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Can i have some advice please.

(94 Posts)
carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 16:43:41

Can i have some advice please.
(3 Posts)

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carernotasaintMon 23-Jul-12 16:07:31

Its about my DBs daughter whos 17. Her parents my DB and his ex split up when she was a toddler.
DN is now at college but hasnt been doing all her coursework so to punish her she has been stopped from going on hols with DB. Shes also been made to close her Twitter account and they have confiscated her mobile phone (its a very old phone with NO internet access.) just calls and texts. Last time they confiscated the same mobile phone for TWO YEARS. There is no way she can contact extended family.
At the moment she is on a placement locally and has asked me if i have a spare phone she can have. I do (i was going to give it to her anyway as DH bought me a new one for my birthday.) this phone DOES have internet access but i would rather she had a phone just for safety sake.
Over the weekend theres been another problem. Shes managed to get a message through to me that her younger brothers used to beat her with certain implements.
I told DH and hes told me not to take it seriously. Hes also told me not to sneak her the phone as it will cause trouble for DB and he might be stopped from seeing her. What the hell do i do

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 16:54:53

Are you saying that your 17yo niece is being punished for not having completed all of her college coursework by being prevented from going, or being told she cannot go, on holiday with her df, and that in addition her ancient mobile has been confiscated and she has been made to close her Twitter account?

Who is punishing her? Her dm? Is your niece an unusually compliant teenager?

What are your db's views on the way his dd is being treated?

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 16:58:38

? You want advice on the issues?

But out and stop interfering. A teenager does not "need" a phone for safety if she has no income of her own then it is up to her parents whether they buy her one. Younger brother has beaten her with implements? WTF? It isn't ok for siblings to hit each other but it happens commonly, if you have concerns, real ones you should be contacting SS not undermining her parents. I fail to see real concern just judgement about your brother's x's parenting and attempts to passive aggressively undermine her. Some of the things are unwise such as treating a holiday with her father as a privilege to be removed but as long as it is the holiday and not the contact that is being curtailed that isnt so bad.

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 18:09:36

IMO once a child begins to go out and about on their own/with their friends, they should be equipped with a mobile phone for their dps' peace of mind safety's sake.

Given that the dps/carers of a young person who is in full-time education is in receipt of child benefit payments, it should be within the realms of financial possibility to provide a PAYG mobile phone and a £10 top up each month by way of pocket money for the children of the family.

Also IMO, preventing a dc from going on holiday with an absent parent is tantamount to stopping the dc from having contact with one of their dps and would seem to me to be punishing the absent parent for the alleged sins of the child.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 20:48:59

izzyizin thats pretty much summed up the way i feel about it to. Sorry that i havent posted much on this thread. I posted it on the Chat board first and theres more details on there.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 20:51:45

You might want them to have a phone but they don't "need it to be safe" and I think from the rest of the post that comment is about the op wanting her to call her to foster some kind of special relationship where the child tells her bad things about her mum.

Saying a child can't go on holiday is not the same as saying they can't see their dad, not at all, only would be if the mum was expecting the daughter to be at home and not with the dad. For all we know the dad has agreed to this and I don't see what business it is of the child's aunt. Her brother is big enough to have a 17 year old then he needs to be the one doing all this and nobody will thank the op for interfering. Probably not even the daughter in the end.

If the op has concerns about the child's home environment she should speak to NSPCC or SS, definitely not do all this interfering, judging and undermining which will not end well.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 20:55:19

If anything a mobile phone is going to be a thing for someone to steal I can't see how it keeps anyone safe, until the last 20 odd years people managed to live and be teenagers perfectly safely without mobile phones.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 20:56:35

45

You might want them to have a phone but they don't "need it to be safe" and I think from the rest of the post that comment is about the op wanting her to call her to foster some kind of special relationship where the child tells her bad things about her mum.
This is absolute rubbish. Her mum is nothing to do with me. I dont give a shit. I just want to see that my DN is ok.
As ive just posted on here that there is more details on the chat board and you have made this big huge assumption about me without finding out the full story first, then i would say that that says much more about you than it does about me!

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 20:59:56

I've responded to what you have written here, sorry if you don't like it.

It is apparent you don't give a shit about her mum. No doubt she does and I think it is unwise of you to create trouble like this if what you have is just a difference of opinions about how to raise children. If there is more to it please explain because I can't view chat on my phone.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:05:10

But out and stop interfering.

When i was working at the local council many years ago my job was to file and input claims paperwork. One of the claims was hers.
Where she was asked on the claim paperwork whether she was receiving maintenance she had ticked NO.
But DB has been paying her maintenance ever since they split so i knew the information was false.
But i decided not to "butt in and interfere" Offred if i wanted to cause troouble i would have done it back then. But i am NOT that kind of person. Sorry to dissappoint you!

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:06:58

I meant i dont give a shit what her mum does. Not that i dont give a shit about her personally. You are putting words in my mouth.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:08:09

That is so deeply unprofessional to have read her paperwork and jumped to conclusions and surely something you could be prosecuted for under data protection laws, especially defaming her on the Internet. You dont actually know for sure whether your brother was paying maintenance either.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:09:03

I was on workfare at the time!

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:09:42

What actual concerns do you have about the welfare of this child? If you do have some you need to report them for the child's sake, if you don't have any leave it alone and let your brother deal with his family.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:10:38

It doesn't matter whether you were employed or on workfare, it is still illegal under data protection laws to do something like that.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:10:38

If you know of a way to input data without reading it then please do enlighten me!

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:11:19

HOW CAN I INPUT DATA WITHOUT READING IT SHOW ME PLEASE.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:12:30

When you read her name you stop reading, then you call the supervisor and say "I'm sorry I know this person and therefore I can't input this private data about their finances".

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:12:41

WELL???!!!!

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:13:41

I WAS TOLD TO GET ON WITH IT. i WAS ON WORKFARE.when you are on workfare you have to do as you are told.

Doha Mon 23-Jul-12 21:20:42

Offred please stop being a PITA.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:21:19

Why are you shouting at me? It is deeply unethical to first have read her benefit claim and second to be talking about it on the internet. Did you say you couldn't input the data? To be fair to you they really, really should have explained that this was not ok to do. If it didn't occur to you and you weren't told then fair enough but don't use it to hold a grudge and plaster it all over the internet and please think about making a complaint. Which centre was it?

What are you actual concerns about you DN? If you have some what is your brother doing/thinking?

I am coming at this from the perspective of the xp with a lying ex who has an interfering sister:

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:21:51

Why am I being a PITA?

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:26:53

I am coming at this from the perspective of the xp with a lying ex who has an interfering sister

Ah now i get it. Anyway i have asked for this thread to be deleted. Ive had enough.

offred why are you being so confrontational towards someone who has asked for support? I am baffled.

carer shall we try NOT to get derailed by other posters and talk JUST about your quite justifiable concerns for your niece?

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:36:54

I have learnt a valuable lesson tonight. Dont come on the Relationships board and ask for advice about a child/minor unless you are a parent yourself. Lesson learned and taken on board.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:40:01

Ok, well I hope everything works out for your DN and if you have actual concerns about her mum please report her and don't waste time faffing on MN. Also please consider reporting what happened when you were on workfare as it is something very important which really needs to be considered by workfare providers.

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 21:40:44

Aw jeez, Offred, have you eaten something that doesn't agree with you?

Having read carer's thread in Chat, if this young girl was being treated in such a blatantly oppressive way by a dp or dh, you'd be the first to say 'leave the bastard'.

So, her df is colluding with his ex in punishing their dd in a manner that owes more to the Victorian age than the 21st century, carer? Shame on them.

Unsurprisingly, I'm with Birds. Your dn has been able to vote with her feet for some considerable time now and, if she is minded to do so, she can let her tootsies do the walking to her local authority's SS offices while they are still obliged to accomodate her. If she leaves it until she's 18 her current statutory entitlement will decrease to approximately zero.

If I were you I'd arrange to meet up with her, listen to what she's got to say and, if appropriate, appraise her of her rights, slip her a mobile phone, and assure her that I was available 24/7 should she decide she's had enough of her dps. But that's me - the scent of injustice has always been my downfall bete noir and I very much doubt that's going to change any time soon.

Alternatively, you can buy her dps individual copies of 'How to talk so that kids will listen and listen so that kids will talk' but I'm guessing a) it's far too late for them to learn and b) they're so far up themselves they'll have no interest in doing so.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:44:29

Thanks izzyizin. Im sorry if this thread end up going pffft soon.
i asked for it to be deleted.

carer please unlearn that lesson.
You have a perfect right to ask for advice about a child that you care about, of course you do. Please don't let the thread be derailed.

I think you could very possibly be the trusted person and saviour for this vulnerable young girl. Please allow us to support you

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:46:12

Why am I being the one being confrontational? I'm not the one being shouted at. I'm quite shocked about the reading of the benefit claim and I think she should report the mother or speak to her brother if she had concerns and not interfere and undermine her DN's mother. That's all, it is my opinion, based on having, as I said, an xp who lies about having given me maintenance, incites people to harass me and my children in the street and who gets his sister hyped up to bully me. I'm not saying this is what is happening, what I'm saying is that given the op is the sister of the child's mother's xp, unless she has concerns it really isn't her place to comment on the mother's home and how she chooses to parent the child, that is down to her brother to arrange with his x. What she has said so far only shows a differing opinion about how to parent.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:46:52

Well I've already said I can't read chat and carer had not volunteered further info.

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 21:46:53

FTR, I am a dp and I experienced a not dissimilar situation in relation to one of my then teenage dc's schoolfriends.

After being accomodated by her local authority, the dc in question was able to effect a reconciliation with her dps after they'd had time to consider their position and adjust their unrealistic expectations to take account of the fact that their infant had become a young person with a mind and a
will of her own while they weren't looking.

It happens; and when it happens the needs of the dc are of paramount importance. Don't let anyone tell you any different, carer, as children truly are our future.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:47:07

Thankyou. I swear i am not the sort to interfere. If everything turns out ok i will just step back and let them get on with it.

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 21:49:14

Please rescind your request for this thread to be deleted, carer.

You came to the right place and Offred'll get themselves back on track as soon as they're able to drop some Rennies read your other thread.

As a backup I'm going to copy what I've written here and paste it in your Chat thread.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:50:19

So what is actually going on then? If there is something i think it is pretty unfair of you lot to all shout at me about it when I can't actually read it. Being stopped going on holiday and having phone confiscated is not child abuse on it's own. That is all I know about because it is all that is written here.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:51:19

Offred im sorry for what you are going through. He is abusing you and using family members to do so. That is the lowest of the low. And hes not taking responsibility for his child either. Believe me offred men like this disgust me.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:52:52

DB and his ex seem to have agreed on the punishment and it is impossible to talk to him where his ex is concerned. I will give you an example. My DF has given my DN a lift home from college a couple of times and DN has said not to drop her off directly outside her house.my DF wasnt taking any nonsense and dropped her off outside her house anyway.
Apparently no one is "allowed" to be directly outside the exes house except DB to drop off DN. This rule is coming from DBs ex NOT DNs idea.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:52:57

Please can you stop passively aggressively attacking me and look at it on the basis of what has been said on this thread which is all I can read.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:54:52

NO ONE is allowed to drop DN off at her house except DB. This "rule" has been in force since the 1990s.
Is there any kind of organisation that i can phone just for advice? (im now pasting my posts from the chat board earlier)

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:56:09

Call NSPCC who now have the authority to call SS direct - 0808 800 5000

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:56:11

carernotasaintMon 23-Jul-12 16:54:45

DB and his ex seem to have agreed on the punishment and it is impossible to talk to him where his ex is concerned. I will give you an example. My DF has given my DN a lift home from college a couple of times and DN has said not to drop her off directly outside her house.my DF wasnt taking any nonsense and dropped her off outside her house anyway.
Apparently no one is "allowed" to be directly outside the exes house except DB to drop off DN. This rule is coming from DBs ex NOT DNs idea.

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 21:56:21

No-one's shouting at you, Offred, but you are making one hell of a fucking racket all by yourself shock

Do you always hog the bogie? hmm

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:57:34

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carernotasaintMon 23-Jul-12 17:17:39

See im not a mum myself so thats why i thought it best to get advice from ladies who are. Last time they confiscated her phone for TWO YEARS which was over the top IMO and they havent said when she can have it back this time

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 21:58:05

I do think this is a difficult situation but really, looking at it objectively, how do you actually know that is the truth? If you are worried about it it is good to get advice but also to find out whether it is true before you make life changing decisions.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 21:59:13

17:19:28

Birds gotta do you mean PR as in parental responsibility. DB hasnt got it. Hes never had it. He decided not to go for PR many years ago.

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 22:02:59

You do not have to be a mum to have your heart in the right place, carer.

Listen to yours and, before you think about calling the NSPCC, meet up with your dn and encourage her to call Childline 0800 1111 if your heart tells you it would be appropriate for her to do so - and stuff your db and his ex and Uncle Tom Cobley & fucking all because what counts here is your dn's welfare and wellbeing and nothing else.

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 22:04:14

Parental responsibility is a non-issue. Your dd is of an age to determine who she wants to live with - and that needn't be either of her dps.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:06:01

Ive asked mumsnet NOT to delete. Hopefully ive got there in time.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:08:49

I do think you should speak to NSPCC. When I was a child I tried several times to get through to childline unsuccessfully. It is damaging. You should call if you are concerned because they will give you advice about what to do based on the full story, if you ask her to call you are getting her to take responsibility for something you are worried about - even if she is being abused she may not see it that way, if she isn't she won't call and you will carry on having concerns (she may not call anyway).

izzyizin Mon 23-Jul-12 22:10:00

Apologies - your dn not your dd. Possibly a Freudian slip because I now feel on a mission to get her out from under what seems to be harsh punishment for a misdeamour that so many teenagers commit.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:10:23

offred im not going to go in with my big size fives shouting the odds. Thats not me. Thats why i asked for advice on here first.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’ (or words to that effect)

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:11:38

I do agree the only thing that matters is the child's wellbeing but I also think it absolutely will not help to try and sort this out on your own. If she is being abused the mum will blame you for being interfering and unreasonable and that will delay your DN getting help. If you are being wound up then you will just make things worse.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:13:12

Thanks Offred. Sorry we got off on the wrong foot. Im sorry youve been having a hard time. Believe me if my DB was anything like your ex i would NOT be harassing you like your exes sister is. How would she like it if the boot was on the other foot.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:14:24

On what you have said you cannot be sure there is anything going on. I'm not sure your position in the family is conducive to actually helping. Obviously you have seen the child and how she looks/is feeling, if something doesn't sit right please call someone official and objective and get the family on the radar.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:15:29

I'm sorry too. Xp has dcs overnight (last time did not go well) and I am nervous about it. I also have a generally unfortunate manner grin

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:16:20

Btw his sister also thinks I am evil and he is great, he is charismatic and lies a lot.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:16:43

How old are your dcs offred?

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:18:32

7 and 5 confused last time he was smoking in the house and ds got croup and he thought he was wheezy and didn't call anyone because he thought he'd get told off for smoking (my interpretation)

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:18:36

Offred in my case i think my DB needs to not be so apathetic. Beleive me i dont see my DB as charismatic. That would be weird.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:20:51

Bloody hell Offred what an irresponsible selfish git. No wonder you are stressed at him having them. He should have called someone and not smoked near them in the first place. Fucking moron.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:20:54

Ha! Yes, I think his dsis sees him in an inappropriately sexual way confused. But I also don't think my situation reflects on yours other than that because you are the sis if the ex it is really difficult to get involved and you need to protect your objectivity in order to protect your DN if something is going on IYSWIM?

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:22:53

He lies, even to them (ds gets hysterically upset if you suggest his dad smokes nevermind in the house) about smoking in the house but write on fb that he has dropped cigs down radiator etc and they STINK of cigs when they come home after being there an hour.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:25:41

YES i know exactly what you mean. i also know that my DB is no angel. a lesson your exes sister still has yet to learn it seems.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:25:58

My mum is a dr and is on his side so he could have called her and not involved "services" but didn't, just sat up with him all night thinking he was wheezing then when I called and found out got my mum to take them away cos he was tired. His sister (and alcoholic mum) still think I'm a twat and try to undermine and interfere all the time.

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:27:23

After an HOUR. He must be quite a heavy smoker then. and he shouldnt be making his ds complicit in the lie. he sounds like a big manchild.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:27:40

His sister, wherever we move, literally wherever we (me and DH or me on my own) have lived, she had moved in over the road, literally opposite our house.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:28:17

He is, your db doesn't sound so great either, what is he doing about your worries?

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:29:59

Anyway, detailing territory now... Really think you should call NSPCC yourself, which is a step before SS and will give you good advice.

Offred Mon 23-Jul-12 22:30:35

Derailing - stupid autocorrect!

carernotasaint Mon 23-Jul-12 22:32:15

Thanks offred and to the rest of the lovely ladies whove posted on my thread both in here and on Chat. It has helped me get some perspective so thankyou.

carernotasaint Thu 26-Jul-12 23:45:57

Met up with DN. It seems some of the problems are being caused by her stepdad.

izzyizin Thu 26-Jul-12 23:56:55

Mmmm... so he's the tyrant one who believes in OTT punishments? And your db and his ex go along with it?

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:04:36

the family (DN her brothers and sister and DBs ex and the SD (her husband) are due to go abroad soon.
They did say a few months back that they couldnt afford to pay for DN as well so my parents (DNs GPs paid for her ticket. (i have NO problem with this)
But i strongly suspect that the SD was saying that they couldnt afford it cos he didnt want DN to go (the younger kids are his biological children) and so when her GPs stumped up the cash he couldnt use that excuse anymore.

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:10:26

And apparently it was the SD who threw DNs mobile so it hit the floor before confiscating it.
She says that her Kindle has also been confiscated INDEFINATELY. (birthday pres. from DB.
She is trying to complete her coursework but as its the school hols the other kids are on the computer a lot.
A week and a half after confiscating this stuff they confiscated her MP3 player too apparently as part of the same punishment.

izzyizin Fri 27-Jul-12 00:13:37

So is she going on the holiday or not? Who's got her passport?

izzyizin Fri 27-Jul-12 00:15:21

Where does your db stand on this? I'd be going apeshit if my dd was being treated in this way - and confiscating the Kindle he gave her? Fuck that for a game of soldiers angry

Does your dn realise that she can leave home any time she wants?

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:16:42

This holiday is a seperate one thats happening in Sept. My DB is holidaying in this country from this weekend with his GF.
The hol that my Ps have helped out with is so that DN can go abroad with her mum stepdad and the siblings that her mum and stepdad are both the biological parents of.

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:21:26

my DN has actually told me she doesnt want to live there anymore. She says she wants to live with her GPs. MY DB actually rang here earlier tonight and chatted with DH (i was in the bath) when DH got off the phone he said "i really dont think your DB knows half of whats going on.
Think DN is too scared to say anything for 2 reasons.
1. cos DB got angry when she failed to do coursework cos of what hes paid out for the course and cos hes worried about her future.
2. think DN is also too scared to say anything cos it will make things worse at home.

izzyizin Fri 27-Jul-12 00:30:00

Would it be feasible for your dn to live with her GPs?

We can all get worried about our dcs futures at times but your db needs to know that getting angry with his dd because she hasn't done coursework that she's now struggling to complete is not the way forward.

It seems to me that this young girl has had more than her fair share of angry adults in her life and it could be that she'll thrive, and so will her studies, if she's living away from her main protagonist.

Your dn was meant to be going away with her df and his gf this weekend? If I was him, she'd be going - no if's and no fucking buts!

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:33:12

Im going to try and convince her to talk to DB. She HAS to. There is plenty of space at my GPs and they would have her in a heartbeat i think.

izzyizin Fri 27-Jul-12 00:33:32

Your dn sounds utterly crushed. What a horrid life she's having at a time when she should be marvelling at all of the wonderful possibilities that are available to her as she stands on the threshold of adulthood and of becoming all that she can be.

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:37:05

Im going to try and help her find a paid job. Work experience is all well and good but she needs money.
She hasnt got any. They are making her put everything aside for the trip abroad in Sept. I do realise shell need spending money when abroad but she said she cant even afford to use a phone box.

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:38:15

Its situations like my DNs that are only going to get worse if they do bring in the "no housing benefits for under 25s rule."

izzyizin Fri 27-Jul-12 00:41:13

I think you need to convince your db to listen to his dd. If she's a reticient type of girl, or perhaps has been made to feel hopeless and helpless, can you not be with her while she tell's your db what's been going on and how she feels? If I were you I'd also be having word with the GPs.

As far as your dn's concerned, she needs to know that she doesn't have to live with her sd and dm; she's been free to vote with her feet for some years now and there's no way that the police/courts nor anyone else can compel her to live anywhere she doesn't want to.

izzyizin Fri 27-Jul-12 00:43:32

And the sd claimed that he and her dm couldn't afford to take her on holiday with her half-siblings?

Jeez, if I were you I would so be on a mission! angry That knobhead wouldn't know what hit him. She'd be out of there in a hearbeat. grin

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:46:31

She thought that she had to be 18 to move out and is counting down the days to her next birthday. I put her straight on that yesterday. she said they took the Kindle cos of the fact that you can get the internet on it.
But you cant get the internet on her mobile or MP3.
She also told me that she got into trouble at college for being an hour late one day cos she had no mobile where she could call them and tell them she would be late. That was the last time they confiscated the mobile.
then she had it back for a couple of months. now theyve took it again.

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 00:48:25

izzy i AM on a mission now. DH has a running joke about me and DB
He says im the one with the balls.

izzyizin Fri 27-Jul-12 00:54:23

But she needs internet for her coursework and she can't access it at home because her half-siblings get priority.

O jeez, please get her out of there. It may not be pretty but so fucking what - let him kick off; he can't harm her any more if she's living with other relatives who'll care for her.

The problem will be undoing the damage he's done to her.

And don't make her feel she's got to go on holiday with him.

If you should be able to get her a paid job, get onto to Child Benefit and make sure they know she's no longer in full time education.

When it comes to the welfare of dc I have absolutely no compunction about channelling my vengeful inner goddess and letting her do her worst.

izzyizin Fri 27-Jul-12 00:55:39

Some men can't man up - but we sure can, honey grin

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 01:00:11

She can get on the computer some of the time but i have my doubts whether she can meet the deadline shes been given.
She wants to go back to college if she gets the marks. She was told at home to get a job but could only find a voluntary one which she is enjoying so if she can find a temp job at least thats some money.
I could be wrong but i have a horrible feeling her SD doesnt want her there. The foreign holiday is somewhere DN has always wanted to go. I cant believe they were actually contemplating leaving her behind.

carernotasaint Fri 27-Jul-12 01:05:33

To be fair to DB though he doesnt have any idea that its this bad. (though he does know stuffs been confiscated but i dont think he knows the confiscation of the Kindle is indefinate.
DB and GPs have been told in the past not to send too much stuff back with DN. (as in birthdays and Christmas presents etc)

Darkesteyes Wed 14-Nov-12 00:04:14

OP here.
Well the day of my last post on this thread i gave her the phone.
But her DM found it this evening and came round to mine. She ended up having a go at DH because i was in the bath.
Then she (DBS ex) went round to my parents place wanting to speak with my DM who wasnt in. my DF said he "sent her away with a flea in her ear" So now my 17 year old DN has no phone and goes to college in another town half an hour away.

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