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Sofas and Slankets V Irregular choice shoes and Snogging - Dating Thread 23

(1000 Posts)
watchoutforthatsnail Fri 28-Sep-12 10:14:21


watchoutforthatsnail Fri 28-Sep-12 10:30:47

snape - yes, i think my joy at him not finding stuff is telling. First time he lost something i helped him hunt for hours and hours, then was really pleased when he found it.However, he loses stuff on a daily basis, - left his guitar on a train yesterday and a man ran along the platform after him shouting ' guitar' at him.Its not that hes losing stuff, its that hes crap at life. And its that which annoys me.

snapespeare Fri 28-Sep-12 10:43:54

oh bin him off. you are going to end up hating him if you carry on in a relationship with him.

<waves at thread> <place marks>

I'm going to a friends birthday drinks tonight - this is the friend i got together with my ex flatmate who is also friends with PM. PM wont go as it's in an area he doesnt like. hmm so i am trialling my lesbian-pulling frock. grin

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 28-Sep-12 10:49:04

red shoes?

yeah, i know. bad timing with birthday and planned thing thats been paid for in two weeks,will have to do it after then.

I was meant to be seeing him this evening, but cancelled, 3 times a week is too much. says it all really, doesnt it.

mercury7 Fri 28-Sep-12 11:02:27

funny how feeling can change about someone...seems impossible to predict how things will pan out!

I so often read things completely wrong when it comes to my own relationships, my feelings fluctuate like nobodies business and i always jump to the wrong conclusion

OhWesternWind Fri 28-Sep-12 12:30:43

Watch - he's got to go, hasn't he? The losing stuff and helplessness would drive me up the wall. Can't be doing with people with no gumption, male or female and even quantities of underwear and devotion wouldn't make up for it . . .

So, I am feeling on a bit of a high after the date last night but think I talked a bit much blush. Two glasses of wine and I'm away . . . He is very up for seeing me again, was talking about Date Number Three as soon as we came out of the restaurant so I can't have been too awful.

I need help with a plan for getting a bit more action with him but without necessarily going to bed with him although I could very possibly be tempted. My house is out of the question due to the presence of children, babysitters and quantities of rubble and builders' gear. I have already said we will meet up his way next time, not sure there is a lot there as it's a small village so . . . don't want to go straight to his house but might want to end up there later on for a while. The other problem is having time, I am relying on babysitters so I can't really stay out at all late, it's 10.30 or 11 pm curfew in the week (and he has his children most weekends when I could get a later pass!) which does make things really difficult and I don't want to be having one eye on the clock, wouldn't add to the atmosphere. How the bloody hell do people manage to conduct a relationship when they have children?

Yogagirlscaredofpeas Fri 28-Sep-12 12:31:10

Hi. (waves)

Snape - have fun. Don't break any hearts!

Watch - a puppy is not just for fucking Christmas. Bin. wink

Following on from the last thread, was thinking about how amazing it is when you have someone who "gets" you and then just happened to read this in the book I'm reading:

"As I go to endless rounds of parties and bar nights, perfumed and sprayed and hopeful, rotating myself around the room like some dubious dessert. I go on dates with men who are nice and good-looking and smart - perfect-on-paper men who make me feel like I'm in a foreign land, trying to explain myself, trying to make myself known. Because isn't that the point fo eery relationship: to be known by someone else, to be understood? He gets me. She gets me. Isn't that the simple magic phrase?"

snapespeare Fri 28-Sep-12 12:42:02

oh western you end up taking a duvet day with the express intention of having sex not that i would know about such things it's very difficult, isnt it.

I hadn't thought as far ahead to shoes watch it's cold today. I am contemplating jeans and boots at the moment. smile

OhWesternWind Fri 28-Sep-12 12:46:26

Snape they would get a bit suspicious two or three duvet days a week grin grin

snapespeare Fri 28-Sep-12 12:48:36

this is why I very, very infrequently 'get' any! wink

MadameOvary Fri 28-Sep-12 12:56:16

Ah, found you smile
This thread is aaaalll about The Notebook for me grin

DoingItForMyself Fri 28-Sep-12 13:01:31

Afternoon all.

"Officially the best first date ever" last night! His words as well as mine grin

Started with drinks and tapas, got on really well, chatted about everything and anything, he made me laugh loads and wasn't shocked by my slightly risque sense of humour which was a relief!

We decided to go for a drink afterwards and were both driving so went for coke, but then he suggested that even though it was a 'school night' we are both adults and that if we wanted a drink we could always leave our cars there and get a taxi home, and that he would pay for us to get one each if I wanted a drink, but he didn't want me to think he was trying to get me drunk or take advantage.

We then decided that it would be a laugh to get absolutely hammered at the vodka bar, spent 4 hours snogging in a dark corner, he had his wallet nicked while we were <ahem> distracted and then he came home with me and spent the night - no actual sex but some other very enjoyable stuff. We said it would be good to wait til next time so we had something to look forward to! Left about 10am after some more fun and games this morning and neither of us could stop smiling!

We're meeting again on Monday (he said he couldn't wait til Tuesday!) and he's already sent me a message saying thanks for a lovely night, it was officially the best first date ever!


snapespeare Fri 28-Sep-12 13:10:09

doingit yay!! I love that post-first-date feeling where you feel all sexy and desirable and 'got'. smile brilliant news, I'm very pleased for you. smile shocked that his wallet was nicked though!

I shall try to be not quite-so-intrusive with the notebook on this thread - there is still quite a long time to go, we'll all get very bored. smile

EHoneybadger Fri 28-Sep-12 13:32:07

Catching up. Soooo much happens soooo quickly on here!

My potted history; Age 43. Two kids age 20 and 22. Separated just over a year and nearly divorced. Recently had my heart broken due to a long distance thing with an initially keen but probably somewhat emotionally unavailable type. Three weeks into dating somebody very lovely who ticks most of my boxes and seems keen and is treating me very well but now I am scared I am going to hurt him (I think this may be why I am attracted to emotionally unavailable types as getting hurt seems easier than hurting somebody else). I am giving it a chance though. smile

I also have a girl crush on Snape thanks to this thread but think there may be a bit of a queue in front of me already!

Snape I was at a wedding yesterday and heard this quote and thought of you and PM (how weird is it that I was thinking of people I don't even know? The internet is a strange beast). I thought it was beautiful and it made me tearful. You mentioned you were looking for inspiration but I don't know if it is your thing. It is from Captain Corelli:

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

I think you and PM have managed the entwined roots thing before the in love thing. Hopefully you will get that too very soon!! smile

EHoneybadger Fri 28-Sep-12 13:38:03

Oh and Watch I am sorry to poke my nose in but I think you should end things with Mr L if you know you don't want him properly.

I had to finish the thing with Mr Unavailable even though it was him whose heart was obviously not in it properly. It was unbelievably painful and hard to do and had he had the balls to be honest with himself and me and not keep me dangling I think we could have come through it and kept the friendship which I think he will miss as much as I do. As it was I had to cut him off completely for my own peace of mind. It is horrid being involved with somebody who doesn't want you as much as you want them and men have feelings too. He needs to be free to find somebody who can want him back.

snapespeare Fri 28-Sep-12 13:45:57

sniff thank you EHoney I remember sending him that quote years ago. i might chop it a bit to be not quite so 'swoony' but i can definately draw a tree! smile

i like this - “We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

and this... “If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”

theers tons of stuff out there - it's finding the right ones...

OhWesternWind Fri 28-Sep-12 14:03:47

Bit of work texting today, which I do like, helps the day pass quicker. Got another date set up for Tuesday yay!! (Oh I do think I like this guy but I'm not going to admit it in case it all goes wrong)

He's asking if I like the theatre - I think this is a massively good sign - theatre = booking tickets = not just a three date stand!!

NicholasTeakozy Fri 28-Sep-12 15:20:26

The first one is awesome Snape. Don't worry, you can't bore us with the notebook. grin

Congrats on the best first date ever DoingIt. Sounds great.

All the best for Tuesday Western.

hatesponge Fri 28-Sep-12 17:27:40

I am having the worst day sad Work is appallingly bad (likely to be here another 2 hours - having spent half this afternoon trying and failing to resolve a problem which will lead to a major complaint), DS1 is in trouble at school and our laptop has a possibly fatal virus. Oh, and I'm a failure who can't get a 2nd date if my life depended on it.

Sorry for sharing my misery with you you were, back to happy news, etc.

hatesponge Fri 28-Sep-12 17:51:42

I also appear to be missing something fairly important, which I hope turns up shortly, because the consequences of it not doing so are a bit disastrous tbh.

Worley Fri 28-Sep-12 18:04:45

I can't keep up with the threads here.. they nice so fast..
I kind of had date 4 this morning.. after the pub last week.. went to his or coffee.. have met him down the beach for walk and coffee while ds2 at a club and this minting stopped off at his for 10mins before work for a sneaky snog as he called it.. his idea! it would never have occurred to me to stop off on the way to work to say hello. but so far so good. but it's about now when I decided I really like someone and they decide they do t really like me. so we'll see.. next seeing him weds eve unless I can get a baby sitter before then. his parents babysitter for him anytime so just relying on me sad

Worley Fri 28-Sep-12 18:05:29

I meant move... but they are nice too lol

have you found it sponge?

DoingItForMyself Fri 28-Sep-12 18:51:48

Oo-er Sponge, sounds serious. Once you stop worrying about it turning up it probably will. I lost my car keys last week, hunted high and low, went to bed and woke up 'knowing' that I would find them - and I did. Probably not the same thing at all, but you know what I mean!

EHoney my friend had the Captain Corelli quote at her wedding too, very lovely. Its so hard when you have to call it off with someone because you like them more than they like you isn't it. Have had a couple of incidents like that recently (including my marriage!)

Its so complicated trying to find time to date working around two sets of children/access isn't it. I'm surprised how many men have 50/50 custody, which is lovely, but a little inconvenient when you want to meet up with them!

Yogagirlscaredofpeas Fri 28-Sep-12 19:30:15

sponge I hope you find whatever you lost. I lost a very expensive bracelet last week which I am very sad about and can't afford the £100 excess on my insurance to replace it. But at least no consequences to anyone but myself.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 28-Sep-12 20:32:46

Sponge, do you have a backup/rescue disk? If so, format the drive and run the disk to reinstall your OS.

If not, whilst at another pc download something like Sophos bootable virus checker to usb and start your laptop in safe mode and run the av before booting up the system. I'll have a look for some stuff and send a pm.

fayster Fri 28-Sep-12 20:49:01

Lovely to hear about all of these positive dates, Doing, Western and Worley.

Sponge, hope you're finished now and it turned up. TFIF.

OhWesternWind Fri 28-Sep-12 21:06:45

Doing what an excellent first date! So pleased it went well for you. What's he like? Tell us more ..

Sponge fingers crossed things have picked up for you and a good weekend is ahead.

Moving - you out tonight??

shuckleberryfinn Fri 28-Sep-12 21:29:41

snape The notebook could never get boring.

I've lurked through probably 23 a couple of threads. You guys talk fast! Now please can I join in?

I'm 33, separated. Have my own FWB (friend for 3 years, benefits for about 2 months), 2 kids DS is nearly 8 and DD is 18months.
I've profiles on: okcupid to meet ladies, one date so far. It was fun but she messaged me to say she was still in love with her ex.
POF (looking for men) for the sheer amusement value but I have had some interesting chats so far. just because some of my friends recommended it.

Hee! I feel all giddy now joining in with the serious daters. grin

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 28-Sep-12 21:45:58

I'm still lurking and reading every post, but very much on the sofa at the moment. (Or at least I would be if the company I'd ordered it from would actually deliver it ... but that's another story).

Mini-profile: 45, split up with ex over 2 years ago, one pre-school son. Have been on a few dates and have met men who I've liked and men who have liked me, but sadly they've never been one and the same! In recent months I've practically given up, for various reasons ... but will no doubt give it all another go at some point.

OhWesternWind Fri 28-Sep-12 21:58:53

Hi Shuckle sounds like you've been having some interesting times! Which sex is your fwb btw? (I know, I know, I'm such a nosy cow)! Not sure I'm a serious dater, more a dabbler, but I have had so much good advice and support off people on this thread, it's been brilliant.

Libby hope your sofa turns up soon!

Lovely man has just texted to say he's been thinking about me all day ... I am determined not to get my hopes up and carried away, but I've been thinking about him a bit too. Have only snogged him nothing else but I keep getting that stomach thing happening when I think about it and that's just kissing!! What's it going to be like if/when we ever get the chance to do anything else? It's bloody frustrating but it's certainly building up the anticipation ...

ChaoticismyLife Fri 28-Sep-12 22:04:49

Hi, shuckleberry and welcome smile

Libby nice to see you. I'm on the sofa too, atm it's one hell of a big sofa grin

sponge I hope you find what you're looking for.

snape hope everything works out.

Western glad everything is going well

Doing more good news on the dating front grin

watch bin him. a) he's immature b) you're really not being fair on him so for his sake as well as yours.

~~waves~~ to everyone else

shuckleberryfinn Fri 28-Sep-12 22:07:38

western FWB is a boy and a bit older than me and a good friend who's also frustrated with OD. FWIW I think snogging rocks, there should be more of it around.

FateLovesTheFearless Fri 28-Sep-12 22:13:38

Hey all, just marking my lurking spot. S and I split up for good last week but I am in ZERO rush to date or anything for a long long time. So I will just continue spying on you all instead. smile

Sponge, want to tell me about that virus? Can you get into your operating system? I have shifted varying worms, Trojans etc so might be able to help

NewJamJarsandStickyCakes Fri 28-Sep-12 22:39:16

Western and DoingIt really glad to hear your dates went well, need to hear some positive dating stories to stop me completely giving up.

I am wavering over completing a profile on match; just can't seem to find the words to begin. Think I will just leave it for a bit, the whole experience with my Work Contact has left me even more cynical than i was before. He has sent a few work related emails to me since, with the odd comment about the weather and other random stuff , have replied politely, then I had to send one out today about a change of venue for a meeting next week, and he sent a separate more jokey / chatty/ flirty reply, just to me...which I ignored and just copied him into the group email reply again. Think he might be all about the chase, and I'm just not up for playing games. hmm

Yogagirlscaredofpeas Sat 29-Sep-12 07:52:30

Yay Western & DoingIt. smile

Sponge - did you find your lost thing? DS just found my lost bracelet. smilesmile

Hi Shuckleberry, Libby, Fate.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 08:07:14

Fate, you doing ok?

Sponge, sorry you had a shit day.

Yoga, did you hear re the job?

I know I need to dump him. Last night we chatted and he said ( not for the first time) that he isht a grown up, I did ask at what age ( considering hes not far from 30) he would be, he said he Didnt know. Urgh. I told him the other week I felt we were very different people and wasnt sure we were compatible......
But now It's my birthday, so I can't dump him, Because that's nasty when he's made an effort. Then hes on an important course in 10 days, so I'll do it when he comes back from that.
I just know he is going to be devestated.
That makes me feel awful.

Worley Sat 29-Sep-12 08:51:59

well I obviously spoke to soon.. woke up to a text message from him saying "after much consideration I'm only really going to be able to offer you friendship at the moment. I can see your a person I could very much enjoy spending time with but I thought I was ready to commit again but clearly I'm not. Thought it's best mention now before things started get serious. I'm happy to stay friends if you are ? X "
he can go jump with the friends bit. I am not dating any more men who were dumped by their wives... am so fed up with this malarkey.. why do they do all the chasing, reel you in and do this.. sad

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 09:06:20

sad sorry Worley.

Yogagirlscaredofpeas Sat 29-Sep-12 09:08:18

Oh Worley, that sucks. There's something to be said for honesty as opposed to the wankers who just want to screw you then disappear but it still sucks and doesn't leave you feeling any better. Hugs xxx

FateLovesTheFearless Sat 29-Sep-12 09:22:53

Watch - yes I am doing alright. I know I made the right decision smile

I know what it's like to struggle to find the right moment watch, when the course is done just get it over with, there is no way you won't hurt him and no way you won't feel some amount of guilt, it's hard hurting other people. Just make sure when you do finish with him, you don't backslide.

DoingItForMyself Sat 29-Sep-12 09:46:08

Sent my lovely date a message this morning to say I was snuggled into his pillow as it smelled sexy. He replied that he liked to hear that and he misses me!

Its so funny - how can you be so into someone you've only met once (albeit for quite a few hours, many of which were semi-naked!)

Trying to stop myself getting carried away with this one, but its so hard. He has offered to take me out on Monday (if he can get some money after having his wallet stolen - otherwise he will be making me beans on toast apparently!)

Such a lovely sweet man, totally sexy and keen to please!

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 10:22:15

Just keep your guard up doing. Not to rain on your parade, but he is still someone you have only met once, and one date does not a relationship make.

Fate, glad you are ok, still hard though, isnt it. I feel terrible, Because I know he's going to be really hurt. He's besotted. I also know he will try and change. I explained to him the other week that people shouldnt have to change, people should accept each other for who they are. And that it wasn't him, or me, but that maybe we just don't work as a couple. Im not deluding him so much to be telling him I feel the same way he does. But It's still going to be awful.

snapespeare Sat 29-Sep-12 10:23:09

Stayed up with PM until half past four. I am dying. <wails. But not too loudly>

Went on nice birthday drinks, but felt a bit sad, it was where I grew up, went past the place I last saw my mum that's wasn't a hospice sad was on train back home by 10... So texted PM for last orders in our local.. Had plenty-beers, then he invited himself back to mine for coffee, which isn't a euphemism, please contain yourselves. smile. Got in to find DD had friends over, so we drank all their jäger bombs and sat up talking about nothing until half four. I can't feel my eyes.

I'd dressed up for birthday drinks, all cleavage & the first thing he said when he saw me was 'you've got lipstick on your chin' he doesn't even think I'm female FFS!

<waves at thread, waves at shuckleberry hello! Hugs worley goes back to bed. >

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 10:27:04

Ha snape. Bed and bacon!!!! Bless pm. How was the green dress?

Ive got that date with beard in a few hours.....

snapespeare Sat 29-Sep-12 11:54:54

Wasn't the green dress, which I am still saving for next week, was black catsuit with heels and a sheer, tight, booby black dress over it. All birthday drinks friends were 'wow! You look stunning PM was, 'lipstick on chin, snape'. hmm

FateLovesTheFearless Sat 29-Sep-12 13:53:23

Watch - yes it's terrible. You would have to be a really horrible person to not feel terrible for hurting someone but you also can't go through life trying when you know there is no point. Mrl will survive and move on. smile

mercury7 Sat 29-Sep-12 14:01:53

Just had my first Skype pre-date, it went very well, he was much better than his photo's and I'm pretty sure he's worth a real life meetingsmile

Think I'll be using it much more from now ongrin

snapespeare Sat 29-Sep-12 14:09:30

PM posted shirtless picture on my FB wall.


I can't actually stand up.

mercury. Good news! smile

Movingforward123 Sat 29-Sep-12 16:02:07

western - thank you for pouring Kevin he right direction grin

Well I has my date yesterday! I have now got a name for him, mr wealthy!! God this guy has got money! So as I said before we for on do well and kind of clicked in the phone! The night before the date we stayed on the phone till 3 am blush

I still like but not sure I I like him less now! I'm not sure if it's because he has a lot of money! He took me to a lovely cocktail bar which was up market and I'm not sure if I don't feel comfortable in those places confused then for food!

I then suggested we go to my area which is no posh atall and then felt worried he might not like it and look down on me confused

Anyway I think I preferred him in my area! And we slept together too! Not sure about if we click sexually! But it could be co it's new? When I met dds dad I was abit hmm about the sex but as I became more comfortable the sex became the best ever!

OhWesternWind Sat 29-Sep-12 16:17:42

A bit of money's always nice, so long as its not the be all and end all, and there are no hang ups/expectations on either side because of it.

He was probably out to impress last night with it being the first date , hence the fancy cocktail bar. Maybe you suggest the venue for next time? You both need to feel comfortable and relaxed on a date - maybe a quiet drink would be good?

About the sex, again I think the first time/few times people can be a bit keyed up and keen to impress, whereas you need confidence and trust to have real mind blowing sex, including an understanding if what does and doesn't work for you as a couple

So what I think I'm saying is, it's very early days, see how things develop but make sure they're going in a direction you're comfortable with. Sounds good so far, though!!

Lueji Sat 29-Sep-12 16:20:28

Specifically on your wall, snape?


just hanging around to find out the outcome of the novel

OhWesternWind Sat 29-Sep-12 16:22:33

Worley really sorry to hear that. What a bummer.

Snape any message or just the photo?? So many mixed messages here...

shuckleberryfinn Sat 29-Sep-12 16:36:53

hi everybody. <waves back>

So tomorrow is looking like quite a day for me. STBX has the kids from early till monday. I'm meeting the girl I had 1 date with and then decided she preferred her ex to do some training and then I have sexy funtime plans with the FWB.

I'm getting twinges just thinking about the fun we'll have.

OhWesternWind Sat 29-Sep-12 16:48:34

Bloody hell Shuckle that's some day you've got planned grin

KirstyWirsty Sat 29-Sep-12 18:09:05

Just marking my spot ..

I have been on 2nd date with Mr Cheeky (after telling him he was too pushy and I didn't like his cover story he has taken it all on board, has been very restrained and keen to let me dictate the pace and understood where I was coming from re arse-covering lies ).. Going on date 3 on Friday meanwhile the flirty texts are great fun smile

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 18:20:45

snaoe - regained the use of your legs yet? he does look very very nice.... smile i would.just saying smile

So - the beard, very nice. coiuld have stayed for hours, spent 3 as it was. AND HE BROUGHT ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!! which, now im home and opened it, was a slection of cd's from a bandwe had talked about and a pirate birthday card, Very nice, bit shocked. Seems like a really nice guy, lots in common. Id like to see him again, i hope he feels the same.... but, well, you know how this stuff goes.
Meanwhile mrl has invited me and DD to his mums for dinner....

snapespeare Sat 29-Sep-12 18:28:57

Ds2 had plaited his hair last night, so he posted and tagged me, commenting on hairdo. He felt the need to do that shirtless.

We're just back from the gym, ds2 came swimming and they were both doing handstands. It's like being a family. (Sigh) then we played 'mini-no-hit-backs' (whoever sees a mini yells mini-no-hit-backs and slaps everyone else..) and we were play-fighting.

I want to lick him. blush have done notebook-of-the-day, but my photo bucket is a bit wonky, so you'll need to wait. wink have been teasing Him about birthday as we got in last night and notebook was on kitchen table. Texted him that it's a good job we were hammered last night as part of his birthday present was sat on the kitchen table all night (it wasn't, I scooped it up and hid it..) this is like birthday foreplay... Three weeks of teasing!

The prof is off to America for work for a week or two, been texting, not just filth, is nice.

moving. A lot of us feel a bit hmm when the date has wads of cash. You're not alone in feeling awkward. :-)

I now have wine and settling in for doctor who! :-) lovely day! :-)

snapespeare Sat 29-Sep-12 18:29:50

watch cross post!


watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 18:53:04

I've got to actually hear from him first though..... He may vanish into a barrel of rum and never be seen again....

Cant believe he got me a present... smile

MadameOvary Sat 29-Sep-12 18:53:17

Wow this thread is off to quite a start!
Worley so sorry. Chin up and tell yourself it's meant to be this way for someone even better to come along

Moving great news! Long may it last with Mr Wealthy! What does he do?

Snape Can we be friends on FB? so I can check out the legendary PM Or is that too stalkerish? And anyone else too! Don't worry you can say no in public grin

Sponge how are things? Sorry to hear about your crappy day.

Watch - the sense of weary resignation is just oozing from your post. Pleeeaaase dump him, asap. You are not responsible for his happiness. You are, however, responsible for your own!

Hello shuckleberry smile

Western - Yay! Good things happening!

I have a date tomorrow. Have cynically booked it at local sports club so if he doesn't show I'll be off for a swim. grin

snapespeare Sat 29-Sep-12 18:55:57

madameO absolutely, I'll (cough!) PM you... and if anyone else wants to be fb chums, just PM inbox me. :-)

OhWesternWind Sat 29-Sep-12 19:04:38

Mme O tell us more about the sports club guy ...

Watch pirate sounds good, fingers crossed Ditch the puppy, do it now as there's never ever a good time.

Kirsty sorry must have missed your post about Mr Cheeky's cover story. Doesn't sound great - what happened?

More nice texting today, he's away this weekend with family so no date til next week. Hes offered to drive over and pick me up on Tuesday -should I let him? (it's a lot of faffing for him, 20 mins there and back twice...)

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 19:15:45

Madam, find me from snapes fb. Initials nmj smile
Have a good date smile

I can't dump the puppy today, It's my birthday tomorrow and hes got me something, I would feel bad if I dumped him now as 1) he has spent money 2) if I dump after I.look like a gold digger.

ChaoticismyLife Sat 29-Sep-12 19:20:32

snape niiiiiiiiiiiice wink <confirmed stalker>

fayster Sat 29-Sep-12 19:39:20

Ooh ooh ooh, I want to see PM! I want to see PM!

Watch, do you have a history of staying in 'ok' relationships longer than you should? There will always be something coming up that makes it difficult. I think you have a planned event coming up that you don't want to cancel, but could you go as friends? And dumping him before your birthday means he could get a refund on the present or choose to give it to you anyway.

Worley, that's a shame, but chin up and tits out, love, and back out there you go.

Western, sounds promising....

Moving and Snape, so glad you said that about money - I had a date with a guy who was loaded (and also married, I suspect), and it did put me off (that and the married bit). I thought I must be a bit odd.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 19:51:39

Fayster, no, not really. I Think It's because I know I'm his first proper girlfriend. And how besotted he is. He was saying This was his best ever summer because he met me..... He is going to be gutted.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 29-Sep-12 20:03:07

Oh no, I'm not on FB! I can't see PM!

Watch, Beard sounds nice - so sweet giving you a present!

Worley, ah, that's really disappointing. But, as others have said, onwards and upwards - at least you found out before you got more involved with him.

Sponge, hope the missing thing has turned up and you're having a better day.

Moving and Western, things are sounding promising!

No action here. The highlight of the day was the Sainsbury's delivery man, who smelt lovely (it's been over a year since I had so much as a snog, can you tell?) and the arrival of the local cat, so at least I have someone to cuddle this evening!

Movingforward123 Sat 29-Sep-12 20:11:42

western thank you for the advice smile

well i've been speaking with my mum all day about mr wealthy. he was texting me earlier then didn't chat much all day. and i started to think oh no, what if he has gone off me?

but he called me a little while ago to say he is sooo tired and has to go out to a friends birthday and he really doesnt want to go. i'm not surprised he is tired as we were up till very late last night, and he night before on the phone until 3am.

Movingforward123 Sat 29-Sep-12 20:22:03

madame he is a area manger in a classy retail store, he overs sees a few of the shops. he is really intelligent and driven. smile

snapespeare Sat 29-Sep-12 20:30:06

madameO. Can't find you... There must be less of me, than there is of you... ;-).

MirandaWest Sat 29-Sep-12 20:32:05

Have been lurking here as not exactly sure I totally belong any more (do rather seem to be having a Relationship shock ) but if no one objects I'll stay lurking around for now.

Have now seen PM on snapes fb - thank you smile Very nice wink

Watch have sent you a friend request (initials are KT). I probably agree that finishing with MrL needs to happen soon but can equally see how it isn't that simple sad

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 20:47:14

ah miranda - thats you, thanks for saying, thought you were madam o! hows it going with mr nice?
and of course still hang here, its nice to chat smile

MadameOvary Sat 29-Sep-12 21:23:35

Snape I can't find you on FB? There is only one and it aint you confused

MadameOvary Sat 29-Sep-12 21:37:33

Watch ta, have FR'd you smile

MadameOvary Sat 29-Sep-12 21:42:34

Oh please please can we start a secret FB group! I am coming across so many delightful specimens on OKC grin

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 21:43:09

fab hair madameo!

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 21:44:55

ahem - there already is one. though its mainly full of cock shots.

MadameOvary Sat 29-Sep-12 21:57:54

Ooh, can you invite me? I dont want to see the cock shots though grin

ChaoticismyLife Sat 29-Sep-12 22:03:19

There is??? confused

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 29-Sep-12 22:11:04

Yes. Snape started it last year. For all those unrequested cocks.
Essentially Its just disembodied penis...
Nothing thrilling, don't Think anyone has added anything to it for ages.

OhWesternWind Sat 29-Sep-12 22:12:16

Can I be your (pl) friend on FB too?

ChaoticismyLife Sat 29-Sep-12 22:13:07

Can I have an invite too...curiosity may kill Chaotic otherwise grin

ChaoticismyLife Sat 29-Sep-12 22:13:44

Certainly Western smile I'll pm you.

MadameOvary Sat 29-Sep-12 22:32:42

Anyone who wants to be my friend can erm, PM me grin

MsCellophane Sat 29-Sep-12 22:37:26

Hi all

I ventured off the sofa and started chatting to a few, then I got tonsillitus...then a quinsy and ended up in hospital this weekend. Happily the abcess burst, well happily as it meant the poison made a rapid exit, not happily that it tasted of the semen of 40 days dead man (not that I have ever tasted that of course, just it was the most disgusting thing ever) Should have videoed it for the pus porners - it gushed and pumped out - I reckon I could have filled an egg cup <vomits>

But it meant I am at home now with backside firmly placed on the sofa for a good few days. One I messaged before the tonsil of doom had offered me hugs and yogurts for the sore throat and then followed up yesterday with a how are you - bet he wished he hadn't asked, so he's a hopeful

Nice to see people are having good dates and not so good dates - and still fighting the fight

MsCellophane Sat 29-Sep-12 22:40:20

and anyone wants to FB add me, pm me

Watch i've requested you - AB and snape I've pm'ed

OhWesternWind Sat 29-Sep-12 22:42:05

Hi MsC - seems like you've been having a really rotten time of it. What's a quinsy? Sounds very medieval. Hope you are recovering and starting to feel better now anyway . . . up to messaging anyway so it can't be too bad smile

ChaoticismyLife Sat 29-Sep-12 23:01:31

MsC ouch!!! Poor you, hope you're feeling better now.

MadmaeO I did pm you before, don't know if you got it or not.

Western try looking for LJMU too if the location thingy doesn't work.

MsCellophane Sat 29-Sep-12 23:10:05

Quinsy is an absess that forms between the tonsil and the throat wall. Can be fatal as the swelling can close the throat. Mine wasn't that bad but I couldn't talk by Friday and then couldn't swallow, hurts like a MF!

Treatment is IV antibiotics and IV steroids, you usually have to wait for those to work, I was lucky and mine exploded

Feeling very tired, weak and low still but no pain for the first time in a week - YAY, I have had a lovely day of eating/drinking soft drinks - no alcohol though as one of the antib's I've been sent home with it's not allowed. Looking forward to sleep tonight too

OhWesternWind Sat 29-Sep-12 23:10:49

Chaotic This bloody FB thing is beyond me blush. Will try again tomorrow. I am not what you would call technologically advanced.

ChaoticismyLife Sat 29-Sep-12 23:14:03

MsC hopefully the antib's will kick in soon and you get lots of restful sleep tonight.

Western I can be difficult to find. MsC couldn't find me either, I had to find her, she's unique at least on fg smile If you want I could look for you but you'll have to pm me.

ChaoticismyLife Sat 29-Sep-12 23:14:31

ahem...fb blush

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 08:16:04

Think I've found you all on fb now... lovely new fb chums! Hoorah!

msC. I've had quinsy, you poor lamb, hope you feel much better very soon. :-)

Worley Sun 30-Sep-12 08:18:43

there's a secret fb group ! that's intriguing...
I was doing a wee bit of stalking last night to find the one who text dumped me yesterday in fact follows literally 100's of pg 3 (and worse) type girls on twitter, and comments on their pictures, which made me feel a bit sick. and he seemed so nice sad
ergh luckily escape there then..

Worley Sun 30-Sep-12 08:21:26

mrsc hope you have had a better day and feeling better. how on earth is it caused? just one of those things..
ds2 has a rugby match this morning... the adult team is playing too smile but I'm meant to be watching ds2... not the men sad

Yogagirlscaredofpeas Sun 30-Sep-12 08:44:08

Ooh worley lucky escape indeed!

Tempted to join in with FB but still get a little twitchy about staying anonymous on here. XH used to hate MN so much and I think he's left me with a little of his paranoia. hmm

hatesponge Sun 30-Sep-12 11:04:10

Quick from me as still having 'IT' issues - thanks for the help though esp Nicholas(really am v v grateful!) am going over to friends later (hopefully) so will use her virus free comp to download something to fix ours...fingers crossed smile

Possibly do have a far worse prob than comp virus though, but not sure up to discussing it sad, just hoping that I'm wrong and worrying over something unlikely.

TimeForMeAndDD Sun 30-Sep-12 11:20:48

Hi everyone smile Just popping in to say hi and say Happy Birthday to Watch, hope it's a good one. I'm still firmly on the sofa but have developed a bit of wandering eye when I'm out and about, don't think I'm quite so ready for hibernation as I think I am, my hormones definitely aren't! wink

SweetSeraphim Sun 30-Sep-12 12:01:01

Happy birthday Watch!

Ladies, I would love to be added to your FB group if I may.. I have been on these threads for a long time and feel like I know you all a bit. Could someone PM me please? I'm on my tablet and there's no PM facility.

NicholasTeakozy Sun 30-Sep-12 14:46:22

More birthday good wishes here Watch.

Good luck with curing your virus Sponge, and with overcoming your other problem.

Lueji Sun 30-Sep-12 14:48:08

Happy birthday, Watch.
Enjoy your day. smile

Lueji Sun 30-Sep-12 14:50:05

And good luck sponge.

fayster Sun 30-Sep-12 14:56:46

Happy Birthday, Watch!

(dying to hear what the present from Mrl is)

Lueji Sun 30-Sep-12 15:00:44

An engagement ring. wink

Get rid of him! <shakes head>

FateLovesTheFearless Sun 30-Sep-12 15:16:11

Happy birthday watch!

If anyone wants to add me on fb that hasn't already, pm away! smile

Yogagirlscaredofpeas Sun 30-Sep-12 15:19:04

Happy Birthday Watch! thanks

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 15:27:02

Hahaha @ leuji

sponge thinking of you, hope the 'other thing' is ok.

MadameOvary Sun 30-Sep-12 15:37:56

Sponge - hope all ok for you. <offers hand>

Watch - Hope you're enjoying your birthday.

Nice to make your acquaintance on FB! If I've missed anyone, let me know, been a bit of a whirlwind today, date went really well, two hours flew by, then I got home and DD puked all over me. The joys!

Date was lovely, I probably talked too much, poor man was nervous (shaky hands) but hid it well. Have no idea what will happen now but meh, have decided that I'm gonna be myself and if they don't like it, shrug shoulders and on to the next episode smile

OhWesternWind Sun 30-Sep-12 16:11:46

Happy birthday Watch!! What did you get off the puppy?

Thanks to people who've sent me their details for fb. Being a bit crap, can't find anyone but will try again tonight on the pc.

MmeO - have sent you my details hoping you're better at this sort of thing than me!

Was supposed to meet quarry guy for a coffee today but thank goodness he cancelled on me (bad back hmm) - not bothering chasing up dates/messages at the mo as I like the optician and am using up all my babysitting on him smile

ChaoticismyLife Sun 30-Sep-12 16:38:04

Happy Birthday watch smile

I seem to be difficult to find on fb, it seems I'm not as unique as I thought I might be shockwink so if anyone wants to pm me their details then feel free.

MadameOvary Sun 30-Sep-12 17:01:47

Western will PM you
Watch sorry didn't acknowledge the hair compliment - thank you blush

MirandaWest Sun 30-Sep-12 17:15:17

I have added someone who is a friend of snape and watch but not sure who they are blush. Anyone who would like me please PM me smile am pretty sure I am unique on FB grin

Snape your cat is called a name I used to be on Mumsnet smile

shuckleberryfinn Sun 30-Sep-12 17:24:03

well the 1 date lady cancelled on me at the last minute. whooft, I'm a one chance girl. So i guess she'll go byebyes.

Am off out now to meet FWB. Bonus is he's suggested the pub and he's buying. It's almost like a real date!

I have make up on and everything!

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 17:26:37

miranda-. Isn't that funny..

shuckleberry have a great time with FwB! :-)

Got an email from the prof in America. It had a picture of the sunset. hmm what happened to the cock-pics, that's what I want to know! smile

Off to do a spot of note booking...

MadameOvary Sun 30-Sep-12 17:41:21

Snape Poor Prof, damned if he do and damned if he don't grin

Thumbs up for PM btw, he has more than a touch of the Matt Smiths about him...grin

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 17:58:55

PM? Matt smith?! I wish! Can't see it myself... might be easier if he took all his clothes off...

OhWesternWind Sun 30-Sep-12 17:59:48

Watch, have sent you a friend request!

Sponge and Snape, could you pm me your initials or something so I can find you too?

Timeforme - can I find you through someone else's fb? I am so rubbish at this!!

MadameOvary Sun 30-Sep-12 18:10:55

It was the topless pic that made me think of Mr Smith grin

TimeForMeAndDD Sun 30-Sep-12 18:33:43

OhWestern yes you can, or PM me your details and I will find you smile

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 18:40:29

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it.... It might not have been!


ChaoticismyLife Sun 30-Sep-12 18:56:06

snape grin

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:41:45

watch happy birthday smilesmilesmile

Well mr wealthy has been quite after our date hmm we have spoke but briefly and yet a little! Before he was in contact constantly confused and now I miss it!

Although thurs we were on the phone until 3am! Fri awake til 5am and Saturday he had a party to go to! So he could just be knackard!

Do you think I should call him tonight? Or text him? Or just wait to see what happens?

Normally I would leave it, but because he was so forward before and I said to him a few times that we talk alot! He may be trying to back off abit as he told me on our date he would stop calling and I would have to call him! He said it in a joke but maybe he kind of meant it??

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 19:47:08

oh phone him. go on... smile

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:57:50

He has just text me smile saying he is feeling abit more lively now smilesmilesmile

I was just wondering if my being abit drunk and sleeping with him on our first date might have put him off! And like I said, I'm not sure if we clicked with the whole sex thing! May need to try again to be sure wink

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 20:02:33
Worley Sun 30-Sep-12 20:04:33

I'm not sure you ever click with sex the first time do you ? I have usually been a bit tipsy the first time I've ever slept with anyone which usually helps lol... how do you pm people from your phone to be added to the secret fb group?

Worley Sun 30-Sep-12 20:06:29

snape did you do them?? !! they are amazingly beautiful !!

TimeForMeAndDD Sun 30-Sep-12 20:07:01

Absolutely beautiful Snape. Stunning.

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 20:07:04

snape If pm doesn't fall in love with you after seeing this book. There is something wrong with him! I think I am slightly in love with you gringrin if someone actually made something like that for me I would be so overwhelmed!!

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 20:17:57

Actually, at the moment I suspect he might be a tiny bit in love with me just now, but too stupid scared to do anything about it.

worley. Keep up! wink yes, those are mine.

Thank you for comments, I do really appreciate it.

moving I have never had first-time-un-drunken sex blush except with the prof. I think it generally takes a bit of getting used to someone else and while booze is a great uninhibitor (not sure that's actually a word...) it can make things a little clumsy and delayed. I'm glad he's contacted you, but do just text him on-the-spot occasionally, all this 'rules' bollocks is bollocks. smile

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 20:19:00

Oh, the 'life's a little weird' one is the sunset from my roof terrace. Just to totally undoing the tricky NLP aspects of my campaign.....

ChaoticismyLife Sun 30-Sep-12 20:21:18

snape brilliant again smile

Btw can someone link me to the group watch mentioned?

I might do a little investigation and get the ruler out to see what I'm not missing wink

~~~~~~~~~to *Time(

Worley Sun 30-Sep-12 20:22:47

arh..... is this the notebook!!!
I've missed a week of mn and am so behind the times!!!
snape do you do this professionally ? they are so beautiful

TimeForMeAndDD Sun 30-Sep-12 20:24:58

If you really want to see what you are missing Chaotic, set a POF profile to intimate encounter. I have a special folder grin

StrictlyComeDancingDiva Sun 30-Sep-12 20:26:59

I have to de-lurk to say snape so stunning, he would be crazy not to be blown away by the notebook! I'm 4 weeks on from getting it together with a PM, and it's amazing, I so hope it happens for you! smile

Worley Sun 30-Sep-12 20:28:09

time.. when I was set to IE on POF I never got one single picture sad it must be me...

TimeForMeAndDD Sun 30-Sep-12 20:29:45

OMG Worley, I got loads. I never knew they came in so many different shapes and sizes! grin It made a dreary Sunday afternoon pass quickly.

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 20:30:37

This is the 'notebook-of-lurve!' (NoL) or 'notebook-of-doooom!') depending on how desperately undecided I am at the time...

The night before it all changes, I will do you all a chronological page-by-page, close photo, cropped, so you can be disappointed for me when it goes tits-up revel in its majesty. smile

No, not professionally. I've always drawn, untrained, it's just something I do.

Previously I've gifted him small framed paintings for birthdays etc (the house from 'up!' and an illustration from 'the shipping forecast' that he quoted at me in an email, 'it may happen that a crab is caught with the shadow of a hand on its back, and that the wind be imprisoned in a bit of knotted string. And it may be that love sometimes occurs without pain or misery.' You would have thought he might have twigged by now spectacularly dense man ). I do have a small self employed side line doing tattoo flash, but starving artist/garret doesn't buy shoes for small folk....

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 20:30:49

snape I also have not have any first time sex sober blush I think I need the alcohol to get my wobbly bits out!

I think I shouldn't drink much with him in future as he did say in the Morning oh you has a lot to drink last night! And I dot want him to think I'm stupid confused

I need some more sex ASAP ! I might let him know this!! blush

ChaoticismyLife Sun 30-Sep-12 20:33:25

Time I could do a study. Get them to send me pics and get my ruler out...some of them might even measure oooh...all of 10mm wink Then there's shape, maybe I could get pics of the men and stick them up somewhere so people know what they're getting...or not evil grin

Yogagirlscaredofpeas Sun 30-Sep-12 20:33:36

Snape - just breathtaking, really.

Moving - I think unless the sex was really bad or there was something particularly off putting I wldnt worry about it. Nerves & alcohol all play a part and can take a while to really let yourself let go with someone. Sexual chemistry between mr60 & I was amazing but the first time we actually did it it was a bit hmm. It got better! grin

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 20:34:28

smile. That's the trouble, isn't it... You don't have any sex for a bit, you forget about it, your body acclimatises, you live the live of a nun. Then you have sex and its all SEX! Sex SexSexSexSexSEXSEXSEXSEX SEX!!!!!!!!!

Stupid hormones.

TimeForMeAndDD Sun 30-Sep-12 20:43:52

I've not had sex for ages sad It's going to be really scary the first time some comes my way...

FateLovesTheFearless Sun 30-Sep-12 20:44:49

Moving - would agree, the first time is always a bit hit or miss. Definitely need a rerun to be sure. wink

FateLovesTheFearless Sun 30-Sep-12 20:46:28

Snape - your notebook is just brilliant. I especially love the silver eye page, stunning! smile

ChaoticismyLife Sun 30-Sep-12 20:47:22

I haven't had sex in ages either sad

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 20:48:16

Well it hasn't been that long since I had sex, but I havnt had enough sex atall since I have been single and need I catch up!! It's like Pringles once you pop you just don't stop blush

goodthinking99 Sun 30-Sep-12 20:51:40

Long time lurker...short time internet dater (waster?!) feeling a bit jaded and need you lovely people to give me a pep talk (if you don't mind) profile 45, 18 months single, 1 child, on matchaffinity. Lots of nice chats and profiles & have been trying to apply Onlinedatingqueen's rules.

Met one guy I liked but he was just out of long marriage so bailed on the second date sad but understandable...back on again get messaging a flirt but no meet type hmm...back on again strike up online/texts with nice guy all seems promising, date arranged...text two hours before saying really sorry have to work at last minute.

Now I'll give anyone the benefit of the doubt (once!) so say what a pain for you, shall we rearrange? Get lovely message saying really sorry again, yes let's do that, give me another chance. Ok, I say...and then never hear from him again confused...Now what is that all about, eh?

I know that they don't owe me anything, and vice versa, and I'll just shrug and move on...but I just don't get it...Why waste all that time if you've no intention of meeting someone, I just can't get my head around what's in it for them?

Am I missing something? Any words from the wise?

From the sofa, slanket on order...

TimeForMeAndDD Sun 30-Sep-12 20:55:41

Don't be greedy Moving! grin I haven't had sex At All while I've been single!! And hadn't had it for a good while before I became single. <sigh>

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 20:56:28

Ladies, I did two and a half years! (I know some of you will have gone well-longer) frankly.....

....I met PM about 6 weeks after the end of a relationship. I've tried. I've been out with men, there hasn't been a spark.... I kinda compare them to him. In January I went on 4 dates with a chap of off OKC, I thought, he'll do. [Hmm] I shagged him on the 4th date, never heard from him again, he kept his eyes shut the whole time (me and the prof joke about this, he thinks he was terrified). I left his house and cried my eyes out, PM had been texting me throughout, he didn't know, we were going for beers that night... I swaggered into the pub, we hugged, he said 'oh! My! GOD! You've just had sex! Haven't you?!

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, just that, if it feels right, it feels right.

snapespeare Sun 30-Sep-12 21:03:28

goodthinking. Hello!

People do Internet dating for a huge variety of reasons... They don't meet people they might date at work, they like the attention, but won't really do anything about it, they're absolutely fucking hideous, they're complicated, they travel a lot for work and can't meet anyone in'real-life'.... They just don't meet anyone in real life. It's wonderful a nd strange and we can't second-guess why anyone is there. There are lovely, genuine people. I have met absolute stars who just weren't for me... I think what I am saying is... 'Plenty-of-fuckmuppets' someone might filter through, they might not. You might be on ten self service till at sainsburys and the guy next to you will be a prince, your hands will touch, you'll swap numbers... OD is another way, it isn't the only way.

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:04:26

goodthinking some of them are just time wasters! I wonder if he was married?

time sorry to sound so greedy but I often feel like I'm going to explode from lack of sex!

Also on another note. Fwb knew about my date and unfelt tried to put me off the idea as he knew I liked me wealthy! Last night he asked to come round for a chat! I asked if it was just a chat or a chat and sex! He said its not all about sex you know hmm

Anyway I let him come round, told him all about my date! Spoke about other things! And Didn't sleep with him!! smilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmile I am soooo proud of myself! I was horny and would have loved to have slept with him, but because I like mr wealthy I choose not to! Even thought the sex with fwb would have been very satisfying and familiar!! smilesmile how good is that!! wink

Also when I was out last weekend my friend brought a guy back to my house confused and another guy came that I was talking to and I let him sleep in my bed and didnt sleep with him!!

I feel like there is a bit of self respect creeping back in here and I like it!! grin

goodthinking99 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:09:14

Hello Snape and ta for that. I know, it's only one way...but isn't the clue in the name...why bother with all that contact if you don't actually want to go on a date?

Rightyho, I'm off to Sainsbury's...grin

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:33:34

time how long has it been since you had any action?

Havnt you ever wanted to sleep with any I your dates!

* goodthinking* late night shopping would be the best time as any guy shopping at this time is more then Lilly single grin

KirstyWirsty Sun 30-Sep-12 21:41:44

My 3rd date with Mr Cheeky is going to be a 2 night stay in a hotel this Friday and Saturday ... If its going to be half as good as he is promising it is going to be fecking fantastic!!!

My STBXH was terrible in bed .. I wasn't allowed to initiate anything or touch him .. He even complained that the blowjobs weren't hard enough (suspect porn had something to do with this) .. Mr Cheeky is promising that my satisfaction is his goal .. I am practically wetting myself with excitement!!!

Sorry .. Had to share with someone .. Now how do I tell my mum who I am staying with just now that I am going on a dirty weekend (I am 44 btw)

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:44:48

kirsty wow I want that as my third date grin I'm very envy are you nervous? Tell her your visiting a friend wink

MadameOvary Sun 30-Sep-12 21:45:03

Snape - latest installmant is just gorgeous.
I am about to recieve a phone call from Science Boy - although he is not a boy at all, he is eight years older but looks ten years younger. Cant say too much about him as his place of work is unusual and I dont want to out myself

He struck me as so delightfully normal - didn't know what "vanilla" meant, had to explain the concept of "kink". A couple of times He said in wonder "God I'm boring" to which I said "No no you're not --after all the weirdos I have known, boring is goooood--"

I suddenly understand why women marry supposedly "boring" men. Click! Lightbulb moment!
Moving - good for you! Glad Mr Wealthy got back in touch smile

Yogagirl17 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:54:35

You know what? Great sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. As much as I hate to say it, XH was really good in bed and was still complete bastard. I'll settle for good sex with a great man. smile

KirstyWirsty Sun 30-Sep-12 22:04:34

moving I am cacking myself!!!

Yoga don't think I've ever had great sex .. I am hoping that I will be changing that this weekend :-)

hatesponge Sun 30-Sep-12 22:06:53

Friend cancelled, computer remains virus-y ftb, so still posting from DS's blackberry. On the plus side I have now learned how to post from phone smile

goodthinking I have had loads of what can most politely be termed as timewasters. One I spoke to on phone and text loads, we arranged to meet 3 times and each one he cancelled. I've had others cancel at short notice, some I never heard from again after we swapped numbers, plus all the ones who I have dated and not seen for dust after!

There's no one reason why they don't go through with dates. Some are married/in relationships and doing it for ego boost without any intention of meeting, or want to meet but then have an attack of conscience over being cheating bastards. Some may have recently split, think they are ready to date and then realise they're not. Some have fake photos, for various reasons.

What it boils down to is that it's not you. Unfortunately, a lot of men are not what they seem. Hence why after one too many 1st dates that went nowhere I am on the sofa for the foreseeable smile

hatesponge Sun 30-Sep-12 22:08:32

Yoga I agree. Sex was great (right from the first time) with the Evil Ex, had it been less great I probably would have split up with him a lot sooner.

OhWesternWind Sun 30-Sep-12 22:09:34

Mme Science Boy sounds lovely. I think normal can be great too especially after the ex, who was on a different planet to normal.

It's really interesting reading about all your different attitudes to sex and realising I'm probably one of the less adventurous ones! I had a long, long time without any, far too long to admit to on here, but one thing that did for me was to make me realise there are other important things in life, that I can be happy without sex and also that I don't need to have sex to please other people if I'm not really into it myself.

I've also realised, and this is just me, that I'm happier waiting to have sex in a relationship or at least well on the way to one. And although I'm finding it a bit frustrating that I have only snogged him so far, another part of me is glad and I'm enjoying the build up. Anticipation rocks!!

OhWesternWind Sun 30-Sep-12 22:11:43

Hello Sponge I've sent you a friend request on fb!

goodthinking99 Sun 30-Sep-12 22:25:49

Hi Hatesponge, I think the sofa's maybe the best place for me too at the minute...six weeks of contact from three unavailable ego massage seeking numpties has done me in!

Glad to hear other people's adventures are going better though...3rd dates, eh? And what is this 'sex' you speak of? grin

Yogagirl17 Sun 30-Sep-12 22:35:36

Kirsty - here's hoping! grin

Sponge - virusy computer aside, hope things are ok with u. x

Had quite a pleasant night in with my sofa (must remember to order slanket..)

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 22:36:14

well I have just spoke to mr wealthy. he said that i was seriously on his case the other night and i wouldnt let him sleep blush oh crap i really cant drink around him again, i have sex manic tendencies and i dont want him to be put off by that. sober i can just about control them but drunk, i have no hope.

TimeForMeAndDD Sun 30-Sep-12 22:55:59

Moving it's been over 3 years since I had any bedroom activity. Yes, 3 long years. BUT, I have only had 2 dates grin and no, I didn't want to sleep with either of them, they were shocking! And I'm on the sofa now, lurking, and recovering from POF fatigue. Dating doesn't hold the same appeal in the Winter months, when it's cold, dark and raining, and when there are good drama's on tele grin

Movingforward123 Sun 30-Sep-12 23:06:41

well hopefully when you do find someone you want to sleep with it will be worth the wait smile

Worley Sun 30-Sep-12 23:12:17

how could you all keep the fb group secret for so long!! it's made me giggle!! I'm actually jealous I've never had any type photos sent to me!!!

mercury7 Mon 01-Oct-12 00:02:12

I'm sick to death of cock shots..vile simian behaviour
seriously i never respond to any men who use such crass approaches

DoingItForMyself Mon 01-Oct-12 00:45:41

Just got back from date 2 with my POF date. Had chinese food at his house and loads of snogging.

I issued him with a challenge to see how long we could go without having sex, thinking we might manage a few more dates yet. We got to 11pm!

After a fairly one-sided session last time (him) he was adamant that tonight would be all about me, but I found it a bit too pressured and didn't feel relaxed enough (was great and all, but no happy ending for me!) Think I'll need to get to know him better before I feel totally ok with being naked in front of him.

Doesn't help that I saw photos of his (absolutely stunning large breasted blonde) ex on FB. He has told me she's not an issue, that he's really into me, but I do feel a bit intimidated having that as an act to follow.

I like him even more than I did after our first date though and we chatted loads and cuddled loads too, so its not entirely about the sex side of things for either of us. We both said we feel like we've known each other for ages and can't believe that we've just met.

He's talking about taking me away at the end of next month for a long weekend when the DCs are with their dad!

MadameOvary Mon 01-Oct-12 00:53:48

Ooh Doing that sounds fab!
Moving how did he sound when he said you were on his case? Was it in a good "calmly stating boundaries" type way or was he irritable? Just wondering.

Had massive long chat with Science Boy. Arranged second date. Woo-hoo!

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 00:55:21

Just had some sexy texting with the lovely optician. Can't wait to see him on Tuesday !! Says he doesn't want to rush me into anything, so considerate and just plain nice and very very sexy grin. Definitely good waiting and having this lovely build up of anticipation ...

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 00:58:16

Doing well done for getting to 11 pm - sounds great like you've really clicked.

So when's the hot date Mme O?

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 01:01:20

Doing btw don't worry about his ex. Sex isn't really about what people look like, not unless it's a ONS type situation, and I can bet you he's not thinking about her when he's with you, whatever she looks like. Attraction is about so many things as well as looks.

Movingforward123 Mon 01-Oct-12 07:48:52

madame he didn't sound irritated more like jokey and also maybe wanted to let me know that he was tired! So I'm guessing maybe a little intimidated!! Next time I am not drinking! That's what happens when I do! confused

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 01-Oct-12 08:19:52

gah - just did a MASSIVE post then lost it.

anyway - thanks for all the birthday wishes, had a fantastic day, absolutley shattered and went to be super early. Postponed mrl until this evening.....
Heard from beard a few times but a second date hasnt been mentioned, so i suspect its not going to be....

Madam0 - hurrah for ' normal' its underrated. I could never date anyone with a major kink, and thats as someone who has travelled down the kink path a fair few times.

Kirsty - sounds fab smile

Re first date sex, ive had some great first date sex ( mrl was spectacular, then there was mr epic sex and the sink being ripped from the wall, and qute a few others too) if it wasnt good i wouldnt go back for more....

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 01-Oct-12 08:23:36

goodthinking - its not you. The problem i had with online dating queens advice, was that she seemed to say that if you followed her ' rules' then you would ' win' and if you didnt, then you ' lost' Unfortunatley people/ men, dont conform to a set behaviour and their intentions arent always to find a long term relationship. So, you can do everything ' right' and still ' fail' That mentality is quite damaging..... Essentially, you just have to take it all as a pinch of salt, notexpect anything from it andenjoy it for what it is.

MirandaWest Mon 01-Oct-12 08:37:00

Glad you had a good day watch smile

My parents are coming to stay tomorrow for a few days. This means (a) I will give up my bed to them and (b) they get to meet Mr Nice on Thursday evening while DC with XH. We will go out to dinner somewhere and all will be well <attempts to reassure self smile>

Still wondering when to have meeting of Mr Nice and DC - think it will probably happen sooner or later although I am happy with how things are at the moment and don't want to ruin the status quo....

hatesponge Mon 01-Oct-12 08:59:06

Watch so glad you had a fab birthday smile

I TOTALLY agree about the success/fail thing. I have tried doing it 'right', and it makes no sodding difference. I've been aloof, I've been flirty, I've been chatty, I've been quiet. And it's never got me beyond date 1. And that doesn't mean I'm any worse than anyone else, or what I do is wrong. It just means the crappy pool of men I am fishing from doesn't hold anyone who is right for me.

And if one more person in RL either tells me I need to get out there more, try harder, be less fussy, or try and work out where I'm going wrong, I will not be accountable for my actions!

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 09:01:29

Watch totally agree with your latest post! There are no rules!! No one can predict how anyone is going to react to certain behaviours because everyone is different, just because a certain way worked for one person doesn't mean it will work for another. It's game playing, I hate game playing. What's wrong with just taking everything as it comes and judging it on it's own merit, enjoy the moment and sod the sod off when you stop enjoying it. Just go with the flow and allow 'whatever' to be.

Right, rant over, off to see my Personal Work Coach now grin

Hi to everyone else!

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 01-Oct-12 09:09:18

good luck time ;)

i took umbridge with that thread/ post because it could be quite damaging to those who were doing everything' right' but not ' winning'

its down to luck, meeting the right person, at the right time, in the right circumstances.

ive met right people at the wrong time. Or right people in the wrong circumstances ( ie too far a distance, too mcuh job committment for me, or already in realationships) and ive just met a ton of wrong people.

Its bugger all to do with me following any ' rules'

You cant follow a set of rules and expect everything to fall into place, if life were like that we would all be sitting in massive houses, being spoon fed caviar and having our feet massaged.....

sponge, pah to the ' less fussy' comments, fuck that. Why should you be less fussy, what, so you just be with anyone so you arent on your own?!?!? who the hell gives that advice, madness!!Did youi find what yoiu lost.....and i hope you are ok?

In other news ive just done half my xmas shopping in the debenhams half price sale. Hurrah for being organsied.

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 01-Oct-12 09:09:50

and oooohhh miranda - big step - good luck!

MadameOvary Mon 01-Oct-12 09:57:30

The hot date is Thursday! We chatted for hours on the phone then he asked me out again smile We'll only have a couple of hours unfortunately but gonna make the most of it. May even snog (squeals with excitement).

It's weird but he's not my usual type arsehole He's not a strapping six-footer but he has a lovely energy about him and I can see us being friends as well as lovers, which is what I want. Yay for normal, indeed smile

Aaargh must stop overthinking!

Sponge abso-fucking-lutely. Great to hear you sounding so sparky. smile

Moving That's okay then - irritability is a red flag imo.

Miranda - big step! It'll all be fine I'm sure, esp going on his nickname!

Watch - glad you had an ace birthday smile

Am all over the place this morning, but in a good way.

ChaoticismyLife Mon 01-Oct-12 10:07:16

Morning smile

Time good luck

Miranda enjoy smile

sponge hope you get your virus thingy sorted out soon

watch totally agree with you about 'the rules', it's just game playing.

I'd rather be on my own than with someone for the sake of being with someone.

ChaoticismyLife Mon 01-Oct-12 10:07:51

Oops, meant to say if I've missed someone wrt fb friends then let me know.

lubeybooby Mon 01-Oct-12 10:11:49

Hello all!

Watch glad you had a good birthday and hurrah for being organised indeed

Latest update from me

All back on again with blokeychap. He won me over. Looooooong story but basically he was happy to take it from both barrels from me about what a twat he's been and what he needs to do to stop being a twat and having this silly hot/cold on/off thing with me. He accepted it all and we talked for ages going over and over everything.

However, the move is back on too - he has resigned and feels it's something he has to do. HK job offer is on the table with a better package than before, and he also has an interview in the states on the 15th.

We did talk about this as well though and agreed to make the most of the time before he goes and then see what happens from there. I did suspect this would come up again because he's been doing 100hr weeks and well, he's always wanted to work abroad so I couldn't see that ever going away. It's fine though I can handle not having him around as long as it's for a decent reason and not silly faffing about!

I have Mr iPhone in the pipeline too... I cancelled my coffee with him this week because I've got a cold and I'm just too busy but I will sort it out at some point.

goodthinking99 Mon 01-Oct-12 10:16:34

Thanks Watch, Time, Sponge - I hear you, I hear you! It is all totally random and nothing means anything, until such times as it might mean something wink. I'm just a bit irked that something I was looking forward to vanished in the mist, but I'll chalk it up and move on.

Hoping the luck of the draw proves entertaining (at least once!) for us all.

ChaoticismyLife Mon 01-Oct-12 10:18:13

lubey glad you got things sorted to your satisfaction.

Yogagirl17 Mon 01-Oct-12 10:27:01

Just wanted to check in and say good morning - sounds like lots of positive vibes going round for folks.

Personally I'm in a angry mood this morning due to XH be himself a total prick again but not going to hijack this thread with his horrid behaviour. Have started a separate thread just to vent.

Been having the occassional email chat with Mr60 which is nice, although I now accept its not going anywhere. Like having him to talk to though.

shuckleberryfinn Mon 01-Oct-12 10:29:18

Blugh, you guys have been busy! I'll catch up after a a tonne of coffee if that's ok.

FWB night was a long and mostly sleepless one. There was lots of lovelyness and a tonne of very very pleasant touching and stroking and teasing and massive snogging sessions but I'm not 100 per cent that it's a good idea to keep doing it. On the other hand I want to keep doing it. Help me.

The bus journey home made me feel like a shamed teenager too..

right, off to catch up with the thread.

Movingforward123 Mon 01-Oct-12 10:30:10

* oh no he didn't sound irritated just completely knackard!

He has defiantly been more quite after our date so will see if he becomes more chatty over this week again!

I'm wondering if I should ask him if me being a sex manic has put him off a little when we are talking? In a jokey way! confused

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 10:41:55

Moving no, no, no, just don't mention it!

Shuckle - why do you think you don't want to keep on with the FWB set up?

snapespeare Mon 01-Oct-12 12:54:11

watch Glad you had a lovely day - can't wait to find out what Mr L has got you for your Bday! smile

ohWestern - great news re the optician! smile

Moving Christ, no. never apologise for your sexuality! although if he's complaining your sexual appetite is greater than his, I'd be wary. I think you're storing up trouble if he's not that into 'it' hmm

Madame O :-) at your non-kinky chap. lovely! smile

lubey pleased for you and Blokey bloke - the LDR is a PITA though, but like the attitude of seeing where it goes and how you feel when it comes to pass.

shuckle evening sounds lovely. smile but whats occuring?

DS1 off of school again today. this is very bad. have taken away xbox and all computer related items. he was up until 4AM (because thats when he very kindly came through and woke me up to tell me he was going to bed now angry) have been fucking cow-bag of mother in returning new kitten to the rescue as it tried to eat my eyes and shits everywhere and I can't cope with any additional stress at the moment. DS2 in tears. floods of tears, i feel like a total c*nt. no nearer resolving financial stress, but I'm chipping away... seeing real-work boss on wednesday for a chat.

PM away for work for the rest of the week. makes me feel miserable/unsettled when there's a bunch of stressful stuff going on. Am now at point of view where I just can't keep being his substitute platonic wife-type-person, it's getting too painful. three weeks until BD-day.

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 13:27:39

Snape hang on in there. It will get better, honestly it will. Have you talked to anyone about DS1 and the school stuff? If school are sympathetic and helpful it could take a bit of the stress off you. Don't worry about the kitten, they find new homes easily not like the older ones.

Have now changed my mind about the optician and am going to jump him tomorrow grin . . . or maybe not . . . god, I don't know!!! I think I want to but don't want to cock things up, for want of a better phrase.

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 13:44:34

I'm back! Thanks for the good luck smile It went really well and I am floating with positivity!!

Watch once again I agree with you. I don't like rules, I prefer the take it as it comes approach. I think there is a danger of over thinking when it comes to dating which takes away the fun element of it. There's plenty of time for thinking about 'stuff' when the date becomes an actual relationship, so until it does just enjoy it and don't get too hung up on it.

Lubey do you think that it's possible he wanted the HK thing all along? I did wonder when you said he had backed off if he was regretting not having gone for it and his subdued mood was more about him pondering his future than it was about the relationship with you. I'm pleased you are feeling fine about it smile

Hi to everyone else!

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 13:48:49

Sorry you are having such a crap time Snape. You did the right thing with the kitten, absolutely, so don't be affected by the emotional blackmail wink You are also doing the right thing by DS1, we don't reward bad behaviour, simple as. You are being a good parent, setting boundaries, and raising your children to be great adults, again, don't be affected by the emotional blackmail! They will thank you for it one day, my now adult children do, so it's worth it in the long run. Hang on in there lovely smile

ChaoticismyLife Mon 01-Oct-12 14:10:05

snape sorry you're having such a rough time right now sad

I agree with everything Time has just said. Remember we're here for you to offload to when you need/want to.

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 01-Oct-12 15:52:44

snape - bless you. Its a lot for one person, at one time. We are here to offload on to whenever you want.
DS2 will understand the kitten at somepoint im sure.
What are the school doing to help? are they on board? 4AM??!?!!?!? fuck. I have no experience with teenagers, other than being one.. my mum would have roasted me alive had i of done that. My old work collegue regulary used to take her sons gaming stuff off them and keep it at work, because they were prone to doing the same thing. Just a total, outright ban. I dont know, must be really difficult. We arent a gaming family, fuck, i only just got a laptop, 3 days in and we are both arguing over whos go it is... i can see its really easy for hours and hours to pass by.

And hopefully wed talk with boss might help. Its rubbish, when the shit hits the fan and you are on your own ( having had a major stress these last few months, i know how much it all hangs on your shoulders) BUT, sometimes things that appear to be awfully shit at the time, turn out ok, you just have to ride the wave of shit for a period of time.

Hang on in there.

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 16:10:54

Tell me honestly, do you think it will alter how things go if I sleep with him tomorrow? Part of me really wants to, part of me is saying wait. This will be date 3 - I don't want to be a three date stand! What do blokes honestly think about this sort of thing? I was brought up with very much a "nice girls don't" mentality and I still have vestiges of that lurking in my mind even today. He's a couple of years older than me and was probably brought up with the same sorts of values, don't want him to think less of me if I do do it! Sorry, massive ramble there but I just really don't know what to do.

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 01-Oct-12 16:28:26

western, i think it makes no difference. If hes out for only sex ( and you wont really know this, we have all had men who have waited quite a few dates, or even promised future dates etc.... to get laid) then he will be only out for sex, nothing you do or dont do will change that.

He he likes you, and is wanting sex with you, as opposed to just sex ( with anyone) then he will still be around after.

So - do what you want to do smile

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 16:30:43

He's said he doesn't want to rush me or push me into anything I'm not comfortable with, so the pressure's really coming from within me! I know he would be up for it though . . . grin

snapespeare Mon 01-Oct-12 16:34:27


DS1 has phoned to say school attendance officer has been round. great. Hopefully this will give him a boot up the arse.

I want to go to bed and eat cheese. instead I am going to PMs hairdresser to get my hair cut and dyed because we are basically married except for the tedious bit about having a romance, or sex, or a piece of paper and we have the same hairdresser now, because he passed on his 40% off discount

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 16:39:32

Have the cheese when you get back, though.

MadameOvary Mon 01-Oct-12 16:45:55

Western What Watch said. If it's right, it's right. You're either putting off the inevitable or you aren't. Sorry that probably doesn't help.

Snape You had no choice re kitten. Even someone without the added stresses would have done the same. I'm sorry to hear about your work situation, having seen what you do now I was all ready to say "wow, how fab" etc. Hope it sorts itself out SOON.

Who was talking about cosmic ordering? I have done one of those mood/wish board things. Could you try that?

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 16:58:34

MadameO what is this mood/wish board thing you speak of? Please. smile

Snape you will feel much better after a bit of pampering. I do hope DS1 is prepared to pay any fine which the attendance officer may issue if he doesn't get his arse into gear and get back to school. It was so much easier in the olden days, when you could send kids up chimneys or down mines to earn their keep. wink

Western Speaking as someone who hasn't had sex for a while, I say shag him.

snapespeare Mon 01-Oct-12 16:59:03

the cheese is MINE! smile

madameO, I'm only on secondment where I am just now, need to go back to my 'proper' job in October. I'm going to miss being here. (just to compound my misery!) it's my 'proper job' that is causing the problems.

western the rules are bilge. 'good' girls hmm act a certain disingeniousway to 'snare' a man, they subdue their sexuality because they don't want to be thoughtof as 'easy' or up-for-it. I read an article in the (cough!) Daily Mail that cited a large proportion of shagging-on-the-first-date or apparent ONS's that turned into long, happy, succesful relationships. If you want to have sex with the chap, have sex with the chap.

A quote - that is not going in the notebook - from 'chances are'

[Corinne hasn't had sex since her husband died 20 years ago] Corinne: I don't know if it's just his body I'm attracted to or his soul... or if it's just me. Oh, I'm feeling generally... attracted. The truth is, I'm so ripe I'm about to fall off the vine.


snapespeare Mon 01-Oct-12 17:00:28


oh for FUCKS SAKE!

that's my cheese money!


TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 17:04:22

<eeek> Sorry Snape. But yes, around here you do get slapped with a fine for failure to attend the institution that is school. Or you could go to jail instead, treat it as a holiday. They have pool tables and everything. And cheese. Not that I've ever been, you understand.

MirandaWest Mon 01-Oct-12 17:14:25

western , Mr Nice and I spent all day in bed on our third date. And 5 months later he's still around smile

snape I hope all the crapness sorts itself out. Very soon.

MadameOvary Mon 01-Oct-12 17:15:11

Time Fashion designers use "mood boards" to encapsulate the feel of the show - it'll be a display board with pictures and buzz words designed to amp up the mood/feeling that the designer is trying to portray using the clothes and models.

Wish Boards are similar - you basically take a space and stick up pictures of what you would like, your ideal house, some money, a good job. You can state your wishes in words too. My mood board consists of some cuttings from the Toast Catalogue basically I'd like my whole life to look like that with statements about aspects of my life as I would like them stuck on top.

If nothing else it helps focus what you want in life but the general idea is that it attracts positive energy because you have put it "out there" I love this idea, you get to piss about with scissors and glue, what's not to like? grin

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 01-Oct-12 17:17:00

there needs to be an app for that really....

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 17:20:59

Ahhhh! Thank you MadamO. Love it!! In fact, I watched The Secret recently, and it featured a man who had done exactly as you describe and only when packing up to move from his house, finding the board, did he realise he had actually been living in the dream house he had pinned years before. Have you read or seen The Secret? I found it really empowering and it certainly changed my way of thinking. I can highly recommend it. smile

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 17:23:08

Pinterest is an online pinning board that you could adapt for your personal goals and dreams.

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 01-Oct-12 17:32:36

And there goes my chance at dragons den... smile

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 17:34:41


hatesponge Mon 01-Oct-12 17:43:06

western honestly you can't tell. Second all of the above advice - if he's going to stick around he will, regardless. I once dated someone for about 6 weeks, went out loads of times( this was pre-DC) and after we spent the night together I never heard from him again. So you never really know.

snape massive sympathies re DS1, you know I have similar issues with my own DS. It is crap, the Evil Ex doesn't want to know because DS isn't his son (he brought him up from the age of 18 months or so, but biologically not) so I'm always on my own with it. Tis v v hard. I feel most of the time as though I have completely failed DS and if I was a better parent he'd be happier sad

On a lighter note, my snogging partner was back at work today. I have caught him looking in my direction several times. I have blushed when he's walked past me. All v awkward and embarrassing blush

MadameOvary Mon 01-Oct-12 17:48:39

Haven't read/seen "The Secret" Time will have a look. Basically my attitude is, be kind, as far as possible do what is right/best, don't be selfish and when shit things happen, they happen for a reason. Know who you are, be true to that and if you are a good person you will attract good energies.
Which all sounds about as "woo" as you get, but having a) been a toerag in my early years and b) not being religious, it's a close to a belief system as I get.

For example, I'm lucky enough to get three hours free babysitting a week through a voluntary service. The woman called me recently and said that would be coming to end as I'd had a year of it. At first I was really disappointed but then realised that it was someone else's turn to benefit from the support. I'm in a much better place than I was a year ago and because there is a waiting list it would be selfish of me to try and prolong it. The woman who runs it is very kind and caught me on a bad day, so she's not done anything about it, but I'm going to tell her that it's ok and it's someone else's turn smile

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 17:54:50

It will pass Sponge. Try not to take it personally, teenagers full of hormones, up and down emotions that even they don't understand, not having the maturity to express how they feel without lip curling and slamming doors, thinking they know best and refusing to listen to parents. It is hard and it is one of those situations where you just have to ride the storm, knowing that it doesn't last forever. And their behaviour does not make us bad parents. You are not a bad parent, if you were you wouldn't care, and you do care smile

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 01-Oct-12 17:56:36

I absolutely agree with you MadameO smile You should read or watch The Secret, you will love it, it will confirm everything you think and feel.

OhWesternWind Mon 01-Oct-12 18:12:06

So, I'll be shagging him then grin grin

Probably. . .

Loving it that there's no pressure from him, he is very respectful of how I'm feeling about things. So I'm feeling pretty much in control of how things will go tomorrow, which will be good either way.

MadameOvary Mon 01-Oct-12 18:46:15

This is for Watch but others might find it useful smile
Puppy or Pest?

ChaoticismyLife Mon 01-Oct-12 19:29:31

Interesting MadameO

What is The Secret? confused

Western if you want to shag him then shag him.

MadameOvary Mon 01-Oct-12 20:21:40

The Secret aka simple cheery outlook grin

ChaoticismyLife Mon 01-Oct-12 20:30:37

Thanks MadameO smile

So basically all I have to do is think about winning the lottery often enough then buy a ticket and win the lottery grin

MadameOvary Mon 01-Oct-12 21:03:47

In essence, you live your life as if you have already won the lottery. You project the bliss of knowing your bills will always be paid, the joy of dishing out to your favourite charity, the glee of surprising your mates with a limo ride to Harvey Nicks (or whatever). It's all a bit hokey really, but I do believe that positivity attracts positivity.

snapespeare Mon 01-Oct-12 21:05:36

My head is stripey. I'm not entirely sure about this...

PM: I bet it looks amazing, I don't think I've ever seen you with your hair down. Show it off!
Me: I'm saving it for the lesbians. ;-)

No notebook today, hair trauma. something planned for tomorrow though... I have 13 pages to go.

<waves at all, nothing constructive to say>

MirandaWest Mon 01-Oct-12 21:12:35

I like your stripes head smile

I have too many things to do and so am doing none of them....hmm

MirandaWest Mon 01-Oct-12 21:13:07

Should have been stripey head <darn you autocorrect>

fayster Mon 01-Oct-12 21:16:33

Hello all.

Western, do whatever feels right at the time. Please know that I am very envy.

Snape, eat cheese.

Watch, we're still waiting to hear what he gave you. And whether or not you gave him the push.

snapespeare Mon 01-Oct-12 21:23:04

watch. Multiple orgasm? Scratchy red nylon underwear? Peep-hole bra? Cushion? ENGAGEMENT RING?!?!?!

MirandaWest Mon 01-Oct-12 21:27:51

We need to know grin

hatesponge Mon 01-Oct-12 21:33:00

Engagement ring would be funny (though not for poor Watch!)

I'm betting on nasty nylon undergarments.

Or the mouse he's finally caught in his bedroom, to keep as a pet? grin

The suspense is at least distracting me from my various woes...

Ps - Fab hair Snape! V envy

ChaoticismyLife Mon 01-Oct-12 21:52:01

Love the hair snape

Yogagirl17 Mon 01-Oct-12 21:52:17

Hi. Still feeling sorry for myself. Shit day. Shit XH saying shit things to me all day then looks totally surprised when I tell him he's not welcome to spend time in my home. Nevermind. Sorry other people having a shitty day too. Snape hope you sort things out with DS - I dread to think what DD will be like when she becomes an actual teenager (instead of just thinking she's one).
Western sleep with him! In all seriousness, if the chemistry is good and if it feels right then do it. And enjoy it. And don't feel guilty about it. Don't let some outdated sense of morality spoil things for you. Trust your instincts - you'll know what's right.
Watch well????

hatesponge Mon 01-Oct-12 22:18:23

Still waiting for Watch's update!

Yoga sorry about your crappy day. I find with the Evil Ex the ONLY way I can deal with him is literally not to engage at all. All our communication is by text. No conversation, I never see him face to face. That way he knows nothing about my life, and I don't get drawn into arguments with him.

PFWB text me this morning, haven't replied to his last couple of texts, not deliberate, just other stuff going on. So today he sends me one saying 'Hello...are you ignoring me?' to which I replied that I wasn't, asked how he was. And no reply! Wish I HAD bloody ignored him now hmm

Yogagirl17 Mon 01-Oct-12 22:53:47

Thanks sponge still trying to figure out how to do that.

hatesponge Mon 01-Oct-12 23:25:50

Yoga the Evil Ex and I split up 4 years ago, I've only been in the current non-engaged state for a little over 2 years, so it took me a good while - and an awful lot of crap from him - to get there.

Final straw was when (despite us long being over, and him being in a new relationship) he whacked another bloke over the head at a party simply for speaking to me. Which pretty much put paid to any further attempt on my part to be friendly...

MadameOvary Tue 02-Oct-12 07:44:37

Yoga if you want to call me for a vent please do, I'm quite well-practiced in dealing with these fuckers smile

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 08:32:22

dum dum dum..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................


Actually lovely presents, proving that he does indeed know me quite well. The card however was the best, i dont know where he got it, but its an illustration from my favourite part of my favourite book. ( and also fav film) Im going to have to get it framed, because its lovely.
He also got me a massive zebra print dressing gown... smile which i love. AND a book by derren brown, that im really going to enjoy. No nylon. And actually thoughtful things that he knew i would love. And of course lots and lots of orgasms.

he also spentr ages sorting out my phone backing up/ pics/ upgragde for me, while i laid on his lap.

he is nice. MadameO - there isnt anything sinister about him, i know the signs, im literally his first girlfriend, so, hes mooning after me in the style teenagers do really. Its just that seems a little out of place sometimes, because im not 18. But there isnt any malice or manilpiulation there.

I do like spending time with him, its not under duress, its just i know this isnt a long term thing because he sometimes annoys the shit out of me because we are very different people.

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 09:28:53

Ooh Watch lovely presents. I wonder if that's going to make it harder to end things...? sounds like you had a fab birthday though. smile

Sponge & MadameO thanks for support and advice -really, it means a lot. He is such a fucking prick. He introduces DCs to OW and then tells me it was an accident. He tells me OD is just a way for peadophiles to get access to our children. (NOT that I discuss these things with him - he found out ages ago before i realised he'd hacked into my email account!) He tells me it's my own fault I"m having financial problems because instead of paying a lawyer I should have just trusted him to do the right thing by me! Or sometimes it's my friends' fault or my lawyer's fault. (Never his fault for fucking some skank). This week it was all about a big decision we needed to make for DD. He told me how much we needed to work "together" & that if I wouldn't discuss it with him I clearly didn't care about her. Then when I arranged a meeting with him he cancelled it and decided I had no say in the matter but continued to send me emails telling me I was the one being confrontational, angry etc...he's just a big bully who does what he likes.

But I actually got some very good advice yesterday (from Mr60 who I know I shouldn't be talking to but can't help myself blush). He's helped me realised that I have to accept i have absolutely no control over XH's behaviour - like you say sponge, the only answer is to disengage. Still have to communicate - and even see him occasionally because he sees the DCs regularly. But I do have control over what goes on under my own roof. XH has gotten used to 'popping in' after work to visit with the kids. This is the family home and technically he still owns half. But I had it put into our separation agreement that he no longer has any 'rights of occupancy' which means he can not be here without my permission. So I finally told him last night he can come here only to pick up or drop off DCs but when he wants to visit with them he has to do it somewhere else. The look on his face was priceless and almost worth all of yesterday's aggravation.

Sponge - everything ok with you? MadameO how's things with your new man?

hatesponge Tue 02-Oct-12 09:38:32

Yoga the Evil Ex still owns part (not half - in his dreams) of this house but I never let him come in - when he comes to collect the boys he waits outside in the car, doesn't even knock (cos he knows I won't let him in) and phones the boys to say he's there. When he drops them off he just waits to check they're inside then goes. Hence until we did mediation earlier this year I'd not so much as seen him for 2 years. It seems odd I know to keep this sort of distance from your DC's father but speaking from my own experience it is the best way smile

No real change here, but hoping tomorrow will bring some good news in more ways than one.

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 09:39:44

yoga - you are both still at the hurt and furious stage, its hard. But disengaging is the best, dont get drawn into any conversation about things other than your children. then you dont get stupid arguments. For a peroid of time i had to have all communication via email. If he started via that i just ignored it. Or if it was a point i just told him to deal with it via the solicitor.
You will wear yourself out otherwise.
At some point it will all calm down, he cant keep it up forever....

Snape - like the hair smile

sponge - have you heard from the boy or was it just a one off?

MadameOvary Tue 02-Oct-12 09:40:12

Yoga - attagirl! grin He sounds like yer classic emotional abuser. If you ever want to talk, drop me a PM.
Watch - very happy to be proved wrong smile

Science Boy is, so far, lovely. Always replies to texts, not too fast, not too slow, seems sweetly keen. Date set for Thursday which he hopes he can make (has set thing he does and hopes to change) but if he doesn't I won't take it personally.

I don't know if it's a co-incidence but since I started taking a Starflower Oil and Evening Primrose Oil Supplement a few days ago I feel quite supercharged! The first night I took them I had an awesome, vivid and rather filthy dream about Alan Rickman blush and mood is generally better and energy levels higher.

Not an advert honest! But in case anyone has low mood/PMS maybe try it?

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 09:52:33

I am quite willing to partake in herbal remedies if the pay-off is a raunchy Alan rickman dream <drifts off>

watch glad pressies were nice. when are you going to dump him? hmm wink

yoga how infuriating. really, i do feel for you, amazing how him sticking his cock in some skank is totally by the by and everything is now your fault. have a (hug-type-thing) and do come on here to swear a lot about the twat. twat.

sponge hello! hope youir news tomorrow is the best news. smile

thank you for hair compliments. is weird, i feel like a woman. grin men people are gawping at me on my commute shock I dont want the green dress anymore for the lesbian ball, i want something black and fitted with sheer arms that costs less than a tenner and is on ebay because i put my underwear on this morning and looked in the mirror and i looked 'alright'.

nice emails from the prof in America, sent a photo of him and his colleague/friend standing in front of a town sigh 'population 11'. smile he makes me smile.

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:03:58

I once had a very dirty dream about Lawrence Luellen Bowen. In my defence I was heavily pregnant and hormones were doing strange things to me. hmm

Science Boy sounds good. Snape, those lesbians aren't going to know what to do with themselves! grin

Sponge - doesn't sound weird at all the EvilEx waits in the car. I wish I could get XH to that - kids are certainly old enough. Last night he had to drop off some of their stuff. I tried to stand in the doorway and just take it from him but he literally pushed his way past me. Of course he then had stood awkwardly in the hall when he realised he wasn't welcome and eventually went and sat outside on the steps to have a quick chat with DD.

MadameOvary Tue 02-Oct-12 10:07:14

Snape Get yerself a pair of sheer sleeves! Tight, Black, all the way up your arm. I wear silk and cashmere ones I made from and old jumper. It's great as you get to flash a bit of skin and avoid sweaty pits Very sexy.
Science Boy admired mine and said they look "very Audrey Hepburn" which hadn't occured to me, I thought they looked quite grungy smile

ChaoticismyLife Tue 02-Oct-12 10:22:11

I'll keep those supplements in mind. Even in my dreams I never get any these days, I always wake up just before anything happens angry

Dictionary definition of Yoga's ex - twat, cunt, wanker, twunt, wankbadger, arse...add yours here grin

Yoga keep putting those boundaries in place and don't react to his idiocy. He'll get fed up when he realises he isn't getting the reaction he wants.

I like the sound of the sheer sleeves. I've always thought a little left to the imagination is a good thing and sheer sleeves fits that perfectly.

watch nice presents. Now what are you going to do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~to everyone.

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 10:27:43

im not going to do anything right now. We have a paid for thing in a few weeks, not cancelling that.

Its difficult. Its not him, and its not me, hes not awful, some thing he does just bug the shit out of me. I dont know if its because hes a bit crap at some things or if im just very set in my ways and to used to being on my own to put up with someone else and their quirks, you know, remembering i once dumped a fwb for bringing an overnight bag....

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:28:48

LOL Chaotic grin

DoingItForMyself Tue 02-Oct-12 10:37:08

Oooh MmeO I'm about to start taking EPO supplements to try and boost my sad old bosoms (new POF man is definitely a boob man!) so glad to hear they have other benefits too.

I am reading all the posts but can't manage to squeeze in a reply to any of them before the thread has moved on - they do move fast these OD threads don't they. Just shows what exciting lives we single folk lead!

DoingItForMyself Tue 02-Oct-12 10:46:48

WRT to the sleeping with a bloke on the first date thing, I had lots of ONSs in my youth, many of which didn't go any further, but then had a holiday fling, which was about a 3NS which continued at home and turned into my 13 year marriage (& look how well that turned out hmm )

Also I went to bed with POF guy on the first date, didn't have full-on sex, but as good as, then we had sex on our 2nd date, coffee the next day and he's coming over tonight. Both still just as keen and at least I know what I'm in for and know that we really hit it off in that way, as well as being really into each other's personalities!

He too was very respectful and didn't want me to rush it, although he did say that perhaps we should have waited til I could stay the night instead of having to get home for a babysitter, so maybe that's something to consider.

If you leave it too long you build it up in your mind and it could be a huge (or small!) disappointment! And TBH, if we hadn't slept together I'd still be gutted if he dumped me now as we get on so well, so the sex is a bit irrelevant in that respect.

MadameOvary Tue 02-Oct-12 10:52:07

It's 7 C's EPO and Starflower Oil (I've abbreviated so as not to blatantly advertise) I'd really like to know how others find it. I'm practically speeding! It's like being on Ritalin or something (not that I know!) The real test will be when I pass mid-cycle point and start heading towards what would normally be PMT.

Am mindful that I may crash but I hope not. This is fun smile

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:57:18

Might give the starflower oil a try.

Snape (or anyone really) - need a good quote or lyric to the effect of "what a difference a year makes" but clever than that. Want something to post on FB on Thursday.

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 11:31:04

Yoga, do you even want to post that on FB? its not directly communicating with him, but it shows you are still kind of wrapped up with it all enough to warrant mentioning it, even if its in a fuck you, type way. Maybe think about doing something special for yourself that day?

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 11:45:22

Guess who has a second date with pirate beard? ME!

putthelimeinthecoconut Tue 02-Oct-12 11:49:01

Hi guys can I join in? I'm new to mumsnet (this is my first post!) not sure if I should be on here really, I'm not a mum but it looks like a friendly place where people give good advice smile
I've been lurking on these threads and love reading about everyones dating stories. I've just moved to a new area and have no friends yet so I decided to give POF a's scary! Joined last night and have been flooded with messages, any advice on sorting the wheat from the chaff?

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 11:54:33

watch - it's not really about him. It's my birthday. Last year this time I was being showered with an elaborate array of parties & presents, including a trip away, a surprise party and tickets to a concert where he spent the whole night texting OW, which just highlights what a sham it all was. This year DD (11) is cooking me dinner and making cupcakes. Present from DCs will probably have cost under a tenner. I'm thrilled. And so much more at peace even though I had no idea at the time what he was up to. So it's really about me and my state of mind. Do you know for YEARS I had the worst insomnia. These days I regularly wake up shocked to realise I've slept for a solid 7 hours.

Yay for second date with beardy pirate!!

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 12:08:06

beary pirate! yay!

does beardy pirate know of mr puppy? hmm

<waves> at Lime. dleete anyone who initially messages you with 'hi babez, how r u?' delete smut, delete unsolicited penis pics (but first post them in the secret fb group..) consdier joining local activity group for something that you enjoy to meet people you could feasiably get along with and have something to talk about. smile

yoga i'll have a rustle around my sites - i like ''

unexpected £90 credit to spend on littlewoods. all dresses manky. hmm

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 12:11:36

ugh. littlewoods auto-redirected itself with a url. sneaky! apologies for that - i didnt mean to link....

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 12:12:04

yoga, i get that smile was talking to a friend the other month, shes now divorced. She was saying how before she had ' everything' two top of the range cars, exotic holidays, shopping when ever she wanted, but it wasnt real. Now she has ' nothing' she is on benefits, but says she has never been happier. Now she has ' everything'
I feel the same, my birthday was fab, what more could somone want than to spend the day with people that love them. People that you know, no matter what, would have your back. Its not about the money spent, nor the words, but the actions.
I dont care for the presents,not one bit, wouldnt bother me if i had none, what is important is the thought.

Seeing pirate sat and puppy fri. gah. Feel a bit like im treading the line BUT its only a second date......

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 12:14:11

and again... hmm

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 12:16:02

no snape - he doesnt know. I shall see what happens, second date might not happen, or could fall flat. Will kind of wait it out and then ill have to decide what to do.

what dress - cant see a link?

lime - think about what you do want, be free with the delete and block button, dont feel like you have to be polite and reply if you dont want to, andfeel free to search and send messages first.

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 12:17:52

(sorry - 'and again' hmm directed at 'small collection of trees' website auto-linking, not watchs busy social calendar.... smile

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 12:19:37

didnt try to link! mumsnet just auto-linked to the website in question when i typed the website name. very strange.

MadameOvary Tue 02-Oct-12 12:23:22

Yoga What about just writing "Happy" with a wee heart? There is no better fuck-you to the past!
Yeah, the "real" thing resonates with me as well.
Have ditched OKC and ISawYou, not before messaging a very cute man on OKC and am now emailing him. Just chat for now, all good.

Lime Welcome! Personally I wouldn't touch POF, I went with OK Cupid. The messive advantage there is that you can spot a personality flaw (if they're good enough to state them) with statements "All same-sex relationships are wrong" hmm or stuff like "Intelligence does nothing for me either way" or my personal favourite re anal sex "I like it/I think I'd quite like it" eeewwwwww (severe vanilla emoticon)

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Oct-12 12:49:54

Hiya Lime and welcome! I am a relative newbie myself, been doing online dating since July and had about eight/nine dates so far. It's mainly been fun although there are some strange people about! I have been on various sites, started off on a paying one but am now on PoF as it got a bit expensive, and tbh I can't say I have noticed a real difference in the quality. Must say, I've not had any of the famous willie pics either . . .

You do get some strange messages, so the main thing to say is, don't feel compelled to reply. If someone just writes a couple of words, I never bother replying, and if it's something making inappropriate remarks about how I look I don't reply either. Beautiful/stunning/classy etc I can deal with, sexy is a non-starter for a first message! I might get slated for this, but I generally only respond to people with a level of education that matches mine. Didn't do this once as the guy seemed like a genuine person, and although he was, we were not at all suited. Weed them out by whatever criteria suit you, and don't be afraid to have a look round and message ones that you like.

Above all, and this is easier said than done (as you will see from my many wobbly posts!!) treat it as fun and don't get over-involved early on. It's really easy to do that especially if you've been messaging them for a while. If you are okay with what you hear after a week or so of messaging, go in for the date! It doesn't mean anything until you've met and can see what they are like in real life. (I've had a couple of shocks, one who was at least five years older than he admitted to, but tbh more good surprises than bad!)

Sorry, that was a bit of an essay smile. Do you want to return the favour and advise me about sleeping with people on Date 3??!! Decision has to be made tonight grin

putthelimeinthecoconut Tue 02-Oct-12 12:56:16

snape thanks (love your notebook btw) is it ok just to delete? I feel bad! Not had any penis pics yet, not something I'm looking forward to! Have looked for local groups to join but can't find any. This moving to a new place on my own is harder than I thought it would be sad

madame is OK Cupid free? Sounds better than POF. Anything that helps my twat radar function would be good, it seems to be completely off if my last relationship is anything to go by!

Sorry if I get anyone confused on here, it moves so fast! will try to keep up smile

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 13:03:01

thanks lime blush yes, just delete, people grow a hard-skin soon enough. smile I like OKC far better than POF, for the reasons Madame O gave. smile

Not sure what to suggest re local area and new people - I'd be inclined to start something - a book club? crafting circle? choir? whatever you enjoy...

Movingforward123 Tue 02-Oct-12 13:05:57

Ok me wealthy is still being very quite, but trying to contact me a little!

Last night he text saying he had a shit day and went to the gym so will call me today!

Then I had a missed call from him at 12.30 today, called him back half an hour later and he said he couldn't talk as was going into one of his stores! And he will call me later then said in 20mins!

He is a area manager so maybe he is just very busy! But last week he was a area manager and was texting me all day long and chatting for ages on the phone last night confused

putthelimeinthecoconut Tue 02-Oct-12 13:09:30

western thank you, I have had a few of the sexy and babe comments and some just saying 'hi how are you?' I guess I'll just have to be ruthless and delete. I'm a bit catious because I was chatting to my ex a lot on fb before we got together and he turned out to be a completely different person to what I thought he was! So not going to take the messaging too seriously. Think I'm too scared to actually go on a date at the moment though blush

I think you should go for it if you want to, just see how it goes. I slept with a few of my exes on the first date and it was never an issue. Hope it goes well either way smile

putthelimeinthecoconut Tue 02-Oct-12 13:17:33

snape I wouldn't know how to start something...I'm a bit shy! Will have to get out a bit more. I do have a friend coming to visit soon, this is his home town so I'm going to demand that he takes me out and introduces me to all his friends grin

DoingItForMyself Tue 02-Oct-12 13:37:42

Lime if you want to be really choosy you can always hide your profile and only send messages to the guys you like the look of first (they can see your profile when you message them or add them to your favourites). I found this way I felt more in control of the situation and less likely to end up with people who live too far away, or are too old/smokers etc. You can

Good luck! I'm hoping I've found mine, but if it all goes wrong I'll definitely be back on there as its nowhere near as bad as people make out if you use it right.

DoingItForMyself Tue 02-Oct-12 13:40:27

oh and I would add, that I found it best to jump in with a date sooner rather than later, even if just coffee, to save building any expectations. Even the lovely guy I met doesn't look anything like his photos, which were 2 years out of date, but he is still gorgeous and we get on well. He said mine all looked different too and he didn't know who was going to turn up, curly haired woman, straight haired woman, the one with the hat?! There's no substitute for actual face to face contact.

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 13:42:51

okc does seem to be better than pof. But it very much depends on area. There are something like 16 men in the 30- 37 age bracket in a 50 mile radius of me on okc - slim pickings.....

also - paid sites dont tend to be any better than free ones.

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 13:46:04

Snap have you ever read/seen the Griffin & Sabine books by Nick Bantock? They remind me a little of your notebook

putthelimeinthecoconut Tue 02-Oct-12 13:57:30

doing Thank you that's a very good idea, I think I'll do that. Sounds like you found a good one. Did you message him first? how long were you chatting before meeting?
watch I guess that's the good thing about POF, plenty of traffic. I think I will give okc a go and stay on POF with a hidden profile, my messages seem to be tailing off a bit though, which is a good thing I think confused

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 14:30:08

yoga just when i thought I had read everything... grin

'...some sources describe the artwork as disturbing' (!) shock

hatesponge Tue 02-Oct-12 14:57:36

lime what I would say is irrespective of what site you're on, it really is all down to luck, there's no science to it. hence there's no right or wrong way to go about it tbh, yes don't waste time feeling you have to reply to every message, but unfortunately however you weed men out there's no guarantee of finding one that's even half decent (or if he is, that it will go anywhere beyond a first date). Sorry to sound cynical about it, but that's what years of internet dating does to you... smile

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 15:24:23

Snape - Personally I wouldn't say it was disturbing. Different maybe, thought provoking, interesting... It's basically a love story told through a series of letters and postcards but each page is designed to look like an actual handwritten letter or card with drawings on every page and the letters actually come out of the envelopes. Haven't found anything for myself yet but here's a quote for you, from Tom Robbins' Jitterbug Perfume: "The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being. The difference between love and logic is that in the eyes of a lover, a toad can be a prince, whereas in the analysis of a logistician the lover would have to prove that the toad was a prince, an enterprise destined to dull the shine of many a passion."

DoingItForMyself Tue 02-Oct-12 17:05:24

Lime I was actually supposed to meet another guy, but while browsing I saw this one and popped him in my favourites, not realising that he would know that!

He sent me a message saying "Hi, I'm xx. I agree with lots of your likes/dislikes particularly xxx. I'm not sure how much can be learned from messages, perhaps we could meet for a coffee to see how we get on."

I explained that I was booked up to go out with the other guy and didn't think it was right to see 2 people at the same time, but if the other one was a nutter I'd let him know and we could meet up. He said he liked my principles and hoped the other guy was a nutter so he'd get to meet me! As it happened I was ill with a horrible cold-y virus, cancelled the other guy and once I was better I said I'd taken the opportunity to switch it around and would like to meet him first.

Best virus ever!!!

We sent a couple more messages about when/where to meet etc, but I didn't want to get into chatting a lot in case I ran out of things to say when I met him. As it happens that has not been a problem as we have talked about literally everything from marriage, kids, hobbies, music, class A drugs, holidays, exes, porn, bum sex, cars...! Its like I've known him forever - in fact I feel like I know him better already than I ever knew my STBXH!

DoingItForMyself Tue 02-Oct-12 17:06:52

Yoga, that quote is great and illustrates quite clearly why myself & STBXH (the ultimate logistician) were never suited!

putthelimeinthecoconut Tue 02-Oct-12 17:40:02

sponge I'm already cynical and that's without the years of online dating lol. I'm starting to wonder if I'm cut out for this, going on a date with someone I've never met seems like the scariest idea ever!

That's a lovely story doing smile I wonder what would have happened if you hadn't had that virus?! It's great that you've found someone who you get on so well with, certainly sounds like you can talk about everything! grin

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 17:40:12

Doingit could say the same for my XH!

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 19:08:05

Bored on the sofa, going to have a wee peak at OKC, not been on for a few weeks.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Oct-12 19:12:22

Help massive case of butterflies!! Ready to go in less than an hour, still got a child to get to bed, nails and make up to do, get changed and do a quick tidy of my car as I'm giving him a lift. Help!!

NicholasTeakozy Tue 02-Oct-12 19:16:54

You'll be fine Western. smile

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 19:21:24

Relax, Western & have fun!!!

putthelimeinthecoconut Tue 02-Oct-12 19:48:55

Have a good time Western smile

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 19:49:08

Thanks*yoga!*. smile it's a bit... Umm. Direct ('you're a frog!).

Just found this...

'It is so find a complete person, with a soul, a heart and an imagination; so rare for characters as ardent and restless as ours to meet and to be matched together, that I hardly know how to tell you what happiness it gives me to know you. --Hector Berlioz,

With that, I have ten left. That's doable in just under three weeks!

Have been contemplating what I say when I hand it over again.... And conscious that this could all go irretrivably shit-shaped (wobble!). At the moment it's 'other people do mix-tapes, I do this. Well, you always said you were visual' (because I can imagine river song saying it...)

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 20:08:05


You go girl.

<clicks fingers>

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 20:19:47

oooh, good luck western smile

puppy being nice was short lived as he has managed to annoy me already!
Was seeing him friday, have plans sat nnight with pirate. Told puppy this who was all ' oh, i was hoping to stay at yours sat night, i want to go see this band and thought i could stay at yours after, and between my guitar session on the sat day time and when the gig starts' ( didnt even ask if i would like to go to the gig.....)
This comes a week after me telling him it all feels a bit one sided from my side. Ive told him im not sure what the plan is sat, but sure as hell what he wants to happen isnt happening. On the plus side it give me a valid reason for dumping and one that he can understand.

NicholasTeakozy Tue 02-Oct-12 20:26:52

I like that Berlioz quote Snape, it's lovely and fits perfectly.

You're right Watch, it gives you a great reason to bin, trying to walk over you like that.

Worley Tue 02-Oct-12 20:37:43

I have an old school friend I chat to occasionally and today he emailed and we had a little email chat and he admitted to now dating someone sad (I've had a crush on him since primary school.. we're now mid 30's..)
and half way through out chat when I was telling him about past two blokes I'd met he accidentally added a clients email address into our conversation and forwarded her our conversation !!!! thankgod I don't j ow who his client is but he is so embarrassed... I think it was karma... he shouldn't have been chatting to me if he has been dating someone and I told him so.. made my evening though. she emailed him back and said I don't think this is meant for me!! ha ha

snapespeare Tue 02-Oct-12 20:40:08

Get rid!!! watch. Please.

Puppy thinks you're his gf. You're going on speculative dates with the pirate. I know you haven't really had the 'exclusive' discussion, but it looks a bit ...awkward. Take the opportunity, bin his ass and drink rum with the pirate

Lueji Tue 02-Oct-12 20:53:37


Do it already. smile

PS - Now he wants to stay at yours? shock At his convenience...

AndLibbyMakesThree Tue 02-Oct-12 20:56:15

Worley, a similar thing happened to me. Years ago I went on a date with someone. After the date he e-mailed his friend to tell him how the date had gone ... but accidentally copied me in on the e-mail as well. He was apparently mortified when he realised what he'd done, and frantically tried to recall the e-mail, but it was too late.

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 02-Oct-12 21:14:10

there is going to be rum on saturday, with the pirate, so...... smile

i am annoyed, how dare he really. hes off on an important course on monday, and away for a week, ill do it when he gets back. Id feel awful if he failed the course due to me.

we sort of did have the exclusive talk, i wouldnt confirm either way.....

KirstyWirsty Tue 02-Oct-12 21:23:49

Ah well so much for my wild 3rd date and first post breakup shag!!

There had been a few alarm bells ringing after the first date which I ignored as I fancied the pants off of him .. This morning he was being a total doom and gloom merchant (which I can't stand .. If you are not happy do something about it!!) in texts about his living arrangements (been staying with a pal who now wants him to leave)and work so we arranged to meet for coffee to discuss .. Anyhow he has decided that I am 'too delicate' and not ready to have just fun after I told him about my almost sexless marriage and he doesn't want me to get hurt and we both agreed timing isn't right as I am still sorting financial separation while staying at mum's ..

I guess I am still not ready for this stuff as I saw the red flags but carried on .. And today I thought he was too much hassle but didn't want to upset him when he was down and he ended up finishing with me!!

Yogagirl17 Tue 02-Oct-12 21:38:47

Sorry Snape - maybe save that one for your first anniversary? wink

hatesponge Tue 02-Oct-12 21:50:18

Kirsty it's rubbish when that happens! You've reminded me years ago I had this sort of on-off thing with a guy at work, he was chasing me for ages and I was never 100% on him. We went out a couple of times and I wasn't sure but thought as he seemed so keen and chased me for so long I couldn't bin him off straight away. And I ignored various alarm bells like the fact he used to drive the work van home drunk , only for HIM then to tell me it was over (it never really started) cos he'd met someone else hmm I remember being really upset - not due to it ending, but more that I'd wasted time on someone I didn't really like, and that I'd tried to spare his feelings when he clearly didn't give a shit about mine!

watch hurray for rum with the pirate on Saturday. I'm not going to nag you re the annoying puppy everyone else has already done it for me you know what you need to do smile

I thought about dating again earlier. And literally felt sick at the thought of waiting for a postfirstdate call or text. It is going to be a LONG time before I can face going back to it.

MadameOvary Tue 02-Oct-12 21:56:08

Sponge that is how I felt about last-but-one date, only I liked him. Bloody mixed messages. Grrrr.
2nd date fixed for Thurs. PFWB has gone quiet at last, thank goodness. Probably out trying to add to his "harem" grin

Watch - what everyone else sez wink

Kirsty that is pants but, teeth-gritting tho it is it's better you find out he's a nob sooner rather than later.

hatesponge Tue 02-Oct-12 22:03:52

MadameO good news re 2nd date! My PFWB has gone all quiet as well (although in his case I do think it's all talk, if I was ever actually free on one of the many occasions he offers to come round and keep me company hmm I suspect he would die of shock!)

I have to do a 15 min presentation tomorrow confused. Bit nervous...

Lueji Wed 03-Oct-12 08:39:43

Good luck sponge

Yogagirl17 Wed 03-Oct-12 08:54:49

Good luck with your presentation sponge!

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 09:08:26

Knock em dead sponge, smile

Had terribly dream last night that PM got his mitts on the notebook before he was meant to get his mitts on the notebook and it wasn't a rapturous reception sad still, Alan cumming was there as well, so that made it a little better.

Slept in, due to waking up at 3AM with head-whirly 3AM thoughts, mad dash to get kids to school, now cuddling the cat, drinking coffee and going in to work a bit later. Seeing the guy who made decision to withdraw my expenses today for a chat. Oh joy. sad hmm angry

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 09:23:04
NicholasTeakozy Wed 03-Oct-12 10:05:00

Wow. That is just lovely.

ChaoticismyLife Wed 03-Oct-12 10:29:22

sponge good luck

snape that is beautiful smile Hope you get things sorted. Things going wrong always seem to happen all at once which makes them seem harder to deal with but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, a cliche I know but a true one.

watch puppy seems to be using you as a convenient hotel hmm Yes, he can be thoughtful at times, wrt to birthday presents, but it seems that the negatives outweigh the positives with him. You've got a week to gather all that inner strength and finish with him permanently this time. If it makes you feel any better you're actually doing him, as well as yourself, a favour in the long term smile

putthelimeinthecoconut Wed 03-Oct-12 10:38:30

snape that's amazing! I know dreams like that can be pretty vivid but I can't imagine anyone being anything other that thrilled to receive a gift like that. You two sound so perfect for each other!

Someone has caught my eye on POF, have sent a couple of messages so watch this space...was a bit tainted by my ex being a bit emotional and messaging me on fb. what makes it worse is he bought me some beautiful flowers which I keep looking at and smiling then remembering they're from him sad must stay strong!

Wondering how western's date went...

Lueji Wed 03-Oct-12 10:50:32

Dreams only reflect our inner concerns.
Although, maybe, your brain picked up the signs that it's not going to happen. sad

Anyway, whatever the result I think you need to know asap. Moving on is better than the status quo, as you can only open yourself to someone else when you close this door.

Still, 10 fingers crossed for you.

MadameOvary Wed 03-Oct-12 11:10:21

Thinking of you Sponge
Lueji I have found that to very true wrt dreams. They've often shown me how I really feel as opposed to how I'd like to feel. They cut through denial.
Snape You know PM better than I do of course but I would recommend a gruff approach for something so beautiful. An eye roll and "Oh well as I suppose now it's finished I'd better give you this"
You can then watch the swoonsome impact sink in slowly grin

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Oct-12 11:12:02

The date went well (I think).

Went back to his after a couple of drinks, ended up in bed but no shagging. Totally lost track of time, v late back for babysitter blush. Very sexy man, think he will be up for all sorts when we get going, although maybe not quite up to Prof level! Feel a bit crap though as although I wanted to I just didn't feel ready, hope he understands. He was saying its not just about the sex, hope he meant it. I really like him. (Plus he has a huge package and a house to die for grin). Just feeling a bit insecure, par for the course I guess with OD!!

Texting last night and this morning, bit worried as not got another date arranged but he was talking like we were going to be carrying on. Last text is hoping I had as good a time as he did last night. Does this sound good or bad?

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 11:15:43

good luck for the meeting snape - notebook is lovely, hear whirlies less so sad

Sponge- good luck too

Western - come on woman, we want an update!!! smile

chaotic - yeah, i know. Fuck knows how his brain works. I shall do it when he comes back from his course.

MadameOvary Wed 03-Oct-12 11:18:37

Lime it's so annoying when the ex is still in your headspace. They linger like farts in an elevator. Eventually you can waft them away.

My toxic ex messaged me at exactly midnight to say "Phone back on" hmm he's been away with a broken phone and it's been joyous not hearing from him. If he wasn't DD's dad he'd have no presence in my life whatsoever.

Science Boy and I exchanged a few "How was your day" type texts last night, then he called me! Just out of the blue. I thought it was a misdial at first and hung up grin then I texted and said "You just called me you know" and he said "I know! You didn't answer" so then he called again, He asked me again about Thursday. He's certainly keen. smile

Also admitted that he didn't like text convos very much. This was fine by me, as it was a nice departure from toxic ex and his 60 texts a day.

Still in sceptical mode though.

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 11:19:28

western - sounds good! but you can never tell. Best is not to read anything into it at all, take it for face value. One or two dates does not equal a relationship, neither does 10. This is the finding out about each other stage, so, just enjoy it smile

MadameOvary Wed 03-Oct-12 11:21:28

Western - yeah that's good that he said that IMO smile
Thing is, you HAVE to be true to yourself. If he can't accept your wishes, and respect them, then he aint right for you.

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Oct-12 11:39:06

He was great about things last night, really understanding although a bit disappointed (can't blame him to be fair). He was saying stuff like, well there is no way I'm going to do it if you're not going to be enjoying it as much as me, all the right things I think. I am disappointed in myself tbh, it was all going so well and then I just couldn't sad

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 11:41:22

That is VERY true. I over looked things that i thought were issues for me, as in the living at home and not driving thing.... and for a time it was ok, but you know what, they are issues for me. cant help it, they just are. ( paticulary as those two things combined seem to be indicitive of other issues) i should have just said no at the beginning. because he wasnt right for me then....

KirstyWirsty Wed 03-Oct-12 12:09:42

Glad to see it's not just me Watch I just ignored the warnings because I thought the sex would be good ...

I'm stil kicking myself a bit even though I know it is the right thing!!! sad

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 12:22:01

western, good, though the ' no way im going to do it' comment is a bit odd sounding??? it was your, what, third date? no need for him to be disapointed, its really early days. Dont feel bad at all, if you didnt want to, you didnt want to, and thats that.

kirsty - not so much warnings as just things that arent right for me. Im sure for many other people those things wouldnt matter, just for me they do.

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 12:22:50

leuji 'Dreams only reflect our inner concerns.
Although, maybe, your brain picked up the signs that it's not going to happen.'


western that's good though, it's respectful. don't give yourself a hard-time, when it feels right it will feel right. smile

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Oct-12 12:28:48

Hmm, the situation we were in, I could see why he would be disappointed as there had been nothing from me to suggest we wouldn't be doing it, quite the opposite iyswim. It was kind of at the last moment when I said no rather than whilst we were sitting in the living room with all our clothes on blush. The comment didn't sound odd when he said it, perhaps I have written it a bit funny, he was saying that he didn't want to do it unless he knew that I would be enjoying it as much as him and that he didn't want to push me into doing anything I didn't want to.

putthelimeinthecoconut Wed 03-Oct-12 12:28:56

grin at linger like farts in an elevator madame so true. We were friends before though so I guess I was hoping we could go back to that. I think science boy sounds nice, I'm not a big fan of constant texting either! What's the plan for Thursday?

Glad it went well western. You can only do what you're comfortable with and if it doesn't work out at least you'll know you stayed true to yourself, much better than regretting it later! Sounds like he respected your desicion though which is a big plus.

MadameOvary Wed 03-Oct-12 12:44:13

Aaaaaaarrrrrgh the babysitter has cancelled!
Am I EVER going to get a second date????
She can come tonight. Have texted him but he'll be at work so don't know if he'll get it till later.

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 12:51:18

does nobody owe you a favour madameO? sad

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 13:00:14

bugger, perils of dating with children. Any favours you can pull?

western, oh, that sounds better in context smile

Yogagirl17 Wed 03-Oct-12 14:01:41

Oh MadameO how frustrating!!! Wish I lived close enough to help out! :<

Western It all sounds good to me. You did what felt right for you at the time and he seems fine with it. smile

Sponge hope it went well

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 14:11:28

can i just go ' ffs, mothers!!!!

urgh, she nags, a lot. A whole lot, she is known for it, everyone is always going ' please stop nagging' Ive just been nagged about shoes for my new job, like im 12. Apparently i should get patent loafers. Im 34, i can chose my own shoes, i told her i didnt know and tried to change the subject, no, she carrier on, so i told her to stop nagging, i can run my own life, i am a grown up, i have a few grey hairs and am capable of getting my own shoes.... and then she blew up at me.


fucks sake.

Yogagirl17 Wed 03-Oct-12 14:18:25

I'll swap you watch. Mine won't nag. Even in the depths of divorce all she will ever want to talk to you about it the latest movie or tv show she's seen. wink

Sorry, don't mean to make light of it - mothers can be seriously infuriating and it has taken me a very, very long time to just accept that's who she is and not let it get to me. Why not tell her she is welcome to treat you to a new pair of shoes - do Dolce & Gabanna do patent loafers?

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 14:27:47

stupid argument over patent loafers!!! ridiclous.
Im the most independent person in the world. ive live abroad not speaking the language for fucks sake, i can deal with any problem and massive stress and still come out smiling, mother seems to think i cant even pick my own shoes, her closing commment was ' well, ill just sit back and watch you do it wrong then'

just infuriating - still, in the scheme of things, its small.

but god, it winds me up. i told her it was patronising and then that made her more cross.

Yoga - drives you nuts, doesnt it. Shall we swap?!?!? i might quite like somone who doesnt try to scruitnise my every move.


MadameOvary Wed 03-Oct-12 14:44:31

Yay! Have sorted something out! Thanks for all your nice comments smile
Texted my male pal about latest development. He texted back "Result! Put your best pants on" grin

ChaoticismyLife Wed 03-Oct-12 14:53:43

Glad you've got it sorted MadameO

Western you did what was right for you, nothing wrong with that.

watch your issues with living at home/not driving are perfectly valid. I've mentioned this before but I don't drive. Then again I don't live in the middle of nowhere and expect people to give me lifts or let me stay at their's for the night. I get myself around on public transport or sometimes even make use of my legs wink I also have my own place.

hatesponge Wed 03-Oct-12 15:18:45

Thanks for all the good wishes! Presentation now done. Fingers crossed that and the interview were good enough to get me the job smile

Meanwhile I have had an email from the boy asking if he can speak to me on friday when he's back in the office...what do we think about that?

KirstyWirsty Wed 03-Oct-12 15:22:44

What would be the harm in having the chat sponge .. Do you like him??

hatesponge Wed 03-Oct-12 15:26:15

I actually do, the main issue is his age, or lack thereof. Which makes me feel it's a bit inappropriatem

Yogagirl17 Wed 03-Oct-12 15:44:27

How old is he again sponge?

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 15:54:00

sponge you are DEMI MOORE! wink have some fun ffs, its not as if you're going to marry him.

Alternatively, might be a bit awkward at work... hmm

I've had chat with manager, not very hopeful, but then had chat with new line manager & new job is the right move, even if I'm actually homeless. Feel a bit teary & selfish. Dragged DCs 500 miles from their home & we might end up in bed & breakfast &/or soup kitchen. sad

NicholasTeakozy Wed 03-Oct-12 15:55:23

Sponge, yes to talk to him. What harm can it do? wink

Yay for you Madame.

I like the sound of your man Western, showing you respect like that.

Worley Wed 03-Oct-12 15:57:15

oh my goodness.. a chap I was recently chatting to on POF has died in an accident at the weekend. poor guy.. having to explain how I knew him was interesting sad

Lueji Wed 03-Oct-12 16:04:30


how did you find out?

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Oct-12 16:12:54

Snape work sounds crap. Does the new job mean a big move for you all then?

hatesponge Wed 03-Oct-12 16:16:44

Yoga he is 21 almost 22 blush

Snape grin at Demi, but you've hit the nail on the head, it would be massively awkward at work - especially as people in our dept (who don't know his name) tend to refer to him as 'the boy in xxxx' blush blush. However if I get the new job I went for today, I will be based in a different office.

This is assuming he wants to speak to me about that of course, it may be entirely innocent. Here's me assuming he finds me irresistible and it might be a work query!

you won't end up homeless btw -if it all works out with PM he can come and live with you grin

and if all else fails I have 2 half finished, one with only half a floor! spare rooms smile

Worley that's so shocking, how did you find out?

Scattylatte Wed 03-Oct-12 16:19:24

Cripes Worley, thats awful. How did you find out?

Sponge: Wondering what the young buck wants indeed!

Snape: I hope you get the uncertainty around your job and home sorted. That is very stressful - eats away at you kind of stress.

Watch: So, all is moving on to date 2 with the pirate? cool! O god, my mum used to have a habit of opening my credit card bill, paying it, not saying anything then telling me off about it at a later date. It was so stressful. Not now though - Im online. She would come up with hundreds of ideas about my house...I think she expected me to implement them all.

Im in situ on the sofa. I do get slightly emotional from time to time about the trauma that is OD. I dont think I can do it again either. Its the utter bullshit you get fed.

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 16:48:56

worley - my goodness, how did you find that out?

Snape - have they got no workaround, seems like an impossible situation to be in. Sorry.

Sponge - life is too short and all that, all relationships dont have to be heading in the marriage, forever, type direction, its ok to ' just date' and for it never to be more than that..... when do you hear about the job?

scatty - yep, date two with pirate, quite excited smile bloody mothers though, god love them!

MirandaWest Wed 03-Oct-12 16:56:09

My mother is in here. Generally ok but quite glad I live about 150 miles away grin. Am now starting to build up nerves about the meeting of Parents and Boyfriend tomorrow....

Yogagirl17 Wed 03-Oct-12 17:09:55

Worley - that's awful. Can still feel quite shocking even if its someone you don't really know that well. You ok?

Snape - sorry, no advice, just (hugs)

Sponge - have to say, I would think 21 is just too young. 25 maybe but at 21 they're not even really proper grown ups yet. I mean, I don't think it's wrong in a morally bad, judegemental, lightening will strike kind of way and if you want to go for it, then go for it. But personally I don't think I could handle even a fling with someone that young unless they had fab 6-pack and a massive cock.

Yogagirl17 Wed 03-Oct-12 17:12:31

So just out of curiosity - if one were to actually decide to get a tattoo - how do you find a really good place to go? Can't ask anyone I know as I only know 1 person with a tattoo and that's only a single word.

KirstyWirsty Wed 03-Oct-12 17:42:13

I got one on the base of my spine so I can show it off if I want or not!! Also will be hidden in a nice dress or when I am 80 .. Can you tell I over think things??? ;-)

mercury7 Wed 03-Oct-12 18:07:33

presume you mean place as in parlour not on the body Yogasmile
most of them have websites..check out the work, find someone who specialises in the kind of thing you want.

Obviously think long and hard cuz lazer removal hurts like a bitch grin

mercury7 Wed 03-Oct-12 18:08:17

or offer up a prayer to the tattoo gods and wait for inspiration...thats what I do grin

Yogagirl17 Wed 03-Oct-12 20:32:01

Love the idea of having it at the base of my spine but wondering if it hurts less off to one side...? Snape where are you??

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 20:39:26

Yoga, PM me where you are based, and if I know anyone good I'll let you know. smile

So shitty day, need to pop in a business case for continuing my rent, my grade manager is trying to find me a post in Scotland. Ugh. Homeless in London or back to being hated for being English, disrupt DDs A levels, uproot borderline non-diagnosed aspergic DS1 (again) be within spitting distance of alcoholic, violent XP & not see PM.

Hello sponges floor...

Yogagirl17 Wed 03-Oct-12 20:57:05

Thanks Snape, have PM'd you. Work stuff sounds horrid. sad

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 03-Oct-12 21:25:25

snape. fuck. sorry. Cant remember what you said about your house in scotland, ex was living in it? Is there no way to kick him out so you can rent it ( sorry if im being thick here - you might have already said)

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 21:49:13

He's about to claim hb for it.... In no way covers my rent in London... Still around £900 a month down.....

OhWesternWind Wed 03-Oct-12 22:02:24

Snape so sorry you are having all this shit. I am hoping so much for a good solution from your work. Everything crossed for you.

Lovely optician wants to see me tomorrow but not sure if I can sort out a babysitter ...

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 22:31:12

told PM they're trying to find me a job in Scotland...

PM: well that's no good, is it, your life & your family is in London.

Me: <general whine about being homeless & soup kitchens or having to move>

PM: you will not. We will sort it out.

marry me!

MacAndCheese Wed 03-Oct-12 22:48:09

Oh Snape. I hope it all works out for you.

Hello everyone! Relatively new to this, have lurked since the 21st thread.

I've just had the most delightful message on POF.

"Wanna c my cock? xxxx"

Hm. Am I right in thinking that "No" wouldn't quite be cutting enough?

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 22:50:18

I would probably pull up on the 'c' rather than the actual genitalia offer....

Welcome mac smile

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 22:51:12

Hey, at least you got 'x's'!!!

That's romantic! wink

MacAndCheese Wed 03-Oct-12 22:54:02

Sooo romantic. hmm Not quite in line with his charming offer..

MacAndCheese Wed 03-Oct-12 22:57:06

What really gets me is why he would send an email asking. I don't know what he'd do if I actually said yes.

I could upload it to the Facebook page

snapespeare Wed 03-Oct-12 23:16:55

Mac: oh! Yes please!
Bloke:[img] cock pic [/img]
Mac: bwaaaaaahahahahahaha! What? Is that it?


MacAndCheese Wed 03-Oct-12 23:25:59

"Oh. So where's the rest of it?" grin

MadameOvary Wed 03-Oct-12 23:48:19

Hello Mac smile
What are you waiting for? A chance to see an illiterate charmer's cock.

You could reply thus: I only accept cock pics if you are circumcised, clean, not too hairy and aesthetically pleasing. Please provide one flaccid shot and one erect.

He will shrivel (unless he's a Sub)
Disclaimer: I have never done this! grin

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Oct-12 08:04:42

Well it seems I got the wrong end of the stick!! Mr Cheeky was suggesting that we slow the pace for time being (and not go away for the weekend) rather than finish altogether as I'm at mum's and he's going to have to sort himself out.. He started texting me yesterday and last night it was 3 hours back and forward.. He thinks it was getting too heavy too soon and was worrying that I would get too involved when it isn't really a good time for either of us.. He said that it is up to me if I still want to see him and if I don't then he is going to try again once he gets himself sorted out

I don't think i want him as a permanent feature but I am fit to burst I fancy him so much ... I just want to go for it (and to hang with any fallout)

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Oct-12 08:06:41

madameO I am going to save that somewhere for future use!!! grin

JoylessFucker Thu 04-Oct-12 08:12:38

Oh MadameO and snape ... such magnificent put-downs. I think I love you and want to have your babies. OK, as you were, I promise that its a physical impossibility on my part, but I can think of no higher compliment!

I've been lurking for absolutely aaaaaages. May I join you ... although I've pretty much decided its the sofa for me for a while? I think being driven to use the words "man up" and "its time to walk the walk" in my profile blush was telling me that I'd hit cliche-ridden hell and it was time for a break.

Brief profile: 55, single for 5 years, during which: 1 ill-advised but madly in love scenario, 1 man who I believed was the one until he left me broken to go back to his ex-wife just as my cancer treatment finished because "she needs me more than you", 3 others who've remained friends and a couple of FWBs still in the mix.

hatesponge Thu 04-Oct-12 08:46:48

Mac at least he asked! I don't think I've ever been asked first, they just send them regardless. One thing I definitely don't miss now I'm on the sofa.

Still undecided re work boy. Will speak to him on fri and see what he says, it might not even be that he wants anything to happen between us so will stop putting the cart before the horse til I know and then panic about it

snape hope today brings some better news for you. The offer of my spare rooms stands but I'm sure it won't come to that smile

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Oct-12 08:53:01

Hello Mac and Joy - great to have you on here! I have still not had any cock pics or offers of the same so you're ahead of me already Mac!

Kirsty sorry to hear about Mr C cooling off a bit. What sort of sorting out has he got to do?

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 09:18:16

sponge - its exciting though, cant wait to hear what he has to say, when do you hear about your job?

Hi mac and joy!!!

Snape - how are you this morning?

Madam - whens the date, is it tonight?

puppy managed to fuck me off even more last night, i do wish i had kept him at arms lenght and not given him another go, damn my foof!!!! he said he was sad as he wouldnt be able to go to the gig sat because he now cant stay at mine... and that he really wanted to see them, but wasnt going to pay a taxi back, THEN asked if maybe he could stay without me being there!!!!
Then, hes on this course for a week, come back and has another gig on the sat, which again i wasnt invited to, and then said he will be back late, i said that he would be tired, he said no, not really, he will be knockingon my door at 1am rather than go all the way home.
he can fuck off.
AND - he had asked me to pick some stuff up for him in the supermarket, said he would pay me for it, its not a lot,maybe 5 pounds. when i handed it overto him he said he would pay me, do you think i have had anything... no, no, i have not.

JoylessFucker Thu 04-Oct-12 09:30:23

Oh there's been a few cock pics ... none inherently ugly or unpleasant but now that I'm practicing to be a proper grown-up with a professional online presence, they've been consigned to the ether.

Only one that I found a bit hmm was the flacid cock inside lace briefs pics ...

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Oct-12 09:31:59

Western Things have changed dramatically since my 8am post!!!

I had texted him during the night (since this all started I've suffered insomnia) and suggested we meet for a chat tomorrow night - he replied that he had a bad cold and wouldn't be surfacing til Monday - this sent my spidey senses tingling as he was supposed to be going away with me but cancelled and was now unavailable all weekend so I asked him if there was something I was in the dark about (I had a really bad sinking feeling gut reaction!!) .. so he replied that maybe I was 'too uptight' so I told him that Yes I was too uptight.. and Bye

So that is that! When I read back the texts from last night it was all about me saying why I didn't think it would work (he had an affair in work a couple of years ago and split from his wife so I could never trust him, had no place of his own (staying with a pal for the last 16 months who now wants him to move out, marital home has been on the market for 2.5 years, self proclaimed bad boy (and proud of it)) and him trying to persuade me that we would have fantastic sex

Ho hum - maybe I'll get a better night's sleep tonight??

JoylessFucker Thu 04-Oct-12 09:38:12

Oh bloody hell Kirsty, what an arse. Good thing your spidey senses are working well. Ever thought of finding an FWB on a sex site? You can still apply the same standards (someone you fancy, decent man, respectful etc) and the women are so few and far between that you can pretty much take your pick. Its worked for me, because its gets the itch scratched and lets you make decisions about genuine prospects without the hormones getting in the way.

JoylessFucker Thu 04-Oct-12 09:39:24

Oh & you don't have to put up a picture, although I tend to put up an obscure one.

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Oct-12 09:48:06

Joy I think I will wait until I move into my own place .. I'm living with my mum!! Luckily I kept putting off telling her I was going on the dirty weekend with Mr C as she would not have been impressed! (I'm 44 btw) hmm

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 09:53:13

there is literally nothing flakier than an online dater.
true fact smile

Yogagirl17 Thu 04-Oct-12 09:54:06

Morning all. Kirsty - sounds like bad, bad news, you are well shot of him.

Snape & Sponge keeping fingers crossed you both get good news. I'm still waiting to hear about dream job I interviewed for last week!

But not worrying about it today as it's my birthday. Friend taking me out for lunch and DD cooking dinner and homemade birthday cake and XH's birthday card went in the bin cause the fucker is stupid enough to think wishing me a happy birthday makes up for a year's worth of disgusting behaviour. So it's all good today and I am smile.

KirstyWirsty Thu 04-Oct-12 09:59:44

Happy birthday Yoga!! wine

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 10:12:25

happy birthday yoga, hope you have a smashing day smile

ChaoticismyLife Thu 04-Oct-12 10:16:42

Morning smile

Welcome to Mac and Joy.

Snape hope you get something sorted soon. Wrt your post of yesterday at 22:31 with what's happening plus the notebook then maybe this is destiny's way of making PM realise how much he loves you, and he does, and that he can't lose you so he'll declare his love, move in and everything will be okay.

PS, I have to admit that last bit, the strike out, did make me giggle...sorry.

Excellent replies from snape and MadameO there.

Kirsty sounds like you're well rid of him.

Worley hope you're feeling okay now, must have been a shock.

watch he really is a cheeky fucker

~~~~~~~~~~~~ to everyone

ChaoticismyLife Thu 04-Oct-12 10:18:01

Happy Birthday Yoga smile thanks

snapespeare Thu 04-Oct-12 10:19:44

birthday yoga!! wine [flowers] [fuck-ton-of-cheese] [equally huge amount of chocolate] smile

meh, I'm doing my business case. have engineered great email from my new LM about what an asset I'm going to be to her team and blah blah.

PM away until friday. (his additional birthday present arrived yesterday, so I'm now having a smashing time teasing him about that. it's a stetson. 'because you're going to hate your made-gift, so this is compensation...' wink actually cost me sod-all as from amazon with MN gift token for doing a survey thing , so cheers MN!) but being nice/supportive by text

prof back on saturday, itch to scratch, might try and see him next week.

right! back to busienss case!

Yogagirl17 Thu 04-Oct-12 10:21:13

Thank you all. smile

Watch puppy needs to go back to the home for more training!

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Oct-12 10:52:40

Happy birthday Yoga - hope it's a great day for you.

Right, have managed to get babysitter sorted (it's my mum and have misled her a bit about what I'll be doing/who with - feel bad but don't want to say anything as it is still such early days --and I would get the third degree for ever and ever about it if I told the truth--) so am off on Date 4 tonight yippee!! Guess I didn't do anything too awful the other night then. (I texted him last night and said something like "Should we do it again soon?" and he was straight back with "Tomorrow?" he he).

Lueji Thu 04-Oct-12 11:15:09

Happy birthday Yoga.

Puppy deserves the dog house. I'd be more and more inclined to dump him before the course. FGS, the cheek!

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Oct-12 11:38:10

Watch - I agree about the puppy. That sort of behaviour's not on, sounds like he is a bit of a user. It would be okay if you were both going to the gigs, but to not invite you and then expect him to put you up is not on. Do it before the course, do it NOW!!! <bossy boots emoticon>

Yogagirl17 Thu 04-Oct-12 11:42:26

I agree watch - there's always going to be a reason to put it off. Just get it over with.

hatesponge Thu 04-Oct-12 11:55:27

yoga happy birthday smile

watch what an arse he is! You know what you need to do...

Hoping to hear re job tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 12:09:30

i know, its hard, i feel like a cow. I cant do it before his course, i just cant, but will when he gets back.

MacAndCheese Thu 04-Oct-12 12:43:28

Happy Birthday Yoga! [cake]

watch just do it, it will only get more difficult the longer you leave it. Why can't you do it before his course?

Lueji Thu 04-Oct-12 12:50:42

Or let him knock on your door after the gig and tell him to fuck off.
And get a fucking taxi

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 12:54:42

because its an important course, he cant fail it else it would have bad consequences, last time i dumped him ( ive done so twice already) he was so upset he didnt eat for days. Obviously thats malniplutative tellingme that, but i cant have that on my head....

snapespeare Thu 04-Oct-12 13:13:50

it's not on your head though is it. you're not responsible for his feelings.

you're being a nice, empathic, lovely woman not that you get similar treatment from him and something will always come up to prevent you properly and irretrivably dumping him. If you are treating him with kindness, as you would wish to be treated, then you are being kind to be cruel, becasue the longer this goes the more attached he will be, he's slipping back into 'old ways' already...

I do see your point, but you need to set an absolute cut off now and stick to it.

JoylessFucker Thu 04-Oct-12 13:15:25

Am trying to stay out of the "dump the puppy" stuff as am a newbie, but I have to say that your last comment would have my darling daughter saying: oh tell him to strap on a pair! grin Sorry, its that whole the apple doesn't fall far from the tree thingy ... Good luck with it though, I know how shite I am when I feel guilty (bastard catholic upbringing)

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 13:19:09

old ways have come straight back - what, its been about a month? as ive said to him only a few weeks ago, people dont change, or shouldnt have to, its not him, nor me, we just arent a good fit. I said that literally two weeks ago.
I also told him at the same time it all felt abit one sided from my side, he said he hadnt really thought anything of it at all, so i told him that was the issue, the fact that he hadnt even realised.

I shall do it when he comes back. I wont be able to speak to him while hes on the course, so, it will be no contact for a week too.

Lueji Thu 04-Oct-12 13:29:43

You don't actually know that he didn't eat for days...

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 13:33:54

i just feel mean. Im his first ' proper' girlfriend. Essentially i see why!!
so he does this whole ' i dont know what im doing really' thing, when i bring anything up.

So he either has no idea of how to behave in a relationship
is just a selfish arse

I dont care which it is really, hes not for me, and ive known this for months...
Its just quite hard to do something when you know someone is besotted. Plus, i now feel even worse over the birthday thing. Id like to dump him now and am trying to think up reasons to get out of frday as i dont want to see him. BUT, then i feel like some kind of gold digger or something as i accepted a birthday present.

snapespeare Thu 04-Oct-12 13:42:01

I dumped someone the day after i got a christmas present. it was still a relief.

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 13:42:10

no, i dont know that at all, do i.

I think he pretends to be nice but uses people actually. Apart from the not paying me for his supermarket stuff, hes also back to eating at mine for free. We had a whole conversation about it a month ago, i mentioned it again the other week, when he said he would come up would stop at macdonalds first and eat that at mine. I told him there was no need for that, and i dont mind him eating with me, but that if he could sometimes contribute then that would be good. He said of course, he had been thinking about that... do you think ive seen any money.... no.

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 13:52:50

see, then i worry that that makes me sound money grabbing, but its all from my side, if it was reciprocated, or even he paid for me when we went out ( not that we have been out in AGES) then i wouldnt mind. But hes staying at mine ( ive only been to his once since meeting him in may) Ive done all the driving with no petrol contributions.... he eats at mine for free, uses my toilteries, etc..... yet he works full time and isnt on min wage.
meanwhile im a part time working lone parent claiming HB, its not fair.

SweetSeraphim Thu 04-Oct-12 13:56:57

It's nothing at all to do with being money-grabbing watch - he's a bit of a cocklodger imo.

And this is the thing with having a discussion about how things need to improve - they improve for about a week and then it's back to how it always was.... because the things that you don't like are an intrinsic part of them as a person - which is what I think this is. He's tight, and thoughtless, DESPITE you telling him about it. Dump!

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 14:05:07

which is what i said to him 2 weeks ish ago, that that was who he was. and im who i am, and maybe there is a better fit. but he doesnt seem to get it.

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 14:14:06

right, have now texted him that ive going away last min this weekend..... then hes away.
Ill text him or call him when hes back and say that i have thought and i dont want to be in a relationship with anyone right now.

good plan?

SweetSeraphim Thu 04-Oct-12 14:32:22

Perfect. Then you don't have to actually confront it and feel like you've kicked a puppy! wink

SweetSeraphim Thu 04-Oct-12 14:45:31

Now do you feel relieved that you won't have to see him, or disappointed?

Lueji Thu 04-Oct-12 14:47:12

Good plan.

Just make sure you do cut ALL contact. No answering messages, and no opening doors.
It's an order. wink

snapespeare Thu 04-Oct-12 14:54:57

...and no listening to your foof! wink

Yogagirl17 Thu 04-Oct-12 15:13:10

Hiya, back from lovely relaxed lunch with lovely friend.

Watch - I was wondering if it might be easier if we stopped referring to him the puppy and started calling him something all together less The Sloth or The Leech or the Mouse Hoarder?

SweetSeraphim Thu 04-Oct-12 15:14:03

likes snape's post

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 15:28:36

it was my foof that got me in trouble the first time.....

i feel relieved.
The puppy is about right, its adoring, but doesnt know what its doing, cute and nice to snuggle, but helpless and a bit annoying.

the mouse has finally been caught, 3 months after it was found.... though he said he quite liked the thought of the mouse having aparty in his room while he was away...

MadameOvary Thu 04-Oct-12 15:36:07

YY Yoga can we not just call him the Cocklodger? He is behaving like one.
Date is tonight. I have severe pain issues today but I'm determined to go

watch good call on the text.
Snape Love the Stetson idea.
Lueji Liking the no-nonsense posts grin
Joy Hello smile
Kirsty Bleurgh. Well rid

Sorry for brief post. Must go and try to make myself presentable and get DD out for some fresh air.

Lueji Thu 04-Oct-12 15:43:57

Madame, I have been wandering too much into AIBU, I think. wink

ChaoticismyLife Thu 04-Oct-12 18:10:31

though he said he quite liked the thought of the mouse having aparty in his room while he was away...

Sure, if he's called Mickey and he has friends called Donald and Goofy hmm

MirandaWest Thu 04-Oct-12 18:20:45

My mum and dad and Mr Nice (and me as well of course) are having dinner tonight. Have delivered DC to XH now and need to get me ready now. Mr nice picking us up at 7:30. Am now starting to have nerves grin. Plus we haven't seen each other for nearly a week so actually I just want to kiss him and rip his clothes off and am not going to be able to. Sigh.

Suppose I could tidy the front room as well a bit but no am mumsnetting hmm

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 19:54:41

good luck miranda - im sure it will go well smile

have a fab date madameo

The puppy called, he is all sad. i feel awful.
My plan is to tell him that i felt selfish about going away at the last min, and then after some thinking on my weekend away i decided that i prefered being single. So the end is cut and dry, there is no blame of behaviour which he can promise to change, its a done deal.

its not nice dumping someone though, is it.

snapespeare Thu 04-Oct-12 19:59:05

No, it's not nice, but the alternative isn't particularly nice either.

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 20:06:36

I meant cant promise to change.

No, there isn't any alternative at all...

hatesponge Thu 04-Oct-12 20:06:43

Snapes right. Better to dump him sooner rather than later, the longer it goes on the harder it'll get.

You will feel miles better once it's finally done smile

I am a bit pissed off. Boys are with the Evil Ex this weekend and all my friends are busy. I have literally no idea what to do with myself other than sit at home and eat my weight in chocolate

fayster Thu 04-Oct-12 20:12:58

Happy Birthday, Yoga! Hope you've had a lovely day.

Miranda, hope everything's going well with your parents and Mr Nice.

Kirsty, agree with the others, well rid.

Sponge, not seeing the problem with the chocolate plan for the weekend?

watchoutforthatsnail Thu 04-Oct-12 20:30:00

My free Friday is now going to be filled with chilli con carne and a ton of cheese as opposed to cock

Sponge, if I was nt seeing pirate Sat I'd say let's do something...

ChaoticismyLife Thu 04-Oct-12 21:03:16

Job hunting is exhausting.

I got an email before from someone I applied to for a job. I downloaded the application form, filled it in and attached it to an email, along with covering letter. Only I managed to send the blank form instead of the completed one hmm

What an idiot blush

The person dealing with the applications was lovely and let me resend it but I won't hold my breath in getting an interview.

Movingforward123 Thu 04-Oct-12 21:06:02

hi everyone,

well mr wealthy is pissing me off sad

we had our date friday and he stayed the night. then after that he has been very quiet.

over the weekend he was quiet as he was tired from being kept awake by me, then went out saturday.

at the start of the week he had alot of crap going on at work and was stressed and didnt chat much.

now he is chatting slightly more then he has been at the start of the week but soooooo much less then last week.

why do you think that is?

I feel annoyed with him now because i like him and wanted to speak to him and hes not really bothering! but keeps sending me silly texts like sorry hun i will call you later. errrrr

Yogagirl17 Thu 04-Oct-12 21:25:35

Sponge - do nice things for yourself. I love having a weekend all to myself sometimes. I can do all the things I never have time to do when I'm being mum - watch movies, do my nails, light candles, open some wine, cook something nice & grown up I know the kids wouldn't eat. I bet you'll find you're really good company! wink

Chaotic "job hunting is exhausting" - tell me about it! Been doing it for far too many months. Good luck, will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Moving hmm, have to admit, that doesn't sound great...hmm

shuckleberryfinn Thu 04-Oct-12 21:45:30

chaotic Don't be so sure. Due to some very farcical events today I rocked up at an interview a very disgusting 40 minutes late. I was fully expecting a thanks but don't bother. Instead I got told that she had no doubt I could do the job, she had a new plan and wanted me just for my skills and she was very sorry but could only offer way more than anyone else is offering round my way. Don't panic, if you handle stuff with good grace it shows them what you do when the turd hits the aircon

everyone else I've been reading but you guys have moved a little too fast for the shit week I've been having, I promise I'll be a more attentive MNer once my life has stopped imploding ok?

Now for the narcissism:

FWB: wellllllll... 1) still no good hard fuck.. everything else is pretty good, he's very considerate in the bedroom. A fantastic host and very sexy but.. I cannot get a handle on him, some of the things he's said lately would usually indicate he might be wanting something else from me. I just don't know. I think what is throwing me is the Aspergers. I don't know how to filter what he's saying and what his body language is doing. He seems to be having performance anxiety, I mean all I wanted really was a bloody good seeing to and an orgasm. Probably a stupid idea to look to a friend for that. Plus if we keep doing it we will get outed, we're part of a very small community.

POF: I've been chatting with what seems to be a tick the boxes guy, it's lovely but when I first suggested we meet (I cba with the hanging around, it seems stupid, I'm not looking for a penpal) both our childcare issues got in the way. Anyway, we are messaging all day and it's so much fun but I'm wary about broaching the meeting thing first again.

OKCUPID: The pickings for women that like me that I might like are bloody slim.

Anyway, this has all kind of solidified what I want from a relationship now at least. I want relationship Lite.. somewhere between FWB and coupledom. Fat chance eh?

AndLibbyMakesThree Thu 04-Oct-12 22:14:30

Happy Birthday Yoga! Hope you had a wonderful day.

OhWesternWind Thu 04-Oct-12 22:31:29

Shuckle not sure if FWB really works without the B!! You need a red hot stud type of a bloke for that kind of thing, I would imagine - if it's all about sex then theres no point if the sex isn't good. Think he needs to go and you find someone for some proper how's yer father.

ChaoticismyLife Thu 04-Oct-12 23:05:12

Thanks Yoga and Shuckleberry smile

Yoga, maybe I missed it but have you heard anything about your interview?

MadameOvary Thu 04-Oct-12 23:08:07

Moving - that doesn't sound great. It is utterly shite when you want to share enthusiasm with them and they aren't interested.
Plus use of the word "hun" is grounds for dumping imo grin

Shuckle sounds like you want a non-exclusive relationship? Shame I can't hook you up with my PFWB. He sent a text yesterday, and then another today. Both unanswered.

Welllll, my date was lovely. I asked if we could go back to his, mainly because I needed to relax my back (not a euphemism!!) . Time flew and we're gonna see each other tomorrow evening. smile

shuckleberryfinn Thu 04-Oct-12 23:08:32

western I think you are right. Such a shame. I had such high hopes... the hug that started it off, one random move to left and I would have gone off like a rocket. arghhhh. What a waste. Thing is, the foreplay, the rampant wanking is fabulous. Mind he hasn't gone down on me yet.... the bastard.

Then again, I backslid with STBXH a couple of weeks ago purely because we did do the explosive sex so well. Obivously I need to walk away from both sad

Yogagirl17 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:39:42

Thanks for all the birthday wishes - had a great day. (no, no word about interview from last week yet..)

MadameOvary Thu 04-Oct-12 23:58:55

Yoga Happy belated birthday blush
Fingers crossed for you.

Yogagirl17 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:10:16

MadameO - date sounds good, fingers crossed for u too!

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Oct-12 08:49:27

Miranda - hope all went well for the big meal!

Mme - sounds great!! Lovely news.

Shuckle - that's not good. I am getting a lot more B from the lovely optician who I'm not even shagging! Stay away from the ex, though, that will only complicate things . . .

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 05-Oct-12 09:11:38

madam - thats great, so, tell us more about him.

shuckle, never agood move, but im sure you know that.

Sponge - good luck with the boy today smile

moving - i dont know, it sounds like maybe hes not really interested, if he was he would call... or text more. I think maybe you have to put him to one side, think nothing more of it, then if something does happen it will be a plesant surprise.

Pirate texted me few times last night, am looking forward to seeing him sat. Puppy called and was really sad about not seeing me for a while, i told him he would be ok. i felt like his mother.......Also, i hadnt mentioned that he had taken to wearing a badge ( yes, an actual badge) of a writer, pinned to his leather jacket. it was embarassing. Absolutley right thing to do, even if i feel shockingly awful about it.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Oct-12 09:44:09

Just the badge would be reason enough to chuck him. (Which writer btw)?

Yogagirl17 Fri 05-Oct-12 09:50:38

Here's a funny thing I was thinking about. I got a birthday message on FB yesterday from a very old friend. It was really funny and made me laugh and I remembered how well we used to get on. If I'd met him through OD he would be a perfect-on-paper guy. And the chemistry would have been brilliant. Right up until the point we met and I realised I wasn't actually attracted to him at all. When you meet someone in RL I think the expectations are different. You can take time to let a friendship develop - when I was in school & uni I had tons of male friends. But with OD, I want everything to be just right or it's a total right off for me. Quite a few men I've met who I thought I could have a laugh or enjoy their company but because I could see the whole package wasn't there I couldn't really bothered with a second date, or in some cases even a first date! Anyway, enough rambling for one morning.

Watch I know it feels awful but if you were his first ever proper girlfriend it was never going to last, was it? Try and remember that we have pretty much all been in his shoes - we've all had to go through that thing of getting over our first love, our first real relationship, and hopefully grow up a little as a result. It's like a developmental milestone! Ok, yes, he will be crushed. But he'll also get over it - you know he will (whatever you do, do NOT fall into the trap of being his emotional crutch once you've done it!!!!). And then you will both be able to move on to better, more fulfilling relationships.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Oct-12 13:46:56

Yoga - that's interesting. I wonder if we (and OD men) are too quick to leap to conclusions about whether or not someone is "suitable"? Thinking about the partners I have had in the past, short- or long-term, none of them have really ticked all the boxes on first meeting. Some never did, some ticked other boxes that I hadn't really even thought about previously (but are now firmly on my list), and some took a while to get to know but ended up being just what I needed! And that's something I am really conscious of, that relationships and people grow on you. It's not realistic to expect to have it all on day 1 and as you get to know people and become more involved in each other's lives, things will inevitably change. It's the whole instant gratification thing that's so prevalent in UK society today - is OD the MacDonald's of relationships? Having said all that, there is no point continuing at all if someone is very obviously wrong for you in whatever way, but should we all give each other more of a chance?

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 05-Oct-12 14:26:25

Yoga and Western, interesting thoughts. I've been thinking along similar lines. When I was younger, the vast majority of my boyfriends were people I was friends with first. Sometimes the attraction wasn't immediate but grew over time. But with OD, there seems to be a need to make a decision very quickly - at least by about the second or third date, if not earlier. I agree that it's not realistic to expect everything to just click on the first date. But equally, there's only so many times you can meet up with someone, trying to work out if you're attracted to them, before things get awkward. It's a tricky one!

MadameOvary Fri 05-Oct-12 14:29:59

Ok - here's the lowdown. We were chatting, and he seemed nice, slightly geeky. He is 50, and looked younger in his photo, but when he walked through the doors I was blown away by how young he looked. Very open and friendly face, a little nervous (which was sweet rather than off-putting)
We chatted easily and he wasn't put off by my tendency to babble on and digress, which was good.
I dunno, I felt relaxed with him pretty much immediately. He seemed to feel comfortable with me too, after the initial nerves. I have an acute radar now and his whole manner was of someone with nothing to hide. The two hours passed really quickly, so much so that I looked at my watch and said "Shit, I have to go" He drove me back and I had to get out quickly as my neighbours needed to get out so it was pure Cinderella.
I was quite giddy but then that often happens after a first date so I didn't pay much attention. We stayed in touch and spoke on the phone and texted, and arranged to meet again.
2nd date we were going to the same place but I asked if we could go back to his, just because my back was sore. I made sure he knew my intentions were honourable! grin
His place is gorgeous and I felt at ease straight away. He had an amicable seperation from his wife who lives nearby with their two daughters, so he sees a lot of them and they spend a good bit of time there.

We had a good chat and I said that I wanted to take things slowly and he was fine with that. He feels the same way. He said "I'm not going to lunge at you" which made me grin. And when he said "Do you mind if I just go change out of my work clothes" i said "As long as you don't come back wearing a black silk kimono" which made him laugh.
Again time flew really fast and i booked a taxi as he was drinking - he contributed which was nice, (I accepted reluctantly as it was going to be ££'s) but had also offered to have a coffee and drive me.
I went home high as a kite and had a very animated convo with the taxi driver who was a divorcee and about to go on his first date in ten years grin
So it's all good, so far. I'm seeing him tonight too.

janflan Fri 05-Oct-12 15:42:36

Can i join you please.

I split up with my ex 2 months ago after 8years.

I was supposed to be going for lunch with a very fit young man today. This morning he told me he wouldn't know for definite until 11 if he could come because he had to be on standby for work. This is after he'd told me yesterday he had theday off.So i told him not to bother i wasn't getting all dressed up for him to pull out at the last minute. He's not very happy about it but tough!

hatesponge Fri 05-Oct-12 15:48:26

Very quick update from me, will add more later. but 'the chat' has taken place, wasn't quite as expected. Considering whether or not he was too young for me was all a bit of a waste of time because it turns out he's about as interested in me as every other man I meet (ie not in the slightest).

Yogagirl17 Fri 05-Oct-12 16:23:55

sponge he's not even a proper grown up yet, you'd tire of his "charms" pretty quickly anyway! Doesn't matter if he's not interested because he's not right for you anyway. Stay positive.

Madame - sounds like it's off to a pretty great start.

Western & Libby "Is OD the Macdonalds of relationships?" Ha, ha - maybe! Not ideal is it? I guess when you meet someone in RL it's because you have some common ground - work or kids or mutual friends. Situations where you can hang out and get to know each other without it being a "date". Had coffee today with a friend who's been divorced for about 7 years now is finally seeing someone who sounds lovely. It took her a while to warm to him but now things seem to be going brilliantly. We were also with another friend who's been divorced for years and now two years into a relationship she's really happy in. They both still live in their own places but all the kids have met so they often hang out together as a family either at his place or hers. She says it's perfect for her. So there is hope!

Hi Jan. Welcome.

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Oct-12 16:35:57

Mme - brilliant! And another date tonight!! Really pleased for you and hope it all goes well again.

Sponge - you would have got very tired of him very very quickly (a la Watch's puppy).

Jan - welcome! I've seen your thread over on the other board. Glad you made it over here . . . You are starting off with the right attitude, don't take any shilly-shallying shit.

snapespeare Fri 05-Oct-12 17:40:47

Just popping in quickly to wave, smile for good news sad for rubbishness...

I'm doing my Saturday morning clean tonight, so I can spend tomorrow primping for the lesbian ball. Hopefully have some notepad goodness for you tomorrow, or later tonight. smile

MirandaWest Fri 05-Oct-12 17:55:40

Meal last night went well smile everyone talked a lot. And my mum and dad seemed to like him smile

Need to find out exactly what Mr Nice thought of them later in as once DC have gone to XHs house he will be coming here for the weekend. Am very tired today (last night went on quite late and have been running and cycling today) so am hoping Mr Nice doesn't object to going to bed nice and early. Quite possibly to sleep grin

hatesponge Fri 05-Oct-12 19:28:33

It's the utter predictability of it all.

So fed up with stupid men who don't see me as being worth anything, and stupid boys who are clearly the same. I never jump to conclusions quickly about men, but they clearly all do about me hmm

What with that and another helpful pep talk from a so called friend along lines of how I shouldn't be wasting my weekends sat at home, when I could be out meeting men (ha fucking ha), I am feeling more murderous than cheery at present...

Lueji Fri 05-Oct-12 19:44:13

Sponge, you should get weekend activities, but for you, not to meet men.

Join classes, groups, charities, go out to museums, plays, films, whatever you like.
Find a challenge.

Something that will give you pleasure and if you interact with new people, who share your interests, you are likely to broaden your social circle and, yes, even find a man that fits with you. But that would be a bonus. One that would come to you, a happy woman, full of confidence in yourself.

snapespeare Fri 05-Oct-12 19:46:02

sponge. He's a BOY. He has absolutely no idea. do not let this drag you down.

Lueji Fri 05-Oct-12 19:48:24

And it was a drunken snog at an office party.

Please do not define your life by lack or presence of a man.

hatesponge Fri 05-Oct-12 20:24:05

I hope you didn't mean your comment about how I define myself to be quite so patronising as it comes across. I don't define myself in that way at all, though plenty of people are quite prepared to do so for me, and tell me I am fuck all without a man - hence today's comment about how I need to get out more. As though that is magically the solution!

Actually I think the fact I have endured 4 years of pretty much constant rejection from every man I meet whether in RL or online, and it hasn't turned me into a complete wreck is a bloody achievement. I seriously doubt many people could do that.

I don't really care re the work boy per se. He's clever, and attractive, and could have been a nice diversion for a while, but it's not to be. Its just the sameness of it all that bores me. I'm not sad about his lack of interest, a bit irritated, but not sad.

Lueji Fri 05-Oct-12 20:54:58

Sorry if it did come across as patronising.

But, I wonder why people are making those comments.
Are they totally uninvited?

Because here you are often down about it and keep predicting the worst.

I admit I have a biased view, of course.

Yogagirl17 Fri 05-Oct-12 21:54:43

Oh Sponge, it all sounds really maddening. I know the boy might have been a fun diversion but I'm sure if you hadn't had so many disappointments lately you wouldn't even be giving him a second thought. I just keep reminding myself what everyone on here keeps saying - you never know why someone isn't interested and 99.9% of the time its absolutely nothing to do with you. Anyway, his mummy probably still irons his pants and makes his packed lunch. wink

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Oct-12 22:26:49

Right, dating gurus, need some input here re my optician.

First of all, I'm seeing him tomorrow (for an all-nighter if my mum comes through with an offer of a sleepover for the children)!! Whoopee!! No stopping me this time.

Second, been texting again tonight and I was getting odd vibes off him. Said something like "Are you okay? I know there's a lot going on in your life at the moment." (Family and work stuff). He replied that there was a bit more going on than I knew about, and could we meet to have a chat so he could explain. I am imagining all sorts of shit from minor to totally OTT stuff!

Third, made a massive (and after the fact quite funny) misreading of one of the first part of the text just before the "more going on" stuff where he said he's happier than he has been in a long time because he's met a nice woman. In conjunction with the other bit of the text, I thought he was saying he'd met someone else and felt he owed me an explanation about stringing me along . . . but no, apparantly I am the nice woman! And he said he didn't think it would happen but I've really got to him and he keeps thinking of me . . . So I guess I'm not chucked then. Honestly, though, I read that text and just went cold and thought, oh god, he's been a bit odd tonight, here it is . . . Texting huh.

I have some "explaining" to do to him as well at some point, mainly about the ex. To cut a long story short, the ex was abusive to me and the children, only found out about what happened to the children after he left but we ended up with a police case against him, court cases, CAFCASS, the full works and the children and I are "in hiding" due to his threatening and violent behaviour. So, although I don't want to go into a lot of details, I am sure all of this has left its mark on me and made me a bit wary and mistrustful, and I want to talk to him about it at some point. Bit worried about what he will think though as I've never told a man about any of it before. Maybe I'll wait until he's done his bit before I do mine then I can see how bad his is first!

Yogagirl17 Fri 05-Oct-12 22:37:56

Hey Western - well while you are waiting for the dating gurus to come along I'll put in my 2 cents worth. He says he's happy, you've got to him - that all sounds really good! You don't know what's going on for him so you'll just have to wait and see what he says. As for when to tell him about your situation re your ex - that's tough. Things are going well but you have to decide how much you trust him yet. You could tell him enough so that he understands where you coming from - that you're a bit wary - but not have to go into the whole story at this stage....? Hope all goes well tomrrow anyway. x

hatesponge Fri 05-Oct-12 22:54:58

People make these comments to me because the people I know, the circles I move in, whether at work or outside, are full of couples. I know very few people in RL who are single. Said comments come of course from people who are not single - and actually who don't know me that well.

And 'predicting the worst?' I don't have much faith in getting to a second date with anyone, but then I never have got one, so that's hardly surprising. Like I said, anyone who's been through 4 years of the bullshit I have would struggle to be even the slightest bit optimistic, the fact I actually am at least in RL fairly cheery most of the time shows what a bloody amazing person I am.

I don't care why the boy isn't interested. I'm just bored that it's the same old story, that nothing changes. It's dull. I'm bored and tired of men always seeing me the same way.

Western I wouldn't be telling him anything about your Ex any time soon, and only in general terms when you do. You don't really know him yet, and even once you do, I wouldn't get into the detail of what went on. Maybe that's just me - I know with my lovely Ex, the most I ever said re the Evil Ex was that he treated me badly, and was not a nice person. I don't think I'd ever tell any future partner (haha...flying pig, etc) anything more than that either. I didn't see what good it could serve to go through how he physically and verbally abused me for years. But feel free to disregard my advice, because it's not like I ever get any dates, so what would I know...

OhWesternWind Fri 05-Oct-12 23:21:55

Thanks both of you - wasn't really planning on saying any more to him than I just wrote in my last post, well, probably a bit less actually, but I think I would like to say something some time soon so he knows it's not about him if I seem a bit wary/odd sometimes. Would never talk through the details with anyone ever again. I know that some particular things can really set me off and I would just like him to have some idea what is going on in case anything does - really innocuous things mainly!

Sponge hope you are okay. You seem low today.

Movingforward123 Fri 05-Oct-12 23:37:14

ok ive now had enough of mr wealthy!!! i really like him but he has def been much quieter! and he didnt reply to the last text i sent him, even tho i was only replying to him??

so i am now officially not speaking to him sad

i also accepted next door neighbours friend request from about a month ago...

and i am even thinking about accepting mr workaholics friend request too!!!! some one stop me... nearly a bottle of wine down and ready to get in trouble... lol

hatesponge Sat 06-Oct-12 00:31:39

Western I'm just a bit pissed off about today not really going as I thought it might, and with men generally being stupid and not seeing me for the amazing person I am. Not upset, or sad though which is good I think, I'm done with crying over stuff.

Moving sorry Mr Wealthy sounds like a bit of a prick. Don't bother texting him again, see if he comes chasing you. And step away from facebook smile says the person who has just spent half an hour stalking various men on there

Movingforward123 Sat 06-Oct-12 08:34:47

Ok I have only just seen your reply, and it's too late!! I accepted mr workaholics request! Spoke to him on the phone for hours and told him while we were seeing each other I slept with 4 people!!!!

I was in complete bitch mode all because mr crappy wealthy wasn't chasing me!!!! Ahhhh I hate men! I hate them, just as you think you found a nice one it all goes wrong!!

So if I do happen to talk to mr workaholic again should I back track and say I was lying? He couldn't believe what I was saying and told me he put me on a pedal stall etc!! hmmhmmhmmhmm funny that considering he treated me so badly!!! confused

I am in a mess!!!

OhWesternWind Sat 06-Oct-12 08:56:52

Were you lying?

Movingforward123 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:03:44

I wasn't lying that I had slept with people! Actually I had slept with more then 4!! confused

Movingforward123 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:05:24

But obviously I would never tell him that!!

God I'm such a mess!!

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 09:15:01

moving - perhaps its time to step back from dating for a momment, its meant to be fun. Id just delete mr workaholic and leave it. As for mr wealthy - again,just leave it. You cant tell if someone is nice from one date, or even 10. Again, we never know their intentions and its their best side they are showing you. It takes time to get to know someone to determine how ' nice' they are.

Western - in NO way would i be telling anyone anything like that, esp after only a few dates, why lay yourself so bare? why does he need to know? he doesnt. If he wants to talk ( and you dont know what about yet) then let him,but id be warey of somone spilling their guts and a whole ton of emotional outpouring after a few dates.

Sponge. I get you. For what its worth, you have a way more active social life than me. Or evening social life. I get the odd comment too, people have said they dont understand how i can be on my own and how they wouldnt cope without a man. A recently divorced school gate mum was discussed as being very different to me because she couldnt cope without being in a ' family' set up. I think i AM in a family set up. But it goes to show you how people view things differently, and i sometimes get pissed off at having to justify myself. I also think the boy thing was just a general fed up ness at a non changing situation rather than ' him' as it were. And you are right, after 4 years of it it would grate on anyone. I dont have any advice, only letting you know that i understand.

Leuiji - i think its sometimes easy to forget that this is a thread about dating, and people, on the whole, mostly post about dating. Its in no way a total picture of the person, its more like a tiny, tiny peephole. sponge is a well rounded, intelligent woman, shes a lawyer fgs, and ever so lovely. She doesnt really need to be told to go do things for herself.....

Date with pirate later, he text me a few times yesterday evening too... so im thinking hes maybe quite keen.

fayster Sat 06-Oct-12 09:26:37

Moving, don't worry, it will all look awful this morning until you're over your alcohol come down. Then (and sorry if this seems insensitive), your night last night will look as funny to you as it does to me now! Who cares what Mr Workaholic thinks? He only cares about his work, anyway.

Western, your optician sounds like a nice man, but if I were in your shoes, I'd be working out how well I really did know him before telling him I'd been in an abusive relationship. I am super-cautious about that sort of thing though, as abusers like to get attached to people who've been in that sort of relationship before, as it labels you as susceptible. I don't mean you shouldn't tell him about any practical issues related to being in hiding that might impact on your relationship with him, but I'd maybe just hold back on the reasons. That said, you're probably a much better judge of people than I am, so may not need to be so cautious.

I'm fed up with looking for a man. I know some lovely, lovely men. Some of my best friends are men, and most of my female friends are married to lovely men. So I know there are lovely men out there. However, I have been single for well over a year now, I'm sociable and outgoing, I put myself out there, and do you know how many new single men of around my age I've met, outside of OD, in that time? None. Not one. Pah.

fayster Sat 06-Oct-12 09:29:35

Watch, have a fab date. The pirate does sound keen, and he also gave you a lovely birthday present, didn't he?

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 10:00:42

yes, yes he did. have heard from him this morning too....

I also meet NO men in rl. EVER. in 4 years. Im outgoing, chatty, friendly etc... i have a busy life. i do stuff. No rl interest. IN 4 YEARS. i must admit it rather baffles me when i see on threads on MN how women go out and get hounded by men... that just never happenes to me... and im not unattractive...

I think the thing with OD is not to see it as looking for a man, and certainly dont expect it to bring you one, but that its a fun thing to do sometimes...

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 10:43:54

actually - going to have a rant at the ' get a hobby'advice.
It seems standard that it is trotted out to single mothers.

These are people who are doing the parenting of TWO people, on their own, practically and emotionally. Who are working, and looking after a house on their own. Who have (typically) less disposable income to afford babysitters.

And yet the advice is to regulary go out in a evening, somethng that is almost quite impossible. ( if your child is under 14)

Ive wanted to go to a photography club for 3 years. I havent been able to go. Firstly no family member nor friend wants to babysit for free, regulary ( they all work and have their own busy lifes) i cant afford sitters. I work and with DD, 6, and home work and housework etc, im pretty much dead by 8 pm anyway. Practically, right now, its just not going to happen. And thats how it is for lots of people... its quite patronising to lone parents to suggest it i think.

besides, who would give that advice to a married woman.. they wouldnt, because they would know all that she is doing, even with the support of her husband......

hatesponge Sat 06-Oct-12 10:53:09

watch I could hug you for your post and your kind comments. thank you smile It definitely is just fedup'ness with the whole thing. Honestly, if the boy had said 'Sponge, I think you're amazing, I've fancied you for ages, let's go out' I'd probably have been hmm anyway and said I wasn't sure, due to work issues etc. It would have been nice to have some interest which lasted longer than one night.

As it was he just said he wanted to clear the air and make it less awkward between us as we work in the same office, etc. I said it was fine and didn't feel awkward (it obviously does but I thought I should reassure him and say it doesn't!), he said he was glad, and that was about that. Really he could have just said it by email. But anyway, today is another day etc!

Hope you have a fab date with the pirate. Make sure you report back to us later grin

Moving I agree with fayster, why care what mrworkaholic thinks? IIRC, didn't he mess you around, was too busy to make time for you etc? It's his loss in that case. Don't feel bad for telling him.

fayster I do meet men in RL, but I wouldn't say any of them are really any better or more suitable than those I've met OD. This year for example, there was one I met who seemed nice but then stood me up with the most pathetic excuse, and never contacted me again, MrJubilee (I met at a friends jubilee party) who is a coke user and not really the sort of person I should date, and of course the boy from my office who is (almost) half my age. I don't know what the answer is, or even if there is one. Sorry not much help I know! But at least you know you're not alone smile

hatesponge Sat 06-Oct-12 11:02:24

Watch I so agree re hobbies.

I admit I am a boring cow who has no hobbies - unless you count shopping or stalking people on the internet grin but the thing is, being the person I am never stopped me meeting a man in the past. It never mattered to the Evil Ex, nor the lovely one, nor any of the men before them. So it's not like you HAVE to have 1001 interests to snare a man.

Also you've got to consider children in this even if there is something you want to do, mine are old enough now not to need a babysitter for a couple of hours in the eve BUT by the same token on weekdays I leave at 7ish in the morning when the boys are just getting up. I get home at 7ish in the evening. If I then go out for a couple of hours I literally wouldn't see them at all, plus I'd be bloody exhausted. Most evenings I come in, cook dinner and flop on the sofa!

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 11:08:17

Sponge, its the whole ' what, AGAIN' thing, isnt it. It is nuts, especially when its people who you know you wouldnt actually date..... ( and ive had a ton of them) Mr epic sex i fancied the pants off, we had, epic sink breaking sex. We did so again - off my instigation, two weeks later. I offered him a fwb thing. he said yes, but then i never heard from him again. He would have been awful to date, he was an 18 year old in a 30 somethings body. But it was still shit that he didnt even want sex with me, i was left thinking ' WTF!!'
Being left thinking WTF once or twice is ok, its dealable with, but when its constantly for years.... whole different ball game.

I think that crap advice from well meaning people, then compounds it all. because its easier to blame you for not trying hard enough or smiling enough or insert whatever banal thing enough... because then its your fault, and not anything that might happen to them, and if if did they would just smile in waitrose and BANG they would be married a year later.....

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 11:12:44

plus, what sort of parent would you be if you did that, i bet a ton of judgy pants would be hoiked up for you putting your love life before your children. ( when you are working all those hours)

You dont have to have 1001 interests. i have 1001 interests, and bloody outdoorsy, active ones, where you would think there would be a TON of men. Nope..... that tatic hasnt worked in 4 years.

hatesponge Sat 06-Oct-12 11:23:52

I know, I get enough grief from other people about the hours I am out of the house as it colleague (the one who likes to tell me I need to 'get out there' more hmm) has also asked HOW do I manage with my job and DC, wouldn't I find it so much easier with a man to help me...

then my other 2 colleagues (who are classic slightly embittered spinster ladies in their late 40s/early 50s, never been married, multiple cat owners) have started treating me as one of them, which doesn't fill me with joy either!

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 11:41:38

hahahaha, see!!! their advice flys in the face of the other things they say!!! thus showing its a load of bull AND you cant win. Its just bollocks smile

you wont be a member of the mad cat lady club. promise. Though maybe they may be less annoying than your other colleague!!!

Anyway, its not so bad, i had an email this week from an old friend. Shes got 3 children, one under 2. They nearly split up 2 years ago, but he wanted to give it another go, and she took him back... ( because noone really wants to be a single parent) you know what he was doing, and what shes found out hes doing again - fucking escorts..... in his lunch hour.... the poor girl. She is distraught.
I would far rather be single forever, than to even deal with that shit.
and i know you would too.

Movingforward123 Sat 06-Oct-12 11:54:31

Yes mr workaholic treated me like crap! So tough I guess! But I just don't really like people to think bad of me! Oh well!!

Mr wealthy sent me this about an hour ago

Heyyyyy wat u mean Hun ? Sorry I finished work and went for drinks with peeps and got a big messy lol

This is in response to me texting him last night after a bottle of wine saying your rude!!

Well I'm not going to reply!! angry

Movingforward123 Sat 06-Oct-12 11:57:23

And yes I completely agree about the hobby thing! Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in the house at night like a prisoner just because I'm a mum. And I have got family that will babysit but no money to go out! And right now no money to go shopping to cheer myself up! As I am working parttime so that I can study to better myself for me and dd! But it's a struggle, I'm used to having money in my bank at the end of the month, let alone a week after being paid confused

Movingforward123 Sat 06-Oct-12 12:05:27

fraystar gringringrin at mr workaholic only caring about his work! Even when I felt like crap this morning that made me grin

janflan Sat 06-Oct-12 12:26:28

I dipped my toe into the OD world and joined POF a couple of weeks ago. I was talking to this lovely man the other night, we had loads in common and he didn't offer me a picture of his knob. I got a bit distracted with Mr not so nice but fit younger man and haven't been on for a few days. I just logged on and Mr nice had sent me a message yesterday asking me out for dinner and then it looks like he's deleted his account. I hope he doesn't think i was ignoring him.

Movingforward123 Sat 06-Oct-12 12:48:17

Oh nooo are you sure it has been deleted and not just hidden? Have you tried replying?

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 12:50:13

possibly married.... they have habits of doing things like that...

MadameOvary Sat 06-Oct-12 13:47:33

Sponge and everyone else really: I get what you're saying that you'd like to meet someone who recognises how amazing you are. The thing is, to do that they have to be pretty amazing too, and finding a decent one amongst the charmers, players, drug addicts, marrieds and emotionally unavailables is bloody hard. There are loads of meh-average ones there and you are all clearly beyond them.

Science boy knows I have a past that makes Jeremy Kyle look tame. That was on the second date. You can tell I'm bit ditzy, a bit eccentric. I used to attract all the specimens above, and what's worse, they were attractive to me too. My life was a car crash but it's not any more, and I want to explain that. I know I dont have to, but I'm an open book and I figure if my radar is working now, then it's ok for me to be an open book because I'm safe.

I don't think I would have gone for him before. He'd not have been edgy enough, or damaged enough, or whatever the hell it was I went for. But he seems so nice I can't believe it. Last night I thought we arranged for him to pick me up at 6.30, when the babysitter arrived as per the previous night. 6.30 came and went. I texted "Sorry babysitter not here yet." Then I checked texts and remembered that babysitter wasn't coming till 7.30. Nightmare!

So I texted and said so to him. He replied "You want picked up?" "Yes" I said and asked where he was. At home. We hadn't actually arranged a time, but the extra strong painkillers I've been on had me imagining that we had.

I was mortified. I thought "He's going to think I'm a total flake and dump me" and texted saying "Sorry am not usually this bad" he replied "No worries. See you in 20 mins"

He was fine. If that had been my toxic can imagine. I keep waiting to see what is wrong with him. blush

I dunno if this is helpful. It's probably really obvious, but I'm a late learner. I've finally realised that if you're gonna choose a sexy charmer, be aware that he will never change and will always let you down, one way or another.

snapespeare Sat 06-Oct-12 13:48:41
watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 14:08:44

madam - yes, i thought puppy was ' nice' to start off with.I thought i had cracked it by kind of doing what you have just said. I was wrong!!!
SO SO wrong.
I thought an ' adverage' one and having time to get to know him, and him me, was a fab way of doing it.

The reality meant i over looked things that bugged me, for the sake of ' adverage'

It was fun for a little while, and now you all know what situation im in now.

I dont think there are two options of either nice, nor sexy charmer. There has to be some middle ground.

MadameOvary Sat 06-Oct-12 14:55:52

Watch Sorry I am just loving the fact that I can better spot the nobbers quickly
and they aren't appealing any more. And I shouldn't be waxing lyrical after 3 dates. I'm just happy that I've moved on a wee bit. No doubt plenty of irritating traits will surface in Science Boy, but the fact that he has given no indication if being passive-aggressive, moody or manipulative is incredible. I know, I know, there's plenty of time for him to show feet of clay but am enjoying it while it lasts.

Also am not saying that there are only nice men or sexy charmers, am saying (not very clealry) that I used to think that sexy charmers could be nice/decent if I only tried harder. BUT the reason I was attracted to them is because they were toxic. "Charmer" in my book means someone fake, manipulative and untrustworthy, as described by Sandra Horley in her book about Charm Syndrome Man. "Power and Control - Why Charming Men Make Dangerous Lovers"
Or as explained here

Moving Mr Wealthy sounds like a dick. I loathe that "What you mean?" nonsense. It's usually accompanied by big puppy eyes. And as for the rest of the just screams "manchild"

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 15:14:56

ah - i get you. If hes wildly different from your usual type... then yes, can see where you are coming from.
puppy was lovely for about 2.5/3 months. maybe a bit more...

hes not agressive, knobbish, controlling, mean, nasty, or all the other ' red flag' type behaviours.
He was kind, thoughtful, would jump though hoops for me....

But hes still an arse.... just in a different way, in a selfish way.

i think people can be charming in different ways, its not only in the confident, gift of the gab type way we automatically assume......

not saying your guy is like that at all, but i think try to remember and i will be doing so too... that just because someone is a lot nicer, and you cant instantly see any red flags, that they are safe and its all ok.....

MadameOvary Sat 06-Oct-12 15:26:08

Oh absolutely. My ex's way of charming me was to paint himself as a loving, abandoned husband. He was too clever to say anything outright bad about his ex, just gave the impression that he'd done all he could and worked hard to save the marriage. I thought he was a decent, honest man and his wife was daft to let him go hmm

I know it's unwise to make assumptions about people early on, you are quite right. smile I am being one of those daft optimists so thanks for a dose of common sense. I need it. grin

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 06-Oct-12 15:34:12

yes, dont go shopping for wedding dresses just yet.

its nice to be all excited, its lovely smile just, keep your wits about you... and dont assume.

( its SO easy to make assumptions to fill in the blanks)
I believed puppy about a few things for about 2 months, then i got to know him more and realised that actually the truth was the total opposite of what he said, but until then i had no inkling...... which i wouldnt, because i didnt know him.

It takes time to get to know someone.....
theres no way round it, we cant make second guesses...

hatesponge Sat 06-Oct-12 15:40:32

It's true you don't know men at all at the beginning, time will tell and all that. Not that I ever get beyond the beginning, so it hardly matters in my case smile

Lueji Sat 06-Oct-12 15:50:50

Sorry if I get it wrong.

Being a lawyer means shit to me, honestly. I know fantastically well educated people with lots of responsibilities who have issues in their lives.

Sponge, you have NOT ever had a second date. Just not in the last four years.
The fact is that everytime here you are in touch with somebody or have a first date you immediately say that it won't go far.
It is sad to read it from here, even if the prediction is correct

Personally, if people started saying that I would need a man and so on, I'd tell them very quickly that I'd rather be alone than with some twat. and now you will tell me that you do that

My initial post was a reaction to what you had been told. Yes to going out, but NOT with the aim of meeting men. Or stay in if you prefer.

hatesponge Sat 06-Oct-12 16:18:34

I don't say anything of that nature