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dp just told a waitress she's gorgeous...

(78 Posts)
Dunkinbiscuits Sat 17-Nov-12 21:41:29

just having a nice romantic meal and dp said to waitress 'you're gorgeous you are' !!! Right in front of me ffs- i threw a wobbly and now hes sat outside as i finish the bottle of champers at the bar alone - feeling pretty shit tbh :-( am i over reacting?

YANBU. Wtf was he thinking?

picnicbasketcase Sat 17-Nov-12 21:43:55

Not the wisest of things to say whilst he's in a date really. Does he usually eye up other women or try to chat them up right in front of you?

HoolioHallio Sat 17-Nov-12 21:45:18

Urrrgh. I hope he's suitably mortified.

onedev Sat 17-Nov-12 21:45:23

Horrible. I actually think I'd finish with someone who is that disrespectful to me. Hope you feel better.

dibs78 Sat 17-Nov-12 21:46:20

That's awful!!! Poor you! How was the night going up to that point? Was he drunk?! Is he usually so disrespectful to you? Hope you're ok x

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 21:48:44

My God, what a creep, i bet the waitress thought he was a wanker as well!

dibs78 Sat 17-Nov-12 21:52:35

Btw- well done for staying and finishing the

Beamur Sat 17-Nov-12 21:55:42

Oh dear.
That's a shame.
My DP wouldn't say it to the person, but he would tell me if he thought someone was attractive - but I know he's not saying it to wind me up or upset me, it really is just an observation - like 'that's a nice building' or 'she was a pretty girl'.
Complimenting someone other than your partner during a romantic meal though is pretty lacking in tack!

Pochemuchka Sat 17-Nov-12 22:04:22

Poor you! I would be livid too.

I'll never forget when I was heavily pregnant with DD and me and DP went out for a meal with another couple and I was all dressed up and feeling great.
We went into the restaurant and he commented on a woman in there saying 'don't worry pochemuchka, you'll look like that again soon' shock angry

I spent the rest of the night seething after I'd torn him off a strip and he had a lot of making up to do.

Your DP needs to get back inside and start making things up to you.

lotsofcheese Sat 17-Nov-12 22:10:17

I hate to say this, but if he's saying stuff like that in front of your face, what is he doing behind your back?

PickledFanjoCat Sat 17-Nov-12 22:12:43

What a slimey thing to do. No your not overreacting. There's nothing wrong with finding other people attractive but saying it like that upset you and has probably embarrassed the waitress too.

Did he think he was being humorous?

Dunkinbiscuits Sat 17-Nov-12 22:59:28

Thanks for replying, I thought maybe I'd flown off the handle a bit, made me feel really shitty tbh, walked back to the hotel on my own and had to wait for housekeeping to let me in, he's come back and thinks I've been somewhere between the restaurant and here?!? Wtf - yeah, quickly down an alley with a waiter??? Bloody hell, I give up!!!

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 17-Nov-12 23:02:08

That's Horrible my OH agrees that was a shitty thing to say

Iamnotamindreader Sat 17-Nov-12 23:04:20

So he's been an arse and tries to deflect the blame back on to you by accusing you of a one night stand.
He's so classy.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 17-Nov-12 23:04:28

What a shit thing to do, hope you're ok.

Dunkinbiscuits Sat 17-Nov-12 23:06:23

Feel like getting the first flight home tomorrow on my own :-( I know he's drunk but I've stuck by him through thick and thin - bit of a kick in the nuts tbh :-(

BloominMarvellous Sat 17-Nov-12 23:08:22

Wow!!!!! What a total fucker!!!

I was once told after an ex was eying up a waitress very obviously that I was only jealous as I couldn't pull off that skirt hmm

You don't deserve that OP!!! You were not overreacting at all!!!!

TheDarkestNight Sat 17-Nov-12 23:09:15

Does he have any good points?

No, YANBU. I know the thread isn't in there.
And he's making you feel bad, because he obviously left you to walk back from the restaurant on your own after he had made a dick of himself.
Hope you are ok.

MmeLindor Sat 17-Nov-12 23:12:27

Does he do this kind of thing often? It is very disrespectful to you.

Startail Sat 17-Nov-12 23:12:56

DH would say to me that waitress is pretty, beautiful etc., but he wouldn't say it to her.

DH was eying up the language students (you can't move in Bath in summer for huge groups of these) on our second date so 24 years later I don't expect him to improve.

However, neither he or I are particularly good looking and neither of us cares.

Blatant flirting is another matter.

Dunkinbiscuits Sat 17-Nov-12 23:14:43

He's asleep - how do they sleep??? Have had a good whinge to the reception girls and they both agree he was out of order - need to try and sleep, another Day of work tomorrow :-( what a Dick hey?

I love that you've told the reception girls. I hope they give him hacky looks in the morning.

FermezLaBouche Sun 18-Nov-12 08:21:48

Is your relationship so dismal all the time? Hope you're feeling less shit this morning and he's woken up very contrite, though I rather think he will have latched onto the idea of you "doing something" with someone before getting back to the hotel.

lotsofcheese Sun 18-Nov-12 08:31:06

It's funny how often the unfaithful partner accuses the other of adultery...

Dunkinbiscuits Sun 18-Nov-12 09:53:16

I slept really well thanks to the bubbly :-) just had breakfast alone in the dining room, haven't spoken to him yet. Our relationship just seems to be one let down after another - I wonder what today will bring, there's not even any shops open here on a Sunday so cant even get some retail therapy!! Lol thanks for all of the messages - much appreciated xxx

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 18-Nov-12 10:01:19

What a twat.

It doesn't sound like a relationship worth having to be honest sad

Why are you still with him?

If I were you, I'd go out on my own, walk about, drink coffee and have a damn good think about life. No matter how many years you've been together, what you have been through in the past it's not 'wasted' if you leave now, it's all part of your life still - but it doesn't mean you have to 'hang in there' anymore. You can have a lovely new life, without this bloke dragging you down. I'm not even going to ask if you have kids, because it doesn't matter - this is about you and your life. If you have kids he can still be their father, whether he's living with you or not. Your life doesn't have to be like this, it really doesn't.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 18-Nov-12 10:03:27

He sounds like a knob. So much for 'I only have eyes for you'. If your relationship is a series of let-downs, how about packing a bag and leaving him where he is? Get back to a place with Sunday trading.....

sudaname Sun 18-Nov-12 10:07:26

My now DH used to call a young barmaid in our local 'the lovely <insertbarmaidsname>' whenever he referred to her to me, in real affectionate tones.
Used to piss me off no end. She is a lovely girl and lovely looking etc and about twenty odd years younger than both of us, but did he really have to mention it every single time he saw her.
Think from memory it stopped around the time l started eyeing up the barman and commenting on his gorgeous eyes etc and so me and now DH had that 'good for the goose is good for the gander' conversation.
Plus l told him he looked a silly old fool aswell grin.

sudaname Sun 18-Nov-12 10:09:41

but never managed to stop him commenting on a regular newsreader he fancies everytime she comes on the box,so l just throw cushions at him now grin

sudaname Sun 18-Nov-12 10:13:01

Meant to say ime just because a man admires or comments on other women doesnt mean to say he doesnt love you merely he's an insensitive twat. hmm

merlottits Sun 18-Nov-12 10:17:38

He sounds horrible. He said that to hurt you.
Then tries to insinuate you were in an alley with a waiter.

What a catch. You can do so much better.

I promise there is not a man on this earth who would that say to a waitress if he was on a romantic date with the women he loved and respected.


BadLad Sun 18-Nov-12 10:58:19

He was certainly being twit. However, I think you were a little silly discussing your relationship issues with the hotel staff.

Darkesteyes Sun 18-Nov-12 16:53:27

She was upset and because of that she probably felt she needed to discuss it with someone.
Oh i forgot women should put up and shut up right.
And calling her "a little silly" How patronizing and belittling.

JustFabulous Sun 18-Nov-12 17:27:22

OP, how are things today?

MadAboutHotChoc Sun 18-Nov-12 17:50:07

Is this a recent behaviour? Often cheaters become very flirtatous with people other than the one they are having an affair with (something to do with the massive ego boosts they're getting from OW going to their head and believing they are actually sex gods hmm) and the deflecting is very telling too.

If he has always been like this, then he's probably a knob you are better off without....

Abitwobblynow Sun 18-Nov-12 17:56:49

Totally disrespectful YANBU. And it is a red flag: my H did this, he ended up having an A

StuntGirl Mon 19-Nov-12 01:13:10

Bloody hell! Disrespectful, insensitive, thoughtless, stupid...need I go on? And then to question your whereabouts in between? I hope he has apologised for his twattish behaviour OP!

BadLad Mon 19-Nov-12 01:15:28

Nobody said women should put up and shut up. Until you did, that is.

It isn't a gender issue, try as you might to make it one. I'd say the same thing to anyone who unloaded the problems in their relationship to the staff of the hotel they were staying in, especially if their partner was staying in the same hotel.

WakeyCakey Mon 19-Nov-12 18:39:05

Well done you for talking to the reception staff! if he didn't want it talked about he shouldn't of said it!!

I think i would of covered my DP in drink if he did that, how rude! completely unacceptable!

Go find yourself someone gorgeous who will only have eyes for you!!

BadLad Mon 19-Nov-12 23:42:37

So would you be happy if your partner was pissed off with something you had said or done and went and discussed with people whose services you would be paying for?

If so, more power to you, but I don't understand that way of thinking. Fortunately, DW has just confirmed that she agrees with me, so that if we have an argument in future I don't have to worry about the staff in the local supermarket giving me haughty looks for it.

Unlike a previous poster, I hope the "girls at reception" didn't give him evil looks, for their sakes, in case he noticed and complained to the manager.

ccarpenton Tue 20-Nov-12 00:02:03

yep. agree with everyone else that said they'd drop him instantly. there is no changing that sort of attitude. absolutely no change at all. that is something wrong with either their brain or their personality. either way - unfixable.

Dunkinbiscuits Thu 22-Nov-12 18:55:41

Sorry I went awol, I probably shouldn't have moaned to the reception girls but we stay there all the time and they know us well so felt like they were a friendly ear tbh (think they probably wonder what the hell i am doing with him anyway!) Things aren't great and i'm seriously thinking of ending it sad

ladybird69 Thu 22-Nov-12 18:56:22

Years ago I was out for a romantic meal with my OH. I was about 8 months preg with 3rd child. OH was quiet all eve, on way home I asked him what was wrong and he replied 'I'm embarrassed to be seen with you, you're so fat' the saddest part was I stayed with him and let him make me feel so worthless and ugly by the day.
OP that man doesn't deserve you. Don't be like me. Get out now while you've got some self esteem left. Good luck

Dunkinbiscuits Thu 22-Nov-12 19:07:18

shock Bloody hell Ladybird, I hope you've got rid of him now!!!

RichardSimmonsTankTop Thu 22-Nov-12 19:55:27

ladybird how awful. sad You are worth SO much more than that. ((hugs))

OP - glad you're thinking of ending it. I would've felt so humiliated sitting there watching the waitress look embarrassed. He sounds like a complete moron.

ladybird69 Thu 22-Nov-12 20:17:02

Dunkin yes got rid of him but it cost me the very highest price of all, he turned my own children against me and took them when he finally left. The relief of him and his poisonous behaviour has been over shadowed by the pure heartbreaking pain of losing my babies (they are all over the age of court orders I'm afraid) Don't make the same mistakes as me.
Richard thanks x I am but after 26 years of being treated as something he stepped in, its gonna take a while to recover sad

Dunkinbiscuits Thu 22-Nov-12 21:15:53

Oh Ladybird i'm so sorry, what a shit! I don't have children with my partner but 2 boys with my exh, we have a very amicable relationship and our eldest lives with him. My 'D'P on the other hand has just informed me that he has missed another court date (we were going through Cafcass to allow access with both of us at regular intervals - his ex wife hates me btw) so his ex wife has gleefully informed him that the case is closed, bang goes our chance of having a regular life as a blended family sad

He has gone home as he wants to sulk, doesn't want to talk about it and feels like his life is soooo bad - grrrr, I organise every other fucking thing in his life and he can't manage to open a letter!! I really feel like giving up sad

ladybird69 Thu 22-Nov-12 21:22:42

Dunkin oh God that sounds pretty Toxic to me! See I'm fine my Rose tinted glasses have fallen off!!! He sounds like another child to worry about tbh. There are number of times I should have said enough! Think you need to work out whether he is worth his drama. Take care and be strong x

Dunkinbiscuits Thu 22-Nov-12 21:36:40

I know he's wrong for me, seriously he has put me through so much shit, our relationship is toxic I have lost all of my friends/family as they hate him so I have no one left to talk to apart from him, i'm very isolated and have read all of the threads on here about Emotional abuse etc. and recognise every sign I just can't seem to break free even though I hate him as much as I love him! It's weird, like I'm under some sort of spell - if he dropped off the edge of the earth tomorrow I would be devastated but also feel free, god that sounds awful doesn't it? I cannot wait for my rose tinted glasses to fall off, I've managed 1 week with NC but he always worms his way back!! ffs

ladybird69 Fri 23-Nov-12 00:51:29

Oh Bugger just written long reply Dunkin and lost it.
You sound like me pls go onto emotional abuse thread you'll get lots of support from the ladies on there. I still loved my ex until recently until I suddenly realised that throughout our whole relationship I'd been played and he'd never loved me. You and your little ones are the most important beings in the world, listen to your friends and family they are usually right. sending you strength and love x

B1ueberries Fri 23-Nov-12 07:47:45

YANBU. It's so disrespectful to you. Also, smaller point but the waitress must have felt sorry for you for being with such a dickhead and i'd find that humiliating.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 23-Nov-12 09:03:45

He missed the court hearing for whether he could have access to his own children? shock How useless IS this guy??!!

fromparistoberlin Fri 23-Nov-12 10:15:41


he sounds like a waste of airspace

keep reading, keep posting and whilst I dont say this lightly. LTB!!!

good luck, you deserve better and I think you know that

OneMoreChap Fri 23-Nov-12 12:25:38

Sorry to hear about him; very poor show saying that.

Why is the XW so down on you? That must be difficult if you can't see his kids together...

Dozer Fri 23-Nov-12 13:24:06

Leave the bastard!

You have "stuck with him through thick and thin": he has put you through lots of shit (presumably this is just the latest). It won't stop and you will continue to be unhappy.

Life will be much, much better without him.

Dunkinbiscuits Mon 03-Dec-12 22:15:58

Left the bastard sad

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Mon 03-Dec-12 22:22:18

oh GOOD!

Tell us more.

freeandhappy Mon 03-Dec-12 22:27:55

Good on you!

Doha Mon 03-Dec-12 22:36:34

Oh well done Dunkin

Please don't cave in and go back

glastocat Mon 03-Dec-12 22:39:06

Oh well done, you won't regret it!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 03-Dec-12 22:44:05

Are you ok dunken?

Dunkinbiscuits Mon 03-Dec-12 22:44:10

It never really got back on track tbh, he's been acting distant the last week blaming a headache hmm But he's basically fucked Christmas up by promising his children to spend the whole day there when we'd already planned things.

Tbf his ex did say in front of the children 'would you like to come for present opening and go again if you have something more important to do, or would you like to stay the WHOLE day' so, he has decided to spend Christmas day with his toxic Ex - can just see them preparing dinner together, several drinks and probably him for desert!

I have nothing against him seeing the children and mine are at their dads this year sad so i suggested we spend Christmas Eve together and then Christmas morning both go off to see our respective children, maybe 8-2ish then spend lunch and afternoon together. We would both have our children all day boxing day too so 6 hours Xmas day + boxing day, seemed reasonable and not selfish imo - he agreed at the time but obviously it was not to be.

His ex has caused us no end of trouble since we started seeing each other so all I can think of is her smug face and I can't trust him not to get drunk and end up in bed with her - i told him i can't do it and it wasn't a case of me stopping him seeing his children but the straw that broke the camels back sad

Doha Mon 03-Dec-12 22:57:06

Thank God for the straw that broke the camels back.
I think you have saved yourself a whole load of extra stress when you believe he would sleep with his ex on Xmas day, it was bad enough that he chose to disregard your plans.
You deserve so much better than him and l think you do know that. Just get the rest of the year over with and start 2013 on a new footing.

Dunkinbiscuits Mon 03-Dec-12 23:02:33

Thanks Puds, yeah I will be - more annoyed by the way he's treated me the last week really, he just buries his head in the sand when something complicated happens instead of talking things through so i've had complete coolness this week blamed on the headache - sooo frustrating.

Just need to make sure i stay away although it's difficult as i'm doing a project for him at the moment so will see him in the morning (will have to hide all sharp objects!) but if i can hang on for the next two weeks i'll be fine. New Year new life smile

Thank you everyone who posted before i didn't really have anything to report before now but did read every post x

Dunkinbiscuits Mon 03-Dec-12 23:08:23

lol xposts Doha - definitely onwards and upwards, really can't see a way past this and i don't trust him to change plans and then leave me waiting on Christmas Day and not show up. I Will NOT cry on Christmas day!!! I was already invited to my Ex's Christmas eve and Day, we are really great friends but i had thought i was spending time with P hmm

onedev Mon 03-Dec-12 23:20:17

Well done Dunkin - I'm sure 2013 will bring much better things for you. grin

JudyPee Tue 04-Dec-12 01:06:02

Jesus are you lot all this dismal all the time ? op's bloke was a bit of a knob saying this at such a time.. but really girls, get over yourselves (ESP you onedev, my word).

JudyPee Tue 04-Dec-12 01:08:29

(That said, the Ex does indeed sound toxic and is well suited to the knob: why did they split up again??)

cynnerthenaughtyreindeer Tue 04-Dec-12 01:24:15

I think onedev said exactly the right thing. Really, JudyPee how very rude to ask this OP to enumerate the details of her her stbxs previous relationship..

izzyizin Tue 04-Dec-12 01:29:46

Dismal, JudyP? This thread is cause for rejoicing that another twunt's bit the dust got his and, from the OP's account, not before time grin

Good on you, Dunkin - keep it up and you'll soon have your family and friends back on side.

JudyPee Tue 04-Dec-12 01:32:50

Whilst I agree that this twerp got his comeuppance you're in daaanger of coming across like a bunch of Millie tants is all. I see no major issue with a bl

JudyPee Tue 04-Dec-12 01:43:40

Without knowing the full story ( which came out In Subsequent posts ) onedev encourage op to leave. That's ridiculous, subsequent details notwithstanding. On the face of it OP's other half was guilty of being a mildly insensitive dick.

( In reality he has been a monstrous cock and deserves all he gets. )

But still. My point stands, sorry.

JudyPee Tue 04-Dec-12 01:44:28

"How very rude..."

Don't be so silly.

SomersetONeil Tue 04-Dec-12 02:16:49


Why is it ridiculous to suggest the OP leave her wankstain partner...? They don't have children together. And even if they did, why is it ridiculous to suggest leaving him?

Are you that much of a sad sack, that you have to have a man, and indeed any man is better than no man at all...? <sad face>

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Tue 04-Dec-12 10:49:00

JudyPee, it is bad form to swan in on a topic in Relationship and pick fights with other posters who is supporting the OP.

Your point does not stand at all. That being said, I suggest nobody engage any further with JudyPee who is clearly just here to stir up trouble.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 04-Dec-12 10:57:59

JudyP is getting a bit of a habit of handmaidenly posting all over the shop...

Best ignored

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