up to the stupid standards I set myself so usually end up going "fuck it". except this time I am determined to learn moderation and to be nice to myself.

a really short but useful saying that may help some of you (it does me) is something my nana always used to say - "Alcohol is a good friend but a bad master".

greeneyed Tue 04-Dec-12 17:17:02

yes perfectionist, yes smoking, yes drug use (albeit a long time ago now)

PurpleWolfe Tue 04-Dec-12 17:25:35

Yes to an eating disorder in the past (a fair few years ago, too).

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Tue 04-Dec-12 17:27:57

Yes to perfectionist, yes to drugs and smoking (in the past), yes to binge eating disorder (seems to have piped down recently)

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Tue 04-Dec-12 17:28:21

Good luck with your essay kotinka

PurpleWolfe Tue 04-Dec-12 17:38:46

(and yes to perfectionist, natch!)

aliasjoey Tue 04-Dec-12 18:24:14

no to perfectionist, no to smoking or drugs, no to eating disorders!

just the alcohol problems for me (and anxiety, antidepressants etc)

No to perfectionist, yes to smoking, no to drugs other than alcohol
Yes to massively self-critical, yes to workaholism, yes to driving myself too hard, yes to putting every other fecker person's needs before my own....

then a big yes to feeling all resentful and sorry for myself and petulant so I AM going to have a bottle of wine so there!

hmm And allegedly I am an intelligent woman...hmm

I'm not by the way....going to have a bottle of wine that is...or being intelligent...take yer pick grin

venusandmars Tue 04-Dec-12 19:53:24

No to prefectionist, no to drugs, no to eating disorders (except getting munchie when drunk)

Yes to thinking that it is my responsibility to make sure that everyone around me is OK, and happy, and that it's my fault if they're not. And it's particularly my fault if I'm the one who has done something that has made them unhappy. Except drinking. I could easily ignore how unhappy my drinking made people.

dementedma Tue 04-Dec-12 20:06:22

Just checking in.

SobaSoma Tue 04-Dec-12 20:11:41

Thanks for your wise words Baby. The great thing about the evening after the evening before is how well I know I'm going to sleep and that I'll wake up in the morning feeling good. Just need to hold off the wine tomorrow night - that's my pattern when I'm drinking, one night on, one night off.

Hope you're all settling down for a calm evening and that if anyone's having cravings they'll find a way to get over them.

thurso1 Tue 04-Dec-12 20:27:52

Hello all,

Not a great week here (crikey, it's hardly begun!).

No to perfectionist, no to drugs, yes to smoking, and no to eating disorders, apart from when I was 15 (I'm now 53!), but sometimes still engineer arguments so that I can throw away my dinner, because "I don't deserve it" hmm confused.

thurso1 Tue 04-Dec-12 20:30:50

Oh, and yes to making it my responsibilty for making everything ok and happy for everyone around me.

aliasjoey Tue 04-Dec-12 20:36:34

ma ? you alright hen?

Mouseface Tue 04-Dec-12 21:27:06

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Firstly - typo correction from last night, I was on Nemo's tablet and it's like typing on jelly! grin

So - Let's keep an eye out for those who need a bit more Brave Babe power in their woolley socks than normal? A bit like the Readybrek glow! grin

Secondly - Kiki - drugs? Yep, loads, all of them and more, never enough and all the weekend long, drink? The same, and eating disorders? Yep. Especially when taking drugs and clubbing. Then later when I was in a very abusive relationship, sometimes as 'punishment' he'd throw my food away, and then eat his own, making me watch. [cringe] blush and sad

Perfectionist with OCD, ex smoker and feel that I have to make sure that others are okay first, before myself always. In every aspect of my life. This part however, is only a recent thing........ last 10 years maybe, not from my clubbing days.

<draws line -------------------------------------------->

WARNING - ME ME ME ME ME ME POST ALERT

Nemo is very hard work. We went to school for a couple of hours this afternoon and it's done him the world of good and shown me even more so that he needs his routine back right now. DH is ill.

His stress is manifesting as tonsillitis again. sad Mine, when it comes, will be a meltdown of epic proportions. We're snapping at each other...... Nemo's speech has changed so much, everything is weird, I want to scoop him up and run away with him so he can't have the pain again, no more.

NO. MORE. PAIN. sad

Sorry to bring the thread down....

Ma - are you okay?

Soma - you've been in my thoughts all day, I've not really read back much tbh, I just say Kiki's post..... about drugs etc.....

I need to go...

IsinDe - fab to see you back lovely, are you okay? smile

Night all, Nemo calls. Again. xxxx

aliasjoey Tue 04-Dec-12 21:49:09

mousey hope your DH feels better soon my DH also gets tonsillitis when he's run down. shove some multivitamins at him. hope you all get a decent nights sleep.

dementedma Tue 04-Dec-12 21:54:33

alias, mouse I'm fine. Dh and dd2 chipping away at each other constantly and I am caught in the middle. SHE "needs to lose the attitude" and HE " needs to get out of my face". Have done the oil on troubled water thing until I am sick of it.
Thurso are you OK my friend. PM me if you need to.

SobaSoma Tue 04-Dec-12 21:54:44

I wish you and your family no more pain from the bottom of my heart Mouse. I wish I'd met you in your clubbing days, I was still doing it well into my 40s (oldest raver in town blush) and sometimes yearn for those days. Not the horrendous comedowns though, worse than any hangover. Sleep well all, my bed is beckoning and a book that simply has to be finished tonight if I can keep my eyes open long enough.

SobaSoma Tue 04-Dec-12 21:57:03

Joey and Mouse your DHs are obviously much younger than me, when I was a kid tonsils were routinely yanked out, along with those annoying adenoid things in the nose.

kikilondon Tue 04-Dec-12 21:59:12

Mouse - poor Nemo, so much to bear so young sad

Yes, was same wrt drugs - anything and everything, never could have enough, def triggered eating disorders too. I thought at the time would never be free of it...think if i hadn't had children I'd have burnt out back then in my 20s prob

kikilondon Tue 04-Dec-12 22:02:55

Yep, soba, hideous comedowns...going home as the birds were starting to twitter at 5/6am.. So so lonely and empty (((shudder)))) , fkn awful existence once the comedown outweighs the highs

dementedma Tue 04-Dec-12 22:04:57

Never done drugs, never been clubbing. Very boring.

Fairenuff Tue 04-Dec-12 22:22:28

Used to be an 'all or nothing gal'. Probably still am at heart but am teaching myself to moderate all things. How's that for boring then ma? grin

PurpleWolfe Tue 04-Dec-12 22:44:08

Checking in to turn off for the night. Just to say - after I nearly cancelled again - my date was really nice! And he said he wants to see me again! Good grief! And....annnnnd.....didn't drink any alcohol either! (I may have been a tad more talkative if I had but, there you go). Will catch up tomorrow morning. Night Babes, sweet dreams all. xxx

greeneyed Tue 04-Dec-12 22:44:52

Mouse also wishing I could take the pain away for you all - are you me in a previous life? - weekends, perfectionism,OCD smile Really hope you and Nemo get through the night okay xx

babyjane1 Tue 04-Dec-12 23:09:14

Big love to mouse and nemo your in my prayers as are all you lovely babes x x x

greeneyed Wed 05-Dec-12 08:39:57

Morning brave babes! Leucan are you still with us? - hope you are okay

SobaSoma Wed 05-Dec-12 09:05:12

Morning lovlies. Yes Leucan hope you're OK and just too busy to post. Kiki I agree, there's something truly wretched about the feeling one gets when the high wears off. So glad I'm well and truly past all that. Now I only have hangovers to deal with. Still, I haven't got one today and I intend not to have one tomorrow either.

It's feckin cold down south, a dusting of snow this morning but I love the run-up to Christmas. Catch up later all xx

babyjane1 Wed 05-Dec-12 09:44:35

Morning soba green and my kindred Kiki a bright clear day in bonny Scotland and a bright clear head, it was a relief not to be drinking last night, does anyone feel they use wine as a reward and as a punishment, a friend you love and hate in equal measures but remain obsessed with. leucan where are you missy? Have a good day everyone x x x

kotinka Wed 05-Dec-12 10:05:18

So fed up today :-(

I'm still ill & the kids are worse too now, I'd sent them back into school on monday but they're back off again. So I won't get my work done on time.

babyjane1 Wed 05-Dec-12 10:44:16

kotinka why not get them cosied up on the couch with a movie and that might but you some time, my dd was off with a sore throat yesterday and by god it was a long day,

aliasjoey Wed 05-Dec-12 10:48:42

koti poor you and kids! are they in bed? You must all be so miserable sad

ps. its freezing outside, you don't want to go out anyway, believe me

kotinka Wed 05-Dec-12 11:17:59

Thanks you two. They're not in bed, they're on the sofa watching TV and every 30 seconds it's Mum this, Mum that :-( No way am I getting anything done, I tried, ended up reading the same line half a dozen times then gave up in despair.

I know they just want company but my deadline is tomorrow, I'm screwed. We've been ill 5 weeks now, back to the docs for the 3rd time tomorrow. Where they'll give me the usual brush off, "it's a virus".

Anyway, how's everyone today?

aliasjoey Wed 05-Dec-12 12:00:10

koti would bribery work eg. if you give me peace for 1 hour you can eat all the chocolates from your advent calendar?

I am repeating the Bus mantra 'One Day At A Time' over and over to try and manage my anxiety. I'm dreading telling my boss that I've been signed off work tomorrow (if I do tell her, maybe I won't say anything and just carry on)

aliasjoey Wed 05-Dec-12 12:03:42

yesterday at the doctors I could see my notes on the screen. someone had written (presumably during that psychotic episode I had a couple of weeks ago) "patient is well-dressed" grin

no doubt referring to my mental state rather than my actual fashion sense, but still...!

kotinka Wed 05-Dec-12 12:22:27

hehe, it's a good indicator of how mental you are, if you can still be bothered to dress & get clean they think you're mainly ok depression wise.

But I don't think it's a useful measure for anxiety related mental disorders,

SobaSoma Wed 05-Dec-12 13:05:32

Baby certainly my relationship with wine is an intensely emotional one. I think it was Purple who referred to giving up alcohol as a "bereavement" so intense is the bond we have with this seemingly innocuous substance. Isn't it lovely having a clear head, I must make every effort to keep it that way until said head hits pillow. Alias this is standard GP-speak, I'm sure they said something about "maintaining good eye contact" as well!

greeneyed Wed 05-Dec-12 13:07:29

Joey It annoys me that the docs seem to think you are okay if you bother to get dressed and put your makeup on - could have been in beds for days but if you've managed to pull it together to get dressed and got matching socks on you must be okay hmm When I discussed my ADHD diagnosis with my doc, she laughed and said you don't look like you have ADHD, you have a son, are well dresses etc (so people with the problem can't have children or get themselves dressed apparently!) Joey for future appointments go with your jumper on back to front and a pair of football shorts and see what they say grin

Koti sorry to hear you all still ill - nightmare, sometimes life just throws shit at us that is completely beyond our control - I find that makes me so frustrated it's untrue and that it's so unfair and beyond me is what would lead me to the wine. You will get through this - dig in, do whatever it takes - bribes, chocolate etc - can you get anyone around to watch them at all? If all else fails, bunk down with them accept it ain't gonna happen this afternoon and do what you can tonight when they are in bed.

purple I missed your post last night about the date, how exciting! Yes you may have been more talkative with wine but you may have been over talkative ISWIM - as in sharing too much info too soon, over familiar a bit tipsy etc and might have woken up this morning analysing things as a result. Well done girl, he got to see the real you.

aliasjoey Wed 05-Dec-12 15:05:13

aww you mean she wasn't referring to my beautifully co-ordinated outfit, tasteful jewellry and statement handbag?!

decided to get it over with and popped in to see my boss. she was really kind, told me my work had improved so much lately so we would make plans to make sure it doesnt slip again. agreed to adjust certain things to avoid triggers. so I will be going to work, but I think it will be okay.

how are you getting on koti?

babyjane1 Wed 05-Dec-12 16:19:25

Hi guys busy day here so just sending you all big hugs x x x x x

kotinka Wed 05-Dec-12 17:27:07

Joey - you've been signed off - has she persuaded you to go in?

You don't have to you know, a quick email saying you're feeling really ill & need to take the time off that the doctor signed you off for, job done.

huggs.

Kids are out for a little walk with dad to buy some christmas presents, well needed bit of quiet here. (Embarrassingly, he got home & I burst into tears, think I'm knackered).

kotinka Wed 05-Dec-12 17:28:40

greeneyed - yes, had to accept defeat, no work got done today. How are you?

Alright babyjane & anyone else out there.

xxx

aliasjoey Wed 05-Dec-12 17:44:21

koti you sound overwhelmed, you are still recovering from your own illness. if kids are well enough to go out then can they go to school tomorrow? or are they infectious... I hope you can get some rest.

no, she didn't persuade me, I wanted to go in - I would have been even more anxious to be off. she was very reassuring about certain triggers, large groups of people and (i was so embarassed) to admit this - the office christmas lunch! but I didn't want my colleaugues to think 'oh joey never comes, she doesn't join in' blush but she said we would come up with an excuse. so relieved!

kotinka Wed 05-Dec-12 17:47:16

well that sounds good - maybe she can speak to occupational thingy for you (those who needed a manager's say so before they pull their finger out?)

They're not really well enough, but it was get them oot the hoose before I malkie someone ;-)

buyer48 Wed 05-Dec-12 18:25:51

Hello again - I have had a bit a major slip over weekend. Had a friend round, started on a glass of wine and ended up drinking most of the bottle. Then wnet on for a bit of all or nothing thinking about the next day and drank another half.

I'm doing better than I was in that I can manage quite a few days in the week with nothing but the probelm is when drink is in the house I find it so hard to resist. Its getting into that festive season when drink will be everywhere and I'm not sure whether I'm going to get through it without slipping bac down to the every day drinking habit.

I'm out tonight at neighbours and I know that there will be drink there (I'm taking some confused. ) Its a book group and everyone is normally really lightweight drinkers so they will think nothing of a festive glass of mulled wine but for me thats just another day that I haven't not drunk.. Now I'm here dithering about whther just one will be ok or not.

kikilondon Wed 05-Dec-12 18:36:42

buyer, maybe try and just not have a glass tonight? then you have a non-alcohol day under your belt? or if you decide to, just make sure it's one and make it last and don't feel bad...

having a v good day today - feel energised and really pleased am not drinking. our saturday so will prob have a glass of mulled then but will drive, so it will be just one..

tummy definitely feels flatter too (am quite slim but hate stomach)

greeneyed Wed 05-Dec-12 18:55:30

I am good thanks Koti, not drinking today, no cravings at the moment, is it 7pm yet? That's when the WW usually rocks up. Sorry you didn't get any work done today and now you are tired and have it all to do, that sucks. Dig in and find those reserves, you'll get through this shitty period.

Well done Kiki you sound really positive. buyer what do you want to do tonight? Do you want to drink or not? If you don't why not come up with a plan. Antibiotics is a good one for this time of year, stops people egging you on. Waves to all lovely babes on the bus and in sidecar tonight x

greeneyed Wed 05-Dec-12 20:29:07

well the wine witch has arrived and she is shouting and screaming - I've slam dunked her into the corner and come to see you guys -where is everyone this evening? Hope you are all having a pleasant evening - I'm so hungry!! Must not give in to food or wine, must fight this flab - focus focus focus! Right Tesco online shop will keep me occupied for an hour x

kotinka Wed 05-Dec-12 20:44:31

definitely greeneyed! I'm sure it takes twice as long to do a shop online! Could be my rubbish internet cutting out all the time though.

Hope it's getting easier & WW sods off.

greeneyed Wed 05-Dec-12 21:44:44

Ah she's gone! Had a cider ice lolly instead grin yes I have just finished the bloody shop - I do have to go through every offer though!

Fairenuff Wed 05-Dec-12 21:56:59

How are you doing greeney?

I think we do need to eat when we're hungry, even when dieting. It beats giving in to the booze craving. Hope it's gone now x

Soma Isn't it lovely having a clear head - Yes! Isn't it just. I'm loving it smile

buyer I never used to keep wine in the house. Far too tempting. If you don't want to drink, just get rid of all possible temptations as much as you can.

Now, I've got half a dozen bottles put back for Christmas and I know I won't touch them. It's funny how I went from not being able to have booze in the house to having a stash tucked safely away. It really doesn't bother me.

It took a while to change those habits but I just did it the same as everyone else, one day at a time. Keep on keeping on babes x

Fairenuff Wed 05-Dec-12 21:57:59

Ah x post, good to hear it greeney smile

babyjane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 07:46:21

Morning babes, had an awful night, had an enormous fight with dh and dd and I literally had a meltdown, I screamed the house down, kicked several kitchen doors and ran into the minging arms of the wine witch, it was text book giving in. I can be prone to the odd outburst but I literally lost the plot. It seems without the haze of wine I realise just how selfish my family are in so many ways!!!! So another day another headache. I can't believe how easy it is to fall from grace so back in the wagon AGAIN x x x

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 08:21:34

What happened baby? That's one hell of an outburst - was there a straw that broke the camel's back? What's done is done, Today is a new day.

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 08:24:33

Fairenuff - hoping to get to where you are now - it seems possible at the moment smile the more AF days I have the more normal it will become and the ingrained drinking everyday habit will start to unravel - that's what I'm hoping for! Will not drink today.

babyjane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 08:55:07

Thanks green appreciate your wise words, my meltdown was caused by the amount if wee jobs that need done that make the house look shabby, money woes re Xmas and my very low self esteem makes me just want to cry when I look in the mirror, yesterday it all got the better of me and I just blew up. Anyway I can say with mega certainty I will not drink today!! May need support babes, I feel very depressed x x x

SobaSoma Thu 06-Dec-12 09:25:33

Baby big big hugs, no self-flagellation and onwards and upwards. Families eh?
We all do it, buttons get pushed and the screw top comes off (doesn't sound the same as "the cork gets popped" does it?). I felt like you do today on Tuesday but today I feel great because I got through last night without wine (even though there's a bottle in the house for a dinner party at the weekend).
One good thing is that I can absolutely not drink when DD's around, she can spot it a mile off.

Faire I worship you smile Maybe I can't get to where you are but at least I know it's possible. OK today Joey, Green, Kiki and everyone else? Won't be drinking tonight, DB is staying and he's a recovering alcoholic and knows my ways. I'll just cook him a nice meal and we'll watch something intelligent ([hmmm]) on TV. Just started reading a great book BTW, "Shoot the Damned Dog, A Memoir of Depression" by Sally Brampton, the ex-editor of Elle amongst other things. Terrifying stuff, because she makes it sound so real. I haven't been severely depressed, just severely anxious (under control these days).

babyjane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 09:43:19

Thanks soba Feeling a bit better, just going to tidy the house and enjoy a peaceful evening, I'm finding housework and wine in the same category, as in every time I gut the house I swear to myself I will keep it spotless and today it's a tip AGAIN also when I'm wine free and feeling fab I'm sure I will stay that way then I fail AGAIN. What is it with me I'm a seemingly intelligent woman (previously had very successful career) and now I feel like a domestic slave and not a very good one at that!!!!! Big sighhhhhhhhh x x x

kotinka Thu 06-Dec-12 09:46:51

I know what you mean babyjane, nothing I do around here has any impact. I just came in from sorting out breakfast to find the shirts I'd ironed & hung up ready to take upstairs when I took the brush out of my ass & got time to take them had been pulled down & trodden on, now they're dirty and creased. Start a-fucking gain.

I hate being a fucking housewife, it's a thankless job & everyone assumes you're a moron.

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 09:53:02

Can I join the misery fest? Husband's client just gone to into administration owing his firm lots of money - he is already under the microscope at work - I am so scared of him losing his job and us literally having NOTHING -

George Osborne can get to fuck - what was he talking about yesterday - we are on the right track no George the deficit is no smaller than it was in 2010 and we are in negative growth - pull your head out from your backside man! Rant over - I still won't drink today - we can't afford it!

Baby - family life is bloody difficult sometimes it's just like groundhog day, bloody relentless and thankless - I think we are sold a big lie really marriage and kids it just ain't what's it's cracked up to be - We have to take the special moments when we can and count our blessings, one day we will have some life back of our own xx

babyjane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 10:38:02

kotinka you are so right people do presume I'm a moron even my own dd who is 13, infact especially her, and green it's a thankless shit job and I resent it like hell, and here I am 41 with a 2 year dd who by the way is WILD so by the time I get my life I'll be too bloody senile to remember I have it back. I feel totally trapped, im ageing with every passing day and dont even recognise myself any more, it's so depressing knowing that your best years are behind you and you'll be bringing up an 11 year old when I'm 50 with a useless prat of a man. God I'm so sorry, I'm actually crying whilst typing, I could runaway ( no money to run anywhere) Crikey now you why i bloody well drink ( sorry its me me me me) xxx

venusandmars Thu 06-Dec-12 11:10:06

baby it does sound as though things are tough for you at the moment sad, but please understand that none of that is why you drink. You drink because you've developed a habit of reverting to wine whenever things get too much. Don't let the wine witch trick you into thinking that you can't change while your circumstances remain the same. It is the Wine Witch who is making you drink, not your situation. Use your anger against her - she really does deserve it.

kotinka Thu 06-Dec-12 11:24:55

Babyjane, I totally relate to all that, I feel the same. That's why doing this course is so important to me. Starting my own business & having a role other than Housewife & mum is my way out. I can't run away, I love the kids too much, but the thought often crosses my mind. So I had to find another way of clawing myself out of this hole I made. Maybe something like that would help you too?

babyjane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 11:26:01

I hear you Venus mouse talked about the ready brek glow of wine
that's how I feel, it kinds separates me from the mundane shit i wade through daily, I gulp the first glass and all the disappointments have warmer fuzzier edges, I know it's wrong and you are right I need to find another way to achieve the same end, it's sad to admit but life as it stands is just plain BORING and futile without the hazy glow of being tipsy. Time to work on myself I think .......

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 11:59:44

Baby I can relate to everything you say completely I feel trapped and disapointed too - marriage and kids are a con - it certainly aint happily ever after for most people I know!

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 12:02:16

However can't blame my drinking on it as I drank way more before all these shackles and in a way they have anchored me from going completely off the rails - given me purpose albeit to make others happy as opposed to myself. Venus you are right the drinking is a habit and has been my whole life through - a go to answer to any problem

SobaSoma Thu 06-Dec-12 12:47:20

Baby this might make you feel better, I'm 55 and DD is 13 next month and apart from my drinking ishoos life isn't half bad....Since my divorce 6 years ago things have steadily improved and I will not hear a mere stripling of 41 say that her best years are behind her! You're just in a bit of a trough right now but you'll get out of it. I know what you mean about life being boring without booze though, for me wine doesn't just give it fuzzy edges, it gives it wings, but Venus is right and we must try and find healthy ways to cope.

kikilondon Thu 06-Dec-12 13:25:51

hey, everyone...sorry to hear all the upsets on here today. babyjane, do NOt beat yourself up! we're in this together so get back on track today - it's a new day.

feeling v good again today - me and dh started watching Crickley Hall on iplayer last night and had such a nice evening...miles nicer than when we are sitting there drinking glass after glass of wine

my skin looking better too and stomach definitely less flabby (god, does wine really make that much difference??)

echo the wise words being said on here - the wine is a bad habit we've all slipped into...it doesn't help life in any way!

kotinka Thu 06-Dec-12 13:44:04

Soma, reading that gives me hope I'll get back to being ME eventually.

Sorry if I sounded terribly negative earlier, the whole SAHM issue is my nemesis & I get a bit ranty.

To be honest, we've had a much nicer day today, been the docs with the boys, they're both on asthma meds now, & they're happily munching cheese & crackers (they wanted buffet stuff for lunch!)

babyjane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:07:35

Thanks to you all for your kindness and support, I went for swim and sauna to get all those witchy toxins out, been shopping and a lovely dinner ready. Have told dh that I feel invisible and he has promised to think more about my feelings so I feel heaps better and tonight I will not drink and every one of you lovelies got me through a real hard morning so thank you thank you thank you xxxxx

kikilondon Thu 06-Dec-12 19:19:42

well done, babyj!! I've just had a v spicy virgin mary - hits the spot and v v healthy!

kikilondon Thu 06-Dec-12 19:20:13

and well done kotinka too - sounds like things are even-ing out smile

dementedma Thu 06-Dec-12 19:37:51

hi all, no tkeeping up with the thread but ok
mouse are you and nemo ok?
Thurso you too my missile-dodging friend?

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 20:22:05

Ma I hope all is well and calm at your house tonight. Mouse I hope all is well for you too and that you are just taking a well deserved rest from imparting your wisdom to us more needy newcomers, hope your DH is on the mend and it is a happier household. purple you busy with your hot new man?

kotinka Thu 06-Dec-12 20:24:20

Can someone tell me if IABU? We have a regular game night & they guys have just turned up with streaming colds. I sent them home again as I'm only just getting the kids over this cold & have missed a week's work already.

They gave me faceache but said they understood, but I just feel so guilty.

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 20:56:10

not unreasonable at all

kotinka Thu 06-Dec-12 21:14:42

phew, thanks, feel like I don't trust my own judgement since getting over depression.

Going ok?

aliasjoey Thu 06-Dec-12 22:27:27

of course not unreasonable! you have been suffering all week, and the kids too, you definitely need some recovery time.

dementedma Thu 06-Dec-12 22:29:51

All is calm but am drinking.
Its snowing.

Fairenuff Thu 06-Dec-12 22:36:26

I wish we had snow, it's so pretty.

Keep yourself warm ma and dream of babeland.

Tonight I picture it with a fine dusting of frost, clear skies and millions of bright twinkling stars that shine so bright all the way out in the countryside. It's silent and behind all those little cottage windows are all the babes tucked up safe and warm in their beds without a care in the world.

x

dementedma Thu 06-Dec-12 22:40:50

Oh fairethat's lovely.
Its snowing here, the Christmas tree is twinkling and I'm off to bed

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 22:47:45

Faire that is so lovely! I'm going to pretend I'm there now smile

aliasjoey Thu 06-Dec-12 22:57:23

pouring with rain here! dog not keen on going out to do his business, came in soaked and tried to kill the bathroom origin revenge hmm

Fairenuff Thu 06-Dec-12 22:57:34

Right, budge up babes I'm bringing the Christmas tree on board. It's been taking up far too much room on the roof-rack and it's about time we decorated it and brought some festive cheer to the bus.

Now, who's got the baubles and tinsel?

< suddenly realises everyone's gone to bed >

Ok, we'll do it tomorrow grin

Sweet dreams x

PS Who's in charge of carols?

And mince pies?

aliasjoey Thu 06-Dec-12 22:58:45

bathroom rug , sorry

Fairenuff Thu 06-Dec-12 22:59:32

Oh, hello greene and joey, I didn't see you there behind the foliage grin

greeneyed Thu 06-Dec-12 23:00:40

I can't be in charge of mince pies I'll eat them ALL! I've got some great baubles though grin

aliasjoey Thu 06-Dec-12 23:00:44

I did pretty well in charge of songs during the last road trip? <hopeful>

kotinka Thu 06-Dec-12 23:10:29

not so good with the opal fruits though, you kept all the best ones ;-)

kotinka Thu 06-Dec-12 23:13:07

are we getting a bit of queen Joey?

kotinka Thu 06-Dec-12 23:13:53

(wonders what greeneyed's baubles look like)

babyjane1 Fri 07-Dec-12 08:01:54

Morning babes, it's cold and dark here but looking forward to a busy day with baby dd and taking older dd out for dinner (driving not drinking) and got my yoga in the morning so have a good day my lovelies and sending a warm hug to you all x x x

dementedma Fri 07-Dec-12 09:06:58

drags box of tinsel onto bus and starts artfully draping.

kikilondon Fri 07-Dec-12 09:08:41

Morning all. Seriously loving this sobriety! Have a lot more energy already and it's already becoming normal not to drink on sofa in evening....amazing! Xx

kotinka Fri 07-Dec-12 09:17:45

Morning all! nice sober night for me too & the kids seem a bit better this morning too. I'm feeling bouncy as I got up early & bought the last of their christmas presents, so that's a weight off my mind.

Kiki, well done, Babyjane, you sound much more positive! Joey - how's the anxiety? Doing ok?

Ma - who's gonna be the bus fairy? ;-)

SobaSoma Fri 07-Dec-12 09:29:40

The spirits are high on the bus this morning! The wine witch didn't visit last night so am feeling bouncy too smile Ma how's your brother doing? Mine is visiting at the moment and although not drinking is very low. He's a depressive without a job, partner, friends or his own home (lives with our parents). He's an intelligent, attractive guy but so very damaged. I wish I could help him more.

Purple how was your date. We need to know! My house is full of booze hmm because I'm having people over tomorrow night. My plan is to not start drinking until they arrive (I'd usually open a bottle the moment I started cooking) and to pace myself WITH FOOD. Watch this space.

GirlsonFilm Fri 07-Dec-12 09:33:19

Hello all

May I board this bus? Drinking has been a thing for me for far too long and the reason I want/need to cut down now is I don't want my DDs to grow up thinking a bottle of wine a night and a pissed mummy is normal (I remember it from my childhood but I blame no one but myself for my drinking).

I've written down my five worst things I've done whilst drinking (think random acts with random people and you get the picture blush), and worked out just how much I spend each week on wine £100 plus...if nothing else that should remind me why I don't want to drink to excess.

I'm trying to only drink at weekends, but still fall way off when there's a high-day/holliday/any bloody excuse (writing Xmas cards being my latest).

Can't stomach the thought of AA so hope that you will be welcoming on my journey.

ps I'm currently learning carols with DD1 so will be happy to jpoin in with you ot grin

Mouseface Fri 07-Dec-12 10:08:38

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Girls - welcome to the Bus, just watch out for the pine needles and baubles rolling about the floor..... oh and Ma's tinsel has a habit of getting stuck on anything remotely fluffy as you wander past the tree! grin

You're welcome here whether you go to AA or not. This is a Bus for everyone, no judging, no cheese based flans wink and no personal attacks here, no sir.

We've all been there, done that so I doubt that you'd be on your own with anything that repulses you! I have lived my life in the gutter at times and done the most horrendously dangerous things to myself and put others at risk too..... blush sad

Anyway, I've just made some short crust pastry mince pies, they're still warm so help yourself. There's cinnamon coffee and freshly brewed tea too so dive in before they all get scoffed! grin

Mouseface Fri 07-Dec-12 10:29:50

So, I see that we are giving the Wine Witch a jolly good kick in the crotch currently and avoiding the need for the Readybrek Glow? Well done to those who are abstaining smile and to those who can't or aren't then just promise to be safe okay? The side-car is bloody freezing just now but it's there none the less for those who need it. xx

It's not easy at this time of year where the expectation to drink much more regularly is certainly higher than the norm. Even popping in to see a friend to drop off presents can result in an offer of a cheeky glass of white! And I'm talking 11am here........

<wonders if that's just her friends grin>

Seriously though, it's everywhere! BOOZE BOOZE BOOZE and then just in case you missed it, more BOOZE!! Argh!

I know that the build up is always much worse than the actual event but you'd have thought that The Powers That Be, who are constantly banging on about boozey Britain and Drink Aware etc..... would BAN adverts for alcohol on TV and treat it the same as they do smoking.... we had a short spell didn't we? Where they showed us just what drinking can do to our lives and our bodies, increase cancers etc but then nothing.

I've not seen a Christmas drink drive campaign yet, has anyone else? It seems that the supermarkets are only too happy to shove adds for their amazing booze deals and offers down our throats whilst at the same time, telling us to be responsible and to consume with care hmm

Mouseface Fri 07-Dec-12 10:41:08

Update on the Mouse house -

DH is getting slightly better, still has a really sore throat on one side but the tonsillitis is easing thank fuck grin

DD is having a hard time with her new braces, they are killing her teeth and make her talk funny so she's had the piss ripped out of her for a few days..... I just hope that she perseveres this time but who knows. I had braces for years so I know how hard it is but then again to her, I've been 37 for all my life!

Nemo is still very sore and the hole at the top of his mouth is now even bigger, or rather I can see more of it as the swelling goes down. I'm absolutely gutted for him. The thought of another operation is killing me. His sleep is better and he's having less nightmares so hopefully, he'll settle back in his own bedroom okay at the weekend.

His little voice sounds so odd, he's really upset about his feeding tube still being in too. He actually put lasagne in his mouth the other night <queue tears from me instantly> and said 'hmmmm, yummy'

He is wanting to eat and bite into food so much, he just needs to not be in pain I think.

Right enough of my waffling. Keep posting Babes, it really does help to get it all out in the open. Festering festive thoughts are the most dangerous kind, and they know it!

Sorry not to name check everyone buy I hope you're all okay for the day at least.

Be back later Brave Babes xxxxxx

GirlsonFilm Fri 07-Dec-12 10:59:16

Thanks Mouse I'll take you up on the mince pie - not had too many (yet) this year.

I'm off to the work's xmas do tonight and am driving so won't be drinking, which means I looking forward to a lovely hangover-free saturday morning with my DDs.

kotinka Fri 07-Dec-12 11:22:41

Hello, welcome on board Girlsonfilm xxx

Mouse - hole in his mouth? Has the op not worked then?

SobaSoma Fri 07-Dec-12 11:27:43

Mouse you're so right about booze advertising. Even DD remarked on it the other night, couldn't believe the amount on TV. Darling Nemo, is he going to be able to eat without his tube soon? June still can't swallow so it's all through the tube but she does love sucking things. Her favourite is MacDonalds fries which she then proceeds to spit out! Welcome Girls and enjoy your work do. Bet it's the first booze-free one ever!

Your mince-pies sound delish Mouse, can I have two?

dementedma Fri 07-Dec-12 12:55:29

<helps self to mincepies>
welcome*girls*. we are a bit full of festive cheer today but know our issues with alcohol are serious ones so please take a seat - watch out for the tinsel - and feel free to chat.
I nominate indie for the bus fairy.
<runs away>

kotinka Fri 07-Dec-12 12:57:44

perfect! grin

kotinka Fri 07-Dec-12 12:58:08

or should that be grin

GirlsonFilm Fri 07-Dec-12 16:23:52

Hopefully sober, but just been offered a lift (and so tempted to say go on then a few galsses won't hurt! hmm), they're not big drinkers at work so hopefully temptation will not come my way. I'll let you know if I'm successful tomorrow......

aliasjoey Fri 07-Dec-12 16:26:10

welcome girls

yes feeling better, realised these problems all started when I switched from seroxat to mirtazapine. so am determined to try again with ssri despite side-effects. am on 30mg mirtaz and 20mg Prozac (don't worry I googled it, it's okay to take both!)

am trying very hard not to use the diazepam, because I have a feeling it would reach tolerance too easily. instead I have some lemonbalm herbal tablets, podcasts from the mental health foundation... and of course the Bus.

I do long for oblivion from worries. someone smashed my wing-mirror while I was at a meeting. DH will be furious and ask why I have to go to these meetings. I could refuse, but that won t do me any favours at work.

DDs arms are scratched to bits, which is making her self-conscious, and my mother suggested it might be psychological. and a ton of other niggles which I should be able to cope with.

upshot is I believe diazepam might not be such a good idea to take. unless actually in the middle of a panic attack. I could see me becoming dependent on it too quickly. it's similar to alcohol in that way?

sorry for the long post. it's only by writing all this down I have just realised how close I came to popping a diazepam just because someone cracked my mirror! shock

aliasjoey Fri 07-Dec-12 16:33:51

girls one thing I have learnt on the Bus is it's maybe not a good idea to leave things to chance. so instead of saying “hopefully temptation won't come my way" you could plan some strategies e.g.. what if it does come your way? how will you deal with it?

venusandmars Fri 07-Dec-12 17:04:19

girls I agree totally with what Joey has just posted. One famous poster on here once said that 'trying' not to have a drink was like 'trying' not to have diarrhoea - if you're going to succeed you might need some more effective tactics than that.

I always walk in knowing what I will ask for for my first drink, so there's no wavering and then saying ' on go on I'll have a glass of wine too'. And also know what you'll have as an alternative. So I walk in knowing that I'm going to ask for cranberry and tonic with lots of ice, but I also know that if they don't have it then I'll have a lime and soda.

Even if you are planning to have something to drink try to always make your first 2 (or 3) drinks non-alcoholic. Easy to do, when asked say, oh I'm really thirsty I'd love a xxx. Then next time round, say actually that was really refreshing, so I think I'll have another xxx.

Or say that you might have a wine later, but that you've got a bit of a headache so you'll start with a xxx.

What these tactics do is make sure that do you don't accidentally have an alcoholic drink early on in the evening (leading to instantly reduced will power and a whole evening of drinking), and also makes sure that you start off well hydrated so you don't guzzle your wine to satisfy a thirsty mouth.

Hope it all goes well, and the best advice is to notice what is going on for you. you'll learn a lot about what was easy and difficult for you.

venusandmars Fri 07-Dec-12 17:08:32

Well done joey it's good that you can analyse what's going on for you.

aliasjoey Fri 07-Dec-12 17:41:04

been riding the Bus for 6 months now - eventually some of what you say will go in grin

also writing it down and repeating helps to reinforce it in my mind too

Fairenuff Fri 07-Dec-12 20:28:45

Wow joey has it been 6 months already? Happy half a busaversary grin

Welcome girls, make yourself comfy and grab a mince pie if there are any left hmm

Now, if anyone's going to be a fairy on this bus, it's going to be me.

< stamps foot >

Am off to have a lovely licorice and peppermint tea. Has anyone heard from Saf or Silver? It's been aaaaages since they posted.

Thurso how are you doing, I missed you when you popped in the other day.

The Christmas tree looks great babes, keep up the good work.

< twirls out of bus sprinkling glitter, a la Tinkerbell > grin

aliasjoey Fri 07-Dec-12 20:35:36

thank you faire so kind, and may I say how enchanting you look in your fairy outfit?

ps. any decisions yet on who's in charge of carols....?

dementedma Fri 07-Dec-12 20:36:44

A little mouse told me that silver is fine and doing very well.
Christmas tree looks nice, will there be pressies? <hopeful emoticon>

Fairenuff Fri 07-Dec-12 20:42:07

Ha joey feel free to warm up your vocal chords. Can anyone play a piano?

Ma thanks for that, I seem to get less travel sick when Silver's driving

< hopes that Isinde doesn't read that > grin

dementedma Fri 07-Dec-12 20:49:41

So, joey is in charge of carols, faire is the fairy and silver is driving.
I am the tinsel tzarina - what about the rest of you?

aliasjoey Fri 07-Dec-12 21:16:47

small problem, the only carol I know is Little Donkey...

venusandmars Fri 07-Dec-12 21:49:47

I'd quite like to be the Star of Bethlehem, if that's alright with everyone. nothing too strenuous, just sitting around in the sky and twinkling grin

kotinka Fri 07-Dec-12 22:13:50

I'll dust off me donkey costume, I'm used to being a horse's arse ;-)

greeneyed Fri 07-Dec-12 22:37:09

In the sidecar babes because I am a week willed twat _ so didn't want to drink today (eat shit/smoke fags etc) - anyhow done now trying not to wallow, on way to bed now. Sweet dreams sparkly babes - kotinka I wanted to be the Donkey! Can I be the snowman, the one who flys through the air? Xx

kotinka Fri 07-Dec-12 23:12:59

greeneyed, you get to be the front end!

Ok, so I am raising a hesitant-but-somehow-passive-aggressive hand up to object!

First of all Ma why is the thought of Isinde as a fairy so risible??? hmm Is it because I is a friend of Dorothy? (You have to get the ALi G connotation) I think I might make a good example of the sugar-plum-elephant if they could find a tutu large enough! grin
And Faire you can stop with yer favouritism yer splitter you! I am at least Silver's equal when it comes to coaxing the very best out of Gerald and she and I have still not resolved the Bus History as to which of us named him!

Joey hello my lovely. Your "little donkey" reminded me of our last Christmas before the DTs were born. DP and I had just bought this house and around this time of year I was stood early one sunday morning in the queue at our local tesco express. We are surrounded by student halls in this area so the line was full of young people who looked as though they had been up all night and who were stocking up on the diet coke, water, bread and bacon and eggs that constitute a hangover cure (well did in my day)

In one line was a young woman in her faded fancy dress outfit from the night before of a high felt grey skirt, donkey tail and white (very) tight top and donkey ears still on her head. Think a very sexualised eeyore who has been up all night and you will have her. She is buying diet coke, bacon and bread looking sooo weary and hungover....In a parallel line was a maybe 30ish Dad with his 3-4 year old son looking fresh and healthy and out buying fresh bread and oranfe juice...

The little boy stared at the young woman as only little 4 year olds can do then suddenly launched into THE loudest (full lung capacity shout) singing of " LITTLE DOOOOOONKEEEE, LITTLE DOOONKEEE OOON A DUSTY ROAD"

All the queue except one laughed their heads off and she gave him a look of pure distain... smile

kotinka Fri 07-Dec-12 23:48:33

Indie - no, because you're the most capable, unfairie like of us!

Gayness has nowt to do wi'it!

kotinka Fri 07-Dec-12 23:49:35

it's like ironing or summat? er irony?

Anyway hello lovelies. I am the one warming up the sidecar again tonight. After doing so well this week I am back drinking so I have de-iced the sidecar glass and plumped up the cushoins but am hoping no-one joins me if you are all in the bus.
I also have the most extraordinarily strong craving for a cigarette which is a annoying. (no fags in house and not going to start that again)

I am also trying to process being really really spectacularly angry.

Oh Koti I was only messin' as they say in Liverpool!

kotinka Sat 08-Dec-12 00:00:20

ar now yer can't be too caerful wit dis discrimination lark yer know (with me granny's irish accent).

I am however, not very good at being angry. Well, let me put that another way; I am hopeless at expressing my anger in any way that feels safe and respectful to me and yet gets the point across to others in an assertive but non-aggressive manner. But that leaves me, at rare times like now, being very angry with out the skills or competence to handle it very well.

So here;s the ironing...smile I used to run conflict-resolution workshops and have designed and run programmes for employee relations, individual conflicts etc but I am totally CRAP at handling my own shit.

Basically DP and I took our DTs up north to see my family last week-end and all was fab and groovy until (thankfully after the DTs and DP had gone to bed) my mother decided to announce that my DTs are not really my children and that our civil partnership in June this year was "just a party" and not a marriage or anything similar. The craziness is that I know that she and my dad love the DTs but they can't get themselves out of bigotry-central.

I know this is a pretty minor concern in the face of all the genuinely difficult and challenging things you lovely Babes face day in and day out so I dont want to whinge.

I guess I am just angry with them and wanting to tell them what they are missing.
Note to Isinde parents
My DTs are 2,5yr old and challenging and joyful. They have one granny who loves them and , if you just allowed them, they can bring so much joy into your lives. We are not asking for any child care or support or anything but if you miss the chance to play a role in the lives of these incredible funny, wonderful girls then you are sadder and more of a loser that I thought.

kotinka Sat 08-Dec-12 00:44:23

FUCK! I was just doing shocked cat face.

Sorry Indie, that's dreadful, I know you're trying to talk it down but it's a big deal.

PurpleWolfe Sat 08-Dec-12 05:24:50

Celebrated my 7 weeks of sobriety last night - with wine. sadangry

Been fighting it all week and finally succumbed last night. Apart from a lack of continued 'results' from dieting and exercising, can't see why this week has been so difficult. I tried to ease up on the diet bit as that was causing lack of energy but it seems I can't let go of just some bit and not others.

Did a birthday celebration roast dinner for (the children for) ExP last night and couldn't hold out any longer.

Have sinus pain and no money (ExP not paid maint. due a week ago) and don't understand me at all.

Shit.

helpyourself Sat 08-Dec-12 05:48:40

Oh Purple. Have a brew some pain killers and try and get some more sleep. You are a saint for organising b'day festivities for ex- but it left you feeling unappreciated and lonely. Avoid HALT tomorrow.
I can match you on the sinus pain- blocked parotic gland. Like wonky mumps when I eat. Ow ow ow. Woke up with the pain, but seeing a dr later.

PurpleWolfe Sat 08-Dec-12 06:06:11

Thanks help. I think the children and ExP did appreciate the dinner but then they all left to go to Ex's house. It's my weekend 'off' so, yes, feeling a little lonely - but in need of a break!? How does that make any sense?

Sorry to hear about your sinus pain. My pain is in my right eye. It feels like someone has punched it (they haven't!) and just blinking hurts. Odd, really, as everyone else has had a cold but not me. Hope the visit to the Dr helps. IME - no joy - just told it's sinus probs or neuralgia. sad

greeneyed Sat 08-Dec-12 08:01:15

Another sinus sufferer here and it is driving me nuts! Purple it's okay, you've done so well and learnt so much, you've got out of the habit of drinking everyday and into new habits. Are you going to drink today, do you want to? can we help to make a plan and keep you safe for the weekend?

venusandmars Sat 08-Dec-12 08:55:39

isindigo grin green * purple* and any other colour of babe out there in the sidecar.....

I hope you're feeling OK this morning, and not too awful. The thing is you've got a choice - you can beat yourself with the branches of shame, and tar yourself with the feathers of failure, and you can label yourself as someone who is never going to sort themselves out. OR you can climb gently out of the sidecar and leave it behind for a day (and that also means leaving behind any sense of letting yourself down - that all stays in the sidecar), climb on board the bus into one of the great, comfortable relaxing reclining seats and let it take you where it will.

There may be moments when it takes you past some horrible memories and feelings, but you will be safe inside the bus. You may see the memories going past but you will not be part of them. Inside the bus you may even find that you don't have to try to be sober today - you can just let it happen. You may feel a craving for a drink, but then maybe you can see that even that craving is on the outside of the bus and we are driving past it. Sometimes we might whizz past and you will have a fleeting glimpse of the craving, sometimes it may feel as if we are snarled in a traffic jam and crawling past at an agonisingly slow pace. But we are moving past it. So all you have to today is sit back and relax and the day outside will pass you by. Inside the bus some other babes will come and tend to you, offering you just what you need - compassion, or laughter, or bacon butties, or herbal drinks. What a lovely easy place to be. So why would you want to struggle out of your comfortable seat, and prise open the door of the bus, and stumble out into the dark and the cold and the misery? Just for today, stay with us xx

greeneyed Sat 08-Dec-12 09:16:32

Venus, what a lovely post thank you x

dementedma Sat 08-Dec-12 09:18:27

Venus fabulous post. You can indeed be the Star of Bethlehem.
indie I see you being a more Evil Edna sort of a fairy grin but sugar plum would be cool. Can just see you balanced on top of the tree, givin it loads, as my Scouse husband would say.
Those DTs of yours can NOT be 2.5 already! Bloody hell.
<gets ready for DD1s TWENTY SECOND birthday>

aliasjoey Sat 08-Dec-12 09:49:36

oh dear it sounds like the Bus is full of woe this morning. isinde families eh? I'm pisssed off with my sister, and like you can't express it. I guess we just have to accept families are what they are... having a drink will not change them or make them any better.

and as for my bloody mother!

okay, moving on... purple you poor thing, even if they did show appreciation it must have been so hard to then watch them traipse off merrily to play happy families. I think alcohol helps you to accept rubbish situations instead of planning how you could maybe do things differently next time. can you avoid cooking for exdh next time? or do it upon their return to you?

<hands out painkillers all round>

is anyone sorting out imbeciles?

aliasjoey Sat 08-Dec-12 09:52:10

mincepies

spellchecker thinks The Bus is full of imbeciles?!

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sat 08-Dec-12 10:16:33

Morning all

I'm in the sidecar today - I tied one on last night. I'm not going to drink tonight.

Fairenuff Sat 08-Dec-12 11:24:46

Haha, Joey I just read the tag line in Threads I'm On and it came up all as one

'mincepiespellchecker thinks The Bus is full of imbeciles'

shock

I thought mincepiesspellchecker was a nickname and I got ready to come rushing onto the bus to defend us all. Phew, what a relief when I read your post properly.

But what a cool nn that would be grin

Can I be in the difficult mother/unable to express how angry you feel quiche please? Pleeeeeaaaassee

Isinde the one saving grace is that I've learned a heck of a lot about how not to be. We luffs ya babe and your gorgeous girls who are every inch yours and that can never, ever be taken away, no matter what anyone says or thinks.

We are not just flesh and bones, we are shaped and moulded by those that love us, how others treat us, our humour, our compassion, our intelligence, it is all decided each day by our individual experiences. Innit.

Now, I should not be here, I should be shopping so if you see me around slap me with that wet fish we had kicking around a while back would ya.

GirlsonFilm Sat 08-Dec-12 14:31:33

Last night three glasses of wine over a 4.5 hour period and started with water so I think I did OK. No hangover this morning which was a treat for both me and DH as it meant I was happy to get up with DCs at 6am and let him have a lie in (generally feel too lousy to get up early so a nice positive).
Thanks for the advice re strategies - I've already got my offer in to drive at the next do so have a legit reason for staying on the mineral water.

I'm dealing with a vomiting toddler this afternoon (again much better without a hangover). Planning to share a bottle of wine with DH over supper tonight (but only got one bottle in so it will not be the start of a bender), then dry Sun-Thurs.

You know what? it's quite nice to feel in control.

Venus what fab words/sentiments

PurpleWolfe Sat 08-Dec-12 16:28:58

Due to insufficient funds - may be a few days before I can catch up with you all. Phone already cut off - internet soon to follow. sad

Will be back by Wednesday.

Things ain't great.

Didn't think it would be this bad after several good weeks.

Hugs to everyone. xxxx

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sat 08-Dec-12 16:50:14

Hugs Purple xxx

dementedma Sat 08-Dec-12 17:47:55

purple I have been where you are. Can I help at all?
A pleasantly peaceful day here, been cooking ahead, so house redolent of christmassy scents and spices.has taken me 3 hours to transform the kitchen from a health hazard to a clean and tidy place to be.
Looks good now though. All presents wrapped, cards posted. <smug emoticon>

Fairenuff Sat 08-Dec-12 20:03:02

Purple don't lose heart. You have done so well and sometimes we just need to do what we need to do. Don't beat yourself up. It's just a blip. Get back on it as soon as you can but, most important of all, come back and post.

Ma I finished all my shopping today. Not wrapped yet but am right behind you kiddo

Btw, some wonderful anonymous mumsnetter has sent me a Christmas present. I picked the parcel up today. I have not a clue who sent it but if it was one of you guys, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel honoured and special and all warm and fuzzy. All without the aid of alcohol grin

aliasjoey Sat 08-Dec-12 21:20:00

could you guys who are all smug with your Christmas shopping and your clean kitchens just go and be smug at the back of the Bus please? grin

dementedma Sat 08-Dec-12 23:45:05

<moves to back of bus.smugly>

greeneyed Sun 09-Dec-12 07:46:07

Purple, not sure if you'll pick this up - -I'm sorry about your financial situation, money problems are the pits. Stay with us if you can. Do you have a mobile phone you can access the internet from?

greeneyed Sun 09-Dec-12 07:47:21

Sorry just re read your post and realised you may have meant mobile phone

dementedma Sun 09-Dec-12 09:19:22

Morning all. Late night last night as db and his wife came up from York for an early Christmas.
Paracetamol for breakfast for me [flush]

dementedma Sun 09-Dec-12 09:20:16

And new glasses, obviously! blush

Mouseface Sun 09-Dec-12 09:37:12

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Purple - have too have walked in your shoes (nice colour grin) re the money and things being rather shite so understand that your 'Fuck It' monster may well be on high alert right now.......

I was sorry to see that you are struggling with so much right now and if there is anything practical that I can do to help, anything at all, please, please PM me. As Ma said, if we can help, we will and sometimes, you have to put your emotional feelings to one side and let your head take over and let someone help.

Massive hugs to you xxxxxx

PurpleWolfe Sun 09-Dec-12 09:40:35

Thank you Sunny, Ma, Faire and Green Seems they've forgotten to turn my broadband off for the moment. It won't be long, though. Mobile needs a 'top-up' too as is on it's last few pennies.

Spent all of yesterday trying to figure out why the week before had been so difficult. I had struggled from Monday mid-day and every single day after that. No real answers yet except, perhaps trying too hard and possibly pre-menopausal stuff? Seeing the Alcohol Services Nurse, Chrys, in two weeks - may ask for the appt. to be brought forward.

Feeling better today after spending all day yesterday either sulking with myself or working my brain too hard. Have put the 'guilt trip' on ExP so hopefully he'll get some money sorted today or tomorrow. Will be OK again on Wednesday even if he doesn't pay up.

On reflection, just think I was expecting too much too soon and had a melt down. Really vain but the scales hadn't moved in the right direction in days which just added to my feeling down. Tried to tell myself I could 'crash' but didn't need to 'burn' too - I was wrong. I must try to learn to live my life a bit more 80%/20% rather than being 'good' 100% of the time. That would be bliss.

Looking forward to next week now. Will get back to the gym and kick the Wine Witch into touch. Also, got another date with the very FancyableFarmer on Tuesday - upgraded to an actual meal this time! Part of me is thinking I should 'get my shit' together before going on dates but he is rather nice smile. The first date was odd. Green, you said he'd seen 'the real me' - too true - but so had I! I was a lot shyer and uncertain. Normally have a glass of wine before a date - bit like putting on my internal 'make-up'. Set me off thinking about who 'the real me' actually is. It was a good (if a bit quiet) date thanks Soma. Green was right, I usually give too much away if I drink. He's quite shy too so I would probably have overwhelmed him. Ho hum, time will tell.

Thanks for being there, Lovelies. Will be back as soon as possible. Hugs to everyone, stay warm and be nice to yourselves. xxxxx

<Am shouting from the back of the bus as Christmas is all (except my head, that is!) sorted here smile)

PurpleWolfe Sun 09-Dec-12 09:45:29

Thank you lovely Mouse for your offer of help (you have caused a tear or two). And thank you for your Mousy hugs, too, sooo appreciated. I'm totally crap at asking others fro help - this place is the first where I have been honest when I've been struggling. It is invaluable. xxxxxxxx

Mouseface Sun 09-Dec-12 09:58:50

Well, yesterday was amazing. smile

Me, me, me post to follow, sorry

We took Nemo to Erddig Christmas market and he sat watching a Punch & Judy show which I thought would scare the shit out of him (because I HATE them <shudder> grin) eating a handmade gingerbread man, all snuggled up next to me and other children loving every single second of it!

He almost laughed his wellies off when the crocodile came up and ate the sausages! It was a real Victorian Christmas festival and the place is gorgeous all year round. They had Reindeer and a lovely Santa's grotto, plus mulled wine, gorgeous cheeses and deli goodies.....

They played carols and jazz and the whole thing just made the Christmas spirit in me burst out! I bought some gorgeous little tree decorations, handmade hearts with buttons, ribbon and bells on, and a snip at only £2 each!

For the first time in weeks, I felt human again. I felt all emotional and really happy, at the same time. confused

The day was amazing smile

BUT....... then we had bath time and Nemo decided he wasn't having a bath so kicked off. He hit me, kicked me, scratched me, pulled at my face....

Then threw a jug of water at me once we'd managed to get him in the bath.

Then whilst getting him out and trying to brush his teeth, he continued to kick and punch my face and neck so I'm covered in little red marks. sad

Today we are doing the Santa Swap at my mother's where most of my family will be. I'm dreading another meltdown. I really am. I can't cope with it and he really bloody hurts me. I refuse to let DH get involved because he's too heavy handed with him and has actually worried me in the past.

I know that he's only trying to help and protect me but he loses it with Nemo and that defeats the object in my book, am I wrong? I'd rather calmly deal with it best I can.......

As some of you know, this isn't a new thing, this has been going on a while. It's a 'phase' (apparently hmm) but I want to know how long this 'phase' is going to last.

I think it's frustration too.......... and behavioural.

Anyway, I'm going to catch up now, back in a bit. Sorry for just blurting that out before reading back, I noticed Purple's post and wanted to comment asap.

PurpleWolfe Sun 09-Dec-12 10:18:12

Mouse it sounds like you have having a very challenging time - emotionally, mentally and physically. Nemo has had a huge helping of extra trauma as well as the 'normal' tantrum behaviour that DC go through. From the little I know, I would say that yes, it probably is frustration and poss behavioural plus, I'm guessing, had he not been so poorly, your approach to discipline may have been a bit different?

Anyway, talking out of my arse really. I have no idea how it must be to be you with all your struggles. All that I know is that children all go through 'stages' and they come out the other side - when they're ready - only to plunge into a different 'stage'!

Just sending a huge Wolfe sized hug. Hope today is more peaceful for you xxxxx

PS I've been to Erddig - lovely place! I used to live in North Wales. x

Mouseface Sun 09-Dec-12 10:18:31

Purple - it's hard when you're on your own..... trying to juggle money and everything else, and when I say 'everything else' I mean EVERYTHING!

You have to be all things to all people don't you? Plus there's not always much time, if any, for you to be YOU and have things that are just for you, that you don't have to feel guilty about buying/having, things that you feel you have to justify..... I think seven weeks of sobriety is bloody amazing. Well done, nothing can take that away from you Purple.

So you messed up? Big deal. No one got hurt, just a little dent in your pride and a bit of disappointment going on but hey, you can see that because of how you feel now and what your posts have said.

You will get there because you want to and as I always say (bored yet? grin) that is half of the battle, you absolutely, 100% have to WANT to stop fucking up, living with the Wine Witch taking from you, chipping away at you and demanding that you give her your undivided attention 24/7.

You can do it Purple and in the meantime, you have us all thinking of you and holding your hand until you can get back online........ assuming that you do actually get cut off!

I hope you don't...... I'm going to PM you my number just in case smile xx

Mouseface Sun 09-Dec-12 10:24:58

Thanks Purple (loving the post tennis!! grin)

Erddig is gorgeous, they had little elves showing people round too, so pretty, glittery lights and twinkly trees....

I also treated myself to some cheese grin as is the tradition! Mature cheddar with pickled onion.... they had so many, I couldn't decide but as you may have noticed by my NN, I love cheese!! grin

PurpleWolfe Sun 09-Dec-12 10:50:00

"New balls, please" Lol!

We have Elveden Forest near us. When you've chosen your Christmas tree Newfoundland dogs take it to your car on a little cart! The dogs are festively dressed up - it's lovely, the dogs are gorgeous. There is also a story teller, Father Christmas, elves, reindeer and the gift of a tiny Christmas tree which you are supposed to take home and plant (donated ours to the school/local woods!).

Cheese!? Can't resist cheese!! xxxx

Mouseface Sun 09-Dec-12 10:50:45

Right, I'm offski........

Time to get myself together and prepare for family hell fun at my Mother's. Wish me luck!

And Purple - thanks for the kind words re Nemo, of course you know what you're talking about, you're a mum aren't you? smile

Have fun Babes, no stuffing the donkey and riding the turkey, it's the other way around, remember! grin xxx

SobaSoma Sun 09-Dec-12 11:00:14

Morning all, just caught up. What a beautiful post yesterday Venus, thank you. Purple thinking of you, have money worries too, get jack shit for DD from exH who chooses not to work and all her school mates have lawyer/banker dads so rolling in it. See you back here soon, don't worry about your blip, I drank far too much last night (friends over for dinner) and woke up feeling dreadful but feel more sanguine about it now.

Mouse Erddig sounds magical, would love to be somewhere like that now or Germany (my mother's home country) at one of their Christmas markets. It's a perfect clear sunny winter's day down south and I can hear the cathedral bells peeling away and I'm still in bed with the dog snuggled up under the covers. Think I'll stay here a while longer, DD not back till later and I don't have to cook as have plenty left over from last night. Have a peaceful day babes xx

Mouseface Sun 09-Dec-12 13:07:27

Wow! I have MN on my phone! We're in the car and I can post on the thread! Yippee!

Soma I hope you're not feeling too rough. I've forgotten what a Sunday morning or afternoon in bed is like :D. Sorry things are tough for you too. Not nice. Xx

Have good days everyone. Be Brave like you know you can be xxx

babyjane1 Sun 09-Dec-12 13:19:02

I hate hangover Sunday x x x

Fairenuff Sun 09-Dec-12 14:48:03

Mouse some kids like to be 'squished' when they are feeling out of control. They like to be held tightly to help them feel safe and calm down. But because they inevitably get too big and/or strong at some point this does become difficult, as you have said.

You can get special resources for children with sensory needs like this, such as a weighted blanket. Could you look into getting something like this which is portable and can be used easily?

The idea is that the child 'hides' under the blanket and it 'hugs' them. Especially good when children start to be conscious of others looking at them. Alternatively, you can wrap it around him (like a sausage skin) so that his arms and legs are contained inside and he can't hit or kick. Your dh could do the wrapping for you, then you could just hold him until he calms?

Just a suggestion, don't know if it will be of any use to you x

aliasjoey Sun 09-Dec-12 15:28:37

mouse it sounds as though nemo had great fun on your day out but got overtired or overstimulated?

I know what you mean about your DH handling him differently to how you would do it, mine is the same. sometimes he is too critical or too physical (not hitting her, just being a bit rough) sometimes I intervene, other times just let them get on with it. she has to learn that different people will discipline her in different ways. memo may not understand that yet, but at some point he will come across teachers, carers, grandparents... I don't reAlly know what I'm trying to say..!

feeling down today. had my once a week drink last night, and now just thinking I have a whole week to get through. nearly bought some more wine, I should be proud of myself for resisting, but I just feel fed up.

<goes off to fiddle aimlessly with the Christmas tree lights>

dementedma Sun 09-Dec-12 17:11:14

mouse dh is "calm" trained because of his job where he has to be able to restrain youngsters to stop them hurting anyone, including themselves. Given your own physical problems some of these holds may be difficult for you, but perhaps DH could learn them as a way of holding nemo safe until the rage passes.

Mouseface Sun 09-Dec-12 18:01:08

Phone is about to die but will come back re restraining later. Love the blanket idea, hit the nail on the head with that, thank you ladies xxxx

venusandmars Sun 09-Dec-12 21:59:53

I love the idea of 'hugging' your child in a blanket to help them feel safe. Perhaps we could give ourselves a hug in a blanket too.

Later this week I am going to the funeral of a girl I knew in my 20s. She died last week age 46. sadly she had many problems over the years - physical and mental health, but they all stem from drinking and other 'partying'. It got too much for her and last week she decided literally to drink herself to death sad sad

I spoke with her sister today and they have been sorting through photos showing the beautiful person she used to be. Apparently they have not taken photos in recent years because she had stopped taking care of herself sad

So I'm off to hug myself in a blanket, and feel comforted on a day when there seems to be so much sadness around. And tonight a real blanket feels so much better than the illusionary 'blanket' of alcohol. Sleep well babes x

greeneyed Sun 09-Dec-12 22:48:39

Venus, I'm sorry that's terribly sad, I'm sure the funeral will be heartbreaking. Thinking of you.

babyjane1 Mon 10-Dec-12 08:39:30

Morning babes, mouse hope nemo is doing ok, things must be so difficult for you, big hugs to you and lovely venus I'm so sorry about your friend, so so sad, well it's a new week and I'm looking forward to not drinking tonight . X x

helpyourself Mon 10-Dec-12 08:43:16

You sound perkier today babyjane1 grin

SobaSoma Mon 10-Dec-12 09:23:04

Venus how very sad about your old friend. I hope you and her family get through the funeral OK - did she have any children? Joey well done for not getting any more drink. How much do you allow yourself once a week? I was going to meet a friend in London later this week and intending to drink, but after knocking too back much on Saturday night I've decided to drive to her house instead so I can't drink. I still can't seem to find the off switch sad

And yes Baby, clear head Monday is much much better than hangover Sunday.

dementedma Mon 10-Dec-12 09:35:01

venus i am so sorry for your loss.
Look after yourself

babyjane1 Mon 10-Dec-12 09:46:17

help and soba thanks for your support, I have no off switch either but prior to finding you guys I was drinking every night, now it's pretty much just weekends albeit too much Friday, sat and Sunday still way too much and too expensive but at least I'm moving in the right direction . I love the way sobriety and feeling bright and alive feels and hate dirty sweaty
hangovers feel so I'm actually baffled at my own stupidity with this one bloody stupid thing, it's so so so boring processing the same junk in my head every day, surely people can be teetotal and happy, think of all the chaos and regret I could dump out of my brain, why can't I just
Bloody get on with it!!!!' Will keep trying x x x

greeneyed Mon 10-Dec-12 09:51:23

Morning babes - just a quicky to say I will not drink today - I am going out on Friday night and will be drinking though I am going to stay clear of wine so I don't get too drunk too quickly and make a fool of myself (and blackout) will stick to vodka and coke or something with less units and won't start till I get there (as opposed to when I start getting ready!!) Anyway I DON'T want to drink this week so am getting comfy on the bus and strapping myself in!! Have a good day babes xx

babyjane1 Mon 10-Dec-12 10:18:14

green can I sit beside you? Will share my minstrels with you x x x

CrushedWithIcicles Mon 10-Dec-12 11:11:00

Hello all,

I'd like a ticket to come aboard please, I've seen the bus about since it's inception and occasionally peeped in the windows and imagined myself inside but always got sidetracked with the old wine witch. However, think I'm ready to try a seat and see where it takes me...

My consumption has always been above guidelines but the last year seems problematic. DH and I enable each other and one will always come back with a midweek bottle when the other has resolved not to drink that night sad.
I'm tired, distracted and short-tempered with the DC.
I wake suddenly in the night, feeling sick and hating myself for being so weak.
And yet...6pm comes and the sound of a glass of wine or beer to look forward to after the DCs are in bed...irresistible.

This is so childish, I want even though I really don't.

So...

I'm stopping, I've got meal out at the weekend, Christmas parties and weekend away in the New Year and this would usually signal me to put off abstinence 'til afterwards and then lose the inclination to stop at all. But I finally think I understand 'today I will not drink' because me worrying about the 'what if's' is a way of delaying the 'now's'

Thank you for listening to ramble, don't think anyone in RL would!

Today I Will Not Drink.

greeneyed Mon 10-Dec-12 11:14:52

Welcome icicles - by eck it's cold out there! The bus is warm and cosy and a great place to hang out. baby I'd love some virtual minstrels as I am on a diet and cannot have any of the real thing!

CrushedWithIcicles Mon 10-Dec-12 11:23:10

Quickly gets Buy 2 for £3 virtual Malteasers and Minstrels out of bag to hand around.

helpyourself Mon 10-Dec-12 11:28:56

Welcome icicles smile
Make yourself at home, and have a read. Remember HALT today.
Avoid getting Hungry, Angry Lonely or Tired.

greeneyed Mon 10-Dec-12 11:32:58

Brilliant more chocolate smile

Greyhound Mon 10-Dec-12 11:51:56

Hi all - just checking in. Day one today, after drinking nightly for several months sad Haven't had a sober night for ages. I have locked away my cash and credit cards so I can't go out and buy wine.

Hope everyone is ok.

greeneyed Mon 10-Dec-12 11:56:44

<passes Greyhound the chocolate and a blanket>

PurpleWolfe Mon 10-Dec-12 12:01:17

<shock at still being 'connected'!>

So sorry about your friend, Venus. Hope the funeral goes as well as these things can. Truly a sobering thought, though.

I have some freshly roasted chestnuts for the Lovelies on the bus....? Ommmnommmnommmmm! xxx

helpyourself Mon 10-Dec-12 12:01:39

Realistically grey will you not unlock your cards and cash later? Better to go out now for milk, magazines, chocolate and magazines now. Then come back and post- now and at temptation hour.

PurpleWolfe Mon 10-Dec-12 12:04:53

<Nods in agreement with Help>

babyjane1 Mon 10-Dec-12 12:10:51

grey and icicles welcome to our bus, you have come to the right place, everyone here can give you great support on your journey, I'm also a relative new comer and its best just to take it one day at a time, tomorrow will take care of itself, that makes it all seem more realistic. Looking forward up getting to know you and helping each other along the way x x x

Feelingdetached Mon 10-Dec-12 12:38:11

I've been recommended this thread.

I'm not happy with the amount I'm drinking. I've just thrown up from last night.

It's time to stop all this, hangovers on school run etc...it's ruined my diet too.

aliasjoey Mon 10-Dec-12 12:57:06

greyhound lovely to see you back (I mean, not that you feel you have to come back on the Bus, but I was just wondering how you were doing, you know what I mean...) Did you ever sort out the dog owners son who had a potty under his bed grin

okay its a lovely bright sunny day, start of a new week, lets get this Bus cleaned up and all shiny for Christmas!

PS. another thank you to everyone on here; in the depths of anxiety issues last week, I used the mantra One Day At A Time to get through it, useful for other things besides alcohol cravings

SobaSoma Mon 10-Dec-12 13:11:59

it's so so so boring processing the same junk in my head every day, surely people can be teetotal and happy, think of all the chaos and regret I could dump out of my brain, why can't I just bloody get on with it!!!! Exactly Baby exactly. I too am mighty fed-up with the same old tape just going round and round in my head day after day after day.....At the moment I feel like giving up the struggle and just accepting that I drink too much and allowing myself a bottle of wine every other night. And then I remember how bloody unhappy that makes me and how I KNOW MY LIFE IS BETTER WITHOUT BOOZE.

It's nice to hear from you Grey, what's your aim, cut back or cut it out? Welcome Detached you're in good company here. Are you going to try and not drink this evening?

Feelingdetached Mon 10-Dec-12 13:21:47

I only read the first page of this thread:

shakes post really hit it home.

Most nights for the past two months I have drunk a bottle of wine. I usually have a slight headache then just get on with day. I was aware I was drinking too much and too often.

Last week I felt quite low, anxiety running away with itself, felt quite stressed (I don't lead a stressful lifestyle, like I did before)

I enjoyed drinking a ready mixed mojito when x factor final was on. DH fell asleep I opened the wine.

I found both bottles empty being the curtain out of sight this am, so even in my drunk addled state I had the guilt to do this.

I'm very hungover today, ate breakfast of toast, threw it up by lunchtime.

I check % volume on wine
I get tired and short tempered with kids
I lose chunks of time due to hangover

I'm going out for a meal tomorrow. I am not going to drink. I will take my car which is newish and love driving.

Feelingdetached Mon 10-Dec-12 13:28:09

Thanks for welcome soma I don't find it difficult to not drink when I am this hungover.

In Sept/ Oct I was doing W/W and doing really well. Since stopping that my consumption crept up, my tummy has been less than gracious (disgusting really) my face is red and bloated.

PurpleWolfe Mon 10-Dec-12 14:35:57

Hi to Feeling, Grey and Icicles, grab a seat on the bus and some help from some who know where you are right now.

Sorry I wasn't in a good place to post positive stuff for you last week Baby. I wasn't really up to it but glad others pitched in to support you. smile

Still struggling here - with no real idea why everything is so difficult all of a sudden. confused Even resenting having to go out on the school run. sad

xxx

CrushedWithIcicles Mon 10-Dec-12 14:48:30

Feelingdetached not drinking whilst hungover seems easy doesn't it? Shame the hangover wears off in a way, I 'forget' the feeling really quickly!

Well, have been to the supermarket and bought posh fizzy water and some cranberry juice so all prepared for any thirst I may have this evening. Also dusted off an old pilates DVD so will sort my powerhouse out tonight too!

Hope the day is treating you all well

CrushedWithIcicles Mon 10-Dec-12 14:50:32

PurpleWolfe you're right, everything does seem such an effort...only day 5 for me but have felt like I'm coming down with something, fuzzy headed and just so, so tired.

dementedma Mon 10-Dec-12 15:13:29

I found this today -

And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom.
(Anais Nin)

babyjane1 Mon 10-Dec-12 15:15:06

feeling I too have hid bottles, also put wine in a coffee mug to fool dd (she ain't stupid) we've all done it and I had your hangover yesterday but tomorrow you WILL feel better and this bus will help you get where you want to be and feel better about yourself. purple you have helped me so much and you have done so well so keep that In mind. Also feeling I found going back to ww has given me a new project and eating healthy foods and getting back to swimming has helped distract me from wine, not always successful but if you find something focus on it all helps. Looking forward to a wine free evening xxxxx

CrushedWithIcicles Mon 10-Dec-12 15:31:43

Love that dementedma!

So positive to see that we're taking the risk to blossom, I hope that I can...

aliasjoey Mon 10-Dec-12 16:04:48

my DD has just come home with a Christmas present from her`boyfriend` (a little silver teddy with a Santa hat)

they're TEN fgs! not sure if I should confiscate it [actually it's rather cute smile but seriously, when I was that age boys and girls barely acknowledged each other!]

PurpleWolfe Mon 10-Dec-12 16:09:05

My DD wanted £10 from me to buy her boyfriend a baseball cap for Christmas - having not saved a single penny towards it (or anything else for others who have been around ^a lot bleedin' longer^). I said 'no' but she managed to con ExP into parting with the money!

PurpleWolfe Mon 10-Dec-12 16:09:29

(DD is 11)

greeneyed Mon 10-Dec-12 16:10:03

That's really sweet Joey but yes we only spoke to boys via messages through our friends until we were about 14!

Fairenuff Mon 10-Dec-12 17:08:30

Purple I know all about that 'all or nothing' feeling. It helped me massively to have a goal to aim for so that, rather than giving something up, I was working towards something. Being on a diet and being healthy was motivation and it did help enormously.

However, like you, I couldn't sustain it forever and once I'd had a little blip it all seemed to fall apart. The dieting, the drinking, the exercise. It was as if I thought well I've blown it now so I might as well go the whole hog.

So I did need to learn moderation in all things and not be so strict and controlling on myself.

Right, this is all leading up to something, bear with me grin.

What worked for me was concentrating on putting some goodness in my body. So, even if I'd just eaten half a cake, I would still make sure I got some fruit. If I'd had a glass of wine, I'd make sure I had a glass of water too. I allowed myself to rest if I was tired and didn't beat myself up about it. We all need some down time now and again.

After a while I began to feel more positive and got back on track again.

Sometimes we just need to do something a little different to kick start that motivation.

Hi to new babes, make yourselves comfortable smile

Fairenuff Mon 10-Dec-12 17:09:30

Oh and hi to Greyhound too, lovely to see you again x

babyjane1 Mon 10-Dec-12 17:41:27

faire you sound like your in a really good place so your method is working. Sound and brilliant advice .... X x x

PurpleWolfe Mon 10-Dec-12 17:52:06

Thank you Faire, you have hit the nail on the head. I'm fine when I can see results from my efforts but any dip and I find it really hard not to give everything up. I need to learn new ways - your way sounds do-able. This is what I meant a few post ago when I said that, for me, it isn't just about not drinking - it's much deeper than that. I need new coping strategies.

Really not well atm. Aching all over, headache and sinus pain. On Sunday, thought it was hangover but it's still here today. Supposed to be meeting TastyFarmer tomorrow evening. sad Ho hum. x

aliasjoey Mon 10-Dec-12 19:21:57

purple you've been talking about not feeling quite right for a few days, so it sounds like you are coming down with something.

DH just said he was popping out to get some beer. I pleaded with him to get me some wine, he refused and said he would do without any beer tonight. don't know why I keep asking, I reckon he's on to me now. smile

I have my small bottle of wine on a Saturday, and the rest of the week, just feel... bored, frustrated... I should embrace sobriety, but I still feel somethings missing.

PurpleWolfe Mon 10-Dec-12 19:36:07

That 'something's missing' feeling - such a bastard! I just thank goodness I never started smoking! Tried it once at 12 but hated it. Anyone seen the topic for The Wright Stuff:

"TUESDAY PREVIEW: MUM: DON’T DRINK IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!
A study out yesterday claimed teens who see mum and dad boozing more than once in a blue moon are likely to be problem drinkers when they grow up. Not only does it set a bad example, says the think tank Demos, parents who drink too much are also likely to have a laissez faire attitude to parenting that won’t discourage their kids from risky behaviour. Do you buy that? Did your folks’ boozing have an impact on your approach to alcohol?"

If you look up the above site on Facebook, a lot of the comments are saying 'no' seeing their parents drink didn't affect them. Interesting.

Thanks Joey, feeling shit right now, not sure if I'm glad it's a bug or noT?! x

venusandmars Mon 10-Dec-12 20:02:07

That 'something missing' feeling??? Well turn it around a little and look at it from another angle and I think it's exactly that feeling that keeps us growing and developing and growing as humans. Whether it's collectively or individually I thin it's that 'something else' feeling that keeps us striving for better things. Better for ourselves, better for our fellow humans.

When I was drinking heavily, I used drink to fill the 'something missing' hole. And every night it fitted perfectly. And every morning it left the same gaping hole. Without drinking, I notice the 'something missing' space and I wonder what I might really, really need. And I seek out drumming classes, or meditation, or deep friendship with new people, or self-development (I never seek out running and jumping and all that activity stuff, but I know others who do grin).

So I don't think that the 'something missing' feeling is bad, I think that without alcohol it has driven me on towards happier, more meaningful places with real contentment that doesn't disappear by the next day.

Is that too woo for everyone?? grin

venusandmars Mon 10-Dec-12 20:07:29

And purple I think that sometimes I get a 'sub-clinical' virus, where because I'm basically healthy and well I don't succumb to a full blown cold / flu / lurgy. Yet I have several days when I feel crap, sneeze occasionally, feel lethargic. I used to just carry on and then eventually the symptoms would express themselves, and I'd think 'Ah, that why I was feeling so awful'. Now if I feel like that I try to stop, be kind to my head and my body, and wait till it passes. Then suddenly one day I wake up and I feel better, and then I know that I was a little ill.

Patience, patience, you will feel better. And it will be worth it.

venusandmars Mon 10-Dec-12 20:24:22

On the DON'T DRINK INFRONT OF YOUR KIDS question..... well I'm unsure.

My parents drank socially and I remember at age 4 drinking martini and lemonade (just a tiny amount of martini in a tiny glass) until i discovered that lemonade on its own tasted just fine. Then age 10-ish friends of my parents accidentally gave me ginger wine (believing it to be non-alcoholic) which I loved, and had a big second glass. Early teens I was allowed to join in with having a glass of wine at dinner parties. It was all done with the best of intentions - to introduce us to alcohol in proper social settings. But now I would call giving 'poison' to a 4 year old, child abuse sad. And I know that the ginger wine gave me the most delicious feeling. And that my teen experiences of drinking with dinner set a pattern for me about the partnership of food and wine.

Yet my sister and I had exactly the same experiences growing up - including the young martinis and the ginger wine experience. I am an alcoholic and she is one of those 'normal' drinkers who can open a bottle have half a glass and leave the bottle in the fridge for days and days.

I see the same with my own dc. They were unfortunately brought up in the home of an alcoholic mother (me blush), for whom drinking with meals was an everyday occurrence, and for whom any situation - good or bad - was an excuse to drink more. One dc drinks very little, the other I can see having similar tendencies as I did.

I suppose, knowing now who I am, and understanding how difficult it has been for me, I'd have not make drinking so socially acceptable at home, so that dc 2 did not feel so comfortable around it all. And so that I could challenge / support better, without having my previous behaviour thrown back in my face.

aliasjoey Mon 10-Dec-12 21:32:01

purple I hope you manage to get an early night, it sounds like you need a good rest

Venus you're right about seeking new experiences, but no idea how to do it. have very few friends, am not a very sociable person. have managed to join a book club, but we meet once a month and that's it.

I was thinking about volunteering but was struggling with tiredness and fatigue... maybe I should reconsider. oh, have just remembered my DD s choir wanted volunteers, I could do that. oh not sure, social anxiety and bad experiences of helping out at school and bitchy super-mums... confused

bummymummy1 Tue 11-Dec-12 06:25:14

Hi all, may I join please?

I just started a thread Here

It's about DP having had emotional affairs on line whilst I'm in bed intoxicated. I'm basically asking in that thread did my drinking drive wedge between us?

I have been under a lot of stress for years and drink to get to sleep. I now know this has to stop. DP thinks it's killing me and killing our relationship.

I will not drink today <gulp> I will go to AA too.

aliasjoey Tue 11-Dec-12 08:32:54

welcome mummy1 you have made a brave first step by posting here!

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 08:42:01

You may not be a sociable person Joey but it's easy to tell you're a very warm person. Great posts from Venus and Purple and I agree about new experiences and am badly in need of finding some new ones myself. Let's get our thinking caps on Joey. Venus will you write a book so we can find all your wise and wonderful words in one place?

I often think I just drink because it makes me feel good but if I'm honest it's because deep down there's a bottomless pit of need which I haven't got out of my system. I drank last night and for the first time in ages actually felt depressed so I know I've got to kick it into touch again. Drrrrrrrrr....each and every time I try controlled drinking the result is the same so I'm going back on antabuse tonight and at least that will see me through Christmas. Perhaps a new experience should be going to AA (again) but I've got to do something. Welcome Bummy smile will read your thread later but hope this is the beginning of you and DH becoming closer again.

babyjane1 Tue 11-Dec-12 11:03:15

mummy welcome aboard, you have come to the right place for advice and understanding. I think all you lovely babes are right, .*alias*, venus
And joey I think we drink to fill a hole in our lives, the sad realisation that a life without wine is too boring to contemplate shows in itself that we must all find other ways to make us feel fulfilled, but to do that we must first acknowledge what's wrong in our lives and that's scary. venus I love your mantra of be good to yourself and find ways to feel fulfilled, you sound very calm and serene in your postings. Sometimes I think I'm just looking for more ou

babyjane1 Tue 11-Dec-12 11:04:27

Out of life, is my expectation too high or do I deserve more? How do
We know the answer??? X x c

CrushedWithIcicles Tue 11-Dec-12 11:29:58

Hello again smile

Day 6 here, DH brought a 4 pack of beer last night and I left him to it, even managed to refuse a small glass so, so far so good. The problem is keeping up the momentum, in the past I have stopped, once for 8 weeks (so bad that I see that as an achievement) but after a while a little voice argues that...
I'm fine,
I'm over-reacting just because DF is an alcoholic,
There is nothing wrong with an occasional glass of wine in the evening and
Everyone else does it.

Looked back at my posting history in a different name, I found an awful thread where I was desperately trying to avoid the fact I had a problem with alcohol, but if I hadn't got a problem I wouldn't be here 2.5 years later with the same concerns, would I?

I so agree with venus that the 'hole' is only temporarily papered over and is still there the next day, but I'm hungover, less likely to deal with it and more likely to drink again to escape dealing with it.

Welcome bummy I'm a newbie myself but have watched these threads on occasion and you won't find better, support, empathy and kick-up-the-arse-ness anywhere else grin

Am surviving these days fueled by mince pies, may have to change to CrushedWithMincePies soon!

CrushedWithIcicles Tue 11-Dec-12 11:35:12

babyjane1 can't speak for you, but I tend to have high expectations for external factors, job, house, relationships and very low expectations for my own abilities. So I think letting go of what we can't have control over and valuing ourselves and believing that we do deserve to be treated with kindness and respect by ourselves is probably key.

Oh, and today I will not drink smile

babyjane1 Tue 11-Dec-12 12:00:29

I will not drink today either, I have noticed lately that as soon as I decide I'm not drinking today, I feel a sense of relief that the decision is made. This confirms I use wine to reward and punish myself in equal measures so today I will do as venus says and drink water, eat well and cleanse, tone and moisturise and I'm sure tomorrow, I will look and feel better!!!' Please join me in my virtual health club and do the same tonight, tomorrow night we can do nails and fake tan, anything to distract is from the nasty nasty wine bitch sorry witch!!!! X x x

Feelingdetached Tue 11-Dec-12 12:10:55

I did not drink lastnight, even though my Mam sent a bottle of Amaretto, a christmas favourite.

I am out for a meal tonight and I am driving. I still feel a touch rough actually, but got up able bodies this morning.

I will catch up with all properly later. But will Say a few of you have that commented about that all or nothing way of thinking, yes totally get that.

Thanks for welcome.

babyjane1 Tue 11-Dec-12 13:34:47

kiki just wondered how you are? And leucan are you out there and alias and soba and anyone else out there, hope you are all having a good day. X x

aliasjoey Tue 11-Dec-12 13:52:10

hello babyjane yes still here! will probably be here for a long time yet...

thinking about filling up this 'empty hole'... I looked into volunteering with my DDs choir, but its a bit offputting. The role would be selling raffle tickets etc basically out of my comfort zone, busy and too many people...

They also need people to supervise the kids, I wouldn't mind doing that but they have to be CRB checked.

I've been pondering this for ages but maybe I need religion. Or faith. You know those sample kits you get of 5 or 6 different perfumes to try out? Thats what I need, a week-long retreat of different religions I can try to see which one suits me best grin I am ripe to be sucked into some wacky cult

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 14:10:20

Think we might already be in our own 'Wacky Cult' Joey! smile xxx

aliasjoey Tue 11-Dec-12 14:19:14

purple yes very true!

thinking about it, AA is supposed to be a bit religious isn't it? But I'm not sure I'd want to have that as almost my only social outlet, I don't think alcohol defines me, well not as much as it used to.

Also... (I've checked) the one near me is 'open' I think this means that you don't have to have a drink problem to attend, you could be a partner or family member. So... my boss could be there because her father is an alcoholic... what I mean is, it wouldn't be quite so bad meeting someone I knew - although still terribly embarrassing - as long as they were also in the same position. But if it was someone who was there because of a family problem? A parent from DDs school?

Scrap that idea. Its back to the cult with the bells and orange robes.

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 14:46:08

Hmmmm, orange rather suits me.....! xxx

babyjane1 Tue 11-Dec-12 15:01:13

Once I get my fake on I too will be orange so we should develop our own religion, the church of the orange winos!!! Ha ha x

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:04:26

Lol! Bring it on!! xxx

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 15:12:10

Just hoping there's someone out there to talk me out of a craving. The wine in the larder is calling (left over from Saturday) and I'm a bit hungover from last night and REALLY WANT A DRINK. I can't even take an antabuse yet because I need to wait for 24 hours after I've had my last drink.

DD will be back in an hour and if she knows I've been drinking she'll probably leave home. But even that isn't enough to stop me. If I'm not an alkie, I don't who is sad

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:17:57

DO AS I SAY AND NOT AS I DO!

Don't do it Soma! Have several glasses of water - until you are full and not thirsty at all. If the wine in the larder is a problem - pour it away if you can! Find some chocolate or other sweet stuff to help curb the craving. You only have a short while to get through - stay strong, Sweetpea, you can do it - just this once! Promise yourself you'll give in 'next time' but not now - DD will be back really soon and you can't let her, or you, down this time! (We'll talk about next time - next time!!).

Strength and courage my Lovely!!! xx

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:22:18

Well, Soma you got that water drunk yet?! x

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 15:23:51

I hear you Purple, I'll drink loads of water and have some muffins. I'm so fecking weak. Thank you xx

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 15:25:40

Yes, I think it's coming out of my ears. It's not so strong now, how are you this afternoon? x

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:26:26

This craving we get is not a pussy cat, Soma, it's the real deal and to fight it is not an easy thing. You are not weak - or you wouldn't ask for help.

Let me know (soon!) how it goes! xxxx

greeneyed Tue 11-Dec-12 15:28:52

Soma - can you get out of the house - go for a walk do an hours gardening? Sitting there knowing it's there is really hard, if it's too risky to go near the wine to pour it away can you remove yourself from the house till DD get's back _ meet her at the bus stop for example? Be kind to yourself x

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 15:33:33

Thanks Green, I need to wait till DD gets back and will then take the dog for a walk. Purple's water suggestion seems to have helped, I feel really full and the lure of wine isn't so strong. It's such a comfort to know that you lot understand smile

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:36:14

Yeah, what Joey says ^!

I'm not doing so well. Feeling ill and not fighting the Wine Witch the way I should. However, on a more positive note - although I've cancelled tonight's date with The Tasty Farmer (the weather here is awful and he suggested cancelling - not sure if that's for my safety, his or his lack of interest!) but did have a really nice phone call from him (he called me!). Just think he may be really laid back about things. Here's hoping!!

Also positive was my visit to DS's school today to make Christmas decorations. Did well and had fun. Much better than last year.

Not sure my telling myself that illness is a good excuse for not fighting the Wine Witch is the best (I know it's not, really!).

x

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 15:43:28

I'm sure you'll see Tasty Farmer before too long Purple. It must be nice to be starting something with a total lack of drama, I always used to tie myself up in knots when I first started seeing anyone (shudders at the thought). Hope you feel better soon and thanks for being there earlier, am over the worst and won't be drinking today. x

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:49:47

Thanks Soma, I'm so trying to keep the drama out of things and I'm hoping this Tasty Farmer thing might, just might, go the distance. Who friggin' knows!?

Glad to be of help - goodness know, you've been there for me in the past!

xxx

greeneyed Tue 11-Dec-12 15:51:36

Well done soma, get through today and you can start the antabuse again which you know helps (if not a permanent fix it keeps you safe) xx Sorry purple things are not going well, being ill does make everything more difficult to deal with, you can and will summom the strength to wrestle the witch aain xx

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 15:53:35

Ah bless Purple. What sort of a farm does he have? I'd love to go out with a farmer but live in the middle of town. What scares me is how strong a craving can be and then 15 minutes later it can be almost gone. My problem is how easily I give in and then I'm toast.

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:53:59

Thanks lovely Green xxx

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:57:18

Soma he has an arable farmer. Met him via Match. Quite posh, too!!

Cravings are a total bitch! It's trying to hang on until they are gone that's exhausting! Our state of mind defines how easy/resolute our resolve its. xxxxx

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 15:58:10

not is - has! Durrr!

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 16:02:21

No,no no!! He has an arable farm! I need lie down!! xx

aliasjoey Tue 11-Dec-12 16:18:28

put the wine in the car. or the shed.

promise yourself you can have some chocolate or something later if you don't drink it. I sometimes buy myself pain au chocolat to have for breakfast tomorrow if I stay sober tonight.

just think about the next 30 minutes, you can manage that

aliasjoey Tue 11-Dec-12 16:23:33

oh, I see purple already got in there to help. isn't this Bus GREAT ? it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to think there are people here so willing to help and support everyone...

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 16:36:12

Yes this bus is the best Joey and I'm feeling warm and fuzzy now and the wine witch has been knocked into touch. An arable farmer Purple? <swoon>
Does he live in a lovely old farmhouse by any chance?

aliasjoey Tue 11-Dec-12 18:05:44

with ponies in a paddock?

babyjane1 Tue 11-Dec-12 18:47:59

And a lovely log fire and broad shoulders (cliche but nice) x x x

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 18:52:11

Lol! Yes, Soma I think, from his description (he was born there, etc) that he has an old, established farmhouse that he has taken over from his parents and yes, Green he has horses - plus and old farm cat and two dogs (and one 3 week old border terrier puppy!). He's just sooo laid back about everything but does contact me, usually a couple of time a day. Just need to be patient (not a quality I have a great deal of). Can't figure out whether his reluctance tonight (due, he says, to the awful weather) is because he doesn't want me to drive in bad conditions, or him, or he's just not that into me?! He is, however, tall, well spoken, erudite, good looking and fit!!! Worth a bit of 'time investment'!

How's it going Soma? You peeing for England, after all that water, by now or what?! <Waves enthusiastically to Green>

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 18:55:41

Ha! Yes, Baby, he does have a lovely open fire and is tall (6ft 2in) and a good build. grin xxx

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 18:58:20

Oh, good grief! Meant Joey - he has horses xxxx

greeneyed Tue 11-Dec-12 19:11:24

So to recap, he is tall, fit, lives in a farmhouse, has an open fire and a puppy!!! He is like the jackpot of internet dates - what's the catch? Cynical old me! (I'm only jealous sigh..[Grin] )

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 19:16:12

Hey Green Lol! - Not just you! I'm wondering what the catch is too!! He even has is own hair and teeth (a definite bonus at 50ish!!) Maybe his ex is buried under the patio?!

PurpleWolfe Tue 11-Dec-12 19:52:53

Right, just read this on FB. Hope the link works. I have tears running down my face - in a good way!!

www.damnyouautocorrect.com/13608/top-50-funniest-autocorrects-of-dyacs-first-year-part-1/

dementedma Tue 11-Dec-12 21:53:03

Hey mouse you got a mention on the thank you thread on Christmas. Wonder who nominated you? <whistles innocently>

SobaSoma Tue 11-Dec-12 22:01:04

He contacts you a couple of times a day as well has having all those acoutrements? Bloody hell Purple, I is jealous. Yes have been using the lavatory rather a lot this evening and for I thank you from the bottom of my heart. So so glad I'm going to bed sober and have had a lovely evening with DD.

Hope all babes safe and sound tonight, thanks to you I certainly am tonight.
Sleep tight xxx

aliasjoey Tue 11-Dec-12 22:06:46

purple he sounds much more promising than Sextoyman. is he divorced? kids? is the farmhouse somewhere prone to flooding? <thinking ahead>

Fairenuff Tue 11-Dec-12 22:34:08

Evening all smile

Good to see the babes rallying round with support and good advice. We call that the Brave Babes SWAT team grin

dementedma Tue 11-Dec-12 22:54:50

Did someone call the SWAT team?
<presses alarm button on dashboard>
All Babes to be armed with soft drinks, chocolate and sweets and dispersed at dropoff points to put themselves between alcohol and babes in need

Penelope5 Wed 12-Dec-12 08:12:46

Reading and finding great solace here - no wine since Saturday.
I went to AA one time and heard some logic (like don't have the first - that's all you need to do) but could not relate to the depths people had sunk to with alcohol.

I relate to what is being said here - too much wine (600 calories!!) leading to fatigue and weight and less enjoyment of my life and my children. Why do I pick up that glass (and not let it down except to refill it hmm)
I've tried to moderate and give up before and failed, so I just wont drink today. Thanks so much to you all for sharing, it has helped me.

Previously posted as introuble2

SobaSoma Wed 12-Dec-12 09:18:39

Yes Ma I called the SWAT team and they were there within seconds smile Consequently I am a hangover-free and joyous babe this morning. LOL at Joey's thinking ahead for Purple. Thinking about you Greyhound and hoping things are better. Have you been to the funeral of your friend yet Venus? Thinking of you too.

Has anyone done the 12 Steps? Have been in and out of AA and not tried it but have a feeling the time might be right. Welcome Penelope you sound a lot like me and it's great to have you on board.

kotinka Wed 12-Dec-12 09:20:21

morning all, not so good at the mo, got drunk on monday night, after having done a good stretch booze free. Like something just snapped in me & I wanted to feel pissed again.

It was, as usual, a massive let down & I can't for the life of me, figure out why I keep doing this over & over again :-( Tuesday was the pits, at least I get hangovers these days, I suppose.

Sorry for not reading back yet, I just wanted to promise myself I'm not drinking today. Back to one day at a time I think.

CrushedWithIcicles Wed 12-Dec-12 09:25:40

Well done Soma on your willpower, am in awe. When I'm on a diet, I lose any ability to say no to biscuits etc. I hope I can be as strong as you when the itch to drink really kicks in.

And Purple I am so jealous...think you have found every woman's fantasy man: tall, good-looking, rugged outdoors type with a farmhouse and puppy swoon (must stop reading Mills & Boons!).

Know what you mean Penelope5, feel a fraud saying alcoholic as I don't have 100+ units a week and no-one is threatening to divorce/leave me...but over the double weekly allowance for a MAN and drinking every night and most important of all, wanting to reduce but being unable to sustain...that's a problem. And I don't want a drink problem sad

So I'll be (hopefully) a non drinker and, today I will not drink smile

CrushedWithIcicles Wed 12-Dec-12 09:30:15

Aww kotinka, I've been there too and I can't explain it...you know you don't want to spoil it but at the same time the big, fat, fuck it button starts flashing and before you know it you're nursing a hangover and hating yourself.

However today is exactly the same as Sunday, you're not drinking, that hasn't changed so don't dwell and don't hate yourself. Just keep on keeping on thanks treat yourself kindly.

kotinka Wed 12-Dec-12 09:38:42

Thanks Icicles - cool name btw ;-)

I am somewhat disappointed with myself & I think I'd kind of stopped taking it seriously. But I went back on atkins last week & the hangover I got this time was something else! I've really got to be firmer with myself & remember that booze & atkins are a very bad mix. Booze & me are a very bad mix anyway! H is getting huffy as I've gone for the bottle a few times this month.

Hope everyone's not suffering too much with the christmas stress & colds. We still have the perma-flu in our house, that's now into our 7th week ffs!

babyjane1 Wed 12-Dec-12 09:42:18

Welcome penelope I'm an overweight, , disillusioned 41 year old and I too am trying to kick the wine witch into touch, the best thing to do is just focus on one day at a time, some days you will win, some days maybe not, but these kick ass babes will get you through every emotion you will experience. Well done soba you should feel mega proud today, that wine witch has no chance with the BABE BATTALION fighting her, I feel proud of you and the super babes stand in a virtual circle around you to protect you and care for you x x

venusandmars Wed 12-Dec-12 10:21:11

icicles one of the differences I notice between dieting and stopping drinking is the different way in which our bodies / minds react.

The way I see it dieting is related to our biological imperative to survive, so when we diet there is a real physical and mental biological drive behind wanting to eat, and it takes time to retain our bodies to get used to smaller amounts of food without thinking there is a risk of starvation. And like a petulant child, it can be quite difficult to find the means of distraction if we haven't planned in advance. And it's always easier if we catch it before a real tantrum sets in.

So here's my 'Chicken Soup for the Alcoholic' - not a schmaltzy collection of words but some real practical advice. Early in the day when your resolve is strong, write a shopping list and go to the shops. Buy a chicken, and some onions, a big can of sweetcorn, and a can of evaporated milk (not condensed milk!!). Also buy some nice crusty bread and some lovely sweet tomatoes. Come home and roast the chicken - or buy one of those ready roast ones. For lunch make your self a wonderful tasty sandwich of roast chicken, crusty bread and sliced tomatoes, adding salt, pepper, olive oil, basil to taste. Make a plan for your favourite way to use the rest of the chicken meat, perhaps a lovely curry, or fajitas, or a chicken and mushroom pie?

Take the left-over chicken bones and boil them with salt / pepper / herbs to make a delicious and nutritious stock. Of course you could just use a stock cube, but then you'd miss out on the lovely sandwich and the possibility of a great curry.

Later in the afternoon, when perhaps your resolve is starting to waver, this is the time for real action. First sit down and have 2 big glasses of water, or 2 cups of tea. Then back to the kitchen. Chop the onion and cook it gently in butter or oil. Add the chicken stock and three-quarters of the tin of sweetcorn and cook for about 10 minutes. Add the evaporated milk. Blend or liquidise. Add the remaining sweetcorn and some finely chopped cooked chicken. And there you are the best ever tasty lovely chicken and sweetcorn soup. You'll feel full and satisfied, and the petulant inner child will have been kept occupied.

But what about the times when you haven't got a chicken to hand to start the distraction process? Well have you got an onion, a stock cube, a tin of tomatoes and a couple of handfuls of lentils? Same routine as before - 2 big glasses of water or mugs of tea beforehand to satisfy your thirst. Fry the onions, add stock, lentils and a tin of tomatoes. Cook for 20 minutes and blend. Tell the petulant child that you'll attend to it once you had your soup. Or maybe that craving will have gone until tomorrow. And you'll have spent less than £1 on a big pan of soup, rather than a fiver on cheap wine.

venusandmars Wed 12-Dec-12 10:26:52

OK - I missed out a chunk of what I originally wrote so that probably made no sense at all blush.

2nd paragraph should have read:

The way I see it dieting is related to our biological imperative to survive, so when we diet there is a real physical and mental biological drive behind wanting to eat, and it takes time to retain our bodies to get used to smaller amounts of food without thinking there is a risk of starvation. But our craving for a drink is more like our inner petulant child who is whining and whining "I'm bored, I'm bored, come and play with me." But like a petulant child, that craving CAN be distracted, and it goes away until the next times it's bored. And like a petulant child, it can be quite difficult to find the means of distraction if we haven't planned in advance. And it's always easier if we catch it before a real tantrum sets in.

kotinka Wed 12-Dec-12 10:30:52

It makes sense venus, I think I was like that on monday. I could have done other stuff, but the drink thing was niggling at me all day. I guess I CHOSE to give in, which is just lame.

'Ullo. <sidles back in>

I've been a bit of a misery this last couple of weeks, so having been steering clear of people. Feel a bit chirpier today though. A big waving hello to everyone.

Haven't caught up, but Kotinka, I was there too - about ten days ago I had a fuck-it-moment and bought a bottle and drank it that night. Only it was... different. It didn't make me tipsy, I didn't get a warm glow, I didn't feel all cosy tucked up by the fire, it was just, just, nothing, almost a bit of a chore, and while I was drinking it I thought 'well, what a waste of money this is'. The whole thing was a bit grim. Didn't have a hangover, but felt even flatter and duller for a few days afterwards. I'm still looking at the bottles in the Co-op, but when I do, I try and relive those ^^ disappointed feelings instead of the party-feelings, and haven't lapsed since. [festive fingers crossed].

kotinka Wed 12-Dec-12 10:40:13

Sorry you've been feeling down Leucan,

just googled your name :-) cleverboots, I had thought it'd be some kind of cartoon cat or something!

YY, agree, no party feelings, just "well this is shit" & H avoiding me as he always does when I drink, because I talk too much.

CrushedWithIcicles Wed 12-Dec-12 10:44:40

Wow! Thanks (for excellent pep talk and sorting dinner plans out for tonight!).
Increasingly I'm recognising how petulant my inner child is 'But I want!...<stamps foot>, it's not fair' etc.
I have children I wouldn't take this shit from so need to distract in the same way, you're right.
It is a choice to give in, but a really compelling one. I'm really cautious of telling anyone what I'm doing because I feel like I'm at the beginning of a new relationship, it's all shiny and full of good intentions, but soon the shine will pale and I'll be stuck at home, bored with the siren call of 'just one glass...' That's why I've come to this thread and the unconditional support you all offer, I need to remind myself why I'm doing this and keep it present in my mind, everyday, so that I have the strength to distract rather than give in to the Inner Child that never grew up.
And hopefully support others when their 2 year old selves try and wrest control grin

CrushedWithIcicles Wed 12-Dec-12 10:48:49

Oh and grin at evaporated/condensed milk. I have a tin of evaporated milk in the cupboard I bought thinking it was the same and I could make fudge with it.

It's fate I tell ya!

babyjane1 Wed 12-Dec-12 12:57:10

venus loved your chicken soup theory, funnily enough the week I managed to get through a whole week without wine I made soup everyday, at wine o'clock chopping every piece of veg by hand so it would take longer and my dd's thought it was amazing that there was always fresh soup available and I felt good putting nice clean healthy foods, being nice to my body so thank you for reminding me. Making mars bar cake is also brilliant to provide that sugar fix. I ended up having wine last night and did not cleanse tone and moisturise as I'd promised but today I will not drink. Need stories of how life will change if I can kick this bottle a night habit, please feel free to show off how good it feels successful babes x x x

helpyourself Wed 12-Dec-12 13:09:15

Fantastic chicken soup programme, Venus! Practical and indulgent in the right way.
I still can't eat- operation under local anaesthetic on Friday. I'm utterly bored off it all now.

helpyourself Wed 12-Dec-12 13:10:53

Lovely to catch up with everyone, but where's mouse?

aliasjoey Wed 12-Dec-12 13:34:08

I had a dream (both in the Martin Luther king sense and an actual dream)

I thought we should have our own day, once a year, like ash Wednesday is for quitting smoking. we`d call it Geralds day, or Board The Bus, or something. it might help kick start some people into abstaining or cutting down. for people who are already there, it would be reminder of how far they've come. it would be a day of love... we'd all meet up in a posh hotel and dance the night away.

I'd obviously been thinking about it too much, because I ended up having an actual dream! in my dream, invitations were from 3pm to 3am (as some guys would want tea and cakes, and others would prefer mocktails).

I was put in charge of toilets. hmm ?! what, I was once in charge of songs and opal fruits and now I've been demoted to toilet monitor? I don't think so.

anyway, thought I would share that with you...

WineyAunt Wed 12-Dec-12 13:38:43

Sorry to jump in but I really need help, I am a bottle of wine a night drinker but on Monday morning decided I wanted to stop!! I have not had a drink since but am worried about night sweats and my eyes feel heavyhmm can someone tell me if this is normal??
Have watched this thread since day one and am ashamed its taken till now to tryangry.
T.I.A

babyjane1 Wed 12-Dec-12 13:58:29

Big hugs to help hope your better soon x x x

babyjane1 Wed 12-Dec-12 14:34:21

Hi aunt I stopped for a week a few weeks ago and got exactly the same symptoms, everyone said I looked awful!!!! HOWEVER this only lasted for about 4 days then by day 7 I felt amazing so stay strong, welcome aboard and well done so far, your doing brilliant, every day is a victory and those sweats are all the toxins coming out so that's amazing, take vitamin b complex if you can get it and drinks loads of water and use all the wine time and money to look after yourself, new lipstick, scented candles!! Just keep talking to all the fab babes and you will be a new woman soon x x x

dementedma Wed 12-Dec-12 15:04:14

well done winey
keep at it. you will feel much better soon

kotinka Wed 12-Dec-12 16:02:41

I love "Gerald's Day"!

Wineyaunt - yes, it is normal for the first couple of weeks I'm afraid, but it will pass soon. Well done you for getting this far! And a christmassy welcome :-)

babyjane1 Wed 12-Dec-12 16:12:02

aliasloving Gerald's day x

PurpleWolfe Wed 12-Dec-12 16:20:22

Hey Soma No probs, Sweetpea. Well done for yesterday and hope today was a bit easier?

Great recipe/advice Venus, will try that out myself.

Joey The Tasty Farmer is 'currently separated' (need to work on finding more out about that!), has older children (Uni etc) and as for the farm flooding - I have not idea - yet!! I do know where it is and I could possibly do a drive-by next week but will have to wear a false moustache and glasses for my 'stalking'!! (Bog Monitor - ROTLF!!) Icicles thanks for your comments but, knowing my luck, he'll probably turn out to be some sort of arms dealer or worse!! smile

Sorry to hear you are struggling Koti and* Leucan* I, to, appear to have a huge fight on my hands - after a good long time of doing well. Hugs all round I feel?! Feeling only about 25% atm. Hope my good intentions will return with some good health?

Welcome to Penelope and Winey. This is a fab place - no judgemental pants worn at any time, night or day! Post, post and more posting - it really helps to get your feelings/emotions out on 'paper'. Good luck new Babes.

<Waves to Green, Baby, Faire, Mouse, Maand everyone else. xxx >

PurpleWolfe Wed 12-Dec-12 16:40:26

too*

Mouseface Wed 12-Dec-12 17:03:31

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Ma - Hey mouse you got a mention on the thank you thread on Christmas. Wonder who nominated you? <whistles innocently> blush

I have had FOUR gifts so far, ranging from toys for Nemo, two lots of vouchers and a GIANT box filled to bursting with delicious food, DVDs, gifts, jewellery, chocolates, decorations, a little Santa..... so much stuff!

So thanks x 1,000,000 Ma for nominating me. I am humbled, I feel honoured, I feel so very overwhelmed that I got one gift, never mind FOUR!

It's heart warming to know that you/people think that I/we deserve a treat at this time of year. It's an amazing thing that MN do.... there are people out there who are far more worthy than I but I didn't want to decline the nomination because it felt rude. I had no idea what it would result in though!

Nemo has been poorly, he's struggling a lot with his mouth, he has some horrid tummy upsets so I'm shattered. Absolutely shattered and struggling if I'm honest. Struggling not to drink to block out the thoughts of his operation, his pain, his poor little body seems so fragile right now.

I feel deflated because his operation wasn't as successful as we were told. I'm scared for him. I'm scared that he will have to go through all of that again. I'm not sure how much more I can take and it is hanging over us until mid-end of January.

Anyway, sorry to moan on. Again!

Help - thank you for asking after me and Purple, you too for texting me smile xx

Sorry not to name check all of the new Babes but welcome to the Battle Bus smile I hope that you are all okay and finding a nice, warm comfy seat.

Well done to those who are kicking the Whine Witch (yep, deliberate spelling there) into touch at every hurdle! Keep going lovely Babes YOU CAN DO IT!!

kotinka Wed 12-Dec-12 17:06:19

Sorry nemo's poorly, mouse. You're doing a wonderful job being there for him.

Penelope5 Wed 12-Dec-12 17:16:51

No wine in the house and just had tea and bikkies.
Fuck the wine - I'm going to play with 2yr old, but this site is sooo positive.
wineyaunt put on the kettle and have some tea. Take it hour by hour even...

LRDtheFeministDude Wed 12-Dec-12 17:39:00

Hello everyone. It's LRDtheIdiot, climbing back onto the bus yet again. I will try to stick around a bit longer this time.

Mouseface Wed 12-Dec-12 17:49:03

Hello everyone. It's LRDtheIdiot, - hmmmm, surly you'd be an idiot not to come back LRD?

Get yourself a seat next to me, I've got some English apple and red berry cordial in a tall glass, with ice and some salted nuts to nibble on whilst I decide what to tell myself I want for dinner.

LRDtheFeministDude Wed 12-Dec-12 17:56:49

Ah, that's a nice way to put it mouseface, thank you!

Your snacks/drinks sound very festive. smile

dementedma Wed 12-Dec-12 19:53:19

Whaddya mean mouseface? I dont know WHAT you are talking about?
<tries hard to pull off innocent face>
Hey LRD nice to see you again.
off to watch masterchef. think it has to be Anton......

Mouseface Wed 12-Dec-12 20:43:32

Ma - yeah, ya do!

And yes, Anton, or Oli, or Kerry......... grin

Have you seen these deserts and little egg things that aren't made of eggs? The golden pocket watch, the beetroot stuff? How do they dream these things up?

I am in awe.

Mouseface Wed 12-Dec-12 20:47:11

Monica in a dress?

<faints>

aliasjoey Wed 12-Dec-12 20:50:15

sorry to hear that memo is poorly mouse. the op May not have been a complete success, but surely it will make some difference, I hope so anyway.

Mouseface Wed 12-Dec-12 21:02:02

MasterChef was amazing! I want to eat all of that food!

venusandmars Wed 12-Dec-12 21:17:07

It was incredible. Rather diminishes my soup ideas..... grin

But the difference I notice is that ALL the attention was on the food, the tastes, the textures, the smells, the sounds, not one thought of wine. Compare that with Saturday Kitchen which can find the 'perfect match' for a plate of beans.... at 10am in the morning!

SobaSoma Wed 12-Dec-12 21:21:35

Evening all, much easier to resist wine today, how's everyone else doing? Fed up with the cold, my lovely old house is very leaky and the heat just goes straight out the windows. Don't worry too much those of you who've had a drink after a dry spell, we all know how hard it is and the main thing is to just get back on the horse after you've fallen off. Love to you Mouse and your little boy, have you got another date with Tasty Farmer yet Purple?

ScabbyHorse Wed 12-Dec-12 21:38:39

Hi everyone, I'm ScabbyHorse and I want to stop drinking or at least control it a bit. It's been getting me into trouble - losing me friends and all sorts of bother - I can't seem to resist it though.

dementedma Wed 12-Dec-12 22:02:38

Hey scabby welcome aboard
Masterchef food was amazing but too poncey. I want proper food, I do, not blobs of this and foams of that!
I am seriously in love with Michel Roux jnr though. And Monica.

PurpleWolfe Thu 13-Dec-12 07:56:41

Morning to all the Babes. Will remember to take my camera out today - yesterday was so gloriously beautiful here!

Mouse so sorry for Nemo's continued problems and for your achingly difficult job of keeping spirits up and supporting everyone involved. It must be so difficult not to descend into the bottom of several a bottle of wine. Your strength is amazing. Sending a pure blue healing light your way - for Nemo's physical improvement and for your little Mousey heart. I understand that you now have to wait until mid Jan before hearing about further intervention but, possibly, could you try to concentrate on Christmas and have the best time possible? Kick January into January? (As I type that I know it's not really possible)

Still struggling here with (very minor) health issues. The sinus probs continue as does the body aching. Also seem to have finally succumbed to the children's cough/colds. Worse than any of that, though, is my feeling totally sorry for myself (a joke, really, considering other's difficulties!). Feeling the pressure of being everything and everybody for DC. ExP can't even be trusted to go through their spellings on the one night a week he has them. angry. They are tired (end of term stuff), hemmed in (not allowed to play out as school due to snow/ice!) and overly excited due to the rapid approach of Christmas!! A very bad combination. DS1 and 2 are constantly bickering. DD (who still can't properly blow her nose at 11!) leaves yucky tissues everywhere and the bloody dog thinks it's great to rip them into a million pieces! It all drives me up the wall! Deep, deep sigh!

The money is sorted and am all fine on that score, and Christmas is all sorted, but still finding it so, so hard to 'get back on the horse' sad. DC school Christmas Fayre tonight, friend and her DC coming over Friday (sleepover) and we're off to the pub to see a live band play but plan for a Saturday night DVD night with DC, cuddled up in a blanket, followed by early bed and a huge effort to get back on track after that. Seeing Chrys (Alcohol Services) next Monday so will have to 'fess up about my failings this past week. sad. Next week is DS1's birthday and party, school play, Panto (plus pre-panto party) and end of term. I feel like saying "Stop the world, I want to get off"!

On the 'good news' front -Tasty Farmer continues to be in contact (we've found we share a love of photography) and have rescheduled last Tuesday's date for next Tuesday. He's not in any great rush Soma and I'm happy to be as laid back as he is right now, I've enough on my plate right now - plus - I'm always a bit concerned about chaps who are overly keen!! Still, might just don the disguise and take a drive over his neck of the woods, all surreptitious-like. grin

I would be really interested in anyone's experiences of dating/going into a new relationship without the crutch of alcohol. I find, on dates, I struggle to not get too tired at about 10pm if I'm not drinking. If I drink too much, I talk too much and regret it the next day. Good grief, there must be a feckin' balance somewhere? Confused Of Suffolk!!

Wishing all the Babes, old and new, a happy, peaceful, balanced day. Wrap up warm and be kind to yourselves.

Sorry about the mega moan. x

PurpleWolfe Thu 13-Dec-12 08:00:50

Oh, oh, and whilst I'm moaning - I'm always shocked by the lack of 'over the counter' assistance there is to limit/give-up alcohol! There seems to be loads for smokers (and quite a lot of public sympathy) but nothing for drinkers. And, as has been mentioned before, the amount of ads for alcohol at this time of year, does nothing to help if you are trying to abstain! Views, anyone? x

Fairenuff Thu 13-Dec-12 08:20:56

Purple a great tip for not feeling tired is to dance, dance, dance. If I'm not drinking I too often feel tired when out but if I get up for a boogie I can keep going all night! Or just make your dates more active wink so that you're not sitting around a table. Go for a long walk, go bowling, ice skating, sailing, whatever you'd both like to do.

Also, I'm always more tired and sluggish if I've had a drink or two. When I have nothing, I am full of beans (usually) with much more energy and just feel great.

Stock up on lots of different fruit juices or make smoothies and take some vitamin supplements. Fill your body with goodness, even if you're putting rubbish in it too, iyswim?

Love to all x

kotinka Thu 13-Dec-12 09:32:05

Scabby are you going for a drink-free day today? What's your plans so far?

Winey How were the sweats last night? Did you get another booze free night?

I'm on day 3, that last bottle of wine gave me a 2 day hangover, just what I don't need with a cold & kids to look after, but today is finally better. Sleepless last night, probably due to drinking previously, but I know it'll settle down in a couple of nights.

Purple - I was looking into this in the summer, apparently an alcohol withdrawal patch is in development but it could take years. I agree, more support is needed. Sorry you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, I know what you mean, there's so much to sort out at christmas, so much pressure to please everyone, it's shit. My most unfavourite time of year. All it means for me is hard work, expense & putting up with guests when I'd rather have my feet up on the sofa with a pile of kids on top of me. This cold is an absolute bastard to shift, have you been to the doc's? I went yesterday & they've given me some steroid tablets to clear up the last of it (name change to pansy potter?) ;-)

Good advice Faire

Did I see LRD pop up? nice to have you back :-)

Mouse, wishing you an easier day than you've had lately, huggs.

greeneyed Thu 13-Dec-12 10:35:51

Just checking in quickly as have to beautify myself to take client for lunch! - Will catch up properly later - Purple, if you are drinking make sure you are having plenty of water as dehydration makes your sinuses worse (I know mine are always worse after a drink!) Steam really helps - get your head over a bowl of hot water or water and vicks or buy a little steam inhaler from the chemist - just got one for £3.50 and it's great as no more bending over a bowl, sweaty head etc. Mouse big hugs for you and nemo my love and help you to - what a horrible things for it to be dragging on over Christmas! Waves and hugs to all the other brave babes - mush dash, I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY xx

CrushedWithIcicles Thu 13-Dec-12 11:25:42

Well, had a lovely chicken curry last night, DS packed off with home cooked chicken sandwiches for lunch and I have chicken and sweet corn soup to look forward to for lunch...grin

Nice tip on dancing too Fairenuff , I've a hula hoop in the kitchen that I use when I wander in for a mooch (open fridge and look for drink), so may put some music on and distract myself with fun!

Just for record/ anyone reading and considering having a go at giving up, it is day 8 and the fog of tiredness seems to be slowly lifting. Lots of deep sleep overnight and starting to feel the rewards, dc annoyed me with fighting and being slow to get ready this morning and I was able to greet it with good humour. So benefits are becoming apparent for others as well as me!

Today I will not drink!

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 11:39:43

Hi babes, I'm finding things really difficult at the moment, been drinking every night this week and last night I gulped it down so fast it made me gag, then went to bed so I wouldn't drink more. I can't understand my behaviour, I used to drink a bottle over an evening and now it's within an hour, I feels like I'm losing control if everything in my life, I'm bloated, tired, bad tempered with dd's and feel very very depressed, even though I'm on anti depressants (which don't really work with booze). What can I do to turn this around???? I just want a sober weekend to clear my chaotic head but it seems impossible. Can any of you folks just talk me through the basics AGAIN, I feel like I'm losing x x x

aliasjoey Thu 13-Dec-12 11:58:26

purple I know what you mean about the mad round of school nativities, carol concerts, christmas parties etc. No wonder the kids are exhausted, let alone us!

and yes it is annoying that there is so little support for alcohol dependency. I've told 2 doctors about it; the first suggested I just cut down to weekends (surely thats the point, is we can't) the second GP just told me I was within government guidelines, so not a problem hmm

imagine if that was the response to someone wanting to stop smoking! "well just cut down to weekends only." !!

SobaSoma Thu 13-Dec-12 12:05:34

Don't beat yourself up Baby, I know how easy it is to polish off a bottle in an hour. I'm probably not the best person to talk about the basics because I keep falling off the horse! FWIW I can't control my behaviour either, a good example is my latest (probably 100th) attempt at controlled drinking, thinking this time I could do it because I've changed, taken antabuse blah blah. And of course the result is always the same even though I expect a different result. For me I think it's a question of waiting for the penny to drop, but it's taking a bloody long time.....

A lot of us are on anti-ds (me for one) and yes not a great combination with alcohol. I believe that with me they increase the effect of alcohol and that's why I'm trying to wean myself off. But that's just me, and everyone's different. Baby I'm just trying to keep busy, reward myself with little treats like magazines, chocolates etc, keep telling myself how lovely it is to not feel hungover/guilty and know that the BB SWAT team is there if I need them.

Purple I have no idea how to start a relationship sober as all mine have begun with the accompaniment of buckets of booze and I've made some very unwise choices. Here you have an opportunity to slowly get to know a really promising guy and you just have to find things to do that don't involve drinking. Is he just a social drinker? (as far as you know?). Go for country walks with his dogs followed by lunch in a cosy pub, take some pictures together, go to an exhibition. Think of it a a new experience and potentially a much more rewarding one. I would love to meet someone for companionship and without the need to drink. Have had some success with online dating but not for a while and feel at 55 it would just be demoralising because I'm too old. Kot you and Purple are so right about the lack of help in alcohol addiction.The first step would be to remove the stigma around going to the GP in the first place.

Well, won't be drinking today and I think at the moment that's all I can ask of myself. Love to you all xx

aliasjoey Thu 13-Dec-12 12:07:53

babyjane I don't know what to suggest, I hope some of the experts on here come along soon and give you some advice.

The only thing I can think of is to plan your evening, give yourself something else to look forward to it? Lovely dinner, chocolate, favourite film, chat to a good friend...?

CrushedWithIcicles Thu 13-Dec-12 12:24:29

When I gave up smoking, many years ago, the way I managed to succeed was by convincing myself that I wasn't giving something up as such. It was more freeing myself from a poison, that it wasn't relaxing/calming or a treat or reward, it was a punishment and I didn't need it at age 12 and so I don't need it now. Allen Carr, for me, worked.

I read Allen Carr's book about controlling drinking and although some of it made sense, it didn't resonate the same way. However, the same principles are true, it is harder to give something up because it implies loss.
Stopping drinking is a good thing, we don't need to be anesthetised against life.
It doesn't make you sociable it just stops you from realising that you're talking shit.
It doesn't give you energy, it borrows it from the next day where raising your head seems like too much effort.
And, finally (please feel free to breathe a sigh of relief), the reason you feel so much relaxation and pleasure after the first sip is because you are removing the anxiety caused by withdrawal. If that wasn't there, there would be no feel of release...you would be relaxed all the time.

Stopping smoking has shown me this is true, so I just need to do the same with drinking.

Hope this (very long winded ramble), gives you some help babyjane. It has certainly helped crystallise my desires.

Oh, and soup was bloody gorgeous grin

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 12:34:41

Thanks to you all for your advice, I'm currently making the soup and drinking my water, I'm sick of giving a piddly inanimate object like a bottle of wine so much of my headspace, so tonight I will not drink, may have to post like mad though so bear with me and I will repay the favour to everyone of you xxxx big hugs to nemo and mouse x x x

dementedma Thu 13-Dec-12 13:21:19

back in the sidecar. am fed up of drinking, of being overweight, of being hungover, of being spineless, of having this bastard thing have such a hold over me.....no-one can fix this apart from me!
Day 1

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 13:39:00

Can I squeeze in beside you ma do you want to try together, I'm day one also and feel all of the above so I hear ye loud and clear ( looking down at my 3 layered belly and face texture like crepe paper). I want my dd's to be proud of me, want to feel proud of myself!!!!!! Aaaaaargh ...... X

helpyourself Thu 13-Dec-12 13:39:10

baby I think you've realised you can't drink normally and you've hit the fuckit button. There was about 6 months between my realisation that I was an Alcoholic and my final drink- I gave up trying to moderate my drinking as I knew I couldn't drink normally.
What help are you getting apart from here?

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 13-Dec-12 13:44:25

<waves to demented and kotinka>

Nice to see you and all the other familiar faces. And it will be nice to get to know everyone else. smile

mouse, I'm sorry to hear Nemo isn't doing so well right now. I hope he's much better for Christmas.

baby - hey, come sit by me and ma and we'll do the beginning bit together, eh? It'll be ok.

chocolateistheenemy Thu 13-Dec-12 14:29:45

This is only the second time I've posted here... my first one was back in August when I found you all. I've been too ashamed to say anything since.
Since probably June, I've had ONE day without alcohol. And I'm talking at least a bottle of wine. I am on strong anti-anxiety medication and have just finished a course of cbt which was a great help. However, the drinking remains the same. I began drinking too much to combat anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness (DH has a job which means he works almost until midnight) and stress.
Well it has reached a head. Last night I drank a bottle of sherry secretly. As well as some beer and mulled wine which I shared with DH.
I don't know where to start. I begin each day vowing to have a booze-free evening, but by 5pm I'm reaching for the wine glass.
I have told nobody this in RL as Im utterly ashamed. By day, I'm level-headed, have supportive family and a lovely network of friends close by.
It's a habit I think that's taken hold of me.
Thanks for listening - I just needed to write this all down as I can't carry on like I am doing and must start sorting myself out.

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 14:30:55

Thanks babes help I'm getting no other help, have spoken to my GP but she thinks my drinking will resolve itself when my depression improves , as though its a coping mechanism whereas I infact think its what's making me more depressed, the old what came first question. Anyway
I'm squishing myself in the sidecar and I'm going for a swim and sauna to get the detox underway, I will keep trying til I get there x x x

kotinka Thu 13-Dec-12 14:32:26

baby it helps me if there's none in the house, plus that thing of finding something to do between 5 and 9, once it gets to about 9, I can usually shift a craving by sticking something on netflix or bothering people online :-)

Shops and that early evening period when the kids are doing your head in are massive triggers for me. No magic wand, we just have to keep reminding ourselves how shit the end result is. 600 calories fatter plus whatever I trough whilst drunk, hung over, bloated, bad tempered, leaning towards depressed, weepy and skinter. Being drunk's not so great.

You've done it before, you can do it again! Have a think to yourself what's really bothering you to make you go for the bottle every night. Christmas stress, illness, tiredness, being lonely, they can all kick it off. You're still trying & that's what matters.

Good luck ((((massive hug))))

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 14:37:42

choc I hear how anxious you are in your post but even telling us what you have means your ready to attack the wine witch so well done. I know every trick in the book, such As going to the shop for a bottle but buying a few mini ones to hide in the bedroom , or buying 2 bottles and hiding 1 under the veg and alternating them!!!! So you are not alone, we are here for you and we need your posts to help US succeed so please please please keep talking. These angel babes will help you so so much, big huge hug and welcome x x x

kotinka Thu 13-Dec-12 14:38:13

chocolate, aw, you sound so fed up with it, I think many of us here can relate to your post. I think it was ma who mentioned HALT and it's been a big help to me (except when the fuckit fairy turns up). Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired - before you reach for the bottle, stop & think, is it one of these things bothering you? Will the bottle fix that thing? Again, I'd say we should stop hiding our problems with a haze of booze and try to give them some time, think about yourself & how you feel, you deserve it, you don't deserve to be pissed & miserable all the time.

Just try for tonight to distract yourself and let us know how it's going. I can pop on later if you want someone around.

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 13-Dec-12 14:42:37

Yes, kotinka is right, choc, you're describing something that feels very familiar!

Come and chat on here when you're around your danger zone, maybe?

I have occasionally given DH my bank cards when I'm worried I'll have a bad day - is that a possibility? (Obviously it only works if you don't need them otherwise/know you won't pester him for them back or raid the small change jar).

aliasjoey Thu 13-Dec-12 14:51:55

well done choc for posting! just a thought, but the alcohol may be contributing to your anxiety?

I used to get myself worked up into such a state thinking about the drink, if I was allowed any, how much, when could I start etc that it felt like a huge relief to take that first sip - but only because I'd wound myself up about it in the first place!

Now I tell myself its not happening tonight. At all. End of.

And that takes away the uncertainty and worry.

venusandmars Thu 13-Dec-12 16:17:19

Hi LRD good to see you around. Am I right in thinking that you had a lot of success initially with drinking alcohol free wine? I don't think it would work for me 'cos I hated the taste of it and decided I'd rather have lime and soda, but if it worked for you before then you could try that again?

chocolate welcome and well done for posting so honestly - that's a good start.

babyj to embark on this route I think you need to arm yourself with lots of tactics - one that works for you. So not having any drink in the house, going shopping somewhere that doesn't sell alcohol - I found that the shops at the petrol garage were good for getting milk, bread, chocolate, cheese, juice etc, others tried shopping at a halal shop where no alcohol was sold. Experiment with other alternative drinks to keep yourself hydrated. My favourite is still lime and soda but try out lots of different ones, and remember that even the luxury M&S drinks are cheaper than a bottle of wine. Also make each drink a real treat - so NO to drinking flat, lukewarm lemonade out of a chipped toothmug and YES to a crystal glass, plenty of ice, a slice of lime, and sparkling real lemonade.

Then keep yourself busy. Occupy your mind, your hands, your mouth so that you can't think about drinking, or pick up a glass, or put it in your mouth. Try anything that you think might work - sudoko puzzles, online jigsaws, typing on here, playing the piano, singing, chewing strong minty gum or eating extra strong mints, knitting, sewing, painting your nails - try anything and find out what works for you, then keep at it.

If you feel tempted to go out to buy drink, then come home and put your pjs on, brush your teeth, get ready for bed. Or just go to bed early.

Write down how awful you feel about drinking. Maybe the reality of actually drinking (not the pretend nice feeling) - the sour smell of cheap alcohol, the harsh burn, or the physical effects of feeling sick, hot and headachy during the night, the lethargy of the hangover, or write about the emotional impact - the guilt, the deceit, the fear of being found out, the shame about things you've done. And then having written it down, put it away somewhere. None of that writing was to make you feel bad, but rather to write things down now when you know they feel true. Then next time you feel tempted, as well as all the distraction tactics, get out that list and remind yourself how very, very NOT worth it, it is.

Find ways to get support - maybe family, or a friend, or alcohol counselling, or AA, and of course always on here.

And see the whole thing as an experiment. Its not a pass of fail thing. It's not something to do or to give up trying, it's an experiment in working out for you what works well, and what doesn't. And sharing those experiences with others so that we can all learn and keep moving on.

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 13-Dec-12 16:20:18

Hello venus! Good to see you too. And thank you for the excellent pop talk ... I needed that reminder.

You were right about alcohol-free wine. I think I mostly know what works for me - I just need to stick to it!

Onwards and upwards.

I hope everyone is having a good afternoon.

SobaSoma Thu 13-Dec-12 16:28:21

Thank you for always being here for us Venus - such a great post. Help I'm interested to know what made you finally realise you couldn't moderate. I keep thinking I can't, then think I can and I'm utterly fed up with being on this roller-coaster. It's as if my mind won't accept the evidence that it's impossible for me and I find all sorts of ways to justify it.

helpyourself Thu 13-Dec-12 16:33:29

Great post venus
Practical tips to avoid drinking are so useful. As 'Babes' I think it's a great idea to repeat those top tips (pjs, toothpaste, chocolate, HALT, not feeling bad about not socialising in pubs in the early days, etc.) as often as possible. You never know when someone might be reading for the first time.
Re Anxiety and Alcohol. it's a double,or even triple, whammy. If you're anxious about drinking, then it's taking up head space. The physical effects of alcohol even for non alcoholics are anxiety inducing. DH, who is not an alcoholic, avoids drink when he's stressed as he'll invariably wake up with a racing heart- its physiological, peaks and troughs of sugar. Then there's the following morning's guilt and paranoia about how much you drank. There's definitely a very similar pattern between drinking and depression. But don't get bogged down in chickens and eggs- look at what you can do practically. Reread Venus' top tips and keep it in the day.

helpyourself Thu 13-Dec-12 16:49:12

SS It was looking at the evidence. I'd had periods of abstinence, but each time I started drinking again it crept up again very quickly. The disease theory of Alcoholism is that the Alcoholic cannot drink moderately, I hated the idea of it being a disease as it seems like a cop out, but the concept of eg. type 2 diabetes is easy to understand. I possibly had a predisposition to Alcoholism and changed my metabolism so much that now I can't drink.
Once I grasped that and applied Venus' busy rules up post, the very idea of having a drink is as mad as getting up off my nice comfy sofa, dog snoring by my side log fire burning, and going over to Peckham for some Heroin, or shop lifting or grabbing a stranger and having sex with him. It just doesn't cross my mind.
However the disease theory also tells me that if the dog is barking because I haven't walked her, I can't get the fire lit, I missed lunch and I'm worried about my DC and cross with DH then the idea of a oblivion in a bottle will seem utterly logical. And tempting, and it's not illegal and why shouldn't I? Which is why I post here, keep an eye on HALT, walk the dog, nurture my relationships and take it One Day At A Time.

SobaSoma Thu 13-Dec-12 17:20:48

OK then Help, I'll go out and walk the dog, even though it's feckin freezing. Leave the sausage casserole bubbling away in the oven and come home to a lovely warm house filled with Christmas decorations and share a meal with gorgeous DD (saw her form teacher today who told me she was in the "gifted and talented" category - so proud) and thank my lucky stars I'm not at the work Xmas do being the only one getting absolutely hammered. I decided not to go to avoid said scenario.

Thank God for wise Babes like you and Venus. I most definitely won't be going to Peckham to score tonight smile

chocolateistheenemy Thu 13-Dec-12 17:30:47

Thank you all for your kind posts and support... it really means more than you could know. I'll try to pop by later. Kids' teatime now. Stress number one!! grin

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 17:32:54

help and venus can you move in with me????? Great words of wisdom from 2 very calm sounding babes. Just been swimming, having a cappuccino and heading to pick up pizza (well need to treat myself) and I reckon I can say tonight I will not drink, thank god for you all x x x

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 13-Dec-12 17:32:57

Good luck with that then choc - will be thinking of you, see you later this evening!

venusandmars Thu 13-Dec-12 17:35:53

soma well done on missing out the the Xmas do - they are awful things. Bad food, bad dancing, cheap drinks, terrible behaviour. Are you back on your antabuse yet?

Re anxiety or depression. I'm really fortunate in that I'm not a long-term sufferer, but I do remember the massive difference in anxiety levels if I'd had a lot to drink. I have a minor phobia but I found that the day after a binge that had changed into a massive phobia.

helpyourself Thu 13-Dec-12 17:49:56

That's brilliant Soma and baby you're addressing every part of HALT!

SobaSoma Thu 13-Dec-12 17:53:06

Yes back on antabuse Venus while I try to sort my head out. Not a solution by itself so thinking of going back to AA.

venusandmars Thu 13-Dec-12 17:57:48

soba no, maybe not a solution, but a damn good sticking plaster for you in the meantime. And think about how much good you are doing for your body and your mental health when you are taking it smile

kotinka Thu 13-Dec-12 18:12:56

day 3 bearable so far, all the telly adverts with swirly glasses of wine making me slightly twitchy, but hey, that's what advertisers are paid for.

PurpleWolfe Thu 13-Dec-12 19:37:32

Thanks Faire I like the bowling (and other) ideas but dancing, in the past, has HAD to be after a few glasses of wine. It strikes me, the realme, is so much more introverted than my drinking alter-ego! I'm facing having to re-learn who I am and how to deal with almost every social occasion. sad Fuck, this is hard.

Your kind word were heartening Soma. I find myself frightened to face life, new relationships, new experiences without alcohol. It's been such a big part of my life so far - a bit like stabilisers on a bike (don't worry, I know the irony of that particular simile). The Tasty Farmer seems like a 'normal' drinker but then, I guess, so do I until you get to know the 'real' me. I suppose I viewed alcohol as the 'oil' for the wheels of life. I'm pretty sure I've scared a few chaps off by my excesses. I just want, so much, to be different - normal. I, too, have made some bad choices under 'the influence'. I've put myself in, potentially, dangerous situations due to alcohol - and vowed the next day to never to that again. Sigh.

Joey It is a mad time of year and we seem to have to be all things to all people! Had to 'man' two stalls at the school Christmas Fayre today - but - enjoyed it! Who knew!

The Good News Bit. The Tasty Farmer had someone crash into him in his Land Rover this morning (that's NOT the Good News bit!!) and he text me to tell me (THAT'S the good news bit!). Maybe, just maybe, I'm creating a Wolfe sized patch in his life?!

Baby and Ma Sending you heaps of hugs. I'm doing really crap at the moment and have no idea how I have fallen so far from how well I was doing 7 days ago. I suppose it's about perseverance. My weight is going up and my self esteem is going down and I don't understand how I seem to have so little hold on the whole friggin' process. I wish us all the courage and strength to get back to a better place - really soon. xxx

Thanks Green I'm really trying to be good to myself but really struggling! During my drinking 'lifetime', I've been pregnant 3 times and each time I've managed to give up totally. It seems as if giving up for someone else is more important than giving up for me?!

I have sooo much to do before my friend turns up tomorrow for a sleep over. Why do I do this to myself?

Pissed off with myself, very unhappy and in need of answers. x

aliasjoey Thu 13-Dec-12 19:52:09

wonderful wise words from Venus as always

I haven't walked the dog, I have to phone my mother and have another gp appointment tomorrow. many triggers, but no wine in the house. gosh I wonder how long it will take before alcohol is not the automatic response... months? years?

kotinka Thu 13-Dec-12 19:53:02

I feel invisible on here lately. I honestly don't know if I've pissed people off, sorry if I have.

Happy christmas.

PurpleWolfe Thu 13-Dec-12 19:57:48

Hey Koti I know how you feel but sometimes, that's just how it goes, don't think it's personal at all. I totally know what you mean about the adverts. It seems so bloody unfair - here are we, trying to resist, and there they are, promoting lovely looking booze!? Bastards!

Sending hugs, Koti xxxxx

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 13-Dec-12 19:59:04

Well, I've barely got back on here, but I saw your posts, kot, and posted back.

I hope you're ok, love.

greeneyed Thu 13-Dec-12 20:14:31

Sorry if I've made you feel that way koti I'm conscious I don't name check or respond to evryone - it's hard to keep up and I'll generally only namecheck if I have something to add or suggest to someone -hence usually a wave to all the babes out there - please don't take it personally babe x

shaketheshame Thu 13-Dec-12 20:20:00

Hi all !

shaketheshame Thu 13-Dec-12 20:27:33

Sorry sent it too early ! I need to chat tonight. I went out tonight and I had two glasses of mulled wine. I just love mulled wine si much, I was not after getting tipsy or else. I just wanted a hot drink with a lovely sugary taste. I don't even like red wine. Do you think I'm in trouble ? I have no inclination of resuming regular drinking as I get my kicks in other way. One minute I'm worried, the next I'm not. I'm just debating with myself and making a bug deal out if it. What do you think ?