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AIBU to my brother away from me son

(72 Posts)
BlueBirdsNest Mon 01-Oct-12 23:14:45

Don't your dare ever ever ever try and touch my child again.#

I have reported you to the the police before and I'll do it again if you come anyway me or my again

pictish Mon 01-Oct-12 23:15:56

What has occurred?

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Oct-12 23:36:13

Are you going to elaborate?

timeforanewname Mon 01-Oct-12 23:37:15


PickledFanjoCat Mon 01-Oct-12 23:39:02

What's going on?

McHappyPants2012 Mon 01-Oct-12 23:40:45

You sound stressed what is the problem

MrSunshine Mon 01-Oct-12 23:41:27

I don't think your brother is hanging out on aibu.

BlueBirdsNest Mon 01-Oct-12 23:42:19

i am angry ......

my brother got my son to go and met him at my my sisters house

FannyFifer Mon 01-Oct-12 23:42:19

YABU as no one knows what the fuck you are on about.

whatsoever Mon 01-Oct-12 23:43:36

The title doesn't make sense, nor do your subsequent posts OP hmm

timeforanewname Mon 01-Oct-12 23:45:12

How old is your son? Why can't he see your brother?

BlueBirdsNest Mon 01-Oct-12 23:46:17

sorry apologies sexually abused me .........he has done they seem thing to my child is invited to meet him t my sisters.....

I totally understand it won't make any sense to else but me

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Oct-12 23:47:26

OP you're obviously very upset

But if you want to discuss this, you'll have to take a deep breath and tell us what's actually happened.

BlueBirdsNest Mon 01-Oct-12 23:47:33

he can't see my brother because he climbed into bed with him and fondled him

timeforanewname Mon 01-Oct-12 23:47:37

How old is your son? Is he ok? Phone the police.

PedanticPanda Mon 01-Oct-12 23:47:59

...where they preceded to hurt him?

I don't understand sorry, could you explain more? Your brother convinced your son to meet him at your sisters where I'm guessing he hurt him in some way based on this; Don't your dare ever ever ever try and touch my child again.I have reported you to the the police before...

If he hurt him then yanbu, but right now yabu for being so cryptic.

FannyFifer Mon 01-Oct-12 23:49:09

Have you phoned the police, if your brother abused you how is if even possible he could be anywhere near your son?

PedanticPanda Mon 01-Oct-12 23:49:14

Crossed posts...

shock was your sister aware of what was happening too? How is your son now? Did anything happen?

MadBusLady Mon 01-Oct-12 23:50:04

If that happened, OP, you need to report him to the police now. What is stopping you?

ScrambledSmegs Mon 01-Oct-12 23:50:21

Have you reported this incident? You should definitely report every single incident, if you're saying what I think you're saying.

YANBU btw.

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:04:08

fannyfifer i'm asking myself the self question

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 00:06:57

Have you called the Police?

ThreadWatcher Tue 02-Oct-12 00:07:17

Im sorry this has happened (to both you and your son) sad

But given that you knew what your brother was like why, how did it happen that there was even the slightest chance that he would be able to get near your son? shock

needanswers Tue 02-Oct-12 00:08:51

call the police, otherwise you are enabling your brother to abuse your son

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:11:20

he is 19 brother likes earlier young adult and youngsters.

If he even goes anywhere none my son i will opnen the police investigation again .......He is not getting near my my son

FannyFifer Tue 02-Oct-12 00:12:14

Your son is 19 or your brother?

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:13:30

know my son iwill open ......i'll scared because he sexually abused me..............which no one in family believed noe he is try to to it to hom

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:14:41

I know he his because he phoned me and your son has the best as ever ......................that is his brother

achillea Tue 02-Oct-12 00:14:46

How old is your son?

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 00:17:02

Did your son meet him willingly?

What happened when he met him tonight?

Calm down OP its obviously terrifying you...take a few deep breaths.... Keep your sentences short ....tell us what's happened to yr boy...if it would help.

ThreadWatcher Tue 02-Oct-12 00:29:36

Bluebirds - sorry if it sounded like I was attacking you in my earlier post.

Its an awful situation for you to be in.
And particularly awful that your family didnt/dont believe you.

I hope you and your son get the real life support you need.

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 00:30:32

Is this the son who has a homeless girlfriend who lives with you too?

Where are they now OP?

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:31:11

i don't think he did anything tonight to my son but he suuggested he could which worrys we because I know what he he capble off

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:31:50

me not we

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 00:32:06

Where is your son now and what does he think about what happened tonight?

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:33:42

well i hope there not at at my brothers worra

AdoraBell Tue 02-Oct-12 00:34:50

I think you should speak to the police and tell them what he said to you on the phone. The exact words if you can remember. Take a few deep slow breaths.

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:35:06

my son is here and is a it 'don't hate uncle gav, uncle gav is nice@

Pandemoniaa Tue 02-Oct-12 00:37:49

Sounds like an awful situation. But your son is an adult himself now, isn't he? Only I wonder just how much you can control where he goes. If you feel he's at risk from your brother then you need to warn him of this.

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 00:38:40

Ok so are you saying that now your son is an adult, he doesn't hate his uncle and wants contact with him?

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:50:27

i'm i bit of a doughnut .....i have encouraged him to have contact because I was brought up to believe blood was thicker than water

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 00:56:24

how do I say your uncle brother sexual abubesed me ............well got me to wank him off when I was eight said he had a sore willy could i rub it better ......he was 23 at the time i was eight

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 00:58:02

Ok so despite the fact your brother sexually abused you and your son, you encouraged your son to have contact with your brother?

Your son had contact with your brother and now doesn't hate him?

But your brother has rang you tonight and suggested he could have sexually abused your son again?

Have I got that right?

BlueBirdsNest Tue 02-Oct-12 01:21:30


WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 01:23:14

Ok well this is like pulling teeth so I'm off to bed.

I'm sorry all this is going on in your life but maybe you should log back in tomorrow when you're a bit more coherent and someone will be along to help.


AdoraBell Tue 02-Oct-12 01:35:56

Try to write it down on paper to make sense, then come back to us. I think you may need to tell your son what happened and that you guilt triped into going along with the familia who would not believe they had raised a pervert. That's why some people won't believe, it's too big a problem to deal with so they decide it's not happenning in their family

Make yourself a cup of tea and try to collect your thoughts, then write them down.

100mph Tue 02-Oct-12 01:44:13

You sound like you're kicking yourself for letting your son have any contact / for trusting the old 'blood is thicker than water' adage.

If you have any suspicion, given what you know about what he's capable of and his apparently threatening phone call - you need to consider speaking to the police - even if only informally for advice.

You've trusted so far - and it's got you feeling like you do now. Up to you if you decide to trust again - and how much to trust - whether it's ok to see him, whether it's ok to leave it to your demand to him, whether you want the police to warn him etc..

You don't want to be sitting here later feeling you still trusted too much - like you do now but worse.

I hope you make the right decision. Good luck - I have to go now but if you can say more - and a bit more clearly - I'm sure others will wish to help.

cory Tue 02-Oct-12 08:29:47

If it is your son who is 19, then he is an adult and quite frankly it is up to him to decide whether to keep away from his uncle or not. Incest between uncle and nephew is illegal in this country iirc (at least incest between uncle and niece is), but as both are adults they would equally be breaking the law. You are hardly going to be able to get the police to look on this incidence as a kind of child abuse merely because your brother abused you when you were a child. Unless your son has SN he will not be considered a vulnerable adult either- just an adult.

What you can do is a) report your brother to the police for his abuse of you b) explain to your son (if he will listen) why getting involved with this person is not a good idea.

But you cannot make decisions for your son; that's his job.

shewhowines Tue 02-Oct-12 08:43:17

Your son is an adult so can make his own choices but you can help him make those choices by giving him all the relevant information. You need to tell him what happened to you so that he can make an informed choice.

The best way of protecting your son is by talking to him and explaining why he needs to be careful.

Are there any other children your brother has contact with that could be in danger too? Perhaps you need to speak to someone (doctor?) and discuss the option of going to the police about your abuse to protect others, especially if you think it has already happened to others. If you go forward it may enable others to be brave and come forward too.

Horrible situation for you. Be brave.

timeforanewname Tue 02-Oct-12 09:12:12

Im sorry but you said early in the thread that he sexually abused your son so why the fuck would you ENCOURAGE them to have contact?

OP how are you feeling today? come & talk to us if you need to, hopefully we can get a clearer picture of how we can help.

Even if it's just to have a rant........<< un-MN hugs>>

JustFabulous Tue 02-Oct-12 14:18:33

So not the type of thread for this topic

Maybe not Just but I don't think the OP was really thinking straight when she started it to be fair.

cheekybarsteward Tue 02-Oct-12 16:21:19

I think OP may have believed she was on FB? Really can't get a grip on what has happened.
Hope everything is ok?

cheeky you may be right there, she was clearly upset. sad

Hope you're OK BBN

KatMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 04-Oct-12 11:09:04

Hi there, we've moved this into Relationships now. Hope you find the advice and support you need OP thanks

olgaga Thu 04-Oct-12 11:12:43

You should call the police right now. Get on with it!

Who said the OP encouraged contact, i can't see that anywhere, if anything she seems to be going absolutely spare that he is anywhere near her DS?

Dryjuice25 Mon 08-Oct-12 00:38:46

It's possible that English is not the first language for op?????

True, or that she was extremely distressed

Hope she comes back

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 13:44:11

I've only now come back to this thread after a bit

Yes English is my first language

to the poster who said I'm encouraging my son to see my brother I'm not, I'm really really not

it is a horrible situation , there are three siblings (both our parents are dead)

My sister does not believe me about what happened ...she's 10 years older than me and was closer to brother so basically she thinks I'm talking shit about him

When my son (19) got on a bus and meet his uncle his uncle said come up to xxx (my sisters) on Thursday we can all have fun and I'll be there

I can't tell my son to keep away from him because he his old enough to make his own mind up on who he socialises with.

And he is my brother, his uncle

I just wish he had never gone there

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 13:58:45

I was told not to go or come to the house that evening

When my son was younger I would not let him anywhere near my brother.......and I'm divorced but his dad felt the same way

It worries mt more because I know my brother works in an enviroment that he has acces to young men (universty) and he has com onto and realistically got young men to go with him

I know this for a fact as I have spoken to two of them who more or less said your brother is a predator. These were just two young men going about their busines who my brother indoctrinated

I really don't like him , he sexually abused me and is continuing to do so with others.

I went to the police.......I reported him and nothing was done I was made to feel like a prize idiot

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 14:05:13

Oh poor you sad So sorry to hear what you've been through!

With your son, i think the best you can do is warn him, and tell him to let you know if anything untoward happens.

Its a bit hmm in my opinion that he wants to hang round and socialise with someone who hurt his mum.

Can i ask what you reported him for when you went to the police? The abuse that happened to you, or the fact he is having contact with your son and you don't want him to?

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 14:11:31

Ah also not to be pedantic but you said *to the poster who said I'm encouraging my son to see my brother I'm not, I'm really really not
* they only got this idea from your comment on the first page which was that you encouraged contact because you think blood is thicker than water.

Obviously you were so distraught the other night that everything was coming out in a jumble, everyone on here will be supportive don't worry x

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 15:45:55

i went to the police around 9 years ago ....for what he did to me . This was shortly after my mum died .

I never wanted to say anything or involve the police whilst my mum was alive

I went back to the poilce second time when he got in bed with my son and touched him.

I mean seriously if you were a grown man of 50 would you not just sleep on the settee instead of climbing into a bed with my son?

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 15:51:52

The last conversation we had before I threw him out my house, I didn't throw him out I paid for a taxi to take him home

he looked at me and said 'you have the most amazing tits'

Makes my skin crawl thinking about it/him

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 16:38:35

Did the police act on what you had told them about him abusing you?

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 16:39:12

And what did they do about him abusing your DS?

Sorry for all the questions x

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 17:00:15

nothing absolutely nothing

I was told by a police officer quote 'You do know your brother is gay yes ...'

which more or less meant ...we don't believe're female and he is gay

whatthewhatthebleep Fri 12-Oct-12 17:20:53

I think you need to have a talk with your DS...ask him why he thinks you would ever lie to him and that your concerns for him are serious and you need him to be careful with himself if he's seeing his uncle and chooses to continue doing this.

It's very difficult but you can't control this situation...just try to make sure your DS has a clear view on things and that he stays mindful of your concerns for him with this person.

Your DBro may be gay but before when he was younger he was likely experimenting, etc, which is no excuse and you must try to raise these concerns again, though tbh, I doubt you will get very far unless your DS is a very vulnerable 19yr old and his safety is your responsibility still. Police are unlikely to intervene with consenting adults so to speak, between your DS and Bro.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 18:46:18

I would make an official complaint to the IPCC if the police refused to investigate your complaint of abuse.

I'm confused why they didn't investigate when your son was abused as he was a minor, but i'm on the fence about that because my DS disclosed that he had been touched sexually by the same person who seriously abused DD and the CPS said that they couldn't press charges due to no evidence other than DS' say-so and he was only 6-7

I would complain to the social services and let them investigate if they wish, as positive he would be in contact with vulnerable people at Uni. Let them deal with the police, they're more likely to be listened to.

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