do you ever dream about your ex?

[JohnPeelwasmyhero]

I have been happily with my DH for about 15 years now, but I still dream about my ex from time-to-time. As if we were still together. It makes me feel quite uneasy when I wake up.

Does it happen to anyone else?

[notnowbernard]

Yes, occasionally

As if I were still with him

It would be described as a nightmare as opposed to a dream...

[Besom]

Yes, I do. It's always very odd and I wake up with the cold sweats! (I split up from ex about 15 years ago and been with dh for 13.)

[Besom]

I wonder if they dream about us?

That thought makes me feel a bit queasy for some reason.

[Trucker]

I don't think it means he is still a romantic character in your memory. It can represent the way you felt when you were with him.

My friend said she always dreams she is back with an x whenever she has a problem she can't resolve, as that's how her entire relationship with him made her feel.

I have dreamt I was back with an awful ex when something else in my rl has made me feel trapped between a rock and a hard place.

[JohnPeelwasmyhero]

Besom, that's a bit how it is for me, though sometimes it's a sexy dream too. Wierd.

[templemaiden]

Occasionally. The most recent was I was dreaming I as making love to my OH and suddenly it was my ex. I panicked and tried to climb off and he wouldn't let me. And I was panicking about my OH coming home and catching us.

Have any of you ever told your OHs about dreams involving an ex, especially sexual dreams?

[JohnPeelwasmyhero]

No, I haven't and wouldn't tell DH - I don't think I'd want to know if it was the other way round.

It makes me feel panicky too!

[Besom]

Trucker - interesting.

[lifeissweet]

Yes, but then I dream about my boss, my friend's husbands and, on occasion, my friends themselves. I am nocturnally bisexual and promiscuous. Neither of these things is true in the daytime...most odd. Maybe I need to get some in real life now and then?

[templemaiden]

Maybe I was a little too open - I told my OH about the above dream and he got all freaky and a little jealous wand wanted to know why I would be having dreams like that about my ex. Obviously I can't control my dreams!!

Maybe I need to learn that there are some things you don't say.

[templemaiden]

and not wand

[chattymitchie]

this is weird - I was actually thinking about doing a thread like this this morning ...

I dream about my XP probably 3/4 times a week ... we split up about two years ago, it was an abusive relationship - he was pretty violent and a liar, and the breakup was far from amicable - and we've had absolutely no contact since - but he turns up in my dreams all the time, and in the morning I always feel sad like I really miss him. Strange.

Why do you think it happens?

[cyteen]

Every now and again. Most recent was triggered by finding out that one ex has just had a baby with his partner - I dreamed about the other ex

They're both nice guys though and the relationships ran their natural course, so no bad memories really (apart from general twattish break-up behaviour ).

[ivykaty44]

I dreamt about our best man at my first wedding last night - that was really odd as he ended up in prison for fraud and we never saw him after we got married. In my dream he had lost weight...

[Besom]

chatty - your brain will be trying to work through all the trauma you've been through. Are you in another relationship?

[chattymitchie]

Besom - about a year after we split I briefly had a relationship with another guy, and got pregnant which has given me the most wonderful son in the world but finished it whilst I was pregnant .

I'm actually very very happy at the moment with just me and my DC but just have no idea at all why my XXP keeps turning up in my dreams. And like I say, why do I feel like I miss him of all things?! I guess it was a very intense relationship, but even so ....

[Besom]

You're probably just to busy in the day to ever think about what happened (not that that's such a bad thing) but your brain forces you to think about him at night. I'm sure it's a healthy thing, actually. Does that make sense?

[chattymitchie]

I hope so! It's just a pain in the arse feeling like I miss him, but then I remind myself what a lying, violent, gaslighting arsehole he was and it soon passes

I did really feel submissive love for him, so it's almost as if my brain keeps telling me in my dreams ... if only

[isthatporridgeinyourhair]

I only dream about my ex along the lines of me giving him a good slapping interspersed with extraordinarily witty comments. Very satisfying.

[chattymitchie]

I wish my dreams went like that isthatporridge

the only vaguely satisfying one I had was when I told him i was different now, and that i wouldn't ever be with him again.

[verytellytubby]

Yes. I dreamt that we lost our kids and were looking frantically for them. What would Freud make of it?!

The thing he's still a good friend, I don't fancy him at all. Weird.

[Trucker]

I used to have hundreds of dreams like that when the children were younger. Ridiculous and hopeless scenarios, such as I'd left one on one bus going south bound and another on a bus going northbound. Awful dreams. I woke up exhausted every morning.

[BertieBotts]

When I was with XP (DS' Dad) - he was emotionally abusive, I generally wasn't happy at all, one of the biggest things for me was a total lack of non-sexual affection. - I used to dream about my ex before him, who was a bit of an arsehole, but was very affectionate and loving. It was weird, these dreams were really vivid. I know he has a son slightly older than my DS, but I have never met him, and in the dreams I would bump into ex-bf and we'd meet up and take our children to the park and I'd offload about my XP to him and he would sympathise and give me a hug, but nothing more. Which was odd in itself because in RL when I broke up with him, I had to go cold turkey on seeing him because I found him too attractive to resist

Anyway I had a couple of dreams like this a few months apart, and would wake up feeling slightly guilty but also comforted. Once I had made the decision to leave XP, the dreams came back, but they had stepped up a level. I would dream I was going to his house in the middle of the night or something and I may have kissed him in one of the dreams, I can't remember. I just remember him holding me and telling me it would be alright.

Some time after I had left XP, I had one final dream about him. I dreamt that I went to his house, thinking "Hey, I'm single now - I can do what I want with him this time" but then when I was there, I was talking to him for a bit, and then I just suddenly realised that I felt really apathetic about him, like all my feelings for him had gone. And I didn't shag him, even though I had planned to (in the dream).

It was odd, I almost feel on some level he helped me leave, but of course it couldn't be him. I don't think he has died or anything I suppose maybe it was just something within me that appeared as him just to give it some kind of form.

Oh and the weirdest part is, when I was with XP, if I came across a picture or mention of ex-bf unexpectedly, it made me feel all weird, but now if I see a picture it's like seeing any old friend - there are no feelings there at all.

[mamalovesmojitos]

yes, i have occasionally have dreams about my ex of a sexual nature. so strange as i have no feelings towards him in rl. suppose it's just my brain working through things. slightly disturbing though

[HalfTermHero]

I do, about once a year, and I wake up feeling sad. In my heart I know he must dream about me too. That said my dp is 10 times the man my ex will ever be and I hate that any part of my unconscious devotes any effort to him at all. My dp has my heart and soul 100%. The situation with ex was left 'unfinished' and I harbour some guilt. That is all I can attribute my dreams to.