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To think my husband is a cunt?

(197 Posts)
dawnpreview Wed 23-May-12 20:43:20

After yet another row, in which I am told I do nothing round the house as all I do is stay home and look after the kids. I just heard him shouting at the dog and saying to it 'you're a dickhead just like the rest of them'. How nice that he thinks that of his wife and kids sad
Just went down and let him know I had heard him, and got told 'well it's true, none of you listen to me'
I am sat here in tears now, as I am just so fed up of everything being my fault and him never taking responsibility for any of it.
I know he works hard, and fully support him in all he does. But with 4 year old twins to look after, I don't exactly sit on my arse all day. I do absolutely everything with the kids. He never puts them to bed, gives them a bath, reads a bedtime story, cooks their meals, spends time alone with them- all apparently because he works and I don't, so it's my job.
As I said, I know he works hard and long hours etc, but surely other dads make some time to occasionally put their kids to bed/read a story etc. Or do they not? Maybe this is normal?
Sorry this is a bit long and waffly, I am just so angry and upset I needed to 'talk' to someone. Thanks for reading.

tiredemma Wed 23-May-12 20:45:48

stop doing what you do.

he will soon notice exactly what you do.

NinthWave Wed 23-May-12 20:47:10

It doesn't matter how hard he works or how many hours he puts in - he doesn't have any respect or appreciation for you, from the sounds of it.

YANBU, you have every right to be upset & angry.

HARRYSBABE74 Wed 23-May-12 20:47:52

I have to say this is my first time on mumsnet and I nearly spat my coffee at your thread title!!!! Brilliant!!!

I would stop doing all you do. He will soon realise!! Go out shopping on Sat and let him have the pleasure of your LO's for a couple of hours.........

Stop doing any housework and also they are his children too, so he should be doing his fair share of bath & bedtimes!

My DP would never get away with that.

SoDesperate Wed 23-May-12 20:49:27

No... you are not being at all UR.

My 'D'H accused me of doing nothing around the house once too often. So, I packed up and left for about six months! I had to come back sadly, but I only do the absolute minimum now, divorce in progress smile

Easier for me because my kids are young adults! I appreciate it isnt the same for you. sad

Oohlordylordy Wed 23-May-12 20:50:06

Oh, I know just how you feel.

Don't expect to feel respected if / when you stop doing all that you do. My husband makes a BIG deal of having to change a bin liner (or similar). In fact, I've never heard anyone make a bigger noise JUST IN CASE I HAD NOT NOTICE HE HAD DONE SOME HOUSEWORK.

My husband likes to throw around how he pays for everything. Presumably this entitles him to live in a hotel.

Atleast he thinks it so.

Kleptronic Wed 23-May-12 20:50:08

YANBU. He should be looking after his kids because he loves them and wants to care for them, job or no, and because he loves you and wants to give you a break.

AThingInYourLife Wed 23-May-12 20:50:33

YANBU

You don't have to spend your life living with a cunt.

tartyflette Wed 23-May-12 20:50:39

He needs to grow up! Four-year old twins --- good God, you must be run off your feet just with them, not to mention all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and shopping for the household. YANBU at all. He's a wanker.

Flisspaps Wed 23-May-12 20:51:01

YANBU.

fivegomadindorset Wed 23-May-12 20:51:59

I work, DH does but from home so is main child carer, I do bedtime as I enjoy spending time with the DC's when I get home.

FeakAndWeeble Wed 23-May-12 20:52:41

He sounds like an absolute arsehole. There's no way you should have to put up with that kind of abuse.

Op, you may wish to ask HQ to move this to Relationships, there's lots of traffic there this time of night and people who will be able to give you some sound advice.

But no, you're not being unreasonable at all. He is a twat and you deserve better.

AllYoursBabooshka Wed 23-May-12 20:53:52

Why are there so many men out there that think the world owes them something?

YANBU. You need to tell him how unhappy he is making you, Be very clear and don't let him butt in and talk about himself.

Don't cry...

Melindaaa Wed 23-May-12 20:55:50

what he said wasnt very nice, I admit, but does he have a point about the state of the house?

If I had been out all day and my husband had been in charge of the children, house and dog, I would expect a certain level of things to have been accomplished.

AllYoursBabooshka Wed 23-May-12 20:56:58

What level of things Melindaaa?

Could you make a list?

FeakAndWeeble Wed 23-May-12 20:57:14

And if he hadn't accomplished them, would you call him a dickhead then Melindaaa? hmm

lou2321 Wed 23-May-12 20:57:15

YANBU esepcially with such a fab title!

It should not be normal for husbands and fathers to behave like this but unfortunately there are many that do. I am not saying it is your fault that he behaves like this but you do have to take control and make a decision as to whether you are going to allow him to treat you and your family like this.

GingerWrath Wed 23-May-12 20:57:17

He is a twat, I am a SAHM and my child is now in school, DH still does bath and story, looks after her whilst I do tea because he VALUES time with OUR daughter.

His wages are OURS because he thinks I earn them too by giving up my time to bring up OUR child!

dawnpreview Wed 23-May-12 20:57:20

Thank you.
To be fair, he is good about doing things round the house. But it is almost OCD like. He will come in from work and start doing all the things I haven't yet got around to doing (washing up etc), because I have been doing stuff with the kids. I would rather wait until they are in bed and then do anything round the house that needs doing. But no, he will do it and say if he doesnt it won't get done.

AThingInYourLife Wed 23-May-12 20:57:54

"If I had been out all day and my husband had been in charge of the children, house and dog, I would expect a certain level of things to have been accomplished."

You think you are your husband's boss?

BarredfromhavingStella Wed 23-May-12 20:58:10

YANBU, he does sound like a complete cunt.

ceeveebee Wed 23-May-12 20:58:11

I know exactly how you feel, we have 6mo twins and other than changing their nappy first thing in the morning, DH does not see them at all Monday to Friday. He is out of the house from 730am to around 8-9pm every day and works very hard. He does not do a tap of housework, laundry, cooking etc. At weekends he will 'help' out if he doesn't have work to do, but he has only ever had them on their own once for 2 hours and was a gibbering mess by the time I came home. Thankfully I put my foot down and we now outsource a lot so neither of us do any housework now.

akaemmafrost Wed 23-May-12 20:58:58

My ex told me today "you need to actually be bringing those kids up, not just make them breakfast in the morning!"

He does not live with us, am lone parent, he NEVER has them overnight as he does not have his own place.
I home school my ds with ASD
My dd is thriving and star of her class
I do EVERYTHING in my home and for my dc, he does nothing practical for them whatsoever
When he has just been paid we often don't hear from him for up to a week.
Everyone who knows my dc tells me what lovely, kind kids they are.

When I lived with him, he used to say and do everything you mention in your OP.

I despise these kinds of men.

dawnpreview Wed 23-May-12 20:59:57

And Malindaaa, the house isn't exactly a tip. There is usually some washing up/ tidying up in the kitchen to do, and toys on the floor. I also cook every night after bathing the kids and putting them to bed.

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