how do i let m dh know how much i love him?

[maighdlin]

i have been with my husband for nearly 5 years married for 2. i had my DD last august and due to the effects of the birth and past history have been suffering from severe depression. im under the care of a great mh team and my husband is being the best possible help. hes a real hands-on dad and even took the time off work and looked after her for 10 days to let me go away for a "thinking" holiday. He is so good in every way such as booking me into the hairdressers to get my hair done so i can feel a bit better or running me a bath. he is there in all the emotional meltdowns. I can't go into all what he does for me and I am so so lucky to have a wonderful husband. He is in for the long haul and will do anything for me to get better.

The thing is i can't have sex with him. I still find him attractive and love being close with him but when it comes down to penetration i just can't do it. I freeze up get tense and it just doesn't happen. So far this year we have had 5 successful attempts. It does annoy him, i know it does but he understands that i can't. He won't push me into doing anything.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what i could do to show him how grateful i am to have him without it ending in a disastrous sex attempt? I make him his dinner the odd time, (he always done the cooking anyway) and buy him stupid presents but its not enough to show him how much i love him and how great he has been. It is a bit vague but any thing would be welcome. I can't lose him and i am terrified of him waking up one day and deciding he doesn't want to deal with me/

[bodiddly]

perhaps show him what you have written here!

[MorrisZapp]

Tell him?

Write him a letter, detailing all the ways in which you love and appreciate him?

I think in the circs he'll know how much you'd love to be able to make grand gestures etc but do not feel able.

[thumbwitch]

You could go to your GP and tell them about it - sounds like you have vaginismus, an involuntary contraction of the muscles to prevent penetration. The website I linked to has some help suggestions.

There is help available out there - you just need to be brave and seek it.

Good luck!

[Nemofish]

5 successful attempts is more than I have managed this year!

I think I have had mild depression since Xmas and dh has been lovely to me too.

I found the best way is to say it to him.

'I want you to know that I know it must be very difficult for you coping with me and that I appreciate everything you do, you are a brilliant husband and dad and I love you lots and lots and lots and my only regret is that I am currnetly unable to shag you more!'

[AnyFucker]

Gosh, wiping away a little tear here

Op, write him a letter, or show him this thread

Good luck x

[jenroy29]

Are you scared of getting pregnant again? I didn't really enjoy sex until after dp had had a vasectomy following our two dcs and pnd.

[LackaDAISYcal]

Could you try forgetting all about penetration for the time being and just enjoy cuddling and being close; the penetration will happen when you are ready.

In the meantime though, I'd definately talk with your GP or your HV; as someone else said, there is help out there.

Although I don't have the penetration issues, I can count on one hand the number of times DH and I have had sex since my DS was born 20 months ago. I also have bad depression and this combined with the medication makes it really hard for me to ever feel in the mood so I know where you are coming from. My DH says he doesn't mind, but I think he is starting to.

[Mouseface]

Nemofish

I love what you put. My kind of speech.

[Nemofish]

thanks, mouseface!

I'm sure I've said it to dh on more than one occasion. He also likes it if I go to the shop and buy him crisps and a twix.

[providentielle]

Saying I love you is fine but it can get repetitive and it's just words, whoever you tell it to has to use their own opinions and feelings to presume what you mean when you say that iykwim.

Try saying

I love you because.....

I love it when.....

I love you for....

I love the way you....

I love your.....

Simple but effective