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Loosing bestfriend and probably lost dp because I am 'too moody'

(47 Posts)
MeriouslySessedUp Sat 13-Oct-12 19:59:37

For weeks now best friend has been asking me if I am ok as i'm 'off with her and seem different' I dont have a problem and didnt even realise I was ' being weird'

and today..dp said I'm always moody and its like walking on egg shells and asked me what was wrong, I assured him nothing was wrong and apologised but he said he still thinks there is a problem and went quiet...awkward silence and one word answers for rest of afternoon. We then went to shop, in silence, and after 20 mins or walking round in silence I snapped and walked away....out the shop and home.

What the frig is wrong with me? I love dp and where we are going and best friend is amazing too so why am I unknowingly acting like this?

I really need some help as we havnt spoken since and I dont know what to do...

Nici177 Sat 13-Oct-12 20:04:26

Seems strange to me, I normally know when I'm 'being off' with someone, even when I don't consciously mean to be. How long have you been with DP? Have any other friends me tinned anything? Has anything happened that could cause you to be in a down mood? I could be waaaaaaay off the mark, but could there be anything going on between them? I've seen a similar situation develop with a friend in the past.

MeriouslySessedUp Sat 13-Oct-12 20:08:12

Thank you for answering, No I am 100% sure nothing is going on between them, she has just got married and I trust them both completely. I've been with dp 10 months but known him almost 5 years.

nananaps Sat 13-Oct-12 20:12:00

Do you think that you have been off or moody?
Has any one else commented on this?

MeriouslySessedUp Sat 13-Oct-12 20:12:52

Sorry to come accross so blunt, I'm trying very hard not to start bawling my eyes out so was just trying to state whats happened...

MeriouslySessedUp Sat 13-Oct-12 20:15:04

Well. I only actually have the one friend so no one else has mentioned it! And a few times I've said a few larey(sp) comments but nothing nasty or harsh

Whocansay Sat 13-Oct-12 20:18:56

I'm afraid my first thought was that they're at it together and have a guilty conscience!

Have you been preoccupied with something else in your life recently, that could give the appearance of you being off?

You could always try the "X has told me everything" route and see what response you get?

I'm feeling very cynical today. I'm sure someone more helpful with a less suspicious mind will be along shortly.

I hope all goes well, OP.

izzyizin Sat 13-Oct-12 20:21:28

Have you been 'moody' or 'changeable' lately? Have you been preoccupied with something, had some pressing matters on your mind?

Do you feel generally happy and as if everything is going swimmingly or do you feel you're 'up and down'?

duffedup Sat 13-Oct-12 20:27:32

you say you only have the one friend. do you have form for pushing people away in the past, it could be this "offness" that you don't recognise is a symptom of this. my sister does this she is horrible to people a lot and doesn't even know she is doing it or believes she is justified in doing it. I think it is a self worth thing. or as others say they could be shagging like rabbits and are felling guilty. but the only have one friend thing made me wonder.

MeriouslySessedUp Sat 13-Oct-12 20:39:30

I used to have friends before ds, but they all slowly disappeared during pregnancy and being a new mum. And being a lp I dont really get out to meet new people. I met dp at work

I'm starting to think maybe I'm just a bitch.. In which case how would I fix it??

Again I'm sure they are not up to no good so I really dont think it is that

MeriouslySessedUp Sat 13-Oct-12 20:44:59

And what can I say to dp to sort things?

booki Sat 13-Oct-12 20:51:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duffedup Sat 13-Oct-12 20:51:38

i really dont know if you say you are not doing anything to be off but two people close to you in your life say you are then you should take notice of that because unless you have surrounded yourself with really hateful people that want to being you down they are saying it for a reason, I suppose the best thing to do would be to start with asking what exactly it is your doing it might be a bit hard to listen to but try not to get defensive and then figure out a way to work on it. see if you can see anything that is causing it or perhaps it is just thoughtlessness on your part and something you need to work on. nothing is unfixable if you are willing to work on it.

booki Sat 13-Oct-12 20:51:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booki Sat 13-Oct-12 20:53:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeriouslySessedUp Sat 13-Oct-12 20:58:32

lp is lone parent and I doubt its post natal as he is almost 3!

I dont think I have ever felt so low in my life as I do right now though

Donkeysdontridebicycles Sun 14-Oct-12 00:21:54

Keep posting OP there's already some helpful advice ^^ from wise posters. I am sorry you feel so demoralised.

Why not try asking dp for clarification. You seem quick to seize on the idea of being a bitch has someone told you that before? I don't see the point in apologising for being moody if you're not aware of being so. None of us is perfect though and if two of the closest people in your life make the same observation, give it some thought but don't brood alone.

ImperialBlether England Sun 14-Oct-12 00:49:24

Hmm I'm another one thinking there's a connection between the two of them.

OP, you would KNOW if you'd been off with either of them. The fact both of them are saying you are different with them seems to indicate a connection between them rather than a change in the way you have been.

The fact she's recently got married means nothing, really.

Now have a really good think about things. Think about times in the past when you've been pissed off with someone - think about the signals you gave off. Then think about the way you've been with them - was your behaviour similar in any way? If not, some sort of mind game is going on.

likeatonneofbricks Sun 14-Oct-12 00:53:51

OP, I'm interested in the thread as I often get the vibe (from strangers mainly) that I've said something in the wrong tone, or didn't look happy with them or something. it's mainly due to me being impatient by nature and slightly off-hand as a result, especially if I'm tired or sad about something, but I never mean it badly (to nice people). If I notice this I try to over-compensate and be extra nice, if I like them, which helps a little. It upsets me that people are over-sensitive, and sometimes actually mirror your expression instead of being positive in response - I could have a dozen of things on my mind that make me not so cheery-looking but people tend to take it personally. Maybe it applies to you? This applies less to relatives and friends who know me and know that I'm the over-sensitive one. Your friend tbh should know you better, maybe you are just lost in your thoughts and not being talkative.
Interested to hear advice too, is it really important to have a 'mask' of good mood at all times, rather than be yourself? It doesn't bother me personally if someone is a bit moody as far as they are not downright rude or agressive.

likeatonneofbricks Sun 14-Oct-12 00:59:49

fwiw I really don't think anything is going on between them OP, what an odd way to cover-up something untoward. I think that they are the only people who would openly tell you that you aer moody, but maybe many others notice but not in a position to comment, or just don't care enoughg to notice.

Bogeyface Netherlands Sun 14-Oct-12 01:02:59

Sorry but my first thought was that they are at it with each other too sad

i trusted my H completely. didnt stop him fucking his ex when I was pg sad

You are sure that you aren't acting any different, so why not trust that and wonder why 2 people who have never had a problem with you and your personality before, are saying this?

Bogeyface Netherlands Sun 14-Oct-12 01:04:03

likea maybe they are not trying to cover something up, but are both, seperately, trying to justify something by finding fault with the OP.

This has happened to me, I could write the script if you like?

likeatonneofbricks Sun 14-Oct-12 01:12:26

Bogey, yes I know it CAN happen, but the fact OP's friend just got married makes it very unlikely imo. Also OP sounds extremely sure, she could probably list all the reasons (like the friend is ttc with her new H or something). I think it's stemming from lack of socialising in case of OP - she maybe spend a lot of time on her own and sort of used to drift off and not be so mindful of how she comes across, I know I'm like if I haven't been social for a few days. Somehow once you do socialise more you aer much more aware of how you come across.

likeatonneofbricks Sun 14-Oct-12 01:13:11

spends

Bogeyface Netherlands Sun 14-Oct-12 01:19:33

Like my and H had been married 2 months when he started shagging her. An ex-friend was having an affair with her DH's stepbrother before and after she married her DH. It happens more than you think. Infact, getting married can often be the catalyst, it was for H. The thought of being a proper settled married man freaked him out, so he had the affair almost just to prove he could. Pathetic, but true sad

garlicbutty Sun 14-Oct-12 02:32:35

I'd ask each of them to be specific. How does your friend feel you've changed? Examples? Things you would/wouldn't have done before you 'changed'? What have you said & done that she feels is off? Show your concern, ask for clarification. She owes it to you after saying all that. Same with DP: walking on eggshells? How come? Have you been flying off the handle, criticising him a lot more, putting him down, what??

It's just not okay to say, basically, "You used to be lovely now you're crap" without some specifics.

The fact that they did makes me think there's something else going on, too, I'm afraid. But let's not leap to conclusions - get the feedback, then see whether there's any sense in it!

CalamityKate Sun 14-Oct-12 02:35:41

They're shagging.

Mayisout Sun 14-Oct-12 07:01:28

I dont think I have ever felt so low in my life as I do right now though

Do you mean you are low due to DP not speaking or are you low all the time because if you are depressed then they might be noticing this and wondering what's wrong.

Are you envious of BF getting married?

Whatever the case your DP is being childish if he hasn't spoken all day.

chipsandmushypeas Sun 14-Oct-12 07:31:07

How are you this morning, op?

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 09:06:46

I still haven't heard from him, and haven't spoken to best friend either, partly because I dont want to bother her and partly because of what is being said.

I've got my brave face on as ds is here, but he's besotted with dp too so its really difficult.

I've decided, i'm going to ask to change my pill and run a few things past the doc as i've cried a lot lately for silly reasons which isnt like me, its a pathetic excuse but maybe its hormones. I've nothing going on in my life lately thats any different to anyone else so cant excuse it that way. Constantly exhausted, skint etc etc,

Thank you for all giving me your input, I'm starting to think maybe we should just go seperate ways as I'm obviously not making him happy being mself and I shouldnt have to fake it. I know I'm just saying that though and I dont want to. urghhh, my head hurts. and whats worse, i'll see him at work tomo!

differentnameforthis Sun 14-Oct-12 09:13:26

OP, you aren't pregnant are you? Hormones messing you up?

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 09:23:20

Oh god dont say that! I dont think I am,last time I 'just knew' and I dont have that feeling now.

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 09:48:32

OK, He's text me saying all he wants is for me to be happy and the last few weeks I dont seem to be and he feels like I'm pushing him away

YouMayLogOut Sun 14-Oct-12 09:56:37

Well if he thinks you're not happy why doesn't he support you?

HecateLarpo Sun 14-Oct-12 09:57:58

In your shoes, I would be asking for clarification.

Sit down with them (not together, obviously) say that you have heard what they are saying and it's not something you are aware that you are doing. Obviously you're upset to think that you're driving them away, so you want to understand exactly what it is they are talking about and you'd like examples of the behaviour and attitude they are referring to. What did you do, what did you say. In exactly what way are you being 'off'. Tell them that you need to know what it is they are seeing in order to understand it and see if there's a problem, but that vague references to being 'off' isn't helping you to understand. So you need to know what 'off' means. What did you say? What did you do? In what way are you different now? What change have they observed? What is it they expect you to be that is different from what they are observing?

tbh, OP, wishywashy 'you're off' is unhelpful. Doesn't tell you anything. You need to know what it is they're complaining about.

something tells me that something else is going on here and if you try to get specifics out of them, they'll struggle to give them to you.

TheLightPassenger Sun 14-Oct-12 10:09:21

I agree with Garlic and Hecate, they should be only too glad to provide further details, if their concern is genuine about your well-being/behaviour. Do you think you have bee more stressed/tired/skint than usual recently?

differentnameforthis Sun 14-Oct-12 10:15:43

Could be your pill then, perhaps! But if you don't see an issue with how you are, then I agree with hectate.

differentnameforthis Sun 14-Oct-12 10:17:27

Hmm, his text sounds like an excuse. Pushing him away = he has an excuse to be distant.

Sounds v odd.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Sun 14-Oct-12 10:27:30

HecateLarpo advice is excellent and sums up what I've been trying to clumsily say and deleting for the last few minutes.

OP you could be mildly depressed (as in clinical, rather than just "moody") there doesn't have to be a specific reason for depression to start! Yes, lots of people have it after a traumatic life event, PND etc but sometimes it just happens, if you've been under long term low level stress (money worries etc) that could be enough. Maybe they are seeing some behaviour in you that worries them but don't know how to express it properly. Do you have a friendly, sympathetic GP? Might be worth running your feelings by them. I just think if the 2 people closest to you see a change that you are not seeing yourself, it's worth investigating. Good luck, and no don't push partner away yet, he may turn out to be a source of support once you get talking properly.

Donkeysdontridebicycles Sun 14-Oct-12 10:52:38

Hello again Meriously before coming back to your thread this morning the idea of pregnancy occurred to me too.

The thing is, now they've put the idea in your head made the same kind of remark it's sort of self fulfilling isn't it. You may well be a bit on edge with them both now, trying hard not to be moody.

YouMayLogOut Sun 14-Oct-12 11:10:40

> Pushing him away = he has an excuse to be distant.

Agree.

garlicbutty Sun 14-Oct-12 11:50:40

i've cried a lot lately for silly reasons which isnt like me

Right, so you're saying you have changed lately. But this could be due to the two people you love telling you you're "off"! confused << you will be

Hecate's wording was good, imo. Please, before deciding you're some kind of emotional reject (!) get them to tell you just what they're on about.

A small observation: my twunt of an H kept saying he wanted me to be happy. He meant "be la-la happy for my convenience", not "how can I contribute to the happiness in your life, Garlic". It's very unwise to take 'unhappy' as a criticism, I now realise ...

As ever in relationships, Meriously, communication is the key to enlightenment.
Your nickname makes me giggle disproportionately, btw! So thanks for that smile

chipsandmushypeas Sun 14-Oct-12 12:05:07

I was a very angry, snappy, weepy person on a certain pill, me and my DP almost broke up over it because I never seemed happy either whereas on the inside I felt ok. Artificial hormones can really change people, worth looking into. Once I came off it I was my old, happier self.

Of course it could be nothing to do with it. Good luck op.

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 20:32:42

chips were you aware you were doing it?

dp is coming round tomorrow night, He's said it'll take more that this to get rid of him and when you love someone you work to sort things out and I need to tell him if i've got things on my mind.

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 20:37:26

I think I'll change my pill regardless, It cant do any harm can it even if its not the pill causing it. (though I do like the fact I can blame it on that a bit and its not totally me just not being nice)

I will be asking both of them to give me examples, I agree its not fair of them to just say this sort of thing and not back it up.

topknob Sun 14-Oct-12 22:29:23

These reasons are why I don't take the pill, I have tried about 4 and they all make me loose it and down sad I do hope they aren't shagging but tbh, it all sounds a but odd xx

topknob Sun 14-Oct-12 22:29:30

bit

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