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Really worried that a friend is being emotionally abused by her DP

7 replies

homemama · 17/08/2005 21:36

I spoke to a friend tonight who I use to be close to but who I now live the other end of the country from.
I called her and she sounded very stressed. I could hear the baby crying in the background and she kept apologising for this even though I told her not to worry.
Anyway, I then heard her DP in the background saying, 'tell her (baby)to shut the fck up' and 'what are you doing? I told you to shut her up' then* 'get her out of here'

My friend has known she has fertility problems since she was 18 and 3mths ago she gave birth to a much longed for daughter. I don't know her partner really (only met him once) but I do know she has a history of choosing men who treat her like sh*t. I really hoped this one was different and that the baby would finally make her happy.

I don't know what to do really. Maybe it's none of my business but I'm really worried about her.
She basically said she had to go and she'd speak another time.

BTW, her parents work abroad and she isn't close to her sister.

Any advice? Thanks

OP posts:

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WideWebWitch · 17/08/2005 21:37

Can you call when he isn't there and see how she is without prying too much? He sounds VILE. Or send her here?

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Caligula · 17/08/2005 21:40

God what a horrible situation for you to be in.

There's absolutely nothing you can do. Except be there for her, make sure you keep in touch and are supportive, let her know she has someone there she can talk to. I wouldn't slag off her DP because it may make her defensive, and she may need someone she can talk to, to whom she can slag him off (and she may not feel she can if she feels you're hostile to him).

Women's Aid have a helpline which you can phone as a friend of someone who is suffering abuse (emotional or physical). They may be able to give you some practical advice about how to support your friend.

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helsi · 17/08/2005 21:41

could you be in a position to spend a few days with her?

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Caligula · 17/08/2005 21:43

here's a good link how to support a friend

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homemama · 17/08/2005 21:43

I've called during the day before and she's had to go after about 10mins saying she had to clean the house as he gets annoyed. (and this when her DD was about 2wks old)
She then tries to defend him saying he works hard etc.
I don't know if I'm more cross or sad.

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homemama · 17/08/2005 21:46

Thanks for the link Caligula. I can't really go down at the moment, although I've offered her to come stay here.
It's just that she's longed for this baby for so long and now I feel like the whole experience is being spoilt for her.
Thanks all for your swift posts.

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homemama · 18/08/2005 18:47

I spoke to her today and she seemed just as stressed.
She was having to take a table back to B&Q caused it was the wrong one. She was struggling cause she had baby with her too. The worse bit was that her DP was at home but that he was 'too tired' to have his DD. So my friend had to cart both table and DD to the shop
I had to bite my tongue to stop myself slagging him off as I want to be someone whom she can turn to but it's difficult. Surely this goes beyond laziness?
Sorry, just feeling a bit helpless.