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Omg!!!! I've just found out

(164 Posts)
Stopthepidgeon Sat 17-Nov-12 16:15:18

Okay - so following on from my should I should I not track my cheating husband thread .....

He has taken our dc out to visit his parents - and left his computer open

I am dumbstruck to find out he has secret savings in excess of £1 million!!

This is not a stealth boast - I am in total shock

LoopsInHoops Sat 17-Nov-12 16:16:38

Screenshot. email to yourself. And your solicitor.

What Loops said.

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 16:17:42

Fuck, i don't know whether to be happy for you or worried - why hasn't he told you about this? At least you wont have to be worrying about paying the mortgage this month!! Wow. But hang on, you don't trust him do you? obviously you have reason not to trust him, is he planning on leaving and avoiding paying maintainance? You need legal advice i think.

B1ueberryS0rbet Sat 17-Nov-12 16:17:52

Wow. Screen shot and email it to yourself. flipping heck.

LemonBreeland Sat 17-Nov-12 16:18:47

I haven't seen your previous thread but thst must be an incredible shock.

Get all the evidence you can.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sat 17-Nov-12 16:19:40

WTAF

Screen shot and email. Sheesh!

Is that possible?!

Where has he got the money from do you think?

I don't know your background so maybe he is a big shot banker but £1m isn't easy to amass without you knowing about it. Just hope it isn't illegal in some way.

Stopthepidgeon Sat 17-Nov-12 16:44:56

I've screen shot it.

I keep looking to make sure I've read it right and that it isn't a debt - its not a debt as I've seen a statement of him making regular payments into this account

I'm pretty sure it's legit - he's always been shrewd cautious with his money - hence a house falling down around us, etc etc.

I don't know what to do. We are supposed to be trying to move forward after his affair ...... Tbh it is very difficult as he's broken my trust and broken his marriage vows ....

SecretCervix Sat 17-Nov-12 16:49:53

He has got over a million pounds saved up for what, a rainy decade? And you all are living in a house that is falling down around your ears?

Confront him. This wouldn't sit right with me.

LadyFlumpalot Sat 17-Nov-12 16:53:39

Wow...

I know what I'd be doing if I found out that my cheating husband had £1million and had left his online bank account open... Only thing is, I think he might notice the £70k supercar in the driveway...

In all seriousness, email the screenshot to yourself at a safe email address, and one to your solicitor.

Crumbs. I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad for you!

Lavenderhoney Sat 17-Nov-12 16:57:04

Don't bank accounts online close after 10 mins? You must have leapt on the pc!

Get a will sorted out as you have to list all your assets and where you want them to go, dc money in trust, trustees, and who would look after them should the worst happen. You need a proper will person to do all this as they can advise etc, but it's wrth the money, very good idea anyway and it will all have to come out.

It ( I hope) is offshore But it will still be on the will.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Sat 17-Nov-12 16:59:52

Wow.

I dont know your backstory, but naturally he is keen to move forward WITH you, as moving on without you, could mean he had to give you half of that in divorce settlement.

Now, you sure you want to be with a liar and a cheat?

vintageviolets Sat 17-Nov-12 17:03:39

Screen Shot & show us nosey

Then LTB & take half the wonga I would

mercury7 Sat 17-Nov-12 17:06:48

thats a helluva slush fund!!!

quoteunquote Sat 17-Nov-12 17:06:56

Screen shot and email it to yourself, email it to your solicitor, and create a new email account (that no one knows about) and email it to that.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamij Sat 17-Nov-12 17:11:01

Just stumbled on this thread so don't know your background. Good thing you screenshot it.

Agree with making a will with a solicitor as it means you (and DCs) won't be left without anything. Doesn't sound right it's tucked away if your house is falling down around you.

BloominMarvellous Sat 17-Nov-12 17:11:02

I'd certainly question his motives for staying with you after finding that. Knowing that he would have to give a sum in the settlement.

Definatley seek legal advice, don't let on at all that you know. That gives him time to move it somewhere.

MorrisZapp Sat 17-Nov-12 17:11:15

Woah that's not right. I'd just ask him straight out.

JustFabulous Sat 17-Nov-12 17:16:38

You sure it isn't false to trick you? Seems a bit stupid to leave it open if it is a secret.

LoopsInHoops Sat 17-Nov-12 17:24:02

Don't ask him. Go to solicitors first. He sounds very sly.

Abitwobblynow Sat 17-Nov-12 18:02:45

Pigeon, DO NOT CONFRONT.

I need to warn you, that secrets, are power plays. They are used by passive aggressive people for a secret boost at getting one over you/being cleverer than you.

My IC told me this about affairs.

This man has hidden two huge secrets from you.

Be very careful, look after yourself, get Lundy Bancroft Should I Stay Or Should I Go. Wow that is the most eye-opening book on how we women sell ourselves short on true living and joy I have ever read.

And when if you ever get shot of this sad loser for a better, fuller, richer life, forensic accountant.

ike1 Sat 17-Nov-12 18:07:21

Dont confront. See a solicitor next week. He has not told you incase you divorce.

GhostShip Sat 17-Nov-12 18:47:26

I have no reason not to believe you, but how on earth did you get to the PC in time to see his accounts?

£1million??? Facking hell. Out of curiosity how much did you think he makes a year?

Stopthepidgeon Sat 17-Nov-12 18:48:37

I was in stealth ninja mode ........ !!!!

SoleSource Sat 17-Nov-12 18:51:56

Could he be.involved in criminal.activity,? Could he be keeping the money for.somebody else?

Can't you transfer some of it to your account?

Go shopping...

grin

Actually, love laurie's suggestion...

GhostShip Sat 17-Nov-12 19:29:12

I don't think we should be encouraging anyone to steal, I'm more worried about what his reaction could be. It could get violent, money can turn even the nicest of characters into monsters.

Sorry to be a party pooper!

Dear lord. You need some savvy legal advice and sharpish.

Ghost they are married. It isnt stealing.

cozietoesie Sat 17-Nov-12 19:39:39

Usually can't be done these days anyway - what with security thingies to set up new payees.

Just screenshot OP and see a solicitor.

cozietoesie Sat 17-Nov-12 19:42:02

PS - and money laundering regs. There will be limits to amount that can be transferred online - less than £10k, I think. Not worth even thinking about in view of the possible problems it would cause.

GhostShip Sat 17-Nov-12 19:44:37

After reading up, yes it can be considered stealing in the eyes of the law. Just because someone is married doesn't give them rights to take whatever they want

GhostShip Sat 17-Nov-12 19:47:00

It depends how it was acquired and when, the OP doesn't know any of that so she can't just take it and telling her to do so is a bit daft

Redorwhitejusthaveboth Sat 17-Nov-12 21:06:12

Is he a drug dealer?

maras2 Sat 17-Nov-12 21:13:24

Or a bank robber ?

cozietoesie Sat 17-Nov-12 21:16:41

Easy enough if you're in the City and get some nice bonuses.

You should make your solicitor very happy, OP.

Bogeyface Sat 17-Nov-12 21:18:26

So you live in a home that needs work, with a cheat, a liar and a man who has 7 figures in the bank that he didnt think you needed to know about?

Sorry, but I would be divorcing him now. I may have been able to get past the affair if I felt he was really trying but this just proves how duplicitous he really is. There is no way I could forgive this at all.

Bogeyface Sat 17-Nov-12 21:19:34

Oh and I wouldnt be breathing a word about knowing about it until the financial settlement, in fact I would be pretending that I was worried about how I was going to cope.

GretaGip Sat 17-Nov-12 21:19:47

I really really really want you to upload a photo to your profile.

It's been a long time since I've seen ssveen figures in a bank account.

Can you pixellate any pretinnet info?

grin

Bogeyface Sat 17-Nov-12 21:21:54

OP, you need to clear your internet history and dont keep the file on your computer. Print off several hard copies, keep them somewhere out of the house (work?) and put the file on a flash drive and keep that out of the house too.

Does he know your username on MN? I would be asking for this thread to be deleted. You dont want to give him any reason to think that you know, as then he will just move it somewhere else.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 17-Nov-12 21:23:58

Play nice for the rest of the weekend - best lawyer you can find Monday morning.

WildWorld2004 Sat 17-Nov-12 21:24:44

I would see a solicitor. He had an affair and he has kept money from you. What else is he hiding?

chocolatespiders Sat 17-Nov-12 21:27:32

shock

cozietoesie Sat 17-Nov-12 21:32:02

Thanks Bogeyface. I was just coming back to the thread to recommend those very things.

Save everything offsite OP and make sure that that computer is as clean as he could expect. (ie leave his stuff on it given that it's his computer but remove anything you've downloaded, copied to file etc.)

lazydays2 Sat 17-Nov-12 21:33:27

I don't suppose you could transfer some to Mumsnet contacts for safe keeping over christmas maybe? Would ne notice a thousand or ten going out of the account?

lovelyladuree Sat 17-Nov-12 21:36:13

Does he need an expensive mistress? I am available for weekdays and occasional weekends.

Bogeyface Sat 17-Nov-12 22:22:55

Oh and check your "downloads" file in your browser too as that holds onto things for ages unless you clear it.

ImperialBlether Sun 18-Nov-12 00:33:39

I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or really happy. How much did you think he earned? What did you think the balance would be? Was there one large lottery win type payment or had he been saving for years?

SucksToBeMe Sun 18-Nov-12 00:43:22

Great that you found out op! You are in a much better position , whichever outcome you choose.

MmeLindor Sun 18-Nov-12 00:51:58

Don't do anything daft. Get your solicitor to deal with it.

showtunesgirl Sun 18-Nov-12 01:03:47

My DH has just conjectured that it is very strange that he has got this amount of money in one place only. Either he doesn't really know what he's doing as usually you would spread it around and not have it sitting in one account OR this is just the tip of the iceberg and there is A LOT more than one million in other places...

Cahoots Sun 18-Nov-12 01:09:09

It would be odd to have £100000 in a bank account all together. I would think you would normally have a bit here and a bit there,some in Isas, some in shares, some in one account, some in another etc, etc. I am not saying this to suggest that the OP is lying more that it may indicate the OP's DH is doing something odd????

Cahoots Sun 18-Nov-12 01:10:08

Oops, bit of a cross post.....

exexpat Sun 18-Nov-12 01:15:41

OP didn't say it was a bank account - I would guess it's more likely an investment portfolio held with a broker/financial advisor. And that wouldn't time out after ten minutes either, in my experience. Perfectly plausible.

unlucky67 Sun 18-Nov-12 01:24:28

I'm with showtunesgirl and cahoots - unless it is paying a really great interest rate...you wouldn't keep that kind of money in one account - not covered by the FSA £85k guarantee ...also you would have as much as possible in an isa (unless this an isa?)
Also that's above the inheritance threshold for a couple ...£650k ....would make sense to get some in trust for children etc...looking at £140k inheritance tax just on that money alone...

Must be up to something dodgy - or he is a bit of a fool....

showtunesgirl Sun 18-Nov-12 01:25:40

Good point from exexpat.

unlucky67 Sun 18-Nov-12 01:25:46

sorry cross post - and see you are right exexpat....no mention of one account...

BOFingSanta Sun 18-Nov-12 02:53:04

So he's a bit tight, yes? To the tune of squirreling away a grand a week for twenty years? I think not.

ImperialBlether Sun 18-Nov-12 10:28:16

At the same time, it's not a really BAD thing to find out, is it? Finding out he was overdrawn by thousands without telling you would be much worse.

How much do you like this millionnaire?

Abitwobblynow Sun 18-Nov-12 10:34:24

Forensic accountant, Pigeon!

Stopthepidgeon Sun 18-Nov-12 11:22:10

To the disbelieving few ...... at what point did I say this amount was in a bank account I had seen online? Exactly. I didn't. ! I merely said that I discovered information this on his computer.

To be quite honest I have enough crap to be dealing with in my RL to have to quantify myself to thOse few if you who are on here for purely entertainment purposes.

I have had some very good advice from many kind people on this thread - thankyou for that.

Stopthepidgeon Sun 18-Nov-12 11:23:05

Rant over!

And - yes - sincerely thankyou for that kind advice xx

Stopthepidgeon Sun 18-Nov-12 11:24:59

abitwobbly - what is a forensic accountant, exactly?

BadLad Sun 18-Nov-12 11:27:55

It's someone who looks at accounts to discover how they differ from what the financial position should be, for the purpose of, amongst other things, uncovering financial fraud.

Perhaps your husband has been helping one of these Nigerian princes move his money out of the country by temporarily lending them his account. And here was me thinking they were scams.

BlameItOnTheCuervHoHoHo Sun 18-Nov-12 11:31:13

I keep looking to make sure I've read it right and that it isn't a debt - its not a debt as I've seen a statement of him making regular payments into this account

This is where you said it was an account.

Tbh, I don't know what to advise. I didn't think anyone was disbelieving though hmm

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cozietoesie Sun 18-Nov-12 11:48:31

Calm down Stopthepidgeon. I don't think anyone was disbelieving you. More trying to work out what your husband was up to. And realizing that you were in a state of shock so might not have appreciate the full significance of what you were seeing.

smile

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 18-Nov-12 11:56:07

i think in your position i would do nothing other than get evidence, as much as you can, photographic evidence is good, have you got hte bank account number, who its with etc?

then i would talk to a solicitor.

i saw your other thread but didnt read it all - but it seems he is very good at keeping secrets and its clear from your last thread that you dont trust this man - no wonder.

Do you want to be with him?
what is he doing to right his wrongs?

i would be very wary, i think if he can keep secrets like this i would never trust him again. its clear that following the affair he is not being open and honest with you.

MmeLindor Sun 18-Nov-12 11:56:13

Pidgeon
No one accused you of lying, they were making you aware that it was odd to have that kind of money in a normal account, and that your DH could be involved in something really dodgy.

Presumably you have a high household income, otherwise even being very careful with money would not be enough to save that kind of cash secretly. Do you know how much he earns? Did you never notice that he is earning more than you are spending?

Or has he saved a lower amount and invested it, which could mean there is other investments somewhere else?

Londonista1975 Sun 18-Nov-12 12:00:30

I'm with Justfabulous - something about ths sounds iffy to me and I wonder if he's playing some kind of game with you. It seems beyond stupid to leave his computer and go out knowing you're around and see all this secret stash online.

cozietoesie Sun 18-Nov-12 12:05:11

People make mistakes. It might simply be that. It's very hard for men people to maintain constant vigilance when they have a cat's cradle of falsehoods.

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Sun 18-Nov-12 12:12:24

What could he have to gain, from setting up a very believable..... what ever it was! To fool her? That sounds like a lot of work, and for what? I could understand, if it was a much less amount than OP thought, then he could be trying to pull a fast one, but a much higher amount? why?

Op honestly, he's a dishonest bastard, an affair would have done it for me, but now this when you are supposed to be making a fresh, honest start.

What are you doing to say? if anything, when he gets in?

I would be tempted to speak to my solicitor first, sad times when you have to start playing games too, but you need to start boxing clever just in case sad

Cahoots Sun 18-Nov-12 12:19:42

OP I think you need to reread the psts.

The people saying that it's odd to have money in one spot, myself included, were clear to say that it was the OP's husband that was 'odd' and not the OP. confused I thought my post was clear.

Longdistance Sun 18-Nov-12 12:20:54

Wow! Just wow!
I thought my dh was a devious tight fisted basket with 10k worth of shares tucked away, and a savings account shock

LadyFlumpalot Sun 18-Nov-12 12:28:23

Pidgeon is it in a pension account, a Wrap or a SIPP? If it is, then it could be made up of property, accounts, shares etc.

exexpat Sun 18-Nov-12 12:29:28

An 'account' doesn't just mean a bank account. You can have an online share-trading account, for example, or an account with a broker which can hold lots of different investments (shares, unit trusts, ISAs). And in that kind of case it wouldn't be at all unusual to have a large amount of money invested under the umbrella of one client account.

There is no reason at all to think the OP is lying or that her DH is 'odd', except in that he appears to have concealed a very large amount of money from his wife.

OP - I can't offer any advice except to say that getting copies of as much info as possible and stashing them somewhere safe, followed by talking to a solicitor, sounds like a good move to me.

cozietoesie Sun 18-Nov-12 12:37:05

Longdistance

It's usually just a case of opportunity or availability of the right sort of funds. Deception is deception whether it's £10k, £100k or more.

Well I certainly hope NOW you'll divorce him.

Seems quite dodgy to me, sitting on that amount of cash in a run-down house. What's he saving it for? How did he get it?

Corygal Sun 18-Nov-12 12:42:47

OP I entirely believe you. I've known it happen - this is how. DF's husband had an affair then a breakdown, for which he was hospitalised. They were trying to make a go of it. While he was in hospital, she & the adult DCs decided to help ailing dad sort out his affairs, and discovered piles of accounts with piles of cash in them.

How did he get that much money? First, from systemically lying about his publishing salary for 40 years, and banking half of it. That added up.

He was also the executor a couple of years back for his mother's estate - she'd been in care with dementia. She'd died after a short time and ended up leaving virtually all the house sale proceeds to the GC, plus various charity bequests. Relying on the normal person's tendency for reluctance to ask in these matters, he'd kept quiet and popped the whole lot into Barclays High Net Worth Individual accounts.

Both these things are terribly easy to get away with. Even worse, the will fraud carries a sentence of prison, so even if the family had smelt a rat, GM was dead & couldn't act and for the GCs, making an accusation was way too serious for them to consider.

Lavenderhoney Sun 18-Nov-12 12:54:53

I didn't disbelieve you, but was surprised he went out leaving it open. I always close everything out of habit, you see.

Does it give the name of the organisation? Then you can look them up and see what it is. Did you mange to print any screen shots with the date? Then if he does move it, a solicitor can arrange to have it tracked if he moves it and denies it.

Hide his passport too - if he is likely to do a runner... ( all eventualitiessmile

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 14:17:33

People make mistakes when they get cocky, when they have got away with whatever deception they have been carrying on with. My H, when asked if he had anything that needed washing, gave me his trousers with his secret phone in the pocket and didnt actually realise what he had done at first. Fucking idiot.

cronullansw Sun 18-Nov-12 23:53:26

Change the password, take it all, LTB.

Isn't that the default MN response?

Stopthepidgeon Mon 19-Nov-12 07:02:54

Hmmmmm interesting development.

So this morning he's banging on at me about how much I've spent on the dc's Xmas pressies. Relentlessly. As apparently he's worried about money - so he wants me to do a spreadsheet of what's been bought and how much.

I looked at him and thought for a moment.

Then said - yes of course - absolutely. In fact don't you think that's a good thing to do generally - why don't you get everything together and we can go through the household bills properly (as most couples do) and see where we are exactly with bills, savings and the like.

Amazingly - he's gone quiet on the subject.

Haha

Idlegirl83 Mon 19-Nov-12 07:12:32

What a git - banging on about presents FOR HIS CHILDREN whilst knowing he has all that money tucked away.

Complete git.

JustFabulous Mon 19-Nov-12 07:12:55

Twat.

Don't do the present spreadsheet please.

Stopthepidgeon Mon 19-Nov-12 07:16:56

justfabulous - I'm not going to wink

angelpinkcar Mon 19-Nov-12 07:18:20

Hi stopthepidgeon, my H was like this with money, I once moved my own wages out of the joint account into my own account and he went ballastic, he even phoned the fraud department of the bank and was going to contact the police it was my money I had to speak to the bank in the end and make out I was daft and forgotten to tell my H. That did it for me I was astounded at his reaction when it was my money and I was so fed up with never having anything out of my own wages never seeing it. so if you touched that money be ready for the fallout and mine was a fraction of what your H has got. They all fritter it away somewhere I feel its for their new life I am afraid. I recently saw that my H has ordered an online catalogue for a new car probably when the sale of the house goes through, what a knob.

Abitwobblynow Mon 19-Nov-12 07:55:26

"I looked at him and thought for a moment.

Then said - yes of course - absolutely. In fact don't you think that's a good thing to do generally - why don't you get everything together and we can go through the household bills properly (as most couples do) and see where we are exactly with bills, savings and the like.

Amazingly - he's gone quiet on the subject. "

HA HA HA HA HAAAA! You rock!!!

Stopthepidgeon Mon 19-Nov-12 08:16:58

Thanks wobbly.

grin

........ if its a game he wants ...... I've just re-written the rules. Less haste, as my mother always told me.

Oh yes, and slowly slowly catchy monkey .... wink

barkwithnobite Mon 19-Nov-12 09:00:20

£1m pounds!! Omg..... My nana always said 'make sure you tuck something away just in case', but £1m!!!

mcmooncup Mon 19-Nov-12 09:17:02

It just proves you are married to a liar who you cannot trust.

The amount is irrelevant. My ex lied about £40 and it revealed his entitled selfish attitude towards me in the fallout.
I hope you won't be blinded by the amount and think about what really matters, which is that he has no respect for you.....you don't deserve his faithfulness, or to know about the 'family' finances. That's a deal breaker in my book.

Bogeyface Mon 19-Nov-12 09:53:05

I agree that it isnt about the amount at all. It could be £100, its the fact that he is still being deceitful that is the issue.

He should be being more open than ever before, not less and that is the deal breaker for me. The only reason I would want proof that he has it is that there is no way I would let him hide it in order to stiff my kids.

Looksgoodingravy Mon 19-Nov-12 12:09:48

Wow! what a secret!

Stop, you are handling this so well, hats off to you, I don't think I could contain myself for this long.

What a deceitful man he is!

I wait with admiration for your next installment.

MadAboutHotChoc Mon 19-Nov-12 12:23:07

An affair and now this?

No wonder you can't trust him at all.

Good luck with your plan - really do hope things work out for you.

Dualta Mon 19-Nov-12 13:08:47

You are brilliant Pidgeon - hats off!!

What on earth is he up to??

Hope you take the info to a lawyer and secure your future as best you want it.

TuftyFinch Mon 19-Nov-12 13:20:56

Tell him DC's presents add up to £1 million.

lisad123 Mon 19-Nov-12 13:26:47

Would be so tempted to try and move money to my own account if that was ever possible.mi know our bank saves other accounts we have paid in from and out of, so maybe your other account is saved too ;)
Personally I would go spare, can't believe he is moaning about Xmas pressies when there is one million in the bank!!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 19-Nov-12 13:27:16

What are you planning to do?

His behaviour is so odd!!

SirSugar Mon 19-Nov-12 13:28:38

This is fascinating.

After H died, a mate of his called up from abroad and said I've got $20,000 of his, how would you like me to get it to you! Thank goodness for his honesty as I knew nothing of this money.

Yours is a bit like a lottery win grin

DragonMamma Mon 19-Nov-12 13:46:23

Bleed. Him. Dry.

MadAboutHotChoc Mon 19-Nov-12 13:51:45

*Change the password, take it all, LTB.

Isn't that the default MN response?*

Sorry to disappoint you Cronullansw grin

Furoshika Mon 19-Nov-12 14:01:15

What form is the money in?
(stocks, ISAs etc)

unlucky67 Mon 19-Nov-12 14:16:32

What about if he deliberately left it so you could see it...thinking that if you knew he had so much money you wouldn't leave him ....(assuming it is real money and it isn't some devious trick) - or that you might leave him now - hoping to get a share of the money - so he gets some kind of guilt free/or even possibly cheaper escape?
And the thing about the christmas pressies was a test - whether he deliberately left it for to see or it was an accident ...he suspects you may have seen it and he was trying to work it out...

Either way it doesn't sound like you are in a good relationship and you need to think about what you need to do to make you happy...

unlucky67 Mon 19-Nov-12 14:30:19

BTW I would be surprised if you could move it out of his account...DP and I are with the same bank...we have a standing order that transfers money from my partner's account to mine every month to pay for bills etc...we have children's account in both our names... we bought a house and are renovating - large sums of money have passed between our current account's over the last 6 months...
Rest of money for renovation (for now) is in my partner's isa but to keep an eye on costs all the payments are coming out of my account -when he lost his card recently I couldn't transfer £2k for the plumber from his to my account because we couldn't use the card reader to authorise it!

clam Mon 19-Nov-12 14:48:47

I have to say that it does strike me as very odd that someone as practised a deceiver as your h would be so careless as to leave his computer open with such potentially incriminating evidence on it.
Is there any reason explaining how that came about?

MrsBucketxx Mon 19-Nov-12 14:52:52

wow there is no hiding our accounts as ee are both linked on the mortgage and can see the accounts.

i know this could be dangerous but i would call his bluff create a false money problem like i have a gambling problem i need x we need to remortgage etc, and watch his reaction if he is still tight tell him i know about the money, that was bollocks i just wanted a reaction out of you.

or just say i know about the money and see what his reaction is to that.

LaCiccolina Mon 19-Nov-12 14:58:20

Do not confront.

Send to solicitor fast. Be warned there's cases going on recently that might well mean u can't get any if u leave. Some rich blokes hid money from wives, cheated, got caught. Wives snooped, found secret cash but damn fool judges said oh dear me poor pitiful men they must keep it!!!!!!! May set precedents. Clarify this then spend like billiho if necessary before u walk out!

Longdistance Mon 19-Nov-12 14:59:42

The only problem that telling him you know, is he'll change the account and move the money elsewhere, and could claim he gambled it away. Hence, keeping the knowledge to herself.

Corygal Mon 19-Nov-12 14:59:50

What are your ideas on where he got it all from?

ClippedPhoenix Mon 19-Nov-12 15:08:12

Well he was lax enough to get caught in an affair so why not this?

I'd keep my mouth shut and get as much info as I possibly could.

Then it would be the divorce courts for me..

"I'll have half thank you dear"

BluelightsAndSirens Mon 19-Nov-12 15:11:10

Wow just read the thread, stay strong and quiet

Plomino Mon 19-Nov-12 15:16:00

Excellent response Pidgeon .

The really suspicious part of me says however that this normally careful man might just have done it on purpose , to make you think this is all (all! ) there is . Don't be too surprised if subsequent events reveal more.

MrsBucketxx Mon 19-Nov-12 15:39:47

could it he some sort of lottery win?

FrankincenseWippery Mon 19-Nov-12 15:48:02

Gosh and wow and all that.

Stopthepidgeon Mon 19-Nov-12 17:52:14

Thanks all for your support - I'm just biding my time for now. No point in me throwing a hissy fit - lets see what more secret info the new year brings .....

The way I feel about it at the moment is its not so much the amount of money per sey, just about yet another layer of deceit being uncovered. For now I'm intrigued and fishing like crazy at safe moments

I always said I wanted to take up fishing - ironic, huh?wink

solittletimeandsomuchtodo Mon 19-Nov-12 17:52:24

angry
How are you op?

Stopthepidgeon Mon 19-Nov-12 18:02:23

Hi so little. Amazingly I'm fine. Very busy with work and honelife with the dcs which is keeping me sane for now. Thanks.

Londonista1975 Mon 19-Nov-12 20:13:07

I'm interested to know what hs reaction was when he came back, knowing you were there?

solittletimeandsomuchtodo Tue 20-Nov-12 08:06:22

X-post grin
I know how you are feeling (not the bank balance!) but the affair. In the same boat -it's heartbreaking isn't it. (sorry I don't think I read your other post)

Bogeyface Tue 20-Nov-12 08:15:36

Buy him a copy of Silas Marner for Christmas wink

AnnaFurLact1c Tue 20-Nov-12 11:30:56

I suspect that this one could run and run.

FrankincenseWippery Tue 20-Nov-12 11:36:26

Yes Anna I agree. He seems to be something of a slippery character, fuck knows what else he's hidden. There must be more I'm sure.

I don't know the backstory but fucking wow shock That's a shitload of secrets.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 20-Nov-12 11:51:01

Wow, just wow! shock

Apocalypto Tue 20-Nov-12 18:11:52

Assuming this isn't a wind up, the likely explanation for why he'd stash a million quid in one account is that one account is a bloody sight easier to hide than 12 accounts each with £85,000 in them.

the risk is he's fucked if the bank goes bust, but this is a lot less likely than a divorce, in which case he's going to lose 50 to 70% of it.

0.1% chance of bank going bust x £1 million = £1,000.
50% chance of a divorce (the national average) x £1million = £500,000

so what he's doing is £499,000 better for him.

therefore he has elected to hide the money and risk the bank going under and depositors not being protected.

the other 2 ways I've heard of money being hidden are casino deposits and fine wine. If he put a million quid into a casino, he could argue he then lost the lot at the tables, so even the deposit slip showing up wouldn't prove he still had it. fine wine of course you can buy and claim to have drunk.

slippery bugger, I'd watch him.

MrsOscarPistorius Tue 20-Nov-12 18:49:22

Note of caution, If this money is held in a pension fund, as it could well be, none can be withdrawn until H is ?55 I think and only max 25percent could be taken as cash, the rest would have to be used to buy an annuity.

still would be taken into account in divorce settlement so worth knowing about of course!

StillSquiffy Tue 20-Nov-12 21:15:27

Just to dampen down the excitement, if he were earning a 6-figure salary and wanted to retire on, say, £100k per annum pension, you would expect there to be a pot of around £1m by the time he reached 50. So it would make absolute sense to find an account with a £1m balance if his earning/age tied in with this.

StillSquiffy Tue 20-Nov-12 21:17:20

As a PS: every tightwad I have ever known has stuffed their pensions full to bursting (they don't have the imagination to spend it)

Anniegetyourgun Tue 20-Nov-12 21:27:12

O' course he may have come by it dishonestly, in which case the OP won't be entitled to any of it, but on the upside it should be harder for him to contest the divorce from prison.

BOFingSanta Tue 20-Nov-12 21:51:32

I don't think that anybody has said he earns a six figure salary though- I certainly would have expected the OP to mention that in the context of him moaning about her spending.

As I said earlier, I reckon even the most lackadaisical spouses would cotton on to the best part of a grand a week disappearing for twenty years.

It's all very strange.

SundaeGirl Tue 20-Nov-12 22:05:46

Hey, OP, did you speak to your solicitor? Def, def get the forensic accountant in before your H knows what's going on. Agree with all posters that you want to leave it as long as possible before he finds out you know.

And get him to commit to spending on the house. By the sounds of it you are likely to end up with the house so maybe see if you can get the roof fixed on joint cash...

Stopthepidgeon Tue 20-Nov-12 22:45:20

Nope. Not yet - I haven't spoken to a solicitor.

I'm just working on me and formalising my thoughts on everything at the moment.

I just feel like I'm in a whirlpool at the moment - actually feel very numb.

SundaeGirl Tue 20-Nov-12 22:55:07

<hugs> Take it easy on yourself. Sorry, I just re-read my post and realised it must have sounded a bit insensitive.

Money is such a massive deal, isn't it? It's not the actual money, more what it represents.

Abitwobblynow Tue 20-Nov-12 22:56:33

I am sure you are. You have been hit by two huge whammers lately.

So, how about rewinding, and telling us about you/him/your marriage and the events leading up to the FIRST slam into the bleachers? (the affair).

That might help you untangle things.

Longdistance Wed 21-Nov-12 05:36:52

stopthepigeon keep your cards close to your chest, and keep a poker face on at all times wink

Stopthepidgeon Wed 21-Nov-12 15:48:46

Update - more intrigue.

Ok - so he has popped out to collect DC from school and his computer is still on at his FB page.

Nothing untoward there - the last pm is one from me.

But. I've looked at his activity log on FB and historically he is searching the profile of another woman - lets call her FT. FT's FB account has been active since 2011 tho not much public on there from his view point.

I have never heard of FT.

Ex-OW has a different name.

I tried to search FT on my computer via my FB account and she didn't come up. I also searched using a fake FB account I made up because ex-ow has blocked me from Viewing her page but I can see her page from my fake account.

Am perplexed.

Not sure if any of the above actually makes sense - if you manage to follow this update then thankyou.

Stopthepidgeon Wed 21-Nov-12 15:49:57

... so basically My "DH" can view FTs FB account but no one else can ... Iyswim

DragonMamma Wed 21-Nov-12 16:06:50

Very strange.

Does she have a common first name? I'd be tempted to.drop the name in to conversation for something unrelated and see his reaction to the name. Obviously it her name is Falula it may prove a bit more difficult.

Could she be an ex-Ow?

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 21-Nov-12 16:24:54

i think you need to stop playing PI and really collect your thoughts on what you would like to happen from here.

he is dishonest.

he has had an affair, is now talking to other women secretly on FB and has a million stashed which you knew nothing of.

if i were you, i would be seriously contemplating my options, because i would rather make the decision to end the relationship armed with the knowledge you now have than have it ended for me somewhere down the line when he has hidden that money and found himself another mug woman.

im sorry OP but your husband isnt an honest man, do you have any sort of idea what it is you want to come from all this snooping? are you thinking of leaving?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhostShip Wed 21-Nov-12 16:52:42

Thatbastard - does the OP not mean on the computer history? It would show on there

ClippedPhoenix Wed 21-Nov-12 16:56:09

I'm with Vicar on this OP. Stop it, you'll just drive yourself mad. Your time would be best served getting YOUR act together now.

Get yourself to a good family lawyer and stop looking at facebook!

Stopthepidgeon Wed 21-Nov-12 17:10:40

I know it's strange. When I search a profile on my own FB account it doesn't show up.

But when viewing husbands account (as I were him). It does on his.

Yes I know - I should stop playing PI and make a path to move on ....

safflower Wed 21-Nov-12 17:14:09

i know nothing about facebook, expect that what I have heard it is nothing but trouble. BUT could FT be the OW under a different name? Could she have blocked you? or could your DH have gone on your facebook and blocked her so you cannot see?

Probably none of it.

<<<<<amateur sleuth>>>>>

Brycie Wed 21-Nov-12 17:18:24

I think it's the same woman and a fake TB page. Like safflower.

Brycie Wed 21-Nov-12 17:18:42

TB? FB.

Brycie Wed 21-Nov-12 17:21:10

He sounds cunning enough to surprise you with the fact that he knows just what your doing and is working the best way forward for him. I agree with everyone to see a lawyer and get it on the table.

BlameItOnTheCuervHoHoHo Wed 21-Nov-12 17:24:02

Could it just be that she is unsearchable (I am) by non-friends.

Its all v strange.

HappySunflower Wed 21-Nov-12 17:30:21

Are you clearing your own internet searching history- using a password protected account? You need to stay one step ahead of him to avoid him finding out what you know/tracking down your Mumsnet posts. Off the beaten track might be a good place to post in the future so that your posts don't appear in active conversations...

I agree that it is time to consult a very well regarded solicitor.

It is possible that you are blocked from that particular person's Facebook account!

Brycie Wed 21-Nov-12 17:32:13

yes - cookies too I think.

Apocalypto Wed 21-Nov-12 18:55:15

the mystery FB page could be a fake one containing the credentials for all his secret bank accounts.

in plain view is often a good place to hide things.

Stopthepidgeon Wed 21-Nov-12 19:23:38

I'm pretty sure I've covered my tracks - cleared history etc. but good point.

GhostShip Wed 21-Nov-12 19:25:06

clear history and cookies, but afterwards go on something innocent so it doesn't look cleared.

LadyFlumpalot Wed 21-Nov-12 19:29:58

Argh. I work in a pension admin office for high net worth clients and I really, REALLY want to ask the OP to PM me her husbands name in case he has a pension with us.

But I won't, because that would be completely unethical, against the rules (and law) and just stupid.

Still really want to though.

OP - FT could well have made her Facebook completely private. I've turned mine private, to the point where I can't be searched for.

This all sounds to me as if he may be setting you up in some way.

Maybe the money is fake

Maybe the FB account is fake

Could he be trying to see if you are snooping? Is there some kind of history between you regarding this?

It just seems weird that he would leave all this stuff to be discovered....unless for some reason that's what he wants.

Could he be trying to cover up something else? and throw you off the scent?

Not sure what though...

chucksaway Fri 23-Nov-12 20:22:36

regarding facebook - the woman in question probably has a private setting which means she cant be searched for - however, if your husband knows a mutual friend of hers then he can look at this persons friend list and gain access to her facebook page that way. just because you have opted to be non-searchable on facebook doesnt mean you cant be seen in your friends' friend list - hope that makes sense - although it is possible to hide your friend list not everyone does this. but anyhow thats the most feasible explanation of that

AnotherMumOnHere Sat 24-Nov-12 10:22:04

Going back to facebook. I have an 'exfriend' who doesnt show up on a search if you put in her name, but if you put in her email address then it does. Can you get her email address from your DH account and check that way?

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 24-Nov-12 11:41:03

i think the fact that you are going the these levels of extreme snooping shows how much trust is left in this relationship.

id call it a day.

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