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I lost my temper with DH

(66 Posts)
Autumn12 Wed 10-Oct-12 22:04:54

I have recently found out that my Dads cancer has returned and we are waiting on test results to find out whether it has spread. The results are due any day and I've told DH that I'm very nervous as we don't anticipate good news.

My dad has a family from an earlier relationship who hold resentment towards me for being in his life and refuse to acknowledge me. Earlier this evening DH took it upon himself to start giving me what he termed "friendly advice" over how I should handle these people going forward. It basically consisted of telling me that I need to be more forceful in confronting my dad over their behaviour, something which for several reasons I am unwilling to do. The conversation upset me and I made it clear to DH that I did not welcome what I perceived as his criticism of how I'm handling the situation and that I did not want to talk about it anymore. This was all said in a nice enough way and we both moved into another subject with no hard feelings.

Shortly after DH decided to start asking questions about a free event that I am getting him into via my line of work. With it being a free event and somewhat of a perk I have not been able to confirm when he will be able to go. It's narrowed down to 2 dates and I've always made it clear that I wouldn't know until the last minute when he could go. Other relatives of mine are also going and accept that they need to be on standby to go on either of the dates I have given. My DH has decided that he isn't happy to not know what is going on and would not stop going on at me about it. I've told him the situation many times but for some reason he seemed to expect me to give more concrete details. When I said several times that I was unable to confirm he started getting shirty about being left hanging etc. I've no idea why he is making an issue of this and I told him so. I also told him that with what I'm going through with
My dad I really don't care about this event and frankly I couldn't give a toss when people go. He took umbrage at this ( he seems to think he is doing me the favour by going ) and started having a bit of a go at me. To my dismay I began crying (all of this whilst walking home together) and ended up shouting at him that I wish it was him with cancer and not my dad.

I'm utterly ashamed at having said it and of course I don't mean it. But I'm very stressed by the situation and I really don't need my DH giving me shit over this bloody event, which incidentally I will not even be in the country for. I have since tried to apologise to my DH but he won't have it and will not speak to me.

Am I being unreasonable or is he bring an arse?

Catsdontcare Wed 10-Oct-12 22:08:20

He's being arse, you've made your apology now leave him to sulk and let him come to you with HIS apology.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost Wed 10-Oct-12 22:08:44

Oh dear.

Well, you know you shouldn't have said that, but you have apologised.

He shouldn't be sulking - but then he sounds a bit self-obsessed anyway.

What's he usually like?

And maybe you should get this one moved to relationships - I don't think aibu's going to do you any good.

Hope your father has good news soon

Autumn12 Wed 10-Oct-12 22:11:14

Thanks for the replies.
How do I get the thread moved?

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost Wed 10-Oct-12 22:12:33

Report your post and ask nicely smile

AgentZigzag Wed 10-Oct-12 22:14:00

Ouch, that was an awful thing to say to your DH, and while it doesn't excuse it, both of you are under pressure.

He sounds like he really was trying to give you some friendly advice from where he's standing in the situation, he can see it's winding you up and was trying to help.

Could the way you took his advice have made him more prickly about pushing for a definite date for the event?

I'm sorry about your Dad and hope the results are the best they can be, this isn't the time to be getting sidetracked by the small stuff.

I would let him calm down and see how it works out, it's not something I would take easily if it were said to me, but if you're truly ashamed of what you've said you need to get that over to him and for him to see just how much you're struggling to cope at the minute <hug>

RobynRidingHood Wed 10-Oct-12 22:16:06

ended up shouting at him that I wish it was him with cancer and not my dad.

jesus - not a lot to be said about that . Words can never be taken back and he will never forget that.

MagicHouse Wed 10-Oct-12 22:23:12

He sounds like he was being a complete, insensitive pain. And you're obviously going though a really hard time. (Which I do understand as I went through it myself) But that was a really nasty thing to say to him :-$ Difficult to take that one back, really.

Do you think your marriage is in big trouble? (already I mean - not just because of your comment.) Maybe you need Relate or something so you can decide whether or not you want to be together.

Autumn12 Wed 10-Oct-12 22:24:05

I'm not getting wound up by the situation though. It's been going on for a lot longer than I've known DH and I accepted it a long time ago. I'm not really sure why DH brought it up or why he felt the need to tell me I should handle the situation differently. It's for my dad to handle and I've chosen not to put pressure on him over it. Now certainly isn't the time for it and DH seemed to accept that when we talked.
I'm not proud of what I said and I'm not really sure why I said it. I think I just snapped because I was in tears for the 2nd time this evening and my DH just wouldn't drop the conversation.
I am very sorry but at the same time I'm not sure why he felt the need to keep having a go at his crying wife about an event over which he knows I have no control.

McHappyPants2012 Wed 10-Oct-12 22:25:01

We all say things we really don't mean, you sound very stressed out.

I am not good with words, but I hope the cancer is not as bad as you imagine and can be treated.

Your DH sounds childish, he needs to support you more than ever

AgentZigzag Wed 10-Oct-12 22:29:06

'I think I just snapped because I was in tears for the 2nd time this evening and my DH just wouldn't drop the conversation. '

You said to to make him shut up.

And it's certainly done that.

Thinking of how your arguments usually play out, what do you anticipate to be the next move?

Is what you said something you think you can get past? Do you normally say such hurtful things to each other?

Autumn12 Wed 10-Oct-12 22:31:30

No I wouldn't say our marriage is in trouble in general. We are currently in the middle of buying our first home which is fairly stressful. We haven't really been stressed with each other over it though. If anything it's made us pull together more.
Obviously for me I'm not getting quite as stressed over the house situation as my dads health is more of a concern.
DH has been quite snappy with me the past few days though. We had a silly argument yesterday over who should prepare dinner. I had basically bought and prepared dinner for the past 2 nights. Yesterday I prepared everything and put it in the oven. DH popped to the pub before coming home. When he got in I was exercising and asked him to check the dinner for me. He got annoyed and complained about it which I felt was unfair. So we did have a bit of a falling out but other than that things are fine.

Autumn12 Wed 10-Oct-12 22:34:18

No I wouldn't say our marriage is in trouble in general. We are currently in the middle of buying our first home which is fairly stressful. We haven't really been stressed with each other over it though. If anything it's made us pull together more.
Obviously for me I'm not getting quite as stressed over the house situation as my dads health is more of a concern.
DH has been quite snappy with me the past few days though. We had a silly argument yesterday over who should prepare dinner. I had basically bought and prepared dinner for the past 2 nights. Yesterday I prepared everything and put it in the oven. DH popped to the pub before coming home. When he got in I was exercising and asked him to check the dinner for me. He got annoyed and complained about it which I felt was unfair. So we did have a bit of a falling out but other than that things are fine.

NathanDetroit Wed 10-Oct-12 22:59:11

Some people just can't cope when things are going wrong and they don't know what to do. Sounds like your DH has something in common with mine DP. I was in hospital in January this year after having an ERPC for a molar pregnancy. He chose a moment the next day, while we were still in hospital (it should be day surgery) waiting to find out why I had tachycardia & raised temperature after the operation, to start hassling me about his lack of money and the fact he'd not been able to buy clothes for a year. All of which was complete shite as he earns double what I do and went out and bought himself a £400 tablet two days later!

It's completely unhelpful and unsupportive. I tried to talk to my DP about it at the time but I was the one being unreasonable. With the time that's passed, I repeat back some of things that he said and he says he can't believe it's him.

It's difficult, but if you can find a time when you are both relatively chilled and happy, just say to him that right now you really need him to be on your side, to step up for you and just be there for you. That means thinking really hard about the potential impact of his words on you before he opens his mouth and doing whatever he can to make your life a bit easier, while other things are making it really difficult. Whether he'll actually "hear" that or not is another matter.

I'm really sorry to say this because you sound very upset but when my MIL had cancer, had my DH shouted that he wished it was me... I don't think I could have forgiven him. I know that sounds harsh but it was a terrible thing for you to say. I think you need to think about why you said it and work out what is going on.

mutny Wed 10-Oct-12 23:41:04

I am sorry for the stress you are under.

But really, you have some work to do. I could never forget of dh had said that to me. It would change everything.

Hr sounds like he was being a cock, but still. That's an awful thing to say.

Trying to imagine what would be said if a
Woman said 'i was trying to pin some info down with dh today, he said I was annoying him and he wished I was dying instead of his mum.'. I think you would get told you were emtionally abusive.

AgentZigzag Wed 10-Oct-12 23:45:53

It's difficult to talk about because I don't want to make you feel worse, but there are scales of hurtful things you say when angry with 'I've always hated your cooking', 'you need to lose some weight' etc at one end, and wishing cancer on someone you love at the worst of the worst end, regardless of what they've done.

If you can't put it down to the stress you were under (as you said it's been going on for a while with your dad) and neither of you are that fussed about going to the event, MrsT is right, you need to work out why you chose to snap in a way that'd hurt him so badly.

Autumn12 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:08:22

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

Just to clarify a few things the situation that DH was trying to give me advice on has been going on for years. It's not something that is bothering me and I'm not sure why DH brought it up. The cancer relapse is something we have only recently found out about and is something that DH knows I am very worried about. I burst into tears the first time while trying to get him to stop offering me what he termed "friendly advice" because he wouldn't drop it despite me asking him to several times.

The event I was referring to is something that he very much wants to attend. I am unable to attend due to being out of the country. My being able to get him into said event is a major perk. It's always been clear that it would be a last minute thing and he has until now been ok with that. However it turns out he is hoping to take a friend of his along hence why he is trying to pin me down. It's not something I am in control of and hi being able to take a friend is highly unlikely. I've said that if I can get his friend in I will but that again it would be a very last minute thing. That wasn't good enough for DH who was basically having a go at me about it, causing me to burst into tears again. I tried to explain that with my situation with my dad I'm really not concerned about this event and the fact that I am getting him in at all is something he should be grateful about . He still would not drop it and was acting as though his going was doing me a favour. In actual fact since I'm
Not going its causing me hassle to get him
In. So I could do without him throwing a hissy fit.

Obviously this does not justify what I said but I just wanted to try and explain why I was at the point I was. He had basically gone on and on at me for some time despite my tears and requests to stop.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:24:40

If my DP said that to me, no matter what the circumstances, our relationship would be over.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Thu 11-Oct-12 00:35:23

Im sorry you're having such a horrible time, as I read your post I was thinking that your DH was being an arse, but when I got to what you said to him I'll admit I was shocked

He was without a doubt being insensitive and you were not being unreasonable to lose your temper, but saying that was just awful and I agree that it's not something I could ever get over my DH saying to me, I hope your DH doesn't feel the same

Are you apologising to him sincerely? Because no matter what he said he didn't deserve that. If you are then maybe you'll both be able to get past this

And I am truely sorry about your dad, I have been there

Autumn12 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:40:44

I haven't been able to talk to him properly as he just told me to get lost and shut the door. He is now asleep on the sofa and snoring loudly which is usually an indication that he has been drinking. I'm guessing that is why he was going on at me earlier.

I will have to try and talk to him tomorrow.

AgentZigzag Thu 11-Oct-12 01:27:57

If you manage to talk to him tomorrow, try not to make any excuses for why you said it.

It'd sound 'better' if you say you were completely in the wrong and focus more on how he feels about it than how he made you feel with going on at you.

Good luck smile

Longdistance Thu 11-Oct-12 02:08:31

Maybe it wasn't the best of things to have said to your dh. But, you've apologized and that's that. It is a stressful time for you.
My mum has had cancer 3 times, as it kept coming back, and my dh was a bit of a pita as yours was. Although, I told him to shut up, as had more important things to think and deal about. He can go on and on, about the most inanimate things that really don't matter.
As for your dads other family, deal with it how you want to deal with it. It wasn't your dh business on how you deal with it.
Your dh position is to support you in your hour of need.
I hope you get some good news soon.

He was being a total unreasonable pain in the arse. I can totally understand why you got upset and angry with him. Really sorry to hear about your Dad and hope the news is better than you suspect.

However I am very sorry to say that in unreasonable top trumps you win hands down. Despite the fact that his behaviour would have been annoying and unreasonable at the best of times telling someone that you wish they were dying of cancer is totally unforgivable whatever way you look at it. I don't think I could ever forgive my dh if he said that to me.

I agree with whoever said it that you now need to forget his annoying behaviour and concentrate on apologising to him for what you said and trying to work out why you felt the need to say something so appalling. That is presuming you want to save your marriage. Concentrating on how much of a twat your dh was being before the comment needs to be dealt with on another occasion now i'm afraid because if you bring it up you will look like your are excusing a comment for which there is really no excuse.

Hope you can sort things out with your dh.

maddening Thu 11-Oct-12 06:43:12

I'd sort the event issue out by telling him it's cancelled.

you"ve apologised already - it's his turn to do so now.

mutny Thu 11-Oct-12 07:13:09

See I don't get the 'you have apologised so leave him to it'

usually I would agree, but this is just snapping at someone. OP you wished him dead.

I don't think an apology from dh would cut it tbh. It would change how I saw him.

Funnylittleturkishdelight Thu 11-Oct-12 07:15:00

I can see why you said it- you apologised, give him time to think and he is as of yet to apologise to you. It sounds like you were being very clear to him that you wanted him to stop- almost like he was pushing you to argue? Is this normal when you disagree?

CinnabarRed Thu 11-Oct-12 08:27:08

You mentioned his drinking. Is that a recurring issue, especially if it makes him verbally aggressive?

diddl Thu 11-Oct-12 08:34:45

YWBU in what you said, but NBU for losing your temper.

TBH I´d cancel the event & seriously think about leaving.

Jux Thu 11-Oct-12 09:56:55

What diddl said.

I think you said it because he was the one causing you immediate stress, and you needed him to stop (there's a case to be made about possible bullying going on here). However you did apologise, but he chose not to accept it, which shows further that he is not empathising with you (and more bullying?).

If he goads you further about this event then just offer to cancel his place instead. This would remove his worries about it in one fell swoop. Presumably he still wants to go, and maybe he'll stop hassling you for confirmation you're unable to give if the alternative is that he doesn't go at all. Don't waste your time trying to get his mate in, you've enough on your plate already.

As you have apologised for what you said already, I'm not really sure whether you should apologise again, but it might help. That's up to you.

I do think he should look at his own behaviour. When things have calmed down, you could ask him why he was goading you. You'll have to do it very non-confrontationally though.

I think you'll be lucky to get him to admit any wrong-doing while he deals with your lash. He knows you didn't mean it, he'd be an idiot or 5 years old otherwise, and I'm sure he's not. Obviously something is getting him very stressed and you need to know what it is.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 10:45:14

however you did apologise, but he chose not to accept it, which shows further that he is not empathising with you (and more bullying
Sorry but she wished him DEAD. She wished a horrific and destroying disease on someone she's supposed to love. Isn't he allowed to feel angry? Sometimes an apology just doesn't cut it and time is needed.

A few of us have said we'd never forgive our DP's, nothing to do with lack of empathy and/or bullying.

mutny Thu 11-Oct-12 10:47:21

Couldn't agree with goldsbip more.

mayorquimby Thu 11-Oct-12 11:06:04

See I don't get the 'you have apologised so leave him to it"

Agreed. I certainly don't think the fact that he's choosing not to talk to someone who wished cancer on him should be classed as "sulking"

mutny Thu 11-Oct-12 11:14:08

If he goads you further about this event then just offer to cancel his place instead. This would remove his worries about it in one fell swoop

I am really shocked at this attitude. Yes he was a dick. Bit really, holding it over him? To make him speak to her. Threaten to cancel it if he doesn't act appropriately?

I can not imagine a man being given that advice. No one here would tell a man to hold something he was doing for his dw over her head until she acted how he wanted her to or accepted her apology. That's abuse and I can't believe people here are encouraging it.

The OP, no matter how stressed, wished her dh dead. She can apologise but everyone has the right to accept it when they feel ready.

This is more than a 'i'm sorry' situation.

KatMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 11-Oct-12 11:23:40

Autumn12

Thanks for the replies.
How do I get the thread moved?

Hi Autumn12, we've moved your thread into Relationships for you now. Hope you get the advice and support you need thanks

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 11:29:55

Agree with Mutny, this is another occasion where if the sexes were reversed we'd be reading completely different answers

Autumn12 Thu 11-Oct-12 12:03:26

I wouldn't say that he goads me into argueing but he does have a habit of choosing inappropriate times. He likes to have "discussions" about things that are bothering him when I'm trying to get ready for work for example. Or in public where it's embarrassing because people may hear.

Re the drinking yes that has been an issue in our relationship. It's got better though.

I think he resents me at the moment for various reasons.

AgentZigzag Thu 11-Oct-12 12:08:00

I agree it shouldn't be used against him and it's up to him whether he accepts the apology, but I don't think the posts have got anything to do with the OP being a woman.

I've posted what I have because the OP's here and said she's on the edge already, I probably would have been more aggressive robust in my answers if it had been said to her by someone else, but only because I'd be sympathising with whoever's posting and the other person wouldn't be there asking for support.

diddl Thu 11-Oct-12 12:32:52

The reason I would cancel the event is that he´s not happy about it being down to two dates.

That´s all OP can do atm & he doesn´t seem able to accept that.

So, yes, I´d be fucked off that I was doing my best & it wasn´t enough & I´d cancel.

ClippedPhoenix Thu 11-Oct-12 12:35:54

The way I see it is he was pissed and droning on and on, spouting out unwanted advice therefore being a dickhead. The OP said they'd resolved this but nah, he hadn't so chose to go on about the event. The OP gets more upset and stressed and snaps.

Therefore i read it as two people being rather horrid to each other.

I think that the OP should tell him that they both need to have a talk to clear the air when he's ready and leave it at that.

mutny Thu 11-Oct-12 13:03:25

but I don't think the posts have got anything to do with the OP being a woman

Imo, if a man was doing what the op has and is being advised to do people would be shouting that its emotional abuse.

clipped has it right. Both were being horrible. Not just the OP, but what she said takes it to a whole new level.

FML Thu 11-Oct-12 13:07:55

Honestly, OP, I do sympathize with you as I have been there. But the fact I have been there, and saw loved ones suffer so much with cancer, if anyone told me they wished that upon me, I am afraid I would never forgive them. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, nevermind someone you love.

He was being a prick, but your comment is the lowest of the low. But, all you can do is apologise and take responsibility for what you said, the rest is up to him now.

NervousAt20 Thu 11-Oct-12 13:12:27

I think he was being abit of an arse but I think you we're completely unreasonable to say that, I understand that things get said in the heat of the moment but that is an awful thing to say and he will never forget it

I think he succeeding in what he wanted.

Instead of you stressing over your dad/family and working/buying a house the only thing you are worried/stressed about are HIM and HIS feelings.

Step back from it. I wouldn't worry about him and his friend going to your event. If you can then do but don't go out of your way to organise it. If he brings again tell you have told what happening and you not talking about again. The same with your dad and family. As you have come terms with relationship and you not going to upset your dad about it now.

I am honestly shocked at some of the oversensitive whinyarses on here. OP, you said something nasty to this man after a prolonged session of him bullying and goading you - big fucking deal. Loads of people shout 'Drop dead!' at someone who is tormenting them, and it's perfectly understandable that you said what you did when cancer is something on your mind and you are upset and angry and feeling utterly cornered.

I think your H is a prick, by the way, and that his prickish behaviour over both your family and the concert tickets is just another example of it. It sounds to me as though he considers himself the most important thing in your universe, and any time your attention is not 100 on him, he's going to provoke a row to punish you.

FML Thu 11-Oct-12 14:32:13

I have had to sit and watch 3 loved ones go through cancer, and lose their fight with it. There is nothing like feeling so completely helpless, angry, and like you are literally going insane with it all. It is heartbreaking. I completely have sympathy with the OP with that, and I would continue to support her through it.

I can't lie though over my opinion on the comment she made. I snapped at many people when going through the same. My partner especially. But I would never of wished cancer upon them. What I did do though, was told him how he had no fucking clue what emotions and heartache I was going through and told him to get stuffed a few times, as he had never lost someone. I even soon became to regret saying that, when a few weeks later, he had to also start to sit helplessly and watch someone he cared so much for suffer and die sad.

I am not going to jump on the OP for it, but I don't think it is right to say he is "sulking". This isn't over being denied a toy or something, he is obviously upset because he now thinks his wife wishes that it was him suffering cancer instead. I would be heartbroken if my DP had said that to me tbh, especially with the knowledge of what cancer does to someone and having saw it for themselves.

diddl Thu 11-Oct-12 14:46:35

What the OP said was horrible-but if her husband had any bloody sense, he´d realise that she didn´t mean it & look at his own part in it all.

Her dad has cancer & he´s whineyarsing on about a fucking freebie.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 14:48:38

I agree FML, it isn't sulking at all. Is he supposed to just get over it because he's a man and he's been apologised to?

I don't care what I'd done if my DP said that, I'd be reconsidering our relationship.

I can understand the OP is going through a really bad time, Ive been there, family suffering and dying with cancer and being with an abusive cheating nobhead, so I'm not just saying this heartlessly.

Hopefully he can forgive her, and start giving her the support she needs at this time.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 14:49:41

DIDDL

Just a quick question, would you been saying the same to a man?

If a man had come on here saying he'd wished cancer on his wife and she was now 'sulking' about it, would you be saying the same?

diddl Thu 11-Oct-12 14:57:06

Yes, why wouldn´t I?

Hullygully Thu 11-Oct-12 15:01:44

Oh ffs. We all say htings in rage. He was being an arse and should make up for it by understanding you didn't really mean it.

Teeb Thu 11-Oct-12 15:16:00

I'm sorry you're in this position op, it sounds like you have a lot going on right now and what you need is support and kindness from those nearest to you. At the same time though, you have to be aware that you need to give support and kindness yourself, and I imagine what you said to your husband will linger in the memory for an awfully long time.

Wilding Thu 11-Oct-12 15:18:44

^ wot she said

"He likes to have "discussions" about things that are bothering him when I'm trying to get ready for work for example. Or in public where it's embarrassing because people may hear."

Big red flags there.

Wilding Thu 11-Oct-12 15:19:06

(that was pointing at SGB btw - thread moving too quickly!)

Jux Thu 11-Oct-12 15:30:53

Oh FFS people. She didn't mean it and he bloody well knows it, but he is using it as an excuse to avoid looking at his own behaviour.

He's been bashing like a spoilt toddler for hours and hours - all fucking evening. Finally op snaps and behaves like a toddler too. Then she immediately pulls herself up and behaves like an adult.

He is milking it. He has been milking everything all along.

Teeb Thu 11-Oct-12 15:34:57

Sorry Jux, but you know this how? From what the op (the woman who wished her husband had cancer) said?

BelieveInPink Thu 11-Oct-12 15:44:46

Hmm. You didn't say he was a dick, then apologise for saying it. You wished a deadly disease on him.

I'd be doing more than sulking and it says a lot about deeper feelings.

woolyscarf Thu 11-Oct-12 15:45:43

sending )big hug( about the cancer and your dad. My DH always wants to know the 'far end of a feather ' as far as facts on anything goes (I still love him and its now a bit of a joke) and sometimes I feel as if I'm telling him too much and expect him to have some knowledge or remember what I've said. If he's one of those that like to have all the facts and figures and has got this way of thinking he may genuinely just have wanted to help. Yes, he's being an arse. Yes, you should n't have said what you said. Yes, it'll take a lot of forgiveness on both sides ... but if you're both in it for the long haul you need to get over this hurdle!

AgentZigzag Thu 11-Oct-12 16:41:14

It was a bit more than just saying 'drop dead', it's along similar lines to the offence I'd take at someone, who instead of saying a general 'I'm going to kill you!', said 'I'm going to cut the tendons at the backs of your feet so you can't run, and take a blow torch to your face after pulling your fingernails out one by one - whilst making your family sit there and watch'.

Him going on at the OP doesn't excuse or equal her saying she wishes he was the one who had the threat of a possibly painful and lingering death hanging over him, rather than her dad.

I don't think she meant it literally either, but she can't expect him to just brush it off.

mutny Thu 11-Oct-12 16:54:06

Oh ffs. We all say htings in rage. He was being an arse and should make up for it by understanding you didn't really mean it.

I have never wished cancer on someone, or in fact told someone to drop dead. Its not a normal thing to say.

Hullygully Thu 11-Oct-12 19:13:59

Well I can imagine it. The convo is going on and on about cancer/the event etc etc and in the end it becomes bloody hell I wish you were the one etc.

Perhaps some are more sainted than others, but i can imagine it only too well.

I love the way everyone's going waah, blaaah, she said a nasty thing and completely ignoring the fact that she only said it because she had repeatedly asked him to stop nagging and bullying her, when she was upset and crying, and he carried on and on.

Women, know your place: if a man is telling you off and ordering you to do something, don't answer back, just accept his superiority and obey. Otherwise you are the villain of the piece.

Jux Thu 11-Oct-12 22:34:53

OP, are you OK? Are you in a position to talk with your dh about what has happened reasonably now? Have things calmed down? Did he apologise to you for his part in it?

Autumn12 Fri 12-Oct-12 11:58:50

I'm ok, Thanks for asking.

We haven't really had a chance to talk. I did email him to apologise again yesterday and he said that he didn't want to dwell on it and for us to just move on. He went out after work last night and we sort of avoided each other when he got in (I didn't feel that talking to him after he'd had a couple of pints would do any good).

We did have a bit of a chat this morning and he is being very affectionate towards me, so I think that he does feel bad about his behaviour. I don't think what I said is going to cause any lasting damage to our relationship.

Thanks for all of the advice and replies.

AgentZigzag Fri 12-Oct-12 13:07:41

That's good Autumn, glad it's getting back to normal smile

mutny Fri 12-Oct-12 14:54:11

really sgb you do go over the top. I don't think anyone as completely ignored what a cock he was.

I love how, on mn, if you don't indulge in the OPs behaviour you must be 'sainted'. Its almost as though people can not have their own view of what is and what is mot acceptable. confused

Op I am glad hr is being more affectionate and that you can and want to get past this. Good luck for the future.

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