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Success, standards and still holding out for Johnny thread 18

(1000 Posts)
ChaoticismyLife Thu 19-Jul-12 22:01:37

Forget the olympics...we're aiming for dating gold.

Only the best is good enough.

As you

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 22:07:00

Can I just say I have had the most perfect evening with a male friend. (from ages back) got here at 5, only just left. Just cuddled up on the sofa watching tele, however rubbish it might be, chatting and laughing.

Aah these were the times I miss.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Thu 19-Jul-12 22:14:42

I had a really good coffee date today.

We chatted for hours and the conversation flowed really well. He made me laugh and was friendly and warm.

I'd like to see him again. And we might at the weekend.

But I messaged him at about 7 to say thanks for a lovely
Afternoon and I hope to see you soon but he's not replied. I'm trying not to be pessimistic but he's always replied more or less straight away sad

He said he really enjoyed it and would love to see me at the weekend so I don't know what happened. He seemed happy when we said goodbye.

Maybe I'm just panicking after a long long time off the dating scene!

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 22:17:45

Maybe he is doing that guy thing of playing it cool. Well maybe someone should tell them it isn't cool at all.

ChaoticismyLife Thu 19-Jul-12 22:23:37

Maybe he's got his phone on charge or something and hasn't received it yet.

Last Saturday afternoon I put my phone on charge. I remembered to take it off again Monday morning blush Give him time and don't jump to conclusions just yet.

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 22:36:56

True, or maybe he is avoiding looking at it cos he thinks its gonna say you dont want to see him again?

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Thu 19-Jul-12 22:40:06

I know. Can't believe I'm being so cliched.

And I thought the hard bit was the pre-date nerves!

mercury7 Thu 19-Jul-12 22:53:39

Charlie, I know how you feel but dont panic, I'm sure it'll be fine, my suggestion is play it cool and leave the ball in his courtsmile

Lueji Thu 19-Jul-12 22:54:20

There could be lots of reasons, Charlie.

If he doesn't say anything by tomorrow, then forget about him and act cooler if/when he gets in contact.

A they say, plenty of fish. grin

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 23:10:46

My male friend from tonight has actually messaged me saying they forgot how good it was spending time with me!!!!! And he wants to take me out!!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY.

sorry. i have always liked him too. I know i said i was on the sofa, but hey come on, i wasnt expecting it just wanted to pop over tonight, we have been chatting since i moved back here 8 months ago but not got round to catching up. Nothing sexual happened either.

hatesponge Thu 19-Jul-12 23:11:52

From the last thread...

izzy I honestly dont know why I dont get a second date. Bad luck, karma, something I do or don't do, who knows. I'd love to think there was an answer, a simple reason & I could have a 'eureka' moment & that would fix it all but I don't foresee that happening.

Of my dates this year (8 in total) I would have seen all but one (the one I met on Sunday) again.

All of them either during the date or shortly after expressed a wish to see me again - so 7 not counting the one I didnt like. I then made definite arrangements for the fabled 2nd date with 4 of them, none of which happened, and the other 3 just stopped contacting me, having asked to see me again, without arranging anything. (One of them turned out not to be single - but he'd already disappeared before I found that out).

So we have a date, they like me, they ask to see me again, we arrange/we dont arrange, and they're gone.

Charlie please dont let the above tale of woe make you downhearted re your date though. I am just really unlucky when it comes to dates, its not this bad for most people! Generally when a man says he wants to see you again he means it, albeit not in my case smile

MrsToddNeeLovett Thu 19-Jul-12 23:18:32

I have a date for tomorrow night. I'll update on how it goes when I get in smile

Lueji Thu 19-Jul-12 23:22:02

Sponge, speaking as a scientist, 8 is not that great a number.
It's about once a month.
So, it can easily be a statistical glitch.

They happen.
Out of 1000s of people dating, a few will have a run of 8 or more dates with no follow up.

Nothing to do with you.

That's good, MLM. smile

Mr VN is at some birthday dinner and has just rung anyway. Ahhh
Either that or on a date... shock
I'm preparing myself for disappointment, but for some reason I do trust him.

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 23:25:15

I am seeing him again on monday, so excited. he only left about an hour and a half ago, again coming to me after little man goes bed etc, <i have known him years so this is perfectly safe> wont be staying the night. not for a long long time, i might let him have a peck on the cheek, but no more. like you told me, dont give out more than i want to. I didnt tonight, plenty of cuddles made each other laugh, so all good. right, i am more than happy to give out laughter and cuddles.

hatesponge Thu 19-Jul-12 23:39:52

No, 8 isnt that many. And looking at it purely as 8 dates no second dates doesnt seem so bad But I think the fact all 8 (or 7 discounting the one I didnt want to see) said they wanted to see me again makes it more surprising (at least in my view) that not one second date has actually happened.

But it is as it is. Looks like I may be waiting a while for a 2nd date to come along...

lubeybooby Thu 19-Jul-12 23:47:38

Hello all!

Still happilyish ambling along here with me chap... I don't know why though but I just have this feeling we aren't going to last out the year.

Happily-ish isn't really what I want, and i've been feeling a bit CBA with it all.

Hmm but then it has been five months so maybe just the end of the 'honeymoon' period approaching (or already here)

I am a bit up and down though it has to be said so next week i might be all giddy and ridiculously in love again <rolls eyes>

and we just spent the weekend and then three weekdays together so I'm still in the 'relieved to be able to slob out and wear leggings' stage!

Hope all here are well and happy, not checked in for aaaaages been so busy.

Lueji Thu 19-Jul-12 23:54:45

Some men lie and some drift off.

It could still be a statistical glitch.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 06:40:35

Sponge, every single date I have ever had, has said at the end, they would like to see me again, or it was fun, lets do it again, or something in that form. Lots were after, but never actually asked me out again.
It's just what people say at the end of the date smile it doesn't mean anything, what does mean somethihg is if they call/ text and ask you out again, and if this hasn't happened 48rs aftet the date,, its not going to happen.

We all keep telling you It's not you, Its just the nature of online dating, but you seem insistant on beating yourself, constantly, with a big stick. I'm not going to keep repeating it, so ill just leave it as that.

Lubey!!!! We miss you on here smile
So, Whats up, what are the niggles, is it him, or you with cold feet, is it the long distance thing ( in the way that much time apart, then.super intense when you do see each other) is it Because you know he will be going away with his job?

Charlie - balls in.his courts, wait it out, but if it gets to 48 hrs ( 24hrs really. If he was in regular contact before) and he hasn't replied, then move on smile

I won a ton of Brownie points from mrl earlier. We had plans for sat afternoon through to Monday. But his fav band got a last min gig at a pub near me. I saw this on fb. He didn't say anything, but I knew he would want to go, but wouldn't cancel with me, so, I told him I had seen they were playing, and he should go, and we could do what we had planned ( bevsgse we were going out) later in the week. He was gobsmacked, told me I was amazing etc... Etc smile

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 07:17:45

Actually sponge, just thought of it this way ( all the best thinking happens in the shower!!! )
Imagine you went to a party, and there were 8 men there, would you feel so wretched if you found out noone of them were interested, no, course you wouldn't, because that would be insane!!!
A first date, isn't really a date, It's a meeting, chemistry/ attraction is a weird thing and not something you know till you meet face to face. No matter how well you think the date has gone, you don't know what the other person is attracted too or what their intentions re dating are, ie- if they are just interested in dating a large amount of women, whatever you look like/ say/ do will have no Consequence so, more often than not, It's a dud meeting.

I had way more dates than you. 60 ish, with second dates from less than 10. ( actually from about 5/6) that blows your 8 out of the water smile

It wasn't me, I'm lovely. And not ugly, and am interesting, and fun smile

I did literally nothing different with mrl. I just finally got Lucky.

It is a numbers game. But you need to toughen up and stop letting people that don't know you/ matter affect you so much. Or if you are feeling so awful, take a break from it all. Because It's just not good.

KirstyWirsty Fri 20-Jul-12 07:34:24

Just marking my spot .. as you were smile

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 08:10:31

watch in fairness they did all ask to see me again after the date, not just during. and with 4 I made definite arrangements. If I went to a party, met 8 blokes I got on ok with and made arrangements to see 4 again and never saw any of them again I'd be pretty disappointed I think, not unreasonably so.

And yes I know its a numbers game. But thats just 8 this year, theres been a fair few more of course in previous years which never came to anything either. From what I hear from friends and colleagues in RL who internet date, they generally get second dates a lot more often - maybe 1 in 3 or 4 times (and thats the ones they want to see, not just the ones who offer that maybe they dont).

Perhaps they're just luckier than me. but then if it is just random luck I could carry on for another 4 years, or 10 years, or even longer exactly the same. Which is not an appealing prospect.

I have taken a break from it. I think I'm on about my 6th profile this year. I have deleted myself, given up with it, tried meeting people in RL etc, but with no more success than online. Hence I have to keep going with it.

feelinglonely Fri 20-Jul-12 08:56:47

Charlie:if you dont hear from him just move on he is just not interested.
watch:happy for you.
sponge:come on stop blaming yourself,keep going until the right man comes along,dont take it serious and be positive.
Cancelled my date with Mr 46 this morning,not in the mood for a date tday confused

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 09:10:32

sponge- you totally, and utterly believe its your fault, dont you. Then there is nothing any of us can say that will change that im afraid. Would you rather we all agreed with that random man that clearly you arent relationship material and should just resign yourself to a life with cats??

( i dont want to be mean, but i just cant see what else anyone can say to you, because you seem so sure its you when its not)

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 09:42:39

sponge it is absolutely not you. I promise. It is never you. They are stupid not to see you again. I think these blokes that didn't see you again need a realise the opportunity they lost.

And you will not be growing old alone. We will find you a fella and even once you have someone we will continue to give you the occasional firm word. None of us want to be mean to you, honestly, we just want you to see how wonderful and amazing you are

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 09:43:23

No, I don't necessarily think it is me. Not in the sense that there's something 'wrong' with me at least. But surely I would be an idiot to blithely assume that it's impossible that I'm doing anything wrong wouldn't I? I have to be more self aware than that. When most - admittedly not all, but most - people around me are regularly getting second, or third, or tenth dates, and I'm not, I have to consider all possibilities. And that isn't just that it's me, it's that it's luck, or karma, or something. I honestly don't know. And nor really does anyone else - short of contacting each of those 7 and asking them, it's impossible to say.

I want there to be a simple answer, for it to be something totally obvious and easily remedied - I don't know, like I'm dating blokes who are the wrong star sign (not that I believe all that, but you get the idea). Because if there isn't a simple answer, if theres nothing I can do, no way I can control it, or improve my chances, then that means I could do this for the rest of my life and still never get a second date.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 09:47:43

Hi all! Just checking in and marking my place smile

Still on Cupid, quite a few messages, none that float my boat but hey, I'm hanging on in there, cos you just never know! I must admit, I am preferring the messages coming through from Cupid than those from POF so am leaving the POF profile hidden. I've gone upmarket grin

Watch I'm pleased for you too, it all sounds great smile

Lubey Good to 'see' you!! smile Glad all is still going well. Maybe you will feel more than 'happyish when you have had a recovery period, of slobbing out in leggings. grin

Charlie I agree with Watch, but if you don't hear from him, don't take it personally, don't let it knock your confidence, just move on smile

Sponge I agree with everything Watch says. I can't agree with Random Man that you aren't relationship material, because you are relationship material, you just haven't met the right man yet. If not getting the results you want is getting you down, if it is affecting you so badly, then maybe it would be better to take a break altogether? Just enjoy being you, enjoy your social life, forget about meeting men, concentrate on being happy. That's what I'm doing, I love my life, I would like to meet a man to experience a bit of nice stuff with but it isn't the be all and end all, meeting a man isn't a priority. Personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about grin

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 09:50:52

ok - so, you want a plan? i understand, something that you can be doing, so it feels like you are DOING something, rather than nothing.
Ok - i get that smile

In hindsite pof got me ALOT of dates, most of my dates were from there. POF is good for getting dates, its maybe not so good for men serious about dating as it does tend to have a very ' casual sex' reputation.

Change dating site. Honestly. Have your tried okcupid - or, if you have tried it, try it again. How about doing a paid site, for a month? i know you have done it in the past - but the past is the past, and this is now, and there will be other people on there ( and maybe you might be looking for something different than you were last time)

OhWesternWind Fri 20-Jul-12 09:54:08

Can any of you recommend some sites? Not ones for casual sex though, I'm looking for more of a relationship. Thanks.

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 09:54:10

sponge I suppose technically you could carry on for the rest of your life and never get a second date, however the chance of that happening are so low and you have much much better odds of ending up in a similar situation to watch

I met an old friend and see them again Monday (he actually asked me out) and I wasnt expecting it. I done nothing any different to my dates, in fact I made less of an effort. Sometimes it is pot luck.

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 10:00:29

Free sites:
Plenty of fish
Ok Cupid
Oasis www.oasis. com

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 10:00:34

Thanks - a plan is good smile Makes me feel less like a leaf fluttering aimlessly in the breeze...

I actually put myself back on OKCupid earlier in the week (I think when everyone was saying on last thread it was better than POF) - I've had about 10 messages so far, 8 of which were odd, pervy or both, 1 from a guy who was married & wanted some fun hmm - so all deleted. 1 seemed normal, I have replied to but nothing back (as yet).

I'll give a paid site a whirl (nothing ventured etc). At this stage in the game I have to exhaust every possibility. Does anyone have any recommendations? I know lots of people rave about GSM, but when I've searched on there (as much as you can for free) I've not seen anyone I'd find even vaguely attractive...

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:00:43

time - glad cupid is giving better messages - thats at least a good sign, there are less men, but i do think better men- and more of them can spell and put a sentance together smile

MLM - thats great - dont sleep with him!!!! smile not yet, anyway.

i do think its just luck - of meeting the right person, at the right time. and a bit of chemistry, and a bit of timing. If it were easy and everyone met someone after 5 dates or somehitng, dating sites wouldnt exist, people would be falling in love in the street. Which they arent. or it only happens in films. Or to my friend who is currently dating the AA man who rescued her and her broken down car while she was dressed as a reindeer for a christmas fun run smile

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:05:29

great smile i know when i had odd times when i got disheartened that i had to have a plan to feel like i was doing something about it, because i didnt want to give up.
A plan is a good thing smile

I dont know - i tried match, just because its a big one and i figured lots of people automatically know it. But what about eharmoney - which is a personality match thing and is something you havent tried before?
or match affinity - which is the same sort of thing. These might be more sucessful at matches, because they match for you based on questions and answers.....

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:08:10

Yep, totally agree with you again Watch, on all counts. smile

I'm still hoping fate will send a man my way, like it did your friend grin I can't say my heart is totally into internet dating but it is a way of coming into contact with men. I'm just going to leave my profile hanging there for a bit, see what happens.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:11:52
hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 10:13:09

I am very fussy generally about men. I think I expected to go on dates and hate most of them (prior to this year, with the dates I went on quite a lot of the time I didn't want to see them again). So I was surprised by the fact I wanted to see most of them again, & pleased they apparently felt the same.

And I know (or I should do) that it is all timing. My lovely Ex I met through friends, in the pub, on a night when I really didn't want to go out, hadn't made any effort, wearing a jumper and leggings, barely wearing any makeup, and my hair was all flat.


watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:13:54

also - maybe discount looks for the momment. Im not saying go out with a potato
BUT - mr l isnt my type looks wise, not really, he has mousey blond hair, CURSE OF THE BLOND!!!! and hes short 5ft 7 and doesnt wear what is considered ' fashionable' at the momment. and he needs to go out in the sun to get rid of the whiter than white skin smile

But - hes bloody lovely, i like him alot, and i do fancy him lots. LOTS!! ( even when hes wearing my christmas dressing gown, a paid of socks and my pink crocs!!!) hes sex on legs smile
from just his pictures online... no, not so much, i went on the date because he had a frankly awesome profile and i really liked chatting to him.. and then on the date he was just lovely, and its gone from there.

KirstyWirsty Fri 20-Jul-12 10:17:31

Eharmony are advertising on tv just now as well so may get a new uptake of eligible men customers

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:19:34

<cough> Erm, you went on the date because I gave my approval Watch, lets not forget that. chief bridesmaid position filled by me and I also get to catch the bouquet and choose the best man


watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:20:23

see - you met your lovely ex like that - its all timing and luck. promise. it really is.

And i am very fussy about men, i hardly fancy anyone - ever. and if im totally honest, i wouldnt have actually dated hardly any of the 60 i had a date with.... for various reasons. i was more pissed off that i was dating so much and not getting anywhere!! and then most of that time i wasnt interested in an actual relationship - i was only interested in ' dates' and certainly wouldnt have made time for any of them like i have for mrl.

After my massive casual sex athon, i decided i wanted an actual realationship, thought about what i wanted from that, and then got chatting to mr l.... who wasnt what i would have gone for maybe 6 months perviously, but who was, when i thought about what i wanted... exacatly what i wanted smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:21:15

I started to sign up to Eharmony a few days a go, just to see what the 'free' personality match would bring, but I got bored answering all the questions, there are so many of them, before you even upload a photo or create a profile.

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 10:22:01

I try not to be too much about looks...

The ones I message - yes, usually because I find them attractive from their pictures blush. having said that my success rate in getting so much as a reply is only about 1 in 20!

The ones who message me - I'll consider photos, profile and message - if 2 out of 3 are ok I'll generally reply smile so even if they're not my physical type, if their profile is funny or interesting, and I like their message, I'll give them a go. A couple of my vanishers, and last sundays date were ones like that.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:23:03

yes, it was times fault!!! i was wavering, based on the looks thing, because hes NOT my usual type, Time told me to go. so i did.
maid of honour and i promise not to make you wear a hideous dress

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 10:24:13

I won't be sleeping with him any time soon. There wasn't even a peck on the cheek, loads of hugs and arm rubbing.

I am going to be very very hard to get and will await your approval to sleep with him. Consequently watch he is also blonde. Maybe Thats the key, go for a blonde.

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 10:26:15

Time I signed up to Eharmony last year I think when they did one of their free communication thingys, but I felt like I lost about a year of my life answering all the questions grin. And at the end of it you still couldnt see peoples photos... too weird for me!

I might look at matchaffinity though provided there are less questions

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 10:26:59

My former FWB seems not very happy I have a second date. Think I upset him? He asked. I was honest. Anyway he has a girlfriend. Was he expecting me to wait around for him? I think not.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:28:59

BUT - if those questions match you with someone amazing, it will be less time taken than spending months going on crap, going nowhere dates, with POF losers smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:29:09

Yes! That is correct! His profile was lovely though, even I fell in love with him.

can I go on honeymoon too and bring the best man

Girly Fri 20-Jul-12 10:29:12

sponge if you want to pm me please do. I can show you my profile. Am happy to help x

Girly Fri 20-Jul-12 10:31:23

I am having a better quality on Okcupid. Pof is more of a meat market, which is fine if thats what floats your boat. I would say 3 out of 10 are nice the rest are dodgy to say the least.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:32:01

grin Ialmost lost the will to live Sponge. To tell the truth I was only signing up cos DD told me she had seen The Ex looking at dating site and it began with an 'E'. He's not worth trawling through all that lot for though!

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 10:37:25

Time given your success at matchmaking for Watch I might have to ask for your help smile

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:39:08

time - thats because he is lovely smile he hold umbrellas for me, when i get out of the car so i dont get wet and then throws me around the bedroom like a caveman

In other, stomach churning news, i just got a text from ywk sad
Last i heard from him was on the 10/06/12 saying ' i am really sad'
then, todays ' i really miss not talking to you'
cant help it, stomach lurches, feel a little bit sick, heart races.
Funnily enough i was wondering about him yesterday, hoping he was ok.... i need to not engage. I know this. But i want to say, yes, i miss you too, but you werent who i thought you were, and i have someone now.... but i know ill be sucked in. Because no matter what, a little tiny bit of me will always want/ feel sad for what didnt happen.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:39:44

yes, time is an excellent matcher - time, you need your own website!!!

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 10:45:34

dont engage with ykw smile at least now you know he's ok, which is good, but def leave it there.

I think Time should have her own website - lifecoaching and matchmaking. The 2 actually go quite well together grin

I probably do need someone to matchmake for me, certainly they couldnt make a worse job than I do myself!

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:46:05

Sponge I am happy to help if I can smile Have you made changes to your profile recently? I think I would start there if not. Write a profile that is completely different to any profile you have had. Get some new photo's, completely different poses to the ones you have already used, different looks, makeup and hair wise. Anything that is different, because you know what I say 'if you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got'. Change brings change, so it's worth a try.

Watch do not reply. Do Not Reply. Anything you say will be misread, he will only take from your message what he wants, if you tell him you have someone new you will become a bigger challenge to him. He doesn't miss you, he misses how you made him feel. It's all about him.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:49:03

I expect hes just baffled as to why im not at his beck and call when everyone else in the world is.
incidentally ive just remembered that his gf was suposably moving out/ doing something with her job that required moving - about now.
coincidence? haha. no.

hes not my friend, friends dont lie. I shall not respond.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:50:58

Good! smile You don't need him in your life, you are not missing anything by not having contact with him.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 10:55:56

no, im not smile

I know exactly why he wants to talk to me, and it is about how i make him feel, thats an absolute fact. He has told me before he is addicted to me and unable to give me up because of it. But it was a load of shit because he didnt treat me like a human, just someone there for him, he wasnt interested in any part of my life, other than the part that involved him. he wasnt interested in 'me'

But still, my stomach lurches when i hear from him. Probably always will do, hes YWK.

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 10:57:52

Sponge, current Mr VN was through the equivalent of matchaffinity here.

We actually got communicating a lot and only met after more than a week.

But the other two dates (and one possibility, that I sort of let drop) were through another related site.

Personally, I'd use dating to get out with company and (hopefully) have an interesting time. If the person is into me and me into him, great. Otherwise, fine.

Picking up from Mrs Todd thread, why not go somewhere you like and have been meaning to go, but don't usually?

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 10:59:03

Maybe over time, after no contact, he will no longer have that effect on you. You are seeing him for what he is, he is losing power over you so in time he will have no effect on you. He's only a man anyway, meh! grin

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 11:02:33

Sundays are good days to 'do stuff', lots of single dads swimming, in the park, in macdonalds high end restaurants.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:02:35

hes has no power over me smile and i know what he is. Still get the lurchy thing. I think some people you get it with forever, i dont think its a good thing, i had it with somone once, they were a very bad person to have in my life. always got it, every time i saw them.... i think the lurch is a warning thing really. Its just frequently mistaken for ' fireworks' its not, its a huge, massive, warning! lol

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:04:12

sponge - go hang out with a meatastic picnic in the park, and get your boys to play football. near other men with children ( possibly single dads) lure them in with the meat!!!
men like meat.
meat and boobs. use both to your advantage smile

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 11:04:32

I think Time is exactly right about ykw smile

I changed my profile completely about a month ago, and added some new photos. I really like the current one, and it has got me a lot more messages, dates and offers than previous versions, albeit with no more of a successful eventual outcome!

I think I will have to go down the paid site route tbh its the only thing I havent tried.

Girly Fri 20-Jul-12 11:05:23

Sympathies watch I know that feeling, had the same, damn bloody no good men!

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 11:07:31

grin at meatastic picnic!

Am not convinced there are any single men in my town (well none over 35) it being the epitome of suburban coupledom round here, but will keep on the lookout smile

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 11:08:14

I have a date. hmm

sponge maybe more specialised dating sites around interests or employment? I always have a soft spot for teachers.. how about lovestruck? they have meet ups etc, which might be better for you than internet dating as such..

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 11:11:18

Oh, yes, I know that feeling Watch, the 'flight or fight' thing. Horrible! I have learned the difference between butterflies and fight or flight, there is no way I would mistake that feeling for fireworks! It's really good that you recognise it too smile

Sponge that's good re your profile. I need to change mine, at the moment it's a witty/funny one but I want to go a bit more upmarket you know <sticks little finger out while typing> I want to appeal to the kind of man I want to attract.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:11:57

snape - you just cant say ' i have a date' we need details, is it the one from yesterday who you gave your number to? what happened?

sponge - there might be more single men than you think. there arent many single parents in my area eiter, but at the weekends the parks, swimming pools, macdonalds etc are full of them!

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 11:13:14

I'm planning to take DD and my cleavage to the park in town, with a picnic, if it ever stops bloody raining! hmm

Snape shouldn't that be a grin rather than a hmm? grin

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:14:16

yes, it is the fight or flight thing. with mrl i get nice, warm, fuzzy, excited butterflies going on, its entirely plesant. With ywk i get a full stomach lurch, heart in throat, heart racing, bit of sweating. I spent maybe 18 months discounting dates because i thought that was fireworks and that was what i wanted... i was a bloody idiot smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 11:15:17

I quite like hanging around the mens department in NEXT. That attracts some nice looking men.

When I say hanging around, the mens department is also the collection point for orders so I do have a valid reason for being there.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 11:16:09

smile You weren't an idiot Watch, you were learning.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:18:41

ooohhh, good idea. hanging around mens clothing stores. hahaha, boobs out, pie in hand. guaranteed to work smile

yes, i was learning. Took bloody 60 dates and about 3 years to work out what i wanted!!!
idiot smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 11:25:13

Last week I was in Wilkinsons. A man stood at the side of me waiting for a woman to move out of the way before we could get down the aisle. I stood to one side and said "after you" and gave him a smile. He smiled back and said "good morning to you" with a nod of his head. I replied with a good morning and went about my shopping but we kept passing each other and smiling. We got to the checkouts at the same time and we went our separate way with a final smile. I didn't fancy him, not one bit, but I got the impression he fancied me because he was following me around the store and not filling his basket and I reckon if I had given him a signal we could have ended up having coffee or something.

Meeting someone can happen anywhere, at any time, you just have to be open to it.

Watch I am nearly 48 years old and I am still learning! smile

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 11:36:31

watch I still get that feeling when I chat to the first person I fell for. Still. I wonder what could have been but Thats life and you are better off without him.

He has no control over you. Delete and ignore and I am hoping you deleted his number.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 11:37:44

yes, the one I gave my number to yesterday - he seems more gregarious by text. Sunday afternoon stroll, eqi-distant to our houses, have warned him I might be terribly hung-over. we're flirting! eeep!

watch really glad you're not engaging - love that description of stomach-flips being a warning mechanism rather than lust.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:42:44

ah - SEE!!!! smile now im going to be all pleased because you took a chance and it worked smile hurrah!!! very excited, because from what you said he seemed lovely, and very much your type. cant wait to hear all about it.

mlm, i have not deleted his number, its ingrained on my brain in any case. But ive not used it.

adn time - hark at you, picking up men in wilkinsons smile you are right though, like i said my friend was dressed as a reindeer! lucky girl now has free aa assistance

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 11:42:53

snape that sounds good smile

I have to go to the races tomorrow with work colleagues, well those at my level, & my manager. I have no enthusiasm for it at all at present mainly because they are all so bloody boring, and I have to behave myself so cant have a drink

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:47:16

snape - yes, i have learnt, that is someone is causing that much of a physical reaction in you, if just a text or a phone call can cause that feeling, that is NOT A GOOD THING. Its not lust, its your brain trying to tell you to get the fuck away smile

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 11:47:38

oh and (this is further example of my luck with men) one of the guys who will be there tomorrow fancied me for ages, we finally had a massive snog after an office party a couple of years ago, spoke about going out for ages after, never did hmm a few months later he met someone else, and a few months after that married her. prior to which he hadnt had a girlfriend for about 10 years.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:49:32

but sponge - you might meet someone there... you never know! races are socialable places, hang around the boards in the betting place, play the useless female card and ask nice looking men for help because you dont understand it, or are picking based on their colours smile
and carry a pie!!!!!!

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 11:50:53

but thats nothing to do with your 'luck' with men. its just one of those things smile

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 11:54:36

i'll need to wear a dress, rather than my usual dragged through a hedge. and not look like i havent been laid in almost three years (excepting for the unfortunate blip..)

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 11:58:00

Well I might meet someone smile But more than likely I will be stuck with my joyless colleagues. I'd actually quite like to be going there with my friends, but I know this is going to be such a best behaviour type day it sucks all the fun out of it!

And it doesnt finish til nearly 10 shock (following which I have a 2hr journey home on my own on the train) so I cant even go & meet friends later.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 11:59:00

Last year I acquired one in Morrisons too. He was coming out as I was going in. We looked at each other and exchanged smiles, we both turned around to look at each other as we walked away. I had just started shopping when I saw him coming back in! As he strode backwards and forwards along the top of the aisles, obviously searching for me, I was ducking and diving! He looked nice but I wasn't ready for men at that particular time.

I know I can pull a man, I just pull men I don't want.

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 12:00:52

Can I ask a question about my date tonight?

I'm 5ft 10in and my date is 6ft. I don't want to tower him so want to wear flat shoes ... I'm thinking of buying some long boots to go over my skinnies/leggings (which?) or will this look frumpy?

(I'm not buying boots specifically for this, I want some anyway thanks to the shit British weather).

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 12:01:25

About paying for a site:

With my equivalent of matchaffinity, we can send and receive one message for free, but not look at pictures. We get a fuzzy one only. And can't link directly to the profiles of who have put us on favourites. (but then I reckon that if they are interested they will send a message.)
However, they keep sending me special offers of one week for 1 Euro. And I was in one of them when I contacted Mr VN.
They have since sent me another when I haven't continued a proper subscription.
Maybe they are in need of women... grin

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 12:03:36

mrstodd. wear what you like smile the sucess or failure of a date rarely is based on clothes/ shoes.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 12:07:43

Mrs Todd wear what you feel comfortable in, because then you will feel most confident. If wearing boots and leggings/skinny jeans makes you feel frumpy then maybe you shouldn't wear them, if they make you feel good about yourself, go ahead. I love skinny jeans and long boots so I would have no problem wearing that outfit smile

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 12:21:29

I agree, wear what makes you feel happier and more confident.
And wear one less thing than what you were planning to. (that's a general rule for dressing, anyway smile )

lubeybooby Fri 20-Jul-12 12:42:46

watch yeah I think you have possibly hit the nail on the head there, it's really difficult with the distance thing as time goes on and I just know we won't survive if he moves halfway round the world, he was recently abroad for two weeks and that was so much strain on us. We smiled and chatted through it but it was actually a nightmare. So I think I have defences up a bit. It's disappointing to feel like that when he is so close to being everything I want, and we have such a great time. He hasn't mentioned it for ages now though so I think he might be re-considering. I daren't even ask at the moment (which I suppose is actually telling of how I really feel despite surface CBA)

Time I am so freakin' happy sat here in my leggings right now! grin I am sure too that once I have recovered a bit and restored my inner mad cat lady status quo that I will feel better again. I am so not ready for anything more serious than this, at least that much is clear grin

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 12:43:19

Always wear something you feel amazing in. (for me this is either my dress which shows everything, or skinny jeans and one of my two favourite tops. Though I now have three.

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 12:50:22

And seeing as my dress shows practically everything wearing one less thing would mean taking my knickers off or bra but bra would show.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 12:53:10

I am certainly not at the age or weight to purchase a dress that 'shows everything' but my lovely Navy blue Joules boat print dress fits again - just under knee length, A line, lovely bright red zip detail that subliminally says, 'unzip me' and cleavage, cleavage CLEAVAGE! Thats getting an outing on Sunday.

quite looking forwards to it now.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 13:04:27

Sounds to me like you've got the balance just right lubey, a whirlwind period of action with your man and then a few days being 'just you', doing what you like, wearing what you like, just generally having time to catch up with yourself. Sounds perfect to me smile

Outfit sounds lovely Snape smile

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 13:09:41

no idea re shoes though - my manky black converse or usual summer attire of fit flops probably arent going to hack it.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 13:13:40

Next have got a half price sale on at the moment, I saw a lovely pair of red low wedges for eight quid. Red would go with your frock.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 13:20:55

red wedges sound good!!! dress sounds lovely smile you will look fab.

Lubey - its understandable i think, long distance is very difficult to do. And of course if you know hes going away forever... meh. But like you said, maybe hes reconsidering, when will you know by? i supose all you can do is take it day by day and go with whats feeling good,and if its not feeling good, then you have to make choices then....When is he meant to be going?

wear one less thing than you were planning too????!?!?!?!?!?!/ huh, really? since when? tbh i went on so many dates it was literally just a case of grabbing what ever was clean and weather suiting out of the wardrobe smile

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 13:26:47

I'll have a look tomorrow morning - cheers time

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 14:08:18

Interesting on the dress sense.

On my dates, and including when I started dating ex, I didn't wear anything showing anything.
Certainly not cleavage, or legs. Just a hint of outline.
Some skin, but really only arms or legs (not much thigh).

MLM, one thing less means removing a necklace/bracelet/earings, even make up (say tone down lipstick, or eye shadow, for example).
When you think you are done, remove/tone down one item.

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 14:10:41

Watch, I don't do it, really, and don't think of it.
Just remembered it now, and it's a rule for when dressing for anything.

But, on my last dates, I meant to wear some make up, for example, and then ended up not applying (or applying just a hint), because it was after work.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 14:14:38

pfft, cleavage will distract from my beer gut. cleavage stays!

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 14:18:45

Snape the sale is online too so you could have a pre-look.

I've never heard of the 'wear one less thing than you were going to' rule. The only rule I've heard of is don't show too much flesh, choose between legs and cleavage, don't flash both.

I just wear what I feel good/comfortable in. But I do think I have good dress sense so would never flash too much flesh. smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 14:20:47

Thing is Snape, I find if you have a large chestage, which I do happen to have, you can't help but flash the cleavage. You don't intend for it to be out there, it just is. And if I wear tops that are higher, having the large chestage makes me look frumpy. So I would tend to go with show of chest flesh rather than thigh flesh.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 14:21:08

clevage always distracts from my tummy, im quite booby, i always look clevagey, even if im not trying to be smile

And i dont do dressed up, like, ever. i do the slightly scruffy look. And as mr L commented after a 3 hour session, my hair looked remarkably similar, despite all the antics ( including some upside down) i told him it was my clever plan, in that looking a bit less ' done' i can get away with a mirad of things, and could have gone out, with birds nest hair and noone would have batted an eyelid smile

There will however be a new level to this ' scruffy' look when we are camping next weekend, as i will be rocking some jogging bottoms smile mr l seems to think its a good idea as they will be easy access.... MEN!!

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 14:24:12

god, high neck tops make my boobs look even bigger and me look even fatter!
i need a scoop neck, or a deep V. i also have the fortunate/ unfortunate that my boobs are placed very high up on my torso, giving the illusion of being super perky ( despite 9 months breastfeeding) i am well known, in all areas ( including work, where if there is a man, with money who needs sweet talking.. i get sent) for my ' ridiclously perky boobs'
i dont mind, people are looking at those instead of the ' ridiclously flabby stomach'

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 14:28:36

I like my boobs. For my age and considering I have breastfed four babies, they are in good nick, full and 'up there'. They are one of my best assets so I resent hiding them away grin I like a square-ish neck too, one that is wide and so shows off my collar bones. Much better than high necks <shudder>

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 14:31:28

had a quick look online, but couldn't see them time sad

yes, I have a HUGE chest. HUGE. there is no point in trying to disguise it, round necked tops make it look even more ridiculously bigger - and I agree with the legs/vs cleavage addage. I have fat knees. tits win.


Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 14:38:47

Found the original quote, by Coco Chanel.
See article about it:
It's really about accessorizing.

Other quotes, some relevant to dating, btw:

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 14:39:25

Well I always wear my silver cross, my three rings, natural make up heels (cos I live in heels) jeans and a top. Which is what I wore last night. I like to go to dates in a dress, maybe that was where I went wrong I looked too slutty.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 14:46:10

sad I can only find these now Snape they must have sold out of the others. What about a ballerina type pump? They will look nice with your dress too, unless you are wanting a heel?

I'm not a jewellery fan. I sold all the real stuff to furnish my house but I have lot's of fashion stuff, that rarely gets worn. I only usually wear earrings and a necklace that DD bought me.

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 14:47:05

I love showing off my boobs (mainly cos after having little man I went up 3 cup sizes) and used to be non exsistent quite flat.

Showing some cleavage is good I think.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 14:47:34

really enjoyed that article - thanks Lueji

I seldom wear jewellry. I wore my mums wedding ring for around 20 years after she died, took it off a while ago, haven't bothered to put it back on. Because I am so tattooed, I tend towards very little in teh way of accessories, as it can be a bit overwhelming. I have a swakowski crystal key on a fine chain that I very occasionally wear as it sits right over the anatomically correct heart on my centre chest. Silver flesh tunnels in my ears and thats it. necklaces can be strage things when you are large of nork, they sometimes disappear down your cleavage... as do quite a lot of things... hmm

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 14:47:54
snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 14:48:50

time no problem, think it's ballet pumps if I can be arsed to go and find some on saturday morning, otherwise last years fly sandals...

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 14:51:35

To be honest Snape I would go with your fly sandals until you know he is worthy of a second date, and a pair of new shoes.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 14:55:08

exactly - not spunking away eight entire quid on some bloke off t'internet.


TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 15:01:02

grin I bought a new outfit for that last date I had, decided at the last minute not to wear it and took it all back and got a refund the next day. Brilliant outcome!

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 15:05:58

I'd also go with the shoes you already have - not just because of the money aspect but also there is nothing worse than breaking in new shoes on a date, however comfortable they may have seemed when trying them on in the shop smile

am just back from the end of primary eggs and flour carnage in the park with DS2. He is in the bath busy trying to scrape what is now effectively batter out of his hair grin

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 15:10:02

I'd probably only buy a new outfit/clothes for the wedding, really. grin wink

On the first date, we don't know if it's worth it, and on the second does it really matter? I mean, he's already seen you probably not at your best.

If you buy anything new, buy it for yourself.

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 15:13:02

I wouldn't buy an outfit for a second date.

I might buy one after, in celebration that the miraculous event had finally occurred grin

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 15:26:55

Also, second dates are overrated.

I had one with the first guy, but then dumped him.
Waste of time, really.

The second guy, I almost had the second, but it would be a waste of time too, so, I wasn't really bothered about it.

I imagine that most people who have second dates, also end up not going to full relationships.
There is no such thing as "success" in dating or relationships.
The ultimate success test would be lasting till death, but then it's too late to gloat (at least for one of them...).

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 15:34:54

Ive not brought any thing new for mrl..there is no point. He likes me anyway smile

I wear a lot of chunky costume accessories. Always a big braclet, and one large ring. Colour co ordinated with what I'm wearing. No earrings and not often a necklace ( for the reason snape says!) I have a really cool collection of stuff, that people always comment on, ie - get asked when.I'm.out and about)

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 15:36:03

I will buy new outfit for my next big promotion interview (made to measure vivienne westwood knock-off from China) work more important than men tbh, although I am frothing at the knickers at the mo... all this flirty texting is not good for my rampaging libido.

I like him better by text. He's complimentary & witty.

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 15:43:19

I have a new dress for the races tomorrow - Monsoon sale - here

Just hoping it doesn't rain all afternoon now!

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 15:48:27

Ooohhh snape, I'm.really excited for you smile

Sponge, sad just takes me to the main monsoon page

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 15:48:28

Ok help me guys - I'm toying with the idea of toning it right down and going casual - after all, we're going bowling!!

So I'm going to wear these jeans

with either a black sequiny off the shoulder top or a lacy vest type thing what do you reckon??

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 15:50:28
hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 15:58:54

watch dress is called 'mimi' (Id love to know who thinks up names for monsoon dresses...) its a blue halterneck.

mrstodd i'd say that was fine for bowling, you dont want to look too dressy smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 16:01:25

£128 for a pair of jeans! shock Oh my word. <feels faint> I think I've spent a fortune if I've spent £30 on a pair of jeans! grin They are very nice though, and I like the top too smile

Lueji Men are overrated, not just second dates!

Sponge Nice dress, hope you get the sun to make the most of the halter neck smile

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 16:07:44

christ on a bike I read the price of those jeans as £28! <faints>

Mine are £10 from Primark grin

Time I'm hoping for sun. But I dont feel the cold much (plenty of insulation) so anything other than rain - and/or mud - is good. If I get my cream shoes muddy I will not be happy!

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 16:10:14

Primark jeans aren't long enough for me, if they were mine would be from there too! grin

Sponge well I hope the sun shines for you, it will make for a much better day and a happier mood if it does. Are your shoes stilettos? Because if they are you will spend most of the time sinking into the ground grin

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 16:25:23

lol can I just point out they were NOT the actual jeans I bought! just the ones that looked most like the ones I DID buy (for £27 grin )

Ok I've decided on the jeans, and that lace top but in blue rather than white cos I iz fat

Now just the shoes to deliberate over ...

Do I go for heels (and risk being taller than him?!) or tone it down with something like these ?

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 16:26:22

Or my bright red ballerinas to really mix it up grin

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 16:30:35

Ah Time I only have short little legs, Primark jeans are a bit long for me in fact smile No stilettos tomorrow, sort of block-y heels which hopefully wont sink too much.

MrsTodd I'd go for any footwear I could wear socks under. Simply because there is no way I would put my bare foot in a bowling shoe grin

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 16:36:58

ewww no way - I'd take a pair of rolled up socks if I had to! grin

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 16:38:06

I've got those sandals MrsTodd, I don't know about you but I find them a bit 'sloppy', a bit wide, and my feet slip about in them. Having said that, you will be taking them off for bowling anyway so I don't suppose that matters grin I do like the sound of the bright red ballerinas! And phew re the jeans!! Ooh just seen sponges post re socks and bowling shoes, and I totally agree. Can women get away with socks and sandals? grin

Sponge I've got long legs and I resent them every time I look at Primark jeans because they do look far nicer than the jeans I buy from NEXT. They've got some lovely coloured ones in at the minute too. Good news re the shoes/heels smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 16:38:57

You could always wear popsocks MrsTodd, in american tan grin

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 16:48:15

mrstodd red shoes!! I love red shoes..

this is my fab dress smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 16:51:21

That's a lovely dress Snape, I love the neckline and it will indeed emphasise norkage department.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 17:00:07

Mr beardy has declared I am hot, sexy and have amazing eyes.

I like this!

Please please please don't let him be five foot 6 and bald.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 17:06:23

Wrt eharmony you can't see photos unless you're a paid member. I was a member for a while and found that most of the time men just didn't reply. I suspect a lot of this was because they joined for a month/free weekend and let membership lapse so they couldn't reply. Also you could get matches who were 200+ miles away unless you made sure you adjusted your distance settings, then number of matches could be reduced. Not just my experience, eharmony has a section where they write 'articles' that people can comment on and non replies were probably the most common complaint, along with not knowing when they were last online, although I think they changed that. At £30 per month it's not cheap, although it can work out cheaper if you take out longer memberships. I did rejoin on an offer that worked out at about £8 per month, for three months once. Overall I had a few dates but very few compared to the number of matches I received.

Snape great news about your date, nice dress too.

sponge I like your dress too, it's one of my favourite styles on me, hides my problem areas.

As another one with boobs, I also avoid high necks, they just don't look good. I see nothing wrong with a hint of cleavage smile

I can't remember who linked to it but that fb app, the relationship thingy says that I'm going to meet someone, whose name begins with D, on Oct 3 2015 at 10.46am hmm Oh, and he's very nice...even more hmm

I can hardly contain my excitement. I'll try not to hold my breath, otherwise the only man I'll be meeting will be an undertaker grin

mzdemeanour Fri 20-Jul-12 17:08:15

As you know, Sponge, I do so get where you are coming from (long-time lurker/ex-poster on previous dating threads ..) ... but like others have said, it is a numbers game. I've met you IRL and know how attractive, intelligent, vivacious and damn good company you are ... maybe you are too attractive for some of the men you are meeting, maybe you are too intelligent for others ... unfortunately you don't/won't know ... all you can do is what has been said - put it down to their loss not yours ...

I don't know if you can remember that far back but I remember being in much the same position ... and I rarely even got first dates let alone second. Maybe have a look at what you're looking for - guy I eventually met when I decided to give internet dating one last chance had huge great warning signs and didn't really tick any of the boxes eg was married/lived a long way away/smoked etc ... but 18 months down the line (and a fair few ups and downs ...) we are still very much together.

It will happen - maybe take a break to lick your wounds/get some perspective/regain a thick skin/get back your sense of humour - and god knows we all need it when trying the cesspit that is online dating ...

I know none of this probably really helps - and wish I could give you an easy answer about what you could change - but honestly don't think there is anything .. one day, you will meet someone who will beg you for a second date ... that I promise you.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 17:09:44

You should have a countdown clock, like the one for the Olympics in trafalagar square...

Three years, 2 months... 12 days....

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 17:11:23

sponge. Finally managed to see dress - its a peach! I am terrified of halter necks and wayward boobs! smile

Scattylatte Fri 20-Jul-12 17:14:34

Hi all
I rarely get a second date either. In fact I struggle to get a first date.
Met someone for coffee yesterday. Good fun, attractive etc. He gave me a peck on the cheek when he left. Afterwards he text asking if I got home ok as I took the wrong way. He then text asking what i thought of him and I said I thought he was good company, funny. He said he thought I was very intelligent, and first impressions very nice to be with. A few kisses thrown in.
However I know this is just ministrations. I know that if someone wants to see me again I'll know before I've left the first date or within the first hour.
I go through phases of wondering what I'm doing wrong and it can and does effect my esteem. I have been out with some v good looking men and now I'm wondering what their motive was. Ugh.
I assume it's the way i look. I'm tall and fairly chunky.
Charlie: did your date guy get back to you?
Watch. It's heartening (if that's the right word) to hear your stories about the 60 dates. Actually I think reassuring is the word.
I need to get a thicker skin.

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 17:15:22

bloody hell Chaotic thats a while off! I darent do it myself, it will probably say 2042 or something and I will lose all hope smile

am not feeling the love for Eharmony tbh. Might have a search on Match & Lovestruck & see if I can see anyone who floats my boat...

I sent one of my friends a link to Mr Ill's profile earlier when I was feeling despondent, have been greatly cheered up by her response which was a) why do I want some sickly bloke whos always whining about how ill he is & b) that he looks like Peter Andre* & I should view it as a lucky escape! grin

*he doesnt particularly but it made me laugh anyway!

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 17:22:03

mzd you are far too kind about me smile I so hope one day I do find someone who will genuinely want a second, third & so on date. It does seem a bit of an impossible dream sometimes though!

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 17:28:19

Pfft, I'm tall, flabby around the middle, covered in stretch marks, seldom comb my hair, tons of tattoos, am smarter than 90% of the population, know it, don't suffer fools, have three children, am clumsy and horrifically opinionated. I don't look like a woman. I look like a transvestite. I have huge feet.

I'm also exceptionally generous, have a heart as big as an elephant, am witty, kind and laugh like I mean it. If someone is shallow enough to not like you just because you're a tall, 'chunky' woman, then they're frankly not man enough to handle you. smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 17:43:03

Snape if he is over 5ft 6 and he has hair, would it be ok if he had no teeth grin

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 17:44:39

Well, I won't be hanging around until 2015, will be too busy having fun grin

I do wonder who makes up these things though and what makes them pluck dates like that out of thin air.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 17:45:10

Time grin

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 17:49:30

Twas me who posted the link Chaotic but I daren't do it myself in case it says I will definitely be getting married!

And thanks for the info on Eharmony. The Ex will most definitely not have joined at a cost of £30 a month.

Snape!!! You most certainly DO look like a woman!! You are lovely and look nothing like a transvestite!! And I still wish I was your friend in real life smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 17:50:29

If you take the test again Chaotic you will come up with a different date and info, so just keep trying until you get something you like grin

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 17:54:28

Can anyone quickly talk me through money etiquette? (first date for years, can you tell? lol)

So we're going for dinner first - do I offer to pay for it all? go halves? what do I do if he offers to pay for it all?

I have a tendency to overthink things which causes me great anxiety! Please tell me how you handle this sensitive part? don't want to be a mug but am not a scrounger either :-)

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 17:56:05

Snape, sorry I know this is very unmumsnetty but you sound amazing :-)

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:00:20

MrsTodd I personally would offer to pay half but be secretly delighted if he took care of the whole bill Just be slow at getting your purse out grin

Snape is amazing, I stalk follow her on Facebook grin

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 18:08:20

Time Jan 16th 2015 with someone whose name begins with H this time grin

Yes, Snape is wonderful, I can't remember whether she's on my fb or not, I added quite a few in one go and can't remember who I added and didn't blush

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:15:49

grin The last initial was better. 'D' for Dickhead covers the majority of men, it was bound to be right. Err, I do hope you remember adding ME on Facebook! grin

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 18:19:32

<preens>. Thank you ladies, I need to feel fabulous for date, so the talking-up is just lovely! smile women always think I'm great, men are therefore in very general terms a bit odd

I do look like a bit of a tranny, especially if I'm meeting a minister or senior person for work, where I wear a scarf to hide lower neck tattoos and it looks like I'm concealing a bobbing adam's apple. grin

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 18:22:13

Teeth!!!! I'd managed to wipe out the trauma of mr-no-teeth!!! Thanks time hmm. grin

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 18:24:27

mrstodd. I offer to pay half, protest once if he offers to pick up the bill and gracefully acquiesce if he insists.

Doesn't mean he's getting any though!*

*disclaimer - unless it's Matt Smith.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:30:47

grin Teethgate date was brilliant!

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 18:34:10

Time yes, I remember you grin

I think the last time I was adding people from here onto fb was the night Snape went meeting Johnny Depp

hmm at being missed out for Johnny Depp grin

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 18:35:05

Teeth-gate is still on my fb. Nice enough bloke. No teeth. smile

(mrstoddneelovett smashing name btw, one of my few talents is to be able to sing the entirety of 'Sweeney Todd' even when very drunk absolutely faultlessly. And we wonder why I'm single... hmm )

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:36:03


ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 18:36:19

Amazing how the small things in life can cheer you up isn't it?

Just found some Galaxy counters that I'd forgotten about shockgrin

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:37:13

They are only teeth Snape, don't be so shallow!


snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 18:38:01

**double disclaimer - or johnny depp. I saw a guy walking through the station last night who looked almost exactly like mr depp. Shoulder length curly dark hair, 'tasche, little beard. Wearing a straw hat. I actually did a double take. Bet he had a weedy list little voice or disgusting personal hygiene though. Should have asked if I could see his teeth! smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:38:44

I've just eaten the M&M's I hid from DD, but due to having to eat them furtively so I didn't have to share them I didn't really enjoy them. Serves me right I suppose. grin

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 18:41:01

I'm alone atm, dd is upstairs, ds is on the computer in the front room, even the dog is elsewhere.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:42:05

My postman has a bit of a thing for me, he even puts a 'x' on my 'sorry you were out' card BUT he has the most horrible teeth. Very very worn, into an arch shape and black, yes, black. Such an unattractive look. Nice bloke, shame about the teeth, rather than Nice bloke, shame about the lack of teeth grin

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:43:11

You can saviour your Galaxy counters then Chaotic grin

I'm supposed to be low carbing. It was going well until I unhid the M&M's. I'm very disappointed with myself.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 18:51:07

My diet went to pot some time last week and hasn't recovered since then.

I've finished them now...enjoyed every one of them grin

Wrt teeth...I blame the lack of NHS dentists. I think we should campaign to have dentistry returned properly to the NHS. How on earth are we supposed to find men with nice teeth otherwise winkgrin

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 18:57:13

That said, perfect white teeth can be a little off putting.. I'd keep trying not to look at them. It would be like dating an Andrew Lloyd webber Jesus.

It's my only minor point of imperfection in rock GOD Tim Minchin.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:57:49

grin and who do we blame for the crap dress sense, beer guts and lack of personality in men?

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 18:59:19

I love nice teeth. I used to work for a dentist so I have great knowledge on teeth and perio breath. Perio breath is a huge turn off! grin

MirandaWest Fri 20-Jul-12 19:52:13

Only just realised there was a new thread blush grin

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 20:01:59

This thread has moved fast!

I have a confession to make.
I checked my dating e-mail account and there was a message from a man I had put on favourites round about the time I sent a message to Mr VN.
Pluses: his match with me is supposed to be higher, his sports are more similar to mine (swimming and martial arts).
Negatives: no photo (could ask), message mentioned points in common but nothing specific. It feels like a standard fishing message.

Mr VN and I haven't promised each other anything. And I'm getting a who knows feeling.
And kind of curious.

On the other hand I quite like him and he seems quite into me too.

I think I'll reply saying thank you, but I'm going on holiday and/or have started seeing someone and leave options open. Just in case.


Or not bother because he doesn't seem to even have taken enough time to start communication and mention anything from my profile.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 20:14:21

Lueji some times when I'm trying to make a decision I try to imagine the possible outcome of each option and then choose the one that appeals most to me. I have been known to flip a coin, for example, to make a decision and then made a final decision based on how happy I am with the result, ie if I'm happy with the result then I know it's the right one, if I'm not happy then I know, deep down, that the other option is the one I should choose. Hope that makes sense, no idea if you'll find it helpful or not.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 20:16:37

Me, i'd reply & not mention that you'd started seeing someone. Early days with Mr VN, eggs and baskets, chickens and hatching...

Test the water, see if his response,was generic (or he's just a bit dull....)

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 20:17:28

Thanks Chaotic
I'm sure it will make sense in the morning. grin

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 20:22:24

Snape, bad girl. wink
I am somewhat tempted. Mostly out of curiosity, though.
Maybe I'll reply later.
I'm not a paying member atm, though, so would have to ask him to e-mail me. (dating e-mail, so username only, no identification)

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 20:25:44

I do feel a bit naughty. blush.

You've only seen the guy twice, you have reservations about planning ahead, yes? Don't nail you colours to one mast just yet.

I am reprehensible. wink

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 20:34:29

I would reply too, I agree with what Snape says. Mr VN is very nice BUT Mr Not Yet Known could be Very Very VERY nice. I would be too curious to ignore it grin

Kernowgal Fri 20-Jul-12 20:35:48

Thought I'd do my usual half-hearted trawl through POF and this time there were a few that caught my eye, such as this one:

6'7" (!!) and really quite gorgeous...

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 20:39:24

Ooh yes. I like him. Why the blooming heck don't we have men like that in West Yorkshire!!!! Are you going to message him? and ask him if he has any plans to move up north

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 20:41:26

Ahem, a bit more than just meeting twice.
We have actually met three times now (Mon and Tues this week) and have chatted for hours virtually every evening on the phone for almost two weeks now.
He also always texts good morning, etc.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 20:43:25

Lueji I confuse myself often at times grin Snape does have a point, you haven't made any promises.

Right, I've made a decision....

I'm moving to Cornwall grin

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 20:44:42

Leuji, you have only seen this guy twice, you have no idea Whats going to happen, and if you haveht talked exclusivity, or made mentions of the future, then you are way ahead of yourself.

Id reply to the other guy for sure smile

Kernowgal Fri 20-Jul-12 20:46:14

I was quite surprised to see his ilk down here! I'm not ready for the dating lark yet, too soon after my split still and my confidence is too shot to email people. Maybe in the autumn. However, if he were to message me...

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 20:46:24

I'm coming with you Chaotic grin

I've sent him a message and asked if he has any plans to move grin

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 20:48:35

Oh, I dont like him lol.

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 20:49:08


He seems nice.

A bit too wordy for me, but still nice.

Of course he could be lying... grin

No, not cynical at all. wink

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 20:49:38

I like his height grin and his profile reads quite nice too.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 20:49:43

The north west is a good place for him to move to. Manchester or Liverpool will do if he wants to move to a city grin

<pure innocence emoticon>

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 20:50:42

Profile?!?!?!? I didn't read his profile...ahem wink

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 20:52:24

No, he won't like Manchester, he's from Cornwall, he will be looking for somewhere more rural, like the Huddersfield area, the rural side where I live grin

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 20-Jul-12 20:54:13

Aaaghh, so much to catch up on!

Sponge, I really feel for you - I get despondent about internet dating very quickly, so understand a bit how you feel.

I have a date tomorrow! First one for several months.

I've been fascinated looking at what clothes people are wearing. I'm a bit stuck clothes wise - used to dress like a bit of an 'indie girl', but now I'm mid-40s that's not really appropriate. So any of you who are better with clothes than I am (probably all of you) any ideas of what to wear for a first date when you have no cleavage at all? (So a low-cut top is totally out of the question - they look ridiculous on me).

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 20:57:34

Libby why do you have to stop being an 'indie girl' just because you are mid forties? I'm curious. smile

Is it an afternoon or evening date? What do you feel comfortable and confident it? Wear whatever makes you feel good and nothing that makes you feel self conscious.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 21:01:28

Sometimes I do wish I had no tits! smile always the same, you want what you don't have.... smile

I think indie - girl still rocks in her 40s, are you more comfortable on trousers or skirts? What kind of frame? I'd think Helena bonner carter spruced up a bit, nice blazers, good flat bikerish boots or edwardian boots with a curved heel. smile

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 20-Jul-12 21:02:21

I started thinking I probably looked like 'mutton dressed as lamb' or whatever that horrible saying is. I wonder if, say, a denim skirt over leggings and a T-shirt just looks ridiculous now.

But I'm the opposite of Sponge (I think it was Sponge) who said she rarely feels the cold - I'm always cold! So I tend to wear layers of clothes most of the time, including cardigans, etc.

I just don't do sexy - never have! Which isn't usually a problem, but feel I should make a bit of an effort on a date.

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 20-Jul-12 21:04:29

Time, oops, didn't answer properly. It's an afternoon date at a pub. I was thinking maybe skinny jeans and a (not low-cut) top.

Snape, I'm 5'7" and skinny. Bit of a boyish figure I suppose. Will look up images of Helena now for inspiration!

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 21:06:04

Libby, hell no, thats great smile
I'm a strictly skinny jeans and biker boots when It's cold. It's what I like.
I'm a bit indie too. Just wear what is ' you' you want someone who likes you for you, so why pretend to be someone else smile

Kernowgal Fri 20-Jul-12 21:06:42

Hahahaha good work Time! :D

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 21:08:28

Libby comfort is key, then you can enchant them with your lovely personality and gorgeousness because you're not worrying about how you look/feel in your clothes.

<sends train ticket (to Liverpool) down to Cornwall, they're both next to water>

Time I've been informed by a friend of mine that there are plenty of single men in Yorkshire. Can't remember which bit she comes from though.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 21:09:37

No! It doesn't look ridiculous! Add a check shirt & you're Amy pond, ready to take on the universe! smile

You can still shop in top shop & h&m, you can dress slightly more plainly, if you like and do fab skully accessories, tie your hair up in a ribbon, clash, whatever. I refuse to exclusively shop in m&s in my forties, or I will have turned into my mother & that would be rubbish!

40s are great! You learn to not give a flying shit about what people think about your dress sense or lack of it. smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 21:11:30

Yep, I agree with Watch, stick with your style and just be you. I think Indie is fab. But if you don't feel comfortable with it then skinny jeans are just fine. smile

Cheers Kernowgal grin You never know, he might just be thinking of locating.

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 21:12:06

Of course I mean relocating. All that chocolate has gone to my head grin

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 20-Jul-12 21:16:01

Thanks everyone. I have to admit that, much as I'd love to be stylish, I'm not really, so your tips are very welcome.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 21:23:45

Tuts at Time wink That's what you get for not sharing grin

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 21:26:03

He should like you for who you are, so if you are a denim skirt over leggins girl, that's fine.

I'm skinny too, but have somewhat large hips and have developed some chest when I had DS.
I like somewhat structured tops that create a waist thus enlarging the breast area.

Kernowgal Fri 20-Jul-12 21:45:37

Christ I'd forgotten that if I restart this dating lark I'll have to actually think about what to wear... mind you I dressed up t'other weekend and really enjoyed making the effort, it's such a rare treat...

MirandaWest Fri 20-Jul-12 21:46:48

I'm sure I did a message about my small (but perfectly formed I have been told grin) breasts. I wear dresses always as I like them and my lovely hips and small waist combination do not like trousers. I am probably not stylish but am happy how I look and if other people don't like it then tough smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 21:53:33

I love dresses Miranda, but now being at home all day I tend to wear jeans or leggings, when I'm wearing a dress I'm less inclined to do house work grin

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 21:55:38

Mr beardy and I are discussing underwear.

Can't work out if this would be scandalous if he were short, bald and toothless.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 22:11:35

when I'm wearing a dress I'm less inclined to do house work

And that is a bad thing confusedconfusedconfused

I've just got into bed and was lying down when a green light shone through my blinds, which are shut, and onto the wall opposite. It reminded me of those red lights that shine on people's heads/chests, in certain films/tv programmes, just before they are shot...weird confusedhmm

On the bright side, I've just remembered that I bought some love hearts earlier grin

MirandaWest Fri 20-Jul-12 22:22:21

Hmm - I don't like doing housework. Could this be due to wearing dresses I wonder grin

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 22:30:19

grin Yes Miranda, it will be due to wearing a dress, indeed, if you don't like housework I dare bet that is why you wear a dress!

Yes Chaotic it is a bad thing. I like housework, and gardening. You just can't get into it properly when wearing a frock grin

Did you not get out of bed to see what the green lights were? You might have aliens camping in your garden!! grin I love Love Hearts!! I'm in bed with no green lights and no love hearts!

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 22:30:31

Ohhhh dear. I am back from my date and ....

I really like the guy. It was so easy from the minute we met in the car park - quick hug, kiss on the cheek - he got the drinks and the meals - paid for everything bless him. We then went across to the bowling - the bit I was dreading and we (or I, can't speak for both of us I suppose) had a great time. It was perfect really - whenever conversation dried up, we'd just take out turn grin

He didn't give much away at the end though. He hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and said "let me know if you fancy another night out" - does this mean he isn't bothered either way? He seemed quite nervous/unsure at the end. Don't know what to make of it really.

I'd like to see him again - I know the answer to this but - do I text him and tell him I had a good night and then leave the ball in his court or I let him send the first text?

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 22:32:20

Text him! In about half an hour. Why should the ball be in his court? We're modern women! Don't wisp around waiting for him to get over himself!

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 22:33:38

Ah no need grin he's text me gringringrin

Says he'd love to take me out again. I feel like a teenager blush

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 22:34:05

Update. Am on my 99thmutual text with mr beardy today, so far. Got 99 problems, but a text ain't one.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 22:35:30

mrsT. smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 22:35:53

Yes, definitely text him smile

I think his 'let me know if you fancy another night out' was nice, not too pushy and leaving the decision down to you, so if you didn't like him you don't need to get in touch. If he wasn't interested he didn't have to say anything.

I'm pleased you had a nice time smile

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 22:37:30

grin Brilliant! MrsT

Snape hope you're not getting to attached to Mr Beardy before you have met him wink

TimeForMeAndDD Fri 20-Jul-12 22:39:08

SNAPE Your new profile pic on FB is gorgeous!!

OhWesternWind Fri 20-Jul-12 22:40:41

Got a coffee date lined up for tomorrow with someone I hope could be good. Chatted on the phone for over an hour last week, got on really well. This is only my second date so please, any tips?

MrsT that is fab! I LOVE that feeling!

I dumped mine after the first week because he was far too full-on, bordering on stalky. He wore me down by texting me asking if he could take me for pick'n'mix and I could even have fudge grin

We've been together for almost 18 months now and are very happy.

MirandaWest Fri 20-Jul-12 22:49:46

Yay MrsT smile

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 22:51:30

time hell no, he's a disembodied set of pixels at the moment... And thank you might have sent that to mr beardy

ChaoticismyLife Fri 20-Jul-12 22:51:47

Time I was going to get out of bed and look out the window when the dog distracted me by coming in the room, it disappeared a few seconds later.

MrsT brilliant news grin

Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 22:53:52

Excellent MrsTodd

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 23:31:27

Text total 135, status = smutty.


Lueji Fri 20-Jul-12 23:36:07

Can you still feel your thumbs? shock

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 23:37:18

Update: we're going out again next Friday smile

Must remember to keep it slow and steady - don't want to mess it up acting like a lovestruck kid - I've made that mistake so many times.

snapespeare Fri 20-Jul-12 23:43:13

I'm saving my thumbs for PS3 a thon with PM in the week....but there might be a stirring.

yay mrs t! Could you eat him up? Will you go down by the sea? (Sondheim in joke)

MrsToddNeeLovett Fri 20-Jul-12 23:50:02

haha he's a bloody wonder ;)

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 23:56:16

snape 135 texts tut tut, that is smutty.
mrst glad you had a good night and have a second date.

I done that stupid relationship thing on facebook. APPARENTLY I will find someone whose name starts with an E at 2.31am on march 9th 2019!!!!!!!!!

HEEEELLLLOOOO 7years of being alone, me thinks not!

Ithinkineedtogrowapair Sat 21-Jul-12 00:25:02

Aha found you again! I havre been loitering but not posting. Probably should have done because I've got myself into a pickle with the student.

We ahem got together for a couple of steamy encounters then he went on holiday. Since then it's gone from let's definitely meet to radio silence (with being stood up due to him being ill on the way) and I'm v pissed off!! Basically because I thought there was a good connection and that we were friends at some level.

And it was only meant to be a fwb but now I've got all into it and I shouldn't have done anyway. Argh.

In the meantime I had an encounter blush with someone 11 years younger than me! Over 20 btw. Even writing that feels wrong. And mainly because I was pissed off with the student.

Think I need to forget him and find some new dates. Sigh. Luckily an old friend is loitering, think he's going to ask me out soon. I am mainly tempted because he has a motorbike. He's Italian too so would surely buy dinner....

Sorry about the essay blush can you tell I'm obsessing a bit too much here over A Big Flake.

Ithinkineedtogrowapair Sat 21-Jul-12 00:28:53

Ps snape looking forward to the big reveal on me beardy! Let's hope he has teeth at least and the beard is trendy rather than a cunning ruse to distract your attention.

snapespeare Sat 21-Jul-12 00:47:17

There might have been a phone call. He might have a lovely voice.


watchoutforthatsnail Sat 21-Jul-12 07:30:09

Snape!!!!! I am SO excited about your date tomorrow smile and your fb pic is lush.

Mrstodd, fab smile

Charlie, did you hear anything?

Dd is off to her dads for two weeks, later this afternoon sad
But then I'm.seeing mrl about an hour after smile

Lueji Sat 21-Jul-12 07:43:37

Seems promising, Snape.

And Watch, there is always that upside indeed.

Well, I did send the message to the other bloke last night.
Not that I'm expecting much to come out of it.
It does feel weird, but you are right that things with Mr VN can still easily pearshaped once I get to know him better.

Still, I'm meeting him and some of his friends tomorrow where he's gone this weekend on the way to my holiday destination.

Morning ladies. Just checking in after catching up with the thread.

Not much to report really. Seeing Mr Right-Now tonight, first time in two weeks due to DC etc. We are going out to get totally rat-arsed after a shit week for a few drinks so I'm hoping to engineer a conversation about where we're going. Probably will be an epic fail due to alcohol consumption confused

Girly Sat 21-Jul-12 09:40:59

Eek I have a date this morning! Brunch with someone I met on okcupid. Let's call him mrtall. He is tall, I like tall. I am 5ft 4, he is 6ft 4 grin

No heels for brunch? It's too early in the day. Oh god what shall I wear? I should be more organised, it's been planned since midweek and I have left it to the last minute.

Lueji Sat 21-Jul-12 09:45:56

Last minute is good.
Don't over think it.
Heels are fine if you normally wear them.

Good luck.

And Still, maybe have the chat before getting plastered?

ChaoticismyLife Sat 21-Jul-12 09:48:12


Still if you start the conversation early enough not to be bladdered but late enough for Dutch courage it might go okay.

Snape sounding good.

hatesponge Sat 21-Jul-12 10:40:56

hope all goes well for those on dates today smile or rather that you have more success than me (not exactly difficult)

off on work outing to the races later. at least for now the sun is shining. so have to plaster on a smile and spent 6 hours in the company of people I dont really like pretending to have a good time, and without the help of alcohol.

im sure there probably is a bright side but I struggle to see it...

snapespeare Sat 21-Jul-12 11:32:32

Text tennis! 26 so far today! smile

Enjoy your races sponge! Talk to other people if you don't really like your company. I challenge you to talk to 3 handsome men today!

Oh! 27!

MyLittleMiracles Sat 21-Jul-12 11:35:28

My date for Monday has been confirmed. So excited. Dunno why. Does it count as a first or second date. I say first.

NewPatchesForOld Sat 21-Jul-12 11:43:40

Hi all, can I join in and bask in your dating glory? I have been single for 2 years now as I have raised the barr so high that no one has measured up yet. Actually one guy, at first date, seemed to but after 2 dates said he needed 'space' hmm and since then I haven't really been tempted by anyone. However...I do see a man every morning on my walk to school who is kind of cute in an intelligent nerdy sort of way, and he always smiles and waves...he goes into the dentist surgery so is either a dentist or hygienist or womething...I've never plucked up the courage to speak though and now it's the school hols I won't see him til september unless...hmm, maybe I should register the kids there as we don't have a dentist yet (new to area). Other than that I seem to do nothing but attract married men who I wouldn't touch with a bargepole (been on the receiving end and it's not nice, plus I respect the sisterhood too much).
So can I lurk and join in the 'second hand' excitement? grin

That's my plan, to try and have the conversation before I lose all sense of tact and diplomacy! Will update tomorrow.

girly definately go with heels if you don't have height issues with men. I'm 5'8" (6' in heels) so it narrows my options down considerably as I LOVE my heels! Fortunately Mr R-N is 6'5" shock so I'm loving feeling petite for a change grin

snapespeare Sat 21-Jul-12 11:50:51

Hi patches welcome!

You must register your family with that dentists! Do it now! Sieze the day! smile

NewPatchesForOld Sat 21-Jul-12 11:56:50

snapespeare...that's what my best mate said so I think on Monday I will dig out our medical cards and bite the bullet grin

My sister in law phoned me this morning to tell me she had bumped into an ex ofmine who asked for my number and told her I had broken his heart etc etc (we're talking 25 years ago). She said she didn't have it so he said he would look me up on facebook (he can't, I have privacy settings). He told sil that he was single now, his marriage didn't work out etc but when I looked at his profile, or more specifically his 'ex' wife's, he appears to be very much married as she was talking about fifty shades of grey and likening her hubby to christian grey! O.................................K. Hear's the sound of the barr being raised a bit higher again!

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 21-Jul-12 11:58:38

I'm off soon ... but I think I'm more optimistic/excited about Snape's date than mine!

Good luck to everyone on dates today, and have a good day at the races, Sponge.

MrsGrey Sat 21-Jul-12 12:07:30

chaotic in wondering what the green light is now!!!

well after my last disastrous date and I got a parking ticket.. which I've appealed against but not heard about as yet... (most expensive date ever) I was yet again going to give up.. but a person with no picture messages me and got chatting.. exchanged pictures (I have no pic up either) and he's really nice so far.. Texts ever day.. I'm meeting him weds eve hopefully.. providing im ok for childcare.. but he seems normall. his kids are exactly the same age as mine and he knows I struggle for baby sitters so Is fine with that. I'm trying not to get excited about this one lol !!

hatesponge Sat 21-Jul-12 12:19:55

I think not getting too excited is the key. Certainly in my case - I've learned now that however well we appear to get on beforehand, however well the date seems to go, even if they say they want to see me again and we arrange another date, nothing ever comes of it, so getting excited about it is a bit of a waste!

I'm getting to the stage where I think maybe I should have stuck with the evil Ex. It's not like I've done so well thats an understatement since I got rid of him. I've always thought I was so much happier now, but I'm not sure if I am really, or whether I've just exchanged one sort of unhappiness for another? confused

ChaoticismyLife Sat 21-Jul-12 12:24:25

MrsGrey I've no idea what it was but if I see my neighbour I'll ask her if I remember. Her house is set at a 90 degree angle to mine and our front gardens adjoin so she may know something about it. She has three dc and it could have been something of one of theirs.

MrsGrey Sat 21-Jul-12 12:34:51

arh... it could have been a laser pen light or something similar ! my brother brought one for my dc recently..

sometime I think that also sponge.. when he's nice I wonder what we did wrong(which is only short lived) then when he turns back into an arse I think "oh yes I remember.. your a t**t!!!" this weekend it's my birthday and he claimed he was working and couldn't have the fc so I could go out with some friends... then I wake up to lots of texts he's sent overnight as he was drunk and out... so in royally pissed off with him today.. he gets to go out !!
I've taken my anger out on the housework this morning instead and on a nano cleaning frenzy !! doesn't happen often lol

MrsGrey Sat 21-Jul-12 12:35:32

I meant dc not fc!!!!! autocorrect !!!

hatesponge Sat 21-Jul-12 12:42:22

I have no contact with mine, apart from our mediation sessions I havent had any contact with him for over 2 years. I still think he's a complete prick most of the time. But maybe putting up with him would have been preferable to spending the rest of my life on my own? I wouldn't be stuck in a job I hate either. And the DSs wouldnt have to spend time going between 2 houses (which I know they hate). Maybe I'm not so clever as I think I am.

MyLittleMiracles Sat 21-Jul-12 12:56:47

I have no contact with mine. He tricked me into talking to him on facebook for a while (he used the name and a pic of one of my old and trusted friends and used it to add my oldest most loyal friend who I have known since I was three. He is of course blocked. Sneaky bastard.

So looking forward to Monday.

snapespeare Sat 21-Jul-12 12:57:00

Text 237, told him the ex gave me herpes.

And so we wait.

MirandaWest Sat 21-Jul-12 13:22:39

I see XH quite often but as DC are 8 and 6 and he has them on average about 2 nights a week or so there needs to be passing over of children. He isn't an awful person but he is always going to be the most important person in his world I think. The DC see a lot more of him than when we were married which seems odd in some ways and so far they don't seem too traumatised about having to go between two different houses.

They do know about Mr Nice now although I'm not planning any meeting yet. After seeing Mr Nice for lunch yesterday I don't get to see him until Friday which at the moment seems a way away but seeing as I am supposedly a grown up I am sure I can cope smile

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 21-Jul-12 13:22:53

Text 2532- meet you at the back of debebhams.

Oh the glamour!!!

Snape, if hes any sort of decent chap he will be understanding... And very brave of you to put that out there before meeting. Hoping he replies.

I also am sad about dd leaving for 2 weeks..I'm.going to miss my most favourite person.

MirandaWest Sat 21-Jul-12 13:29:41

And what are you going to do round the back of Debenhams then? wink

Hope the two weeks go quite quickly watch - I am ok when I go away ie for work and the DC are here but if I'm here and they're not it feels not nice.

Mr Nice and I are up to 3057 texts grin

MirandaWest Sat 21-Jul-12 13:30:38

No I misremembered - is 3067...

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 21-Jul-12 13:39:15

2 weeks is a Long Time. Then she's back for 2 nights and then away for another week.

Ive got lots to do, and it will be fine, but still, ill miss her, she's fun

snapespeare Sat 21-Jul-12 13:43:14

255, back to the smut. smile

He's ok with it. He might be one of those rare beasts, a decent chap.

Thing is, the texting is a bit steamy flirty and if there is a bit of a possibility of having sex with the chap (presuming teeth, not 5ft 6 etc) at some point (not tomorrow! ) then its probably easier a cop out to put it out there by text, so he has time to research risk etc. I'm too nice, really, should just get my horn on and screw the sexual health consequences for anyone else... hmm

MirandaWest Sat 21-Jul-12 13:53:09

You're doing the right thing snape - and being nice is good.

Lueji Sat 21-Jul-12 15:00:56

Good god.
How do you have time for so many texts? smile

Now my issues for tomorrow are:
1- which bikini to wear
2 - what to do with my bruised legs from my martial arts training (he knows)
3 - my pale skin

Oh well. Not much I can want to do about 2 and 3.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 21-Jul-12 15:19:21

Snape, good smile I'm.pleased, he sounds really nice actually... And I cant wait for tomorrows update, what Time are you meeting him?

Leuji, a text takes a few seconds... Easily fits in. Mr l and I pretty much chat non stop, all day, have done from the beginning really. I like talking to him smile
We also what's app and fb message too, depending on where we are, joy of smart phones I supose. Have a fab time tomorrow smile

snapespeare Sat 21-Jul-12 15:32:07

Actually, watch. He's a filthy sex beast if his texts are anything to go by.

grin this is excellent! grin

Hurry up tomorrow! Let's get real life disappointment out of the way so I can get back to moping around over PM & being cynical and caustic again. grin no idea what time yet, depends on my post BBQ hangover in the morning.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 21-Jul-12 15:46:06

Oh good..we also like filthy sex beasts smile

And yes, that is excellent. More than excellent, Fucking fantastic.

I shall have to check in between shags

This will make you laugh, my Bloody mother.... Just popped round to say bye to dd, commented my garden was q bit of a mess ( its only been a week since I cut the grass and it has rained everyday) said that perhaps I should get my proprities in order and not see mrl. Or tell mrl I can't go out and ask him to spend the day in the garden helping me weed. LOL
I fell about laughing, as did my stepdad. Ffs!!

Girly Sat 21-Jul-12 16:41:45

So, we went for coffee, hit it off and then he asks me to go for a walk. Just outside the coffee shop he scoops me into a big hug and snogs me right there in the middle of the high street blush cue a few go on girl shouts from passers by! Even in 3 inch wedges he towered over me.

Talk about sweep a girl literally of her feet. Anyway two hours later, he leaves mine thoroughly exhausted for work and then texts to say wow and when can he see me again grin

I think it went quite well?

snapespeare Sat 21-Jul-12 16:42:34

Hmmm, so attention to the garden....or attention to the lady garden.

What was the question again?

snapespeare Sat 21-Jul-12 16:45:00

Girly!. Wow! smile

Girly Sat 21-Jul-12 16:54:22

snape that sounds like something my mother would also say. What is it with parents thinking you need to have a man about to look after you and do DIY jobs?

Mine would be horrified if she knew about mrtall, my official new fwb.

Do you all think it's wrong to have a bloke on tap just for fun and lots of filthy sex?

Girly Sat 21-Jul-12 16:56:24

Oh god sorry, I meant watch I blame the orgasms, beats housework on a Saturday morning hands down.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 21-Jul-12 17:06:41

Wow, Girly, yes, I'd say that went quite well!

I'm back from my date ... and it seemed to go the same way as most of my others have. I enjoyed the date - I love going out and meeting different people and going to different places. The man I met was pleasant and interesting. BUT ... I didn't really feel any attraction.

Why does this keep happening? What am I doing wrong?

Girly Sat 21-Jul-12 17:16:24

I don't think you are doing anything wrong libby a lot of it is down to luck and timing.

Besides, as you say you enjoy going out so just go with the flow.

I am not that naive that I think things with mrtall will go anywhere. I might never hear from him again but I won't waste time worrying about. I learnt that lesson the hard way. X

MyLittleMiracles Sat 21-Jul-12 17:40:47

I don't really message Monday's date that much. Just taking things slow and certainly nothing filthy. I am a good girl smile (girls stop laughing at me!)

girly I think you can say it went very very well. Always good to enjoy great sex company.

I do whatsapp as well.

MirandaWest Sat 21-Jul-12 17:56:15

Im not sure how so many texts happen tbh. But this is over a three month period so not so many really. Possibly grin.

We do iMessaging late at night (occasionally I have been known to fall asleep blush) and emails which occasionally get soppy grin.

I do like this being in a relationship thing - am still thinking something will go wrong but not so much now. And I think it's more an irrational "what will I do to make a mess of it" rather than actually thinking something will go wrong IYSWIM. His (17 year old) DS has said he'd like to meet me as it seems I'll be around for a while. I am a combination of happy about this and a bit scared as I worry I'll forget how to be a normal human being or something like that grin

MyLittleMiracles Sat 21-Jul-12 19:00:20

The fact that he told you what his DS said says he hopes you will stick around too.

Just go with the flow. I am.

Anyone know someone to come wallpaper little man's room for me. PLEASE. i will of course then tell everyone I done it myself

MrsToddNeeLovett Sat 21-Jul-12 19:05:46

I'm in need of a slap please.

I can't stop thinking about the guy from last night. I'm beginning to really obsess over him and I have to keep reminding myself that we've only met once and he could be seeing 10 different women for all I know!

I hate the way I get so attached so quickly sad it scares me.

He's text a few times today - general niceness "how are you today? lovely weather, hows the kids? what you upto? " etc But I find myself watching my phone thinking "why isn't he texting MORE?" blush how do I detach??

mercury7 Sat 21-Jul-12 20:23:25

it's tricky I know Mrs Todd, I find rationalising it helps, remember it's just hormones, oxytocin, that kind of thing

having more than one man on the go also helpssmile

MyLittleMiracles Sat 21-Jul-12 21:41:03

It is tricky. Monday's date has messaged a handful of times but has confirmed for Monday so I am not stressing. We used to go weeks without talking then pick up where we left off.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Sat 21-Jul-12 21:41:26

Well it looks like my date isn't Interested in a second meet up.

He finally text yesterday morning. Said he'd had a lovely time, would
Love to see my pretty smile again.

So I replied. And nothing. We had loose plans to meet tonight and he hasn't been in touch.

He hasn't replied so I guess that's that then.

Bit confused as it went so well IMO. We laughed and chatted and had a lot in commen.

I am a bit cross because why make a big deal about seeing me again if he wasn't keen? I just think its rude to not even be in touch!

I want to ask him why he's not interested but I won't.

Grr. I knew it was too good to be true. One date in an I want to quit the whole game!

MyLittleMiracles Sat 21-Jul-12 21:48:58

charlie don't quit. I have had a fair few internet dates some are still in touch, one of which we message each other everyday. We didnt have any chemistry but we are mates.

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 01:37:32

charlie I dont blame you, the whole dating thing is bullshit most of the time. I've never heard so many times how much men want to see me, & even when follow up dates are arranged nothing happens. it really baffles me, I'm attractive, intelligent, i have a very good job, a fab house, 2 children who are largely self sufficient (but yet i'm still young enough - just about - to have more), and yet thats not good enough for every man i meet. fuck knows what picture of perfection they're looking for if i dont cut it, but they're idiots, all of them.

Much like my lovely colleagues who ive spent an 'interesting' day with.

Pearls of wisdom gleaned today:

Colleague 1 (male - comment made following me saying how dating was hard, and how I 'knew' someone -this was me i was talking about of course!- who went on date after date with no success or follow up) well there's obviously something wrong with her - what is she stupidly fussy and knocking them all back? (I say no, no offers) oh well then she must be bloody ugly. or just plain weird.

Nice to know how I must look to men hmm

Colleague 2 (female - when saying I'd been single for 4 years) well you know you need to get out there (When i say i do) No but you REALLY need to make some effort, your DSs will be at uni soon and you'll be on your own you need to get out there and get yourself a man.

Like I haven't tried hmm

Lueji Sun 22-Jul-12 07:19:42

Sponge and Charlie
Don't get down, now, girls.

Some men are intimidated by fab women.
Reportedly models are not as requested as you might expect.

Most men are not impressed by good jobs and nice houses, particularly if theirs are not better.
So it may take a while to find one that is worthy of you and doesn't want to live of you.

I think I have a similar problem in real life, as I think I seem too distant and not interested.

MrsGrey Sun 22-Jul-12 07:22:16

oopps... I think I just reported a message on here by accident.. I meant to press reply!!hopefully I pressed the back button in time..sorry mn and who ever I may have reported! sad

so I just woke up to these texts from guy I havnt met yet but am weds.. we've been texting every day.. he was out with his mates last night so I know he may have had a few... I told him to enjoy himself and have fun the last message I sent and then I went to bed..

"I don't need to I am having fun talking to you x and I'm going to say something I've wanted to for days I want y"
new text he must have sent to soon...
"Ok that doesn't read at all well lol what I was trying to say us I hope I make your heart skip and make you breathless because that's the shizzle! That's what it's all about like I said I'm a romantic xx x feel free to tell me Wednesday is off lol"
"I hope your asleep and not freaked out x"

I'm not sure what to think... or reply... I've not met him yet!! he's cones across nice in messages .. I know where he works and could go sneakily check him out before hand and see what his like then.. I've just never had a text quite like that!!

MrsGrey Sun 22-Jul-12 07:28:41

I agree with lueji.. I find that as I have a very good job which I have worked hard for and am well paid (not in higher tax bracket but I'm comfortable ) that this some times puts them off.. and I've been to uni a few times toget as high qualified as I can.. I'm now aiming for my masters.. I do think it's makes them a little uncomfortable..
I have my own house and car and fully support my dc all if which I'm proud of but maybe they think I'm too independent...
I don't know..

Lueji Sun 22-Jul-12 07:52:52


At least he was not abusive. smile

He could have thought he was texting someone else, though.

Maybe text later in the day and ask if he's feeling better?

But he could also be moving too fast in his head.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Sun 22-Jul-12 08:26:54

I know sad

Just fed up already and I'm just starting.

I ended up at the cinema by myself. Another single women was going in the same time and we kind of gave each other a nod and eye roll thing but ended up next to each other and even shared my sweets! So I'm pretty sure people can get along with me ok.

I was just surprised as I thought it had gone so well. He made a big thing about how he is too honest sometimes and it boarders on coming across rude. But he's been far from honest with me. I want to text "where's your honesty now prick!". But I never would.

But I'm worried it's a test. He talked about a previous date texting and email a lot after the first date and how it put him off as she was very full on. Wonder if he's just testing my reaction? But I'm not interested in games so if that's what he is doing I'm out.

Girly Sun 22-Jul-12 08:59:17

Charlie and MrsTodd, please don't give up yet, you need to step back and realise yourself worth. You both have a lot to offer, be picky, keep your options open and do what mercury says, have more than one man on the go.

Men do this all the time, it helps with the obsessing. Sadly we have to kiss, shag, date quite a few frogs before mr right comes along, but that does not mean you can't have fun along the way.

Trust me dating is a very steep learning curve smile

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 11:10:54

MrsGrey, I think the heart skip texts can just about be overlooked if he was drunk at the time?

IME many men dont like being 'trumped' by a woman, so if you're more intelligent with a better job...well you've got bigger bollocks than him and he's bound to feel emasculatedgrin

I'm not suggesting that women should dumb down or reign in their ambition, infact
fuck em
trample on thier fragile ego's and grab what you can out of life!

MyLittleMiracles Sun 22-Jul-12 11:20:27

I am currently trying to get used to a pair of 4 inch heels for tomorrow. My normal heels are only about 2 inches, though I do live in heels. Or wedges with my new flip flops for indoors.

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 12:53:59

In my experience its impossible to have even one man on the go, let alone more than one!

One of my (Im sure well meaning) friends suggested that as nothing seems to be happening for me relationship wise, maybe I should just get myself a FWB instead....slightly hampered of course by the fact no man I meet wants to see me again, whatever the basis hmm If only it were that easy.

I've only ever met a handful of men cleverer than me, outearned most men I know too (had the job I do now since I was 24) but it's only over the last 4 years I've had a problem attracting men - or more precisely retaining them after date 1. I look a lot better than most women my age so it's not even as if I've aged badly.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 13:17:36

I very seldom meet men that are cleverer than I. It's a huge turn on. I want to learn lots of things through interaction with someone else...

So, 405 texts down the line, no word from mr beardy so far today and it is meant to be date day. We hadn't confirmed a time. He was out last night at a friends house, I am presuming his mobile has died and he's winding his way home, so he can send me a text.

Or, he could just be a useless cunt. hmm

In wonderful news, introduced my lovely flat mate to my lovely friend and she spent the night in his room. I am SO pleased for them both. Call me cilla! smile

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 13:22:32

Hope mr beardy gets in touch.

I had a vague date planned with mr chicken, who has been away on business for weeks. he emailed me midweek and said was I free at all at the weekend to meet up? I said yes, sunday, he said great. however no plans beyond that, I had 2 texts from him yesterday with no mention of it. And nothing today. I'm not chasing him.

MyLittleMiracles Sun 22-Jul-12 13:23:19

They are clearly not worthy of you. I am hoping after Monday I will be seeing more of him. I will not be sleeping with him though. 5 dates minimum from now on smile

I am a good girl from now on. Though when I say that my friends laugh at me. Can't imagine why. Certainly got the ex out the system and my confidence back. I used to shake with fear when anyone kissed me etc now I don't.

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 13:25:04

I look a lot better than most women my age
me too!
if they look better than me I assume they must be youngergrin

as for intellect..I prefer strong in the arm and thick in the 'ead
easier to control wink
I can read a book if I want to learn something

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 13:25:59

Absolutely. No chasing here, I refuse to chase. I'm sure there's a totally rational explanation for it... like him processing the genital herpes information overnight and taking a cowardly way out pfft. <shrugs>. What ya gonna do?

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 13:33:00

mercury my problem is I'm clever but not AT ALL intellectual - my favourite programme is TOWIE grin the last thing I want is someone who wants to engage in worthy intellectual debate! they have to be clever enough though, my Evil Ex was thick as a plank and that didn't work well (he thought I deliberately used words in arguments that he coldnt understand!). My lovely Ex meanwhile had about 2 GCSEs, couldnt spell for shit yet wasn't the slightest bit stupid and wrote me the most lovely (spellchecked!) poems smile

snape did you have a rough time planned to meet? am hopeful he's just disorganised/hungover rather than a coward.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 13:37:20

'afternoon', I guess that's any time up til 6... hmm

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 13:39:56

If you are clever you must by definition have a strong intellect?

Perhaps you mean that you dont have 'intellectual' or 'highbrow' tastes, you prefer towie to tosca grin

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 13:41:28

he thought I deliberately used words in arguments that he coldnt understand

you mean you didnt??
it's a quick and dirty way to make a man feel inferior...who wouldnt use it grin

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 13:44:16

Agree afternoon could be up to 6ish. I say 3pm is the cut-off after which we can call him a tosser.

but hopefully we won't need to smile

(good news re your friend & flatmate though - but why is it always easier to find matches for other people than ourselves?!)

mervury yes thats it! I'm the very definition of lowbrow grin

Girly Sun 22-Jul-12 13:44:54

Ah well, if it's any consolation, I have not heard a dicky bird from mrtall since last night, it does grate a little but I am like a bouncy ball. Nothing wrong with his phone, saw him online on Cupid so he's not dead! Onwards and upwards.

Snaps, do not chase, I know the temptation is to tell them to go fuck themselves, which is what I want to do right now. Resist temptation and find another more tasty option.

I am watching Heston, food porn!

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 13:50:41

Oh not, I will not chase. Sent a cheery non smutty hello at 10.30 this morning, not a peep. 15.00 is our cut off point <high fives sponge>

I'm going to have a stroll down to the shop and then watch some doctor who. I am not going to glare at my phone for an hour.

Girly Sun 22-Jul-12 13:54:03

I am going to walk the dog in the sunshine. Make the most of it while it lasts!

He may well surprise you snape? I hope he does x

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 14:13:50

Probably a surprise either way. I'm not invested, it's fine.

Oh. Just got a text!

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 14:50:11

Ok, we're on for five. Co-ordinate watches, ladies!

feelinglonely Sun 22-Jul-12 16:31:11

Girly:give him some time and if you still dont hear from him move on.
Snape:have fun.
My 46yr date has been texting after the cancelled date,he finally came clean that hes after casual sex with me and wasnt happy when i cancelled date shock .He is just like all of them,wanted to give him a chance but here we go again.sad.Am just taken my time and not let any prick take advantage of me.

Scattylatte Sun 22-Jul-12 17:58:48

Snape. You have picked the right weather for your fab new dress. If nothing else you can showcase the amazing zip.

Well, my coffee date (thurs daytime) text Friday at around 5 asking if I'd go out with him that night. I said I had other plans. Maybe another time. For sure he text. So I asked sat morning when would he be free and he offered to come over to my house, under the pretence that he could advise me on my garden. I declined again, saying I was busy.

He text today, he is I'll (what is it with sick men). Claiming food poisoning.

So I think he is after casual sex. I didn't fancy him enough to want that. He would be a grower and I'm not in the mood for casual sex.

I'm pretty smart and it definitely made some men wary.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 18:10:27

No way is he 36. Or 6 foot 3. He's gone for a shit, been 15 minutes, think he's done a runner!

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 18:27:48

Right. He's still not back, I need to leave. Don't i?

feelinglonely Sun 22-Jul-12 18:28:45

lol snape.

Scattylatte Sun 22-Jul-12 18:30:44

Yep Snape. You do. The fact that he takes a shit mid date is enough!

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 22-Jul-12 18:34:11

What? Seriously?

Bloody hell, how rude, both on the pooing front and running off front.

Wow, beggars belief. Dont quite know what to.say....

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 22-Jul-12 18:36:13

In surprising news, today I met mrl's mother -- while I had a load of dried cum on the side of my face--

Scattylatte Sun 22-Jul-12 18:39:29

Lol. Watch!

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 18:40:06

I'm off home for a gin. I'm disappointed & furious in equal measure. I sat there like a twat for 40 'fucking minutes! Hello sofa!

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 22-Jul-12 18:45:46

Fucking hell. I do think thats awful, I wouid be fuming. You have every right to be fuming. What the fuck is wrong with people?;

feelinglonely Sun 22-Jul-12 18:46:11

sorry snape,that was rude for him to do that,take it as one of those dating things.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 18:50:37

Am repeating to myself that he obviously realised I was completely out of his league, so panicked & fled. I am actually stunned.

Scattylatte Sun 22-Jul-12 18:51:34

Yep. Manners cost nothing. The same happened to my friend. Only she saw the dust of the car wheels as he left the car park. It's cowardly.

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 18:53:26

Snape, he sounds like a complete and utter jerksad
how appalling of wonder you are furious

I take it he was considerably older and shorter than he said?

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 18:57:47

Yes to both, black & white photo great, in real life giant red beard, grey hair he must have cut himself, stooped. At least he had teeth, but they all pointed in different directions.

I am clearly hideous. (joke) what a 'fucking cunt.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 22-Jul-12 18:59:25

Are you going to text him? Send him a ton of expletives... Or do nothing.
How Fucking dare he.. how dare he!!!!

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 18:59:32

i'm surprised you didnt do a runner first!

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 19:04:02

As far as I am concerned, he has ceased to exist. Not worth any more of my attention. My lovely flat mate wants to kill him

Now I'm horny and angry!

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 22-Jul-12 19:09:08

I'm really sorry..

Scattylatte Sun 22-Jul-12 19:09:45

Bloody hell. I'm surprised you didn't do a runner.
Lord above. He needs to be reported to Trading Standards. It's a bad experience. Just goes to show we know nothing till we see the flesh.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 19:12:18

I was thinking of running, but I'm a decent sort, was rehearsing the letting him down gently speech.

I am a volcano of hormones and hatred. If I did fuck someone now they wouldn't be able to walk for a month. Back to.the nunnery I think...

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 19:13:09

jesus snape thats awful. what a total prick.

i'm furious on your behalf.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 19:17:26

OKC account hidden.

The sun peeks out from behind the clouds!


MyLittleMiracles Sun 22-Jul-12 19:40:25

snape he is a complete and .utter waste of space prick.

I was struggling decorating and now a former internet date offers help (as friends) in exchange for sharing my vodka.

I don't feel horny and have a date tomorrow to which I am over the moon happy over. Confirmed again today for tomorrow.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 20:28:22

Lovely flatmate is considering an okcupid honey trap for him, with voluptuous scantily clad blonde as profile pic. When he turns up expecting a shag, flatmates mum will be waiting for him. grin.

Kernowgal Sun 22-Jul-12 20:35:43

I just got a blah message from a POFer - the pic showed him (doppelganger for Shrek) sitting on an N-reg Honda squinting into the camera smowkin' a faaaag.

Why do they do it? Then their profile bleats on about how nobody contacts them. Dude, c'mon!

Kernowgal Sun 22-Jul-12 20:36:54

PS Snape - fackin ada! What an arsehole! I think he realised his game was up.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 22-Jul-12 20:48:03

Snape, that is absolutely disgusting behaviour. I'm appalled. It happened to a friend of mine once - it was her first internet date, and the 'man' (if he can be called such a thing) climbed out of a window in the toilet. I was so furious on her behalf - in fact I still am years later. And I feel the same on your behalf too. What on earth is the matter with these pathetic, rude, cowardly creatures?

Wow snape I am stunned. What an absolute fuckwit. Another one angry on your behalf. Twat.

Girly Sun 22-Jul-12 21:16:59

Omg snape! How rude!! Did you leave him to it?

Not heard from mr tall so another one bites the dust, not worried have a few other options. All of them tall ;)

Girly Sun 22-Jul-12 21:20:26

Oops just heard from him. He has been driving around the Kent countryside all day or so he says. He did say he loves his car, a classic and that he hardly ever gets to give it a good run...I think maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 21:21:12

I sat there for 40 minutes, watching people catch eels. Even more disappointing, was I was expecting ray lemontagne. I got catweasel. sad.


Can we kindly do a quick round of 'it's not you, it's him'? I felt great, now I feel a bit old and unloved. Fucker.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 21:21:46

girly'. Yes you should. Just once though.

OhWesternWind Sun 22-Jul-12 21:22:27

What is wrong with all these blokes?

Had coffee date (well actually an ice-cream date as it was so nice) yesterday - lovely bloke, interesting job, well-travelled, lots of same attitudes and values, but just nothing there.

Am chatting to another couple of prospects on Match - one doesn't have a photo up - is there ever a good reason for this? (Hope there is as I quite like the sound of this one)!

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 21:27:08

It is absolutely not you.

You are fab, feisty and intelligent.

He is the sort of tosser who can only get dates by having a photo which looks nothing like him (thereby blatantly breaching the trade descriptions act) AND when he does get a date bottles it and runs away like a pathetic coward.

It is an underestimate to say you are a million times better than him smile

Girly Sun 22-Jul-12 21:29:31

It's def not you! Remember yor self worth honey! Dust off and hold your head up high! He is a prick, a fugly one at that x

In other news, my attempt at engineering some sort of chat with Mr R-N was quite frankly lame. My first mistake was sinking bottle of rosé before we went out. But, we did have dirty drunken sex a laugh and I really enjoyed the night. I guess there will be plenty of other opportunities to say something if I feel the need. Think we are definitely in the fwb zone though. Think I'm ok with that.

No, its definately him. He sounds like he looks like a character vic reeves dreamt up. How fucking dare he. Waste of a penis. Sending an unmumsnetty hug to you and a hard kick in the balls to him.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 22-Jul-12 21:39:00

I think it goes without saying, Snape. What kind of person goes on an internet date and just leaves without a word to the person they're with? A cowardly, rude, pathetic one with no manners and no consideration for others. There's absolutely no excuse for it, and no decent man would ever treat someone like that. You deserve far, far better. (Can you tell it's made me quite angry?!)

ChaoticismyLife Sun 22-Jul-12 21:45:03

Snape I'm shockshockshock

Remember I've seen your photos so can definitely say it's not you, it's him...he took one look at you and realised he didn't stand a chance so took the cowards way out and did a runner.

Scattylatte Sun 22-Jul-12 21:45:03

Snape. This may be indicative of his general behaviour. He may be socially inadequate and would have scarpered whoever you were. It seems strange to me that someone who is not attractive in anyway cannot politely hold an conversation and make his excuses and leave. That's normal social behaviour. You don't know his mental health, social and value system so he may just be devoid of something.

So, 100% it's HIM.

SoleSource Sun 22-Jul-12 21:46:07

Lucky escape for YOU not him, Snape. The cowardly cunt.

MirandaWest Sun 22-Jul-12 21:47:50

Definitely him not you snape. What a tosser.

MyLittleMiracles Sun 22-Jul-12 22:02:49

It was definitely him snape and we love you! He is a fuckwit not worthy if your thoughts or feelings (unless its relief you didn't have to spend time with him)

Right now, shake yourself, up you get, dust yourself down and start again girl. Let's get the fiesty firey snape we know and love back.

MyLittleMiracles Sun 22-Jul-12 22:03:30

BTW I meant that in a nice way. Hope you arent offended

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 22:09:27

I got a message on POF tonight from a guy from an Irish family who has 15 shock] horses.

Had visions of Big Fat Gypsy Wedding...

Plus (and this is why you NEVER delete numbers from your phone) I just inadvertently answered my phone to the soldier. He asked to come round tonight hmm. Strangely he was surprised when I said no!

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 22:09:49

sorry that should be 15 shock horses

Girly Sun 22-Jul-12 22:13:11

Sponge, what did the soldier do?

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 22-Jul-12 22:16:15

It's not you. Who behaves like that. Anyone with any manners at all, sees the date through, says goodbye and leaves. I've had some dire dates, where I would have liked to run,but bloody hell, you just don't do speaks volumes about the kind of person he is, and you wouldn't be with someobe like that.

This is What I reckon happened: the texts had,maybe gone too far prior to meeting.. then he was confronted with a real woman. He got embarassed, couldn't handle it, realised you didn't fancy him, and did a runner. Because hes a cock.

watchoutforthatsnail Sun 22-Jul-12 22:17:56

Lol, sponge, the soldier has a bloody cheek!!! That was about 3? Months ago.

Idiot men.

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 22:22:38

Thank you ladies, especially MLM, that's incredibly sweet of you .to take the time to post. smile

Going to have a rest from internet dating for a few weeks. shall still be here though, yelling 'cunt' at the top of my voice at the inadequates & celebrating (y)our successes.

Lucky escape doesn't even come close. But it is rejection from the rejected that Smarts, the 'fucking cheek of the man..

snapespeare Sun 22-Jul-12 22:27:51

Oh of course the texts went too far (all deleted at station while waiting for train. More annoyed I missed a train by a minute & had to kill time for half an hour...) I did keep making the point that we should wait & see if we clicked in real life, that he wasn't getting phone sex until we'd had actual sex, if indeed that ever happened, pfft. The filth/ flirting was fun, I got a couple of very good wanks out of it, but Jesus Christ, no manners or kindness or anything. Fully expect him to text me for a booty call in 6 months time! Idiot.

Gosh this moves fast....I go away for a week and you're on a new thread....and there seem to be lots of dates!

Anyways....I have bit the bullet....just signing up to OKCupid...need to choose a username. HELP! Do I go for my RL name (guess not)...if not I have no idea....I always think of really cheesey things...I guess this is the end of me signing up to OK Cupid for tonight

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 22:34:04

Watch I agree entirely with what you say about Snape's date. Its so unbelieveably rude. Anyone sees a date out. At absolute worst, if the date is dying on its arse, you make up a prior engagement or an emergency to get you out of there, some sort of kind lie. No normal person does a runner!

Snape, there is something hugely irritating about the rejection from the rejected - when its happened to me (not the disappearing but the being turned down by one I wouldnt touch with someone elses bargepole) I've wanted to say in reply no, I didnt fancy you first! I reject you! etc

The soldier has a complete brass neck, I havent spoken to him in a good couple of months (Though he claims hes phoned me & Ive not answered!- quite possible, i only answered this call cos i thought it might be DS1 whos at a friends calling from his mates phone) but honestly who phones someone at 10pm to ask if they can come round?!

Whats worse is I did hesitate for a moment & was almost tempted blush

SoleSource Sun 22-Jul-12 22:36:34

It's just an inadequate, weak, fucked up arsehole. He is looking for a woman to control. Picked on the wrong woman. Narsty rice dick.

MyLittleMiracles Sun 22-Jul-12 22:39:51

sponge I think we all have been almost tempted at different times. I was almost tempted going back by someone, body of a god but only wanted a shag or two, nothing else and I would've wanted to show him off especially on Facebook

But now I have read what has happened to Snape I think that I have been put off the whole idea of dating...that really is shit...pardon the pun.

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 22:44:44

Sponge expecting someone to drop everything for a shag right now is a bit much
I'd only consider it if I already knew it was going to be 100% worth my while.

hatesponge Sun 22-Jul-12 22:53:35

Mercury, I think he would either be very good or absolutely awful! Quite possibly he is all talk in which case the latter is more likely blush

He always used to call me on a Sunday & try to come round, he goes to see his DC not far from me, I'm on his way home. Nothing like convenience....

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 22:53:38

and Snape the bloke sounds beyond rude, he sounds more 'zero social skills, lives in a flat where he has to tunnel through piles old newspaper'

I cant believe he actually said he was going for a 'toilet break' shock

MyLittleMiracles Sun 22-Jul-12 22:55:25

There is one person I would drop everything for and Thats my mate who comes back to England occasionally and that would be for a catch up not a shag and I have known him for as long as I can remember I couldn't sleep with him

mercury7 Sun 22-Jul-12 22:58:14

Sponge-for first time sex I'd always want to bloke to arrange well in advance and at my convenience.
he'd have to have a proven track record of being very good in bed for me to agree to anything @ short notice.

I'd be fuming if I'd put myself out to 'service' someone and it turned out to be a rubbish quickie angry

MyLittleMiracles Sun 22-Jul-12 23:20:39

I wouldn't mind the occasional quickie in a relationship tbh, but for only that it has to be pretty amazing. Still I am not giving myself to anyone unless Leonardi dicaprio walks through my door or eminem

Lueji Mon 23-Jul-12 00:15:55

Quick update before reading the almost 100 posts since this morning(!).

Met Mr VN at his friends'. It was already lunch time and I was en route, so we just went for lunch and then a quick walk on the beach.
DS was with me so we had to be "just friends" and steal a kiss here and there, so that DS doesn't tell ex.
Anyway, it was sort of fun and frustrating.
But Mr VN lived up to his name and was really cool and played along. There was lots of holding hands and so on, particularly under the table. grin
As far as DS was concerned he was just another friend and he won't be seeing him again anytime soon. So I think it's ok.

And off to read your posts.

Lueji Mon 23-Jul-12 00:39:40

Here it goes:

Snape, he probably was too scared to be rejected! And fled before you could do it. Maybe it helped his ego, at least not being crushed.

Girly, he loves his car too much to give you enough time? At the very least he should have told you he was running late or something. Or invite you to go along. He'd had to do some serious behind for giving him a second chance.

Sponge, shock at soldier. Have you put his number on the phone memory again?

Lueji Mon 23-Jul-12 00:41:34

Not behind! Begging!

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 09:34:13

snape - how are you this morning?

Sponge - had to admit i did laugh at your useless collegues 'advice'. I think unless people have dated recently, they really dont have a clue and all their advice is based on when they were single, which is usually a long, long time ago, and it is so very different now. I love the' just geta fwb' i never found a ' fwb' ( actually i found one, i forgot that) in all that time, even though i offered a few of them that very situation, they never took me up on it, quite why, who knows because im awesome in bed. so, id take it all with a pinch of salt.

anyway - i need advice.
We went out yesterday and bumped into a few people mrl knew and hadnt see for a while. One he introduced as just my name. and then other he said ' this is my friend - my name.
BUT, then was holding my hand, or stroking me, or whatever, the whole time we were talking to them.

The rest of the day was fab, hes not shy about holding hands, kissing and stuff, in fact i dont think my hand was out of his the whole day. and of course i did meet his mother too. and was introduced as ' my name'

Im probably being really girly, and reading too much into it, but, i dont know. Its obviously bothering me, because im asking your advice.

Girly Mon 23-Jul-12 09:53:32

Lueji He did tell me he was driving on Sunday, I just forgot that was what he was doing, he told me when I was still basking in the glow, if you get my drift. I could not go with him anyway as had dinner with the family and then a long walk in the park.

watch he obviously likes you and made that clear in front of his friends, so dont take it the wrong way x

hatesponge Mon 23-Jul-12 10:06:11

Watch I know the just get a fwb thing makes me laugh, as if it is that easy!there was a guy a few weeks ago I thought would make a perfect FWB but despite sending me lots of texts the day after saying he wanted to see me again, nothing came of it. I have thought of texting him & saying I didnt want a relationship just sex but I thought it looked a bit desperate blush

It's possible the soldier could be a FWB in the making but I'm far too vanilla to keep him happy judging by some of his comments...

the mrl situation - am guessing its bothering you because he didn't intro you as his girlfriend? i think maybe this is a situation where you have to look at what he did rather than said - and whilst he didnt use that word (I think its a tricky one, i have quite a few friends in their 30s who hate the word girlfriend & would prefer to be just called by name - maybe that was where he was coming from?) his actions made it fairly clear to the people you met that was who you were.

I honestly wouldnt worry or overthink it. And this is from me the queen of overthinking smile

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 10:18:02

i know, ive had lots of men say they were up for fwb, only for them to vanish and never return, its werid.

Yes, it might have been embarassng to say ' this is my gf watch' i might have felt about 12. BUT, it is slightly bugging me. Even though i supose there isnt any dount from his actions. Plus im sort of kicking myself because he was talking about his friend whos shagging lots of girls, and said that his friend was like' some girl' and he said that was awful, and i was being shocked at ' some girl' and he said that i wasnt just some girl, and i should have, at that point asked what i was. but i didnt.

its bloody hard, to bring this kind of thing up.
My friend invited me round for whenever i culd make it, and his gf is inviting one of her male friends, so it should be good. apparently, that feels like a set up. i didnt know if maybe i might mention thois to mrl while we are away this weekend and see what he says...

????? help

Movingforward123 Mon 23-Jul-12 10:18:45

Hi everyone just popping in to update... I had a second date on Saturday, nice guy we wet bowling and for dinner and drinks, then I told him to come back to mine and he didn't even try anything atall hmm and from our conversations felt like I should try anything as he doesn't like easy girls (which I don't consider myself to be confused) anyway I like him and we get on well but I'm not sure if there is that passionate side to him or how I feel about him!!

Also he lives very close to my area and I am meant to be meeting another guy in thurs and feel like maybe I shouldn't see him in my local area incase he sees me hmm

He already told me he went on Pof one day just to check if I was in there an I was. It makes me feel like in a way he is controlling even tho when you speak to him he seems very sweet and even in confident!!

He also offered to sort out my jungle of a garden which is really out of control and would like to let him do that grin

So not sure if I should go for the Thursday date in a different area???

mercury7 Mon 23-Jul-12 10:27:27

a man who describes women as 'easy' would get a big thumbs down from me

if I invited someone back to mine and he didnt understand why I'd invited him back I'd ditch him pdq

I might use him for gardening services first thogrin

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 10:35:25

i think i would go on thursdays date and not see the other guy again. from what you have said he doesnt sound great, and you dont really sound like you want a third date from him...
AND hes already admited to checking up on you. After only two dates and not even a snog?!?!?!? Thats just boody crazy.

snapespeare Mon 23-Jul-12 10:36:24

thanks for asking watch, I'm still in disbelief/denial i think...

what makes this slightly more amusing/bizarre is that PM (who has been away this weekend & doesn't know the full story) posted a snitty fb update about 'OKstupid: I don't know why I even bother', so some mutual wound licking may be in order. Let's line up more rejection and disaster over wine and PS3ing, shall we? hmm

I wouldn't worry about the '(girl)friend' introductions. you're not a girl, you're a grown up - it isnt a term that I might use, teh thought of introducing nayone as my 'boyfriend' when they are in their 30's/40's is awful. you're not a 'partner' yet, you're a strange definition just now. smile as he was holding your hand and being generally lovely, I think everyone got the jist. smile

a lovely line in 'six feet under' when Nate introduces Brenda to his brother - 'This is Brenda, my.. umm.. girlfriend..' Brenda: Actually, i prefer the term 'fuckpuppet...'

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 10:55:55

yes, thinking about it, i would feel totally cringy if i introduced him as my boyfriend, i would just say ' this is mrl' and that would be that.
yes, he was holding my hand, or had an arm round me, etc... etc... so i supose it was glaringly obvious. and im just being silly.

i loved six feet under smile

So - pm has had a bad time too. i do wonder if it can top yours, because its so astoundingly crap. In fact, i think you might win some kind of award for having the worlds worst possible date. EVER!

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 10:57:19

and i supose because he took me into his house for the first time ever, and i met his mother ( it is a LOVELY house) then i probably shouldnt be too worried about it.

snapespeare Mon 23-Jul-12 11:03:41

excellent! an award! gold plated dildo? can we have an awards ceremony? do I get to make a speech?! grin

I am seeing humour in it, when I recount it to PM, it will be hilarious, but thats all front and it does kinda hurt - as Morrisey said, 'rejection is one thing, but rejection from a fool is cruel'

He couldn't possibly have had a worse time than me. I'm keeping my gold plated statuette. smile I will probably burst into tears, which is incredibly attractive (in fact my IT wouldn't work this morning, I felt like crying...)

Girly Mon 23-Jul-12 11:08:55

sounds like its going well watch I understand the need to keep your guard up but dont let that get in the way of sometyhing that sounds quite lovely smile

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 11:12:29

yes, gold plated dildo. And please, please do a speach.
No - i think on all counts you will keep the worst date title. i cant think of any thing that could be much worse.

Humour is very good at making light of stuff huh, i do that ALL the time.
And yes, i should think you do feel rather like crap and wondering what the hell caused him to do a runner. But, as we have all said, it speaks volumes about the kind of person HE is, and not about the kind of person you are.

I do truely think it was to do with the texts and he bottled it when confronted with the real live person whom he had been sending/ wanking over. and he couldnt handle it. Its the danger of texts going that way before you have met, and as much as you put in the ' but we might not click thing' that doesnt count for much. essentially hes done the equilivant of running out in the middle of the night, after shagging out. but hes just missed out on the shag.hes a tosser and shown his true self rather quickly.

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 11:26:17

thanks girly smile
Its is hard, i have no idea what hes thinking at all. I know he thinks im awesome because he says that all the time. I know he likes spending time with me, and not just shagging, because he says that all the time. But thats all i know. but i supose its early days ( just over 2 months)
And hes coming camping with me, not because he wants to, but because i asked him. which is really sweet. and he fixed my blind of me on saturday, and said hes going to fix my bed ( because the frame is coming apart, though im blaming him for that........)

Girly Mon 23-Jul-12 11:55:36

So if he says all those nice things, which are really lovely, why do you not know what he is thinking? He sounds really thoughtful and you like shagging him,its a win win as far as I can see. Stop doubting yourself!

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 12:06:57

yes, but, i dont know what hes thinking in regards to relationship wise.

i do realise i am possibly just being silly. But what i dont want to happen, is for me to be thinking one thing, namely, that we are a couple, and then hes thinking that its just a casual thing or something. And at some point someone, namely me, being hurt about that.

Girly Mon 23-Jul-12 12:11:24

well you need to bite the bullet and just ask him? Just bear in mind what it is you want and dont settle for less. You are worth it you know smile

snapespeare Mon 23-Jul-12 12:15:12

you're being silly. [wet fish] you know it isnt casual, you've had the exclusivity chat, that kind of leads to you being a couple. you're going on holiday, that isn't casual. he mows your lawn. that's practically code for time choosing her hat.

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 12:31:06

oh. well.
but thats all still an assumption, isnt it. i just dont want to be hurt and look like a tit when it all goes wrong.

im not going to ask him, i shall instead flirt round the edges and hope he says something, which he wont do, because hes male, and men dont pick up on hints.

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 12:37:26

What are you wanting him to say, exactly Watch? Actions speak louder than words and even I can see that MrLovelys actions are saying 'relationship'. I would be more worried if he was all sweet talk and no actions. Is there something about the relationship that is making you feel insecure? Let's nail this thing! wink

Snape I am so sorry to read what happened to you, but honestly, it sounds like he did you a favour. His actions proved what an absolute tosser he is!

MyLittleMiracles Mon 23-Jul-12 12:37:42

watch he might not have introduced you as a girlfriend as it sounds slightly patronizing to say that about a woman. How actions made it clear you were a couple. Try not to over think it. --says she having no idea what to wear later. Maybe what I am wearing now? Dunno. I overthink things too. I want to look stunning but not as my friend put it "scream sex" I don't think my dress does.

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 12:40:44

As for the introductions, if he had not bothered to introduce you at all, then you would have had something to worry about, that fact he introduced you by name, is nice smile Nothing wrong with that at all.

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 12:46:22

i dont know time. I think im wanting to know where i stand a little bit, but his actions are telling me, you are right. Words are cheap, i know from how he is being. And i had a fab day sunday, it was really, really lovely. Then of course he showed me his guitars that he makes, which was a big deal as hes never shown anyone before.
One of the people he introduced me to was standing with a girl, and he didnt introduce her at all, in fact she may as well been invisible, so i supose on that note you are right.
The second one we were in this guitar stall thing at this vintage market, mrl was playing one and then someone he knew was also doing that, so we hung out abit... and he shook my hand, made a joke that we have the same name thing, etc.. etc.../

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 13:01:51

smile You know what I think? And you are going to deny it, run a mile from it, when I say it, but I think you have feelings for MrLovely, feelings which run quite deep, I think you have hit upon something special and you are loving it, and you don't want it to end, or there be any chance that it might end soon, because it's good and it makes you happy, so, you really would like some sort of verbal commitment from MrLovely that he is on the same page, that he is feeling the same, so that you can relax and enjoy it, throw yourself into it a little bit more, without these little niggles bothering you.

If this is how you are feeling, than it is understandable, it shows how much you care about him and what you have together. BUT, from where I am sitting there really is nothing for you to worry about. MrLovely is investing in you, both physically and emotionally, no man takes a woman to meet his mother unless he is sure of her, sure she will do him proud in front of his mother and also get his mothers approval, same with mates, he wouldn't introduce into his circle of friends if he wasn't sure of you. I don't for one minute think MrLovely is a fly by night, I think you should try your very best to relax and enjoy everything you have got with him, trust him. Trust yourself too, to know that if you want this relationship to be a keeper, it will be.

I could be wrong though, it has been known grin

snapespeare Mon 23-Jul-12 13:08:09

ooooh time is goooood.

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 13:13:41


I suspect Watch may deny she is a little bit in love has deep feelings for MrLovely because admitting such feelings leaves a person open to being hurt. BUT, fearing getting hurt and looking like a ninny is the best indicator that one does in fact have deep feelings for a person. smile

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 23-Jul-12 13:14:22

Snape what a tosser. Sounds like you are well rid. Did he actually say he was going for a sh1t, or just to the toilet? If the first, definitely TMI...

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 13:14:49

yes, yes she is.
You are probably right smile

it was an accidental mother meeting though. not a planned one. he asked if i wanted to come in and see his guitars, i said yes. He knew his mother was at home..... and then she came in the garage to get something out of the freezer.
So - not planned, but he knew she was there and it was possible we would meet i supose.

But yes, what i would like to know, is that we are on the same page, so i can relax into it and not be wondering about stuff.

Lueji Mon 23-Jul-12 13:15:37

Watch, he has probably been talking about you with everyone, so he didn't need to give you a qualification.
Or, he may well have not felt sure enough of himself to call you his girlfriend. As you are not.

It seems like you are, though.

On a different note, mr VN thanked me today for popping by. smile
I thought he was good with DS, which is a good sign. But no too interested, iykwim...

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 13:16:01

no, im not in love with him...!!!! ( haha, you said i woiuld deny it, but im really not)
But i do like him alot. Im very fond of him, that is probably the best word.

MyLittleMiracles Mon 23-Jul-12 13:21:55

watch I agree completely with time and you might deny it but we all know really.

Although I am over thinking what to wear later, I don't feel nervous, no stomach flips or anything. Not sure if that's a good thing. I am looking forward to a night cuddled up on the sofa though. All wrapped up. I don't need sex at the moment just four dates to get through before I can assuming he wants to keep seeing me

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 13:25:37

The 'meeting of mother' may not have been as accidental as you think wink Mothers don't miss a trick! She may well have known you were in the garage.

Look, talk to him. Don't be afraid of what you are thinking and feeling and don't be afraid of what you might hear. Your head is filling in the gaps anyway, and not in a very positive way, so what can be the harm in talking to him? Unless it really is case of you are scared of hearing that he isn't on the same page as you? The thing is, this 'I'm not going to ask him' is causing a stumbling block, because until you know you are going to be constantly looking for signs that he is on the same page as you, you are going to be drawing your own conclusions and they might not always be right, which means you are in danger of upsetting the applecart. If you really are intent on not discussing things with him, them put it out of your head, stop thinking about it and just enjoy the relationship for what it is right now. Because if you don't, you are going to stop yourself from enjoying it.

I know you are going to have a light panic attack at the thought of discussing things with him, I can see you shaking your head as I type grin but, it is the mature thing to do. Lack of communication is the worst thing for a relationship.

And, don't forget that MrLovely will be thinking much the same as you, he won't exactly want to get hurt or make a tit of himself either.

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 13:29:22

And don't forget he has already upset you once, he may be very wary of doing so again and so be treading very carefully. He may well be waiting for signals from you before he acts.

MyLittleMiracles Mon 23-Jul-12 13:32:04

True he could be unsure how you would feel about him calling you his girlfriend. Think someone needs to have a chat.

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 13:39:03

yes, i expect his mother saw and came running in on purpose. lol. i know i would if it were me!

time you speak so much sense, and know im sitting here shaking my head. i cant say anything, its difficult. Maybe when we are away this weekend i might drop in the being set up in a few weeks by friends thing, and that i dont want to be.... and see what he says...

but of course what i would really like is for him to say something. which is what im waiting for. of course, he might be waiting for the same!!

snapespeare Mon 23-Jul-12 13:54:50

well he said he was going to use the toilet, but I was presuming a #2 as he was so long - but no one spends 40 minutes in teh loo unless they have a serious medical problem.

watch I think you should buy yourself one of these and wear it until he comments on it. smile

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 13:57:45

hahahahahaha. hahahahaa smile
yes. i should.

what if he did have a proper problem and came out and you had gone!
( obviously this is tongue in cheek)
have you seen if hes been online since?

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 13:58:12

No Watch, just no! I can't agree to you doing the 'drop in being set up by friends' thing. That's not a nice thing to do, even if you do tell him you don't want to be set up. That will force his hand, and he may react out of feelings of jealousy. Or, he may pretend to be more chilled about it and give you permission to be set up. It could go terribly wrong.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you telling him you have really enjoyed the last 2 months, that being with him has made you feel differently about being in a relationship, and take it from there. It's an open statement, it's not a declaration or anything but it leads you into a mutual discussion.

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 13:59:49

What if he is still sat on the toilet Snape? Maybe he was shouting for toilet paper for an hour, but nobody heard him grin OR, OR, maybe he expected you to follow him for bathroom shenanigans!!

watchoutforthatsnail Mon 23-Jul-12 14:12:24

bugger, you are right again!!

no, that would be mean, and maybe make him think im not interested.
shit, im going to have to say something along those lines, arent i.
( i can still put it off till we are away though, yes?)

the only thing is, what if already thinks that is what we are doing, and then i then look like a tit?

snapespeare Mon 23-Jul-12 14:15:48

I did contemplate texting him at half eight or so 'are you going to be much longer? it's getting dark and cold...' grin

oh, boak. the thought of a quickie in the gents with catweazle. how romantic, the smell of urinals and effulence... hmm

watch i agree with time... just because i do. If the necklace is a little easy to ignore, how about this? or this? with these...

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 14:15:49

Yes. You. Are. grin Well, if you want to know then you have to do the work! wink Yes, you can wait until you are away, that would be a nice time to bring it up, in a nice way.

If he already thinks that is what you are doing then that's great. You won't look a tit, and even if you do, so what? It's no big deal, you will get over it smile

snapespeare Mon 23-Jul-12 14:17:14

sorry, no i havent checked if he's been online - I've flounced dramatically from okstupid and have no interest if he is alive and out in the world or has suffered a heart attack whilst wanking himself off in a grubby little gents...

TimeForMeAndDD Mon 23-Jul-12 14:19:05

Maybe he just sat there and died Snape, maybe he had trapped wind and it blew his intestines apart and he is still sat there, on the bog, going a nice shade of blue. See, we all automatically thought the worst of him where there is in fact reasonable explanations as to why he left but didn't return. grin

Great links, but I think watch should have her lady garden shaped into that of an electric guitar. That would prove dedication!