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As a femaley womany type how do I show a guy I fancy him?

(214 Posts)
SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 16:33:59


dequoisagitil Sat 24-Nov-12 16:35:13

Lick his ear.

noseinabook Sat 24-Nov-12 16:36:53

Flick your hair and bite your lip ....

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 16:38:58

Lol oooh the shames!! blush

BeerTricksPott3r Sat 24-Nov-12 16:43:06

Say "I fancy you. How about it?"

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 16:45:17

BeerTricks!! I am shocked and....

Ooh no, the children aree on the bus..


WrathdePan Sat 24-Nov-12 16:46:05

Ask him out. There is no other way with most men. We ( one here) are remarkably unintuitive about this stuff.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 16:48:14

I'm fat so doomed to singledom.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 16:50:37

Wrath if a woman asked you out and you did not fancy her, one jot. What would be your response?

BeerTricksPott3r Sat 24-Nov-12 16:51:58

Oh poppycock to the Fat thing.

Either he fancies you back or he doesn't. Ask him out for a coffee, or a trip round an exhibition, something definite and with the focus away from any 'datey' stuff.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 16:54:49

I am terrified of rejection Beer. I've had so much I should be used to it. But for meit diesn't fel tbat way. He picks myDS up for school everyday so maybe be inappropriate.....?

WrathdePan Sat 24-Nov-12 16:55:38

It would be/has been: "Wow. Thank you for asking, but I am really not looking to go out with anyone. But it's extremely nice of you to ask".

WrathdePan Sat 24-Nov-12 16:57:40

it's also how you say it.

Poppycock to the fat thing too. It'll make you feel far more vulnerable than it actually is. Evidence? LOTS of overweight women have good men in their lives.

IAmSoFuckingRock Sat 24-Nov-12 16:58:50

i've never asked a man out. like you sole, i'm terrified of rejection.

i like Pan's response. i could cope with that. if i was sure i would get a nice rejection like that i would probably be a bit more confident in the whole asking thing. but i wont. 'cause some people aren't nice.

IAmSoFuckingRock Sat 24-Nov-12 16:59:47

and lots of skinny girls have no men! personality far more important.

WrathdePan Sat 24-Nov-12 17:00:18

yep to the personality thing.

Fear of rejection is far more likely to be getting in the way of a relationship than being overweight.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:02:34


Hello [no idea of his name]

I was wondering. Fancy a bounce on a four poster,?

BeerTricksPott3r Sat 24-Nov-12 17:03:33

You may not be his type, not because you are overweight, but for other reasons, entirely down to him and no reflection on you at all.

Is he picking your DS up in a professional capacity? that could be awkward, if you have to keep on seeing him everyday.

AnyFucker Sat 24-Nov-12 17:04:04

Do you actually have a four poster ?

Because that wouldn't work if you didn't smile

Save that for the second date grin

Do you know anything about him that could start a conversation?

BeerTricksPott3r Sat 24-Nov-12 17:04:56

"Would you like to come for a coffee at X, on Sat/Sun/whenever?" would be better, you fast cat grin

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:05:17

True Beer

Erm no I don't AF lol

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 24-Nov-12 17:06:02

I asked a man out, it was the whole omg I can't even think straight around him, felt sick the butterflies were going so hard. We ended up shagging for 6 months, he was going to put me in his aunties house (cos I only have a flat and was maoning about wanting a garden) and I realised no way could I shga him forever to keep a roof over mine and dc head. I still fancy him now but I see it's physical and we don't actually match apart from the sex it was fucking amazing, but I had to do it because I thought well I can't get old and sit in an old people home thinking I wish I did.

I asked his friend for his bb pin (he had already met me at a party) and we arranged a date, I didn't specifically say oh I fancy you I text so whats good and it went from there. He asked me out and obviously fancied me back.

I do think I wasted a lot of head space on him but I don't regret it I had to find out if that omg I want to shag him and I can't think about anything else meant anything more.

dequoisagitil Sat 24-Nov-12 17:06:39

You don't know his name?

Try having a conversation with him. Then see if you still want to ask him out.

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 24-Nov-12 17:08:33

sole as he's the kids bus driver can't you buy him a christmas present (box of quality street) and say happy christmas thankyou for what your doing...

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:10:11

He did introduce himself months ago. He asked me my name the other day. We have had small chats. He is friendly, upbeat, interesting and sexy.

Prob married sad

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 24-Nov-12 17:12:43

Ok well do the christmas present thing and then you can ask if he's got a wife, or on christmas card write to mr bus driver and wife. He will then set you straight on that front! YOLO

BeerTricksPott3r Sat 24-Nov-12 17:13:18

Oh gawd, you can't ask him out without knowing that. Do a bit more digging first.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:13:52

I would lime to buy him a present for ChristmasInNeed smile

I amsure AF will be fed up of my relationship threads if I did date him lol

AnyFucker Sat 24-Nov-12 17:13:53

it might be best to find out if he is single first

noseinabook Sat 24-Nov-12 17:14:35

Just start up a 'normal' conversation with him. Ask him how his weekend was/what he got up to (you can also then maybe ascertain whether he is single!); ideal timing now to talk about Christmas etc, has he been to see the xmas lights in town/Christmas markets etc - if not, ask if he fancies going with you smile Job's a good 'un. Good luck! (And let me know if it works because I want to try something similar with my Tesco delivery man smile)

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:15:03

Yes good idea.Brandy l
I will ask on Monday haha. Prob go bright red .

IAmSoFuckingRock Sat 24-Nov-12 17:15:29

oh sole it's not your weight or fear of rejection that's gonna be the reason for a knock back. it's your lack of four poster wink.

i like brandy's style! grin

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 24-Nov-12 17:16:57

My asda delivery man is quite cute, we bonded over stolen jam tarts blush

Solesource just do it, whats the worst that can happen? He's says no sorry (mumbles excuse) and you don't think about it again and he gets out your head. Or he says yes and you have a few dates and stop fancying him or 3 you end up in a relationship. YOLO You only live once.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:17:27

grin grin grin @ noseinabook trollop!!

BOFingSanta Sat 24-Nov-12 17:20:25

Honestly, I think you concentrate on enjoying being single for a while- I remember threads from you recently agonising about internet dating etc etc, but haven't you got a tiny baby at the moment? I really wouldn't be making new romantic relationships a priority in that situation. Apologies if I've mixed you up with another poster.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:20:35

grin InNeed

I'm gladnot just me LOL

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:22:58

Hi Bof yeah somebody else. Wish I did have a

noseinabook Sat 24-Nov-12 17:24:40

SoleSource how very dare you?! grin I even walk him back to his van (under the pretence of DGS wanting to help put the crates back on it). Sunday evenings are the highlight of my week smile

BOFingSanta Sat 24-Nov-12 17:25:30

Ah, I'm sorry. Good job really- it would cramp your style in the four poster a bit grin

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:27:05

nose lmao!! Ask him out,.do InNeeds suggestion. Report back here tomorrow. smilesmilesmile

Hey Bof no worries lol

Mrswhiskerson Sat 24-Nov-12 17:27:26

I think you should wait until you feel better about yourself because it seems you have low self esteem and when you go into a relationship feeling lucky to have that person it sets the power balance too far in their favour you should know you are good enough for anyone

Plus if you ask someone out expecting them to reject you they probably will not because you are not attractive but because they will get the wrong signals from you, go up full of confidence and your attractiveness instantly goes up

Don't be scared of rejection just think if they say no they are leaving the path open for the man who reall really wants to be with you, you deserve no less

I say this as a five foot ten size sixteen to eighteen who has had no problems attracting men despite being told men like petite skinny girls
Good luck!

ProphetOfDoom Sat 24-Nov-12 17:29:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 24-Nov-12 17:31:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:38:14

I aim to be a curvy 12. I'm a 26 now.So long way to go. Too big for most guys.

BeerTricksPott3r Sat 24-Nov-12 17:49:34

Don't define yourself by what you think is attractive to men or you will never feel 'good enough'.

Excellent post by MrsWhiskerson on the self-esteem thing.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 17:54:05

MrsWhisketsonfab post and tnank you smilesmilesmile

I am spul searching. After eighteen months of Psychodynamic therapy, I feel like some male company. I do think my fear of rejection might be bigger than the reality of it as I have discovered after therapy. Single four years. Gotta try what I paid forty pounds a week to learn about.

Lets see

Christmas card suggestion is green lighted.

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 18:12:50


Hurry up Monday smilesmilesmile

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 24-Nov-12 18:15:40

If he's skinny like a rake he might like cushion for pushin'.

<rubs away and hides>

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 18:15:48

Ful make up,.hair done clingy dress at 7.50am.

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 24-Nov-12 18:35:56

Christmas card needs to be a funny one about bus drivers grin
Go for it and fuck it if he doesn't want you that only means your one more step to the right guy. I would be less subtle then clingy dress I would be in the street with a towel wrapped around me saying I just had to rush out of the shower and give you this before I forgot.... but I am not suggesting you do that unless you want to

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 18:37:43

Just a towel? Lol

InNeed can I pm you?

Don't worry about your size, my sisters a size 22ish and the only attention I ever get in my direction is when shes stood next to me! envy

Go get 'em girl! wink

Mrswhiskerson Sat 24-Nov-12 18:52:36

Thank you smile it sounds like you are taking really positive steps you deserve a good man , hope it all goes well x

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 19:04:42

Thank you Mrs smile one step at a time. Losing wright now and can se me at target. Got a job, waiting for CRB check. Might lime a bit of man action.

Then next year I shall return to my.therapist and go forward to even beter.things.

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 24-Nov-12 19:11:05

I typed out a post and sent it and now its not here confused

Try again!

Yes in a towel but then I tend to be and go over the top, and I don't even know why I'm giving you advice as I don't have a love life myself! I do love that feeling of knowing you like someone though!

And yes I love pms smile

SoleSource Sat 24-Nov-12 19:16:23

Yeah I know it is a silly, girly high for me. Loathe I can't control it. Just want sex, but then want more.

Fat? Utter tosh!

I'm fat, never asked a guy out, and am happily married to a skinny thing.

If you're not confident just start chatting about every day stuff. Get to know him a bit. Or if you're feeling brave just go for a snog and see what happens. <-- this is actually what I did when I met dh grin and I was very shy back then

YY Exactly what MrsWhiskrtson says is she my twin?

grin grin

You Go Gel! grin

C'mon - look at all us those fat middle-aged mums out there! We have blokes! We have sex! We are fancied! Stop believing everything you read in magazines about what men want!

They are FAR less choosy than the--Daily Mail-- Meeja would have you believe!
They want cuddles and giggles and companionship and comfy nights in too as well as the odd bit of red hot sex ...

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 11:13:00

Getting nervous. I know I will balls it up.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 11:23:36

Grow a fanjo woman and ask the fucker out!


SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 11:26:31




SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 11:34:07

I bet he is married.

He had a day off for a hospital appt and he has no hair sad

cronullansw Sun 25-Nov-12 11:39:15

An old pal of mine is/was a pop star. Several #1's, stacks of top 10's.

He'd very, very often go for larger girls, well, I say 'larger' I mean, big.... there IS hope for us all. Go for it, ask, talk, communicate, be bold.

Men love, LOVE, confidence.

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 13:39:42

I am wierd around men now.

Hello, how are you?

What did you and your wife do at tbe weekend, anything nice?

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 13:52:02

Come out, cpme out Drinky!

He is slimish but nice arms smile and watch

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 13:52:32

Miss out the "your wife" sounds like you are fishing (we know you are....but you don't want him to think that)

Just ask him how his weekend was. If he opens up a bit, ask what he did. If there is a long term partner, it should come out at that point.

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 13:53:10

slimish ?


oh ! he is slim, I get it grin

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 13:53:51

smile thank you AF smile

I am a rubbish at tbis stuff. Too impatient.

Can't wait to find out smilesmilesmile

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 13:54:29

Lol AF!! ,quite smile

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 13:58:04

nice arms are good

has he got one suntanned one and one white one ?

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 14:00:52

Lmao!!! Good one.

I only ever see.him from one side, as he is sitting down driving the .bus, nice blue eyes, gorgeous accent, chirpy type, just polite and happy. He looks tall. Lol

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 14:01:57

how are you going to do this then ?

are you going to have to stick your head through the window to talk to him ?

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 14:12:47

Lol you're making me laughmuch


There is a big door with steps and his seat is next to it.

He always says hello really quite cheery. He said

What is your namr? What is your Christian name? ,I told him abd he reoeated ot and I asked him whete he was from because his accent seems Aussie. He said he was.borni.Italy but he.doesn't havean Italian accent. I told him I had an Italian American friend in USA he said oooooh. Then he sat round in his seat and stared right at me with tbe most cute smile with his hand over his mouth.

I blushed said ok bye and shut the door.

Next day was a bit awkward I thought tbere is a definate attraction I hope so smile

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 14:21:21

He had his hand over his mouth ? Perhaps he has halitosis, poor chap. I think you need to get a bit nearer and rule that out before this goes any further. After you have established he is single of course smile

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 14:30:07


I can wear a mask lol and breathing apparatus.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 17:15:57

You need to fish for information with out him knowing you are fishing. It's skill I do not possess

RumbleGreen Sun 25-Nov-12 17:24:47

Or you could get someone else to do the fishing and report back. A male friend would be best for this plus his more likely to be truthful.

Friend "I bet driving all those kids drives you crazy"
Potential DP"haha the kids are not that bad nice pun btw"
Friend "Really? You must be a really relaxed bloke bet your missus likes that"
Potential DP " don't have a missus"


SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 17:33:22

No friends sad

We need a bus driver rap

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 17:37:38

Easy now sexy bus driver
Do you a girlfriend or wife?
Coz for you I'd buy a day rider
Let's go out it will be the night of your life
Come see my four poster
Turn me on like the bus
Make me hot like a just used toaster
Do what you want with me I won't kick up a fuss

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 17:38:41

Best I could do at short notice grin

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 17:38:53


You got skillz Fanjo

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 17:48:15

Yo Mr sexy bus driver
You know I do
A lot of favours for a fiver
But for you I iz free
You know I don't lie
Most drivers know me

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 17:48:26

omg...the man will run away screaming grin

I hope it goes well tomorrow smile

I am trying to think if I've ever been in a relationship where I haven't done the asking, or a least given them a perfect opportunity to ask me out. I used to go out with friends every so often when I had some and they were gorgeous girls, and I - well I was always the confident, funny, bubbly least physically attractive one. I could hold a decent conversation and was approachable - I have never failed to 'pull'

So, I wouldn't worry about your size. Being magazine style perfect is really attractive for all 10 minutes but if there's nothing else there then the interest soon fades. I think someone's personality can make a huge difference to their attractiveness. A beautiful looking person with a nasty personality soon becomes ugly and an average looking person with a good heart can be the most beautiful person in the world to you.


I have not been out 'on the pull' for a very long time and don't think I have quite the same confidence levels that I used too. Plus, I am to old now to even entertain the thought of chatting to a drunken sleaze looking to get into my knickers. I am going to stay a man free zone.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 17:54:13

Last time I went out on the pull I went to a pub as my mate said a rugby team were coming in.

I got dressed up quite nice and went up. The rugby players were there but the last time they played rugby I wasn't even born!

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 17:59:43

Lol sp! Tea splitter then.

YY to personality and horrible drunk sleezes that just want your knickers off.

I'm quite jealous of you sole I love having a crush, <scans dadsnet> nope lol

I'm feeling all wistful remember past nights out now. I am the worlds worst dancer but used to show off my groovy moves regardless. I couldn't be arsed with the effort of getting dressed up now though, and its cold out! Last time I went out (over a year ago) I took my coat with me and ended up having to hold it all night, no way was I wandering round looking for a taxi going blue with cold <old> and I wore trousers. Everyone else had dresses on - but it was October FFS. Felt very out of place and there were to many 18 year old teeny boppers getting drunk on wkd blue and lots of happy 18th birthday announcements. And I didn't recognise the music. Plus I don't drink and get increasing annoyed with being around drunk people. I am such a miserable shrew!

I would rather stay home and watch merlin with a multipack of Doritos. And I'm not even 30 yet. There is no hope for me.

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 18:25:26

Lol AF he prob will anyway, I'm no oil painting.

Thanks Dinosaur, ooh gawd it'd be the talk of the playground.

I clearly haven't thought this through. But he seems different from the others. Quite middle class and I reckon he does this as a job he doesn't really need for the disabled kids.

Oh Lord I'm such a derr brain.

Lol SP

Anyway a crush is nice.


SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 19:49:15

I'm nervous I'm scared
It's really quite absurd
Asking aman out
For me is really unheard
Whenever I see him
I just wanna shout
Lets go ti the chippy
Then get your penis out

-<common as muck>

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 19:56:24

"let's go the chippy

and get your penis out"

classy, very classy grin

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 20:03:53

Although I would quite like
For us to hit it off with a bang
Watch out for spitting fat:
You don't want to burn your wang!

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 20:16:34

Thank you AF grin

Fridge lol!!!

Right AnyFucker you've asked for it smile

Hey Mr bus driver
Have you got a single mate?
Preferably a trucker
For me friend AnyFucker
Must have one brown arm
One white arm
No need for the charm
She's AnyFucker's lmao!!

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 20:21:43


if I am ever single, I shall come looking for your help...until then,you are on your own mate grin

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 20:24:06

Do you think I should open an executive dating agency? Chippy vouchers should tempt the punters.

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 20:26:11

let's see how it goes with Busman tomorrow before you get any ideas of dating agencies smile

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 20:29:48

You can write me a poem sole! I fancy a hot new young maaaaaan at work. However, he's quite clearly a feckless player, and I work with his mum. I don't know if he likes chips though. Shall I have a crack at him anyway??

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 20:35:54

Go for it fridge!!!

How will you go about it?

Is he a bus driver?


InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 20:42:40

I think I'm going to grow a fanjo and talk to the gorgeous man in the phone shop near me. I've done a finger scan so not married. Just need to scope out of he hasa partner.

Last time I went there was this lovely looking fella who was smiling and waving at me. I started to walk towards him smiling. Then his boyfriend ran past me and kissed him

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 20:45:00

Not as far as I know. And he's definitely not Italian - you're safe!

I put a bit of groundwork in on Fri - you know, being generally hilarious yet charming he probably thought I was some sort of nutter. Had my hair cut over the weekend so planning to swan into the staff room a la Bridget Jones in the non-existent skirt. (Except without the non-existent skirt. Gosh that's a confusing double negative!)

My medium term plan is to make him him fancy me without him having any idea that I've even really noticed him. Hopefully he'll make a move at the Christmas party!


AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 20:45:55

Oops - a bit over-zealous with the "him"s there.

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 20:49:20

Did you make.him gay, by just walking past him? Phew.thought I was alone on that one.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 20:56:37

sole I think I did.

I'm hoping the phone shop man isn't. If so I will have to give up completely grin

I have a crush on a dad in my street but haven't worked out if single or not yet.

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 20:57:17

Groundwork lmao! and generally hilarious Ooh Fridge,.you defo need a rap!

Fanjo to the rescuuue!

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 21:01:12

Fanjo wins for the most far

AnyFucker who do you fancy, except DH.

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:08:29

Sole just be careful, with a smile you might end up with a love note through your door and flowers and texts and more texts and then a text from his friend because his friend wanted a crack to and is younger. Or you end up in your cute neighbours flat, he shows you his weed farm shock your thinking how the fuck do I get out of here when the door goes and his gf comes home from work early.

The thing with someone you have to see it does make it awkward if it doesn't go right.

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 21:15:39

who do I fancy ? (other than DH....who is fuckable and available..yeehaw)

Brad Pitt, oh yes indeed

I would ride him like a donkey, god yeah

but he is unattainable, so it's a safe fantasy

I don't know if he has matching arms...but I do know he is FIT

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 21:27:33 seem to be speaking from experience - that's quite a story! Care to tell more??

Maybe I'll ditch the medium term plan...

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 21:32:03

Makes sure he gives you his real name and age and doesn't have a secret life!


InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:41:11

Aview there was a thread about the flowers on here, it was very hmm to say the least but I didn't want to update again because a few posters said I was enjoying it. But quick version smiled back at a man in the shop and got a note dropped through my door that night saying his friend lives in the same block of flats how lovely my smile is and all that bullshit. A drunk night later me and my friend text him out of curiosity and he didn't leave me alone for a week after. I got flowers to show he was a nice guy after I said I am not interested. Then my friend text him stop contacting her she is not interested and he still text a few times after saying just give me chance. Then his friend text saying I am younger then him and more fun so how about it.

My other neighbour I used to see walking his dog, mm he was cute and lovely dreadlocks smiled back at him and we kept bumping into each other and then he would speak to me and we talked and talked and I went back to his flat for a cuppa not knowing he wasn't single and the gf walked in! I went er er er this is awkward er bye and got straight out of there! She booted him out so I don't have to keep seeing her but she still gives me daggers on the bus stop outside my house!

Don't smile back at random men, you don't know where it will lead!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 21:45:23

If i smile at random men they would prob piss their pants and start crying grin

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 21:47:01


Do you just ooze pheremones or something? I'm always smiling at people and nothing like that ever happens to me. Actually, a friend of a friend got my number once and texted me. But that was in 2005. And when I didn't reply he certainly didn't send me flowers. You must be very desirable!

I think I saw the first thread actually, was the note dreadfully punctuated and littered with 'lol's? Sounds like you had a lucky escape!

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 21:48:16

I hope my bis driver doesn't crash when he cottons on to my obvious flirting

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 21:49:34

Just lift up your top/skirt as he drives past grin

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 21:50:52

Just don't do what Steve Martin's wife does in Parenthood...especially not while he's driving and DEFINITELY not in front of the kiddies!

(In case you haven't seen it, it begins with bl and ends in owjob.)

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:51:00

Yes lots of lols aview!

apparently french women stick their fingers up their fanny then behind their ears to release pheremones.

But no I just attract weirdos tbh men and women they clammer around me. Should start going cross eyes at them instead of being polite.

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 21:51:58

Haha SP!

"Predatory flasher identified as local mum"

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 22:01:03

Wtf brandy? grin can't stop laughing at that

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 22:02:36

Someone told me ages and ages ago and Iv'e never forgot it. Iv'e never tried it either mind grin

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 22:08:06

Going round smelling of Eau De Fanjo

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 22:11:37

Try it next time your on the pull! Tell me if it works!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 22:14:03

Can you put on this perfume in public? grin

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 22:18:00

You might have flocks of french men follow you everywhere if you do!

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 22:19:59

Maybe they only go for French "perfume".

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 22:21:40

Ha eat some garlic, onions cheese the day before you use this "perfume" if you want a French man.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 22:22:07

I have no idea why you would want to walk around smelling of Danny

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 25-Nov-12 22:22:41

No idea who Danny is. Fanny*

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 22:28:28

I can't stop thonkong about him.

I've jist applied a full face of make-up. I'll look beyter in the morn.

The lip plumper is burning my.tongue.

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 25-Nov-12 22:39:28

Danny rubs up against all the French women - clearly.

Sole, try the "foofume" trick and let us know if it works!

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 25-Nov-12 22:46:22

foofume grin I might bottle it and sell it as a potion

SoleSource Sun 25-Nov-12 22:47:37

Lol he might wonder why there is red lipstick is all over my ears, if you get me

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 07:49:10

12 mins to go

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 08:00:29


Just had a full view of him. Me not fancy him, at all.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 08:02:41

sad gutted!

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 08:21:00

Iloved the crush feeling.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 08:31:31

I think he has had a weekend face transplant.

It's like having had beer googles but without the beer grin

Keep an eye out for your postman? Seeing as you've for the make up on anyway!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 26-Nov-12 08:57:44

That's shit sole just stand outside till you see a suitable fella then flash them.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 09:24:23

Have you got a garden wall? If so just sit on it all day someones bound to come along grin

My exH is up for grabs. Great dad, lovely ex wife wink no dress sense and has a bald patch. Local to you too. Could be perfect!!

2muchxmaspud Mon 26-Nov-12 10:08:35

I have nearly pissed myself reading this thread. Foofume and lipstick all over my ears were the clinchers.

How do you know he hasn't got a twin brother who may have been driving today? I work with a lad who is a twin, but his twin is unbelievably good looking, we joke that the lad we work with is the placenta as he is so ugly ha ha ha

CheerfulYank Mon 26-Nov-12 10:34:12

Oh Lord...I am laughing so so hard at all of this!

Foofume...EW. That can't work, surely??

Sorry Sole. sad Better luck next time eh?

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 10:41:29

Someone has to try the foofume, I can't I attract weirdos at the best of times. Should be a MN experiment!

AnyFucker Mon 26-Nov-12 11:06:55

< deflated >

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 11:09:43

Lol at yous!

I asked DS teacher.if he is single. She doesn't know. I might still ave him. He defo isn't a double bagger.

You don't want my exH then sad ?

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 11:56:56

Lol sorry Dinosaurs. No fanx lol

Ah we'll, if you change your mind I'm sure he will still be available he's been single 6 years now smile (and he is red flag free!)

AnyFucker Mon 26-Nov-12 12:09:40

oi, dino...there must have been a reason for you to get shut of him, stop trying to palm him off on innocent MN'ers grin

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:10:10

Dinosaurs, aww. How many kids has he got?

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 26-Nov-12 12:15:43

Dino you are the only woman I know searching for a woman for their ex grin

Phone shop man isn't in today he must know I'm here.

Might have to try it on with Santa at this rate. If I sit on his knee he might give me fondle as a Xmas present grin

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:16:37

I'm free Fanjo ;)

grin we got married very young and by the time I was 22/23 it was like living with my brother or something and I just could spend the next 50 years sleeping next to someone that I didn't fancy. Plus, I'd just started college and was meeting new people and wanting to go out instead of being a housewife with young children. He was more settled, worked hard, watched boring tv and liked a quiet life. The usual story. But, he is a nice guy and would make someone happy given the chance. He just never goes out as he works shifts 4 days on 4 days off and has the dc for the four days he's off. He doesn't get much chance to meet people being a single parent.

He has two children, both with me. And even though we are a long time divorced I still couldn't have chosen a better father for my boys.

It's just that he bores me to tears, irritates me just by being in the same room as me and I don't find him physically attractive.

Someone else might though [hopeful]

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:20:09

Err not looking to be a Stepmum. I'd never see him lol

AnyFucker Mon 26-Nov-12 12:22:30

aww, dino he sounds great

That's a shame, we could've both joined the step parenting bit of Mn and had threads about each other and bun fights and everything, it would passed the time wink

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 26-Nov-12 12:23:37

I might have to borrow him for a night a week Dino can you send him special delivery?

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:23:48

That's single patenting for us. No £, no smile, no sex.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:29:57

I'm going for the kill tonight, Ladies.

This is officially a no shame zone.

just imagine how it must feel to be SPFanjo, try!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 26-Nov-12 12:32:19

Cheers sole grin

I try but I'm not wanted by the male species. I obviously need foofume

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:34:28

It is strange. I never thought I would want male company again. Taken me four years to get to this place!

I could give him a gentle shove in the right direction SP but he hasn't taken orders from me for years sad grin even though I went through a phase of still trying to run his life giving him advice I soon learnt my place damn it. He does that smile and nod thing at me. We do discuss stuff about the boys but and I get invited to some family occasions and vice versa ( him and his family came to my ds3s Christening etc)

I have totally lost the point of what I was saying as ds3 jumped on my head hmm but the short version is send a self addressed envelope and ill try and shove him in it. Will need to be a big one though as he's 6'6!

I am staying well away from men. Exp has seen to that. Plus I am 30 weeks pregnant and have 3 sons. One of which has just rubbed biscuit in my hair and wiped his snotty nose on me. I am a catch!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 26-Nov-12 12:43:29

He's a giant! No can do, that's a deal breaker. I'm just under 5 foot

On the bright side he could get things from high shelves for you grin

gives up and accepts he will be single forever and in a few years my boys will bugger off and live with him in a man house eating pizza and watching top gear and I will be all abandoned

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:52:18

My ex was 6'4. Too problematic. Our DS is 14 now and 5'9. So am I.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 12:54:46

My dd dad is 6'4 to, dd is almost shoulder height and I'm 5'6 and a half.
ds dad is 6'2 and built like a tank, ds is getting the same

I'm going to have dc towering above me in 5 years!

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:56:18

It is scary for me asDS is blind. I will be guiding this lovely, handsome giant about

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 12:58:07

I have a feeling this bus driver is in his early 60's. Age doesn't mater, right? (I'm 38).just realising.

My ds1 takes after his dad and will be tall I think. He's 10 now and taller than alot in his class. He looks like him and has all his mannerisms, uses the same phrases and same tone of voice. It really freaks me out sometimes. Ds2 is more like me, with mad scarecrow hair and what my exp so kindly described as piggy eyes hmm I so do not have piggy eyes and neither does ds2 but we do have the same eye shape.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 13:05:17

Aw sole smile

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 13:06:18

Oh age doesn't matter IMO as long as you don't mind looking after him in 10 years time!

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 13:07:26

Forst sign of a put down or needless criticism I am off.

Do not want any man in my house either.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 13:13:29

No I agree I couldn't ever imagine living with someone ever again, the thought makes me cringe, I love my little family.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 13:16:53

No man even to watch TV with. Not getting through the door

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 13:18:15

Oh I don't mind watching tv or going away for a dirty weekend going on dates but not ever sleeping over/meeting my dc or family shit.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 13:19:21

No man in my house. His house,/hotel but not here.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 13:22:46

Oh well. Be difficult to get him to accept my wishes. Men!!

I couldn't be bothered to tidy my bedroom and make the bed before having a man round. Or to shave my legs. I share my bed with ds3 only.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 13:53:33

No I couldn't be bothered either!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 26-Nov-12 14:52:55

I could probably plait my leg hair grin

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 14:55:00

The only reason my hair growth isn't out of control is I take the dc swimming most weekends.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 14:57:39

I was in a clothes shop this morning. I looked in the mirror and almost cried at my legs/ tummy/boobs. I 'll have to drug him.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:07:55

He is married ffs. sad oh well.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 16:10:31

Don't worry about the shop mirrors I look alright in my mirrors at home but the shops one I look awful!

How did you find out about him being married?

werewolvesdidit Mon 26-Nov-12 16:14:41


SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:22:59

I asked him what he did at the weekend! Really nerve qracking. Then asked the other person what she.did. Then he said he ate and slept all weekend. Then he mentioned about tge German markets and he buys Christmas presents for his friends. I said no kids then. Oh yes son of 40. Oh are you married. Yes he said


Back to me old holey jogging bottons tomorrow.

He is lovely andI hope she is happy with him.

he is in his 60's
Not fussy

But married/attached noooooooo

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:27:28

I asked him when he came to England from Italy. He was four. He is happy, chatty, upbeat. Just mmm.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 16:28:18

Argh how annoying! Well done though!

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:28:47

I don't think I will ever fi.d a man,.just for me. All single, lovely, honest, good values, reliable, trustworthy, passionate, clean, big knob

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:30:21

Yeah, thanks for all tbe advice Brandy, Fanjo, AF etcxx

It is good my confidence is coming back.

BeerTricksPott3r Mon 26-Nov-12 16:31:03

Well, you plucked up the courage to ask him and find out if he was married. So well done for that. smile

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:32:25

Yrah I did didn't I hehehe just sitting here chuffed with myself. Ooh Italian mm

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 26-Nov-12 16:32:46

right now don't do what I do and lust after unattainable men!

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:33:29

No past that. He gone! sad

Lovingfreedom Mon 26-Nov-12 16:34:21

Have you tried online dating? Plenty of guys on there and caters for a variety of tastes and preferences. Loads of guys appreciate a fuller figure. More likely to work than approaching random guys hoping they are not married/attached.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:36:23

I have known this guy for ages. First attempt in four years. I haven't been ibtetested until.noe. Online datibg not for me. Full of shit heads

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:40:41

Married men use online dating, so I hear.

I love you Sole. Have just read this fred, PMSL grin

If I were a man, I'd be chasing you down the street with my wanger out.... wink

Viviennemary Mon 26-Nov-12 16:45:39

Hang on to his every word and make him believe you think he's wonderful. Even if you don't. Otherwise just ask him out for a drink if you feel confident enough.

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 16:50:23

Ooh that's not my.thing. 'm just me. If tbey want me to worship tbem, noo.

Dismantling my four poster tonight.

Just me and my vodka

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 26-Nov-12 16:59:43

Drink the vodka in your four poster. I would grin

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 17:04:32

I don't have either. I'm not rich. sad

I have just eaten half a jar of pickled onions. That would send any man running for the hills grin

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 18:37:44

Lol was tbat your tea?
Do dinosaurs eat.pickled onions? confused

You are not a real dinosaur, you're a fake!!


CheerfulYank Mon 26-Nov-12 18:51:16

Aw, Sole. But it's good you were interested! That's a start.

DH is also a giant (6'5") and all the men on my side of the family (besides my poor runty dad) are solid as tree trunks. DS has taken from both and is tall and big...built like a brick shithouse at 5 years old.

2muchxmaspud Mon 26-Nov-12 19:00:42

Misread one post as

Clean big knob... then when I did a double take with jaw flapping open I noticed the comma in between clean and big.

Was worried about you having sti nky knobs in the past... blush

It was a pickled onion sandwich and it was delicious. I will pay for it at 3am when I wake up with indigestion though <poor pregnant dinosaur>

I have always eaten pickled onion sandwiches even when not pregnant

My toddler also ate a fair few picked onions <proud>

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 21:09:11

I want to know what becomes of.the other people with their crushes.

noseinabook Mon 26-Nov-12 21:30:11

I bottled out of my tesco man on Sunday.

However ...... very cute friend of a friend of a friend in a wine bar on Saturday. I only needed to say to him "I could snog your face off" and lo and behold, he let me! smile Up until that point I thought my libido was in negative figures ...... apparently not!

SoleSource Mon 26-Nov-12 21:36:07

Hello nose smile

Was wondering about you! Way to go! -grin
So you seeing him again?

Bet he was dishy

still got to try and get info put of Tesco man...cone onyou can do it!

noseinabook Mon 26-Nov-12 21:44:54

He was sooooooooo cute! A little shorter than me, and I had high heels on oo :-/ but it didn't put either of us off, lol.

I doubt I'll see him again - I'm not the fun party girl he thought I was, lol. Too much feckin stress and drama in my life, I'm a right grumpy mare most days! Kinda looking for someone to settle down with, not just mess around iyswim. There is someone around who is the settling down type and isnt fazed by all my domestic sh*t, but he's a crap kisser and I'm not sure I can get past that.

But yeah, little 'un was luuuuuush. I could still smell his aftershave on my hands when I went home ....... ahhhhhhhh

But Tesco man is still there on the back burner. If nothing else I'll demand a christmas kiss off him smile All part of their customer service!

AViewfromtheFridge Mon 26-Nov-12 23:03:39

Every little helps!

I'm playing it cool. Might resort to the foofume if he hasn't made a move by Christmas.

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