Mumsnet Talk

Partner/ husband/ wife - how do they make your life better than before you were with them?

Examples please if possible!

It's nice knowing that my husband is there to support me whatever I do and that I'm there to support him. He's my best friend and if I wasn't with him I'd feel really sad.

That's about it really. Life sucks without him.

Thats a hard one.

The main thing is knowing he will support me and my decisions as much as he possibly can. An example would be that My family were all about what they thought I should do and dh encouraged me to make my own choices. and if it turned out to a crap decision he supported me in getting back on track.

I always say he isn't perfect (i am not) but he is perfect for me.

But we have been together since i was 18 (12years) and I don't so much think about how life was before him. I think about the things I love about him now.

Ooh and I like that he needs my support.

I grew thinking i didn't effect anyone, just there.

Dh made me feel like my opinion was important and he sometimes needed me to support him.

DH makes me laugh and we have loads of in-jokes that cheer me up.

He knows me do well and knows how to make me feel happy/safe/supported/loved.

He would protect me to the death if he had to.

He is a great Dad and is wonderful with our kids.

He's not just my husband - he's my partner. In life.
We go through life together. The ups and the downs.
I love him madly. He loves me with all his heart.
I know that my happiness and safety are his priority. 24/7.
He's got my back, and i've got his.
He makes me laugh when i'm down.
He listens to me.
I feel i belong with him. By his side.
I know that if we lost everything - every last material object and penny - we'd still have each other, and we'd stand by each other, and we'd still love each other.
He's bloody sexy and has a big knob

He's always there if I need a moan and never gets fed up with me moaning at him.

He lets me warm up my cold feet on him in bed

If I'm having trouble with DS he listens and then gives me another angle to think about it from. He doesn't always have practical suggestions, but enables me to think through and work out solutions for myself.

He encourages me to follow my dreams and make and reach goals/plans for myself. He makes me feel good about myself, and not in a dependent-on-him way.

(When he's here, which he currently isn't) He picks up the slack day to day - for example, if the house is looking messy he tidies it without being asked. If I'm struggling with DS he'll step in and take over. If I'm tired he'll tell me to take a nap He plans stuff for us to do. If I can't be bothered to cook he'll get a takeaway on the way home (etc.) He looks after me when I'm ill.

The sex is great

I'd manage fine without him - we're not dependent on each other. But he makes my life better in lots of ways

He sooths my soul.

He loves our son more than i do..if that is possible.

We are suited, compatible and similar in our outlooks.

He is thoughtful, unselfish and lovely to be around.

I am very very lucky to have met him, and wise to have made the decision to spend my life with him and to have a child with him.

I feel I'm missing out. I can't think how my husband enhances my life. It feels like a have a teenage son rather than a husband.

I CRAVE somple things like conversation but all discussion end almost instantly with him giving the answer rather than just listening.

I'm actually starting to watch other couple talk and feel jealous!! I like to laugh and he doesn't do that anymore - everything is so serious all the time and web he does make a joke, it's a 'one liner' that my family and friends politely laugh to.

I'm starting to reflect on things

Sounds like the beginning of the end Bubble I'm sorry.

I'd have to boot someone who doesn't laugh.... Don't have a permanent partner but the current beau - whilst far from perfect - has a great sense of humour and thinks I'm utterly fabulous in ever respect. Does it for me. Miserable gits need not apply.

bubblenut

How long have you been together?

He makes me laugh, he always has. We have stupid conversations and serious 'shit day at work' conversations, he supports and encourages me and makes me confident but most of all when I see him in a crowd or just walking down the aisle in the supermaket toward me, he makes me smile

I didn't have this in my first marriage, it was nice, middle of the road and I yearned for what you now want. It's a cliche but life is truly too short.

He stopped my insecurity and mistrust issues in their tracks, he loves me unconditionally and makes me feel it's ok to be me

He's funny and bright, he works hard and is an honourable, kind, decent man who genuinely likes women and is disgusted by the cruelty and disrespect he sees some men display towards women

He gave me and my DS a wonderful family home, somewhere we both feel loved and cherished. I am very lucky to have him, and even though we have ups and downs like any couple, we have never argued or said unkind things to each other in the four years we have been together

He is always in a bad mood. Never laughs at anything I say (everyone at work/friends say I have a great sense of humor). My heart sinks when I hear his car pull up at home. He would prefer to be in the pub on a sunday than have a family day. When he is away I don't think of him let alone miss him. He disagrees with everything I say. The other night he spend around an hour telling me everything that was wrong with me. My daughter cries when she tries to talk to him and all she gets is mmmm. We have not been on holiday together for 5 years.

Last week I told him I wanted it to be over but he cried and said things would change. They did for a week and today he is back to his old self and I am left wondering how much more of my life and his are we going to waste but I don't know, what to do, which way to turn. So I do nothing and stay and my old self is slipping away.

PJ don't let your life slip away. My Best friend had a similar husband. She finally divorced him last year after 20 years together and she hasn't looked back

Well I was a single mum on benefits when I met DH. Now I'm the joint owner of our house (although all the finance came from him), and I feel secure that me and my dc are provided for in his will and through insurances. And he's supporting me through my PhD and has taken on responsibility (financial and caring) for my dc's (from a previous rl but their bio dad has never been involved).

We are best friends, make silly jokes together and share experiences like road trip holidays, adventure sports and kinky sex.

He is my inspiration.

He is just the best. My heart lifts when I see him and that's after thirty years together.

I love that DH can tell how I'm feeling just by how I'm reading a book. It's very comforting that someone gets you so well, that words often aren't necessary.

I love that he can't walk past me without kissing me, or touching my hair or squidging my bum. He makes me feel very desirable, even when my mirror is telling me I'm 42 and my looks are fading. Sometimes in the night I wake up and he's got his arm wrapped round me, or just his hand resting on my hip and it makes me feel incredibly safe. I love how he smells, without aftershave, just him, he smells of home to me.

I have enormous respect for his intelligence. I'm pretty smart, but DH is something else again. His general knowledge aint that great (he doesn't read much) - but when it comes to sheer IQ, mathematical prowess and ability to absorb and process tonnes of complicated information...I have never met anyone else who can touch him. And, I worked with university lecturers and librarians for nearly 10 years.

I love watching how much he adores our DDs. He'll cup their faces in his hands and nuzzle their hair, and the look on his face just melts me. I love that when he's away, he will ring at their bedtime, and I can hear him say to DD1 and DD2 'Night night baby-girl, I love and I miss you, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite' - and he doesn't care that he's within earshot of his friends/clients.

We sometimes fight like cat & dog, but that's only because we care passionately what the other does/says/thinks. Whatever we are, we could never be indifferent to each other. WE don't do PDAs, and we don't gush sentimentality - but I would give him my heart on a plate if he asked it of me, and I know he'd do the same for me.

He takes out the bins, seriously I hate that job.
He makes me laugh, he also frustrates me with his untidiness and lack of cupboard door shutting skills.
He is incredibly brainy so I admire him hugely in that respect
He is a great Dad to our DS
He still flirts with me

Sorry your having a shitty time

He's my best friend my lover my absolute other half He keeps me on an even keel - I lead with my heart and he thinks things through. I'm headstong, he's my anchor. Not sure what he's getting out of all this though

bubblenut, it makes me sad reading this thread too as I can say one or two things good about my dh but thats all. I keep thinking that there must be something better out there than this. I have said on many occasions that we should separate but I dont have anywhere to go. I to look at other couples and are jealous re their interactions, how they are so at ease with eachother.
I am too scared to leave. we have 2 small children. He is a brilliant dad but our relationship is not good. I dont think either of us respect eachother anymore. We have poor communication to.
I tried to go to relate but the lady cancelled and then things improved for a short time.

I think its so hard when things arent great in a relationship.
Sorry to splurt all this out on here.

Bubblenut do you have children?

I think about people that I have met in the past that I liked but didnt think of any more as I am married but think of how nice they were to me.

My dh does not say anything nice about me, I definitely do not feel loved. I know the last option is marriage counselling but he will not go to it.

The only thing keeping us together is the children and I know that is not healthy. I dont know anyone else that feels this way about their DH.

Could start an essay on how he doesn't but will watch and read for now..but he makes it a whole lot harder most of the time.

He bugs me
He doesn't answer the phone/reply to texts during the day
He leaves his clothes everywhere
He works hard at a job that bores him
He loves me
He loves our beautiful boys
He's funny and makes us all laugh
He is kind, loving, caring, supportive, fierce (when needed)
He's clever
He holds me when I weep
He's my other half, my sounding board
He's my comedy partner for our two kids
I love him, he makes me happy

He takes out the bins & cuts the grass. That's all really.

We are on the same page with most things and when we disagree we can discuss it without shouting.
He thinks I am the sexiest woman in the world (even though the mirror tells me otherwise) and tells me frequently.
He listens to me
He supports me totally and encourages me to be who I am
He is an involved and loving father
When I was ill he took two weeks off work and took care of me and the DCs without complaining once
He doesn't ever tell me what to do, he treats me like an adult and an equal even when I am not behaving like an adult
He stroked my leg and told me I could stay up as long as I liked tonight to write and potter as he will get up with the DCs tomorrow.
He gets on very well with my mother
He tells me he loves me a million times a day.
He is incredibly clever, dedicated and ambitious
I don't think he has ever said anything critical of me in 11 years.
He doesn't care about the state of the house, having meals on the table when he gets home or having clean clothes. If something needs doing he will just do it. My happiness is paramount to him as his is to me.
We bounce off each other a lot with ideas and jokes, our sense of humour is very similar.
He considers himself to be a feminist

R2peePoo you are very lucky. am so happy for you.

Gelsa, it makes me so sad that you think I'm lucky. Everyone deserves to have a partner who treats them like an equal and someone special.

I read what you said about your life. You deserve better than that and your children deserve a happy mother.

My mother was unhappy, we all knew it. My dad wouldn't change and there was no love, no affection, lots of arguing and coldness. I remember sobbing when I left for university because I was leaving my brother in that situation alone. When I met DH at 19 I knew he could offer me everything I didn't see in adult relationships growing up and I grabbed at it.

My mum left my dad at the age of 52. She is now married to someone else, so is he. They are both so much happier. All the tension is gone when I think of them now, but I am still rebuilding my relationship with them.

I wish so much that you could have a nurturing and loving relationship, you sound so resigned to being unhappy. But you really don't have to be, especially not for the sake of the children, who, I am sure, would really rather prefer that you were happy.

He understands me, like no-one else, and loves me for exactly who I am.
He's a wonderful dad, and makes me very proud.
He's not afraid to take a risk, and encourages me to do the same.
He adores me, and would do anything for me, I know that 100% (and I would do the same for him).

I see him and I get little butterflies.

When we are out and about with friends, family or kids and we get to share a smile or look its as if time is slowing down for that moment so I can feel it with every fibre of my being that I'm loved.

He lives me wholly and unconditionally.

He encourages me to follow my dreams but is happy with me as I am warts (not literally ) and all.

He's not just my husband, he's my soulmate and my best friend.

We NEVER take each other for granted.

Not lives me - loves me ... Silly iPhone!

I am only completely relaxed with my husband. He accepts me, warts and all, and loves me despite my many many flaws.

He accepted the responsibility of my teenage son and has supported him emotionally and financially through university.

I have the peace in a relationship with a man who doesn't use abuse, violence
and infidelity to control me. (unlike my xh)

I am at peace and know I am truly very fortunate.

He is the kindest person i have ever met.
He is a fantastic father and is really involved in the dc's lives.
He makes it obvious that he loves me, respects me and will do anything to make me happy.
He is very clever, but very modest,
He finds me extremely funny.
He is a fantastic role model for my son.
He is the only person who can put up with me.
He tells me how clever i am and how he is lucky to have me.
However, i feel that i am the lucky one.

Having recently split up with H, this thread has made me cry. But it has also reinforced my view that I did the right thing by ending it as I didn't have any of the things you ladies have described. I can only hope that the person who will make me feel like that is out there somewhere.

He loves me, I love him.
He takes the edge off life's harshness.

Bit late to this but just had to say that this thread made me cry a little bit. Your lovely men .

I don't have a DP. But I'm ok with that. Sadder for the ladies who are with someone who isn't lovely.

He thinks I'm talented and could achieve anything I set my mind to.
He pampers me when I have a self inflicted hangover.
Even after 15 years we can still chat long into the night.
He takes equal respinsibility for looking after the kids and stuff that needs doing around the house. We are as lazy as one another.
He never tells lies. It's brilliant being married to someone whose word you can trust.

There are loads of things I could write, but those are first that occur to me.

He cherishes me. I feel safe when I am with him and I know that I and DS and DD are the centre of his world. When he looks at me, the love in his eyes sometimes takes my breath away.

He isn't fond of the big romantic gesture, but every day does things for me which make me know that I am loved.

He shrugs it off when I am being hormonal and unreasonable.

He gives the best hugs and will cook for me at the end of a long working day for the both of us.

He is roasting in bed - so I always have somewhere warm to put my feet. He will let me squeeze his blackheads if I want to pick at something.

He is going to get up at 5.30 in the morning tomorrow to drive myself and my sister to the airport as we are going to Copenhagen for a girlie weekend.

He makes me happy.

He makes me laugh. We laugh about the silliest, inanest things, I can't even give you an example of it because it would be too stupid, but it makes me feel happy, cheered up, and that someone really 'gets' me.

He's extremely patient when I'm tired, moody, upset (36 weeks pg here and liable to fly off the handle) - and extremely supportive when I just say "I need to stop, sorry. Going to lie down." - takes over everything in the house, toddler DS, you name it.

He's a real grafter - works so hard at his job, at home, and is passionate about the things he works on (education, technology). I respect that so much, it's inspirational.

He's a lovely, lovely Dad. Wouldn't have wanted to have kids with anyone else. Seeing him and DS building things together, or wrestling, or just watching him deal with one more tantrum through gritted teeth.... I feel like I have a real partner.

He's a great cook and the sex is awesome. He takes the bins out, makes DS's packed lunches, and buys me lovely, thoughtful birthday, Christmas, and anniversary presents.

He's gorgeous and I love looking at him.

Frankly, just hearing his key in the lock makes me grin. The main thing he's added to my life is happiness and a sense of abundance. I was pretty happy when single but I am SO happy with him, I sort of feel like pinching myself. 8 years into it all!

He cuddles and strokes me all the time and gives me all the affection I want, and more.

He's incredibly kind and thoughtful, to everyone, not just me.

He's very intelligent and reads very widely, so we can have great conversations, and even though we think differently on loads of issues he will always consider another point of view.

He is always thinking of things I'd like to do, see, watch on TV etc, rather than things for himself, and he'll do them with me even if he's not remotely interested.

He taught me that friends are just as important as your relationship and that you should always make the time and effort to see them and keep in touch.

He's very sexy and whenever I see him naked I want to jump on him

Bubblenut - I hear you.

I read these posts with such gladness that people get so much from their partners, and it makes me realise just how mine is a non-relationship.

I want to be able to write a post like some of these.

And I suppose thinking that it might actually be possible one day instead of sitting it out is a positive feeling.

someone to talk to about my day and hear about his... a great dad...his work pays the mortgage (mine only pays a few bills).... up to now a kind and good person who I don't love but am financially dependent on- who is just beginning to turn angry and bitter as I repeatedly talk about separation. I'm scared because he always used to be the one whose judgement I trusted but now there's no anchor.

He really cares about me, my happiness, how my day was. He listens to me.

This morning I said I need more help cos he's been working loads recently and despite me working FT too i realised that morning, evening and weekend I do everything for DS. He straight away did DS' breakfast and is coming home early tonight to do bathtime.

Its the little things that I love.

That and the fact that we laugh loads together.

And I dont have to pretend with him. I am me and he loves me

Brings me a cup of tea every morning.

He makes life better because I can live in a nice place, be with my son every day, manage to pay bills, do creative work I love doing, enjoy the garden, watch comedies and have a chat with someone amiable.

He makes life worse because I don't love him any more, I'm always looking at other men, I feel trapped, terribly depressed at times, rather dead inside whenever I am with him. When we part I will miss DS half the week and miss the nice home. I will not miss the DH.

It's good to read the positives here. Mostly i feel quite positive about dh however we've just had a big row so struggling to think of many right now!

It's good to read the positives here. Mostly i feel quite positive about dh however we've just had a big row so struggling to think of many right now!

He does the bins and all the clothes washing/hanging out. Actually enjoys changing nappies. supports me in working almost full time. Puts up with my wacky family. Is 100% reliable and has never let me down in 7 years. Respects my independence. is basically a real man.

My boyfriend makes my life harder, not better.
Such lovely stories on here though.

Because he's my best friend who took on dd and I as a pair and tells us both everyday how much he loves us. Because he supports and encourages me in everything I do. Because he tells me I look beautiful even when I know I look crap. Because he works hard so we can live in a nice house and have treats. Because he's gorgeous

I love that my partner loves my daughter. My partner encourages me to follow my dreams he tells me i can do anything. He helps with house work and decorating and D.I.Y. i can do it but its nice not having too. I feel valued and wanted. He listens to me values my oppions. He helped me out when my daughters dad only wanted to see my daughter when i was there but he stressed me out by telling me he wont hurt me again still loves me ect. I went to hospital with stress because it gave me servire chest pains. I was bed ridden for 6 days my partner looked after me and my daughter.my partner comes to all hospital appontments for my daughter. He does everything he can to provide for us. I have met his family they treat my daughter really well. They class us as family. My partner is just amazing he is a saint. My hero. He brings joy into our lives. But i still have my indepents. He makes me and my daughter laugh.

My partner also tells me he loves me all the time. He says my daughter and i are his world. We have simlar views and morals. He never puts me down. He makes me my coffee in the morning.

I didn't realise that DH's / DP's could be so nice....

My parent's marriage wasn't great and I have no idea what a good relationship looks like.

I don't feel loved or appreciated by DP.
He is great at fixing anything, and is building us a dream home, but it's not enough when I don't feel like I matter to him at much, (lower priority than his Mum, his D(S)C's and he never says he loves me.

Says I should never have been a mother (we have a 2 year old DS who I do 98% of the childcare for) and when I ask him to help, he is usually crap

Says his DCs don't like to visit because of me (We live in France, he left his ex-wife and kids to live here, years before he met me). He always provokes arguments before & while they visit and causes a strained atmosphere and is a total Disney Dad.

Is charming and flirty with other people; this evening a female friend said "bye gorgeous" to him, he replied "bye honey" to her. (No endearments for me)

I pay for everything (He is working building this house full-time, I fund the work, and help out where i can; DS permitting. (Although we bought the land & shell 50/50) However he won't sign an agreement where if anything happens to him so DS & I can stay on in the house without selling or paying off his kids - (French inheritance law), although his kids would inherit another house from their mum and another property he owns here...

I was single for years before I met him and had to do everything on my own, so bizarrely this feels like a step up.

I don't i will meet anyone better; the alternative would be being a single mum to DS so I try and appreciate the good stuff in my life DS (the love of my life) and the lovely place we live and slowly shut down the other bits which used to be "me".

(Sorry to list the complete opposite of this thread, but never really articulated all of this before)

This thread is such an eye opener.

Sorry to hear that Floral Why don't you think you would meet anyone better?

And also is potentially being alone really the less of 2 evils?

My DH is the only person who sees my rage (I am very controlled otherwise) because I feel his love for me is without conditions so I can be as awful as I need to be, and he'll still love me.

He is a brilliant dad who adores his son.

He tells me I'm gorgeous all the time.

When someone told me yesterday that I was gorgeous and must have an insecure husband, DH beamed and said "see, it's only you who don't realise how attractive you are!" in a pleased way.

He changes the majority of nappies when we are both home as he knows that the bowels of our son are a direct inheritance from him.

He packs the dishwasher every night because I'm too lazy. And never complains.

We can have really good debates and talks about things. I respect his opinions as in general he is very conscious of others and kind.

He has a massive cock.

Obviously he is human, so also deeply annoying in a lot of ways, but I do feel very loved and hope the feeling is mutual.

Well I spent a decade alone before I met DP (I did have boyfriends, but nothing major, could easily go 2 years before a short "fling"). People used to fancy me but no-one stuck around.

I feel like I have lost all my old friends since I moved away. I did used to be madly in love with DP and he did do all those nice things, for a matter of months reeled me in I don't confide in him anymore as he would just use things against me later in an argument.

Where were all these lovely men when i was young?

Mine is wonderful too. Been together 20years and we laugh like drains all day every day. We have an extremely traditional relationship, I am a SAHM so our roles are clearly defined but he always got involved with the kids when they were little.

He is kind, considerate, caring, hilariously funny, works very hard, tells me he loves me, encourages me to have girly time and always supports me on whatever argument happens to be going on with our teenagers.

I don't think my partner makes my life better at all, in fact he makes it worse. I don't have any of the feelings that others say about their DP. I dread DP coming home and have taken every hour possible of overtime at work to avoid him.

Because of him I now live in a shit area, with no friends or family nearby and earn less in a week than I used to a day.

My DP makes my day better from the minute I wake up (to a cup of tea in bed). He lets me suck his nose - I know it's weird but I love it! He is as excited about TTC out first dc as I am and tells me all the time what a wonderful mother I'll be. He will be an amazing dad.

He is genuinely the kindest, gentlest man I have ever met. It would never occur to him that housework is purely my job (which is just as well as we would be living in a pigsty if I had to do it all myself!).

He pretends not to like strictly but always finds something he needs to do on the laptop in the lounge while it's on and knows all the professional dancers' names.

He's the one.

I can be totally myself in front of him, and he loves me unconditionally no matter what i say or do. He accepts me for who i am

Also he's one of the funniest and kindest people ive ever met.

And he's gorgeous

Hetty! 'suck his nose' - please tell us more. i have visions of your mouth full of his bogeys.

Secondhandrose not bogey sucking! Just sucking the very tip of his nose. It's really nice. I know, I know! I'm a weirdo!

He works very hard. He is a great dad. He puts the rubbish out.

That's it really.

He makes me feel incredibly lonely, even when he's at home. He always puts work first. He's only affectionate when he thinks he might get sex. He never does anything spontaneously, no gifts, shows of affection, even when he knows I'm feeling down he would never do anything to try and cheer me up. He doesn't do anything around the house. He doesn't do anything for himself so it's like having an extra child.

I told him yesterday after he let me down spectacularly that I want him to leave after Christmas. He hasn't spoken to me since.

Some very sad situations here