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Rushing a relationship Vs taking it slow and steady?

(9 Posts)
DoctorMartine Mon 01-Oct-12 13:33:48

I don't know what the hell happened here but my boyfriend and I are discussing buying a house together - we're serious - to the point where we're looking up finances and searching for suitable houses -

All sounds great right?

But I've just been sat here and realised we've been together just 3 months!!! It's all been such a whirlwind that I feel like I've known him forever but when it comes down to it, I met him about 11 weeks ago, that's it!

So naturally, after that little realisation I've panicked somewhat and am thinking "what the fuck am I thinking??" I'm 31, I'm not a stupid teenager that doesn't know any better.

Of course it's exciting and romantic etc to think about living together but it's not sensible is it! So, please tell me the benefits of taking it slow and steady - cementing the foundations so to speak!

cozietoesie Mon 01-Oct-12 13:38:30

Buying a house together is not something to be done when you're in the first flush of 'romantic', trust me. You've only known him for what - 11 weeks? That time doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of a potential relationship or give you long enough to discover what he's like over the long term or when things don't go quite so swimmingly.

By all means move in together if you have to - but keep those finances separate until you're on firmer ground and know him better. Is my advice anyway.

Dahlen Mon 01-Oct-12 15:01:24

Tell him what you've told us and see what he says. If he's right for you he'll understand completely. If he doesn't, you've got the only reason you need as to why this would be a bad idea.

Dahlen Mon 01-Oct-12 15:08:39

All that said, I don't think there's a right time for these sorts of things. Some people might see each other once a week, others every day. Some people may have a deliberate getting to know you phase, while others just date and make small talk until the knowledge builds up. You could have learned more about your boyfriend in 3 months than some people do in a year, but I'd never advise living with someone until you've established you're happy about the following:

How he handles himself when he's stressed and angry

How he handles difference of opinion, particularly ones he feels strongly about

Whether your approach to money is compatible

Whether your views on domestic chores are compatible

Whether you want children and whether your parenting philosophies are similar (even if this is wildly hypothetical rather than a set intention).

JollyJumper Mon 01-Oct-12 15:41:30

I'd say, move in with him first...After 3 months he's still a stranger. Like Dahlen said, until you know how he will react when angry, stressed, upset, you don't really know him. Usually at 3 months everyone is still on best behaviours.

If you are carried away with your new love and want to show commitment, rent together for a while... See how that goes.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 01-Oct-12 15:43:50

Buying after 3 months? I wouldn't OP. I'd rent.

LesleyPumpshaft Mon 01-Oct-12 15:45:04

You have not known him for long and you are still in the honeymoon phase. Why not suggest slowing down and renting in 6 months time for a trial run if your relationship is going well?

As Dahlen says, ifhe's right for you he'll understand. Someone pressuring a person to buy a house with them after being together for just 3 months would be a huge red flag!

Numberlock Mon 01-Oct-12 15:50:33

All sounds great right

Actually no it doesn't.

What's the rush to buy somewhere? You're young, there's no hurry to saddle your finances together.

What are both your current living arrangements?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Oct-12 16:08:14

I'm not going to say whether slow and steady is better than rushing for relationships but, when it comes to money and property, NEVER get into financial bed with someone unless you've got the deal sewn up tighter than a duck's rectum and preferably in your favour.

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